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Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Hello and
Speaker 2: welcome back to another episode of She Rises with your
Speaker 2: favorite hosts Ashi and Tiana. Whether you're plugging in morning, evening,
Speaker 2: or afternoon, we have got another episode for you, and
Speaker 2: today's episode is all about the most common three things
Speaker 2: that we see in women's self sabotaging themselves in twenty
Speaker 2: twenty six, and we'll share all about it in a second.
Speaker 2: But otherwise, what is your share of the week.
Speaker 1: It's something that I say from a page. Her name
Speaker 1: is Alexandra dot Eden's eid E and s if your
Speaker 1: emotions could talk. So if you're feeling angry, means something
Speaker 1: needs to change. If you're feeling jealous, it highlights this
Speaker 1: is something that you really want. Let it inspire you
Speaker 1: and ask yourself, are you doing the things together? If
Speaker 1: you're feeling guilt, it is showing up because you did
Speaker 1: something that doesn't match your values. If you're feeling fearful,
Speaker 1: your greatest strength is hiding here, So just look closer
Speaker 1: and dig a little bit deeper. If you're feeling shame,
Speaker 1: this is a part of you that needs love and acceptance.
Speaker 1: And if you're feeling frustrated, you are feeling stuck, try
Speaker 1: a new way. Oh, I like that isn't it?
Speaker 2: It's so beautiful. Yeah, it's a good perspective, it is.
Speaker 2: It's like so simple but so effective.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's probably things we'd kind of if we really
Speaker 1: dug deep enough. It's so activated. We know logically, but
Speaker 1: just to read it out it's like, oh.
Speaker 2: So true, and like remembering it in the moments.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the hard part. Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's like so easy to do it when you're feeling regulated,
Speaker 2: and it matters most on the hard days.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is why we love sticky notes. Yes, reminders.
Speaker 2: My share of the week this week is actually just
Speaker 2: about mood lighting. So something that I recently did in
Speaker 2: my bedroom a couple of months ago was stop using
Speaker 2: my harsh down lights. Yeah, and I honestly can't tell
Speaker 2: you last night turned them on and I got my
Speaker 2: brother to help me put in these LED strips in
Speaker 2: my room.
Speaker 1: Difference.
Speaker 2: I've got a lamp now and I've got an LED strip,
Speaker 2: And honestly, I can't tell you how good it feels
Speaker 2: on my nervous system to not have harsh lights in
Speaker 2: my bedroom. It just feels so much more moody. It
Speaker 2: feels like my little safe space where it's just like, no,
Speaker 2: this is for me. Pillows are done nice like it,
Speaker 2: got new curtains. And then also on the back end
Speaker 2: of that, something else has been really helpful is actually
Speaker 2: showering in the dark. So I've been reading a little
Speaker 2: bit more about this recently online, but apparently showering in
Speaker 2: the dark is such a good reset for your nervous
Speaker 2: system because you can one feel the water on your body,
Speaker 2: you can breathe, and also you don't have those harsh
Speaker 2: downlines where it feels like a hospital room feels like
Speaker 2: a hospital room. Yeah, So just like removing those elements
Speaker 2: so that by the end of the day, at the
Speaker 2: end of the night where you can come home and
Speaker 2: you can just like fully let go and allow your
Speaker 2: body to soften and kind of come back to like
Speaker 2: a really beautiful, regulated baseline. And that for me has
Speaker 2: honestly been so helpful, especially in the moments when I
Speaker 2: feel really triggered.
Speaker 1: I love that you've been sharing with a lit candle.
Speaker 2: It's so nice, so nice.
Speaker 1: I love your rooms now, like the LEDs is so relaxing.
Speaker 2: Oh it looks so much better. Oh it's beautiful, look
Speaker 2: shocking before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2: We've recently have started something called the Accelerator. Now, the
Speaker 2: Accelerator is our online program, and we have some really
Speaker 2: incredible women inside the best Oh my gosh. But one
Speaker 2: of the biggest common themes that we see in these
Speaker 2: women are these three self sabotaging patterns. And I don't
Speaker 2: know if you're still self sabotaging in twenty twenty six,
Speaker 2: but let's talk about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's crazy how you can work with so many women,
Speaker 1: even online and offline, even though they retreat. Like the
Speaker 1: same three things kept coming out. We kept talking about
Speaker 1: like wow, like we all struggle with the same stuff.
Speaker 1: It just looks very different to everyone, but it's all
Speaker 1: underlying the same thing.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and in different seasons of different lives with different challenges.
Speaker 2: But it could be in work, it could be in business,
Speaker 2: it could be in your relationship, could be in your friendship.
Speaker 2: But the three common things keep coming up. And the
Speaker 2: first one is that most women really struggle to stick
Speaker 2: to things. Yes, like they struggle to keep their word.
