Speaker 1: Hi everyone, it's a Chronic time. It is Monty and
Speaker 1: joffriend Brooke don.
Speaker 2: Very nice, well done. And we did put a poll
Speaker 2: up about didn't we and asked people if it was
Speaker 2: annoying having you see.
Speaker 1: And totally I believe it. I was because I'm done
Speaker 1: with doing it. But at the same time, I don't
Speaker 1: really know how to start it without singing now, because
Speaker 1: I've been doing like a show and te podcast for
Speaker 1: seven years now, icronic for however many months that I
Speaker 1: can't stop chalk. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: I don't find it annoying, so it's fine.
Speaker 1: Apparently a couple of you do. So for those of
Speaker 1: you that do, I'm sorry because it would be so
Speaker 1: fucking annoying. Just skip through the first ten seconds.
Speaker 2: Yes, and speaking of annoying, there is something I've been
Speaker 2: wanting to talk to you about.
Speaker 1: Oh, here we go. I love that you wait to
Speaker 1: use this as the forum to bring up so annoying.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I know that people who are listening will
Speaker 2: be like either one side or the other. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: you have started doing something within our communication that has
Speaker 2: surprised me. Oh what voice notes?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I have a voice note.
Speaker 2: I fte a voice note.
Speaker 1: I know why the thing is that I need to
Speaker 1: communicate with you quite a lot. I don't want to
Speaker 1: call you all the time. I hate calling, and you
Speaker 1: don't enjoy calling it either. So the way you and
Speaker 1: I communicate via text, for some reason, really confuses each other,
Speaker 1: like we're constantly like, what do you mean? What do
Speaker 1: you mean?
Speaker 2: Confuse? Yes? And can I say that is because a
Speaker 2: lot of what you say it doesn't not.
Speaker 1: Make I tend to not proofread, and then it goes
Speaker 1: through to you and you have to decipher it.
Speaker 2: And also sometimes I think that you just automatically think
Speaker 2: I already know what is in your head. I think
Speaker 2: I do, what are you talking about? How do I
Speaker 2: decipher whatever this means?
Speaker 1: I feel like we're connected enough that you should know
Speaker 1: what's going on in my head. But I agree, I
Speaker 1: just I'm going to blame the ADHD. I just quickly
Speaker 1: get it done, send it to you, okay, and you
Speaker 1: have to decipher it. But it's easier to send you
Speaker 1: a voice note and communicate that way, Like then I
Speaker 1: can get everything out. You can hear my inflections, so
Speaker 1: there's nothing where I'm being shitty, and it just gets
Speaker 1: it all out and I max out at three minutes,
Speaker 1: just a quick little dip into your day to hear
Speaker 1: what's going on.
Speaker 2: But it's easier for who for you? But is it
Speaker 2: easier for me?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: Because I have to be somewhere that is quiet so
Speaker 2: I can hear your voice message and then if there
Speaker 2: are like points or things I need to do or
Speaker 2: take from that, I then have to write them down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I none of that's my problem, like none
Speaker 1: of us.
Speaker 2: So this is what I'm trying to say. People who
Speaker 2: send voice notes are selfish. It's selfish. Really, yeah, could
Speaker 2: come at me. I don't care, even selfish.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I send them to everyone. We've got
Speaker 1: to build the doing little things on our house at
Speaker 1: the moment. And the other day I sent him one
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is a whole other step.
Speaker 1: That's to the build on, Matt, not on all right,
Speaker 1: the very ablest of you not to let me send
Speaker 1: voice messages. It's too taxing for me to get on
Speaker 1: the phone and call you. That's what the problem is.
Speaker 2: Anyway, God, okay, all.
Speaker 1: Right, take it on. I'll take it. It probably won't change.
Speaker 2: Or at least cap them at a minute. Don't send
Speaker 2: me like a six minute one, because that's just rude.
Speaker 1: Good compromise. I will do that. I'll do that for
Speaker 1: you anyway. It is brooken Monty. Now that she's got
Speaker 1: the vent out of the way, this is our obviously
Speaker 1: our iconic podcast where we chat about all things chronic
Speaker 1: health issues. Speaking is Monty, and I'm going to kick
Speaker 1: it off with chronic migraines', chronic fatigue, pots, m cass,
Speaker 1: fuck knows what else.
Speaker 2: I don't even know what that is. Oh my god,
Speaker 2: stop adding to this.
