1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gadigal Land Always was, always 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:04,960 Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 2: Hey chicks, I'm sal and I'm our. This is too 4 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 2: broad chicks to show that shares life lessons and tips 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 2: to help make you rich in life. And today we 6 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:21,120 Speaker 2: are joined by m Rossiano, the Australian writer, singer, stand 7 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 2: up comedian, host of the podcast Msolation and author of 8 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 2: the new book Blood, Sweat and Glitter. 9 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 3: Welcome em Thank you for having me, my darlings. I'm honored. 10 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 3: I'm so honored You've got such a kingdom of queendom. 11 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,320 Speaker 3: I beg your pardon this old lady into it. 12 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 2: This is wild, absolutely not. Don't even We were saying 13 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 2: off Mike that we're are huge fans of you and 14 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 2: have been since the beginning of your career and continue 15 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:51,639 Speaker 2: to be so. It's the pleasure is all our. 16 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 3: Yes, we hope that our generation of women. 17 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 4: I love it to my manager, Oh, a next generation 18 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 4: to grab and corrupt and yes, excited about it. 19 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 5: I'm already to be honest. 20 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: There's been a lot of a lot of demons that 21 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:11,559 Speaker 1: have embraced Yeah, witchcraft, I love. 22 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 4: Oh, yes, future bog which yes, I've gotten rid of 23 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 4: the husband, just need some purple tied iron, some Shetland ponies. 24 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 2: And the Well, we know what we're doing after the 25 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 2: show perfect, But obviously we're going to be talking about 26 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,759 Speaker 2: the book and all of the amazing things that you've 27 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 2: been working on and the life lessons that you've picked 28 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 2: up so far. But we do like to start our 29 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 2: episodes with a life lesson of the week. So what 30 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 2: have you got for us? 31 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 4: Trust the first instinct you have about anything, Trust your gut. 32 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,400 Speaker 4: Like you know, when you get chicken out of the fridge, 33 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 4: it's raw, you smell it. If you have to go 34 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,199 Speaker 4: back for a second, smell, ditch the chicken. Yes, right, 35 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,880 Speaker 4: same with anything in life. And young women especially are 36 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 4: taught to not trust that first voice. And this could 37 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 4: be a guy on a dating app, this could be 38 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 4: a jop opportunity, this could be a new friend in 39 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:02,240 Speaker 4: your life or your friends new partner. You always will 40 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 4: have that first but then women are taught to kind 41 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 4: of suppress that. 42 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 2: It's like a girl. 43 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 4: So there were two times this week where I got 44 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,919 Speaker 4: presented with two on paper amazing things, but my gut 45 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 4: on both issues said no. 46 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 5: It said stinky chicken, not for you. 47 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 3: Stinky chicken. 48 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:20,600 Speaker 4: My girls say that that's our little man trust. 49 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 3: Yeah that so just apply that to every situation. 50 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 4: And I just encourage you, my darlings, my afabs, my 51 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 4: young women to listen to that first little I don't know, 52 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 4: and because she's right, do you. 53 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:34,799 Speaker 2: Know what it is as well? 54 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,440 Speaker 1: It's like because like even just bringing up Witchcraft is 55 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 1: like women have such a like such an intuition, and 56 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 1: it's like we were taught not to trust that because 57 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,519 Speaker 1: it benefited us more than you know. 58 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:49,960 Speaker 3: We have to be in servitude. 59 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,160 Speaker 4: That's that's what suits the patriarchy. So when we start 60 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:56,359 Speaker 4: to question that, we're very much destabilized power. 61 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 3: We have so powerful. 62 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why we're taught to have that self out 63 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 2: totally whereas we should be. It's one sniff. 64 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,400 Speaker 3: Only, yeah, one only policy. 65 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 4: When it's about my age and you're lacking estrogen, there's 66 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 4: not even a sniff. 67 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 1: You just look at it and yeah, I don't like 68 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:14,680 Speaker 1: you vibe. 69 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, don't worry. 70 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:17,920 Speaker 4: I think people pleas are when you hit my age, 71 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 4: that really goes quickly. 72 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 6: Thank Yeah, we can't wait, like we're such like depending. 73 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,679 Speaker 5: Where you've got me in my cycle, it'll. 74 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 1: Be like I'll be sitting here someone writing and I'll 75 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 1: be like, fuck, d you don't too short a time, 76 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 1: And then two weeks later, in my own life something 77 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 1: what happened, I'll be. 78 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 3: Like, you do they said they didn't like me period, 79 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 3: and you're like, oh, that's fine. A month it's a surprise. Yes, 80 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 3: I know, every month you like it. 81 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 4: But that's the whole patriarchal thing too. A lot of 82 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 4: women don't even understand their cycle. They don't understand the 83 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 4: literal face. They don't understand what's happening for them by 84 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 4: aally because it's not something. 85 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 3: We're taught in school. 86 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's something we just have to kind of pick 87 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 4: up vira osmosis. Yeah, yeah, it's something that girls should 88 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 4: be taught at a very young age. 89 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:08,839 Speaker 2: Yeah. 90 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 5: We had a moment today. 91 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:13,440 Speaker 1: We're like trying to find something for an event, and 92 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 1: so I was saying she wanted to wear this outfit. 93 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 2: She was like cover me from head to do. 94 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 1: And I was like, you're beautiful, and I went no, wait, no, 95 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,919 Speaker 1: money got your period and yeah, and I was like, 96 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:23,480 Speaker 1: you know. 97 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 5: This isn't gonna land. 98 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 2: I was I was like, yeah, that's appreciate it. I 99 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:32,039 Speaker 2: was like I know what. 100 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,560 Speaker 1: I've got room to work with with the self live. 101 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 1: And then I was like, you're already dead. Yeah, she's 102 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:39,560 Speaker 1: getting buried. 103 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, but what's your life lesson? 104 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 1: Okay? My life lesson is really chizzy and there's two 105 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 1: parts and it's too one. Shoot your shot and to 106 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: meet your heroes. Because this actually isn't the first time 107 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: that we've spoken. 