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Speaker 1: Appolgie production. I need your advice. Are you okay? What happened?

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Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much. Bring it in.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to our Bestie segment.

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Speaker 1: This is the place for you.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of Bestie Advice with Ashley

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Speaker 2: and Tiana. We love our Bestie segment because we get

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Speaker 2: to hear your beautiful, anonymous obmissions from you in the

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Speaker 2: stories that you guys are navigating and things that you're

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Speaker 2: really needing support on. And we really hope to be

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Speaker 2: that safe soundboard for you and the place that you

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Speaker 2: can always come whenever you're dealing with anything that's going

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Speaker 2: on in your life and you just need a little

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Speaker 2: bit of support.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and if you ever want to bring anything, and

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Speaker 1: it can be about friendships, which today's is relationships, finances,

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Speaker 1: different situations, workplace, anything you're struggling with. We're just going

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Speaker 1: to give you out honest advice as we would each other. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right, Today's is about friendships. Okay. I feel insecure

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Speaker 1: in friendships even though most of them are fifteen year

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Speaker 1: plus friends. But new or old, I overthink and get

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Speaker 1: insecure and I can feel left out even though most

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Speaker 1: of the time it's not on purpose. One example of

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Speaker 1: overthinking recently is a very close friend said I love

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Speaker 1: you to another friend, which is out of the norm

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Speaker 1: for her, but then didn't say it to me and

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Speaker 1: we are very close. If I want her to say it,

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Speaker 1: should I go first? I don't want to bring it up,

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Speaker 1: as I feel like it could make it awkward and forced.

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Speaker 1: And also, how can I work myself to stop feeling

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Speaker 1: this way? Oh?

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Speaker 2: I feel you as fellow anxious girlies, we get it.

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Speaker 2: We get it, and it's cool that you recognize, like

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Speaker 2: the question, how can I work on myself to stop

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Speaker 2: feeling this way? Because if you've been in friendships for

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Speaker 2: fifteen years and you're still feeling the same way, you

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Speaker 2: kind of know that it's an internal thing, not an external.

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Speaker 1: That's good. You're not projecting and blaming them.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, You're not like, yeah, you're not making

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Speaker 2: it about them. But I think the biggest thing is

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Speaker 2: learning more about your anxious attachment.

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Speaker 1: Will do your World of Good book you always recommend

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Speaker 1: that I do every single episode, I will do it.

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Speaker 2: It's called Attached by doctor Adam Levine. Now this is

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Speaker 2: going to teach you about your angxious attachment style. How

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Speaker 2: it shows up how it works in dynamics with other

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Speaker 2: people and how you are currently sabotaging love, intimacy and

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Speaker 2: connection with both friendships and well basically all your relationships.

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Speaker 2: It's a game changer, and for you, it's really learning

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Speaker 2: how to face your anxiousness now. Just to give you

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Speaker 2: like a personal example, like I used to run from

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Speaker 2: my anxiety and I used to think, like I was

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Speaker 2: so scared of it, no one could ever see me.

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Speaker 2: And I used to put this big facade on this

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Speaker 2: big wall of like, no, I'm confident, I'm cool, don't worry,

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Speaker 2: I don't care that much.

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Speaker 1: It's so fine.

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Speaker 2: But I was so terrified inside that people would leave me.

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Speaker 2: But it only made it worse. And that's maybe what

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Speaker 2: you're experiencing that you haven't really sat with it for

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Speaker 2: long enough for understood it enough for you to be

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Speaker 2: able to move through it, if that makes sense. And

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Speaker 2: I think the biggest thing is being able to sit

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Speaker 2: with whatever it is that comes up for you with friendships,

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Speaker 2: like why are you feeling anxious? What's the story that's

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Speaker 2: underneath that anxiety? Like what's your worst case scenario outcome

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Speaker 2: that you think is going to happen? And really facing

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Speaker 2: that fear, because that fear is driving your behavior to

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Speaker 2: the point that you feel like you can't even say

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Speaker 2: I love you to your friend, you know, And that's

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Speaker 2: not a feeling of freedom within relationships, Like you know,

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Speaker 2: you maybe you don't feel fully safe to do that,

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Speaker 2: but you're allowed to, you know, Like what is stopping

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Speaker 2: you from going to that person saying, oh, my gosh,

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Speaker 2: I just love you so much. I'm so grateful for you. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so grateful for our friendship. Be willing to go first,

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Speaker 2: be willing to be vulnerable with your heart on your sleeve,

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Speaker 2: and you will find that people will be able to

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Speaker 2: reciprocate you if they can meet you.

