1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,241 Speaker 1: Appogia Production. Welcome to the she Rises podcast. I'm Ashy 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,081 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. 3 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to 4 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,320 Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:26,241 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone 7 00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:31,841 Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back 9 00:00:31,841 --> 00:00:34,241 Speaker 2: to another episode of she Rerads this podcast. Thanks for 10 00:00:34,321 --> 00:00:36,761 Speaker 2: joining us wherever you are in the world, whatever time it. 11 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,641 Speaker 1: Is, on your way to work, or wherever you're listening 12 00:00:38,681 --> 00:00:40,160 Speaker 1: to this in the gym. Bucklin. We've got a really 13 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,881 Speaker 1: good episode today. It's a topic that I really don't 14 00:00:42,881 --> 00:00:45,681 Speaker 1: hear many people talk about. It's all about jealousy. Yeah, 15 00:00:45,721 --> 00:00:49,881 Speaker 1: how it can really consume your life, really impact your relationships, 16 00:00:49,881 --> 00:00:52,081 Speaker 1: how you show up. I find it one of the 17 00:00:52,161 --> 00:00:54,801 Speaker 1: lowest vibrational feelings, Like when I feel jealous, I find 18 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,761 Speaker 1: it very uncomfortable. But we're also going to talk about 19 00:00:57,801 --> 00:01:00,721 Speaker 1: how we work through it, what jealousy actually means, and 20 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: what it's highlighting for you, and how to not let 21 00:01:03,681 --> 00:01:06,481 Speaker 1: it ruin your day, ruin your relationships or your friendships 22 00:01:06,561 --> 00:01:08,401 Speaker 1: yet or your friendships. 23 00:01:08,441 --> 00:01:11,121 Speaker 2: You know, there's this really unhealthy way that people are 24 00:01:11,121 --> 00:01:14,121 Speaker 2: talking about jealousy on social media, and it's like you'll 25 00:01:14,121 --> 00:01:15,761 Speaker 2: see somebody pop up on the screen and be like, 26 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,041 Speaker 2: I would never be friends with someone who's jealous, and 27 00:01:18,081 --> 00:01:21,561 Speaker 2: I'm just like, fuck, that's so emotionally unintelligent to say. 28 00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:22,441 Speaker 1: Oh, you're not human. 29 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,401 Speaker 2: Yeah, you never feel jealous, but it's just it's ego. 30 00:01:25,681 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 2: It's an ego response. And don't get me wrong, there's 31 00:01:27,681 --> 00:01:30,801 Speaker 2: a degree of this that is true. If somebody in 32 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:34,041 Speaker 2: your life is jealous of you to a degree where 33 00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 2: it's starting to impact. 34 00:01:34,881 --> 00:01:36,921 Speaker 1: Your relationships, how they communicate with you. 35 00:01:36,761 --> 00:01:39,521 Speaker 2: Communicate if they're not being very nice to you, don't celebrate, 36 00:01:39,521 --> 00:01:41,801 Speaker 2: you have little digs at you, like when it starts 37 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,241 Speaker 2: to vest it into something like that. 38 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:44,401 Speaker 1: Totally valid. 39 00:01:44,881 --> 00:01:47,561 Speaker 2: But we are all human and we all experience jealousy 40 00:01:47,601 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 2: to some degree based on our desires, what we want 41 00:01:51,281 --> 00:01:54,761 Speaker 2: and what we think somebody has that we want. You know, 42 00:01:54,921 --> 00:01:57,961 Speaker 2: jealousy is simply just a deep rooted desire of something 43 00:01:58,001 --> 00:01:58,321 Speaker 2: you want. 44 00:01:58,361 --> 00:02:00,041 Speaker 1: That's exactly what it is. And that's what we wanted 45 00:02:00,001 --> 00:02:02,321 Speaker 1: to bring up first, Like, what is jealousy. When you 46 00:02:02,361 --> 00:02:04,561 Speaker 1: feel jealous of something, it is highlighting something that you want, 47 00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,441 Speaker 1: whether you're jealous one that has money, or you're jealous 48 00:02:07,441 --> 00:02:09,841 Speaker 1: because there's a pretty woman walking past your man, or 49 00:02:09,881 --> 00:02:12,601 Speaker 1: she's got a low cut top, whatever it is, it's 50 00:02:12,601 --> 00:02:15,321 Speaker 1: something that activates within you because you're like, I want 51 00:02:15,321 --> 00:02:19,481 Speaker 1: that thing, and that's okay, that's normal, that's human. There's 52 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 1: not a reason to attack someone or to put them 53 00:02:22,041 --> 00:02:24,161 Speaker 1: down or to be nasty to them. It's just actually 54 00:02:24,201 --> 00:02:26,921 Speaker 1: going within and be like, Okay, what's this bring up 55 00:02:26,921 --> 00:02:28,521 Speaker 1: for me? Like, take a big breath, check where your 56 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: nervous system's at. Are you in green zone? Red zone? 57 00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: Probably red zone? Bring it back down and be like, Okay, 58 00:02:33,641 --> 00:02:35,441 Speaker 1: I think I want that. I'm wanting more money. I'm 59 00:02:35,481 --> 00:02:37,041 Speaker 1: wanting to be able to wear a low cut top 60 00:02:37,081 --> 00:02:39,841 Speaker 1: and not feel slutty. I'm wanting to feel more pretty. 61 00:02:39,841 --> 00:02:41,841 Speaker 1: I wanting to feel more feminine. I'm wanting my business 62 00:02:41,841 --> 00:02:45,041 Speaker 1: to be more successful. Okay, what am I doing about that? Yeah? 63 00:02:45,161 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 1: Is there anything I can do about that? Right now? 64 00:02:46,881 --> 00:02:47,801 Speaker 1: What steps do I take? 65 00:02:47,881 --> 00:02:49,921 Speaker 2: This is such a beautiful way to fast track the 66 00:02:50,001 --> 00:02:53,601 Speaker 2: jealousy because normally, like without self awareness, jealousy is a 67 00:02:53,641 --> 00:02:54,281 Speaker 2: really hard thing to do. 68 00:02:54,441 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 1: Oh, it's consuming. 69 00:02:55,361 --> 00:02:58,601 Speaker 2: The feeling of jealousy is disgusting to hold, like it's 70 00:02:58,601 --> 00:02:59,401 Speaker 2: a lot to hold. 71 00:02:59,201 --> 00:02:59,841 Speaker 1: It really is. 72 00:02:59,881 --> 00:03:03,041 Speaker 2: It can be quite overwhelming, it's confronting, can last weeks. 73 00:03:03,201 --> 00:03:05,441 Speaker 2: You likely want to run from it. I know in 74 00:03:05,481 --> 00:03:07,201 Speaker 2: the past, when I felt jealousy or I've seen it 75 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,761 Speaker 2: on social media and i'd scroll past let's say, like 76 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,000 Speaker 2: a woman who had like a relationship that I wanted, 77 00:03:12,201 --> 00:03:15,321 Speaker 2: or the lifestyle that I wanted, money or whatever, I 78 00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:17,841 Speaker 2: would look at that and I'd be like, oh, scroll faster, faster, 79 00:03:18,361 --> 00:03:20,441 Speaker 2: or like I'd put my phone because I would try 80 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,121 Speaker 2: so hard to avoid what it was evoking in me, 81 00:03:23,721 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 2: because it was so uncomfortable to deal with. 82 00:03:26,161 --> 00:03:28,481 Speaker 1: Did you believe that you couldn't get that or achieve that? 83 00:03:28,721 --> 00:03:30,681 Speaker 2: Well, I think at the time I wasn't fully aware. 84 00:03:31,161 --> 00:03:33,441 Speaker 2: I wasn't even at that point avoid just avoid it. 85 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,241 Speaker 2: Just it felt so uncomfortable to hold. I didn't even 86 00:03:36,281 --> 00:03:38,641 Speaker 2: want to face it. And then when I started to 87 00:03:38,681 --> 00:03:40,321 Speaker 2: do a little bit more of this work and learn 88 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,801 Speaker 2: more about myself, I was like, oh, Okay, I need 89 00:03:42,841 --> 00:03:44,761 Speaker 2: to sit with that, because the more that I run 90 00:03:44,801 --> 00:03:47,481 Speaker 2: from that feeling the further away my desire is going 91 00:03:47,521 --> 00:03:50,121 Speaker 2: to get Yeah, because I started to judge people who 92 00:03:50,201 --> 00:03:51,241 Speaker 2: had the things that I wanted. 93 00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,961 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's easy to start putting them down, to 94 00:03:52,961 --> 00:03:55,361 Speaker 1: bring them down because you're feeling low. You want to 95 00:03:55,361 --> 00:03:57,201 Speaker 1: bring them down to where you're feeling. That's right, because 96 00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:58,161 Speaker 1: this is what happens. Right. 97 00:03:58,201 --> 00:04:00,601 Speaker 2: I got triggered by somebody and I was jealous. I 98 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:03,081 Speaker 2: got triggered. But instead of dealing with that trigger and 99 00:04:03,121 --> 00:04:05,401 Speaker 2: taking accountability for it, being like, oh cool, like this 100 00:04:05,521 --> 00:04:08,481 Speaker 2: is just something that I want, I immediately went to projection. 101 00:04:09,081 --> 00:04:10,961 Speaker 2: So I felt triggered, and then because I didn't want 102 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:14,081 Speaker 2: to take accountability for it, I pushed it onto somebody else. Yes, 103 00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 2: well now this is your problem. Now you were the problem. 104 00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:18,361 Speaker 2: Now I'm going to point the finger at you and 105 00:04:18,481 --> 00:04:21,721 Speaker 2: pick apart your character or yeah you're not that pretty anyway. 