Speaker 1: I don't really know either. It's masked sal something. I'm
Speaker 1: going to dive in one of these episodes to pots
Speaker 1: and mcass because they're becoming more and more stuff's being
Speaker 1: known about it, but I don't even know what they
Speaker 1: stand for.
Speaker 2: I just got them pots. Yeah, I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: hearing a lot more about pots. Actually, I know Tiffany
Speaker 2: Hall has talked about having pots, and also I listened
Speaker 2: to the Messy podcast with Christina Applegate and her daughter
Speaker 2: has pots, right, and she suspects that she has that
Speaker 2: as well. Yeah, I'm hearing more and more about it,
Speaker 2: but we'll delve more into it.
Speaker 1: But go on, you offer up what you've got on.
Speaker 2: Your look, I'm just gonna go with MS, just the
Speaker 2: good old MS. I feel like it trumps everything else.
Speaker 1: So you've got so much other shit there. Let's just
Speaker 1: scurry their mess queen. Anyway, I wanted to just kick
Speaker 1: off straight away. We've been getting so many messages from
Speaker 1: you guys, which honestly is just the best. And this
Speaker 1: one's from ger Or Ger is her name. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to pronounce it gurr or girr. Okay, anyway,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for in This is what she wrote.
Speaker 1: I just listened to the episode about chronic illness. It
Speaker 1: was so validating as someone who is chronically ill. I
Speaker 1: felt every word in my heart. I am healing lyme disease.
Speaker 1: I only recently found out it is in my body.
Speaker 1: I don't say I have it. I'm not taking ownership
Speaker 1: of it. I've been on a sixteen year journey to
Speaker 1: get to this point of finding out what has actually
Speaker 1: caused the fibromyalgia, functional neurological disorder, the non epileptic seizures,
Speaker 1: facial palsy, loss of speech, loss of use of my legs, etc.
Speaker 2: Etc.
Speaker 1: So thank you for being real and honest and brave
Speaker 1: for sharing how hard it is to deal with chronic
Speaker 1: illnesses that nobody understands unless you have it. This just
Speaker 1: I read this and it resonated to me because when
Speaker 1: you read sixteen years, I'm like, holy shit, that is
Speaker 1: so long. And then I realized how long mine has
Speaker 1: been going on for. And it's so confronting when you
Speaker 1: realize how long you've been living your life with something
Speaker 1: so chronic and just battling it, and then you end
Speaker 1: up getting used to it being your life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it just becomes part of who you are.
Speaker 1: Doesn't it. Because I first got sick when I went
Speaker 1: Aubrey to do my radio apprenticeship I call it where
Speaker 1: it was breakfast radio, and it was the first time
Speaker 1: I moved away from home and I didn't want to go,
Speaker 1: like it was the launch of my career, but I
Speaker 1: didn't want to go. And the stress of it and
Speaker 1: the lack of sleep caused glandular fever, which then went
Speaker 1: into chronic fatigue. And that has been with me ever
Speaker 1: since I was twenty two and I'm now forty three,
Speaker 1: so a long time. And then I've had migraines since
Speaker 1: I was eleven, on and off, so I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: it's majority of my life now that I have been
Speaker 1: fighting something.
Speaker 2: Yes, yep, constantly a challenge for you. More so probably
Speaker 2: in the last five or six years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like the fatigues always been hectic, but the last
Speaker 1: I would even say, the last year and a half
Speaker 1: is when the migraine's kicked up to a whole other gear.
Speaker 1: But yours is quite new, chalk, So is it almost
Speaker 1: something that you're still getting used to. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you ever get used to it, but do you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, it's still a very new lifestyle
Speaker 1: for you to be chronically ill.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's an interesting question. I feel, am I getting
Speaker 2: used to it? Yeah? I guess I am. I'm learning
Speaker 2: to listen to my body more. You know a lot
Speaker 2: of people say, oh, you've got to listen to your body,
Speaker 2: and it's hard to know sometimes what that means. But
Speaker 2: I feel like I finally understand what that means now,
Speaker 2: so for me anyway, and so I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: really in tune with my body and I know when
Speaker 2: something's not right. But look, I don't know, like it's
Speaker 2: been a massive adjustment. But I'm also not the type
Speaker 2: of person to dwell on it. I mean, certainly there
Speaker 2: are times when I get down and it's frustrated, angry,
Speaker 2: but mostly I've just got to get on with it.