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Speaker 1: There definitely one thing that's helped me too over the

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Speaker 1: years of my anxiousness and fomo fear of missing out

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Speaker 1: and being left out, only more recently is being playful

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Speaker 1: with it. It's like I'll say, oh, but I want

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Speaker 1: to come, fomo, where are you going? Can I? And

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Speaker 1: it's like in this little joke, you know, and I

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Speaker 1: bring playfulness to it. And then there's a couple of

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Speaker 1: friends that I have felt really safe to to say

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Speaker 1: like I do get fomo and I know, I know

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Speaker 1: you're not doing it intentionally, but I would love to come.

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Speaker 1: And you know, for example, I had these still got

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Speaker 1: them in my life, but at this period of time

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Speaker 1: where we had this conversation, they did party drugs and

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Speaker 1: they like to drink, and they're like, but we know

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Speaker 1: you're not going to come. I said, I know I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to come, but I still want you to

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Speaker 1: invite me. Yes. I feel like I'm a lot more

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Speaker 1: secure in my friendships now, but for a period there,

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Speaker 1: they're like, Hey, we're heading here, getting ready at nine o'clock,

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Speaker 1: we're going out at ten pm. It is going to

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Speaker 1: be a big night. You're more than welcome to come.

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Speaker 1: We would actually love you to come, but we know

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Speaker 1: you'll be in bed by eight, but the invitation's there. Yes,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much, I'll be in bed. I love that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love you. I Yes, I'm such a long way. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: It was being brave enough to be vulnerable to let

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Speaker 1: them know I was feeling anxious and feeling left out,

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Speaker 1: and also reassuring them that they hadn't done anything wrong. Yes,

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Speaker 1: that's how I would always start it, like, you guys

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Speaker 1: are not done anything wrong. This is my own stuff.

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Speaker 1: I just get a bit insecure sometimes I want to

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Speaker 1: be invited. Yeah, and brought a bit of play in

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Speaker 1: fun to it. And when you are soft like that

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Speaker 1: and you reassure that they haven't done anything wrong, it's

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Speaker 1: received really well and a lot of time they want

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Speaker 1: to bring you in and hug you. So true. But

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Speaker 1: I also love that what you said about saying I

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Speaker 1: love you first, because if you guys don't normally say that,

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Speaker 1: they might not think that you even want to hear it.

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Speaker 1: They might be all and be like, oh and say

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Speaker 1: I love you. That's right, that's right. So if you

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Speaker 1: go up and give me hug and say, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: just love you so much. Gotch I love our friendship

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Speaker 1: fifteen years? Wow? How cool is that we should celebrate that? Yes?

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Speaker 1: You know, yeah, you can also be the leader in

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Speaker 1: organizing things as well, and also know that each individual

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Speaker 1: person is going to have different connections. So I've got

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Speaker 1: different friends that you know, in a group, there's two

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Speaker 1: that are much closer than the other, third or fourth person.

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Speaker 1: That's okay as well. It doesn't mean anything bad about

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Speaker 1: me or about the other people in the group. They've

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Speaker 1: just got a really special bond. I used to take

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Speaker 1: things like that personally, and now I can see it

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Speaker 1: for what it is.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you know that's really powerful.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, take it personally, it's not. Yes, people just have

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Speaker 1: special connections and bond zing. Sometimes they can't even explain.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's so true, and it's like us, like I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna say that for you.

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Speaker 1: You know you were thinking it, but you said it.

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Speaker 2: It's cool because it highlights for me when I listen

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Speaker 2: to this submission and highlights me what it is that

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Speaker 2: you're wanting more of. Yes, you know you sound like

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Speaker 2: a lover girl through and through, and like us as women.

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Speaker 1: We want belonging so bad.

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Speaker 2: We want connection, we want girl code, we want closer,

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Speaker 2: we want girl club, as Tyler would say. And it's

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Speaker 2: a powerful thing to be able to have, but it

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Speaker 2: really does require you to go first. And I know

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Speaker 2: that's the barrier. The barrier is vulnerability because maybe in

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Speaker 2: the past you haven't had, say, friendships, or you've had

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Speaker 2: relationships where your heart has been hurt, and now you

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Speaker 2: have this little wall around your heart where you don't

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Speaker 2: really want to let anybody in again, you know.

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Speaker 1: But I truly believe.

