1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:04,160 Speaker 1: Bobby Capuccio, my brother from another mother. Hi, buddy, welcome 2 00:00:04,160 --> 00:00:05,480 Speaker 1: back to the show. How are you doing? 3 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,479 Speaker 2: Hey, what's going on? Craig, Welcome to the self hell 4 00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 2: band to do it? You know, I always forget to 5 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 2: welcome you. You're so welcoming to me, but I never 6 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,639 Speaker 2: respond and kind, I never welcome you. 7 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:21,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, And of course people don't know these these are 8 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,640 Speaker 1: co shares, right. So you put up our chat every 9 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: week on the self help Pantidote. 10 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,400 Speaker 2: Well, not every week, but yeah, I put it up 11 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 2: on the Self Help Bart periodically periodically, yeah, I mean regularly. 12 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Well, you and I would just have an 13 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 1: interesting chat off air, and we thought we might because 14 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 1: you and I do zero planning, which is probably evident 15 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: in the quality of the conversations and the overall you know, 16 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,599 Speaker 1: finished product. But fuck it, let's roll on. We were 17 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: talking welcome, we were talking about we're nothing if not 18 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:56,800 Speaker 1: not prepared. We're talking about how people seem to be 19 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: less kind than the old days. And I've said to you, 20 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe I grew up in a bubble. 21 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 1: I did grow up in the country mostly, and most 22 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: people were somewhere between pretty nice and really fucking nice 23 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:13,679 Speaker 1: most of the time. And then I also said to 24 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:17,040 Speaker 1: you me walking down the street because I walk a lot, 25 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 1: and but walking around even suburbia in Melbourne, I'm thinking 26 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 1: if I wasn't a relatively big, strong, mildly intimidating male, 27 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,640 Speaker 1: I'd be fucking terrified sometimes. 28 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. I nearly got stabbed on the tram. Yeah I 29 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 2: know that because the person I was talking to was that, like, 30 00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 2: he said, I'm about to stab you. So I was like, oh, wow, okay, this. 31 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: Is that was when you were in Melbourne last year, right. 32 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 2: Yeah it was. I was like god, getting stepped and 33 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 2: it was like it was like a Saturday morning. I 34 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 2: was like, God, it's too early in the morning for 35 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 2: a stabbing. I haven't even had like a proper breaky yet. 36 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 2: So yeah, I was. I was writing on the tram, 37 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 2: which is usually the best way to take the tram, 38 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 2: and there's this guy. He's sitting there with no shirt 39 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 2: and it's it's September, like early September, and he's I 40 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,920 Speaker 2: didn't notice it, but he had all these hospital tags. 41 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 2: He had just gotten out of hospital. He had just 42 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:19,519 Speaker 2: been stabbed, which is gonna make a lot of sense 43 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,480 Speaker 2: as the story goes on and it was this older 44 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 2: and when I say older, like she had to be 45 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,200 Speaker 2: like in her eighties Asian lady. And she's sitting right 46 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,840 Speaker 2: next to him, and he just starts talking to himself 47 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 2: and screaming to himself. And you know, no judgment, I 48 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 2: have turettes that could have been me, like you know, 49 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:42,119 Speaker 2: at any other tram ride. So she kind of gets 50 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,120 Speaker 2: a bit nervous. She gets up and she walks to 51 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:49,160 Speaker 2: another seat. Well, he gets offended by this not a 52 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 2: very thick skin bloke for a guy who just got stabbed, 53 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 2: and he gets up and he walks over and he 54 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:57,640 Speaker 2: sits down right next to me because she's sitting across 55 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 2: from me, and he's leaning across and he's like threatening 56 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,239 Speaker 2: her and like yelling at her. And I'm just sitting 57 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:07,079 Speaker 2: there watching this, going, what what are you gonna do? 58 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 2: You can you can hit her? She's an old lady. 59 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 2: So I had mentioned like the the age differential and 60 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:21,560 Speaker 2: size and other factors involved and just ask them like, 61 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 2: you know, I just reconsider what you're doing. Well, he 62 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 2: didn't like that either, so he was he was he 63 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 2: was not very happy with the passengers on the tram. 64 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 2: But I don't think this individual. I don't think one 65 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 2: deeply disturbed individual is representative of society. I think you 66 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 2: said it the environment. He's like, Oh, I grew up 67 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 2: in a bubble. Well, I believe you know there there 68 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 2: are benefits and liabilities to every environment. I think we 69 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 2: are our collective societal identity is so fractured, and the 70 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 2: intersection of you and me, I mean, real meaningful connection. 71 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 2: I think that's decreased a bit, and it's taken a toll. 72 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,120 Speaker 2: I think, not only on the psychology of the individual, 73 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 2: but just just society's gotten a little bit sick in 74 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 2: my mind, And yeah, I'm not I don't have credentials 75 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 2: to make that determination, but from my own observation, yeah, 76 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 2: when you start to become apathetic, there are a lot 77 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 2: of different reasons. One you truly just don't care. So yeah, 78 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:32,280 Speaker 2: someone who does have a lot of first hand experience, 79 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 2: or did have a lot of first hand experience with 80 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:39,760 Speaker 2: the extremes of humanity, sadly is the late great doctor 81 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 2: Victor Frankel. And part of the course work I'm doing, 82 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 2: I just finished reading Man Search for Meaning, and it 83 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:50,200 Speaker 2: wasn't the first time, and he talked about how apathy 84 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 2: was a form of self protection where you've seen so 85 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 2: much stuff, You've seen so many beatings, you've seen so 86 00:04:57,279 --> 00:05:00,880 Speaker 2: much murder day to day. The only way to protect 87 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:05,719 Speaker 2: yourself is to become completely apathetic to everything that's going 88 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,280 Speaker 2: on around you. But I don't just see apathy. I 89 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 2: see extreme hostility. I think people are really struggling, and 90 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,920 Speaker 2: they're struggling at an identity level, and I think there's 91 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 2: so much lack of predictability, and we've moved away from 92 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 2: things that are intrinsically predictable. And I think about it 93 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 2: like you're talking about living in a bubble. That could 94 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 2: be a good thing or a bad thing. Like if 95 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 2: you grow up in a small town and everybody in 96 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,839 Speaker 2: that town is just lovely and they're just very open, 97 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,279 Speaker 2: and there's a lot of vulnerability that'll shape you. But 98 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,039 Speaker 2: I mean, you know, you can grow up in a 99 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 2: small town and it's like, I think that's extreme Texas 100 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 2: change saw massacre. But on the other hand, like if 101 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:52,040 Speaker 2: you're growing up and you have no exposure to anybody else, Yeah, 102 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 2: and the messaging that you're getting about the world is 103 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:58,080 Speaker 2: not very healthy, it's not very expansive. It doesn't cause 104 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 2: you to be very kind to anyone outside of a 105 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 2: mayarpic perspective of what a person should be. That's kind 106 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,880 Speaker 2: of that's also problematic, especially when you identify with that 107 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:11,600 Speaker 2: growing up in a big city. It could be very problematic. 