WEBVTT - #1939 The Home Straight - Harps & Tiff 0:00:00.600 --> 0:00:03.720 By Tiffany and Cook. Welcome back to the You project. 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:06.840 It's been a while. I'm going to say, twenty four hours. 0:00:07.360 --> 0:00:07.960 How are you? 0:00:08.760 --> 0:00:11.840 I'm fabulous, thanks harp. Well, I'm okay, I'm good. 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:16.640 Are you good? Yeah? As your new hair, I mean, 0:00:16.680 --> 0:00:21.000 I'm not much of one to notice things, but I 0:00:21.000 --> 0:00:25.800 think the word is volumous like there is, or abundant 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:30.120 like your hair. It looks like you have fifty percent 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:33.600 more hair than you had like two weeks ago. Is 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:36.760 that just because it's wavy or it's been permed or something. 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:39.440 Yeah, it's never not been permed. It's gone curly in 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:43.040 the last few years. But when I when I wash it, 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:45.680 and I'll leave it at like so I washed it 0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.640 this morning, so I left it out and we'll just 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:51.880 let the curls knock themselves out. But then once I 0:00:51.880 --> 0:00:54.200 throw it up in a ponytail, I just tend to 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:56.280 drag it back and it all falls away. 0:00:56.360 --> 0:00:59.400 But that's why your hair looks like, not that's what 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:01.320 that's what your hair looks like normally. 0:01:01.600 --> 0:01:04.280 Yeah, it was straight my whole life, but when curly 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:06.800 a couple of years ago, and this is literally I 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:09.320 get out of the shower, put a little bit of 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:13.240 curl cream in it, and this is what happens now. 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:15.360 So this Can you tell, oh, you can't take a 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:16.880 photo of this because we're on my thing? 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:19.080 No I can, Yeah, yeah I can. 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.360 I reckon, you should just put in the group because 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:23.600 we're talking about it. Not that I man's fucking going 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:26.800 to change anyone's life, but that's a lot of hair 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:28.520 and that's the opposite of my head. 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:34.240 The funny thing is it's somewhat topical because I'm talking 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:36.760 a lot about perimenopause and hormones at the moment, and 0:01:36.800 --> 0:01:41.200 that literally was a transition that happened at the beginning 0:01:41.240 --> 0:01:43.759 of this whole thing for me, and it was one 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:46.520 of the things that came up that females can when 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:49.440 we start to shift in hormones, your hair can change 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:51.840 like that, and people do just go from dead straight 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:53.440 to curly. So it's crazy. 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:59.560 I mean, like I said, I'm no fashionist, and in fact, 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:04.280 again and again today a lady asked me can I Firstly, 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.320 you know when people say can I ask you a question? 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:10.639 And that question is already a question, it's like, well, 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:13.440 you just asks me a question, would you like another one? 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:18.680 So because can I ask you a question? Is itself 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:22.200 a question anyway? Sorry to be pedantic, but I go, 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:26.720 of course she can. She goes, and she was trying 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:28.679 not to be rude, and I don't think she was 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:32.280 meaning to be rude. She's like, can I just ask you? 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:36.160 And she got a little bit awkward. Right, So she 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:38.040 knows who I am, not that I'm anyone, but she 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:40.800 doesn't know me well. But she sees me at the cafe. 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:45.280 She goes, do you wear the same thing all the time? 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:53.919 And she's like, so, so you don't have to make 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:57.720 any decisions or like, I don't mean to be rude. 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:02.160 And I'm like, that's hilarious. I go, you can ask 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:04.560 me whatever the fuck you want. It's all right. I go. 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:08.280 If there's one person that ain't getting offended about his outfit, 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:13.760 it's jumbo, so ask away. So I said, I have 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:16.600 about twenty pairs of these shorts, and I probably have 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:20.120 fifty black T shirts or similar. I probably have fifty 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:24.800 flannel shirts. And I dress for comfort. You know, I 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:27.040 don't want to look horrendous, but I don't get up 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:30.240 and think how good do I look in this? That's 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:35.080 not a consideration, you know. I dress for Am I warm? 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:41.560 Am I comfortable? Can I fucking run if I have to? Yes? 0:03:41.640 --> 0:03:45.240 I can, I'm good? Is it clean? Have I turned 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:47.720 my jocks inside out back to front? Is it day 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.160 five or day four? Do I change them? You know? 