106 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,081 Speaker 1: Or like you're not that smart anyway. 107 00:04:23,121 --> 00:04:25,241 Speaker 2: You know, just started to get out in this real 108 00:04:25,801 --> 00:04:28,801 Speaker 2: unhealthy projection way of like all of this negative energy 109 00:04:28,921 --> 00:04:31,561 Speaker 2: guilty of an arn't we And yeah, it's so easy 110 00:04:31,601 --> 00:04:31,881 Speaker 2: to do. 111 00:04:32,561 --> 00:04:34,321 Speaker 1: What's the situation you've done that? In most like, what 112 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,281 Speaker 1: would be the most prominent thing for you, I think 113 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 1: you would get jealous of and then projects, I've definitely 114 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,001 Speaker 1: got mine money, money, okay, money, tell us about that. 115 00:04:41,121 --> 00:04:43,281 Speaker 2: Because there was a time of my life where I 116 00:04:43,481 --> 00:04:45,321 Speaker 2: wanted all these big things and I had the big 117 00:04:45,401 --> 00:04:47,441 Speaker 2: dream of mindset and I was the ideas girl where 118 00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,961 Speaker 2: I thought about all these ideas but I never executed anything. 119 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,041 Speaker 2: And so in that time of my life, I would 120 00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:54,681 Speaker 2: see women on social media, but the goal felt so 121 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,041 Speaker 2: far away from me, and because the goal felt so 122 00:04:57,081 --> 00:05:00,601 Speaker 2: far away, it like immediately made me feel defeated. And 123 00:05:00,641 --> 00:05:03,041 Speaker 2: then I would, you know, judge and be like, oh, 124 00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 2: they're probably not even that deep, or they're. 125 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: Probably not even like yeah, you know. 126 00:05:06,601 --> 00:05:09,440 Speaker 2: But it was just because I wanted more money than 127 00:05:09,481 --> 00:05:12,121 Speaker 2: what I was currently doing or currently working for. But 128 00:05:12,201 --> 00:05:15,201 Speaker 2: at the time when I was feeling jealous, I wasn't 129 00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 2: willing to take accountability for the fact that I wasn't 130 00:05:17,761 --> 00:05:20,281 Speaker 2: actually taking action. That's a hard thing to get to 131 00:05:20,641 --> 00:05:22,841 Speaker 2: one hundred percent. In my head, I was doing all 132 00:05:22,841 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 2: the things. I was working on my business, and I 133 00:05:25,001 --> 00:05:26,681 Speaker 2: was showing up every day and I was doing all 134 00:05:26,721 --> 00:05:29,481 Speaker 2: the things, but you bet the income didn't reflect that 135 00:05:30,081 --> 00:05:32,681 Speaker 2: because I wasn't actually doing it, and I think that 136 00:05:32,801 --> 00:05:35,601 Speaker 2: is where the accountability comes in, of sitting with the 137 00:05:35,681 --> 00:05:37,801 Speaker 2: uncomfortable feeling of like, Okay, what is it that I'm 138 00:05:37,841 --> 00:05:41,401 Speaker 2: currently not doing that I could be doing that will 139 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:42,841 Speaker 2: inevitably get me to that goal. 140 00:05:44,201 --> 00:05:46,361 Speaker 1: The projections are interesting too, with the money stuff too, 141 00:05:46,361 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: because I remember I used to look at people with 142 00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:49,401 Speaker 1: money and I'd want it to and get jealous, and 143 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,041 Speaker 1: I used to make up stories. But oh, they've just 144 00:05:51,081 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 1: been given it. It's easier for them. It's easy for 145 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,841 Speaker 1: they're just so greedy, Like when's enough enough yes to 146 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,401 Speaker 1: keep rubbing it in my face? Oh my gosh. 147 00:05:57,521 --> 00:06:00,561 Speaker 2: Or they had help or they have like ten years, 148 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:03,161 Speaker 2: whether the business experience has helped them get so quickly. 149 00:06:03,241 --> 00:06:04,921 Speaker 1: You're just projecting and trying to bring them down because 150 00:06:04,921 --> 00:06:07,401 Speaker 1: you feel like shins that have been like okay, in reality, 151 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,241 Speaker 1: you have no idea how long they've worked for. You 152 00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:11,361 Speaker 1: have no idea what they've been given or not been given. 153 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,161 Speaker 1: You have no idea the risks have taken, the money 154 00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: they've lost, how many times they've failed. You have no 155 00:06:15,601 --> 00:06:16,361 Speaker 1: idea of any. 156 00:06:16,161 --> 00:06:18,041 Speaker 2: Of that, Like how many times they showed up in 157 00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:19,241 Speaker 2: the moments where they didn't want. 158 00:06:19,081 --> 00:06:20,561 Speaker 1: To show up or didn't believe in themselves, but they 159 00:06:20,561 --> 00:06:22,801 Speaker 1: still did it. Yeah, so many cool things like that 160 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: to reflect on. Isn't that funny? 161 00:06:24,241 --> 00:06:27,961 Speaker 2: Like how much we tried to make ourselves superior in 162 00:06:27,961 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 2: the moment when we feel jealous, Because that's what it 163 00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:32,241 Speaker 2: is like for me, at least for me. Every time 164 00:06:32,241 --> 00:06:36,041 Speaker 2: that I felt jealousy, I immediately feel inferior. Oh I'm 165 00:06:36,041 --> 00:06:38,521 Speaker 2: not as good, I'm not good enough. Something about them 166 00:06:38,561 --> 00:06:41,001 Speaker 2: is superior than me. So I tried to like fill 167 00:06:41,041 --> 00:06:45,521 Speaker 2: the gap in the inferiority and feeling superior again. Whereas 168 00:06:45,561 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 2: now just being able to see it so neutrally and 169 00:06:48,481 --> 00:06:50,601 Speaker 2: doesn't mean that it doesn't feel good when I feel 170 00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:53,601 Speaker 2: it still couldn't patch it though, Oh definitely I can 171 00:06:53,601 --> 00:06:55,720 Speaker 2: clock it now because I just I focus on the desire. 172 00:06:56,201 --> 00:06:59,121 Speaker 2: I don't focus on sitting in the jealousy or ruminating 173 00:07:00,121 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 2: you fucking bitch for having this How I'm like, no, 174 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 2: when I see a woman who's done that, I'm like 175 00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:04,881 Speaker 2: you fucking hustled? 176 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,841 Speaker 1: What a machine like? Go you power? How can it 177 00:07:07,921 --> 00:07:09,361 Speaker 1: worked hard? Inspired by it? 178 00:07:09,801 --> 00:07:12,521 Speaker 2: But because I chose to see it as inspiration instead 179 00:07:12,521 --> 00:07:14,721 Speaker 2: of competition. Yes, and so now when I see it, 180 00:07:14,761 --> 00:07:17,321 Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay, cool, I'm triggered at this. Okay, what 181 00:07:17,481 --> 00:07:20,201 Speaker 2: about this is triggering me? What is the actual outcome 182 00:07:20,281 --> 00:07:23,161 Speaker 2: or the desire that I want? And okay, cool, what's 183 00:07:23,321 --> 00:07:25,721 Speaker 2: one small step that I could take even today that 184 00:07:25,761 --> 00:07:27,601 Speaker 2: would get me one step close to that goal? Because 185 00:07:27,641 --> 00:07:29,961 Speaker 2: the moment that I'm in action, I'm not thinking about 186 00:07:29,961 --> 00:07:31,121 Speaker 2: the comparison. 187 00:07:30,961 --> 00:07:32,641 Speaker 1: Back in your own body and your own mission. I'm 188 00:07:32,641 --> 00:07:33,081 Speaker 1: in the doing. 189 00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:34,921 Speaker 2: Yeah, Because I'm in the doing, I'm not talking or 190 00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:35,521 Speaker 2: thinking about it. 191 00:07:36,441 --> 00:07:38,081 Speaker 1: I found too when I used to get jealous of 192 00:07:38,121 --> 00:07:40,241 Speaker 1: like other business owners and look at their success too, 193 00:07:40,641 --> 00:07:42,801 Speaker 1: I would then ask my question too, like I'm jealous, 194 00:07:42,881 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 1: I want it? Do I also want the sacrifice they've made? 195 00:07:46,921 --> 00:07:49,201 Speaker 1: And that would make me reflect and be like, yeah, 196 00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:51,281 Speaker 1: they shiny things look nice and their life looks nice, 197 00:07:51,321 --> 00:07:54,001 Speaker 1: but is that truly the most important thing to me? 198 00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:55,881 Speaker 1: And sometimes that would dissolve a lot of my jealousy too, 199 00:07:55,921 --> 00:07:57,241 Speaker 1: because I'm like, well, I don't actually want to be 200 00:07:57,281 --> 00:08:00,441 Speaker 1: working sixteen hour days like they are. Yes, I'm choosing 201 00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,441 Speaker 1: my piece over here. I want to switch my focus. 