WEBVTT - F**K! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG DATING? 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.640 I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming. 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:06.000 She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:07.000 my kissing style. 0:00:07.520 --> 0:00:11.039 We boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:13.720 a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching them. 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:17.239 Mut I love being love. I love love. 0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:20.360 On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:23.320 sitting down with relationship coach Jake Maddeck. 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:26.639 Jake offers his client's education on how to achieve a 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:29.400 ten out of ten relationship. He talks us through his 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:33.559 five fundamentals required for a successful relationship, including masculine and 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:35.559 feminine energy, and how to build attraction. 0:00:35.800 --> 0:00:38.640 Jake is huge on TikTok, and with his videos reaching 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:42.040 a wide audience, his views are sometimes seen as polarizing. 0:00:42.400 --> 0:00:44.760 So we're really keen to sit down with Jake and 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:46.280 see what he has to say. 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:47.519 All right, let's get into it. 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:54.880 Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:59.760 things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in. 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:03.280 This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip, 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:05.600 intimate details, advice, and much more. 0:01:10.520 --> 0:01:12.760 Hey Jake, Hey guys, thanks for having me. 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:14.880 Thanks for coming into Where's Your head out, just like 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:18.400 to say that your relationship coach, so you've obviously can 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:20.240 give the advice. We like to give the advice, but 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:24.960 we have not really any qualifications. We've just got life experience, 0:01:25.560 --> 0:01:27.160 so that's how we give out our advice. 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:28.120 But it's good to have you on. 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:28.920 Yeah. 0:01:29.000 --> 0:01:31.160 I was just saying to Jake before, He's come up 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:34.240 so much in my TikTok algorithm, Like, I'm my whole 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:36.000 algorithm is all relationships. 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:37.880 I'm like, give me all of the knowledge, and you 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:38.319 are the. 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:40.720 Man that comes up. So it's it's nice to meet 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:41.480 you in person. 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:42.200 I love it. 0:01:42.319 --> 0:01:44.759 Yeah, I mean I said the exact same, and I've 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:47.120 used a couple of your videos to send on to 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:51.120 partners and that to say this is the correct way 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:51.760 of whatever. 0:01:51.920 --> 0:01:54.800 Like yes, so thanks for that, mate, I love it. 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:58.240 I feel like you're a very polarizing figure. You're very 0:01:58.280 --> 0:02:01.400 straight to the point. Do you get that type of 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:02.560 feedback from people? 0:02:02.920 --> 0:02:05.520 Yeah, yeah, so definitely. Some people find some of the 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:09.000 things I say quite polarizing, such as when to move 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:12.120 in with your partner, little things like this. Yeah, but 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:14.840 that's okay, that's okay to be a little bit polarizing 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:16.520 for sure, relationships could be. 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:18.720 A bit for Yeah, when is the right time to 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:20.840 move in with your partner? Yeah, just asking for a 0:02:20.880 --> 0:02:24.440 friend six months. We moved in in four too soon. 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:27.359 That's good. That's good. No, No, that's totally fine. So 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:30.200 the timeline I lay out, it should be hard to 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:32.400 stick to it. So if you guys have to move 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:34.440 in before six months because you like each other so much, 0:02:34.680 --> 0:02:37.320 that's very good. If you can easily wait six months, 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:39.480 that's a red flag. That showed me that you don't 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:41.000 like each other as much as you should. 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:42.240 Interesting. 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:45.240 That's interesting. I like it all right. 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:47.679 So we spoke about your qualifications at the start. Do 0:02:47.680 --> 0:02:49.200 you want to tell us a bit about that. Did 0:02:49.240 --> 0:02:51.760 you study? Where did you study? What's your level of that? 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:53.320 No? I don't have any qualifications. 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:56.320 Okay, So what made you decide to be I'm. 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:59.079 Well, mainly passion. To answer your question, I'm one of 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:02.840 the most successful relationships in the relationship coaches in the world, 0:03:03.160 --> 0:03:05.239 and I say all the time, guys, look, tertiary education 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:07.720 would make me worse at my job, not better. I 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:12.720 coach a lot of psychs, counselors, therapists. Very controversial, but 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:16.520 tertiary education would make me far worse at what I do, 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:17.160 not better. 