1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:04,160 Speaker 1: Stop chasing perfection and stop chasing being the best. Just 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,840 Speaker 1: be the best version of yourself, and no one is 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: looking that deeply into your life as much as you're 4 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:14,280 Speaker 1: looking into your life. Hi, guys, and welcome back to 5 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,440 Speaker 1: Hotter Than Yesterday. Firstly, I wanted to apologize for not 6 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: having an episode last week. I did record, but I 7 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: literally cried the whole time and it was just not 8 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,159 Speaker 1: a good episode, and I didn't want to put that 9 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,400 Speaker 1: out for you guys. It just wasn't my prime. I'm 10 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,239 Speaker 1: not making excuses. I'm accepting for responsibility that it's not 11 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:36,879 Speaker 1: good enough, and I'm sorry I let anyone down on 12 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 1: your Tuesday little Hotter than Yesterday episode. But this week 13 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,520 Speaker 1: I'm doing better. I'm recording on Sunday, it's going live 14 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: on Tuesday. Yeah, it wasn't a good week for me. 15 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,519 Speaker 1: I posted a TikTok about it that I'm currently kind 16 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 1: of going through withdrawals from my anxiety medication. I've run 17 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: out and I can't get my scripts filled over here. 18 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 1: It's proving a lot more difficult than what I thought, 19 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: just obviously because like it's a different healthcare and I 20 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,200 Speaker 1: don't have a doctor and stuff over here. And I 21 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: can't get my mum to ship it over because it 22 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: will get stopped at customs. So I yeah, against my 23 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: will have gone raw dogging anxiety medication, which is literally 24 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 1: like number one thing that you do not do, and 25 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:23,520 Speaker 1: it was not a very good week for me. But yeah, 26 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 1: I just thought we would catch up, asked a few 27 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: questions and some advice bixis things that on the Instagram, 28 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,959 Speaker 1: and I'm also gonna get my housemate Melle to ask 29 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:34,679 Speaker 1: me questions that you guys might want to know. But yeah, 30 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 1: it's thirty first of October. I when you guys are 31 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,320 Speaker 1: listening to this, I'm going to Italy, which I think 32 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:44,320 Speaker 1: will be the last europe Little Girl's holiday, which I'm 33 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: so excited about. I'm going with Maddie Dylan and a 34 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: girl called Brie, which will be so lovely. I'm excited 35 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: to have another little girls trip. I haven't really done 36 00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: any like just girls exclusive trips. I did par with Melida, 37 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 1: which is really fun, and then I did Mickinos and 38 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: in Mickinos, I can fully like tell you guys a 39 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: law about this situationship that I've been like keeping a 40 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 1: secret with because it's over now, so I feel like, 41 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 1: you guys will really get to hear the tea. But yeah, 42 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 1: I did Mickinos with Bala Vraalis and then I met 43 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: this man in Mickinos and I've pretty much then spent 44 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,519 Speaker 1: the next couple months with him. But it's over now, 45 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:28,560 Speaker 1: so I'm okay. Obviously, clearly it was a chill ending, 46 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:33,679 Speaker 1: very sticky situationship. But I met him in Micanos actually, 47 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 1: and he was beautiful. He was everything I wanted and 48 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,960 Speaker 1: everything I needed at the time. Obviously logistics with like 49 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 1: long distance, and he was German. English isn't his first language, 50 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: so it just like wasn't really going to work when 51 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:48,919 Speaker 1: I come back to Australia and I didn't really know 52 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 1: when I was going to come back over here, and 53 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: then that was kind of overwhelming me, so we just 54 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:58,079 Speaker 1: like called it quits. But he was honestly such a 55 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 1: good learning experience for me. It showed me exactly what 56 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,720 Speaker 1: I wanted in a relationship, how I wanted to be treated. 57 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,520 Speaker 1: I got to be a girl. He cared for me 58 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:10,160 Speaker 1: so well, He was so kind, he was so generous. 59 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 1: He taught me so much and I'm very grateful for it. 60 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 1: He was also probably the hottest person I've ever seen 61 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: in my life, So yeah, I fumbled the bag when 62 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: it comes to like I don't really know if I'm 63 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 1: going to do better because he's so hot, but yeah, 64 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: it was good, I guess onwards and upwards from there, 65 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 1: I'm excited. I'm probably going on like a little breakup 66 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 1: girls trip holiday with the girls some sun. London is 67 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: getting shitty weather again and it will be really nice. 68 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 1: But apart from that, not much to report on on 69 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: my life. Yeah, I've been incredibly anxious, so this week's 70 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 1: kind of been a bit of a shitty rite off week. 71 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: Just trying to really like look after my mental health 72 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 1: and not push myself. When it comes to knowing my limits, 73 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 1: I'm pretty good at it and I know when to 74 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,480 Speaker 1: like force myself to slow down. And I hadn't slowed 75 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: down in months. I was going to for the next thing, 76 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 1: the next thing, to the next thing, on a flight 77 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: every couple days. Like my body was tired, my body 78 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: was stressed, my body was overwhelmed, and then I just 79 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 1: kept on going out, kept on going on other holidays 80 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: to distract myself from it, and it just like wasn't good. 81 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,840 Speaker 1: But I feel like it's going onwards and upwards. I 82 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 1: have finally like accepted defeat about the situation, and yeah, 83 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 1: just trying to enjoy my last couple of weeks here 84 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: in London because I go home in the mid of 85 00:04:27,839 --> 00:04:31,600 Speaker 1: October after Paris Fashion Week, which will be so much fun. 86 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm ready to come home. I'm ready to 87 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:37,599 Speaker 1: be around my support system, support network. Being this experience 88 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,039 Speaker 1: has been so good for me, growing to like learn 89 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 1: so much about myself. But I also realized that I 90 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:48,360 Speaker 1: do really love my support system and being away from 91 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,680 Speaker 1: them during this time was really hard and something I 92 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:55,039 Speaker 1: had to navigate, and I'm glad I went through it, 93 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:59,200 Speaker 1: and I would just like love to see my family again. 94 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 1: But yeah, apart that, life is really good. I'm coming 95 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 1: out of a bit of a rut, which is so normal. 