1 00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:02,440 Speaker 1: I get a team. It's the bloody Project. That's you, 2 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: it's tiff it's Cairing, it's Harps, it's us. It's a 3 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 1: fucking Friday. We're sliding in towards home base and I 4 00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 1: couldn't be more excited. Tiffany and Cook is sitting over 5 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:17,080 Speaker 1: there at typ Central with hair for days. I don't 6 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: really understand how one day you look like a builder's 7 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:25,279 Speaker 1: laborer with like your hair pulled back, like you're some 8 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: kind of trade and now you look like some kind 9 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: of wild animal from the jungle with hair everywhere. How 10 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 1: does that happen? I'm a boy, How does that? How 11 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: have you got now a shock of red curly hair? 12 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:43,880 Speaker 1: Yesterday you look like a bloke called Scott with a toolbag? 13 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:50,479 Speaker 1: How does that happen? How do girls do that? How 14 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: do women do that? I just rock up every day 15 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,280 Speaker 1: with the same head and the same ten dollar glasses. 16 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: You're like some kind of fucking urban chameleon. I don't 17 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 1: know who's going to turn up. Explain to me how 18 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: does that happen? 19 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 2: Well, when I wash it, if I have time, I 20 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 2: do you know a little little scrunchy scrunchy and let 21 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 2: it dry properly and see what happens and that that 22 00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:22,920 Speaker 2: happened today because I had some time. So here we are. 23 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 1: Wow. I feel like Karen is a lot closer to 24 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,400 Speaker 1: the crag end of the scale in terms of hair, 25 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:36,039 Speaker 1: hair care and giving a fuck about hair. Would you agree, Karen? 26 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:36,959 Speaker 3: Yeah? 27 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 4: If I get out of the shower, dry, put some 28 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,240 Speaker 4: wax on my hands, and just go rah rah amway 29 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 4: however it lands, it lands, Yep, don't care. 30 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 1: We've confirmed through rigorous scientific evaluation and testing with Tiff 31 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: that she's thirty percent dude, Ah, what would you give 32 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 1: yourself on that? You know, what percentage would you give yourself? Dude? 33 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 4: Me? Seventy seventy them. 34 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's more than me because I'm only sixty, 35 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 1: So well done. 36 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 2: She runs a conference called Girls with Hammers, so. 37 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, oh that's funny. Yeah. Well, anyway, how are you? 38 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming back on the You project. 39 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 1: Rather than me read some something off the internet, give 40 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,519 Speaker 1: my audience who have not met you, can you give 41 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: them a quick snapshot of who you are and what 42 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: you're about before we dive in. 43 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:36,679 Speaker 4: Oh look, if I give all that stuff, it's too much. 44 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,720 Speaker 4: But let's say I run Girls with Hammers, which is conferences. 45 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 4: Maybe we'll do it again next year. And I run 46 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 4: retreats in Cambodia with my partner. I'm a leadership facilitator, 47 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,359 Speaker 4: an author, speaker, podcast host, you know, just all that. 48 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 4: That's the sort of shit I do. What do I 49 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,520 Speaker 4: care about? Who am I? I bloody want to change 50 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 4: the world, you know. I want to save the planet. 51 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 2: You know. 52 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 4: I want people to be at their best, and I 53 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 4: want to inspire people to believe that they're not a 54 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 4: piece of shit like they've been, like they've led themselves 55 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 4: to believe and you know, not good enough and all 56 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,080 Speaker 4: that kind of stuff. So that's the stuff I work 57 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 4: on as hard as our bloody can to make. 58 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 1: How do you decide with all of those goals and ambitions, 59 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: as beautiful and as magnanimous as they are, how do 60 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: you decide what needs your attention and energy. I'm a 61 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 1: little bit like you. I'm like a dog with three dicks. 62 00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: I get distracted, as does Tiff, by shiny things, and 63 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh fuck, there's so much stuff to do. 64 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: How do you decide? Like, how do you prioritize your time, effort, 65 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: energy and skill so that you're not so that. I mean. 66 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: My point is I think a lot of people are 67 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: busy but not effective, you know. 68 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 4: So how do I keep it effective? Well, I don't know. 69 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 4: I'm very good at doing it in my head. I 70 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 4: need to do this today, and I need to do 71 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 4: that today in this today. But basically what I will 72 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,200 Speaker 4: not do is spend time on things that are not 73 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 4: making a better world. So if what I'm doing I 74 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 4: think people are getting something out of it and they're 75 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 4: becoming better humans, then I'll find time in my diary 76 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 4: to you know, you know, make my day work. And 77 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 4: if someone wants me to do something that's not really effective, 78 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:22,120 Speaker 4: it's just not going in my diary. That's as simple 79 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:23,719 Speaker 4: as I can make it. I don't know how I 80 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:24,159 Speaker 4: do it. 81 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 3: Sometimes I'm way what is Well, you're doing a good job, 82 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,720 Speaker 3: and we hear good things, so you must be doing something. Okay, 83 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 3: What is effective leadership according to you? Not what does 84 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:39,039 Speaker 3: the book say or the program say? Like, when you 85 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 3: meet somebody who's a good leader, what are you saying. 86 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 4: Ah, someone who really makes you feel seen, heard and valued. 