Speaker 1: By Tiffany and Cook. Welcome back to the You project.
Speaker 1: It's been a while. I'm going to say, twenty four hours.
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm fabulous, thanks harp. Well, I'm okay, I'm good.
Speaker 1: Are you good? Yeah? As your new hair, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not much of one to notice things, but I
Speaker 1: think the word is volumous like there is, or abundant
Speaker 1: like your hair. It looks like you have fifty percent
Speaker 1: more hair than you had like two weeks ago. Is
Speaker 1: that just because it's wavy or it's been permed or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's never not been permed. It's gone curly in
Speaker 2: the last few years. But when I when I wash it,
Speaker 2: and I'll leave it at like so I washed it
Speaker 2: this morning, so I left it out and we'll just
Speaker 2: let the curls knock themselves out. But then once I
Speaker 2: throw it up in a ponytail, I just tend to
Speaker 2: drag it back and it all falls away.
Speaker 1: But that's why your hair looks like, not that's what
Speaker 1: that's what your hair looks like normally.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was straight my whole life, but when curly
Speaker 2: a couple of years ago, and this is literally I
Speaker 2: get out of the shower, put a little bit of
Speaker 2: curl cream in it, and this is what happens now.
Speaker 1: So this Can you tell, oh, you can't take a
Speaker 1: photo of this because we're on my thing?
Speaker 2: No I can, Yeah, yeah I can.
Speaker 1: I reckon, you should just put in the group because
Speaker 1: we're talking about it. Not that I man's fucking going
Speaker 1: to change anyone's life, but that's a lot of hair
Speaker 1: and that's the opposite of my head.
Speaker 2: The funny thing is it's somewhat topical because I'm talking
Speaker 2: a lot about perimenopause and hormones at the moment, and
Speaker 2: that literally was a transition that happened at the beginning
Speaker 2: of this whole thing for me, and it was one
Speaker 2: of the things that came up that females can when
Speaker 2: we start to shift in hormones, your hair can change
Speaker 2: like that, and people do just go from dead straight
Speaker 2: to curly. So it's crazy.
Speaker 1: I mean, like I said, I'm no fashionist, and in fact,
Speaker 1: again and again today a lady asked me can I Firstly,
Speaker 1: you know when people say can I ask you a question?
Speaker 1: And that question is already a question, it's like, well,
Speaker 1: you just asks me a question, would you like another one?
Speaker 1: So because can I ask you a question? Is itself
Speaker 1: a question anyway? Sorry to be pedantic, but I go,
Speaker 1: of course she can. She goes, and she was trying
Speaker 1: not to be rude, and I don't think she was
Speaker 1: meaning to be rude. She's like, can I just ask you?
Speaker 1: And she got a little bit awkward. Right, So she
Speaker 1: knows who I am, not that I'm anyone, but she
Speaker 1: doesn't know me well. But she sees me at the cafe.
Speaker 1: She goes, do you wear the same thing all the time?
Speaker 1: And she's like, so, so you don't have to make
Speaker 1: any decisions or like, I don't mean to be rude.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, that's hilarious. I go, you can ask
Speaker 1: me whatever the fuck you want. It's all right. I go.
Speaker 1: If there's one person that ain't getting offended about his outfit,
Speaker 1: it's jumbo, so ask away. So I said, I have
Speaker 1: about twenty pairs of these shorts, and I probably have
Speaker 1: fifty black T shirts or similar. I probably have fifty
Speaker 1: flannel shirts. And I dress for comfort. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't want to look horrendous, but I don't get up
Speaker 1: and think how good do I look in this? That's
Speaker 1: not a consideration, you know. I dress for Am I warm?
Speaker 1: Am I comfortable? Can I fucking run if I have to? Yes?
Speaker 1: I can, I'm good? Is it clean? Have I turned
Speaker 1: my jocks inside out back to front? Is it day
Speaker 1: five or day four? Do I change them? You know?
Speaker 1: And yeah, But it's just funny. It's like the things
Speaker 1: which are not say, people should not care what they
Speaker 1: look like. I literally don't. I mean, well maybe I
Speaker 1: do a little bit, but not. You know, it's it's
Speaker 1: not even in the top fifty things that I think
Speaker 1: about on a given day. What do people think of
Speaker 1: my clothes? Is this? You know? Like I you know
Speaker 1: how people are like, oh, this is Louis Vauton. This
Speaker 1: costs fucking twelve thousand dollars. I'm brag. I go, this
Speaker 1: flannel shirt costs four bucks. This cost four, This was twelve.
Speaker 1: I got it for four at big w Fuck, I'm
Speaker 1: winning at life. And then people go, why do you
Speaker 1: do that? You could have fallen like a two hundred
Speaker 1: dollar shit. I'm like, well, I can't agree about it,
Speaker 1: but why would you know with your two hundred dollars,
Speaker 1: I could buy fifty of my four dollar shirts or
Speaker 1: one of your two hundred dollar ones.
Speaker 2: When I was up in Queensland, and obviously there was
Speaker 2: a few photos because I did the story slam and
Speaker 2: I was dressed up and everyone was like, oh, sparkles
Speaker 2: you got because I had the sequin top sequencing the
Speaker 2: top and the first thing I would tell people and
Speaker 2: I'm was like, why are you telling people this? But
Speaker 2: it was a ten dollars Kmart top and I've had
Speaker 2: it for age. I'd never worn it, and I had
Speaker 2: a couple of expensive tops there to wear on the
Speaker 2: nights that we had stuff on. But as soon as
Speaker 2: people compliment, I'm like, this was ten dollars, I'm like,
Speaker 2: you should shut up.
