1 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:12,880 Speaker 1: Approache Production. Welcome to Secrets of the Underworld. I am 2 00:00:12,961 --> 00:00:16,481 Speaker 1: Neil the Muscle comments and in this episode we hear 3 00:00:16,561 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 1: part two of my interview with Ron Isherwood, and. 4 00:00:19,801 --> 00:00:21,361 Speaker 2: I need to hear I made. I can't come in 5 00:00:21,401 --> 00:00:24,441 Speaker 2: here and tell you bullshit watching him die like that. 6 00:00:24,641 --> 00:00:27,481 Speaker 2: It's going to sound horrible, and I add more satisfaction 7 00:00:27,681 --> 00:00:30,561 Speaker 2: watching him die like that. And the reason I'm clean 8 00:00:30,681 --> 00:00:33,201 Speaker 2: is because my life is better when I don't take drugs. 9 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:35,881 Speaker 2: The system doesn't get it. We are never going to 10 00:00:35,921 --> 00:00:40,761 Speaker 2: strop importations while there's a demand. If I can teach 11 00:00:40,801 --> 00:00:43,081 Speaker 2: other people how not to take dreats, you know, excited 12 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 2: to work out why I took them. I took them 13 00:00:44,801 --> 00:00:50,001 Speaker 2: because I thought I was worth it. Mate. You know, 14 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,121 Speaker 2: I'm blessed. I really am blessed, and I believe it's 15 00:00:52,161 --> 00:00:55,481 Speaker 2: because of what I do, not what I've done. You know, 16 00:00:55,481 --> 00:00:59,841 Speaker 2: when people talking, I get hurt, but I understand it, 17 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,161 Speaker 2: and then you'd be the same people judge us on 18 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,761 Speaker 2: our past. It's like breaking into a house with you. 19 00:01:05,681 --> 00:01:08,681 Speaker 2: You're not fucking there anymore. You can keep breaking to 20 00:01:08,801 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 2: that house. There's nothing in there, you dickhead. Why are 21 00:01:11,481 --> 00:01:13,881 Speaker 2: you breaking into that house? I'm not there, you know. 22 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,361 Speaker 2: It's just really really And people say to me, mate, 23 00:01:17,401 --> 00:01:18,921 Speaker 2: you can't blame it, you know that you did it. 24 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 2: I said, yeah, But fucking how many times do I 25 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 2: have to be convicted for the same crime? How much 26 00:01:23,241 --> 00:01:26,401 Speaker 2: punishment do I have to have? I'm not a victim, 27 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 2: But for fuck's sake, you know, like, get over it. 28 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,601 Speaker 2: Like your girlfriend leaves you, you hate her forever, you 29 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,081 Speaker 2: hope that she has a good life. Pissed off for 30 00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:37,761 Speaker 2: a couple of months till the next one comes along, 31 00:01:37,761 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 2: and then we get on with it. Society is not 32 00:01:40,481 --> 00:01:42,961 Speaker 2: built that way. That's the sad part I think that 33 00:01:44,121 --> 00:01:47,361 Speaker 2: I find for me is that people want to judge 34 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,201 Speaker 2: me on my past. And I swear, I swear to God, 35 00:01:50,281 --> 00:01:52,721 Speaker 2: I swear to whoever it is. If you put down 36 00:01:52,761 --> 00:01:54,801 Speaker 2: all the shit things I've done and all the good 37 00:01:54,841 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 2: things I've done, I'm fucking I'm pretty far ahead, mate, 38 00:01:58,841 --> 00:02:02,401 Speaker 2: I really am, you know. And it's yeah, And I 39 00:02:02,441 --> 00:02:05,041 Speaker 2: do believe in karma. I believe in you do good, 40 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:07,121 Speaker 2: good comes back. I don't believe it in bad kara. 41 00:02:07,121 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 2: And you know, I believe bad karma is there. But 42 00:02:08,841 --> 00:02:11,561 Speaker 2: I believe in karma and karmas. What you put out 43 00:02:11,641 --> 00:02:14,401 Speaker 2: is what you get back. And I love what you're 44 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:16,041 Speaker 2: doing because I think it's important that we put a 45 00:02:16,081 --> 00:02:19,881 Speaker 2: message out there that people do change, we can change, 46 00:02:19,921 --> 00:02:22,601 Speaker 2: and we have changed, and that we're not all tired 47 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:25,561 Speaker 2: with the same brush. Just because we did bad things 48 00:02:25,641 --> 00:02:29,041 Speaker 2: didn't mean more bad people. That's a really important thing 49 00:02:29,161 --> 00:02:31,041 Speaker 2: because for years I thought I was a bad person, 50 00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:33,481 Speaker 2: and I was never a bad person, made ays, had 51 00:02:33,481 --> 00:02:35,881 Speaker 2: a good heart, you know, and you know, and as 52 00:02:35,881 --> 00:02:38,481 Speaker 2: I said earlier, this thing my favorite saying about most people. 53 00:02:38,481 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 2: It's not hard a gold head of spaghetti, because that's 54 00:02:41,321 --> 00:02:43,681 Speaker 2: that's the trouble. And my job is done travel with spaghetti. 55 00:02:44,441 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 2: When I work with people in drug addiction, my job 56 00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:49,321 Speaker 2: is don't travel this spaghetti, you know. And today we've 57 00:02:49,361 --> 00:02:54,961 Speaker 2: gone into helping people that have been abused in institutions 58 00:02:55,081 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 2: you know where to be, jails, churches, schools, fucking boy scouts. 59 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,761 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter what it is. We've taken over. I've 60 00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 2: basically taken over from Russell, but not social media. Your bullshit. 61 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:10,481 Speaker 2: Don't make me wearing the tide shorts. I told him 62 00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,601 Speaker 2: I could have a fit into that shorts too small 63 00:03:12,641 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 2: for me. But all that stuff, you know, I believe 64 00:03:16,401 --> 00:03:20,521 Speaker 2: you know, he brought that up. Russell brought that was 65 00:03:20,561 --> 00:03:23,241 Speaker 2: he he set that up because of his own abuse. 