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Speaker 1: Something I really struggle with is like I'd always be like,

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Speaker 1: but I want closure. Surely we can just go get

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Speaker 1: coffee and I can get my closure. Closure doesn't fucking exist. Hello, guys,

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Speaker 1: Happy Thursday.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to our brand new series called Just for Girls

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Speaker 2: Girls Guys.

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Speaker 1: So, on these Thursday episodes will be giving you a

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Speaker 1: guide and a rundown on so many different topics like breakups,

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Speaker 1: high school dating, dating apps, absolutely everything. Will be giving

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Speaker 1: you our tips and tricks on how to best manage these.

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Speaker 2: Obviously, we love all things girl talk on our main

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Speaker 2: episodes on Tuesday, so we wanted to come and offers

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Speaker 2: something a little bit different on every Thursday, where we

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Speaker 2: talk about our experiences on things, unpack and give advice

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Speaker 2: on different things. And sometimes we might have a guest

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Speaker 2: on board to help us out with that. But I

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Speaker 2: feel like it will be really fun episodes.

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Speaker 1: So this week's Girls Guide, we're talking at breakups.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I feel like I've been getting a lot of

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Speaker 2: tips post my breakup in December of last year about

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Speaker 2: how I got over it. I feel like online it

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Speaker 2: made it seem like I was fucking bribing, which I

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Speaker 2: have been.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but there's ups and downs Yeah.

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Speaker 2: There's definitely ups and downs, and I feel like it's

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Speaker 2: something that a lot of people go through in their

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Speaker 2: early twenties and their late teenagers. Year. It's something that

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Speaker 2: you go.

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Speaker 1: Through for your whole life. Yeah, you're handling breakups, and

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Speaker 1: we just wanted to give you our little tips that

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Speaker 1: helped us move forward. Yeah, move on.

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Speaker 2: So you've gone through two breakups and I felt like

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Speaker 2: they were quite tumulturous.

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Speaker 1: Both of both my breakups were pretty heavy breakups. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and look it has been a while, but I definitely

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Speaker 1: did things very differently the second time round. If I

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Speaker 1: can give one tip straight out, the gate is no contact.

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Speaker 1: You need to block them, you need to not see them.

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Speaker 1: Like my first breakup, we were in a similar friendship,

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Speaker 1: were running in similar circles, so I ended up seeing

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Speaker 1: him almost every weekend, and I can tell you I

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Speaker 1: went ballistic every time I saw that boy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so hard, and I can vouch to you

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Speaker 2: and say that no contact is so much easier said

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Speaker 2: than done. Oh yeah, but also from my experience, it

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Speaker 2: is the best way to heal and it is the

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Speaker 2: best way to move forward. Leaving something and putting that

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Speaker 2: in the past is so so important because if you

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Speaker 2: have them on file, and if you have them on reach,

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Speaker 2: it also stops you from putting yourself out there and

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Speaker 2: allowing other people to come into your life that might

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Speaker 2: necessarily be really Yeah, you might.

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Speaker 1: Meet someone on a night out, they might hear about it.

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Speaker 1: Then they'll send you a message. Oh, what do you

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Speaker 1: get up to in the weekend? It's not your business anymore. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know, I find that not having that chance to

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Speaker 1: reach them because sometimes you might be sad, which is okay,

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Speaker 1: if you're sad, let yourself be sad. Yeah, but then

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Speaker 1: you might go I just want to message or you

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Speaker 1: might have a couple drinks, Oh I just want to

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Speaker 1: message him. Don't give yourself the option, because yes, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't bring you all the way back to the beginning,

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Speaker 1: but it makes you feel like it doesn't. It's disheartening.

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Speaker 1: You know, you've done something that you shouldn't have done.

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Speaker 1: Right now, in that moment, all you need to think

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Speaker 1: about is yourself. Who cares if they're going to be like, no,

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Speaker 1: don't block me. I want to say friends. Great, maybe

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Speaker 1: we can be friends down the line, but for now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't be friends straight off the back like

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Speaker 2: a lot of the time. No matter how your breakup ends.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes it's cheating, sometimes it might be mutual. Sometimes it

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Speaker 2: might be he instigated the breakup or anything like that.

