Speaker 1: There's no pressure of a marriage, so we can really
Speaker 1: focus on our relationship and friendship. We both believe that
Speaker 1: we were meant to be in each other's lives for
Speaker 1: a reason, and this is the reason. And having that
Speaker 1: fifteen year relationship and experience with each other has developed
Speaker 1: this to what it is today.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to separate bathrooms. We would like to
Speaker 2: acknowledge the Gadigor people of the e Or nation, the
Speaker 2: traditional custodians of this land, and pay our respects to
Speaker 2: the elders, both past and present. I'm cam daddo.
Speaker 3: I'm Ali daddo. Do you reckon we need to introduce
Speaker 3: our names at the top every time?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: Why not? Because I reckon? The way I was trained
Speaker 2: is there's always a first time.
Speaker 3: That's right, That's right, I think first time listener.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so it's acknowledging the first time listener for
Speaker 2: you longtime listeners. I apologize. I'm Cammy.
Speaker 3: Well, I listened to a lot of podcasts myself, and
Speaker 3: so I'm a long time listener to a bunch of
Speaker 3: different podcasts and they never introduce themselves anymore. And sometimes
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, like what if I don't remember who
Speaker 3: are you. I think people don't even speak, Like if
Speaker 3: it's a couple or three people talking, sometimes one person
Speaker 3: doesn't even get introduced or speak for ages and then
Speaker 3: you hear like another voice coming. I'm like, wow, it's
Speaker 3: like a maybe that's like an ongoing conversation.
Speaker 2: For me, it's about being respectful of our listener. Sure there,
Speaker 2: you know, I just want to respect them and go,
Speaker 2: this is who you're listening to right now, And I'm
Speaker 2: really grateful that you hear. And that's the way I
Speaker 2: was trained in this game. You know, I'm really only
Speaker 2: speaking to one person, and that's you who's listening, and
Speaker 2: I'm bloody stoked you hear.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 3: Speaking of respect, I'm going to segue into our couple.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, well with endings and beginnings and beginnings and
Speaker 2: endings leading to more beginnings lifestyle relationship cycles. That's today,
Speaker 2: right right. I did write this despite the usual Hollywood
Speaker 2: formula of happily ever after. For most people, relationships are.
Speaker 3: Messy, can be messy, yeah, and we all know the
Speaker 3: good ones and bad ones and some which exist squarely
Speaker 3: in the in between.
Speaker 2: And then there's the case of the X can you be.
Speaker 3: Friends with an ex ex boyfriend, ex husband, ex wife,
Speaker 3: ex partner, ex partner.
Speaker 2: Some say yes, some say no. We are human, we
Speaker 2: are emotional beings. We are and we are unpredictable. Today
Speaker 2: we've got a couple that have said yes.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, there's definitely more to it, so let's find
Speaker 3: out what. Please. Welcome Amy and John O Castano to
Speaker 3: the bathroom.
Speaker 2: Guys, welcome to the bathroom. Let's get right into it, right,
Speaker 2: Just run us through your history quickly about your relationship
Speaker 2: and where you're up to today.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, okay, Well we met really young, probably about
Speaker 1: what seventeen years age, Yes, he did. He lied to
Speaker 1: me about his age. He said he was two years
Speaker 1: older than what he was, so I am a little
Speaker 1: bit older than him.
Speaker 3: Smooth talking, bust.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so yeah, we've known each other for that long.
Speaker 1: We were together that whole time. Johnno was in and
Speaker 1: out of Sydney doing like football, so playing overseas, so
Speaker 1: it's a long distance relationship for a little bit. But
Speaker 1: then once he settled down here in Sydney, we were
Speaker 1: settled and it was just like everything was, you know,
Speaker 1: the expected thing to do, like you know, get married,
Speaker 1: have kids, by the house, all of that sort of thing.
Speaker 1: So we went on and got engaged. What ten years
Speaker 1: into our relationship about yeah, about ten years on our
Speaker 1: tenth anniversary, probably was in Hawaii. Yeah, so he proposed
Speaker 1: their beautiful posal. It was amazing, and yeah, we got married.
Speaker 1: What was that like three years after?
Speaker 5: Well, I'm trying to remember that. It's to be honest,
Speaker 5: I can't remember. Only people get a tattooed or something
Speaker 5: that looked down and.
Speaker 4: But yeah, so we got married and then it was
Speaker 4: what two years after we got separated?
Speaker 5: Separated?
Speaker 3: Yeah, did you both know? Did you both kind of
Speaker 3: look at each other and went.
Speaker 4: Maybe not? Yeah?
