Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
Speaker 2: She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of
Speaker 2: my kissing style.
Speaker 1: We boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours. He's in
Speaker 1: a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching them.
Speaker 2: Mut I love being love. I love love.
Speaker 3: On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are
Speaker 3: sitting down with relationship coach Jake Maddeck.
Speaker 4: Jake offers his client's education on how to achieve a
Speaker 4: ten out of ten relationship. He talks us through his
Speaker 4: five fundamentals required for a successful relationship, including masculine and
Speaker 4: feminine energy, and how to build attraction.
Speaker 3: Jake is huge on TikTok, and with his videos reaching
Speaker 3: a wide audience, his views are sometimes seen as polarizing.
Speaker 3: So we're really keen to sit down with Jake and
Speaker 3: see what he has to say.
Speaker 2: All right, let's get into it.
Speaker 3: Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 3: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in.
Speaker 4: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 4: intimate details, advice, and much more.
Speaker 5: Hey Jake, Hey guys, thanks for having me.
Speaker 4: Thanks for coming into Where's Your head out, just like
Speaker 4: to say that your relationship coach, so you've obviously can
Speaker 4: give the advice. We like to give the advice, but
Speaker 4: we have not really any qualifications. We've just got life experience,
Speaker 4: so that's how we give out our advice.
Speaker 2: But it's good to have you on.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was just saying to Jake before, He's come up
Speaker 3: so much in my TikTok algorithm, Like, I'm my whole
Speaker 3: algorithm is all relationships.
Speaker 1: I'm like, give me all of the knowledge, and you
Speaker 1: are the.
Speaker 3: Man that comes up. So it's it's nice to meet
Speaker 3: you in person.
Speaker 5: I love it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I said the exact same, and I've
Speaker 4: used a couple of your videos to send on to
Speaker 4: partners and that to say this is the correct way
Speaker 4: of whatever.
Speaker 2: Like yes, so thanks for that, mate, I love it.
Speaker 3: I feel like you're a very polarizing figure. You're very
Speaker 3: straight to the point. Do you get that type of
Speaker 3: feedback from people?
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, so definitely. Some people find some of the
Speaker 5: things I say quite polarizing, such as when to move
Speaker 5: in with your partner, little things like this. Yeah, but
Speaker 5: that's okay, that's okay to be a little bit polarizing
Speaker 5: for sure, relationships could be.
Speaker 1: A bit for Yeah, when is the right time to
Speaker 1: move in with your partner? Yeah, just asking for a
Speaker 1: friend six months. We moved in in four too soon.
Speaker 5: That's good. That's good. No, No, that's totally fine. So
Speaker 5: the timeline I lay out, it should be hard to
Speaker 5: stick to it. So if you guys have to move
Speaker 5: in before six months because you like each other so much,
Speaker 5: that's very good. If you can easily wait six months,
Speaker 5: that's a red flag. That showed me that you don't
Speaker 5: like each other as much as you should.
Speaker 1: Interesting.
Speaker 2: That's interesting. I like it all right.
Speaker 4: So we spoke about your qualifications at the start. Do
Speaker 4: you want to tell us a bit about that. Did
Speaker 4: you study? Where did you study? What's your level of that?
Speaker 5: No? I don't have any qualifications.
Speaker 1: Okay, So what made you decide to be I'm.
Speaker 5: Well, mainly passion. To answer your question, I'm one of
Speaker 5: the most successful relationships in the relationship coaches in the world,
Speaker 5: and I say all the time, guys, look, tertiary education
Speaker 5: would make me worse at my job, not better. I
Speaker 5: coach a lot of psychs, counselors, therapists. Very controversial, but
Speaker 5: tertiary education would make me far worse at what I do,
Speaker 5: not better.
Speaker 4: Interesting, Yeah, so you reckon that on the field, in
Speaker 4: the minds, in the front line is the best way
Speaker 4: to get your qualifications and your experience, well.
Speaker 5: Said, brother, Like you can read a thousand books on cricket,
Speaker 5: you're not going to be good at cricket. You're to
Speaker 5: get out there and play the game.
Speaker 1: So were you single or you in a relationship?
Speaker 5: Then I'm married?
Speaker 1: You're married?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 1: And how long have you been married for?
Speaker 5: We got married at the start of the year, but
Speaker 5: we've been together quite a few years, but we got
Speaker 5: married this year.
Speaker 1: Congratulations, it was fantastic.
Speaker 5: Where did you get married in Harvey Bay up here? Yeah?
Speaker 5: Best out of my life? Fantastic.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's gorgeous. That's so nice.
Speaker 4: How does she go dating and being married to someone
Speaker 4: that's so just knows what he's talking about.
Speaker 1: Then giving out all the advice.
Speaker 5: Well, I'd probably say that she thoroughly enjoys being in
Speaker 5: a ten out of ten relationship.
Speaker 1: So yeah, well, I.
Speaker 3: Mean it leads to the question, what makes you a
Speaker 3: ten out of ten partner?
Speaker 5: Good communication, understanding, masculine feminine energy, knowing how to date
Speaker 5: your partner properly, just all the nitty gritty stuff, the building, attraction,
Speaker 5: the simple things which make a big difference long term.
Speaker 3: So what do you think of modern dating then, Because
Speaker 3: obviously dating has evolved into this like massive game. It's
Speaker 3: very challenging a lot of people listen to us because
Speaker 3: they struggle hardcore with dating. I mean we started this
Speaker 3: podcast because we were struggling with dating. We were like,
Speaker 3: we fucking hate this.
Speaker 2: Or we were getting fucked around a fair bit. Who
Speaker 2: do that to usk?
Speaker 5: But yeah, yeah, So a lot of people have a
Speaker 5: lot of trouble dating guys. It's for a few reasons.
Speaker 5: A lot of people don't know how to manage the
Speaker 5: expectations properly. Okay, so they end up going on lots
Speaker 5: of low value dates. Okay, So look, anybody listening to this,
Speaker 5: it's the man's job to take the woman on the date. Secondly,
Speaker 5: only do high value dates. So girls, any girls, listen
Speaker 5: to this. If a guy sends your message and say hey,
Speaker 5: let's get together for a coffee or let's get together
Speaker 5: for a drink, say no, that sounds great, but not
Speaker 5: a big drinker. How about we share a meal instead?
Speaker 5: Or I'm a bit of a foodie or I'm a
Speaker 5: high value girl. A high value date would be great.
Speaker 5: I only do high value dates. Okay, low value dates,
Speaker 5: you're gonna have a bad time. It's not going to
Speaker 5: work out. It's much more statistically advantage if you can
Speaker 5: do high value dates, it's much better.
Speaker 3: Would you say that it's okay if you feel like
Speaker 3: there's a traction between two people to maybe go on
Speaker 3: a lower value date, like you say, getting drinks as
Speaker 3: a first date before the dinner date.
Speaker 1: That's what we did.
Speaker 5: No, No, I strongly, strongly do not recommend doing that.
Speaker 4: Really, I probably of a low value date, you go
Speaker 4: for a drink or coffee. If both parts, I think
Speaker 4: that is meaning that they're not keen on a relationship,
Speaker 4: they're just.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Michael and I went for drinks on our first date.
Speaker 5: And I feel like you can still definitely achieve a
Speaker 5: ten out of ten if you do a low value date,
Speaker 5: but statistically it's much much better if you do a
Speaker 5: high value date straight up, Okay, it shows them what
Speaker 5: you're worth and shows them they got to put an
Speaker 5: effort to be with you, and it works a lot better.
Speaker 5: You can still create a ten out of ten doing
Speaker 5: a low value date. It's just harder.
Speaker 4: I sort of agree from a male perspective if her
Speaker 4: girls saying yeah to like a drink or like going
Speaker 4: somewhere like that, that like you know that it's pretty
Speaker 4: obvious what the end game is.