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Speaker 2: You need to allow your self time to be a

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Speaker 2: separate people, no matter if you do come back together

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Speaker 2: or you do become friends out in the long run,

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Speaker 2: but you do need to completely separate yourself from him,

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Speaker 2: have no contact, do everything alone to allow yourself to

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Speaker 2: completely and.

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Speaker 1: Utterly get over it.

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Speaker 2: Else you're just going to be back in a toxic

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Speaker 2: cycle of back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

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Speaker 1: And sending those long thought out paragraph messages that you

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Speaker 1: think are the best written thing you've ever done. It's

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Speaker 1: not going to tug his heart stringers. He's not gonna care.

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Speaker 2: He's not going to care. Something you need to remind

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Speaker 2: yourself of. And I did it all the time because

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Speaker 2: I would draft up these huge messages in my notes,

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Speaker 2: but I never send them. Silence is key. Giving them

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Speaker 2: nothing is key. If you want to play games and

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Speaker 2: everything like that, just fucking say nothing. That is the

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Speaker 2: best revenge that you can have. That is the best

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Speaker 2: healing you can do for yourself. Like give them nothing

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Speaker 2: that you do not need to have the last last word.

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Speaker 2: You do not need to tell them every thought that

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Speaker 2: you're having about them.

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Speaker 1: You do not need to say to everything, Okay, great,

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Speaker 1: be sad, sad, feel it all, but don't tell them

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Speaker 1: that you feel that way, because it's not necessary. Like

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Speaker 1: I remember watching when I was like really struggling with

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Speaker 1: my very first breakup. I remember like, maybe I was

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Speaker 1: bloody talking about all the time, but stuff was always

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Speaker 1: coming up from my like YouTube and everything, and it

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Speaker 1: was the road to getting them back and getting over

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Speaker 1: them is pretty well the fucking same it is. So

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Speaker 1: you may as well just take that road and cool.

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Speaker 1: Maybe they'll come running back. Maybe when they do, you

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Speaker 1: won't even care about them anymore. Yeah, the contact is

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Speaker 1: the only way forward.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you have to allow you also have to

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Speaker 2: say to yourself, even if you do think you might

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Speaker 2: get back together in the future, it's over for good

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Speaker 2: right now. It's done. There's a reason why you guys

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Speaker 2: broke up, and you need to constantly remind yourself of

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Speaker 2: the way, the things that he did that reminded, remind

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Speaker 2: yourself of the bad times, the things that he didn't like,

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Speaker 2: what he did that you don't want in your next relationship,

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Speaker 2: remind yourself of those things that constantly made you feel

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Speaker 2: like shit, and that you were constantly asking them what

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Speaker 2: to like to do for you and like everything like that,

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Speaker 2: and that is why you broke up, and you don't

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Speaker 2: want to go back to that just because it's comfort, Like, yes,

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Speaker 2: comfort is so easy to run back on, and the

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Speaker 2: thought of being alone is really really scary, but like

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Speaker 2: you don't want to be with them for certain reasons

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Speaker 2: and constantly remind yourself. I want to read you, guys

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Speaker 2: a quote that my mum sent to me when I

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Speaker 2: was going through my breakup at the start of the year.

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Speaker 2: Like I was in a pretty much a three year relationship,

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Speaker 2: so like the thought of being single when I turned

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Speaker 2: twenty one was pretty daunting, Like I.

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Speaker 1: Didn't like to be You didn't expect it.

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Speaker 2: I didn't expect it, And you guys probably know for

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Speaker 2: my past relationship, I was dating to marry this guy,

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Speaker 2: Like we fully thought that we were going to be

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Speaker 2: together for the rest of our lives.

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Speaker 1: So it was like a.