202 00:08:02,521 --> 00:08:04,481 Speaker 1: That's a very powerful question. Yeah, but it takes that 203 00:08:04,481 --> 00:08:06,201 Speaker 1: self when and just to get a little bit more 204 00:08:06,241 --> 00:08:09,521 Speaker 1: curious and where it's coming from. Mine was around people 205 00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:12,201 Speaker 1: that were sexually embodied. Yes, oh she's so slutty. This 206 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,521 Speaker 1: is the kind of comments I would say in my head, 207 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,801 Speaker 1: never out loud. Yeah she looks so slutty. Why is 208 00:08:15,801 --> 00:08:19,241 Speaker 1: she wearing that glow cut top? She wants attention, she's insecure, 209 00:08:19,561 --> 00:08:23,081 Speaker 1: she's so stuck up validation, or she loves herself. And 210 00:08:23,121 --> 00:08:26,561 Speaker 1: now I'm like, yeah, she loves herself. How fucking beautiful. 211 00:08:26,761 --> 00:08:28,641 Speaker 1: I wish all women would love themselves that much they 212 00:08:28,641 --> 00:08:31,041 Speaker 1: feel confident to wear that. I hope my daughter and 213 00:08:31,081 --> 00:08:33,161 Speaker 1: I won't always feel like that, confident to wear what 214 00:08:33,201 --> 00:08:36,201 Speaker 1: makes me feel good. I don't get triggered by that anymore, 215 00:08:36,601 --> 00:08:38,641 Speaker 1: or if I ever do, I'm like, oh my, go 216 00:08:38,681 --> 00:08:40,921 Speaker 1: long on the marror. You're not feeling good. Yeah, what's 217 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:41,441 Speaker 1: coming out for here? 218 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:41,801 Speaker 2: Right now? 219 00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:43,401 Speaker 1: It's all you. This has nothing to do with that. 220 00:08:43,801 --> 00:08:45,561 Speaker 1: That's a projection's art. It's got nothing to do with 221 00:08:45,601 --> 00:08:48,161 Speaker 1: the other person, and it's all to do with what's 222 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,521 Speaker 1: going on internally. But it was so cool to come 223 00:08:50,561 --> 00:08:52,801 Speaker 1: out the other side of that of feeling so triggered 224 00:08:52,801 --> 00:08:55,681 Speaker 1: by women that wore certain things, or danced or moved 225 00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:58,761 Speaker 1: or even spoke a certain way and use certain language. 226 00:08:58,801 --> 00:09:00,521 Speaker 1: I used to just feel so rattled by the way 227 00:09:00,561 --> 00:09:02,801 Speaker 1: that speak, and now I'm just like, oh my gosh, 228 00:09:02,841 --> 00:09:05,041 Speaker 1: it feels so different, and I speak like that now, 229 00:09:05,081 --> 00:09:06,921 Speaker 1: and I triggered people, But I'm like, what's coming up 230 00:09:06,961 --> 00:09:07,121 Speaker 1: for you? 231 00:09:07,321 --> 00:09:10,801 Speaker 2: So let's talk about this transition between when you're feeling 232 00:09:11,441 --> 00:09:14,041 Speaker 2: so triggered all the time about something that you want, 233 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:17,281 Speaker 2: but it's demobilizing. You're like, I can't even look at this. 234 00:09:17,401 --> 00:09:20,081 Speaker 2: I can't look at that person. They'ressing me off. The 235 00:09:20,121 --> 00:09:23,241 Speaker 2: transition between that moment and then the leg on the 236 00:09:23,281 --> 00:09:25,081 Speaker 2: other side where you feel relief. 237 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:27,601 Speaker 1: Oh my god, how do we get there? Fuck? I 238 00:09:27,641 --> 00:09:29,681 Speaker 1: don't know how have you gotten there? When I first 239 00:09:29,681 --> 00:09:31,881 Speaker 1: got with Steve, he was a personal trainer. Yeah, it 240 00:09:31,921 --> 00:09:34,361 Speaker 1: would fuck me up. How jealous i'd be with his 241 00:09:34,401 --> 00:09:37,321 Speaker 1: female client. I would, honestly, I take my don't handle it. 242 00:09:37,321 --> 00:09:39,401 Speaker 1: I couldn't do it. I could not handle They would 243 00:09:39,441 --> 00:09:42,761 Speaker 1: send him like bomb shots and photos and their g 244 00:09:42,921 --> 00:09:45,161 Speaker 1: strings and like, look at my progress. I'm like, I 245 00:09:45,441 --> 00:09:50,161 Speaker 1: get that. I fucking hated it. I was the most jealous, 246 00:09:50,561 --> 00:09:53,521 Speaker 1: insecure nineteen year old I probably ever come across. Oh, 247 00:09:53,561 --> 00:09:56,281 Speaker 1: I don't blame you. That would be hard, really hard. 248 00:09:56,401 --> 00:09:58,361 Speaker 1: But like now, I honestly I could put Steve in 249 00:09:58,361 --> 00:10:00,441 Speaker 1: a room full of strippers and I'm like, ah, yet 250 00:10:00,841 --> 00:10:02,961 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm fine. Does not bother me? Say 251 00:10:03,001 --> 00:10:04,761 Speaker 1: with like keus to go to a Bucks? Ten years ago, 252 00:10:05,721 --> 00:10:07,921 Speaker 1: I would be so jealous. Good luck. Now I'm like, 253 00:10:07,961 --> 00:10:11,081 Speaker 1: tell me the funny stories something what happened? Yes, yeah, 254 00:10:11,121 --> 00:10:13,361 Speaker 1: I just it would not bother me. But it's one 255 00:10:13,401 --> 00:10:15,641 Speaker 1: thing that's got nothing to do with Steve. He's a 256 00:10:15,641 --> 00:10:18,601 Speaker 1: man of integrity anyway, and he's very respectful of me. 257 00:10:18,721 --> 00:10:20,561 Speaker 1: But it came down to the beliefs I had in 258 00:10:20,601 --> 00:10:22,801 Speaker 1: myself and the box that i'd put in in how 259 00:10:22,841 --> 00:10:26,081 Speaker 1: insecure I felt within my body. It was all my stuff. 260 00:10:26,121 --> 00:10:29,241 Speaker 1: So it definitely was not an overnight transition. It took 261 00:10:29,441 --> 00:10:33,441 Speaker 1: years of work of nervous system regulation to be calm 262 00:10:33,481 --> 00:10:35,961 Speaker 1: in my own body. I feel like I'm a very 263 00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:39,081 Speaker 1: self aware person. I'm constantly reflecting back in the mirror 264 00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:41,761 Speaker 1: to what's coming up for me and digging deeper and 265 00:10:41,801 --> 00:10:44,761 Speaker 1: getting so much more curious and asking myself more questions. 266 00:10:45,041 --> 00:10:47,561 Speaker 1: You'll always get the answers and answer within you. You've 267 00:10:47,601 --> 00:10:50,041 Speaker 1: just got to be brave enough to face that messiness. 268 00:10:50,281 --> 00:10:52,801 Speaker 1: And it was really confronting to be like, oh my gosh, 269 00:10:52,961 --> 00:10:55,041 Speaker 1: I'm jealous of this woman because of X y Z. 270 00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:57,681 Speaker 1: Because I've told myself to be loved and accepted, I 271 00:10:57,721 --> 00:11:00,481 Speaker 1: have to be this certain way. Maybe that's not the truth. 272 00:11:00,521 --> 00:11:02,361 Speaker 1: What happens if I lean a little bit more over here? 273 00:11:02,721 --> 00:11:05,761 Speaker 1: Oh it feels uncomfortable, edgy, but I'm gonna in any way. Yeah, 274 00:11:05,801 --> 00:11:06,681 Speaker 1: and see what happens. 275 00:11:06,801 --> 00:11:09,121 Speaker 2: So say in one of those moments, say like back 276 00:11:09,161 --> 00:11:10,881 Speaker 2: then when you were with Steve and you were starting 277 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:14,081 Speaker 2: to become more self aware, what would a moment like 278 00:11:14,161 --> 00:11:16,441 Speaker 2: that look like when you got triggered and you would 279 00:11:16,441 --> 00:11:19,601 Speaker 2: try to process yourself out of that into a better headspace. 280 00:11:19,961 --> 00:11:21,321 Speaker 1: It was nervous system regulation. 281 00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:21,881 Speaker 2: Yeah. 282 00:11:21,921 --> 00:11:23,641 Speaker 1: I think for a lot of the time I would 283 00:11:23,681 --> 00:11:27,281 Speaker 1: be busy and distract myself, which I wouldn't advise everyone 284 00:11:27,321 --> 00:11:29,281 Speaker 1: to do, but I think in the transition stage it 285 00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,961 Speaker 1: was good because keeping myself busy or going for a 286 00:11:32,001 --> 00:11:35,121 Speaker 1: walk and distracting myself would regulate me. Yes, So I 287 00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:37,721 Speaker 1: started to build my toolbox, and exercise is one of 288 00:11:37,721 --> 00:11:40,361 Speaker 1: those things where I could actually take a fucking breath, Like, 289 00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:43,441 Speaker 1: what's the actual truth here? Is he flirting? Is he 290 00:11:43,521 --> 00:11:45,961 Speaker 1: encouraging this or is that just his job? Yes, he's 291 00:11:45,961 --> 00:11:48,561 Speaker 1: not in control of his clients sending him these photos, 292 00:11:49,121 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: so I would have to have a lot of internal conversations. 293 00:11:51,281 --> 00:11:54,241 Speaker 1: But distracting myself with exercise and being busy just gave 294 00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,361 Speaker 1: me a moment to just breathe and get more on 295 00:11:56,401 --> 00:11:58,641 Speaker 1: my body, to be able to see things from a 296 00:11:58,641 --> 00:12:01,641 Speaker 1: different lens. Was when I didn't have those tools. There 297 00:12:01,681 --> 00:12:04,881 Speaker 1: was no other lens. There's no lens. It was fire. 298 00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:07,081 Speaker 1: It was fire, it was black or white. This is 299 00:12:07,081 --> 00:12:09,481 Speaker 1: how it is. This is just it. It's the rumors red. 300 00:12:09,761 --> 00:12:14,841 Speaker 2: Yeah, because will go off from like seven mescals. 