96 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,080 Speaker 1: You can't have a good week every week. And I 97 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,880 Speaker 1: think because I've been so go go go, and my 98 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,599 Speaker 1: life has been so crazy and chaot, it can so 99 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 1: much fun. Like the days that I've had, like slower 100 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,000 Speaker 1: days or normal days, I'm like, oh my god, like 101 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 1: I literally don't know what I'm doing with my life, 102 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,720 Speaker 1: and my life is horrible. Life is crushing out, but 103 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:24,559 Speaker 1: it's really not. It's just okay to have slow days. 104 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 1: And I'm one who like lives for plans and like 105 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: lives for like chaos and craziness. So then when I 106 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 1: do like normal stuff, I like think that my life 107 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:36,760 Speaker 1: is failing, but it's really not. Like that's just life 108 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: and that's just living and you're not going to be 109 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,320 Speaker 1: doing crazy shit every single day. Like chasing fun can 110 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 1: be sometimes really really toxic and bad few mental health, 111 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 1: and I really experience that. But yeah, I'm still gonna 112 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,599 Speaker 1: really enjoy my time in London. I've got a nice 113 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,160 Speaker 1: holiday coming up and everything like that. But I think 114 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,719 Speaker 1: I'm just like at a bit of a path. I 115 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: don't really know what's next. So I need to go 116 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,560 Speaker 1: back home to Australia, ground my self, figure out what 117 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 1: I'm doing, figure out what I want a little bit more, 118 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,480 Speaker 1: and just like have a bit of a routine because 119 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 1: everything that makes me so happy, like driving with music 120 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,359 Speaker 1: on or going to the gym or seeing my friends 121 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,200 Speaker 1: and family, like I don't have that here. So I 122 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: think I really struggled to like figure out what makes 123 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,680 Speaker 1: me feel good because all of those things that I 124 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: know I need to do to make myself feel good, 125 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,279 Speaker 1: I don't have in London because I can't sign up 126 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: to a gym membership because I don't have a UK 127 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,359 Speaker 1: bank account, and I don't want to sign up for 128 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 1: like a gym membership that I need to cancel because 129 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,680 Speaker 1: like there's locking contracts. And obviously I don't have my 130 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: car here because London is not a driveable city, and 131 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 1: all those little things that I just know make me happy, 132 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,039 Speaker 1: I haven't had. So it's been weird to like navigate, 133 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? But anyway, I ask 134 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:50,280 Speaker 1: you guys over on the Hot Than Yesterday podcast Instagram 135 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 1: page to do some like big cis advice questions and 136 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,039 Speaker 1: we're just gonna have a little D and M together, 137 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:06,480 Speaker 1: And yeah, I thought you would dive into it. The 138 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: first question that someone asks is how do you save money? 139 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:15,760 Speaker 1: And I would say I learned to save money from 140 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 1: my father because he's a bit of a tight ass. 141 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 1: Shout out Jeff, my dad. I think I would say 142 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,720 Speaker 1: I'm a pretty good saver. I say I'm a convenience spender. 143 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: When it comes to convenience, I will spend, like I 144 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 1: could get an hour tube, but if it's a thirty 145 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 1: minute uber, I'm going to get the uber, do you 146 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like that type of thing. I'm 147 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 1: a bit of a stupid spender when it comes to that, 148 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: but like I don't really buy myself like designer items. 149 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: I will pay for economy when I probably could pay 150 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 1: for business class, but I'm not going to spend that money. Like, 151 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: I'm a pretty good saver, and I also know that 152 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 1: I'm very lucky with the financial position that I'm in 153 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 1: with my job, that I'm very lucky. But yeah, I 154 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 1: just like don't waste my money. But I think something 155 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,240 Speaker 1: that I learned, especially when I had like a part 156 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,080 Speaker 1: time job and everything like that, is I have this 157 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: bank account called up and you can actually categorize your 158 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 1: savings and you can add categories and split your pay 159 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: I used to split like forty percent into savings and 160 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 1: then I used to do ten percent into car, ten 161 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,280 Speaker 1: percent into everyday spendings. If I wanted to save up 162 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: for a pair of shoes, I would put certain money aside, 163 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: so I had different categories and I wouldn't take money 164 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,200 Speaker 1: out of those things. If I wanted to save for something, 165 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: I would have to wait until that pay came out. 166 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: And yeah, I think just dividing your savings and dividing 167 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 1: like your paycheck into certain categories is something that can 168 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,680 Speaker 1: help you if you want to save for Europe and 169 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: you want to go to Europe next year. It's putting 170 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: money aside every single week from your paycheck and having 171 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,480 Speaker 1: the discipline not to take that money out of that 172 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:58,440 Speaker 1: paycheck is super super important. I remember when I wasn't 173 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,719 Speaker 1: in the financial place that I'm in now. I was 174 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:03,880 Speaker 1: working at Kukai and I would put one hundred and 175 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 1: fifty dollars away from my paycheck every single week to 176 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,839 Speaker 1: my Ballei savings and that's how I saved up to 177 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,199 Speaker 1: go to Bali with my ex boyfriend at the time. 178 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,439 Speaker 1: And that's how I did it, and that would cover 179 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: the amount of money by that time. I went in October, 180 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: so I remember starting in January and I saved for 181 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 1: what ten months, eleven months, ten months to go to 182 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 1: Bali and that's how I saved. So I think it's 183 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,800 Speaker 1: just like knowing what you want to do, planning ahead 184 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 1: and putting money aside is really really important. Obviously, at 185 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: that time, I also lived at home, so I wasn't 186 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: paying stuff like rent and groceries and things like that. 187 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,920 Speaker 1: But yeah, I think budgeting, learning how to budget. There's 188 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,120 Speaker 1: so many things on TikTok to teach you how to budget. 189 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 1: If you're like wanting to save for something or you're 190 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: wanting to save money, it's so hard in this economy, 191 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 1: and like with the cost of living right now, I 192 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: completely understand that, So probably not the best to ask 193 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 1: for financial advice, but yeah, finding out your priorities and 194 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 1: what you want to spend your money on and then maybe, yeah, 195 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 1: looking up a TikTok to teach you how to budget 196 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,240 Speaker 1: would probably be the best. Someone says, I need help. 197 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 1: My ex and I still love each other yet can't 198 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 1: seem to make it work. What can I do? You 199 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 1: will always love people and realizing that they're not good 200 00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: for you. I have so much love for people that 201 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: have been in my life prior and they're now not 202 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: in my life. And when you're holding onto love and 203 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: you're not holding onto yourself and like knowing what's good 204 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,920 Speaker 1: for you, you're never going to be happy. And realizing 205 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 1: that your happiness is way more important than loving someone 206 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 1: is a really big thing, as well as not holding 207 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: on to the fact that you guys just love each other, 208 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: because love sometimes isn't enough. Like me and my ex 209 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,080 Speaker 1: broke up and we still loved each other, but we 210 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: realized we weren't good for each other, we weren't bringing 211 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,840 Speaker 1: out the best sides in one another and moving past that. 212 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaker 1: I think if you're in a relationship, a proper relationship, 213 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 1: and you do properly love them, you're always still going 214 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 1: to have love for them, but you might not be 215 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:06,400 Speaker 1: in love with them, And that's like the difference. Learning 216 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 1: that you're you love them as a person, but you're 217 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:12,679 Speaker 1: not in love with them anymore is different, And you're 218 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: really just gonna move on from that shit because you're 219 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,439 Speaker 1: just gonna fucking hurt one another and it's gonna get 220 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:23,280 Speaker 1: so toxic. Once I let that go, my life became 221 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: so much better. Like, guys, my ex got a new 222 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,560 Speaker 1: I'm full telling you guys to tea my ex has 223 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 1: got a new girlfriend. And I always thought that, like 224 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 1: when I would see that he had a new girlfriend, 225 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 1: that I would be really fucking sad. I wasn't. I 226 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 1: was like, good on you, bro, like pop off, move on, 227 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 1: like wish you guys all the best, because I know 228 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 1: that we had so much love for each other, and 229 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,199 Speaker 1: we grew up together and like we learned so much 230 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 1: from each other and their love was there, and we're 231 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 1: always going to have love for each other. But I 232 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: know that how he loves me. I don't want to 233 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 1: be loved by my partner. I can sit there and 234 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,080 Speaker 1: sit back and be like I don't want to be 235 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 1: in that relationship with him. I don't want that love. 236 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 1: And I have something bigger and better out there for 237 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: me and someone like way better for me. And like, 238 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,559 Speaker 1: imagine how much I loved Tim, how much I'm gonna 239 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 1: love the person that's right for me, So like it 240 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: is what it is, Like you're always gonna love your 241 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,520 Speaker 1: fucking ex one way or other. Like, yeah, I love changes, 242 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 1: but like you're always gonna have Like if you loved 243 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: them once, you're gonna always like have love for them. 244 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,920 Speaker 1: But love just changes. But yeah, guys, I was really 245 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: proud of myself when I found out my ex had 246 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 1: an new girlfriend. But like, yeah, I'm happy for them, 247 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 1: Like it didn't really sting. How to get over your mindset? 248 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: No more comparing myself, no more thinking that people talking 249 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: about me behind my back. Okay, people are always gonna 250 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,080 Speaker 1: speak shit about you behind your back. You have to 251 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 1: just accept it. People are always gonna speak shit, Like 252 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 1: gossiping is literally ingrained in our society, in our culture 253 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,439 Speaker 1: in today's day and age, Like we have so much 254 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 1: accessibility to people's lives that you're gonna chat shit like 255 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,959 Speaker 1: back in our parents say, when social media wasn't a thing. 256 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 1: If someone moved over to London, you weren't gonna see 257 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: how their life is going unless you wrote them like 258 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:59,359 Speaker 1: a letter or you gave them a call on the landline, 259 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 1: like you didn't know what they were doing. But like 260 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 1: people who hate me can literally just search up online 261 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 1: like what I'm doing and then hate on that and 262 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:09,200 Speaker 1: bitch about it and speak shit about it. But it's like, okay, 263 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,599 Speaker 1: you're going to be going to so much effort to 264 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,640 Speaker 1: speak so much shit about me living my life and 265 00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 1: doing something that I want to be doing, Like that 266 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,960 Speaker 1: is such a reflection upon you and not myself. Like 267 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: there's this TikTok page who literally like she has created 268 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: I know her, I know who runs this account. She's 269 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: created four accounts. I blocked her on the account that 270 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,360 Speaker 1: she posts it about me on. I blocked her on 271 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 1: her main account on Instagram and on TikTok and she 272 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 1: has other accounts that she goes onto to search out 273 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,199 Speaker 1: my name to find out information about me to then 274 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 1: post it back on the account that I blocked on 275 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 1: about but she says she hates me so much, Like 276 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: how does that work? Like if I hate someone, I'm 277 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,439 Speaker 1: just gonna block them and never want to speak to 278 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: them or like hear their shit. Like if I block someone, 279 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,319 Speaker 1: I don't want to speak like hear about it or 280 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: see what they're doing with their life. But like she's 281 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 1: talking about me behind my back, She's talking about me 282 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: on a public platform. She's wanting to ruin my life. 283 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:01,360 Speaker 1: But she hates me so much much, Like you hate me, 284 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 1: but you're going to so much effort to like try 285 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 1: to bring me down or just speak shit about me, 286 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 1: Like how many emails have you had to create, like 287 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 1: make that fake account. Like that's so much effort for 288 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,640 Speaker 1: someone who hates me. So it's like you just have 289 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 1: to sit back and realize that their life is so 290 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 1: much sadder and it's a sad life to be so 291 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: obsessed with someone to speak so much shit about someone, 292 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 1: to do that shit. And like also, if people are 293 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: speaking about you and your name is in their mouth, 294 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 1: whether it's good or bad. You're doing something right to 295 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,800 Speaker 1: get your name spoken about, Like I don't think about 296 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 1: girls from my high school on a daily basis, on 297 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: a weekly basis, on a monthly basis. There's been girls 298 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,720 Speaker 1: that haven't crossed my mind in years, but they're speaking shit. 299 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 1: So it's like, Okay, I must be doing something. Changing 300 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 1: your mindset being like, oh my god, they're speaking so 301 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 1: badly about me, they're speaking horribly about me, changing your 302 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: mindset being like, okay, well I'm doing something right for 303 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: them to speak about me, like you're not doing enough 304 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 1: to influence me or like for me to admire that. 305 00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,720 Speaker 1: I'm not going to be thinking about it. You're speaking 306 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,960 Speaker 1: about you, But what makes my life so apparent in 307 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: yours that you're speaking about me and comparing yourself, Like 308 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 1: someone's always going to be prettier than you, someone's always 309 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 1: going to have a better body of than new. Someone's 310 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,240 Speaker 1: always going to be hotter than new, someone's always gonna 311 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: be funnier than you. Someone's going to be more loving 312 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: than you. Someone's probably going to be nicer than you, 313 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 1: someone's probably going to be more confident than you. Like 314 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 1: to aim for perfection is so fucking hard and just 315 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:24,920 Speaker 1: accepting the feat that, like, someone is going out there 316 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 1: is going to be better than you, like I know 317 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:30,280 Speaker 1: someone is, and know someone's hotter than me. I know 318 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:32,280 Speaker 1: someone has a better body than me, like I know 319 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 1: someone like I know that, but like, no one's ever 320 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 1: going to be me. So who are you comparing yourself to? 321 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 1: It's the thief of joy. Like as soon as you 322 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 1: accept that someone out there is better than you, like, 323 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: your life is so much easier, Like stop chasing perfection 324 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: and stop chasing being the best. Just be the best 325 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,360 Speaker 1: version of yourself. And no one is looking that deeply 326 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,120 Speaker 1: into your life as much as you're looking into your life. 327 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 1: Like I will look at someone on the street and 328 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,880 Speaker 1: I won't even think about them every single again, But 329 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,480 Speaker 1: if I looked at them and smiled like that might 330 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: have made their day. No one's thinking as much as 331 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 1: you are thinking about yourself. Someone says how to get 332 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 1: over someone you didn't even officially date. Okay, I heard 333 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: this thing that situationships are harder to get over than 334 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,400 Speaker 1: actual relationships because you're mourning the fact that or what 335 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,640 Speaker 1: it could be, not what it was, like if you 336 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 1: dated someone, you dated them for like six months and 337 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,320 Speaker 1: they were your boyfriend and you broke up because it 338 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 1: wasn't working. Right, You can get over that because you 339 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 1: tried it, and you, like from experience, you're like, Okay, 340 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: that relationship didn't work. But situationships or like if you 341 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,560 Speaker 1: never fully dated and you never officially gave it a go, 342 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: you're trying to get over the fact of what it 343 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: could have been because it's like, oh, but he was 344 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 1: so nice here and all he did this and this 345 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: and this and me, but like he didn't actually, and 346 00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, but like if we dated, like it 347 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 1: would have been fine, like it would have worked, but 348 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 1: you're mourning the fact that you never got to that point. 349 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,720 Speaker 1: So you're like mourning the potential, not mourning what happened. 350 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:02,680 Speaker 1: So it's it's harder to get over because you don't 351 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 1: really know what it could have been, but also realizing 352 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 1: that like it didn't develop into that because it wasn't 353 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: right for you. Everyone comes into your life to teach 354 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: you a lesson, whether it's for fourteen years or it's 355 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:17,199 Speaker 1: four days or four weeks, Like they've come into your 356 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 1: life to teach you a lesson. Write it down, like 357 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,120 Speaker 1: what was good about it? What was bad about it, 358 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 1: and what you want to take into like your next 359 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 1: learning experience, and just use it as a learning experience, 360 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 1: not to like hold on and try to fix it. 361 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,359 Speaker 1: Sometimes you just it's better to let things go and 362 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:40,920 Speaker 1: appreciate it for what it was and move on. Okay, 363 00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,399 Speaker 1: I'm gonna ask Melita to read these out to me, 364 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,440 Speaker 1: because I don't know what you guys want to hear. 365 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 1: And Melita is an avid listener of Just for Girls 366 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 1: Hotter Than Yesterday and hear me out, So bring in 367 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 1: the mic and she's gonna ask me some questions. 368 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,679 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to ask you this one because I'm 369 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:57,679 Speaker 2: kind of curious to just see how you're going with 370 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 2: this situation. No gracuation, but just how are you finding 371 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,400 Speaker 2: routine whilst traveling. Is it a struggle or is it nice? 372 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 2: Going with the flow? As from a Type A to 373 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,960 Speaker 2: a Type A, I want to hear how you're going. 374 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,960 Speaker 1: Okay, I think you can vouch for me that I've 375 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,120 Speaker 1: turned more Type B since being here, and I've turned 376 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,199 Speaker 1: a lot more go with the flow because I'm like 377 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: open to new experiences. But I said earlier in the 378 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 1: podcast that like all the things that have made me 379 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,679 Speaker 1: feel good have been stripped away, Like I don't have 380 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: a gym, I don't have my car, so when I'm 381 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:32,399 Speaker 1: really sad, those things has been really hard. That not 382 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:36,160 Speaker 1: having those things have been really hard, but also becoming 383 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 1: more go with the flow and not being in routine 384 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: and not having stuff that I have back at home 385 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,639 Speaker 1: like my apartment, my cat, my car, my gym and 386 00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 1: everything like that has made it a lot easier to 387 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,200 Speaker 1: go with the flow because I don't have a set 388 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:51,640 Speaker 1: routine that I need to stick to Monday to Friday. 389 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:53,920 Speaker 1: So I'm like, yeah, I'll go on a fly on Tuesday, 390 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,479 Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? And I know that 391 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: that stuff will always return, so I know that the 392 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,479 Speaker 1: period of life that I'm in is just a period 393 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:03,320 Speaker 1: and those things I can always go back to. And 394 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:04,760 Speaker 1: that's made me a lot more Type B. 395 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 2: I can back that to be fair, You've really you've 396 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 2: definitely become more Type B. She would walk into my 397 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 2: room and be like, I'm going to here on tomorrow, 398 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,400 Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, you hadn't planned that. 399 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 1: Mellie's also really Type A, and Mellie has a job here, 400 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 1: so it makes you easy, like you have things to 401 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: go to, but like I have to plan things to 402 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,719 Speaker 1: go to, so I'm still quite type A. But I 403 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: also because I told I told him about that's the 404 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 1: situation ship that I was in for the last couple 405 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: of months. I like told them the law he was 406 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,040 Speaker 1: he was type B because of his job, like it 407 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 1: would be so last minute. But because he was so 408 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 1: type B, he was also so type A and he 409 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 1: had people. Yeah that like he he would do everything 410 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 1: for me, Like he would book my flights. He would 411 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,159 Speaker 1: tell me where I'm going, so I would just need 412 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:57,920 Speaker 1: to rock up, which made me so type B because 413 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,760 Speaker 1: he was so good at planning and he had everything 414 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,359 Speaker 1: organized that I just didn't have to question it. I 415 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,840 Speaker 1: wasn't responsible. I was just a girl. So that's what 416 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 1: made me type BE. I didn't have to be a 417 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,120 Speaker 1: strong independent woman, which is really nice. 418 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,919 Speaker 2: She got to sit in her fem for a minute, 419 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 2: which I think he deserves. 