1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:07,281 Speaker 1: Apoday production. 2 00:00:10,121 --> 00:00:13,521 Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the 3 00:00:13,601 --> 00:00:16,441 Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects 4 00:00:16,481 --> 00:00:19,641 Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect 5 00:00:19,761 --> 00:00:22,881 Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today. 6 00:00:25,081 --> 00:00:28,801 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara. 7 00:00:28,961 --> 00:00:31,041 Speaker 1: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh. 8 00:00:30,881 --> 00:00:31,841 Speaker 2: And level up together. 9 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,641 Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the 10 00:00:34,721 --> 00:00:37,481 Speaker 1: lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table 11 00:00:37,521 --> 00:00:43,161 Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow and we're here to be your expander. 12 00:00:43,721 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: Hello guys, and welcome back to Grow and Glow. 13 00:00:46,561 --> 00:00:47,961 Speaker 2: We have got Brad here again. 14 00:00:48,561 --> 00:00:51,201 Speaker 1: Yeah, and today we're. 15 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:54,801 Speaker 3: Going to be talking about men's mental health and in. 16 00:00:54,761 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: A critic Yeah, so, yeah, I haven't listened to Monday's episode. 17 00:00:57,601 --> 00:00:59,641 Speaker 1: I can go listen to that first, yes, because it 18 00:00:59,721 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 1: kind of touches on a little bit, but we're going 19 00:01:02,001 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: to explore it a lot further. And I just think 20 00:01:03,921 --> 00:01:06,441 Speaker 1: this is such an important topic. I actually saw a 21 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,321 Speaker 1: stout the other day and I wrote it down because 22 00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:11,761 Speaker 1: I just think it's mind blowing talking about men's mental health, 23 00:01:11,761 --> 00:01:13,881 Speaker 1: because it really just isn't spoken about enough. And we 24 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: said this in Monday's episode, how much more in touch 25 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,641 Speaker 1: women are with their feelings. You know, we talk all 26 00:01:18,681 --> 00:01:21,001 Speaker 1: the time, we express we're vulnerable, like I don't think 27 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,801 Speaker 1: we have shame in saying that we're upset or this 28 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: is annoyed me. Whereas men, you know, they've grown up 29 00:01:25,321 --> 00:01:27,681 Speaker 1: in a generation where it's almost like be quiet, like 30 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,121 Speaker 1: don't be a pussy man up, Like boys don't cry. 31 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,041 Speaker 1: So now as adults, it's really uncomfortable for them. But 32 00:01:33,081 --> 00:01:35,681 Speaker 1: I saw this start and so we lose over three 33 00:01:35,761 --> 00:01:40,001 Speaker 1: thousand people to suicide each year, seventy five percent of 34 00:01:40,041 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 1: them are men. Well, how much does that show you 35 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,521 Speaker 1: how much more we need to support our men and 36 00:01:46,761 --> 00:01:48,681 Speaker 1: create a safe place for them to open up and 37 00:01:48,721 --> 00:01:51,800 Speaker 1: talk about how they're feeling because they obviously just don't 38 00:01:51,841 --> 00:01:53,641 Speaker 1: talk about it and feel so much shame and think 39 00:01:53,641 --> 00:01:56,001 Speaker 1: there's no other way out. Just breaks my heart, Like 40 00:01:56,041 --> 00:01:57,881 Speaker 1: I've got a son, You've got three sons, You've got 41 00:01:57,881 --> 00:02:00,961 Speaker 1: a son, We've got partners, you know, brothers, uncles, dads. 42 00:02:01,361 --> 00:02:04,401 Speaker 1: We just need to give more support. So you work 43 00:02:04,441 --> 00:02:08,241 Speaker 1: with men all the time, all the time, tell us. 44 00:02:08,121 --> 00:02:11,641 Speaker 4: About that it's hard for me to speak actually after you, 45 00:02:11,921 --> 00:02:15,400 Speaker 4: I know that I hadn't seen that stat Yeah, and 46 00:02:15,641 --> 00:02:21,641 Speaker 4: that is horrific, horrific and bringing men back into who 47 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:26,601 Speaker 4: they really are enjoying this life. This experience is so important, 48 00:02:27,121 --> 00:02:29,201 Speaker 4: you know. And as we're talking in the last episode 49 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:34,601 Speaker 4: suicide Addiction, all these things are really impacting men. I 50 00:02:34,601 --> 00:02:37,761 Speaker 4: think there's something about the nineteen fifties. It wasn't really 51 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,401 Speaker 4: positive for men because we weren't getting what we really wanted, 52 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:47,401 Speaker 4: which was empowered women. Thank God for that change, because 53 00:02:47,481 --> 00:02:51,401 Speaker 4: life's better when we move into this world. But a 54 00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:55,761 Speaker 4: nineteen fifties man didn't know. He may have hated his job, 55 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,201 Speaker 4: but he knew what his purpose was. It was go 56 00:02:58,321 --> 00:03:01,761 Speaker 4: to work. It was make enough money for the family. 57 00:03:03,001 --> 00:03:06,321 Speaker 4: Shut yourself down. If you hated what you do, tough, 58 00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:10,481 Speaker 4: it doesn't matter, but just go and do that. And 59 00:03:10,561 --> 00:03:15,161 Speaker 4: in some ways the modern world we've lost that, thank God, 60 00:03:15,841 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 4: because we need to have lost that. But now, how 61 00:03:19,441 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 4: do men function in this modern world where women are 62 00:03:23,081 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 4: really empowering themselves, thank God? And where do we as 63 00:03:28,561 --> 00:03:31,561 Speaker 4: men stand in this place sometimes where women are making 64 00:03:31,601 --> 00:03:34,201 Speaker 4: more than us, are being more successful. I think they're 65 00:03:34,201 --> 00:03:39,721 Speaker 4: doing better in school in all these places. So as men, 66 00:03:39,801 --> 00:03:42,561 Speaker 4: I think it's a calling for us to really grow. 67 00:03:42,961 --> 00:03:45,561 Speaker 4: Men are struggling, and you know, often when I'm working 68 00:03:45,561 --> 00:03:48,561 Speaker 4: with couples, it is the man who's scared, as we 69 00:03:48,601 --> 00:03:51,001 Speaker 4: spoke about in the last episode, kind of Steve turning 70 00:03:51,081 --> 00:03:55,481 Speaker 4: up with his chair back and we have to say, 71 00:03:55,641 --> 00:04:00,801 Speaker 4: come on in, you're safe, safe, safe, We've got you. 72 00:04:00,881 --> 00:04:04,081 Speaker 4: I love you. I grew up in the nineteen seventies 73 00:04:04,241 --> 00:04:09,121 Speaker 4: and within a amazing mother, and the revolution of women 74 00:04:09,201 --> 00:04:12,201 Speaker 4: really coming into their own was happening, and I remember 75 00:04:12,921 --> 00:04:16,481 Speaker 4: disliking what men had done. It's like who we were, 76 00:04:17,001 --> 00:04:21,241 Speaker 4: until one day I realized, I'm ante myself. I have 77 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,481 Speaker 4: to love in this lifetime. I'm here as a man, 78 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:29,081 Speaker 4: and I have to love this body, this experience. And 79 00:04:29,201 --> 00:04:32,440 Speaker 4: now I have an experience of really loving men again. 80 00:04:32,721 --> 00:04:34,761 Speaker 1: Yeah, it brought me to tears when I read it, 81 00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:40,121 Speaker 1: And so I think bringing men into get support, talk 82 00:04:40,161 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: about their feelings, it is a sense of safety. Right. 83 00:04:43,961 --> 00:04:47,081 Speaker 1: Is it as simple as language switches? Like if a 84 00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,921 Speaker 1: wife says to a husband like, oh, you need to 85 00:04:48,961 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 1: go and get some help, they're going to be pretty 86 00:04:50,841 --> 00:04:54,721 Speaker 1: like yeah, No, what's a way that we can switch 87 00:04:54,801 --> 00:04:57,561 Speaker 1: up how we encourage them to get more support. 88 00:04:57,681 --> 00:04:59,401 Speaker 4: I love that you say that, because I was just thinking, 89 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,481 Speaker 4: then that's a role in the field that comes along 90 00:05:02,521 --> 00:05:04,401 Speaker 4: and says there's something wrong with you. 91 00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,161 Speaker 1: Yes, they hear right, Yeah, that's what they're hearing. 