WEBVTT - Fighter Pilot Kegan Gill on Surviving 'The Fastest Ejection' 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:03.360 We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:06.800 on which this podcast was produced, the Galligle people of 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:10.440 the Urination. We pay our respects to Elder's past and present. 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:16.160 It's January twenty fourteen and we're inside a US Navy 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:22.160 FA eighteen plummeting towards the Atlantic Ocean. A dogfight had 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:26.200 gone terribly wrong, and now Lieutenant Keegan gil can do 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:29.520 nothing but hold on tight as his jet succumbs to 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:34.040 an out of controled diet. He's forced to eject at 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:38.040 the unbelievable speed of six hundred and ninety five miles 0:00:38.040 --> 0:00:43.640 per hour. He crashes into the shark infested icy waters. 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:49.200 His injuries are so severe he should be dead instantly. 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:55.600 Keegan's limbs are torn and he's suffered a traumatic brain injury. 0:00:56.760 --> 0:01:00.840 It's a long battle with hypothermia as rescue teams race 0:01:00.920 --> 0:01:05.600 to find him. When he regains consciousness in hospital, he 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:11.520 realizes his injuries are catastrophic. His life will never be 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:19.200 the same. I'm at Middleton and this is head game today, 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:27.480 Keegan Gill on his epic journey to Helen back. Mate, Look, 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:31.360 you look like you're in one piece, so that's good news, mate, 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:35.400 that's good news. And haven't read your story. Car. How 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:40.960 you're stealing one piece is absolutely amazing, and you've almost 0:01:41.480 --> 0:01:44.920 fought through an impossible scenario to be where you are today. 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:48.240 But let's go back to the beginning. Mate. You know 0:01:48.320 --> 0:01:52.559 you're a former retired because of the incident US Navy 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:57.200 fighter pilot. Was the military always in your family or 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:00.600 always in your bones? And how did you come to 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:03.320 joining the military at such a young age. 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:07.000 You know, it really wasn't in my family very deeply. 0:02:07.040 --> 0:02:10.080 I had an uncle who was a marine, and my 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:13.640 grandfather served in World War Two, but my immediate family 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:16.239 was actually sort of a group of hippies. 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.000 You know. They wouldn't let me have Gi Joes. 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:22.200 When I was a kid, I couldn't play violent video games. 0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:24.560 I was allowed to have guns so I could go 0:02:24.600 --> 0:02:26.640 out and go hunting. So I was always out in 0:02:26.639 --> 0:02:30.600 the woods, camping, hunting, fishing, just being a kid, climbing trees, 0:02:30.720 --> 0:02:33.160 doing all the stuff that little boys should be doing, 0:02:33.200 --> 0:02:37.080 building forts, you know, catching salmon with my hands in 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:41.239 the river behind our house, and just having a good time. 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:44.800 But I definitely wasn't built to be stuck in a 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:49.560 cubicle sitting at an office job under fluorescent lighting all day. 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:52.880 And I had a really good professor in college who 0:02:52.960 --> 0:02:56.960 was a former Navy test pilot. He had flown with 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.760 the Sea Wolves back in the Vietnam War, so he 0:02:59.800 --> 0:03:01.520 had he had been in the heat of some of 0:03:01.560 --> 0:03:06.040 the most intense conflict, flying Huey gunships and all sorts 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:09.480 of stuff after and so he sort of rubbed off 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:11.959 on me a little bit. But I ended up becoming 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:14.639 a flight instructor while I was in college. I ended 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:17.520 up becoming a corporate pilot for about a year after 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:20.839 I graduated from college, and I had a friend who 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:24.920 was applying to go to Navy OCS Officer Candidate school 0:03:25.200 --> 0:03:27.800 to become an officer in the military and try to 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.800 become a pilot. And at the time, I didn't realize 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:32.880 that you could even do that. I was a community 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:33.640 college kid, you. 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:34.720 Know, I didn't. I didn't. 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:36.440 I thought you had to go to the Naval Academy 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:37.880 and your dad had to be an admiral. 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:38.200 I didn't. 0:03:38.240 --> 0:03:40.360 I didn't realize just a guy off the street with 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:44.040 a bachelor's degree could apply and potentially make it to 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:45.200 fly F eighteens. 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:48.600 So basically you went down the commercial route and then 0:03:48.760 --> 0:03:50.640 a buddy of yours said, hey, listen, this is what 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:54.160 I'm doing, and that sparked something within your within your 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:56.800 mind or within your within your heart, where you thought, 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:58.320 do you know what I'm going to see if I 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:01.040 can not transfer over but start this program. 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:02.640 Yeah, exactly right. 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:05.040 And until that moment, it, you know, kind of dawned 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:06.960 on me like, well maybe I can do that. And 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:10.480 there's this website called air warriors dot com that gave 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:12.480 me a guide on like how to prepare what I 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:15.400 needed to know, how to get the application going and everything, 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:17.560 and so I just kind of dug into it and 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:20.320 realized this was a viable option for me, and I 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:22.719 was getting a little while the corporate job was great. 0:04:22.800 --> 0:04:25.479 It paid really well, it was really cushy, got to 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:27.000 go out to really nice dinners all. 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:29.600 The time and travel the world. Uh it was. It 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:30.359 was a good gig. 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:34.400 But I got bored of it, you know, I was like, 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:37.360 I need, I need something more than this. It became 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:40.360 very routine, and I had that calling to adventure which 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:42.760 led me to apply and I ended up getting in 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:45.760 and so I headed to Navy OCS, spent a few 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:48.600 months getting my ass kicked by Marine Corps drill instructors 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:53.360 and graduated as a Navy insign one officer that basically 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:56.600 doesn't know what in the world they're doing, and headed 0:04:56.640 --> 0:04:57.360 to flight training. 0:04:57.960 --> 0:04:59.599 And what was it like? What was it like that 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:02.600 that t transition, Because like you said, you know, you're 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.120 flying around the world, You've got a cushy job, you're 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:08.480 eating good food, you're being super respected, and all of 0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:11.640 a sudden you're being yelled at and screamed that by 0:05:11.640 --> 0:05:15.040 the drill side. Was it quite a shot for you 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:17.520 or did you? Were you completely expecting it? 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:20.960 I mean, that's what I signed up for. I wanted it. 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:22.359 I wanted that experience. 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:24.440 I know, I'd seen Full Metal Jacket and all these 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:26.120 movies that guys getting I was like, I knew what 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:28.440 I was getting into, and I prepared for it. You know, 0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:31.159 I hit the gym really hard. I was in really 0:05:31.160 --> 0:05:35.120 good shape. I prepared myself, memorized everything I possibly could, 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.120 and advanced and I showed up ready to. 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:37.880 Get my ass kicked. 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.080 And I really, I really liked it because I don't 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:43.440 know when there's other people around you that are freaking 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:46.599 out at the scenario yet you're like dead calm. 0:05:46.839 --> 0:05:47.880 It's somehow there's. 0:05:47.800 --> 0:05:50.160 This this weird place that I could get into with 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:52.640 that where I was just at peace in that environment 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.400 and I really liked it and thrived at it and 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:56.880 made my way through flight school. 