Speaker 1: Apo Shape Production. Welcome back to another episode of Am
Speaker 1: I A Bad Mum? Podcast? We constantly asked the same
Speaker 1: question over and over again. We never run out of content.
Speaker 1: It's funny because we've been doing this podcast for how
Speaker 1: many years?
Speaker 2: Well, Elsie's now nine, and I think she was three
Speaker 2: and a half when we started. Remember, because when we
Speaker 2: first started, the way that we met was me being
Speaker 2: late to lunch. You asked me why. I was like, because, religiously,
Speaker 2: you're always on time and I'm always late.
Speaker 1: Not in a like why are you low? No, like
Speaker 1: you're asking me like, what happened? What happened?
Speaker 2: And I had nothing. I was just like, my kid
Speaker 2: was being an asshole and I'm late because of my child.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sorry, And I think you actually called her in
Speaker 1: our and I went, oh, that's funny. I've got this
Speaker 1: idea for podcasts. I think that'd be perfect.
Speaker 2: I just had to find the right person that has
Speaker 2: the same similar mentality to me.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be called am I a bad mummy? Okay
Speaker 1: with that? Yeah, I'm in.
Speaker 2: I'm in.
Speaker 1: Am I a bad mum? For wanting more me time?
Speaker 2: Well, I have to say, Katie, tables have turned a
Speaker 2: little bit yeah, I was away a fair bit there
Speaker 2: for a while, like I was planning trips for myself
Speaker 2: and doing things and all the rest. And now I'm
Speaker 2: in the other way where I feel like I haven't
Speaker 2: gone anywhere for so long, and you've been taking trips
Speaker 2: minus children. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, when we first met, and like we first became friends,
Speaker 1: you would say often about going away on your own
Speaker 1: or a girl's trip, even like going for dinner by yourself,
Speaker 1: just gag by yourself. Yeah, And for me it was
Speaker 1: like an alien concept, like we don't have any family
Speaker 1: here minor in the UK. My husband Jay's are in Perth,
Speaker 1: so we've never really had anyone to have the girls
Speaker 1: overnight or look after them, so we've always used babysitters.
Speaker 1: So we've never actually gone at that time, gone for
Speaker 1: a night. No, And we'd never even really thought about it.
Speaker 1: It was like, if we're going away somewhere, or if
Speaker 1: we're going on a trip or a holiday or a
Speaker 1: weekend away, we take the kids. We took our kids
Speaker 1: on our honeymoon, mate, Yeah, I know, I min, I
Speaker 1: haven't had a honeymoon. Like I feel like, mate, you
Speaker 1: are honeying out for And I remember at the time
Speaker 1: you saying, because I always thought it was a bit
Speaker 1: of a selfish thing. I used to think, yeah, but
Speaker 1: what about the kids, like they need us kind of thing.
Speaker 1: And I remember you saying about how good it is
Speaker 1: to be able to have your own time and also
Speaker 1: for the kids to have their own time, and then
Speaker 1: how much you miss each other and how much better
Speaker 1: it is when then you get back and reconnect.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for both teams.
Speaker 1: Now, over the last few years, taken a leaf out
Speaker 1: of your book when we have done those things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1: Now on the weekend, this is the first time I've
Speaker 1: ever done this. We went to a health retreat. We
Speaker 1: went to Eden Retreat down in Curumbin Valley in the
Speaker 1: mid coast.
Speaker 2: The battery pack recharges.
Speaker 1: Honestly, rage, I have never had a better trip away
Speaker 1: than I did Eden Health Retreat. Like, don't even get
Speaker 1: me started on the staff and the service and the like.
Speaker 1: That's a whole other episode.
Speaker 2: Now, can we mention your reservations to going Remember we
Speaker 2: just had this. You were thinking, oh my gosh, but
Speaker 2: I can't like three was it three or four nights?
Speaker 2: No wine, no sugar, no caffeine, Nope, you were starting
Speaker 2: to go like, should I try and like smuggle it in.
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, I know you're going to go all in.
Speaker 2: And then the second thing I was concerned about was
Speaker 2: there's no phone reception.
Speaker 1: Rage. Yeah, it's in the valley. There's no Wi Fi,
Speaker 1: no phone reception, which gave me anxiety and the lead
Speaker 1: up because I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to, like all of us do it right. We
Speaker 1: grab our phone. There's an advert comes on on the TV.
Speaker 1: You grab your phone, have a little scroll. If I'm
Speaker 1: in line at the post office, I get my phone
Speaker 1: out and I'm checking emails and stuff. So for me
Speaker 1: it was like, oh my god, I'm going to be
Speaker 1: lost without using my phone. It turned out to be
Speaker 1: the biggest plus of just being there, being present, looking around,
Speaker 1: enjoying nature, and not being able to check your phone,
Speaker 1: not even in the room. In your room, no phones.