108 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 2: It could be very beneficial. 109 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:17,039 Speaker 1: Yeah, there are fours and against I was. Firstly, we 110 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 1: acknowledged before anyone sends an email that the man that 111 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,920 Speaker 1: Bobby was talking to on the train clearly had mental 112 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: health issues. We recognize that, So you don't need to 113 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:30,640 Speaker 1: tell us that we recognize that, but we can still 114 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: protect the old lady in the middle of that situation. 115 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:33,880 Speaker 1: So well done. 116 00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:34,039 Speaker 2: You. 117 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: Second thing is so Victor Frankel, just for our listeners 118 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: who don't know, well, you tell everyone who he was, 119 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: and so Second World War, just to give context of 120 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 1: who this guy is who wrote this book that you 121 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: spoke about. 122 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean a lot of people probably have read 123 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,800 Speaker 2: his work or heard the name. But Victor frankl was 124 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 2: an Austrian psychiatrist, that psychologist, sorry, a neurologist, that was 125 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 2: taken captive and he spent nearly three years of his 126 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:14,720 Speaker 2: life in four different concentration camps. He lost his newlywed 127 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:20,120 Speaker 2: beloved wife, he lost his parents, and he did. What 128 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,960 Speaker 2: he endured and what he experienced, and the conclusions that 129 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 2: he drew out of that experience is nothing short of remarkable. 130 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 2: I mean, a lot of us have opinions, but very 131 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 2: very few of us and this is not a critique like, 132 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 2: Thank Heavens, few of us have had to suffer through 133 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 2: and pay the price in advance for the formation of 134 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 2: those opinions. And then you know, he did obviously survive. 135 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,360 Speaker 2: He wrote a small but powerful book, Man Search for Meaning, 136 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 2: and he is the founder of logo therapy. 137 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 1: I would I read that book. You and I probably 138 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: read it about the time stid our journey. I read 139 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: it in my I'm going to say twenties, maybe thirty ish, 140 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 1: and yeah, like a simple little book but quite profound. 141 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: It's you know, I think the what books do for me, 142 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 1: and especially biographies or biographically influenced memoirs or you know, 143 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 1: teaching guiding books, is they give me an opportunity to 144 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 1: look at something through somebody else's lens. And it like 145 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,440 Speaker 1: what I love is when you get immersed in someone 146 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 1: else's story and someone else's experience and emotions. You know, 147 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 1: it's not the same as being them, but it gives 148 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 1: you a level of other awareness that is really hard 149 00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:54,760 Speaker 1: to get otherwise. And I love that. That's why I 150 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:58,079 Speaker 1: love Yeah, I love biographies, especially ones that have kind 151 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:02,479 Speaker 1: of you know, like sharing profound wisdom and insights and experiences, 152 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: be they painful or be they joyful. But yeah, that 153 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: was one of those first books that for me made me, 154 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: made me incredibly grateful for what I didn't have to 155 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: go through and what I haven't experienced, and where I 156 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 1: didn't live in the time of you know, of the 157 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: human timeline that I was born in. And yeah, it's 158 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: it's gratitude is a hard thing to keep a hold of, 159 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,640 Speaker 1: but that certainly was good for me. 160 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 2: For me, it was you know, I can only respond 161 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,200 Speaker 2: to the world based on my interpretation and my own 162 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:47,679 Speaker 2: past experiences, and I can imaginedly project myself into other 163 00:09:47,679 --> 00:09:53,160 Speaker 2: people's laws, situations and worldview, but never really experience it. 164 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 2: And for me, books allow you to expand your mind 165 00:09:57,280 --> 00:10:01,200 Speaker 2: and go anywhere and to a degree of the world 166 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:06,280 Speaker 2: vicariously through other people. And Victor Frankel went through something 167 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 2: like extraordinary in the most horrific sense of the word, 168 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 2: and the conclusions that he drew out of it. I mean, 169 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 2: we talk about purpose, We talk about meaning and how 170 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:20,319 Speaker 2: important it is and how much of a well being initiative. 171 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 2: You know, purpose truly is to allow us to cope 172 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 2: and develop resilience, but not witness what this guy witnessed. 173 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 2: Like one out of every twenty eight people that went 174 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 2: into those camps survived, Like most people. He said, like 175 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 2: as soon as he got off the train, you know, 176 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 2: there was someone standing there. And it's really confusing because 177 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:45,320 Speaker 2: you're getting dragged off this train, like there's dogs barking 178 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 2: and people screaming at you. And there was a guy 179 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 2: and who's so casual. This is what he noticed. He 180 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 2: was resting his elbow on his arm, and he was 181 00:10:55,640 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 2: just almost like undiscernibly motioning with his index finger like 182 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 2: that way that way to the left or to the right, 183 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 2: and like ninety percent of the time I think it 184 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 2: was to the right he was motioning. And that was. 185 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 3: Immediate execution because people were too that they were too 186 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 3: weary from the trip for whatever reason, too old, too 187 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 3: young to be of any use in the work camps. 