0:05:57.560 --> 0:05:59.800 I reacted well to that. When someone was on my 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:02.920 and they were yelling and screaming at me, I'm thinking, right, 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.880 just get it done, you know, right the first time, 0:06:05.920 --> 0:06:08.400 and they stopped yelling, they'll stop being on my ass. 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:11.200 And it worked really, really, really really well for me. 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:12.840 So you've done that, and then you say you went 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:16.120 to flight school. So is there of two stages to this? 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:16.800 Yeah? 0:06:16.880 --> 0:06:20.279 So so the OCS portion, the officer candidate school, that's 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:21.360 just kind of like boot. 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:22.760 Camp for the officer side of things. 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:24.240 As long as you have a four year degree, you 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:27.760 can go in and do that program. But once you 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:29.760 come out of that, you still got to earn your 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:31.919 wings if you're going to be a pilot, and the 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:35.279 whole way through that is incredibly competitive. You're competing with 0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:37.760 all the other guys for the slots for the jets 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:41.800 and the more desirable aircraft. But yeah, you do a 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:46.080 little water survival training, some ground school. Everything's graded everything. 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:48.599 You know, people are kind of dropping like flies the 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:51.039 whole way through OCS. A bunch of people drop out 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:54.640 api the ground school, people drop out. Water survival people 0:06:54.760 --> 0:06:56.680 freak out when they have to wear their boots and 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.440 flightsuit and go swim a mile in the pool or 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:02.039 get flipped upside down and the helo dunker for the 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:02.960 survival training. 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:05.840 People freaked out. But I was like, I love that. 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:07.240 That was like what I signed up for. 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.800 You know, I winged as a naval aviator in May 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:12.680 of twenty twelve, and then I headed for the most 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:15.040 challenging training yet, which was the training in the F 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:18.480 eighteen super Hornet. And you know, walking into that hangar 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:21.800 and seeing these jets and how big they are in person, 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:25.240 it was it was surreal, like I can't believe this 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:26.280 is going to be my job. 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:29.560 And you said, there, what was it like getting your wings? 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:32.800 You know, passing that training, because just getting on selection 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:35.520 is a big, big feat, like you said, But then 0:07:35.560 --> 0:07:38.440 you start to see all these sort of experienced, you know, 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:43.040 elite soldiers drop and it motivates you just to keep going. 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:44.800 You look around, you go, God, there's only a few 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.520 left out of out of you know, this big batch 0:07:47.560 --> 0:07:50.520 of individuals and then you get badged or you know, 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:52.920 you get your wings. For me, it was one of 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:55.480 the proudest moments of my life. Take me back to 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:59.080 the moment, because I can imagine that imposture syndrome. From 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:04.320 becoming a commercial pilot to to now receiving and receiving 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:05.600 your wings. How did it feel? 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:08.480 Yeah, I mean it was. It was incredible. 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:12.760 It was like a serious, deep pride that I experienced. 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.520 I'm sure similar similar to yourself. You know, when you 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:17.880 put that you put that little thing on your chest 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:20.440 that says you've done it, and it's like, holy shit, 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:22.400 I can't believe I did it, and I'm so proud. 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:25.200 And then very quickly you show up at the F 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:27.600 eighteen training You're like, I'm a winged aviator. 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:28.600 I know what, I know. 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:31.800 You realize you don't know anything. You go right back 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:33.400 down to the bottom of the food chain. 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.400 You know what that's that was. I made sure that 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:39.680 I relished in the moment for all of a couple 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:41.920 of hours, you know, and they're like, you know, you 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:45.000 pass selection and they give you your burying belt and 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.120 they say it's harder to keep them to earn and 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:50.040 then they kick you into a squadron and then like, hey, 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:52.680 get get the bruise on, you know, get the tea 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:53.280 and coffees on. 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:55.600 You're back to making coffee. 0:08:56.160 --> 0:09:00.320 Yeah, pretty as quite lucky because I went, Yeah, I 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:04.439 deployed straight to Afghanistan. So I was quite lucky. Within 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:07.480 two weeks I was out with the boys, you know, 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:10.680 so I managed to sort of miss that butt. But 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:14.840 walking through that hang and what you just mentioned, what 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:17.640 was it like walking through that hang and knowing that 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:20.400 you were going to jump into one of these beasts? 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:23.560 You know, it was absolutely surreal. 0:09:24.080 --> 0:09:28.600 It was a mixture of excitement and nerves of like, okay, 0:09:28.640 --> 0:09:30.560 you can't screw this up. You made it this far. 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:34.319 So there's just so much pressure on you. While while 0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:37.720 you get those little moments of just bliss in surreal, 0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:40.679 a lot of the time you're just so busy and 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:42.760 so stressed out about all the things you got to 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:47.480 know very quickly. It can kind of diminish that that 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:50.800 excitement that you showed up. It's like you show up, 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:53.280 I'm ready to do this thing, but now I actually 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:53.920 got to do it. 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:57.320 And how how long until you have sort of left 0:09:57.320 --> 0:10:02.360 to your own devices to one of these FA eighteen 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:03.079 fighter jets. 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:06.360 It's pretty quick before you start solo and the jet, 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:10.680 I think there's there's a very robust ground training, so 0:10:10.760 --> 0:10:15.559 you're doing lectures, computer based training as well as simulator training, 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:18.040 so you learn the procedures of the aircraft, you learn 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:21.720 the emergency procedures, and then you're only in the aircraft 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.320 for about I think it was maybe four flights that 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:26.360 you have an instructor in the back with a stick, 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:30.400 and after that you're solo. So you really only have 0:10:30.520 --> 0:10:33.000 a few hours in the F eighteen in real life 0:10:33.040 --> 0:10:36.640 before you you're sent out the door on your first solo. 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:39.120 You do, you guys train pretty much like us, like 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:41.600 as if it's real time, don't you So you are 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.040 going into these dog fights as if it's as if 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:46.920 you are, you know, serving and protecting your country. 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:47.480 Yeah. 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:50.199 I mean you hear the term routine training mission or 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:53.439 training mission, and I think people in the civilian world 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:55.280 hear that and they're like, oh, they're just training, like 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:58.160 they're just you know, just dicking around out there. But 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:01.080 are like you, guys, our training is as close to 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.440 the real thing is possible, and oftentimes we're training in 0:11:04.480 --> 0:11:08.480 skill sets that are very infrequently used in real combat. 