WEBVTT - #2058 Self-Sabotage - Harps 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:09.160 I'll get eighteen. How are you oh good? Really? Oh good? Anyway, 0:00:09.320 --> 0:00:11.479 I hope you will. I want to talk to you 0:00:11.520 --> 0:00:16.040 about something today that I talk about pretty frequently, something 0:00:16.079 --> 0:00:20.040 that I have had to deal with and acknowledge and 0:00:20.440 --> 0:00:23.760 navigate myself. And that, of course, you know, is self sabotage. 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:28.160 That is the old the process of getting in one's 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:32.680 own way, of shooting oneself in one's foot, of being 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:41.000 the fucking problem in one's own situation. So anyway, we 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:42.400 do that, we do that a lot. We get in 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:44.120 our own way. We don't intend to get in our 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:45.960 own way. We don't want it, we don't want to 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:47.720 get in our own way, we don't plan it, but 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:53.120 we do it. And we can't fix what we can't understand, 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:56.400 and we can't fix what we don't acknowledge. We're not 0:00:56.440 --> 0:00:59.200 going to fix in inverted commas this in ten seconds, 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:01.400 because we're always probably going to do a version of 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:03.920 it to some extent. But I guess, like many other things, 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:07.680 slow down, harps. I guess, like many other things, it's 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:13.480 it's addressing it, and it's turning down the volume on 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:16.640 it and doing less of it. We're not aiming for perfection. 0:01:17.880 --> 0:01:23.360 We're aiming for growth and development and improvement. So I 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:26.880 want to run through with you the ways that I 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:29.720 have or pretty much all of these I've done. I 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:32.520 don't know about you, but I think you might. If 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:35.080 you put on your big boy slash big girl pants 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:39.840 and be super brave, you might hear some of you. 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:43.600 You might recognize some of you, hear some of your 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:45.880 story in what I'm about to share. So I want 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.800 to go through. I just want to think out loud 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:50.840 about all of this stuff. I don't know that there 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:57.000 are going to be any standalone, universally appropriate solutions, per se. 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:58.880 But we can't get better at the thing that we, 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.000 like I said, understand or won acknowledge. So it starts 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:05.720 with talking about it, starts with acknowledging, it starts with 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:08.240 trying to understand it. When we understand it, we can 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:12.720 start to do something about it. So let's just recover 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:15.040 what I term. I don't know what the dictionary says. 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:16.320 I didn't look it up. I don't know what the 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:19.480 interwebs or chat GPT or bloody claude or any of those, 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:24.200 hey I say. But for me self, sabotage is that 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:26.880 thing that I see all of the time, and I 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:33.840 mean fucking daily, where somebody has a story or a 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:37.000 habit or a behavior or a way of doing or 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:43.239 being or thinking or operating which is essentially stopping them 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:45.959 from getting where they want to go. It is stopping 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:50.639 them or inhibiting them from being their best self, whatever 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:59.520 that means physically, mentally, emotionally, professionally, personally, sociologically, intellectually, academically, 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:03.639 whatever it is. But it's when we are doing something 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:07.359 or perhaps not doing something. So we're doing a thing 0:03:07.520 --> 0:03:09.520 or we're not doing a thing, and the doing of 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:12.200 that thing, or the avoidance of that thing that we 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:16.280 should be doing is get out your pens and papers. 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:20.520 Fucking us up. It's that process of fucking oneself up 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:24.040 or getting in one's own way that we don't want to. 0:03:24.080 --> 0:03:26.040 So at the top of my list, not because it's 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:28.800 the most important, but the top of my list, on 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:32.440 my little page in front of me, is overthinking. We 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:35.920 all overthink. It is not a terrible thing, It is 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:40.240 not a sign of weakness or being flawed or hopeless 0:03:40.400 --> 0:03:44.119 or useless. Is very much part of the human experience. 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:49.480 But I think the thing about overthinking is to try 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:54.320 to recognize it and then lean into it, like, what 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:58.560 is the thing that I am overthinking? Why am I 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:03.760 overthinking that thing? How can I understand that? What is 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:09.840 the underlying driver or cause? And can I address that? 