66 00:03:25,361 --> 00:03:30,081 Speaker 2: Most guys that have had really troubled youths were abused 67 00:03:30,361 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 2: in some way or another. So it doesn't have to 68 00:03:31,881 --> 00:03:35,841 Speaker 2: be just sexual. Can be physical, spiritual, emotional. It's all abuse, 69 00:03:36,281 --> 00:03:40,881 Speaker 2: abuses abuse. I was told I was worthless, useless and habeless, 70 00:03:41,601 --> 00:03:43,601 Speaker 2: and I tried to prove them right for a long 71 00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:47,121 Speaker 2: long time. And today I believe I'm worthy, I'm useful, 72 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:50,721 Speaker 2: and I'm a really good human burning It's nice. It's 73 00:03:50,801 --> 00:03:54,081 Speaker 2: nice to be able to say to yourself, yeah, okay, 74 00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,641 Speaker 2: you're okay, You're not a bad blake. You know you 75 00:03:58,401 --> 00:04:00,801 Speaker 2: he had, he had a roughed up. You don't going 76 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,521 Speaker 2: to fight at the first round. You've to fight at 77 00:04:02,521 --> 00:04:03,801 Speaker 2: the end of the end of the right, you know 78 00:04:03,801 --> 00:04:06,441 Speaker 2: what I mean. The race has got to be finished 79 00:04:06,441 --> 00:04:08,561 Speaker 2: before you go judging something. You know who the winner, 80 00:04:08,641 --> 00:04:12,041 Speaker 2: knew the loser was. And my past has made me 81 00:04:12,081 --> 00:04:14,801 Speaker 2: who I am today. I can't change it. I can 82 00:04:14,841 --> 00:04:19,001 Speaker 2: accept it, not going to learn from it. I have 83 00:04:19,121 --> 00:04:21,361 Speaker 2: some parts of my past that I'm really grateful for, 84 00:04:22,201 --> 00:04:26,161 Speaker 2: even for my scumbag father. I have some pass his tenacity. 85 00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:28,961 Speaker 2: You know, I won't give up. I will never give up. 86 00:04:29,241 --> 00:04:33,321 Speaker 2: I will never, ever, ever fucking surrender. I won't surrender. 87 00:04:33,761 --> 00:04:35,241 Speaker 1: What did you dude think of you when you in 88 00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:37,441 Speaker 1: your latter years, when you were coming out of jail 89 00:04:37,481 --> 00:04:41,321 Speaker 1: and he's seen how bad you were like as as 90 00:04:41,721 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 1: an addict. 91 00:04:42,681 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 2: My whole man hated two things. Hated junkies, hated tattoos. Wow, 92 00:04:47,961 --> 00:04:52,921 Speaker 2: that's in my body. Yes, said that he hated you know. 93 00:04:53,801 --> 00:04:55,921 Speaker 2: My biggest issue was that I was trying to make 94 00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:59,721 Speaker 2: him pay. I think in retrospect. 95 00:04:59,481 --> 00:05:01,961 Speaker 1: It truly shot you or try to. 96 00:05:01,121 --> 00:05:03,641 Speaker 2: Shoot me for a slam in the front door. He shot 97 00:05:03,681 --> 00:05:07,121 Speaker 2: at me twice with the forty five Wow made. He 98 00:05:07,201 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 2: was sexually abusing my sister. You know, he's a fucking 99 00:05:10,001 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: piece of shit. You know. My sister had a child 100 00:05:12,801 --> 00:05:15,681 Speaker 2: to him. My stepsister had a child to my father. 101 00:05:16,601 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 2: People wondered why I hated him so much, you know, 102 00:05:19,081 --> 00:05:20,681 Speaker 2: but I didn't find that out until I was fifteen 103 00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:23,281 Speaker 2: or sixteen. I never used her until I was nineteen. 104 00:05:23,921 --> 00:05:28,521 Speaker 2: My mom passedway in March, my mom passed away, and 105 00:05:28,641 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: I was using heroin by may. My mom never seen 106 00:05:31,241 --> 00:05:33,361 Speaker 2: me as a junkie, which was really nice. And I 107 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:36,161 Speaker 2: was so scared of him. That's been truth. I asked 108 00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 2: mom if I could kill him when I was fourteen. 109 00:05:37,681 --> 00:05:39,001 Speaker 2: I said, when he comes home, I'm going to blow 110 00:05:39,041 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 2: his head off. My mom didn't say, I don't kill 111 00:05:41,521 --> 00:05:43,841 Speaker 2: your dad. She said he's not worth going to jo for. 112 00:05:45,201 --> 00:05:47,001 Speaker 2: Well about years later, did you ever want to do it? 113 00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:50,161 Speaker 1: Years later when you knew that you were a bit more? 114 00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:53,481 Speaker 2: Yeah? No, years later. I watched him die slowly. It 115 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:57,361 Speaker 2: was even better. Sounds horrible, but he ended up with nothing, 116 00:05:57,921 --> 00:06:00,001 Speaker 2: ended up living in a ship house out of the 117 00:06:00,041 --> 00:06:05,361 Speaker 2: back of Kenley veil, the paint falling off the war, 118 00:06:06,161 --> 00:06:08,161 Speaker 2: the hot water system was blown up and they're boiling 119 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:12,521 Speaker 2: jugs of someone who was so high up. Just end 120 00:06:12,601 --> 00:06:15,241 Speaker 2: up with nothing and watching him die like that, it's 121 00:06:15,281 --> 00:06:18,041 Speaker 2: going to sound horrible. I can only tell you I made. 122 00:06:18,041 --> 00:06:21,441 Speaker 2: I can't come here and tell you bullshit. I had more. 123 00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:28,001 Speaker 2: I'm not enjoyment. Was it more satisfaction? More satisfaction watching 124 00:06:28,041 --> 00:06:31,121 Speaker 2: him die like that, like died with nothing enough to 125 00:06:31,161 --> 00:06:33,001 Speaker 2: do it. But you know, you can sit back on 126 00:06:33,121 --> 00:06:35,681 Speaker 2: just watch it. And as Mum said, he wasn't with 127 00:06:36,081 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 2: you know, taking a life. I think it's a pretty 128 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,361 Speaker 2: big deal. I think you have to have to learn 129 00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:45,161 Speaker 2: to live it. I've been unfortunate enough to live with 130 00:06:45,201 --> 00:06:47,721 Speaker 2: a lot of murderers and hang out with a lot 131 00:06:47,721 --> 00:06:50,161 Speaker 2: of murderers, and you know, and even the ones that 132 00:06:50,721 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 2: we're murderers, murders, murders that liked doing the murders, and 133 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,721 Speaker 2: that they still they're still I don't give a fuck 134 00:06:55,761 --> 00:06:58,481 Speaker 2: what they say. They're still not comfortable with themselves. Mate, 135 00:06:58,721 --> 00:07:01,561 Speaker 2: They're still not comfortable with themselves. They're still not I 136 00:07:01,601 --> 00:07:05,001 Speaker 2: don't believe you know, we are human beings where I was, 137 00:07:05,641 --> 00:07:08,721 Speaker 2: I don't care who you serve. We all serve somebody. 