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Speaker 1: Apod Jake Production.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of Am I a Bad

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Speaker 2: Mum Podcast? Term A weent Tim three?

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Speaker 1: Three?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Term three? Can I tell you, Rach? This is

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Speaker 2: off the back of the fact that we're not very

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Speaker 2: organized when it comes to Christmas usually, apart from there

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Speaker 2: was a one year one where you got everything in

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Speaker 2: like lay by June July lay By sales. You had

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Speaker 2: it already, you got the charity ladies, gave them fifty

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Speaker 2: dollars to wrap the whole lot, and you sat back

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Speaker 2: with the bubbles.

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Speaker 3: It was wonderful. It was the best experience I've ever

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Speaker 3: had with shopping.

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Speaker 1: Should do that more often.

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Speaker 2: So, Rach, I have bought Jay's Christmas present already. I

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Speaker 2: know who even am I?

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Speaker 1: We're still in August.

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Speaker 2: And I've also got a couple of the girls.

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Speaker 1: Have you what within sales that are on at the moment?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I love himself sick with it.

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Speaker 2: It was fifty percent off and it.

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Speaker 1: Was the last one. Oh yeah. Even just talking about it,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I need to know what it is.

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Speaker 2: No, I can't tell you because.

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Speaker 1: He listens to this podcast.

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Speaker 3: Speaking of podcasts, he does also listen or has listened

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Speaker 3: to the other podcasts that we have. Girls Gone Wild

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Speaker 3: haven't recorded for a while, but this past week I've

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Speaker 3: had two separate messages. One of them was like, hey, love,

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Speaker 3: am I a bad mum? But I've found that you

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Speaker 3: guys have another one. It's called Girls Gone Wild? Can't

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Speaker 3: stop listening to it?

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Speaker 2: Oh really?

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Speaker 3: She was like, but you know, on a side note,

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Speaker 3: she was like, I never knew that you had implants.

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Speaker 1: She's like, I would love to know your surgeon if

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Speaker 1: you can send.

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Speaker 2: I was like, you could have picked out.

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Speaker 1: That is a wicked message. Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Am I a bad mum for telling them they have

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Speaker 2: no choice?

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Speaker 1: None?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: None.

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Speaker 1: You're still under eighteen, you live under a house, you

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Speaker 1: live under this roof. You got no choice.

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Speaker 2: Well it's not a choice I want them to have

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Speaker 2: right now, but it's a choice for older Because Holly

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Speaker 2: tells me the other day I'm not having kids. I went, oh, yeah, no,

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Speaker 2: absolutely not. Kids will ruin my life away. You're like this,

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Speaker 2: how interesting that you are a kid, and so you've

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Speaker 2: obviously watched something happen that is making you think I

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Speaker 2: never want to have one of us.

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Speaker 1: I own, Yeah, I said.

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Speaker 2: No, absolutely, you were Yeah, you are you are having kids,

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Speaker 2: because if I have done all of this not to

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Speaker 2: watch you then go through it.

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Speaker 1: She's like, that's it.

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Speaker 2: That's the only reason, because you're not going to understand

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Speaker 2: all of the things I did until you experience it

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Speaker 2: for yourself.

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Speaker 1: It is going to be crazy.

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Speaker 2: So I said, no, absolutely, you are having kids. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: let's rethink that when we get to that bit older. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but she said, yeah, but people don't have kids these days,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, well, yeah, I understand it is more

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Speaker 2: socially acceptable not to have children than it used to

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Speaker 2: beause it used to be a case I'm probably still

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Speaker 2: where someone would choose to not have kids for whatever

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Speaker 2: reason and you'd go, oh, you're having kick like, is

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Speaker 2: it medical? But it was never a case of chose,

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Speaker 2: I just choose not to. I've got a friend Rach

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Speaker 2: who is mid forties. She chose never to have kids.

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Speaker 2: She was married. She's been married for like fifteen twenty years.

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Speaker 2: So it's not like it was a you know, got older,

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Speaker 2: didn't find the right person. Wasn't the case of that

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Speaker 2: she always decided not to.

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Speaker 3: I think it's a great moment in your own life

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Speaker 3: to be very honest with yourself, whether you're willing to

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Speaker 3: or not.

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Speaker 1: And I do believe that society has shifted to just

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Speaker 1: be open to it. Yeah, and I'm one hundred percent

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Speaker 1: with it.

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Speaker 3: I mean, obviously for the people that struggle to fall

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Speaker 3: or can't fall, that breaks my heart because they are

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Speaker 3: people that really want to you know, really want.

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Speaker 1: A baby as well. That part breaks my heart.

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Speaker 3: The other part of the people that just go, you

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Speaker 3: know what, it's not for me. I respect that more

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Speaker 3: than sort of like the people that just keep banging

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Speaker 3: them out for the sacond them out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, banging them out to have kids. Why.

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Speaker 2: A good friend of mine, her sister is a drug addict,

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Speaker 2: and she has had issues with ice for years and

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Speaker 2: years and years. She's now had four kids that have

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Speaker 2: all been taken straight off her in the hospital.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's sad. It is super sad, super super sad.

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Speaker 1: But this might get a bit of backlash. But after

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Speaker 1: the fourth time, the fourth.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my question is why.

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Speaker 3: We're all thinking, yeah, after the fourth like, why wouldn't

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Speaker 3: someone when she goes into the hospital tire tubes again?

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Speaker 1: Backlash?