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:16.039 Because while the overthinking is in and of itself a problem, 0:04:16.160 --> 0:04:21.239 it is also a symptom or a byproduct of something else. 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:27.200 So generally, when we talk about overthinking, we're talking about 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:32.200 obsessing about something, or focusing on something, or replaying something, 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:37.479 agonizing over something that has happened, or something that we 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:41.159 are fearful of happening. So there's often with overthinking, there's 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:47.200 often an underlying cause that links to fear, that links 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:53.000 to something that we are afraid of happening. And so 0:04:53.960 --> 0:04:58.280 that is again, no, I can't say to you, hey, 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:01.440 you're an overthinker. Stop overthinking, right because, like I said, 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:07.440 the overthinking, the rumination, the obsession, the mental chaos, the 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:13.000 groundhog danus of repetition of that story replaying in your mind. 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:15.840 I can't say stop that, just like I can't say 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:23.760 to you, you know, be taller, of course, but well, 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:26.880 I guess as opposed to height, we can actually manipulate 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:30.120 the contents of our mind and the operating system of 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:33.720 our mind over time, and so it starts with recognizing 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:39.120 the things. So for example, for example, I used to 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:44.840 overthink the fact that I wasn't good enough. I had 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:50.159 extreme self doubt about many things. And so when I 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:53.400 started personal training, even though I had already worked in 0:05:53.440 --> 0:05:56.200 the fitness industry for five or six years before I 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.880 did my first personal training client, the fact that I 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:01.320 was only twenty three or two twenty four years old, 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:06.920 I felt insecure. I was fearful of being embarrassed. I 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:11.440 was overthinking the fact that they might figure out that 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:14.760 I wasn't good enough or smart enough, or qualified enough, 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:21.320 or knowledgeable enough or competent enough to be well one 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:23.479 to get them where they wanted to go, to help 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:25.640 them achieve their outcomes and goals. Because fuck, I'm a 0:06:25.680 --> 0:06:28.279 twenty three year old kid from La Trivalley. What the 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:30.159 fuck do I know? I didn't even have a degree 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:33.960 at that stage. I was essentially did I have some 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:36.279 knowledge and experience? Well, yeah, I had five years of 0:06:36.320 --> 0:06:39.760 knowledge and experience in that space, but I essentially thought 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:43.920 I knew fuck all. Upon reflection, your honor, I probably 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:47.440 knew a bit, but then not that much. But I 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:52.240 constantly got in my own way with this overthinking and 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:56.520 this kind of fear of rejection or embarrassment or being 0:06:56.600 --> 0:07:04.800 found out, how did I overcome that. I started to 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:10.000 think about the fact that I started to realize that 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:14.760 although I was only twenty three or twenty four, the 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:19.720 people that I was working with, although they were forty 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:22.760 forty five, fifty, some of them thirty five, which to me, 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:25.520 when you're twenty three, thirty five is a fucking dinosaur. 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.160 And they were smart, and they were successful, and they 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:30.480 owned companies, and some of them had a little bit 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:34.960 of profile and all of that. But what I realized was, 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:38.280 in the context of the gym, I was actually smarter 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:41.240 than them. In the context of the gym, I was 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:45.080 more competent than them. I knew more. I had more 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:48.760 skill and knowledge and understanding and awareness. So as I 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:51.600 started to lean into the thing that I was scared 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:54.720 of and I tried to understand it, I realized that 0:07:54.800 --> 0:08:03.920 it was a fear that was probably reasonable, definitely not necessary, 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:08.920 and one that had really been created by something in me, 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:14.320 rather than any kind of external need or any external 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:18.520 experience or situation. Because the truth was, despite the fact 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.680 that I was overthinking the shit out of it, I 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:23.320 didn't demonstrate that to my clients. Of course, I was 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:25.560 like the little fucking duck that was all calm on 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:31.000 the surface above the water, but you know, crazy underneath it. 