Speaker 1: No, that's bullshit, No way, I think. Look, I love
Speaker 1: what you're saying, and I think I definitely agree.
Speaker 3: Guys have to know that they need to put in effort.
Speaker 3: But I feel like, as a woman, you can set
Speaker 3: that up, like you're going to have to put in effort,
Speaker 3: but we can still go for a drink so that
Speaker 3: I can see.
Speaker 1: If I'm keen too, Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Like, I understand the premise of what he's saying, but
Speaker 3: I feel like you can go for a drink.
Speaker 4: So what Anna's saying is she'll go for a drink,
Speaker 4: but she lays the rules pretty I'm firm. She sets
Speaker 4: her boundaries and says that she needs five dates before
Speaker 4: they even get close any Yeah, under the close action.
Speaker 5: Do you have a question, brother?
Speaker 1: He's like, no comment, No, I know.
Speaker 5: The question you're thinking about. Do you want to ask me?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think that five dates is too long?
Speaker 5: Straight up terrible? Yeah, why for a whole bunch of reasons.
Speaker 5: Firstly is showing guys that you think your worth is
Speaker 5: tied to your physical body, which is a poor mistake. Okay,
Speaker 5: I've coached thousands of people in a ten out of
Speaker 5: ten relationships. One hundred percent of the people I've coached
Speaker 5: in ten out of ten relationships have been intimate in
Speaker 5: the first two dates. Over ninety percent have done it
Speaker 5: on the first date because the chemistry is so high
Speaker 5: that they want to rip each other's clothes off. And also,
Speaker 5: their worth isn't tied to their physical body.
Speaker 1: It's not about my worth being tied to my physical body.
Speaker 3: It's about me feeling comfortable enough to have sex with
Speaker 3: someone because I don't know them very well.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I'm not going to have sex.
Speaker 3: With you and to at least five dates so that
Speaker 3: I feel like I can really understand who you are
Speaker 3: as a person, Like maybe I don't want to have
Speaker 3: sex with you, and like, I also don't want to
Speaker 3: have sex with every guy go on a date with I,
Speaker 3: Like I'm sure when I'm single, I like to like
Speaker 3: go on dates.
Speaker 1: I like to see what's out there.
Speaker 5: And I'm definitely don't sleep with someone. If you don't
Speaker 5: feel like it, definitely not. But if you do feel
Speaker 5: like it, I recommend doing it.
Speaker 3: Well, Okay, what is the biggest mistake that you can
Speaker 3: make when you first start dating someone?
Speaker 5: Then, probably over sharing about your past.
Speaker 2: Okay I agree that, Yeah, say no more.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty guilty of that, like bringing up X relationship.
Speaker 4: So just bringing up, like, you know, issues like from
Speaker 4: your past, and then it definitely haunts you a lot
Speaker 4: down the track.
Speaker 5: I feel, Yeah, it's it's a really bad move. So
Speaker 5: over sharing is any sort of information which lowers that
Speaker 5: person's attraction towards you. So talking about ex's previous sexual experiences,
Speaker 5: how many people you slept with, all these stupid things.
Speaker 5: Don't share, its gonna it's gonna make the traction of
Speaker 5: your partner go down, and they're going to like you less.
Speaker 5: And they can also hold on that information. It's going
Speaker 5: to be hard to forget, creating retroactive jealousy. Really, it's
Speaker 5: a form of self sabotage.
Speaker 2: I I one hundred agree with that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if I had my time again, i'd definitely not
Speaker 4: I would definitely not do any of that.
Speaker 3: I mean, but that's a great thing about dating is
Speaker 3: I feel like as we progress in the land of dating,
Speaker 3: we learn all of these things and they were like, fuck,
Speaker 3: we really shouldn't have done that.
Speaker 1: You won't be doing that again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was a mistake in your opinion, what's the
Speaker 3: reason that most people are single who don't want to
Speaker 3: be in that position?
Speaker 5: So a few things. They're not getting high value dates.
Speaker 5: So a lot of people have trouble getting high value
Speaker 5: dates A because their profiles aren't very good on online dating,
Speaker 5: Like their pictures are no good, their bios no good.
Speaker 5: Like they're making lots of mistakes with online dating, which
Speaker 5: means they're not getting the high value dates with high
Speaker 5: value people. Okay, so they're getting all these losers coming
Speaker 5: through who basically want to do friends and benefits and
Speaker 5: also the garbage, so they're not having the opportunity to
Speaker 5: create ten out of ten relationships. And then the other
Speaker 5: thing is they're not doing too well within who they are.
Speaker 5: So what I say is I help people get to
Speaker 5: a ten out of ten within themselves. So a lot
Speaker 5: of them have such low confidence that they may do
Speaker 5: low confident things like over sharing for validation and all
Speaker 5: these other little things, these low value things, which makes
Speaker 5: it harder for them to create a ten out of
Speaker 5: ten relationship and be a great partner as well.
Speaker 3: I feel like as well with what you would say,
Speaker 3: as a woman dating, it is hard to swerve the
Speaker 3: guys who are looking to have a friends with benefits situation. So, like,
Speaker 3: for instance, I've had guys who would give what you're
Speaker 3: classifying as a very high value date, but they're just
Speaker 3: looking for a.
Speaker 1: Friends with benefits situation. And I guess, coming back to my.
Speaker 3: Point, that is the reason why I have the five
Speaker 3: date rule, just absolutely flat out because I'm trying to
Speaker 3: swerve those guys who are just there for friends with benefits.
Speaker 4: Well, you mentioned dating apps before. What's your thought on
Speaker 4: dating apps in the dating scene?
Speaker 5: Fantastic If dating apps are used correctly, it is a
Speaker 5: fantastic tool on getting high vey dates and finding your
Speaker 5: ideal partner if you know how to use it.
Speaker 2: Do you have any tips on how to use it?
Speaker 5: Definitely, So the best thing to do is remember the
Speaker 5: purpose of online dating apps. The purpose is to get
Speaker 5: a high value date. That's the only purpose of online dating.
Speaker 5: It's not to find your ideal partner, it's just to
Speaker 5: get a date. You're not there for pen pals. I
Speaker 5: suggest getting on the date fairly quickly, within a week
Speaker 5: or two, so you can see what they're like in person. Okay,
Speaker 5: because you can't really judge someone unless you know what
Speaker 5: they're like in person. You can't fill their energy kind
Speaker 5: of a thing. So get on that date as quick
Speaker 5: as possible, well within a week or two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, love that.
Speaker 3: You're kind of talking about using the wrong photos or whatever.
Speaker 3: What are the wrong photos? What are the right photos?
Speaker 3: Do we use filter the right bio as well?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'll start with the bio. With the bio, I
Speaker 5: have a saying, so the bio is less history, more mystery. Okay,
Speaker 5: I know bio stands for biography, but in this case,
Speaker 5: you want to be pretty vague. Okay, talk about what
Speaker 5: foods you like. Don't talk about what you're looking for,
Speaker 5: don't talk about what you're not looking for, talk about
Speaker 5: yourself in a lot of terms. Just talk about food,
Speaker 5: and that's it. Like you're better off being vague, and
Speaker 5: then they want to talk to you more. They've got
Speaker 5: to have a conversation with the photos. You want to
Speaker 5: avoid pictures with you with other guys obviously. Okay, if
Speaker 5: all your photos are filters with a dog filter or whatever.
Speaker 5: That's pretty stupid. Okay, So you want to be fairly authentic.
Speaker 5: Some people's photos are too professional as well, so it's
Speaker 5: good to have some professional photos. But if every photo
Speaker 5: looks like you're on the cover of a magazine, it's
Speaker 5: kind of stupid. I want to have that sort of
Speaker 5: selfie thought of authentic thing. Okay, But what I do
Speaker 5: for people, I choose my client's photos for them, so
Speaker 5: I know what I'm looking for kind of thing. But
Speaker 5: I guess for the listeners, i'd probably say, how does
Speaker 5: that picture make that other person feel who's looking at it?