301 00:12:15,241 --> 00:12:17,121 Speaker 1: And we always talk about too, when you've got a 302 00:12:17,121 --> 00:12:19,921 Speaker 1: story about someone or something like, you'll continue to hunt 303 00:12:19,921 --> 00:12:21,801 Speaker 1: for evidence and you'll fucking find it. We've been talking 304 00:12:21,801 --> 00:12:24,161 Speaker 1: about this a lot lately. Yeah, like if you believe, 305 00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:26,481 Speaker 1: if you truly believe something, you will find any piece 306 00:12:26,521 --> 00:12:28,761 Speaker 1: of evidence. But oh, yep, there it is. He's doing that, 307 00:12:28,881 --> 00:12:31,001 Speaker 1: she's doing that. This is happening, and it's like, that's 308 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,961 Speaker 1: not the actual fucking truth. You're just creating that. 309 00:12:32,961 --> 00:12:36,321 Speaker 2: Reality, and the story gets bigger, manifest tests, and it 310 00:12:36,401 --> 00:12:38,441 Speaker 2: just comes this big thing in your head when in 311 00:12:38,481 --> 00:12:39,201 Speaker 2: reality it's not. 312 00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:40,721 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's why, like we said it in a 313 00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:43,161 Speaker 1: couple of episodes ago, like I wish I had all 314 00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:46,561 Speaker 1: the information I have now about nervous system regulation because 315 00:12:46,921 --> 00:12:48,921 Speaker 1: that transition would have been a lot quicker if I 316 00:12:48,921 --> 00:12:51,241 Speaker 1: had learned these tools earlier. I think I would have 317 00:12:51,281 --> 00:12:54,321 Speaker 1: saved a lot of arguments, sorry Steve, a lot of projections, 318 00:12:54,361 --> 00:12:56,401 Speaker 1: a lot of anger, a lot of dysregulation, a lot 319 00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,521 Speaker 1: of like back and forth. Yeah, and just like damaging 320 00:12:58,561 --> 00:12:59,961 Speaker 1: my relationship with him. 321 00:13:00,201 --> 00:13:03,361 Speaker 2: The nitpicking, the back and forth, the little slack stabs, yeah, 322 00:13:03,441 --> 00:13:04,761 Speaker 2: the daggers. 323 00:13:04,321 --> 00:13:08,041 Speaker 1: The passive a g. I just remember feeling so activated 324 00:13:08,081 --> 00:13:10,321 Speaker 1: and fiery, and nothing he could say or do would 325 00:13:10,321 --> 00:13:13,161 Speaker 1: have made me feel better because I was so dysregulated, 326 00:13:13,601 --> 00:13:15,321 Speaker 1: and it would consume me and I would bring it 327 00:13:15,401 --> 00:13:17,281 Speaker 1: up over and over and over and again every time, 328 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,001 Speaker 1: especially how he felt every time he's going to work. 329 00:13:19,001 --> 00:13:23,561 Speaker 1: He's like, fuck I do with this? Yeah? Yeah, But 330 00:13:23,641 --> 00:13:26,761 Speaker 1: jealousy can be so demobilizing, Like it really can raddle 331 00:13:26,801 --> 00:13:30,121 Speaker 1: you and destroy everything in your life because it's all 332 00:13:30,121 --> 00:13:33,321 Speaker 1: you think about, and it's consuming, but we can utilize 333 00:13:33,321 --> 00:13:36,841 Speaker 1: it to make really positive change and really get clear 334 00:13:36,841 --> 00:13:39,121 Speaker 1: on what it is at wanting. If you're that activated 335 00:13:39,201 --> 00:13:42,201 Speaker 1: by a sexual woman, I guarantee you have suppressed your 336 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:45,961 Speaker 1: sexual energy hands down. If you are that activated and 337 00:13:46,281 --> 00:13:49,561 Speaker 1: triggered by someone really successful with money or having a 338 00:13:49,601 --> 00:13:53,521 Speaker 1: really beautiful relationship, that desire is so fucking deep for you, 339 00:13:53,641 --> 00:13:56,041 Speaker 1: and you want it so badly, and maybe you have 340 00:13:56,121 --> 00:13:58,321 Speaker 1: a limiting belief that you can't achieve it, and that's 341 00:13:58,321 --> 00:14:00,441 Speaker 1: why you're like butting heads with yourself. You feel so 342 00:14:00,521 --> 00:14:02,921 Speaker 1: frustrated and so angry, and then you project it out. 343 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:06,401 Speaker 1: Just take a minute, just fucking breathe, get out a 344 00:14:06,481 --> 00:14:08,961 Speaker 1: journal and write down everything. Yeah, what it is your wanting, 345 00:14:09,001 --> 00:14:11,121 Speaker 1: what's making you angry, and start to unpack that. And 346 00:14:11,441 --> 00:14:13,721 Speaker 1: when you think you've dug deep, like go more, spend 347 00:14:13,761 --> 00:14:16,161 Speaker 1: another five minutes. I like that. Get deeper and deeper. 348 00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:17,361 Speaker 1: The answers are within you. 349 00:14:17,401 --> 00:14:19,241 Speaker 2: I like what you said then, too, actually, because that's 350 00:14:19,241 --> 00:14:21,641 Speaker 2: how I felt. When I felt jealous that other women 351 00:14:21,681 --> 00:14:23,801 Speaker 2: had been more successful than me, it was because I 352 00:14:23,841 --> 00:14:25,041 Speaker 2: thought I couldn't get there. 353 00:14:25,201 --> 00:14:27,561 Speaker 1: There was no room for your own abuse saying yeah. 354 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:30,121 Speaker 2: If this person is successful, it means that I can't be. 355 00:14:30,641 --> 00:14:32,641 Speaker 2: You know, it was almost like they had already taken the. 356 00:14:32,641 --> 00:14:34,321 Speaker 1: Role because they were ahead of you. You felt like 357 00:14:34,361 --> 00:14:36,081 Speaker 1: you were always playing catch up. Yes, like I was 358 00:14:36,081 --> 00:14:37,081 Speaker 1: a Chian now. 359 00:14:37,161 --> 00:14:39,321 Speaker 2: A part of me was like, oh, maybe I actually 360 00:14:39,321 --> 00:14:42,081 Speaker 2: can't achieve this, Maybe I actually can't do this. But 361 00:14:42,521 --> 00:14:44,481 Speaker 2: it wasn't that that was actually true. That was a 362 00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:46,641 Speaker 2: story and the evidence that I was looking for, right, 363 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:49,121 Speaker 2: like we were talking about that was just a story 364 00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,961 Speaker 2: in my head that was getting bigger and bigger. But 365 00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:53,961 Speaker 2: it wasn't until I actually started to change my behavior 366 00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,841 Speaker 2: and start to build something of my own did I 367 00:14:56,881 --> 00:14:58,401 Speaker 2: build enough evidence of like, oh, what. 368 00:14:58,321 --> 00:15:00,201 Speaker 1: Do you mean Tianni can do this? Yeah, of course 369 00:15:00,281 --> 00:15:02,641 Speaker 1: you can. And also paying attention to. 370 00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,641 Speaker 2: What my goals and desires were like when you said, 371 00:15:04,721 --> 00:15:07,401 Speaker 2: not comparing to what everybody else is doing, but actually 372 00:15:07,521 --> 00:15:09,721 Speaker 2: checking in with myself, Okay, what does success look like 373 00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:10,081 Speaker 2: to me? 374 00:15:10,441 --> 00:15:13,081 Speaker 1: True? Right, it's an individual journey. You might not want 375 00:15:13,081 --> 00:15:14,841 Speaker 1: their success. No, It's like, you. 376 00:15:14,761 --> 00:15:17,041 Speaker 2: Know, there are a different levels to what people are 377 00:15:17,081 --> 00:15:20,321 Speaker 2: doing and choosing, But is that actually a heart desire 378 00:15:20,521 --> 00:15:21,881 Speaker 2: or is that just an excuse for. 379 00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:22,761 Speaker 1: You, is that your ego? 380 00:15:23,401 --> 00:15:24,961 Speaker 2: Is that your ego saying oh I want a big 381 00:15:24,961 --> 00:15:27,241 Speaker 2: thing because it's there, But you know, do you actually 382 00:15:27,281 --> 00:15:29,801 Speaker 2: genuinely want that? In a deep down this element of 383 00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:32,001 Speaker 2: like bypassing all of the triggers. When it comes to 384 00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:36,761 Speaker 2: success and wanting materialistic things, it's so easy to skip 385 00:15:36,801 --> 00:15:39,281 Speaker 2: the trigger part and just go straight into action. You 386 00:15:39,321 --> 00:15:41,801 Speaker 2: can do that, but in an intimate relationship, I feel 387 00:15:41,801 --> 00:15:44,281 Speaker 2: like there's almost like a different way to approach it, 388 00:15:45,201 --> 00:15:47,801 Speaker 2: you know, because when it comes to an intimate relationship, 389 00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:50,601 Speaker 2: if you are feeling triggered about your partner and other women, 390 00:15:51,001 --> 00:15:53,241 Speaker 2: then it's the internal of like, okay, this is a 391 00:15:53,321 --> 00:15:58,081 Speaker 2: self worth thing as opposed to a physical desire. You know. 392 00:15:58,521 --> 00:16:00,001 Speaker 1: I had a friend there that I didn't tell you 393 00:16:00,041 --> 00:16:02,641 Speaker 1: the other day. She brought up the comparison that means 394 00:16:02,681 --> 00:16:05,481 Speaker 1: you get online because I always get compared to and 395 00:16:05,561 --> 00:16:07,201 Speaker 1: like how you're the pretty one and the younger one 396 00:16:07,241 --> 00:16:09,601 Speaker 1: or whatever. And it was a really cool moment for me. 397 00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:12,281 Speaker 1: What I mean, it is true, but that's okay age 398 00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:14,721 Speaker 1: you are younger and pretty young. But she said to me, like, 399 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:17,601 Speaker 1: do you get jealous of her? And I said yes 400 00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:20,361 Speaker 1: and no. Yes in the sense of like, of course 401 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:23,721 Speaker 1: she's gorgeous, but maybe five years ago it would have 402 00:16:23,761 --> 00:16:27,601 Speaker 1: been really hard for me. But now, just because you're pretty, 403 00:16:27,721 --> 00:16:29,481 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean I'm not pretty in my own way. 404 00:16:30,161 --> 00:16:33,121 Speaker 1: And yes, being beautiful is something we value. I'm getting 405 00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:34,761 Speaker 1: surgery in February. I want to be pretty. I like 406 00:16:34,801 --> 00:16:36,721 Speaker 1: bring makeup. I wear fake tan each week. Yes, I 407 00:16:36,761 --> 00:16:39,521 Speaker 1: care about what I like. Yeah, but it's not a 408 00:16:39,521 --> 00:16:43,201 Speaker 1: competition to the point where someone says, oh, your podcast 409 00:16:43,281 --> 00:16:45,961 Speaker 1: host is the pretty one. I'm like, yeah, I know. 410 00:16:46,161 --> 00:16:49,241 Speaker 1: It's not a jealousy of oh that makes me shit 411 00:16:49,361 --> 00:16:52,201 Speaker 1: or makes me ugly, or makes me any less than you. 412 00:16:52,641 --> 00:16:54,601 Speaker 1: I