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:36.840 But over time I tried to separate the anxiety and 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:41.040 the emotion around that to actually see the data, and 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:44.560 the data was I was producing pretty good results and 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:47.880 most of my clients were pretty happy. All right, So 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:55.479 let's go to self doubt and self loathing, the experience 0:08:55.600 --> 0:09:00.240 of not feeling good enough or feeling like crap arm 0:09:00.280 --> 0:09:02.040 a piece of crap, I'm not good enough, I'm not 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:07.280 smart enough. That's also pervasive. That's most of us at 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:10.439 some stage. I don't think it's most of us most 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:12.720 of the time, but I think it's nearly all of 0:09:12.800 --> 0:09:15.880 us some of the time where we have that experience. 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:17.680 And this ties into what I was just talking about 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:23.679 with overthinking. They'd probably intersect. But you know, this self doubtness, 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:28.479 self kind of loathing, it can come out of an experience, 0:09:29.120 --> 0:09:31.400 or it can just be a projection that we have. 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.280 It might be a result of the way that we've 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:39.520 been programmed or spoken to, or the environment that we 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:42.360 grew up in, or a situation or a circumstance or 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:46.400 a social group or a school or peers where we 0:09:46.400 --> 0:09:49.520 were made to feel not enough or not smart, or 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:53.960 not something enough, and then that imprints on our version 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:56.400 of how we see the world and how we see 0:09:56.480 --> 0:10:01.600 us in the world. And while well that is understandable, 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:04.880 that becomes a big problem, That becomes a big form 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:09.760 of self sabotage when we believe that story, when we 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:14.439 believe that story, and this requires courage that we challenge 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:17.920 those stories. And so if I feel I'm not good enough, 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:24.439 for example, self doubt or self loathing, that's okay, But 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:27.360 I also need to be brave enough to go maybe 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:31.600 that's not true. Or have I tried? Have I done 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:36.400 everything possible? Have I really explored my talent and my 0:10:36.520 --> 0:10:40.200 potential and my possibilities? Have I really made hard decisions, 0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:44.000 done hard things? Have I really really tried to exploit 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:46.760 what I have to? And generally the answer is no, 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:52.160 I haven't. And that's because of that fear based self 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:56.640 doubt and self loathing, that irrational kind of internal dialogue 0:10:56.720 --> 0:11:01.440 of I'm not enough, which keeps me trapped on the 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:03.440 wrong side of the door, so I never open the 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:06.719 door and step into my power and possibilities because my 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:09.720 story that I believe. Remember, we talk all the times 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:12.439 about all the time about what is your story, Where 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:16.000 did the story come from? What's the underlying kind of 0:11:16.040 --> 0:11:19.160 mechanism for that story? Usually fear, self doubt, self loathing, 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:21.760 all of that stuff, of course, And then is that 0:11:21.840 --> 0:11:25.640 story actually true or do I just think it's true? Now, 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:30.440 if you actually have a lot of ability, or you 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:33.600 have more ability than you know, or more potential than 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:37.560 you know, and more possibilities than you know, but you 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:41.520 never even entertain the thought that that could be possible, 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:45.560 then that becomes your ceiling. Your ceiling in this instance 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.800 is not what's possible for you. That's not your ceiling 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:53.319 what is actually possible for you, but rather your understanding 0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:56.520 of or belief about what is possible for you, Which 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.520 is why we see people go through their whole life 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:04.480 living in a self created psychological and emotional and behavioral 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.440 prison where they never get out of that prison. Not 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:11.720 because they don't have the potential for freedom or for growth, 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:15.880 or for improvement, or for success or for joy, but 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:19.600 because for a range of usually fear based let's talk 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:23.520 about fear in a moment, but fear based reasons they 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:27.480 stay in there. You have to remember, right, with all 0:12:27.520 --> 0:12:30.360 of this stuff, there's what's going on in the world, 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:32.480 and then there's our version of what's going on in 0:12:32.480 --> 0:12:34.559 the world. So there's the thing, and then there's my 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:37.520 story of the thing. You and I are around a 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:41.440 situation or event, you and me, and the thing happens, 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:45.040 and then there's you over there and you're watching it, 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:47.960 and I'm watching it, and you're telling yourself a story 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:50.679 about what's going on, and I'm telling myself a story 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:54.240 about what's going on. So you're in your self created 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:58.760 reality about that external event or situation or stimulus, and 0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:02.600 I'm over here in my story, which is my reality. 