188 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 2: And ten percent of the time he just you know, 189 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,439 Speaker 2: like flicked it the other way, and you went into 190 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 2: the work camp, and what happened that like that was 191 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 2: not a lucky break by any measure of the word. 192 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 2: And he he witnessed such extremes of humanity and it 193 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 2: was the people that and there's so much more to this, 194 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 2: but what he attributed to his survival on other people's 195 00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 2: survival is the depth of the meaning of their situation, 196 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:55,080 Speaker 2: like what does this mean? And what is my reason 197 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 2: to survive? What was interesting is he said, like as 198 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 2: a physician. Once they found out that he was a 199 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 2: physician in the camp, anyone who was like really sick 200 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:08,080 Speaker 2: will go ten to those people and he would have 201 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:15,079 Speaker 2: conversations and he could almost tell someone who was really 202 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 2: not doing well, and they were not long for the 203 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 2: world because within the conversation it was revealed that they 204 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 2: had nothing left to expect from life, where the people 205 00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:30,360 Speaker 2: that persevered had the opposite perspective. They believed that even 206 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:37,320 Speaker 2: in the midst of the most unimaginably cruel circumstances, life 207 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:43,440 Speaker 2: was demanding something from them. Life was not accountable to them. 208 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:47,520 Speaker 2: They were still accountable to life. And whether that was 209 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:51,839 Speaker 2: in Victor Frankel's case, they burned his manuscripts. He had 210 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 2: it in his head he wanted to reproduce his manuscripts, 211 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,480 Speaker 2: to bring something out into the world that would serve humanity. 212 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 2: He wondered he would see on these more he would 213 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:03,679 Speaker 2: just see his wife's face and her smile, and he 214 00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 2: wanted to get back to her. For other people who's 215 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 2: remembering the names and faces of the captors, yea, to 216 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 2: sort of they survived, they could take part in bringing 217 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 2: them to justice. And it was this deep rooted purpose 218 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 2: that without that you won't survive. 219 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:26,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's I think, you know, finding finding a way 220 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 1: in the middle of what seems to be like insurmountable, 221 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 1: you know, odds or pain or obstacles, And I wonder 222 00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:41,120 Speaker 1: what makes you know, like sometimes even in the self 223 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 1: help personal development space that you and I kind of 224 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 1: you know, professional development, personal development, you and I kind 225 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: of live professionally. But the rah rah b all you 226 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: can be try harder, work through adversity, you know, like 227 00:13:55,760 --> 00:14:01,000 Speaker 1: it's it's quite limited in its application, and you know, 228 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 1: in the middle of extreme whatever. I wonder how much 229 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: of that is just I don't know, personality, How much 230 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: of that is genetic, how much of that is you know, 231 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 1: the neurochemistry, you know, or the biochemistry of the brain 232 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,600 Speaker 1: how much of that is I don't know, some spiritual 233 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:30,600 Speaker 1: component faith, hope, you know. I wonder what makes the difference. 234 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: And because some of the you know, some of the 235 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:37,840 Speaker 1: what you would think would be the toughest people whatever 236 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 1: that means, can capitulate quickly and other people just for 237 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 1: whatever reason just find a way. 238 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 2: Well, you hear that all the time, right, Like the 239 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 2: people who you think would like rock up and oh wow, 240 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 2: look at this individual. Yeah, they're going to do really 241 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:59,240 Speaker 2: well in whatever the challenging of circumstances, and they don't. 242 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 2: And then you look at someone's completely unassuming in every 243 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:04,560 Speaker 2: respect of the world. You just don't know. And I 244 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 2: think it's a combination of all things. But I think 245 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 2: it's almost like to me going back to certainty. And 246 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,800 Speaker 2: I know I bring this up all the time. Certainty 247 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:20,680 Speaker 2: scares the shit out of me. And people who are 248 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:25,520 Speaker 2: so certain in their worldview in my mind what I'm witnessing, 249 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 2: they're so easily manipulated. 250 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,200 Speaker 1: First of all, do you mean the idea of certainty, 251 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 1: like the idea that people are absolutely certain about things 252 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 1: that Okay. 253 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 2: I know, I know, I know what you're about, I 254 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 2: know what I'm about, I know what I would do 255 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 2: in any given set of circumstances. Those people over there, 256 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 2: they're really good. Those people over there, they're bad. Meanwhile, 257 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 2: we don't know shit about even se if you really 258 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 2: think about like, well, that's just me, that's not the 259 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 2: person I am. I know myself, do you really like 260 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 2: if you really get down to it, like you really 261 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 2: half of us probably more don't really understand ourselves an 262 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 2: intimate level, but you understand somebody else in its entirety, 263 00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 2: and you can create this global generalization. But think about 264 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 2: somebody like that, like, think about how he wound up 265 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 2: in a concentration camp in the first place. It's that, 266 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,119 Speaker 2: I mean, there's a lot more to it, but there's 267 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 2: that perspective being leveraged with a false narrative, and people 268 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 2: just I mean, just get on board. And god, what's 269 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 2: interesting you're talking about? You don't know people. You cannot 270 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:44,200 Speaker 2: look at someone and say, well that person. Do you 271 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 2: remember in the book where he was talking about the 272 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 2: commander of one of the camps, So he was really sick, 273 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,160 Speaker 2: and he was tending to other people who were so 274 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 2: sick and in so much pain. They probably weren't going 275 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 2: to make it. They weren't giving them any medicines, barely 276 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,119 Speaker 2: any medicine to go around. And then but medicine kept 277 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 2: showing up, and they had like barely enough, and kept 278 00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 2: showing up and had barely enough. And the whole time 279 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 2: it was the commander of the concentration camp, the top 280 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:18,879 Speaker 2: guy in charge, who was going into town and spending 281 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,200 Speaker 2: what Victor Frankel estimated was a large sum of his 282 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:27,000 Speaker 2: own money secretly bringing medicine for these prisoners back into 283 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 2: the camp. So when when Germany fell and the Allies 284 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,640 Speaker 2: had taken over these camps and liberated them, they were 285 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,919 Speaker 2: looking for this commander and the prisoners were protecting this 286 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,199 Speaker 2: commander and said, well, don't he's like, don't get confused. 