1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,360 Speaker 1: We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 1: on which this podcast was produced, the Galligle people of 3 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: the Urination. We pay our respects to Elder's past and present. 4 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 2: It's January twenty fourteen and we're inside a US Navy 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:22,160 Speaker 2: FA eighteen plummeting towards the Atlantic Ocean. A dogfight had 6 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 2: gone terribly wrong, and now Lieutenant Keegan gil can do 7 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 2: nothing but hold on tight as his jet succumbs to 8 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 2: an out of controled diet. He's forced to eject at 9 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 2: the unbelievable speed of six hundred and ninety five miles 10 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 2: per hour. He crashes into the shark infested icy waters. 11 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:49,200 Speaker 2: His injuries are so severe he should be dead instantly. 12 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 2: Keegan's limbs are torn and he's suffered a traumatic brain injury. 13 00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 2: It's a long battle with hypothermia as rescue teams race 14 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 2: to find him. When he regains consciousness in hospital, he 15 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 2: realizes his injuries are catastrophic. His life will never be 16 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 2: the same. I'm at Middleton and this is head game today, 17 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:27,480 Speaker 2: Keegan Gill on his epic journey to Helen back. Mate, Look, 18 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 2: you look like you're in one piece, so that's good news, mate, 19 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:35,400 Speaker 2: that's good news. And haven't read your story. Car. How 20 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:40,960 Speaker 2: you're stealing one piece is absolutely amazing, and you've almost 21 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 2: fought through an impossible scenario to be where you are today. 22 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 2: But let's go back to the beginning. Mate. You know 23 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:52,559 Speaker 2: you're a former retired because of the incident US Navy 24 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 2: fighter pilot. Was the military always in your family or 25 00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 2: always in your bones? And how did you come to 26 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 2: joining the military at such a young age. 27 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 3: You know, it really wasn't in my family very deeply. 28 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 3: I had an uncle who was a marine, and my 29 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,640 Speaker 3: grandfather served in World War Two, but my immediate family 30 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,239 Speaker 3: was actually sort of a group of hippies. 31 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 4: You know. They wouldn't let me have Gi Joes. 32 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 3: When I was a kid, I couldn't play violent video games. 33 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 3: I was allowed to have guns so I could go 34 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,640 Speaker 3: out and go hunting. So I was always out in 35 00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 3: the woods, camping, hunting, fishing, just being a kid, climbing trees, 36 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 3: doing all the stuff that little boys should be doing, 37 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 3: building forts, you know, catching salmon with my hands in 38 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:41,239 Speaker 3: the river behind our house, and just having a good time. 39 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 3: But I definitely wasn't built to be stuck in a 40 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 3: cubicle sitting at an office job under fluorescent lighting all day. 41 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 3: And I had a really good professor in college who 42 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:56,960 Speaker 3: was a former Navy test pilot. He had flown with 43 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 3: the Sea Wolves back in the Vietnam War, so he 44 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,520 Speaker 3: had he had been in the heat of some of 45 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 3: the most intense conflict, flying Huey gunships and all sorts 46 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 3: of stuff after and so he sort of rubbed off 47 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,959 Speaker 3: on me a little bit. But I ended up becoming 48 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,639 Speaker 3: a flight instructor while I was in college. I ended 49 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 3: up becoming a corporate pilot for about a year after 50 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,839 Speaker 3: I graduated from college, and I had a friend who 51 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:24,920 Speaker 3: was applying to go to Navy OCS Officer Candidate school 52 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,800 Speaker 3: to become an officer in the military and try to 53 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,800 Speaker 3: become a pilot. And at the time, I didn't realize 54 00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 3: that you could even do that. I was a community 55 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 3: college kid, you. 56 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:34,720 Speaker 4: Know, I didn't. I didn't. 57 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 3: I thought you had to go to the Naval Academy 58 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 3: and your dad had to be an admiral. 59 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:38,200 Speaker 4: I didn't. 60 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,360 Speaker 3: I didn't realize just a guy off the street with 61 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 3: a bachelor's degree could apply and potentially make it to 62 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 3: fly F eighteens. 63 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 2: So basically you went down the commercial route and then 64 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 2: a buddy of yours said, hey, listen, this is what 65 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 2: I'm doing, and that sparked something within your within your 66 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 2: mind or within your within your heart, where you thought, 67 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 2: do you know what I'm going to see if I 68 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,040 Speaker 2: can not transfer over but start this program. 69 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly right. 70 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 3: And until that moment, it, you know, kind of dawned 71 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 3: on me like, well maybe I can do that. And 72 00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 3: there's this website called air warriors dot com that gave 73 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 3: me a guide on like how to prepare what I 74 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:15,400 Speaker 3: needed to know, how to get the application going and everything, 75 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 3: and so I just kind of dug into it and 76 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 3: realized this was a viable option for me, and I 77 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 3: was getting a little while the corporate job was great. 78 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,479 Speaker 3: It paid really well, it was really cushy, got to 79 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 3: go out to really nice dinners all. 80 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 4: The time and travel the world. Uh it was. It 81 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:30,359 Speaker 4: was a good gig. 82 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 3: But I got bored of it, you know, I was like, 83 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 3: I need, I need something more than this. It became 84 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 3: very routine, and I had that calling to adventure which 85 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 3: led me to apply and I ended up getting in 86 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 3: and so I headed to Navy OCS, spent a few 87 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,600 Speaker 3: months getting my ass kicked by Marine Corps drill instructors 88 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:53,360 Speaker 3: and graduated as a Navy insign one officer that basically 89 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,600 Speaker 3: doesn't know what in the world they're doing, and headed 90 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:57,360 Speaker 3: to flight training. 91 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,599 Speaker 2: And what was it like? What was it like that 92 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 2: that t transition, Because like you said, you know, you're 93 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 2: flying around the world, You've got a cushy job, you're 94 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,480 Speaker 2: eating good food, you're being super respected, and all of 95 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 2: a sudden you're being yelled at and screamed that by 96 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:15,040 Speaker 2: the drill side. Was it quite a shot for you 97 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 2: or did you? Were you completely expecting it? 98 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 4: I mean, that's what I signed up for. I wanted it. 99 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,359 Speaker 4: I wanted that experience. 100 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 3: I know, I'd seen Full Metal Jacket and all these 101 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 3: movies that guys getting I was like, I knew what 102 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 3: I was getting into, and I prepared for it. You know, 103 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 3: I hit the gym really hard. I was in really 104 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 3: good shape. I prepared myself, memorized everything I possibly could, 105 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 3: and advanced and I showed up ready to. 106 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:37,880 Speaker 4: Get my ass kicked. 107 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 3: And I really, I really liked it because I don't 108 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 3: know when there's other people around you that are freaking 109 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,599 Speaker 3: out at the scenario yet you're like dead calm. 110 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 4: It's somehow there's. 111 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,160 Speaker 3: This this weird place that I could get into with 112 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 3: that where I was just at peace in that environment 113 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 3: and I really liked it and thrived at it and 114 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 3: made my way through flight school. 115 00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 2: I reacted well to that. When someone was on my 116 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,920 Speaker 2: and they were yelling and screaming at me, I'm thinking, right, 117 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 2: just get it done, you know, right the first time, 118 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 2: and they stopped yelling, they'll stop being on my ass. 119 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 2: And it worked really, really, really really well for me. 120 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:12,840 Speaker 2: So you've done that, and then you say you went 121 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 2: to flight school. So is there of two stages to this? 122 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:16,800 Speaker 4: Yeah? 123 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,279 Speaker 3: So so the OCS portion, the officer candidate school, that's 124 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,360 Speaker 3: just kind of like boot. 125 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 4: Camp for the officer side of things. 126 00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 3: As long as you have a four year degree, you 127 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 3: can go in and do that program. But once you 128 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 3: come out of that, you still got to earn your 129 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,919 Speaker 3: wings if you're going to be a pilot, and the 130 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,279 Speaker 3: whole way through that is incredibly competitive. You're competing with 131 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 3: all the other guys for the slots for the jets 132 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 3: and the more desirable aircraft. But yeah, you do a 133 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 3: little water survival training, some ground school. Everything's graded everything. 