0:13:03.360 --> 0:13:07.079 So there's your reality, my reality, then the objective data 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.640 or the objective reality of what the fuck is actually 0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:13.880 going on outside of your story and my story. And 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:18.720 being able to understand ourselves and understand the way that 0:13:18.840 --> 0:13:23.480 the world works. One what is objectively happening, and then 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:29.320 two to understand how we subjectively and often unconsciously and 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:36.400 unknowingly navigate this objective reality through our subjective lens. That 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:39.120 is our brain, that is our mind, that is our filter, 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:42.240 that is our beliefs, that is our ideas, that is 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:47.200 our biases while not actually in the moment realizing that 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:50.320 we're even fucking looking through that lens. That's why we 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:56.120 think our reality is the reality. And so this is 0:13:56.160 --> 0:14:01.439 crucial for us, is to is to even to begin 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:08.480 to recognize that we are running a program. You know, 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:13.120 your brain is the hardware, Your brain is the hard drive. 0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:16.120 I should say, I'm not a computer guy, so if 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:19.120 I fuck up this analogy a little bit. But the 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:22.480 program is the software that's been punched into your brain 0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:27.240 and your mind and your physiology. And sometimes we grow 0:14:27.320 --> 0:14:30.520 up running a program that we didn't choose. We're running 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:34.720 someone else's program. That person who said to you your 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:39.520 shit a thousand times, and now you believe that your shit. Well, 0:14:39.560 --> 0:14:43.560 the truth is you are not shit. But also the 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:47.080 truth is you think you are, or you believe you are. 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:50.680 So guess what you live in. You live in this 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:55.720 self created and influenced by others, of course, But this 0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:59.320 self created story, or this self created belief that is 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:05.040 in itself a form of self sabotage. Now that's no 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:09.800 criticism from me to you. We can't overcome the things 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:13.760 that we don't see. And so if we don't know, 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:16.760 like if I don't know, if Craig Harper doesn't know 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:19.280 that he is looking at the world through a lens, 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:24.200 I'm not looking at the world. I'm looking at a 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:29.520 version of the world that I create. I am looking 0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:32.440 through the lens, or through the window, or through the filter, 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:35.680 or whatever fucking metaphor you want to use. I'm looking 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:39.000 through something. And what is that something that lends that window, 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:42.320 that filter? What is that built of? That is built 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:44.520 of all of the shit that's in my mind, my 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:47.960 ideas and beliefs and fears and phobias and bullshit and 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:53.720 biases and likes and dislikes and faith and religious programming 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:58.080 and experiences and relationships and self doubt and all of 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:02.440 that fucking in turn, and all kind of stuff that 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:07.360 that shapes and influences and to a degree controls what 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:12.400 I'm seeing and how I am making meaning of and 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:16.640 interpreting what goes on outside my head. And you're doing 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:21.720 the same. You're doing the same. You've been programmed. I've 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:26.280 been programmed. Some of the programming has been good for 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:28.480 some of us. Some of us had really good programming. 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:31.360 We got programmed with great shit. Some of it was 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:35.840 somewhat neutral or innocuous, and some of it was really 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:41.320 fucking limiting and debilitating and horrible. I didn't have any 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:44.320 of the horrible. I had some that wasn't so good, 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:49.000 But I know some of you had the horrible. And 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:50.800 if we could wave a wand and that would be 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:53.400 all undone and gone, we would do that. But we can't. 0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:55.760 And so what we do is we acknowledge what is 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.520 was it isn't now now. That doesn't fix it or 0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:04.600 change it, but just being able to start to see you. 