1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:04,160 Speaker 1: Good day. Thanks for listening to the show. This is 2 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 1: better than yesterday, making it better every single episode since 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 1: twenty thirteen, with useful tools and useful conversations to make 4 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 1: your day to day better than yesterday. My name Josha Ginsberg. 5 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 1: I'm very glad you're here. Thank you so much for 6 00:00:16,079 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 1: doing such great work on pre ordering the book, which 7 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:21,079 Speaker 1: is out on the fifth of August. I'll be working 8 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,160 Speaker 1: on the live show a lot this week, very exciting stuff. Also, 9 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: story Club is back on the tenth if you want 10 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: to come and check out the live show. It's Australia's 11 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: the longest running storytelling show. The next one is Jenfricker, 12 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: Jeeves Verma, lukegy Audrey. My wife is going to join 13 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: us and me. We get tickets in the show notes 14 00:00:37,159 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: and if you want, there's a sub stack where we 15 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,880 Speaker 1: put full stories up. If you can't make it to 16 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: Sydney and watch the shows every month, they're all there 17 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: for you. Story Club live dot com. Last week three 18 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: sixty was here the rapper for sixty Australian musician. If 19 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,159 Speaker 1: you haven't heard it, it's a fantastic conversation and one 20 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 1: of the things I'm really grateful here and I covered 21 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: was the concept of a higher power when it comes 22 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 1: to addiction recovery. Now, if you've never been in a 23 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 1: recovery program, some spiritual twelve step programs utilize the concept 24 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,120 Speaker 1: of a higher power to and I quote this, to 25 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,280 Speaker 1: turn our will and our lives over to the care 26 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:14,759 Speaker 1: of God as we understood him. That's in the source 27 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,120 Speaker 1: literature of one of these twelve step programs. And I 28 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: can tell you right now when I first heard that, 29 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 1: I was not into it at all for reasons I've 30 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 1: explained on this show before. Me and the church don't 31 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 1: really see eye, but my life depended on it. And 32 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:33,479 Speaker 1: I was just in the white knuckle phase of trying 33 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,959 Speaker 1: not to drink or use without actually doing anything to 34 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,319 Speaker 1: investigate the reasons of why I was drinking or using. 35 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 1: I did not want to hear about God. I did 36 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: not believe that any kind of imaginary sky Dad was 37 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: going to make it better. But I really really wanted 38 00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 1: to not feel the way I was feeling for one 39 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: more second. And this is where I heard something that 40 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 1: really helped me, because I was really struggling with it. 41 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 1: Somebody told me, just picks bigger than you are. That's it. 42 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 1: Later I came to learn that addiction and trying to 43 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: control addiction is a disease of selfishness. This idea that 44 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 1: fucking everything would just be okay. If everyone did everything 45 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: exactly as I wanted it, when I wanted it, then 46 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,400 Speaker 1: it would be fine. I wouldn't have to do all this, 47 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: this kind of false belief that I was in charge 48 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,640 Speaker 1: of the world, and when things didn't go my way, 49 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 1: it was because the world didn't like me, and if 50 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,520 Speaker 1: only i'd been more on it, if only everyone just 51 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 1: did what I wanted, to be fine. But when I 52 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,799 Speaker 1: thought about what was bigger than me, because I realized 53 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: I did actually have to pick something eventually for me, 54 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 1: I came to settle upon them. The universe, this thing 55 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 1: that you and I live in, that is just so 56 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 1: vast in scale, so go gant you, and in complexity 57 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: so bewildering, and it's mystery that our feeble little human 58 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 1: brains cannot conceive most of it. Well, that's something bigger 59 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 1: than me, and nothing was bigger than it. For example, 60 00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: climate change doesn't care that you don't believe in it. 61 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 1: Thermodonamics and physics don't give a shit about your politics. 62 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,360 Speaker 1: Not only that I am in the universe, and the 63 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: universe is in me. Every single atom in my body 64 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 1: was once forged in the heart of a star squillions 65 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:20,320 Speaker 1: of light years away. I'm mostly made up of atmospheric 66 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,679 Speaker 1: carbon that I've eaten at some point over the last 67 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 1: ten years. And when I die, I will go back 68 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 1: into that system, and the atoms in my body will 69 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,600 Speaker 1: become atoms in something else. There is something beautiful and 70 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 1: reverent and divine in that for me, and that is 71 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: way bigger than me and something that I have no 72 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: control over. And that is something that I have no 73 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: problem being humble before. And that started to work for me. 74 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: But because I'm me, I became quite curious as to why, 75 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: and I'm going to get to that after the break. 