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Speaker 1: Appolgie production, I easier advice.

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Speaker 2: Are you okay? What happened?

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Speaker 1: Promise it won't be too much? Bring it in. Welcome

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Speaker 1: to our Bestie segment. This is the place for you.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to our Bestie Advice segment.

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Speaker 3: This is the first episode for twenty twenty six.

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Speaker 1: I cannot believe we here already.

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Speaker 2: I know, so i'mly doing one bestI advice every single

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Speaker 2: week now, So that's into it.

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Speaker 1: Let's steal it, shall we?

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Speaker 2: Okay? I need bestI advice. I'm a mum to a

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Speaker 2: nine year old boy and three year old girl. I

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Speaker 2: have friends from all walks of life, from primary school

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Speaker 2: right up until now, which I'm thirty four years old.

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Speaker 2: I've met some incredible people, though I find it hard

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Speaker 2: to go deeper in my friendships. I have one bestie

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Speaker 2: who I tell everything to me two sis though fine,

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Speaker 2: when I try and tell it with other friends, it

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Speaker 2: just feels different. I feel there's a lot of comparison

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Speaker 2: and competition on their end, which gives me the ick

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Speaker 2: and forces me to be more private, not highly active

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Speaker 2: on social media, and just find myself sticking to myself.

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Speaker 2: This may sound stupid, though, things like what I've done healthwise.

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Speaker 2: For example, I started running over two years ago. No

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Speaker 2: one really knew as I just ran a home on

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Speaker 2: the treadmill. All of a sudden, there's one friend who

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Speaker 2: didn't have any interests found out and bought the same

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Speaker 2: treadmill and now runs. Oh, I've got so much to

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Speaker 2: say on this, certain things that I bought. Even a

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Speaker 2: friend bought the same car and dyed their hair the same.

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Speaker 2: I have lots of conversations with my husband and he

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Speaker 2: has been amazing support and suggested maybe I inspire them

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Speaker 2: with the way I live, and that it's not intentional.

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Speaker 2: I just want to have deeper connections and friendships where

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Speaker 2: both of us can just be so raw, open and honest,

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Speaker 2: not just the surface level stuff or for my friends

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Speaker 2: to just say that I inspire them. I don't even

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Speaker 2: know how to describe it, though. Maybe I feel stagnant

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Speaker 2: in my current friendships and I'm searching for more, more connection,

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Speaker 2: more fun, more growth, more healing, more laughter, and better health.

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Speaker 2: I feel like a mum who's finally feeling herself and

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Speaker 2: is ready to level up, and I want to surround

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Speaker 2: myself with like minded people who just want to push

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Speaker 2: each other to be the best version of themself. So

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Speaker 2: my question will be hang around and take on your

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Speaker 2: suggestions and how to go deeper within a friendship or

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Speaker 2: to branch out and find new connections. Please help. I

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Speaker 2: just want an incredible sisterhood. First of all, when you

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Speaker 2: say you feel like there's a lot of comparison and competition,

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Speaker 2: which gives me the egg and forces me to be

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Speaker 2: more private, No one forces you to do anything that

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Speaker 2: is your choice. Even saying it that it makes you

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Speaker 2: not be highly active on social media and you find

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Speaker 2: yourself sticking to yourself. That is all a choice, and

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Speaker 2: I think it's how you're taking on what they're doing.

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Speaker 2: And then when they buy the same treadmill or buy

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Speaker 2: the same outfit or start running. I don't think that's

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Speaker 2: a bad thing. I think it's beautiful if you start

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Speaker 2: a running and then maybe you're looking great, you're feeling great,

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Speaker 2: and your energy's change and they're inspired by that. There's

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Speaker 2: certain health things that I do that Tiana's be taken on. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: vice versa. It's like, oh my gosh, you take the supplement,

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Speaker 2: me too, I'm gonna go buy it. Yeah. I don't

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Speaker 2: see that as a bad thing. I think that's how

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Speaker 2: you're interpretating what they're doing. Yeah, but I think your

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Speaker 2: husband's right and I think you've inspired them, which is

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Speaker 2: really really beautiful. Same with the bought the same car.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. For me, I just wouldn't be like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, they've gotten me. I'd be like matting. Yes,

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't take that as a bad things. I'm just

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Speaker 2: really curious what story you're creating around that. And I

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Speaker 2: think if you're wanting deeper connections and more fun and

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Speaker 2: more depth, but if you're feeling all of this, they

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Speaker 2: can feel that you're assuming that of them and feel