138 00:07:09,801 --> 00:07:12,881 Speaker 2: We all have this thing like you've got to pay 139 00:07:12,881 --> 00:07:14,921 Speaker 2: the piper, you know, we all got to pay the 140 00:07:14,921 --> 00:07:18,321 Speaker 2: piper one day. There's always going to be a And 141 00:07:18,361 --> 00:07:20,001 Speaker 2: as I said, you know, I've been to jail with 142 00:07:20,081 --> 00:07:22,361 Speaker 2: a lot of murderers. You know, like I don't know why, 143 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,961 Speaker 2: because I was doing eighteen years. So you associate with 144 00:07:25,001 --> 00:07:27,721 Speaker 2: people that are doing big lagons, and even before that, 145 00:07:27,841 --> 00:07:32,681 Speaker 2: because of my bullshit gangster pass, that's who you attracted 146 00:07:32,721 --> 00:07:35,881 Speaker 2: to the other gangsters. So you all nick together. You know, 147 00:07:36,481 --> 00:07:39,201 Speaker 2: all the frauds hang together over here, all the fuger 148 00:07:39,521 --> 00:07:42,281 Speaker 2: pedophiles are going into their section, you know, you know, 149 00:07:42,481 --> 00:07:46,041 Speaker 2: you sort of attract like attracts like you know. And 150 00:07:46,121 --> 00:07:49,161 Speaker 2: my crew was always the murderers doing big lagons, guys 151 00:07:49,201 --> 00:07:53,641 Speaker 2: that were very anti system. We trained really hard, and 152 00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:58,521 Speaker 2: people thought we trained hard to protect yourself from each other. 153 00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:00,441 Speaker 2: We didn't protect yourself from each other. We'll protecting ustufs 154 00:08:00,441 --> 00:08:03,201 Speaker 2: from the system because when the screws comes flying in 155 00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:07,201 Speaker 2: the door with their fucking batman Robin out fits on 156 00:08:07,561 --> 00:08:10,281 Speaker 2: Batman yah, and you know you had to be fit 157 00:08:10,361 --> 00:08:12,921 Speaker 2: and healthy, you think, yeah, because that's that would happen. 158 00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:14,841 Speaker 2: You know, they just kicked the door over at four 159 00:08:14,841 --> 00:08:16,281 Speaker 2: o'clock in the morning and run in and bash and 160 00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:18,041 Speaker 2: throw in the van and you end up with gold. 161 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:20,761 Speaker 2: And what the fuck am I doing in gold? But 162 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,881 Speaker 2: you know I've got no visitors. And they do that, 163 00:08:23,441 --> 00:08:24,961 Speaker 2: then you might be in gold. But what they used 164 00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:28,241 Speaker 2: to do, oh, it's terrific. Russ used to bang his 165 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:31,761 Speaker 2: head around about it sometimes and under strip what do 166 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,641 Speaker 2: you call it? O c D. I'm obsessively compulsive, and 167 00:08:34,641 --> 00:08:36,681 Speaker 2: everything's got to be spotless. Of now. Man. You know, 168 00:08:36,721 --> 00:08:39,921 Speaker 2: in my wardrobe, my clothes go from black white blue, 169 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,521 Speaker 2: and they do all my clothes and all my shirts 170 00:08:41,561 --> 00:08:44,001 Speaker 2: are folded and everything's iMac everything's got to be like that. 171 00:08:44,361 --> 00:08:46,921 Speaker 2: My cars are always clean. You never see my car dirty. 172 00:08:47,001 --> 00:08:50,121 Speaker 2: It's never, never dirty, never. And if I go into 173 00:08:50,081 --> 00:08:51,601 Speaker 2: the rain, I came out, I hose the car down. 174 00:08:51,801 --> 00:08:53,801 Speaker 2: You know, it's just there's something you might make up. 175 00:08:54,121 --> 00:08:55,761 Speaker 2: What the screws would do. They'd put me into a 176 00:08:55,801 --> 00:08:59,321 Speaker 2: cell and I would fucking scrub that cell all night. 177 00:08:59,761 --> 00:09:03,281 Speaker 2: I'd scrub it, I'd get so, i'd get soap, and 178 00:09:03,321 --> 00:09:06,681 Speaker 2: I'd scrub every bit of the cell. Two days later 179 00:09:06,721 --> 00:09:09,961 Speaker 2: they move in another cell. Fuck. That was their game. 180 00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:11,681 Speaker 2: That was their game. They'd just done that to me 181 00:09:11,961 --> 00:09:15,241 Speaker 2: so many times because they knew that I couldn't cope 182 00:09:15,241 --> 00:09:17,281 Speaker 2: with it. Because you have to sell blacks and picked 183 00:09:17,281 --> 00:09:19,161 Speaker 2: their names and put the shit and they're pisted on 184 00:09:19,201 --> 00:09:21,641 Speaker 2: the walls, and you know, I've got to sleep in 185 00:09:21,641 --> 00:09:24,601 Speaker 2: it because you're taller in your beside your bed, you know, 186 00:09:24,681 --> 00:09:27,521 Speaker 2: and some ass it's just got a bunk. If you 187 00:09:27,561 --> 00:09:31,321 Speaker 2: know I can't live in that. You know, today I 188 00:09:31,401 --> 00:09:34,521 Speaker 2: run my companies the same way as I plan that 189 00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:40,161 Speaker 2: cell thoroughly, I do things very thoroughly. I'm consistent, I'm reliable, 190 00:09:40,601 --> 00:09:44,321 Speaker 2: I'm accepting, I'm honest. You know, I'm respectful, and I 191 00:09:44,361 --> 00:09:49,441 Speaker 2: respect myself. I won't disrespect myself by cheating on my wife. 192 00:09:49,841 --> 00:09:52,961 Speaker 2: Sounds funny. If I'm hanging out with guys in business 193 00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:55,121 Speaker 2: these days and they cheat on their wives, I won't 194 00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,641 Speaker 2: do business with them. And they go, why, I say 195 00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:58,801 Speaker 2: we If you cheat on who, what are you going 196 00:09:58,841 --> 00:10:02,561 Speaker 2: to do to me? You're cheating on the person's the mother, 197 00:10:02,641 --> 00:10:05,801 Speaker 2: your children, the person you spend all your time with. 198 00:10:06,081 --> 00:10:07,281 Speaker 2: What the fuck are you going to do to me? 199 00:10:08,201 --> 00:10:10,761 Speaker 2: So I've got this incredible and it's really hard. My 200 00:10:10,801 --> 00:10:13,841 Speaker 2: wife says, we honey, you expectations you're too high. And 201 00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:15,201 Speaker 2: I say, well, I'm not going to love with them. 202 00:10:15,401 --> 00:10:18,401 Speaker 2: I'd rather have less friends, you know. And I'm an 203 00:10:18,441 --> 00:10:20,521 Speaker 2: ex junkie. I so I'd rather have a grammar pure 204 00:10:20,801 --> 00:10:23,801 Speaker 2: than a kilo shit. And it's the same with friendships, 205 00:10:24,121 --> 00:10:26,401 Speaker 2: it's the same with business partners, it's the same with 206 00:10:26,521 --> 00:10:28,721 Speaker 2: any relationship. I want to be able to look you 207 00:10:28,721 --> 00:10:31,201 Speaker 2: in the eye and say how I made how brother? Yeah? 208 00:10:31,321 --> 00:10:34,561 Speaker 2: And feel it you know, like fucking I want people 209 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,201 Speaker 2: to come with us. Man, I don't want to be 210 00:10:36,201 --> 00:10:38,961 Speaker 2: bigger and better than anyone. I was all to grow together. 211 00:10:39,561 --> 00:10:42,241 Speaker 2: That was one of my downfalls that I thought people 212 00:10:42,281 --> 00:10:44,681 Speaker 2: thought the same as I did and they didn't. And 213 00:10:44,681 --> 00:10:46,121 Speaker 2: it was one of my downfalls as a kid. I 214 00:10:46,161 --> 00:10:48,081 Speaker 2: believed in the I wrote a book, you know that, 215 00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:49,961 Speaker 2: I meant to bring it down. I'll send it to you. 216 00:10:50,121 --> 00:10:51,681 Speaker 2: I actually had it out and I signed it to 217 00:10:51,681 --> 00:10:54,481 Speaker 2: you and everything I fucking left in the cupboard. It's 218 00:10:54,481 --> 00:10:56,921 Speaker 2: called Born into the Lie of Crime. It's called it 219 00:10:56,921 --> 00:10:59,681 Speaker 2: says life al f e and I blacked the f 220 00:10:59,961 --> 00:11:01,801 Speaker 2: out and it just says born to the lie of crime. 