76 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the show talking about higher powers 77 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 1: and what it is about a higher power that helps 78 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: people recover from addiction. I've had to learn a lot 79 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:16,840 Speaker 1: about my brain. It's called psycho education. I've heard it 80 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 1: very useful. Learning about my brain and learning what is 81 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 1: going on in my brain and the feelings and my 82 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,039 Speaker 1: body when my brain's doing certain things really helps me 83 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: when I'm not doing well. It helps me identify which 84 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: bits of me aren't working well at that point, and 85 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 1: what action I can take around that now? As I 86 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,440 Speaker 1: mentioned in the conversation that I had with Through sixty 87 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:40,200 Speaker 1: in the episode last week, possibly the biggest misconception about 88 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: addiction is that the people who are doing the terribly 89 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:47,440 Speaker 1: dangerous thing, they know that it's terribly dangerous. They understand 90 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 1: that this incredibly risky thing might kill them, but they 91 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 1: can't stop. They can't stop because it is the best 92 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 1: option that they have. They're not weak, they simply have 93 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: no other choice. Addiction isn't about weakness. Addiction is about 94 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 1: wiring in an addicted brain certain circuits, the cravings, the rewards, 95 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 1: the impulsivity, shame. Those things start firing. Like I used 96 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 1: to have this old sunbird wasn't a Tarana four cylinder, 97 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: not the six. And I tried fixing the fuse and 98 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: at once for the indicator. But when I did, not 99 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 1: only did my indicate flash, my left head light flashed 100 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 1: as well. All right, So all those things, the craving circuits, 101 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: a reward in positivity, shame, they all start firing like that, 102 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: like it's not supposed to be happening at that point 103 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: in time, but it does. The part of the brain 104 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 1: that is able to say, maybe I won't crack another 105 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 1: can that is drowned out by the part that says, 106 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 1: do it now, or you will die. So when a 107 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: person comes in a recovery or tries to begin the 108 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:00,440 Speaker 1: journey towards recovery and is completely flattened by the weight 109 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 1: of their own cravings, the accumulated guilt, the self hate 110 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 1: when they're told just try harder. The prefrontal cortex, the 111 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: decision making part of the brain which is behind your forehead, 112 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:16,920 Speaker 1: that just goes offline, all right, when you're in those moments, 113 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: you know, when someone's trying to tell you something like 114 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: and fuck, You're like, that's your profintal courting is going noope. 115 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: But if that person who's in that trouble starts to 116 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 1: realize that the world won't end if they let go 117 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:33,600 Speaker 1: of trying to control everything and slowly come to understand 118 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: that this intensely complicated, interconnected system with infinite variables known 119 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:44,159 Speaker 1: as planet Earth will just keep going regardless of what 120 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 1: we think about it. When we start to consider that 121 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:51,000 Speaker 1: as is the reality which it is, something quite different 122 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 1: begins to happen. The acceptance that something bigger than us 123 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 1: is actually in charge. It doesn't come as something frightening. 124 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,000 Speaker 1: In fact, it comes as a relief because then the 125 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:06,640 Speaker 1: only thing we have to control is ourselves. And once 126 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 1: that idea gets into an inner monologue, well that's when 127 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 1: things start to change. Now. The part of the brain 128 00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: that it's in charge about inner monologue is called the 129 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:19,880 Speaker 1: default mode network. Things like rumination, self talk. That's the 130 00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:23,880 Speaker 1: default mode network. When we're stuck in shame or obsession 131 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 1: or whatever happens at three am, when I work up 132 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh why am I like this? Well, 133 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: am I can't get back to sleep? The default mode 134 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: network just lights up like a more chilly machine trying 135 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: to get you to come and slap a pineapple into 136 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: it on the way to the toilet. When we start 137 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: to remember the outcome of the probabilities in the world 138 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 1: that we live in actually has mostly nothing to do 139 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 1: with us at all, And if we surrender to the 140 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: idea that we aren't actually in charge, we try to 141 00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: remember that for the most part, the evidence is shown 142 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 1: by the mere fact of our existence that things have 143 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: actually worked out. Well, this starts to quiet down that 144 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 1: default mode at work. It can be reminding yourself. You 145 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 1: know what, that's not up to me. It might be 146 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:13,840 Speaker 1: counting your breaths. It might be meditation, it might be prayer. 