287 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 2: He wasn't trying to say, well, this commander was really 288 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,199 Speaker 2: secretly a kind hearted person. No, he was a Nazi 289 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 2: commander who oversaw a concentration camp. Wasn't a really kind guy. 290 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 2: But yet in the midst of that, you would never 291 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:06,560 Speaker 2: expect that like anonymity and kindness. Yet you would have 292 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:10,400 Speaker 2: fellow prisoners in the camp. But before the war were 293 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 2: probably normal people going out, sitting at cafes. Someone you 294 00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 2: would talk to in the morning, and he said that 295 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 2: they were more brutal. Prisoners that were put in position 296 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,000 Speaker 2: of authority were more brutal to other prisoners than any 297 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:30,439 Speaker 2: guard could have been. It's like, do you really know people? 298 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 2: Can you really make determinations? I think it's scary because 299 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:36,680 Speaker 2: the more we distance from each other and the more 300 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,359 Speaker 2: we resort to this tribalism, the more we just have 301 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:44,119 Speaker 2: an echo chamber and certainty. Certainty can be leveraged to 302 00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 2: shocking extents. So for me, that's a characteristic in someone 303 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,679 Speaker 2: and myself that terrifies me. 304 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,679 Speaker 1: I feel like the need that people have to be 305 00:18:55,840 --> 00:19:01,359 Speaker 1: certain arises from the terror that people have to be uncertain, 306 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 1: Like people do not like not knowing. And I actually 307 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 1: think that when you lean into the truth, like the 308 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: truth is, we don't know a lot of things. We 309 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: probably don't know most things. And I feel like also 310 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:27,720 Speaker 1: because quite often our identity, as I've said many times, 311 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 1: our identity is intertwined with what we think, with our belief, 312 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 1: with our certainty that despite the fact that there's four 313 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,640 Speaker 1: thousand religions, twelve major religions, my religion is the one, 314 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 1: and my religion and my religion alone has got a 315 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,880 Speaker 1: unique hotline to the divine and everyone else is going 316 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:51,080 Speaker 1: hell where not and like to be able to go, look, 317 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 1: this is what I think about the god thing, this 318 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: is what I believe, well, this is what I believe 319 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: to be the best diet, or this is what I 320 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: believe to be the best w whatever. Nonetheless, that's just 321 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:07,880 Speaker 1: my belief. I've been wrong many times in my life, hundreds, 322 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 1: maybe thousands of times I've been wrong. So the chance 323 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:14,119 Speaker 1: that I'm absolutely right about this thing for which I 324 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 1: have no categoric evidence is zero. So to be able 325 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:25,160 Speaker 1: to go look you think, AI think, b that's cool. 326 00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 1: I don't need to convince you. You don't need to 327 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: convince me. And also, neither do we have to hate 328 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 1: each other because we don't align on what is or 329 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,680 Speaker 1: we don't align on a certain opinion on ideology or 330 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:42,480 Speaker 1: philosophy or theology. And more importantly, we can actually love 331 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:47,200 Speaker 1: each other. We can actually be kind. Obviously there are 332 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:51,080 Speaker 1: some exceptions to this about hate and violence and extremism, 333 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,719 Speaker 1: of course, but in general terms, with most of the 334 00:20:54,800 --> 00:21:03,159 Speaker 1: things that most people get hysterical about online, it's like, Okay, 335 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,639 Speaker 1: you know you think Donald Trump's the devil. I don't, 336 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 1: or I do, and you don't or whatever. It's like, 337 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what we by the way, it doesn't 338 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,919 Speaker 1: matter what you think. And I think it's not going 339 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:18,399 Speaker 1: to change anything. All we're doing is creating angst and 340 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:22,159 Speaker 1: separation and we're getting online and we're you know, it's like, 341 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: it's just to me most of it. I think there's 342 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: a time for pushback, and there's a time, but I 343 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,360 Speaker 1: think most of the disagreement and the anger and the 344 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:37,840 Speaker 1: hate and the separation, it's so fucking toxic and unhealthy 345 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,640 Speaker 1: and pointlessly devastating. 346 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,880 Speaker 2: So my wife is a little bit ill right now. 347 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 2: She's fine, but we you know, we went to hospital 348 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 2: yesterday and they did a bunch of tests and x 349 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 2: rays and you know, they gave her meds because it's 350 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 2: great if my wife had a nail through her head, 351 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,439 Speaker 2: like she would just like get a and go to 352 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:04,440 Speaker 2: work for her to go, oh, I think this is serious. 353 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,920 Speaker 2: It's serious. So we went to the hospital and when 354 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 2: they gave her the meds, they were talking about, Okay, 355 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,199 Speaker 2: well you want to take this this pill in the 356 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:15,439 Speaker 2: morning and this pill at night, but don't take this 357 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 2: pill at night because if you take this pill at night, 358 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 2: you're not gonna sleep well, and that's gonna make you 359 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:25,879 Speaker 2: a lot worse. And it's almost like we've been prescribed 360 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,600 Speaker 2: all these pills and it's like, okay, if you if 361 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 2: you take this in the morning, it's gonna make you 362 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 2: a lot better. If you take this pill in the morning, 363 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:38,720 Speaker 2: it's gonna make you a lot worse. And we just 364 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 2: keep popping the pill that's gonna make us worse. First 365 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 2: thing in the morning we wake up and we keep 366 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,240 Speaker 2: taking it and taking It's like, I feel so horrible, 367 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,040 Speaker 2: and then what do you do. I'm gonna take more 368 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,879 Speaker 2: of this because if you look at it like like 369 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 2: the the one, the biochemistry and the psychology of kindness, 370 00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:01,080 Speaker 2: all things being equal, will mitigate the levels of stress 371 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 2: you're feeling. Yeah, it will. It will elevate your sense 372 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,359 Speaker 2: of connection, it will elevate your sense of safety, it 373 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,680 Speaker 2: will it will increase everything that you want and decrease 374 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:16,359 Speaker 2: everything that you don't want. Even if it doesn't change 375 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,840 Speaker 2: the world around you, it'll change the world within you 376 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,400 Speaker 2: and the people who are their sipping into that kindness. 