Speaker 2: It's like they set these new goals or you know,
Speaker 2: they want to do the fitness program and they just
Speaker 2: the business yeah whatever it is, and they start for
Speaker 2: three weeks and then after three weeks they drop off
Speaker 2: the bandwagain out and it's like this common theme of consistency,
Speaker 2: like really struggling to be consistent with the things that
Speaker 2: are actually really important to them or that they say
Speaker 2: that are really important to them. I think we all
Speaker 2: can say at least one point in our lives that
Speaker 2: we've been there.
Speaker 1: But you know, with consistency always Like using a wedding
Speaker 1: as an example, if a bride knows her wedding date,
Speaker 1: nothing will get in the way of her getting her
Speaker 1: dream body right. You've seen it over and over again
Speaker 1: because I've got a strong enough why. I think if
Speaker 1: you don't have a strong enough why and they inspired
Speaker 1: energy to get there, it's so easy for life to
Speaker 1: just get in the way. Things get busy, the kids
Speaker 1: get sick, I got a bad night's sleep last night.
Speaker 1: That's where discipline comes in and meets consistency to get
Speaker 1: your results. Without discipline and without consistency, you'll just keep
Speaker 1: falling off the bandwagon. You have to show up even
Speaker 1: on the hard days. And it's not that you don't
Speaker 1: listen to your body. Like That's where I think a
Speaker 1: lot of women get confused. It's like, oh, but I
Speaker 1: felt tired and when my period and dah da dah,
Speaker 1: like I need to listen to my body. But sometimes
Speaker 1: it goes so far that you're not actually getting anything done,
Speaker 1: and it's like how long do you let that carry on?
Speaker 1: For yeah, like if your appearan's that bad that you
Speaker 1: literally cannot get out of bed, you need to saw
Speaker 1: some help, go to a match path, get all your
Speaker 1: blood work done, go to a holistic doctor, get that
Speaker 1: checked out. That's not normal, Like we should still be
Speaker 1: able to function, and yes, you can take things. So
Speaker 1: I recommend working with your cycle and like not training
Speaker 1: is heavy, or going through a gentle yoga instead, or
Speaker 1: getting a lot more sleep if you can, eating so
Speaker 1: much more warming foods, jumping in the sauna, using a
Speaker 1: heat pack, like getting acupuncture. There's so many beautiful things
Speaker 1: that you can support your cycle with. But for me,
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean falling off the face of the planet.
Speaker 1: I still have responsibilities. Yeah, I still have big goals
Speaker 1: I want to achieve. I still have to show up
Speaker 1: as a mum. I still know that exercise helps me
Speaker 1: mentally feel better. So even if I'm not hitting PBS,
Speaker 1: I'm still going.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I literally say to Georgia, George, I am bleeding today.
Speaker 1: He's like, cool, We're going to go a lot lighter,
Speaker 1: like take it easy, but it's still bigger warm up.
Speaker 1: Like he's so in tune with women's bodies and he
Speaker 1: only trains females. He works with us, and that's so beautiful.
Speaker 1: But I'm just very big on still being able to
Speaker 1: show up. If you really want something, you've got to
Speaker 1: put their work in. You've got to keep showing up.
Speaker 1: You've got to be consistent.
Speaker 2: And what we've seen as well with the accelerated girls,
Speaker 2: I mean, this is a conversation we've even brought forward
Speaker 2: to them. Yeah, you know, when we hit the three
Speaker 2: week mark, we were like, okay, girls, who's dealing with
Speaker 2: this problem right now? And a few of the girls
Speaker 2: actually put their hand up before we'd even are so,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I noticed I'm not really being accountable
Speaker 2: this week. I haven't really, you know. And then they're
Speaker 2: like cool, and they pick themselves back up again and
Speaker 2: they get back on the bandwagon. Yeah, and that's exactly
Speaker 2: what the space is for. It is for that level
Speaker 2: of accountability. It's right. But what we've noticed as well
Speaker 2: in what these women who maybe weren't fully aware of
Speaker 2: this pattern and how it shows up in their life,
Speaker 2: is really starting to see it now because we've put
Speaker 2: like a spotlight on it.
Speaker 1: They're facing it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so in three weeks they're like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I didn't realize that I'm doing the same pattern that
Speaker 2: I've always done. Oftentimes, as it's saying that goes around it,
Speaker 2: that's how you do one thing is often how you
Speaker 2: do everything. I think that the truth, right, So it's like,
Speaker 2: how cool for us to look at this as not
Speaker 2: just women but just humans in general who want for
Speaker 2: what we want? Where are we actually getting in our
Speaker 2: own way and stopping ourselves the moment that we start
Speaker 2: something and we ride the high of excitement, but then
Speaker 2: once motivation drops off, we get bored, you know, or
Speaker 2: then we get distracted and go to the next shiny
Speaker 2: object and then go, oh, this feels too hard, and
Speaker 2: then you're onto the next thing.