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 6: I guess like my experience would be like it was
Speaker 6: all I've known, like my whole life game. He's obviously
Speaker 6: been my best friend and my soulmate for that long
Speaker 6: and I don't know anyone else. I think I was
Speaker 6: very confused at first, and it was extremely tough, feeling
Speaker 6: like I've failed. It was only after I'd done it,
Speaker 6: and it took a lot of time for me to
Speaker 6: understand myself and why I did that decision, And to
Speaker 6: this day, like I understand now why why it had
Speaker 6: to happen, Like we're even closer now like we're a
Speaker 6: lot closer. We're a lot closer friends, to be honest,
Speaker 6: and what we were partners.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we work so much better.
Speaker 2: So seventeen you met John, I you were twelve.
Speaker 1: And Harry already I'm twenty one, knows a little bit
Speaker 1: of Okay, so timeline's a little bit.
Speaker 2: We're talking the span of about your friendship and marriage
Speaker 2: lasted about fifteen years.
Speaker 5: Yeah that yeah, about fifteen sixteen.
Speaker 4: I was yeah, yep.
Speaker 2: And so now you are not together?
Speaker 4: No, correct?
Speaker 2: You with other partners?
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, I have.
Speaker 2: Do you have kids?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've just recently had my first one, baby Ja.
Speaker 6: She's thirteen weeks now.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: So yeah, yeah, yeah, so thank you so much. It's
Speaker 6: quite funny because Amy's actually the god and the godmother
Speaker 6: of Little Jail, so that kind.
Speaker 5: Of you know, yeah, we got like you know, it's
Speaker 5: kind of yeah.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and Amy and my partner are extremely close friends
Speaker 6: and likewise with me and Aaron, Amy's partner. Yeah, it's
Speaker 6: quite funny because a lot of people actually think we
Speaker 6: put on this act that we're actually all friends and yeah,
Speaker 6: they're like, you guys are just surely doing this life.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Published in social media I'm like, nah, man, like this
Speaker 6: is legit, like actual, like we're actually normal people when
Speaker 6: we get along.
Speaker 3: Has it surprised you how much interest has actually been
Speaker 3: in the fact that you're a divorce couple that are
Speaker 3: now friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I think there's such a stigma
Speaker 1: around that, being like, Oh, anyone that I speak to,
Speaker 1: I couldn't do that. I won't be able to do that. Oh,
Speaker 1: you're friends with his new girlfriend. Oh I wouldn't be.
Speaker 4: Able to do that.
Speaker 1: It's like, what why are you holding onto so much?
Speaker 1: Like if you hold onto that, I feel like you're
Speaker 1: not letting go and not letting what we have like
Speaker 1: develop and what it has developed into today.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you grew up together. Like that's how Cam
Speaker 3: and I feel. I met Cam when I was twenty
Speaker 3: and he was twenty four. Twenty four, yeah, and so
Speaker 3: I feel like, yeah, we grew up together and no
Speaker 3: matter what happens, like that's that's just a really special thing.
Speaker 3: You know, you entered into adulthood together, like you two did,
Speaker 3: you're even younger. But you know, and if it didn't,
Speaker 3: you know, if you're able to move past it ending
Speaker 3: in a really horrible way, you know, I know relationships
Speaker 3: go south really bad, but I think you know, what
Speaker 3: do you what do you think that says about divorce?
Speaker 3: Then you know about what the world feels about divorce,
Speaker 3: that it feels like it should be on bad terms
Speaker 3: with your ex.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I think it's just like Gamie was saying, that stigma
Speaker 6: that people create, you know, it's kind of that like
Speaker 6: as soon as you break up with someone, you never
Speaker 6: see them again. For me, I think each individual should
Speaker 6: looking a bit deeper and actually remember the positive experiences
Speaker 6: that you shared together rather than overpower the negatives once
Speaker 6: and I think if you can remember that, like we
Speaker 6: had such great times together that I'll never forget, I
Speaker 6: think that's kind of built that relation of being best
Speaker 6: mates now.
Speaker 1: And I think as well, like when it came to
Speaker 1: the end, the hardest part was we still wanted to
Speaker 1: be in each other's lives, but just not in that capacity.
Speaker 1: So it was like, Okay, if we cut tires, does
Speaker 1: that mean we don't see each other ever again?
Speaker 4: Like what does this mean? That was the hardest part
Speaker 4: for us.
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about the partners, you know. I mean, it's
Speaker 2: one thing for you two as ex'es to go. I
Speaker 2: still really like you, but I don't want to continue
Speaker 2: on an intimate level with you anymore. You are asking
Speaker 2: for understanding from the new partner, because I imagine a
Speaker 2: new partner might turn around and go, what do you
Speaker 2: still especially I mean not especially in your case. I
Speaker 2: imagine I know guys get a bit jealous. So new
Speaker 2: mate goes, well, why still hanging around with Johnno, this
Speaker 2: isn't cool, So how do you navigate that part of it?