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:11.560 But you know, you're still fighting the jet. Especially with 0:11:11.679 --> 0:11:15.120 dog fighting, casts all these things, your close proximity to 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.720 the ground, you're maneuvering these aircraft at the edge of 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:22.280 these the capability, you're multitasking, managing all these systems, talking 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:25.520 on multiple radios. Like, there's a lot going on, and 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:29.160 it's really difficult and it's extremely dangerous. And with dog fighting, 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:32.200 you are doing everything that you would do in a 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:35.200 real dogfight with with just a couple training rules put 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:37.600 in place to keep you keep you a little bit 0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:39.760 safer than you would maybe be in a real scenario. 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:43.200 But other than you know, not hosing off real missiles 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:47.280 or ordnance at like guns at one another, we're doing 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:49.280 it dang near as close as you can get to 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:49.880 the real thing. 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:53.400 Just explain to me what a dog fight looks like. 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.160 Yeah, so a dogfight is two or more aircraft within 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:00.240 visual range of one another, basically trying to shoot each 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:02.360 other down. It's sort of the epitome of what people 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:05.120 probably think when they think fighter pilot. So you're trying 0:12:05.120 --> 0:12:07.319 to hit the other guy with a missile or gunfire 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:09.720 to shoot them out of the air and so in 0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:12.360 order to do that, you oftentimes got to get their 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:14.800 jet in front of you and get behind them ideally 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:17.480 so that you can get a missile or gunfire that's 0:12:17.520 --> 0:12:20.480 going to actually hit them with the real shot. So, 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:23.920 as a pilot, you're maneuvering the jet, you're pulling seven 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:26.040 and a half g's, you're performing this thing at the 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:30.439 edge of its capabilities. So if you can imagine your 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:33.600 body here with your gear on, weighs two two hundred 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:36.600 and twenty pounds, Now you're under all that g force 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:38.440 at seven and a half g's. Now it's like you 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:41.400 weigh fifteen or sixteen hundred pounds. That you can feel 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:44.400 and you can imagine that crushing weight. So it's sort 0:12:44.400 --> 0:12:47.320 of like doing a high intensity interval training. You're playing 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:53.360 four dimensional chest, you're operating weapon systems, radar, defensive systems, 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:56.280 you're talking on multiple radios, like there's just a ton 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:59.320 going on, and it's not uncommon, especially when you're a 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:01.800 younger guy, to what they call a helmet fire, where 0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:04.600 your brain is just so overwhelmed with information that it's 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:07.719 just like you don't know what to do. So it's 0:13:07.760 --> 0:13:11.040 it's incredibly intense and it's it's probably the most demanding 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:14.280 thing that we do as far as the physical demand 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:17.040 and the mental demand combined together as that dogfight. 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.520 You talk to me about the physical demand because you 0:13:20.600 --> 0:13:22.600 mentioned the G force there. You know, you're not only 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:26.360 fighting the enemy where you have to be psychologically switched 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:29.040 on and in the game, but you're fighting the aircraft. 0:13:29.080 --> 0:13:32.320 Like you said, you're bending this aircraft. You're fighting the g's. 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:35.720 You have to be trained enough to ignore that so 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:40.120 you can stay psychologically switched on one percent on the target, 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.720 otherwise you're not going to make it out right. What's 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:46.680 it like physically to be in that situation under those 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:50.160 g's wist having to perform at such a high. 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:54.520 Level, Yeah, it's it's you can imagine you're squeezing your legs, 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:57.240 you're squeezing your your glutes, you're squeezing your core to 0:13:57.280 --> 0:13:59.719 try to force that blood up into your head. You're 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:02.400 doing what's called the anti G straining maneuver, which is 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:05.960 where you're breathing and then you're kind of locking up 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:09.640 your throat and kind of forcing the blood into your head. 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:10.400 And so you're. 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:15.160 Taking these really shallow little breasts to try to force 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:18.040 that blood up in your head. You're doing everything you 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:20.240 can just so you don't pass out. So imagine just 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:23.080 doing like a max deadlift and you're pushing at the 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:27.320 extremes of your deadlift and your freaking your vision's getting narrow. 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:30.440 And while you're doing that, you're having to think. 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:33.680 You're having to fly the jet, you're having to operate 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:37.480 the weapons systems, you're having to talk on all these radios. 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:38.600 It's kind of. 0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:41.080 The edge of what I think the human mind and 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:42.600 body are capable of doing. 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:56.800 Let's go back to the fifteenth of Jam twenty fourteen. 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.240 Now I can see you nodding your head. There. That's 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:04.120 a that changed everything. Could you just take me back 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:08.280 if you can keeganto that morning when you woke up, 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:10.640 you know, just you know, And I don't want to 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:13.200 say just a normal routine because when people say, oh, 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:17.760 just this, you know, practicing in such a high stressed 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:21.960 situation and you know, dog fights in training scenarios, It's 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:25.800 not just a normal routine. Everyone is so different everyone 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:28.360 who requires you know, it depends how you wake up, 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:30.400 depends how you feel in the morning. How did you 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:32.960 feel in the morning of the fifteenth for jan twenty fourteen, 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:34.120 going into work. 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:37.400 Yeah, you know, got up and it kind of felt 0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:39.560 like a routine day. At this point, I had been 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:42.280 in my first fleet squadron. You know, I'd been through 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:45.080 years of all this flight training to earn my wings, 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:47.920 to get through the F eighteen training pipeline, and now 0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:50.600 I'd been in my first fleet squadron for nearly a year, 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:54.120 and so it was starting to feel like a normal job. 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:54.440 You know. 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:56.960 Yeah, I was going to go fly an eighty nine 0:15:56.960 --> 0:16:01.240 million dollar fighter jet, but it was it was starting 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:02.120 to become. 0:16:01.800 --> 0:16:02.600 A bit routine. 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:05.760 And despite as crazy as what I was about to 0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:07.760 go do that day, I woke up in the morning 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:09.680 just like I was heading into the office, you know, 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:14.800 just just and it's also you don't realize that any 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:18.400 day could be life altering if things don't go right. 