Speaker 1: There's like one place down at reception where you can
Speaker 1: go and you can check if you really need to.
Speaker 1: So we did that once a day, but otherwise no
Speaker 1: text messages from the kids all day. Sorry, girls, I
Speaker 1: won't have any Wi Fi. I won't have a girl out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I could literally cry about how amazing. I found
Speaker 1: that weekend and how just good, you know, good food,
Speaker 1: fresh air, nature, everything healthy, can imagine, meditation, all the
Speaker 1: rest of it. We did the whole lot. But what
Speaker 1: I realized is that it was the first trip away.
Speaker 1: You know, when you go on holiday, like you go
Speaker 1: away and it's great and all the rest of it,
Speaker 1: but then you're looking forward to going home. And I'm
Speaker 1: such a homebody, we know, right. I loved COVID because
Speaker 1: I loved just being at home. Cleaning covered, yeah, cleane
Speaker 1: cover is just being at home, like I could just
Speaker 1: be home, Like that's me. I didn't want to go home.
Speaker 1: I had been present for three days and all I
Speaker 1: had to do was think about myself. They don't even
Speaker 1: give you your itinery or what's on until the night before
Speaker 1: the day. They don't let you think too far ahead.
Speaker 1: So if on the Friday you want to know what
Speaker 1: you're doing on Sunday, you don't know yet because so yeah,
Speaker 1: and we're planners, right with mummas. We plan, we know
Speaker 1: what we're doing. So for it to be taken out
Speaker 1: of my hands and go okay, I just have to
Speaker 1: think about what I'm doing right now. So good isn't
Speaker 1: it which is, you know, lastly, either walking in nature
Speaker 1: or laying under a blanket. It was amazing.
Speaker 2: What do you think it is? Or was that made
Speaker 2: you not want to go home? Was it the quietness
Speaker 2: of your mind?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I'd been super stressed in the lead up,
Speaker 1: Like it couldn't have come at a more perfect time.
Speaker 1: And I think you don't realize how stressed you are
Speaker 1: or how much you need that until you know, either
Speaker 1: you get sick or something happens with your body or
Speaker 1: like and it's like, okay, you need to just stop.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I fully thought I would have even more
Speaker 1: time to worry about my worries or to stress about
Speaker 1: my stress. Yeah, I couldn't check the bank to see
Speaker 1: if anyone had paid me, Like I couldn't, you know,
Speaker 1: like that was all great. It was almost light. You're
Speaker 1: in your own little world and the outside world can't
Speaker 1: get you, you know, so nothing that you're normally worried
Speaker 1: about in your day to day life, even like, of
Speaker 1: course I missed my kids, like I love my kids
Speaker 1: despite what we talk about on this podcast, and of
Speaker 1: course I missed them and I was excited to see them,
Speaker 1: but I almost didn't want to go back out into
Speaker 1: the real world again. I was like, this is so nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about is me? Yeah for three days? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because it's.
Speaker 2: The quietness of your mind. Obviously the stress that you
Speaker 2: take on on a day to day basis in the
Speaker 2: role of a mum that you do play, Yeah, but
Speaker 2: it's also probably all the other practices that you did
Speaker 2: during the day. So your meditation, your yoga, your larti
Speaker 2: is your breath work. Then if you did any treatments
Speaker 2: that would have helped you know, it's all a part
Speaker 2: of the process.
Speaker 1: And therapy, right, like I think it's good low health
Speaker 1: therapy pulled my eyes out.
Speaker 2: That's great.
Speaker 1: I went in thinking that there was nothing really I
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about. Clearly there was there was a lot,
Speaker 1: Ye see what I mean?
Speaker 2: Though, there's how much we park all of that just
Speaker 2: to carry on with the day to day happenings of
Speaker 2: being a mum, you know, being a one, being a parent,
Speaker 2: being a driver everywhere you stress driving because you're going
Speaker 2: to get them to and from safely your work. On
Speaker 2: top of that, imagine a day where you don't have
Speaker 2: to think about like right now, you know what time
Speaker 2: you need to pick your girls?
Speaker 1: Up right, You know where they need to be after school.
Speaker 1: You probably have an idea of what you're going to
Speaker 1: do for dinner tonight. You know that they're going to
Speaker 1: have homework and you're probably going to have to help.
Speaker 1: You know what time bedtime is, and what a wrangle
Speaker 1: that is of trying to get you know, all of
Speaker 1: those things. Imagine not having to do any of those
Speaker 1: for a day, and all you've got to think about
Speaker 1: is whether you as you where you want to go
Speaker 1: or how do you want to go for a walk?