134 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,599 Speaker 3: You know, people are kind of dropping like flies the 135 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,039 Speaker 3: whole way through OCS. A bunch of people drop out 136 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 3: api the ground school, people drop out. Water survival people 137 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 3: freak out when they have to wear their boots and 138 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 3: flightsuit and go swim a mile in the pool or 139 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,039 Speaker 3: get flipped upside down and the helo dunker for the 140 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:02,960 Speaker 3: survival training. 141 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,840 Speaker 4: People freaked out. But I was like, I love that. 142 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:07,240 Speaker 4: That was like what I signed up for. 143 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 3: You know, I winged as a naval aviator in May 144 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 3: of twenty twelve, and then I headed for the most 145 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 3: challenging training yet, which was the training in the F 146 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 3: eighteen super Hornet. And you know, walking into that hangar 147 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 3: and seeing these jets and how big they are in person, 148 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 3: it was it was surreal, like I can't believe this 149 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 3: is going to be my job. 150 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,560 Speaker 2: And you said, there, what was it like getting your wings? 151 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 2: You know, passing that training, because just getting on selection 152 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 2: is a big, big feat, like you said, But then 153 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,440 Speaker 2: you start to see all these sort of experienced, you know, 154 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 2: elite soldiers drop and it motivates you just to keep going. 155 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,800 Speaker 2: You look around, you go, God, there's only a few 156 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 2: left out of out of you know, this big batch 157 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 2: of individuals and then you get badged or you know, 158 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,920 Speaker 2: you get your wings. For me, it was one of 159 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 2: the proudest moments of my life. Take me back to 160 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 2: the moment, because I can imagine that imposture syndrome. From 161 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 2: becoming a commercial pilot to to now receiving and receiving 162 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 2: your wings. How did it feel? 163 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it was. It was incredible. 164 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 3: It was like a serious, deep pride that I experienced. 165 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 3: I'm sure similar similar to yourself. You know, when you 166 00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 3: put that you put that little thing on your chest 167 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 3: that says you've done it, and it's like, holy shit, 168 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 3: I can't believe I did it, and I'm so proud. 169 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 3: And then very quickly you show up at the F 170 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 3: eighteen training You're like, I'm a winged aviator. 171 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:28,600 Speaker 4: I know what, I know. 172 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 3: You realize you don't know anything. You go right back 173 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 3: down to the bottom of the food chain. 174 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 2: You know what that's that was. I made sure that 175 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,680 Speaker 2: I relished in the moment for all of a couple 176 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 2: of hours, you know, and they're like, you know, you 177 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 2: pass selection and they give you your burying belt and 178 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 2: they say it's harder to keep them to earn and 179 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 2: then they kick you into a squadron and then like, hey, 180 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 2: get get the bruise on, you know, get the tea 181 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:53,280 Speaker 2: and coffees on. 182 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 4: You're back to making coffee. 183 00:08:56,160 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty as quite lucky because I went, Yeah, I 184 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,439 Speaker 2: deployed straight to Afghanistan. So I was quite lucky. Within 185 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 2: two weeks I was out with the boys, you know, 186 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,680 Speaker 2: so I managed to sort of miss that butt. But 187 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 2: walking through that hang and what you just mentioned, what 188 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 2: was it like walking through that hang and knowing that 189 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 2: you were going to jump into one of these beasts? 190 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 4: You know, it was absolutely surreal. 191 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:28,600 Speaker 3: It was a mixture of excitement and nerves of like, okay, 192 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,560 Speaker 3: you can't screw this up. You made it this far. 193 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:34,319 Speaker 3: So there's just so much pressure on you. While while 194 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 3: you get those little moments of just bliss in surreal, 195 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,679 Speaker 3: a lot of the time you're just so busy and 196 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 3: so stressed out about all the things you got to 197 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 3: know very quickly. It can kind of diminish that that 198 00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 3: excitement that you showed up. It's like you show up, 199 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 3: I'm ready to do this thing, but now I actually 200 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 3: got to do it. 201 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,320 Speaker 2: And how how long until you have sort of left 202 00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:02,360 Speaker 2: to your own devices to one of these FA eighteen 203 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,079 Speaker 2: fighter jets. 204 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 3: It's pretty quick before you start solo and the jet, 205 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:10,680 Speaker 3: I think there's there's a very robust ground training, so 206 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:15,559 Speaker 3: you're doing lectures, computer based training as well as simulator training, 207 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 3: so you learn the procedures of the aircraft, you learn 208 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 3: the emergency procedures, and then you're only in the aircraft 209 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,320 Speaker 3: for about I think it was maybe four flights that 210 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 3: you have an instructor in the back with a stick, 211 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 3: and after that you're solo. So you really only have 212 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 3: a few hours in the F eighteen in real life 213 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 3: before you you're sent out the door on your first solo. 214 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 2: You do, you guys train pretty much like us, like 215 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,600 Speaker 2: as if it's real time, don't you So you are 216 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 2: going into these dog fights as if it's as if 217 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 2: you are, you know, serving and protecting your country. 218 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 4: Yeah. 219 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,199 Speaker 3: I mean you hear the term routine training mission or 220 00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,439 Speaker 3: training mission, and I think people in the civilian world 221 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 3: hear that and they're like, oh, they're just training, like 222 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 3: they're just you know, just dicking around out there. But 223 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,080 Speaker 3: are like you, guys, our training is as close to 224 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,440 Speaker 3: the real thing is possible, and oftentimes we're training in 225 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 3: skill sets that are very infrequently used in real combat. 226 00:11:08,559 --> 00:11:11,560 Speaker 3: But you know, you're still fighting the jet. Especially with 227 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 3: dog fighting, casts all these things, your close proximity to 228 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 3: the ground, you're maneuvering these aircraft at the edge of 229 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 3: these the capability, you're multitasking, managing all these systems, talking 230 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,520 Speaker 3: on multiple radios. Like, there's a lot going on, and 231 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 3: it's really difficult and it's extremely dangerous. And with dog fighting, 232 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,200 Speaker 3: you are doing everything that you would do in a 233 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 3: real dogfight with with just a couple training rules put 234 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 3: in place to keep you keep you a little bit 235 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 3: safer than you would maybe be in a real scenario. 236 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 3: But other than you know, not hosing off real missiles 237 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 3: or ordnance at like guns at one another, we're doing 238 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 3: it dang near as close as you can get to 239 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 3: the real thing. 240 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 2: Just explain to me what a dog fight looks like. 241 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, so a dogfight is two or more aircraft within 242 00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,240 Speaker 3: visual range of one another, basically trying to shoot each 243 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,360 Speaker 3: other down. It's sort of the epitome of what people 244 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 3: probably think when they think fighter pilot. So you're trying 245 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,319 Speaker 3: to hit the other guy with a missile or gunfire 246 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 3: to shoot them out of the air and so in 247 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 3: order to do that, you oftentimes got to get their 248 00:12:12,559 --> 00:12:14,800 Speaker 3: jet in front of you and get behind them ideally 249 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 3: so that you can get a missile or gunfire that's 250 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,480 Speaker 3: going to actually hit them with the real shot. So, 251 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,920 Speaker 3: as a pilot, you're maneuvering the jet, you're pulling seven 252 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,040 Speaker 3: and a half g's, you're performing this thing at the 253 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:30,439 Speaker 3: edge of its capabilities. So if you can imagine your 254 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:33,600 Speaker 3: body here with your gear on, weighs two two hundred 255 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,600 Speaker 3: and twenty pounds, Now you're under all that g force 256 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,440 Speaker 3: at seven and a half g's. Now it's like you 257 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 3: weigh fifteen or sixteen hundred pounds. That you can feel 258 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 3: and you can imagine that crushing weight. So it's sort 259 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 3: of like doing a high intensity interval training. You're playing 260 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 3: four dimensional chest, you're operating weapon systems, radar, defensive systems, 261 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 3: you're talking on multiple radios, like there's just a ton 262 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,320 Speaker 3: going on, and it's not uncommon, especially when you're a 263 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 3: younger guy, to what they call a helmet fire, where 264 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 3: your brain is just so overwhelmed with information that it's 265 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:07,719 Speaker 3: just like you don't know what to do. So it's 266 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 3: it's incredibly intense and it's it's probably the most demanding 267 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 3: thing that we do as far as the physical demand 268 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 3: and the mental demand combined together as that dogfight. 