feel like, yes, I can feel jealous of how 413 00:16:54,601 --> 00:16:56,001 Speaker 1: gorgeous you are. Every time you walk in the car, 414 00:16:56,001 --> 00:16:58,321 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, can you fucking not it 415 00:16:58,321 --> 00:17:01,281 Speaker 1: looks amazing. It doesn't take away from the love I 416 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:05,041 Speaker 1: have for me. So jealousy is still going to exist 417 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,361 Speaker 1: within all of us. It doesn't just go away because 418 00:17:07,361 --> 00:17:09,761 Speaker 1: you've done this work. But it also can get to 419 00:17:09,801 --> 00:17:13,880 Speaker 1: a point where it doesn't demobilize you or ruin friendships 420 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,521 Speaker 1: or destroy your relationships or make you feel less than 421 00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:20,241 Speaker 1: I think both can coexist because yes, I'm jealous of you, 422 00:17:20,281 --> 00:17:21,880 Speaker 1: I'm jealous of makes you. I'm jealous of all my 423 00:17:21,921 --> 00:17:24,521 Speaker 1: friends that are gorgeous, But I'm like, it doesn't take 424 00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,721 Speaker 1: away from me anymore. Does that make sense? Yes, It's 425 00:17:26,761 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 1: just a really cool conversation to have because I was like, 426 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 1: far out, I've come far with that, but I wanted 427 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 1: to talk about that because if you feel jealous of 428 00:17:32,961 --> 00:17:36,160 Speaker 1: your friends, their success, their looks, their relationship, whatever, you 429 00:17:36,201 --> 00:17:38,440 Speaker 1: can feel like that, but it also doesn't take away 430 00:17:38,441 --> 00:17:41,161 Speaker 1: from who you are and you have and what you want. 431 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,160 Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, I think this is a powerful conversation to 432 00:17:44,201 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 2: have because it shows what having a regulated nervous system does. Yes, 433 00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:50,441 Speaker 2: Like you know, in comparison to like twenty years ago, 434 00:17:50,481 --> 00:17:52,521 Speaker 2: maybe that would have looked differently from where you're at 435 00:17:52,561 --> 00:17:55,281 Speaker 2: now and how you take accountability and state that you 436 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,281 Speaker 2: live in day to day is a much more grounded 437 00:17:58,281 --> 00:18:00,081 Speaker 2: place and you can hold it. 438 00:18:00,041 --> 00:18:01,801 Speaker 1: Better and I can also bring it to you and 439 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,680 Speaker 1: say it and it doesn't mean anything, which I think 440 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 1: years ago I've even been able to admit that I 441 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,160 Speaker 1: was jealous because that would feel like, I don't know, 442 00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:13,081 Speaker 1: like I'm wrong or wrong. I feel like we can 443 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 1: openly say or if you get a Sunday, were you like, 444 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:16,441 Speaker 1: I'm going to lay in bed a day? I'm fucking 445 00:18:16,521 --> 00:18:19,721 Speaker 1: jealous of that. Yes, I could do that. I was 446 00:18:19,761 --> 00:18:20,120 Speaker 1: going to know. 447 00:18:20,681 --> 00:18:23,321 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's interesting what you said because we can 448 00:18:23,321 --> 00:18:23,881 Speaker 2: bring it in. 449 00:18:24,041 --> 00:18:25,521 Speaker 1: Yes, we resolve it too. 450 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,321 Speaker 2: Before when I used to feel jealousy, I used to 451 00:18:28,321 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 2: think I can't let anybody see me in this right, 452 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,680 Speaker 2: Oh my god, Like if they think this of me, 453 00:18:32,721 --> 00:18:34,521 Speaker 2: they're going to think I'm a bad friend. They're going 454 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 2: to think that, you know, I want to take away 455 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:41,401 Speaker 2: what's theirs like bad intent? Like bad intent almost. It's 456 00:18:41,441 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 2: interesting because something came up for me with you, and 457 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,640 Speaker 2: we spoke about this where there was a moment where we. 458 00:18:46,481 --> 00:18:48,640 Speaker 1: Were looking out to get on different podcasts. 459 00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:51,241 Speaker 2: Yes, and there was this one moment where our producer 460 00:18:51,321 --> 00:18:54,281 Speaker 2: was like, oh, yes, like Ashly, this person wants you 461 00:18:54,321 --> 00:18:57,281 Speaker 2: on the podcast not as a duo. And my own 462 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,881 Speaker 2: stuff and my own wound of like not feeling important 463 00:18:59,961 --> 00:19:02,241 Speaker 2: enough kind of came up in that moment. And it's 464 00:19:02,281 --> 00:19:04,521 Speaker 2: not that it had anything to do with our friendship 465 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,640 Speaker 2: or ash or my love for Ashy. It was just 466 00:19:06,681 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 2: in that moment I was like, Oh, I don't feel 467 00:19:08,921 --> 00:19:11,160 Speaker 2: important in this moment, And so it was like that 468 00:19:11,281 --> 00:19:14,121 Speaker 2: jealousy coming up of like, oh, wow, she's an important 469 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 2: person that people want to communicate with and want to 470 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,920 Speaker 2: interview and stuff, and I love that for you, and 471 00:19:18,961 --> 00:19:21,561 Speaker 2: I've always been so like, celebrate you in all of 472 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:23,841 Speaker 2: your business. And then also in that moment that came 473 00:19:23,921 --> 00:19:25,561 Speaker 2: up for me. But the way that I would have 474 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:29,241 Speaker 2: handled that same thing five years ago very different, Yeah, 475 00:19:29,281 --> 00:19:31,241 Speaker 2: because I would have made that into a. 476 00:19:31,241 --> 00:19:33,521 Speaker 1: Problem and then I've created a distance in us. 477 00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:37,521 Speaker 2: Made it about the friendship or like projected not being 478 00:19:37,561 --> 00:19:40,801 Speaker 2: able to take accountability for it. Yeah. I would have 479 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,960 Speaker 2: even made it mean that there was something wrong with me. 480 00:19:43,321 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. And it was cool because it was almost a 481 00:19:45,481 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: moment of the opposite because you brought it in. It 482 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,921 Speaker 1: got to bring closeness. And then I think I brought 483 00:19:50,961 --> 00:19:53,041 Speaker 1: in something where I felt jealous of something. It was like, yeah, 484 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,561 Speaker 1: my gosh, we're both feeling exactly the same thing. It 485 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 1: just looks different and we're just like. It brought us 486 00:19:57,921 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 1: even closer because we got to hold each other in it, 487 00:19:59,761 --> 00:20:01,840 Speaker 1: see each other in it, and reassure each other in it. Yes, 488 00:20:01,921 --> 00:20:06,521 Speaker 1: and then it didn't have to mean anything. Yes, mean anything. Safety, safety, like. 489 00:20:06,481 --> 00:20:09,161 Speaker 2: Being able to bring anything in. And also as well, 490 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,041 Speaker 2: I think we have like an unspoken agreement or maybe 491 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,761 Speaker 2: spoken over the years where we don't take things personally. No, 492 00:20:14,961 --> 00:20:16,801 Speaker 2: we're like, oh no, like something's coming up for you, 493 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,761 Speaker 2: like bring it in, I can hold this for you, 494 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:22,281 Speaker 2: and vice versa. And so jealousy shows up in different 495 00:20:22,281 --> 00:20:25,041 Speaker 2: ways for different and yet like what you said about 496 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,761 Speaker 2: the freedom thing about you, you want to go lay in. 497 00:20:26,721 --> 00:20:32,521 Speaker 1: Bed, Yeah, like dating movies good for your humor into 498 00:20:32,521 --> 00:20:35,120 Speaker 1: it as well, not to put Tiana down or make 499 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:36,680 Speaker 1: you feel bad for laying in bed. I'm like I 500 00:20:36,801 --> 00:20:38,440 Speaker 1: try and say that to like, Oh my god, if 501 00:20:38,441 --> 00:20:40,561 Speaker 1: I was in your position, I'd be doing the same thing. 502 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 2: You live that lot one hundred percent. 503 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,880 Speaker 1: Like you can dissolve it by being seen in it. 504 00:20:46,001 --> 00:20:47,321 Speaker 1: You've got to be brave to be seen in it. 505 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,561 Speaker 1: You can bring humor into it, and you can also 506 00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:52,321 Speaker 1: not make it bigger than what it needs to be. Yes, 507 00:20:52,481 --> 00:20:55,721 Speaker 1: let it be there. It's another emotion, just like happy, sad, frustrated. 