92 00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:08,961 Speaker 4: You're saying there's something wrong with. 93 00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:11,041 Speaker 1: Me, and I'm not capable of fixing it myself, which 94 00:05:11,121 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: a masculine man they want to fix and get shipped done. 95 00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 1: So to have to get outside help it just kind 96 00:05:16,201 --> 00:05:17,961 Speaker 1: of feels very uncomfortable for them. 97 00:05:18,041 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, and you want me to go and share all this, 98 00:05:21,681 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 4: and this is private, and I'm a really private person. 99 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 4: I don't want anyone to know anything about this, which 100 00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:30,161 Speaker 4: is interesting because when I'm working with a couple or 101 00:05:30,161 --> 00:05:34,121 Speaker 4: a man, the first thing I'm always doing is creating 102 00:05:34,121 --> 00:05:37,080 Speaker 4: a relationship. One of the reasons I love working with 103 00:05:37,201 --> 00:05:41,001 Speaker 4: men as well is I actually get it. Yeah. I 104 00:05:41,521 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 4: didn't kind of just walk into this world and go 105 00:05:45,521 --> 00:05:48,121 Speaker 4: uncomfortable with my feelings and my emotions. I just didn't. 106 00:05:48,241 --> 00:05:49,601 Speaker 1: You had a big inner critic, didn't you. 107 00:05:49,721 --> 00:05:51,681 Speaker 4: I had it. The reason I can work so well 108 00:05:51,721 --> 00:05:55,881 Speaker 4: with the inner critic is it was fucking enormous, and 109 00:05:55,961 --> 00:05:59,001 Speaker 4: so now I love that work because I get that work. 110 00:05:59,041 --> 00:06:01,481 Speaker 4: And for years and years I thought this doesn't work, 111 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 4: but it does, it does, and it changes you relationship. 112 00:06:06,361 --> 00:06:10,201 Speaker 4: And so in a sense, what's really interesting when a 113 00:06:10,241 --> 00:06:13,161 Speaker 4: woman says that to a man, get some help, is 114 00:06:13,481 --> 00:06:16,601 Speaker 4: I think what you've got to be aware of is 115 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:21,281 Speaker 4: sometimes that can feel like a punch. And because you're 116 00:06:21,361 --> 00:06:25,721 Speaker 4: kind of flaring up the inner critic, So knowing that's 117 00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:29,961 Speaker 4: really important, you're actually siding with his inner critic. It's 118 00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:32,761 Speaker 4: really really hard because how do you do this? Maybe 119 00:06:32,801 --> 00:06:35,401 Speaker 4: we'll explore this right now. How do you do that? 120 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,601 Speaker 4: But the first thing is you become aware that he's 121 00:06:38,681 --> 00:06:41,561 Speaker 4: feeling like you're on the side of the critic. Told 122 00:06:41,561 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 4: you weren't enough, told you I used to feel this 123 00:06:44,361 --> 00:06:46,881 Speaker 4: a lot in myself. You're not enough. You've got to 124 00:06:46,921 --> 00:06:51,281 Speaker 4: be more achieved, be better, be perfect. And so I 125 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,801 Speaker 4: tried to do that, and if I didn't that in 126 00:06:53,841 --> 00:06:56,081 Speaker 4: a critic would come in and go, told you you're 127 00:06:56,121 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 4: not enough. So being aware that the critics there, that 128 00:07:00,241 --> 00:07:02,961 Speaker 4: you're not just speaking to your man, but there's a 129 00:07:03,001 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 4: third party there that, yeah, how would you say it? 130 00:07:07,841 --> 00:07:11,201 Speaker 4: Here's a question if you knew there's an inner critic 131 00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,841 Speaker 4: in the room as well. 132 00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:15,841 Speaker 1: I remember when I first started working with Taylor, I 133 00:07:15,881 --> 00:07:18,161 Speaker 1: was sorry, just enjoying my own process, and I was 134 00:07:18,201 --> 00:07:21,201 Speaker 1: so lit up and getting so much growth that I 135 00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,241 Speaker 1: think I worded it in a way that it wasn't 136 00:07:23,241 --> 00:07:25,441 Speaker 1: like you need help or something's wrong. I was like, Wow, 137 00:07:25,481 --> 00:07:27,881 Speaker 1: I just didn't know how much more I could learn 138 00:07:27,961 --> 00:07:30,201 Speaker 1: or hearing his perspective and his life experience, and I 139 00:07:30,241 --> 00:07:33,081 Speaker 1: made it really exciting. So then when I don't know 140 00:07:33,081 --> 00:07:35,401 Speaker 1: what the point was when Steve first went and saw Taylor, 141 00:07:35,441 --> 00:07:37,001 Speaker 1: but I remember when he walked in I just had 142 00:07:37,001 --> 00:07:39,401 Speaker 1: my session with Taylor. He was like, Oh, my wife 143 00:07:39,481 --> 00:07:41,761 Speaker 1: just like says, how incredible this is. Like I'm really excited. 144 00:07:42,121 --> 00:07:45,121 Speaker 1: So the energy was more like excitement to like have 145 00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:47,961 Speaker 1: a conversation rather than like, oh fuck, something's wrong with me. 146 00:07:48,081 --> 00:07:49,961 Speaker 1: My wife's thinks I've got to go get this fixed. 147 00:07:50,241 --> 00:07:52,881 Speaker 1: It was more from a really excited energy. That's right, 148 00:07:52,961 --> 00:07:55,481 Speaker 1: But I think that I think for a lot of people, yeah, 149 00:07:55,481 --> 00:07:57,961 Speaker 1: they wouldn't know what to actually say. What would you say? 150 00:07:58,161 --> 00:08:01,241 Speaker 3: So what I personally did in my situation was I 151 00:08:01,361 --> 00:08:04,681 Speaker 3: was like, I'm really struggling right now. I feel like 152 00:08:04,921 --> 00:08:06,961 Speaker 3: I'm in a place where I want to feel more 153 00:08:06,961 --> 00:08:09,481 Speaker 3: connected to you, like, you know, I love you so much, 154 00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:11,921 Speaker 3: and I feel like going and doing this together especial 155 00:08:11,961 --> 00:08:13,961 Speaker 3: because it's so much outside noise. I kind of spoke 156 00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:16,001 Speaker 3: about that as well, and just saying I feel like 157 00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:18,121 Speaker 3: this will help us become a team again, you know, 158 00:08:18,761 --> 00:08:20,521 Speaker 3: so maybe go to the first session together. 159 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,041 Speaker 1: He was great, he booked and came. 160 00:08:22,441 --> 00:08:23,201 Speaker 2: But I think. 161 00:08:23,201 --> 00:08:25,561 Speaker 3: Maybe taking the edge off by even doing the first 162 00:08:25,601 --> 00:08:28,721 Speaker 3: one together could be nice. Like that was yeah, and 163 00:08:28,721 --> 00:08:30,441 Speaker 3: then Kurt when I saw you again on his own after, 164 00:08:31,161 --> 00:08:33,841 Speaker 3: but yeah, just maybe initially, just you know, more so 165 00:08:34,001 --> 00:08:36,201 Speaker 3: putting it on myself, like being like, I feel like 166 00:08:36,241 --> 00:08:38,401 Speaker 3: this would really help, you know. Right now, I'm feeling 167 00:08:38,441 --> 00:08:40,401 Speaker 3: really lost, and you know you've been going through all 168 00:08:40,441 --> 00:08:42,521 Speaker 3: this with me. Would you mind coming in with me 169 00:08:42,601 --> 00:08:44,081 Speaker 3: and doing this together as a team. 170 00:08:44,561 --> 00:08:46,921 Speaker 1: That's nice. I really love your support. I think that 171 00:08:46,921 --> 00:08:48,561 Speaker 1: would be a really beautiful way to do it, because 172 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,441 Speaker 1: then the finger is not being pointed at all. It's 173 00:08:50,481 --> 00:08:52,161 Speaker 1: like this is actually all about me, and I need 174 00:08:52,161 --> 00:08:53,921 Speaker 1: my man to like come and support. Would you do 175 00:08:53,961 --> 00:08:55,681 Speaker 1: that with me? I think that's a really. 176 00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:59,241 Speaker 4: It's really cool. Come with me please, Yeah. 177 00:08:59,201 --> 00:09:01,281 Speaker 1: Let's play, and your man wants to love on you 178 00:09:01,321 --> 00:09:01,921 Speaker 1: and help you. 179 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:06,441 Speaker 4: Yes, come along on this journey, come with me. That's 180 00:09:06,481 --> 00:09:11,001 Speaker 4: so cool that really I'm struggling. I'm having a hard time. 181 00:09:11,201 --> 00:09:13,761 Speaker 4: Come and help me. Let's do this together. 