87 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:50,480 Speaker 4: You know, they appreciate you. They they're humble, but not 88 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,520 Speaker 4: humble to a point that they're like putting themselves down. 89 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 4: You know, they let others shine. They're vulnerable, you know, 90 00:04:57,240 --> 00:05:00,280 Speaker 4: they tell the truth. They build trust because they up 91 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:03,279 Speaker 4: as themselves and authentic, do you know, and don't try 92 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 4: to put on a big show and a bullshit kind 93 00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 4: of I'm the boss, you know, look at me, I'm 94 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,320 Speaker 4: so perfect. I have all the answers. Someone who really 95 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 4: brings their human self into it and really cares about 96 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 4: the people that are around them and cries to understand 97 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 4: who is that person as a human? How do I 98 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:25,040 Speaker 4: connect with them better? Connection and relationships are buddy king. 99 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 4: When you're a leader, what. 100 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 1: Are the toughest bits of leadership? I feel like I'm 101 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: going to give you one that I think is tough, 102 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,320 Speaker 1: and then you can speak to that and expand on 103 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: it if you want. 104 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 4: So. 105 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,000 Speaker 1: For me, who employed over five hundred people when I 106 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 1: owned gyms over court of a century, I had multiple gyms, 107 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:48,360 Speaker 1: lots and lots of staff over time, giving people feedback 108 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: was always fraught with danger, even if you had the 109 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 1: best of intentions. And when somebody's fucking up, let's be honest, 110 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,359 Speaker 1: they're just fucking up. They're doing something that's done without 111 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 1: throwing them on to the emotional bus or destroying their confidence. 112 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: How do you how do you as a leader kind 113 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:12,480 Speaker 1: of factor in their feelings and their psychological and emotional state, 114 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,599 Speaker 1: but also tell them the truth. 115 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:20,480 Speaker 4: I always think, and this is not there's no one 116 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:22,479 Speaker 4: answer to this because it depends on the person. It 117 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,200 Speaker 4: depends on the situation. It really does depend on a 118 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:28,880 Speaker 4: lot of stuff. But I like to start off, we're saying, look, 119 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 4: this is this is where we need to be. You know, 120 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,160 Speaker 4: these are the things outcomes we need to meet, and 121 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 4: we're not quite getting there. Do you know? Some things 122 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,080 Speaker 4: are going wrong? What can we do together? How can 123 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 4: I support you to get back on track? Because we've 124 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 4: got because we have to achieve them. That's a non negotiable. 125 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,240 Speaker 4: We have to achieve it. So what do we to do? 126 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,719 Speaker 4: How are we going to get there? When I say 127 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 4: it like that, I'm making it sound like it's a 128 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:56,039 Speaker 4: two minute conversation. It's not. Like I said, It depends 129 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 4: on depends on the person, depends on the situation, depends 130 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 4: on their emotional state. Look, when we communicate with people, 131 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:04,599 Speaker 4: you know, we always think that that feedback loop, you know, 132 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 4: So it's kind of I send a message the receiver. 133 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 4: Here is that. Then they send me a little a 134 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 4: message back to say, yeah, I've got it. Now we're 135 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,080 Speaker 4: in this little loop of communication. That's that's out a 136 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 4: bullshit because the communicator has this whole set of things 137 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:22,160 Speaker 4: that the person sending the message. It's their tone, it's 138 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 4: their attitude, it's their knowledge, it's there, you know. All 139 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 4: of that is in a package and that gets sent 140 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 4: to the receiver, and then the receiver's got this package 141 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:34,119 Speaker 4: that's ten times bigger because it's like, what's their emotional state, 142 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 4: what's their mental state, what's their health, what's their experiences, 143 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,480 Speaker 4: what's their background, what's their culture, what are their beliefs, 144 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 4: what are their triggers, blah blah, and the list goes 145 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 4: on and on and on and on and so what 146 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 4: happens is and I always say this, and it's the truth. 147 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 4: There's the only true communication is the interpretation of the receiver. 148 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 4: So less you know the person well enough that you're 149 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 4: giving that that talk to or what you know that 150 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 4: feedback to, you're not guaranteed for it to land. Right. 151 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 4: And I'm really big on this. If you're going to 152 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 4: lead people, your priority is to get to know them, 153 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 4: to understand who they are. Yes, we've got a task 154 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 4: to do, Yes we do. But you just if you 155 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,640 Speaker 4: know the people and you work with them according to 156 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 4: their strength and what they want and what they need 157 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:24,960 Speaker 4: and all, like I don't mean panda to them, but 158 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 4: you know, work so that they're at their best. The 159 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 4: job gets done. The job sort of takes care of itself. 160 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,760 Speaker 4: But if you push, push, push the job and you 161 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:36,480 Speaker 4: don't know who you're pushing it to, it's ten times 162 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 4: as hard. Does that answer your question? 163 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Look, I mean that actually insects with 164 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: my research for my PhD, which is all around understanding 165 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: how other people think and how other people see the 166 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: world and how other people are experiencing this moment and 167 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: how other people are experiencing you in that moment. And 168 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,720 Speaker 1: this is you know, that ability to be able to 169 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 1: in a particular moment in time with a particular one off, 170 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: one of a kind individual, to be able to have 171 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 1: some insight into there in the moment experience and feeling 172 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:17,680 Speaker 1: and version of reality. That opens a door for connection 173 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:22,440 Speaker 1: that people without those skills don't have. You know, It's 174 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:24,880 Speaker 1: like you might have the best vocabulary and all the 175 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: degrees and all the theoretical knowledge. But if you're in 176 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: a moment with Tiff, and TIFF's feeling a certain way 177 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 1: that you're not feeling, and she's having an experience that 178 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 1: you're not having, and she's looking through a window that 179 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:41,280 Speaker 1: you're not looking through, well it's really in your interest 180 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: to try to have some insight into her experience so 181 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: that you can build that connection. And this all sounds 182 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: good in theory, but yeah, this is and I think 183 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: for people like you, you probably just do that organically 184 00:09:57,160 --> 00:10:01,199 Speaker 1: and spontaneously without thinking it through from from a fucking 185 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,960 Speaker 1: academic point of view, but you just do it in 186 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: the moment. 187 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 4: Well, I do it from the heart, and I really 188 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 4: want people to get better at that. You know, leadership 189 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 4: doesn't come from your head. It comes from your heart. 