377 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:24,679 Speaker 2: But we don't do that right instead of instead of 378 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:28,280 Speaker 2: going and going, oh, well, look at this person, what 379 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,359 Speaker 2: are they going through? What it's what is it like 380 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:35,639 Speaker 2: to be them? Yeah, and and really exploring that with care. 381 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,359 Speaker 2: It's like, are they like me? The fact that that 382 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 2: there's a side for people living in the same country 383 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:47,880 Speaker 2: is ridiculous. It's like, and here in this country, God, 384 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:52,680 Speaker 2: I avoid politics. But what's funny is on both quote 385 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 2: unquote sides, they flip on their core values depending on 386 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 2: who said what. Yes, It's like one side is like, listen, 387 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,360 Speaker 2: we believe the color blue is the most important thing 388 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 2: that we have here. And then like the other side, 389 00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:08,159 Speaker 2: we'll say, oh yeah, we like blue. Oh no, we 390 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,080 Speaker 2: hate blue. We're all about green here. We hate it, 391 00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 2: but we hate those blue people. 392 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: Yes. 393 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 2: And it's like you just based your entire identity on 394 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,160 Speaker 2: a belief system that you abandon because your side said 395 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,679 Speaker 2: something different or another side said something that you have 396 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 2: to now position against. What are we doing where if 397 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 2: we would just see each other and talk to people 398 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:34,080 Speaker 2: and be interested, yes, you wouldn't be suffering. But no, 399 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,359 Speaker 2: we jump on threads and we make the most horrible comments, 400 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,680 Speaker 2: and it's like we're so certain and we're not curious 401 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,720 Speaker 2: at all about other people, and we just keep taking 402 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,560 Speaker 2: that same pill, and we wonder why it hurts so bad. 403 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: The other night I was doing my this is off 404 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,639 Speaker 1: the back of that, I was doing my group, my 405 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,280 Speaker 1: mentoring group, and we're talking about it's gonna same, unrelated 406 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:56,120 Speaker 1: but at the time. 407 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:02,920 Speaker 4: So Wake four, which it was, was you and your body, right, 408 00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,399 Speaker 4: so it's just week three as you in your mind 409 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,760 Speaker 4: and every week as you and something, You and your career, you. 410 00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,960 Speaker 1: And your future, you know, you and your potential. Anyway, 411 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,719 Speaker 1: we're talking about the body and you know, very broad, 412 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:17,359 Speaker 1: kind of just broad brushstrokes around, like what are the 413 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,879 Speaker 1: big you know, what are the big ticket items. And 414 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,240 Speaker 1: obviously we talk about sleep, We talk about excidse, we 415 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 1: talk about food, talk about managing stress, talk about environment, 416 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: talk about you know, the impact of work on your physical, mental, 417 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:34,120 Speaker 1: and emotional health. Blah blah blah. And then we talk 418 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:39,280 Speaker 1: about love and being loved, and we talk about the 419 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 1: value of connection and somebody being kind and somebody caring 420 00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:54,119 Speaker 1: and not being isolated, not feeling you know, alone, and 421 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:59,919 Speaker 1: the biological and biochemical benefits you know, oxytocin and dopamine 422 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:05,760 Speaker 1: and serotonin and dolphins and vasopress and all of these 423 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 1: other awesome things that happen that make us feel amazing, right, 424 00:26:13,480 --> 00:26:17,680 Speaker 1: and they happen in the proximity of other humans. It's 425 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:21,680 Speaker 1: like being around being around love, being around kindness, being 426 00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 1: around care, being around somebody who values you, you know, 427 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: being around somebody who's going to give you a hug 428 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,320 Speaker 1: or a hand on the shoulder or a you know, 429 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,480 Speaker 1: this is literally good for our not just of course 430 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,440 Speaker 1: it's good for your mental health. But people don't understand. 431 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,640 Speaker 1: It affects your immune system, it affects your cellular health, 432 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,160 Speaker 1: It affects your nervous system, it affects fucking it affects 433 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 1: your longevity. Like you think about if somebody has ticked 434 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 1: all the other boxes hypothetically, so food, exercise, lifestyle, blah 435 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,919 Speaker 1: blah blah, booze, cigarettes, whatever, and they're doing all the 436 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,920 Speaker 1: things right, but they're living at home alone. They're isolated. 437 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: Nobody rings them, nobody reaches out to them, nobody's kind 438 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,120 Speaker 1: to them, or nobody takes an interest in them. That's 439 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,680 Speaker 1: probably almost the biggest detriment they could have to their 440 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: physical health. Right. And I feel like at the moment, 441 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 1: we're just throwing so much hate and heat. Not you 442 00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:21,040 Speaker 1: and me, but just so much hate and heat as 443 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:26,480 Speaker 1: a group of humans. But what fucking point. 444 00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 2: Like, isn't that interesting? That the thing if we did 445 00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 2: like just this like root cause analysis, and we just 446 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,120 Speaker 2: pursued the quest of why as deep as we can 447 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 2: go with somebody at the end of it, what most 448 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:44,879 Speaker 2: people want, what all of us want, is to be 449 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 2: loved and to love somebody else. And I think so 450 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,880 Speaker 2: much of the vitriol that we have, and so much 451 00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,960 Speaker 2: of what seems like people ah, that person's a narcissist. 