108 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 5: Back in a year old and day when I was 109 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 5: working as a nanny and I was driving there at like. 110 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:10,159 Speaker 1: Six am, I won a radio competition and you gave 111 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: me tickets to go see Aladdin the Musical when it 112 00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: was in Sydney. Yeah, I was obsessed. I was listening 113 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 1: every single morning. And then so we're reading the book. 114 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:27,600 Speaker 2: I was like, usual, I said, you hated it rough 115 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 2: when you read something like that and you're like, oh fuck, 116 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 2: But they actually were having a bad We digress and it. 117 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 1: Was who's like the hottest Disney character to win the tickets? 118 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,119 Speaker 1: And I was like, I've locked in, so I've called 119 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 1: up and obviously got bettered. And I think at first 120 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,599 Speaker 1: I said, like Maui, but then once I was like 121 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,719 Speaker 1: was talking and I was on the. 122 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,120 Speaker 5: Air, I was like, oh, but you know what moved 123 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 5: fusser and you just went. 124 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 3: She wins give mine. 125 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I am. 126 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 4: Sexually attracted to move faster, not the live action one. 127 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:01,360 Speaker 4: I want to point out the cartoon. The distinction is important, 128 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,960 Speaker 4: Disney King, absolutely because the rest of them are useless, unreliable, 129 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 4: horrible because. 130 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,200 Speaker 2: Do you know what as well, my version of that 131 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 2: is I'm a scar girl. Scar has always been my 132 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:17,039 Speaker 2: controversial crush, but also specifically the animated because even the 133 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,839 Speaker 2: energy of the live action they did not encapsulate and 134 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 2: it is a. 135 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 3: Bit of beast the vibes too. 136 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 7: Close to But yeah, and so, and I was thinking 137 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,480 Speaker 7: this morning, and I was like, that's just so fucking 138 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 7: cool that like here today, and I'm just like so 139 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,839 Speaker 7: excited and happy, and. 140 00:06:36,160 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 3: I'm really that's really touching. I had no idea. That's 141 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 3: really kind. 142 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 5: And I had a really good time at the musical. 143 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 2: Bet you we should have brought you tickets to a musical. 144 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 3: Musical. 145 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,919 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going in the clotious singer signing her programs 146 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,039 Speaker 4: at the end of Sunset Boulevard with the blood for Halloween. 147 00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 3: Oh my god, am I only hang out with why 148 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 3: it's so niche? But yeah, I've got the blood. 149 00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 4: I've got the slip dress, I've got the playbill, I've 150 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,039 Speaker 4: even got the headset. 151 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:07,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's going to be, you know everything. 152 00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:09,479 Speaker 5: I want to be, a more I want to be 153 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 5: when I grow up. 154 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 3: I don't. It's exhausted, genuinely. I think I'm halfway. 155 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 2: There's it, I see, Yeah, yeah, this is the high 156 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 2: for what? 157 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 3: Very fuck? I feel like I want to take both 158 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 3: of your shoulders and. 159 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:31,760 Speaker 4: Say, honey, exhale you like, get out while you can't. No, No, 160 00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 4: I'm just glad that you exist in the world. 161 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 3: I really am. I feel that Abby Chatfield. 162 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 4: No young women coming through like I feel like a 163 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 4: bit in the way I set myself on fire to 164 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 4: kind of make the path. But I'm just glad that 165 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,960 Speaker 4: there are young women like you available to the world, 166 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 4: to the other young women. 167 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,680 Speaker 3: So very good, very cool. 168 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 1: Thank you. 169 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 5: I also feel like you've said the path as well. 170 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: So yeah, the traumas as well. 171 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 2: I think because my life lesson of the week as 172 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 2: well would be the power of community, because we did 173 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 2: just finish doing our live show, and you would understand 174 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 2: this as well. I think like working in media and 175 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,640 Speaker 2: in spaces like this where you typically are only interacting 176 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 2: with people through like a screen and you don't really 177 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 2: get to see the people that you're interacting with or 178 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 2: see them together. And whenever we do something like this, 179 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 2: like we did our first live show last year and 180 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 2: then have done our tour this year, it just makes 181 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:33,360 Speaker 2: me realize how powerful that is when a group of 182 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 2: like minded individuals come together, even if you don't know 183 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 2: each other. And we were so proud that so many 184 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,359 Speaker 2: chicks came to the show alone. 185 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 3: Oh my shows are all solo attendees as well. 186 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, which is such a scary thing. But then so 187 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,840 Speaker 2: many of them left either being like I went and 188 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 2: I conquered a fear of doing something on my own, 189 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,560 Speaker 2: or I went to the solo mixer and I met someone, 190 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 2: or I was just giggling with the other people around me, 191 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 2: and just how important it is to have that community 192 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 2: in whatever way you can find it. 193 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 3: So congratulations. 194 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 4: It's not a small thing to create a community where 195 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 4: people feel safe to come on their own. It's a 196 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 4: big deal and it's a reflection if you you too, 197 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,960 Speaker 4: are that you make them feel safe. So well done, 198 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 4: because there's not a lot of places women feel safe 199 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:16,280 Speaker 4: at the moment. 200 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're here, look for you. 201 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,959 Speaker 1: To be absolutely guessed after I'm going to kick a 202 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: door if its hinges. 203 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:30,079 Speaker 3: Tickets and. 204 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 2: Really guessed. Okay, so we're taught that our careers are 205 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 2: and we kind of talked about this before off. 206 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,960 Speaker 5: I love saying that. It's like it makes it sound 207 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,000 Speaker 5: like it's so like professional. 208 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 4: We're just talking cameras, right, I know, and. 209 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 5: I've looked at myself in all of them. I don't 210 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 5: any but we kind of alluded to this. 211 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 1: But you mentioned in the book that you spent two 212 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: years working in breakfast radio in Sydney and it was. 213 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,680 Speaker 5: A wild ride, to say the least. 