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Speaker 2: your energy, which is probably putting distance between you. But

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Speaker 2: if you want more fun and more connection and more growth,

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Speaker 2: like I think you need to lead with that. But

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Speaker 2: if you're leading with like, oh, they're copying me and

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Speaker 2: they're doing this and that, they're going to feel that yeah,

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Speaker 2: and that's going to have a massive crack in your friendship. Already,

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Speaker 2: even you saying that you don't want Surfaule level stuff,

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Speaker 2: I'm curious in what you bring, how you bring the

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Speaker 2: conversations in. Are you bringing depth because I know in

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Speaker 2: my friendships, if I want depth, I'm going to bring

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Speaker 2: the depth. I'm not going to talk about the weather

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Speaker 2: of the Tiana. I'm going to talk about our trauma.

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Speaker 2: So if you're like, what our big goals are and

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Speaker 2: what's come up for us in the last week, Like

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Speaker 2: we go there at five am in the morning, we

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Speaker 2: do you know, we bring that level of death because

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Speaker 2: that's what we want. And if people aren't willing to

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Speaker 2: meet us there, then one hundred percent you can branch

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Speaker 2: out and look for new friendships and sometimes you do

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Speaker 2: outgrope people. And we've only got so much context here,

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Speaker 2: but I do think you need to go within and

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Speaker 2: ask your questions, how you're showing up, what you're bringing

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Speaker 2: to the table, And a lot of the times when

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Speaker 2: we want more of something, we have to lead with that. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: So I think hold the torch and lead.

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Speaker 1: I love all of that. I think it's great. I

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Speaker 1: agree you like episode done. Now you have more on

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Speaker 1: this mic drob Mic.

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Speaker 3: As someone who used to feel like there wasn't enough

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Speaker 3: for me, I understand the headspace people doing. Wanting or

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Speaker 3: being inspired by what it is that you're doing, doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean that there's no.

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Speaker 1: Room for you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's something to just like, remember

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Speaker 3: that it's like this person doing that doesn't take away

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Speaker 3: from you what you're doing, and it doesn't actually mean

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Speaker 3: anything bad. And maybe like what actually said, like that's

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Speaker 3: the story that you're creating in your head that it's

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Speaker 3: bad that they're copying you, or that maybe that they're

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Speaker 3: quote unquote copying you is taking away from you, you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But it's like who said that they're copying? Do you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I think what I wanted to say in this is

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Speaker 3: like running is a universal thing.

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Speaker 2: I was going to say, where did you see running?

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Speaker 2: But Instagram running?

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Speaker 3: Like we love you, but running is the universal thing.

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Speaker 3: Me sitting here and go actually copied me because you

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Speaker 3: dyed your hair brown. But like there's only three four

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Speaker 3: colors that you can dye your hair.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Like true, Like I'm not offended was copying me? I

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Speaker 3: think she likes brown hand She was like that's vibe.

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Speaker 3: She doesn't own the color brown. I'm not gonna be

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Speaker 3: here like, oh my god, I'm the only person who

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Speaker 3: can have brown hair. Like and also we're bringing some

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Speaker 3: light and playfulness like hope you know that. But it's

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Speaker 3: just one of those things where it's like, yes, there

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Speaker 3: can be inspiration. You can see it as a positive

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Speaker 3: thing or you can choose to see it as a

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Speaker 3: negative there and also maybe it didn't come from you, true.

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Speaker 3: Maybe there was another person that she saw that was

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Speaker 3: a runner and they were documenting their journey on TikTok

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Speaker 3: and then she was like, you know what, my head's

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Speaker 3: a little bit messy at the moment. Maybe I need

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Speaker 3: something for myself. Maybe I need a little bit of

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Speaker 3: a mindset pick me up. And then she decided I'm

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Speaker 3: going to go for a run because I need to

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Speaker 3: exert the energy in my body. Right when we're in

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Speaker 3: this mindset of like making everything about us, like everything

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Speaker 3: about what everybody else does about us, we can end

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Speaker 3: up being really triggered all the time because everything feels

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Speaker 3: like personal attack. But oftentimes everyone else is just thinking

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Speaker 3: about themselves. Right, you are the center of your world. Right,

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Speaker 3: your world literally revolves around you. My world revolves around me,

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Speaker 3: Ash's world revolves around her, and vice versa.

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Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Everyone to their own.

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Speaker 3: So I think this is also something to take note

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Speaker 3: of as well, is like people are just doing what

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Speaker 3: is good for them unless you have some like bad

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Speaker 3: weird energy between you two. I think it's gonna be okay.