Speaker 1: Do you want to go for a message like That's
Speaker 1: all you got to think about. That's all the decision is.
Speaker 1: The only stresses are deciding on whether you should take
Speaker 1: your bathes down so you could have a swim in
Speaker 1: the pool.
Speaker 2: I think also, though, when you're on holidays and you're
Speaker 2: not in let's just call it a bubble of Eden. Right,
Speaker 2: even when you're on holidays, you tend to come back,
Speaker 2: you look forward to coming home, but then you also
Speaker 2: come home feeling like you need another rest, whereas you
Speaker 2: have come off the back of the bubble of Eden,
Speaker 2: and then you're probably feeling recharged, You're feeling relaxed, you're
Speaker 2: feeling like all of your internal systems have had a rest. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because you've eaten food without all the other stuff that
Speaker 2: comes with it. It's got no alcohol, no caffeine.
Speaker 1: It's amazing thing. What you did amazing That first day
Speaker 1: back at work after I got back, I wore active wearing.
Speaker 1: I couldn't better wear proper clothes and honestly, rach as
Speaker 1: I drove out of Corumbu Valley and then I saw
Speaker 1: my phone get reception again, I cried.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want to look at where, Yeah,
Speaker 2: because I don't want to take on real life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, notification about taking the girls. I don't want to
Speaker 1: go to ice skating.
Speaker 2: I think it's almost Katie though, how do you apply
Speaker 2: the feelings and the practices that you did have in
Speaker 2: Eden into your normal day to day life. Not saying
Speaker 2: you have to like flip your whole entire life, but like,
Speaker 2: how do you apply some of the practices yeah, to
Speaker 2: keep that and maintain that calmness within yourself.
Speaker 1: Do you know One of the biggest takeaways, and this
Speaker 1: is for any mum, right, is when we say we
Speaker 1: don't have time. So I haven't meditated because I don't
Speaker 1: have time Oh, I haven't sat and just breathed on
Speaker 1: my own because I don't have time.
Speaker 2: Same with journaling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have to find time. We do have to
Speaker 1: be going to make it. And even like meditation right,
Speaker 1: which I thought, you know, meditation has to be in
Speaker 1: a place where you can lay down and all the
Speaker 1: rest of it where we know, bums, like, when are
Speaker 1: we ever in a place where we can just sit
Speaker 1: and lay down? Do it in your car? Yeah, do
Speaker 1: it in your car. In the school pickup line, I
Speaker 1: was like, not whilst driving.
Speaker 2: No, we're not actually saying that, but yeah, exactly what
Speaker 2: I was going to say. Sit in your car, when
Speaker 2: you're sitting in your car waiting for the kids, put
Speaker 2: it on. Yeah two minutes. Yeah, start with two minutes
Speaker 2: and then get to ten. You'll feel a hell of
Speaker 2: a lot different.
Speaker 1: Talk about what you're grateful for, write it down, write
Speaker 1: it down, journ all the shit out of it. You
Speaker 1: can be grateful for your kids and also think that
Speaker 1: they're being absolute assholes at the same time. Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 2: That's fine with us. That's what we do.
Speaker 1: So my biggest takeaway is, mums, we need to do
Speaker 1: stuff for ourselves, and we also need to feel not
Speaker 1: guilty about it and go offline, go off grid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: how many times have you had a day out maybe
Speaker 1: you know races for example, right where you're not with
Speaker 1: your kids, but they're fucking texting you all day and
Speaker 1: you have to get back to them. And then you
Speaker 1: get a phone call because they can't find their shoes
Speaker 1: and you know, yeah, yeah, I do know, and then
Speaker 1: they want uber eats for lunch because they don't like
Speaker 1: what you've left them.
Speaker 2: Too bad or staff one or the other. So anyway,
Speaker 2: investment in self is what we're trying to say. Invest
Speaker 2: in yourself so that others also get the best version
Speaker 2: of you, because if you do not invest in yourself, yep,
Speaker 2: no one does it for you.
Speaker 1: And spend the money on yourself. I heard something funny
Speaker 1: recently where it was like, think about how many like
Speaker 1: cute outfits that you buy your kids, or you know,
Speaker 1: the amount of money you spend on your kids and
Speaker 1: what they need, and it's like you need a new bra.
Speaker 2: Just a bar, You need a new bra or a
Speaker 2: pair of nice knickers that might make you feel good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, or go away, infest honestly, go away.
Speaker 2: Then just talking about everything that you've just done over
Speaker 2: the weekend.
Speaker 1: Yep, my weekend is absolutely not like that. I don't
Speaker 1: want to know about you. Let's let's just park at that.
Speaker 1: Let me stay in my mind full, peaceful self,