Speaker 5: Can they feel the warmth in their photo? Can they
Speaker 5: see in your eyes? Can they see that you're a
Speaker 5: lovely person in your photo? Okay, So don't try to
Speaker 5: look hot, try to look cute, I say, Okay, so
Speaker 5: go for cute, not hot.
Speaker 2: So you're saying no first traps, nah, no, Like.
Speaker 5: You can maybe chuck one in, but mostly you want
Speaker 5: to look for cute, like you want to set yourself
Speaker 5: of high value WiFi type material. Okay, so looking for cute.
Speaker 5: There's a million you know, half naked girls online. Just
Speaker 5: do the cute thing. So a guy looks at you
Speaker 5: and goes, that's a cub of girl I want to
Speaker 5: be with forever, not justly with.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So in your opinion, would you say that dating apps
Speaker 3: is the best way to meet someone?
Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, for sure. So look all the people like
Speaker 5: coach I give about five different options for where you
Speaker 5: can meet your ideal partner. Yeah, one hundred percent have
Speaker 5: done it with online dating. Now, there's lots of different options.
Speaker 5: You can meet someone at subway if you wanted to,
Speaker 5: But one hundred percent have done it with online dating,
Speaker 5: just because statistically it's that you give the most matches,
Speaker 5: don't You can talk to a thousand people for example.
Speaker 1: For sure.
Speaker 4: Okay, And what would your thoughts be on the different
Speaker 4: attachment styles?
Speaker 1: So it's a big question, a big question.
Speaker 2: So where do we where do we start?
Speaker 3: Do you think that people need to be part Yeah?
Speaker 5: Firstly, I think attachment styles are bullshit, to be honest. Okay,
Speaker 5: So I hear it all the time. A couple of
Speaker 5: breaks up. Oh I got an anxious attachment style, or
Speaker 5: you know, I can't get away from this person because
Speaker 5: I have a attachment style to them. You actually just
Speaker 5: have a lack of confidence and not willing to put
Speaker 5: yourself first, that's all. So all these attachment styles and
Speaker 5: stuff putting people putting themselves in these little boxes. I
Speaker 5: think it's all bullshit, to be honest, I think people
Speaker 5: are using these labels for themselves, which what are they
Speaker 5: base being that in? They like saying, well, I'm a
Speaker 5: loser and this is why you don't have to be
Speaker 5: you know what I mean? Enough with the labels, guys,
Speaker 5: everyone's putting these labels on themselves and it's all bullshit.
Speaker 4: So what happens and just some one that does feel
Speaker 4: anxious when they're not with their partner, and how would
Speaker 4: you combat that?
Speaker 2: What would your tip speech about all that?
Speaker 5: My first tip is you've got to choose the right words.
Speaker 5: This is a very important one. So a lot of
Speaker 5: people say I suffer with anxiety. Right, here's a much
Speaker 5: better sentence. So instead of saying I suffer with anxiety,
Speaker 5: I want everyone to say, sometimes I feel anxious, and
Speaker 5: anxious is a normal human emotion. Okay, if you never
Speaker 5: felt anxious, it'd be weird, it would be great. Anxiety
Speaker 5: has a few pros to it. It's not just all negatives. Okay.
Speaker 5: So instead of saying I suffer anxiety, say, sometimes I
Speaker 5: feel anxious. And if you're really in love with somebody
Speaker 5: and you feel anxious when they go out all night, good,
Speaker 5: that's a normal human response. If you didn't feel any
Speaker 5: anxiety when your partner was at all night partying, I
Speaker 5: would argue that you're probably not in love with them. Okay,
Speaker 5: So at a certain level of anxiety is perfectly healthy.
Speaker 4: Well, what happens if you're comfortable in yourself and you
Speaker 4: know that they go out all night and you know
Speaker 4: that they're not going to flirt with anyone, they're not
Speaker 4: talking to any and they're definitely coming home to you,
Speaker 4: and you know and you're going to make love to you,
Speaker 4: then I wouldn't say that you're not in love with them,
Speaker 4: you're just confident and they make you feel secure in
Speaker 4: that relationship.
Speaker 5: I'd probably say you're overly confident, living in a fantasy land.
Speaker 2: Why what makes you say this? What makes this.
Speaker 5: Is just not in line with reality? Like what person
Speaker 5: would feel one hundred percent confident about their partner going
Speaker 5: out all night without them? That sounds a bit far fetch.
Speaker 4: I mean, like if you're going out with your friends
Speaker 4: and they're going out with their friends. I'd feel pretty
Speaker 4: confident that they're not accepting drinks from another guy, they're
Speaker 4: not flirting with any guys, they're not giving any guys
Speaker 4: any looks. I'd feel pretty confident knowing that.
Speaker 5: Sure, that's good. That's good that you feel confident in
Speaker 5: that if anyone wants to really achieve a ten out
Speaker 5: of ten and maintain a long term I don't recommend
Speaker 5: that behavior.
Speaker 3: See, so we in this podcast, everyone who's listening knows
Speaker 3: that Matt and I are probably the two most jealous
Speaker 3: people on the planet, and we are totally comfortable and
Speaker 3: open admitting it. What does that kind of say to you,
Speaker 3: that we're both jealous in relationships?
Speaker 1: Is that normal? I guess is my question.
Speaker 5: Jealousy is a normal human emotion. We've evolved over hundreds
Speaker 5: of thousands of years for a very specific purpose. Human
Speaker 5: beings need jealousy, okay, and it's a very good emotion.
Speaker 5: So a lot of people now there's obviously a negative
Speaker 5: side of it when it becomes so strongly, you're making
Speaker 5: it completely insane. But we have jealousy as a reason
Speaker 5: to keep us together as a family unit. So there's
Speaker 5: nothing all being jealous. Guys, if it's in a healthy sense.
Speaker 5: It means that there's all love, which is totally fine. Okay,
Speaker 5: you shouldn't feel confident or happy in going Well, someone's
Speaker 5: floating with my partner, But that's okay, that's that's that's
Speaker 5: that'd be weird. That's showing you that you know. Don't
Speaker 5: you want to protect what you the love you have?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would not feel coved, but is there enough?
Speaker 1: I would not feel confident?
Speaker 4: Where would you draw the line of possessive though?
Speaker 5: Possessive is when it's having a negative effect towards the
Speaker 5: future goal. So you guys are trying to achieve okay,
Speaker 5: such as if you didn't let someone out of the
Speaker 5: house because they were addressed to procatively, right, that's probably
Speaker 5: having a negative effect and it's not healthy. But say
Speaker 5: you didn't want your partner to be best friends with
Speaker 5: their ex. That would be a healthy way to protect
Speaker 5: your relationship.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I mean, yeah, nobody wants that, do they? That's idea?
Speaker 5: So what I strongly recommend if you want to achieve
Speaker 5: a ten out of ten relationship, don't try to have
Speaker 5: a PC relationship. Okay, like you guys, protect it. Be
Speaker 5: a little bit jealous Okay, it's healthy. You're on a
Speaker 5: long term ten out ten relationship, don't try to make
Speaker 5: a PC.
Speaker 3: Okay, let's talk about how to build attraction. You've spoken
Speaker 3: a lot about this on your TikTok account, which we
Speaker 3: are both all over, so.
Speaker 1: We've seen a lot of it.
Speaker 3: As Nat said before, like sometimes if you see like
Speaker 3: a video popping up, you might send it to your
Speaker 3: partner and.
Speaker 1: Be like, hey, check this out there, this guy says this.
Speaker 3: So let's talk about your first pillar to a successful relationship,
Speaker 3: building attraction.
Speaker 1: What is one way to build attraction with your partner?