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:20.920 And so, you know, I got ready just like anybody 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:23.680 else does. I took a shower, got dressed, headed into work, 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:27.320 drove in, showed up at the office the squadron in 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:29.600 the ready room, and was ready to go fly, but 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:32.640 just had no idea what was about to come. 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:33.200 Down the line. 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:34.920 So when you go in and you go and fly, 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.360 you're you're going in. You know, you're going to be 0:16:37.400 --> 0:16:41.400 doing a dog fight training scenario. What you're feeling particularly 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:44.280 nervous or excited that day or was it, like you said, 0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:46.160 was it just the case of, right, let's see what 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:48.040 we're going to go, let's get out there, and let's 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:49.880 let's get this this scenario done. 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:52.320 Yeah, I was, you know, I was feeling good that day, 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.120 Like I felt like I was doing well in my squadron. 0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:57.960 I was still a fairly new pilot in the squadron, 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:00.000 but I was well respected. I was I was working 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.520 and hard, that same mentality that I had in flight 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:04.920 school where I would just I would work my butt off. 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:06.679 You know, I might not be the smartest dude, but 0:17:06.680 --> 0:17:09.960 I'm going to outwork everybody if I can. And so 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.920 I showed up prepared for my flight. We brief everything 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:16.720 extremely meticulously, everything from the admin of just getting to 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:19.119 and from the airspace we're going to utilize that day. 0:17:19.359 --> 0:17:21.520 We're looking at all the different factors from the weather, 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:25.199 the water temperature, the air temperatures, the cloud conditions, and 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.920 we brief everything in great detail, and then we get 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:30.119 into the tactical side of things and what are we 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:31.560 going to do today, How are we going to fight 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:33.479 these jets, What kind of setups are we going to 0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:34.359 do for the. 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:37.520 Dog fighting, and so you brief all of that ahead 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:37.880 of time. 0:17:38.440 --> 0:17:40.439 And that morning I showed up at the squadron and 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:43.040 my buddy Fisty was at the duty desk, which all 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:46.480 the pilots rotate through, just answering the phones and coordinating 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:49.080 the flight schedule. And as a joke, he had put 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:51.520 up on the whiteboard the airspace that we were going 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:53.960 to utilize that day, which is normal, but then he 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:58.280 put all these these little positions of GPS tagged sharks 0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:01.000 that were out in the airspace. Is this shark tracker 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:03.720 app on his phone to look up all these sharks 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:06.320 positions and put him up there, and he said, hey, 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:09.320 today would be a terrible day to eject. The water 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:12.560 temperature is at thirty seven degrees fahrenheit, so near freezing 0:18:12.640 --> 0:18:16.480 water temperatures. The air temperature is below freezing. We've got 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:19.200 wind and churned up ocean swell, and there's a great 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:22.960 white shark named Mary Louis. The sixteen foot thirty five 0:18:23.040 --> 0:18:28.959 hundred pound white shark was directly underneath. So we're laughing 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:31.520 about this, and then an hour later I'm out over 0:18:31.560 --> 0:18:34.120 that airspace and that's and that's the moment that really 0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:36.200 my life took a drastic change. 0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:40.879 Wow, take me back to the moment and you know 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:45.159 of seconds before the moment that you realized that you 0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:47.399 were going to have to eject, that you you know 0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:50.680 that you were going to end up in these icy 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.880 shark infested waters, and why did you have to eject? 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:57.560 Yeah, So, so we had done several rounds of fighting 0:18:57.600 --> 0:19:00.480 for the day. We did a little aired air fueling 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:02.920 before we started the dog fighting, and then the flight 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:04.919 lead and I broke off to our own airspace and 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:07.040 did several rounds of this fighting. So you can imagine 0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:08.920 it like a round in martial arts, where you fight 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:11.240 until there's a clear winner or loser, and then you 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:13.280 set back up and you just kind of do that 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:16.200 over and over again. And we had hit joker fuel, 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:18.120 so we had just enough fuel left to get one 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:21.000 short fight out. So we ended up setting up quite 0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:23.320 a bit lower and quite a bit faster than typical 0:19:23.640 --> 0:19:25.639 for a one mile a beam set, which is what 0:19:25.680 --> 0:19:28.280 it was caused. So the aircraft were side by side 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:30.880 about a mile apart from one another, and the flight 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:33.880 lead called fights on. We pitched our jets in. As 0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:36.640 I came to that merge where our flight paths crossed, 0:19:37.080 --> 0:19:40.560 I was already about thirty degrees nose low and partially inverted. 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:43.280 So I opted to continue to roll my jet inverted 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:45.520 and pull down in a split as maneuver to dive 0:19:45.560 --> 0:19:49.560 the aircraft down towards the ocean. And normally that aircraft 0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:52.560 can do it in about five thousand feet of vertical airspace. 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:56.199 But I didn't realize how fast my air speed had 0:19:56.200 --> 0:19:59.280 gotten because of the unusual setup of the fight, and 0:19:59.359 --> 0:20:02.040 so as I hit about bull's eye nose low and 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:04.159 this jet, all of a sudden, a system on the 0:20:04.200 --> 0:20:07.080 aircraft kicked in that thought that there were bombs on 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:10.159 the wings that weren't actually there, and it limited the 0:20:10.280 --> 0:20:12.080 G force that I could pull. So I went from 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:14.400 the seven and a half G pull where I can 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:17.640 feel just my head and helmet ground would weigh about 0:20:17.640 --> 0:20:19.919 twenty pounds with the Gehemick's helmet, which is sort of 0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:24.120 this big bulky superspace helmet that we wear where all 0:20:24.160 --> 0:20:26.280 of our weapons displays and everything can go with you 0:20:26.320 --> 0:20:28.520 wherever you look. So say that my head and my 0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:31.120 helmet weigh about twenty pounds on the ground. Now at 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:33.359 nearly eight g's that's like having one hundred and fifty 0:20:33.359 --> 0:20:36.000 pounds just on my head. You can feel that you're 0:20:36.000 --> 0:20:37.879 looking around because you got to keep sight of the 0:20:37.920 --> 0:20:38.400 other guy. 0:20:39.080 --> 0:20:40.719 And then all of a sudden that just eased. 0:20:40.800 --> 0:20:43.080 Is I'm looking up trying to spot my flight lead 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:44.960 so I can try to shoot him. 0:20:45.280 --> 0:20:47.480 I just feel the jets settle. So it was like. 0:20:47.480 --> 0:20:49.840 Going around a sharp corner and a sports car and 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:53.240 then having the steering wheel kicked back halfway. Only instead 0:20:53.280 --> 0:20:55.440 of skidding off the road, I'm stuck in a dive 0:20:55.480 --> 0:20:57.639 at the ocean. And this all just happens in a 0:20:57.680 --> 0:21:00.080 few seconds. Before I know it, my radar altimeters go 0:21:00.240 --> 0:21:04.000 off going altitude altitude, meaning I just broke through the 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:06.199 five thousand foot hard deck that we put there for 0:21:06.280 --> 0:21:10.600 training purposes as the ground when we're training. So now 0:21:10.800 --> 0:21:12.800 in the at least in this training environment, I'm dead 0:21:12.840 --> 0:21:14.000 because I just went through the ground. 0:21:14.040 --> 0:21:15.480 I have a hard deck in a ceiling, don't you? 0:21:15.600 --> 0:21:16.200 Is that correct? 0:21:17.119 --> 0:21:20.200 Sometimes you'll have a ceiling, but oftentimes where we were 0:21:20.200 --> 0:21:22.520 training that day, we didn't have a restriction on the ceiling. 0:21:22.800 --> 0:21:25.000 So you're going through this hard deck that you're not 0:21:25.160 --> 0:21:25.960 meant to penetrate. 