WEBVTT - Sally Gould on The Confronting Reality Of Being A First Responder 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:03.360 We'd like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:06.840 on which this podcast was produced, the Galligle people of 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:10.440 the orination. We pay our respects to elders past and present. 0:00:12.520 --> 0:00:14.640 It's twenty eleven and we're in the back of an 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:20.160 ambulance with two paramedics and one incredibly nervous Sally Guld 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:25.759 halfway through her paramedicine degree. This is her first shift. 0:00:26.800 --> 0:00:30.360 She watches on as her superiors perform an impressive and 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:34.080 almost choreographed dance to try and save a young man 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:39.279 who's had a cardiac arrest. She's relieved to be an 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:44.400 onlooker today and is quietly confident, understanding most of the 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:49.680 lingo thanks to paying attention in lectures and binge watching scrubs. 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:53.840 A few years on, and it's Sally who's calling the 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:59.240 shots and saving lives, a responsibility she doesn't take lightly. 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:05.400 She's giving everything to her job, but obsession takes over. 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:09.640 Thoughts of the next shift start to creep into every 0:01:09.760 --> 0:01:14.480 spare moment. At just twenty three years old, Sally is 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:22.440 already at breaking point. I'm at Middleton and this is 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:26.600 headgame today, a war of insight into how it feels 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:33.600 to be brought into people's lives at their worst hour. Sally, 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:38.679 you've certainly been put in some situations where you've required 0:01:38.720 --> 0:01:42.240 to really lose your head and use everything that you've 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:47.119 got to not only survive, but to be able to 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:52.080 fight to work another day. How old were you when 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:57.000 you first realized that your father was saving lives? 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:02.160 I have very early memories, maybe as a six year old, 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:04.760 of knowing what he did for a job, but having 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:07.800 no concept of what that really meant. I understood from 0:02:07.840 --> 0:02:10.840 what people said to him that his job was unique, 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:13.400 that not everyone could do that job or did that job. 0:02:14.000 --> 0:02:16.200 And I also knew from what people said that his 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:18.520 job was really gross. And I heard a lot about that, 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:20.960 how hard it was, how gross it was, and so 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:23.640 I just think I adopted that as a child, like, oh, 0:02:23.720 --> 0:02:25.440 dad's job is so gross. 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:26.400 Yeah. 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:29.920 And was there many moments of like stress where you know, 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:33.320 you'd notice that he would come in and be, you know, 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:36.120 sort of he's had a bad day or he's you know, 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:39.359 was there any moments where as a youngster and as 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:43.000 your upbringing where you thought yourself, what does my dad 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:43.440 actually do? 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:47.680 I think I was incredibly well buffered by Mum and 0:02:47.760 --> 0:02:50.480 Dad from the realities of the work. They made sure 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:53.600 that Dad left work at work and that when he 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:56.080 came home, I just remember him as dad. 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:56.280 You know. 0:02:56.320 --> 0:02:59.320 He'd bring us treats from the hospital canteen. He'd play 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:03.320 fun games, the wrestle tumble, all those things that dads do. 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:06.440 And I have that memory of him, which I'm very 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:09.160 grateful for, because I know it's incredibly hard from my 0:03:09.200 --> 0:03:11.720 own experience, to be able to leave work at work 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:14.240 and to come home just as a parent, you know, 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:16.080 and not bring all of the stuff from work home. 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:18.800 I think the thing that made my childhood maybe a 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:21.400 little bit different was the stories that Dad told around 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:25.240 the dinner table. Even though he sheltered me from the 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:28.880 reality of the maybe the mental struggle of doing a 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:32.480 job black paramedicine, he didn't really hold back on sharing 0:03:32.520 --> 0:03:35.760 the gross stories at the table, so I think he'd 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:38.240 come home with what he was telling in quite a 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:42.160 humorous way. Were stories that probably weren't overly appropriate for 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:44.040 us as kids at the age that we were. 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:45.520 Yeah, but I enjoyed them. 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.600 I loved them, and I fell in love with you know, 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:52.600 hearing about those stories, but also hearing about how calmly 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:55.600 and confidently my dad had managed the situations. And that's 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.800 when I started to gain an appreciation for the fact 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:02.560 that he could turn a situation where most people run scream, 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:05.200 panic into one where he said, well, no, it was easy. 