214 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 1: What's your advice for anyone listening who is having a 215 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: similar experience where they're in like. 216 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 3: A toxic environment. Yeah, yeah, you don't have to downplay it. 217 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,600 Speaker 4: I mean, the entertainment industry by default is a toxic 218 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 4: work environment. May yeah, you are just to be a 219 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 4: woman of a certain age who doesn't conform to you 220 00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 4: know what the entertainment industry. 221 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:19,319 Speaker 3: Usually spits out. 222 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 4: But for me, I stayed in that work environment for 223 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 4: far too long, and again it was me being made 224 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:26,559 Speaker 4: to feel like. 225 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,080 Speaker 3: I was lucky to be there. I was lucky to 226 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 3: have a job. This is a privilege. 227 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 4: We could replace you like that, We could get ten 228 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 4: people kills lineup. Yeah, And I say this to my 229 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,719 Speaker 4: girls as well. Your job shouldn't make you sick. And 230 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 4: my job was making me sick mentally and physically. You 231 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 4: may as well just go get a job at Bunnings, 232 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 4: or you may as well go get a job and 233 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,079 Speaker 4: literally anywhere else. 234 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:46,760 Speaker 3: Go back and with your parents, go back and study. 235 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 5: I love that Bunnings. 236 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 3: Of course, it's my happy place. I go and walk 237 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:53,199 Speaker 3: around there. 238 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 4: I'm really trying to manifest my late in life lesbian phase, 239 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,680 Speaker 4: so I'm hanging out of Bunnings a lot. Don't be 240 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 4: afraid to make a big, hard decision for yourself. I 241 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 4: think women in their twenties know and don't be told, 242 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 4: oh you're too young, or just have the experience, or 243 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 4: just tough it out. You're lucky to have a job. 244 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,920 Speaker 4: Fuck that, because it will scar you for life. I 245 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,600 Speaker 4: am still undoing the damage of just being lucky to 246 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:21,439 Speaker 4: have the job at forty six. I'm undoing the damage 247 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 4: of when I was twenty six in breakfast radio in Perth, 248 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,920 Speaker 4: and then again when I went back in my thirties. 249 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:28,680 Speaker 4: And it's stuff that will always stay with me. And 250 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:31,040 Speaker 4: it realized your brain and your DNA and you pass 251 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 4: those trauma lines down. So I think if you are 252 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 4: now listening to me and you're getting tears in your 253 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 4: eyes because of your job plan, your exit, oh. 254 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 1: We get a lot of chicks that write in right, 255 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: and you're probably gonna giggle at this, but in a 256 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: way that it's like disbelief, not as and you find 257 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 1: it funny that you know they'll be twenty five and 258 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 1: they've started in their first full time job or maybe 259 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 1: a little bit earlier, and they go. 260 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 5: Fuck, I don't want to do this. This isn't for me. Yeah, 261 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:55,440 Speaker 5: and then they go, but it's too late. 262 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 4: Oh, I have a twenty four year old having a 263 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 4: quarter life crisis. My daughter, Yeah, quarter life crash early 264 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 4: because she was in lockdowns at eighteen. I know, for 265 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 4: some reason those children have aged ten years laster than 266 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 4: everyone else. But she yeah, she said to me, well 267 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 4: what am I? You know? 268 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 3: This is it? 269 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,120 Speaker 4: And I said, I didn't figure out my job till 270 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 4: I was forty. I didn't hit my straps till I 271 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 4: was forty five. I mean the idea that it's too 272 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:23,240 Speaker 4: late in your twenties or thirties is ridiculous. The fact 273 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 4: that we're making young women choose their careers out of 274 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 4: year twelve when they're still teenagers and you have no 275 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 4: frontal lobe development is wild to me. 276 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:32,720 Speaker 3: But just try a lot of things. 277 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,800 Speaker 4: There's no rules that you have to have your career 278 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 4: path set down by a certain age. That's again something 279 00:12:37,559 --> 00:12:39,680 Speaker 4: society places on you, and you can just say fuck that, 280 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,400 Speaker 4: I'm going to go and try something else. And I 281 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 4: have bounced around through so many careers, and it honestly 282 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 4: took me to my forties to figure out that I 283 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 4: wanted a production company, that I wanted to do stand 284 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 4: up and singing, that I wanted to create a work 285 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 4: environment that worked for me instead of against me. 286 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 3: Being here a divergent. So it's not too late. It's 287 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:57,199 Speaker 3: never too late. 288 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,679 Speaker 4: I'm forty six and I think making the best work 289 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 4: I've ever made. And if I had locked in at 290 00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:05,199 Speaker 4: twenty five, I'd still be like in breakfast Radio in Perth. 291 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 6: Yeah, oh god, no, you just got whole body? 292 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah. I think that is such important perspective. 293 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 2: How has your understanding of success changed since your twenties. 294 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 3: Well, I used to. 295 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:23,400 Speaker 4: Think success was about external validation, and I, being a 296 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 4: people pleaser, being the autistic ADHD eldest daughter of an 297 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 4: Italian immigrant, constantly thought that I was achieving things and 298 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 4: being successful for other people's gratification, not my own. So 299 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 4: I never learned to celebrate the wins. I have no 300 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:43,199 Speaker 4: internal compass of achievement. And then recently, through going through 301 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:48,080 Speaker 4: the scorched earth of perimenopause and a separation, I realized 302 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 4: that I have to please myself. So success for me 303 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 4: now is when I feel good about it, when I 304 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 4: can fall asleep at night without you know, mentally stabbing 305 00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,719 Speaker 4: myself in the eye, which I often do after I 306 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 4: meet people and I say the wrong thing, and then 307 00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,560 Speaker 4: I go through every single interaction I've had for the 308 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 4: week and just worry that they're going to hate me, 309 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 4: And then I want to send an email at one am, 310 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 4: but I can't now because I've locked that. But success 311 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 4: is how I feel about myself, and I have a 312 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 4: little inner circle around me of friends and family that 313 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 4: you know, I still want to I'm proud of you, 314 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 4: but I've stopped needing I'm proud of you from other 315 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 4: people and from strangers. That was the thing too with 316 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 4: my community. I think our community is are similar. We 317 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 4: have a very strong, sometimes emotionally unhealthy, parasocial relationship. And 318 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 4: I talk about the idea of a parasocial relationship openly 319 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 4: with my community, you know, looking at likes and looking 320 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 4: at shares and looking at reviews. If I now feel 321 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,320 Speaker 4: rock solid in it and I can turn and face 322 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 4: myself and look myself in the eye on it, then 323 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 4: a success. And another little sub to that is when 324 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 4: I start getting messages, and I have been getting messages 325 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 4: about the book, in that I feel less alone. I'm 326 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 4: not crying myself to sleep at two am in the 327 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:59,320 Speaker 4: feed of position. When I get throws messages, that's success. 