Speaker 2: Get a new symptom and it's shit, and you might
Speaker 2: be upset for a little while, but then you've just
Speaker 2: got to get on with it and keep on moving.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're very much like that, I think a lot
Speaker 1: of I think more so now than ever, I feel
Speaker 1: sad for myself. I feel sad for the girl who
Speaker 1: has missed out on so much or has had to
Speaker 1: alter her life so much, like when I look, because
Speaker 1: there's so much I can't do, and the way I
Speaker 1: parent is not how I thought I would parent, Like
Speaker 1: I feel kinde Yeah, I feel really ripped off, if
Speaker 1: I'm honest.
Speaker 2: It's almost like you go through a process of grieving
Speaker 2: your own life and what you used to do or
Speaker 2: what you thought you were going to do and it
Speaker 2: hasn't turned out that way. And that's certainly the same
Speaker 2: with me too, Like I thought that I would be
Speaker 2: able to be chasing my kids around all the time
Speaker 2: and going surfing with them and all those kinds of things,
Speaker 2: and it's just not a reality. Most of the time. Career,
Speaker 2: we've both had to really change our careers because we're
Speaker 2: not able to work in the same way that we
Speaker 2: used to and that we want to.
Speaker 1: It's not that long ago that for you where you
Speaker 1: can where you're like, oh, I'm not this person. I
Speaker 1: mourn my old life where I remember for maybe the
Speaker 1: first ten to fifteen years of me being unwell, I
Speaker 1: was like, this is not me. I'm not this person,
Speaker 1: Like I want to be the old me like I would.
Speaker 1: I think of when I was younger and I would
Speaker 1: go out to clubs until the sun came up and
Speaker 1: just constantly be social. And that's so far from the
Speaker 1: person I am now, So at some point it's clipped
Speaker 1: over where that old me is such a foreign version
Speaker 1: and I am now like identify so much with being
Speaker 1: chronically ill, and I think with ger or Gur, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry where she said she's not taking ownership of
Speaker 1: her lime disease and she's healing it. Really, when I
Speaker 1: read it, it was like something clicked where I was like,
Speaker 1: hold on, I've got to stop fighting against this, like
Speaker 1: a fight against my mental health and my physical health
Speaker 1: because I hate it so much that it's hard to
Speaker 1: make I'm never gonna love it. But it's almost like
Speaker 1: I need to somehow feel or do this radical acceptance
Speaker 1: of going, this is your life, fucking deal with it
Speaker 1: and find the joy more and you don't have to
Speaker 1: like it, but it is what it is. And with
Speaker 1: each thing I do, I'm healing as opposed to the
Speaker 1: fuck is another thing. I'm trying. Like that's how I
Speaker 1: view everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's a really beautiful way to look at it,
Speaker 2: to be healing rather than fighting.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't really know how exactly lime disease works and
Speaker 2: if you can heal and go into the remission type state.
Speaker 2: I'm not from.
Speaker 1: Chicks another episode we should do on this My only
Speaker 1: reference of line.
Speaker 2: I know what you to say your lander from the
Speaker 2: House Rights of Beverly Hills.
Speaker 1: And also I think Selena Gomez or Justin Bebber one
Speaker 1: of them had it did like I think, like it
Speaker 1: originates from a tick bite or something like that, and
Speaker 1: then it just reads havoc with your body.
Speaker 2: Yes, but I don't know if you can heal it.
Speaker 2: And maybe you can, and maybe that's the way she's
Speaker 2: looking at it. I'm not sure. I guess I don't
Speaker 2: feel like that myself because I can't heal mys it's
Speaker 2: just that's just the way it's going to be. But
Speaker 2: if there was a chance I could, then perhaps that
Speaker 2: would be beneficial to use that language rather than fighting
Speaker 2: it all.
Speaker 1: Because I feel like that's where obviously our situations are
Speaker 1: so different. But I still feel like chronic migraine. I
Speaker 1: will always have migraine, but I feel like I can
Speaker 1: heal myself more than where I'm at now in terms
Speaker 1: of I think I'll always have chronic fatigue. I think
Speaker 1: I'll always have migraines, but I can heal myself a
Speaker 1: lot to a much better place than I am. That's
Speaker 1: what keeps me going is having that.
Speaker 2: I guess what is healing to you as well? Is
Speaker 2: it you still having because I'm just gonna tell people
Speaker 2: that might not know, but cronic migraine is defined by
Speaker 2: fifteen days or more in bed a month, So being
Speaker 2: bedridden for fifteen days a month, which is huge. So
Speaker 2: for anyone that thinks, oh, it's like a bad headache,
Speaker 2: like chronic migraine is so not that, it is so
Speaker 2: much more than that. When you talk about healing, are
Speaker 2: you talking about you want to get less than fifteen days?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Or you say I want to be able to find
Speaker 2: the joy even when it's shit.