Speaker 1: One of one of my friend's wives who's always having
Speaker 1: a crack at me about you know, like like you're
Speaker 1: in good shape, you should dress well, like it's such
Speaker 1: a waste, right, She's always saying, well, not you've got
Speaker 1: a good body, but you're in like you would look
Speaker 1: good if you were wearing and I'm like, well, thanks, thanks.
Speaker 1: Imagine if I started commenting on how you look. But anyway,
Speaker 1: we'll put that to one side. And so I saw
Speaker 1: them and I was wearing a long black T shirt
Speaker 1: which I normally don't write, and so not a not
Speaker 1: a T shirt T shirt, but a long black but
Speaker 1: made of T shirt material, quite tightfitting, quite you know,
Speaker 1: you could see everything and it looks expensive. But I
Speaker 1: think it was like twelve dollars, right, But it looks expensive.
Speaker 1: It looks like one of those designer like body fitting
Speaker 1: or hugging. And she goes, oh when I saw them,
Speaker 1: she goes, oh, that looks She goes, where did you
Speaker 1: get that? And like I knew she was trying to
Speaker 1: figure out whether or not she should like it based
Speaker 1: on how much it cost. I said, I think I
Speaker 1: got it in South Yarra some She goes, what did
Speaker 1: that cost? And I said it was a lot. I
Speaker 1: go for me, it was like a hundred and something bucks.
Speaker 1: She goes, I knew it. It looks amazing. I go,
Speaker 1: fuck you, it cost twelve dollars and she's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like I knew that. That was Like that's why I
Speaker 1: told you you should she and I knew that if
Speaker 1: she thought it was worth a lot, she would like it.
Speaker 1: But it wasn't worth a lot at all. But anyway,
Speaker 1: that's praise the Lord. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to I
Speaker 1: wanted to have a chat today about something that's been
Speaker 1: ruminating around my skon a little bit lately. I don't
Speaker 1: even know, Like, this is not a lesson anyone. This
Speaker 1: is me thinking out loud. I may even need a
Speaker 1: lesson from you, TIF I may need a lesson or
Speaker 1: advice from you listeners. If you have anything to help me,
Speaker 1: feel free to go to the You Project podcast Facebook
Speaker 1: page and say, Harps, here are my thoughts, here are
Speaker 1: my ideas. So I've been thinking, not obsessing. But as
Speaker 1: you get older, right, you become more aware of your mortality.
Speaker 1: No shit, Sherlock, as Mary Harper says, no shit Sherlock.
Speaker 1: That's a favorite Mary saying. And so I'm I'm sixty
Speaker 1: two in December, and I think about this. I do
Speaker 1: this exercise with people. Shut me up if you need to,
Speaker 1: or interrupt if you need to tip. But I do
Speaker 1: this exercise with people in workshops, sometimes not regularly, but sometimes.
Speaker 1: And what I do is so for me, I will
Speaker 1: put on the board on the whiteboard. I'll put it
Speaker 1: the left hand side, far left side of the whiteboard
Speaker 1: nineteen sixty three. I circle it like I'm doing right
Speaker 1: now on my pad in front of me. Then I
Speaker 1: draw a line right across about ninety percent or eighty
Speaker 1: five percent of the whiteboard, and then in that circle,
Speaker 1: I'll write, if I was doing it right now, i'd
Speaker 1: write twenty twenty five, and then past that I would
Speaker 1: do say, go to two thousand and forty five, and
Speaker 1: I'd say, now, statistically, if I'm statistically averagish, like, this
Speaker 1: is my life, and then everyone looks at my life
Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, it's about eighty percent done. It's
Speaker 1: about your life based you know, it's like and what
Speaker 1: we know. And then I think about and I just say, listen,
Speaker 1: I don't want to use you as an example. Let's
Speaker 1: use me, right, because we just want to talk about
Speaker 1: this thing. We don't want to be morbid, we don't
Speaker 1: want to be sad, we don't want to create anxiety.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. We're all going to die. Okay,
Speaker 1: We're all going to die. We know that. And most
Speaker 1: of us don't die in a great state, right. It's
Speaker 1: not like too many of us go out, you know,
Speaker 1: bootscooting and laughing and you know, doing shots at the
Speaker 1: bar and then get hit by a fucking missile or
Speaker 1: something on the way out the front door. You know,
Speaker 1: happy as fuk got blown up in the car park
Speaker 1: rip jumbo doesn't happen, right, So, and just thinking about,
Speaker 1: not obsessing, not worrying, but it's just thinking about, Oh,
Speaker 1: so if I'm now, let's let's say let's round that
Speaker 1: up to sixty two. And the average aussy bloke, in fact,
Speaker 1: I think, only lives to eighty or eighty one. But
Speaker 1: let's say I've got twenty years. Hopefully I've got more.
Speaker 1: But let's say I've got twenty years. You go, well, statistically,
Speaker 1: probably five of those are going to be fucked who knows,
Speaker 1: hopefully not. But then you start to think about, I
Speaker 1: can't undo anything I've done. What do I want to do?
Speaker 1: This is I think what do I want to do
Speaker 1: in the next Like I don't know how many great
Speaker 1: years I've got. My intention is to have more than twenty,
Speaker 1: of course, But I think you also need to be
Speaker 1: realistic and practical though, and a little bit what's the
Speaker 1: word vulnerable? I guess and go, well, yeah, that's cool, Craig,
Speaker 1: great plan. But lots of people who live pretty healthy
Speaker 1: lifestyles die earlier than they'd intended because of a genetic thing,
Speaker 1: or an accident or a something. Right, So that's a possibility.