269 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,520 Speaker 2: You talk to me about the physical demand because you 270 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 2: mentioned the G force there. You know, you're not only 271 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:26,360 Speaker 2: fighting the enemy where you have to be psychologically switched 272 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 2: on and in the game, but you're fighting the aircraft. 273 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,320 Speaker 2: Like you said, you're bending this aircraft. You're fighting the g's. 274 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 2: You have to be trained enough to ignore that so 275 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 2: you can stay psychologically switched on one percent on the target, 276 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 2: otherwise you're not going to make it out right. What's 277 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,680 Speaker 2: it like physically to be in that situation under those 278 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 2: g's wist having to perform at such a high. 279 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:54,520 Speaker 3: Level, Yeah, it's it's you can imagine you're squeezing your legs, 280 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 3: you're squeezing your your glutes, you're squeezing your core to 281 00:13:57,280 --> 00:13:59,719 Speaker 3: try to force that blood up into your head. You're 282 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 3: doing what's called the anti G straining maneuver, which is 283 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,960 Speaker 3: where you're breathing and then you're kind of locking up 284 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,640 Speaker 3: your throat and kind of forcing the blood into your head. 285 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 4: And so you're. 286 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 3: Taking these really shallow little breasts to try to force 287 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 3: that blood up in your head. You're doing everything you 288 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 3: can just so you don't pass out. So imagine just 289 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:23,080 Speaker 3: doing like a max deadlift and you're pushing at the 290 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 3: extremes of your deadlift and your freaking your vision's getting narrow. 291 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,440 Speaker 4: And while you're doing that, you're having to think. 292 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,680 Speaker 3: You're having to fly the jet, you're having to operate 293 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 3: the weapons systems, you're having to talk on all these radios. 294 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:38,600 Speaker 4: It's kind of. 295 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 3: The edge of what I think the human mind and 296 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,600 Speaker 3: body are capable of doing. 297 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 2: Let's go back to the fifteenth of Jam twenty fourteen. 298 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 2: Now I can see you nodding your head. There. That's 299 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 2: a that changed everything. Could you just take me back 300 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 2: if you can keeganto that morning when you woke up, 301 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,640 Speaker 2: you know, just you know, And I don't want to 302 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 2: say just a normal routine because when people say, oh, 303 00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:17,760 Speaker 2: just this, you know, practicing in such a high stressed 304 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 2: situation and you know, dog fights in training scenarios, It's 305 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 2: not just a normal routine. Everyone is so different everyone 306 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,360 Speaker 2: who requires you know, it depends how you wake up, 307 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 2: depends how you feel in the morning. How did you 308 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 2: feel in the morning of the fifteenth for jan twenty fourteen, 309 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 2: going into work. 310 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, got up and it kind of felt 311 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 3: like a routine day. At this point, I had been 312 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,280 Speaker 3: in my first fleet squadron. You know, I'd been through 313 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,080 Speaker 3: years of all this flight training to earn my wings, 314 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 3: to get through the F eighteen training pipeline, and now 315 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 3: I'd been in my first fleet squadron for nearly a year, 316 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 3: and so it was starting to feel like a normal job. 317 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 4: You know. 318 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I was going to go fly an eighty nine 319 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 3: million dollar fighter jet, but it was it was starting 320 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 3: to become. 321 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 4: A bit routine. 322 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 3: And despite as crazy as what I was about to 323 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 3: go do that day, I woke up in the morning 324 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 3: just like I was heading into the office, you know, 325 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,800 Speaker 3: just just and it's also you don't realize that any 326 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 3: day could be life altering if things don't go right. 327 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 3: And so, you know, I got ready just like anybody 328 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,680 Speaker 3: else does. I took a shower, got dressed, headed into work, 329 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 3: drove in, showed up at the office the squadron in 330 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 3: the ready room, and was ready to go fly, but 331 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 3: just had no idea what was about to come. 332 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:33,200 Speaker 4: Down the line. 333 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 2: So when you go in and you go and fly, 334 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 2: you're you're going in. You know, you're going to be 335 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 2: doing a dog fight training scenario. What you're feeling particularly 336 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 2: nervous or excited that day or was it, like you said, 337 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,160 Speaker 2: was it just the case of, right, let's see what 338 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,040 Speaker 2: we're going to go, let's get out there, and let's 339 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,880 Speaker 2: let's get this this scenario done. 340 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I was, you know, I was feeling good that day, 341 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 3: Like I felt like I was doing well in my squadron. 342 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,960 Speaker 3: I was still a fairly new pilot in the squadron, 343 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,000 Speaker 3: but I was well respected. I was I was working 344 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 3: and hard, that same mentality that I had in flight 345 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 3: school where I would just I would work my butt off. 346 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:06,679 Speaker 3: You know, I might not be the smartest dude, but 347 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,960 Speaker 3: I'm going to outwork everybody if I can. And so 348 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,920 Speaker 3: I showed up prepared for my flight. We brief everything 349 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,720 Speaker 3: extremely meticulously, everything from the admin of just getting to 350 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,119 Speaker 3: and from the airspace we're going to utilize that day. 351 00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,520 Speaker 3: We're looking at all the different factors from the weather, 352 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,199 Speaker 3: the water temperature, the air temperatures, the cloud conditions, and 353 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,920 Speaker 3: we brief everything in great detail, and then we get 354 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,119 Speaker 3: into the tactical side of things and what are we 355 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 3: going to do today, How are we going to fight 356 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,479 Speaker 3: these jets, What kind of setups are we going to 357 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:34,359 Speaker 3: do for the. 358 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 4: Dog fighting, and so you brief all of that ahead 359 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:37,880 Speaker 4: of time. 360 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,439 Speaker 3: And that morning I showed up at the squadron and 361 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 3: my buddy Fisty was at the duty desk, which all 362 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 3: the pilots rotate through, just answering the phones and coordinating 363 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 3: the flight schedule. And as a joke, he had put 364 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 3: up on the whiteboard the airspace that we were going 365 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 3: to utilize that day, which is normal, but then he 366 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 3: put all these these little positions of GPS tagged sharks 367 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:01,000 Speaker 3: that were out in the airspace. Is this shark tracker 368 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,720 Speaker 3: app on his phone to look up all these sharks 369 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,320 Speaker 3: positions and put him up there, and he said, hey, 370 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 3: today would be a terrible day to eject. The water 371 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 3: temperature is at thirty seven degrees fahrenheit, so near freezing 372 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:16,480 Speaker 3: water temperatures. The air temperature is below freezing. We've got 373 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,200 Speaker 3: wind and churned up ocean swell, and there's a great 374 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:22,960 Speaker 3: white shark named Mary Louis. The sixteen foot thirty five 375 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:28,959 Speaker 3: hundred pound white shark was directly underneath. So we're laughing 376 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 3: about this, and then an hour later I'm out over 377 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,120 Speaker 3: that airspace and that's and that's the moment that really 378 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 3: my life took a drastic change. 379 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 2: Wow, take me back to the moment and you know 380 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:45,159 Speaker 2: of seconds before the moment that you realized that you 381 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:47,399 Speaker 2: were going to have to eject, that you you know 382 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,680 Speaker 2: that you were going to end up in these icy 383 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,880 Speaker 2: shark infested waters, and why did you have to eject? 384 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, So, so we had done several rounds of fighting 385 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,480 Speaker 3: for the day. We did a little aired air fueling 386 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,920 Speaker 3: before we started the dog fighting, and then the flight 387 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,919 Speaker 3: lead and I broke off to our own airspace and 388 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 3: did several rounds of this fighting. So you can imagine 389 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,920 Speaker 3: it like a round in martial arts, where you fight 390 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,240 Speaker 3: until there's a clear winner or loser, and then you 391 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 3: set back up and you just kind of do that 392 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,200 Speaker 3: over and over again. And we had hit joker fuel, 393 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,120 Speaker 3: so we had just enough fuel left to get one 394 00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 3: short fight out. So we ended up setting up quite 395 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,320 Speaker 3: a bit lower and quite a bit faster than typical 396 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,639 Speaker 3: for a one mile a beam set, which is what 397 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,280 Speaker 3: it was caused. So the aircraft were side by side 398 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,880 Speaker 3: about a mile apart from one another, and the flight 399 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,880 Speaker 3: lead called fights on. We pitched our jets in. As 400 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,640 Speaker 3: I came to that merge where our flight paths crossed, 401 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:40,560 Speaker 3: I was already about thirty degrees nose low and partially inverted. 