Speaker 1: That's the power of the group as well. That accountability
Speaker 1: is everything. And I remember when I first started working
Speaker 1: with Taylor and I was going to him three times
Speaker 1: a week for my back. I was in so much
Speaker 1: pain with my back that I had so much motivation
Speaker 1: to go, but I was so accountable. Yeah, that's where
Speaker 1: I think a coach or a personal trainer or anyone
Speaker 1: that you have an appointment with, you've got that level
Speaker 1: of accountability. You don't want to let them down. But
Speaker 1: we don't treat ourselves that same level of respect. So
Speaker 1: if you are struggling to keep showing up for yourself,
Speaker 1: this is when you need to get help. And there's
Speaker 1: no shame in that, not at all. Like even if
Speaker 1: you we're hoping for our girls, like we hope they
Speaker 1: do this ninety days and then they're good on their own,
Speaker 1: and if they want to do another ninety days with us, cool.
Speaker 1: If they love that level of support and it's helping
Speaker 1: them build some habits and break some old ones, to
Speaker 1: rewire the way that they think, the way that they
Speaker 1: do things. That's the power of the group. That's the
Speaker 1: power of having people that hold you accountable and allow
Speaker 1: you to bring your quote unquote mess or the things
Speaker 1: that you're struggling with forward so it can be seen
Speaker 1: we can dissolve the shame and make a wordy map
Speaker 1: to move forward to get that needle moving absolutely.
Speaker 2: Even like us, like a really light example is like
Speaker 2: us going to the gym together in the morning, Like
Speaker 2: when we walk in the mornings and we go training,
Speaker 2: it's like we keep each other accountable in that area
Speaker 2: because one it's really important to both of us and
Speaker 2: also because we know the other person who's going like,
Speaker 2: we don't want to let the other person down accountability.
Speaker 1: Before I met you, I was in such a slump
Speaker 1: of training and I was too dark or too cold.
Speaker 1: I'll walk later, like and I'm someone who really values
Speaker 1: help and finished. And when I found myself with those
Speaker 1: you just had a baby all the excuses. And then
Speaker 1: once we got into a Retaine and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, the power of accountability is everything. And
Speaker 1: then we were training for a while and we were like,
Speaker 1: we want to step things up. Let's get a pete. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's going to keep us account well, he's going to
Speaker 1: track our workouts, he's going to track our weights. I
Speaker 1: tracked my macros for a little bit. It's so much
Speaker 1: about my body and what I was eating, what I
Speaker 1: needed to eat more of. And it's like, once again,
Speaker 1: they're worth their money in gold. Yeah, it's so cool.
Speaker 1: So yeah, consistency and sticking to something is definitely a
Speaker 1: very common problem, and we wanted to bring this forward
Speaker 1: to for anyone listening that feels alone in it, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm such a failure, can't stick to anything. I keep
Speaker 1: trying giving up. You're not alone. We all go through it.
Speaker 1: We are seeing this all the time, but we're also
Speaker 1: helping women see their true potential and that they can
Speaker 1: break through that.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're like week six now. Oh they're doing incredible.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, aren't they. Yeah, it's powerful and it is.
Speaker 2: It's a pattern interrupter. You've got to be in the
Speaker 2: right environment, with the right support and the people who
Speaker 2: know what it is that you want to achieve to
Speaker 2: hold you accountable to what it is that you say.
Speaker 2: And then you know, it's cool about getting yourself into
Speaker 2: an environment that encourages you to be better. Is that,
Speaker 2: like what you said after the accelerator, these girls are
Speaker 2: going to be sweet on their own like yourself. When
Speaker 2: you learn from other people and you learn how to
Speaker 2: show up in a different way, you carry that out
Speaker 2: to the rest of your life. Once you see it,
Speaker 2: you can't unsee it. And once you start to change
Speaker 2: the way that you behave, you won't go back to
Speaker 2: the way that you used to behave because one, it
Speaker 2: feels really good and you're really proud of yourself now,
Speaker 2: but also too because you know that you can do
Speaker 2: really hard things. And then shifting and breaking the pattern
Speaker 2: of that old behavior of procrastination or delaying it, or
Speaker 2: starting and stopping, or shining object syndrome. It's like you
Speaker 2: don't fall into those patterns anymore because you're now training
Speaker 2: yourself to behave a different way. It's how powerful, so
Speaker 2: power to know that something that once held you back
Speaker 2: for days, months, maybe even years, is something that doesn't
Speaker 2: even touch the sides for you anymore.