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Speaker 2: And there's also if there is that bad weird energy,

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Speaker 2: like have a conversation, yes you bring it in, but

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Speaker 2: even sorry back to the running. You know, one of

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Speaker 2: the biggest trends at the moment is fucking run clubs.

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Speaker 2: It's so true. Everyone's running, every man, Tom, Dick and

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Speaker 2: Harry and they're fucking dogs and next door neighbors when

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Speaker 2: we walk there's.

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Speaker 1: Fifty Oh my god. We went for a walk the

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Speaker 1: other day.

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Speaker 3: We had we had to single file it the whole

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Speaker 3: walk because people were coming through and running and we're like.

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Speaker 1: You do you think?

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Speaker 2: But it's great, But we couldn't even be in a

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Speaker 2: conversation because we had to keep growing single file. Like

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Speaker 2: running is a trend. It is everyone jumping on board

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Speaker 2: and I fucking love it.

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Speaker 3: And also everyone is like, let's go to run club

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Speaker 3: for like a new singles dating thing, Like it's like

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Speaker 3: a dating thing now.

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Speaker 2: And also on the back of the running again, is

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Speaker 2: she bought the same treadmill as you do. We not

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Speaker 2: take recommendations from the people around us, whether that's your friends,

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Speaker 2: your family, social media influences, like why would I go

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Speaker 2: and do all that. I mean, you can, but personally,

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Speaker 2: like say, for example, okay, the sauna, I've got a

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Speaker 2: nook sauna. When I was researching, got a bit overwhelmed.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't fucking know what lighting's good or

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Speaker 2: bad and where the timber comes from. LEVI did extensive research.

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Speaker 2: We love that he is a researcher through and through

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Speaker 2: on the best timber, the best lighting, for the best pricing,

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Speaker 2: to support a local company. He brought a nook. What

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Speaker 2: did I do? I got a nook? Okay, start of

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Speaker 2: the research. For me, I'm going to take a recommendation

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Speaker 2: of someone that I respect and love for sure, and

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Speaker 2: that is super passionate about health. If she saw you've

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Speaker 2: got a great treadmill and you're enjoying your running, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: what does it matter if she got the same treadmillers.

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Speaker 1: Y, Yeah, I'm the same with you.

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Speaker 3: Like there's this great Viva supplement that as she takes,

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Speaker 3: and she's been like, babe, you need to try this,

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Speaker 3: you need to try this.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, cool.

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Speaker 3: I know as she's going to do her due diligence

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Speaker 3: in the supplements she takes because she doesn't just put

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Speaker 3: just anything into her body. I'm aware of that, so

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Speaker 3: I know I love and trust her. Yeah, I totally

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Speaker 3: trust that she's going to put anything into her body

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Speaker 3: that is only going to be the best of the best.

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Speaker 3: I know. I'm going to use that recommendation because she's

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Speaker 3: already done the work. You know, she's already done the research,

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Speaker 3: she's already looked into it. She knows that this one

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Speaker 3: works better than the three other ones that she's tried.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to take that recommendation.

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Speaker 2: It'd be similar like I've worked with my nature path

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Speaker 2: now for over six months, and then if you've got

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Speaker 2: the same match. I can now just to put this

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Speaker 2: in perspective if I was, oh my gosh, she ownA

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Speaker 2: copied me. She's using my natural path as if I

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Speaker 2: own the natural path. Yeah, you know, and this is

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Speaker 2: coming from love. I'm just trying to give it a

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Speaker 2: different view and perspective, different perspective. I can hear. There's

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Speaker 2: lots of triggers in here around what your friends are doing.

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Speaker 2: But I think something we've almost also been talking about

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Speaker 2: lately too is never assuming the worst of someone actually

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Speaker 2: assuming the best of them. And I think it's a

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Speaker 2: beautiful way to bring more connection in and to prevent

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Speaker 2: disconnect because if you just are constantly assuming the worst

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Speaker 2: of your friends, they feel it. You don't even have

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Speaker 2: to say anything and they feel it. So if you're

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Speaker 2: feeling that distance between your friends, I think this is

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Speaker 2: a beautiful opportunity for you to take responsibility for the

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Speaker 2: part that you are playing in this maybe friendship drifting apart.

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Speaker 1: I do love that.