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:57.400 And yeah, But it's just funny. It's like the things 0:03:57.560 --> 0:03:59.800 which are not say, people should not care what they 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:04.120 look like. I literally don't. I mean, well maybe I 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:06.480 do a little bit, but not. You know, it's it's 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:09.560 not even in the top fifty things that I think 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:12.440 about on a given day. What do people think of 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:16.599 my clothes? Is this? You know? Like I you know 0:04:16.640 --> 0:04:19.360 how people are like, oh, this is Louis Vauton. This 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.880 costs fucking twelve thousand dollars. I'm brag. I go, this 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:28.600 flannel shirt costs four bucks. This cost four, This was twelve. 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:31.240 I got it for four at big w Fuck, I'm 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:34.560 winning at life. And then people go, why do you 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:37.320 do that? You could have fallen like a two hundred 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.760 dollar shit. I'm like, well, I can't agree about it, 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:45.240 but why would you know with your two hundred dollars, 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:47.400 I could buy fifty of my four dollar shirts or 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:48.800 one of your two hundred dollar ones. 0:04:50.000 --> 0:04:52.560 When I was up in Queensland, and obviously there was 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:54.720 a few photos because I did the story slam and 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:58.080 I was dressed up and everyone was like, oh, sparkles 0:04:58.080 --> 0:05:00.880 you got because I had the sequin top sequencing the 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:03.720 top and the first thing I would tell people and 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:06.880 I'm was like, why are you telling people this? But 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:11.480 it was a ten dollars Kmart top and I've had 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:13.920 it for age. I'd never worn it, and I had 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:16.440 a couple of expensive tops there to wear on the 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:19.280 nights that we had stuff on. But as soon as 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:23.479 people compliment, I'm like, this was ten dollars, I'm like, 0:05:23.600 --> 0:05:24.599 you should shut up. 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:31.000 One of one of my friend's wives who's always having 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:35.120 a crack at me about you know, like like you're 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:38.160 in good shape, you should dress well, like it's such 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:43.080 a waste, right, She's always saying, well, not you've got 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:45.880 a good body, but you're in like you would look 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:50.000 good if you were wearing and I'm like, well, thanks, thanks. 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:53.839 Imagine if I started commenting on how you look. But anyway, 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:59.640 we'll put that to one side. And so I saw 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:04.039 them and I was wearing a long black T shirt 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:07.839 which I normally don't write, and so not a not 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:09.800 a T shirt T shirt, but a long black but 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:14.599 made of T shirt material, quite tightfitting, quite you know, 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:19.479 you could see everything and it looks expensive. But I 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:22.200 think it was like twelve dollars, right, But it looks expensive. 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:25.520 It looks like one of those designer like body fitting 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:30.240 or hugging. And she goes, oh when I saw them, 0:06:30.279 --> 0:06:33.320 she goes, oh, that looks She goes, where did you 0:06:33.360 --> 0:06:35.440 get that? And like I knew she was trying to 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:38.920 figure out whether or not she should like it based 0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:43.359 on how much it cost. I said, I think I 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:46.520 got it in South Yarra some She goes, what did 0:06:46.560 --> 0:06:49.039 that cost? And I said it was a lot. I 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:51.640 go for me, it was like a hundred and something bucks. 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:54.039 She goes, I knew it. It looks amazing. I go, 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:59.640 fuck you, it cost twelve dollars and she's like, yeah, 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:02.680 like I knew that. That was Like that's why I 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.320 told you you should she and I knew that if 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:08.160 she thought it was worth a lot, she would like it. 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:12.240 But it wasn't worth a lot at all. But anyway, 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:18.200 that's praise the Lord. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to I 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:22.600 wanted to have a chat today about something that's been 0:07:22.680 --> 0:07:27.120 ruminating around my skon a little bit lately. I don't 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:30.360 even know, Like, this is not a lesson anyone. This 0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:32.560 is me thinking out loud. I may even need a 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:35.240 lesson from you, TIF I may need a lesson or 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:39.240 advice from you listeners. If you have anything to help me, 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:43.720 feel free to go to the You Project podcast Facebook 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:46.440 page and say, Harps, here are my thoughts, here are 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:52.840 my ideas. So I've been thinking, not obsessing. But as 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:55.280 you get older, right, you become more aware of your mortality. 