Speaker 1: So I've been thinking about what I want, you know,
Speaker 1: the next twenty years. Who knows how many I have
Speaker 1: the next ten years. Like my intention is to like
Speaker 1: I'm just hopefully winding up my PhD now, to have
Speaker 1: my PhD next year, and to be able to you know,
Speaker 1: do some different things, and to keep growing business and
Speaker 1: the podcast and keep learning new things and keep helping
Speaker 1: people and keep being of value and service and keep
Speaker 1: having a life that's somewhat meaningful. But I think back about,
Speaker 1: you know, the people that we've had on the show,
Speaker 1: like on this show that aren't around anymore. You know,
Speaker 1: we had my friend Nima who passed away last year,
Speaker 1: a pharmacist who came on a bunch of times and
Speaker 1: died and left behind two kids who were I can't
Speaker 1: even I think somewhere in the ballpark of like I
Speaker 1: don't even want to guess young younger than twelve, right,
Speaker 1: I don't want to rip Nema. And we had you know,
Speaker 1: Johnny Ruffo that we loved and he was and he
Speaker 1: passed away. And we had a friend of mine called
Speaker 1: Simon Hammond who owned an advertising agency and he was
Speaker 1: on and he passed away. And then we had did
Speaker 1: I say, Danny Frawley Spud.
Speaker 2: I didn't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had Spud as well, and there may even
Speaker 1: be someone else, you know, So five people that like
Speaker 1: you and me.
Speaker 2: Right now, we had Kerwin.
Speaker 1: Kerwin Ray that's fight, yeah, kerw and Ray, Kerw and
Speaker 1: Ray larger than life ker and Ray my goodness, you know,
Speaker 1: and five people like you and me having a chat
Speaker 1: on no level where they think and I'm not going
Speaker 1: to be around much longer, right, And that happened to
Speaker 1: be case, and it's it's just a it's an interesting
Speaker 1: thought experiment to go, what am I going to do?
Speaker 1: And like this is I guess this has been what's
Speaker 1: the word? I guess prompted a little bit by you know,
Speaker 1: my parents. My dad's eighty six, he turned out other day,
Speaker 1: and you know it's like, I gotta be careful what
Speaker 1: I say. But things are not amazing. You know, things
Speaker 1: are not amazing, and you know it's like, oh cool,
Speaker 1: and then you go again, if this is self indulged
Speaker 1: in everyone, I apologize. I don't talk about this stuff publicly,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to today and then I think, ah,
Speaker 1: so well, and nobody's fault. This is not there's no
Speaker 1: zero self pity in this, But I go, well, I
Speaker 1: don't have a wife or a partner, which is cool,
Speaker 1: that's how my life is. But I don't have brothers
Speaker 1: and sisters. So I have no siblings, and I have
Speaker 1: no nieces and no nephews. And then one day Ron
Speaker 1: and Mary won't be around, and then you're like oh,
Speaker 1: and then no self pity, just curiosity. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: wonder what life is like when you literally have no family,
Speaker 1: like none, no brothers, no sisters, no kids, no parents.
Speaker 1: I mean, I have, you know, relatives, but I rarely
Speaker 1: see my relatives, and half my relatives, God bless them,
Speaker 1: I don't even know them, you know. And I go ge.
Speaker 1: So that's why when you know we've spoken before about
Speaker 1: you know, life after work and retirement, and I think,
Speaker 1: because I love people, I need I need to have
Speaker 1: a purpose, like and so I'm thinking, you know, even now,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, you better get your shit together. You better
Speaker 1: keep your shit together, and also you better you better
Speaker 1: be a fucking good son for the next however long
Speaker 1: it is, like, because you know, Ron and Mary not
Speaker 1: doing any marathons or you know, entering the fucking Great
Speaker 1: Race on Channel ten anytime soon, or you know, it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: so it's just yeah, life just presents itself and you
Speaker 1: just you just deal with that. Think when you think
Speaker 1: about it from the perspective of that, like, you know,
Speaker 1: what's sixty as a percentage of seventy five or sixty
Speaker 1: as percentage of eighty is seventy five, right, you go,
Speaker 1: so I'm seventy five percent through my life, maybe maybe
Speaker 1: a bit more, maybe a little bit less. But and
Speaker 1: then you think about, oh, which sounds wanky, what like,
Speaker 1: will I be missed? Not in an egotistical way, but
Speaker 1: I think, ah, like because one of the I'll shut
Speaker 1: up after this and you tell me what you think.
Speaker 1: But I because I've never thought I'm particularly special, and
Speaker 1: I'm definitely not saying that so anyone, including you, will go, oh,
Speaker 1: you're this and that. I genuinely don't think that. And
Speaker 1: I also I'm very conscious that, like I always you know,
Speaker 1: I'm the one who goes, there's eight billion people in
Speaker 1: the world. I'm not fucking outstanding on any level. Right,
Speaker 1: There's eight billion people and there's been I don't know
Speaker 1: how many more billion over you know, she managed is timeline,
Speaker 1: And then it kind of opens the door for me
Speaker 1: on you know, well, what if what if this isn't
Speaker 1: all there is? What if there is? You know? And
Speaker 1: then I think, am I thinking that because that's comforting?
Speaker 1: Or am I thinking that because I've actually had to
Speaker 1: peek into something bigger than you know, the three dimensional
Speaker 1: reality of human existence? You know? So do you ever
Speaker 1: think about it?
Speaker 2: You? Yeah, I do, And I'm interested. I love that.
Speaker 2: I love that this is a topic you've brought up
Speaker 2: and that's what you've said about it. And I want
Speaker 2: to know when you think about because I have thought
Speaker 2: about this myself, and I'm a little bit like yourself.
Speaker 2: I have no interest at the present moment of having
Speaker 2: a relationship. I definitely don't want to have a family,
Speaker 2: and I've got family, but there in Tazzy and I
Speaker 2: have thought of that at times, that idea of like
Speaker 2: what if what IF's bad? Something bad happens? Who's going
Speaker 2: to like, oh have I got or what about when
Speaker 2: I'm old? So for you, when you think of that,
Speaker 2: when you think of well, in ten fifteen years time,
Speaker 2: what emotions come up? Or where does that take you?