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:08.200 My question to you is where does your programming finish? 0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:13.600 And where do you start? Where are you the critical, beautiful, 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:22.000 amazing conscious, critical thinking, amazing, beautiful human right Where are you? 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:26.080 And where is that programming? Where's the space between you 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:28.719 and it? Because you don't have to be it, You 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:31.560 don't have to become it. You don't need to continue 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:35.320 to be a version of your programming. You can change 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:38.960 your mind, you can learn new things, you can unlearn 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.840 old things, you can detox your brain and your mind. 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:45.719 It is an easy, quick, fun or painless, but you 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.240 can fucking do it, and a lot of you want 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:50.440 to do it, which is why you listen to this. 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:54.800 I am not the answer to anything or for anybody. 0:17:54.920 --> 0:17:57.240 Of course, I am just a guy who talks about 0:17:57.240 --> 0:18:01.959 these things. The answer is not Craig Harper or any individual. 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:05.760 The answer, well, there is an individual and you are 0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:09.399 the answer. The individual is you. The individual is you, 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:14.960 and you think about this. How many people listen to, 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:18.520 for example, me talk. Let's say one hundred people come 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:21.119 and hear me talk. And let's say I kill it. 0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:24.679 Let's say I'm on this particular day, I'm fucking flying, 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:28.320 I crush it, I'm wise, I'm funny. The story is 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:31.840 a great, the information it's great. Most of what gets 0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:34.520 said is kind of broadly relevant to the group. It's 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:37.080 a bit inspiring, it's a bit fucking interesting. There's some 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:41.120 awesome science. And let's say that a hundred people out 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:44.399 of one hundred people can take away significant stuff on 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:47.800 that day. Let's also say that one hundred people that 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:50.719 showed up actually want to do, be and think different. 0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:54.400 They came because they wanted to change. Now, with all 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:59.440 of those things that I just said, how many lives 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:03.720 and how many people will actually change off the back 0:19:04.600 --> 0:19:08.320 of that day, like I mean changed, not like a 0:19:08.400 --> 0:19:10.840 bit of a momentary change of direction, and back on 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:15.159 the status quo or back into that operational or psychological 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:17.919 or neural groove, like that brain groove that we just 0:19:17.960 --> 0:19:20.400 that habitual groove that we live in. But how many 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:24.560 people will actually really fucking change even though everyone said 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:27.159 I want to change, I want to think different, I 0:19:27.240 --> 0:19:30.639 want to be different, I want to do different. I 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:34.199 don't have a number for you, but I do I 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:37.639 do know that the number would be somewhere between zero 0:19:37.880 --> 0:19:41.800 and fucking three or four. Despite the fact right now, 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:45.760 let's say three people change their life after this three 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:50.600 hour encounter with Craig Harper. Did I do that? I 0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:54.560 sure didn't. And am I responsible for the ninety seven 0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:59.159 that didn't change their life? I'm sure not. I didn't 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:01.720 do it. I didn't do it either way. I was 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:03.400 just a guy who showed up and said a lot 0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:06.080 of stuff. And then you the listener, you the attendee, 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:08.280 you the viewer, whatever the thing is, or the one 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:10.639 hundred people or the person watching the video or the 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:13.560 person on YouTube, or the person doing the PhD or 0:20:13.560 --> 0:20:15.399 the person reading the book or the person on the 0:20:15.440 --> 0:20:18.920 end of the podcast. Always it comes down to what 0:20:19.080 --> 0:20:24.639 we do. What we do. Yes, we've got to know stuff, 0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:27.679 Yes we need the odd support system and you know, 0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:30.320 the odd pad on the back. But it still comes 0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:37.120 down to what we do. And you know, the hard 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:40.960 truth is that it's like stuff happens to us that 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:43.320 kind of sucks and isn't fair and isn't nice. And 0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:48.439 we're not pretending that it's easy. It fucking isn't easy. 