420 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: Yeah I had. I got to sit him for a minute. 421 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 1: But it's over now, so fuck I'll have to be 422 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 1: an independent woman again. Okay, back to filemmas. 423 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 2: Okay, she might be a long one, but buckle the 424 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:29,239 Speaker 2: fuck it. Backstory Me and my Brian Brian, but are 425 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 2: they using a fake name or do I need to use. 426 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: A fac We call them Brian's like Sophia ENTIN'SO. Okay, 427 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 1: that's I'm assuming we're gonna call them Brian anyway. 428 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 2: Okay. Me and my Brian have been together for nearly 429 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,480 Speaker 2: two point five years and he is my first ever 430 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,439 Speaker 2: boyfriend in love. For context, I'm freshly twenty one and 431 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,479 Speaker 2: he is twenty three. Hello. 432 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,399 Speaker 1: Okay, so this is Melita and backstory. Melita has been 433 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:52,160 Speaker 1: dating her boyfriend since she was fourteen. She's twenty one, 434 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: Levi's twenty three. They've been dating for seven years, so 435 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 1: I feel like Melita can have some good advice. 436 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,000 Speaker 2: For this, Okay. Our relationship has been literally a dream, 437 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,800 Speaker 2: you know the drill. He's a provider, bars me expensive gifts. 438 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,359 Speaker 2: He moves states to live with me after only knowing 439 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 2: me for a month, and we have never looked back. 440 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,159 Speaker 2: We now live back in our hometown. I travel a 441 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,440 Speaker 2: bit as I'm a dancer slash aspiring model, and my training, gym, teaching, 442 00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:21,520 Speaker 2: and work schedule is quite intense and has been since 443 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:24,400 Speaker 2: we've begun dating, as I was in full time dance 444 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:25,240 Speaker 2: training when we met. 445 00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 1: The problem is. 446 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 2: We have had a few bumps in the last few 447 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,560 Speaker 2: weeks and have had me questioning his character. He has 448 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 2: a best friend who I get along with and he's 449 00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 2: quite hilarious actually, but he himself is a classic player 450 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 2: and I definitely don't agree with his ways at times. 451 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:40,679 Speaker 2: My boyfriend obviously knows this too and agrees with me 452 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 2: when it comes to his way with girls, but as 453 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,840 Speaker 2: a mate, it doesn't interfere with our friendship or theirs. 454 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,560 Speaker 2: The last weekend tipped me over the edge and we 455 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,480 Speaker 2: had a massive argument and no longer feel like a priority. 456 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:55,199 Speaker 2: It doesn't make me feel sexy, wanted, or admired. I 457 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,480 Speaker 2: genuinely feel like his bromance makes him happier than me. 458 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 2: His argument is that I I am out or weak, busy, 459 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 2: and that I can't expect him to fall up my 460 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,760 Speaker 2: feet when I have one to two days off and 461 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:10,600 Speaker 2: expect to do stuff with my boyfriend. He also compliments 462 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,280 Speaker 2: me often, but I don't really feel it. The way 463 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,720 Speaker 2: he used to draol over me doesn't feel the same. 464 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,639 Speaker 2: I know he loves me, and I love him. He 465 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 2: always provides for me, never had to question loyalty or 466 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,679 Speaker 2: anything bad. It's just I don't feel admired at the moment, 467 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:25,920 Speaker 2: Where the hell do we go from here? I don't 468 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 2: think it's breakup worthy, but I know this isn't ideal 469 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 2: right now and want to have an amazing relationship with 470 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:33,560 Speaker 2: this man. I want to feel sexy and like my 471 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,639 Speaker 2: partner actually wants to see me and date me. 472 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,240 Speaker 1: Help if he is not being a player and he 473 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,479 Speaker 1: is not doing what his friend's doing, you can't then 474 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,880 Speaker 1: punish your boyfriend for what his friend's doing because you're 475 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 1: not dating his friend. Bromances are a big thing, and 476 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 1: like my ex had a big bromance and like they 477 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,879 Speaker 1: were joined at the hip, and I didn't really like 478 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,640 Speaker 1: it when sometimes he would go out with him because 479 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:57,400 Speaker 1: I was like, as is the influence going to rub 480 00:22:57,400 --> 00:22:59,080 Speaker 1: off on you? And you want to be single? But 481 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,159 Speaker 1: like you also have to say that they have a 482 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,879 Speaker 1: mind of their own. They're going to make their own decisions, 483 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:04,639 Speaker 1: and if they're going to choose to fuck up a 484 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: good relationship, they won't write for you. They have to 485 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,600 Speaker 1: live with that. But love languages are really really hard, 486 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 1: and I think his love language is obviously like acts 487 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,160 Speaker 1: of service and gift giving and yours is words of affirmation. 488 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:22,240 Speaker 1: So you don't feel loved right now because he's showing 489 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,240 Speaker 1: his love in a different way. But that's really hard 490 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 1: because that's how he's showing his love. 491 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 2: You can kind of touch on this because I feel 492 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,199 Speaker 2: like your love language with that last little situationship and 493 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,639 Speaker 2: how he was presenting it and how you want to 494 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 2: receive it is kind of similar to this situation. 495 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like he was a giver and he was a provider, 496 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 1: and I said, those things are all really amazing and 497 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,960 Speaker 1: I really really appreciate it, but that's not how I 498 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,720 Speaker 1: feel loved. If you want to date me, you need 499 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,440 Speaker 1: to give me love in the way that I receive it, 500 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? And likewise, I wasn't 501 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 1: really a gift giver and I didn't really do those things, 502 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:57,440 Speaker 1: but I knew that that's how he wanted to be loved, 503 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,119 Speaker 1: so I would give him gifts and I would do 504 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:03,360 Speaker 1: those things. But also I don't really know. It's really 505 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,600 Speaker 1: tough because he does say you're beautiful, and he does 506 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,119 Speaker 1: say those things, and I think that you're just like 507 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 1: not feeling a bit of love and everything like that. 508 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 1: And maybe you could touch on it as well, Melida, 509 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,760 Speaker 1: because you are the one who moved away, and your 510 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,359 Speaker 1: boyfriend kind of adjusts to your schedule more than you 511 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:22,000 Speaker 1: were just to his and all of those things, and 512 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: that can be really really hard. But I think, as 513 00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,840 Speaker 1: you said, like maybe you need to take the reins 514 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,879 Speaker 1: it a little bit, and he is the provider. But 515 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,520 Speaker 1: you say, like I have a free Saturday next Saturday, 516 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:34,679 Speaker 1: Like can we spend the day together and do something nice. 517 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:36,679 Speaker 1: Don't assume that he's going to read your mind and 518 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,200 Speaker 1: know that you have next Saturday off. 519 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, you have to. You have to communicate bee hundred. 