Speaker 2: Or what do you what do you explore or think
Speaker 2: about that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, I'm quite practical in that I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: I could be really fucking lonely. I will do everything
Speaker 1: not to be. I hope that when I'm seventy five
Speaker 1: or eighty, if I live that long, I hope that
Speaker 1: I've still got all my faculties, that I'm still you know,
Speaker 1: that I can still talk and think and write and
Speaker 1: help people and you know, have a have purpose for me.
Speaker 1: If if somebody said to me, We're going to give
Speaker 1: you one hundred million dollars for the next five years,
Speaker 1: you can't do any work. You can't you can't write anything,
Speaker 1: you can't talk to people in the way that you
Speaker 1: can't do. You just need to watch Netflix, go for
Speaker 1: some walks, and you know whatever, I would say, keep
Speaker 1: you a hundred million, I would die. I need stimulation,
Speaker 1: I need learning, I need interaction, I need socialization. But ironically,
Speaker 1: because I'm lived by myself and have forever, I also
Speaker 1: need time away from that. You know. But I'm like
Speaker 1: I've spent a couple of times. I've spent weeks by myself,
Speaker 1: I mean in complete isolation, not talking to anyone, isolation.
Speaker 1: But that's about my limit. Like two weeks, I would
Speaker 1: probably go nuts by week three, Like I need, I
Speaker 1: need to talk someone. But I think to get away
Speaker 1: from your life and away from yourself in inverted commas
Speaker 1: for a while is a good thing, but too long
Speaker 1: it is probably not. Yeah, And I think I don't
Speaker 1: know I told you and I won't retell the story.
Speaker 1: But my second MM who died six months ago, and
Speaker 1: sitting there with her in that moment, and it's just
Speaker 1: like just how you know, she had, you know, in
Speaker 1: real terms hours to live, maybe seventy two hours or
Speaker 1: something or and like sitting in that room with her,
Speaker 1: just there's a paradigm shift that you that I don't think, well,
Speaker 1: I can't have if I'm not in that situation. There's
Speaker 1: a like a perspective that you get when you're sitting
Speaker 1: with someone that you love that is dying, that you
Speaker 1: can't have that perspective if you're not in that Well,
Speaker 1: I can't anyway, but I want to actually because I
Speaker 1: look back on that with profound gratitude and this intersection
Speaker 1: of both joy and sadness, but more joy than sadness.
Speaker 1: You know that I had, I had that time, you know,
Speaker 1: And then I think about how much bullshit I do,
Speaker 1: and I think I'm probably not you know, I probably
Speaker 1: am not the biggest doer of bullshit, but I still
Speaker 1: think I waste time on shits and I bullshit myself,
Speaker 1: and you know, and I guess there's got to be
Speaker 1: that balance between purpose and fun and just you know, being.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's like I and then I talk to Nicky,
Speaker 1: my friend who's the dueler, the death dueler, who you know,
Speaker 1: who's been on the show a bunch, and she sits
Speaker 1: with people who are dying, and she says that being
Speaker 1: with people in the last hours of their life, for her,
Speaker 1: it's a blessing. She says, it's an absolute privilege, and
Speaker 1: that's her calling. Her calling is literally to help people,
Speaker 1: you know, move on or whatever we want to call it,
Speaker 1: but be there. And she describes it as beautiful. She says,
Speaker 1: it's beautiful, it's amazing. And it's the thing that fucking
Speaker 1: terrifies most of us is being around someone who is
Speaker 1: super sick or dying or has just died. And it's like,
Speaker 1: I think that's maybe a cultural thing for us. I
Speaker 1: don't know, what do.
Speaker 2: You think we need or how do we build well,
Speaker 2: if it's relationships, maybe relationships or communities around us. So
Speaker 2: that when we're not working or doing the role that
Speaker 2: is Craig Harper on the You project that has something
Speaker 2: to contribute commercially to people. How do we build or
Speaker 2: how do you do you build relationships intentionally like that
Speaker 2: or have they innately unfolded?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good question. No, I don't intentionally and
Speaker 1: I don't mean this sound weird, but I wouldn't go
Speaker 1: out intentionally trying to build relationships now so that the last,
Speaker 1: however long, of my life is not lonely where I'm
Speaker 1: strategically developing. I wouldn't do that, you know. I just
Speaker 1: think that that's not like that's a strategic alliance almost,
Speaker 1: you know. It's like I care about people that I
Speaker 1: care about, And you know, I've said this before, and
Speaker 1: people think I'm being maybe some people think I'm being
Speaker 1: a bit negative, and I'm definitely for me, it's not
Speaker 1: an expression of negativity. But I think if you have
Speaker 1: five people in the world that love, I mean love love,
Speaker 1: love you, I don't mean conditionally support you or like
Speaker 1: you or if things are going great, they're there for you.
Speaker 1: But I mean just I reckon you're batting above your average,
Speaker 1: you know, And so I think that, you know, that
Speaker 1: kind of write or die, which is an American expression,
Speaker 1: but that write or die love or connection or camaraderie,
Speaker 1: friendship whatever. I don't. I really don't have a lot
Speaker 1: of that in my life. And maybe I'm the problem.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's my fault, like I have lots of friends,
Speaker 1: but I do. Having said that, maybe I do have
Speaker 1: a few. You know, probably probably been my best mate forever,
Speaker 1: and probably the crab because I saved his life. But
Speaker 1: you know, they're probably pretty loyal, you know, probably two's
Speaker 1: two might be too more than average. Who knows, But yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think about you and I chatted briefly before
Speaker 1: we press the record button about a funeral. Just tell
Speaker 1: me that little story because about I don't know if
Speaker 1: you can. You don't need to mention who it was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I because you mentioned talking about mortality, and I said,
Speaker 2: a client of mine the other day, one of their friends,
Speaker 2: a mentor, a meditation teacher who'd been battling illness, had
Speaker 2: recently passed and we were talking about that, and he
Speaker 2: didn't he didn't have a funeral because he didn't want
Speaker 2: to have a funeral. And my immediate reaction was that
Speaker 2: the funeral is not for you, it's for block. What
Speaker 2: about all the people that want to celebrate you and
Speaker 2: connect over you and grieve for you that now don't
Speaker 2: have a significant moment to do that. And I just yeah,
Speaker 2: she's she mentioned's.