Speaker 6: When I first got back into the dating scene, anyone
Speaker 6: that had an issue with that issue of me and
Speaker 6: Amy being best mates, I actually just stopped.
Speaker 5: Talking to them as a red flag.
Speaker 6: I said, hey, like, this is part of my life
Speaker 6: and it's either you go of it or you don't.
Speaker 6: And I've actually lost probably about two people that I
Speaker 6: was actually talking to.
Speaker 2: I would have thought that would have been the majority.
Speaker 4: As well. Yeah, that was the same for me.
Speaker 1: I was very upfront and quite blunt and being like
Speaker 1: I think because I went through that period as well,
Speaker 1: I discovered myself what I wanted out of a partner.
Speaker 1: So I think me being up from being like this
Speaker 1: is my baggage, unpacking it all straight up, and if
Speaker 1: someone did have an issue, it was the same thing.
Speaker 1: It was like, well, this isn't going to work then,
Speaker 1: because this is my life and this.
Speaker 4: Is what is a part of it.
Speaker 3: There's you know, obviously we heard we've heard a lot
Speaker 3: about Gwyneth and Chris doing their uncoupling conscious They're conscious uncoupling.
Speaker 3: Did you to seek any sort of outside help, therapy
Speaker 3: or anything to sort of help you through it? Because
Speaker 3: you sound really grounded and smart the way you've handled everything.
Speaker 5: Towards the end of.
Speaker 6: The relationship, we actually got our relationship counseling, which I
Speaker 6: think kind of worked really well in terms of like
Speaker 6: understanding emotion and because for me, I'm kind of like
Speaker 6: a person that holds holds in a lot and you know,
Speaker 6: like a lot of males do. That taught me a
Speaker 6: lot to express my feelings on how I'm feeling, and
Speaker 6: you know, if I'm not feeling this certain way towards Amy,
Speaker 6: like being able to actually tell her without just holding
Speaker 6: it in and she's kind of gone with the flow,
Speaker 6: which once again, so many guys go with the flow,
Speaker 6: and it's like twenty years on the track, they're unhappy,
Speaker 6: and I think to myself, like, you know, like why,
Speaker 6: but yeah, definitely got I've got a bit of help
Speaker 6: and did as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, And I think, yeah, that couple's therapy that
Speaker 1: we got taught.
Speaker 4: Me to listen.
Speaker 1: Okay he was holding it in, but it taught me
Speaker 1: to listen because you know, as females, we're always the
Speaker 1: right one.
Speaker 2: The record, just correct, correct, You're always the right one?
Speaker 2: Are you in the right place?
Speaker 5: Well that's what we're.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I think that like opened me up to being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: he's actually, you know, trying to tell me something here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that was hard. That part was hard.
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course.
Speaker 3: And how have your families, both your mums and dads
Speaker 3: dealt with you guys being.
Speaker 1: Oh they're like our biggest supporters very much.
Speaker 6: So I still go over as well, Yeah, my parents
Speaker 6: as well his house all the time. Yeah, which I
Speaker 6: think that's such a beautiful thing to say as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's like, you know, our relationship, well marriage ended,
Speaker 1: not our relationship. Yeah, it doesn't mean everyone else has
Speaker 1: to be. And I feel like at the start it
Speaker 1: was so much like that, like people were picking sides
Speaker 1: and felt like where do I sit here? Especially our staff,
Speaker 1: like that was hard for them in our business. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: in our business, Like people were like, oh, like who
Speaker 1: do I back in?
Speaker 4: But it's like where good?
Speaker 3: At what point did you you started the business and
Speaker 3: then you were separated? How soon after the business?
Speaker 5: Maybe yeah?
Speaker 4: Probably?
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think it was that? I mean,
Speaker 2: because clearly here you were, you were ten years together,
Speaker 2: then you get engaged, then you get married, you've started
Speaker 2: the business.
Speaker 5: What was it that sort of kind of just like
Speaker 5: teets it off. I'd probably say like, I don't know.
Speaker 6: I feel like towards end, there was we felt like
Speaker 6: best mates, Like you know, we weren't I remember towards
Speaker 6: en we weren't even sleeping together. And I think that's
Speaker 6: such a big thing in a relationship. Like you know,
Speaker 6: for me, my love language is touch and feel and
Speaker 6: I wasn't getting that. And I think kind of once
Speaker 6: I started to feel that, I didn't feel valued in
Speaker 6: terms of my well what I felt, and then that's
Speaker 6: when I was like, oh, you know, we're more best
Speaker 6: mates rather than lovers.