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.280 No shit, Sherlock, as Mary Harper says, no shit Sherlock. 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:03.920 That's a favorite Mary saying. And so I'm I'm sixty 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:07.400 two in December, and I think about this. I do 0:08:07.480 --> 0:08:10.560 this exercise with people. Shut me up if you need to, 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:13.320 or interrupt if you need to tip. But I do 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:19.880 this exercise with people in workshops, sometimes not regularly, but sometimes. 0:08:19.920 --> 0:08:22.960 And what I do is so for me, I will 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:24.880 put on the board on the whiteboard. I'll put it 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:27.440 the left hand side, far left side of the whiteboard 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:30.000 nineteen sixty three. I circle it like I'm doing right 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.080 now on my pad in front of me. Then I 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:36.680 draw a line right across about ninety percent or eighty 0:08:36.720 --> 0:08:39.840 five percent of the whiteboard, and then in that circle, 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:41.960 I'll write, if I was doing it right now, i'd 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:47.520 write twenty twenty five, and then past that I would 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:53.600 do say, go to two thousand and forty five, and 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:59.800 I'd say, now, statistically, if I'm statistically averagish, like, this 0:08:59.880 --> 0:09:02.680 is my life, and then everyone looks at my life 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:09.439 and it's like, oh, it's about eighty percent done. It's 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:13.400 about your life based you know, it's like and what 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.520 we know. And then I think about and I just say, listen, 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:17.440 I don't want to use you as an example. Let's 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:19.560 use me, right, because we just want to talk about 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:21.320 this thing. We don't want to be morbid, we don't 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:24.120 want to be sad, we don't want to create anxiety. 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:27.080 But here's the thing. We're all going to die. Okay, 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.439 We're all going to die. We know that. And most 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:32.840 of us don't die in a great state, right. It's 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:34.640 not like too many of us go out, you know, 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:37.800 bootscooting and laughing and you know, doing shots at the 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:41.480 bar and then get hit by a fucking missile or 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:43.280 something on the way out the front door. You know, 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:46.520 happy as fuk got blown up in the car park 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:53.320 rip jumbo doesn't happen, right, So, and just thinking about, 0:09:53.480 --> 0:09:56.200 not obsessing, not worrying, but it's just thinking about, Oh, 0:09:56.480 --> 0:10:00.520 so if I'm now, let's let's say let's round that 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:03.280 up to sixty two. And the average aussy bloke, in fact, 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:05.120 I think, only lives to eighty or eighty one. But 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:07.400 let's say I've got twenty years. Hopefully I've got more. 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.439 But let's say I've got twenty years. You go, well, statistically, 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:14.840 probably five of those are going to be fucked who knows, 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:21.040 hopefully not. But then you start to think about, I 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:24.480 can't undo anything I've done. What do I want to do? 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:26.400 This is I think what do I want to do 0:10:27.000 --> 0:10:30.000 in the next Like I don't know how many great 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:32.200 years I've got. My intention is to have more than twenty, 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:34.400 of course, But I think you also need to be 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:39.719 realistic and practical though, and a little bit what's the 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:42.840 word vulnerable? I guess and go, well, yeah, that's cool, Craig, 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:46.240 great plan. But lots of people who live pretty healthy 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:50.640 lifestyles die earlier than they'd intended because of a genetic thing, 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:54.960 or an accident or a something. Right, So that's a possibility. 