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Speaker 2: I And at any point in time, you can switch

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Speaker 2: gears and you can bring and be like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: I notice you got the same trebil as me. Do

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Speaker 2: you want to have a running competition? You know, let's

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Speaker 2: keep each other accountable without steps and like how fast

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Speaker 2: are you running for the five kilometers? Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: Like do you want to do a fucking marathon together?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Like bring something and that's playful and

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Speaker 2: actually brings connection in, brings accountability and brings more fun in.

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Speaker 2: There's so many different ways you can view everything that

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Speaker 2: you've said.

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Speaker 1: It's so true.

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Speaker 3: Honestly, you get to choose in life how you view

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Speaker 3: things and whether it's going to be negative or positive.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to like not dismiss or like take

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Speaker 3: away from your experience whatsoever. But as something as like

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Speaker 3: trivial as something like this, It's like, imagine if you

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Speaker 3: poured that energy and time into like pouring into your

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Speaker 3: you know, your hobbies or the things that light you up,

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Speaker 3: or investing into those friendships.

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Speaker 1: It's like it takes a lot of energy to be

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Speaker 1: in this headspace.

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Speaker 3: And I can only say because I've done it, yes, right,

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Speaker 3: it's exhausting, right, because you're constantly living in your head

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Speaker 3: and like going back and forth of like if this

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Speaker 3: person likes me.

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Speaker 1: Or if they're copying me, or what their intentions are,

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Speaker 1: if they're.

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Speaker 3: Jealous they are, Yeah, honestly like shameless plug join rise

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Speaker 3: inside and go month one and do the nervous system medications,

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Speaker 3: big game change. They will help you with these triggers

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Speaker 3: so so much. But I think the biggest thing of

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Speaker 3: all of this is, like I really want you to

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Speaker 3: check in with yourself of like what you're making this

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Speaker 3: story mean about you, about her, about her intentions? Are

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Speaker 3: you assuming that her copying you takes away from what

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Speaker 3: what's the narrative you're making? Yeah, yeah, what's actually coming

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Speaker 3: up for you? And then when you can pinpoint what

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Speaker 3: you think is being taken away, then I think you'll

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Speaker 3: understand why you're behaving that way.

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Speaker 2: And also we're only getting a certain amount of context.

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Speaker 2: But also if you are feeling like this friendship has

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Speaker 2: done its time, that's also okay. Well, it's okay to

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Speaker 2: change your mind, it's okay to outgrow people, be open

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Speaker 2: to making new friendships. I know when Tia and I met,

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Speaker 2: it did really highlight that some friendships in our lives

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Speaker 2: weren't as alie yeah, as connected, or as safe, or

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Speaker 2: as fun, or we didn't have the same values like.

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Speaker 2: It did highlight all of that fastness, not that we

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Speaker 2: don't have other friends or don't love them equally as much.

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Speaker 2: We were like, Wow, this friendship was so aligned that

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Speaker 2: this is why we're building something together, and we spend

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Speaker 2: a lot of time together because it feels so good.

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Speaker 2: So always keep your heart open to new friendships and

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Speaker 2: see where that goes. But I definitely think there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of unpacking as to why you're feeling the way

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Speaker 2: you are, and to just assume the best, yeah, and

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Speaker 2: maybe have some more open conversations with yourself and with her.

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Speaker 1: Look different story. If she's like stilling your boyfriends and stuff.

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Speaker 3: Oh like that's a different that's your own conversation, you know,

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Speaker 3: but do you know what I mean? Like when we

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Speaker 3: put it into perspective, it's like, yes, maybe she likes health,

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Speaker 3: Maybe she likes the way that you do things. Maybe

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Speaker 3: she's inspired by you, maybe.

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Speaker 2: She admires you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know what as well?

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Speaker 3: Something to note as well, like unconsciously, like when we

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Speaker 3: spend a lot of time with people, we kind of

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Speaker 3: do pick up their mannerisms and like sir, we get

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Speaker 3: to learn the way that they do things, and we

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Speaker 3: unconsciously take that information in. Yes, you know what I

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Speaker 3: mean by that influence. Yeah, we're influenced by like the

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Speaker 3: five people who spend the most time. So it's not

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Speaker 3: necessarily a bad thing, but yeah.

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Speaker 2: No way, It's like, do you have glowing skin? I'm like,

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Speaker 2: what the fuck moisturize?

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Speaker 1: Use?

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Speaker 2: Yes, I've bought that moisturize yesterday.

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Speaker 1: And you're like, I can't see you nipples through your shirt?

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Speaker 1: What stick is?

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Speaker 2: Are you where?