402 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,280 Speaker 3: So I opted to continue to roll my jet inverted 403 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 3: and pull down in a split as maneuver to dive 404 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 3: the aircraft down towards the ocean. And normally that aircraft 405 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,560 Speaker 3: can do it in about five thousand feet of vertical airspace. 406 00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 3: But I didn't realize how fast my air speed had 407 00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 3: gotten because of the unusual setup of the fight, and 408 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 3: so as I hit about bull's eye nose low and 409 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:04,159 Speaker 3: this jet, all of a sudden, a system on the 410 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,080 Speaker 3: aircraft kicked in that thought that there were bombs on 411 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 3: the wings that weren't actually there, and it limited the 412 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 3: G force that I could pull. So I went from 413 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,400 Speaker 3: the seven and a half G pull where I can 414 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:17,640 Speaker 3: feel just my head and helmet ground would weigh about 415 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,919 Speaker 3: twenty pounds with the Gehemick's helmet, which is sort of 416 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:24,120 Speaker 3: this big bulky superspace helmet that we wear where all 417 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 3: of our weapons displays and everything can go with you 418 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,520 Speaker 3: wherever you look. So say that my head and my 419 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,120 Speaker 3: helmet weigh about twenty pounds on the ground. Now at 420 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 3: nearly eight g's that's like having one hundred and fifty 421 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 3: pounds just on my head. You can feel that you're 422 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,879 Speaker 3: looking around because you got to keep sight of the 423 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:38,400 Speaker 3: other guy. 424 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:40,719 Speaker 4: And then all of a sudden that just eased. 425 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 3: Is I'm looking up trying to spot my flight lead 426 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 3: so I can try to shoot him. 427 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,480 Speaker 4: I just feel the jets settle. So it was like. 428 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 3: Going around a sharp corner and a sports car and 429 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 3: then having the steering wheel kicked back halfway. Only instead 430 00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,440 Speaker 3: of skidding off the road, I'm stuck in a dive 431 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 3: at the ocean. And this all just happens in a 432 00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,080 Speaker 3: few seconds. Before I know it, my radar altimeters go 433 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 3: off going altitude altitude, meaning I just broke through the 434 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,199 Speaker 3: five thousand foot hard deck that we put there for 435 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 3: training purposes as the ground when we're training. So now 436 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,800 Speaker 3: in the at least in this training environment, I'm dead 437 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,000 Speaker 3: because I just went through the ground. 438 00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 2: I have a hard deck in a ceiling, don't you? 439 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:16,200 Speaker 2: Is that correct? 440 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:20,200 Speaker 3: Sometimes you'll have a ceiling, but oftentimes where we were 441 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 3: training that day, we didn't have a restriction on the ceiling. 442 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 2: So you're going through this hard deck that you're not 443 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:25,960 Speaker 2: meant to penetrate. 444 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, so I went through the hard deck, which my 445 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,400 Speaker 3: heart sank. At this point, the aircraft is not responding 446 00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 3: to my control inputs. I'm now in an out of 447 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,840 Speaker 3: control aircraft. The ocean is rushing up at me. In 448 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 3: my display and my helmet and the hud. There's an 449 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,040 Speaker 3: arrow and it's saying pull up, pull up, and I'm 450 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,440 Speaker 3: thinking I'm pulling up. The stick is in my lap 451 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 3: and the jet is not turning as it's being commanded, 452 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,840 Speaker 3: and the ocean just rushed up at me and filled 453 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:53,240 Speaker 3: the canopy. And if you get that feeling where your 454 00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,679 Speaker 3: heart just sinks, like something terrible is about to happen, 455 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,240 Speaker 3: and that's the emotion that just kind of froze. And 456 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:03,119 Speaker 3: from there my body just took over. Instinctually. I assumed 457 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 3: the ejection position. I grabbed that cable between my legs 458 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 3: and pulled and freaking. Within a half second, that rocket 459 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,400 Speaker 3: motor ignited under the seat, blasting me. Initially, you get 460 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:18,200 Speaker 3: a fifty g instantaneous blast, which you can imagine your 461 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 3: body weighing fifty times its normal weight. That compresses your spine, 462 00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,600 Speaker 3: knocks the wind out of your lungs, that ease to 463 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:29,199 Speaker 3: a twelve to fourteen g sustained rocket boost. A normal 464 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,000 Speaker 3: ejection is very violent, even if you're straight in level 465 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 3: flight below one hundred and eighty knots, which is ideal. 466 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,880 Speaker 3: I was well outside of that envelope. I was two 467 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,639 Speaker 3: seconds from impact, going six hundred and ninety five miles 468 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,119 Speaker 3: per hour, so basically at the speed of sound. And 469 00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 3: what messed me up so bad was impacting the sound 470 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 3: barrier with my body. And it turns out the human 471 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:52,200 Speaker 3: body is not terribly aerodynamic at the speed of sound, 472 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,639 Speaker 3: and it just wrecked me. I mean, rip my helmet 473 00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,040 Speaker 3: off my head traumatic brain injury, bashed my face up 474 00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 3: like I look like I got my ass kicked and 475 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 3: fit fifteen rounds with Mike Tyson. Broke my c one 476 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:07,640 Speaker 3: in my neck, my left shoulder, the scapulus shattered both 477 00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 3: my arms just rag doll, shattering my humorous and my 478 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:14,359 Speaker 3: upper arms. My right humorous tore through my right bracul artery, 479 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:18,439 Speaker 3: causing rapid internal bleeding. My left forearm shattered the radius 480 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:22,200 Speaker 3: inalna and severed the median nerve that controls my left hand. 481 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 3: I had a brachial plexus injury from my spinal compression. 482 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,760 Speaker 3: That that's the nerve group that controls a lot of 483 00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,479 Speaker 3: the upper body. The gear on my vest was all 484 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 3: ripping off, My radio, my signaling equipment, all of it gone. 485 00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 3: My dry suit that I was wearing to protect me 486 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:40,960 Speaker 3: from that icy cold ocean water below ripped apart and 487 00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:44,880 Speaker 3: shredded open. My boots were flailing around so violently they 488 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:48,320 Speaker 3: became like wrecking balls, smashing open my lower legs. So 489 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,280 Speaker 3: I had two open tip bib fractures, chunks of my 490 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,560 Speaker 3: bone falling out of my dry suit, dripping and fallen 491 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,360 Speaker 3: into the water to chum it up for mary Lee 492 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,639 Speaker 3: down below. And this all just happens in a split second. 493 00:23:59,640 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 4: You know. 494 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,080 Speaker 3: By the time the ejection sequence had completed, I was 495 00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,840 Speaker 3: a second and a half from impacting the ocean. In 496 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 3: that time, the jet impacted the ocean and just vaporized 497 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 3: into nothing. And miraculously that parachute deployed that slowed me 498 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,040 Speaker 3: enough so I didn't die impact with the water, but 499 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 3: very quickly that parachute that had just saved my life 500 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 3: then sunk underneath that churning ocean swell and started to 501 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:24,720 Speaker 3: pull me under. The dry suit that was supposed to 502 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,720 Speaker 3: protect me from this icy, cold like needle light freaking 503 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,919 Speaker 3: water going in my face and neck and filling up 504 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,639 Speaker 3: the dry suit turned into this big old sea anchor. 505 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 3: And so now with broken arms and legs, I was 506 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,879 Speaker 3: just at the mercy of that parachute. The sea words, 507 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 3: which are the explosive devices that detect salt water and 508 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,840 Speaker 3: automatically disconnect the parachute from you. Both of those devices failed, 509 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 3: so I remained trapped to the parachute, which then, if 510 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 3: for anybody who's ever been held underwater when you need 511 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,920 Speaker 3: a breath of air, it was just that over and 512 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,199 Speaker 3: over and over, and I was getting held under the 513 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,639 Speaker 3: point where I needed a breath of air and I 514 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 3: couldn't get it. And at a certain point your lungs 515 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,520 Speaker 3: just start to spasm and you start to slurp in 516 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 3: that salt. 517 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 4: Water, and. 518 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 3: I don't know how I eventually would get pulled back 519 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,200 Speaker 3: to the surface. Luckily, my LPU, the life preserver unit 520 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 3: around my neck, had inflated, and that created enough buoyancy 521 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,720 Speaker 3: that on occasion I would rise to the surface, cough 522 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 3: up some water, get a quick breath of air, or 523 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,440 Speaker 3: yell for help, and then pulled back underneath in the meantime, 524 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,119 Speaker 3: my flight lead spotted my parachute opening and knew that 525 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 3: there was an emergency. He rapidly coordinated the Onseen commander. 