Speaker 5: But that's how I felt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm the same. My love language is touch. So yeah,
Speaker 1: when that connection is severed, it's very hard to I
Speaker 1: think bring that back when you go into like a
Speaker 1: different part or different dynamic which the relationship did.
Speaker 4: That was if you both.
Speaker 2: Reckon, you've got the similar love language, which is to
Speaker 2: and yet both if you let go, was it because
Speaker 2: of the business got in the way?
Speaker 6: Like I remember our relationia like every time that we
Speaker 6: got home, it was all about work, work, work, work.
Speaker 1: And we were excited about that. That was like everything
Speaker 1: to us. We were like, oh my god, this is
Speaker 1: what we can do with the gym, what we can
Speaker 1: do to grow up and everything else. But there was
Speaker 1: no other connection like how was your day or anything else.
Speaker 5: All.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we did.
Speaker 6: Everything relationships like, you know, having a bit of space
Speaker 6: as well, doing.
Speaker 5: Your own thing.
Speaker 4: And I would say it was very codependent, very much.
Speaker 2: So can you explain what that means?
Speaker 1: It was very much like I wouldn't do anything without
Speaker 1: him and he wouldn't do anything without me, like.
Speaker 5: On holidays, all the time together, yes.
Speaker 4: Or even out.
Speaker 1: So when we did it was such a different thing
Speaker 1: for us, Like if he'd go out, it'd be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's going on here? Like what did I do wrong?
Speaker 1: But that's normal, that's healthy to be without your partner.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, how do you The friendship has evolved since
Speaker 3: the divorce.
Speaker 6: I'm more open with Amy and telling her like in
Speaker 6: terms of my downfalls and you know, for me personally,
Speaker 6: when I'm feeling my lowest, when I used to hold
Speaker 6: that in more information about that, and I'm so much
Speaker 6: more open with Amy now, like she knows absolutely my
Speaker 6: whole life, and you know, like if I'm feeling down
Speaker 6: from work or you know, I've got a comment and
Speaker 6: someone said something, or because I'm such a sensitive soul
Speaker 6: that I get fuel like I feel like someone says
Speaker 6: so and I'm like, oh man, I try to keep
Speaker 6: everyone happy.
Speaker 5: And I think that's probably one of my downfalls to
Speaker 5: the air. Like I said, it, just more open with her,
Speaker 5: to be honest.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I'm the same.
Speaker 1: I think there's no pressure of a marriage, like right,
Speaker 1: there's no pressure to be like, Okay, I've got to
Speaker 1: be a great partner, I've got to do this that
Speaker 1: all these things at home, these responsibilities. It's more so
Speaker 1: we can really focus on our relationship and friendship. We
Speaker 1: both believe that we were meant to be in each
Speaker 1: other's lives for a reason, and this is the rea
Speaker 1: and having that fifteen year relationship and experience with each
Speaker 1: other has developed this to what it is today.
Speaker 2: That said, now you've got your new relationship, do how
Speaker 2: do you plug in what you learned from this, relate
Speaker 2: this marriage into your new relationship so that that doesn't
Speaker 2: happen again, because clearly, I mean that could very easily
Speaker 2: happen again where you become mates and you're not you
Speaker 2: sort of let that side that matters to you go.
Speaker 1: For me, there was a massive, like probably two year
Speaker 1: discovery period of myself, which I needed because, as JOHNO said,
Speaker 1: we grew up together, so it was very much I
Speaker 1: didn't know who I was without him, and same with him.
Speaker 1: So when I did that, you know, full discovery period
Speaker 1: where it was just myself, I really found out and
Speaker 1: figured out what I value, what I value in a partner,
Speaker 1: and what I will accept and what boundaries I want
Speaker 1: in a relationship. And I think I'm quite harsh on
Speaker 1: that now, like very solid in that, and Aaron is
Speaker 1: very much aware and he's great with it. Like one
Speaker 1: of my biggest values is that I have my own
Speaker 1: life going on and he needs to have his own.
Speaker 1: That's one of my biggest things. Yeah, and he does.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: With my obviously current relationship with Simone, it's very different
Speaker 6: Simone and obviously Amy completely two different people, and we
Speaker 6: spend more quality time because we're not talking about business,
Speaker 6: we're not talking about anything. We're talking about each other's
Speaker 6: you know, what we love doing. And I think, you know,
Speaker 6: we're doing a lot, like we've got on a lot
Speaker 6: of holidays together. We're just saying that, you know, we
Speaker 6: barely ever got to do sometimes, So yeah, i'd say, yeah,
Speaker 6: that's kind of like for me personally what I'm trying
Speaker 6: to do now with my relationship.