Speaker 1: A really valid point. Yeah, like that's a valid point
Speaker 1: because honestly, and this will shock people, you know, once
Speaker 1: my mum and dad pass away and whatever. When I
Speaker 1: I would prefer not to have anything. I would prefer
Speaker 1: people to go thumbs up. He was a good bloke
Speaker 1: mostly see. Yeah, but in light of what you said,
Speaker 1: that makes sense, like I would not. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I feel very uncomfortable with the idea of people standing
Speaker 1: around saying what a great bloke I was, people that
Speaker 1: haven't seen me for ten years and really weren't in
Speaker 1: my life, and you know all that I'm like, eh,
Speaker 1: makes me feel a bit creepy or something. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's those the people that it's closure for
Speaker 2: those who need I had a client he was on
Speaker 2: my show. He became a client because he got diagnosed
Speaker 2: with cancer in the middle of COVID and asked for
Speaker 2: my help. And I remember I think I spoke to you.
Speaker 2: I said to lean into this when this is when
Speaker 2: I'm like the abandonment chick. It's like I don't lean
Speaker 2: into things when people are going to disappear. So it
Speaker 2: was I felt quite moved, and yeah it was. It
Speaker 2: felt like a big thing to do. Anyway. He'd been
Speaker 2: sick for a while, obviously too sick to continue training
Speaker 2: for a while. And then I saw on LinkedIn through
Speaker 2: his company that he had passed and I got to
Speaker 2: go to the funeral and I always think of him.
Speaker 2: He had a set of boxing gloves on his coffin,
Speaker 2: like I always think of him. I have goosebumps right now,
Speaker 2: and I am so grateful that I happened to see
Speaker 2: the announcement of the funeral. And I would have been
Speaker 2: harp if I didn't.
Speaker 1: Hmm. Yeah, you make a valid point.
Speaker 2: So that't be selfish habs forty eight years. If the
Speaker 2: worst comes the worst, I at least want to be
Speaker 2: able to be there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I feel yeah, I
Speaker 1: understand that. I think it probably is being selfish. So
Speaker 1: all right, everyone, when I die, you can come. You're welcome.
Speaker 1: Get pissed and adding in the bamboo guys, yeah, I can.
Speaker 1: Just I want to go out like a Viking. I
Speaker 1: want you to put me on one of those like
Speaker 1: boats and then push me out into the error and
Speaker 1: just light me on fire.
Speaker 2: Do you really think a beautiful idea is when people
Speaker 2: kind of control the narrative, like set something up and
Speaker 2: make it a party or make it a thing so
Speaker 2: that their personality is filtered through and people get to
Speaker 2: kind of be in there and celebrate that and have
Speaker 2: their last moments with someone that's no longer there. But
Speaker 2: I mean, obviously not everyone has that opportunity to know
Speaker 2: and to prepare for it. But I think that's really
Speaker 2: cool if doing that.
Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, what if after my funeral there's everyone's called
Speaker 1: into this room and this TV's world out or wheeled out,
Speaker 1: or this screen comes down and it's I go listen,
Speaker 1: you fucking whiny pussy, stop fucking crying, pull your heads in.
Speaker 1: It's just a bloke. I did my thing. You knows
Speaker 1: I love you.
Speaker 2: Have you've seen ps I Love You?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, best movie ever? You could do that for all
Speaker 2: of us?
Speaker 1: Oh no, what did you say? Ps I love you?
Speaker 2: Ps I Love you? Yeah? It's got Gerard Butler in
Speaker 2: a beautiful man he is, and he passed away.
Speaker 1: And oh is he that kind of big ish, goofy
Speaker 1: looking British guy or German.
Speaker 2: Guy or he's I think he's Irish or Scottish or
Speaker 2: something not.
Speaker 1: Good That that was. I don't mean like he's like
Speaker 1: like a bit like he's definitely not an ugly man,
Speaker 1: but he's not your conventional Hollywood.
Speaker 2: No, nah nah, but his every bit is beautiful and
Speaker 2: he's so beautiful in that movie. And he just keeps
Speaker 2: he has all these pre written and recorded, and he
Speaker 2: sends letters for after he passes for his wife to
Speaker 2: just keep her. Kind of it's such a harden to go.
Speaker 1: That would kill me. See, I'm shit at that, Like
Speaker 1: I'm the biggest baby of all time. You know those
Speaker 1: videos where dads come home and a few of them
Speaker 1: are Mum's coming home from war. I'm fucked. I'm fucked.
Speaker 2: I definitely watch that movie.
Speaker 1: Then, oh, you know, the dad comes in and he's
Speaker 1: five year olds in great prep and he turns around
Speaker 1: and sees his dad and then just starts balling and
Speaker 1: then stands there for a moment like doesn't know what
Speaker 1: to do, then sprints to his dad and leaps three
Speaker 1: meters onto his dad's I'm fucked. It's all over. I'm out.
Speaker 1: I'm like And the same with dogs, What about that dog?