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:07.240 I just did what I was trained to do, and 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:08.480 everyone was okay. 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:08.920 In the end. 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:11.600 What was you thinking about when you were growing up 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:15.400 and going through school, going through education, When did you decide, right, 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:16.440 this is what I want to do. 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:20.120 I think as a teenager, I had that classic mentality 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:22.039 of oh, I'm not going to do what dads already done. 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:23.880 I don't want to follow in his footsteps. I want 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:27.200 to create my own path. And I felt very strongly 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:31.120 about that. But unfortunately, or fortunately, I narrowed down my 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:33.919 career choices as a sixteen year old to that medical field. 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:36.320 So I was looking at psychology, I was looking at medicine, 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:39.239 I was looking at nursing, but none of them really 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:41.719 had all the draw cards that I was after, you know, 0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:46.080 the changing scenery, the being outside, the unpredictability, the range 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:49.320 of patients, and I sort of almost just admitted to 0:04:49.360 --> 0:04:52.159 myself in defeat, oh, I think I want to do paramedicine. 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:53.240 Exactly like dad did. 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:56.920 And I suppose, like you said, you know from the stories, 0:04:56.960 --> 0:04:59.800 I think this is really interesting and how mouldible you 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:03.800 are as a child, you know that becoming the norm? 0:05:04.120 --> 0:05:06.120 Did it just make sense to you that do you 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:08.680 know what this is? This is what I'm destined to do. 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:11.359 Yeah, there was a point at which I didn't know 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:13.279 if I had the ability to do the job. I 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:14.640 didn't know if I was going to love it, but 0:05:14.680 --> 0:05:17.440 I just had this incredible drive like that's what I'm 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:19.799 going to do. That's what I'm supposed to do. Let's 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:20.360 go for it. 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:22.480 And did you have a proud dad that was pushing 0:05:22.520 --> 0:05:24.640 you on? He like, yes, go and do it? Or 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:28.240 was he because I know that parents can be quite 0:05:28.440 --> 0:05:31.400 standoffish because I know my son wants to join the military, 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:34.560 right and I'm sort of like, you know, I've been there, 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:36.799 you don't really you know it. Was it a proud 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.800 father moment or was he quite dubious about it? 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:42.960 I think he took the same approach that you're taking, 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:45.159 is that he was very aware that it was my 0:05:45.480 --> 0:05:49.920 path and my decision. And now I can reflect back 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:53.280 that he understood very much that the job could hold 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:55.240 so much joy, and he didn't want to hold me 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:57.400 back from that, But he also knew that the job 0:05:57.440 --> 0:05:59.920 could hold so much trauma and it had the potential 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:04.839 damage me, and so he really sat quietly and supported 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:06.920 what I was doing, but certainly didn't offer any advice 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:09.320 of whether I should or shouldn't. He was just sort 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:11.320 of the quiet in the background, like, if that's what 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:14.520 you want to do, go for it. And now I 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:17.960 understand it's hard to look at a child and want 0:06:17.960 --> 0:06:20.480 them to go into a profession that you know carries 0:06:20.480 --> 0:06:21.799 all the exposure to trauma. 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:25.200 So how young were you, because this is quite you 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:27.800 entered the trade quite young. How young with you you? 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:30.720 And what was how long was the training and what 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:31.520 was the training like? 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:34.719 So I had a gap year after school and moved 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:36.800 away to earn some money, and then went straight into 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:40.640 the university degree and lived on campus there to study. 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:43.520 I did an accelerated version, which meant I only had 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:45.359 two years at UNI, and then I was straight on 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:48.120 road as a twenty one year old, so very little 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:51.240 life experience straight out of high school straight into UNI. 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:54.320 Not a lot of living done, I guess, And yeah, 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:56.320 twenty one years old, I pulled on that uniform for 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:56.960 the first time. 0:06:57.480 --> 0:07:02.480 Well, I'll tell you, no living done. 