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Speaker 2: Bit of all and it was a huge adjustment in

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Speaker 2: my life. We lived together and everything like that, Like

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Speaker 2: I had to change so much of my life, which

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Speaker 2: now I'm so grateful for and I'm like, it's probably

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Speaker 2: the best thing that's ever happened to me. Is like

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Speaker 2: leaving that guy and showing that I I'm capable of

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Speaker 2: so many things. But my mom set this to me

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Speaker 2: on the twenty seventh of December, just before I was

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Speaker 2: going to go to BTV and I was having a

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Speaker 2: really hard few days and I was like, I just

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Speaker 2: want to go back to him and everything like that,

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Speaker 2: which is like so normal, But my mom said, it's

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Speaker 2: like affirmations to read out loud to yourself. Is I

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Speaker 2: cannot love the boy out of a man. I cannot

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Speaker 2: love the unreadiness out of that man. I cannot love

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Speaker 2: this man into wanting to love me back. I'm not

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Speaker 2: enough for this man that is not enough for himself.

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Speaker 2: I'm not his therapist or his mother. I'm not the

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Speaker 2: girl that he is going to be strong alone with

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Speaker 2: his go with the flow energy and mentality. I'm deserving

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Speaker 2: of a man that he is prepared. I am deserving

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Speaker 2: of a man that treats me like a priority and

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Speaker 2: not an option. I'm worth so much more of what

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Speaker 2: he has put me through. Keep saying that to yourself,

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Speaker 2: I'll put it up on the Instagram story and you

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Speaker 2: guys can just greet it to yourself anytime that my

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Speaker 2: friend goes to a breakup. It's just like applications that

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Speaker 2: you just like, keep reminding yourself up completely and don't

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Speaker 2: check their social media every time you hear that they

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Speaker 2: block a girl like you don't need a fucking message

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Speaker 2: them and let them know and it remind yourself of

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Speaker 2: what you're doing.

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Speaker 1: Give them on your little little secret side account too.

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Speaker 1: There is no benefit from seeing what this boy is

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Speaker 1: up to or on a day to day basis no

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Speaker 1: benefit to do it at all. Another tip, surround yourself

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Speaker 1: with friends. Pack those moments because if you do have

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Speaker 1: a breakdown, which maybe you're bound to do, you've got

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Speaker 1: people there that care and want to help you, and

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Speaker 1: we'll just take you to do different things. Take you

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Speaker 1: out of the house, like sitting around and rotting and

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Speaker 1: thinking about all of the past things of this relationship

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Speaker 1: isn't beneficial. But in saying that, also allow yourself to

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Speaker 1: feel that sadness moments. Give your mama hug, cry to

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Speaker 1: grab your best friend, lie in bed and fucking listen

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Speaker 1: to self help podcasts. Cry then, like you need to

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Speaker 1: feel the emotions or I don't think you can ever

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Speaker 1: truly come to terms with them and move forward over

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Speaker 1: them if you just pretend like everything's fine and you're

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Speaker 1: perfect and its chill fucking I'm good.

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Speaker 2: I like went through When I was going through the breakup,

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Speaker 2: it was like summer, so it was so nice to

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Speaker 2: like have my friends around. Everyone wanted to do things,

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Speaker 2: everyone wanted to go out. I definitely had my days

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Speaker 2: where I like sat and like allowed myself to feel

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Speaker 2: the feelings, but like I really like went full into it,

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Speaker 2: like just saying yes to everything.

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Speaker 1: I have to push yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, even if I didn't feel like it, I

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Speaker 2: would put makeup on, I would go, and I ended

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Speaker 2: up having the best time. I had the best summer

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Speaker 2: ever around my friends. Like, but there were times where

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Speaker 2: I'd go to easy and I would just like want

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Speaker 2: to hug and I would we would.

