1
00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:02,320
Speaker 1: Good team. It's Harps Today. I want to talk to

2
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:08,440
Speaker 1: you about overthinking the propensity we have to overthink things,

3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:13,360
Speaker 1: to keep ourselves awake at night, to not do things

4
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:18,439
Speaker 1: that we should do because we're overthinking it, to overthink

5
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:23,840
Speaker 1: and underdo and underperform and cripple ourselves with fear and

6
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:29,120
Speaker 1: anxiety and self doubt and imposter syndrome. Because we are

7
00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:34,400
Speaker 1: scared of something. We are scared of failing sometimes, we

8
00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:38,000
Speaker 1: are scared of fucking up. We are scared of looking silly.

9
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:41,760
Speaker 1: We are scared of not belonging or being loved or

10
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:46,320
Speaker 1: valued or respected or heard. We are scared of pain

11
00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:52,239
Speaker 1: and discomfort and messiness and uncertainty. And so we just

12
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,920
Speaker 1: stand on the sidelines and do nothing, the metaphoric sidelines

13
00:00:56,000 --> 00:01:00,319
Speaker 1: and do nothing. So what I don't have to day

14
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,720
Speaker 1: is a three step solution. Because we are all different,

15
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,920
Speaker 1: there is no for virtually anything in life. There are

16
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:12,720
Speaker 1: very few three step solutions to any problem, challenge, sickness

17
00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:18,720
Speaker 1: issue that works universally as effectively for everyone. So rather

18
00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,520
Speaker 1: than give you a solution, I might give you some

19
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:23,480
Speaker 1: thoughts and ideas around it. But I want to talk

20
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:26,479
Speaker 1: to you about why we do it and I think

21
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:30,000
Speaker 1: if we can understand why we do it, how we

22
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,720
Speaker 1: do it when we're most likely to do it, then

23
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:36,600
Speaker 1: we can figure out, perhaps for ourselves, a strategy or

24
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,920
Speaker 1: a path that we can take that might turn down

25
00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:42,960
Speaker 1: the volume or eliminate or reduce the analysis paralysis that

26
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,960
Speaker 1: we have going on. So I have been an overthinker.

27
00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:52,360
Speaker 1: I've spent a lot of my especially younger life, not

28
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:58,040
Speaker 1: longer life, as I almost my younger life overthinking things

29
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:04,480
Speaker 1: because because I was scared, let's just be absolutely transparent

30
00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:08,640
Speaker 1: and honest, I was scared of not being good enough,

31
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:11,800
Speaker 1: and then by not being good enough, other people would

32
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,560
Speaker 1: know that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't you

33
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,040
Speaker 1: know what one of my big fears was for a

34
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,080
Speaker 1: very long time. I don't even know that I've ever

35
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,880
Speaker 1: said this out loud. And this really stopped me. This

36
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:29,040
Speaker 1: really stopped me from doing a lot of things. And

37
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:34,440
Speaker 1: I spent a great deal of time overthinking, over analyzing

38
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:40,880
Speaker 1: things because I thought this sounds weird. It's true. I

39
00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:45,760
Speaker 1: had a deep seated belief that I wasn't very smart.

40
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,280
Speaker 1: And I don't really even know from where that came,

41
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:53,000
Speaker 1: but I just thought I wasn't smart and I thought

42
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,120
Speaker 1: that if I said something, or if I made certain

43
00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,680
Speaker 1: decisions or I took certain action, that people would know,

44
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:05,240
Speaker 1: that people would discover because I felt like, for a

45
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:09,600
Speaker 1: long time I was getting away with it. And you know,

46
00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:12,760
Speaker 1: there are still times when I feel that, and I'm

47
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,960
Speaker 1: a bit self deprecating in some of the shows and

48
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:19,080
Speaker 1: all of that, but I genuinely feel at times not

49
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,800
Speaker 1: smart enough. But there was a long period of my life,

50
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,840
Speaker 1: I would say, until my mid thirties, where I genuinely

51
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,239
Speaker 1: thought I was relatively stupid and I was kind of

52
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,720
Speaker 1: lucky I was getting away with it and people hadn't

53
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,560
Speaker 1: figured out how stupid I was. And so part of

54
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:39,000
Speaker 1: that that fear, that self doubt, that self loathing, that

55
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,440
Speaker 1: lack of self belief that led me to over analyze

56
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,720
Speaker 1: and overthink so many things and so many things that

57
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,240
Speaker 1: I could have done that I didn't do. Opportunities I

58
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:55,080
Speaker 1: could have taken or could have created, and results I

59
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:59,480
Speaker 1: could have produced I didn't. Because I overthought everything. I

60
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:07,000
Speaker 1: created my own form of psychological, emotional, and behavioral paralysis.