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:21.720 Interesting, Yeah, so you reckon that on the field, in 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:23.680 the minds, in the front line is the best way 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:27.320 to get your qualifications and your experience, well. 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:29.360 Said, brother, Like you can read a thousand books on cricket, 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:30.840 you're not going to be good at cricket. You're to 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:31.799 get out there and play the game. 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:34.359 So were you single or you in a relationship? 0:03:34.400 --> 0:03:35.360 Then I'm married? 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:36.400 You're married? 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:36.760 Right? 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:38.320 And how long have you been married for? 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:39.960 We got married at the start of the year, but 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:41.640 we've been together quite a few years, but we got 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:42.280 married this year. 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.600 Congratulations, it was fantastic. 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:46.960 Where did you get married in Harvey Bay up here? Yeah? 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:48.320 Best out of my life? Fantastic. 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:50.920 Oh my god, that's gorgeous. That's so nice. 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.840 How does she go dating and being married to someone 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:57.280 that's so just knows what he's talking about. 0:03:57.040 --> 0:03:59.240 Then giving out all the advice. 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:02.440 Well, I'd probably say that she thoroughly enjoys being in 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:03.680 a ten out of ten relationship. 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:06.680 So yeah, well, I. 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:09.160 Mean it leads to the question, what makes you a 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:10.280 ten out of ten partner? 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:14.520 Good communication, understanding, masculine feminine energy, knowing how to date 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:17.719 your partner properly, just all the nitty gritty stuff, the building, attraction, 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:19.760 the simple things which make a big difference long term. 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:21.880 So what do you think of modern dating then, Because 0:04:21.960 --> 0:04:27.400 obviously dating has evolved into this like massive game. It's 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:30.440 very challenging a lot of people listen to us because 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:33.880 they struggle hardcore with dating. I mean we started this 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:36.240 podcast because we were struggling with dating. We were like, 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:37.800 we fucking hate this. 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:44.760 Or we were getting fucked around a fair bit. Who 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:45.480 do that to usk? 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:48.240 But yeah, yeah, So a lot of people have a 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.520 lot of trouble dating guys. It's for a few reasons. 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:52.960 A lot of people don't know how to manage the 0:04:52.960 --> 0:04:55.480 expectations properly. Okay, so they end up going on lots 0:04:55.520 --> 0:05:00.600 of low value dates. Okay, So look, anybody listening to this, 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.680 it's the man's job to take the woman on the date. Secondly, 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:06.960 only do high value dates. So girls, any girls, listen 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:08.880 to this. If a guy sends your message and say hey, 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.000 let's get together for a coffee or let's get together 0:05:11.000 --> 0:05:15.680 for a drink, say no, that sounds great, but not 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:17.760 a big drinker. How about we share a meal instead? 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:19.560 Or I'm a bit of a foodie or I'm a 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:21.440 high value girl. A high value date would be great. 0:05:21.560 --> 0:05:24.559 I only do high value dates. Okay, low value dates, 0:05:24.800 --> 0:05:26.240 you're gonna have a bad time. It's not going to 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:29.120 work out. It's much more statistically advantage if you can 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:30.760 do high value dates, it's much better. 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:33.279 Would you say that it's okay if you feel like 0:05:33.320 --> 0:05:35.800 there's a traction between two people to maybe go on 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:39.480 a lower value date, like you say, getting drinks as 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:41.440 a first date before the dinner date. 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:42.120 That's what we did. 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:47.440 No, No, I strongly, strongly do not recommend doing that. 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:51.719 Really, I probably of a low value date, you go 0:05:51.760 --> 0:05:54.800 for a drink or coffee. If both parts, I think 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:57.440 that is meaning that they're not keen on a relationship, 0:05:57.440 --> 0:05:57.920 they're just. 0:05:58.120 --> 0:06:03.320 Yeah, Michael and I went for drinks on our first date. 