526 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,760 Speaker 3: He got a hold of air traffic control, and he 527 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,600 Speaker 3: spotted a fishing vessel about a mile from my position, 528 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 3: and he was able to get down really low and 529 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 3: really fast when they wouldn't answer on the radio, and 530 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 3: blast it over their bow and thump them so like 531 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,200 Speaker 3: a show of force over these fishermen that are out 532 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,960 Speaker 3: there just chilling, and he got their attention. He was 533 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,159 Speaker 3: able to get them over to my GPS position that 534 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,479 Speaker 3: he had dropped, and while when they got there, they 535 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 3: tried to rope out to me to get me to 536 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 3: pull in, and I wasn't able to grab it. It 537 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:07,320 Speaker 3: just ended up getting tangled in the parachord. But at 538 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,640 Speaker 3: least that fishing vessel provided a rough location for where 539 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,840 Speaker 3: I was at because I was in the drifting ocean 540 00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,800 Speaker 3: with those currents. Otherwise I would have drifted out and 541 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,000 Speaker 3: wouldn't be here to tell you this story. Eventually, a 542 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,760 Speaker 3: couple Navy H sixty Seahawk helicopters arrived on scene, and 543 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,080 Speaker 3: on that forty ish minute flight, I was in and 544 00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:26,080 Speaker 3: out of consciousness. 545 00:26:26,119 --> 00:26:26,920 Speaker 4: I was coding. 546 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 3: They were doing everything they could to resuscitate me and 547 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 3: keep me alive, and they said I would go from 548 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 3: like stillness of death to just shouting and screaming. And 549 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 3: I don't have memory of it because I was in 550 00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:39,639 Speaker 3: such bad shock, in such a bad brain injury. But 551 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,920 Speaker 3: you know, it was a wild ride for that crew, 552 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,680 Speaker 3: and they eventually got me to the hospital. They rushed 553 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 3: me in. They took my core body temperature. I was 554 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:52,560 Speaker 3: at eighty seven degrees fahrenheit, so I should have been 555 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,280 Speaker 3: dead from the hypothermia, but the hypothermia had actually constricted 556 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 3: the blood flow and preserved my brain function well enough 557 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:02,680 Speaker 3: to keep me alive. They had to do multiple blood 558 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 3: transfusions for all the blood loss. They had to treat 559 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,560 Speaker 3: me for rabdough because my kidneys were so overwhelmed with 560 00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:12,160 Speaker 3: all this tissue breakdown. And once I was semi stable 561 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,480 Speaker 3: and the water was pumped out of my lungs, they 562 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,439 Speaker 3: induced a coma and then rushed me into surgery. I 563 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,439 Speaker 3: spent the next week undergoing over a dozen different trauma 564 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:25,720 Speaker 3: surgeries as they reconstructed my skeleton from titanium rod steel plates, screws. 565 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,119 Speaker 3: They sutured me back up from all the fasciotomies that 566 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:32,320 Speaker 3: they performed to salvage my limbs from amputation. I was 567 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:35,600 Speaker 3: covered in hundreds of staples and sutures. I had a 568 00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 3: brachial artery bypass where they took a vein from inside 569 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 3: my arm and did it like a Frankenstein job, so 570 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 3: that I could get blood to my hands. Anyways, it 571 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,280 Speaker 3: was a miracle that I was still alive, but I 572 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,080 Speaker 3: was still in a comatose state. And you know, all 573 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:53,159 Speaker 3: the members of my squadron, my family are at the 574 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,560 Speaker 3: ICU waiting room waiting to hear is he even going 575 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:59,240 Speaker 3: to live? And someone in the squadron piped up and said, ah, 576 00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:00,680 Speaker 3: he's a scrap motherfucker. 577 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 4: He'll be all right, Megan. 578 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 2: One question for you, mate, how are you still alive? 579 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 3: It was it was seriously miracle after miracle. All these 580 00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 3: little twists and turns throughout it were unbelievable. I really 581 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,320 Speaker 3: think there was some kind of divine intervention that I 582 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 3: was still meant to be here for something, you know, 583 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:35,440 Speaker 3: because I shouldn't have lived, and and you know, I 584 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:36,720 Speaker 3: I'm just lucky to be here. 585 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 2: So that stage that you eject you your training just 586 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 2: kicks in, right, it's not okay, what's that thought process? 587 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:44,479 Speaker 2: Is it I'm gonna die here or is it just 588 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,240 Speaker 2: gonna or you'd write, I need to kick into to 589 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 2: my my training and I need to eject asap. 590 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:51,640 Speaker 4: Yeah. It was. 591 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,800 Speaker 3: It was as that oh shit feeling hit me and 592 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 3: the ocean was rushing up. It was just instinctual and 593 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 3: that training kicked in, like we had practiced getting into 594 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,880 Speaker 3: that position and all the time, and like all that 595 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 3: just kicked in. And from there, I don't from the 596 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 3: moment that I felt that oh shit feeling and I 597 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 3: looked down and saw the ocean from there, I have 598 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 3: no linear memory, like my mind just what we got 599 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 3: it from here, buddy, hold on for the ride, and 600 00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:18,239 Speaker 3: and just my survival instincts and training kicked in. And 601 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,120 Speaker 3: I have little flashbacks from being in the ocean, but 602 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 3: most of what I'm telling you has been recreated through 603 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 3: the investigation process, the retrieval of the black box. So 604 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,840 Speaker 3: I was really in and out of consciousness in the water. 605 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:34,320 Speaker 2: Any memory whatsoever? Do you have any flashbacks? Is there 606 00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 2: any sort of memory sort of reconstruction that you're doing 607 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 2: or was it just one blur? Until you find yourself 608 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:42,280 Speaker 2: in the hospital. 609 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, So for years I dealt with night tears where 610 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,080 Speaker 3: I would go back into the water and I would 611 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:50,520 Speaker 3: be I'd be feeling the emotions, I would be feeling 612 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 3: the darkness, I'd be feeling the tear, you know, the. 613 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 4: Combination of one. 614 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,680 Speaker 3: I'm being drowned alive, I can't breathe, I'm being pulled 615 00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 3: underneath the water, and I can't swim, and there's a 616 00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,440 Speaker 3: shark that's going to freaking finish me off. 617 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:03,880 Speaker 4: You know. 618 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 3: So I got those those moments of just the emotional 619 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 3: tear of being in the water. But other than those 620 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 3: little clips, I don't have really anything from from the 621 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 3: time I reached to pull that injection handle until about 622 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,320 Speaker 3: two weeks later and the lights finally started to come 623 00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:21,680 Speaker 3: back on. 624 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 2: Wow, and what does the you mentioned all your injuries. 625 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,560 Speaker 2: What was your thought process? You know, what was going 626 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:31,360 Speaker 2: through your head when you obviously realized that you could 627 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 2: never you know, fly again and never go back to 628 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,400 Speaker 2: doing something that you trained so hard for that you 629 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,400 Speaker 2: spent your whole life thriving towards. 630 00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:44,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I woke up and it was like 631 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,000 Speaker 3: waking up from a dream, except for some reason my 632 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,320 Speaker 3: bedroom wasn't my bedroom. And there were all these people 633 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,760 Speaker 3: there smiling and talking to me, and I was hooked 634 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,600 Speaker 3: up to all these machines, and I was covered in 635 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,920 Speaker 3: staples and sutures in wound back, and my arms were 636 00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,200 Speaker 3: basically my arms and legs were all vacuums. And one 637 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,640 Speaker 3: of my first thoughts was they had tied me down 638 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 3: the bed, like why am I tied onto the bed? 639 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,200 Speaker 3: Why is this blanket holding me down? But it was 640 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:12,560 Speaker 3: because I was paralyzed. I couldn't move. And eventually the 641 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,680 Speaker 3: medical staff came in and they kind of explained the 642 00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:18,360 Speaker 3: scenario and said, you've been in an ejection. You're lucky 643 00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,440 Speaker 3: to be alive, but you're likely never going to walk again, 644 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 3: You're never going to be able to use your arms 645 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:25,920 Speaker 3: or hands again, and your military flying career is over. 646 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 3: And in that moment, there was a spark in me. 647 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 3: It was, I think, the same spark that got me 648 00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:33,200 Speaker 3: to be a fighter pilot in the first place, which 649 00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,560 Speaker 3: was go ahead and tell me I can't do something. 