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Speaker 1: Just sit there and do nothing, and just well, that's

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Speaker 1: fine too, But you need to push yourself out of

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Speaker 1: your comfort zone. It's very quickly, very easy to get

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Speaker 1: into a slump. And then when you're in a slump

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Speaker 1: and there's not much going on, your mind starts to wonder.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but just like allow yourself and accept the fact

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Speaker 2: that this has happened in your life and don't try

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Speaker 2: to fix it. Ride the wave of emotions you have

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Speaker 2: down days, you'll have hired, you'll be like fuck you,

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Speaker 2: You'll be like I miss him, But like, just stop

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Speaker 2: that little tick in you that wants to message him

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Speaker 2: for a little bit of instant gratification.

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Speaker 1: Because it's gonna make you feel worse if you give

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Speaker 1: into it. And I also think that something I really

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Speaker 1: struggle with is like I'd always be like, but I

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Speaker 1: want closure.

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Speaker 2: Closure.

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Speaker 1: I want to like, surely we can just go get

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Speaker 1: coffee and I can get my closure. Closure doesn't fucking exist.

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Speaker 1: Closure comes from yourself, you realizing you're done, you're moving forward,

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Speaker 1: and there's nothing that that other person can say or

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Speaker 1: do to give you that closure you want. Like, you know,

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Speaker 1: they never even gave me that opportunity to do so,

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Speaker 1: And to be honest, it wouldn't have mattered if they did.

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Speaker 1: I don't think anything that they would have said would

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Speaker 1: have made me feel content and happy with the breakup regardless,

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Speaker 1: Like I was hurting and I just wanted to probably

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Speaker 1: see him again, and I was convincing myself that or

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Speaker 1: I just want closure. I know, baby, you just want

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Speaker 1: to see him closure.

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Speaker 2: You should never always go into things expecting closure from

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Speaker 2: somebody else. You need to provide yourself with that closure.

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Speaker 2: And like it's so hard. But every time I would

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Speaker 2: catch up because my ex and I had like a

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Speaker 2: few things that we need to figure we needed to

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Speaker 2: figure out because we're sharing leases, like we had our

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Speaker 2: lives really really intertwined. So we would need to catch

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Speaker 2: up a few times to figure that all out. And

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Speaker 2: it would set me back ten fucking steps. It confused me.

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Speaker 2: Having conversations would confuse me. It was so annoying. But

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Speaker 2: like you need to like be like even almost give

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Speaker 2: it up to your mum and be like, message my

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Speaker 2: mom if you need that, message my brother, if you

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Speaker 2: need that. Because you can't be in contact with them.

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Speaker 2: You can't catch up with them as much as your

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Speaker 2: your heart wants to, it's not the right thing.

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Speaker 1: And yes, like sometimes it's like, oh, they're really hurting,

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Speaker 1: I feel bad. I need to be there for them.

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Speaker 1: I need to still give them access to me because

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Speaker 1: they're really struggling. Well, that's not going to help you

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Speaker 1: that you need to think about.

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Speaker 2: It sets you back. It set me back quite a

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Speaker 2: lot as well. So it's just like you need to

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Speaker 2: put yourself first and stop thinking about feelings and everything

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Speaker 2: like that. It's no longer your responsibility is weird. Does

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Speaker 2: that sounds yeah?

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Speaker 1: And I was very comparative with my moving on to

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Speaker 1: like the way that my friends would move on or whatever,

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Speaker 1: like I tend to do it. I don't definitely don't

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Speaker 1: have the breakup thing down Pat It sounds lucky. She's

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Speaker 1: never experienced me after a breakup. But comparing yourself to

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Speaker 1: other people and how quickly you move on, it's like,

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Speaker 1: sometimes I feel like you expect to have that aha

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Speaker 1: moment that you're like, yep, I'm done now, I'm happy.

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Speaker 1: It's a day by day thing. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Even you were so confused when I went through my breakup.

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Speaker 2: You're like, I don't know how you're doing this.

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Speaker 1: I really do struggle with well, I have struggled with

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Speaker 1: my previous breakups just because they weren't they were really bad.