190 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 4: Like you can plan with your head, but you need 191 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,160 Speaker 4: from your heart. And some people will disagree with that, 192 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 4: and that's okay, but it's also in the moment. If 193 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 4: you don't know what somebody's going through, you've got to 194 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 4: make them feel seen, hurd and valued, and you've got 195 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 4: to be kind like you've got to show kindness and 196 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 4: compassion in any of those situations and start from there 197 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 4: and then Look, if the person's not coming to the party, 198 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 4: then you can say, look, we're going to have to 199 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,120 Speaker 4: push on this a little hard act because we've got 200 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,760 Speaker 4: to have an outcome, yes, but starting with kindness and 201 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 4: starting with understanding them. And you're absolutely right about the perceptions. 202 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,840 Speaker 4: I was just talking to someone about that yesterday. We 203 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,240 Speaker 4: were talking about behaviors, and I said, but when we're 204 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,840 Speaker 4: dealing with people, we're not. Actually the behavior comes second, 205 00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 4: and we've got to think about how they're perceived leaving 206 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 4: something in the moment, and we've got to deal with 207 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 4: their perceptions, not not the facts fat first. You know, 208 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 4: we got to think, well, how did they perceive this? 209 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,600 Speaker 4: Because we can't just throw facts at somebody and tell 210 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 4: them what's right or wrong if they've perceived it completely different. 211 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,920 Speaker 4: You know, we have to get to the bottom of 212 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 4: that first. But I'm making it sound easy and it's not, 213 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 4: because every single human being is a unique mix of 214 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:32,160 Speaker 4: you know, millions of stuff beneath the surface that you know, 215 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 4: we can never and we can never know another human 216 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 4: because we can never we don't even know ourselves. We 217 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 4: don't even know what's below our own surface, so we 218 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:44,640 Speaker 4: can't do the best we can if we shaut with 219 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 4: kindness and compassion, it's a bloody good start. 220 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree. I mean also knowing that what will 221 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: work for one person will not work for another person. 222 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,840 Speaker 1: You know, even if your attentions are great, even if 223 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:05,560 Speaker 1: you are leading with kindness and compassion and love and care, 224 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,680 Speaker 1: it's still going to operate in wisdom. 225 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 4: Absolutely. I just had this conversation with a leader that 226 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 4: I was coaching. I need done you half an hour ago, 227 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,800 Speaker 4: and we're talking about kindness and that kind of stuff. 228 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 4: And she said, and isn't it funny that some people 229 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:20,520 Speaker 4: just don't want that? And she said, I did all 230 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,960 Speaker 4: that kind of stuff with this guy. And she said, 231 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 4: I said, you know, you're really good, like I love 232 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:29,280 Speaker 4: how you show up and and he said, just get 233 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 4: to the point. What are you trying to say? Yes, 234 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,959 Speaker 4: she said, I could have saved all that time. 235 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:41,359 Speaker 1: Well, there's a there's a really interesting concept in psychology 236 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:45,040 Speaker 1: called the false consensus effect, which basically speaks to the 237 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 1: fact that most of us think that other people think 238 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:49,319 Speaker 1: like us. 239 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, and so we think. 240 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: That, oh, this makes sense in my head, so it 241 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: will makes sense in Karen's head. And to me, this 242 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,920 Speaker 1: would be nice and inspiring. So I'll say that to 243 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: Karen and it will be nice and inspiring, whereas for 244 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: you it's confusing and judgmental. Now, if I'm thinking I'm 245 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: giving you a positive but your experience of those words 246 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:14,440 Speaker 1: is a negative, well one that's a problem. And two 247 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 1: if I don't know on top of that, well that's 248 00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: another problem. 249 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:19,439 Speaker 4: You know. 250 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:24,280 Speaker 1: So this operating on the assumption that this person probably 251 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 1: isn't in my reality or a version of my reality. 252 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,840 Speaker 1: This person doesn't think like me. That's not good or bad, 253 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:34,760 Speaker 1: better or worse. That's just the situation we're in. And 254 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: then based on what I know about them, how do 255 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,319 Speaker 1: I build rapport, how do I build trust? How do 256 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,120 Speaker 1: I build respect? How do I build connection? What matters 257 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: to them? What's important to them? 258 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:45,560 Speaker 4: You know? 259 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,440 Speaker 1: What do they want to get out of this? It's 260 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,240 Speaker 1: what's their version of right now? Because it's not my version. 261 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 4: Yep, absolutely, I love all of it. Yeah, And it's 262 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:56,160 Speaker 4: and I think that body language too, there's another big 263 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,640 Speaker 4: there's a whole other section because you can say, I 264 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,560 Speaker 4: turn up with words and and how does kre and 265 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 4: interpret these words? And what's her reality? But our body 266 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,640 Speaker 4: language is most of our communication, do you know. So 267 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 4: if we come in opened and open, relaxed and warm, 268 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,679 Speaker 4: instead of coming in with a full body sort of 269 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 4: intimidation type thing, then we're already we've already built that 270 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 4: connection by not threatening somebody, you know, or we've already 271 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 4: at least eliminated the risk of threat. So but again, 272 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 4: then that when I was talking about the stuff that's 273 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 4: going on for the receiver, if you've got like I 274 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 4: was talking about emotional health, mental health, physical health, but 275 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 4: you've also got syndromes and conditions sitting under that as well, 276 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,680 Speaker 4: Because then you've got you know, autism or ADHD, or 277 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 4: you've got another syndrome sitting under there. That throws another 278 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 4: another level of complexity into the situation. And I don't 279 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 4: think leadership's easy at all, But I do think it's 280 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:05,400 Speaker 4: easier if if we start just start with accepting people 281 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 4: for who they are and understanding that we don't know 282 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,880 Speaker 4: everything about them more and what's right for us might 283 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:12,720 Speaker 4: not be right for them, and just start I don't know, 284 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,560 Speaker 4: I think that's the best place to start from and 285 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,520 Speaker 4: then build something from there. And I always talk to 286 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 4: people about connection. Now I haven't got time for connection. 