Speaker 1: I don't know how it would be possible to find
Speaker 1: the joy. I think there would need to be more acceptance.
Speaker 1: And so I have bursts where I have fifteen days,
Speaker 1: I've had six weeks in bed. At the moment, I've
Speaker 1: got something that's working, so I'm out of bed more
Speaker 1: often than fifteen days. But I had a four day
Speaker 1: bender the other day and I was really angry. I
Speaker 1: was angry the whole time, and I was fighting it
Speaker 1: and I was scared. I'm like, shit, it's back full time.
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to go into hospital. I think
Speaker 1: when those kind of things come up, I need to
Speaker 1: be more accepting and go these happen. These are a
Speaker 1: part of life. You might be out for four to
Speaker 1: five days now, so just surrender to it. I find
Speaker 1: it really hard to surrender. But in healing, I also
Speaker 1: want to get the duration of stuff down. I want
Speaker 1: to get longer out of my day by midday I
Speaker 1: need to lay down with chronic fatigue, like I want
Speaker 1: to get more slabs of time where I'm well.
Speaker 2: Yeap, yeah, I think that's a good goal to walk
Speaker 2: to work towards.
Speaker 1: So in terms of the fact that you can't heal
Speaker 1: or get rid of MS? How do you compartmentalize? This
Speaker 1: is what I find incredible about you is you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to get on with it. Do you
Speaker 1: think because it is black and white in terms of
Speaker 1: you can't get rid of it, that you have to
Speaker 1: accept it more? Possibly?
Speaker 2: Actually, Yeah, because I am a real doer and I
Speaker 2: am a solutions driven person. So if I knew I
Speaker 2: had something that I could fix, I would do everything
Speaker 2: in my power to fix it. But I know that
Speaker 2: I can't do that. But I can do things to
Speaker 2: make my life and my day easier. So I still
Speaker 2: I'm into anything the healing, and we've talked about all
Speaker 2: the loose stuff that I love. I do all of
Speaker 2: those things to help myself and to put myself in
Speaker 2: the best fighting position. Like I go to my strength
Speaker 2: classes three times a week. I try and eat the
Speaker 2: right foods, do all those things I can to keep
Speaker 2: the inflammation in my body low. But I can't fix it.
Speaker 2: So I think from pretty much, I would say straight away,
Speaker 2: after I had a few days or a week to
Speaker 2: digest what had happened, I just went into this is
Speaker 2: my life mode. Yeah, Yeah, it's pretty amazing.
Speaker 1: We do have another message from one of you, Courtney,
Speaker 1: thanks for sending this in and you can send us
Speaker 1: anything at any time, any comments, any questions, voice memos.
Speaker 1: We love Show and Tell podcasts. Is where you find
Speaker 1: us on Instagram. Even though I did just fully can
Speaker 1: the oh.
Speaker 2: It is so fine to do it in this context
Speaker 2: because it isn't welcoming.
Speaker 1: That's not welcoming at all.
Speaker 2: But in this context it's different because it is so nice.
Speaker 2: Like when I heard Courtney's voice note, and there's been
Speaker 2: other people that have sent voice notes, it's so beautiful
Speaker 2: and I feel like I can connect with there on
Speaker 2: a different level totally with voice notes, whereas I connect
Speaker 2: with you anyway. So whatever, I don't send you a
Speaker 2: voice note.
Speaker 1: Here we go again. Okay, here's caught Iny's message.
Speaker 3: I'm only part of the way through today's app, but
Speaker 3: I thought I drop your voice note because you love them.
Speaker 3: And share some wisdom from my specialist who said to
Speaker 3: me that most people who live with chronic illness and
Speaker 3: autoimmune disease are overachievers. He actually calls it the overachievers
Speaker 3: disease because we put our bodies and our minds on
Speaker 3: a level of stress that other people may not, and
Speaker 3: we're really bad being sick. We continually push ourselves and
Speaker 3: so that's something that we all really need to be
Speaker 3: mindful of and treat ourselves with more kindness through the
Speaker 3: hell's journey.
Speaker 2: I think that's so interesting, isn't it?
Speaker 1: Again? I was like, Oh God, because we've talked about before,
Speaker 1: how you know so many people view the word ambitious dirty.