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Speaker 1: But it's like you may think about him for fourteen

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Speaker 1: hours on Friday, and then Saturday you might only think

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Speaker 1: about him for thirteen hours. Like it's such a slow,

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Speaker 1: steady process and eventually you'll be like Hey, I didn't

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Speaker 1: think about him at all today.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it just and it's just time, Like.

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Speaker 1: Time literally heals all wounds. I could have never ever

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Speaker 1: envisioned myself in a space where I was over my

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Speaker 1: first boyfriend. Never. Yeah, and then I was in another relationship,

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Speaker 1: do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I do think in a way, it's like

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Speaker 2: it will always sting, and you have to like allow

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Speaker 2: yourself to like feel that it will sting when you

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Speaker 2: hear that they've gotten with somebody else. It will sting

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Speaker 2: when you hear you don't need to ignorance is bliss

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Speaker 2: completely and like don't then fucking attack them when you

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Speaker 2: find it, because then they're just going to be like,

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Speaker 2: fuck this bitch.

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Speaker 1: Alone. Like, Yeah, there's definitely things I'm learning a lot

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Speaker 1: of the things I'm saying, best believe, guys, are not

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Speaker 1: what I did. It's a lot easier said than done,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you learn seeing people go through breakups

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Speaker 1: and hows best to handle it. But every situation is

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Speaker 1: obviously its own. But I also found if you are

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Speaker 1: in a similar friendship group that can be quite challenging.

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Speaker 1: Like if you realize they're going to an event, don't

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Speaker 1: just go for the sake of going and wanting to

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Speaker 1: be there and look hot. They actually half the time

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Speaker 1: they never really give a shit. It's like if you

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Speaker 1: are like, fuck it, I don't need to go to this.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to see him. Stay at home, hang

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Speaker 1: out with your friends, watch a movie. Yeah, running into

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Speaker 1: them when alcohol is involved as well, like isn't usually

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Speaker 1: a good thing. And it's taken me a really long time.

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Speaker 1: Like I do run into my ex sometimes and it's

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Speaker 1: very different now where you know, fine, but like at

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Speaker 1: the beginning, I know, I really really struggled. So if

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Speaker 1: I could avoid being at an event that he was out,

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Speaker 1: like I think it's best to do that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I like I've seen my ex out a few

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Speaker 2: times and like we for most of for the majority

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Speaker 2: of the part where in good terms and I will

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Speaker 2: always say hi. For me, it's really hard because we

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Speaker 2: are both in the social in the social scene, we

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Speaker 2: are both in the public eye. So like I feel

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Speaker 2: like it's so important for me to maintain a level

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Speaker 2: headed relationship and everything like that, Like I'll never attack

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Speaker 2: him in public or anything like that. Well we anyone, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Like I just feel like it's so like it's been

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Speaker 2: really easy for me to like keep it mutual and

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Speaker 2: to keep I mean to keep it mature and everything

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Speaker 2: like that in public because nine times out of the

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Speaker 2: tenant is in a place where people know.

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Speaker 1: So you're like just brave face, yeah, like say hi,

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Speaker 1: move on, put a mask on. You kind of need

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Speaker 1: to sometimes yeah.

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Speaker 2: I'm hot, and act unphased, because even if you're not unphased,

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Speaker 2: you acting unfazed is questioning everything.

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Speaker 1: When is looking phased going to be a beneficial thing

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Speaker 1: for you? When is like looking like you're struggling in

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Speaker 1: a public setting where they see you like they're not

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Speaker 1: going to go It's gonna be like it's always going

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Speaker 1: to be like she's still in love with me. Don't

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Speaker 1: give them that. Shut the fuck up. No, I don't

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Speaker 1: know anymore anyway, you heard hoopers. Yeah, but break up

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Speaker 1: some brutal.

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Speaker 2: It's the hardest thing because you're grieving someone that's still alive.

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Speaker 1: And then you know that. I think what you always

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Speaker 1: struggle with is knowing that they're going to be moving

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Speaker 1: on with someone else as well. Yes so are you

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Speaker 1: though and yes?