287 00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,120 Speaker 4: I'm like going to the staff room and make a 288 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 4: coppa at the same time as them and say, hey, 289 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,520 Speaker 4: it's your morning bean. You know that takes you the 290 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 4: time it takes to make a coppa and there. But 291 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 4: what if I get stuck talking and ah shit, you know, 292 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 4: like this is the problem. You can always say, oh, 293 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 4: that's fantastic, I'm going to go. Can we catch up 294 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:42,840 Speaker 4: at lunchtime? You know, well what have you? But this 295 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 4: connection thing scares people. I don't know why. I think. 296 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: I think one of the realities of corporate Australia and 297 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: probably corporate America and England and Canada and everyone else 298 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,760 Speaker 1: that listens to this show is that some people get 299 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: put in leadership position is because they're intellectually smart or 300 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:07,600 Speaker 1: they're very skilled at the job or the industry, and 301 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,560 Speaker 1: they know a lot about the industry, they know a 302 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 1: lot about the mechanics of the business. But they're not 303 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: great with humans, Like they've got low social and emotional intelligence, 304 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: poor situational awareness, they lack empathy, and they may or 305 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,160 Speaker 1: may not be a sociopath. 306 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 4: You know. 307 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 1: And this sounds like, oh that's harsh. No, that's just 308 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:34,840 Speaker 1: statistically true. I mean, you know, depending on which research, 309 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 1: three to five percent of the population. Let's say three 310 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 1: are sociopaths. Well, in a country of twenty five million people, 311 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:47,440 Speaker 1: three percent is seven hundred and fifty thousand sociopaths. That's 312 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: working on the low end. That's a fucking lot of 313 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 1: people who don't care about other people, right, And then 314 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: you think a lot of sociopaths are actually really smart 315 00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 1: intellectually and can also be charismatic and charming. Right now, 316 00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,280 Speaker 1: I'm not saying you know that your boss is a sociopath. 317 00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 1: I'm just saying there are there are lots of people 318 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:12,520 Speaker 1: in leadership positions who won don't have the innate compassion 319 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:18,560 Speaker 1: or care, or skills or even capacity sometimes to be 320 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: able to care about people. 321 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, one hundred percent. Well, I would call their managers 322 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:28,959 Speaker 4: more than leaders. And it's not bagging managers. But you know, 323 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:31,840 Speaker 4: just because you've got a title doesn't make you a leader, 324 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 4: do you you know, And just because you don't have 325 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 4: a title doesn't make you not a leader either. But 326 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 4: I think we confuse management leadership. You know, a good 327 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 4: leader should be able to manage, a good manager should 328 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,400 Speaker 4: be able to lead, like it should go hand in hand. 329 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,560 Speaker 4: But there are a lot of managers out there who 330 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:54,080 Speaker 4: are shiit leaders, and they really cause a lot of problems. 331 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:58,120 Speaker 4: And man, well, I don't know. I do my best 332 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 4: to try and get people to understand that, but you 333 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,680 Speaker 4: can't change everyone. Wish we could. 334 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,639 Speaker 1: Tell me about girls with hammers? What's the what's the 335 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: intention behind that? Who's it for? What's it about to? 336 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:12,359 Speaker 4: I started? I started that off. I was looking as 337 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,159 Speaker 4: parked out front of a work where shop, you know, 338 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:17,120 Speaker 4: flunnies and girls should wear flunnies. And then I said, 339 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 4: I'm going to start this something called girls and Hammers. 340 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,200 Speaker 4: I'm going to go into schools and I'm going to 341 00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 4: tell girls that they can be anything they want and 342 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,440 Speaker 4: they should stop sexualizing themselves to the boys and all 343 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 4: that kind of shit. And so I didn't do anything 344 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 4: about it, because you know, I was trying to protect 345 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,480 Speaker 4: my time and I was talking at a I was 346 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:37,160 Speaker 4: coaching on a table at a women's International Women's Date 347 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:41,679 Speaker 4: thing event, and there was this fantastic card on the 348 00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,359 Speaker 4: table that said I will launch a Peppers full female 349 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,359 Speaker 4: focused initiative, and I thought yes, and I picked it 350 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 4: up because all the other cards said I will stand 351 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,920 Speaker 4: up for women, and I will speak out, and I thought, ah, shit, 352 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 4: you should be doing that anyway, do you? You know 353 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 4: most are not. I picked this up up on the 354 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 4: stage in front of three hundred women's they're not going 355 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 4: to do this, Like yes, I got off the stage 356 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,240 Speaker 4: and the shit, now I've got to do it. This 357 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:07,320 Speaker 4: is what I always do in life. I shit. Anyway. 358 00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:09,160 Speaker 4: I come home and tell my partner and she said, well, 359 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 4: we're gonna have to start girls with hammers. And I said, well, 360 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,679 Speaker 4: if if I'm starting at you're coming in with me. 361 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,880 Speaker 4: So then I did. I tried to do the school thing. 