Speaker 1: How powerful is that love that you mentioned that, because
Speaker 1: it's so true. Back to when I was working with Taylor,
Speaker 1: I put him on a pedestal. It's not many people
Speaker 1: that I put on a pedestal, but I really did
Speaker 1: put him on a pedestal. Just the way he does life,
Speaker 1: the way he parents, the way he trains, the way
Speaker 1: he treats his health, his perspective and everything, how grounded
Speaker 1: he is, how loving and non judgmentally is is really
Speaker 1: an incredible human. I want to be around people like
Speaker 1: that so I become more like that. That's why I
Speaker 1: paid him the money I did. Yes, he's expensive, but
Speaker 1: I saw the value in what I was going to
Speaker 1: learn and who I was going to become by being
Speaker 1: around that. The proximity. I wanted to be close to him,
Speaker 1: and I learned so much from him, and I still
Speaker 1: to this day, carry so much of what he's taught me.
Speaker 1: It's incredible. It's powerful put yourself in those environments. I
Speaker 1: had the accountability for three and a half years I
Speaker 1: coached with him. I loved having his accountability. And it
Speaker 1: wasn't just to fix my back. It was like the
Speaker 1: accountability of different emotional things, different ways I was reacting
Speaker 1: or responding in certain situations, like even friendship breakdowns. He
Speaker 1: helped me navigate because in how I would normally react
Speaker 1: and respond, he gave me different alternative perspectives around it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is It's so cool having
Speaker 1: that plug in to someone who's living how I want
Speaker 1: to live, even on the hard days, you.
Speaker 2: Know, especially on the hard days. Yeah, having them around
Speaker 2: when you are struggling, when it is you said this
Speaker 2: exactly before, it's being held in your mess. Yes, being
Speaker 2: held in the hard days. And when you do get
Speaker 2: held in the hard days, you learn how to show
Speaker 2: up in a better way that's more productive.
Speaker 1: And the way they love you through it and teaches
Speaker 1: you to love yourself through it.
Speaker 2: It's so true. So what I love coaching. That's why
Speaker 2: I do what I do, because I fucking love it.
Speaker 2: Coaching completely change my life for me too, turn my
Speaker 2: life around complete one eighty from the person I used
Speaker 2: to be to who I am now. And that's why
Speaker 2: it's so fulfilling when I get to do that for
Speaker 2: my clients too, and now what we get to do
Speaker 2: for our accelerator girls and also our retreat girls. Everyone
Speaker 2: who's in the Shite Rises community, like, Yeah, all of
Speaker 2: it is because we understand the power of one being
Speaker 2: able to have that with each other, you know, having
Speaker 2: other people support us and then ask being able to
Speaker 2: relate everything that we've learned so that we can support
Speaker 2: you in that way as well.
Speaker 1: Create the environment, the energy, the vibration, the frequency, the proximity,
Speaker 1: the support, the accountability, all that all so powerful. Oh,
Speaker 1: isn't it like our community? The next thing that we
Speaker 1: see come through with most women, I think it's one
Speaker 1: of the most common things is people are feeling like
Speaker 1: they're a failure or feeling like they're enough. We always,
Speaker 1: especially women, we always feel like we're never enough enough
Speaker 1: for what what's the baseline here? Good enough for who?
Speaker 2: Who?
Speaker 1: Says? You know? But a lot of it does stem
Speaker 1: down to our childhood and comparison, and I think we
Speaker 1: always feel like we're falling behind. I think social media
Speaker 1: has played a big role in this too, because everyone
Speaker 1: posts their highlights. So you compare someone your age or
Speaker 1: in the same industry doing what you're doing, or another mother,
Speaker 1: and you see what they're doing and how they're doing, like, oh,
Speaker 1: my gosh, I should be doing that too, and then
Speaker 1: it makes us feel like, oh, if they're doing that,
Speaker 1: what I'm doing is not enough. It's so sad to
Speaker 1: see so many women just like never quite never really
Speaker 1: celebrating their wins and being proud of who they are
Speaker 1: and where they've come from, and forgetting what they've actually
Speaker 1: overcome to get to where they are.
Speaker 2: I think you're right about social media. I definitely think
Speaker 2: it plays a huge role in the current level of comparison,
Speaker 2: something we've spoken about in a previous conversation around you
Speaker 2: damned if you do, damned if you don't. And I
Speaker 2: think when it comes to comparison, it's like there are
Speaker 2: a lot of people who maybe want to live a
Speaker 2: life that they want to live, but then on social
Speaker 2: media feel pressure to show up a certain way and
Speaker 2: then buy into that narrative or buy into the narrative
Speaker 2: of being the CEO baddy when they want to be
Speaker 2: a stay at home mum or vice versa. You know,
Speaker 2: that's like I feel like that's a good example of
Speaker 2: how that shows up. And I feel like that's where
Speaker 2: like the not enoughness comes in of like, but most
Speaker 2: people want this, so maybe I should want this. Or
Speaker 2: maybe you know, somebody wants to run a business and
Speaker 2: you know, work sixteen hour days and then they're like,
Speaker 2: oh now I feel pressure that I have to do
Speaker 2: that too, when really all they want to do is
Speaker 2: like raise three children and be a beautiful stay at
Speaker 2: home mum who takes care of the home.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think it's a really interesting thing because we're just
Speaker 2: so stuck in comparison. And I think it also comes
Speaker 2: down to how we choose to see it too, or
Speaker 2: how we're taught to see it. Maybe maybe there's not
Speaker 2: enough correction when it comes to comparison. Say, for example,
Speaker 2: when you can pay yourself to somebody instead of going
Speaker 2: if that person is successful, that person is powerful, that
Speaker 2: means that I am not powerful or successful.