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:52.080 And that's the truth. It's not easy to change your life. 0:20:52.640 --> 0:20:54.399 And this is not a very smart thing for me 0:20:54.480 --> 0:20:57.240 to say, because a lot of people really want us 0:20:57.280 --> 0:20:59.200 to say, oh, you can fucking do anything and be 0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:02.360 anything and anything. Well, that's not true either. That's bullshit. 0:21:03.040 --> 0:21:05.920 That's just self help, fucking fairy floss that people think 0:21:05.960 --> 0:21:09.280 will sell programs and books and whatever. It isn't true. 0:21:09.960 --> 0:21:13.040 Can most people do more than they're currently doing and 0:21:13.119 --> 0:21:17.520 achieve better than they're currently achieving? I believe so yes? 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:23.040 Are you probably in that majority? Probably? Yes? Can you 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:26.400 do fucking anything? No? Can I do anything? No? Can 0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:28.480 I do a lot more? Yeah? Can you do a 0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:31.600 lot more? Can you be braver? Can you make harder decisions? 0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:33.719 Can you get out of your own way? Can you 0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:38.120 stop procrastinating? Can you stop chasing pleasure? Can you stop 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:41.479 wasting your potential? Can you stop being a perfectionist and 0:21:41.560 --> 0:21:45.359 inventing problems? Can you be a lifelong learner? Can you 0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:48.600 be the person who stops avoiding things? Can you be 0:21:48.640 --> 0:21:51.520 the person who doesn't start and stop thirteen times the 0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:54.959 same process? Yes, you can. You can be that, You 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:57.880 can do that, you can change that, you can become. 0:21:58.000 --> 0:22:04.840 That is that easy? No Ah, I'm out? Then, see 0:22:04.880 --> 0:22:09.960 this is the problem. Everyone's all fucking you know, rah rah, 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:13.560 Let's walk on fucking hot coals and let's pump the 0:22:13.600 --> 0:22:16.040 smoke screen and get the rock music going, and let's 0:22:16.080 --> 0:22:19.440 high five each other, and let's be all fucking positive 0:22:20.040 --> 0:22:25.480 until until the bullshit fades and we go okay. So 0:22:25.560 --> 0:22:27.359 the next six months for me is going to be 0:22:27.480 --> 0:22:31.199 uncomfortable at times, or the next three months, or this 0:22:31.320 --> 0:22:33.880 thing that I need to do to live my values, 0:22:33.920 --> 0:22:37.320 remember my values, those things I identified, Well, the things 0:22:37.320 --> 0:22:39.359 that I need to do are not the things I 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:41.879 want to do. And the things that I need to 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:44.960 do won't be fun or quick or easy or painless. 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:49.880 I have this real obsession with instant gratification and pleasure 0:22:49.960 --> 0:22:54.440 in the moment and hedonism. I love self indulgence, I 0:22:54.520 --> 0:22:58.960 love dopamine. Fucking cascading through my brain. I love that. 0:22:59.520 --> 0:23:01.560 I just want to feel good, and I'm going to 0:23:01.760 --> 0:23:04.680 just do whatever the fuck feels good. And then I'm 0:23:04.720 --> 0:23:07.720 fifty and I'm fucked because what I've been doing for 0:23:07.800 --> 0:23:10.560 twenty years is just whatever feels good in the moment. 0:23:10.960 --> 0:23:15.800 Because I can't delay gratification. I can't wait, I can't 0:23:15.800 --> 0:23:18.359 get out of my own way. So I am self 0:23:18.400 --> 0:23:22.960 sabotaging with hedonism. I am self sabotaging with this drive 0:23:23.040 --> 0:23:28.760 for instant gratification and pleasure. I can't I can't fucking wait. 0:23:29.160 --> 0:23:34.800 I can't wait. And this is what we the collective. 0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:36.960 We not all all of us and not all of 0:23:37.000 --> 0:23:40.040 the time, but a lot of us do. We need 0:23:40.119 --> 0:23:44.720 to stop avoiding things that we should start. We need 0:23:44.760 --> 0:23:50.520 to practically acknowledge what is well? What is is? I 0:23:50.560 --> 0:23:54.960 am at least part of the problem. I need to 0:23:55.000 --> 0:23:57.240 take my head out of the sand. I need to 0:23:57.320 --> 0:24:01.760 be brave. Yes, I'm scared. Guess what. Welcome to the 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:04.000 world's biggest club. Put up your hand. If you're in 0:24:04.040 --> 0:24:07.200 the I Get Scared club. That's fucking every human because 0:24:07.240 --> 0:24:11.240 we all get scared. Guess what. Courage can only operate 0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:14.200 in the presence of fear? Is that a lame fucking 0:24:14.359 --> 0:24:17.920 cliche things say don't care? Is it true? Absolutely true? 0:24:18.920 --> 0:24:21.120 Do you want to be If you were in front 0:24:21.119 --> 0:24:22.400 of me and I said to you, do you want 0:24:22.440 --> 0:24:25.119 to be courageous? I'm almost positive that every one of 0:24:25.160 --> 0:24:28.520 you would say, Yeah, I want to be courageous, Which 0:24:28.560 --> 0:24:32.320 is not to say I want to be fearless, which 0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:35.600 is not say I feel brave, which is not to 0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:38.439 say I don't get scared every day. It's not to 0:24:38.520 --> 0:24:41.480 say that. It's to say I want to be courageous. Well, 0:24:41.520 --> 0:24:45.680 I'm telling you you being courageous is part of the solution. 0:24:47.800 --> 0:24:51.800 You allowing fear and overthinking and self loathing and self 0:24:51.840 --> 0:24:55.560 doubt to run your life. That is you self sabotaging, 0:24:56.000 --> 0:25:00.720 That is you letting something other than your potential contry things, 0:25:01.280 --> 0:25:06.200 manage things. We need to you need to. I need 0:25:06.240 --> 0:25:10.200 to stop waiting for the mystical, mythical, magical right time. 0:25:10.880 --> 0:25:14.880 We need to stop avoiding and procrastinating and waiting and 0:25:14.920 --> 0:25:18.280 telling ourselves stories about the thing that we're going to 0:25:18.359 --> 0:25:22.680 do for fucking ten years, and then we look up 0:25:22.840 --> 0:25:25.560 and it's years later and we're still not doing the 0:25:25.640 --> 0:25:29.520 thing that we've been talking about doing, but a lightbulb 0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:32.199 never comes on where we go, Oh, hang on the 0:25:32.240 --> 0:25:37.280 problem as me, because the problems always for some people, 0:25:37.320 --> 0:25:42.120 the problems always anything except them. If there's any way 0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:45.840