328 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,680 Speaker 4: That means one person feels a bit lighter because of 329 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 4: something I made. That's success making people walk through the 330 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 4: world a bit easier. 331 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why I do what I do. Yeah. 332 00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 2: I love that. It's like more qualitative measures total success. 333 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 2: But I also think that's so beautiful because I think 334 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 2: in your acknowledgment at the end of your book, you 335 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 2: literally the last sentence of the whole book is I'm 336 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 2: proud of. 337 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 3: Myself very snoop dog. 338 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 2: I think that's a beautiful North staff for anybody else 339 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 2: who does struggle with that and that constant need to 340 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 2: get external validation because that is so normal. But if 341 00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 2: you can try and shift that and say instead, my 342 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,240 Speaker 2: one goal is that I can say I'm proud of myself. 343 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 3: Because we're Australian. The tall poppy situation. 344 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 4: And if you den're acknowledge an achievement or a success 345 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,520 Speaker 4: and you're app yourself, yeah, I think fuck that off 346 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 4: as well. And it really stop and look at the 347 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 4: winds and take them, no matter how little they are 348 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 4: so important. 349 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:05,800 Speaker 1: I also love how you discuss the scene where the 350 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 1: scene like Alex You're where you had to go through 351 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 1: like the audience bedding in radio where a bunch of 352 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,280 Speaker 1: people came into a room. 353 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,800 Speaker 5: I actually dogg eat it because I doggy in my books. 354 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 5: Don't come for me. 355 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 3: Oh I love it. Yeah, it means it's like I 356 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 3: like my books. I just got like a little scratched. 357 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 1: So for the chicks, I want to read this little 358 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: passage so they're on the same context, on the same page. 359 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: This is literally this is a delightful exercise where they 360 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: put listeners of the station in a studio, give them 361 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 1: free pizza and ask them what they don't like about 362 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 1: the breakfast radio show, specifically the female host who was 363 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 1: specifically me. How do I know they did this because 364 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,760 Speaker 1: I was forced to sit and listen to them in 365 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: another room where they said how annoying my laugh was, 366 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 1: how I thought I was smarter than everyone else, how 367 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 1: I was opinion, and how they felt sorry for my husband. 368 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 3: Well, they don't need to feel sorry for him anymore. 369 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: With you got. 370 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,639 Speaker 2: We shouldn't laugh, we're not laughing. 371 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,000 Speaker 3: Don't stay in a marriage for too long. There's my 372 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 3: other life lesson. Fuck my daughters have learned that. Yeah. 373 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 1: And as someone who has also been told they're too loud, 374 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,360 Speaker 1: or they're too much, or they're too high maintenance or 375 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:28,680 Speaker 1: you know they need. 376 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 3: That makes me feel. 377 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,720 Speaker 1: Sick, what's your advice of anyone that's been told that 378 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:36,440 Speaker 1: they're too much? 379 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 4: I luckily figured out, you know, that it was the 380 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,000 Speaker 4: other person's problem in not mine. 381 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:44,400 Speaker 3: And that was three therapy. 382 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,160 Speaker 4: And my friend Kate Langbrook, who also works in media, 383 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 4: she actually witnessed somebody telling me, oh, you're a bit 384 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 4: much em and she stepped in and said, is. 385 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,880 Speaker 3: She or are you not enough? Love that? 386 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 4: And that moment rewired my brain I spent decades making 387 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:03,160 Speaker 4: myself smaller to the Australian media landscape and squeeze myself 388 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,040 Speaker 4: into little boxes and tried to figure out which version 389 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 4: of being I needed to be in that situation to 390 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 4: make that person like me, and I tied myself in nuts. 391 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 4: And then I hit forty and had a total nervous 392 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 4: breakdown because I didn't know who I was when it 393 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 4: was just me alone, because I've invented so many versions 394 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,000 Speaker 4: of myself. Think, when you figure out who you are 395 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 4: and what matters to you and how you want to 396 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 4: show up, if people still think it's too much, then 397 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:27,520 Speaker 4: they're welcome to go find less. And it's a them problem, 398 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,680 Speaker 4: not a you problem. It's easy for me to say, 399 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,200 Speaker 4: and I know a lot of people will be listening, 400 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,080 Speaker 4: going I'm sure, okay, But if you just put it 401 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 4: into practice, and you keep reminding yourself and surround yourself 402 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 4: with people who enjoy you, not just enjoy you, like 403 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,960 Speaker 4: I grew up with a lot of it who endured me, 404 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,840 Speaker 4: and all right, fine, But then when I met my 405 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 4: group of friends and you know, the people I hang 406 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:53,199 Speaker 4: out with now like they enjoyed me. But it's just 407 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 4: oh honey, but it's you know, it's you make me cry. 408 00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 4: It's hard being a big, passionate, vulnerable Italian lady. I 409 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 4: get it, and you feel everything in a thousand and 410 00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 4: like your nerve endings are on the edge of your 411 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,879 Speaker 4: skin and everything upsets you. But you also want to 412 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,880 Speaker 4: tell everyone to get fus so you don't offend them, 413 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,840 Speaker 4: but you do, but then you feel guilty for five 414 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 4: days after. It's also very cultural for us, and you're 415 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,879 Speaker 4: raised by Italian parents. It's a whole different thing. Like 416 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 4: when I told my dad I was autistic, he said, na, 417 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:24,480 Speaker 4: you're Italian. 418 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:30,360 Speaker 3: I'm both. Yeah, but the too much thing. 