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:05.640 And I feel like you can still definitely achieve a 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:07.360 ten out of ten if you do a low value date, 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:11.159 but statistically it's much much better if you do a 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.880 high value date straight up, Okay, it shows them what 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:15.919 you're worth and shows them they got to put an 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:17.880 effort to be with you, and it works a lot better. 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:19.800 You can still create a ten out of ten doing 0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:21.320 a low value date. It's just harder. 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:24.600 I sort of agree from a male perspective if her 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:27.320 girls saying yeah to like a drink or like going 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:30.320 somewhere like that, that like you know that it's pretty 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:32.360 obvious what the end game is. 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:36.360 No, that's bullshit, No way, I think. Look, I love 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.799 what you're saying, and I think I definitely agree. 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:40.799 Guys have to know that they need to put in effort. 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:42.840 But I feel like, as a woman, you can set 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:44.520 that up, like you're going to have to put in effort, 0:06:44.520 --> 0:06:45.880 but we can still go for a drink so that 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:46.679 I can see. 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:48.600 If I'm keen too, Yeah, you know what I mean. 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:50.960 Like, I understand the premise of what he's saying, but 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:52.520 I feel like you can go for a drink. 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:54.920 So what Anna's saying is she'll go for a drink, 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.920 but she lays the rules pretty I'm firm. She sets 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.320 her boundaries and says that she needs five dates before 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:04.119 they even get close any Yeah, under the close action. 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:07.640 Do you have a question, brother? 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:10.920 He's like, no comment, No, I know. 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:12.800 The question you're thinking about. Do you want to ask me? 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:13.240 Oh? 0:07:13.320 --> 0:07:15.200 Yeah, do you think that five dates is too long? 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:21.640 Straight up terrible? Yeah, why for a whole bunch of reasons. 0:07:21.680 --> 0:07:24.240 Firstly is showing guys that you think your worth is 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:28.800 tied to your physical body, which is a poor mistake. Okay, 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:30.920 I've coached thousands of people in a ten out of 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:34.160 ten relationships. One hundred percent of the people I've coached 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:36.240 in ten out of ten relationships have been intimate in 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:40.120 the first two dates. Over ninety percent have done it 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:42.880 on the first date because the chemistry is so high 0:07:42.920 --> 0:07:45.040 that they want to rip each other's clothes off. And also, 0:07:45.560 --> 0:07:48.720 their worth isn't tied to their physical body. 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:51.679 It's not about my worth being tied to my physical body. 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:55.360 It's about me feeling comfortable enough to have sex with 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:57.280 someone because I don't know them very well. 0:07:57.360 --> 0:07:59.400 So I'm like, I'm not going to have sex. 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:02.920 With you and to at least five dates so that 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:05.720 I feel like I can really understand who you are 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:08.200 as a person, Like maybe I don't want to have 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.480 sex with you, and like, I also don't want to 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:12.480 have sex with every guy go on a date with I, 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:14.920 Like I'm sure when I'm single, I like to like 0:08:15.000 --> 0:08:15.840 go on dates. 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:17.720 I like to see what's out there. 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:19.840 And I'm definitely don't sleep with someone. If you don't 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:22.240 feel like it, definitely not. But if you do feel 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:23.440 like it, I recommend doing it. 0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:26.280 Well, Okay, what is the biggest mistake that you can 0:08:26.360 --> 0:08:29.120 make when you first start dating someone? 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:31.280 Then, probably over sharing about your past. 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:35.600 Okay I agree that, Yeah, say no more. 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:38.360 I'm pretty guilty of that, like bringing up X relationship. 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.640 So just bringing up, like, you know, issues like from 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:44.040 your past, and then it definitely haunts you a lot 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:44.679 down the track. 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:47.640 I feel, Yeah, it's it's a really bad move. So 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:50.040 over sharing is any sort of information which lowers that 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:54.600 person's attraction towards you. So talking about ex's previous sexual experiences, 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.160 how many people you slept with, all these stupid things. 