1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: This is the Fitsy and Whipper with Kate Richie podcast. 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,760 Speaker 2: This is an important one because over the weekend, and 3 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 2: it's neuro divergent week too, Hugh Van Carlenberg made a 4 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:13,120 Speaker 2: very very powerful piece to camera from his imperfect podcast Fits. 5 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 3: Yeah he did. We adore this podcast. 6 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:19,239 Speaker 4: On this show, they discussed mental health, the challenges that 7 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 4: we all have in life, and being vulnerable and my gosh, 8 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 4: the emotion that I had watching Hugh over the weekend. 9 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 4: He was talking about the struggles that he's faced as 10 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 4: the father. 11 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:33,919 Speaker 3: Of a neurodivergent child. Have a listen to this. 12 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: Three years ago, one of our kids was diagnosed autistic. 13 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:41,640 Speaker 1: I know life is unpredictable, but I never saw this coming. 14 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: I never anticipated that I might one day experience this 15 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 1: amount I might one day experience this amount of pain. 16 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: The pain of being a parent to an autistic child 17 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: is not the child, it's the world. The pain is 18 00:00:56,240 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: seeing your child standing on the sidelines, confused, distressed, and 19 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 1: left out while the other kids instinctively understand the rules 20 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: and the social norms. It's watching the world overwhelm them 21 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:12,120 Speaker 1: and then holding them through yet another meltdown. And if 22 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: you've ever been in public, holding your child through their 23 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 1: hardest moment, feeling the weight of every stare, every whispered comment, 24 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:26,039 Speaker 1: every judgment, You're not alone. To the strangers who see 25 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: a child in distress and choose to laugh or judge, 26 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: you don't have to understand, just be kind. But to 27 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 1: the parents listening to this, carrying more than anyone knows, 28 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: I feel you, I feel your pain your child. Your 29 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: child is extraordinary, not despite their differences, but because of them. 30 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: They love fiercely, and even in our hardest moments, even 31 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 1: when they cannot say it, they feel your love. They 32 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,559 Speaker 1: know you are their safe place. You are the most 33 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: important thing in their world, the one who never stops 34 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: fighting for them. 35 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:09,359 Speaker 4: Hugh vanmen Berg, you welcome to the show. First of all, 36 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 4: from the man that's hit the first six onto the 37 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 4: Prime Minister's. 38 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 3: House at Kura Billy House. 39 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:19,239 Speaker 4: You to go from that to hearing what we heard 40 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 4: over the weekend. We appreciate you coming on the show. 41 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 4: It must have been very tough for you leading up 42 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 4: with that, you knowing what you're about to do and 43 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:26,840 Speaker 4: being that vulnerable. 44 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 5: Yeah, that's the first time I've listened back to it 45 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 5: since I did it. We actually did it probably about 46 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 5: three weeks ago, and now I'm back in that the 47 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:40,960 Speaker 5: same place again. I've never experienced anything like that. It 48 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,919 Speaker 5: actually so I had the idea to write that letter 49 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 5: or to do something on the podcast and actually talk 50 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 5: about the struggles of being a parent of a neurodiversion 51 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:54,919 Speaker 5: child in our coast autism and come up with idea 52 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 5: in November, and it quite literally took me two months 53 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 5: to write that because I just wanted to get every 54 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 5: word but to honor that much, want to make sure 55 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 5: I get every word right and every person and parent 56 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 5: who understands his uning, I just really wanted to get 57 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 5: every single word right. So I took way too long 58 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 5: to write it, and then when it came to actually 59 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 5: reading out the studio, I've never felt an emotion like 60 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 5: that before. My hands are shaking for a good half 61 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 5: an hour after it. And I think anyone out there 62 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 5: who is a parent of a neurodiversent child, you don't 63 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 5: give yourself too much time to get You don't cry 64 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 5: that much because you've got to get onto the next challenge. 65 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,959 Speaker 5: And I just, for some reason, eight years worth of 66 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 5: tears came out in about half an hour, completely. 67 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 2: Fun do you know what. What I loved about it too, 68 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 2: you knowing you personally, is that it's something you hadn't shared. 