419 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:33,000 Speaker 4: But also because of Madihd, I grew up being told 420 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 4: I'm not enough also, so I was either too much 421 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 4: or not enough. You got to try harder, You're not 422 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,199 Speaker 4: paying attention, you distracted, you're messy, and so it was 423 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 4: just this constant, well, well which one is it? I 424 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,280 Speaker 4: really feel you and see you around the too much news. 425 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 4: But like I said, honey, when you get to my 426 00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:53,439 Speaker 4: age and start the perimenopause, fuck it. It's the fus 427 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,920 Speaker 4: truly drop away. And it has been the greatest part 428 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,120 Speaker 4: of where I am now. I can't I tell you 429 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 4: there's light to look forward to. It my age, there 430 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:05,840 Speaker 4: really is, so I'll help you before you Yes, sorry. 431 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:09,359 Speaker 1: I just it just hit me when you said find 432 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:12,040 Speaker 1: people that enjoy you, not enjoy you. I'd say this 433 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 1: as the fact that I'm thirty and there's still a 434 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 1: lot more experience, right, But for what I have experienced 435 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,600 Speaker 1: so far was struggling a lot with friendships and feeling 436 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,320 Speaker 1: like I was endured and friends telling me like you're 437 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: still talking or like oh you're too loud or all 438 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:33,880 Speaker 1: that stuff, and I absolutely felt endured. Yeah, and now 439 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 1: I feel enjoyed. 440 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:43,400 Speaker 3: Honey, that's a beautiful person. All of us deserve that exactly. 441 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,440 Speaker 3: That should be like the bar, the lowest bare minimum. 442 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:51,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, pretty sure that's in Maslow's hierarchy. 443 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:51,920 Speaker 3: Yeah. 444 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 2: I might got a fact check, but I'm pretty sure. 445 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,240 Speaker 2: And so many people will relate to that. So I 446 00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 2: do think that you articulated that so beautiful. But in 447 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,199 Speaker 2: the book you do talk a lot about your experiences 448 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 2: with ADHD and with autism, and we know that in Australia, 449 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:14,919 Speaker 2: ADHD and autism is underdiagnosed amongst women especially and I 450 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:20,320 Speaker 2: think it's like eighty percent of Australian women don't realize 451 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,600 Speaker 2: that they have autism by the time they're eighteen, which 452 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,880 Speaker 2: are very formative years of your life. So what advice 453 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 2: would you give to somebody who is nervous about looking 454 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,800 Speaker 2: into that if they do have questions that they may 455 00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,760 Speaker 2: be having similar experiences if you. 456 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,360 Speaker 4: Think that you're autistic and are ADHD and by the way, 457 00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,640 Speaker 4: there's a seventy percent chance you're both, and I think 458 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,080 Speaker 4: that stat's quite low, Like, I think that that hasn't 459 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:46,879 Speaker 4: caught up to what it actually is you are. Nobody's like, oh, 460 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,680 Speaker 4: I think I might try autism on for a week. 461 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,280 Speaker 4: That's again, it's that what we started the pod with. 462 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,719 Speaker 4: It's that trusting that intuition and you know a lot 463 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 4: of people are going to be neurot to vegen curious. 464 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,399 Speaker 4: I've got the diagnostic charts in there. I've got the 465 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 4: latest DAR checklist so that you can go through and 466 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 4: if you feel like a lot of the things are 467 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:05,560 Speaker 4: representing you and you. 468 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,240 Speaker 3: Don't have to tick every box. By the way, it's 469 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:07,879 Speaker 3: a scale. 470 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,920 Speaker 4: But that's what I wanted to do because self diagnosis 471 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 4: is really valid and it also gives you permission to 472 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,359 Speaker 4: start living your life as you're a divergent person to 473 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:18,159 Speaker 4: put in the supports you need. You don't have to 474 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,440 Speaker 4: go to the University of Autism and get the certificate. 475 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:22,600 Speaker 4: You do need to get a diagnosis if you want 476 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 4: help through the NDIS or if you want medication for 477 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 4: your ADHD. But if you want to you know, not 478 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 4: go down that route, or you want to wait, you can. 479 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 3: I give you all permissioned to live as you're a 480 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 3: divergent women. 481 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 4: Because you know, you just know it's not something you 482 00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,879 Speaker 4: would make up. If you start wondering if you are 483 00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 4: you're a divergent, you fucking are. I will give it 484 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 4: a ninety nine percent chance you are. 485 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,639 Speaker 1: Yeah. It's also once you start looking into it, and 486 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,480 Speaker 1: it's like that meme of the man in front of 487 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:48,720 Speaker 1: the whiteboard with red string. 488 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,480 Speaker 2: Yeah everything. 489 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,600 Speaker 4: Now you're ah and we get missed because up until 490 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 4: very recently and it's still not great, there was a 491 00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,000 Speaker 4: symptom recognition bias and that every think was applied to 492 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,480 Speaker 4: a white five year old boy. 493 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, but Simpson correct. 494 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 4: So if you didn't meet that criteria, then you were 495 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,919 Speaker 4: dismissed and sent out of the room. Also, girls are 496 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 4: very highly masking. We're very good at fitting in and 497 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:15,879 Speaker 4: hiding things. And maybe My daughter got diagnosed as autistic 498 00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 4: last year at twenty three. We knew, but she she 499 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,679 Speaker 4: was in the top one percent of the country for 500 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 4: her ATAR highly organized, highly type A, and no one 501 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,080 Speaker 4: would have picked it until I got diagnosed and I 502 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:31,680 Speaker 4: said to her, let's let's go look into it. So 503 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 4: if you think you are, then start living like that 504 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:37,879 Speaker 4: and start giving yourself permission to not live up to 505 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,359 Speaker 4: neurotypical standard, because I bet your self esteem is not 506 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,879 Speaker 4: great because you've been comparing yourself to neurotypical people and 507 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,119 Speaker 4: the world is not set up for neurodivergent people at all. 508 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,840 Speaker 4: The lights in shopping centers, the sounds all of a sudden, 509 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 4: all the shops are like shopping in have these really 510 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,159 Speaker 4: strong sense like style Runner. 511 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 3: You need to dial back on the center. Chandals in there. 512 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 4: I can't breathe. All hotels have that one smell when 513 00:23:59,040 --> 00:23:59,560 Speaker 4: you walk in. 514 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 2: Just look, how do you go on a Lush store? 