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:58.000 So I've been thinking about what I want, you know, 0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:01.440 the next twenty years. Who knows how many I have 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:04.400 the next ten years. Like my intention is to like 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:07.320 I'm just hopefully winding up my PhD now, to have 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:10.560 my PhD next year, and to be able to you know, 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:13.640 do some different things, and to keep growing business and 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:17.160 the podcast and keep learning new things and keep helping 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.760 people and keep being of value and service and keep 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:24.400 having a life that's somewhat meaningful. But I think back about, 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:28.520 you know, the people that we've had on the show, 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:34.880 like on this show that aren't around anymore. You know, 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:38.080 we had my friend Nima who passed away last year, 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:42.840 a pharmacist who came on a bunch of times and 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:46.840 died and left behind two kids who were I can't 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:50.960 even I think somewhere in the ballpark of like I 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:53.559 don't even want to guess young younger than twelve, right, 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:57.960 I don't want to rip Nema. And we had you know, 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.360 Johnny Ruffo that we loved and he was and he 0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:02.120 passed away. And we had a friend of mine called 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:06.760 Simon Hammond who owned an advertising agency and he was 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:11.000 on and he passed away. And then we had did 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:12.400 I say, Danny Frawley Spud. 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:13.120 I didn't know. 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:16.720 Yeah, we had Spud as well, and there may even 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:19.000 be someone else, you know, So five people that like 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:19.600 you and me. 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:21.880 Right now, we had Kerwin. 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:26.920 Kerwin Ray that's fight, yeah, kerw and Ray, Kerw and 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:31.400 Ray larger than life ker and Ray my goodness, you know, 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:35.120 and five people like you and me having a chat 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:37.640 on no level where they think and I'm not going 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:40.760 to be around much longer, right, And that happened to 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:46.280 be case, and it's it's just a it's an interesting 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:48.880 thought experiment to go, what am I going to do? 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:52.280 And like this is I guess this has been what's 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:57.600 the word? I guess prompted a little bit by you know, 0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:00.920 my parents. My dad's eighty six, he turned out other day, 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:06.560 and you know it's like, I gotta be careful what 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:10.160 I say. But things are not amazing. You know, things 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:16.000 are not amazing, and you know it's like, oh cool, 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:20.360 and then you go again, if this is self indulged 0:13:20.360 --> 0:13:23.880 in everyone, I apologize. I don't talk about this stuff publicly, 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:27.480 but I'm going to today and then I think, ah, 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:33.640 so well, and nobody's fault. This is not there's no 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:36.600 zero self pity in this, But I go, well, I 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:39.160 don't have a wife or a partner, which is cool, 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:41.679 that's how my life is. But I don't have brothers 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:44.080 and sisters. So I have no siblings, and I have 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:48.960 no nieces and no nephews. And then one day Ron 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:51.439 and Mary won't be around, and then you're like oh, 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:55.240 and then no self pity, just curiosity. I'm like, oh, 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:59.960 wonder what life is like when you literally have no family, 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:04.760 like none, no brothers, no sisters, no kids, no parents. 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:08.720 I mean, I have, you know, relatives, but I rarely 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:12.240 see my relatives, and half my relatives, God bless them, 0:14:12.640 --> 0:14:16.280 I don't even know them, you know. And I go ge. 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:20.240 So that's why when you know we've spoken before about 0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:23.920 you know, life after work and retirement, and I think, 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:29.480 because I love people, I need I need to have 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:32.760 a purpose, like and so I'm thinking, you know, even now, 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:35.760 I'm thinking, you better get your shit together. You better 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:39.000 keep your shit together, and also you better you better 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:41.440 be a fucking good son for the next however long 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:45.400 it is, like, because you know, Ron and Mary not 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:49.320 doing any marathons or you know, entering the fucking Great 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:53.600 Race on Channel ten anytime soon, or you know, it's like, okay, 0:14:53.920 --> 0:14:58.040 so it's just yeah, life just presents itself and you 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:01.520 just you just deal with that. Think when you think 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:05.560 about it from the perspective of that, like, you know, 0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:10.680 what's sixty as a percentage of seventy five or sixty 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:12.960 as percentage of eighty is seventy five, right, you go, 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:16.120 so I'm seventy five percent through my life, maybe maybe 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.640 a bit more, maybe a little bit less. But and 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:25.040 then you think about, oh, which sounds wanky, what like, 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:28.440 will I be missed? Not in an egotistical way, but 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:32.000 I think, ah, like because one of the I'll shut 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:33.680 up after this and you tell me what you think. 