221 00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,441 Speaker 2: Because we thought it was a life. It was just 222 00:11:04,481 --> 00:11:08,361 Speaker 2: a lie. There's no loyalty, there's no trust, there's no 223 00:11:09,361 --> 00:11:12,561 Speaker 2: you know, I don't know about you know it. You 224 00:11:12,641 --> 00:11:18,441 Speaker 2: came up across after I'd finished up there, and mate, 225 00:11:18,441 --> 00:11:21,641 Speaker 2: there's some horrific people up there in the old days. 226 00:11:21,641 --> 00:11:25,201 Speaker 2: You know, some of the club owners were horrific. Yeah, 227 00:11:25,361 --> 00:11:28,361 Speaker 2: there's some nasty piece of work up there. Just just morally, 228 00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,721 Speaker 2: don't taken me wrong. I was no saint, but you know, 229 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:35,561 Speaker 2: I still had certain principles where I didn't want to 230 00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,521 Speaker 2: see people being exploited, especially weak people. I've always had 231 00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:41,201 Speaker 2: that wanted to save people and wanted to help people 232 00:11:41,321 --> 00:11:43,721 Speaker 2: when I was a bloody drug dealing and I still 233 00:11:43,761 --> 00:11:46,441 Speaker 2: wanted to help people. I just I don't know. I 234 00:11:46,841 --> 00:11:49,321 Speaker 2: have a I have a good heart, that's the truth. 235 00:11:49,401 --> 00:11:51,401 Speaker 1: I have a good heart, and I have a But 236 00:11:51,521 --> 00:11:52,881 Speaker 1: usually the ones who have the good heart are the 237 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:53,801 Speaker 1: ones who get sucked over. 238 00:11:54,001 --> 00:11:57,481 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. I don't know if you 239 00:11:57,481 --> 00:12:00,401 Speaker 2: ever met Peter, Kay? Did you hear about Pete? He 240 00:12:00,561 --> 00:12:04,001 Speaker 2: was Billy Bayo's partner at the end. But I knew 241 00:12:04,041 --> 00:12:07,121 Speaker 2: Peter before you ever took drugs. He was just something 242 00:12:07,121 --> 00:12:10,121 Speaker 2: like a twenty four year old guy driving a Ferrari 243 00:12:11,041 --> 00:12:14,121 Speaker 2: and the rolls of rice. He ain't the Cosmopolitan, He 244 00:12:14,161 --> 00:12:17,001 Speaker 2: ain't the Cosmo, he ain't won in nine Before he 245 00:12:17,041 --> 00:12:19,881 Speaker 2: took drugs, he was just a really good operator restaurant. 246 00:12:19,881 --> 00:12:22,161 Speaker 2: I rade a Greek boy, lovely guy. And then I 247 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,641 Speaker 2: seen him get on the coat and I just ended 248 00:12:24,721 --> 00:12:27,841 Speaker 2: by killing himself, hung himself in jail, you know, And 249 00:12:28,001 --> 00:12:30,841 Speaker 2: just I just seen people. That's why I hate drugs now. 250 00:12:31,241 --> 00:12:34,841 Speaker 2: I've just seen so many good people just fucking destroy 251 00:12:34,881 --> 00:12:37,801 Speaker 2: their lives. And I didn't you know, we haven't even 252 00:12:37,881 --> 00:12:41,441 Speaker 2: touched on that thing called ice. That's just another one together. 253 00:12:42,521 --> 00:12:46,241 Speaker 2: That's the dead, that's the devil's drug. Whoever the devil is, 254 00:12:47,081 --> 00:12:50,561 Speaker 2: I'll tell you about it is. I know drugs smugglers 255 00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:54,041 Speaker 2: and drug dealers that won't even bring into the country, 256 00:12:55,761 --> 00:12:57,641 Speaker 2: you know, the old guys, the old school guys, they 257 00:12:57,681 --> 00:12:59,281 Speaker 2: won't to bring into the country because they said, it's 258 00:12:59,281 --> 00:13:02,081 Speaker 2: just such a fucking gum drag. You and these guys 259 00:13:02,081 --> 00:13:05,441 Speaker 2: would sell their grandmother for fucking for a penny, but 260 00:13:05,721 --> 00:13:07,321 Speaker 2: they won't even deal with that. You know, That's how 261 00:13:07,321 --> 00:13:10,561 Speaker 2: horrible it is. And when I meet somebody these days, 262 00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:12,601 Speaker 2: because because I work in drug and alcoho and try 263 00:13:12,641 --> 00:13:14,761 Speaker 2: to help people on that, as soon as I meet them, 264 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:18,121 Speaker 2: I say, you're a nice headga, you know that, And 265 00:13:18,761 --> 00:13:20,521 Speaker 2: I have a look at you. Your fried still, you know, 266 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,761 Speaker 2: having used for twelve months and they're still fried. You know, 267 00:13:23,881 --> 00:13:27,521 Speaker 2: they're still. It's sad. I'm scared of watching it what's coming. 268 00:13:27,521 --> 00:13:30,681 Speaker 2: But do you think called fentanyl coming, that's going to 269 00:13:30,721 --> 00:13:36,001 Speaker 2: be something that we that we've never seen this that 270 00:13:36,321 --> 00:13:39,881 Speaker 2: likes of you can put it on a pin head 271 00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:43,481 Speaker 2: and a kulsure so strong. That's just killing America right now. 272 00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:46,121 Speaker 2: And we follow America's trends. We have all the times, 273 00:13:46,241 --> 00:13:50,281 Speaker 2: have always follow America's trends, you know, and I hope 274 00:13:50,641 --> 00:13:54,081 Speaker 2: to God that the system doesn't get it. We are 275 00:13:54,121 --> 00:13:58,761 Speaker 2: never going to stop importations while there's a demand. So 276 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:00,521 Speaker 2: what we have to do is take away the demand. 277 00:14:00,961 --> 00:14:03,441 Speaker 2: And we do that by having people learning how to 278 00:14:03,481 --> 00:14:06,801 Speaker 2: get off dope. Because if there's no fucking druggies, why 279 00:14:06,801 --> 00:14:10,161 Speaker 2: would you bring it in? You don't have your storage share. 280 00:14:10,161 --> 00:14:11,921 Speaker 2: They're on you get finished, better storage shared, you know 281 00:14:11,961 --> 00:14:14,121 Speaker 2: what I mean. So we have to get more money 282 00:14:14,161 --> 00:14:17,121 Speaker 2: into the education to help people to get clean and 283 00:14:17,201 --> 00:14:19,321 Speaker 2: work out what's causing the people to get why people 284 00:14:19,521 --> 00:14:22,241 Speaker 2: using it starts off as fun for someers, but most 285 00:14:22,241 --> 00:14:24,881 Speaker 2: of us starts offers to kill a pain because we 286 00:14:24,921 --> 00:14:29,001 Speaker 2: have trauma, depression, depression trauma. Where did the trauma come from? 287 00:14:29,161 --> 00:14:31,241 Speaker 2: We have to start treating the trauma. We have to 288 00:14:31,281 --> 00:14:34,441 Speaker 2: start looking at why people use, not what they use, 289 00:14:34,521 --> 00:14:36,681 Speaker 2: what these is irrelevance, Why they use, and that's what 290 00:14:36,761 --> 00:14:39,881 Speaker 2: we have to start as a society. Take away the demand, 291 00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,601 Speaker 2: take away the demand the drug dealers that go away, 292 00:14:42,761 --> 00:14:45,001 Speaker 2: or and this is going to sound even crazier, fucking 293 