182 00:09:14,041 --> 00:09:15,321 Speaker 1: That's a beautiful way to do it. 183 00:09:15,441 --> 00:09:15,641 Speaker 4: Yeah. 184 00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,161 Speaker 1: I think that will definitely help a lot of women 185 00:09:17,201 --> 00:09:18,841 Speaker 1: who are like oh, because we see it now for 186 00:09:18,881 --> 00:09:21,201 Speaker 1: them all the time and DM's like, oh, how did 187 00:09:21,201 --> 00:09:22,801 Speaker 1: you get Steve to go? You know, how do you 188 00:09:22,921 --> 00:09:25,921 Speaker 1: do that? And it's hard because if they're just so resistant, 189 00:09:26,321 --> 00:09:28,441 Speaker 1: But I think wording it like that would be super helpful. 190 00:09:28,921 --> 00:09:30,441 Speaker 3: I think Kur would have gone on his own for 191 00:09:30,481 --> 00:09:32,681 Speaker 3: his first session. I don't think he would have done 192 00:09:32,681 --> 00:09:35,921 Speaker 3: it on his own. Yeah, he may have, but not 193 00:09:35,961 --> 00:09:37,481 Speaker 3: at that point in time when I think we really 194 00:09:37,561 --> 00:09:38,001 Speaker 3: needed it. 195 00:09:38,401 --> 00:09:41,201 Speaker 4: This is such a good conversation because there's a role 196 00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:45,801 Speaker 4: there in the room in men that I don't need help. Yes, 197 00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:51,441 Speaker 4: there's nothing wrong with me, and getting past that is 198 00:09:51,521 --> 00:09:54,361 Speaker 4: really important. I think the advantage of being a woman 199 00:09:55,041 --> 00:09:58,001 Speaker 4: is you have this closer connection to this isn't working 200 00:09:58,041 --> 00:10:01,761 Speaker 4: for me, there's something not right here where there's this 201 00:10:01,801 --> 00:10:06,201 Speaker 4: classic saying that men love sitting on the couch and 202 00:10:06,241 --> 00:10:09,561 Speaker 4: drinking beer and watching sport, because in that moment there's nothing. 203 00:10:09,841 --> 00:10:14,161 Speaker 4: They experience nothingness, and that's what they really crave. Where 204 00:10:14,201 --> 00:10:17,801 Speaker 4: a woman wants to experience life, she wants to experience 205 00:10:17,881 --> 00:10:22,721 Speaker 4: love and relationship, and so this dance happens. He's just like, 206 00:10:22,761 --> 00:10:24,161 Speaker 4: if I don't have to look at it, if I 207 00:10:24,161 --> 00:10:26,361 Speaker 4: don't have to think about it, it's better for me. 208 00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:28,761 Speaker 4: I don't want to have to go and feel suffering 209 00:10:28,841 --> 00:10:30,921 Speaker 4: and pain and for it to be hard and difficult. 210 00:10:31,201 --> 00:10:40,321 Speaker 4: It's okay right now, you know Saint George's winning, That's okay. Yeah, 211 00:10:40,321 --> 00:10:44,561 Speaker 4: But really sitting with that, it's a really tricky conversation 212 00:10:44,681 --> 00:10:47,761 Speaker 4: and it hits me when you say, that's a question 213 00:10:47,921 --> 00:10:49,361 Speaker 4: that women really struggle with. 214 00:10:49,641 --> 00:10:53,121 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really coming out to get him there, support 215 00:10:53,161 --> 00:10:56,561 Speaker 1: their man. They want to help them. Yeah, but you're right, 216 00:10:56,641 --> 00:10:59,321 Speaker 1: a lot of men in this generation don't think they 217 00:10:59,321 --> 00:11:01,641 Speaker 1: need help, think they won't be able to be helped, 218 00:11:02,281 --> 00:11:05,361 Speaker 1: or are just so fucking scared to be vulnerable. And 219 00:11:05,521 --> 00:11:07,841 Speaker 1: it's interesting, like a wonderful lot of men feel more 220 00:11:07,881 --> 00:11:11,681 Speaker 1: comfortable with a female or a male, Like I prefer 221 00:11:11,761 --> 00:11:13,921 Speaker 1: male coaches. I've always been more drawn to male coaches 222 00:11:13,921 --> 00:11:16,121 Speaker 1: because I think I've craved that healthy masculine to help 223 00:11:16,161 --> 00:11:18,881 Speaker 1: me soften and drop and feel safe to be vulnerable. 224 00:11:19,281 --> 00:11:21,201 Speaker 1: So wonder with men if they prefer to talk to 225 00:11:21,241 --> 00:11:23,681 Speaker 1: a man that gets it and understands it, or do 226 00:11:23,761 --> 00:11:26,881 Speaker 1: they feel, I don't know's he's done male and female? 227 00:11:26,921 --> 00:11:29,441 Speaker 1: He prefers male. Yeah, some men might be craving the 228 00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:34,001 Speaker 1: softness of a female. And to hear the other perspective. 229 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:38,601 Speaker 4: So often men and women we shame ourselves. One of 230 00:11:38,601 --> 00:11:41,161 Speaker 4: the classic lines I hear is You're going to think 231 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,961 Speaker 4: I'm crazy. You don't think there's something wrong with me 232 00:11:44,041 --> 00:11:46,801 Speaker 4: if I reveal this to you and then they reveal 233 00:11:46,841 --> 00:11:50,561 Speaker 4: and it's not. It's just that in the creed that 234 00:11:50,881 --> 00:11:54,761 Speaker 4: says there's something wrong with me, and there's not. Your 235 00:11:54,881 --> 00:12:00,121 Speaker 4: process you're dreaming is always taking you in a certain direction. Look, 236 00:12:00,201 --> 00:12:03,361 Speaker 4: and for me, one of the greatest ways for a 237 00:12:03,521 --> 00:12:07,001 Speaker 4: man to really grow, there's men and women, is to 238 00:12:07,081 --> 00:12:10,681 Speaker 4: understand his purpose his life. Myth. Men are really drawn 239 00:12:10,761 --> 00:12:12,961 Speaker 4: to that. You know, what the hell am I really 240 00:12:13,001 --> 00:12:15,281 Speaker 4: here to do? And this radically changed my life. You 241 00:12:15,561 --> 00:12:20,041 Speaker 4: talked about the childhood dream, your earliest memory or childhood dream. 242 00:12:20,401 --> 00:12:23,361 Speaker 4: Hold your life myth, the thing that you're really here 243 00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:27,561 Speaker 4: to do, and it'll be your primary challenge in life. 244 00:12:27,721 --> 00:12:30,001 Speaker 4: Once you've got someone's life myth, you know exactly what's 245 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:34,161 Speaker 4: really going on. So for me, I was chased by 246 00:12:34,201 --> 00:12:38,681 Speaker 4: this mad shaman. Clown used to chase me around the 247 00:12:38,761 --> 00:12:42,601 Speaker 4: universe and I couldn't escape. It was a madman and 248 00:12:42,681 --> 00:12:45,881 Speaker 4: it was a terrifying dream until I realized I am 249 00:12:45,961 --> 00:12:49,841 Speaker 4: the mad clown. That's me, that's the part in me 250 00:12:50,121 --> 00:12:54,401 Speaker 4: that's bringing to the world. My everyday self says, be normal, 251 00:12:55,481 --> 00:12:59,561 Speaker 4: don't be weird, be like everyone else. But in the background, 252 00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:01,801 Speaker 4: this thing slapping me around, going I know who you 253 00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:05,761 Speaker 4: really are. Shine, I'm going to chase you. I'm going 254 00:13:05,841 --> 00:13:07,961 Speaker 4: to chase you down, and I'm going to get you. 255 00:13:08,561 --> 00:13:11,761 Speaker 4: And so that now allows me. For many years, I 256 00:13:11,801 --> 00:13:13,841 Speaker 4: was struggling with that I'm not normal and I'm different. 257 00:13:13,841 --> 00:13:17,961 Speaker 4: I'm trying to be normal and then something weird happens. Yeah. 258 00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:20,401 Speaker 1: I love that you can, and I've witnessed that with Steve. 259 00:13:20,521 --> 00:13:22,521 Speaker 1: Is how safe he felt with you because you got 260 00:13:22,521 --> 00:13:25,401 Speaker 1: where he was at, like, whereas I couldn't fully understand 261 00:13:25,441 --> 00:13:28,001 Speaker 1: exactly Steve's feeling because I haven't experienced and walked in 262 00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,641 Speaker 1: his shoes. But you're like, I get it. That's how 263 00:13:29,681 --> 00:13:31,361 Speaker 1: I used to be. And I think that's why a 264 00:13:31,401 --> 00:13:33,281 Speaker 1: lot of people connect with grow and Glow as we 265 00:13:33,321 --> 00:13:36,241 Speaker 1: share so much of our real life and our experiences 266 00:13:36,281 --> 00:13:38,881 Speaker 1: and our struggles that they relate. It humanizes all of 267 00:13:38,961 --> 00:13:41,641 Speaker 1: us that we all experience similar things. It just looks 268 00:13:41,641 --> 00:13:44,241 Speaker 1: and feels slightly different. But you're not crazy for feeling 269 00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 1: like that. I felt like that too, Yes. 270 00:13:46,361 --> 00:13:48,241 Speaker 4: And that's what we have to do. We have to 271 00:13:48,281 --> 00:13:51,281 Speaker 4: tell stories. One of the reasons I love mythology is 272 00:13:51,281 --> 00:13:54,681 Speaker 4: it tells the story of us. The fairy tales and 273 00:13:54,761 --> 00:13:57,841 Speaker 4: all these things are our own journeys, following breadcrumbs and 274 00:13:58,241 --> 00:14:01,041 Speaker 4: signals and getting lost in the woods. These are all 275 00:14:01,081 --> 00:14:04,281 Speaker 4: our own stories. The hero stories Joseph Campbell, The Hero 276 00:14:04,641 --> 00:14:07,681 Speaker 4: with the Faces is the story of us which is 277 00:14:07,721 --> 00:14:11,761 Speaker 4: told out again and again and again. This story of 278 00:14:12,241 --> 00:14:16,561 Speaker 4: the hero, our journey. It's not easy, but we need 279 00:14:16,761 --> 00:14:21,441 Speaker 4: places to help us to unfold and understand. Yeah, you know, 280 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:26,121 Speaker 4: really we're talking about aware relationships. We're talking about where 281 00:14:26,361 --> 00:14:30,761 Speaker 4: men and there's nothing more powerful. Men have to have 282 00:14:30,921 --> 00:14:34,241 Speaker 4: something to give to this world. Otherwise we would not 283 00:14:34,361 --> 00:14:38,521 Speaker 4: be here. This world is intelligent and it's bringing forth 284 00:14:38,761 --> 00:14:41,761 Speaker 4: all these things for a reason. We also are here 285 00:14:41,801 --> 00:14:44,281 Speaker 4: for a reason, and we do not need these guys 286 00:14:44,881 --> 00:14:45,761 Speaker 4: checking out early. 