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:05.400 You think you've done the living? You know you have it, 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:05.960 you haven't. 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:08.640 Yeah, in your head, you're like, oh, I'm twenty one 0:07:08.720 --> 0:07:09.200 years old. 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:12.480 I know everything. I know exactly what to expect. 0:07:12.560 --> 0:07:16.000 And you know nothing. So you said you went on 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:20.240 the accelerated court. Is that because you obviously took to 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:23.160 it really well, and obviously you know with the background 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:28.080 of your father and the knowledge that you'd probably already ascertained. 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:31.600 Was it How did you find the accelerated course? You 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.000 find it challenging or did it come naturally to you? 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:37.239 I think it was a new program the UNI was offering, 0:07:37.680 --> 0:07:39.680 and I was I knew as soon as I could 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:41.520 get on road, it felt to me that that was 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:43.880 where the real learning was going to happen. And we 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:47.200 did a placement within the university course on road where 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:49.480 you're third up on a car, you have no responsibility, 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:51.640 but you're able to watch the paramedics in action. And 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:53.880 that was only three weeks, and I think it was 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:55.960 the best three weeks of my life I've ever had. 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:58.320 And from that moment, I didn't want to go back 0:07:58.320 --> 0:08:00.280 to UNI. I just wanted to get on road so 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:02.840 badly because I could just see how much I'd grown 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:05.440 in three weeks, and I just I just wanted to 0:08:05.440 --> 0:08:06.240 be there already. 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:07.320 I was very impatient. 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:11.040 Wow, And you're exactly right. When you're thrust into it 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:14.200 and you're you're forced to act and you're forced to 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:18.240 to sort of lean back on your training and the 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:21.280 little of it that you had, you grow so quickly. 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:25.680 Take me back to that moment when you thought yourself, right, 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:27.920 I just want to be on the road. You know, 0:08:27.960 --> 0:08:30.320 were you you? You? You're just a couple of weeks 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:31.520 into your into your training. 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:34.120 I think it was the first day of my ride 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:35.800 along on road and I've been. 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:37.280 Popped into the very first day. 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.440 Yeah, as a ride along, I fell in love with 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:43.000 the job. I already knew that I was, I was 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:45.480 getting an interest in it. But from the moment I 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:47.920 stepped forward in the ambulance they shut me into the back, 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:50.080 we raced off to a cardiac arrest, and I just 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:55.880 watched these paramedics with such poise, calm control, and I 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.520 just thought, I have to do this job. I have 0:08:58.600 --> 0:08:59.360 to do this job. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:02.160 Yeah. Wow. So the passion was that you knew the 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:05.200 passion was there, you knew what you wanted to do, 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:08.320 and what was your What were you thinking when you 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:11.960 actually saw the paramedics jump into action on that very 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:14.840 first day that you were widing along, because obviously you 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:17.199 were there to observe, to take it all into I 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:22.679 suppose this is a super important moment two of realization 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:25.400 if you want to do the job or not, because 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:28.400 this is what you're going to be doing, saving lives. 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:32.280 So wow, to have that moment of this is what 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:36.240 I want to do, that's that's you sort of know 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:38.760 that that's your career path, right Yeah. 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:39.480 But don't get me wrong. 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:42.839 I didn't at that point have any real knowledge of 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:45.400 weather or proof whether I could do the job or not. 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:47.439 And I was still very grateful that I was just 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:50.360 a spectator, you know. I had the luxury of watching 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:53.240 it all unfold and being impressed by it and dreaming 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:55.960 that one day I'd have the skills and the experience 0:09:56.200 --> 0:09:59.880 to be there. But it was more just watching their 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:04.400 ability to transform chaos into an ordered scene that just 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:06.079 attracted me so much. 