Speaker 1: What about that story about the dog? I don't know
Speaker 1: where it is. It's true story, though, And he used
Speaker 1: to go to the train station every morning with his dad,
Speaker 1: who would go to work, and then every night and
Speaker 1: he'd just wait there and his dad would come home
Speaker 1: from work, and then they'd go home together, went to
Speaker 1: work one day, didn't come back. The dog stayed there
Speaker 1: for years until he died, and then they'd put up
Speaker 1: a statue of the dog in the town. Like he
Speaker 1: wouldn't leave, Like he just stayed at the train station
Speaker 1: for like seven years or something, waiting for his dad
Speaker 1: to come back, or his owner, I call him his dad.
Speaker 2: Dogs are the best I know.
Speaker 1: I know. Yeah, so well yeah, all right, well maybe
Speaker 1: this is pretty morbid, isn't it. We could call it
Speaker 1: harps will have a funeral, it's okay, and then in
Speaker 1: brackets hopefully no time soon.
Speaker 2: Do you know how many people? Yeah, I was gonna
Speaker 2: say you better put something. People read the title and
Speaker 2: be like, oh god, what's happened?
Speaker 1: Yeah no, no, I would not do that, even as
Speaker 1: even I wouldn't do that I'd rather write to count
Speaker 1: shit fuck motherfucker before I put that. So, yeah, that
Speaker 1: would imagine doing that to people, or some might.
Speaker 2: Go, yay a volcano, guys, guy that wanted to drop
Speaker 2: you over.
Speaker 1: A volcane, Yeah, mister, I want to drop you into
Speaker 1: a live volcano. He would probably rejoice. There's a few people.
Speaker 1: I still get a few. That's all you people, that's okay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Well how old are you now?
Speaker 2: Forty two?
Speaker 1: Well you're about You're probably going to make a good ninety,
Speaker 1: so you're not even probably At the heart of this
Speaker 1: is the thing.
Speaker 2: I remember sitting a few years ago, sitting on the
Speaker 2: couch with a friend, and i'd had on my show.
Speaker 2: I'd befriended her in the dog park, first dog park
Speaker 2: friend i'd made, and I remember not long after meeting her,
Speaker 2: she'd gone on a whole day. She'd taken a couple
Speaker 2: of months holiday and I find out years later that
Speaker 2: was brain surgery with Charlie Tew. Actually she had went
Speaker 2: and had brain surgery, and she'd she'd had this condition
Speaker 2: for years and had a plan of whether or not
Speaker 2: she would you know, she didn't make it. She had
Speaker 2: everything planned out, but she and after I had her
Speaker 2: on the show for conversation. We were talking about it.
Speaker 2: We're talking about the grief that she needed to process
Speaker 2: for years of her life, that kind of she was
Speaker 2: on hold waiting for these misdiagnoses. And I'm like, the
Speaker 2: funny thing is we're sitting here having it. Not funny,
Speaker 2: but we're having this conversation and people would do this
Speaker 2: all over the world, and we're because of something that
Speaker 2: you have gone through. Like I could be sitting there
Speaker 2: with stage four cancer I don't know about and I
Speaker 2: could be dead in two months, but we just don't know,
Speaker 2: and we yeah, that's morbid.
Speaker 1: Yeah, real, well, it's possible. I had I'm going to
Speaker 1: throw one of my friends under the bus, right, how
Speaker 1: bloke is this? So one of my mates, his name's
Speaker 1: Dean Dino, Dino the Builder. If somebody knows Dina Arnfield
Speaker 1: the Builder, just give him a shout out, tell him
Speaker 1: to listen to this, because he's a big, lovable, fucking idiot.
Speaker 1: So we used to train together. He used to train
Speaker 1: at one of the gyms that I managed when I
Speaker 1: was younger, and we've stayed in touch and he's a
Speaker 1: real blokey bloke bloke right, So he's a builder, but
Speaker 1: about he was one of the oldest guys to get
Speaker 1: into the fire brigade as well, so I think he
Speaker 1: became a fiery when he was like forty three or four.
Speaker 1: But he's like this elite athlete and so he's been
Speaker 1: in he's probably fifty seven now. He's probably been a
Speaker 1: fiery for like fifteen years and still does building and
Speaker 1: all of that shit. Bloke manny man man And anyway,
Speaker 1: I saw him at the cafe the other day. I
Speaker 1: was just doing my thing and he sits down. He goes, oh,
Speaker 1: you meeting anyone. I go nuh. He goes oh cool.
Speaker 1: So we just sit there and we talk and we're
Speaker 1: talking about for now, and he goes, I will have
Speaker 1: to catch up one night for some food, like you
Speaker 1: and me catch up food. I'm like, of course that'd
Speaker 1: be great. And he goes, yeah, well you know, let's talk.
Speaker 1: And I go sure. I go, well, how's next week
Speaker 1: and he goes, ah, nah, next week's no good. I
Speaker 1: go all right. He goes, no, I got to go.
Speaker 1: I got to go get a thing done. I go,
Speaker 1: and I'm like I'm curious. I go, I've got to
Speaker 1: go get a thing done. All right, that's such a
Speaker 1: fucking dean thing to say, what are you doing, Deani?
Speaker 1: Are you getting your nails clipped? Are you're getting gromets
Speaker 1: in your ears? Are you getting your nasal hairs plucked? Like?
Speaker 1: What is going on? He goes, oh, I just got
Speaker 1: to go to hospital for a bit. I go, yeah, cool,
Speaker 1: what for? He goes, oh, I'm getting the kidney removed.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, you could have led with that. That
Speaker 1: could have been the headline kind of conversation topic. And
Speaker 1: he goes, I go, you're getting a kidney removed? Like
Speaker 1: this dude doesn't drink much, doesn't smoke, supremely fit. I go,
Speaker 1: why are you getting a kidney removed? He goes cancer?