0:21:26.280 --> 0:21:28.480 Yeah, so I went through the hard deck, which my 0:21:28.600 --> 0:21:31.400 heart sank. At this point, the aircraft is not responding 0:21:31.400 --> 0:21:33.320 to my control inputs. I'm now in an out of 0:21:33.400 --> 0:21:36.840 control aircraft. The ocean is rushing up at me. In 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:39.199 my display and my helmet and the hud. There's an 0:21:39.320 --> 0:21:42.040 arrow and it's saying pull up, pull up, and I'm 0:21:42.040 --> 0:21:44.440 thinking I'm pulling up. The stick is in my lap 0:21:44.480 --> 0:21:47.200 and the jet is not turning as it's being commanded, 0:21:47.640 --> 0:21:49.840 and the ocean just rushed up at me and filled 0:21:49.880 --> 0:21:53.240 the canopy. And if you get that feeling where your 0:21:53.240 --> 0:21:56.679 heart just sinks, like something terrible is about to happen, 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:59.240 and that's the emotion that just kind of froze. And 0:21:59.320 --> 0:22:03.119 from there my body just took over. Instinctually. I assumed 0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:06.560 the ejection position. I grabbed that cable between my legs 0:22:06.560 --> 0:22:10.800 and pulled and freaking. Within a half second, that rocket 0:22:10.840 --> 0:22:14.400 motor ignited under the seat, blasting me. Initially, you get 0:22:14.400 --> 0:22:18.200 a fifty g instantaneous blast, which you can imagine your 0:22:18.200 --> 0:22:21.840 body weighing fifty times its normal weight. That compresses your spine, 0:22:22.280 --> 0:22:24.600 knocks the wind out of your lungs, that ease to 0:22:24.680 --> 0:22:29.199 a twelve to fourteen g sustained rocket boost. A normal 0:22:29.240 --> 0:22:32.000 ejection is very violent, even if you're straight in level 0:22:32.000 --> 0:22:34.400 flight below one hundred and eighty knots, which is ideal. 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:37.880 I was well outside of that envelope. I was two 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:40.639 seconds from impact, going six hundred and ninety five miles 0:22:40.640 --> 0:22:44.119 per hour, so basically at the speed of sound. And 0:22:44.160 --> 0:22:46.840 what messed me up so bad was impacting the sound 0:22:46.880 --> 0:22:49.240 barrier with my body. And it turns out the human 0:22:49.240 --> 0:22:52.200 body is not terribly aerodynamic at the speed of sound, 0:22:52.200 --> 0:22:54.639 and it just wrecked me. I mean, rip my helmet 0:22:54.680 --> 0:22:58.040 off my head traumatic brain injury, bashed my face up 0:22:58.080 --> 0:22:59.760 like I look like I got my ass kicked and 0:22:59.760 --> 0:23:03.280 fit fifteen rounds with Mike Tyson. Broke my c one 0:23:03.320 --> 0:23:07.640 in my neck, my left shoulder, the scapulus shattered both 0:23:07.680 --> 0:23:10.840 my arms just rag doll, shattering my humorous and my 0:23:10.920 --> 0:23:14.359 upper arms. My right humorous tore through my right bracul artery, 0:23:14.440 --> 0:23:18.439 causing rapid internal bleeding. My left forearm shattered the radius 0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:22.200 inalna and severed the median nerve that controls my left hand. 0:23:22.520 --> 0:23:25.560 I had a brachial plexus injury from my spinal compression. 0:23:25.600 --> 0:23:27.760 That that's the nerve group that controls a lot of 0:23:27.760 --> 0:23:30.479 the upper body. The gear on my vest was all 0:23:30.560 --> 0:23:35.080 ripping off, My radio, my signaling equipment, all of it gone. 0:23:35.240 --> 0:23:37.280 My dry suit that I was wearing to protect me 0:23:37.359 --> 0:23:40.960 from that icy cold ocean water below ripped apart and 0:23:41.000 --> 0:23:44.880 shredded open. My boots were flailing around so violently they 0:23:44.880 --> 0:23:48.320 became like wrecking balls, smashing open my lower legs. So 0:23:48.359 --> 0:23:51.280 I had two open tip bib fractures, chunks of my 0:23:51.359 --> 0:23:54.560 bone falling out of my dry suit, dripping and fallen 0:23:54.600 --> 0:23:56.360 into the water to chum it up for mary Lee 0:23:56.440 --> 0:23:59.639 down below. And this all just happens in a split second. 0:23:59.640 --> 0:23:59.840 You know. 0:24:00.480 --> 0:24:03.080 By the time the ejection sequence had completed, I was 0:24:03.119 --> 0:24:05.840 a second and a half from impacting the ocean. In 0:24:05.920 --> 0:24:08.760 that time, the jet impacted the ocean and just vaporized 0:24:08.760 --> 0:24:13.320 into nothing. And miraculously that parachute deployed that slowed me 0:24:13.400 --> 0:24:16.040 enough so I didn't die impact with the water, but 0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:18.879 very quickly that parachute that had just saved my life 0:24:18.920 --> 0:24:22.280 then sunk underneath that churning ocean swell and started to 0:24:22.280 --> 0:24:24.720 pull me under. The dry suit that was supposed to 0:24:24.800 --> 0:24:27.720 protect me from this icy, cold like needle light freaking 0:24:27.800 --> 0:24:29.919 water going in my face and neck and filling up 0:24:29.960 --> 0:24:32.639 the dry suit turned into this big old sea anchor. 0:24:33.200 --> 0:24:35.840 And so now with broken arms and legs, I was 0:24:35.920 --> 0:24:38.879 just at the mercy of that parachute. The sea words, 0:24:38.880 --> 0:24:42.119 which are the explosive devices that detect salt water and 0:24:42.680 --> 0:24:46.840 automatically disconnect the parachute from you. Both of those devices failed, 0:24:47.160 --> 0:24:50.960 so I remained trapped to the parachute, which then, if 0:24:50.920 --> 0:24:53.080 for anybody who's ever been held underwater when you need 0:24:53.080 --> 0:24:55.920 a breath of air, it was just that over and 0:24:56.000 --> 0:24:59.199 over and over, and I was getting held under the 0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:01.639 point where I needed a breath of air and I 0:25:01.640 --> 0:25:04.080 couldn't get it. And at a certain point your lungs 0:25:04.119 --> 0:25:06.520 just start to spasm and you start to slurp in 0:25:06.640 --> 0:25:07.480 that salt. 0:25:07.160 --> 0:25:08.080 Water, and. 0:25:10.000 --> 0:25:12.720 I don't know how I eventually would get pulled back 0:25:12.720 --> 0:25:16.200 to the surface. Luckily, my LPU, the life preserver unit 0:25:16.240 --> 0:25:19.760 around my neck, had inflated, and that created enough buoyancy 0:25:19.800 --> 0:25:22.720 that on occasion I would rise to the surface, cough 0:25:22.800 --> 0:25:24.520 up some water, get a quick breath of air, or 0:25:24.560 --> 0:25:28.440 yell for help, and then pulled back underneath in the meantime, 0:25:28.480 --> 0:25:31.119 my flight lead spotted my parachute opening and knew that 0:25:31.160 --> 0:25:35.320 there was an emergency. He rapidly coordinated the Onseen commander. 0:25:35.359 --> 0:25:37.760 He got a hold of air traffic control, and he 0:25:37.840 --> 0:25:40.600 spotted a fishing vessel about a mile from my position, 0:25:41.080 --> 0:25:42.879 and he was able to get down really low and 0:25:42.960 --> 0:25:45.760 really fast when they wouldn't answer on the radio, and 0:25:45.840 --> 0:25:48.040 blast it over their bow and thump them so like 0:25:48.080 --> 0:25:50.200 a show of force over these fishermen that are out 0:25:50.200 --> 0:25:53.960 there just chilling, and he got their attention. He was 0:25:54.000 --> 0:25:56.159 able to get them over to my GPS position that 0:25:56.200 --> 0:25:59.479 he had dropped, and while when they got there, they 0:25:59.520 --> 0:26:01.840 tried to rope out to me to get me to 0:26:02.040 --> 0:26:04.240 pull in, and I wasn't able to grab it. It 0:26:04.359 --> 0:26:07.320 just ended up getting tangled in the parachord. But at 0:26:07.400 --> 0:26:10.640 least that fishing vessel provided a rough location for where 0:26:10.640 --> 0:26:12.840 I was at because I was in the drifting ocean 0:26:12.920 --> 0:26:15.800 with those currents. Otherwise I would have drifted out and 0:26:15.800 --> 0:26:19.000 wouldn't be here to tell you this story. Eventually, a 0:26:19.040 --> 0:26:22.760 couple Navy H sixty Seahawk helicopters arrived on scene, and 0:26:22.800 --> 0:26:25.080 on that forty ish minute flight, I was in and 0:26:25.119 --> 0:26:26.080 out of consciousness. 0:26:26.119 --> 0:26:26.920 I was coding. 0:26:27.280 --> 0:26:29.560 They were doing everything they could to resuscitate me and 0:26:29.600 --> 0:26:31.800 keep me alive, and they said I would go from 0:26:31.840 --> 0:26:35.240 like stillness of death to just shouting and screaming. And 0:26:35.280 --> 0:26:37.080 I don't have memory of it because I was in 0:26:37.119 --> 0:26:39.639 such bad shock, in such a bad brain injury. But 0:26:40.920 --> 0:26:42.920 you know, it was a wild ride for that crew, 0:26:43.480 --> 0:26:46.680 and they eventually got me to the hospital. They rushed 0:26:46.720 --> 0:26:49.320 me in. They took my core body temperature. I was 0:26:49.359 --> 0:26:52.560 at eighty seven degrees fahrenheit, so I should have been 0:26:52.560 --> 0:26:56.280 dead from the hypothermia, but the hypothermia had actually constricted 0:26:56.280 --> 0:26:59.320 the blood flow and preserved my brain function well enough 0:26:59.359 --> 0:27:02.680 to keep me alive. They had to do multiple blood 0:27:02.680 --> 0:27:05.560 transfusions for all the blood loss. They had to treat 0:27:05.600 --> 0:27:08.560 me for rabdough because my kidneys were so overwhelmed with 0:27:08.600 --> 0:27:12.160 all this tissue breakdown. And once I was semi stable 0:27:12.200 --> 0:27:14.480 and the water was pumped out of my lungs, they 0:27:14.520 --> 0:27:17.439 induced a coma and then rushed me into surgery. I 0:27:17.440 --> 0:27:20.439 spent the next week undergoing over a dozen different trauma 0:27:20.480 --> 0:27:25.720 surgeries as they reconstructed my skeleton from titanium rod steel plates, screws. 0:27:26.480 --> 0:27:29.119 They sutured me back up from all the fasciotomies that 0:27:29.160 --> 0:27:32.320 they performed to salvage my limbs from amputation. I was 0:27:32.359 --> 0:27:35.600 covered in hundreds of staples and sutures. I had a 0:27:35.640 --> 0:27:38.800 brachial artery bypass where they took a vein from inside 0:27:38.840 --> 0:27:41.320 my arm and did it like a Frankenstein job, so 0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:45.560 that I could get blood to my hands. Anyways, it 0:27:45.560 --> 0:27:47.280 was a miracle that I was still alive, but I 0:27:47.320 --> 0:27:50.080 was still in a comatose state. And you know, all 0:27:50.080 --> 0:27:53.159 the members of my squadron, my family are at the 0:27:53.400 --> 0:27:55.560 ICU waiting room waiting to hear is he even going 0:27:55.640 --> 0:27:59.240 to live? And someone in the squadron piped up and said, ah, 0:27:59.359 --> 0:28:00.680 he's a scrap motherfucker. 0:28:00.680 --> 0:28:10.760 He'll be all right, Megan. 0:28:11.560 --> 0:28:16.280 One question for you, mate, how are you still alive? 0:28:17.760 --> 0:28:21.080 It was it was seriously miracle after miracle. All these 0:28:21.119 --> 0:28:25.560 little twists and turns throughout it were unbelievable. I really 0:28:25.560 --> 0:28:28.320 think there was some kind of divine intervention that I 0:28:28.359 --> 0:28:30.800 was still meant to be here for something, you know, 0:28:31.400 --> 0:28:35.440 because I shouldn't have lived, and and you know, I 0:28:35.440 --> 0:28:36.720 I'm just lucky to be here. 0:28:36.960 --> 0:28:39.360 So that stage that you eject you your training just 0:28:39.440 --> 0:28:42.080 kicks in, right, it's not okay, what's that thought process? 