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:06.440 To that role. 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.480 And what do you think, you know, because obviously the 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.520 passion and you being attracted, what do you think of 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:17.600 the attributes that are required for you for a paramedic 0:10:17.640 --> 0:10:21.520 to not like, not like you said, knowing if you 0:10:21.520 --> 0:10:24.079 can do it, but knowing that you want to do it. 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:27.280 That the passion that you had from that very first 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:31.719 ride along. What do you think, you know, made you 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:35.000 really really want to do the job. 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:38.200 I think it's the combination of skills that you need 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.559 for the job is such a unique skill set. It's 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.200 not that you need to be the smartest person, the 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:46.160 fittest person, but you need a little bit of everything. 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:48.080 You know, you need the ability to be strong enough 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:50.760 to carry the gear, but agile enough to get yourself 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.560 into these ridiculous situations. You need to be smart enough 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:55.600 to know all about the body and the medications and 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:57.880 all the conditions you're seeing. But you need to have 0:10:57.880 --> 0:10:59.679 this sense of humor to just be able to laugh 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:01.960 at off with your mates after. Like, it's just this 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:04.880 ridiculous skill set that you need to be okay with 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:09.000 getting rained on, spat on, you know, yelled at all 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:12.240 the things, and then I don't know, just be able 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:15.120 to find the resilience to turn back up to work 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:15.680 the next day. 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:18.960 Yeah, like you said, it's almost as well, you know, 0:11:19.640 --> 0:11:23.120 is that humor in the face of adversity that we 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:26.400 use in the military as well, being able to you know, 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:31.560 because you experienced such you know, negative things and you 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:36.000 know potentially traumatic situations. I don't know if it exists 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.240 in the paramedic world, but it certainly does in the military. 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:41.160 There's that dark humor. It does help, though, doesn't it, 0:11:41.160 --> 0:11:45.880 Because to be able to sort of find a bit 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:49.320 of humor in the face of adversity, that's super important. 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:53.600 It's essential. It's essential to carrying on in the job 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:56.040 and to turning up with a good attitude the next day. 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:59.760 And paramedics I think are known for our horrifically dark 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.520 of humor a lot of the time, which often isn't 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:04.040 appreciated by the general public. 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:05.080 But the job we're doing. 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:08.840 You know, life is funny, and if we don't laugh 0:12:08.880 --> 0:12:10.679 about it, you know, we probably cry about it. 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:13.400 So let's laugh about it. If you don't laugh about it, 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:15.520 all you will do is cry about it. Take me 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:19.480 back to the very first day that you were on shift. 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:22.840 You know, you're fully qualified, You get the call out 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.200 and where you go. Do you remember that very first 0:12:25.280 --> 0:12:28.680 day where you had to then take charge? 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:31.920 You feel like an impost from that moment you put 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:33.920 on the uniform and you realize it's only you and 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:36.680 your partner, and you become very grateful for that partner 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:39.200 sitting beside you. And I had a lovely training officer 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:42.360 who was very supportive, very competent on his own, and 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:45.400 he had the space and the kindness to give me 0:12:45.440 --> 0:12:49.400 the room to learn. I distinctly remember one job we 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:51.559 went to very early in my training, and it was 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:53.880 in the middle of the night, and it was three am, 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:55.680 and you're trying to peel your eyes open and they're 0:12:55.679 --> 0:12:57.760 stinging in the cold night air. And this woman that 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:02.280 we attended was on death story and I went into 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.959 the house. I looked at her and the only thought 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.920 I could muster was, Oh, she looks like she's about 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:11.080 to die. And then my mind was blank. There was 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:14.160 nothing else there. And I just hadn't yet finessed the 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:17.600 ability to access all that training that I'd done. And 0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:20.920 my partner sprung into action. He knew exactly what to do. 