69 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,400 Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, this is something you've been dealing with 70 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,280 Speaker 2: for a while now and learning to understand and learning 71 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 2: you know, what life is like and how you move 72 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 2: forward with things too, and the adventure that you're going on. 73 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 2: But you'd never spoken publicly about this. 74 00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:00,320 Speaker 5: Yeah, I wanted. It was a couple of things needed 75 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 5: to understand it. My wife and I need to understand 76 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 5: it properly ourselves. We also needed to tell our child 77 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 5: that they were autistic and have them understand it and 78 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 5: then have them be ocaded it. And then I needed 79 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:16,599 Speaker 5: to understand what the autistic community, how they want to 80 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 5: be talked about, and how other parents in the simile position. 81 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 5: So it just took a long time to I didn't 82 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,920 Speaker 5: want to the process. I mean some of the stuff 83 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:28,080 Speaker 5: that we go through. I mean, anyone listening in the 84 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 5: car right now who has a child who's on the 85 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 5: spectrum or the adodel, whatever it is, just to acknowledge 86 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,159 Speaker 5: the baffle you have been through already that no one 87 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 5: knows about. Just to get out of the door today 88 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,920 Speaker 5: now started at four this morning. Kids autistic kids really 89 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,720 Speaker 5: struggle sloping. When they wake up, they don't go back 90 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 5: to sleep. Well that's our experience, so getting our child 91 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,360 Speaker 5: out of the door on not much sleep was a 92 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:53,600 Speaker 5: bat all this morning. But I remember I did, I did, 93 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 5: it really was. I want people to understand that often 94 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,160 Speaker 5: if you see a child who you think is misbehaving, 95 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 5: before you look at the parents in we're the situation. 96 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 5: Last year, we took our child to the football at 97 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 5: the MCG and had to leave about twenty minutes in 98 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:09,040 Speaker 5: because they're having such a big meltdown and there's literally 99 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 5: in the twenty minutes into the game and I was 100 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 5: still out in the front of the stadium at the 101 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 5: MCG about half an hour of the game had finished 102 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 5: two hours later because they were on the floor, they 103 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 5: couldn't move. They were just having the biggest meltdown. It 104 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 5: was too overwhelming for them. And the amount of looks 105 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 5: I got from people. I had one lady you say 106 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 5: it was something like you need to sort that out, 107 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 5: or as if I it's just and you know, I'm 108 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 5: not angry at those people. I just I just want 109 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 5: people to know that, like, this is not a child 110 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 5: misbehaving this is a child who's completely overwhelmed by the world. 111 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,680 Speaker 5: And my message in that is like, the next time 112 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:45,480 Speaker 5: you're walking past the child who you think is being naughty, 113 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,360 Speaker 5: there's a chance that are being overwhelmed and you just 114 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 5: need to just a kind book to appearances or packs. 115 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,160 Speaker 4: Yeah can I I want to be extremely honest with 116 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 4: you because I've done it myself growing up with my 117 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,920 Speaker 4: two boys and watching them play forty I'm getting about 118 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 4: emotional talking about this. Now you're watching you over the weekend, mate, 119 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:05,719 Speaker 4: Is that you really struck a chord with me? Because 120 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 4: there's boys that have played in my in my junior 121 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,480 Speaker 4: football team who sit in the back pocket and they 122 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:12,919 Speaker 4: don't want to. 123 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 3: Go near the ball. And I remember saying comments to 124 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 3: my wife going, what the hell is that kid doing? 125 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,280 Speaker 4: You really struck a chord with me, because now I'm like, 126 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 4: You've really got to sit back and think about what 127 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 4: you're saying here. 128 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,800 Speaker 3: You don't know what the kid's going through. I don't 129 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:29,159 Speaker 3: know what their parents are going through. 130 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 4: I've got no idea but for me to judge that 131 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 4: kid because he doesn't want to go near the ball. 132 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,839 Speaker 4: I just felt really bad about some of the perceptions 133 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,920 Speaker 4: that I've had of kids over the years and going 134 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 4: through junior football. It's a real eye opener for all parents, 135 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 4: even if your child is not neuro divergent, not at all, 136 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 4: you need to. 137 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 3: Be the one that needs to make the changes here. 138 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 5: Thanks to Siah, that's a I mean, just hearing that 139 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 5: is so, that's just a beautiful thank you for that, 140 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 5: because like I mean, I was Kickstreak Guide. Example, we 141 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 5: took I was kicking and that was I was so 142 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 5: excited to do that, but it lasted five minutes and 143 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 5: then it was they had a big meltdown but didn't 144 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 5: want to go to stay there and just I could 145 