0:28:42.120 --> 0:28:44.479 Is it I'm gonna die here or is it just 0:28:44.480 --> 0:28:47.240 gonna or you'd write, I need to kick into to 0:28:47.600 --> 0:28:50.320 my my training and I need to eject asap. 0:28:51.040 --> 0:28:51.640 Yeah. It was. 0:28:51.760 --> 0:28:53.800 It was as that oh shit feeling hit me and 0:28:53.840 --> 0:28:56.640 the ocean was rushing up. It was just instinctual and 0:28:56.680 --> 0:28:59.440 that training kicked in, like we had practiced getting into 0:28:59.440 --> 0:29:01.880 that position and all the time, and like all that 0:29:02.040 --> 0:29:03.960 just kicked in. And from there, I don't from the 0:29:04.040 --> 0:29:06.040 moment that I felt that oh shit feeling and I 0:29:06.040 --> 0:29:08.440 looked down and saw the ocean from there, I have 0:29:08.600 --> 0:29:11.880 no linear memory, like my mind just what we got 0:29:11.920 --> 0:29:14.640 it from here, buddy, hold on for the ride, and 0:29:15.120 --> 0:29:18.239 and just my survival instincts and training kicked in. And 0:29:18.440 --> 0:29:21.120 I have little flashbacks from being in the ocean, but 0:29:21.200 --> 0:29:23.840 most of what I'm telling you has been recreated through 0:29:23.880 --> 0:29:27.280 the investigation process, the retrieval of the black box. So 0:29:27.800 --> 0:29:30.840 I was really in and out of consciousness in the water. 0:29:31.040 --> 0:29:34.320 Any memory whatsoever? Do you have any flashbacks? Is there 0:29:34.360 --> 0:29:37.720 any sort of memory sort of reconstruction that you're doing 0:29:38.400 --> 0:29:41.280 or was it just one blur? Until you find yourself 0:29:41.280 --> 0:29:42.280 in the hospital. 0:29:42.920 --> 0:29:45.880 Yeah, So for years I dealt with night tears where 0:29:45.880 --> 0:29:48.080 I would go back into the water and I would 0:29:48.080 --> 0:29:50.520 be I'd be feeling the emotions, I would be feeling 0:29:50.600 --> 0:29:53.320 the darkness, I'd be feeling the tear, you know, the. 0:29:53.200 --> 0:29:54.240 Combination of one. 0:29:54.280 --> 0:29:57.680 I'm being drowned alive, I can't breathe, I'm being pulled 0:29:57.760 --> 0:30:01.400 underneath the water, and I can't swim, and there's a 0:30:01.480 --> 0:30:03.440 shark that's going to freaking finish me off. 0:30:03.600 --> 0:30:03.880 You know. 0:30:04.320 --> 0:30:07.320 So I got those those moments of just the emotional 0:30:07.440 --> 0:30:10.400 tear of being in the water. But other than those 0:30:10.480 --> 0:30:14.840 little clips, I don't have really anything from from the 0:30:14.880 --> 0:30:17.840 time I reached to pull that injection handle until about 0:30:17.880 --> 0:30:21.320 two weeks later and the lights finally started to come 0:30:21.360 --> 0:30:21.680 back on. 0:30:22.440 --> 0:30:25.360 Wow, and what does the you mentioned all your injuries. 0:30:25.920 --> 0:30:28.560 What was your thought process? You know, what was going 0:30:28.560 --> 0:30:31.360 through your head when you obviously realized that you could 0:30:31.400 --> 0:30:35.360 never you know, fly again and never go back to 0:30:35.400 --> 0:30:38.400 doing something that you trained so hard for that you 0:30:38.440 --> 0:30:41.400 spent your whole life thriving towards. 0:30:41.960 --> 0:30:44.640 Yeah, you know, I woke up and it was like 0:30:44.680 --> 0:30:48.000 waking up from a dream, except for some reason my 0:30:48.040 --> 0:30:50.320 bedroom wasn't my bedroom. And there were all these people 0:30:50.320 --> 0:30:52.760 there smiling and talking to me, and I was hooked 0:30:52.800 --> 0:30:54.600 up to all these machines, and I was covered in 0:30:54.640 --> 0:30:57.920 staples and sutures in wound back, and my arms were 0:30:57.960 --> 0:31:01.200 basically my arms and legs were all vacuums. And one 0:31:01.240 --> 0:31:03.640 of my first thoughts was they had tied me down 0:31:03.760 --> 0:31:05.720 the bed, like why am I tied onto the bed? 0:31:06.120 --> 0:31:08.200 Why is this blanket holding me down? But it was 0:31:08.240 --> 0:31:12.560 because I was paralyzed. I couldn't move. And eventually the 0:31:12.600 --> 0:31:14.680 medical staff came in and they kind of explained the 0:31:14.680 --> 0:31:18.360 scenario and said, you've been in an ejection. You're lucky 0:31:18.400 --> 0:31:21.440 to be alive, but you're likely never going to walk again, 0:31:21.640 --> 0:31:23.360 You're never going to be able to use your arms 0:31:23.400 --> 0:31:25.920 or hands again, and your military flying career is over. 0:31:26.720 --> 0:31:29.120 And in that moment, there was a spark in me. 0:31:29.640 --> 0:31:31.440 It was, I think, the same spark that got me 0:31:31.480 --> 0:31:33.200 to be a fighter pilot in the first place, which 0:31:33.320 --> 0:31:35.560 was go ahead and tell me I can't do something. 0:31:35.760 --> 0:31:38.280 I'm going to fucking prove you wrong. And I spent 0:31:38.560 --> 0:31:41.760 I spent the next two years undergoing all sorts of 0:31:41.760 --> 0:31:45.920 intense rehabilitation. I spent three months in the polytrauma center 0:31:46.120 --> 0:31:50.400 just doing speech therapy, vision therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, 0:31:50.480 --> 0:31:53.560 kinesio therapy, you name it. I was doing it, working 0:31:53.600 --> 0:31:55.320 my ass off. It may have meant I just I 0:31:55.360 --> 0:31:57.640 just wiggled something that day, but every day I was 0:31:57.720 --> 0:32:01.440 doing everything I could, and I had this opportunity in there, 0:32:01.480 --> 0:32:03.880 in that darkness. I could have just bit off on 0:32:03.960 --> 0:32:06.880 all the darkness, all the dread, all the statistics, all 0:32:06.920 --> 0:32:09.440 the hey, you're not going to get better. But instead 0:32:09.440 --> 0:32:11.680 I had this little spark of fire in me still, 0:32:12.040 --> 0:32:14.920 and that's what I started to feed. What if I 0:32:15.000 --> 0:32:16.760 do get better, what's it going to be like when 0:32:16.800 --> 0:32:18.800 I come back into this hospital in my flight suit 0:32:18.840 --> 0:32:21.240 with my wings on my chest upright and say, hey, 0:32:21.240 --> 0:32:23.960 I'm back flying jets. And so that's what I started 0:32:24.160 --> 0:32:27.280 to cultivate instead of biting off on all the dark shit, 0:32:27.320 --> 0:32:29.800 which there were some hard days, no doubt, But what 0:32:29.880 --> 0:32:33.440 I really started to feed and work consistently towards with discipline, 0:32:34.400 --> 0:32:36.440 was what do I need to do today to get better, 0:32:36.720 --> 0:32:39.160 even if it's just a tiny bit better. And every 0:32:39.240 --> 0:32:41.600 day wasn't always progress either, but it was I was 0:32:41.680 --> 0:32:44.640 always working at that light, working towards that little spark 0:32:44.680 --> 0:32:47.440 of hope, and little by little, you know, I eventually 0:32:47.480 --> 0:32:50.520 got out of the polytrauma center. I started to be 0:32:50.560 --> 0:32:52.560 able to get around on a walker. I started to 0:32:52.560 --> 0:32:54.800 be able to wipe my own ass again, brush my 0:32:54.840 --> 0:32:57.520 own teeth, all these things I said I couldn't do. 0:32:58.120 --> 0:33:02.080 And after two years of more surge, undergoing, you know, 0:33:02.160 --> 0:33:04.959 overcoming prescription drug addiction to all the pain meds they 0:33:04.960 --> 0:33:07.280 had me on, I was able to gain a stack 0:33:07.320 --> 0:33:10.120 of medical waivers. I had to go through a Field 0:33:10.200 --> 0:33:14.120 Naval Aviator Evaluation board, so an investigation into the crash, 0:33:14.200 --> 0:33:16.320 which ruled in my favor and gave me the option 0:33:16.400 --> 0:33:18.480 if I could get my body physically back, I could 0:33:18.520 --> 0:33:21.160 go back and fly. And after two years of all 0:33:21.160 --> 0:33:23.120 of that, I was able to max out the Navy's 0:33:23.120 --> 0:33:26.760 physical fitness test again. I was literally running circles around 0:33:26.800 --> 0:33:28.400 the people at the command that I was at while 0:33:28.400 --> 0:33:31.080 I was recovering. And I returned to the cockpit of 0:33:31.120 --> 0:33:32.400 that F eighteen after all of that. 0:33:32.840 --> 0:33:35.040 You got so you've flown since? 0:33:35.840 --> 0:33:37.960 Yeah, I went back to active duty as a Navy 0:33:38.040 --> 0:33:38.440 F eighteen. 0:33:38.720 --> 0:33:42.120 You are shitting me now, and to tell you the 0:33:42.160 --> 0:33:45.400 truth this is it gets even crazier from here, just 0:33:45.440 --> 0:33:47.640 so you know, like we're just getting into the good 0:33:47.640 --> 0:33:49.240 stuff now. 0:33:51.000 --> 0:33:54.360 So two years you've got that spark inside, and I 0:33:54.440 --> 0:33:57.280 understand that spark where someone says you can't do something, 0:33:57.400 --> 0:34:00.520 or someone doubts you, or someone you know, you're just like, right, listen, 0:34:00.920 --> 0:34:05.840 So you actually believe in your mind from the moment 0:34:05.920 --> 0:34:08.239 they tell you you're never going to fly again, you 0:34:08.320 --> 0:34:10.200 believe in your mind that you're going to get back 0:34:10.200 --> 0:34:12.920 in the fight in in an F eighteen vice jet. 0:34:13.000 --> 0:34:14.720 Yeah. Yeah, it was the same. 0:34:14.840 --> 0:34:17.120 It was the same little belief that I had that 0:34:17.560 --> 0:34:19.920 imagined that I could be an F eighteen pilot, you 0:34:19.960 --> 0:34:22.160 know all the people, Oh who could be an F 0:34:22.239 --> 0:34:23.040 eighteen pilot? 0:34:23.440 --> 0:34:23.640 You know. 0:34:23.880 --> 0:34:25.479 And in that same I didn't you know, I didn't 0:34:25.480 --> 0:34:26.920 know what I was doing at the time, but it 0:34:26.960 --> 0:34:30.359 was the same process. It was, what's the goal? Can 0:34:30.400 --> 0:34:32.520 I do it? I'm going to visualize doing it. How 0:34:32.560 --> 0:34:35.319 do I get there? I start now with consistent work 0:34:35.360 --> 0:34:38.000 and discipline, and I work towards it little by little. 0:34:38.480 --> 0:34:41.879 And that was the same thought mindset that I went 0:34:41.920 --> 0:34:45.480 into this accident. Was Okay, they're telling me, this is impossible. 0:34:45.480 --> 0:34:47.680 That's what they said about becoming an F eighteen pilot. 0:34:47.840 --> 0:34:50.400 I'm going to apply the same mindset to this. So 0:34:50.880 --> 0:34:52.799 how do I do it? What's the mindset? And I 0:34:52.800 --> 0:34:55.879 think the mind is so powerful, you know, I don't 0:34:55.880 --> 0:34:59.280 think that we even can comprehend the power that it has. 0:34:59.400 --> 0:35:02.719 When you are positively affirming what you can do and 0:35:02.760 --> 0:35:06.520 then you work at it with consistent action, I think 0:35:06.520 --> 0:35:08.360 we can really accomplish damn near or anything. 0:35:08.880 --> 0:35:10.480 And I love what you said about, you know, being 0:35:10.560 --> 0:35:14.680 consistently disciplined, because ultimately that's the key. How did you 0:35:14.760 --> 0:35:17.120 remain and what is discipline? In your eyes? 0:35:18.160 --> 0:35:22.440 Discipline is just holding yourself accountable, you know. Discipline is 0:35:22.560 --> 0:35:24.279 those days you wake up and you hurt and you 0:35:24.280 --> 0:35:27.359 don't want to try, but you do it anyways. That's 0:35:27.400 --> 0:35:30.439 the discipline. It's nobody else is telling you. Nobody else 0:35:30.480 --> 0:35:33.200 may even know that you're you got this going on, 0:35:33.280 --> 0:35:36.399 But it's holding yourself accountable and doing that and. 0:35:36.360 --> 0:35:40.120 Almost doing the things that you know you should be 0:35:40.200 --> 0:35:42.560 doing but you don't want to do. Right, it's you 0:35:42.600 --> 0:35:46.560 mentioned it. It's the small percentages, the zero point zero 0:35:46.640 --> 0:35:51.640 one percentages. You know, it's tiny tiny progress. People don't realize. 