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:39.200 But I because I've never thought I'm particularly special, and 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:42.600 I'm definitely not saying that so anyone, including you, will go, oh, 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.360 you're this and that. I genuinely don't think that. And 0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:48.920 I also I'm very conscious that, like I always you know, 0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:50.840 I'm the one who goes, there's eight billion people in 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.760 the world. I'm not fucking outstanding on any level. Right, 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:55.800 There's eight billion people and there's been I don't know 0:15:55.840 --> 0:16:01.080 how many more billion over you know, she managed is timeline, 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:05.040 And then it kind of opens the door for me 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:08.720 on you know, well, what if what if this isn't 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:10.800 all there is? What if there is? You know? And 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:13.600 then I think, am I thinking that because that's comforting? 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:16.520 Or am I thinking that because I've actually had to 0:16:16.560 --> 0:16:22.120 peek into something bigger than you know, the three dimensional 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:25.760 reality of human existence? You know? So do you ever 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:26.440 think about it? 0:16:26.600 --> 0:16:29.200 You? Yeah, I do, And I'm interested. I love that. 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:31.520 I love that this is a topic you've brought up 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:33.400 and that's what you've said about it. And I want 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:36.280 to know when you think about because I have thought 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:39.640 about this myself, and I'm a little bit like yourself. 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:43.280 I have no interest at the present moment of having 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:45.680 a relationship. I definitely don't want to have a family, 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:50.640 and I've got family, but there in Tazzy and I 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:53.880 have thought of that at times, that idea of like 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:59.240 what if what IF's bad? Something bad happens? Who's going 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:01.280 to like, oh have I got or what about when 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.360 I'm old? So for you, when you think of that, 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:07.840 when you think of well, in ten fifteen years time, 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:11.280 what emotions come up? Or where does that take you? 0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:14.840 Or what do you what do you explore or think 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:15.320 about that? 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:20.120 Yeah, I'm like, I'm quite practical in that I think, yeah, 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:24.160 I could be really fucking lonely. I will do everything 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:27.640 not to be. I hope that when I'm seventy five 0:17:27.760 --> 0:17:29.720 or eighty, if I live that long, I hope that 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:32.919 I've still got all my faculties, that I'm still you know, 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:34.959 that I can still talk and think and write and 0:17:35.160 --> 0:17:39.879 help people and you know, have a have purpose for me. 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:42.560 If if somebody said to me, We're going to give 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:46.200 you one hundred million dollars for the next five years, 0:17:46.480 --> 0:17:51.720 you can't do any work. You can't you can't write anything, 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:54.320 you can't talk to people in the way that you 0:17:54.400 --> 0:17:58.840 can't do. You just need to watch Netflix, go for 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:02.840 some walks, and you know whatever, I would say, keep 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:06.080 you a hundred million, I would die. I need stimulation, 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:13.280 I need learning, I need interaction, I need socialization. But ironically, 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:15.800 because I'm lived by myself and have forever, I also 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:19.719 need time away from that. You know. But I'm like 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:24.040 I've spent a couple of times. I've spent weeks by myself, 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:27.120 I mean in complete isolation, not talking to anyone, isolation. 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:29.880 But that's about my limit. Like two weeks, I would 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:33.280 probably go nuts by week three, Like I need, I 0:18:33.320 --> 0:18:35.320 need to talk someone. But I think to get away 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:38.040 from your life and away from yourself in inverted commas 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:40.840 for a while is a good thing, but too long 0:18:40.880 --> 0:18:44.960 it is probably not. Yeah, And I think I don't 0:18:45.000 --> 0:18:47.000 know I told you and I won't retell the story. 