650 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,280 Speaker 3: I'm going to fucking prove you wrong. And I spent 651 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,760 Speaker 3: I spent the next two years undergoing all sorts of 652 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:45,920 Speaker 3: intense rehabilitation. I spent three months in the polytrauma center 653 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:50,400 Speaker 3: just doing speech therapy, vision therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, 654 00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,560 Speaker 3: kinesio therapy, you name it. I was doing it, working 655 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,320 Speaker 3: my ass off. It may have meant I just I 656 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,640 Speaker 3: just wiggled something that day, but every day I was 657 00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 3: doing everything I could, and I had this opportunity in there, 658 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 3: in that darkness. I could have just bit off on 659 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,880 Speaker 3: all the darkness, all the dread, all the statistics, all 660 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:09,440 Speaker 3: the hey, you're not going to get better. But instead 661 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:11,680 Speaker 3: I had this little spark of fire in me still, 662 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 3: and that's what I started to feed. What if I 663 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:16,760 Speaker 3: do get better, what's it going to be like when 664 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:18,800 Speaker 3: I come back into this hospital in my flight suit 665 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:21,240 Speaker 3: with my wings on my chest upright and say, hey, 666 00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:23,960 Speaker 3: I'm back flying jets. And so that's what I started 667 00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,280 Speaker 3: to cultivate instead of biting off on all the dark shit, 668 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 3: which there were some hard days, no doubt, But what 669 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,440 Speaker 3: I really started to feed and work consistently towards with discipline, 670 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,440 Speaker 3: was what do I need to do today to get better, 671 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 3: even if it's just a tiny bit better. And every 672 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,600 Speaker 3: day wasn't always progress either, but it was I was 673 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 3: always working at that light, working towards that little spark 674 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:47,440 Speaker 3: of hope, and little by little, you know, I eventually 675 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,520 Speaker 3: got out of the polytrauma center. I started to be 676 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,560 Speaker 3: able to get around on a walker. I started to 677 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 3: be able to wipe my own ass again, brush my 678 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,520 Speaker 3: own teeth, all these things I said I couldn't do. 679 00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:02,080 Speaker 3: And after two years of more surge, undergoing, you know, 680 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,959 Speaker 3: overcoming prescription drug addiction to all the pain meds they 681 00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,280 Speaker 3: had me on, I was able to gain a stack 682 00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:10,120 Speaker 3: of medical waivers. I had to go through a Field 683 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:14,120 Speaker 3: Naval Aviator Evaluation board, so an investigation into the crash, 684 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 3: which ruled in my favor and gave me the option 685 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,480 Speaker 3: if I could get my body physically back, I could 686 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:21,160 Speaker 3: go back and fly. And after two years of all 687 00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:23,120 Speaker 3: of that, I was able to max out the Navy's 688 00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,760 Speaker 3: physical fitness test again. I was literally running circles around 689 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 3: the people at the command that I was at while 690 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:31,080 Speaker 3: I was recovering. And I returned to the cockpit of 691 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 3: that F eighteen after all of that. 692 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,040 Speaker 2: You got so you've flown since? 693 00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:37,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, I went back to active duty as a Navy 694 00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:38,440 Speaker 4: F eighteen. 695 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 3: You are shitting me now, and to tell you the 696 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,400 Speaker 3: truth this is it gets even crazier from here, just 697 00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 3: so you know, like we're just getting into the good 698 00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 3: stuff now. 699 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 2: So two years you've got that spark inside, and I 700 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 2: understand that spark where someone says you can't do something, 701 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:00,520 Speaker 2: or someone doubts you, or someone you know, you're just like, right, listen, 702 00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:05,840 Speaker 2: So you actually believe in your mind from the moment 703 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,239 Speaker 2: they tell you you're never going to fly again, you 704 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,200 Speaker 2: believe in your mind that you're going to get back 705 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,920 Speaker 2: in the fight in in an F eighteen vice jet. 706 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:14,720 Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, it was the same. 707 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 3: It was the same little belief that I had that 708 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 3: imagined that I could be an F eighteen pilot, you 709 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:22,160 Speaker 3: know all the people, Oh who could be an F 710 00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:23,040 Speaker 3: eighteen pilot? 711 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 4: You know. 712 00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:25,479 Speaker 3: And in that same I didn't you know, I didn't 713 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:26,920 Speaker 3: know what I was doing at the time, but it 714 00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,359 Speaker 3: was the same process. It was, what's the goal? Can 715 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,520 Speaker 3: I do it? I'm going to visualize doing it. How 716 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,319 Speaker 3: do I get there? I start now with consistent work 717 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,000 Speaker 3: and discipline, and I work towards it little by little. 718 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,879 Speaker 3: And that was the same thought mindset that I went 719 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,480 Speaker 3: into this accident. Was Okay, they're telling me, this is impossible. 720 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,680 Speaker 3: That's what they said about becoming an F eighteen pilot. 721 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:50,400 Speaker 3: I'm going to apply the same mindset to this. So 722 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,799 Speaker 3: how do I do it? What's the mindset? And I 723 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,879 Speaker 3: think the mind is so powerful, you know, I don't 724 00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,280 Speaker 3: think that we even can comprehend the power that it has. 725 00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,719 Speaker 3: When you are positively affirming what you can do and 726 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:06,520 Speaker 3: then you work at it with consistent action, I think 727 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,360 Speaker 3: we can really accomplish damn near or anything. 728 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:10,480 Speaker 2: And I love what you said about, you know, being 729 00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:14,680 Speaker 2: consistently disciplined, because ultimately that's the key. How did you 730 00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,120 Speaker 2: remain and what is discipline? In your eyes? 731 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:22,440 Speaker 3: Discipline is just holding yourself accountable, you know. Discipline is 732 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,279 Speaker 3: those days you wake up and you hurt and you 733 00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:27,359 Speaker 3: don't want to try, but you do it anyways. That's 734 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,439 Speaker 3: the discipline. It's nobody else is telling you. Nobody else 735 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,200 Speaker 3: may even know that you're you got this going on, 736 00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,399 Speaker 3: But it's holding yourself accountable and doing that and. 737 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:40,120 Speaker 2: Almost doing the things that you know you should be 738 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,560 Speaker 2: doing but you don't want to do. Right, it's you 739 00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,560 Speaker 2: mentioned it. It's the small percentages, the zero point zero 740 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 2: one percentages. You know, it's tiny tiny progress. People don't realize. 741 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:53,800 Speaker 2: People think being disciplined, you're going to go from zero 742 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,480 Speaker 2: to one hundred. It doesn't it. It's the small steps. 743 00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:01,520 Speaker 2: Little steps take me back to the home. And were 744 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:06,080 Speaker 2: people absolutely shocked that you got back into a jet? 745 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:10,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean the duty station I was at the 746 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:14,800 Speaker 3: job I was doing. The commodore of the strike Fighter 747 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,560 Speaker 3: Wing was my boss at that point, and he saw 748 00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,960 Speaker 3: me at command pt out there just crushing it, and 749 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,239 Speaker 3: he was just in disbelief. You can see his mouth 750 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:27,920 Speaker 3: is just like, huh, how is this guy back doing this? 751 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,360 Speaker 3: And and but because of that, they saw where I 752 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,239 Speaker 3: had come. And you know, I was doing well at 753 00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 3: my ground job too. I was you know, doing some 754 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 3: taking on a lot of responsibility, and I was doing 755 00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,360 Speaker 3: the same stuff at work. I was working hard at 756 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,239 Speaker 3: what I was doing and doing a good job at it. 757 00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:45,279 Speaker 3: And they saw I was physically and mentally back, and 758 00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:48,600 Speaker 3: so I was blessed with the opportunity to return to 759 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 3: the cockpit. One day, he walks into the office. I'm 760 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,359 Speaker 3: filling out emails. I've been sitting at the stupid desk 761 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,759 Speaker 3: for you know, a year or whatever while I was 762 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,439 Speaker 3: doing the recovery and he comes in, he says, again, 763 00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 3: what are you doing. It's like, oh, I'm just working 764 00:37:02,120 --> 00:37:03,640 Speaker 3: on this. He's like, you want to go back and fly. 765 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:06,960 Speaker 3: He's like yeah, thinking like, oh, maybe I'm going to 766 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,319 Speaker 3: start in a few weeks or a month. He's like, no, 767 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:12,960 Speaker 3: you start right now. And so I basically just headed 768 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,160 Speaker 3: out that day and my mind's just crazy, like holy shit, 769 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,040 Speaker 3: this has really happened. It was overwhelming, a combination of 770 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,920 Speaker 3: excitement and then and then the nerves hitting me of like, oh, 771 00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,480 Speaker 3: I actually got to do this now, you know, the 772 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,200 Speaker 3: game's back on, the pressure's back on. 773 00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,360 Speaker 2: Take me back to you getting in there, because obviously 774 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:34,200 Speaker 2: there must have been a wave of emotions, nervousness, anxiety. 775 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:36,960 Speaker 2: Was there a moment and I can I'm probably getting 776 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,040 Speaker 2: a bit too Drew. Was there a moment where you're 777 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,879 Speaker 2: just flying along and it's surreal, you can't believe you're here. 778 00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know. 779 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,680 Speaker 3: On my first solo back, I definitely had that surreal feeling, 780 00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,640 Speaker 3: and I went out into the airspace and I decided 781 00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:54,920 Speaker 3: I need to roll this thing inverted and I need 782 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:56,760 Speaker 3: to pull it at the ocean and do that maneuver 783 00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,120 Speaker 3: because I want to see, you know, I'm I got 784 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:01,560 Speaker 3: back on the horse, but I need to see am 785 00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:03,359 Speaker 3: I going to freak out if I do the same thing? 