Speaker 5: Yeah? I love building attraction. It's really the really the
Speaker 5: key to achieving a ten out of ten and maintaining
Speaker 5: a long term. So one of the good things you
Speaker 5: can do with in a relationship to build attraction go
Speaker 5: on a date together every second week, sleep agether two
Speaker 5: or three times a week due to twenty second hunts
Speaker 5: a day, all these little things. It builds attraction. Or
Speaker 5: you could also replace the attraction word with rapport or likability.
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure, Well how can you maintain that attraction
Speaker 4: then for a longer period of time For people that
Speaker 4: are in like a long long term lineationship, and it
Speaker 4: obviously would naturally fizzle out.
Speaker 5: It would naturally fizzle out. So unfortunately human beings, that's
Speaker 5: another bad trait. We've evolved to naturally drift apart over years.
Speaker 5: That's very natural, but you don't have to allow it.
Speaker 5: You can maintain that ten out of ten for long
Speaker 5: periods of time. If you, guys go on a date
Speaker 5: every second week, you do two to twenty second hugs
Speaker 5: a day, you sleep together two or three times a week.
Speaker 5: You make sure you're spending quality time with each other,
Speaker 5: like spending an hour just chatting every day, going for walks,
Speaker 5: doing some duel hobbies, okay, having some dual goals, all
Speaker 5: these little things, so you build together and bond together.
Speaker 5: That's a great thing about duel hobbies. You're bonding together
Speaker 5: as a task you can do together kind of thing.
Speaker 3: So would you say that the optimum times that you
Speaker 3: would sleep with your partner in a long term relationship
Speaker 3: is two to three times a week?
Speaker 5: Yep?
Speaker 2: Interesting, Yeah, i'd agree with that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, two times a week's minimum. Guys, you can do
Speaker 5: it more if you want to. As long as you're
Speaker 5: hitting those two times a week, that's fantastic. Obviously, there's
Speaker 5: a lot of health benefits to aorgazing for example, for
Speaker 5: a woman three times a week. Okay, so if you
Speaker 5: can hit those numbers, it's good for everyone's mental health,
Speaker 5: physical health, the bonding of partners, the love, the attraction.
Speaker 5: It's pretty good.
Speaker 3: Okay, let's go back to dating a little bit. It's
Speaker 3: kind of like this new often spoken about thing, it's icks.
Speaker 3: So a lot of people are dating people, they're really
Speaker 3: into it, they're liking things, they're liking how things are progressing,
Speaker 3: and then they get an ick.
Speaker 1: What's your thoughts on this?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm assuming they just mean a red flag or
Speaker 5: some sort of non negotiable.
Speaker 1: Or something that if someone does something and it kind
Speaker 1: of like cringes you out, or like if someone's eating
Speaker 1: with their mouth open and you're like, ugh, I can't
Speaker 1: stand that anymore.
Speaker 2: Would you argue?
Speaker 4: That's just an excuse so for them, maybe that they
Speaker 4: didn't like them, and that's just an excuse to dump them.
Speaker 5: Sometimes it kind of sounds like an old Seinfeld episode, Yeah,
Speaker 5: where they're complaining about someone putting milk and a coffee
Speaker 5: without asking, like little stupid shit.
Speaker 3: But it's a thing like you could literally be dating
Speaker 3: someone and you're like, they are the perfect person for me,
Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden, there's something that really
Speaker 3: bugs you about them and you just can't overlook it,
Speaker 3: like there's nothing you can do, and you're like, this
Speaker 3: has to be done. We've both been there, we both
Speaker 3: have had that happen.
Speaker 5: What I'd probably call it, these people are probably ninety percenters.
Speaker 5: So guys, while you're for anyone who's single, while you're
Speaker 5: dating lots of people, you're going to meet people who
Speaker 5: are eighty or ninety percenters. They seem perfect or good chemistry,
Speaker 5: good compatibility, everything seems pretty good, but something's not quite right.
Speaker 5: I wouldn't call it a nick. I would call it
Speaker 5: so your ideal partner's going to have a beautiful mix
Speaker 5: of chemistry, compatibility, and X factor. Okay, so X factors
Speaker 5: like pheromones or your soul something telling you that you've
Speaker 5: got to be with that person, right, Yeah, You're going
Speaker 5: to meet people along the journey with dating where they
Speaker 5: seem pretty perfect in every way, but the X factor
Speaker 5: is missing. Right, So they're eighty or ninety percenters. Okay,
Speaker 5: they're very important. Thing. The universe will not send you
Speaker 5: a ten out of ten. They won't send you your
Speaker 5: ideal partner unless you say no to these people who
Speaker 5: are pretty good. You've got to get rid of the
Speaker 5: eighty percenters if you want that ten out of ten.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, So you don't agree with settling never.
Speaker 5: You can't be too picky. You're a ten out of
Speaker 5: ten will seem too good to be true. It will
Speaker 5: seem perfect. You won't be able to think of a
Speaker 5: single thing that they could possibly change. They will seem
Speaker 5: absolute perfection.
Speaker 2: You keep saying it ten. What is someone?
Speaker 4: What would you say to someone that's like being dating
Speaker 4: for a while and they're just given up. They don't
Speaker 4: think that their ten out of ten is out there?
Speaker 4: Would you still argue that it is?
Speaker 5: Oh? Definitely. Yeah. So I've helped lots of people in
Speaker 5: their sixties guys achieve ten out of ten relationships. I
Speaker 5: helped a woman last week, she's sixty four, achieve a
Speaker 5: ten out of ten. A lot of these women are
Speaker 5: on the edge of giving up when they meet me,
Speaker 5: but I redid their profile, get them on some nice dates,
Speaker 5: and before they know they're in a ten out ten relationship.
Speaker 5: And these relationships last for the rest of their life.
Speaker 5: It's really good to see. You don't need to give
Speaker 5: up on love. Okay. If you can go on a date,
Speaker 5: you can achieve a ten out of ten relationship. You
Speaker 5: just got to do it just the right way. Wow.
Speaker 1: See, that's giving a lot of people hope because they
Speaker 1: know that there's a lot of people out there, including
Speaker 1: some of my single friends, who are like that person
Speaker 1: is not out there for me. Everyone I meet is
Speaker 1: a red flag. I'm meeting fuck boys, I'm meeting idiots,
Speaker 1: I'm meeting players, and meeting you knowgs.
Speaker 5: The above, they're a red flag.
Speaker 1: What do you mean they're a red flag?
Speaker 2: Well, you're saying, sit the mindset.
Speaker 5: Okay, you guys have met people before. Who oh, every
Speaker 5: guy's a douchebag, every guy's a fuck boy, every guy's this.
Speaker 5: That's a negative mindset, isn't it. It's very negative. Yeah?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, But I've also been there because I've been
Speaker 3: fucked over in IVY.
Speaker 5: That's the truth. That's the strength around negative beliefs. Okay,
Speaker 5: if you have a negative belief, you can find the
Speaker 5: evidence to prove that idea right. It doesn't mean it's
Speaker 5: right though. Yeah, you could say every guy's a piece
Speaker 5: of shit and then you only see guys who are shit.
Speaker 5: It's so true, is it true? It's true because that's
Speaker 5: your perspective, But is it really true. No, it's not
Speaker 5: even closely true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I totally agree with what you're saying.
Speaker 2: That's like almost manifesting sort of thing.
Speaker 5: It is exactly right. Yeah, if you have a negative mindset,
Speaker 5: you will not be successful. I have a perfect recipe
Speaker 5: for achieving a ten out of ten right that many
Speaker 5: people have followed, and it works perfectly. If you do
Speaker 5: the whole recipe perfectly, but you have a negative mindset,
Speaker 5: you will fail one hundred percent of the time. If
Speaker 5: you have a positive mindset and you follow half my recipe,
Speaker 5: you will succeed. The mindset is extremely powerful. If you
Speaker 5: are a woman with a negative mindset, and who would
Speaker 5: even go on a date with you, You start talking to
Speaker 5: go this girl's a beer, she's got a negative mindset.