452 00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:05,200 Speaker 2: Maybe maybe they just feel really unloved and disconnected from love. 453 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,200 Speaker 2: And then you go out and you engage in things 454 00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:11,679 Speaker 2: that push you further away from it. It's a thing 455 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:15,240 Speaker 2: we don't even talk about. Like could you imagine like 456 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,359 Speaker 2: somebody rocks up to the office on a Monday morning 457 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,159 Speaker 2: and starts walking around talking about love in the office 458 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 2: all day, Like you're gonna land yourself in hr people 459 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:31,439 Speaker 2: are gonna feel very uncomfortable round here. Meanwhile, Like, like 460 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:35,040 Speaker 2: any time I have been in a position and we 461 00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:38,720 Speaker 2: discussed this on a podcast, like sometimes there was there 462 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 2: needed to be more of an internal compass and frame 463 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:46,320 Speaker 2: of reference where I needed to be the source of 464 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:50,480 Speaker 2: what I wanted more than being attached to it. Externally, 465 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 2: But any any team I've been on where you look back, 466 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,040 Speaker 2: it's like, wow, we did some great things. Not only 467 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 2: did we do some great things and were accomplish things 468 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:06,960 Speaker 2: that were worth achieving, but the experience, yeah, was so 469 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 2: exhilarating and energizing, not in spite of but sometimes because 470 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,080 Speaker 2: of the effort and the challenges that came with it. 471 00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 2: At the root of it was love. We loved what 472 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:22,800 Speaker 2: we were doing, and we loved one another, and we weren't 473 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:27,880 Speaker 2: too uncomfortable to express that. It's almost like it, oh, 474 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:29,600 Speaker 2: we don't want to talk about love because you know 475 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:33,080 Speaker 2: we're serious in this business. We're serious on this team. 476 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:37,480 Speaker 1: You can't do that. It's isn't it Isn't it silly? 477 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:42,920 Speaker 1: Like just how we've created these cultures and environments, and 478 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,480 Speaker 1: of course you know we've got to it's got to 479 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 1: be boundaries and all of that. I get it, But 480 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 1: it's like when you listen to people talk. So many 481 00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,840 Speaker 1: people talk like every second person at their work allegedly 482 00:29:55,040 --> 00:29:59,640 Speaker 1: is a narcissist. Everyone my boss is a narcissist, a manager, 483 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:06,720 Speaker 1: socio like really everyone. I just feel like these labels 484 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 1: get handed out to anyone who doesn't agree with you, 485 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 1: like anyone who's anyone who ruffles your feathers is a 486 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 1: psychopath or a sociopath, or a narcissist, or an ego 487 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 1: maniac or a come on, dude. 488 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 2: When you factor in statistically how many people actually fall 489 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:30,400 Speaker 2: into having an antisocial personality disorder if you are surrounded 490 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:37,720 Speaker 2: constantly by narcissists and sociopaths, Yeah, either you might be 491 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 2: part of the problem or you have run into an 492 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:46,600 Speaker 2: extraordinary stroke of bad luck. I mean, just the probability 493 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 2: that's that's that's insane. Like the opposite of that would 494 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 2: be I bought five lottery tickets this week, one every 495 00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 2: single time. Like on the opposite end of that, that's 496 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 2: the type of of probability you're dealing with. Everyone you 497 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,760 Speaker 2: run into that doesn't happen to see the world the 498 00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,360 Speaker 2: way you see it. Something's fundamentally wrong with them, or 499 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:13,040 Speaker 2: they're a narcissist. I you know, I think maybe sometimes 500 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 2: it's it's very hard to connect to these expressions and 501 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:26,520 Speaker 2: the manifestation of these sentiments and behaviors, you know, especially 502 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 2: when you get there's there's so much risk there, you know, 503 00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 2: I mean, we're talking about like love at the office. 504 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,720 Speaker 2: And you know, I would never I would never say 505 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:38,280 Speaker 2: oh at the office, like I love you again, because 506 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:42,200 Speaker 2: I've been told to stop doing that. But but but 507 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 2: but but I'm reception. But I but I love you. 508 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,560 Speaker 2: Why Why can't I Why can't I say that? Well? 509 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 2: You can, but I'm your boss and you're supposed to 510 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 2: be in the middle of a presentation and the entire 511 00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,960 Speaker 2: board is waiting, and you're making us all very uncomfortable. 512 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, and and please don't follow me into the lady's 513 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:02,240 Speaker 1: room again. 514 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:09,080 Speaker 2: Hey, hey, over the line, over the line. So I 515 00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:15,760 Speaker 2: think sometimes it's sometimes it's easier to kind of frame it. 516 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 2: And and I'll bring out I'll bring Albert Bandura into this, 517 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:27,720 Speaker 2: because what he was amazing at doing was getting. 518 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: Just who is he before you tell us like, who 519 00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:30,360 Speaker 1: is he? 520 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 2: Oh, he's He's one of the most celebrated figures in psychology. 521 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 2: And he is the founder was he's no longer with us. 522 00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:44,880 Speaker 2: He was the founder of social cognitive theory and one 523 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 2: of the most widely quoted experts in his field bar none. 524 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:54,800 Speaker 2: And what he was able to do is get people 525 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:58,760 Speaker 2: to engage in behaviors that they never thought in a 526 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:02,480 Speaker 2: million years they would engage in Like if I have 527 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:06,640 Speaker 2: a debilitating snake phobia so bad that I don't even 528 00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:08,080 Speaker 2: have to see a snake. All I have to do 529 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,000 Speaker 2: is think about a snake, and I lose the ability 530 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,360 Speaker 2: to function in the outside world. That's the extent of 531 00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:17,240 Speaker 2: my phobia. And I would go see you know, a 532 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:21,000 Speaker 2: but Bendura like with within a certain amount of time, 533 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,320 Speaker 2: he'd have me like wrapped in a snake, like holding 534 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:28,200 Speaker 2: onto a snake. So engaging in those behaviors and there's 535 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:32,280 Speaker 2: certain steps I think that kind of guide us toward 536 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:37,240 Speaker 2: because if we if we don't feel particularly kind because 537 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,760 Speaker 2: we hate everybody and everywhere we look, people irritate us. 538 00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:44,160 Speaker 2: And don't get me wrong, that's me like three out 539 00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,280 Speaker 2: of seven days in the week, probably four. 540 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:51,200 Speaker 1: So that's not true. You know, that's not true. 541 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 2: I sometimes I'm just somebody asked me on another show. 542 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 2: They're like, what do you love and hate the most? Like, 543 00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,240 Speaker 2: what do you love the most? What do you hate 544 00:33:59,240 --> 00:33:59,560 Speaker 2: the most? 545 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like people. 546 00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:06,239 Speaker 2: So sometimes when you don't feel that way, but if 547 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:10,279 Speaker 2: you're constantly engaging in acts of kindness, eventually you're gonna 548 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,239 Speaker 2: see yourself as a kind person, especially since if you're 549 00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 2: engaging in, like deliberate, intentional acts of kindness, you're gonna 550 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:23,440 Speaker 2: get a response that rewards that, and in some cases immediately, 551 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:27,080 Speaker 2: not from everybody. Sometimes you'll lead with kindness and you'll 552 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,600 Speaker 2: get a response that actually lowers your faith in humanity. 