786 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,279 Speaker 3: And so I rolled that thing inverted and pulled down 787 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,360 Speaker 3: at the ocean and it was just pure joy and excitement. 788 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:10,799 Speaker 3: You know, the ocean's rushing up at me. I pulled 789 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:12,759 Speaker 3: out the bottom as the jet should have done in 790 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:16,320 Speaker 3: the first place, and I was just like, yes, I'm back. 791 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:21,680 Speaker 2: So you went and done the exact same maneuver that 792 00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,760 Speaker 2: you were that was supposed to happen on the day 793 00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,880 Speaker 2: of the fifteenth of jam and you went and executed 794 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:30,359 Speaker 2: that and came out of it. 795 00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, but at a slower air speed so that the 796 00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:35,320 Speaker 3: jet didn't freak out, and it didn't have a code 797 00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,839 Speaker 3: on it that was telling it not to turn, so 798 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:41,239 Speaker 3: it Yeah, it was. It was basically doing the same 799 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:42,240 Speaker 3: thing more or less. 800 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,279 Speaker 2: And what did what did that feel like? What did 801 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:46,120 Speaker 2: that flight feel like? 802 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,279 Speaker 4: Just just overwhelming joy, you know. 803 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 3: And and then I got back to flying and I 804 00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,440 Speaker 3: was made it through the flight training pipeline. I graduated 805 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,719 Speaker 3: as the top Stick. I graduated with the River Rat 806 00:38:56,719 --> 00:38:58,040 Speaker 3: a war meeting. I was a lot of fun to 807 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,719 Speaker 3: hang out with outside the cockpit, and I went back 808 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 3: to a fleet squadron and I was back at it. 809 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,120 Speaker 3: And this is kind of where the happy ending Disney 810 00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,759 Speaker 3: version of my story would be, but this is really 811 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:14,200 Speaker 3: where the real mindset and difficulties started to begin. As 812 00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:18,160 Speaker 3: my career progressed. I was on a flight on a 813 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:21,719 Speaker 3: detachment down at Tyndall Air Force Base in Florida. We 814 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:24,080 Speaker 3: were doing a live fire missile exercise. So I went 815 00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:26,040 Speaker 3: out and I got to fire a live a nine 816 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,000 Speaker 3: mic sidewinder missile, a heat seeking missile at a drone, 817 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,439 Speaker 3: and then broke off and got to do some dog 818 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,440 Speaker 3: fighting with an F twenty two Raptor. So just like 819 00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:38,000 Speaker 3: the world's most premiere freaking dogfighting aircraft, just this thing 820 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,640 Speaker 3: that I had seen at air shows as a kid 821 00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:41,680 Speaker 3: and drooled over, and I got to be up there 822 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,640 Speaker 3: wrapping it up with this guy. And so I came 823 00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,600 Speaker 3: back from that flight and I remembered fighting the Raptor 824 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,680 Speaker 3: and all of that, but I couldn't remember what was 825 00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,680 Speaker 3: going on in the missile shoot. And while I was 826 00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,040 Speaker 3: watching the debrief watching my tapes, I was getting confused 827 00:39:57,080 --> 00:39:59,520 Speaker 3: by the symbology and like stuff that I normally know 828 00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,680 Speaker 3: was really hard to understand, and I just thought, you know, 829 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:04,719 Speaker 3: maybe I'm just tired, and I tried to sleep it 830 00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:07,480 Speaker 3: off that night. The next day I felt even worse, 831 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:09,560 Speaker 3: and when I got back to my hotel room on 832 00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,160 Speaker 3: that second day, I was just I was in a 833 00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 3: panic for some reason. I was having panic attacks, which 834 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:18,239 Speaker 3: I had never had. I sat down on the edge 835 00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:20,480 Speaker 3: of the bed in the hotel room, and it felt 836 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,080 Speaker 3: like the whole room tumbled around me. 837 00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:23,680 Speaker 4: I was experiencing vertigo. 838 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 3: I was having a really hard concentrating and it was confused, 839 00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:31,000 Speaker 3: and I sat down on the bed to try to 840 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,040 Speaker 3: set my phone alarmed because I had to get up 841 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:35,840 Speaker 3: in the morning and fly and I couldn't do the math, 842 00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,800 Speaker 3: and I couldn't operate a cell phone, so I realized 843 00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,400 Speaker 3: something was wrong. There had been a number of incidents 844 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,200 Speaker 3: in the F eighteen community where the pressurization systems had 845 00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:50,279 Speaker 3: been malfunctioning, causing rapid decompression to the cockpit. And as 846 00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:53,440 Speaker 3: a you know, divers would know decompression sickness. If you 847 00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,080 Speaker 3: come up from depth too quickly, the nitrogen can come 848 00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:58,919 Speaker 3: out of solution in your blood and it can form bubbles. Yeah, 849 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,280 Speaker 3: you get those in your joints, get the bends. It's painful, 850 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:03,719 Speaker 3: but you get those bubbles in your brain, it can 851 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,000 Speaker 3: block the blood flow and it can give you like 852 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,920 Speaker 3: stroke like symptoms or aneurysm or even kill you, you know, 853 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:11,400 Speaker 3: when you're not getting proper blood circulation to the brain. 854 00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,719 Speaker 3: And so it was suspected because there had been a 855 00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,000 Speaker 3: number of these in the F eighteen community, to the 856 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,800 Speaker 3: point that they had started to put hyperbarret treatment facilities 857 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,719 Speaker 3: on the aircraft carriers to treat guys coming back from 858 00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:24,799 Speaker 3: flights with this condition. They rushed me to a dive 859 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,960 Speaker 3: base that was nearby at Mayport and treated me for 860 00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 3: decompression sickness overnight in the hyperbaric oxygen therapy. 861 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,880 Speaker 4: The next day I was still a bit out of it, 862 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:35,880 Speaker 4: but a little bit better. 863 00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,759 Speaker 3: And when I got back from that detachment, I kind 864 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:42,319 Speaker 3: of reluctantly went into the medical kind of weighing my 865 00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,880 Speaker 3: options at this point, which is in a high speed 866 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:46,680 Speaker 3: job in the military, as you know, as soon as 867 00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:50,280 Speaker 3: you start to say there's something not right, like there 868 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,240 Speaker 3: goes your medical clearance, there goes maybe your security clearance. 869 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,440 Speaker 4: So it's very taboo. 870 00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:59,560 Speaker 3: But I knew like whatever was going on there's no 871 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,880 Speaker 3: way I could safely operate in aircraft, and so, you know, 872 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:04,960 Speaker 3: kind of knowing the way of the situation, I went 873 00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,440 Speaker 3: in to see the flight surgeon and pretty quickly I 874 00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:11,120 Speaker 3: got a delayed onset PTSD diagnoses and they all kind 875 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,480 Speaker 3: of just bid off on that PTSD thing, and it 876 00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:16,560 Speaker 3: all just became about my emotional state and let's sit 877 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:20,440 Speaker 3: down and talk about this state. And it was not helpful. 878 00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:23,680 Speaker 3: It was frustrating because hindsight, what was going on is 879 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:27,080 Speaker 3: the hardware of my brain had been messed with pretty hardcore. 880 00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,919 Speaker 3: I had physical damage to my brain from not only 881 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:34,200 Speaker 3: the ejection, but now a decompression event that exacerbated, adding 882 00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,919 Speaker 3: insult to injury, and it was just screwing with my head. 883 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:39,759 Speaker 3: But the way they made me feel was this was 884 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,919 Speaker 3: all just an emotional thing that I needed to get over. 885 00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,920 Speaker 3: And I was thinking, I can compartmentalize anything. I've been 886 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,600 Speaker 3: compartmentalizing my whole career. I can put that in a 887 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,960 Speaker 3: bottle and move on. But this wasn't working because the 888 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:54,040 Speaker 3: hardware was damaged. But instead of fixing the hardware, what 889 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,040 Speaker 3: they did is they started to give me these pills. 890 00:42:56,560 --> 00:43:00,560 Speaker 3: They started SSRIs, they started an antipsychotic metay cation called 891 00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:04,200 Speaker 3: quatiopine for sleep. It was supposed to help with severe insomnia, 892 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,920 Speaker 3: and the thought was, if we can just get you 893 00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:08,360 Speaker 3: some sleep, you'll get better, which I think there was 894 00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,960 Speaker 3: merit to that. But when you give somebody a sleeping 895 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:13,640 Speaker 3: pill they're not getting RESTful sleep, it may knock me 896 00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,759 Speaker 3: out into this unconscious state. So as things progressed, I 897 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:17,839 Speaker 3: just got worse and worse. 898 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:18,239 Speaker 4: I went in. 899 00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:25,279 Speaker 3: Not sleep rest and and I started to go into 900 00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:29,319 Speaker 3: hypervigilance and paranoia, into full blown psychoses. I thought, I 901 00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,719 Speaker 3: thought the government was hunting me. I thought they were 902 00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:34,640 Speaker 3: trying to poison me and my family, and it just 903 00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:38,080 Speaker 3: got worse and worse. I was eventually medically retired, and 904 00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,759 Speaker 3: that treatment continued at the VA once I got out 905 00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,360 Speaker 3: and my family moved back to Michigan, and I was 906 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:45,960 Speaker 3: just getting worse and worse. And within a couple of 907 00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:49,400 Speaker 3: days of having my dosage at quatyopine increased from three 908 00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:52,000 Speaker 3: hundred milligrams a night to four hundred and fifty milligrams 909 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:55,759 Speaker 3: a night, my wife came home from a job interview, 910 00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:57,800 Speaker 3: and that's like a heroic dose of this shit, and 911 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:01,720 Speaker 3: you know, she came home and she heard me rustling around, 912 00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,880 Speaker 3: and when she came into the room, I was completely naked. 