287 00:14:46,081 --> 00:14:46,601 Speaker 5: No. 288 00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:50,921 Speaker 4: No, and suicide has an aspect on a dreaming level 289 00:14:51,001 --> 00:14:55,001 Speaker 4: of killing something off. Don't kill yourself off. There's a 290 00:14:55,041 --> 00:14:57,361 Speaker 4: part of you that needs to go. It's a transformation, 291 00:14:57,521 --> 00:15:00,961 Speaker 4: it's a death. Have the death, but have the phoenix rising. 292 00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:04,641 Speaker 4: The rebirth makes me emotional because it's like, don't go. 293 00:15:05,161 --> 00:15:08,081 Speaker 4: I want to say to men, it's so amazing that 294 00:15:08,121 --> 00:15:10,121 Speaker 4: you brought that up, because there's a part of me 295 00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:13,241 Speaker 4: that says, men, don't leave us here, stay with us 296 00:15:13,921 --> 00:15:17,121 Speaker 4: by all means, have a death, but have a rebirth 297 00:15:17,201 --> 00:15:20,241 Speaker 4: as well. To do that, you have to stay here 298 00:15:20,321 --> 00:15:23,641 Speaker 4: long enough. Yeah, part of you wants to go. Maybe 299 00:15:23,681 --> 00:15:26,521 Speaker 4: part of you needs to go, but there's another part 300 00:15:26,601 --> 00:15:29,481 Speaker 4: that we need be because it's all of us together 301 00:15:30,281 --> 00:15:32,521 Speaker 4: that are going to make this world a better place. 302 00:15:34,361 --> 00:15:37,841 Speaker 1: With working with men now, in this modern day society, 303 00:15:37,921 --> 00:15:40,881 Speaker 1: what would you say is the most common or prominent 304 00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:42,881 Speaker 1: problem or issue that they're struggling with? 305 00:15:43,201 --> 00:15:48,081 Speaker 4: Relationship, relationship, fear, emotions, feeling like I think it's what's 306 00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:52,041 Speaker 4: always been there in relationship. What I hear a lot 307 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,121 Speaker 4: is I'm not enough. I'm trying to be more, I'm 308 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:57,961 Speaker 4: trying to be better, And there's a beginner critic there 309 00:15:58,401 --> 00:16:01,361 Speaker 4: that's saying I'm not enough. The way we do that 310 00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,761 Speaker 4: is by fighting up against that critical figure. The other 311 00:16:04,801 --> 00:16:07,521 Speaker 4: part heart to it is gambling addiction. 312 00:16:08,281 --> 00:16:09,961 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's probly huge, right. 313 00:16:09,961 --> 00:16:12,881 Speaker 4: It's just huge, and for men helping them to pick 314 00:16:12,921 --> 00:16:15,561 Speaker 4: up the essence of what they're really looking for, what 315 00:16:15,881 --> 00:16:19,241 Speaker 4: they're craving, what they need more of, like we said 316 00:16:19,241 --> 00:16:21,681 Speaker 4: in the last episode, in a sense, getting more drunk 317 00:16:21,721 --> 00:16:26,241 Speaker 4: without drinking. Yeah, having more wins, not just on the 318 00:16:26,281 --> 00:16:28,961 Speaker 4: Pokey's really feeling a win in life. 319 00:16:29,041 --> 00:16:33,441 Speaker 1: Why is it that men have stronger addictive personalities than females. 320 00:16:33,241 --> 00:16:37,761 Speaker 4: Because they haven't been doing the work, so the forces 321 00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:41,121 Speaker 4: inside of them are coming out stronger. Women can go, 322 00:16:42,441 --> 00:16:47,881 Speaker 4: can feel, and can express yourself and can say, can communicate. 323 00:16:48,001 --> 00:16:52,641 Speaker 4: A man bottles that up and says, you know, or 324 00:16:52,681 --> 00:16:55,081 Speaker 4: I don't feel love, or I don't communicate that. So 325 00:16:55,161 --> 00:16:57,841 Speaker 4: it comes out split off, It comes out sideways. If 326 00:16:57,841 --> 00:16:59,881 Speaker 4: we don't do the inner work, if we don't pick 327 00:16:59,961 --> 00:17:03,241 Speaker 4: up in a sense, our shadows the parts that lie 328 00:17:03,321 --> 00:17:07,121 Speaker 4: underneath us. Then they come out sideways in the addictions. Yeah, 329 00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:10,161 Speaker 4: in the addictions. They come out in affairs, they come 330 00:17:10,201 --> 00:17:13,281 Speaker 4: out in Oh but you love me. I see that 331 00:17:13,321 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 4: a lot with affairs. Oh but you know, what is 332 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 4: it that that person gives you? Ah, that's what you 333 00:17:20,321 --> 00:17:24,201 Speaker 4: need more of, because often there's a dreaming and when 334 00:17:24,241 --> 00:17:27,041 Speaker 4: we do that, we can explore even the fantasy. What 335 00:17:27,241 --> 00:17:29,681 Speaker 4: is it you're noticing? What is it you actually get 336 00:17:29,721 --> 00:17:33,120 Speaker 4: from this person? Oh, they're like, make me feel like 337 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:36,281 Speaker 4: this and this and this. Okay, So that's what you 338 00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,521 Speaker 4: need more of, because you may not get that with 339 00:17:38,561 --> 00:17:40,801 Speaker 4: the person because that person's a human being and they're 340 00:17:40,801 --> 00:17:43,001 Speaker 4: also a pain in the ass like all of us, 341 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,561 Speaker 4: and so you don't just get the beauty and the 342 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,001 Speaker 4: love and all that sort of stuff. You get this too. 343 00:17:48,521 --> 00:17:51,561 Speaker 4: So let's get the stuff that you really want. Let's 344 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:56,120 Speaker 4: get the alcohol, the state behind it. I work with 345 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,561 Speaker 4: someone who went from drinking a bottle of wine a 346 00:17:59,681 --> 00:18:04,281 Speaker 4: night to drinking a glass and the way we did 347 00:18:04,321 --> 00:18:09,000 Speaker 4: it was slowly everything right down and notice what's the experience? 348 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,360 Speaker 4: Actually really fully have the experience, because what you can 349 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,161 Speaker 4: do is you're going to have three or four glasses 350 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 4: and you've missed it. I don't even know what I 351 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:20,761 Speaker 4: was looking for, but really have that experience fully ahead 352 00:18:20,761 --> 00:18:22,400 Speaker 4: a time where I was working with a lot of 353 00:18:22,481 --> 00:18:24,761 Speaker 4: illicit drug addiction, and these are some of the most 354 00:18:24,761 --> 00:18:29,481 Speaker 4: amazing people because they're hungry for something else. Now they're 355 00:18:29,521 --> 00:18:33,160 Speaker 4: complicated and it's difficult, but they're hungry. They said, I 356 00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 4: actually want to get high in life. The substance ain't 357 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 4: going to do it for you, but yeah, let's help 358 00:18:38,961 --> 00:18:41,281 Speaker 4: you to get a little more high in life. That's important. 359 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,360 Speaker 1: And most men that come to you, are they coming 360 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 1: on their own willingness or is it normally a wife 361 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,761 Speaker 1: or someone pushing them and they're dragging their feet as 362 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,080 Speaker 1: a couple a couple of ye. 363 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:59,041 Speaker 4: And then it goes into men's work. Yes, sometimes because 364 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,161 Speaker 4: of the groups I'm working with men other men talk 365 00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:05,201 Speaker 4: to them. True, yep, and that can be a nice 366 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,120 Speaker 4: of that. But a lot of times men don't talk 367 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,961 Speaker 4: about getting help and support. Women will be. 368 00:19:10,921 --> 00:19:14,281 Speaker 1: Going, yeah, I went some help. We do a whole 369 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:14,801 Speaker 1: reel on it. 370 00:19:15,921 --> 00:19:18,360 Speaker 4: Yeah, you're talking to your girlfriend and we're still kind 371 00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:20,600 Speaker 4: of hiding in the cupboard. You know, me and the 372 00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 4: dude were in the cupboard hiding and yeah, I'm not 373 00:19:22,921 --> 00:19:26,600 Speaker 4: ready to come out yet, but I actually do work 374 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,241 Speaker 4: on myself. 