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Speaker 2: And that's what the thing think about I statements is

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Speaker 2: not there. It's like I will move on with somebody else.

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Speaker 2: I'll be happy after this. I'll allow myself to feel

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Speaker 2: this paid and I'll find someone who's right for me

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Speaker 2: and who doesn't make me feel like this and who

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Speaker 2: does everything I ever want in this world. It's like

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Speaker 2: you are also moving on and you're not staying there

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Speaker 2: and they're moving ahead. You're both are gonna move ahead

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Speaker 2: in different ways. It's like it is hard grieving someone

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Speaker 2: that is still alive and just knowing that they're going

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Speaker 2: to have a different life away from you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and try not to play games. Games never fucking

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Speaker 1: help anyone do anything, like you'll befially playing games isn't

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Speaker 1: gonna help. I know. Sometimes breakups are really really challenging

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Speaker 1: if you end goal and you do want the person back,

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Speaker 1: but it's like what will be will never pass you

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Speaker 1: by if they are meant to be with you, just

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Speaker 1: know that the way the world works, they will bring

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Speaker 1: you back together. So just don't fuck around, don't play games,

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Speaker 1: focus on yourself. Put all the energy that you put

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Speaker 1: into that person into yourself. That's something you always say,

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Speaker 1: and I know that that is something that I wish

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Speaker 1: I knew and thought about back then.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and what my mum always says, is because my

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Speaker 2: my a nice little story if you're wanting to get

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Speaker 2: back with your exit some stage. My parents dated for

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Speaker 2: two years and then they broke up and they became

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Speaker 2: complete strangers to one another. And then one day my

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Speaker 2: mom called my dad's house phone because the person that

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Speaker 2: she was doing an art project with lived with my dad,

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Speaker 2: and my dad actually picked up the phone, and that's

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Speaker 2: how they got back into communication. They were not friends

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Speaker 2: for like a year, they were not in contact, They

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Speaker 2: did not see each other for a year. Is back

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Speaker 2: in the fucking eighties where they didn't fucking have phones

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Speaker 2: and shit and social media. And then they got back together.

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Speaker 2: And my mum said, in the back of her mind

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Speaker 2: she was dating other guys, but she always knew that

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Speaker 2: dad was the one and everything like that. But she said,

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Speaker 2: the only reason why, and it's so hard now with

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Speaker 2: social media, but the only reason why we were ever

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Speaker 2: able to come back together is because we became complete.

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Speaker 1: Strangers to one another.

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Speaker 2: You relearn, you grow, you changes of people, You learn

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Speaker 2: what you didn't do in that relationship that was right,

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Speaker 2: and then you start the relationship knew like you're strangers again.

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Speaker 2: You catch up on each other's lives, what you, guys,

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Speaker 2: miss and then you go from there. So if you're

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Speaker 2: wanting to get back with your ex, allow each other

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Speaker 2: to become complete strangers.

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Speaker 1: Yes, don't say for now, don't ever say for now

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Speaker 1: you're broken up.

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Speaker 2: You've broken up. Move on. One month isn't enough, Six

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00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:01,920
Speaker 2: weeks isn't enough. Six month's minimum. Allow yourself to can

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Speaker 2: be a completely new individual, start a new hobby and

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Speaker 2: everything like that, if you even if you have that

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Speaker 2: slightest thought. But most of the time after six months Monday,

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Speaker 2: so it doesn't matter exactly.

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Speaker 1: I agree.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that is our first ever episode of the

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Speaker 2: Just for Girls Girls Guide, coming to you guys every Thursday.

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to give you our unsolicited advice on everything. Yes,

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00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:26,520
Speaker 1: so let us know what you want to hear.

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00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,280
Speaker 2: Yes, give us all suggestions in the Instagram and even

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00:17:30,359 --> 00:17:32,560
Speaker 2: on the TikTok. Follow us all on there, and we

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Speaker 2: love you guys. See Tuesday.

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Speaker 1: Bye bye,