147 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 1: Any of these things can help us step out of 148 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 1: that story and just kind of be present in that 149 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 1: moment without trying to fix anything or control anything, just 150 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: being in that space. Now, talked earlier about the prefrontal cortex, 151 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 1: the bit behind your brain that doesn't work very well 152 00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 1: in addiction, doesn't work very well for me before I 153 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,439 Speaker 1: had a coffee either, which is why like, just hold on, yes, 154 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: I want to all those questions about school pickup and 155 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,840 Speaker 1: rugby training, just let me have a coffee first. So 156 00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: it's the part of your brain that helps you make 157 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 1: rational decisions, the prefrontal cortex. It helps you resist impulses. 158 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 1: It chooses long term reward over the short term hit 159 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,760 Speaker 1: that you might get out of something. But reminding yourself 160 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: you're actually not in control of the world. Try to 161 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: surrender control to a higher power of your choosing bit, 162 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:05,560 Speaker 1: an interventionist God, the universe, your immediate family, a group, 163 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:11,199 Speaker 1: you're accountable to, the ocean. Whatever. What that does to 164 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 1: our brain is it strengthens our executive function, and it 165 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:20,439 Speaker 1: does this because suddenly you're accountable to something beyond you're craving, 166 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:25,319 Speaker 1: beyond that, you know, impulse, you're trying to feed. I've 167 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: got to have a drink, so that then becomes well 168 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,000 Speaker 1: with the version of me that I'm trying to be, 169 00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:33,560 Speaker 1: actually want that. There's a part of my brain that goes, 170 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,559 Speaker 1: have a drink, have a drink, have a drink, slap 171 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 1: a pokey, WA's important, whatever, But hang on hand, who 172 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 1: am I trying to be? Here is the person that 173 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: I'm trying to be? Do they want that? And that 174 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,319 Speaker 1: could buy you It feels like hours, a couple of 175 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,160 Speaker 1: seconds that can stop you from making those choices in 176 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,079 Speaker 1: the heat of the moment. That's when your pre fatal 177 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: cortex rus to life and it helps that question become 178 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,679 Speaker 1: that decision, that choice to not drink or use. Now, 179 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 1: another part of the brain that does kind of factor 180 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: into this. It's really interesting. It's called the insular. It's 181 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 1: the part of the brain that helps you feel what 182 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,440 Speaker 1: your body's feeling. It's the bridge between the physical craving 183 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,960 Speaker 1: and the emotional meaning. So if somebody says to you, 184 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:18,319 Speaker 1: oh my my skin's crawling, that's the insular working. If 185 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 1: you get goosebumps in an emotional moment, or if you're me, 186 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,320 Speaker 1: a key change in a Westlife song. As much as 187 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 1: I just like it, that is the insular doing that. 188 00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: It's tying my emotional state to the feeling of my body. Now, 189 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,079 Speaker 1: it has been shown that science that's how you say 190 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,959 Speaker 1: shit in science. I'm a lot of scientists, but that's 191 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:39,199 Speaker 1: how they speak. It has been shown that by deliberate 192 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 1: practice of pursuing or things make it go whoa full kean. 193 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: By pursuing humility, surrender, trying to do things with meaning, 194 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 1: what they do is they activate that insular and the 195 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 1: brain's reward centers, the same ones that are hijacked by 196 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 1: drugs or alcohol or gambling or porn or shopping or 197 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: whatever you're so, the concept of being humble before a 198 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: higher power literally replaces the high that one might get 199 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: from unhealthy things, replaces that high with something else belonging 200 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:19,679 Speaker 1: and purpose, possibly transcendence. A dopamine hit without the consequences 201 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 1: of drinking or using the best of which could be 202 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 1: a hangover, but it can be as bad as jail 203 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: or death or worse. But why why does it work 204 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 1: for someone like me who doesn't believe in an intervention 205 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:38,080 Speaker 1: as God, and yet is instead humble before and prostrate 206 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: before the might and the majesty and the complexity and 207 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 1: the power of the universe. Why does that work? And 208 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 1: why does it also work for someone like three sixty 209 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,640 Speaker 1: who has chosen the path of spirituality of religion where 210 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 1: he is humble before a God of his understanding. Well, 211 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: that's where it gets really interesting. I'm going to have 212 00:11:54,320 --> 00:12:08,360 Speaker 1: a crack at explaining that in a moment. Three sixty. 213 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,640 Speaker 1: You know, I spoke the other day about sobriety and 214 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: the concept of a higher power. He and I have 215 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:16,720 Speaker 1: very different ideas of a higher power, but it doesn't matter. 