Speaker 3: Good for you, good for both of you. Actually, you know,
Speaker 3: that's the only way to grow in a relationship is
Speaker 3: to be in a relationship, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Take take the good, take the bad, and understand yourself better.
Speaker 3: So I love that you both have done that.
Speaker 2: Because I brought this up with al the other day,
Speaker 2: for us, because people split, and this was maybe in
Speaker 2: preparation for you guys, you know, and talking with you guys,
Speaker 2: you often hear. We get along much better now that
Speaker 2: now that we're not married, we don't have the constraints
Speaker 2: of a marriage around us and stuff. And I was,
Speaker 2: like I said to Alie, actually, I think it's a
Speaker 2: great idea to live, Like why don't we put in
Speaker 2: our marriage that that I'm.
Speaker 3: Trying to remember this conversation.
Speaker 2: It was one of those. It was one of it
Speaker 2: was a serious. Instead of breaking up, instead of splitting
Speaker 2: up and divorcing, let's put ourselves six months down the road, like, Oh,
Speaker 2: we get along so much better now that we're not
Speaker 2: married anymore, that we don't have that. What are the
Speaker 2: constraints that we're putting on ourselves that stifling this relationship.
Speaker 2: Let's live like that now so we don't have to
Speaker 2: leave the relationship. Remember that, because I said I have
Speaker 2: no intention of leaving our relationship and you said neither
Speaker 2: do I. And I'm like, great, what's sitting on us
Speaker 2: that's creating this feeling that we're like, oh god, it's heavy,
Speaker 2: and I don't want to be that guy that walks
Speaker 2: around going on my ball and chains at home. Better
Speaker 2: get a whole past, Better do this. I hear it
Speaker 2: all the time, and it breaks my heart when I
Speaker 2: hear it from other men, because it shouldn't be that way.
Speaker 2: We choose right to be married, and we should continue
Speaker 2: to choose. And yet you know, there's this moment, so
Speaker 2: you guys chose to walk away and still be friends.
Speaker 2: I would like to be friends, be lovers, be the
Speaker 2: whole thing with ol. You know, I want to have
Speaker 2: the whole kitten caboodle. I want that we've been together
Speaker 2: for a long time and things evolve and things change. Gosh,
Speaker 2: I've done a lot of talking in last minute, do.
Speaker 4: You know what I mean?
Speaker 5: I totally understand.
Speaker 2: What do you guys say to that?
Speaker 6: First of all, I totally agree, and I feel like
Speaker 6: we just put so much pressure on ourselves in terms
Speaker 6: of like being like a perfect couple all the time
Speaker 6: and trying to impress everyone, and we actually just forget
Speaker 6: on what a relationship is.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I totally agree.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I totally agree with that. But I
Speaker 1: think there's more tour in the sense of sometimes connection
Speaker 1: is lost, sometimes your values don't align anymore. You know,
Speaker 1: at the start they might have and at the start
Speaker 1: they did. We were what's seventeen years old, and we
Speaker 1: were like, he's everything to me, and it developed into
Speaker 1: it being that we were everything to each other. Everything
Speaker 1: else didn't matter. But there is a whole other world
Speaker 1: out there that we both weren't exposed to because we
Speaker 1: got together so young. Yeah, yeah, I guess it was
Speaker 1: just our mistake that we didn't allow for those boundaries
Speaker 1: or restrictions to be upfront with them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I guess you would do it what you knew,
Speaker 3: won't you?
Speaker 4: Really?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like that's I think we all just muddle through.
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, there's things that you know in our
Speaker 3: relationship that I would actually now cringe and just go,
Speaker 3: oh my gosh.
Speaker 5: But yeah, yeah, I just was doing what I was like,
Speaker 5: it's all.
Speaker 2: How much more sand in this bed? Can? I?
Speaker 5: Why did he not wash his feet before he got
Speaker 5: an It's so true. It's so true.
Speaker 3: Have you found yourself giving advice to people now who
Speaker 3: are going through divorce or do you have advice for
Speaker 3: people going through divorce?
Speaker 4: Do you are you become a bit of a sage
Speaker 4: for all that now?
Speaker 3: Well hit you're on our show, so clearly, yes, a.
Speaker 1: Lot of I do get say John and I post
Speaker 1: a photo together, or you know, I'm holding Gia post
Speaker 1: a photo with her or Simmy, or we're on holidays together.
Speaker 1: People see that. People just reach out and they're like,
Speaker 1: this is so inspiring. Like, you know, I'm currently going
Speaker 1: through a breakup and I just wish to get to
Speaker 1: that point. But I think to get to that point.