362 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:18,640 Speaker 2: Shit. 363 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,760 Speaker 4: I went out to a couple of schools and sort 364 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 4: of tried to do workshops and say, you know what, 365 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 4: don't sexualize yourself and you're better than that. These girls 366 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 4: are looking at me like this is this fucking nana 367 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,880 Speaker 4: coming and telling us do that sort of shit. It 368 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,119 Speaker 4: really didn't work. It failed, but we decided to have 369 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,720 Speaker 4: a conference anyway and see who would turn up, and 370 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,280 Speaker 4: mostly it was women forty five to sixty five, and 371 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,679 Speaker 4: they just wanted connection. They just wanted to hear stories 372 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 4: about people who inspired them, but also to go that's 373 00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:53,840 Speaker 4: my story. You know, I'm not alone. Someone else. Yeah, 374 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,240 Speaker 4: So that's it. And we've done six of them, and 375 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 4: usually every year. This year we had a break because, well, 376 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 4: you're asking me before, wen, do you know when to stop? 377 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 4: This year we said, I just can't do it. It's 378 00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:09,040 Speaker 4: one day a year, but it's definitely not one day 379 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 4: in planning and definitely not one day in building. You know, 380 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 4: it's a lot of work. So yeah, so we pulled 381 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 4: back on it this year and we expect to do 382 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 4: it next year, but we don't know. 383 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: And how do you? How do you manage you? It's 384 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,480 Speaker 1: like you and I probably have a similar job in 385 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: that there's a lot of mental and emotional investment. I'm 386 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,400 Speaker 1: constantly talking to people who are in not very good places, 387 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,960 Speaker 1: and these are not light or easy or comfortable or 388 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 1: painless conversations. I get the vibe that you do a 389 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,639 Speaker 1: lot of that. I have my own kind of protocol 390 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 1: as to how I manage me so that I can 391 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,440 Speaker 1: be the best me for them. 392 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:52,920 Speaker 4: What's what's that look like for you? Well, I've become 393 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,040 Speaker 4: very good at not personalizing anything. I've become very good 394 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 4: at saying, well, you're responsible for your own destiny, do 395 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,600 Speaker 4: you know? So I don't say that to the person. 396 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 4: But that's my thoughts about it. You know, I give 397 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 4: them as much as I can in the time I've gone, 398 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 4: even when I'm doing in person leadership programs. You know, 399 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,440 Speaker 4: I give, I give. I give two hundred percent of myself, 400 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 4: you know, And I love and I dead set do 401 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,639 Speaker 4: love every person in that room with all my heart. 402 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:23,199 Speaker 4: But when I leave, it's me, it's all. It's I 403 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,680 Speaker 4: don't think about it. I do my thing, and I 404 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,840 Speaker 4: do believe that if I've given all the best I can, 405 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:33,920 Speaker 4: it's now they are the creators of their own world. Yes, 406 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 4: now they have to do it. So I'm not going 407 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 4: to drive home or I'm not going to get off 408 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,320 Speaker 4: the lap club and feel like, oh I should have 409 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 4: done more? Could I do more? How can I save them? 410 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:49,239 Speaker 4: I'm not a rescue you know, I'm a coach and 411 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 4: and well, you know the drama triangle. You know one 412 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,080 Speaker 4: hundred percent subscribe to the empowerment dynamic. You know that 413 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 4: everyone is a creator of their own life, and you 414 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 4: can you can. I won't help someone who won't help themselves, 415 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,760 Speaker 4: because I think that's a waste of resources and energy. 416 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,679 Speaker 4: And I'm very happy to take people to the what 417 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,320 Speaker 4: do you call them lead a horse, you know, to 418 00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:15,160 Speaker 4: the water, but they don't drink. I'm not investing any 419 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,119 Speaker 4: more energy. So that's about the best I can do. 420 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 4: But I don't feel exhausted from my job ever. 421 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:27,200 Speaker 1: Yeah. I think for some people the idea of changing 422 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:33,359 Speaker 1: their life is very different from the practical requirement. What. Oh, yeah, 423 00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: that's a good theory. That sounds yeah, I would love that. 424 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 1: Oh here's what you need to do. Oh fuck that, 425 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. 426 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:39,639 Speaker 4: You know. 427 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:42,639 Speaker 1: It's like, you know, getting in shape, whatever getting in 428 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,360 Speaker 1: shape means. You know, my background is working with bodies 429 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:49,440 Speaker 1: and teams and athletes and individuals and you know, people 430 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,479 Speaker 1: with addiction. But you know, initially my job is all 431 00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:55,200 Speaker 1: about helping people change their bodies so that it works 432 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 1: better and functions better and performs better. And there are 433 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 1: some people who you just talk to them and go, 434 00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,920 Speaker 1: here's what we need to do, and they're like, fuck, 435 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 1: I'm on it, thanks, and they do it, and then 436 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: other people it not. You could give them all the 437 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:11,560 Speaker 1: knowledge or the inside, all the encouragement, all the support, 438 00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,919 Speaker 1: all the resources, and they won't do it, you know. 439 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 1: And that's the thing is you as a coach, you 440 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: can't make someone ready. Like you said you can lead 441 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,879 Speaker 1: the horse to water. You can't. I say to people, 442 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,879 Speaker 1: I can't have a good attitude for you. I can't 443 00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,920 Speaker 1: be resilient for you. I can't get out of bed 444 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 1: for you. I can't be fucking courageous for you. I 445 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 1: can just like I'm not the answer, You're the answer, 446 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,840 Speaker 1: Like you are literally the problem and the answer. 447 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 4: Yep. 448 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,440 Speaker 1: The problem. Not everyone, of course, but for many people, 449 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,879 Speaker 1: the problem is how they think, and the solution is 450 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,720 Speaker 1: changing how they think. Because when you change how you think, 451 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,639 Speaker 1: you change your choices and behaviors. 452 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,080 Speaker 4: Yep, you know. 453 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:58,880 Speaker 1: It's this integrated process of like, well, yeah, so I'm 454 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,760 Speaker 1: very much with you, like I want to help people 455 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 1: who want to be helped, and yes, I want to 456 00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:09,040 Speaker 1: encourage and support and love you and have some empathy 457 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 1: and have some all of that stuff, but also champ 458 00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,159 Speaker 1: at the same time. My job is not to cuddle 459 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,560 Speaker 1: you for the next fucking year three years and tell 460 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:20,000 Speaker 1: you that you're amazing when you being a dickhead. 