Speaker 1: Or it takes away from you.
Speaker 2: It takes away it's almost like there's not enough room
Speaker 2: for me. But if we were taught which I believe
Speaker 2: is a really beautiful thing to see it as something
Speaker 2: that we don't need to take on for ourselves, Like
Speaker 2: we can appreciate somebody else without it taking away from us. Yes,
Speaker 2: how much powerful we would feel in ourselves to know
Speaker 2: that there is no right or wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just what you want for yourself. And everyone has
Speaker 1: their strengths and weaknesses. Tasha's just sometimes two come up
Speaker 1: for him. You'll come home from school and if they've
Speaker 1: been practicing his handwriting, it's like, I'm just so bad
Speaker 1: at it, and this person's so much better at drawing,
Speaker 1: and I'm just so bad at it. My teacher like
Speaker 1: it's always trying to help me, and I just feel
Speaker 1: like a loser when it comes to handwriting. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, and guess who's the best speller in your class?
Speaker 1: He's like, who am like you? You are incredible. When
Speaker 1: people's laptops die, who do they come to fix it
Speaker 1: for you? Everyone's got their strengths. And when you were
Speaker 1: growing up, who was surrounded by it? We all five
Speaker 1: of us that had kids at the same time, and
Speaker 1: he was the last one to walk and do some
Speaker 1: of the things that the girls were doing. He was
Speaker 1: the only boy, but it was the first one that
Speaker 1: could fully fully swim at not even two years old.
Speaker 1: Like every kid, depending what you're focused on, what you're
Speaker 1: passionate about, what you're interested in, is going to be
Speaker 1: your level of like how good it is. But even
Speaker 1: at such a young age, he's comparing and think, oh,
Speaker 1: I should be as good a drawer as what the
Speaker 1: kid next to me is, and he forgets about his strengths.
Speaker 1: So just like remind him, like, it's okay if your
Speaker 1: handwriting doesn't look like his, you can still write. It's
Speaker 1: just not something you're really passion about. If you want
Speaker 1: to get better, you'll put your head down in your
Speaker 1: practice when you get home. Do you want to do that?
Speaker 1: Not really? Okay, it's not that important to you. That's fine. True.
Speaker 1: Maths and science wasn't that important to me. Dance and
Speaker 1: being fit super important, So I did it every afternoon.
Speaker 1: It's okay. As long as you're still learning and you're
Speaker 1: still trying. You don't have to be the best everything
Speaker 1: at handwriting. You don't want to be a professional handwriter
Speaker 1: when you're older. You want to be a pilot. Let's
Speaker 1: focus on what we learn about playing. True, But it
Speaker 1: happens from such a young age. I can see if
Speaker 1: they're not taught to be proud of what they can
Speaker 1: do and know that they have to be the best
Speaker 1: at everything. If you're not taught that from a young age,
Speaker 1: it just carries into your adult life and you're always
Speaker 1: feeling like you're falling back.
Speaker 2: And also how you speak to yourself when you are
Speaker 2: quote unquote failing when something doesn't go your way, Like
Speaker 2: how you speaking to yourself? But I was the worst
Speaker 2: for this. My internal dialogue was so nasty. It was
Speaker 2: like I was such a bitch to myself and I
Speaker 2: still can be sometimes, but I'm better at clocking it now. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because well I don't want to live in a place
Speaker 2: that feels nasty to be all the time and it's exhausting.
Speaker 2: It's nothing worse than having like an internal bully who
Speaker 2: literally you know, we talk about being bullied at school
Speaker 2: and we're like, it was the worst time about life, gotcha,
Speaker 2: But then we bully ourselves just as bad, worse, worse. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Like it make it make sense. So when we change that,
Speaker 2: and at least in my experience, when I change that
Speaker 2: and was able to really be mindful of what I
Speaker 2: was feeding myself day to day. When it came to
Speaker 2: the quote unquote failures, it's not as bad, it's not
Speaker 2: as heavy. I'm not as harsh on myself. I don't
Speaker 2: punish myself for getting something wrong. And even if I
Speaker 2: have little micro moments where I'm frustrated at myself, I
Speaker 2: can feel frustrated, and I can have those little micro
Speaker 2: moments of being like, oh, I feel like a failure,
Speaker 2: but then I also move on really quickly of like, Okay,
Speaker 2: it's okay, you're fine, we're not dying. There's no bear
Speaker 2: chasing you, Tiana, You're so okay.
Speaker 1: You're also learning a really new skill.