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 5: see pants, dang, what do you like? What is wrong 146 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 5: with just so the looks were just so heartbreaking. I 147 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 5: just so, yeah, I appreciate it if you think that, Hugh, 148 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 5: what what. 149 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 2: I think is a really important message here, because you know, 150 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 2: I have some friends, including yourself, with this situation and challenge, 151 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,679 Speaker 2: and one friend in particular, I think, and I've shared 152 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,120 Speaker 2: this story with you, they sent their little man to 153 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 2: one school and the school said there's not much we 154 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 2: can do here for a child like yours. And then 155 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 2: they went to another school that completely embraced the difference, 156 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 2: completely understood the situation and made him the star of 157 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 2: the show and as comfortable as possible. And I think 158 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 2: you know you've shared a similar story also, But I 159 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 2: think what's so important is for the teachers and schools 160 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,280 Speaker 2: to understand also what these kids might be going. 161 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 3: To and how you can welcome and celebrate the difference. 162 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 5: Yeah, I think I mean a's a We've had a 163 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 5: very very similar journey with our educational pathway for our 164 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 5: child in that one place kind of said yeah, we 165 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 5: do it well, but didn't really listen to what we 166 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 5: were suggesting. Send them to another place who they had 167 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 5: a teacher waiting out the front and for them, and 168 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 5: it turned up and who would literally celebrate when they 169 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 5: turned up every day and just say, I cannot believe 170 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,079 Speaker 5: how lucky we are to have you at our school. 171 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 5: Just saying stuff like that all the time. It really 172 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,599 Speaker 5: loved and really accepted, and the difference in them was 173 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,199 Speaker 5: it was life changing for all of us. But I 174 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,439 Speaker 5: think when I think teachers have the toughest job in 175 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 5: the world, I think they're highly empathetic people. I just 176 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 5: think all of us have to remember that a child 177 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 5: on the spectrum a child ADHD. What they the struggles 178 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,400 Speaker 5: that they go through, the battles they fight, and the 179 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,160 Speaker 5: complexities of just getting out the door every day and 180 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,079 Speaker 5: actually getting to a place like that where there's so 181 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:17,120 Speaker 5: much uncertainty, and it's I just find my child as 182 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 5: my hero because I to get to school every day. 183 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,959 Speaker 5: Is they're doing something hard and I've ever done in 184 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,920 Speaker 5: my entire life. They do it every single day, and 185 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 5: we have to remember how hard it is for those 186 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 5: people and just to treat and live patience and love 187 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,720 Speaker 5: and care and kindness. 188 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 3: You are a beautiful man. 189 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,120 Speaker 4: You can we please talk about the six that you 190 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,119 Speaker 4: hit on the Prime Minister's house. 191 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 5: Because you actually thought that was an interview today. I 192 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 5: thought I thought we were talking about. 193 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:47,720 Speaker 2: Mention them Perfect podcast. 194 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 3: Have you written an open letter to the Prime Minister 195 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:50,439 Speaker 3: bagging the ball back? 196 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 5: Just an open to the room? 197 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 3: I think who bold it to you? You because they 198 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 3: were feeling a bit down afterwards? 199 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 5: Was overpitched and. 200 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 3: The kangaroo should never bowl to a professional cricketer. 201 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 4: Or if you haven't listened to the Imperfect Podcast before, 202 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 4: introduced yourself to it, because it does and and for 203 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,839 Speaker 4: any parent out there, it's I mean, this is a 204 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 4: beautiful episode here. We really appreciate your honesty, Mating, coming 205 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 4: on the show and opening up about this because, like 206 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 4: I said, even if you're not a parent of a 207 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 4: neurodivergent child, anyone around you, I think this affects you 208 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 4: as well and the way that you should approach, you know, 209 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 4: children in this situation or anyone even in the workplace 210 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 4: or wherever you are. 211 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 3: So Hugh, we really appreciate your honesty, mate. 212 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:54,079 Speaker 5: I really appreciate amyon boys. Love you both and yeah, 213 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 5: you're beautiful mate. 214 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:59,559 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. Kate Ritchie is a not Over 215 00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:02,959 Speaker 3: podcas to walk great shows like this. Download the Nova 216 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 3: Player via the App Store or Google Play. 217 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:06,560 Speaker 5: The Nova Player