Speaker 4: Well, then one would say, then you've got to find
Speaker 4: yourself and be happy in yourself before you even start dating.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, you have to know how to have a positive mindset.
Speaker 2: You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
Speaker 2: I reckon.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So what would you say to someone who maybe
Speaker 3: has been kind of done wrong by they really want
Speaker 3: to change that mindset over How do they do that?
Speaker 3: As someone who's listening, who's like, fuck, he's right, my
Speaker 3: mindset is shit right now, I need to switch.
Speaker 5: Int So the first step is responsibility. Okay, So if
Speaker 5: anyone's listening right now and gone, every guy I've had,
Speaker 5: every guy been with, is cheated on me, and every
Speaker 5: guy has treated me wrong. I've been burnt so many times.
Speaker 5: It is one hundred percent your fault. You've chosen wrong
Speaker 5: people time after time. You've set yourself up wrong, You've
Speaker 5: done wrong over and over again. It's your life. You're
Speaker 5: responsible for it. Everything that happens in your life is
Speaker 5: one hundred percent your responsibility. That's the first step, taking responsibility.
Speaker 5: After you take responsibility, you can go, well, now I
Speaker 5: have the hour to design my future the way I
Speaker 5: want to be. I'm not a victim to what happens
Speaker 5: around me, and I can decide who comes and goes
Speaker 5: instead of being at the universe's victimization from it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so if someone goes on a date with
Speaker 3: a really shitty guy and then they continue to date them, essentially, yeah,
Speaker 3: it is their fault.
Speaker 1: Because they've not cut it off.
Speaker 4: Yep, But what happens if he just cheats on her
Speaker 4: and they had no idea They had no idea.
Speaker 5: In a ten out of ten relationship, cheating never happens.
Speaker 1: But if they just date she knew.
Speaker 5: If she knew, if she knew everything about relationships, knew
Speaker 5: how to date, perfectly knew it, how to have high standards,
Speaker 5: had hard conversations, set boundaries, she wouldn't be in the
Speaker 5: situation in the first place. Okay, taking full responsibility isn't
Speaker 5: always easy. Now, I'm not saying it's one hundred percent
Speaker 5: her faulty cheated it obviously isn't It's obviously that guy's
Speaker 5: a piece of shit. But she chose to be there.
Speaker 1: But you can choose to be there without knowing that
Speaker 1: they have that in them.
Speaker 5: Correct. Ignorance is an excuse, isn't an excuse for failure?
Speaker 4: I believe ignorance is bliss.
Speaker 5: As you can see, guys of ten, it's hard work.
Speaker 5: It's a lot of mindset stuff. If you have a
Speaker 5: victimization mindset, you will fail every time.
Speaker 3: Look, I'm all for a ten out of ten relationship,
Speaker 3: don't get me wrong, but I think you can be
Speaker 3: in a ten out of ten relationship and someone can
Speaker 3: do you wrong.
Speaker 5: If it's a ten out of ten, nothing goes wrong.
Speaker 5: So this is how cheating works. This is what everyone
Speaker 5: gets messed up about. So a lot of people think
Speaker 5: the relationship's good and then cheating happens, then the relationship
Speaker 5: goes bad. But is that reality? Not even close? This
Speaker 5: is reality. The relationship is good, then it goes bad,
Speaker 5: and then cheating happens. Okay, it's not the other way around.
Speaker 3: So you don't think that there's ever been a situation
Speaker 3: where someone's in an unreal relationship and then they've just
Speaker 3: gone out. Temptations got too much, they've made a terrible mistake,
Speaker 3: and then they're like, fuck, I need to tell my
Speaker 3: partner and try and fix this.
Speaker 5: I love the word mistake when it comes to cheating.
Speaker 5: Isn't it a fun one? Yeah? It's like, oh, walking
Speaker 5: along banan appeal, slip fell into someone's v jina. It's
Speaker 5: not really a mistake, is it. I've never acted gently,
Speaker 5: fallen over and accidentally inserted myself into somebody. It's not
Speaker 5: really a mistake. It's usually a few decisions in that.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 2: I was about to say that.
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to think of a scenario where you
Speaker 3: could be in a ten out of ten relationship.
Speaker 2: Well, then I think what you're trying to say, correct
Speaker 2: me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 1: Is that it's never a mistake.
Speaker 2: It's like it's a relationship.
Speaker 4: You're not going to be tempted, you're not going to
Speaker 4: want to cheat, You're not going to And I can
Speaker 4: sort of see what you're saying with that you'll never cheat,
Speaker 4: and then you're unhappy. You're unhappy, then you cheat. You
Speaker 4: cheat because some people can't get out of the relationship.
Speaker 4: They don't know how to, so they cheat and they
Speaker 4: think that they that's they're out, that's the easy.
Speaker 5: Or that's right. He's a very important thing that all
Speaker 5: the listeners need to understand. If a guy cheats on you,
Speaker 5: he does not love you. Okay, well, if a guy
Speaker 5: cheats on you, he does not love you, need to
Speaker 5: get through your head. But he loves me so much.
Speaker 5: If he loved you, he wouldn't cheat on you.
Speaker 3: So true, I totally, I totally can stand by that
Speaker 3: as a as a man that's cheated on my girlfriend in.
Speaker 4: The past will say that I loved loved them my exes.
Speaker 4: But I just was young and dumb and tempted.
Speaker 5: But was it real love?
Speaker 4: Is it ever real love? I mean, like I could. Well,
Speaker 4: now I would say I don't. I don't love them,
Speaker 4: But at the time I felt like I did.
Speaker 1: He thinks that you didn't, Well, then deep here I.
Speaker 2: Love to say. Yeah, who's to say at the time
Speaker 2: that I didn't?
Speaker 5: Though me?
Speaker 1: Now you need some one on one classes?
Speaker 2: Are you sitting in my head? Okay?
Speaker 4: Well, I maybe that's my mindset. I think that like
Speaker 4: I did, I was just young. I was like twenty four,
Speaker 4: it was like twenty twenty three.
Speaker 5: One thing I do say is I tell girls don't
Speaker 5: date a guy under twenty five.
Speaker 3: Absolutely thirty, make it thirty twenty.
Speaker 2: Ye, give me a couple of years into their thirty.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: I have a question, So, what would you say to
Speaker 3: someone who was in a long term relationship and they
Speaker 3: know it's bad relationship, it's not a ten out of
Speaker 3: ten relationship, but they're too afraid to leave.
Speaker 5: Yeah. What you can do, which is really good, is
Speaker 5: you can write down an exit plan. So, just like
Speaker 5: you would do in the military, write down, what are
Speaker 5: you going to say when you're going to say it,
Speaker 5: What timings are you going to hit? Do you need friends, family, police,
Speaker 5: do you have assets, cars? Children? You can really write
Speaker 5: out your plan really, really thoroughly, so then it takes
Speaker 5: the decision making out of it and you can just
Speaker 5: follow it like a plan.
Speaker 3: What happens if for relationships that I would say are
Speaker 3: like emotionally abusive, that gas lighting type of vibe is there.
Speaker 1: They're feeling really torn.
Speaker 3: They can't even with an exit strategy, they still feel
Speaker 3: very connected to their partner even though they know it's
Speaker 3: not the right person for them.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'd probably say, try to find someone who can
Speaker 5: help you. Try to find someone like me who can
Speaker 5: give you a little bit of a push in the
Speaker 5: right direction to help you get out of the bad situations,
Speaker 5: get out of your own way so you can be successful.
Speaker 5: Sometimes we need a bit of a push.
Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, Can you save that relationship if you think
Speaker 4: that it's like coming to you?
Speaker 2: Can you save them?