375 00:19:27,721 --> 00:19:30,281 Speaker 1: And so you do men's groups, that's cool. 376 00:19:30,481 --> 00:19:35,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, I have madurra ba men's groups and leading men's groups. 377 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,160 Speaker 1: So what happens in the men's group on the walls. 378 00:19:38,041 --> 00:19:41,841 Speaker 4: Yeah, well, mostly talk about it. It's unfolding there. This 379 00:19:41,921 --> 00:19:44,441 Speaker 4: is what's really interesting. I set up all these exercises, 380 00:19:44,521 --> 00:19:47,561 Speaker 4: awareness exercises, and someone I love that you say this, 381 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 4: And here I am doing all these incredible exercises and 382 00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:54,041 Speaker 4: someone said to me, you know what, my favorite part 383 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 4: of this was just realizing there's other men just like me. 384 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,360 Speaker 4: I almost don't have to do anything. 385 00:20:01,921 --> 00:20:05,481 Speaker 1: Other than the collective energy there and. 386 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,161 Speaker 4: Get them talking and going. This is hard for. 387 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:09,840 Speaker 1: Me because most men have to have a beer to 388 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,561 Speaker 1: be able to drop, get rid of the any critic, 389 00:20:11,681 --> 00:20:14,920 Speaker 1: and then have a conversation. Like Steve doesn't drink much anymore, 390 00:20:14,921 --> 00:20:16,400 Speaker 1: but I remember him used to saying that it's the 391 00:20:16,441 --> 00:20:18,200 Speaker 1: only way I can connect with my friends. We're not 392 00:20:18,321 --> 00:20:20,521 Speaker 1: like you girls. We don't just chat and tell each 393 00:20:20,561 --> 00:20:22,681 Speaker 1: other all of our feelings and what our pool look 394 00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:25,321 Speaker 1: like and you know, you know, we talk about everything. 395 00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:26,920 Speaker 1: But he's like, unless I have a couple of beers, 396 00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 1: like my friends don't talk for it's just so surface level. 397 00:20:30,201 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 4: This is what a group does, is it gives permission 398 00:20:33,041 --> 00:20:36,441 Speaker 4: and people go, I feel like that. Sometimes my wife 399 00:20:36,521 --> 00:20:39,441 Speaker 4: drives me crazy. Yeah I know I shouldn't say that, 400 00:20:39,561 --> 00:20:41,321 Speaker 4: but yeah, and for a moment you can go. You 401 00:20:41,321 --> 00:20:45,241 Speaker 4: can say that, yeah, feel free or sometimes I worry 402 00:20:45,281 --> 00:20:47,681 Speaker 4: about my kids, or oh I do too. 403 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,561 Speaker 1: Once one opens up, it just like opens everyone up 404 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 1: and they feel safe, feel. 405 00:20:51,921 --> 00:20:55,640 Speaker 4: It gives permission. Beautiful, and so sometimes things can only 406 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,440 Speaker 4: be healed in a group, particularly if there's trauma around groups. 407 00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:01,601 Speaker 4: So for a lot of men, there's trauma around in groups. 408 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,360 Speaker 4: In this sense, the trauma is don't be used, so off, 409 00:21:05,441 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 4: don't be anything different, all these types of things. So 410 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:11,360 Speaker 4: the healing has to happen within the group. So the 411 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:15,281 Speaker 4: group allows that to happen. It gives permission and says 412 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,440 Speaker 4: it's okay to be yourself. 413 00:21:17,721 --> 00:21:20,001 Speaker 3: Stops the old stories too, of saying that we need 414 00:21:20,041 --> 00:21:22,481 Speaker 3: to have a beer to be able to be accepted. 415 00:21:22,041 --> 00:21:22,601 Speaker 1: For who we are. 416 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,441 Speaker 4: It's really really interesting and I noticed that I always 417 00:21:26,481 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 4: say men struggle to go and sit down and have 418 00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:33,001 Speaker 4: cucumber sandwich is the high tea. Yeah. I actually connect 419 00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:35,480 Speaker 4: with a lot of my mates climbing and we go 420 00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:38,441 Speaker 4: to the gym when we climb. But what's really interesting 421 00:21:38,481 --> 00:21:41,041 Speaker 4: is we're doing something we like to or out mountain biking. 422 00:21:41,041 --> 00:21:44,681 Speaker 4: We're doing something, but the conversation because who I am. 423 00:21:44,761 --> 00:21:47,801 Speaker 4: It's a space where you can go, hey, you doing Yeah, 424 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,680 Speaker 4: it's safe to go. I've had a hard time with 425 00:21:50,761 --> 00:21:54,561 Speaker 4: this or this. So it's really good if you can 426 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:58,880 Speaker 4: create an environment where men are doing things. Yes, often 427 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,840 Speaker 4: where they're in their body or they're in a space. 428 00:22:00,961 --> 00:22:01,840 Speaker 4: These men's are. 429 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:06,521 Speaker 1: Worksheads so cool, like two years. 430 00:22:06,041 --> 00:22:08,441 Speaker 4: Amazing to do there and just have a space because 431 00:22:08,441 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 4: sometimes it's like you're doing and it's like, yeah, I'm 432 00:22:10,001 --> 00:22:14,000 Speaker 4: doing good. I'm like building this table. Life's amazing. Yeah, 433 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,121 Speaker 4: but then you know I'm building this table, but I'm 434 00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:19,680 Speaker 4: thinking about my son and so suddenly there's a moment 435 00:22:19,721 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 4: and there's a space where there's permission. So I think 436 00:22:23,761 --> 00:22:27,080 Speaker 4: it's so healthy because you're right. Alcohol was the place 437 00:22:27,521 --> 00:22:31,281 Speaker 4: that took the critic away, that put the critic to sleep, 438 00:22:31,801 --> 00:22:35,041 Speaker 4: and men could suddenly go, oh, now I can express myself. 439 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,921 Speaker 4: The problem with that using alcohol is the critic wakes 440 00:22:38,001 --> 00:22:40,241 Speaker 4: up the next day it's called a hangover. Yea beats 441 00:22:40,281 --> 00:22:41,281 Speaker 4: a living crap out of you. 442 00:22:42,001 --> 00:22:43,481 Speaker 1: And it's the same with women too, Like if you 443 00:22:43,521 --> 00:22:45,680 Speaker 1: see women you know, get drunk and like, you know, 444 00:22:45,721 --> 00:22:49,080 Speaker 1: the normal shy, good girl, it's like out slut dancing 445 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:51,680 Speaker 1: and dropping it and like you know, really sexual and 446 00:22:51,761 --> 00:22:54,561 Speaker 1: like beautiful. But then that's really come out because that's 447 00:22:54,561 --> 00:22:56,401 Speaker 1: within her, but she's shaming it and the next day 448 00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,120 Speaker 1: she's like, oh my fucking god, I can't believe I 449 00:22:58,201 --> 00:22:59,521 Speaker 1: was grinding up against that guy. 450 00:23:00,201 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 4: You know. It's similar, right, that's exactly right, And there's 451 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 4: a part of her that goes, I want to feel more. 452 00:23:05,721 --> 00:23:07,041 Speaker 1: Yes, that's what it's saying. 