00:14:45,121 --> 00:14:49,081 Speaker 2: legalize it. Take the crime out of it, because it's 294 00:14:49,081 --> 00:14:51,401 Speaker 2: not fun. I don't know even half the fun for 295 00:14:51,481 --> 00:14:53,961 Speaker 2: me was getting the trip, was been sneaking. It's getting 296 00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:57,161 Speaker 2: away with it. You know, I'm a naughdy boy. I'm 297 00:14:57,201 --> 00:15:00,201 Speaker 2: fucking fuck you. You know that's honestly. Part of the 298 00:15:00,361 --> 00:15:04,521 Speaker 2: part of me with crime was fuck you. I've got 299 00:15:04,521 --> 00:15:06,921 Speaker 2: away from this. You know, I'm smarter than you are. 300 00:15:07,761 --> 00:15:09,601 Speaker 2: But as a copper said to me, and I will 301 00:15:09,881 --> 00:15:12,161 Speaker 2: hear it till the day I die, You've only got 302 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,761 Speaker 2: to make one mistake, he said on my background. And 303 00:15:14,801 --> 00:15:17,241 Speaker 2: they just raided my house and they got nothing. And 304 00:15:17,281 --> 00:15:20,041 Speaker 2: there's a whole federal task force and they usually come 305 00:15:20,041 --> 00:15:22,361 Speaker 2: with the SWAT team because of my commissions and do 306 00:15:22,441 --> 00:15:24,201 Speaker 2: the rest and them after the SWAT team to leave. 307 00:15:24,241 --> 00:15:27,201 Speaker 2: Then the cops come and he said, do you believe 308 00:15:27,241 --> 00:15:30,001 Speaker 2: in karma? I said I do. Actually, he said, fucking 309 00:15:30,481 --> 00:15:32,321 Speaker 2: You've only got to make one mistake, and so I'll 310 00:15:32,361 --> 00:15:34,481 Speaker 2: be there. I said, I fuck off, dickhead, you know, 311 00:15:34,521 --> 00:15:37,681 Speaker 2: And that's you know, not saying. My daughter was born 312 00:15:37,681 --> 00:15:39,801 Speaker 2: the next day That's why I know Zach Date. You 313 00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:42,201 Speaker 2: know my little girl, she's twenty eight now, twenty nine 314 00:15:42,321 --> 00:15:46,041 Speaker 2: this year. You know, fucking you fuck off dickhead. Four 315 00:15:46,121 --> 00:15:48,601 Speaker 2: years later, I'm handcuffed in the back of a van 316 00:15:48,721 --> 00:15:55,441 Speaker 2: thinking fucking karma. Cama, it got me, you know, And yeah, say, 317 00:15:55,441 --> 00:15:57,681 Speaker 2: you know, karma is a good thing. But as long 318 00:15:57,681 --> 00:16:00,721 Speaker 2: as you're doing good things, and I say people all 319 00:16:00,721 --> 00:16:03,681 Speaker 2: the time, if you do good things, good things come back. 320 00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:06,441 Speaker 2: I'm massive believer in you know, you. 321 00:16:06,481 --> 00:16:08,961 Speaker 1: Haven't come across anyone who's like now, because what you 322 00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:13,601 Speaker 1: do is like you talk to people who've like drug 323 00:16:13,601 --> 00:16:17,201 Speaker 1: addictions like that have come. Have you come across anybody 324 00:16:17,921 --> 00:16:21,681 Speaker 1: who was as bad as you as an addictive. 325 00:16:23,001 --> 00:16:25,921 Speaker 2: There's not that many people came up with my lifestyle 326 00:16:26,601 --> 00:16:29,921 Speaker 2: that got out of it. I'm really blessed. I am 327 00:16:30,001 --> 00:16:32,801 Speaker 2: really blessed. You know, most people didn't have that upbringing 328 00:16:32,841 --> 00:16:35,201 Speaker 2: that I had. I think one guy at the top 329 00:16:35,201 --> 00:16:38,281 Speaker 2: of my head that he wasn't as violent as me, 330 00:16:38,361 --> 00:16:40,681 Speaker 2: but he had a pretty rough I know his dad. 331 00:16:40,721 --> 00:16:42,881 Speaker 2: His dad was a made of mild means and he's clean, 332 00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:46,801 Speaker 2: he's cleaned forty years and he works in dragon alcohol. 333 00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:50,841 Speaker 2: It's funny here most of us that it clean end 334 00:16:50,921 --> 00:16:54,921 Speaker 2: up heading towards that thing. To the therapeutic value of 335 00:16:54,921 --> 00:16:58,321 Speaker 2: one edit jobbing another is with that parallel Like can 336 00:16:58,361 --> 00:17:00,441 Speaker 2: you imagine a tennis player trying to teach her to 337 00:17:00,441 --> 00:17:06,241 Speaker 2: do jiu jitsu? Yeah? Like that was yeah, because you 338 00:17:06,281 --> 00:17:08,761 Speaker 2: can't teach you if you can't do I say it all 339 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:11,160 Speaker 2: the time, if you can't teach, you can't do you 340 00:17:11,801 --> 00:17:14,160 Speaker 2: no good. If someone trying to teach me, I'm me 341 00:17:14,281 --> 00:17:16,801 Speaker 2: trying to teach somebody how to play tennis. I can 342 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 2: teach how to fight. I can teach you how to box, 343 00:17:19,281 --> 00:17:21,321 Speaker 2: I can teach you how to train, because I can do 344 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,721 Speaker 2: those things. And I've only done them things because of practice. 345 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:28,801 Speaker 2: And I say, with us recoveries, it all about practicing, practicing, 346 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 2: not listening to your brain. Because we don't have a 347 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,561 Speaker 2: drug problem. We have a thinking problem. Drugs not the problem. 348 00:17:34,801 --> 00:17:36,281 Speaker 2: Because you take the drug out, we're still at the 349 00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:40,761 Speaker 2: same fucking head. They're still because you know, I got drugs, 350 00:17:40,801 --> 00:17:43,961 Speaker 2: I went to sex. You know, crime is the hardest 351 00:17:43,961 --> 00:17:46,080 Speaker 2: thing to give up. Crime is the hardest thing for 352 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:49,640 Speaker 2: me to give up, because how did you give it up? 353 00:17:51,561 --> 00:17:54,520 Speaker 2: I was not prepared to lose it. I've got to 354 00:17:54,561 --> 00:17:56,641 Speaker 2: be honest. I started to I make I made really 355 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 2: good money legally. You know, I'm not. I'm not a deal. 356 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:03,281 Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm not. I'm not the worthless, useless, stupid 357 00:18:03,321 --> 00:18:05,761 Speaker 2: dick I thought I was. That I was told I was. Yeah, 358 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,120 Speaker 2: Now my mommy told me I was a fucking idiot. Ah, gosh, 359 00:18:09,201 --> 00:18:12,921 Speaker 2: you know your dick head, you know, And yeah, I'm 360 00:18:12,961 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 2: actually not. I'm actually quite intelligent. I've written a book, 361 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:19,041 Speaker 2: I did a courses. I run companies. You know, I 362 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,001 Speaker 2: sit down and have you know, if you go through 363 00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 2: my phone, you have a heart attack. You know. The 364 00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:27,001 Speaker 2: people that I sit down and have talks about finances 365 00:18:27,041 --> 00:18:30,840 Speaker 2: and building and you know, we do probably development, We 366 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,840 Speaker 2: do fucking we do lots of ship. You know. I 367 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 2: had a dinner the other night at Gala, dinner for 368 00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,880 Speaker 2: a little girl who's got a really horrible disease because 369 00:18:39,281 --> 00:18:42,681 Speaker 2: SPG fifty six and she's five years age. Out of Gala. 370 00:18:42,681 --> 00:18:45,961 Speaker 2: We got I think we've got eighty six grand we 371 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 2: raised for her for her parents. And I sit there 372 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:54,001 Speaker 2: talking to a gens doctor. Doctor that makes fucking you 373 00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:57,001 Speaker 2: make a human brain out of out of blood tissues. 