Speaker 4: If they're in a relationship they don't think is right
Speaker 4: and it's long term.
Speaker 5: It takes a few things to save a relationship. So firstly,
Speaker 5: I only take on people who I know I can
Speaker 5: get to a ten out of ten. If cheating has
Speaker 5: occurred in a relationship, I won't take them on. If
Speaker 5: real abuse has occurred, I won't take them on. And
Speaker 5: the other prerequisite is they both need to love each
Speaker 5: other and be one hundred percent committed to saving the relationship.
Speaker 5: If they are, I can get it to a ten
Speaker 5: out of ten. Okay, if they aren't really into it,
Speaker 5: or there's abuse or cheating has happened.
Speaker 4: How do you determine that they are? Do you have
Speaker 4: like a questionnaire for them? Or can you just read it?
Speaker 1: I just ask them, yeah, just happen.
Speaker 4: But then anyone could just say that they want to
Speaker 4: make it work because they've got they've got kids, and
Speaker 4: they've got like a house and it's easier not then
Speaker 4: just debail the relationship. So can you read them? And
Speaker 4: do you have like some sort of thing where you
Speaker 4: can see if they're lying.
Speaker 2: Or they're just yeah.
Speaker 5: Basically, So just coaching thousands of people, I know whether
Speaker 5: a couple's going to make it or not. So in
Speaker 5: the first ten seconds I can pretty much call it
Speaker 5: and say, look, you guys clearly are no good. Just
Speaker 5: it's kind of transition yeah wow, or I can go no,
Speaker 5: you guys actually probably can do it just if you
Speaker 5: coach enough, if you coach thousands of people, you can
Speaker 5: sort of you can feel it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, look, we want to talk to you all
Speaker 3: about masculine and feminine energy.
Speaker 1: Next.
Speaker 3: Okay, Jake, we want to talk to you about the
Speaker 3: concept of masculine and feminine energy. How does this apply
Speaker 3: to a successful relationship?
Speaker 5: Oh? Great question, And I would say it doesn't just
Speaker 5: apply to a successful relationship, but also a successful life.
Speaker 5: You can really use it in all facets. Now, the
Speaker 5: way I would describe masculine feminine energy guys, is just
Speaker 5: a series of traits. So a lot of people have
Speaker 5: these misconceptions, especially around feminine energy, that it's you know,
Speaker 5: riding a pink bicycle down the street with the hair
Speaker 5: like this, and you know you're two in the pink
Speaker 5: bubblegum and you're wear in the pink dress. It's not
Speaker 5: really feminine energy, right, Yeah, you look pretty girly, But hell,
Speaker 5: I've seen girls who look really girly and they're not
Speaker 5: in the feminine energy, okay. And other girls who are
Speaker 5: wearing you know, the Rolling Stones T shirt and the
Speaker 5: black and the teared jeans and all that, and they're
Speaker 5: super feminine. So it's more about the traits you embody,
Speaker 5: those traits being nurturing, supportive, caring, and joyous. Okay, now
Speaker 5: there's a lot to those, which I'll cover in a second.
Speaker 5: But then you also have the masculine energy, So masculinergy.
Speaker 5: A lot of people think, you know, you've got the
Speaker 5: toxic masculine guy, walk around with his chest pumped out
Speaker 5: and he's getting in fights and just being a real possa. Right,
Speaker 5: it's not really masculine energy. Masculine energy is about being
Speaker 5: a good leader and ambitious and decisive and protective.
Speaker 4: I yeah, when you were when I first heard masculine
Speaker 4: and feminine energy, I got that same idea in my head.
Speaker 4: But I think I understand what you're saying now in
Speaker 4: that way that like he what he needs from her
Speaker 4: and she needs from him.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they kind of compliment each other like a yin
Speaker 5: and a yang.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Thing you mentioned in one of your TikTok videos
Speaker 3: that relationships are not meant to be.
Speaker 1: Fifty to fifty. Can you take us through your thoughts
Speaker 1: on things like chivalry.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I love chivalry, right, and love opening the door
Speaker 5: for my wife pulling out of the chair all that
Speaker 5: sort of stuff for a fantastic That's one thing a
Speaker 5: lot of people struggle with these days, in this twenty
Speaker 5: first century. They seem to think relationships are transactional and
Speaker 5: they're about equality and all this sort of stuff. They're
Speaker 5: not really, They're about love and happiness. Okay, relationships are
Speaker 5: about love and happiness and really enjoying the person you're with.
Speaker 5: Men and women are different. Treating them the same, it's
Speaker 5: just silly. They both deserve the utmost of respect, but
Speaker 5: treating them the same. No, a man should open a
Speaker 5: door for a lady. The woman should not open the
Speaker 5: door for the man. For example, the man should always
Speaker 5: pay for the date, the woman should not pay for
Speaker 5: the date. Okay, Now that's not really equal, but it's
Speaker 5: not supposed to be. They have different roles, and it's
Speaker 5: about love and happiness. They deserve the utmost respect, and
Speaker 5: they compliment each other. Okay, they work well together.
Speaker 4: As a tea carrying a bag all that sort of stuff,
Speaker 4: Like I do that naturally, Like I actually feel uncomfortable
Speaker 4: not carrying like the growths and watching like my girl
Speaker 4: do that, Like I actually genuinely feel uncomfortable doing that.
Speaker 4: So I'll grab that off them. But with the bill,
Speaker 4: say you're with your partner, I think it should be
Speaker 4: fifty to fifty. If not maybe obviously a guy will
Speaker 4: naturally pick up more bills for like coffee and stuff
Speaker 4: like that. But I think that if you're in a
Speaker 4: relationship with your partner, they would have to pay as well.
Speaker 4: I mean, what would you say then, if the girl's
Speaker 4: on one hundred k and you're on seventy k a year?
Speaker 5: Yeah, what if the girl has stronger arms, should she
Speaker 5: open the door for you?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean no, that's that's not really the same
Speaker 4: argument though, so it is.
Speaker 5: It is all about chivalry. So when you're in a
Speaker 5: long term relationship, you basically pull your money together and
Speaker 5: you're a team, so you pay the rent and the
Speaker 5: electricity like all together. Right, But going on a date,
Speaker 5: I want people to practice masculine feminine energy on the date. Okay,
Speaker 5: so in the day to day life and you're paying
Speaker 5: for rent and all that sort of stuff, yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: work as a team and all that sort of jazz.
Speaker 5: But when you go on a date specifically, I want
Speaker 5: you guys to practice masculine femine energy. So even you
Speaker 5: have a shared bank account, the guy still pays the
Speaker 5: bill with the card. Just so the practice the masculine
Speaker 5: femin energy, does it make much difference, Well, it's coming
Speaker 5: out of the same account, so financially it doesn't. But
Speaker 5: it's just the practice of the masculine femin energy and
Speaker 5: what that does builds.
Speaker 3: A traction, and then I guess it like strengthens the
Speaker 3: bond of the relationship as the.
Speaker 4: Woman has put forty to thirty K more into that
Speaker 4: bank account and he's still he's still tapping the card.
Speaker 4: I mean, okay, I see what you're saying. I see
Speaker 4: what you're saying. Yeah, I do see.
Speaker 3: Like that's for me, it's a red flag. If a
Speaker 3: guy takes me on a date and he's not paying
Speaker 3: the bill, of course I'm going to offer.
Speaker 1: But if he's like, yeah, yeah, you go always Latin.
Speaker 4: I always think, on like a first date, the guy
Speaker 4: should pay, should pay. I think that that's setting from
Speaker 4: the start what you explain as a masculine feminine energy.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: What's some things that women do on dates that could
Speaker 3: be seen as a mistake that's not in their feminine energy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So one of those things I was talking about
Speaker 5: with being joyous and really nurturing. If a girl is
Speaker 5: a bit withdrawn, okay, she's a bit cold, she's too shy,
Speaker 5: she's not very charismatic, so she's holding back. She doesn't
Speaker 5: want to be touched as well as that living in fear.