520 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 2: It's not even communication, and it's not even just honesty. 521 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 2: It's about transparency and like telling them the things that 522 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,439 Speaker 2: like you think they should just know and assume you 523 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,719 Speaker 2: kind of never assume. You have to be clear and 524 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,400 Speaker 2: concise in what you want them to know and what 525 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,359 Speaker 2: you feel you need to express it. I feel like 526 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 2: I can kind of understand because like when your love 527 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 2: languages kind of don't match up, or like there's something 528 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 2: that's blocking that way to like demonstrate it. For example, 529 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:09,119 Speaker 2: like my boyfriend and I, he is more physical and 530 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,119 Speaker 2: likes to do things in person, and it likes to 531 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:12,880 Speaker 2: do that, and obviously we live on the other side 532 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 2: of the world, so we've had to like really adapt 533 00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,240 Speaker 2: and kind of I'm like, you have to kind of 534 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,920 Speaker 2: not compensate, but like we have to kind of show 535 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 2: our love in areas that you usually don't feel as 536 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 2: natural because there's no physical other way. And if we 537 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,440 Speaker 2: want it to work, you have to kind of give 538 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 2: and take a little bit. And it's just that's just 539 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,479 Speaker 2: how it's going to be. It always is. 540 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,560 Speaker 1: It's just adjusting. And like, as you guys said, you've 541 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:37,080 Speaker 1: been dating for two and a half years, And I 542 00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 1: said this to you, Melita, when girls we talk about boys, 543 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:42,960 Speaker 1: and like we talk about like relationships or like your 544 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: insecurities and relationships. And like Malita and her boyfriend have 545 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:47,720 Speaker 1: been dating since, as I said, since she was fourteen. 546 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,159 Speaker 1: Like some of those habits that you guys established when 547 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,639 Speaker 1: you're fourteen, you're now adults and you can't like use 548 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,480 Speaker 1: it against it. You either drop it or you continue 549 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:58,640 Speaker 1: to carry those like unhealthy habits into your relationship when 550 00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:01,199 Speaker 1: you're twenty one and twenty three, like you both are 551 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: in like major major ages where your life changes. You 552 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,920 Speaker 1: either grow together or you grow apart, and you need 553 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,240 Speaker 1: to over communicate if you want to make something work, 554 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,240 Speaker 1: you're both willing to change for one another. Then you 555 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 1: have to communicate that you can't expect people to read 556 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,200 Speaker 1: your mind and to understand when you're feeling sad or 557 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,320 Speaker 1: to understand when you're feeling overwhelmed. You need to tell them, like, 558 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,480 Speaker 1: don't expect men to read your mind. They're not fucking 559 00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 1: mind readers. I hate when people will be like, oh, well, 560 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,280 Speaker 1: if they wanted to, they will. They don't know. Sometimes 561 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,199 Speaker 1: you need to tell them. If you tell them and 562 00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:32,159 Speaker 1: then they don't do it, then there's the problem. But 563 00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,760 Speaker 1: if you're if you're being like, oh, I'm not feeling 564 00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,480 Speaker 1: like wanted or anything like that, like maybe he doesn't 565 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 1: feel wanted, and maybe you need to be like I've 566 00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 1: planned a date for us on Saturday, instead of being like, 567 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 1: well he has take. 568 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,919 Speaker 2: Some initiative, like as much as he's the provider and 569 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 2: he likes to do these things, maybe he feels similar 570 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,240 Speaker 2: to you. Like that there's like kind of not tengent, 571 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,840 Speaker 2: but like that disconnect that you're kind of experiencing at 572 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 2: the moment, and like even like hey, you say he 573 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,480 Speaker 2: gives you words like cause you gives you compliments, but 574 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,600 Speaker 2: you're not feeling it. Maybe even you need to like 575 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,800 Speaker 2: do you compliment him? Like do you like you need 576 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,440 Speaker 2: to kind of understand like you have to give and take, 577 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,480 Speaker 2: like it's a two way street every relationship. Like like 578 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 2: obviously when you're the girl, you want to just like, 579 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,600 Speaker 2: like I said, sit in your fam and just be like, oh, 580 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:15,200 Speaker 2: like I mean not everyone, but clearly this is kind 581 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,520 Speaker 2: of that vibe. You kind of need it with the 582 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:22,199 Speaker 2: compliment thing, like tell him. They're like they're like, do 583 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:22,960 Speaker 2: you even mean that? 584 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,160 Speaker 1: Like what the hell? We'll be like, baby, you look 585 00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,760 Speaker 1: so good today, like get it in the head, like 586 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:32,600 Speaker 1: fucking reverse psychology, that shit for psychology, that shit. Fully, Okay, 587 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,359 Speaker 1: I'm going to read this to you. This is the 588 00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,320 Speaker 1: last one that we're going to do today. I'm in 589 00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:38,879 Speaker 1: need of some life advice. I'm eighteen, and I'm in 590 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,920 Speaker 1: a new relationship with the man I adore. I can 591 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,920 Speaker 1: really see myself being with him for a long time. 592 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,800 Speaker 1: But then again, I'm eighteen. My rational mind knows that 593 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,639 Speaker 1: not everything works out, especially young, and I was wondering 594 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:50,600 Speaker 1: if you had any tips to stay focused on your 595 00:27:50,600 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 1: own future and goals and keeping other strong relationships not 596 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:55,960 Speaker 1: just getting wrapped up in young love. 597 00:27:56,359 --> 00:28:00,360 Speaker 2: When you're that young and you're literally having every thought 598 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,000 Speaker 2: race through your head because you're like in a new 599 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 2: relationship or you're trying to balance like becoming an adult 600 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,640 Speaker 2: and you're trying to balance like relationships with your friends, 601 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 2: and like just there's a lot of life changes going on. 602 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 2: I think you just need to take a step back, 603 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,560 Speaker 2: take a breath, and realize, like everything happens for a reason, 604 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,160 Speaker 2: And like I feel like you've ouched this a lot 605 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,480 Speaker 2: on the podcast, but you're just like there is no rush, 606 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:23,639 Speaker 2: there is no expectation. Everyone like has heard you say before. 607 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,640 Speaker 2: Everyone comes into your life for a reason, Like don't 608 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 2: plan that ahead. If you're planning and thinking about that, 609 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,800 Speaker 2: you're literally setting yourself up for failure in your relationship. 610 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,480 Speaker 2: Like you need to actually just like if it's good, 611 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 2: let it be good, Like like why are you trying 612 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:41,600 Speaker 2: to jump with the gun and be like be like 613 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:42,960 Speaker 2: this isn't good enough. 