Speaker 1: It's two people that want to sure and you cannot
Speaker 1: control what that other person feels or wants, and you
Speaker 1: kind of have to be accepting of that and also
Speaker 1: allow time to heal. Time heals everything. That's what I
Speaker 1: always say. So I think that is the main thing
Speaker 1: that I would take away from from all of that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's small, you know, I'm like, wow, Like you know,
Speaker 6: you know I actually felt that. For me, I've always
Speaker 6: said no, not really, you know, I still feel like
Speaker 6: there's part of me that felt that I could have
Speaker 6: done more. You know, it's just me as a as
Speaker 6: a human. But yeah, definitely, I wouldn't. I just try
Speaker 6: to stay away from stuff that I don't know, Like
Speaker 6: if you talk about health moness and hey, I'm your guy,
Speaker 6: you know.
Speaker 3: Right that may be a relationship expert. How would you
Speaker 3: feel like if Jia, you know, she's sick, she's madly
Speaker 3: in love and she's like this is I want to
Speaker 3: be with him forever and ever?
Speaker 5: Dad, what happens?
Speaker 2: I think Dad just got a shot.
Speaker 3: I mean, our son is he's been with the same
Speaker 3: guy since he was sixteen, and know he's twenty four,
Speaker 3: and I don't see it ending.
Speaker 5: It's like it's yeah, I.
Speaker 6: Guess, yeah, that's kind of one of those things that
Speaker 6: you never see ending, right if it was jail. Yeah, Like,
Speaker 6: I guess you have to meet the guy and make
Speaker 6: sure he's a good person and go for it. Treat
Speaker 6: my daughter right, and that's perfect.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's that's as far as you take it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, right over here will just be like, yeah,
Speaker 7: I know, so tricky.
Speaker 2: Wait you wait, get it's such a tricky thing because
Speaker 2: especially when the kids are adults, they're adults, you know,
Speaker 2: and they they've got to make their own choice. So
Speaker 2: it's that whole thing about when you talked about acceptance.
Speaker 2: I think that's part of getting older too. It's that
Speaker 2: it's that straddling the line of acceptance and intention about
Speaker 2: what you want. You go, okay, because it's tricky because
Speaker 2: you can't be telling what you what to do. You
Speaker 2: can say, here's my thoughts on it. But even then,
Speaker 2: how do you give your thoughts if they ask for
Speaker 2: it or say I'm about to tell you something you
Speaker 2: want to hear it? That whole yeah crap. You know,
Speaker 2: parenting adult kids is a tough thing. But we're talking
Speaker 2: about relationship we're talking about you guys being in a
Speaker 2: relationship and falling out of a relationship and then continuing
Speaker 2: another one, which I think would give a lot of
Speaker 2: hope for people. You mentioned the word values before your
Speaker 2: values changed, and that might have been a cause for
Speaker 2: what while you guys ended up taking separate paths in
Speaker 2: your communications with people that you're dealing with, would you
Speaker 2: say fight for the relationship or what's your sort of
Speaker 2: take on that? Having been through what you've been.
Speaker 1: Through now, Yeah, I think you do fight for what
Speaker 1: you want, and if a person is what you want,
Speaker 1: then absolutely fight for it, do everything that you can.
Speaker 1: But I also think there gets to a point where
Speaker 1: that fight just doesn't give any more. You can't give anymore.
Speaker 1: When you get to that point, that's when you kind
Speaker 1: of have to get to that acceptance space and be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what is next? This is what I want? Maybe that person.
Speaker 1: Because we are dealing with humans and feelings, you can't
Speaker 1: control that at all, and that's where you kind of
Speaker 1: have to go, Okay, maybe there's someone else out there
Speaker 1: that can give me what I want.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I think it's hard to get to that as well, right,
Speaker 6: you know what I mean? Like to actually understand or like,
Speaker 6: you know, the next step. So hard for someone.
Speaker 1: To comfortability as well. We were so comfortable in our relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't want to rock the bike exactly.
Speaker 2: Was it always that way? That's like, like particularly when
Speaker 2: when you first decided, Okay, I think we need to separate.
Speaker 2: Was there every ever a moment where things got heated
Speaker 2: and or has it always.
Speaker 4: Been with the Columbia?
Speaker 2: So how did you navigate that stuff?
Speaker 4: That was?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Look, yeah I think, yeah, that was a very bad Sure.
Speaker 1: We actually for socials had to film the day that, yeah,
Speaker 1: we broke up, and then the day after you had
Speaker 1: to come over and film, and we just you could
Speaker 1: tell in every aspect that you know, when I look
Speaker 1: back at it, I'm like, wow, that was such a
Speaker 1: bad day. But we had to get through it, and
Speaker 1: we did it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Hell did you get through? Because I know people that
Speaker 2: are going through absolutely hell. Yeah, what did you do?