0:08:57.679 --> 0:09:00.400 Don't share, its gonna it's gonna make the traction of 0:09:00.400 --> 0:09:03.000 your partner go down, and they're going to like you less. 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:05.160 And they can also hold on that information. It's going 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:09.079 to be hard to forget, creating retroactive jealousy. Really, it's 0:09:09.080 --> 0:09:10.280 a form of self sabotage. 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:11.760 I I one hundred agree with that. 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:14.040 Yeah, if I had my time again, i'd definitely not 0:09:14.679 --> 0:09:16.160 I would definitely not do any of that. 0:09:16.320 --> 0:09:18.200 I mean, but that's a great thing about dating is 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:21.680 I feel like as we progress in the land of dating, 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:23.880 we learn all of these things and they were like, fuck, 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:25.080 we really shouldn't have done that. 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:26.560 You won't be doing that again. 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:30.120 Yeah, that was a mistake in your opinion, what's the 0:09:30.200 --> 0:09:33.840 reason that most people are single who don't want to 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:35.040 be in that position? 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:37.880 So a few things. They're not getting high value dates. 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:41.280 So a lot of people have trouble getting high value 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:44.880 dates A because their profiles aren't very good on online dating, 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:48.160 Like their pictures are no good, their bios no good. 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.800 Like they're making lots of mistakes with online dating, which 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:52.880 means they're not getting the high value dates with high 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:56.319 value people. Okay, so they're getting all these losers coming 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:58.319 through who basically want to do friends and benefits and 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.319 also the garbage, so they're not having the opportunity to 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:03.320 create ten out of ten relationships. And then the other 0:10:03.360 --> 0:10:06.760 thing is they're not doing too well within who they are. 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:09.680 So what I say is I help people get to 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:11.200 a ten out of ten within themselves. So a lot 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:14.080 of them have such low confidence that they may do 0:10:14.200 --> 0:10:16.760 low confident things like over sharing for validation and all 0:10:16.760 --> 0:10:19.160 these other little things, these low value things, which makes 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:21.199 it harder for them to create a ten out of 0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:23.160 ten relationship and be a great partner as well. 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:26.000 I feel like as well with what you would say, 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:29.439 as a woman dating, it is hard to swerve the 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:34.040 guys who are looking to have a friends with benefits situation. So, like, 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:38.040 for instance, I've had guys who would give what you're 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:41.400 classifying as a very high value date, but they're just 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:41.880 looking for a. 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:44.120 Friends with benefits situation. And I guess, coming back to my. 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:45.839 Point, that is the reason why I have the five 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:49.200 date rule, just absolutely flat out because I'm trying to 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:52.640 swerve those guys who are just there for friends with benefits. 0:10:53.920 --> 0:10:56.880 Well, you mentioned dating apps before. What's your thought on 0:10:56.960 --> 0:10:59.240 dating apps in the dating scene? 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:02.400 Fantastic If dating apps are used correctly, it is a 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:05.360 fantastic tool on getting high vey dates and finding your 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:07.000 ideal partner if you know how to use it. 0:11:07.640 --> 0:11:09.000 Do you have any tips on how to use it? 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.520 Definitely, So the best thing to do is remember the 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:15.000 purpose of online dating apps. The purpose is to get 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:17.319 a high value date. That's the only purpose of online dating. 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:19.640 It's not to find your ideal partner, it's just to 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:21.920 get a date. You're not there for pen pals. I 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:24.319 suggest getting on the date fairly quickly, within a week 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:27.000 or two, so you can see what they're like in person. Okay, 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:29.040 because you can't really judge someone unless you know what 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:31.000 they're like in person. You can't fill their energy kind 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:32.840 of a thing. So get on that date as quick 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:34.600 as possible, well within a week or two. 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:35.880 Yeah, love that. 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:38.880 You're kind of talking about using the wrong photos or whatever. 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:40.800 What are the wrong photos? What are the right photos? 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.800 Do we use filter the right bio as well? 