Speaker 2: That's right. You can like reason with yourself so much nicer,
Speaker 2: And I think that's a really powerful part of being
Speaker 2: able to feel like you're not a failure and not
Speaker 2: feeling like you're quote unquote not doing enough, because in
Speaker 2: comparison to.
Speaker 1: Who exactly, who are you comparing yourself to. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: had a couple of conversations about this with the girls,
Speaker 1: and one of them was talking about how she turns
Speaker 1: to food to eat, and it was really cool with
Speaker 1: this is like in a child work, It's like reparenting
Speaker 1: yourself and like thinking about if you have a daughter
Speaker 1: or a young girl around you, would you speak to her
Speaker 1: like that? Would you tell her she's a failure? Like
Speaker 1: that little girl is still inside you. This is something
Speaker 1: we love to cover it and Rise Inside, and we
Speaker 1: cover it in Accelerator as well because it's so important.
Speaker 1: Once you can like visualize you're in a child, it
Speaker 1: really changes in a dialogue.
Speaker 2: How crazy to every single woman we've spoken to about this,
Speaker 2: they have like this crazy shift they do because they're like, oh,
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, their demeanor changes, the
Speaker 2: way they speak to themselves changes, and they're like, wow,
Speaker 2: I just landed in so much compassion because of this process.
Speaker 2: So beautiful, being able to walk with myself on the
Speaker 2: journey instead of punishing myself on the journey.
Speaker 1: And you're not going to grow from self punishment nowing
Speaker 1: yourself down. Do you think that's going to inspire you
Speaker 1: to try again?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Do you think that's going to like motivate you? I
Speaker 1: mean sometimes it does. Sometimes it gives you kick out
Speaker 1: the butt, yeah, but it really depends on what you're
Speaker 1: making it mean.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah. And the last one is how petrified they
Speaker 2: are to be seen in their mess.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, this is a huge onb. We've seen
Speaker 1: pretty much every single girl to come through Accelerator. I
Speaker 1: mean now they've overcome it and they're just like unloading
Speaker 1: into We have a private telegram group so they can
Speaker 1: come in and ask us questions, they can chat amongst
Speaker 1: each other, and it's so cool, Like every time they're
Speaker 1: open and vulnerable, we're just like.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's go, go, it's the best. And you know what,
Speaker 2: it's so funny too. They'll voice it like or I
Speaker 2: don't really want to send a voice message, or you know,
Speaker 2: they'll tiptoe around something and I will ask a specific
Speaker 2: question and then it will just all come out. And
Speaker 2: it's the most beautiful thing, not only to witness it,
Speaker 2: but also on the opposite end of that, how freeing
Speaker 2: it feels when you can be seen in your chaos,
Speaker 2: in your mess, in the things that you think that
Speaker 2: you will get judged for, and somebody holds you through
Speaker 2: it beautifully. There is nothing morefering. Like, Oh, we've had
Speaker 2: that in our friendship. We've had that in other friendships
Speaker 2: of ours with family members, like and when you can
Speaker 2: be held in that way, it creates a level of
Speaker 2: connection that you could not even fathom. Yeah, but not
Speaker 2: only that, it also allows you to know that you
Speaker 2: don't need to be perfect in order to be loved.
Speaker 2: And this is something I really struggled with from a
Speaker 2: young age, where I felt like I needed to be perfect.
Speaker 2: I wanted to get my nose done, wanted to look
Speaker 2: like Angelina Joe Lee, I wanted to hold myself perfectly.
Speaker 2: I even honestly googled like etiquette schools on how to
Speaker 2: present and like eat food properly, and like all of
Speaker 2: these things because I wanted to be like quote unquote
Speaker 2: proper and I thought that would make me more worthy
Speaker 2: and more valuable. And I've learned over the years as
Speaker 2: I did more personal development work and as I got
Speaker 2: myself into spaces like Accelerator, that I realized that all
Speaker 2: of that is bullshit. It's bullshit, and it feels so
Speaker 2: restricting when you're in it, too, because I think that's
Speaker 2: when the you can't make mistakes mindset comes in. I'm
Speaker 2: a perfectionist. I have to sit on this for two
Speaker 2: hours when I'm doing a work task. I have to
Speaker 2: spend four hours in canva. If I don't get this.
Speaker 2: You know, speech, right, like people are going to judge
Speaker 2: me for being imperfect or being not intelligent or whatever
Speaker 2: the story is. And I think it's such a harsh
Speaker 2: way to live life. And I truly think there's a
Speaker 2: difference between challenging yourself to do more and to push
Speaker 2: yourself beyond what feels comfortable. Yeah, versus having to show
Speaker 2: up perfectly is very different.