553 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,520 Speaker 2: But more often than not, you're going to start to 554 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 2: get these interactions and these connections that never would have 555 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 2: taken place if you didn't initiate it. I think a 556 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,640 Speaker 2: place to start if someone's like, I'm so stressed out, 557 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:48,959 Speaker 2: I feel so overwhelmed, Like what do I do well? 558 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,280 Speaker 2: The connection with other people and a sense of purpose 559 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,520 Speaker 2: is a really good place to start for the vast 560 00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:00,200 Speaker 2: majority of us. And almost imagine, don't don't go out 561 00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 2: and do anything, but just imagine what would I like, 562 00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,800 Speaker 2: not life to be like, but what would I want 563 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,799 Speaker 2: life to feel like? What would be that experience? What 564 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:15,520 Speaker 2: would be the emotions the feelings that I get to 565 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 2: engage in most of the time, like more often than not. 566 00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:24,680 Speaker 2: And I think the next step would be, you know, 567 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:27,480 Speaker 2: if I were going to live out a value that 568 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:30,279 Speaker 2: I have a great place to go. If you're not 569 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:35,480 Speaker 2: sure what your values are? Is v I a values 570 00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:40,960 Speaker 2: in action? So v I a character dot org. Yeah, 571 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,920 Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure that's that's the right website. And you 572 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:46,640 Speaker 2: go through and it's a it's it's a survey by 573 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:50,560 Speaker 2: doctor Morton Seligman, and it'll kind of help you navigate 574 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 2: through what your highest values are. There's a free version 575 00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 2: of the survey that's extremely useful on that site. And 576 00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:03,759 Speaker 2: almost imagine if I were to express my highest value generously, 577 00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:06,480 Speaker 2: whether it's level of learning, whether it's kindness or honesty, 578 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:09,160 Speaker 2: and how would I use that to connect with people, 579 00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:12,520 Speaker 2: try to understand people? Why would I do that? What 580 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:16,560 Speaker 2: might be a couple of reasons? You know, what, what 581 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:21,520 Speaker 2: might what might happen to my world view? In what 582 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,640 Speaker 2: ways might I grow and be different from from the 583 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,520 Speaker 2: way I am today in a way that inspires me? 584 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:31,520 Speaker 2: So that's verbal persuasion. Verbal persuasion is not like when 585 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 2: someone else persuades you. It's when you present questions to yourself. 586 00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,760 Speaker 2: A questions are presented to you that causes you engage 587 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:41,480 Speaker 2: in the thought process where you go through your own 588 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:45,520 Speaker 2: autonomous persuasion. The next is who do I know? Like, 589 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:49,600 Speaker 2: who do I know that exhibits these traits that values 590 00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:53,880 Speaker 2: these things? What's their experience of life, What can I 591 00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:58,360 Speaker 2: model and what might be a great way to test 592 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 2: this in the world, just in a very small way, 593 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 2: like starting tomorrow and just there was an exercise in 594 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:13,520 Speaker 2: my coaching sessions where the instructor asked us to identify 595 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:16,439 Speaker 2: one being skill. A being skill is not something you're doing, 596 00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:19,279 Speaker 2: it's who you're being. It could be zested, it could 597 00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:23,480 Speaker 2: be playfulness, it could be I'm gonna show up, and curiosity. 598 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:27,000 Speaker 2: And it created such a compass and a focal point. 599 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:31,600 Speaker 2: But if you're thinking single mindedly about what you're curious about, 600 00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,880 Speaker 2: you're simultaneously not thinking about all the things you're irritated about, 601 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 2: or oh my god, do I agree with something that 602 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:43,480 Speaker 2: was said to me at breakfast? What value could you 603 00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 2: lead within the day? And you're gonna fall off and 604 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,360 Speaker 2: you're gonna catch yourself not doing it, and that's fine, 605 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:54,359 Speaker 2: Just no judgment, just bring yourself back. That kind of 606 00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:59,680 Speaker 2: gives you a value based compass to guide you lead 607 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,319 Speaker 2: you the day, mitigate all of the other things that 608 00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,640 Speaker 2: stress you out and piss you off, and connect you 609 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:10,280 Speaker 2: to other people, which, as you mentioned, has incredible biochemical 610 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:15,239 Speaker 2: consequences for you and that other person. So that might 611 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,600 Speaker 2: be a kind of cool process someone can utilize. 612 00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:24,240 Speaker 1: You know, it's cool. It's www, v I a character, 613 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,879 Speaker 1: so one kind of word, v I a character dot org. 614 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,239 Speaker 1: So I get that. I'm having a look at it 615 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:31,759 Speaker 1: right now. 616 00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:32,040 Speaker 2: Yeah. 617 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:36,759 Speaker 1: Well I'm Bobby. And what I love about like when 618 00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:40,799 Speaker 1: you have clarity around what your values are or what 619 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:46,879 Speaker 1: matters most to you, or it it gives you, It 620 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 1: gives you. It then gives you clarity around decision making, 621 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:59,520 Speaker 1: opportunity taking or creating. So I got offered yesterday. In fact, 622 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:06,600 Speaker 1: what would we say anyway a product to advertise on 623 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,360 Speaker 1: the show. I'll tell you later. I don't want to 624 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:13,719 Speaker 1: get any money in Trouble yesterday, and I had to 625 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:16,080 Speaker 1: say no because it doesn't I just don't believe in 626 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,680 Speaker 1: this particular product. I don't even like this product. In fact, 627 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 1: I dislike this product. And it's you know, it's not easy, 628 00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:27,239 Speaker 1: but it's clear. It's like, oh, we're going to give 629 00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:29,640 Speaker 1: you this much and you're going to sell this on 630 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:33,680 Speaker 1: the show. I'm like, yeah, I don't even need to 631 00:39:33,719 --> 00:39:37,480 Speaker 1: think about it. Thank you for the opportunity. And I 632 00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,799 Speaker 1: know it seems like it fits and you can maybe 633 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,920 Speaker 1: guess what it is, but I know that it kind 634 00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,000 Speaker 1: of seems like it lives in the Craig Harper health 635 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:50,560 Speaker 1: wellness space, but I can't, you know, And I think 636 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 1: the beauty of that is when you have when you 637 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:55,759 Speaker 1: know what matters to you, or what you stand for 638 00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:59,840 Speaker 1: or what your values are, then you know, it's almost 639 00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:05,080 Speaker 1: like some opportunities are not opportunities. They're almost a test 640 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:09,640 Speaker 1: of your character around those values. You know, it's like, oh, 641 00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,080 Speaker 1: this is no, this is not an opportunity. This is 642 00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:15,560 Speaker 1: a test for you. And I've been tested pretty regularly 643 00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:19,520 Speaker 1: in that space, and it's it's really and by the way, 644 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:22,719 Speaker 1: I've not always passed with flying colors. I've failed many times, 645 00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:26,120 Speaker 1: of course. But you know, especially when there's a financial 646 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:30,120 Speaker 1: incentive to do something that doesn't align with your values, 647 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,600 Speaker 1: that's kind of where the rubber hits the road. 648 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 2: I think it does give you a sense a clutter. 