515 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 3: Oh hate chrime lash. 516 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 4: They don't even realize they're being so ablest. God bless 517 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 4: you Lush, but the smells. But it just retail goes through, 518 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,920 Speaker 4: you know, like fashions and fashion. At the moment, it's 519 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:19,600 Speaker 4: the strong smells, but yeah, it's those kind of little things, 520 00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,080 Speaker 4: and then microaggressions on your little neurodives, and then you 521 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 4: get home and you're. 522 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,160 Speaker 3: Like, why do I want to murder. 523 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:28,119 Speaker 4: Everyone and sleep? And why can't I speak in complete sentences? 524 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 2: Yeah? 525 00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:31,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's valid. Is what I want to say, 526 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,720 Speaker 4: is the very long answer to your question. 527 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:34,639 Speaker 2: That's a good answer. 528 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,600 Speaker 5: That's a good answer and a validating one. 529 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. 530 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:38,400 Speaker 2: I think. 531 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 3: So that's what I'm here to do. 532 00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,359 Speaker 4: I'm need to undo centuries of patriarchal dismissal and you 533 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,880 Speaker 4: being made to feel like your first instinct is wrong. 534 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,040 Speaker 3: Let me be that guiding voice in your brain. 535 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:50,640 Speaker 5: Yeah, you were mine and everyone else is very godmother good. 536 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 3: I hope to be. That's all I want. I wish 537 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,520 Speaker 3: i'd had that at your age. 538 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:56,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. 539 00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,359 Speaker 3: This book is for thirty year old M. I wrote 540 00:24:58,359 --> 00:24:59,200 Speaker 3: it for ten year old M. 541 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:00,880 Speaker 4: It's the book I wish I when I got diagnosed, 542 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,280 Speaker 4: when I got married, when I had kids, I just 543 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 4: wanted to put it all in one easy spot because 544 00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,720 Speaker 4: I was just clueless and the Internet is so big 545 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 4: and just so much information, and if you're ADHD. 546 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:12,639 Speaker 3: You don't know where to start. 547 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:17,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, you've experienced a lot of errors in your life, right, 548 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,160 Speaker 1: what has it been like? Yeah? 549 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:25,240 Speaker 4: Actually you know her concerts sorry, IDHD cyclists are the 550 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,040 Speaker 4: most attended by solo attendees like us. 551 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 3: I love that. 552 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:34,680 Speaker 1: Ye all as successful as a Taylor sw Exactly the bitch. 553 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 2: That's what I was thinking. Yeah, that's exactly what you said. 554 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: We got that on a quote, you put that on 555 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,239 Speaker 1: a shirt. I'm going to get merch made with that. 556 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:43,880 Speaker 3: Talk about cultivating a community. 557 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 1: I love all those like videos that have like, like 558 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 1: the audience that are all doing the same dance to 559 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 1: the sound that's like la la la la la like 560 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:53,679 Speaker 1: and it's. 561 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,400 Speaker 5: Like a lot of cult And I'm like, yes. 562 00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:57,680 Speaker 3: No, very much want to be a cult leader. 563 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 1: Seriously, I actually think I be really good at it, totally. 564 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:05,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we're clearly all cultivating. Yeah. 565 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:09,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, But back to our many errors of life, and 566 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 1: you kind of mentioned your close circle. What are the 567 00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:16,280 Speaker 1: type of friendships that make it through different errors and 568 00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:18,399 Speaker 1: what are the type of friendships that don't. 569 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,720 Speaker 4: Well, my best friend in the whole world, Michael Lucas. 570 00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 4: We have been best friend since we were eleven. The 571 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,800 Speaker 4: friendships that have dropped away are the ones that require 572 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,280 Speaker 4: a lot of maintenance because I'm very busy. I'm terrible 573 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 4: at text messages. Well, no, I'm adhd, so the executive 574 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,159 Speaker 4: function is not there. And for me, I also have 575 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,359 Speaker 4: object permanence being neurodivergent, So when I see a friend, 576 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 4: they will then pause in my brain and I might 577 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 4: not see them fro another six months, but I'll just 578 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 4: press play and will be at the exact same level 579 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,639 Speaker 4: of intimacy, of love, of we know what's happening in 580 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:48,320 Speaker 4: each other's lives. 581 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:49,920 Speaker 3: We're straight back in there's no weirdness. 582 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,639 Speaker 4: Yeah, so the neurotypical friendship is what I'm saying, are 583 00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:57,359 Speaker 4: the ones that don't. But no, I mean the friends 584 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:00,720 Speaker 4: I have around me look to be absolutely honest, mainly 585 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,840 Speaker 4: gay men, and the women that are in my lives 586 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,640 Speaker 4: are gay men trapped in women's bodies. 587 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, being autistic, I. 588 00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 4: Struggled with girls in high school and I didn't understand 589 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,280 Speaker 4: the social hierarchy. If somebody asked what I thought, I 590 00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,359 Speaker 4: didn't know they wanted support, not the truth. That was 591 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,120 Speaker 4: a big one for me is that I'm just very 592 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 4: blunt or I'm just black and white as Sometimes what 593 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,199 Speaker 4: do you think of the stress? I'll be like, well, 594 00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:23,760 Speaker 4: I think it's horrible and we can do better. Well, 595 00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,920 Speaker 4: I don't like that when they really just want. 596 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:26,879 Speaker 3: Oh what do you think about it? 597 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,200 Speaker 4: And I got myself in trouble a lot, so I 598 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,919 Speaker 4: tend to seek refuge with the widow Boys, which is 599 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,920 Speaker 4: how Michael and I became friends, because he would hide 600 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,960 Speaker 4: in the library reading the newspaper at lunchtime and we 601 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 4: bonded over Madonna and Star Wars. 602 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,640 Speaker 3: But the friendship. 603 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:43,040 Speaker 1: Two things that are solid. 604 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:45,080 Speaker 3: Friend of them. 605 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,159 Speaker 1: Of Madonna, I'm I'm pretty sure Star Wars comes up. 606 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:49,960 Speaker 3: Right, No, big right in the middle of that is sad, 607 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:51,600 Speaker 3: little closeted gayment. 608 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,240 Speaker 4: No, it's friendship for me. It's hard to become friends 609 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,199 Speaker 4: with me. I'm a hard person to get in the 610 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,120 Speaker 4: inner circle. But once you're in, like the Bermuda triangle, 611 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 4: and I never let you go and you're in my 612 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:03,199 Speaker 4: life forever. 613 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 3: I'm not easily befriended. 614 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,920 Speaker 4: Everyone says to me, I've got a good, strong group 615 00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,399 Speaker 4: around me, and I look around and my two daughters 616 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,240 Speaker 4: are probably my best friends, which is so sad. 617 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 2: Are you grew your own best friends. 