461 00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 4: Do you know what? Do you know what people say 462 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:27,119 Speaker 4: about me? I'm one big giant, warm hug that sneakily 463 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,800 Speaker 4: gives you a punch in the heart. So while I'm 464 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:31,720 Speaker 4: cuddling you'll give you a punch in the heart. They 465 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:35,159 Speaker 4: fucking do it, you know, But I'll cuddle you at 466 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 4: the same time. 467 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:41,560 Speaker 1: I think it's both, right, Yeah, yeah, we need It's like, yeah, 468 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,399 Speaker 1: we need encouragement and support, but also you need to 469 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,120 Speaker 1: get off the fucking couch though. You need to make 470 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,840 Speaker 1: a decision. Though, you need to get uncomfortable, you need 471 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,879 Speaker 1: to be brave. I know that is hard, and I 472 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 1: know you've had a shit life, and I know people 473 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,440 Speaker 1: have been nasty to you. I get all of that. 474 00:24:57,480 --> 00:25:00,720 Speaker 1: We're not discounting that, we're not saying that doesn't matter. 475 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,720 Speaker 1: But nonetheless, here we are. It's Friday, It's a new day. 476 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:07,520 Speaker 1: What are you doing on Friday? 477 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:08,160 Speaker 4: You know? 478 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,440 Speaker 1: Like, what are you doing today? What are you doing tomorrow? 479 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 1: You know? Because I think some people they use their 480 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 1: past as a reason not to do anything in their present. While, 481 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,400 Speaker 1: without being insensitive, I know a lot of people who've 482 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: got fucking horrendous pasts who are doing amazing things. Yes, 483 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,439 Speaker 1: you know, and I'm not trying to judge anyone, but 484 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,720 Speaker 1: when people come to me for help, I go, well, 485 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 1: you came to me so let's yes, let's acknowledge and 486 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: let's be fully aware of what's gone on and what 487 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:49,880 Speaker 1: hasn't gone on. But that's not now like now is now, 488 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,200 Speaker 1: you know, So that's the. 489 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,560 Speaker 4: I agree. I find the people that really lean in, 490 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,240 Speaker 4: you know, they really lean in the you say, look, 491 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 4: this is what you need to do. It's going to take, 492 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 4: it's going to hurt, and they're like, I'll do it, 493 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 4: and they go and do it. They come ahead, they 494 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,320 Speaker 4: go ahead in leaps and bounds. Do you know, you know, 495 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:13,960 Speaker 4: they just go bang, bang bang, and the next time 496 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 4: is easier. They just build this momentum that's insane. But 497 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 4: you're absolutely right. The ones that say, oh, yeah, but yeah, 498 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:25,960 Speaker 4: but yeah, nothing moves, do you know? And I say 499 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 4: to them at the start of the six month program, 500 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,320 Speaker 4: do it now, start now, because by the end of 501 00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,399 Speaker 4: the program be easy. But if you'd come to me 502 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,240 Speaker 4: at the end of the program say I should have 503 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 4: that's on you. That's on you. 504 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,160 Speaker 1: And I used to say to my clients Karen back 505 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,959 Speaker 1: in the day, like what I first started personal training 506 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,639 Speaker 1: when nobody was doing it right, and I started working 507 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:51,040 Speaker 1: one on one with a lot of people, and invariably 508 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:53,280 Speaker 1: someone would come to me and tell me that they'd 509 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:57,480 Speaker 1: fallen off the wagon. I'm like, what does that mean? 510 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,000 Speaker 1: And obviously they mean that they stopped doing whatever it 511 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:03,280 Speaker 1: is that they were doing. They stopped eating well, they 512 00:27:03,320 --> 00:27:07,920 Speaker 1: started eating shit, you know, they stopped exercising and whatever. 513 00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,960 Speaker 1: And I'd say, you know, I'd say, how's your diet? 514 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,760 Speaker 1: And they go, I fell off the wagon. And I say, 515 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: all right, tell me about that. What happened? And they go, 516 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:17,679 Speaker 1: what do you mean? And I go, well, tell me 517 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:21,639 Speaker 1: what happened. Oh, I went out and I ate X 518 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,919 Speaker 1: y Z. I'm like, oh, how did that happen? And 519 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 1: they're like, what do you mean? I go, well, so 520 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,320 Speaker 1: what did you eat? And they tell me at least 521 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,320 Speaker 1: to what? I go, how did it get in your mouth? 522 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:33,040 Speaker 4: I go? 523 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 1: Who put it in there? Who chose it? You know, 524 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,479 Speaker 1: you didn't fall off a wagon. You made choices and 525 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 1: you took actions. I'm not beating you up. I'm just saying, 526 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 1: let's not talk about metaphoric or pretend wagons. Let's talk 527 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 1: about real choices and real behaviors and real results. You 528 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:55,880 Speaker 1: didn't fall off anything. You just made different choices and 529 00:27:55,960 --> 00:28:00,239 Speaker 1: you took different actions, and you just stopped doing what 530 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,920 Speaker 1: you started. And some people could go, oh, that's so brutal. 531 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,199 Speaker 1: I'm like, well, what is brutal? That is literally just 532 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,960 Speaker 1: what happened. Yeah, Like if I called you a prick, 533 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 1: that's brutal. But I'm not doing that. I'm just saying, no, 534 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:19,520 Speaker 1: you literally just chose to eat shit, that's actually what happened. 535 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,719 Speaker 1: But when you literally just hold people's behavior up to 536 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 1: them in a mirror, ye, I'd rather call you brutal 537 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:32,400 Speaker 1: than acknowledge their own behavior, because it's easier to criticize 538 00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 1: me for being brutal than it is to own up 539 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: to shitty behavior. Yeah, yeah, like, yeah, yeah, that's true. 540 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:43,920 Speaker 4: I do know we're talking about your mouth, because that's 541 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 4: who we're talking about, you know, sort of I've got 542 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,800 Speaker 4: this saying and I know it's not totally right, but 543 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,840 Speaker 4: it's a great it's a great concept. Your mouth is 544 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:56,480 Speaker 4: the most important part of your body because what goes 545 00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,240 Speaker 4: in determines your health, what comes out determines your health. 546 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:04,200 Speaker 4: And I just love saying that because it's so bloody 547 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 4: true when most mostly generally speaking. 548 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 1: Well, also what comes out of your mouth, what a 549 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,360 Speaker 1: massive impact that has on the people in your world. 550 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,440 Speaker 4: Well, that's right, so it makes make sure it breaks you. 551 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,520 Speaker 4: You know, does determine your wealth? And your wealth doesn't 552 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,760 Speaker 4: that mean necessarily mean your income. It means your bloody wealth. 