453 00:23:07,201 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 4: When we experience myself alone want to feel alive and 454 00:23:11,561 --> 00:23:15,360 Speaker 4: dance on the floor, I may not think, yeah, I 455 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 4: may not want to grind up against that guy. So 456 00:23:17,801 --> 00:23:19,361 Speaker 4: it's good to keep your every day a when it's 457 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:22,440 Speaker 4: a little bit too exactly, which your alcohol doesn't allow 458 00:23:22,521 --> 00:23:26,401 Speaker 4: you to. But then you haven't done any work. Yeah, 459 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:30,160 Speaker 4: I haven't actually fought the critic figure. And you have 460 00:23:30,241 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 4: to do battle against that critical figure. Otherwise it's going 461 00:23:33,241 --> 00:23:34,600 Speaker 4: to come back and it's going to be pissed at. 462 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,081 Speaker 4: You know, it's going to beat the crap at it. 463 00:23:37,561 --> 00:23:40,041 Speaker 1: I would love for you to talk and walk us 464 00:23:40,041 --> 00:23:42,761 Speaker 1: through because something I've noticed in our forum is we've 465 00:23:42,801 --> 00:23:46,041 Speaker 1: both seen psychologists and both seen life coaches, and I've 466 00:23:46,041 --> 00:23:48,960 Speaker 1: got a very strong opinion with how much I prefer 467 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:52,281 Speaker 1: life coaches. I remember the first three psychologists I went 468 00:23:52,321 --> 00:23:54,121 Speaker 1: to in a row because I was trying to find 469 00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 1: someone to help me through all the hate that I 470 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,761 Speaker 1: was going through online. They didn't even know what snapchat was. 471 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,521 Speaker 1: I felt like they were just ticking the box. And 472 00:24:01,561 --> 00:24:03,401 Speaker 1: this is not to put psychologists down, because I think 473 00:24:03,441 --> 00:24:05,160 Speaker 1: you know they have their place and they're amazing, and 474 00:24:05,201 --> 00:24:06,880 Speaker 1: that you know it's finding the right person. Same with 475 00:24:06,921 --> 00:24:09,801 Speaker 1: the life coach. What I love about live coaches is 476 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:14,521 Speaker 1: I feel they are more connecting, more vulnerable, They share 477 00:24:14,561 --> 00:24:17,001 Speaker 1: a lot about themselves as well. I just feel like 478 00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:20,321 Speaker 1: it's more a more safer environment to go deep, rather 479 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:23,721 Speaker 1: than you feeling like client person. Yeah one hour is done, 480 00:24:23,761 --> 00:24:25,961 Speaker 1: tick next sea you in two weeks. Can you walk 481 00:24:26,001 --> 00:24:28,321 Speaker 1: and talk us through what a session looks and feels 482 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,321 Speaker 1: like for you that you take them through. 483 00:24:30,521 --> 00:24:33,641 Speaker 4: What does a session look like? When someone turns up, 484 00:24:33,961 --> 00:24:36,681 Speaker 4: I have no idea what I'm doing. It's like we've 485 00:24:36,721 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 4: spoken the other thing. It's the beginner's mind. I actually 486 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,281 Speaker 4: do know what i'm doing. I know deeply what I'm doing. 487 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,120 Speaker 4: But I'm a beginner. And so I get to sit 488 00:24:44,201 --> 00:24:47,120 Speaker 4: with the person and go, how interesting, what do you 489 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,201 Speaker 4: want to bring? What's going on for you? And then 490 00:24:50,321 --> 00:24:53,720 Speaker 4: we get to explore it. And I'm thinking about what 491 00:24:53,801 --> 00:24:57,840 Speaker 4: your everyday identity. I love your everyday identity. But what's 492 00:24:58,001 --> 00:25:01,400 Speaker 4: almost happening but not quite. What's the experience that's trying 493 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 4: to come forward? What are you dreaming about? What's coming 494 00:25:05,561 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 4: forward for you? What are the parts of you that 495 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,241 Speaker 4: you shame and you don't want to see. Let's go 496 00:25:10,281 --> 00:25:13,600 Speaker 4: there for a moment. I'm angry. I don't want to 497 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:17,080 Speaker 4: be angry anymore. Okay, let's just notice your anger for 498 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:20,120 Speaker 4: a moment. Let's really explore that and see where it goes. 499 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 4: And sometimes I'm working with someone and they're like a bear. 500 00:25:23,481 --> 00:25:26,881 Speaker 4: It's like and it's like, how would you be in 501 00:25:26,921 --> 00:25:31,360 Speaker 4: life if you're more bear like? Let's explore who you 502 00:25:31,441 --> 00:25:35,200 Speaker 4: are and what's going on for you. Let's step into 503 00:25:35,241 --> 00:25:38,561 Speaker 4: the mystery of who you really are and what's really 504 00:25:38,561 --> 00:25:41,840 Speaker 4: going on. I'm going to follow you. My foundation the 505 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,401 Speaker 4: way I work is I'll follow you not just your 506 00:25:45,441 --> 00:25:49,521 Speaker 4: everyday self, but all the parts of yourself that you 507 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:53,001 Speaker 4: don't know about, because there's no point going to someone 508 00:25:53,521 --> 00:25:57,241 Speaker 4: and working on exactly what you know. In a sense, 509 00:25:57,321 --> 00:25:59,960 Speaker 4: it's one level. You know, I want to give up smoking, Okay, 510 00:26:00,041 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 4: we can do that. How many packets a day? What 511 00:26:03,761 --> 00:26:05,281 Speaker 4: do you want to do? How are we going to do? 512 00:26:05,521 --> 00:26:08,201 Speaker 4: But it's not as interesting as going into the dreaming level. 513 00:26:08,681 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 4: What do you get when you're smoking? Oh? When I 514 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:15,360 Speaker 4: smoke without triggering the addiction, I notice I have a 515 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:21,561 Speaker 4: moment of oh just peace. Oh how interesting. We've never 516 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,840 Speaker 4: really slowed down and noticed that. Could you do with 517 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 4: more of that in your life? Yeah? Absolutely so really 518 00:26:28,961 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 4: plain exploring the mystery is what's interesting to me. 519 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:35,281 Speaker 1: Your coaching just sounds very intuitive. You don't have a 520 00:26:35,321 --> 00:26:36,960 Speaker 1: book that you follow in. I've got to say this, 521 00:26:36,961 --> 00:26:38,241 Speaker 1: I've got to talk about this, I've got to ask 522 00:26:38,241 --> 00:26:40,640 Speaker 1: these three questions and get it done within the sixty minutes. 523 00:26:40,681 --> 00:26:43,761 Speaker 1: It's like very intuitive to like, what's happening for them. 524 00:26:43,961 --> 00:26:46,681 Speaker 1: That's how are they feeling? What's their capacity right now? 525 00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,160 Speaker 1: How far can I push? Where can I push? 526 00:26:49,201 --> 00:26:53,600 Speaker 4: That's right. Welcome. My first thing is welcome. It's so 527 00:26:53,761 --> 00:26:56,361 Speaker 4: I don't say those words, but that's the feeling welcome. 528 00:26:56,481 --> 00:26:59,561 Speaker 4: It's so good to have you here. Ah, I'm so glad. 529 00:26:59,721 --> 00:27:01,641 Speaker 4: I mean it, I deeply. I like when I say 530 00:27:01,681 --> 00:27:06,761 Speaker 4: it touches me. And then I follow feedback. That's what 531 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,961 Speaker 4: I work with. There's three types of feedback. First feedback 532 00:27:10,001 --> 00:27:13,160 Speaker 4: is negative. Some of my training is getting it wrong 533 00:27:13,241 --> 00:27:15,600 Speaker 4: and being okay with yourself. You have to have done 534 00:27:16,201 --> 00:27:18,360 Speaker 4: in a therapeutic model, you have to have done enough 535 00:27:18,441 --> 00:27:20,561 Speaker 4: work to be able to get it wrong. Because if 536 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,960 Speaker 4: I say, you know, it sounds like you're struggling with 537 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:29,521 Speaker 4: your wife, and that man goes, no, I'm fine. I'm like, 538 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,921 Speaker 4: good for you. I'm wrong. What do I know? It's 539 00:27:33,041 --> 00:27:38,120 Speaker 4: negative feedback. If he's like, yeah, I'm really struggling with 540 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,440 Speaker 4: my wife. I'm having a really hard time. At the moment, 541 00:27:40,801 --> 00:27:45,281 Speaker 4: it's like we're on positive feedback. He's giving me energy 542 00:27:45,281 --> 00:27:48,160 Speaker 4: to go. That's the way that's there. We're going to follow. 