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:46.240 Yeah, I'll start with the bio. With the bio, I 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:50.840 have a saying, so the bio is less history, more mystery. Okay, 0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:53.400 I know bio stands for biography, but in this case, 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.640 you want to be pretty vague. Okay, talk about what 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:57.839 foods you like. Don't talk about what you're looking for, 0:11:57.920 --> 0:12:00.800 don't talk about what you're not looking for, talk about 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:03.480 yourself in a lot of terms. Just talk about food, 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:05.400 and that's it. Like you're better off being vague, and 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:06.680 then they want to talk to you more. They've got 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:09.839 to have a conversation with the photos. You want to 0:12:09.880 --> 0:12:15.160 avoid pictures with you with other guys obviously. Okay, if 0:12:15.160 --> 0:12:18.400 all your photos are filters with a dog filter or whatever. 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:21.400 That's pretty stupid. Okay, So you want to be fairly authentic. 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:25.559 Some people's photos are too professional as well, so it's 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.120 good to have some professional photos. But if every photo 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.120 looks like you're on the cover of a magazine, it's 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:32.240 kind of stupid. I want to have that sort of 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:36.280 selfie thought of authentic thing. Okay, But what I do 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:39.000 for people, I choose my client's photos for them, so 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:40.679 I know what I'm looking for kind of thing. But 0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.839 I guess for the listeners, i'd probably say, how does 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:46.040 that picture make that other person feel who's looking at it? 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.400 Can they feel the warmth in their photo? Can they 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:49.760 see in your eyes? Can they see that you're a 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:53.000 lovely person in your photo? Okay, So don't try to 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:55.640 look hot, try to look cute, I say, Okay, so 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:57.040 go for cute, not hot. 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.319 So you're saying no first traps, nah, no, Like. 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:02.080 You can maybe chuck one in, but mostly you want 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:03.760 to look for cute, like you want to set yourself 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:08.440 of high value WiFi type material. Okay, so looking for cute. 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:11.760 There's a million you know, half naked girls online. Just 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:13.439 do the cute thing. So a guy looks at you 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.360 and goes, that's a cub of girl I want to 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:17.319 be with forever, not justly with. 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:18.120 Yeah. 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:21.439 So in your opinion, would you say that dating apps 0:13:21.800 --> 0:13:24.040 is the best way to meet someone? 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.360 Yeah? Yeah, for sure. So look all the people like 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:28.319 coach I give about five different options for where you 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.559 can meet your ideal partner. Yeah, one hundred percent have 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:33.280 done it with online dating. Now, there's lots of different options. 0:13:33.320 --> 0:13:35.000 You can meet someone at subway if you wanted to, 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:37.520 But one hundred percent have done it with online dating, 0:13:37.600 --> 0:13:40.720 just because statistically it's that you give the most matches, 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.040 don't You can talk to a thousand people for example. 0:13:42.800 --> 0:13:43.240 For sure. 0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:49.600 Okay, And what would your thoughts be on the different 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:50.760 attachment styles? 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:53.720 So it's a big question, a big question. 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:55.760 So where do we where do we start? 0:13:55.800 --> 0:13:58.600 Do you think that people need to be part Yeah? 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:03.840 Firstly, I think attachment styles are bullshit, to be honest. Okay, 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:05.760 So I hear it all the time. A couple of 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:08.319 breaks up. Oh I got an anxious attachment style, or 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.360 you know, I can't get away from this person because 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:13.839 I have a attachment style to them. You actually just 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:15.600 have a lack of confidence and not willing to put 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:19.360 yourself first, that's all. So all these attachment styles and 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:22.000 stuff putting people putting themselves in these little boxes. I 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:24.040 think it's all bullshit, to be honest, I think people 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:27.400 are using these labels for themselves, which what are they 0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:30.120 base being that in? They like saying, well, I'm a 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:32.440 loser and this is why you don't have to be 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:35.000 you know what I mean? Enough with the labels, guys, 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:37.320 everyone's putting these labels on themselves and it's all bullshit. 