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Speaker 3: Inhumane? You're being cruel, No, I'm not. This is not

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Speaker 3: coming from a place of cruelty, but this is the

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Speaker 3: part of me and the part of my brain that

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Speaker 3: goes to the other side, Katie, that goes those little

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Speaker 3: people are already affected from being inside. Yeah, somebody that

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Speaker 3: unfortunately has a substance abuse. Yeah, that is a knock

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Speaker 3: on effect. This kid doesn't even have a leg up

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Speaker 3: to start with, to even come into this world with.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So those kids were all born addicted to drugs.

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Speaker 2: They all had to go through the waning off process.

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Speaker 2: And look, those kids are very well looked after now

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Speaker 2: and they've got beautiful you know people that are raising them. However,

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Speaker 2: will they always have the abandonment trauma?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, And you don't even know if she chose

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Speaker 3: to wonderful pregnant, you know.

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Speaker 1: Like that's the sad, sad part of this.

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Speaker 3: And then the other side of it is, I know

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Speaker 3: that you can't control anybody else's life, but maybe if

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Speaker 3: you took the choice out of just the reproduction part

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Speaker 3: of like going, we've done it four times, none of

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Speaker 3: them have made you want.

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Speaker 1: To sober up to try and raise these babies.

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Speaker 3: So maybe weere we just like, maybe I'll help you

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Speaker 3: out and just do the contraception part.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a wild subject.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is, and it makes me very nervous. But

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Speaker 2: I also know from my friend's perspective how traumatic it

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Speaker 2: is taking that little child to see birthpair parents on drugs,

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Speaker 2: all the rest of it enforced by child services. Because

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Speaker 2: I get the whole I.

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Speaker 1: Need to know where they come from.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I get that, But then at what point

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Speaker 2: do you just allow that child to be with the

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Speaker 2: loving family that are raising them safely? Safely anyway subjects, But.

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Speaker 1: It breaks my heart. I don't wish that on anyone.

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Speaker 3: So I can't imagine what their parents are going through

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Speaker 3: whilst you're struggling with an addiction but also trying to

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Speaker 3: raise a family.

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Speaker 2: When we go back to that abandonment trauma, like as

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Speaker 2: we know, I was adopted as a baby, and no,

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Speaker 2: there was no drugs involved, I don't think, but later

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Speaker 2: in life, you definitely, no matter how nice your story

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Speaker 2: is and how well your parents raise you and how

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Speaker 2: much love and all the rest of it, there's so

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Speaker 2: much abandonment trauma that you have to do and work

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Speaker 2: you have to do on yourself and your belonging and

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Speaker 2: where you are in the world and who you are.

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Speaker 2: Didn't take me till us forties to start doing that rate,

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Speaker 2: and then you don't realize how much there is there.

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Speaker 2: So and when I look back on things that I've done, decisions,

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Speaker 2: mental health, all that kind of stuff, I'm like, Wow,

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Speaker 2: I kind of wish that I'd known some of that

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Speaker 2: in my twenties, maybe even earlier.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we do other things though, like in

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Speaker 3: those moments, like when we're in our early twenties and

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Speaker 3: stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: When you think about, like now.

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Speaker 3: Being in your forties and you think back to your twenties,

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Speaker 3: it's massively like avoidance.

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Speaker 1: What are you doing.

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Speaker 3: You're numbing it, you're avoiding it, you are burying it deeper,

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Speaker 3: and you get to that point I think later on

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Speaker 3: in life where you're like, I cannot physically and emotionally

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Speaker 3: carry this baggage any longer. Whereas in our twenties we're

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Speaker 3: so quick to like move from thing to thing that

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Speaker 3: makes you feel good or lifts you up, or gives

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Speaker 3: you a rush, or just basically helps with the void

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Speaker 3: that you need to feel for that amount of time.

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Speaker 3: I think that's probably a bit of that understanding around it. Now,

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Speaker 3: when you look back a forty year old, you can

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Speaker 3: see so much more.

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Speaker 1: It's clearer.

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Speaker 2: What does it take so long for us to start

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Speaker 2: working with shit out? Why do we go through?

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Speaker 1: So that's what I mean.

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Speaker 2: It goes to life then to realize it all when

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Speaker 2: you got your own kids, who, by the way, we

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Speaker 2: want grandchildren from at some point because I think that

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Speaker 2: will be fun, not anything.

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Speaker 3: After watching Nanadee on the weekend, I don't know that

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Speaker 3: I need grandchildren. I don't need them because none. When

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Speaker 3: I got home from being away, she was watch she

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Speaker 3: was wired. What did I say to she is, well,

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Speaker 3: you should think about what you're feeding them and what's

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Speaker 3: in that.

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Speaker 1: And I said, why don't you care this much when

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Speaker 1: I was a kid, Because I stopped feeling sorry for yourself.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, get out of my house. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so anyway, just look after my kids for four days.

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Speaker 1: Get out.

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Speaker 2: You are absolutely having kids, because you know I have

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Speaker 2: watched you be an asshole.

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Speaker 1: Now you are going to be Did Amelia step into

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Speaker 1: any step or this was just.

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Speaker 2: She wasn't No, she wasn't there. I don't know that

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Speaker 2: she would want them either.

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Speaker 1: Oh well, my job is done here.

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Speaker 2: I just think about the amount of resentment I'll have

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Speaker 2: for them not experiencing all of that spending money on yourself.

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Speaker 1: Are you the world? Are you that thing called freedom?

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Speaker 2: What are you doing going to the beach with a book?

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Speaker 2: Oh what a luxury doing that?

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Speaker 1: You having kids?

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Speaker 3: What the