508 00:20:55,801 --> 00:20:59,160 Speaker 1: Jealousy is something we're all going to experience. Taj just 509 00:20:59,201 --> 00:21:01,881 Speaker 1: experienced it at the moment as a parent, it's really 510 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,201 Speaker 1: interesting to see how it comes up. And I'm so gratefully, 511 00:21:04,321 --> 00:21:07,001 Speaker 1: so emotionally intelligent, but he literally will voice and say, 512 00:21:07,321 --> 00:21:09,601 Speaker 1: I'm so jealous of Tala because she gets so much 513 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,640 Speaker 1: more attention, and in the moment as a mom, my 514 00:21:12,761 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: heart broken to a million pieces. And then I looked 515 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:18,480 Speaker 1: at him, I said, you're right, she does. She is younger, 516 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,401 Speaker 1: she's so loud, because he said, oh, she just dances 517 00:21:21,441 --> 00:21:24,241 Speaker 1: and she's so funny and she does this silly stuff 518 00:21:24,281 --> 00:21:25,961 Speaker 1: and you guys just love her all the whole time, 519 00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:30,041 Speaker 1: and you know, their personalities are total abslorse, quiet and 520 00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:33,041 Speaker 1: gentle and just the sweetheart. And she's like, fuck is 521 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,561 Speaker 1: look at me? Like you know, she'll be dude and 522 00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:36,761 Speaker 1: lift her leg up and be like, look at my 523 00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,561 Speaker 1: dance move and he will. She'll be so loud and 524 00:21:39,561 --> 00:21:42,201 Speaker 1: she's not afraid to take up space, so naturally she 525 00:21:42,241 --> 00:21:44,840 Speaker 1: does get more attention, and being younger, she obviously needs 526 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,120 Speaker 1: our eyes on her. But it was super cool to 527 00:21:47,281 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 1: acknowledge his jealous and be like, you're so right, I 528 00:21:49,521 --> 00:21:51,801 Speaker 1: feel you and his attention something you wanted more of. 529 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,360 Speaker 1: And he's like, yeah, you'll cry about him like, So 530 00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:55,841 Speaker 1: to Steve when he went to bed, I'm like, Okay, 531 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,201 Speaker 1: we're going to have to have more one on time 532 00:21:57,201 --> 00:21:59,200 Speaker 1: with him. I'm going to take him to Yochi tomorrow night. 533 00:21:59,201 --> 00:22:00,561 Speaker 1: You're going to go do something with him on the 534 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,801 Speaker 1: weekend and day to day We're going to make sure 535 00:22:02,801 --> 00:22:06,400 Speaker 1: we have more intentional time with him. And it was 536 00:22:06,441 --> 00:22:09,001 Speaker 1: so cool, like, I'm so glad he felt comfortable to 537 00:22:09,001 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 1: bring that in. Didn't have to make a big deal 538 00:22:10,761 --> 00:22:12,241 Speaker 1: about it. You want more of it, And I joked, 539 00:22:12,281 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 1: I said, I love attention. Tar loves attention. Auntie, Tata 540 00:22:15,961 --> 00:22:16,240 Speaker 1: loves it. 541 00:22:16,321 --> 00:22:16,521 Speaker 2: I do. 542 00:22:16,801 --> 00:22:19,360 Speaker 1: We do Daddy not as much. Yeah, that's what he said. 543 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,360 Speaker 1: Steve was like, I feel you. I always want more 544 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:24,041 Speaker 1: attention off mummy. And that was a cool conversation too, 545 00:22:24,041 --> 00:22:26,521 Speaker 1: because it's been something Steve's voice lately. Yeah, I want 546 00:22:26,561 --> 00:22:26,921 Speaker 1: more of. 547 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,801 Speaker 2: You any Tata is getting too much of mummy. 548 00:22:28,961 --> 00:22:31,641 Speaker 1: But it's like that jealousy of wanting more of someone 549 00:22:31,681 --> 00:22:34,521 Speaker 1: and wanting more attention. Just once again, let it be seen. Yeah, 550 00:22:34,681 --> 00:22:37,521 Speaker 1: dissolve it together, doesn't have to mean anything, and work 551 00:22:37,561 --> 00:22:38,080 Speaker 1: on it together. 552 00:22:38,281 --> 00:22:41,241 Speaker 2: Oh, this conversation is so freeing to even just voice 553 00:22:41,281 --> 00:22:42,041 Speaker 2: out loud. 554 00:22:42,321 --> 00:22:44,761 Speaker 1: Feels our vibes right now. Oh, isn't it beautiful to 555 00:22:44,801 --> 00:22:45,241 Speaker 1: talk about it? 556 00:22:45,321 --> 00:22:48,481 Speaker 2: It's so beautiful and it just removes any shame that's 557 00:22:48,521 --> 00:22:52,360 Speaker 2: around jealousy, having any shame because jealousy there is a 558 00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:54,681 Speaker 2: lot of shame around it, and we so much for it, 559 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,081 Speaker 2: and it doesn't make you a bad person for feeling it. 560 00:22:57,481 --> 00:22:59,360 Speaker 2: And I think the more safe that you feel with 561 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,641 Speaker 2: people to bring it in and be like, Hey, even 562 00:23:01,681 --> 00:23:04,200 Speaker 2: if you don't normally have conversations like this, Hey, I 563 00:23:04,241 --> 00:23:06,200 Speaker 2: want to bring something in to you. I'm really going 564 00:23:06,281 --> 00:23:07,521 Speaker 2: to need you to hold the space for me, and 565 00:23:07,561 --> 00:23:09,401 Speaker 2: I want you to know, please don't take this personally, 566 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:09,960 Speaker 2: but I need you to. 567 00:23:09,961 --> 00:23:10,561 Speaker 1: Hold me in this. 568 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,961 Speaker 2: Can you do that for me? This is going to 569 00:23:13,041 --> 00:23:15,201 Speaker 2: be different than what we normally do. But I want 570 00:23:15,241 --> 00:23:17,041 Speaker 2: to voice something and I'm going to sit here and 571 00:23:17,041 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 2: I'm going to take accountability for it and it's not 572 00:23:19,201 --> 00:23:21,521 Speaker 2: about you, but I just want to voice it so 573 00:23:21,561 --> 00:23:22,241 Speaker 2: that it is heard. 574 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,360 Speaker 1: That's cool. That is a game changer. 575 00:23:24,441 --> 00:23:27,321 Speaker 2: It's a situation you can think of in my last relationship, 576 00:23:27,441 --> 00:23:29,561 Speaker 2: I used to voice to him that I was jealousy 577 00:23:29,721 --> 00:23:30,601 Speaker 2: and I started. 578 00:23:30,281 --> 00:23:32,081 Speaker 1: To bring it in a playful. Oh I love this. 579 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,201 Speaker 1: It softens them, it does. I don't feel criticized or attacked. 580 00:23:35,481 --> 00:23:37,721 Speaker 2: No, absolutely, So there were I mean there were a 581 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,041 Speaker 2: multitude occasions where I brought this in because I'm just 582 00:23:40,041 --> 00:23:42,600 Speaker 2: a jealous human. Like when I am in a relationship, 583 00:23:42,801 --> 00:23:45,401 Speaker 2: that is my man, that is my fish. Don't touch 584 00:23:45,441 --> 00:23:47,721 Speaker 2: my fucking fish. Okay, fish to say this is my fish, 585 00:23:47,761 --> 00:23:53,201 Speaker 2: that's my fish. Back off and off, back off. And 586 00:23:53,481 --> 00:23:56,321 Speaker 2: I was starting to feel jealous because he was doing 587 00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,841 Speaker 2: a project for an app that he was building, and 588 00:23:59,961 --> 00:24:01,880 Speaker 2: you know, around the time that it came to filming, 589 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,961 Speaker 2: there was like a male part and then a female part, 590 00:24:04,521 --> 00:24:07,120 Speaker 2: and because of that, I just naturally assumed, you know, 591 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:08,960 Speaker 2: because I'm his partner, that he would want me to 592 00:24:09,001 --> 00:24:12,521 Speaker 2: film the female side. But what happened was he ended 593 00:24:12,561 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 2: up hiring a model to do it instead, and then 594 00:24:15,001 --> 00:24:17,521 Speaker 2: he filmed himself as the male And there was a 595 00:24:17,561 --> 00:24:20,160 Speaker 2: reason for this, like there was a story behind that, 596 00:24:20,241 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 2: but anyway, I ended up bringing it into him and 597 00:24:22,241 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 2: being like, I'm just feeling a little bit jealous with 598 00:24:24,961 --> 00:24:25,720 Speaker 2: this cute puppy. 599 00:24:25,721 --> 00:24:28,521 Speaker 1: Dont eye feel like this cute little like baby. 600 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,001 Speaker 2: I'm feeling a little bit jealous, Yeah, and I need 601 00:24:31,001 --> 00:24:33,360 Speaker 2: some love. And I brought it in like that because 602 00:24:33,360 --> 00:24:35,081 Speaker 2: I had thought about it, I'd sat with it. 603 00:24:35,481 --> 00:24:37,160 Speaker 1: I realized that there were some things coming up for 604 00:24:37,241 --> 00:24:39,120 Speaker 1: me around just other women chosen. 605 00:24:39,681 --> 00:24:42,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, other women being in the picture, dealing with my 606 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,600 Speaker 2: partner at the time, constantly being surrounded by women in 607 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,161 Speaker 2: the workplace, women in training. 608 00:24:48,241 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: You're not feeling chosen too. 609 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:51,281 Speaker 2: Yeah, there were some deeper things I didn't feel chosen 610 00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:53,001 Speaker 2: in the relationship. So it was making me feel more 611 00:24:53,041 --> 00:24:56,360 Speaker 2: anxious and more that other women around me were a threat. 