61
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:12,200
Speaker 1: I overthought the shit out of everything. So I think

62
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:16,440
Speaker 1: there are a couple of things to factor in or

63
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,760
Speaker 1: think about and one is, you know, like what can

64
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,960
Speaker 1: I do and what can't I do? Or perhaps a

65
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,120
Speaker 1: better question is what's in my control and what's not

66
00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:30,640
Speaker 1: in my control? And we spend a lot of time

67
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,479
Speaker 1: overthinking things that are actually flawed beliefs like I'm not

68
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,960
Speaker 1: good enough. If I do this, they won't like me,

69
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,840
Speaker 1: they won't love me. I will And by the way,

70
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,839
Speaker 1: of course, some people are going to not like you,

71
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,760
Speaker 1: and some things you're going to be shit at, and

72
00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,640
Speaker 1: some things you will fail at, and sometimes you will

73
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:53,680
Speaker 1: look silly, and sometimes you will get embarrassed, as will I,

74
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:58,080
Speaker 1: as have I many times. But in order to at

75
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:02,480
Speaker 1: least create some kind of progress in this space of

76
00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,719
Speaker 1: overthinking and turning down the volume on it, a little

77
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:11,040
Speaker 1: part of that is being mature enough and emotionally and

78
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:17,320
Speaker 1: psychologically resilient enough to say I could fail, I could

79
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,480
Speaker 1: look silly, I could fall down. It might not work,

80
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:24,760
Speaker 1: some people might not like it or me, it might

81
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:28,040
Speaker 1: not be a positive outcome, and that's okay, and not

82
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:32,839
Speaker 1: just say that, but be true in that it's okay.

83
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,560
Speaker 1: I might fuck up, I might fail, and it's okay.

84
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,279
Speaker 1: And also tacking on to the end of that because

85
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:43,279
Speaker 1: I know when I do hard things, when I do

86
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,680
Speaker 1: take a chance, when I do step out, when I

87
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:50,520
Speaker 1: do allow myself to be vulnerable and get uncomfortable, and

88
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:54,839
Speaker 1: perhaps put myself in a process or a situation where

89
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:57,039
Speaker 1: the outcome might not be what I want, and I

90
00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:01,839
Speaker 1: could get all of those things embarrassed or or rejected

91
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,919
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. In the middle of that, I

92
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,240
Speaker 1: learn about me. In the middle of that, I developed

93
00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:09,839
Speaker 1: skill and knowledge and understanding and awareness and competence and resilience.

94
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:14,039
Speaker 1: And it's not until we step into our fears, or

95
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,560
Speaker 1: face our fears, or lean in a little bit that

96
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:22,720
Speaker 1: quite often the volume goes down on the overthinking. So

97
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:27,960
Speaker 1: overthinking is generally about fear. What is the fear? What

98
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,120
Speaker 1: am I afraid of? I was very afraid for a

99
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:33,320
Speaker 1: very long time of all of those things that I said,

100
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,040
Speaker 1: not being good enough, not being smart enough, being embarrassed,

101
00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,800
Speaker 1: being a failure, what people. I was very worried about

102
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:44,480
Speaker 1: what people thought to me, because I felt and nobody

103
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,359
Speaker 1: did this to me. This was just a byproduct of things.

104
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,240
Speaker 1: And I don't blame anyone, and I'm not mad at anyone,

105
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:53,480
Speaker 1: but one of the byproducts of my childhood and my

106
00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:57,400
Speaker 1: teenage years was that I didn't feel enough, good enough,

107
00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:02,719
Speaker 1: attractive enough, skinny enough, life light enough, smart enough, creative enough,

108
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:07,560
Speaker 1: funny enough, socially acceptable enough. I didn't feel all of

109
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:12,640
Speaker 1: those things. Now, the truth was that I probably was enough.

110
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,200
Speaker 1: But being enough and believing that you're enough are different things.

111
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,120
Speaker 1: So the challenge for us is not to find some

112
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:23,760
Speaker 1: magic switch to turn off the overthinking, but to rather

113
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:30,280
Speaker 1: understand ourselves and understand our overthinking. What is the source

114
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:35,400
Speaker 1: of this cognitive mayhem? Why is it so busy in

115
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:39,560
Speaker 1: my head? What am I really really scared of. I'm

116
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,600
Speaker 1: scared of failure, I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared of

117
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:48,640
Speaker 1: having no money. I'm scared of being uncomfortable or embarrassment

118
00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:53,040
Speaker 1: or uncertainty or unfamiliarity. What if I took that chance?