Speaker 6: I had to suck it up and I knew how
Speaker 6: much obviously the job meant to Amy and I needed
Speaker 6: to be part of it.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I sucked it up that day.
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 6: Okay, just kind of sucked it up, And it's just
Speaker 6: took on all the pain and just like held it
Speaker 6: all in and just kind of put compartment.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, pretty much with it.
Speaker 6: And then as soon as I finished, I just literally
Speaker 6: ran out of a Yeah. But you know I felt
Speaker 6: the motion as well, like you know, like I cried
Speaker 6: as well. It was, Yes, such a tough time.
Speaker 4: Well, there's phases, right, like very like grief loss.
Speaker 1: You're losing something that obviously means a lot to you,
Speaker 1: So there is the phase of like sadness, anger, then acceptance.
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's a lot of other phases that we
Speaker 1: all went through. But yeah, I think just with that,
Speaker 1: I learned to just leave the conversation if it wasn't
Speaker 1: going anywhere, And we obviously learned that in our couples therapy,
Speaker 1: so kind of like prepping us for that. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: just to leave the conversation if it doesn't get anywhere,
Speaker 1: and then you pick it up when you can actually
Speaker 1: talk again, rather than you know, going at it.
Speaker 2: How did you find your therapist?
Speaker 4: I think maybe just I think it was just Google.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a couple therapy Sydney.
Speaker 3: Found the right line and was it was was it
Speaker 3: the first.
Speaker 2: One or did you go through a few?
Speaker 1: It was the first one. Yeah, it was the first one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's probably listening or it was on zoom, but.
Speaker 4: She's probably like, where are those two now? Like they
Speaker 4: never came back and booked an appointment?
Speaker 2: How many times did you go? See it?
Speaker 5: Five?
Speaker 4: Five times?
Speaker 1: And then you go to we did We did it
Speaker 1: ages ago? Remember we did it like ages ages ago
Speaker 1: before our marriage.
Speaker 4: We did. We saw him for like a year.
Speaker 5: Yes, we had someone and then we use someone else.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but we still see therapists now, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we both see separate therapists now just to work
Speaker 1: on ourselves.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 3: Now you do have a baby together in the sense
Speaker 3: of your business as you called it before, Yes, tell
Speaker 3: us a little bit about that and who what roles?
Speaker 3: Is it like a fifty to fifty business or how
Speaker 3: does that work with the two of you?
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's fifty to fifty. We open up during COVID,
Speaker 6: so Jim got twenty three employees. Now, when everything was happening,
Speaker 6: it was difficult to like we spoke about choosing sides.
Speaker 6: It's what we always wanted to do together and still
Speaker 6: continues to take up our everyday life.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well we've grown it from one location to two locations.
Speaker 1: It's now an app as well, so it's on the
Speaker 1: app store, Google play Store, and we also have fitness
Speaker 1: apparel as well. So within that four year span, we
Speaker 1: have definitely grown it fantastic and you both found just
Speaker 1: off like on the same page. Business mind like, there
Speaker 1: hasn't that's been an easy path for you on the
Speaker 1: in the business side of things. Definitely, there's obviously strength
Speaker 1: that Johno has that he pushes me to like way
Speaker 1: over my limits, which is great because it's something that
Speaker 1: he sees in me. He sees that I can do
Speaker 1: more great and believes that I can. Yeah, so you
Speaker 1: kind of need that in your business partner, and then
Speaker 1: the same with him. You know, he's obviously he comes
Speaker 1: to me for certain things, and I obviously give him advice.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I think we play on each other's strengths.
Speaker 4: Sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you talked about before with your employees and friends
Speaker 2: when you split as well, that they didn't know which
Speaker 2: way to go, And I mean imagine that must have
Speaker 2: been hard because we live in a society I think
Speaker 2: where people want to be right and they want to
Speaker 2: make someone a bad guy or a good guy. It's
Speaker 2: easier to follow that way. Was that did you have
Speaker 2: to take the people in the business aside and go
Speaker 2: and like have a meeting about Okay, now we might
Speaker 2: have split in our marriage, but this is how the
Speaker 2: business is going to go.
Speaker 5: We did think how long did I take to do?
Speaker 4: It took a while because we still were fit.
Speaker 1: We wanted to have that time to ourselves to be
Speaker 1: able to navigate through what we're actually going through. Obviously
Speaker 1: there were chatter, there was you know, feelings of okay,
Speaker 1: something's not right here, but it was also during COVID lockdowns,
Speaker 1: so people didn't know what was going on, so it
Speaker 1: wasn't very apparent to them that something was going on
Speaker 1: with us. Obviously there was feelings, but not a massive amount,
Speaker 1: so we were kind of lucky in that sense.