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:23.280 He was treating her, helping her feel better, doing all 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:25.480 the right things, and it just took me a beat 0:13:25.600 --> 0:13:27.560 to sort of get my head in the game, you know, 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:30.240 to go, oh, that's what's wrong with her. That's what 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:31.880 we need to do. And from that moment, you know, 0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:34.280 I'm back on I'm able to move swiftly. I'm on 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.640 the same team as my partner. We're working together. And 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:39.960 afterwards I reflected to him and I said, oh, how 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:41.600 did you know what it was so quickly? And how 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.600 did you, you know, manage it so confidently? And he 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:45.959 was so humble. It was sort of like, oh, I 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:47.760 don't know, you know, it's just part of the job. 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:50.360 But that's what it was. He's done the job, he's 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:53.520 done the years he's seen those patients, until I'd built 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:58.160 up that repertoire and the ability to access that training 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:00.199 in a car manner. You know, I just need to 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.800 do that. I needed the time and the exposure until 0:14:02.840 --> 0:14:04.599 I would reach that point. But there's a lot of 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:06.560 those where you just you feel lost, you don't know 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:08.720 where to go next. You're giving those help me eyes 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:10.720 to your partner, like what do we do next? What's 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:13.560 this about? And they're just calmly guiding you through. And 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:15.560 I think that's the beauty of our job and the 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.040 way we mentor as our colleagues. You know, you're sharing 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:21.640 that huge vast body of experience until the people have, 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:23.560 you know, a body of experience of their own to 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:25.720 bring to each patient. And I think you do the 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:29.240 training at university and that's great. The simulations are super important, 0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:32.160 but you just can't get the fidelity of the real 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.680 life stuff. You know, the darkness, the dog that's sparking 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:37.120 at you, the relative screaming at you, the rain that's 0:14:37.320 --> 0:14:39.640 pouring out of the sky, all those things, you just 0:14:39.680 --> 0:14:42.200 can't simulate those. So when you're trying to draw on 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:45.600 that knowledge that you've practiced in a controlled environment into 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:48.800 all these uncontrolled environments, I think that's where the challenge comes. 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:51.880 And with the real experience is where you get your fluency. 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:56.640 Yeah. Absolutely, And you know there's so many similarities to 0:14:57.000 --> 0:15:01.560 the military. How hard was that because to be able 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:05.040 to just take away those distractions And was there a 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:09.320 moment that of calmness that you realized through that exposure 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.400 repetition that you realized to know what hyper focus on 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:15.400 the job and to ignore the distractions because at first, 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:20.920 I suppose with yourselves, that's something that can affect you 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:22.600 the way you function and operate. 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.600 Yeah, it's certainly hard to split your focus between that 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:30.160 situational awareness and a task that might take all of 0:15:30.160 --> 0:15:32.560 your attention because it's a high level or high risk 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:34.720 procedure that you're doing, or it's a skill that you've 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:36.800 just learned or one you're doing for the first time. 0:15:37.600 --> 0:15:39.400 So I think that's why we work really well in 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:43.120 our partnership. We're always paired with another paramedic and sometimes 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.680 if I've got officer surroundings and I'm on the patient, 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:48.440 you know they're doing the scanning of the situation to 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.960 make sure that both both bases are covered. But as 0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:53.880 the more you do in the job, the better you 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:57.000 get it being able to do both simultaneously. But there 0:15:57.000 --> 0:15:59.640 are some jobs where you just need your mates to 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:01.720 have your can be looking out for other stuff that 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:02.760 you haven't noticed yet. 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:05.240 And how hard is it to you because I know, 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:08.480 you know, having done a small bit of medical training, 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:10.160 I know you know when you get onto the scene, 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.280 you've got to make sure there's nothing that's going to 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:16.040 threaten you. But time is crucial, you know, seconds to 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:20.960 save a life. You know seconds count, minutes count. You 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:23.480 know how hard was it for you not to just 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:26.640 get carried away with seeing someone that needed your help, 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:29.880 that needed their lives saving and you know, taking that 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:33.560 little step back and assessing a situation before you dive 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:34.640 in head first, right. 