612 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,840 Speaker 2: And so yeah, that was the way that I kind 613 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,761 Speaker 2: of brought it in. But I really tried my best 614 00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:02,880 Speaker 2: to bring it in in a way that was one 615 00:25:02,961 --> 00:25:05,720 Speaker 2: really playful where I didn't blame him or assume that 616 00:25:05,761 --> 00:25:08,721 Speaker 2: he was automatically doing something wrong by me, not assuming 617 00:25:08,761 --> 00:25:11,281 Speaker 2: the worst, not assuming the worst, but just being like, hey, 618 00:25:11,441 --> 00:25:13,961 Speaker 2: I really need some reassurance here, like can you please 619 00:25:14,001 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 2: give it to me? But I did it in like 620 00:25:15,481 --> 00:25:18,801 Speaker 2: a little puppy dog, cute, little kid's little voice, And 621 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,041 Speaker 2: he laughed with me about it, and he was just like, 622 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, you're so fucking cute, Like yeah, and 623 00:25:23,761 --> 00:25:25,400 Speaker 2: just like brought me in and hugged me and was 624 00:25:25,441 --> 00:25:27,801 Speaker 2: like no, like you're it, like you know and all 625 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:29,400 Speaker 2: of the things, and reassured me in the way that 626 00:25:29,441 --> 00:25:32,721 Speaker 2: I needed to in the moment. And that in itself 627 00:25:32,801 --> 00:25:36,041 Speaker 2: has changed the way that I talk about jealousy even 628 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 2: when I do it in our friendship, the way that 629 00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:41,801 Speaker 2: we've brought in playfulness when it comes to other friends, 630 00:25:41,921 --> 00:25:44,961 Speaker 2: because you know, both us girls are territorial over each other. 631 00:25:45,521 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 1: Whenever I say, like my other best friends, She's like, 632 00:25:47,481 --> 00:25:48,840 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, what did you say? You said that? 633 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 2: It training the other day to George, I was like, 634 00:25:50,961 --> 00:25:52,001 Speaker 2: your are the best friend. 635 00:25:52,521 --> 00:25:55,001 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you had other friends or to go 636 00:25:55,041 --> 00:25:56,281 Speaker 1: for a walk. She's like, oh, yeah, I went for 637 00:25:56,281 --> 00:25:58,801 Speaker 1: a walk with this person. I'm like, who, Or did 638 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,480 Speaker 1: you have fun? Did you had someone you had a 639 00:26:00,481 --> 00:26:04,640 Speaker 1: good time? Is she funny? Three hours? You had it? 640 00:26:04,681 --> 00:26:05,640 Speaker 2: Break? We had it? 641 00:26:08,001 --> 00:26:08,521 Speaker 1: Oh my god. 642 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,360 Speaker 2: It's just it's just so fun. It's all so shame 643 00:26:11,441 --> 00:26:15,680 Speaker 2: and especially for us both we're big on fomo with 644 00:26:15,721 --> 00:26:18,841 Speaker 2: each other though with each other, and so yeah, I'm 645 00:26:18,961 --> 00:26:22,880 Speaker 2: just having this conversation. Bringing the lightheartedness, the playfulness really 646 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,281 Speaker 2: allows us to remove the shame. Yeah, not feel guilty, 647 00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:27,281 Speaker 2: bad or wrong or like there's something wrong with us 648 00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:30,041 Speaker 2: because of it, And now we do it even more 649 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:31,641 Speaker 2: so we ampered up in each other. 650 00:26:31,761 --> 00:26:33,321 Speaker 1: Yeah, even if it's not that big, we'll make it 651 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:35,441 Speaker 1: big just to have a laugh. Yeah, fucking fun because 652 00:26:35,441 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 1: it's funny. 653 00:26:36,041 --> 00:26:38,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, we were training and stretching with our train at 654 00:26:38,241 --> 00:26:40,161 Speaker 2: George and she's like, oh, yeah, you know, just went 655 00:26:40,201 --> 00:26:41,961 Speaker 2: to my best friend of twenty years wedding. I'm like, 656 00:26:42,241 --> 00:26:44,360 Speaker 2: you're best friend of twenty years. Yeah, I'm the only 657 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,521 Speaker 2: best friend you know full well, knowing loving Chezy and 658 00:26:48,561 --> 00:26:50,801 Speaker 2: loving your relationship and your best friends you've had for 659 00:26:50,801 --> 00:26:53,041 Speaker 2: a long time. It doesn't take away from our friends, No, 660 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,680 Speaker 2: just bore comedy into it. But because we can be 661 00:26:55,721 --> 00:26:58,801 Speaker 2: playful about it exactly, I think maybe as well. Years 662 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,641 Speaker 2: ago I would have been like insecure or been like, oh, 663 00:27:01,761 --> 00:27:02,761 Speaker 2: friendship's not as deep. 664 00:27:02,761 --> 00:27:04,600 Speaker 1: Oh my god, what does that mean about it? No longer, 665 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:06,921 Speaker 1: which I just like me as much, loves her more. 666 00:27:07,001 --> 00:27:08,960 Speaker 2: That's not even a thought in my mind because we 667 00:27:09,041 --> 00:27:10,801 Speaker 2: bring it in and it dissolves immediately. 668 00:27:11,041 --> 00:27:12,961 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so called. It was such a big game 669 00:27:13,041 --> 00:27:15,641 Speaker 1: changer for me because there's not often I get jealous 670 00:27:15,681 --> 00:27:19,400 Speaker 1: of Steve with women anymore. I realize it's that many 671 00:27:19,481 --> 00:27:21,921 Speaker 1: scenarios for me to get jealous of because he doesn't 672 00:27:21,961 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: trained with anyone anymore. But I remember there was something 673 00:27:25,321 --> 00:27:27,360 Speaker 1: I made us wanted more attention. I was jealous that 674 00:27:27,441 --> 00:27:29,400 Speaker 1: he had not jealous what's a jealous right word? That 675 00:27:29,441 --> 00:27:30,960 Speaker 1: he was giving so much attention to work, But I 676 00:27:31,001 --> 00:27:33,840 Speaker 1: tried that playfulness. I was like, I'm just feeling a 677 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,481 Speaker 1: little bit left out and I want some love and 678 00:27:36,561 --> 00:27:38,241 Speaker 1: I need some to LC because I'm having a really 679 00:27:38,241 --> 00:27:40,880 Speaker 1: hard week. And just like played this poor little me 680 00:27:40,961 --> 00:27:43,201 Speaker 1: victim and same thing. He's like, oh my gosh, come here. 681 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,281 Speaker 1: Yeah he needs some more love. Come here. He's like, 682 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:50,640 Speaker 1: come to baba. And then I didn't like that, but 683 00:27:50,681 --> 00:27:52,680 Speaker 1: it came out that way. But like then he was 684 00:27:52,721 --> 00:27:55,281 Speaker 1: aware that I needed more TLC. Yeah, I was feeling 685 00:27:55,441 --> 00:27:58,881 Speaker 1: a bit neglected, and it's like it just is playful 686 00:27:58,921 --> 00:28:01,200 Speaker 1: and fun, rather me being like going and attacking with 687 00:28:01,281 --> 00:28:03,881 Speaker 1: all weapons blazing. You're spending too much time with you work. 688 00:28:03,921 --> 00:28:06,321 Speaker 1: Put your fucking phone down and going in aggressively. It's like, 689 00:28:06,321 --> 00:28:08,801 Speaker 1: oh I need some love. Yes, Immediately his phones down 690 00:28:08,801 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 1: and his eyes are on me. And he's bringing it in. 691 00:28:10,521 --> 00:28:13,801 Speaker 2: It's the best the way that you communicate what you 692 00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:17,561 Speaker 2: want to need is everything. Yeah, because you could for 693 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,080 Speaker 2: sure go in and be like you never do this, 694 00:28:20,201 --> 00:28:22,321 Speaker 2: and you don't do this, and you don't pay attention 695 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 2: to me. But like immediately you're going to get the 696 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:25,801 Speaker 2: worst of that person. 697 00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,761 Speaker 1: There, walls are up to be criticized. Think about it. 698 00:28:27,801 --> 00:28:30,200 Speaker 2: When someone comes to you and criticize exactly, all you 699 00:28:30,241 --> 00:28:31,801 Speaker 2: want to do is tell them to go get fuck or. 700 00:28:31,801 --> 00:28:34,400 Speaker 1: Defend yourself, explain over, explain yourself. 701 00:28:34,481 --> 00:28:37,041 Speaker 2: You feel like, now you've done something wrong. 702 00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:39,081 Speaker 1: Yeah, the bad guy. There's something to feel guilty for. 703 00:28:39,281 --> 00:28:41,281 Speaker 1: Normally there's that little girl or boy inside that's like, 704 00:28:41,321 --> 00:28:42,041 Speaker 1: oh I'm in troubling. 705 00:28:42,201 --> 00:28:43,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, what if we could just prevent all of that 706 00:28:44,041 --> 00:28:45,641 Speaker 2: and just bring playfulness. 707 00:28:45,401 --> 00:28:47,240 Speaker 1: Especially with jealousy because it is such a hard thing 708 00:28:47,281 --> 00:28:48,081 Speaker 1: to navigate. 709 00:28:47,761 --> 00:28:50,561 Speaker 2: And especially in an intimate relationship. Yeah. So I imagine 710 00:28:50,601 --> 00:28:53,441 Speaker 2: intimate relationships like where you get the trigger the most. 711 00:28:53,521 --> 00:28:55,081 Speaker 1: Especially when you feel like something is a threat. 