Speaker 2: You guys are great and brave, and thanks for coming
Speaker 2: on and talking with us about it, because I'm sure
Speaker 2: if you're looking at it from an outside point of
Speaker 2: view on Instagram or something, it's like, oh, it's a
Speaker 2: great we're friends, but there's there's a story behind it,
Speaker 2: and you weren't hard to it's where you are absolutely
Speaker 2: and I reckon it's really important that people know and
Speaker 2: understand that because I can dream into a situation where
Speaker 2: if I might be in a situation like that, I'm
Speaker 2: going God, these two did it so seamlessly, so easy,
Speaker 2: but there were bumps and bruises along the way, and
Speaker 2: you did have to have patience and acceptance, and it
Speaker 2: took time.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Thanks for letting us know that it would be
Speaker 1: really easy to go, oh yeah, it was done.
Speaker 2: Why can't you be like those two and just get
Speaker 2: over it, you know, and let's just move on? Brilliant. Hey,
Speaker 2: we do I think called the two minute shower where
Speaker 2: we get you to answer questions quickly.
Speaker 5: You're right, quick show you.
Speaker 2: So you go first time?
Speaker 3: What would you say is your best quality?
Speaker 5: God, above and beyond o?
Speaker 4: My goodness, wow, drive drive. Yeah.
Speaker 2: What the world needs more of is loving people.
Speaker 1: I was about to say love, yeah, burpies or watching
Speaker 1: a good movie.
Speaker 5: Choose watching a good movie? Same yeah, same, like it's
Speaker 5: a burpie.
Speaker 2: Just you guys are in the business. If you were
Speaker 2: to choose one exercise to keep you universally in shape,
Speaker 2: what would it be.
Speaker 1: We're out of the shower, probably running running.
Speaker 5: Run, Yeah, it's good, good mental release.
Speaker 4: What would you say running the same.
Speaker 5: Change? Some people universally yeah, go for a swim.
Speaker 2: Last question, one word to describe each other hustler Jesus.
Speaker 4: In a good way. Yeah, in the best assert assertive.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's what makes you good business partners exactly.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's perfect.
Speaker 4: Dream team.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, thank you so much for coming in and
Speaker 3: sharing your story. And as Cam said, it's it is
Speaker 3: inspirational in the sense of knowing the hard work the therapy.
Speaker 3: We're big proponents of therapy in here. So yeah, thanks
Speaker 3: for being honest and sharing what you've been through it.
Speaker 3: It's really great talking with you.
Speaker 6: Thanks for having it, and I hope it does help
Speaker 6: any couples that have gone for the same thing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, same journeys us.
Speaker 4: Yeah, us too.
Speaker 2: Was that surprising for you?
Speaker 1: Not?
Speaker 3: In some ways may be a little like I really
Speaker 3: valued their wisdom.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I actually found it really refreshing the way they spoke
Speaker 3: about each other and their experience. I mean, it was
Speaker 3: certainly different to anything we've done on separate bathrooms. It's
Speaker 3: all been about how you fell in love, how you
Speaker 3: stay in love, you know, So that was really interesting
Speaker 3: to have that married, divorced best friends still have a
Speaker 3: business together. Like I thought that was just a just
Speaker 3: an interesting story to listen to them both.
Speaker 2: I wasn't sure what we're going to get. I really wasn't,
Speaker 2: and I really enjoyed it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The thing, what's why I asked them at the end
Speaker 2: about how easy was it, you know, to navigate that
Speaker 2: and for them to be so honest, Yeah, and just go,
Speaker 2: you know what, we had our sticky, sticky times. It
Speaker 2: wasn't great.
Speaker 7: You know.
Speaker 2: I loved all that because that, to me was okay,
Speaker 2: not to diminish what they said at the beginning where
Speaker 2: they got to, but to also know that, yeah, it
Speaker 2: is a challenging time and because we are human, we
Speaker 2: have emotions and it can be met. Yeah.
Speaker 3: A lot about forgiveness, which is love always nice to get.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is a great It's a really good perspective.
Speaker 2: And look, if you're going through anything like that in
Speaker 2: your life, I hope that you gleaned something that there
Speaker 2: is hope. Yeah, you know, for some even if you're
Speaker 2: not meant to be together, that you can actually.
Speaker 3: Continue somehow, somehow have a relationship of sorts. Absolutely, Thanks
Speaker 3: everyone for listening. We'll catch you next time.
Speaker 2: Bye.