119
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,360
Speaker 1: What if I just addressed all of this with courage?

120
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,000
Speaker 1: What if I went, well, yeah, all of those things

121
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:02,280
Speaker 1: could be happed, could happened. But nonetheless, I'm going to

122
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,760
Speaker 1: make a decision. I'm going to step forward. I'm going

123
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,360
Speaker 1: to step up, not down. I'm going to take a chance.

124
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,560
Speaker 1: I'm going to lean in, and quite often, if not

125
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:14,320
Speaker 1: most of the time, what happens is that thing that

126
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:18,680
Speaker 1: we were terrified of proves to be false. It proves

127
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,960
Speaker 1: to be something that we didn't need to be that

128
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:23,280
Speaker 1: scared of. And when we do it, all of a sudden,

129
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:26,400
Speaker 1: we change our relationship with that thing that was terrifying,

130
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,000
Speaker 1: and now instead of it managing us, we start to

131
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,480
Speaker 1: manage it. The fear goes down our relationship with that thing.

132
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,840
Speaker 1: We do something uncomfortable, we do something we were scared of,

133
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,199
Speaker 1: We do something that perhaps we didn't think we could do.

134
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,040
Speaker 1: We do it, or we do a version of it.

135
00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:46,760
Speaker 1: We build confidence, skill, resilience, and now we're overthinking less.

136
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,520
Speaker 1: Do I ever think it disappears for most of us. No,

137
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:54,040
Speaker 1: I think it's part of the human condition. I mean,

138
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:59,160
Speaker 1: thinking a lot is not the same as overthinking thinking

139
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:04,360
Speaker 1: a lot and and being creative and solving problems and

140
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:09,400
Speaker 1: navigating and negotiating life from that kind of epicenter of us,

141
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,600
Speaker 1: which is our mind. That's very normal. I'm talking in

142
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,520
Speaker 1: this conversation about the overthinking, the destructive overthinking that can

143
00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:21,560
Speaker 1: derail our power, possibilities and potential. Let's take a quick

144
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:27,040
Speaker 1: break and we'll come back and wrap up. All right,

145
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,360
Speaker 1: we're back. So I don't know how good that was? Today,

146
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,360
Speaker 1: I'm overthinking how good that was. I don't think it

147
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:38,120
Speaker 1: was brilliant, but I'm opening the door. I could almost

148
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,400
Speaker 1: press the delete button on this episode, but I'm not

149
00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:42,600
Speaker 1: going to. I'm not going to. I'm not going to

150
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:48,600
Speaker 1: give in to that fear. It's funny that I have

151
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,679
Speaker 1: been overthinking this conversation about overthinking with you, about how

152
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:56,720
Speaker 1: I might share it articulated, because I don't have an answer,

153
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,760
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I like in inverted commas.

154
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:03,440
Speaker 1: I don't have and I've thoughts and ideas. So in

155
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,600
Speaker 1: terms of opening the door and moving forward on this

156
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,080
Speaker 1: for you and starting to get the wheels turning on

157
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,680
Speaker 1: being less controlled by fear and being less of a

158
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:17,520
Speaker 1: chronic overthinker, my questions for you are these. One, what

159
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:21,960
Speaker 1: fear is at the core of your overthinking? It might

160
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:25,920
Speaker 1: be many things, but I think there might be a consistent,

161
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:32,520
Speaker 1: reoccurring theme for many people. It's the fear of discomfort,

162
00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:37,240
Speaker 1: whether that's physical, mental, emotional, social, or financial discomfort. But

163
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:40,480
Speaker 1: what fear is at the core of your overthinking? And

164
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,560
Speaker 1: also question two, I'm not even charging you for this

165
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:46,080
Speaker 1: second question. I'm chucking it in. Fuck it it's how

166
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:50,479
Speaker 1: I roll. Question two is what am I currently wasting

167
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,959
Speaker 1: energy on? What am I obsessing over? What am I overthinking?

168
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:59,240
Speaker 1: What am I focusing on? Because where your mind is,

169
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,640
Speaker 1: your emotion are, where your emotions are, your body is,

170
00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:05,480
Speaker 1: and where all of that is, you are. What am

171
00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,680
Speaker 1: I currently wasting energy on that I need to let

172
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,520
Speaker 1: go of. I'm going to overthink this episode for the

173
00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:15,840
Speaker 1: next day, So yeah,