0:35:51.640 --> 0:35:53.800 People think being disciplined, you're going to go from zero 0:35:53.880 --> 0:35:57.480 to one hundred. It doesn't it. It's the small steps. 0:35:57.520 --> 0:36:01.520 Little steps take me back to the home. And were 0:36:01.560 --> 0:36:06.080 people absolutely shocked that you got back into a jet? 0:36:06.800 --> 0:36:10.279 Yeah, I mean the duty station I was at the 0:36:10.880 --> 0:36:14.800 job I was doing. The commodore of the strike Fighter 0:36:14.840 --> 0:36:17.560 Wing was my boss at that point, and he saw 0:36:17.600 --> 0:36:20.960 me at command pt out there just crushing it, and 0:36:21.040 --> 0:36:23.239 he was just in disbelief. You can see his mouth 0:36:23.360 --> 0:36:27.920 is just like, huh, how is this guy back doing this? 0:36:28.560 --> 0:36:31.360 And and but because of that, they saw where I 0:36:31.440 --> 0:36:33.239 had come. And you know, I was doing well at 0:36:33.239 --> 0:36:35.680 my ground job too. I was you know, doing some 0:36:35.880 --> 0:36:38.200 taking on a lot of responsibility, and I was doing 0:36:38.239 --> 0:36:40.360 the same stuff at work. I was working hard at 0:36:40.400 --> 0:36:42.239 what I was doing and doing a good job at it. 0:36:42.719 --> 0:36:45.279 And they saw I was physically and mentally back, and 0:36:45.320 --> 0:36:48.600 so I was blessed with the opportunity to return to 0:36:48.640 --> 0:36:51.080 the cockpit. One day, he walks into the office. I'm 0:36:51.120 --> 0:36:53.359 filling out emails. I've been sitting at the stupid desk 0:36:53.440 --> 0:36:56.759 for you know, a year or whatever while I was 0:36:56.760 --> 0:36:59.439 doing the recovery and he comes in, he says, again, 0:36:59.480 --> 0:37:02.120 what are you doing. It's like, oh, I'm just working 0:37:02.120 --> 0:37:03.640 on this. He's like, you want to go back and fly. 0:37:04.480 --> 0:37:06.960 He's like yeah, thinking like, oh, maybe I'm going to 0:37:07.000 --> 0:37:09.319 start in a few weeks or a month. He's like, no, 0:37:09.440 --> 0:37:12.960 you start right now. And so I basically just headed 0:37:13.000 --> 0:37:16.160 out that day and my mind's just crazy, like holy shit, 0:37:16.280 --> 0:37:19.040 this has really happened. It was overwhelming, a combination of 0:37:19.040 --> 0:37:21.920 excitement and then and then the nerves hitting me of like, oh, 0:37:21.960 --> 0:37:24.480 I actually got to do this now, you know, the 0:37:24.520 --> 0:37:26.200 game's back on, the pressure's back on. 0:37:26.440 --> 0:37:29.360 Take me back to you getting in there, because obviously 0:37:29.680 --> 0:37:34.200 there must have been a wave of emotions, nervousness, anxiety. 0:37:34.800 --> 0:37:36.960 Was there a moment and I can I'm probably getting 0:37:37.000 --> 0:37:39.040 a bit too Drew. Was there a moment where you're 0:37:39.080 --> 0:37:42.879 just flying along and it's surreal, you can't believe you're here. 0:37:44.120 --> 0:37:44.560 Yeah, you know. 0:37:45.600 --> 0:37:49.680 On my first solo back, I definitely had that surreal feeling, 0:37:49.840 --> 0:37:52.640 and I went out into the airspace and I decided 0:37:52.719 --> 0:37:54.920 I need to roll this thing inverted and I need 0:37:54.920 --> 0:37:56.760 to pull it at the ocean and do that maneuver 0:37:57.080 --> 0:37:59.120 because I want to see, you know, I'm I got 0:37:59.120 --> 0:38:01.560 back on the horse, but I need to see am 0:38:01.560 --> 0:38:03.359 I going to freak out if I do the same thing? 0:38:03.400 --> 0:38:05.279 And so I rolled that thing inverted and pulled down 0:38:05.320 --> 0:38:08.360 at the ocean and it was just pure joy and excitement. 0:38:08.719 --> 0:38:10.799 You know, the ocean's rushing up at me. I pulled 0:38:10.840 --> 0:38:12.759 out the bottom as the jet should have done in 0:38:12.800 --> 0:38:16.320 the first place, and I was just like, yes, I'm back. 0:38:17.120 --> 0:38:21.680 So you went and done the exact same maneuver that 0:38:21.719 --> 0:38:24.760 you were that was supposed to happen on the day 0:38:25.440 --> 0:38:28.880 of the fifteenth of jam and you went and executed 0:38:28.920 --> 0:38:30.359 that and came out of it. 0:38:31.239 --> 0:38:33.400 Yeah, but at a slower air speed so that the 0:38:33.440 --> 0:38:35.320 jet didn't freak out, and it didn't have a code 0:38:35.360 --> 0:38:37.839 on it that was telling it not to turn, so 0:38:37.960 --> 0:38:41.239 it Yeah, it was. It was basically doing the same 0:38:41.320 --> 0:38:42.240 thing more or less. 0:38:43.280 --> 0:38:45.279 And what did what did that feel like? What did 0:38:45.280 --> 0:38:46.120 that flight feel like? 0:38:46.280 --> 0:38:48.279 Just just overwhelming joy, you know. 0:38:48.360 --> 0:38:51.040 And and then I got back to flying and I 0:38:51.200 --> 0:38:54.440 was made it through the flight training pipeline. I graduated 0:38:54.440 --> 0:38:56.719 as the top Stick. I graduated with the River Rat 0:38:56.719 --> 0:38:58.040 a war meeting. I was a lot of fun to 0:38:58.040 --> 0:39:00.719 hang out with outside the cockpit, and I went back 0:39:00.760 --> 0:39:03.000 to a fleet squadron and I was back at it. 0:39:03.520 --> 0:39:06.120 And this is kind of where the happy ending Disney 0:39:06.160 --> 0:39:08.759 version of my story would be, but this is really 0:39:08.840 --> 0:39:14.200 where the real mindset and difficulties started to begin. As 0:39:14.320 --> 0:39:18.160 my career progressed. I was on a flight on a 0:39:18.200 --> 0:39:21.719 detachment down at Tyndall Air Force Base in Florida. We 0:39:21.760 --> 0:39:24.080 were doing a live fire missile exercise. So I went 0:39:24.120 --> 0:39:26.040 out and I got to fire a live a nine 0:39:26.080 --> 0:39:29.000 mic sidewinder missile, a heat seeking missile at a drone, 0:39:29.520 --> 0:39:31.439 and then broke off and got to do some dog 0:39:31.480 --> 0:39:34.440 fighting with an F twenty two Raptor. So just like 0:39:34.840 --> 0:39:38.000 the world's most premiere freaking dogfighting aircraft, just this thing 0:39:38.000 --> 0:39:39.640 that I had seen at air shows as a kid 0:39:39.640 --> 0:39:41.680 and drooled over, and I got to be up there 0:39:41.680 --> 0:39:44.640 wrapping it up with this guy. And so I came 0:39:44.719 --> 0:39:47.600 back from that flight and I remembered fighting the Raptor 0:39:47.800 --> 0:39:51.680 and all of that, but I couldn't remember what was 0:39:51.680 --> 0:39:53.680 going on in the missile shoot. And while I was 0:39:53.719 --> 0:39:57.040 watching the debrief watching my tapes, I was getting confused 0:39:57.080 --> 0:39:59.520 by the symbology and like stuff that I normally know 0:39:59.719 --> 0:40:02.680 was really hard to understand, and I just thought, you know, 0:40:02.800 --> 0:40:04.719 maybe I'm just tired, and I tried to sleep it 0:40:04.760 --> 0:40:07.480 off that night. The next day I felt even worse, 0:40:07.920 --> 0:40:09.560 and when I got back to my hotel room on 0:40:09.600 --> 0:40:12.160 that second day, I was just I was in a 0:40:12.239 --> 0:40:14.640 panic for some reason. I was having panic attacks, which 0:40:14.680 --> 0:40:18.239 I had never had. I sat down on the edge 0:40:18.239 --> 0:40:20.480 of the bed in the hotel room, and it felt 0:40:20.480 --> 0:40:22.080 like the whole room tumbled around me. 0:40:22.160 --> 0:40:23.680 I was experiencing vertigo. 0:40:25.920 --> 0:40:29.000 I was having a really hard concentrating and it was confused, 0:40:29.320 --> 0:40:31.000 and I sat down on the bed to try to 0:40:31.040 --> 0:40:33.040 set my phone alarmed because I had to get up 0:40:33.080 --> 0:40:35.840 in the morning and fly and I couldn't do the math, 0:40:35.960 --> 0:40:39.800 and I couldn't operate a cell phone, so I realized 0:40:39.840 --> 0:40:42.400 something was wrong. There had been a number of incidents 0:40:42.440 --> 0:40:46.200 in the F eighteen community where the pressurization systems had 0:40:46.239 --> 0:40:50.279 been malfunctioning, causing rapid decompression to the cockpit. And as 0:40:50.320 --> 0:40:53.440 a you know, divers would know decompression sickness. If you 0:40:53.520 --> 0:40:56.080 come up from depth too quickly, the nitrogen can come 0:40:56.120 --> 0:40:58.919 out of solution in your blood and it can form bubbles. Yeah, 0:40:58.920 --> 0:41:01.280 you get those in your joints, get the bends. It's painful, 0:41:01.560 --> 0:41:03.719 but you get those bubbles in your brain, it can 0:41:03.880 --> 0:41:06.000 block the blood flow and it can give you like 0:41:06.040 --> 0:41:08.920 stroke like symptoms or aneurysm or even kill you, you know, 0:41:08.920 --> 0:41:11.400 when you're not getting proper blood circulation to the brain. 0:41:11.840 --> 0:41:13.719 And so it was suspected because there had been a 0:41:13.840 --> 0:41:16.000 number of these in the F eighteen community, to the 0:41:16.040 --> 0:41:18.800 point that they had started to put hyperbarret treatment facilities 0:41:18.840 --> 0:41:21.719 on the aircraft carriers to treat guys coming back from 0:41:21.800 --> 0:41:24.799 flights with this condition. They rushed me to a dive 0:41:24.840 --> 0:41:27.960 base that was nearby at Mayport and treated me for 0:41:28.040 --> 0:41:31.560 decompression sickness overnight in the hyperbaric oxygen therapy. 0:41:32.280 --> 0:41:34.880 The next day I was still a bit out of it, 0:41:34.920 --> 0:41:35.880 but a little bit better. 0:41:36.640 --> 0:41:38.759 And when I got back from that detachment, I kind 0:41:38.760 --> 0:41:42.319 of reluctantly went into the medical kind of weighing my 0:41:42.400 --> 0:41:44.880 options at this point, which is in a high speed 0:41:44.920 --> 0:41:46.680 job in the military, as you know, as soon as 0:41:46.719 --> 0:41:50.280 you start to say there's something not right, like there 0:41:50.320 --> 0:41:53.240 goes your medical clearance, there goes maybe your security clearance. 0:41:53.840 --> 0:41:55.440 So it's very taboo. 0:41:55.960 --> 0:41:59.560 But I knew like whatever was going on there's no 0:41:59.640 --> 0:42:02.880 way I could safely operate in aircraft, and so, you know, 0:42:03.040 --> 0:42:04.960 kind of knowing the way of the situation, I went 0:42:05.000 --> 0:42:07.440 in to see the flight surgeon and pretty quickly I 0:42:07.440 --> 0:42:11.120 got a delayed onset PTSD diagnoses and they all kind 0:42:11.120 --> 0:42:13.480 of just bid off on that PTSD thing, and it 0:42:13.520 --> 0:42:16.560 all just became about my emotional state and let's sit 0:42:16.640 --> 0:42:20.440 down and talk about this state. And it was not helpful. 0:42:20.520 --> 0:42:23.680 It was frustrating because hindsight, what was going on is 0:42:23.719 --> 0:42:27.080 the hardware of my brain had been messed with pretty hardcore. 0:42:27.160 --> 0:42:29.919 I had physical damage to my brain from not only 0:42:30.000 --> 0:42:34.200 the ejection, but now a decompression event that exacerbated, adding 0:42:34.239 --> 0:42:37.919 insult to injury, and it was just screwing with my head. 0:42:37.960 --> 0:42:39.759 But the way they made me feel was this was 0:42:39.800 --> 0:42:41.919 all just an emotional thing that I needed to get over. 0:42:42.280 --> 0:42:44.920 And I was thinking, I can compartmentalize anything. I've been 0:42:44.920 --> 0:42:47.600 compartmentalizing my whole career. I can put that in a 0:42:47.640 --> 0:42:50.960 bottle and move on. But this wasn't working because the 0:42:50.960 --> 0:42:54.040 hardware was damaged. But instead of fixing the hardware, what 0:42:54.080 --> 0:42:56.040 they did is they started to give me these pills. 