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:38.600 I think as a junior paramedic that that urge to 0:16:38.640 --> 0:16:43.120 step in before it's safe is huge. But the training 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:48.080 is so good, i'd say, in assuring that we consider 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:51.400 our safety first. So these days I have no qualms 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:53.360 in making sure I'm safe and my team is safe 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:56.480 before we head in, regardless of what's happening inside. Because 0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:58.000 at the end of the day, I want me and 0:16:58.040 --> 0:17:00.200 my colleagues to be going home to their family, and 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:03.720 that's my number one priority. If everything's safe in order, 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:05.200 I can do my job a lot better. 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:19.600 What was it like losing your first patient? How hard 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:22.280 was that to process? And what do you remember that 0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:22.879 first time? 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:25.960 I do remember the first time i'd worked on a 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:30.200 patient and had heard later that shortly after she'd passed away, 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:34.399 and it just shocked me. I think we train for 0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:36.440 the unexpected a lot of the time, and we think 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:39.960 that we can recognize the patterns and know what's coming, 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:42.439 and that we treat sick people and that they do 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:44.600 die and that's the reality of it. But I'd worked 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:47.560 on this lady who hadn't, you know, appeared too unwell 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:49.960 and we'd been talking the whole time we'd been with 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:53.639 each other. We'd been having conversation about her family, and 0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:58.080 then to find out that she'd died, I just I started, 0:17:58.280 --> 0:18:00.919 you know, critiquing myself in what have I missed? What 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:05.640 could I have done something? Did I discount something she'd said? 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:06.840 Did I downplay something? 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:07.600 Is that on me? 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:11.840 And that horrible thought of yeah, could I have done more? 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:14.359 And in this scenario, there was nothing more I could 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:16.600 have done. She was sick and there was something beyond 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:20.320 you know, my ability to diagnose, and it was just 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:23.840 catastrophic and she wasn't going to make it. But it's 0:18:23.840 --> 0:18:28.560 certainly dredged up a lot of self critiquing and criticism 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:31.320 on myself as to whether I could have done more? 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:35.560 And I guess I was able to thankfully lean on 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:38.520 my colleagues to sort of debrief and reflect with them 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:41.720 and listen to their stories which they'd had similar experiences, 0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:45.120 and to hear that, you know, we can do everything 0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:47.520 we're trained to do, we can do everything right, and 0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:50.240 even then sometimes it's not enough and that's actually outside 0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:51.200 of our control. 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:55.160 How hard is it not to take it personally. 0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:57.720 I mean, I think the thing that makes me good 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:00.119 at my job is that I do reflect on what 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:02.440 I did, and I do make plans to do better 0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:05.200 next time. And if I ever lose that, I think 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:06.720 I need to get out of the job because I 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:09.119 should always be reflecting, I should always be growing, and 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:12.160 I should never just settle for I did Okay, Well, 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:14.159 what can I do next time? What can I do 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:16.960 better next time? And I'd love to hold onto that 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:19.680 forever in a positive way, because I think that's the 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:21.720 way I'm going to continue to grow and be engaged 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:24.199 in my job in a healthy way. But there's a 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:26.439 way that we can flip that and have it in 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:29.199 a negative light and you know, really be hard on 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:32.240 ourselves and ruminate on that negative side. 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:33.600 And that can be really self destructive. 0:19:33.640 --> 0:19:37.479 I think, Yeah, I know a lot of soldiers that 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:41.000 take things personally, and you know, therefore, you know, the 0:19:41.040 --> 0:19:45.360