0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:39.280 So what happens and just some one that does feel 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:41.520 anxious when they're not with their partner, and how would 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:42.640 you combat that? 0:14:42.920 --> 0:14:44.320 What would your tip speech about all that? 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:47.760 My first tip is you've got to choose the right words. 0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:49.280 This is a very important one. So a lot of 0:14:49.320 --> 0:14:52.720 people say I suffer with anxiety. Right, here's a much 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.640 better sentence. So instead of saying I suffer with anxiety, 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:58.520 I want everyone to say, sometimes I feel anxious, and 0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:02.160 anxious is a normal human emotion. Okay, if you never 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:07.359 felt anxious, it'd be weird, it would be great. Anxiety 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:09.800 has a few pros to it. It's not just all negatives. Okay. 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:12.960 So instead of saying I suffer anxiety, say, sometimes I 0:15:13.000 --> 0:15:15.160 feel anxious. And if you're really in love with somebody 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.600 and you feel anxious when they go out all night, good, 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:21.560 that's a normal human response. If you didn't feel any 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:24.200 anxiety when your partner was at all night partying, I 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:27.000 would argue that you're probably not in love with them. Okay, 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:30.000 So at a certain level of anxiety is perfectly healthy. 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.560 Well, what happens if you're comfortable in yourself and you 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:34.520 know that they go out all night and you know 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:36.760 that they're not going to flirt with anyone, they're not 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:39.040 talking to any and they're definitely coming home to you, 0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:40.960 and you know and you're going to make love to you, 0:15:41.040 --> 0:15:42.800 then I wouldn't say that you're not in love with them, 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:44.720 you're just confident and they make you feel secure in 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:45.520 that relationship. 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:48.480 I'd probably say you're overly confident, living in a fantasy land. 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:52.840 Why what makes you say this? What makes this. 0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:55.320 Is just not in line with reality? Like what person 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:57.560 would feel one hundred percent confident about their partner going 0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:00.160 out all night without them? That sounds a bit far fetch. 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:02.880 I mean, like if you're going out with your friends 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:05.480 and they're going out with their friends. I'd feel pretty 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:09.080 confident that they're not accepting drinks from another guy, they're 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:11.920 not flirting with any guys, they're not giving any guys 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.000 any looks. I'd feel pretty confident knowing that. 0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:16.760 Sure, that's good. That's good that you feel confident in 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:19.720 that if anyone wants to really achieve a ten out 0:16:19.720 --> 0:16:22.120 of ten and maintain a long term I don't recommend 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:22.640 that behavior. 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:27.960 See, so we in this podcast, everyone who's listening knows 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.280 that Matt and I are probably the two most jealous 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:33.160 people on the planet, and we are totally comfortable and 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:36.760 open admitting it. What does that kind of say to you, 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:38.760 that we're both jealous in relationships? 0:16:38.840 --> 0:16:40.520 Is that normal? I guess is my question. 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:43.560 Jealousy is a normal human emotion. We've evolved over hundreds 0:16:43.600 --> 0:16:46.440 of thousands of years for a very specific purpose. Human 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:49.360 beings need jealousy, okay, and it's a very good emotion. 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.480 So a lot of people now there's obviously a negative 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:54.720 side of it when it becomes so strongly, you're making 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:57.480 it completely insane. But we have jealousy as a reason 0:16:57.520 --> 0:16:59.600 to keep us together as a family unit. So there's 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:01.880 nothing all being jealous. Guys, if it's in a healthy sense. 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:06.479 It means that there's all love, which is totally fine. Okay, 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:10.320 you shouldn't feel confident or happy in going Well, someone's 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:13.320 floating with my partner, But that's okay, that's that's that's 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:15.480 that'd be weird. That's showing you that you know. Don't 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:17.359 you want to protect what you the love you have? 0:17:18.000 --> 0:17:20.320 Yeah, I would not feel coved, but is there enough? 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:21.399 I would not feel confident? 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:24.600