649 00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:38,279 Speaker 2: I mean, if there was one plate, I think what 650 00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:41,040 Speaker 2: constantly comes up for me is this thing about values 651 00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:44,520 Speaker 2: and thing about meaning as a as a guide. It's 652 00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:46,719 Speaker 2: not like, oh, I think this is really important. No, 653 00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:53,640 Speaker 2: I lean in behaviorally to this. Know this is this 654 00:40:53,840 --> 00:41:00,480 Speaker 2: creates the process by which I live because because nothing else. 655 00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,759 Speaker 2: I mean, we've got a lot of superstitions in this society, 656 00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:07,320 Speaker 2: and a lot of it, a lot of it makes sense, 657 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,640 Speaker 2: Like if you break down, well why do you feel 658 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:12,040 Speaker 2: the way you feel or why do you say that, 659 00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:17,719 Speaker 2: you get thoughtful and intelligent responses. But like culture, and 660 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:22,920 Speaker 2: I'm doing work inside my organization with other organizations and 661 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:25,120 Speaker 2: it's like, well, what is culture? We define it? But 662 00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:30,359 Speaker 2: whatever your culture is, it shows it is reflected by 663 00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:34,239 Speaker 2: and defined by the behaviors that you engage in. That's 664 00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,879 Speaker 2: the only thing that produces anything. I mean we're talking about, Well, 665 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:40,400 Speaker 2: it's the commitments we have. You know, commitment doesn't do anything. 666 00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,920 Speaker 2: I mean, you could get you could get a bunch 667 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,520 Speaker 2: of blokes on a rugby pitch who who have belief 668 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,719 Speaker 2: in their abilities and who are one hundred percent committed 669 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:54,920 Speaker 2: to winning matches until they actually start doing something like 670 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,000 Speaker 2: no points are going to be scored like that. And 671 00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:00,640 Speaker 2: when you know what your values are, I think it 672 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:05,120 Speaker 2: kind of it kind of guides those behaviors in sequence 673 00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,640 Speaker 2: to bring you in a dielection that's that's aligned with 674 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:11,040 Speaker 2: who you want to be. And of course, like you said, 675 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,880 Speaker 2: we all fall short most of the time. Or a 676 00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,600 Speaker 2: lot of the time. But like when you when you 677 00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:25,360 Speaker 2: fall off, what's the difference between complete frustration and catastrophizing 678 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:29,120 Speaker 2: and just getting back on track. I think it's that clarity, like, oh, 679 00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:33,480 Speaker 2: I wanted to engage like this, but I did this instead. 680 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:36,520 Speaker 2: Oh that's not great. Let me get back on track. 681 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,520 Speaker 2: I can only get back on track if I know, 682 00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:40,480 Speaker 2: if I can concern where the track is. 683 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:45,040 Speaker 1: And also that's the that's the healthy line or the 684 00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:48,720 Speaker 1: healthy difference between you know, self awareness and self loathing. 685 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,800 Speaker 1: You know, that's the not the ar I'm a fucking idiot. 686 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,880 Speaker 1: I always do this. I'm like, I'm so out of alignment. 687 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,560 Speaker 1: I'm you know, it's like, well maybe maybe not, but 688 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,759 Speaker 1: by the way, you know, let's acknowledge it. What did 689 00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,439 Speaker 1: you do? What should have you done? Okay, you can't 690 00:43:04,560 --> 00:43:06,400 Speaker 1: undo that now, but what you can do is you 691 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,960 Speaker 1: can do better, think better, choose better. So let's acknowledge 692 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,640 Speaker 1: what we did. That's not great, but let's not backstroke 693 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,440 Speaker 1: in that for the next fucking year in emotional quicksand 694 00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,319 Speaker 1: let's acknowledge what we need to do, and let's move 695 00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:22,360 Speaker 1: into that. Let's lean into that, and. 696 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:28,839 Speaker 2: That intrinsic clarity is power. I think it also mitigates 697 00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:32,040 Speaker 2: a lot of the things that are dividing us in 698 00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:38,520 Speaker 2: our society where everything's so uncertain. Yeah, intentionally identifying something 699 00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,759 Speaker 2: for yourself and going this, I'm certain in a world 700 00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:46,680 Speaker 2: that's chaotic and constantly changing for now, I declare this 701 00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,960 Speaker 2: as unchangeable within me and the way I'm going to engage. 702 00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:55,160 Speaker 2: I think that builds a lot of resilience, or it 703 00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,960 Speaker 2: gives us tools to be more resilient. 704 00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,600 Speaker 1: And I think the beauty of identifying, like what matters 705 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,759 Speaker 1: to you and your values and your beliefs, and is 706 00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,400 Speaker 1: it you know you're in charge of That doesn't mean 707 00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:12,560 Speaker 1: you can You're never going to be wrong. But yeah, 708 00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:16,280 Speaker 1: The Self Help Project is Bobby's podcast. The Youth Project 709 00:44:16,440 --> 00:44:17,560 Speaker 1: is my podcast. 710 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,840 Speaker 2: Well, it's the antidote. You have a project, I have 711 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:21,680 Speaker 2: an antidote. 712 00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,600 Speaker 1: What did I say? Did I say? 713 00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:25,840 Speaker 2: With self? The self help Project? 714 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,120 Speaker 1: Sorry, dude, why did I even say that? The self 715 00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:30,440 Speaker 1: help antidote? Apology? 716 00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:33,920 Speaker 2: Well, you do about twelve podcasts you and I. 717 00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:35,759 Speaker 1: I think I even helped you name that. I should 718 00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:36,799 Speaker 1: probably remember it. 719 00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:38,759 Speaker 2: You did help me name it. 720 00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:41,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, anyway, tell people how to connect with you? 721 00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:47,520 Speaker 2: Buddy, Yeah, your self help antidote not a project, but 722 00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,760 Speaker 2: I mean we might do a project. I don't know anyway, 723 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:54,760 Speaker 2: So yeah, self help antidote dot com, Robertobuccio dot com, 724 00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:56,200 Speaker 2: come see me on LinkedIn. 725 00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:01,279 Speaker 1: Thanks mate, Thank you, Craig so you. We'll say goodbye here, 726 00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,000 Speaker 1: but thanks again, buddy. 727 00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:04,040 Speaker 2: Thanks everyone,