614 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 1: Like you're worthy of that. 615 00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 2: If it's a good relationship and it's healthy and it's 616 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 2: stable and you feel good and you're happy, there is 617 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 2: literally you're just self sabotaging at this point. If you're 618 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,160 Speaker 2: if you're thinking that far ahead of course it's like 619 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:58,000 Speaker 2: normal to have these thoughts and stuff, but like are 620 00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,760 Speaker 2: you just like kind of creating this issue in your 621 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 2: head or are they actually real life like tangible issues. 622 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 2: You kind of just need to like balance that out. 623 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,720 Speaker 1: You need to, like, like, I apposted this TikTok the 624 00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: other day because I went through like a doom scroll, 625 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 1: because I can see my life five years unravel on 626 00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: my life. And I had this TikTok where I was like, 627 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 1: I'm nineteen, I know what I want my kids, I 628 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 1: know what I'm having for dinner in the next few weeks. 629 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 1: And I was so planned out when I was nineteen. 630 00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,560 Speaker 1: And then I stitched it and I was like, fuck, 631 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:23,880 Speaker 1: Like if if this girl in this video knew that 632 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,400 Speaker 1: she was going to be living in London, single twenty three, 633 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,080 Speaker 1: not knowing what she's going to do with her life, 634 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:29,760 Speaker 1: she would have had a brain aneurysm, Like she literally 635 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,520 Speaker 1: would have been put into hospital. But like planning and 636 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 1: thinking so far ahead of your future, you don't even 637 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:37,240 Speaker 1: realize that eighteen is so fucking young. Like eighteen for 638 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,240 Speaker 1: me was like five years ago. So much has happened 639 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 1: since I was eighteen. I'm not the same person that 640 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: I was when I was eighteen, and I wish I 641 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,240 Speaker 1: could just give her fucking little pat on the head 642 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:48,320 Speaker 1: and go like good luck, sweetie, Like do you know 643 00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 1: what I mean? Like if it's good now, like let 644 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 1: it be good. But you're in a new relationship and 645 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 1: you want to keep your other relationship strong. I always 646 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 1: saying the biggest thing, and I find it so empowering, 647 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:03,920 Speaker 1: And I think it's also something that girls do really badly, 648 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 1: is like when you're single, or like when you meet 649 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,760 Speaker 1: up with your girlfriends, we always talk about guys and 650 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,640 Speaker 1: we always like be like the people that are in 651 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,760 Speaker 1: relationships are doing better than the people that are single, 652 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 1: and like you're only like doing well if you're in 653 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 1: a relationship. No, some of the happiest people I know 654 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 1: are single. I'm literally like I said it to you, 655 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,600 Speaker 1: like when I was dating this, like in this situationship, 656 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,120 Speaker 1: I was like, I just thrive of being single. I 657 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: like not having a responsibility. I like not having to 658 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,360 Speaker 1: message someone, I like not having to like check in 659 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:33,320 Speaker 1: with someone. Like I thrive off being single. I'm doing 660 00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 1: better than what I was when I was in my 661 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:40,960 Speaker 1: long term relationship. But it's also like realizing and being 662 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,560 Speaker 1: aware that like you're your own best friend and your 663 00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,760 Speaker 1: only solely responsibility, Like the only person you have for 664 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,880 Speaker 1: your whole life that you can definitely count on is yourself. 665 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,280 Speaker 1: Like friendships come and go, family come and go. You 666 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 1: distance yourself sometimes you're closer with them, Like putting all 667 00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 1: your effort into a man is dangerous. Sorry, like it is. 668 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 1: And like the biggest thing and the most the best 669 00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:08,920 Speaker 1: thing that I have seen firstly is the girls that 670 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,440 Speaker 1: are happiest and they're in their relationship know that, like 671 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:15,120 Speaker 1: they've got other people around them that they can lean on, 672 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 1: Like you don't only just want your boyfriend to be 673 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 1: able to lean on when you have a tough time, 674 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 1: like you like when you're having a tough time, like 675 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,480 Speaker 1: you also know you can lean on me, not just LEVI. 676 00:31:23,960 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 1: And like when I was in my relationship, the way 677 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,560 Speaker 1: that it made me get over easily and I was 678 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 1: okay after the breakup was because my life didn't change 679 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:36,960 Speaker 1: because he wasn't in my life anymore. Like knowing that 680 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:40,240 Speaker 1: I still had my friends, my family, my house, like 681 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,440 Speaker 1: a social group and everything like that was so good 682 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:46,240 Speaker 1: because I could walk away not feeling like I lost everything, 683 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 1: Like have your own life away from your boyfriend and 684 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:52,520 Speaker 1: have your own friendship groups have specially at eighteen, because 685 00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:57,160 Speaker 1: one day that person might go and you like sometimes 686 00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 1: like you end up feeling trapped in that relationship because 687 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:01,520 Speaker 1: you're like, well, everything, they're my friendship group, they're my 688 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 1: best friend, Like I don't have anything without them, And 689 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:07,000 Speaker 1: that's when it gets really bad. Especially eighteen. You need 690 00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 1: to be like, if he walked out of my life tomorrow, you. 691 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,560 Speaker 2: Still have a whole life to like kind of come 692 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 2: back to. Like I think that's the most important thing 693 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 2: because I moved out really young, and even though Leva 694 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,840 Speaker 2: and I started dating really young, I moved away and 695 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,280 Speaker 2: my main reason was honestly, like I was like, I'd 696 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 2: want to be with you, and I want everything and 697 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 2: my futures to do with you, but I need to 698 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 2: have my own independence if God forbid, something happened to 699 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 2: him the next day, I need to like have a 700 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,920 Speaker 2: life of my own. Because our lives were so intertwined. 