Speaker 5: So some girls live in fear by not letting the
Speaker 5: guy pick her up for the date, or I'll meet
Speaker 5: you at the restaurant, all these little things. It lulls
Speaker 5: attraction each time because she doesn't trust the guy to
Speaker 5: do his role, doesn't trust him to do the high
Speaker 5: value date, so she takes over the lead. She's the leader.
Speaker 5: The attraction goes down.
Speaker 3: I guess, like I totally understand why women are fearful
Speaker 3: going on dates. Like obviously with dating, we're in a
Speaker 3: kind of time now where you know, you can't like
Speaker 3: ask people about people you're dating.
Speaker 1: What's you like? Did it are? So it is really
Speaker 1: like going and blind.
Speaker 5: You probably will get murdered going on dating.
Speaker 1: I mean there's a lot of creeps out there. I
Speaker 1: mean I'm worried.
Speaker 5: Statistically, guys, statistically, there's more chance you're going in a
Speaker 5: car crash on the way to the date then getting
Speaker 5: murdered by they perstingly on a date with. But look,
Speaker 5: that fear is totally understandable, especially with everyone watching crime
Speaker 5: shows every second. But there's some stuff you can do
Speaker 5: to mitigate some of those risks. Okay. One of those
Speaker 5: things turn the tracker on your phone and let your
Speaker 5: best friend monitor where you're at. You can tell people
Speaker 5: what you're doing. Okay, you can keep your phone on
Speaker 5: you as well. You can be a good judge of character.
Speaker 5: You guys are clearly good judge of character. You're not
Speaker 5: going to go on a date with a complete psycho, Okay,
Speaker 5: You're going to do a phone call first, do a
Speaker 5: FaceTime judge who they are a little bit before you
Speaker 5: go on the date, and if you feel uncomfortable, nah,
Speaker 5: no good, Yeah, these little tools.
Speaker 1: So how do you build up trust whilst dating?
Speaker 3: Obviously there's as I mentioned, there's a lot of women
Speaker 3: who are a little bit more reserved. If that is
Speaker 3: kind of in your mo for like date number one.
Speaker 3: How do you build up trust between your date?
Speaker 5: You have to kind of trust yourself that you're making
Speaker 5: a smart decision, okay, and trust slowly builds up over time.
Speaker 5: But I recommend if you can think of trust on
Speaker 5: a meter from one to ten. Which person should be
Speaker 5: around a six for you? Okay, so an average person
Speaker 5: that you meet on the street, it's about a six.
Speaker 5: You're not going to give them your wallet, but you
Speaker 5: trust them that they're not going to hurt you. Right,
Speaker 5: most people are good people. So start everyone off as
Speaker 5: a six, and then you go on a date with them.
Speaker 5: It should quickly go up, very quickly, and there should
Speaker 5: be enough trust there that you're open to kissing them
Speaker 5: pretty much straight away.
Speaker 3: Okay, we're going to talk about communication, intimacy, and courtship.
Speaker 3: One of the questions that we get a lot from
Speaker 3: our listeners is they worry about getting ghosted. And I
Speaker 3: guess our question for you is, what would you say
Speaker 3: to someone who keeps getting ghosted?
Speaker 5: If you're getting ghosted like every day, there's probably something
Speaker 5: you're doing wrong in communication. Now, If you're getting ghosted
Speaker 5: once in a while, that's completely normal, Okay, even people
Speaker 5: who are extremely pretty get ghosted. But if you're getting
Speaker 5: ghosted like by every single person you're talking to, you're
Speaker 5: doing something wrong.
Speaker 4: Well, we asked you earlier about the terminology of attachment styles.
Speaker 4: What's your opinion on love languages.
Speaker 5: Yeah, love languages are pretty good. But they're also fairly basic.
Speaker 5: So don't base everything on love languages. Okay, I've coached
Speaker 5: a lot of couples. It's very rare that a couple
Speaker 5: has the same love languages one another. Okay, there's five
Speaker 5: love languages. They're all great. Everyone loves quality time, everyone
Speaker 5: loves presence, everyone loves physical touch. Like, there's no bad
Speaker 5: ones in there. I say, do them all, but don't
Speaker 5: over water of course, don't act crazy, but do them all.
Speaker 5: They're all fantastic. So I wouldn't put too much weight
Speaker 5: on love languages, but they're all good.
Speaker 4: Like, what would you say that if somebody that actually
Speaker 4: doesn't like cuddling and doesn't like actual affection and then
Speaker 4: the other person does, how would you combat that sort
Speaker 4: of situation?
Speaker 5: Yeah, if someone doesn't like being touch, there's usually a
Speaker 5: reason behind it. Either they don't like their partner, or
Speaker 5: they're feeling a lack of confidence in themselves. They feel
Speaker 5: like they're ugly or fat or something. Usually issues that
Speaker 5: can be solved. So human beings aren't naturally like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, so all that that can all be worked out.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we just build up their confidence. There's a confidence
Speaker 5: in self esteem builds, then their self worth goes up,
Speaker 5: and then suddenly they like being touch. But there's usually
Speaker 5: something in that we can sort out.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: The final question I had is just for the people
Speaker 3: who are in relationships through listening, how can they tell
Speaker 3: if they're in a ten out of ten relationship?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so just GOBU see your partner and say hey,
Speaker 5: quick question, what would you rate this relationship out of ten?
Speaker 5: And see what they say? Super simple, But.
Speaker 1: I mean surely they're going to say ten.
Speaker 5: Would Yeah maybe maybe they might say it's an eight
Speaker 5: out of ten and you go, great, eight out of ten,
Speaker 5: not bad? What would get it to a ten out
Speaker 5: of ten for you? And I'd say, look, i'd love
Speaker 5: if we went on more dates? Well brilliant, Yeah, me too, Actually,
Speaker 5: that'd be fantastic. Yeah, and that's the end of the conversation.
Speaker 2: What would you say if in a relationship? Isn't that simple?
Speaker 4: Say you go up to your partner and he says
Speaker 4: or they say, it's an eight out of ten, and
Speaker 4: then there's not like obviously the communication breaks down. It's
Speaker 4: not as easy as just getting a solution to the problem.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so its usually is pretty simple. Okay, they might
Speaker 5: say something more complicated, like I wish we communicated better. Okay,
Speaker 5: and any guys watching this, if a woman says to you,
Speaker 5: I wish we communicated better, there's a few things you
Speaker 5: need to do. First thing, you need to be more romantic.
Speaker 5: You need to tell her that you love her more
Speaker 5: and then so words of affirmation. But as well as that,
Speaker 5: you need to listen a bit more to what's what's
Speaker 5: happening and see if there's any specific issues. She may
Speaker 5: be arguing with one of your family members or something
Speaker 5: like that. But it's usually not too complicated. It's usually
Speaker 5: fairly simple.
Speaker 1: What's the secret to a long lasting relationship?
Speaker 5: Yeah, those five pillars that'll be covered, Yeah, building, attraction,
Speaker 5: masculine feminergy, courtship, innity, and communication. If you hit all five,
Speaker 5: you're going to absolutely smash it. And guys, I also
Speaker 5: have ten rules. Are you guys familiar with the ten
Speaker 5: rules that I talk about sometimes?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would have heard them, but let's share.
Speaker 1: That want to hear.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So it's pretty straightforward. So one of the rules
Speaker 5: is embrace masculine and feminine energy. Okay, so really it
Speaker 5: can be a little bit difficult, but embrace that masculine,
Speaker 5: femin energy. Another one, be intimate two or three times
Speaker 5: a week. Okay, do two twenty second homes a day.