374 00:18:57,041 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 2: You know, he's a professor in genealogy and his history 375 00:19:03,241 --> 00:19:06,721 Speaker 2: kids from fitz Roy. You know, child, you know the brain, said, 376 00:19:06,761 --> 00:19:09,160 Speaker 2: I sit down. We've had conversations with him, and you 377 00:19:09,201 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 2: know about addiction, about the brain, you know, and I 378 00:19:13,041 --> 00:19:16,321 Speaker 2: sometimes pinched me someone. So who's the strict kid that 379 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:20,081 Speaker 2: had no education sitting down having conversations with people who 380 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,321 Speaker 2: are you know? I have lots of friends who are 381 00:19:22,321 --> 00:19:24,681 Speaker 2: worth hundreds of meters of dollars and I say to them, 382 00:19:24,681 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck about your wealth. I care 383 00:19:26,321 --> 00:19:29,681 Speaker 2: about your health. How's your head? And they can't believe it. 384 00:19:29,801 --> 00:19:31,640 Speaker 2: And I say to them, I don't get to sign 385 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,160 Speaker 2: your check book, but I get to check on your 386 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 2: mental health. Because everybody has some issues. We all have something, 387 00:19:39,201 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 2: you know, it doesn't matter. Workaholics and sec exactly the 388 00:19:42,241 --> 00:19:46,001 Speaker 2: same thing. They lose their family, They ended by going insane. 389 00:19:46,281 --> 00:19:49,041 Speaker 2: They start taking chemicals to cope with the fucking late nights, 390 00:19:49,041 --> 00:19:52,360 Speaker 2: early mornings. Next thing, having a little having a little bumpy, 391 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:54,121 Speaker 2: a little bump there just to get them through the night. 392 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,200 Speaker 2: You know, I think much clearer on this. And the 393 00:19:56,241 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 2: little bump starts from being a little bumped you know, 394 00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:02,241 Speaker 2: for on our foot line, just tell it a little. 395 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 2: My dad's I see, I think as garfaged, but I 396 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,081 Speaker 2: have I got friends with with hundreds of millions of dollars. 397 00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 2: And I say, Tom, I don't care about your wealth. 398 00:20:11,681 --> 00:20:13,521 Speaker 2: I care about your health. What's going on with your head? 399 00:20:13,561 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 2: You know, man, I've been blessed. I met Charlie Sheen. 400 00:20:17,201 --> 00:20:18,801 Speaker 2: He was he was one of the funniest guys in 401 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,160 Speaker 2: the world. Fuck, he's funny. And he was like, what 402 00:20:21,201 --> 00:20:23,081 Speaker 2: do you take me on the NA meetings? And I say, 403 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,881 Speaker 2: wouldn't fucking hurgh, you know, And this is before two 404 00:20:25,921 --> 00:20:27,921 Speaker 2: and a half minutes before he lost the plot completely. 405 00:20:28,321 --> 00:20:30,680 Speaker 2: Those days, I was just drinking, gave me some mass 406 00:20:30,681 --> 00:20:34,521 Speaker 2: to quell, and dropping corylades and fucking snorting fucking lines 407 00:20:34,561 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 2: of coke as long as my arm. You know, he 408 00:20:36,281 --> 00:20:38,721 Speaker 2: hadn't really lost a plot at that stage. It's all 409 00:20:38,721 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 2: because I'm clean. Everything I have today is because I'm clean. 410 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,521 Speaker 2: The ability to sit in and have a conversation with 411 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 2: is because I'm clean. And the reason I'm clean is 412 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,721 Speaker 2: because my life is better when I don't take drugs. 413 00:20:50,241 --> 00:20:52,761 Speaker 2: So therefore, I've realized that if my life's better when 414 00:20:52,761 --> 00:20:55,201 Speaker 2: I don't take drugs. If I can teach other people 415 00:20:55,201 --> 00:20:57,200 Speaker 2: how not to take drugs, you know, because I had 416 00:20:57,201 --> 00:20:59,281 Speaker 2: to work out why I took them. I took them 417 00:20:59,281 --> 00:21:01,281 Speaker 2: because I was scared. I took them because I thought 418 00:21:01,281 --> 00:21:03,840 Speaker 2: I was worthless. I took them because at first I 419 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,480 Speaker 2: thought though I was stopping the pain, the pain of 420 00:21:06,521 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 2: having that father. I've only talked about this stuff with 421 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,721 Speaker 2: my sisters, my father, and over the last few years 422 00:21:11,961 --> 00:21:14,321 Speaker 2: since I've got arrested. She sounds funny. Getting the restlmers 423 00:21:14,281 --> 00:21:16,281 Speaker 2: the best thing to have happened to me In two 424 00:21:16,321 --> 00:21:17,481 Speaker 2: thousand and two. It was the best thing to have 425 00:21:17,561 --> 00:21:20,680 Speaker 2: happened to me. I had a spiritual awakening, not in 426 00:21:20,721 --> 00:21:24,041 Speaker 2: a Christian way, not in a some people call it 427 00:21:24,041 --> 00:21:26,801 Speaker 2: a rude awaitning. I had a spiritual awakening. I had 428 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,680 Speaker 2: to work out, what do you really want at fifty 429 00:21:29,761 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 2: years of age? I said old I was forty nine? 430 00:21:32,561 --> 00:21:35,201 Speaker 2: Is something I got pinched forty eight? Do you really 431 00:21:35,241 --> 00:21:39,160 Speaker 2: want a life a crime that doesn't pay that I 432 00:21:39,201 --> 00:21:44,960 Speaker 2: spent eight years in jail. My best business friend visited 433 00:21:45,001 --> 00:21:46,880 Speaker 2: me once and put one hundred and fifty dollars in 434 00:21:46,921 --> 00:21:50,960 Speaker 2: my property. This is my partner. It was like, are 435 00:21:51,001 --> 00:21:54,321 Speaker 2: you serious? This is fucking my best mate. This is 436 00:21:54,321 --> 00:21:56,801 Speaker 2: the guy that we took risks to lose our lives 437 00:21:56,801 --> 00:21:59,480 Speaker 2: all around the world, and the scum bay put fucking 438 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,881 Speaker 2: one hundred and fifty bucks in my property and visited 439 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,441 Speaker 2: me once in eight years and try to root me girl, 440 00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:08,201 Speaker 2: you know, And that's that's what it is. That's when 441 00:22:08,241 --> 00:22:09,961 Speaker 2: we get down to what really is going on out there. 