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Speaker 1: And I did? I gave her a recommendation.

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Speaker 2: You do and that's what you do in your own

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Speaker 2: friendship groups and I do it online to hundreds of

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Speaker 2: thousands of people too. If I love something, I recommend it. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't think anyone's copying me by doing that. I mean,

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Speaker 2: if it's my engagement ring, different story, fair enough, how

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Speaker 2: to girl message?

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Speaker 1: Fair enough?

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Speaker 2: She's like which designer, what shaped diamond? What side? And

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Speaker 2: asking all these questions about my ring. I'm like, maybe not.

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Speaker 1: Can you actually send me the dimension? Yes?

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Speaker 2: I want exactly so what you're saying, if you want

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Speaker 2: the exact same ring as.

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Speaker 1: Mine, can you replicate Pashi's ring?

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Speaker 2: Different story? But I think with this stuff you can

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Speaker 2: unpack and see what story you're attaching it.

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Speaker 1: To, and you know what, let it be playful. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it can be playful.

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Speaker 3: As you can see. We've brought a lightness energy to this.

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Speaker 3: Like we're just like not taking it so serious.

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Speaker 2: I'm not judging you either. We'll know we all have

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Speaker 2: shit come up. And yeah, I've been super anxious before

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Speaker 2: and assume the worst of my friends, assume the worst

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Speaker 2: and Steve and she was the worst of my mom before.

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Speaker 2: We're not sitting on a high horse saying that we

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Speaker 2: don't ever feel this or experience this, but awareness. Oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, So now it's just some regulation. Don't attach

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Speaker 2: yourself what do we say just because you think something,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't mean it has to mean something. You don't

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Speaker 2: have to create and attach yourself to that story of

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Speaker 2: being the truth, because it's probably not.

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Speaker 1: Probably not. You're probably just heightened and feel emotional and

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Speaker 1: fil period.

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Speaker 3: I just got mine. Actually, something you just said reminded me.

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Speaker 3: When I was growing up my older sister, Chantel, I

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Speaker 3: always admired her style and she was very self led.

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Speaker 3: She always just knew what she wanted. She went to

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Speaker 3: fashion school. She always really had like an eye for

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Speaker 3: that sort of stuff, and I little old me four

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Speaker 3: years younger, used to be like, oh my gosh, I

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Speaker 3: want to be like that. And every time that she

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Speaker 3: would buy something that I would like, I'd be like, well,

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Speaker 3: now I can't buy it because she bought it because

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Speaker 3: it felt like competition. So something to note as well,

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Speaker 3: if you feel potentially like you're in competition, or you

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Speaker 3: feel like you tend to lean that way with other women,

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Speaker 3: that's also something to look at, because that was something

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Speaker 3: I had to work through, a feeling like when somebody

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Speaker 3: else had something I wanted, it automatically meant that it

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Speaker 3: was being taken away from me, or there wasn't enough

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Speaker 3: of that thing for me as well.

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Speaker 1: I just really like this.

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Speaker 3: Concept because it teaches you that two powers can coexist,

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Speaker 3: two things can co exist. Other people can have it,

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Speaker 3: You can have it too. One doesn't take away from

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Speaker 3: the other, and that's the biggest thing. It's like friendships, right,

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Speaker 3: Our friendship doesn't take away from your friendship with a

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Speaker 3: Nadine Sarah or Megsie No, and vice versa with my

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Speaker 3: girlfriends Darcian Sulin yeah, or Emma you know, do.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? So it's like it's just yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a cool mindset, it is.

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Speaker 2: We hope that helps. If you've got any other questions,

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Speaker 2: you can always submit something else to our anonymous best

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Speaker 2: Use segment. We'll leave the link in our show notes

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Speaker 2: or just pop into our DMS. It's also in our

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Speaker 2: private Facebook forum as well. But yeah, a lot of

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Speaker 2: this too. I do think when you're really regulated and

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Speaker 2: calm and grounded and connected to your heart and connected

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Speaker 2: to your body, these kind of assumptions and spirals and

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Speaker 2: thoughts won't be there as much. So this is why

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Speaker 2: we did month one on nerves and regulation. You also

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Speaker 2: said you want to be around women who push you

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Speaker 2: and support you like. That is what Rise and Side's about.

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Speaker 2: So I would love to see you inside.

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Speaker 1: I think you get a lot out of its waiting

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Speaker 1: for you.

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Speaker 3: Girl.

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Speaker 2: Refeel you. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Bye bye