Speaker 1: No one relates to someone that pretends they're perfect. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there goes the connection straight away. If someone's pretending to
Speaker 1: be perfect, you instantly don't feel safe to unload any
Speaker 1: of your mess. That's what's been really cool to see
Speaker 1: with the girls in the group. And even if the treat,
Speaker 1: it's like one person talks about the struggles in her
Speaker 1: relationship or how hard parenting is, or what a faalue
Speaker 1: she feels like in business, or the mistakes that she's made,
Speaker 1: the shame that she's carrying around, anything they've been through.
Speaker 1: It's like, once one person can be seen in the mess,
Speaker 1: you just watch the walls drop down. And the girl
Speaker 1: said that after the retreat too, like from the moment
Speaker 1: they've been there a couple of hours, like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I feel so safer. Yeah, I feel like I've known
Speaker 1: these girls forever and then accelerated too is after the
Speaker 1: first call, yeah, like, oh my gosh, I feel like
Speaker 1: I've made life friends and I literally can be my
Speaker 1: full self and bring anything in here. And all you
Speaker 1: get as girls being like, oh my gosh, I see
Speaker 1: you in this. Yeah, I've got you. Tell us more,
Speaker 1: unpack more, and we put them in the hot seat.
Speaker 1: We do this hot seat coaching out the retreats and
Speaker 1: an accelerator. That's basically where we bring them on. Everyone's
Speaker 1: got the camera on and they tell us what's happening
Speaker 1: for them in that moment, what's coming up for them
Speaker 1: in their lives, and we coach them through it and
Speaker 1: everyone gets to It's like that exposure therapy.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, isn't it.
Speaker 1: They're fully seen in their most roorst, messiest, vulnerable moment
Speaker 1: and they just get to be loved on and also
Speaker 1: coach through it. And that level of love you feel
Speaker 1: from other women in your quote unquote mess it definitely
Speaker 1: just gives you a new level of love for yourself
Speaker 1: because you see the way they are with you and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I can be that for myself too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And if you can't do that for yourself. You will
Speaker 1: struggle to do that for other women as well.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And like you know, when you're going through something
Speaker 2: on your own and you shame and judge yourself for
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh my gosh, if anybody knew this,
Speaker 2: they would judge me, they would I would never have
Speaker 2: any friends, Like I would be the worst person ever.
Speaker 2: Shame thrives, and Seecrestians does it thrives when you are
Speaker 2: by yourself. But the moment that you allow yourself to
Speaker 2: be seen and you witness how the people respond, you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: maybe it's not as bad, but maybe I don't need
Speaker 2: to be this harsh on myself. Maybe I don't have
Speaker 2: to be this mean towards myself. And the beautiful thing
Speaker 2: about the girls in the accelerator is they'll jump onto
Speaker 2: the hot seat and then literally it'd be twenty messages
Speaker 2: bomb but you're so loved. Oh my gosh, girl, thank
Speaker 2: you so much for sharing that you're so loved. And
Speaker 2: then girls all of the other girls giving them advice
Speaker 2: and supporting them along the journey. I like, where else
Speaker 2: in life do you get that? I know, you know?
Speaker 2: And even something like just to circle back to the retreat,
Speaker 2: quickly we did a burning sea.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, reading each other's mind.
Speaker 2: It was the most profound thing I have ever experienced
Speaker 2: in person. Most feedback, Oh the feedback.
Speaker 1: Because we joined into too. We didn't sit back and
Speaker 1: just the girls go through the process. We shared and cried. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like what we were shameful for what I felt. I
Speaker 1: remember changing something, I felt like a foul and not
Speaker 1: scare what people think of me. And like the feedback
Speaker 1: from the girls. Would just like to have Ashintiana go
Speaker 1: through that with us and to share their like dark secrets,
Speaker 1: I suppose. Yeah, was so connecting and just made all
Speaker 1: of us dissolve any shame we were carrying around any
Speaker 1: of it, and so beautiful and.
Speaker 2: You know what, Like on the first day is like
Speaker 2: they were also vulnerable and felt really comfortable. But by
Speaker 2: the third day, oh my god, they were cracked open
Speaker 2: in a way that I hadn't seen before. Like everything
Speaker 2: that every single woman shared around that circle was something
Speaker 2: so deep, so scary, something they had held shame around.
Speaker 2: And you know what, every single one of them were
Speaker 2: banding arms crying with each other because they just they
Speaker 2: just felt so loved, supported and like held in that
Speaker 2: moment It was such.
Speaker 1: A beautiful release, just to burn that all away and
Speaker 1: for everyone to cry. I hadn't seen Meg cry in ages.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, she started meaning you like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: But that again, she doesn't cry, It doesn't allow herself
Speaker 1: to cry much. It was really beautiful for her to
Speaker 1: be held in that. I think all the girls even
Speaker 1: felt even more connected with her. And she was there
Speaker 1: to create content. That's right, but we're like, no, you're
Speaker 1: doing this with that.
Speaker 2: You're a part of it.
Speaker 1: You're a part of this.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. We were a mess.