216 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,760 Speaker 1: We're both alive and that's what matters. It turns out 217 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,080 Speaker 1: the concept of a higher power works whether you have 218 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 1: a specific belief system or not. But why There was 219 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,720 Speaker 1: an interesting study done in California in twenty eighteen where 220 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:37,320 Speaker 1: some researchers compared religious and secular recovery programs, So the 221 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 1: kind of religious spiritual ones like aa NA that sort 222 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: of thing, versus things like smart recovery, which is more 223 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 1: CBT and direct rational emode of behavioral therapy kind of based, 224 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: all right, And they found both of these programs. They 225 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: found both of these programs worked if people connected to 226 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:59,560 Speaker 1: something outside of themselves. It works not because of the 227 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 1: name of the higher power, whoever it is that you 228 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 1: believe in if you do, it works because of how 229 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: it frames the thoughts that you're having. So I'm not 230 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,520 Speaker 1: in charge. It actually gives your brain a bit of 231 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 1: a break. Lets you take your hand off the wheel 232 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 1: for a second. I'm part of something bigger. It resets 233 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,520 Speaker 1: your identity to be, you know, as they say, a 234 00:13:24,559 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 1: man amongst men, a worker, a worker among workers. Chopwater, 235 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 1: carry water. Right, I don't have to fix it all today, 236 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 1: one bit at a time. That kind of softens the 237 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: group of the shame. Why am I not better yet? 238 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 1: Progress not perfection? Mate? Just get this bit right today. 239 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 1: We'll work on the rest tomorrow. That's it. So that 240 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: shame can really really mastagnate us as having that kind 241 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,719 Speaker 1: of frame over those thoughts really really helps it. Now 242 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 1: you can call it God or Border or Jesus or 243 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: Allah or Prince or Bossie or warning. You can call 244 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 1: it community. You can call it David, the man who 245 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,280 Speaker 1: helps me stay sober, rides motorbikes and always says the 246 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: thing that I needed to hear. Whatever you call it, 247 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 1: you're moving the center of the universe away from the 248 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: bits of you that don't work very well and moving 249 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 1: it towards the ones that are getting better, the ones 250 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 1: that are healing. Addiction is a disease of selfishness, but 251 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 1: it's also a disease of isolation, because when we become 252 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 1: the only problem that we can see, the only solution 253 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 1: that we believe in is also us, and that is 254 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 1: the trap that we get stuck in because that solution 255 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: will fail again and again and again, and the shame 256 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,960 Speaker 1: just kind of calcifies, and around we go and it 257 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: just gets lower and lower and lower. The idea of 258 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 1: a higher power, the concept of a higher power is 259 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,240 Speaker 1: just a tool, and it's not just for people who 260 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 1: are in recovery, but I'd like to think it's for 261 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 1: everyone because it invites us out of ourselves, out of 262 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,640 Speaker 1: our eargo out of the loops we may not realize 263 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 1: where fuck in and into something more collaborative, more based 264 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: in a community, more connected to other people around us, 265 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: and more forgiving, not only of ourselves but of others. 266 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 1: And it can start with just remembering one thing, the 267 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 1: only thing I'm in control of here is my choices, 268 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,240 Speaker 1: how I feel about this, what I think about that, 269 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,480 Speaker 1: and what I do next. Not all of us have 270 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 1: the latitude to control our choices all the time, and 271 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: that's where things like mindfulness and down regulation come in. 272 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 1: Taking a breath so you don't snap at someone in anger, 273 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 1: having the choice to apologize make it better if you've 274 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 1: made a poor choice. If you're finding it difficult to 275 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 1: do those things, you may be able to go to 276 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 1: see a doctor get some help around that. But over time, 277 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,800 Speaker 1: as we start to deliberately make new choices, soon enough 278 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 1: those new choices become new habits, and those new habits 279 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 1: become new automatic choices, and before you know it, life 280 00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:02,360 Speaker 1: is very, very different, and it's hard, but it's worth it. 281 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:09,040 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. I'd love to know your thoughts about this. 282 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 1: There's a lot of what I spoke about today in 283 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 1: the new book. It's called So What Now What. You 284 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 1: can get it right now. There's a link in the 285 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 1: show notes. Come to the story Club. Thanks to Addam 286 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:29,040 Speaker 1: A Bunch for cutting this up. I'll see you Wednesday.