712 00:28:55,281 --> 00:28:58,401 Speaker 2: Yeah, threat to your foundation of your relationship. 713 00:28:58,721 --> 00:29:02,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, I do it, even like the giggle, that was 714 00:29:02,481 --> 00:29:04,681 Speaker 1: a cute giggle, go on, bring it in, Okay, funny 715 00:29:04,721 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 1: do Every fucking man that I know is obsessed with 716 00:29:07,561 --> 00:29:10,960 Speaker 1: this woman, and Steve was just playing her. I think 717 00:29:10,961 --> 00:29:12,401 Speaker 1: I've told the story before, but if you haven't heard, 718 00:29:12,401 --> 00:29:13,801 Speaker 1: it's still funny. He just was all sort I was 719 00:29:13,881 --> 00:29:15,961 Speaker 1: playing to a leap on the screen all the time 720 00:29:15,961 --> 00:29:17,960 Speaker 1: because we always have music playing in the background. And 721 00:29:18,241 --> 00:29:20,001 Speaker 1: I looked at him one day, I'm like, don't tell 722 00:29:20,001 --> 00:29:21,921 Speaker 1: me you fucking like this pop music? Like you don't 723 00:29:22,001 --> 00:29:23,521 Speaker 1: like He's like, no, she's a really good singer. I 724 00:29:23,561 --> 00:29:26,801 Speaker 1: was like, Oh, she's a good se is she that? 725 00:29:26,921 --> 00:29:28,681 Speaker 1: I watched the moves and I'm like, I can see 726 00:29:28,681 --> 00:29:31,561 Speaker 1: where every man loves her. She's so sexually embodied. All 727 00:29:31,601 --> 00:29:33,641 Speaker 1: of her moves are just so sexual and she's hot. 728 00:29:33,761 --> 00:29:35,961 Speaker 1: Now I'm obsessed with her, but I had to bring 729 00:29:36,041 --> 00:29:39,401 Speaker 1: playfulness into that so he didn't feel like he was 730 00:29:39,481 --> 00:29:42,401 Speaker 1: being attacked. And he's fucking human. Yeah, I'm looking at her. 731 00:29:42,401 --> 00:29:44,041 Speaker 1: I can't get angry at him for looking at her. 732 00:29:44,841 --> 00:29:47,321 Speaker 1: And then the next person after that was that Madison 733 00:29:47,361 --> 00:29:50,281 Speaker 1: beer Beard. Is it beird Madison beer Yeah? Yeah, she 734 00:29:50,441 --> 00:29:53,240 Speaker 1: is so hot And when she started playing on the screens, 735 00:29:53,241 --> 00:29:55,081 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you like long black hair do 736 00:29:55,121 --> 00:29:57,841 Speaker 1: you I didn't have long black hair. I remember you 737 00:29:57,921 --> 00:30:01,161 Speaker 1: bringing that toz. Oh my god, I've never seen him 738 00:30:01,161 --> 00:30:03,121 Speaker 1: like anyone with black hair before. Yeah, I thought you 739 00:30:03,201 --> 00:30:05,480 Speaker 1: liked blondes and like Twipe done, I have black. And 740 00:30:06,081 --> 00:30:08,521 Speaker 1: it's just I'm jealous of these two women because they're 741 00:30:08,521 --> 00:30:10,881 Speaker 1: beautiful and hot and they're very embodied, and they're talented 742 00:30:10,921 --> 00:30:12,841 Speaker 1: and all the things. But it also doesn't have to 743 00:30:12,881 --> 00:30:15,561 Speaker 1: take away from our relationship. I just put playfulness into yes, 744 00:30:15,921 --> 00:30:18,401 Speaker 1: and now it's this ongoing joke, and you know it's 745 00:30:18,441 --> 00:30:18,921 Speaker 1: funny too. 746 00:30:19,001 --> 00:30:21,641 Speaker 2: Steve was like, you look at chocolate men on TV 747 00:30:21,721 --> 00:30:22,161 Speaker 2: all the time. 748 00:30:23,121 --> 00:30:23,681 Speaker 1: That's right. 749 00:30:23,761 --> 00:30:25,801 Speaker 2: He's like, what do you mean your upset with me 750 00:30:25,841 --> 00:30:28,561 Speaker 2: about doing a leaper when you, like are so vocal 751 00:30:28,601 --> 00:30:30,921 Speaker 2: about if that's an attractive man, you will happily say it. 752 00:30:31,401 --> 00:30:33,841 Speaker 2: And then you're like, right, oh shit, you're right yeah, 753 00:30:34,041 --> 00:30:36,041 Speaker 2: And then it just became this like funny thing. 754 00:30:36,121 --> 00:30:39,361 Speaker 1: But it's still just like playful and he's like, you're hot, like, 755 00:30:39,401 --> 00:30:42,601 Speaker 1: do a leaper. I can't be chocolate. I can't be 756 00:30:42,721 --> 00:30:44,281 Speaker 1: fucking chocolate. I'm caramel. 757 00:30:46,801 --> 00:30:49,641 Speaker 2: I just thought it was so so the conversation was 758 00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:50,200 Speaker 2: just funny. 759 00:30:50,201 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 1: How it ends so funny. But that's the thing. It 760 00:30:52,281 --> 00:30:55,681 Speaker 1: gets to be like that. You can feel jealous. I am, 761 00:30:55,681 --> 00:30:57,441 Speaker 1: I'm still jealous of those women. I will never look 762 00:30:57,521 --> 00:31:00,561 Speaker 1: like those girls do. I'm like, fuck, try, I don't know. 763 00:31:00,681 --> 00:31:04,121 Speaker 1: You're looking pretty fucking damn good. Thanks mate. But it's 764 00:31:04,161 --> 00:31:06,121 Speaker 1: like I can be jealous and it doesn't have to 765 00:31:06,161 --> 00:31:09,041 Speaker 1: take away from my relationship or how I feel about myself. 766 00:31:09,441 --> 00:31:11,401 Speaker 1: And now I can have fun with it. And why 767 00:31:11,401 --> 00:31:13,960 Speaker 1: would I not want to bring fun, playfulness, cheekiness and 768 00:31:13,961 --> 00:31:16,761 Speaker 1: floatiness into my relationship. And I get to choose to 769 00:31:16,761 --> 00:31:18,761 Speaker 1: do that with how I communicate, And you can see 770 00:31:18,801 --> 00:31:20,881 Speaker 1: how it can go one of two ways. Oh my gosh, 771 00:31:20,921 --> 00:31:21,481 Speaker 1: so easily. 772 00:31:21,561 --> 00:31:23,200 Speaker 2: When you can hear the energy that we've brought to 773 00:31:23,241 --> 00:31:25,201 Speaker 2: this conversation, Why would you want it to be. 774 00:31:25,161 --> 00:31:27,601 Speaker 1: Any other way? No, imagine if you know, had. 775 00:31:27,481 --> 00:31:29,521 Speaker 2: Gone to a partner and he say, looks at somebody 776 00:31:29,521 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 2: on the side of the road, and it's this big 777 00:31:31,561 --> 00:31:33,921 Speaker 2: blow up fight of like, oh my gosh, I'm not 778 00:31:33,921 --> 00:31:35,281 Speaker 2: good and oh my god, why are you doing this? 779 00:31:35,321 --> 00:31:37,801 Speaker 2: You shouldn't look and trying to contain and control the 780 00:31:37,841 --> 00:31:40,960 Speaker 2: person as opposed to just bring it in let it 781 00:31:41,001 --> 00:31:41,321 Speaker 2: be seen. 782 00:31:41,361 --> 00:31:43,081 Speaker 1: And don't be here, chrief. You're getting upset at your 783 00:31:43,081 --> 00:31:44,961 Speaker 1: man for looking at someone. You tell me you don't 784 00:31:44,961 --> 00:31:48,041 Speaker 1: look at anyone. Yeah, come on, and you're married, you're 785 00:31:48,081 --> 00:31:48,441 Speaker 1: not dead. 786 00:31:48,641 --> 00:31:51,000 Speaker 2: Yeah you say you know what you inspired me with that? 787 00:31:51,041 --> 00:31:53,601 Speaker 2: I was like, wow, everyone looks Yeah, you looked at 788 00:31:53,601 --> 00:31:55,481 Speaker 2: that same girl too, because she looks beautiful. And if 789 00:31:55,481 --> 00:31:58,721 Speaker 2: attractive hot man walks past, you tell me you don't 790 00:31:58,761 --> 00:32:00,961 Speaker 2: have a quick glance. There's a difference between glancing and 791 00:32:01,001 --> 00:32:04,001 Speaker 2: appreciating someone and being ogly creep. Absolutely, if your man's 792 00:32:04,041 --> 00:32:07,041 Speaker 2: being disrespectful all eyes and he's dribbling out of his mouth, 793 00:32:07,721 --> 00:32:09,961 Speaker 2: for sure, and you've got a reason to get upset. Yes, 794 00:32:10,041 --> 00:32:12,041 Speaker 2: But if your man has a quick glance, like, don't 795 00:32:12,041 --> 00:32:13,041 Speaker 2: act as if you don't do that. 796 00:32:13,201 --> 00:32:15,161 Speaker 1: Yeah, get off your high horse. I only say that 797 00:32:15,161 --> 00:32:16,801 Speaker 1: because I used to do that. Yes, I don't want 798 00:32:16,841 --> 00:32:18,121 Speaker 1: to be that girl. Yeah, you don't want to be 799 00:32:18,161 --> 00:32:18,441 Speaker 1: that girl. 800 00:32:18,441 --> 00:32:21,721 Speaker 2: It's exhausting too, Like, you don't want to be in anything, 801 00:32:21,761 --> 00:32:25,361 Speaker 2: any relationship where you're micromanaging what that person is doing, 802 00:32:25,401 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 2: because it's only going to be so upsetting for you. 803 00:32:27,561 --> 00:32:29,321 Speaker 1: Attractive too, it's not connecting the. 804 00:32:29,281 --> 00:32:30,921 Speaker 2: Way that you're going to live your life if you're 805 00:32:30,961 --> 00:32:33,521 Speaker 2: constantly being triggered by the little things, Yeah, have a 806 00:32:33,801 --> 00:32:35,001 Speaker 2: very unhappy. 807 00:32:34,521 --> 00:32:38,721 Speaker 1: Time, honestly. Yeah, it's a really cool conversation. I hope 808 00:32:38,761 --> 00:32:41,401 Speaker 1: you guys listening have felt the fun and the energy 809 00:32:41,441 --> 00:32:43,641 Speaker 1: behind this, and I really hope that you've learned there 810 00:32:43,681 --> 00:32:45,761 Speaker 1: can be a different way to navigate jealousy and it 811 00:32:45,801 --> 00:32:48,280 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be hard and scary and fluck your 812 00:32:48,281 --> 00:32:50,201 Speaker 1: weak up or fuck your relationship up every time there's 813 00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:52,841 Speaker 1: a hot girl that walks past or something happens on TV. 814 00:32:53,441 --> 00:32:55,440 Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be like that, but it definitely 815 00:32:55,441 --> 00:32:59,081 Speaker 1: takes a regulated nervous system, bringing playfulness into it, learning 816 00:32:59,121 --> 00:33:02,121 Speaker 1: how to communicate it, and just not making it bigger 817 00:33:02,161 --> 00:33:04,361 Speaker 1: than what it needs to be. Let it be there, 818 00:33:04,481 --> 00:33:06,321 Speaker 1: give it to the show, dissolve it, talk about it, 819 00:33:06,441 --> 00:33:09,641 Speaker 1: and have fun with it. Have fun with it. Yeah, alrighty, 820 00:33:09,641 --> 00:33:18,481 Speaker 1: We'll see you on the next one. Guys. Bye bye 821 00:33:18,561 --> 00:33:18,601 Speaker 1: h