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Speaker 1: This is the Fitting In with Kate Richie podcast.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely disgusted by this, Absolutely disgusted as I look out

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Speaker 2: and I just I've got a photo of my beautiful

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Speaker 2: wife in my wallet as well, and I look at

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Speaker 2: her and I go, is.

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Speaker 1: This is she doing this?

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Speaker 2: It's been a study that's come out, Kate, and you're

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Speaker 2: not going to like this?

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Speaker 3: Sounds as though I might.

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Speaker 2: It was on the news last night. I have a

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Speaker 2: listen to this.

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Speaker 4: In the States, we're in a relationship, should you really

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Speaker 4: have a backup plan?

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Speaker 1: There is new research that shows half.

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Speaker 5: Of all women have a guy on the back burner

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Speaker 5: just in case things go wrong in their current relationship.

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Speaker 1: That's disgusting.

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Speaker 2: And now I'm not talking boyfriend and girlfriend here. They

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Speaker 2: had a relationship expert on the show and this is

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Speaker 2: what she had to say.

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Speaker 5: More than half of women who are married and categorize

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Speaker 5: themselves as how to marry, they're women are doing this

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Speaker 5: happy backup plan. It means you have someone on the

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Speaker 5: back burner, and in most cases it was either an

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Speaker 5: ex boyfriend or an old friend who never made it

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Speaker 5: to the dating category.

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Speaker 1: What have you got to say? Absolutely? Do you know

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Speaker 1: what I want to know?

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Speaker 4: What the back burner means like, is this is the

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Speaker 4: married woman in contact with this guy regularly or do

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Speaker 4: they just know them? Or are they and are they

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Speaker 4: deliberately remaining close to them in case their current relationship fails.

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Speaker 3: Maybe they're drip feeding. It's not a slow simmer.

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Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? I agree with with here.

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Speaker 2: If you do have someone on the back burner, let's

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Speaker 2: say they're a friend. Right, If they're a friend, are

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Speaker 2: you are you still baiting up your line and throwing

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Speaker 2: it out there so they're nibbling on it every now

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Speaker 2: and they're knowing. I could be a chance here of

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Speaker 2: getting caught.

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Speaker 1: I could be a chance.

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Speaker 4: I reckon, you're burleying upfits. I don't reckon you're baiting

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Speaker 4: the hook, but you're burling. You're definitely throwing a bit

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Speaker 4: of interest into the water.

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Speaker 1: You're vomiting off the sprinkling.

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Speaker 4: You've got your scatter gun out and you're just kind

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Speaker 4: of showing them you're still around.

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Speaker 3: Let me have women trying to be very careful. Yeah, look,

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I have had friends in the past

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Speaker 3: who I know friends are in relationships, no actual free dulie. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I can't tell any of her not fit for breakfast

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Speaker 3: radio where they have they have a partner and a

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Speaker 3: husband and maybe even kids, and they're living their life

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Speaker 3: and they're living with the choices they have made. But

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Speaker 3: I don't think they're necessarily keeping someone on the back burner. Publicly,

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Speaker 3: it's not something that everyone knows about, but in their mind,

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Speaker 3: maybe there's a like, you know that guy I went

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Speaker 3: to school with and he is so nice to me,

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Speaker 3: and I think he broke up with his wife, and

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Speaker 3: I think he still lives in such and such, and

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Speaker 3: I have a little look on Facebook and see, you

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Speaker 3: know what he's quite. I think that we could, you know,

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Speaker 3: loop back around at some point and then you just

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Speaker 3: move on and take the kids to school. And I

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Speaker 3: don't think it's an active pursuing of someone on the side.

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Speaker 1: Because I do. You've actively put it into your mind

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Speaker 1: that's okay mind.

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Speaker 3: You've festively done the things you think aren't true.

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Speaker 1: To create that this is true.

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Speaker 4: You've actively gone out of your way by searching on

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Speaker 4: Facebook to see what they're up to to create the

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Speaker 4: image and slowly build desire to think. If that didn't

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Speaker 4: work in my current then I have that on hold.

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Speaker 3: Yip but okay, Fitz, don't you think it's better for

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Speaker 3: when you're doing the groceries and you're hating on your

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Speaker 3: life and you know you've got to go home and

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Speaker 3: put the kids in the bath, and because he wouldn't

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Speaker 3: have done it, while you're at the shops getting the

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Speaker 3: things our cream for the targos anyway, and so isn't

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Speaker 3: it what we do both tyos and complicating them and

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Speaker 3: so and so when you're getting in the car and

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Speaker 3: you think about Adam from you know, university or something.

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Speaker 3: Isn't that fleeting thought before you head back into the

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Speaker 3: hell that is the home? Isn't that better than actively

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Speaker 3: like chasing down somebody on socials, going out on a

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Speaker 3: Friday night and actively flirting to make yourself feel better.

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Speaker 3: Don't you think that having just a little thought of

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Speaker 3: you know what, I'll be okay, he wants this nightmare

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Speaker 3: is of.