553 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 4: You know, like what are your relationships and that you start? Yeah, 554 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:32,440 Speaker 4: I always like, I love kindness and sometimes I'm not kind. 555 00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,280 Speaker 4: I'm going to admit that sometimes I'm a fucking prick, 556 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,640 Speaker 4: do you know, because I've had a gut full of shit. 557 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:42,360 Speaker 4: But I think kindness is where we can that's what 558 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 4: we should do. I know, yeah I sound like a 559 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,320 Speaker 4: little woosp but I love it. I love kindness. 560 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: Well, I think also that you're human, right, you get frustrated. 561 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,000 Speaker 1: I get frustrated. There are times when I'm a prick. 562 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:58,680 Speaker 1: There are times when I'm super patient, super loving, super kind, 563 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,400 Speaker 1: super thoughtful, and then times when I'm not that. And 564 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:05,280 Speaker 1: that's not oh you're bad, you're good, you're broken, that's well, 565 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,960 Speaker 1: you're human. But I think the challenge we're not trying 566 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,320 Speaker 1: to be perfect, we're trying to be better, and we're 567 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 1: trying to acknowledge our own bullshit. And you as a leader, 568 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: and you as a teacher and a coach and a 569 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 1: mentor and a role model. If you're not fucking up, well, 570 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 1: then you're just lying because I don't know anyone who 571 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:30,479 Speaker 1: doesn't fuck up. You know what I'm saying, It's like, so, 572 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:31,680 Speaker 1: but we. 573 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,160 Speaker 4: Should we should own up too, We should say up. Yeah. 574 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,840 Speaker 1: Well, and when you own up, when you step up 575 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:43,120 Speaker 1: and own up, people respect you. They do because, you know, 576 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:47,280 Speaker 1: rather than trying to portray yourself as somebody who's got, 577 00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:50,600 Speaker 1: you know, everything sorted. How do you know when someone 578 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:56,000 Speaker 1: is genuinely ready to change? 579 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,520 Speaker 4: Well, now, I don't know. I don't know that. I'm 580 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 4: thinking about a few people, just the last cohorts, you 581 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 4: know that I've just had. I think they are the 582 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:12,240 Speaker 4: people that actually they do what you've asked. And I 583 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:14,600 Speaker 4: don't mean look, I don't tell people what to do. 584 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,960 Speaker 4: I make suggestions about Look, if you want to get 585 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:18,480 Speaker 4: on top of this, this is this is what I 586 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,520 Speaker 4: suggest you think about that, and then they come back 587 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 4: to you the next two weeks later and they say 588 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:28,000 Speaker 4: I did it, and it's made a massive difference. And 589 00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,080 Speaker 4: it's the ones who always take that step, you know, 590 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 4: and do something with bravery. They they they're they're just 591 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,000 Speaker 4: willing to keep going with all these brave steps you know, 592 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,400 Speaker 4: so I can't pick it at first. Someone asked me 593 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 4: this actually while not that long ago, and asked me, 594 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:46,479 Speaker 4: how do you know at the start of each program 595 00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:48,440 Speaker 4: who's going to who's going to lean in and who's not. 596 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 4: And I said, I don't, I don't. Body language does 597 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,720 Speaker 4: tell me some stuff, but it's not until someone takes 598 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:59,840 Speaker 4: action that I know that they're going to lean in. Yeah. 599 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 1: Have you ever seen any of the There have been 600 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:08,520 Speaker 1: a few shows on around the SAS training, you know, 601 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:11,600 Speaker 1: the Special Forces operators and Navy seals. 602 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 4: Yep. 603 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,840 Speaker 1: And it's really interesting. I'm obsessed with that stuff. I'm 604 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:18,000 Speaker 1: obsessed with not with the war and the killing stuff. 605 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with the people putting themselves in these horrible 606 00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:28,760 Speaker 1: fucking training situations to endure days and weeks and in 607 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:34,120 Speaker 1: some cases months of horror to get through to come 608 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:37,800 Speaker 1: out the other side to be an elite Special Forces operator. Ye. 609 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 1: And it's funny because sometimes you see these dudes come in. 610 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,240 Speaker 1: It's not always dudes, it's usually dudes for better or worse, 611 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:50,200 Speaker 1: but and they're fucking massive and jacked and covered in 612 00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: tattoos and and look terrifying, and they're black belts in this, 613 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 1: and they're trained killers in that, and they drop out 614 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 1: in the first three days. And you get these dudes 615 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,840 Speaker 1: who look like a fucking librarian. It's like, mate, did 616 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 1: you did you come to the wrong group. It's like, 617 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,560 Speaker 1: you know, who bought Brian? Like what the fuck is 618 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,880 Speaker 1: he doing here? And these are the ones that get through. 619 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,800 Speaker 1: Like quite often the ones that get through, like the 620 00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:23,280 Speaker 1: guys that look like they're six' four and bulletproof and 621 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,920 Speaker 1: just some kind of you, know masters of The universe, 622 00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:31,480 Speaker 1: character nearly all of them drop. Out but the ones 623 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 1: who look, unimpressive it's because it's just there's something else 624 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,840 Speaker 1: that that makes people. EXCEPTIONAL i think you hit it. 625 00:33:39,880 --> 00:33:42,200 Speaker 4: Before it's the, mind do you, know you, know like 626 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,680 Speaker 4: you can have all the big graun and the bluff 627 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,920 Speaker 4: and all that shit you've, got but if you don't 628 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:50,800 Speaker 4: have if you're if you're relying on, that you, know 629 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,520 Speaker 4: and you're not relying on your mind or mind or your, 630 00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 4: heart you, know just that sentence as you're just relying 631 00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:01,240 Speaker 4: on this big. Graph you, know that's completely different story 632 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:06,040 Speaker 4: to someone who is think About brian the librarian probably 633 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,239 Speaker 4: got bullied at school and you, know you, know all 634 00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 4: that sort of. Stuff he's probably he's probably aligned multiple 635 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,240 Speaker 4: really cunning strategies in his, mind you, know to survive 636 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 4: and to be. Resilient And i've been through worse than, 637 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,040 Speaker 4: this you know. That that Bloody timmy he was an. 638 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,480 Speaker 4: Asshole he sent me on fire with, crackers you, know 639 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,960 Speaker 4: like who was swimming under the bridges and fucking? Hard you, 640 00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:32,240 Speaker 4: know maybe it's mine, stuff you know that Doesn't. 641 00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:36,800 Speaker 1: Back in the day BEFORE i became a very, sophisticated polished, 642 00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:42,719 Speaker 1: academic nudge nudge wink wink, BOGAN i used TO i 643 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,200 Speaker 1: used to help people modify their behavior in hotels Around. 