701 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:38,800 Speaker 2: We went to school together, we trained together, we lived 702 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:43,280 Speaker 2: one minute away. Like everything of our lives were becoming 703 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,600 Speaker 2: like code dependent, and I could see that in advance, 704 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,120 Speaker 2: and you just want to make sure that you've kind 705 00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 2: of got that awareness to develop your own life and 706 00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,560 Speaker 2: have something for yourself. And that's exactly as much as 707 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,600 Speaker 2: I wanted that for myself, I also wanted that for him. 708 00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 2: I was like, you did it, like have your own 709 00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,280 Speaker 2: group of friends that's got nothing to do with me 710 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 2: sometimes and like you've got to go do your own thing, 711 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,640 Speaker 2: and as do I. If you're not independent, then you 712 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 2: can't like bring like add to each other. You want 713 00:33:06,840 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 2: to have your own lives and then when you come together, 714 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:11,840 Speaker 2: you just add rather than like only having each other 715 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:12,440 Speaker 2: and that's it. 716 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 1: One like walking away from things and like, yeah, sometimes 717 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 1: all you want to do on a Saturday night is 718 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,480 Speaker 1: just like see with your boyfriend, which is fine, but 719 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:25,880 Speaker 1: also realizing that like maintaining other relationships and like watering 720 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,479 Speaker 1: other relationships and friendships and everything like that is so 721 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:34,479 Speaker 1: goddamn important, especially at eighteen, because I started dadding my 722 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,840 Speaker 1: long term boyfriend at eighteen, and then we broke up 723 00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: when I was twenty one, and my life didn't change 724 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,000 Speaker 1: because he was no longer in it. My life kind 725 00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,040 Speaker 1: of got better. But like not saying that you need 726 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,000 Speaker 1: to do that, but like your life shouldn't change when 727 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:50,400 Speaker 1: you relieve a relationship. Yes, you may be mourning the 728 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,840 Speaker 1: fact that person is no longer in your life, but 729 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:56,120 Speaker 1: you should also be able to be so grateful for 730 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,160 Speaker 1: everything else that's around you without them in it, and 731 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:04,400 Speaker 1: knowing that is so important, and like watering other things 732 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: in your life, not just them, is like the biggest 733 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:10,160 Speaker 1: thing because you still are eighteen, Like he might just 734 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:12,600 Speaker 1: be a big stepping stone in your life and teaching 735 00:34:12,600 --> 00:34:14,440 Speaker 1: new things, and you don't know that until there's a 736 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 1: fucking ring on your finger. Even then, you still don't 737 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:21,439 Speaker 1: know that. So you literally just have to prioritize yourself. Like, yes, 738 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,879 Speaker 1: you prioritize them and everything like that, but your number 739 00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:26,839 Speaker 1: one priority should be yourself and doing what you want 740 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:29,239 Speaker 1: to do, and especially with eighteen and figuring shit out, 741 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:34,480 Speaker 1: like never ever ever let them determine what you want 742 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:38,160 Speaker 1: to do in your actions and water other relationships. Anything 743 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 1: else to add, No, I think you. 744 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:41,479 Speaker 2: Kind of wrap that up pretty good. I was gonna 745 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:45,920 Speaker 2: say something similar, like, don't let the relationship you're in 746 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:49,560 Speaker 2: if that makes you change how you're going to like 747 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:52,239 Speaker 2: live your life in the sense of like what you 748 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,120 Speaker 2: want to do. You're like, oh, I wanted to go 749 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,080 Speaker 2: do this and do this and do this. But now 750 00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:57,480 Speaker 2: that I'm the relationship, I'm not going to do it. 751 00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,520 Speaker 2: If that's what it is, then that's not good. Like 752 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,160 Speaker 2: you want to to be able to do those things, 753 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,480 Speaker 2: and they support you and kind of like be with 754 00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,480 Speaker 2: you through while you're doing what you would do if 755 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:07,719 Speaker 2: you weren't in that relationship. 756 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I always knew I wanted to come over 757 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,360 Speaker 1: to London for a long period of time and like 758 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,319 Speaker 1: kind of base myself out of here. And when I 759 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:16,680 Speaker 1: told a person that I was going to do that, 760 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,200 Speaker 1: he like wasn't against it, and he was against it, 761 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,399 Speaker 1: and he was like, I can't be around you when 762 00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,839 Speaker 1: you're doing this. I can't be there for you, and 763 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:25,400 Speaker 1: like I can't be in your life when you do this, 764 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 1: And I like let them walk away, because if I 765 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,920 Speaker 1: didn't do this for myself, I would then resent them 766 00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:31,480 Speaker 1: for it. 767 00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,040 Speaker 2: And me kind of on the flip side of that, 768 00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,839 Speaker 2: when I said to my boyfriend I want to do this, 769 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,800 Speaker 2: I want to do this, he was the first person 770 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,279 Speaker 2: to be like, yeah, you're doing it, go do it, 771 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,840 Speaker 2: Like yep, one hundred percent, You've got my support. And 772 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,960 Speaker 2: even when a lot of other people around us kind 773 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,480 Speaker 2: of couldn't understand him being supportive of it and were 774 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,120 Speaker 2: kind of like, as if you're like not letting her go, 775 00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:54,960 Speaker 2: but like they kind of had their own judgments to it. 776 00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,880 Speaker 2: He was like, yeah, he was my number one advocate. 777 00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 2: I'm like what, I was like, do you want me? 778 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:00,080 Speaker 1: There? 779 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:02,719 Speaker 2: You go like, but he was just so supportive. So 780 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 2: you need to find someone who wants to support you 781 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,279 Speaker 2: with your own goals as much as you want to 782 00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:08,200 Speaker 2: get your. 783 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,479 Speaker 1: Goals, because like your goals are his goals as well. 784 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,720 Speaker 1: And you both of you guys have so much confidence 785 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,760 Speaker 1: that in your relationship and you guys as a whole 786 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:17,640 Speaker 1: that you're like, I know that this is just a 787 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,919 Speaker 1: period of time and both of us doing this stuff 788 00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,520 Speaker 1: at this period of time will make us when we 789 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 1: come together and be together for the rest of our lives. 790 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,399 Speaker 1: Because life is so fucking long. It is really it's short, 791 00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,120 Speaker 1: but it's so long. You're like, Okay, three years of 792 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:34,120 Speaker 1: us doing our own thing, and like support is nothing, 793 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,400 Speaker 1: because like what when we do have a kid at 794 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:38,680 Speaker 1: twenty eight and we have a family and a mortgage 795 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,920 Speaker 1: over our head. We both know that we in our 796 00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:43,239 Speaker 1: early twenties, we lived our best lives and did what 797 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,600 Speaker 1: we wanted to do as individuals. So now you can't 798 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,520 Speaker 1: hold that against me, and I can't hold that against you, 799 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 1: and it's great. So yeah, do your thing, babe, do 800 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,600 Speaker 1: your thing, but also just like, have fun dat him. 801 00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:55,680 Speaker 1: It gives a fuck, and if he doesn't support you, 802 00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 1: then throw him in the bin. 803 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:02,040 Speaker 2: Anyway. 804 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,239 Speaker 1: Love you guys so much, Thank you for tuning into 805 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:08,400 Speaker 1: today's episode. I will check back into you after my 806 00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,160 Speaker 1: little girls trip in Italy and I'll give you the 807 00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:12,239 Speaker 1: full rundown and hopefully I can tell you some tea 808 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,880 Speaker 1: and some crazy shit happens. But I love you so 809 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:17,080 Speaker 1: much and I'll see you next week. Say bye, Malita, 810 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:22,320 Speaker 1: Bye bye.