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Speaker 1: The marriage marriage.

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Speaker 2: But see, I think that's more nostalgia. I think you

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Speaker 2: look back on your earlier days and you go, oh, geez,

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Speaker 2: I had some good times with that person, and I agree,

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Speaker 2: But then you go back to the screaming kids and

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Speaker 2: the unwashed wife at home and you go, this is

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Speaker 2: what it's all about. You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: This is what I fits. I bumped into an ex

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Speaker 1: the other day.

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Speaker 4: You have a lot of ex right, bumped into an

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Speaker 4: X on a walk while I was on holidays. And

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Speaker 4: what was interesting was my wife, my current wife, Lisa,

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Speaker 4: had walked. She'd she'd taken off. So then I was

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Speaker 4: sort of just she kept looking back to see where

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Speaker 4: I was, keeping up with me, but I was deep

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Speaker 4: in conversation with an ex that I bumped into.

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Speaker 3: Had you jumped and stopped it stopped?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then Lisa kept walking and you left your

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Speaker 2: wife and Lisa left him.

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Speaker 1: Lisa kept walking, but then she said, oh, where's Lisa?

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Speaker 4: And I sort of just pointed and when she's over

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Speaker 4: there somewhere. But I was deep in conversation with an ex,

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Speaker 4: thinking about the glory days.

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Speaker 2: Sonya's giving us get involved with Sonya ives. We're talking

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Speaker 2: about backup?

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Speaker 1: Hi, Sonya, how are you good? Son son what you look?

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Speaker 6: I'm going to be honest, I'm totally risked out the

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Speaker 6: idea of having a backup, like we always need a

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Speaker 6: back up, Like you've got a back up iPhone, like

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Speaker 6: the iCloud, Like Honestly, there's always someone that's got that

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Speaker 6: that is your backup.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So are you married?

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Speaker 6: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Okay, happily married?

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Speaker 6: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Can I ask who is the is this? Is this

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Speaker 2: an old friend that you went to school with or

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Speaker 2: sort of.

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Speaker 6: An old flame from a couple of years ago before

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Speaker 6: I settled down, And you know, he's always been that

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Speaker 6: person that you know, you have a little bit of

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Speaker 6: a snoop on the socials, you get a little bit

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Speaker 6: of a keepering you see status go single again. You know,

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Speaker 6: you just feel like you're always in for a chance

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Speaker 6: when you like you're selfy on a girl's night out.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I love your honesty.

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Speaker 4: You know what's interesting though, You've got to be very

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Speaker 4: careful because the mundane life of day in, day out

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Speaker 4: with the same person for a ten year period is

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Speaker 4: a comfort place to play and that's where you find

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Speaker 4: yourself in marriage, and that's what marriage is.

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Speaker 1: But then, and I.

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Speaker 6: Also find confident in the fact he has an unfriended

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Speaker 6: me yet as well as other guys.

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Speaker 3: Well, yeah, no, I know, and I get it because

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Speaker 3: you probably if he did and you knew he was

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Speaker 3: loved up and he moved on and had a baby

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Speaker 3: or something, there would be a little part of you

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Speaker 3: that would die inside, Sonya.

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Speaker 6: I feel like I was in that TV sex life.

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Speaker 6: I'd be like, oh my god, it'll lay my husband

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Speaker 6: and be missed.

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Speaker 5: You.

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Speaker 2: When was the last time you spoke to him, Sonya?

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Speaker 2: You physically spoke to.

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Speaker 6: Him, Oh, it's been a couple of years. But taking

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Speaker 6: sealthy life on the Instagram and get a bit of

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Speaker 6: a kid.

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Speaker 4: But if you had the chance and you bumped into him,

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Speaker 4: say today, would you say, hey, we should have coffee?

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Speaker 2: Now?

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Speaker 6: Does your husband because I watch him a distance and

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Speaker 6: I just know he's always there.

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Speaker 3: Okay, Sonya? Would your husband know that you're doing a

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Speaker 3: little bit of this and did he know that this

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Speaker 3: relationship meant this?

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Speaker 6: Absolutely not. She wouldn't even know that. I'm on the

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Speaker 6: radio right now discussing it with you guys.

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Speaker 2: This is this is what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: This is and I am just it's not or is it?

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Speaker 3: It's going on in your mind? Although Sonya is being

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Speaker 3: far more naughty than I.

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Speaker 1: I like you, Sonya, and you've want to You're with me.

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Speaker 6: I know you're doing guest, Sonya.

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Speaker 1: You've won a copy of The Far Too Personal Trainer.

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Speaker 3: My book.

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Speaker 1: I'm make sure we get a copy out of you.

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Speaker 1: All right, so much guy, No, you'll have a good time.

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Speaker 4: Sits In Whipper with Kate Ritchie is a Nova podcast

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Speaker 4: walk great shows like this. Download the Nova Player by

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Speaker 4: the app Store or Google Playing