618 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:15,679 Speaker 3: Amazing. 619 00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,879 Speaker 4: I my best friends, isn't that They're twenty four and 620 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 4: nearly nineteen, and I just love them so much and 621 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:24,280 Speaker 4: it's so gross. 622 00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:26,800 Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. I love being them. I love them. 623 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:27,919 Speaker 3: I would not be hit. 624 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:32,160 Speaker 4: They're just incredible support and good girls. But friendship is tough, 625 00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:35,800 Speaker 4: especially in your twenties, Oh my god god, because everybody's 626 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,200 Speaker 4: almost kind of secretly competing to like all those little 627 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 4: life boxes you're supposed to be ticking off, you know, 628 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,160 Speaker 4: get the house, meet the guy, have the kid, get 629 00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 4: the career, stay thin, you know, look after yourself, do 630 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:48,360 Speaker 4: the breathing, do the yoga, do the pilates, all the things. 631 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,320 Speaker 4: And it's fucking exhausting. And I just want to say 632 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,800 Speaker 4: to all of you, let it go, because when you 633 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:53,960 Speaker 4: get to your forties, none of that. 634 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 1: I also think as well, like Soa and I have 635 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:59,520 Speaker 1: been friends for ten years. 636 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 5: Now, right, like we're literally married. And the reason why I. 637 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,160 Speaker 1: Truly think we've lasted ten years is because you would 638 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 1: think we're a high maintenance friendship where it's like we 639 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,640 Speaker 1: have to talk every day, we have to see each other, 640 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: blah blah blah. 641 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,520 Speaker 5: But I don't see you. I'm gonna miss you. 642 00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,480 Speaker 1: But it's like it's truly the most low maintenance friendship 643 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,440 Speaker 1: ever that if I forget to reply to a text message, 644 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 1: it's not like, hey, there's no like annoyance. 645 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:31,720 Speaker 4: Those are the people, you know, energy that I'm aggressive aggressive, 646 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,440 Speaker 4: I'm all for that. Yeah, it's if you leave an 647 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,640 Speaker 4: interaction with a friend feeling drained. Yeah, they didn't ask 648 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 4: you a single question. All they wanted to do was 649 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,360 Speaker 4: talk about themselves or they wanted to do was Yeah, 650 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:46,280 Speaker 4: truly just an energy vampire. They were the friends that 651 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,200 Speaker 4: I even now in the last six months, I've dropped off. 652 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,600 Speaker 3: A few people because it was just like what's in 653 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 3: this for me? 654 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,560 Speaker 4: Like well, I'm just your fucking counselor like I'm just 655 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 4: if you to trauma dump on and I'm exhausted. Those 656 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,520 Speaker 4: are the interactions and I wish someone had just said 657 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,560 Speaker 4: to me when I was twenty, You're allowed to end friendships. 658 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 4: That's totally fine, because because sometimes you just think, oh, 659 00:30:05,080 --> 00:30:06,400 Speaker 4: we've been friends for so long and I'm just gonna 660 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,520 Speaker 4: put up with everything, but why. 661 00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 1: And there's only so much emotional capacity you have to 662 00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 1: give people. Wouldn't you rather give that emotional capacity to 663 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,080 Speaker 1: people that love you back. 664 00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:19,720 Speaker 4: You gotta be given to literally, it can't be somebody's counselor. 665 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 4: And then they're not asking you a single thing about 666 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:22,000 Speaker 4: your life. 667 00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, you mentioned your daughters. How has 668 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 2: motherhood changed what you give a fuck about? 669 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,040 Speaker 4: I mean, I have had children at very different phases 670 00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:32,840 Speaker 4: of life. I have a six year old son. 671 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:33,880 Speaker 2: I have three kids. 672 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, so I had Elio when I was forty, 673 00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:38,440 Speaker 4: and I had Machello when I was twenty two and 674 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 4: Ody when I was twenty seven. So I was a 675 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 4: baby having a baby truly with Mitchella. But I think 676 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,120 Speaker 4: being you're a divergent has made me a better parent 677 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,400 Speaker 4: because I am a little kid at heart. I am 678 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,920 Speaker 4: got the Peter Pan kind of thing going on, and 679 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:55,920 Speaker 4: my kid's interests become my absolute passions. Like we just 680 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 4: go all in and I got buy all the merch, 681 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,440 Speaker 4: we do the concepts, you know, we do everything. We 682 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 4: completely make it out personalities. I mean, I still fuck 683 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 4: up and I still like get really angry and emotional 684 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 4: about things, and they have said that often and I 685 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 4: think they're a little bit afraid of. 686 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 3: Me, which is the key to good parenting. 687 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 4: They can't be your friends all the time, a guy 688 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:19,720 Speaker 4: on their friend, but they also fear me slightly, so 689 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:20,280 Speaker 4: it's kind of it. 690 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,320 Speaker 3: I think it's a healthy parent child balance. 691 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 2: I think so. 692 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:26,440 Speaker 4: But also I stopped holding myself to neurotypical parenting standards. 693 00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,080 Speaker 4: We used to make my kids sit at the table 694 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,640 Speaker 4: every night at the same time and eat dinner, and 695 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,360 Speaker 4: we all hated it. We all figured it and I said, 696 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,760 Speaker 4: I'm so sorry. So now I just put dinner out 697 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,840 Speaker 4: what whenever and they all come in like rats and 698 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 4: scatter off to their rooms or their noise canceling headphones. 699 00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 4: I just figured it out for myself rather than looking 700 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 4: at the macrobiotics through this person this this kid's going 701 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 4: to this yoga class, and. 702 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,600 Speaker 3: I'm just like, that's just not for me. And that's okay. 703 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,240 Speaker 4: I love being a parent, but being a mother is 704 00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 4: not the most important thing about me. 705 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:55,719 Speaker 3: It's like the third most important thing. 706 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,000 Speaker 4: And I'm a good mother because I don't put that 707 00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:01,480 Speaker 4: first about myself. Yeah, that's not Aaron's That's made the 708 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,760 Speaker 4: difference in my life is making sure that I'm kind 709 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 4: of taking care of the things that need to be 710 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,840 Speaker 4: taken care of. So I can show up for my 711 00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 4: kids the way they need me to show up. 712 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:14,160 Speaker 2: That's so refreshing because women are just completely. 713 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:17,360 Speaker 1: Being like a good mum, like like you have to 714 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:18,480 Speaker 1: work yourself. 