Speaker 1: If there was three words we could use to sum
Speaker 1: up you, and I took it, one of them would
Speaker 1: be ambitious. Like we've always had goals with like you,
Speaker 1: I'm like often say you're a dog at a bone
Speaker 1: with stuff. What we want to guess? Brooke will fucking
Speaker 1: message the manager sixty four times to get that guest on. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I have that in me a bit for sure. I
Speaker 2: think a lot of people that I've worked with would
Speaker 2: probably say I'm a very nice, fair person manager, but
Speaker 2: also like I will get shit done and I will
Speaker 2: make it happen. That's definitely my personality. And this is
Speaker 2: interesting because I have heard a lot about high achievers
Speaker 2: but also people who were perfectionists and how that can
Speaker 2: lead to chronic illness because you put so much pressure
Speaker 2: on yourself and you take on so much stress, but
Speaker 2: because you have this whole kind of demeanor of perfectionism,
Speaker 2: you don't want anyone to know when you're stressed or
Speaker 2: you're weak, so you don't take the days off and
Speaker 2: you don't do those kinds of things. Do you reckon
Speaker 2: the people you do? Yeah? Look, I would say one
Speaker 2: hundred percent, not anymore, not at all. I have slowed
Speaker 2: down a ridiculous amount and I'm so much happier for
Speaker 2: having done that. But yeah, possibly, I think it's also
Speaker 2: would you say you're a taybe a personality?
Speaker 1: So can you explain the personalities? Again? I always get confused.
Speaker 2: So taybe A is like perfectionist. You can be a
Speaker 2: bit of a control freak, ambitious, driven, know what you want,
Speaker 2: that kind of personality.
Speaker 1: Would you say that down?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say that's you part of me.
Speaker 1: I don't know about the perfectionist thing. I think a
Speaker 1: lot for me is get it done, and it's often wrong,
Speaker 1: Like the other day, like I'm the one who posts
Speaker 1: our stuff on social and I fuck up constantly because
Speaker 1: I put it up and I'm like, oh god, and
Speaker 1: then I'll post another one and not realize my brain
Speaker 1: works at such a crazy speed that I make mistakes
Speaker 1: so often, so I don't know if I'm a perfectionist,
Speaker 1: But then I get down on myself for making those mistakes,
Speaker 1: So I guess that is a perfectionist kind of I think.
Speaker 2: So I would say you are a bit. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: would say we both are quite a bit. But I
Speaker 2: think that's different because that's a big part of that's
Speaker 2: your career side of things. Yeah, I think from a
Speaker 2: personal life point of view, I've really let that go.
Speaker 2: But I think I was in the past, but I've
Speaker 2: really succumbed to that because just by the nature of
Speaker 2: this podcast and us talking about Connie Gilness, it's not perfect.
Speaker 2: It's completely messy. And I think because at first, well,
Speaker 2: I tried to still work full time and do all
Speaker 2: the thing things because I wanted to still I didn't
Speaker 2: want to be weak or be perceived as being weak.
Speaker 2: But in the end I couldn't do that, and I
Speaker 2: think that's been good for me in a sense, just
Speaker 2: to let my guard down a bit and not care,
Speaker 2: like I don't care what people think.
Speaker 1: I feel like you with this have almost like you've
Speaker 1: always been like this, But I feel like this has
Speaker 1: made you so much stronger, and I'm going to get emotional,
Speaker 1: but I just like I admire how you just get
Speaker 1: shited done. You know that you have had to alter
Speaker 1: your life in ways that you never thought imaginable, and
Speaker 1: your strength is fucking phenomenal, chick, It's just unbelievable, really,
Speaker 1: And I just I envy you because I don't.
Speaker 2: Feel like that.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're the one out of the two
Speaker 1: of us that lifts us up and we can get
Speaker 1: on with this, We can do this anyway.
Speaker 2: I just I likewise think that you're amazing in the
Speaker 2: way you handle it is amazing. And we have different challenges,
Speaker 2: right I don't spend fifteen days a month in bed.
Speaker 2: I might have other challenges, but that's not one that
Speaker 2: is a huge challenge in your life. That is a
Speaker 2: massive thing that you have to live with and deal with.
Speaker 2: So would I be the same if I was in
Speaker 2: your position? I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I know anyway, we're doing the best that we can.
Speaker 1: But just so you know, like I see you and
Speaker 1: I just think you're incredible. Lost anyway, cheeseball moment over,
Speaker 1: Let's get out of you, Okay, bye bye, Everyone, reach
Speaker 1: out to us. We love to hear from you and
Speaker 1: we'll chat to you soon. Bye for now, wait