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Speaker 2: That the way that you heal previous wounds is to

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Speaker 2: let people back in and to create new experiences in

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Speaker 2: their place, evidence, new evidence, and that's been huge for

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Speaker 2: me in my life, you know, in our dynamic especially,

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Speaker 2: so I think giving yourself permission to be brave and

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Speaker 2: knowing that the right people will receive you, well, you know,

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Speaker 2: and there is you have nothing to lose by being

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Speaker 2: who you actually are, Like, don't listen to all this

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Speaker 2: bullshit on social media that's telling you to act like

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Speaker 2: you don't care and pull back and play games even

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Speaker 2: with friendships, like you don't need to do that. Be

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Speaker 2: honest about what you want. To be truthful about who

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Speaker 2: you are, and wear your heart on your sleeve so

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Speaker 2: authentically that when somebody who is meant to find you

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Speaker 2: can spot you from a mile away, they'll be like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, she's my human. I'm gonna keep her.

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Speaker 2: That's what I did with Ashy, That's what we did

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Speaker 2: with each other, you know. But you have to be

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Speaker 2: willing to go first, and you have to be willing

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Speaker 2: to be brave. And it's scary. It is scary you

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Speaker 2: put yourself in front of rejection. But the more you

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Speaker 2: do that, the less you fear rejection because you know

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Speaker 2: what's on the other side of rejection is yeah, maybe

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Speaker 2: this person might not meet me, but if they do,

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Speaker 2: it'll be ten times better than what I could have

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Speaker 2: even imagined.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, when it comes to communicating things, I know at

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Speaker 1: first I really struggled face to face, So sending a

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Speaker 1: voice message or like leaving out a draft something up there.

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Speaker 1: I've got everything in that I wanted to say in

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Speaker 1: a beautiful message. And the sandwich approach is really good,

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Speaker 1: Like it doesn't really positive, reassure them, get to the

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Speaker 1: meat of what you want to actually say and your

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Speaker 1: vulnerability and how you feel, and then finish it with

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Speaker 1: how much gratitude and love you have for the friendship

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Speaker 1: and thank them for holding the space and hearing human

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Speaker 1: being there for you. Yeah, definitely really nice approach. And

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Speaker 1: it's just a little scary intimidating a face to face

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Speaker 1: scares you, and.

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Speaker 2: You know, I find dissolves things like anxiety is being

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Speaker 2: seen in it. The thing that makes it worse is

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Speaker 2: when you do it in secrecy and you do it

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Speaker 2: in shame because you make yourself feel oh my god,

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Speaker 2: why am I so anxious?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god?

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Speaker 2: If they ever saw me in this, they would leave me.

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Speaker 2: They wouldn't love me anymore, they wouldn't want to be

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Speaker 2: my friend anymore the moments. And I've done this in

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Speaker 2: our friendship so many times. Whenever I'm feeling anxious, I

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Speaker 2: just bring it into ashy. Yeah, babe, I'm feeling a

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Speaker 2: little anxious. Love me, yeah, leave me, you know. And

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Speaker 2: then immediately as I voice it and she holds me

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Speaker 2: in it, I'm like, cool, dissolve gone. I feel let's

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Speaker 2: forget a snack, you know, So really pushing out of

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Speaker 2: your limit and your comfort zone of being seen in

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Speaker 2: it will dissolve it one hundred percent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but we feel you. We're definitely, especially in friendships

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Speaker 1: for me, I totally get it, like I've so been

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Speaker 1: in your shoes. But yeah, bringing in having more conversations

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Speaker 1: being vulnerable, I think your friends will want to hold

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Speaker 1: you in that too. They don't want you feeling sad

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Speaker 1: or left out, but it's just going to be approached.

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Speaker 2: Well.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they ever feel criticized or like they've done something wrong,

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Speaker 1: the conversation can go very differently, absolutely, because no one

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Speaker 1: wants to feel like they're hurting you.

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Speaker 2: You know, we'll feel like they've done something wrong, Yeah, exactly,

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Speaker 2: you know what they've been there for fifteen years. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean they're in your life for a reason. They've

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Speaker 2: actually chosen to stay, which means they want to be there. Yes,

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Speaker 2: that's something you can take pride in.

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Speaker 1: Definitely, I think that's some solid advice. We'd love an

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Speaker 1: update if you bringing in this forward or have the conversation,

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Speaker 1: or send a text message or just start going first.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, if anybody else has any situations like this, We're

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Speaker 2: going to leave the link to drop in your submissions

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Speaker 2: in the description box, and if you ever want to

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Speaker 2: leave us one, you can just send us a CDM

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Speaker 2: and we'll show you the link.

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Speaker 1: Well, context the better, yeah, like, give us the details.

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Speaker 2: Bring in the lengthy stories, girlies.

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Speaker 1: When we go to each other, it's every single detail,

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Speaker 1: there's nothing missed, and it's like, oh, okay, we can

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Speaker 1: give you good advice because we know everything that's going on.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you in the next episode.

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Speaker 1: Bye bye,