0:42:56.560 --> 0:43:00.560 They started SSRIs, they started an antipsychotic metay cation called 0:43:00.640 --> 0:43:04.200 quatiopine for sleep. It was supposed to help with severe insomnia, 0:43:04.200 --> 0:43:05.920 and the thought was, if we can just get you 0:43:05.960 --> 0:43:08.360 some sleep, you'll get better, which I think there was 0:43:08.480 --> 0:43:10.960 merit to that. But when you give somebody a sleeping 0:43:11.000 --> 0:43:13.640 pill they're not getting RESTful sleep, it may knock me 0:43:13.680 --> 0:43:16.759 out into this unconscious state. So as things progressed, I 0:43:16.800 --> 0:43:17.839 just got worse and worse. 0:43:17.880 --> 0:43:18.239 I went in. 0:43:20.600 --> 0:43:25.279 Not sleep rest and and I started to go into 0:43:25.400 --> 0:43:29.319 hypervigilance and paranoia, into full blown psychoses. I thought, I 0:43:29.360 --> 0:43:31.719 thought the government was hunting me. I thought they were 0:43:31.760 --> 0:43:34.640 trying to poison me and my family, and it just 0:43:34.680 --> 0:43:38.080 got worse and worse. I was eventually medically retired, and 0:43:38.120 --> 0:43:40.759 that treatment continued at the VA once I got out 0:43:40.800 --> 0:43:43.360 and my family moved back to Michigan, and I was 0:43:43.440 --> 0:43:45.960 just getting worse and worse. And within a couple of 0:43:46.000 --> 0:43:49.400 days of having my dosage at quatyopine increased from three 0:43:49.520 --> 0:43:52.000 hundred milligrams a night to four hundred and fifty milligrams 0:43:52.040 --> 0:43:55.759 a night, my wife came home from a job interview, 0:43:55.960 --> 0:43:57.800 and that's like a heroic dose of this shit, and 0:43:58.360 --> 0:44:01.720 you know, she came home and she heard me rustling around, 0:44:01.719 --> 0:44:04.880 and when she came into the room, I was completely naked. 0:44:05.320 --> 0:44:07.360 I had shaved off all my hair and chunks. I 0:44:07.360 --> 0:44:10.320 had shaved off my eyebrows for some reason. My facial 0:44:10.360 --> 0:44:12.680 hair was all shaved off. The only thing I had 0:44:12.719 --> 0:44:15.040 on was I had a black plastic garbage bag tied 0:44:15.080 --> 0:44:17.480 around my neck like a cape, because I thought I 0:44:17.600 --> 0:44:20.040 was like Batman or Superman and I was going to 0:44:20.120 --> 0:44:22.919 go out into the northern Michigan snowy weather and fight 0:44:23.000 --> 0:44:23.759 crime like that. 0:44:24.239 --> 0:44:26.279 So she loaded us up. 0:44:26.360 --> 0:44:28.719 She's a trauma nurse, so she had dealt with psychotic 0:44:28.840 --> 0:44:31.560 patients before in the er, but now it's her husband, 0:44:31.560 --> 0:44:33.920 which was a whole different thing to deal with. But 0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:36.759 she loaded us up, took me to the emergency room, 0:44:36.960 --> 0:44:38.960 and I spent a couple nights in an out of 0:44:39.040 --> 0:44:42.000 body experience in the psychoses. And when I came to 0:44:42.120 --> 0:44:45.719 I had been transferred to a VA in patient psych facility. 0:44:45.800 --> 0:44:48.680 And as I became lucid and more aware in that facility, 0:44:49.120 --> 0:44:52.279 you know, what I saw was truly abysmal treatment of 0:44:52.400 --> 0:44:56.799 veterans in that facility. When you're on one to one care, 0:44:56.880 --> 0:44:59.719 every fifteen minutes. They would come into the room, shine 0:44:59.719 --> 0:45:01.360 a fl slash light in your face to wake you 0:45:01.480 --> 0:45:04.640 up and make sure you're being safe. It's hard to 0:45:04.640 --> 0:45:06.520 sleep in this place to begin with. There's all these 0:45:06.560 --> 0:45:10.279 other guys having psychotic events. There's yelling and screaming all night. 0:45:10.320 --> 0:45:13.440 There's people walking in and out of your room. Everything's 0:45:13.520 --> 0:45:16.560 hard tile floors and concrete wall, so everything just echoes 0:45:16.960 --> 0:45:20.600 through the place. You're confined into a very small facility. 0:45:20.640 --> 0:45:22.680 We were lucky if we got to go outside into 0:45:22.719 --> 0:45:27.320 a concrete yard surrounded by metal fences and brick buildings, 0:45:27.440 --> 0:45:29.279 maybe once a week if we were lucky. So we 0:45:29.280 --> 0:45:32.720 were getting no exercise, no sunlight, and the only again, 0:45:32.760 --> 0:45:36.040 the only answer there was more pills and more pills, And. 0:45:36.440 --> 0:45:40.200 To me, it was the detox yet, to detox yourself 0:45:40.200 --> 0:45:43.319 off these pills in order to become saying again, right, 0:45:43.600 --> 0:45:44.480 it was the pills that. 0:45:44.520 --> 0:45:47.880 Was yeah, yeah, you know. I eventually got out of 0:45:47.880 --> 0:45:48.600 that facility. 0:45:49.160 --> 0:45:51.640 I spent forty days living in that nightmare of a place, 0:45:51.680 --> 0:45:53.600 but with the advocacy of my family, they were able 0:45:53.600 --> 0:45:55.360 to get me out. And then I sought a different 0:45:55.400 --> 0:45:58.600 route to treatment, and I stumbled across psychedelic assistant therapy, 0:45:59.520 --> 0:46:02.000 and I still to cross this whole world of modalities 0:46:02.040 --> 0:46:05.080 for treating brain injury and mental health issues that aren't 0:46:05.080 --> 0:46:08.080 available at the VA, they aren't available through mainstream insurance. 0:46:08.520 --> 0:46:11.439 And that's what really worked for me and it gave 0:46:11.480 --> 0:46:14.160 me my life back. And you know, through the use 0:46:14.160 --> 0:46:17.520 of psychedelic a system therapy traumatic brain injury clinics where 0:46:17.560 --> 0:46:20.319 they actually went in and addressed the physiology that was off, 0:46:21.160 --> 0:46:24.399 doing a lab work to actually see where the physiology 0:46:24.400 --> 0:46:26.239 and my body was off, and then addressing that with 0:46:26.360 --> 0:46:33.040 nutraceutical supplementation, hyperbaric oxygen therapy. There's this whole world of 0:46:33.160 --> 0:46:36.440 healthcare that can actually heal the brain. And what's amazing 0:46:36.480 --> 0:46:38.920 about the brain is I remember growing up and they 0:46:39.040 --> 0:46:40.880 always say, you know, you damage your brain or a 0:46:40.880 --> 0:46:42.839 brain cell and it's gone, you're never going to get 0:46:42.840 --> 0:46:45.480 it back. Well, that's simply not true. The brain is 0:46:45.520 --> 0:46:48.600 constructed of cells, just like the body is, and when 0:46:48.640 --> 0:46:55.440 you give it the right conditions, which are sleep, good food, clean, hydration, exercise, sunlight, 0:46:55.640 --> 0:46:58.400 you know all that stuff, the body heals, the cells 0:46:58.440 --> 0:47:01.280 heal and regenerate, and it's amazing seeing what the human 0:47:01.360 --> 0:47:04.120 brain can heal from. Even the level of damage that 0:47:04.160 --> 0:47:07.399 I had going on has been mitigated through through this, 0:47:07.560 --> 0:47:09.800 you know, several years of this kind of treatment. 0:47:10.239 --> 0:47:11.759 But pretty much everything that. 0:47:11.719 --> 0:47:14.600 I've had that works is not available at the VA, 0:47:14.680 --> 0:47:18.480 and it's not available through mainsure, through mainstream medical system. 0:47:19.040 --> 0:47:21.920 You know, they're actually actively trying to fight this stuff 0:47:22.200 --> 0:47:25.080 because it's it's competition with their business model. You know, 0:47:25.360 --> 0:47:27.239 they don't want something that can fix you. They want 0:47:27.280 --> 0:47:28.560 to be able to give you a pill the rest 0:47:28.560 --> 0:47:30.279 of your life and make a profit off of that. 0:47:30.640 --> 0:47:34.279 What you've just explained is something that I'm working on 0:47:34.360 --> 0:47:37.240 for VETS as well, which is which is super interesting 0:47:37.239 --> 0:47:39.120 that you just hit on that. But let's finish off 0:47:39.960 --> 0:47:42.760 on the Phoenix revival. Talk to me a bit about 0:47:42.840 --> 0:47:45.560 about this, about your memoir and where we can get it, 0:47:45.880 --> 0:47:47.720 and and why you voted. 0:47:48.719 --> 0:47:51.399 Yeah, so, you know, I really felt inspired to share 0:47:51.440 --> 0:47:54.000 my story after having gone through that seeing so many 0:47:54.040 --> 0:47:56.560 guys struggling in that system. So, and this is a 0:47:56.560 --> 0:47:58.799 widespread problem throughout the world right now. I think I 0:47:58.800 --> 0:48:00.880 think there's a lot of healthcare systems that are pretty 0:48:00.880 --> 0:48:04.200 messed up, especially with the mental health treatment. And I 0:48:04.239 --> 0:48:06.399 remember being in this place of darkness and all of that, 0:48:06.719 --> 0:48:09.759 despite my hard charge and attitude to get me through 0:48:09.800 --> 0:48:12.799 the physical recovery of the ejection and got me into 0:48:12.840 --> 0:48:15.120 the world of the fighter pilot being. 0:48:14.960 --> 0:48:16.359 An faighteaen pilot to begin with. 0:48:17.000 --> 0:48:18.680 Even with all that, I got into a place that 0:48:18.800 --> 0:48:21.560 was so dark and lonely and broken. I was ready 0:48:21.560 --> 0:48:24.319 to end it and felt so alone, and so I 0:48:24.400 --> 0:48:26.640 wanted to be the light for other people that are 0:48:26.640 --> 0:48:28.919 in that same darkness, the same light that I wish 0:48:29.000 --> 0:48:31.840 I had. And so that's what inspired me to write 0:48:32.000 --> 0:48:35.960 write this book, Phoenix Revival, The Aftermath of Naval Aviation's 0:48:36.000 --> 0:48:39.400 fastest survived ejection. It goes in much more detail about 0:48:39.400 --> 0:48:41.839 some of the things we talked about today that I 0:48:41.840 --> 0:48:44.840 hope will help inspire people and also give them the 0:48:44.920 --> 0:48:47.920 proper tools so that they can get themselves out of 0:48:47.920 --> 0:48:53.040 whatever they're going through, some practical guidance, some resources that 0:48:53.080 --> 0:48:55.319 can really make a difference in people's lives. So that's 0:48:55.320 --> 0:48:59.200 why I wrote it. But please check out a copy. 0:49:00.000 --> 0:49:02.000 I promise you you're going to have a hard time putting 0:49:02.000 --> 0:49:02.319 it down. 0:49:02.640 --> 0:49:04.960 Do you know what, mate, you are the epitome of 0:49:05.280 --> 0:49:11.040 physical robustness, psychological resilience and emotional intelligence. Wrap that all 0:49:11.040 --> 0:49:14.560 into one. You have Keegan Gil Keegan, it's been an 0:49:14.640 --> 0:49:17.640 absolute pleasure. Thank you for coming on board. Make sure 0:49:17.680 --> 0:49:21.000 you pick up a copy of Phoenix Revival to hear 0:49:21.080 --> 0:49:24.759 more because we've just scraped the surface here, Keegan, Thank 0:49:24.800 --> 0:49:25.480 you so much. 0:49:25.320 --> 0:49:26.920 Mate, Thank you so much for having me on. 0:49:27.040 --> 0:49:31.000 It's a pleasure to hear more about Keegan's life story. 0:49:31.200 --> 0:49:35.600 Pick up a copy of his memoir Phoenix Revival. Thanks 0:49:35.600 --> 0:49:38.200 for joining me on this episode of head Game. If 0:49:38.239 --> 0:49:42.080 you enjoyed it, please leave me a review. I'm at Middleton. 0:49:42.440 --> 0:49:45.520 See you in the next episode.