Speaker 5: Never argue, you do hobbies, Write down your goals. Take
Speaker 5: extreme stock where you are right now, so measure where
Speaker 5: the relationship's at. Measure where you're at in other areas
Speaker 5: as well. Okay, do dual hobbies, do single hobbies as well.
Speaker 5: All these little things make a big difference. Remember the
Speaker 5: rules of communication. How do you want that person to
Speaker 5: feel when you finished talking? A lot of these simple things,
Speaker 5: but they make a huge difference.
Speaker 1: How do you never argue in a relationship.
Speaker 5: It's setting a boundary with yourself. I haven't had an
Speaker 5: argument in years. Yeah, really, in years and years and years,
Speaker 5: me and my wife have never had a single argument.
Speaker 5: We may have had a disagreement, but a disagreement to
Speaker 5: an argument. A disagreement is just if you disagree about
Speaker 5: a certain thing, right, which is totally normal. An argument
Speaker 5: is a disagreement which is full of disrespect and aggression,
Speaker 5: which is never okay in a relationship. Okay, Now, all
Speaker 5: you have to do is set a boundary with yourself
Speaker 5: to say I'm never ever going to argue with anyone. Ever. Again,
Speaker 5: if someone tries to argue with you, go, I'm not
Speaker 5: going to argue. We can talk like calm and normal,
Speaker 5: but I don't argue. Ever, it takes two to tango.
Speaker 4: Now, how do you stop a disagreement from escalating into
Speaker 4: an argument? Because well, I know, you can say to yourself,
Speaker 4: I'm not going to get angry, I'm not going to yell.
Speaker 4: But sometimes there's so much just ignorance on the other end,
Speaker 4: or so much that you get so angry that how
Speaker 4: do you how do you stop yourself?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a great question. Can you think of a
Speaker 5: scenario for me brother, say.
Speaker 4: Like, for instance, like your girlfriend or your partner, your boyfriend,
Speaker 4: They're like, fuck, I'm trying to think of something, for example,
Speaker 4: just something basic, and then it escalates into an argument
Speaker 4: and you're yelling at each other and neither one of
Speaker 4: us can see each other's opinion, and you just keep going.
Speaker 5: Yeah. So it could be something simple like stacking the
Speaker 5: dishwasher effectively.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, that's yeah. I'm assuming
Speaker 4: every couple has argued about it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, so fantastic. So the rules of communication, The
Speaker 5: first rule is, how do you want that person to
Speaker 5: feel when you finished talking. Second rule of communication is
Speaker 5: what are you actually trying to achieve? Third rule of
Speaker 5: communication is how do you get them to want to
Speaker 5: do what you want them to do? Okay, so first
Speaker 5: rule of communication? How do you want them to feel
Speaker 5: when you finished talking? If someone puts the dish in
Speaker 5: the wrong way and the dishwasher or whatever by getting
Speaker 5: really angry at them, how do they feel? Do you
Speaker 5: think they want to do what you said? Probably not.
Speaker 5: They're going to think this person is a fucking piece
Speaker 5: of shit, right, So that's not very effective. How do
Speaker 5: you make him feel the way you wanted to feel?
Speaker 5: What do you wanted to feel? You probably wanted to
Speaker 5: feel inspired, motivated, happy, grateful, some positive emotions. Right. What
Speaker 5: do you want them to do? I wanted to stack
Speaker 5: the dishwasher with the plates going the other way. Okay,
Speaker 5: no worries. How do I make them want to do it? Yeah? So, say,
Speaker 5: for example, any women watching, if you wanted to get
Speaker 5: a guy to want to stack the dishwasher the right way,
Speaker 5: the trick would be with feminine communication. Okay, physical touch.
Speaker 5: So for any women watching, physical touch is a fantastic
Speaker 5: way to communicate. If you physically touch a man while
Speaker 5: you're talking to him, the chance of you being heard
Speaker 5: goes up dramatically. Okay, physically touching. And then also you
Speaker 5: want to use feminine type vocal things. Okay, so you
Speaker 5: want to say something like, look, honey, I really like
Speaker 5: that you stack the dishwasher. I appreciate your making an effort.
Speaker 5: Just next time, can you turn the plates around for me?
Speaker 5: They'd be fantastic. Yeah, and that's the end of the conversation.
Speaker 5: How would he feel after she said that to him,
Speaker 5: he'd probably feel motivated to do so next time. Yeah,
Speaker 5: And that's going to make a big difference, just like that,
Speaker 5: just using that feminine communication, just learning how to do
Speaker 5: it the right way, it's a thousand times better than
Speaker 5: it the wrong way. Nagging, being bitchy, aggression, it's never
Speaker 5: a key to handle anything ever. And any men watching this,
Speaker 5: if any women communicate to you in an aggressive type way,
Speaker 5: you go, I don't think so, And that's the end
Speaker 5: of the conversation. You set the boundary. Okay, guys, any
Speaker 5: guys watching this, if a woman comes up with your aggression,
Speaker 5: do not do what she said. Okay, because you're saying, hey,
Speaker 5: it's Okay, you talk to me like that, I'm a
Speaker 5: piece of shit. Let me have it, and I'm going
Speaker 5: to do what you say to show you that you're okay.
Speaker 2: I agree. I agree that, like, don't let anyone speak
Speaker 2: to you like shit.
Speaker 3: But I guess you're saying that when you're at a
Speaker 3: point that when you're about to roll over the edge,
Speaker 3: when things are getting go from like a conversation that's
Speaker 3: getting heated to like where you're about to elevate and
Speaker 3: fly off the hand patties do that, and I guess
Speaker 3: his respect.
Speaker 5: Okay, So you could ask yourself a question. I could
Speaker 5: reframe it for your brother, So you could ask yourself
Speaker 5: a question when you're in that spot, ask yourself, do
Speaker 5: you want to be happy or do you want to
Speaker 5: be right?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's true.
Speaker 4: My mentality would be I need to not that out
Speaker 4: there where I think the best for me and everyone
Speaker 4: would be I go take five minutes and walk off.
Speaker 5: And the other question is why are you so angry that?
Speaker 2: How long do you have made?
Speaker 5: Brother? There's nothing to be angry about. You have a
Speaker 5: fantastic life. You live in the richest country in the world.
Speaker 5: You should be grateful.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, I agree, Yeah, and I love I think
Speaker 3: it is important to like reframe our minds and in
Speaker 3: those moments of anger, to just really pull ourselves back
Speaker 3: and be like, this is a boundary. I'm not going
Speaker 3: to argue. It's something that I've been working on with Michael.
Speaker 4: Yeah, It's definitely something I need to work on in
Speaker 4: all aspects of my life. I feel like I get
Speaker 4: like really irritable, really easy at the moment. Like just
Speaker 4: even like people walking slow on the street can get
Speaker 4: me frustrated at the moment.
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe there's maybe there's there's a reason you're getting
Speaker 5: a little bit stressed. Maybe you feel like you're not
Speaker 5: hitting your goals properly. Maybe some little things like that.
Speaker 5: Reframe it in your mind, hit some gratitude, write down
Speaker 5: your goals, look what you're looking for, Okay, and then
Speaker 5: also remember just control the controllables. Okay, someone cuts you
Speaker 5: off in traffic, can you control that? Not really? Okay,
Speaker 5: So what's the point of getting angry about it?
Speaker 4: Absolutely, that's what my mum said, definitely said. You can't
Speaker 4: control anyone else, but you can definitely control yourself. So
Speaker 4: work on that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jake, thank you so much. It's been a pleasure
Speaker 1: talking to you. I think Matt needs someone on one lesson.
Speaker 2: Nah, I'm fine.
Speaker 4: It was just a couple of questions of examples that
Speaker 4: I wanted to feel that I think a lot of
Speaker 4: the audience would appreciate as well.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, thank you so much for your time. It's been
Speaker 3: a pleasure and hopefully we'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 2: Thanks mate, Thanks for having me.
Speaker 5: Guys,