442 00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:14,161 Speaker 2: That's what it is. Wow, you know, there's no it's 443 00:22:14,201 --> 00:22:20,080 Speaker 2: a lie. Crime is a lie. You regret. Regrets is 444 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,321 Speaker 2: a big word. Regrets. There's a lot of things I 445 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:25,160 Speaker 2: would change, but I'm pretty happy with who I am today. 446 00:22:25,561 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 2: I don't think i'd be who I am today if 447 00:22:26,961 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 2: I didn't do what I did. You know. I regret 448 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 2: not watch my six year old daughter grow up. When 449 00:22:31,281 --> 00:22:33,521 Speaker 2: I went back to jail last time that killed me. 450 00:22:34,201 --> 00:22:35,720 Speaker 2: She was six when I got pissed and I came out, 451 00:22:35,721 --> 00:22:38,481 Speaker 2: and she's sixteen and her mums are Yanks. She moved 452 00:22:38,481 --> 00:22:39,961 Speaker 2: back to America and I was in jail. I stand 453 00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:42,321 Speaker 2: her back to America, but I said, I said, I 454 00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:44,361 Speaker 2: can't do this. I'm not doing this. I can come 455 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 2: out and visit me, you know, and she'd just go 456 00:22:46,801 --> 00:22:48,801 Speaker 2: home when I get out, if she's still in love 457 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,961 Speaker 2: with me, come back, you know. And she met another 458 00:22:51,001 --> 00:22:53,761 Speaker 2: bloke and moved on with her life, and which I 459 00:22:53,761 --> 00:22:57,001 Speaker 2: don't blame her. I don't have one ounce of resentment 460 00:22:57,120 --> 00:23:00,161 Speaker 2: or thing about that. You know, fucking I just got 461 00:23:00,241 --> 00:23:02,961 Speaker 2: given eighteen years. You know, she was thirty years of age. 462 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:06,840 Speaker 2: I'm going to wait. You know, I didn't have to 463 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,080 Speaker 2: serve the aideen, but I regret to the man I 464 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 2: was born to. If you want to really know, if 465 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,041 Speaker 2: you're interested with me, what do you regret? I regret 466 00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:17,640 Speaker 2: that my father wasn't a copper or a barrister. So 467 00:23:17,681 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 2: I would have been a good barrister. I would have 468 00:23:19,120 --> 00:23:20,400 Speaker 2: been a good I would have been a good lawyer. 469 00:23:20,961 --> 00:23:23,761 Speaker 2: I would have been a good copper. But I was 470 00:23:23,761 --> 00:23:26,960 Speaker 2: born to a scumbag, fucking crook. And so you know, 471 00:23:27,241 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 2: as I say, I wanted my father to love me 472 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:34,241 Speaker 2: more than I ever wanted anyone else in the world 473 00:23:34,281 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 2: to love me. I wanted my father to appreciate me, 474 00:23:39,561 --> 00:23:42,200 Speaker 2: acknowledge me, and be proud of me. You know, I 475 00:23:42,241 --> 00:23:45,240 Speaker 2: got to known your son, who I fucking worship. I 476 00:23:45,321 --> 00:23:48,801 Speaker 2: worship him. I worship the Granny Walks. I mate, if 477 00:23:48,801 --> 00:23:50,561 Speaker 2: they say you need your heart tomorrow, cut it out 478 00:23:50,561 --> 00:23:52,561 Speaker 2: myself and give it to me, you know, because that's 479 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,681 Speaker 2: the father I am, and that's the father I wish 480 00:23:54,721 --> 00:24:01,481 Speaker 2: I had, And so have I got regrets I wish 481 00:24:02,321 --> 00:24:04,921 Speaker 2: I can't in the real world. If I can made 482 00:24:04,921 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 2: it wave a magic Wand as long as I'm still 483 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,121 Speaker 2: with the wife and kids, have got today. I wish 484 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,360 Speaker 2: I'd been born to somewhere else, but I wasn't. And 485 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,120 Speaker 2: but I have. What I have today is so beautiful. Honestly, 486 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,521 Speaker 2: money can't buy it. I got. Money cannot buy what 487 00:24:20,561 --> 00:24:21,761 Speaker 2: I've got. And I had a lot more money than 488 00:24:21,801 --> 00:24:24,281 Speaker 2: what I've got now, and money cannot buy what I 489 00:24:24,281 --> 00:24:24,640 Speaker 2: have today. 490 00:24:24,721 --> 00:24:26,041 Speaker 1: What would you describe you in one word? 491 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:31,640 Speaker 2: A survivor and a teacher. I like to teach. I 492 00:24:31,721 --> 00:24:33,680 Speaker 2: like to teach. I really believe I like to teach. 493 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:38,321 Speaker 2: I search. I'm a searcher. I'm searching. I haven't found 494 00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:40,521 Speaker 2: the answer yet, but I haven't given up looking for 495 00:24:40,561 --> 00:24:43,601 Speaker 2: it either. And I don't even know what. All I'm 496 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:48,640 Speaker 2: searching for is love, kindness, forgiveness for myself and others. 497 00:24:49,441 --> 00:24:52,600 Speaker 2: It's really hard to forgive. I find it extremely hard 498 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,561 Speaker 2: to forgive. And I'd like to pretend that I'm a 499 00:24:55,561 --> 00:24:59,400 Speaker 2: spiritual guru, but I'm not. I still have thoughts, and 500 00:24:59,481 --> 00:25:02,200 Speaker 2: I have to stop those thoughts. You know. Sometimes I 501 00:25:02,201 --> 00:25:04,681 Speaker 2: thought can come away, and I think, if I got 502 00:25:04,721 --> 00:25:07,241 Speaker 2: told I had cancer, something, I fucking go and kill 503 00:25:07,281 --> 00:25:10,001 Speaker 2: that can't. But then again, I went through cancer this year, 504 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,761 Speaker 2: so you know I had I had full cancer. Operationally, 505 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,880 Speaker 2: I'm three months, three weeks out of post complete fucking 506 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:21,921 Speaker 2: radical prostate removal, and you know what, I got the cancer. 