715 00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 3: To the bone. 716 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,000 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and I don't think it's got to be exhausted, 717 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:22,960 Speaker 4: and they wear busy in exhaustion like a badge of 718 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,600 Speaker 4: one like oh, I'm doing this and I'm on this 719 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,080 Speaker 4: committee and I'm showing up here and I'm like, but 720 00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:28,240 Speaker 4: so how are you feeling? 721 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 2: Yeah? And are you happy? 722 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:31,440 Speaker 5: Because kids notice. 723 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:32,720 Speaker 3: That, yeah, you know yeah. 724 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,800 Speaker 4: And I'm also want my girls to see their mother 725 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 4: setting boundaries, looking after a self, you know, being strong, 726 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:42,800 Speaker 4: and because I want that for them, so I don't 727 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:44,120 Speaker 4: want them to work them. I think they have to 728 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,760 Speaker 4: set themselves on fire to keep their family warm. And 729 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 4: I did that for a long time until the issues 730 00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:50,640 Speaker 4: that are leaving my body. 731 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 3: I'm telling you, I'm really pumping this phase of your 732 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:53,320 Speaker 3: life up for all your listeners. 733 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:56,160 Speaker 2: Okay, that's it's going to so great for you. 734 00:32:56,560 --> 00:33:00,520 Speaker 1: Bring it early, get me a time, capacity, let's go 735 00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 1: come well to wrap up? 736 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,040 Speaker 5: I would love to know. We always ask our guests 737 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,480 Speaker 5: is to wrap up the episode. 738 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,040 Speaker 2: What's the biggest. 739 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:15,520 Speaker 1: Life lesson you've had on your journey so far, always more. 740 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:16,800 Speaker 2: To learn, so so far. 741 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:18,800 Speaker 4: Like some days I wake up and I'm like, Lord, 742 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:23,520 Speaker 4: no more lessons today. But the biggest lesson, and this 743 00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 4: is so gross, is never stop being open to the lessons. 744 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 4: Because I get around so many people who think that 745 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 4: they know it all, there's no more to take in. 746 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,280 Speaker 4: They're very close minded, they're not willing to see the 747 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:39,479 Speaker 4: other side. And we live in a society now, especially 748 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:41,440 Speaker 4: thanks to the Internet, that's you know, there's no nuance. 749 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:45,480 Speaker 3: It's one side on this side, and I think every 750 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,720 Speaker 3: day I want to learn something new. 751 00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:50,280 Speaker 4: I'm a very curious person because I found out that's 752 00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 4: part of all tism. I ask a lot of questions 753 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 4: just I want to keep open to growing as a 754 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,800 Speaker 4: person and being a better mom, being a better friend, 755 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,680 Speaker 4: being a better performer, being a better artist. And this 756 00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,520 Speaker 4: book it cracked me open writing it. I'm gonna get terry. 757 00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:08,160 Speaker 4: I wrote this book through my marriage, breaking down, through 758 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,719 Speaker 4: terrible mental health, through a national tour, through my autistic 759 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,359 Speaker 4: son's starting prep, and I could have very easily closed off. 760 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:14,920 Speaker 3: I wanted to. 761 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 4: I wanted to tell everyone and everything to fuck off, 762 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,279 Speaker 4: but I kept showing up every day, and I was 763 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,719 Speaker 4: fighting for my life every day. And finally now out 764 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,200 Speaker 4: the other side. The book's coming out, and I'm ready 765 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,720 Speaker 4: for her to be out into the world. But because 766 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,799 Speaker 4: I stayed open, I survived it. Because I think the 767 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:34,360 Speaker 4: minute you close off to life, to your friends, to support, 768 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:35,960 Speaker 4: to learning, you're fucked. 769 00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:36,920 Speaker 3: You're dead in the water. 770 00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:40,080 Speaker 1: Fine, I don't know. 771 00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:44,960 Speaker 4: I remember there's safety and closing off. There's safety and 772 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:46,360 Speaker 4: shutting down the walls. There's safety. 773 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 3: You're not getting out of bed. It's safe. It's okay 774 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:49,839 Speaker 3: to do that for a little while. 775 00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:53,160 Speaker 4: But if it's rolling in two weeks, honey, get some help, 776 00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:55,879 Speaker 4: Talk to your friends, go to your doctor, like touch 777 00:34:55,920 --> 00:34:58,839 Speaker 4: grass with your feet, like it's really That's the big 778 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,879 Speaker 4: lesson is just stay open, especially at the moment, it's 779 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:03,759 Speaker 4: really important. 780 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,239 Speaker 3: Thank you so much of it. 781 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 2: I'm fine. Thank you so much, not only for your 782 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:12,680 Speaker 2: time here with us today, because we know you are 783 00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:15,360 Speaker 2: incredibly busy, but also for writing this book. It is 784 00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:19,280 Speaker 2: going to help so many people. And like you said, 785 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,680 Speaker 2: you were so incredibly vulnerable and shared so much and 786 00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:26,880 Speaker 2: so much more than I think anybody ever needs to. 787 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:29,440 Speaker 2: But you did it honestly out of the goodness of 788 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,400 Speaker 2: your own heart to help people. But it is so 789 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:36,640 Speaker 2: helpful but also incredibly funny and beautifully written and open, 790 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,919 Speaker 2: and so many people are going to get so much 791 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:42,200 Speaker 2: from this. So as much as you bled onto the page, 792 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,840 Speaker 2: it's absolutely worth it, and you should be really proud 793 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:46,400 Speaker 2: of yourself. 794 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,000 Speaker 3: Oh girls, thank you for having me. I'm really honored. 795 00:35:49,120 --> 00:35:52,600 Speaker 3: And you know, look you're doing great, Faith, You're really 796 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,680 Speaker 3: really impressive. I'm really proud of you. 797 00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,279 Speaker 4: Thank you. Anytime you need me, let you need you 798 00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,400 Speaker 4: bang heads together, you need me to put something, you 799 00:35:59,400 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 4: need me. 800 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:04,880 Speaker 2: Whatever, Getting on the speede for all your chicks, Mammy, 801 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:08,799 Speaker 2: absolutely well, thank you so much for coming on the show. 802 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,279 Speaker 2: Of course we will put a link to get your book. 803 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,520 Speaker 2: Sweet Thank you of course all of your socials and 804 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,280 Speaker 2: the pod and everything. Yes, I'm sure all the chicks 805 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:17,320 Speaker 2: are very across everything. 806 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 5: They also want their fairy godmother here. 807 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,920 Speaker 4: I've made something for autistic people for I just always 808 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:27,080 Speaker 4: make stuff out of my trauma. 809 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 3: She's a single lady. Next year, so guess what the 810 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:30,399 Speaker 3: stand up show is going to be about. 811 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,760 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, we'll be there front. 812 00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 3: Aristour. 813 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,879 Speaker 2: Thank you so much and thanks. 814 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,759 Speaker 5: To chicks for having us in your e holes. 815 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 2: We love to be here, bade chig by chicks