644 00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:50,560 Speaker 1: Melbourne you, KNOW i was kind of, like what are 645 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:54,440 Speaker 1: those people at the work at reception a? Concierge, NO 646 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,239 Speaker 1: i wasn't. REALLY i was abound to write AND i 647 00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,560 Speaker 1: did that for like four. Years and one of my 648 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,920 Speaker 1: boss AS i was, YOUNG i was like nine twenty twenty, 649 00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:06,520 Speaker 1: one he used to say to, me it doesn't matter 650 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,640 Speaker 1: how big their arms are when you punch them in the. 651 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:14,759 Speaker 1: Face i'm, like That's it's like if somebody cracks you 652 00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,600 Speaker 1: in the nose real hard and you've got huge, biceps 653 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:22,719 Speaker 1: it doesn't. Help AND i had huge biceps AND i 654 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:26,040 Speaker 1: got head. Butted first NIGHT i ever worked, SECURITY i 655 00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:29,200 Speaker 1: got head butted AND i got my nose. Broken SO 656 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 1: i probably did. SECURITY i don't know four or five hundred, 657 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: nights maybe six, hundred but night ONE i got head 658 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,080 Speaker 1: butted and my nose, broken AND i was about one 659 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:42,239 Speaker 1: hundred kilos, real you, know full of muscles and. Shit 660 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:46,719 Speaker 1: let me tell you those muscles did not help at. 661 00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:47,359 Speaker 4: All that's. 662 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:53,959 Speaker 1: Right, Yeah i'm, Like, oh that fucking hurts a. Lot 663 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:55,000 Speaker 1: that hurts a. 664 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:59,120 Speaker 4: Lot, yeah that's free broken. NOSES i can attest to. 665 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,760 Speaker 1: That has the boxer had a broken? 666 00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:08,360 Speaker 4: Nose cook have? NOT i don't know? How, wow how. 667 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,839 Speaker 1: Is us two non? BOXERS i don't. KNOW i don't 668 00:36:10,880 --> 00:36:11,560 Speaker 1: Think karen's a. 669 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:17,000 Speaker 4: Boxer, well, well then let's talk about two, first and 670 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,960 Speaker 4: Then i'll tell you about a couple of Things i've. 671 00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,080 Speaker 4: Got i'm just. 672 00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,600 Speaker 2: Lucky it's not through lack of, gets not through not getting, 673 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 2: hit that's for. 674 00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,960 Speaker 1: Sure what are you trying to tell, Us karen that 675 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: you've been in a few scuffles in your. 676 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,560 Speaker 4: Time i've been in, many many scuffles in my. TIME 677 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 4: i was Thinking tiff was looking at me, like, oh 678 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:38,040 Speaker 4: you're a. Boxer and you didn't tell me. That no 679 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 4: talk about an. Amateur lose your fucking head. Boxer you, 680 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,640 Speaker 4: know BECAUSE i played in pubs for years and years and, 681 00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:49,319 Speaker 4: years and from WHEN i was, young fifteen And i'm 682 00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:53,440 Speaker 4: in my. Twenties in, particular fucking assholes would come up 683 00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,360 Speaker 4: drunk with their, boat with their pots of, beer and 684 00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,839 Speaker 4: they'd be, gone fucking sing, eagle rock your fucking. GEAR 685 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,040 Speaker 4: i won't say the words they. 686 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:05,240 Speaker 1: Use you, know they're fun and already you've already opened 687 00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:05,840 Speaker 1: the swearing. 688 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,720 Speaker 4: Door so no well to sea, words so we won't. 689 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:16,240 Speaker 4: Say we won't say. Country so and you, know playing 690 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:19,840 Speaker 4: eagle like a fucking AND i. Would they would spill 691 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,080 Speaker 4: their beer in my bloody foot pedal AND i would 692 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:24,120 Speaker 4: fucking lose. 693 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:24,680 Speaker 1: IT i was. 694 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 4: Disregulated then there was no note open me doing WHAT i? Do, 695 00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 4: now what do you? 696 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:30,879 Speaker 1: Mean THEN i. 697 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,720 Speaker 4: Would kick the fucking beer out of the hand right 698 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,759 Speaker 4: and it would fly across the bloody dance, floor across the, 699 00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,160 Speaker 4: road and then they would, go you fucking AND i 700 00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,839 Speaker 4: would room my guitar off and keep tucking at one 701 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:44,719 Speaker 4: of the other guys in the bed and punch him 702 00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,000 Speaker 4: right in the fucking. Face. 703 00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:49,719 Speaker 1: Wow the guys in the. 704 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:54,120 Speaker 4: Band say to, me stop fucking. Fighting stop fighting all the. 705 00:37:54,239 --> 00:38:01,080 Speaker 4: Time stop punching. People isn't it ever ever do? 706 00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:01,359 Speaker 1: That? 707 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:03,680 Speaker 4: Now but oh my, GOD i was out of control 708 00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:07,160 Speaker 4: WHEN i was. Younger you, know lucky he didn't starts with. 709 00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:12,200 Speaker 4: Hammers back, then it would have been a thing girls with. Rage, 710 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:17,080 Speaker 4: WOW i had, many, many many. Fights, yeah, yeah as. 711 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:20,120 Speaker 1: Well they would have diagnosed you with about thirty two 712 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:27,080 Speaker 1: different things, today aggressive, bitch you'd be in therapy eight 713 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,920 Speaker 1: days a. Week i'd probably be locked up. Too was 714 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,680 Speaker 1: now you'd be in the big house making number plates With. 715 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:33,920 Speaker 4: Jane. 716 00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:37,279 Speaker 1: Yeah fuck hell you just. 717 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:41,399 Speaker 4: No boxing gloves their. 718 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:45,960 Speaker 1: Mate you're, Funny you're, Funny you're. All it's always good 719 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,320 Speaker 1: catching up with. You how do people find, You karen 720 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:51,759 Speaker 1: and connect with you and reach out to you if 721 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:52,280 Speaker 1: they want. 722 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:55,200 Speaker 4: To, well they just catch connect with me On LinkedIn 723 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,479 Speaker 4: is the best one and just under my Name Karen. 724 00:38:57,520 --> 00:39:00,520 Speaker 4: Vaughan but also my website Is Karen vaughan dot. Com 725 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,680 Speaker 4: So i'd love to hear from. Anyone give you, up Butter, 726 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:04,600 Speaker 4: coup we appreciate. 727 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:08,759 Speaker 1: You will say goodbye affair and to the bloody the 728 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:12,919 Speaker 1: lion in the corner the Diff that does make sense 729 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 1: to the. Listeners but she's in the top left corner 730 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:20,000 Speaker 1: of my screen with that kind of it looks like 731 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,080 Speaker 1: a lion's, mane doesn't, It, Karen it. 732 00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:26,080 Speaker 4: Does, yeah it's, beautiful, Beautiful, tief 733 00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,120 Speaker 1: All, right see your team