507 00:25:21,961 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 2: I didn't go and kill anybody. But in my head, 508 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:25,160 Speaker 2: you know, I used to think that if I ever 509 00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,880 Speaker 2: got tired a terminal interests, I'd go and square up 510 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:31,441 Speaker 2: all these people. But no, I haven't, and I don't 511 00:25:31,481 --> 00:25:33,360 Speaker 2: want to. I don't want to be that person. I don't. 512 00:25:33,441 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 2: I'm not that person. I'm really not. I can be, 513 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,841 Speaker 2: and you know that yourself. I don't. Even anyone says 514 00:25:39,360 --> 00:25:43,321 Speaker 2: we all can be we can all be that guy. 515 00:25:43,481 --> 00:25:45,441 Speaker 2: We can all be that guy. I don't hit that mate. 516 00:25:45,521 --> 00:25:48,521 Speaker 2: You come to hurt my wife and children, I'll become 517 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 2: that guy in a halfboat, you know. And well, I 518 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:53,561 Speaker 2: have regrets later yeah, that I'm not going to be 519 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,521 Speaker 2: with my wife and kids, not for what I've done now. 520 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:57,561 Speaker 2: That was the only better I have. 521 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:57,680 Speaker 1: You. 522 00:25:57,801 --> 00:26:02,400 Speaker 2: I've told you if you come to our house, kiss 523 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,561 Speaker 2: your kids, good boy, because I'm you know, you're not 524 00:26:04,561 --> 00:26:06,281 Speaker 2: gonna let you up. If you come to my house 525 00:26:06,281 --> 00:26:08,681 Speaker 2: to harm me and my children, I'm not only out 526 00:26:08,961 --> 00:26:10,481 Speaker 2: and I'm going to go to prison, a Carol, I've 527 00:26:10,481 --> 00:26:13,121 Speaker 2: been there before. No tigers lines there, There's nothing there 528 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,400 Speaker 2: that scares me. What scares me is losing what I 529 00:26:16,441 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: have today, my beautiful children, my beautiful wife, my friendships, 530 00:26:21,041 --> 00:26:23,401 Speaker 2: the ability to come and talk with you. You know, 531 00:26:24,001 --> 00:26:28,081 Speaker 2: I appreciate people who have been to that where we 532 00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:31,641 Speaker 2: came from, have been through that world, who know the reality. 533 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:34,161 Speaker 2: Because we know the reality. You know, everyone's got there 534 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:38,041 Speaker 2: fucking and they can watch you know, the movies and 535 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,720 Speaker 2: the there's a lot of sadness that they missed between 536 00:26:40,721 --> 00:26:42,881 Speaker 2: those lines. There's a lot of nights that we think, oh, 537 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:44,241 Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm going to make it home. 538 00:26:44,961 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 2: Because my trouble was never oh is that person going 539 00:26:48,001 --> 00:26:50,160 Speaker 2: to be all right? My my thoughts were hope I 540 00:26:50,201 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 2: don't get pinched for this. That was always my thought, 541 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:56,360 Speaker 2: and then every be like, oh, it's just the night, 542 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,881 Speaker 2: just the one driving the lights and cops and I've 543 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:02,801 Speaker 2: seen that car twice today. Wats his number? You know, 544 00:27:03,281 --> 00:27:05,960 Speaker 2: I had books of fucking registration numbers. You don't mean 545 00:27:06,681 --> 00:27:09,440 Speaker 2: cross checking regio numbers. Yeah, they're the federal coppers. Oh 546 00:27:09,481 --> 00:27:11,801 Speaker 2: that's the i's got Oh, that's this guad. You don't 547 00:27:12,321 --> 00:27:15,161 Speaker 2: that's the homicide s got ah. You know, like it's 548 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:19,041 Speaker 2: just so hard at work. People think crime is easy. Crimes, 549 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,521 Speaker 2: this is easy. Living life and lost terms. Being a 550 00:27:22,561 --> 00:27:26,561 Speaker 2: squarehead is so much easier than being a criminal. It's easy. 551 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,801 Speaker 2: I love this. This is easy, you know, this is 552 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:34,081 Speaker 2: this is quite rewarding, you know, just having choices. I'm 553 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:38,200 Speaker 2: sitting here, You're in a beautiful office, and you know, 554 00:27:38,521 --> 00:27:40,921 Speaker 2: we're not worrying about fucking who's sitting across the road 555 00:27:40,961 --> 00:27:44,961 Speaker 2: with the camera taking photos office and you know someone 556 00:27:45,041 --> 00:27:48,121 Speaker 2: turning up tomorrow and saying, well, what's your relationship with 557 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:52,721 Speaker 2: this man? You know? Yeah, I'm blessed made, I'm blessed. 558 00:27:52,761 --> 00:27:55,681 Speaker 2: I'm a very very grateful human booer. And I say 559 00:27:55,721 --> 00:27:59,481 Speaker 2: this with a lot of pride. I'm seventy years of age, 560 00:28:00,001 --> 00:28:02,360 Speaker 2: and I look forward to the next twenty I really 561 00:28:02,360 --> 00:28:07,401 Speaker 2: do you know I'm nowhere. You finished, You finished in 562 00:28:07,521 --> 00:28:09,521 Speaker 2: case you can't kill me, hero and couldn't kill me. 563 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:12,521 Speaker 2: Good luck to the next one that wants to dry, 564 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:13,160 Speaker 2: because you know. 565 00:28:14,120 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: It's been a pleasure, bro, I've really enjoyed you know what. 566 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,801 Speaker 1: And I think I've been messaging You've been messaging me 567 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,360 Speaker 1: back and forwards for this to happen, and you know 568 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,161 Speaker 1: it's happened. And when he said, yeah, you can come down, 569 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:26,080 Speaker 1: I was excited for this. 570 00:28:26,201 --> 00:28:29,041 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the same same. I respect. 571 00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:30,921 Speaker 1: I was out here man, like it's and I'm glad 572 00:28:30,921 --> 00:28:32,680 Speaker 1: you came down and you've shared your story with me. 573 00:28:33,241 --> 00:28:34,080 Speaker 1: I can't wait to share it. 574 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:36,281 Speaker 2: Man, I appreciate it. You know, I really doing keep 575 00:28:36,321 --> 00:28:38,281 Speaker 2: doing what you're doing. Thank you, Thank you brother, Thank 576 00:28:38,321 --> 00:28:38,601 Speaker 2: you mart