543 00:27:48,961 --> 00:27:53,961 Speaker 4: If it's edge feedback, which is like me, No, I'm not. 544 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:57,001 Speaker 1: What do you do with that? 545 00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:02,120 Speaker 5: There's energy, there's energy that says there's something here worth 546 00:28:02,321 --> 00:28:07,880 Speaker 5: really exploring, and I may go, I'm noticing there's a 547 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:08,840 Speaker 5: bit going on there. 548 00:28:09,041 --> 00:28:11,761 Speaker 4: What's happening for you in that moment? Maybe we could 549 00:28:11,761 --> 00:28:14,321 Speaker 4: explore it. I push it three times. If it's still 550 00:28:14,441 --> 00:28:16,720 Speaker 4: edge feedback, I drop it because I don't want to 551 00:28:16,721 --> 00:28:18,960 Speaker 4: become abusive. No, you have to do right. 552 00:28:19,481 --> 00:28:21,481 Speaker 1: I may not be the right, but you give three 553 00:28:21,561 --> 00:28:23,241 Speaker 1: invitations to go there. 554 00:28:23,201 --> 00:28:27,440 Speaker 4: To go there. Yeah, I'm noticing. She drives you crazy sometimes, 555 00:28:27,481 --> 00:28:27,960 Speaker 4: doesn't she. 556 00:28:29,201 --> 00:28:30,681 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. 557 00:28:31,241 --> 00:28:32,561 Speaker 4: It's funny you should say that. 558 00:28:33,321 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to say. 559 00:28:35,241 --> 00:28:37,521 Speaker 4: And so we get to open that door, the place 560 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:39,521 Speaker 4: where you go. Oh, I don't want to go there. 561 00:28:40,121 --> 00:28:42,761 Speaker 4: I can't speak about her in a negative way. I 562 00:28:42,841 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 4: love her. It's like I love her too. But maybe 563 00:28:45,801 --> 00:28:48,761 Speaker 4: just for a moment, we could just say what you think. 564 00:28:51,361 --> 00:28:54,241 Speaker 4: What we're doing is following nature, following the energy, following 565 00:28:54,321 --> 00:28:59,081 Speaker 4: the beautiful. It's really really, really powerful and it stops abuse. 566 00:28:59,681 --> 00:29:03,081 Speaker 4: If I just ignore feedback and I push on and 567 00:29:03,201 --> 00:29:05,961 Speaker 4: go no, no, no, I'm right, and I know what's 568 00:29:06,321 --> 00:29:06,561 Speaker 4: for you. 569 00:29:06,641 --> 00:29:09,001 Speaker 1: They would not feel good for anyone and how do 570 00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:09,801 Speaker 1: I don't know. 571 00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:12,481 Speaker 4: I get some ideas sometimes I can try them out, 572 00:29:12,521 --> 00:29:15,561 Speaker 4: but I have to trust that this person really knows. 573 00:29:15,761 --> 00:29:17,841 Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that, and it's actually so true because 574 00:29:17,841 --> 00:29:19,521 Speaker 1: no session we've done has ever been the same. Like 575 00:29:19,561 --> 00:29:21,001 Speaker 1: the other day when we did one, I was like, 576 00:29:21,081 --> 00:29:23,761 Speaker 1: I'm going to fall asleep. You're like, yes, let's go 577 00:29:24,121 --> 00:29:25,881 Speaker 1: ninety percent sleep because that's what you need. So I 578 00:29:25,921 --> 00:29:28,281 Speaker 1: was still like awake and I was listening, but God, 579 00:29:28,321 --> 00:29:31,121 Speaker 1: I needed that rest and I slept afterwards. I was like, 580 00:29:31,121 --> 00:29:32,601 Speaker 1: that was such a different session. 581 00:29:32,401 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 4: Because there was an edge. Ye, all I did was 582 00:29:34,961 --> 00:29:37,201 Speaker 4: follow you. I had no idea that I know we're 583 00:29:37,201 --> 00:29:38,521 Speaker 4: going to jump on and you're going to fall asleep. 584 00:29:41,601 --> 00:29:44,561 Speaker 4: What I did know is I trusted. I had faith. 585 00:29:44,641 --> 00:29:47,081 Speaker 4: So what I really do is I have faith in you, 586 00:29:47,281 --> 00:29:50,440 Speaker 4: in your dreaming, in your wholeness, not just the little you. 587 00:29:50,561 --> 00:29:54,321 Speaker 4: The little you is I'm vulnerable and I love that part. 588 00:29:54,641 --> 00:29:57,161 Speaker 4: But your wholeness and the wholeness took us to the 589 00:29:57,201 --> 00:30:02,001 Speaker 4: place you had an edge to really deeply relaxing. There's 590 00:30:02,041 --> 00:30:04,121 Speaker 4: still a part of you that gets core. Is this 591 00:30:04,201 --> 00:30:06,601 Speaker 4: okay to say, yeah, please do share it's still a 592 00:30:06,681 --> 00:30:10,481 Speaker 4: part that says, but I'm an achiever and make things 593 00:30:10,601 --> 00:30:13,200 Speaker 4: happen and I can rule the world. That's like a 594 00:30:13,201 --> 00:30:16,681 Speaker 4: little part that still comes in and it's actually no, 595 00:30:17,401 --> 00:30:19,720 Speaker 4: just drop into your own dreaming for a moment and 596 00:30:19,721 --> 00:30:22,881 Speaker 4: then you're like, ah, your feedbacks. 597 00:30:22,401 --> 00:30:24,841 Speaker 1: On it was so perfect too. Because I'm an open book. 598 00:30:24,881 --> 00:30:26,881 Speaker 1: I'm happy to share this. But I went to you 599 00:30:26,881 --> 00:30:29,561 Speaker 1: because I was struggling with a few things personally, and 600 00:30:29,641 --> 00:30:33,321 Speaker 1: also I was feeling reactive to Steven where he was 601 00:30:33,361 --> 00:30:37,561 Speaker 1: at with just work and wanting more attention. But going 602 00:30:37,601 --> 00:30:41,121 Speaker 1: into that you allowing me and encouraging me to relax 603 00:30:41,201 --> 00:30:44,601 Speaker 1: and go ninety percent asleep, it got me to be 604 00:30:44,761 --> 00:30:47,081 Speaker 1: more on that energy. And since then I've been able 605 00:30:47,161 --> 00:30:50,121 Speaker 1: to carry that energy through to my relationship and to 606 00:30:50,241 --> 00:30:54,681 Speaker 1: my conversations and to my needs, desires and frustrations in 607 00:30:54,721 --> 00:30:56,921 Speaker 1: a more calm way. And guess what is so much 608 00:30:56,961 --> 00:31:00,361 Speaker 1: more receptive. Whereas I'm like, hey, look at me, I 609 00:31:00,361 --> 00:31:04,281 Speaker 1: want attention, He's like, ah, so that's why that session 610 00:31:04,361 --> 00:31:06,681 Speaker 1: was so perfect, And like, yeah, you're right, there is 611 00:31:06,721 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 1: still that achieve in me that feels like I need 612 00:31:08,561 --> 00:31:10,401 Speaker 1: to be like even you know, if I've got an hour, Brad, 613 00:31:10,401 --> 00:31:11,601 Speaker 1: I want to get as much out of it as 614 00:31:11,641 --> 00:31:14,921 Speaker 1: I can. But sleep, Yeah, that was exactly what I needed. 615 00:31:14,961 --> 00:31:17,520 Speaker 1: And that was such an overflow effect for you know, 616 00:31:17,561 --> 00:31:19,521 Speaker 1: even still to this day, which is so beautiful and 617 00:31:19,521 --> 00:31:21,921 Speaker 1: I just that's what I love about you and life coaches. 618 00:31:21,961 --> 00:31:24,121 Speaker 1: It's just it is so intuitive and you don't know. 619 00:31:24,521 --> 00:31:26,881 Speaker 1: Sometimes don't even know what I'm going there for, but 620 00:31:26,921 --> 00:31:29,161 Speaker 1: I know that I need support and help and it's 621 00:31:29,201 --> 00:31:30,841 Speaker 1: just perfect and beautiful. 622 00:31:30,441 --> 00:31:32,681 Speaker 4: And you don't know. So to any man out there, 623 00:31:32,681 --> 00:31:36,440 Speaker 4: you don't have to know, yes, And I don't know. 624 00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:38,201 Speaker 4: That's why I say when I say I haven't got 625 00:31:38,201 --> 00:31:40,121 Speaker 4: a clue, of course, I've got to clung it and follow 626 00:31:40,121 --> 00:31:42,960 Speaker 4: your feedback. I've got this method in my background that 627 00:31:43,001 --> 00:31:46,201 Speaker 4: I'm actually using. I'm looking for signals and following you. 628 00:31:46,881 --> 00:31:49,521 Speaker 4: The start of the session, I had no idea that 629 00:31:49,841 --> 00:31:53,041 Speaker 4: it was going to be you falling asleep. Yeah, leep, yeah, 630 00:31:53,081 --> 00:31:56,161 Speaker 4: But suddenly you find this state and then what happens. 631 00:31:56,201 --> 00:31:58,681 Speaker 4: It's like, how would you live your life a little 632 00:31:58,681 --> 00:31:59,200 Speaker 4: more from this? 633 00:31:59,481 --> 00:31:59,681 Speaker 1: Yeah? 634 00:31:59,841 --> 00:32:05,041 Speaker 4: We don't life enough asleep, meaning the state of sleep, 635 00:32:05,121 --> 00:32:07,881 Speaker 4: it gets marginalized. We achieve and we push and we 636 00:32:08,001 --> 00:32:12,121 Speaker 4: drive again. Good. Perfect. That's an okay part, But actually 637 00:32:12,161 --> 00:32:15,081 Speaker 4: what's really calling is this deep, deep sense of peace 638 00:32:15,641 --> 00:32:19,521 Speaker 4: and relax And then how am I with Steve When 639 00:32:19,561 --> 00:32:22,601 Speaker 4: I'm like this, Oh, it changes and he starts changing 640 00:32:22,641 --> 00:32:25,521 Speaker 4: and it's like, it's weird. We have to trust our 641 00:32:25,601 --> 00:32:28,641 Speaker 4: own nature, we have to trust the body senterm That's 642 00:32:28,641 --> 00:32:31,121 Speaker 4: one thing that I sometimes do is working with So 643 00:32:31,201 --> 00:32:35,001 Speaker 4: sometimes it's roles, it's relationships, there's two people in the room, 644 00:32:35,001 --> 00:32:37,921 Speaker 4: even if there's one person in the room because the 645 00:32:37,961 --> 00:32:40,641 Speaker 4: wife's in the room and we're fighting up against or whatever. 