Speaker 1: I looked so beautiful.
Speaker 2: I looked at Megan and I looked at you, and
Speaker 2: I was like, ah.
Speaker 1: Everyone just everything everyone shared. I just literally we holding hands,
Speaker 1: just like huddling each other. It was just so nice
Speaker 1: to be held in that and to hold other women
Speaker 1: in their pain.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just you know that. There was a conversation
Speaker 2: that we have with the girls at the end of
Speaker 2: the retreat, and we've had this in Accelerator as well,
Speaker 2: where one of the girls said, I didn't realize how
Speaker 2: much I didn't trust women until after I felt what
Speaker 2: it felt like to trust women again. And that was
Speaker 2: after three days.
Speaker 1: Incredible.
Speaker 2: That was after three days. And I think maybe that's
Speaker 2: what we all as a collective as women are struggling with,
Speaker 2: is the lack of connection and the lack of like
Speaker 2: genuine vulnerability. Because when you do it's easy, it doesn't
Speaker 2: feel like energy out. You don't have to be quote
Speaker 2: unquote on, you don't leave feeling drained. None of that exists.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh my god, this fills my cup. Oh
Speaker 2: my god, I want more of this. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: I can be myself. And then that's when you start
Speaker 2: to notice all of the different sides of your personality
Speaker 2: start to shine through again because you're not trying to
Speaker 2: limit yourself as to who you can show up as
Speaker 2: and who you can't based on what you're in. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you're just like, here's all of me, love me as
Speaker 2: I am, Like, this is who I am. And it's
Speaker 2: beautiful to be able to be like that because it's
Speaker 2: so freeing. And I really do believe that contributes to
Speaker 2: your ability to step into your confidence. How much you
Speaker 2: feel like you understand yourself, how much you even accept yourself,
Speaker 2: and then we can get to the point of you
Speaker 2: loving yourself. You know, it's such a beautiful journey.
Speaker 1: It's such a cool journey to witness, to coach through,
Speaker 1: to be involved with. It's an honor.
Speaker 2: Oh, that's such an honor. I'm so excited for all
Speaker 2: of the retreats that we have coming this year.
Speaker 1: And an ex accelerator. We do get dms. Actually if
Speaker 1: we're still taking girls in. If the accelerator we don't,
Speaker 1: we close it off so everyone starts and finishes together.
Speaker 1: So this current one was all sold out very quickly,
Speaker 1: which is really cool. We've got a beautiful bunch of
Speaker 1: women in there. We don't like people to come in
Speaker 1: like halfway because they've kind of missed the whole thing.
Speaker 1: But our next intake will be happening around mid June,
Speaker 1: So if you are interested, just send us a DM
Speaker 1: with the word accelerator. We can send you some more
Speaker 1: information if you're feeling like you need that proximity, that accountability,
Speaker 1: that support. It truly is so beatiy. I've never seen
Speaker 1: a group container like this until we've held this. I've
Speaker 1: never done something like this. I've been to retreats and
Speaker 1: I've had one on one coaching. Yeah, an online group
Speaker 1: container like this. We've got women from USA, Alaska, New Zealand,
Speaker 1: Canada literally all over and the Canadian girl and the
Speaker 1: American girl are both coming to a Ballei retreat. Now,
Speaker 1: it's just so cool how you can connect with women
Speaker 1: from all walks of life. There's moms in there, there's
Speaker 1: single mummers in there, there's women in business.
Speaker 2: There's young girls in there.
Speaker 1: Young girl is in theres anywhere from nineteen up to
Speaker 1: sixty five. Like, it just doesn't matter where you're at,
Speaker 1: what you're going through, growth, support, accountability, passion, connection like
Speaker 1: age does not determine whether you can or cannot experience
Speaker 1: it with something we're all craving more of.
Speaker 2: And as you can see, even from these three things,
Speaker 2: there's likely going to be something of these three self
Speaker 2: sabotaging behaviors that you resonate with.
Speaker 1: That's holding you back.
Speaker 2: That's right. Yeah, and it doesn't have to do anymore.
Speaker 2: You definitely don't have to do it alone. That's what
Speaker 2: this space is about. Yeah, so we'd love to have
Speaker 2: you absolutely and you know it's school as well. You'll
Speaker 2: get to be super plugged into Ashy and I, Like
Speaker 2: we're in the our private telegram group like literally five
Speaker 2: days a week. And yeah, that's what the support is for.
Speaker 2: It's to move the needle forward in your life and
Speaker 2: to get unstuck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, to pull you out of the quicksand and.
Speaker 2: Get you on your path and creating that really beautiful
Speaker 2: momentum for yourself.
Speaker 1: And always have someone to turn to that whole nine
Speaker 1: days like you guys can turn to us with a
Speaker 1: simple tag and the group. It's so freaking cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, love it. So we'll see inside.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us. We will see you
Speaker 1: in Tomorrow's A best episode by