913 00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,360 Speaker 3: I had shaved off all my hair and chunks. I 914 00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:10,320 Speaker 3: had shaved off my eyebrows for some reason. My facial 915 00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,680 Speaker 3: hair was all shaved off. The only thing I had 916 00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:15,040 Speaker 3: on was I had a black plastic garbage bag tied 917 00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,480 Speaker 3: around my neck like a cape, because I thought I 918 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:20,040 Speaker 3: was like Batman or Superman and I was going to 919 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:22,919 Speaker 3: go out into the northern Michigan snowy weather and fight 920 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:23,759 Speaker 3: crime like that. 921 00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:26,279 Speaker 4: So she loaded us up. 922 00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:28,719 Speaker 3: She's a trauma nurse, so she had dealt with psychotic 923 00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,560 Speaker 3: patients before in the er, but now it's her husband, 924 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,920 Speaker 3: which was a whole different thing to deal with. But 925 00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:36,759 Speaker 3: she loaded us up, took me to the emergency room, 926 00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:38,960 Speaker 3: and I spent a couple nights in an out of 927 00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:42,000 Speaker 3: body experience in the psychoses. And when I came to 928 00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,719 Speaker 3: I had been transferred to a VA in patient psych facility. 929 00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,680 Speaker 3: And as I became lucid and more aware in that facility, 930 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,279 Speaker 3: you know, what I saw was truly abysmal treatment of 931 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:56,799 Speaker 3: veterans in that facility. When you're on one to one care, 932 00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,719 Speaker 3: every fifteen minutes. They would come into the room, shine 933 00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:01,360 Speaker 3: a fl slash light in your face to wake you 934 00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,640 Speaker 3: up and make sure you're being safe. It's hard to 935 00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:06,520 Speaker 3: sleep in this place to begin with. There's all these 936 00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:10,279 Speaker 3: other guys having psychotic events. There's yelling and screaming all night. 937 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,440 Speaker 3: There's people walking in and out of your room. Everything's 938 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,560 Speaker 3: hard tile floors and concrete wall, so everything just echoes 939 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:20,600 Speaker 3: through the place. You're confined into a very small facility. 940 00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:22,680 Speaker 3: We were lucky if we got to go outside into 941 00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:27,320 Speaker 3: a concrete yard surrounded by metal fences and brick buildings, 942 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:29,279 Speaker 3: maybe once a week if we were lucky. So we 943 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:32,720 Speaker 3: were getting no exercise, no sunlight, and the only again, 944 00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:36,040 Speaker 3: the only answer there was more pills and more pills, And. 945 00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:40,200 Speaker 2: To me, it was the detox yet, to detox yourself 946 00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:43,319 Speaker 2: off these pills in order to become saying again, right, 947 00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:44,480 Speaker 2: it was the pills that. 948 00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,880 Speaker 4: Was yeah, yeah, you know. I eventually got out of 949 00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:48,600 Speaker 4: that facility. 950 00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:51,640 Speaker 3: I spent forty days living in that nightmare of a place, 951 00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:53,600 Speaker 3: but with the advocacy of my family, they were able 952 00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:55,360 Speaker 3: to get me out. And then I sought a different 953 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,600 Speaker 3: route to treatment, and I stumbled across psychedelic assistant therapy, 954 00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:02,000 Speaker 3: and I still to cross this whole world of modalities 955 00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:05,080 Speaker 3: for treating brain injury and mental health issues that aren't 956 00:46:05,080 --> 00:46:08,080 Speaker 3: available at the VA, they aren't available through mainstream insurance. 957 00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,439 Speaker 3: And that's what really worked for me and it gave 958 00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:14,160 Speaker 3: me my life back. And you know, through the use 959 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:17,520 Speaker 3: of psychedelic a system therapy traumatic brain injury clinics where 960 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,319 Speaker 3: they actually went in and addressed the physiology that was off, 961 00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,399 Speaker 3: doing a lab work to actually see where the physiology 962 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:26,239 Speaker 3: and my body was off, and then addressing that with 963 00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:33,040 Speaker 3: nutraceutical supplementation, hyperbaric oxygen therapy. There's this whole world of 964 00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:36,440 Speaker 3: healthcare that can actually heal the brain. And what's amazing 965 00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:38,920 Speaker 3: about the brain is I remember growing up and they 966 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:40,880 Speaker 3: always say, you know, you damage your brain or a 967 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,839 Speaker 3: brain cell and it's gone, you're never going to get 968 00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:45,480 Speaker 3: it back. Well, that's simply not true. The brain is 969 00:46:45,520 --> 00:46:48,600 Speaker 3: constructed of cells, just like the body is, and when 970 00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:55,440 Speaker 3: you give it the right conditions, which are sleep, good food, clean, hydration, exercise, sunlight, 971 00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:58,400 Speaker 3: you know all that stuff, the body heals, the cells 972 00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:01,280 Speaker 3: heal and regenerate, and it's amazing seeing what the human 973 00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:04,120 Speaker 3: brain can heal from. Even the level of damage that 974 00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:07,399 Speaker 3: I had going on has been mitigated through through this, 975 00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,800 Speaker 3: you know, several years of this kind of treatment. 976 00:47:10,239 --> 00:47:11,759 Speaker 4: But pretty much everything that. 977 00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,600 Speaker 3: I've had that works is not available at the VA, 978 00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:18,480 Speaker 3: and it's not available through mainsure, through mainstream medical system. 979 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,920 Speaker 3: You know, they're actually actively trying to fight this stuff 980 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,080 Speaker 3: because it's it's competition with their business model. You know, 981 00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,239 Speaker 3: they don't want something that can fix you. They want 982 00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:28,560 Speaker 3: to be able to give you a pill the rest 983 00:47:28,560 --> 00:47:30,279 Speaker 3: of your life and make a profit off of that. 984 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:34,279 Speaker 2: What you've just explained is something that I'm working on 985 00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:37,240 Speaker 2: for VETS as well, which is which is super interesting 986 00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,120 Speaker 2: that you just hit on that. But let's finish off 987 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,760 Speaker 2: on the Phoenix revival. Talk to me a bit about 988 00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:45,560 Speaker 2: about this, about your memoir and where we can get it, 989 00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:47,720 Speaker 2: and and why you voted. 990 00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:51,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, so, you know, I really felt inspired to share 991 00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:54,000 Speaker 3: my story after having gone through that seeing so many 992 00:47:54,040 --> 00:47:56,560 Speaker 3: guys struggling in that system. So, and this is a 993 00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:58,799 Speaker 3: widespread problem throughout the world right now. I think I 994 00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:00,880 Speaker 3: think there's a lot of healthcare systems that are pretty 995 00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:04,200 Speaker 3: messed up, especially with the mental health treatment. And I 996 00:48:04,239 --> 00:48:06,399 Speaker 3: remember being in this place of darkness and all of that, 997 00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:09,759 Speaker 3: despite my hard charge and attitude to get me through 998 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,799 Speaker 3: the physical recovery of the ejection and got me into 999 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,120 Speaker 3: the world of the fighter pilot being. 1000 00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:16,359 Speaker 4: An faighteaen pilot to begin with. 1001 00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:18,680 Speaker 3: Even with all that, I got into a place that 1002 00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,560 Speaker 3: was so dark and lonely and broken. I was ready 1003 00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,319 Speaker 3: to end it and felt so alone, and so I 1004 00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:26,640 Speaker 3: wanted to be the light for other people that are 1005 00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:28,919 Speaker 3: in that same darkness, the same light that I wish 1006 00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:31,840 Speaker 3: I had. And so that's what inspired me to write 1007 00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:35,960 Speaker 3: write this book, Phoenix Revival, The Aftermath of Naval Aviation's 1008 00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:39,400 Speaker 3: fastest survived ejection. It goes in much more detail about 1009 00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:41,839 Speaker 3: some of the things we talked about today that I 1010 00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:44,840 Speaker 3: hope will help inspire people and also give them the 1011 00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:47,920 Speaker 3: proper tools so that they can get themselves out of 1012 00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:53,040 Speaker 3: whatever they're going through, some practical guidance, some resources that 1013 00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,319 Speaker 3: can really make a difference in people's lives. So that's 1014 00:48:55,320 --> 00:48:59,200 Speaker 3: why I wrote it. But please check out a copy. 1015 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,000 Speaker 3: I promise you you're going to have a hard time putting 1016 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:02,319 Speaker 3: it down. 1017 00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:04,960 Speaker 2: Do you know what, mate, you are the epitome of 1018 00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:11,040 Speaker 2: physical robustness, psychological resilience and emotional intelligence. Wrap that all 1019 00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,560 Speaker 2: into one. You have Keegan Gil Keegan, it's been an 1020 00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,640 Speaker 2: absolute pleasure. Thank you for coming on board. Make sure 1021 00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:21,000 Speaker 2: you pick up a copy of Phoenix Revival to hear 1022 00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:24,759 Speaker 2: more because we've just scraped the surface here, Keegan, Thank 1023 00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:25,480 Speaker 2: you so much. 1024 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:26,920 Speaker 4: Mate, Thank you so much for having me on. 1025 00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:31,000 Speaker 2: It's a pleasure to hear more about Keegan's life story. 1026 00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:35,600 Speaker 2: Pick up a copy of his memoir Phoenix Revival. Thanks 1027 00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:38,200 Speaker 2: for joining me on this episode of head Game. If 1028 00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:42,080 Speaker 2: you enjoyed it, please leave me a review. I'm at Middleton. 1029 00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:45,520 Speaker 2: See you in the next episode.