646 00:32:41,401 --> 00:32:44,401 Speaker 4: But sometimes it's a body symptom and it's experience. Actually 647 00:32:44,441 --> 00:32:49,081 Speaker 4: I am tired and I have not embraced that. And 648 00:32:49,121 --> 00:32:50,681 Speaker 4: I would say there's a lot of men out there 649 00:32:50,721 --> 00:32:54,561 Speaker 4: also who are feeling that as well. I should be 650 00:32:54,601 --> 00:32:56,881 Speaker 4: achieving something, I should be better, I've got to be more. 651 00:32:57,161 --> 00:32:58,601 Speaker 4: But actually I'm tired. 652 00:32:58,361 --> 00:33:00,681 Speaker 1: And they just haven't given like amazing emotional because they 653 00:33:00,761 --> 00:33:03,681 Speaker 1: haven't given themselves permission. And I was running so much 654 00:33:03,681 --> 00:33:05,881 Speaker 1: of my masculine that I didn't give my self permission 655 00:33:05,881 --> 00:33:09,441 Speaker 1: to soften and relax and rest that it was actually uncomfortable, 656 00:33:09,521 --> 00:33:11,001 Speaker 1: Like I remember feeling like I remember saying to you, 657 00:33:11,001 --> 00:33:13,521 Speaker 1: I don't want to fall asleep, like I'm trying to 658 00:33:13,521 --> 00:33:15,681 Speaker 1: stay away here, like trying to fight against it, or 659 00:33:15,721 --> 00:33:18,001 Speaker 1: as if we just give ourselves up permission, like it's 660 00:33:18,001 --> 00:33:19,761 Speaker 1: so beautiful, it's what the body needs. And I just 661 00:33:19,761 --> 00:33:22,521 Speaker 1: feel like everyone listening, I guaranteed ninety nine percent of 662 00:33:22,561 --> 00:33:25,321 Speaker 1: us and needing more of that and having someone to 663 00:33:25,361 --> 00:33:28,241 Speaker 1: hold that space to, like say it's okay and this 664 00:33:28,321 --> 00:33:31,720 Speaker 1: is the good thing, like go there, yeah, so nice. 665 00:33:31,641 --> 00:33:35,641 Speaker 4: So important. Trust so as you if I go there 666 00:33:35,841 --> 00:33:38,321 Speaker 4: and I fall asleep, I'm not going to get anything done. Yeah, 667 00:33:38,361 --> 00:33:40,801 Speaker 4: what are you talking about? You're insane. It was like, ah, 668 00:33:41,041 --> 00:33:43,281 Speaker 4: just for a moment, just trust me, just for a second. 669 00:33:43,481 --> 00:33:45,761 Speaker 4: You can come out of this whenever you like, trust 670 00:33:45,801 --> 00:33:48,761 Speaker 4: this experience. Yeah, and you were doing work in that moment. 671 00:33:48,801 --> 00:33:51,121 Speaker 4: Also for me, that was a role that a lot 672 00:33:51,161 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 4: of men as well get caught in. 673 00:33:53,041 --> 00:33:53,601 Speaker 1: Yeah. 674 00:33:53,841 --> 00:33:57,481 Speaker 4: So in that moment, yeah, let go, it's okay. There 675 00:33:57,561 --> 00:34:00,681 Speaker 4: is a process. I've done many processes in myself of 676 00:34:00,761 --> 00:34:04,001 Speaker 4: letting go. A great teacher I was watching a seminar 677 00:34:04,561 --> 00:34:09,321 Speaker 4: and it's an amazing, amazing facilitator was working with someone 678 00:34:09,401 --> 00:34:11,921 Speaker 4: who said I feel like a loser, and it really 679 00:34:11,961 --> 00:34:14,481 Speaker 4: touched me. It's like, yeah, lose. We all lose. We 680 00:34:14,601 --> 00:34:18,281 Speaker 4: don't embrace, we're all embracing. We're too far on the 681 00:34:18,281 --> 00:34:22,961 Speaker 4: side of winning and achieving. But ultimately we all lose. 682 00:34:23,201 --> 00:34:26,401 Speaker 4: We lose these bodies, we lose everything we hold on 683 00:34:26,521 --> 00:34:30,321 Speaker 4: till we have to leave the world. Lose a little now, yeah, 684 00:34:30,361 --> 00:34:34,241 Speaker 4: and let go and then live a little from that 685 00:34:34,361 --> 00:34:39,081 Speaker 4: place as well. Yeah, hold on and then let go. 686 00:34:39,201 --> 00:34:40,721 Speaker 4: And I remember I had a dream where I was 687 00:34:40,761 --> 00:34:43,761 Speaker 4: falling and I was falling, and I was like freaking 688 00:34:43,801 --> 00:34:46,961 Speaker 4: out and I was like, I'm falling, and then suddenly 689 00:34:47,001 --> 00:34:51,761 Speaker 4: I realized, oh no, I'm flying. And I had this 690 00:34:51,841 --> 00:34:54,881 Speaker 4: epiphany that life really is about us falling. When we 691 00:34:54,961 --> 00:34:57,441 Speaker 4: hit the bottom, we're out. But on the way, we 692 00:34:57,481 --> 00:34:59,681 Speaker 4: can feel like we're falling, or we can actually just 693 00:34:59,761 --> 00:35:02,761 Speaker 4: learn to fly. It's a big journey. Eight y years 694 00:35:02,881 --> 00:35:07,081 Speaker 4: fly at the bottom, fly on your journey, Like. 695 00:35:08,201 --> 00:35:12,201 Speaker 1: So beautiful, Oh, such an awesome conversation, and just thank 696 00:35:12,241 --> 00:35:14,481 Speaker 1: you so much for your work that you've done over 697 00:35:14,521 --> 00:35:16,561 Speaker 1: the years for me. But I'm so excited that you've 698 00:35:16,561 --> 00:35:18,881 Speaker 1: got to come on here and everyone else can have 699 00:35:19,001 --> 00:35:21,761 Speaker 1: like a taste of you, saying to Kiara, like, we 700 00:35:21,841 --> 00:35:23,961 Speaker 1: always talk about growing up, you know, with not so 701 00:35:24,161 --> 00:35:27,801 Speaker 1: healthy masculines, and lately I've been learning more about the 702 00:35:27,801 --> 00:35:30,641 Speaker 1: masculine shield that I wear because as a young girl, 703 00:35:30,721 --> 00:35:33,921 Speaker 1: I didn't feel safe to soften, and now I'm softening. 704 00:35:33,921 --> 00:35:36,321 Speaker 1: I've just been reflecting on the men that I feel 705 00:35:36,361 --> 00:35:38,681 Speaker 1: really safe and that I feel like not a little girl, 706 00:35:38,721 --> 00:35:40,561 Speaker 1: but I feel like almost turn into like a giddy 707 00:35:40,601 --> 00:35:43,681 Speaker 1: little girl that gets playful and I don't know, just 708 00:35:43,721 --> 00:35:45,921 Speaker 1: feels different. And you were one of those men for me. 709 00:35:46,641 --> 00:35:53,841 Speaker 1: Thankes you cry. It's so nice though, it's. 710 00:35:53,721 --> 00:35:57,361 Speaker 4: So touchy, and we get to heal you and you do. 711 00:35:57,961 --> 00:36:00,721 Speaker 4: There's a little girl in you as well. We all 712 00:36:00,761 --> 00:36:02,081 Speaker 4: have that's a little girl in. 713 00:36:02,081 --> 00:36:04,761 Speaker 1: Me too, yeah, all of us. And for men, it's 714 00:36:04,801 --> 00:36:08,001 Speaker 1: also really important for men to have other healthy masculine men. 715 00:36:08,041 --> 00:36:09,201 Speaker 1: They feel safe. For a lot of you know, a 716 00:36:09,201 --> 00:36:11,681 Speaker 1: lot of men these days didn't grow up with loving, 717 00:36:11,761 --> 00:36:14,681 Speaker 1: soft dads that gave them permission to feel So that's 718 00:36:14,681 --> 00:36:17,241 Speaker 1: why I pushed so much. They're having a therapist or 719 00:36:17,281 --> 00:36:19,561 Speaker 1: a coach or psychologist, whoever it is that you connect with, 720 00:36:20,001 --> 00:36:22,281 Speaker 1: having them support you and like tell you that you're 721 00:36:22,321 --> 00:36:24,001 Speaker 1: safe and that it's okay to feel all of this 722 00:36:24,121 --> 00:36:26,921 Speaker 1: and to help you navigate through the tougher times. I 723 00:36:27,001 --> 00:36:29,321 Speaker 1: just honestly changed my life and it's something I will 724 00:36:29,361 --> 00:36:30,001 Speaker 1: never not do. 725 00:36:30,241 --> 00:36:32,960 Speaker 4: We've always had elders, I've had those that have walked 726 00:36:33,001 --> 00:36:37,201 Speaker 4: before us, yeah, and have helped this guide us on 727 00:36:37,241 --> 00:36:40,121 Speaker 4: our own journey. I don't want anyone to walk my path. 728 00:36:40,241 --> 00:36:42,761 Speaker 4: I want to support them walking their own path. I 729 00:36:42,801 --> 00:36:46,121 Speaker 4: had this vision. I've climbed many mountains, and now I 730 00:36:46,161 --> 00:36:49,201 Speaker 4: want to help other people climb not my mountain. 731 00:36:49,281 --> 00:36:54,481 Speaker 1: They're mountain beautiful. Thank you so much for joining us 732 00:36:54,521 --> 00:36:56,681 Speaker 1: incredible conversations. I'm sure we'll have you back on the 733 00:36:56,681 --> 00:36:59,961 Speaker 1: podcast later on. And if you loved this episode, please 734 00:36:59,961 --> 00:37:01,401 Speaker 1: make sure you share it around. I think there's so 735 00:37:01,481 --> 00:37:04,081 Speaker 1: many men and women that would benefit from listening to this. 736 00:37:04,281 --> 00:37:08,081 Speaker 1: And again, if someone's listening, man or woman, anyone, couples, 737 00:37:08,161 --> 00:37:10,601 Speaker 1: where do they find if they've optic book and find. 738 00:37:10,401 --> 00:37:16,281 Speaker 4: Me at bradfanel dot com, spell bradfanel f l dot com. 739 00:37:16,641 --> 00:37:17,161 Speaker 4: You follow me. 740 00:37:17,641 --> 00:37:20,561 Speaker 1: It's so much great content on Instagram the reels. Thank 741 00:37:20,601 --> 00:37:21,361 Speaker 1: you so much. 742 00:37:22,121 --> 00:37:22,601 Speaker 4: Thank you,