Speaker 1: He goes all right though, and I'm like, it's just
Speaker 1: so funny anyway. So it's it's well, you know, but
Speaker 1: he's got kidney cancer. But he's like, oh, it's contained.
Speaker 1: They're pretty sure it's contained. And I'm like, fuck now,
Speaker 1: you know, it's so funny and not saying anyone's good
Speaker 1: or anyone's bad, but the way that some people and
Speaker 1: he wasn't in denial. He wasn't, I mean, he just
Speaker 1: wasn't legitimately wasn't worried about it. I go, are you worried?
Speaker 1: He goes, nah, nah. I'm like what why not? And
Speaker 1: he's like what can you do? He goes, well, they'll
Speaker 1: fix it. It's like, you know, it'll be a right.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, it will be all right. But yeah,
Speaker 1: just that where I'm that always amazes me, Like the
Speaker 1: human condition and the way that we respond and the
Speaker 1: way that you know, we tell ourselves stories and the
Speaker 1: you know, the the pause between or the gap between
Speaker 1: stimulus and response, like the stimulus in this case being
Speaker 1: hey you've got kidney cancer, we need to take your
Speaker 1: kidney out. Response all right? When you know it's like
Speaker 1: that's that's something that most people would not do.
Speaker 2: What do you think your response would be to something
Speaker 2: like that?
Speaker 1: It would not be that good. I would like to
Speaker 1: think I'd be a fucking hero. M I I think
Speaker 1: after a little while I would be fine. I would
Speaker 1: probably be a bit shocked, like I think everyone. I
Speaker 1: don't know, like.
Speaker 2: Would you be be strong or would you lean on people?
Speaker 2: Do you think?
Speaker 1: I don't think i'd want to lean on people. I
Speaker 1: just don't. I don't know. I know that sounds I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Like I'm trying to be as absolutely
Speaker 1: honest as I can because part of you, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to say what I think I sound
Speaker 1: sounds good. I just want to say what I think
Speaker 1: is true. And I think I would be not great
Speaker 1: for a little bit.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: I definitely wouldn't tell my parents, not for a while,
Speaker 1: not until. But I don't know. I think I would be.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I could be a fucking idiot, I
Speaker 1: could be a mess, but I think I would be
Speaker 1: all right. And I'm also not I'm not excited about dying,
Speaker 1: but I'm not terrified of dying. Like I think I've
Speaker 1: had quite a good life. Like I think I've done
Speaker 1: good things, and I feel like, you know, I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I'm finished. But everybody's probably driving to work
Speaker 1: going fucking hell. This is the fuck? And can you
Speaker 1: tell a dick joke? God's sake?
Speaker 2: Have you felt like that about death?
Speaker 1: Thought?
Speaker 2: Was there a time when you feared it or got curious?
Speaker 1: No? Not really, I mean I've no, I've always been
Speaker 1: okay ish with it. You know, there was a time
Speaker 1: when I was really, you know fully, down fully down
Speaker 1: the god path where if you had have said you're
Speaker 1: dying tomorrow, I would have gone for gidiot, because I
Speaker 1: your sheep. For Jesus oh one was positive. I was
Speaker 1: going to somewhere better. Fair to say that positivity is
Speaker 1: slidden a little, but I don't know, and that's not
Speaker 1: too I don't mean that disrespectfully to people who have
Speaker 1: a particular faith. I just don't like the certainty that
Speaker 1: I had I don't have. But it's not to say
Speaker 1: I have no faith, you know. And it's like the
Speaker 1: intersection of knowledge and awareness and science and critical thinking
Speaker 1: and faith is an interesting intersection because you're literally saying,
Speaker 1: I'm open to the idea that this thing that is
Speaker 1: based on this scripture or that scripture, whichever book you're
Speaker 1: talking about, whichever religious text you subscribe to that talks
Speaker 1: about the afterlife or what happens when you die, you're
Speaker 1: opening yourself to that. And I think it's you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's a challenge because you don't want to be uh,
Speaker 1: what's the word like? You don't want to be naive
Speaker 1: and gullible, right. You still want to think critically, You
Speaker 1: still want to choose your beliefs, You still want to
Speaker 1: choose your faith, but also as somebody who is really
Speaker 1: curious and has a real life built around learning, I'm
Speaker 1: well aware that I, of all there is to know,
Speaker 1: I don't know anything. Like of all there is to know,
Speaker 1: I'm I am truly convinced I don't know one percent
Speaker 1: of it, and trying to understand what is beyond what
Speaker 1: I can understand, trying to comprehend, you know, like we
Speaker 1: talk about knowing an intelligence and awareness, like we have
Speaker 1: a monopoly on all there is to know about what
Speaker 1: the fuck exists in the universe. We don't know. We
Speaker 1: just know what we know, and even then we get
Speaker 1: most of that wrong eventually. So yeah, I And also
Speaker 1: you know, so many people who have in inverted commas
Speaker 1: had and what they call an NDA near death experience
Speaker 1: who a lot of people say, like really really really
Speaker 1: similar stuff, and you're like, I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's just you know, chemicals flooding the brain as
Speaker 1: you're being deprived of oxygen and dying and you have
Speaker 1: the best hallucinations of all time, or I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, but we had I can't remember his name,
Speaker 1: I should, but a guy who literally had who was
Speaker 1: a neurosurgeon. I think he was a neurosurgeon who himself died,
Speaker 1: and he was an absolute atheist and non believer, and
Speaker 1: now he's fully convinced that that there's life after death,
Speaker 1: you know, one hundred percent, and he was one hundred
Speaker 1: percent the other way before his NDE.