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:49.720 But my second MM who died six months ago, and 0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:52.600 sitting there with her in that moment, and it's just 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:58.159 like just how you know, she had, you know, in 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:00.879 real terms hours to live, maybe seventy two hours or 0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:06.600 something or and like sitting in that room with her, 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:14.440 just there's a paradigm shift that you that I don't think, well, 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:18.840 I can't have if I'm not in that situation. There's 0:19:18.840 --> 0:19:21.479 a like a perspective that you get when you're sitting 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:24.840 with someone that you love that is dying, that you 0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:29.680 can't have that perspective if you're not in that Well, 0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:34.119 I can't anyway, but I want to actually because I 0:19:34.200 --> 0:19:40.040 look back on that with profound gratitude and this intersection 0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:45.120 of both joy and sadness, but more joy than sadness. 0:19:45.680 --> 0:19:50.200 You know that I had, I had that time, you know, 0:19:50.320 --> 0:19:55.800 And then I think about how much bullshit I do, 0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:00.920 and I think I'm probably not you know, I probably 0:20:01.080 --> 0:20:04.560 am not the biggest doer of bullshit, but I still 0:20:04.600 --> 0:20:07.560 think I waste time on shits and I bullshit myself, 0:20:07.600 --> 0:20:10.960 and you know, and I guess there's got to be 0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:14.199 that balance between purpose and fun and just you know, being. 0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:19.000 But yeah, it's like I and then I talk to Nicky, 0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:22.480 my friend who's the dueler, the death dueler, who you know, 0:20:22.520 --> 0:20:24.919 who's been on the show a bunch, and she sits 0:20:24.920 --> 0:20:30.040 with people who are dying, and she says that being 0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:33.320 with people in the last hours of their life, for her, 0:20:34.160 --> 0:20:38.840 it's a blessing. She says, it's an absolute privilege, and 0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:45.000 that's her calling. Her calling is literally to help people, 0:20:45.640 --> 0:20:47.840 you know, move on or whatever we want to call it, 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:52.480 but be there. And she describes it as beautiful. She says, 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:56.760 it's beautiful, it's amazing. And it's the thing that fucking 0:20:56.880 --> 0:21:00.239 terrifies most of us is being around someone who is 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:04.560 super sick or dying or has just died. And it's like, 0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:07.960 I think that's maybe a cultural thing for us. I 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:09.600 don't know, what do. 0:21:09.560 --> 0:21:15.480 You think we need or how do we build well, 0:21:15.640 --> 0:21:22.280 if it's relationships, maybe relationships or communities around us. So 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:26.840 that when we're not working or doing the role that 0:21:27.040 --> 0:21:30.879 is Craig Harper on the You project that has something 0:21:30.920 --> 0:21:35.080 to contribute commercially to people. How do we build or 0:21:35.119 --> 0:21:37.960 how do you do you build relationships intentionally like that 0:21:38.119 --> 0:21:40.639 or have they innately unfolded? 0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:44.280 Yeah, that's a good question. No, I don't intentionally and 0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:46.800 I don't mean this sound weird, but I wouldn't go 0:21:46.920 --> 0:21:53.200 out intentionally trying to build relationships now so that the last, 0:21:53.520 --> 0:21:56.000 however long, of my life is not lonely where I'm 0:21:56.040 --> 0:21:59.639 strategically developing. I wouldn't do that, you know. I just 0:21:59.640 --> 0:22:03.160 think that that's not like that's a strategic alliance almost, 0:22:03.200 --> 0:22:06.000 you know. It's like I care about people that I 0:22:06.040 --> 0:22:11.040 care about, And you know, I've said this before, and 0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:14.160 people think I'm being maybe some people think I'm being 0:22:14.200 --> 0:22:17.760 a bit negative, and I'm definitely for me, it's not 0:22:17.800 --> 0:22:20.800 an expression of negativity. But I think if you have 0:22:20.920 --> 0:22:25.000 five people in the world that love, I mean love love, 0:22:25.160 --> 0:22:29.679 love you, I don't mean conditionally support you or like 0:22:29.760 --> 0:22:33.159 you or if things are going great, they're there for you. 0:22:33.280 --> 0:22:36.840 But I mean just I reckon you're batting above your average, 0:22:37.119 --> 0:22:43.240 you know, And so I think that, you know, that 0:22:43.359 --> 0:22:46.920 kind of write or die, which is an American expression, 0:22:46.960 --> 0:22:51.920 but that write or die love or connection or camaraderie, 0:22:52.920 --> 0:22:57.720 friendship whatever. I don't. I really don't have a lot 0:22:57.760 --> 0:23:01.239 of that in my life. And maybe I'm the problem. 0:23:01.440 --> 0:23:05.240 Maybe that's my fault, like I have lots of friends, 0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:09.239 but I do. Having said that, maybe I do have 0:23:09.320 --> 0:23:13.200 a few. You know, probably probably been my best mate forever, 0:23:13.240 --> 0:23:15.439 and probably the crab because I saved his life. But 0:23:15.560 --> 0:23:19.960 you know, they're probably pretty loyal, you know, probably two's 0:23:20.320 --> 0:23:24.520 two might be too more than average. Who knows, But yeah, 0:23:24.560 --> 0:23:27.600 and I think about you and I chatted briefly before 0:23:27.640 --> 0:23:31.440 we press the record button about a funeral. Just tell 0:23:31.520 --> 0:23:35.159 me that little story because about I don't know if 0:23:35.200 --> 0:23:37.439 you can. You don't need to mention who it was. 0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:42.200 Yeah, I because you mentioned talking about mortality, and I said, 0:23:42.480 --> 0:23:46.720 a client of mine the other day, one of their friends, 0:23:46.960 --> 0:23:50.680 a mentor, a meditation teacher who'd been battling illness, had 0:23:50.800 --> 0:23:54.720 recently passed and we were talking about that, and he 0:23:55.000 --> 0:23:57.040 didn't he didn't have a funeral because he didn't want 0:23:57.080 --> 0:24:01.960