Speaker 2: It's also something that doesn't become relevant to us unless
Speaker 2: we until it does. Like I don't if you're just
Speaker 2: living life and do anything and you don't need to
Speaker 2: lean on faith or curiosity around it, and then at
Speaker 2: some point something happens, you face something and it becomes
Speaker 2: what hope becomes a necessity. It's like, well if I
Speaker 2: can lean on, oh, that gives me hope, So I
Speaker 2: lean into it, and then all of a sudden, I
Speaker 2: have a belief. So many people hit rock bottom and
Speaker 2: then find faith or find something. Yes, it was always there,
Speaker 2: they just didn't need it.
Speaker 1: That's true, Yeah, I think. I mean, I I don't know,
Speaker 1: because I grew up in a very religious and then
Speaker 1: eventually somewhat spiritual kind of spiritually curious kind of environments.
Speaker 1: And I've spent at least half of my life immersed
Speaker 1: in a particular religious particular religious or spiritual paradigm that
Speaker 1: I'm not currently in. But I think this sounds weird.
Speaker 1: Having said everything, I just feel like just keeping the
Speaker 1: God card in your back pocket as like a bit
Speaker 1: of a safety in it probably not a good idea,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's like the joker, you
Speaker 1: know in cards. Yeah, I don't know. To me, that
Speaker 1: seems I don't know, there's just something my intuition or
Speaker 1: whatever it is. I feel like just going. You know,
Speaker 1: there's and there's scriptures in the Bible that you know
Speaker 1: like that that some people hold on to that And
Speaker 1: it's almost like, and I know this because I've done
Speaker 1: this where you go, oh, I can do all this
Speaker 1: sinning and then I've just got to say this prayer
Speaker 1: and it's a spiritual get out of jail card, you know,
Speaker 1: because essentially the Bible teachers, I don't know what the
Speaker 1: other you know, text teach, but the New Testament anyway,
Speaker 1: not the Old Testament, but the New Testament teaches that
Speaker 1: you're saved by faith, not by works. In other words,
Speaker 1: faith in believing, and it says he who is faithful
Speaker 1: and just, or who is basically whoever confesses their sins
Speaker 1: will be saved, right, irrespective of kind of what you've done.
Speaker 1: And there's an illustration of that when Jesus on the
Speaker 1: cross at Calvary. He's up there with two criminals. So
Speaker 1: he's in the middle and there's a criminal either side
Speaker 1: of him, and one of him. One of them asks
Speaker 1: Jesus for forgiveness as the story goes, as the parable goes,
Speaker 1: and he's been not a great guy his whole life,
Speaker 1: and he turns to him forgives him and says, you'll
Speaker 1: be in paradise with me today, right, and so like
Speaker 1: that's the and that's one of the interesting things about
Speaker 1: what Christians call salvation. You can't earn it, yeah, Like
Speaker 1: it's it's a gift. Yeah. Like there's so the salvation scripture,
Speaker 1: which is sorry, everyone, feel free to zone out, but
Speaker 1: the Christians cling to is called John three point sixteen.
Speaker 1: So Matthew Mark Luke John the fourth Gospel at the
Speaker 1: start of the New Testament, as New Testament starts with
Speaker 1: four Gospels, which is four different accounts of Jesus' life
Speaker 1: by four different apostles. Right, So Matthew Mark Luke John,
Speaker 1: and John three point sixteen says, for God so loved
Speaker 1: the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that
Speaker 1: whosoever believes in him, that's it, would not perish but
Speaker 1: have eternal life. Whosoever believes that's it. It's not whosoever believed.
Speaker 1: It's not whosoever does all this great stuff or ticks
Speaker 1: all these boxes, or you know, goes and works with
Speaker 1: the s or you know, it's just whosoever believes will
Speaker 1: not perish, you know. And so, and I think there's
Speaker 1: much more to it than that, but that is that
Speaker 1: is the most famous scripture in christiandom. And you know
Speaker 1: they hang their hat on that a lot. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: it's and again it's all like what do you know?
Speaker 1: You go, well, that's just what I was raised in.
Speaker 1: If I was born in another country and my parents
Speaker 1: were Muslim, I'd be quoting the is it the Quran? Yeah,
Speaker 1: the Quran? To you you know, it's like if I
Speaker 1: was a Buddhist, I'd be quoting the Buddha. You know.
Speaker 1: It's like, it's just this is what, this is what
Speaker 1: you know, and you become what you've grown up in,
Speaker 1: or you become a version of that. So, wow, how
Speaker 1: do we end up here? How did I end up explaining?
Speaker 1: First the first ball books of the Bible, from Death
Speaker 1: to Salvation. That's it. Well they might go closely together.
Speaker 1: Who knows why. It's been fun and for everyone who's
Speaker 1: now a little bit sad. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I'd love
Speaker 1: to hear your thoughts around this. Everyone. So new project
Speaker 1: you know podcast Facebook by the way, just out of
Speaker 1: and probably there's two people listening. But a whole bunch
Speaker 1: of new dates of new exciting events coming up, which
Speaker 1: is going to be launched soon. We've got a new
Speaker 1: mentoring group coming up at the end of this month.
Speaker 1: But we've got some which if you want to be
Speaker 1: involved in that. It's eight weeks. The new mentoring group
Speaker 1: got to my paid my website Craig Garba dot ned
Speaker 1: to have a look at that. But maybe more importantly,
Speaker 1: we've got some face to face humans in an actual
Speaker 1: room and we go on all around Australia and then
Speaker 1: the end of the year we're doing We're doing a
Speaker 1: bloody retreat. We're doing a bloody retreat. I can't tell
Speaker 1: you where it is, but I will say it's very
Speaker 1: fucking morm and sunny. I can't tell you where it
Speaker 1: is may rhyme with beans land may but I can't
Speaker 1: because militia will shoot me.
Speaker 2: If it's been great banks Herps, I can't wait to
Speaker 2: go to Beansland,