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Speaker 1: Apode Production. Welcome to the She Rises podcast. I'm Ashy

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to

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Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self. Welcome back

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Speaker 2: to another episode of She Rises. I'm Tiana, I'm ash

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Speaker 2: and today's episode is gonna all be about talking about

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Speaker 2: your standards versus actually honoring your standards.

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Speaker 1: This one is a powerful one. Tiana's gonna lead this

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Speaker 1: one because I actually suggested for her to bring this

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Speaker 1: into she Rises after a love note that you left

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Speaker 1: in your broadcast channel. When I listened to it, I

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Speaker 1: was like, Wow, you speak on that more. Everyone needs

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Speaker 1: to hear that, all right, Tea take it away.

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Speaker 2: I think this is a huge topic because a lot

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Speaker 2: of the times there's so many people online offline, everyone's

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Speaker 2: talking about these really strong standards that they've got of

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Speaker 2: how they'll allow people to treat them what they will

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Speaker 2: and won't allow in their lives. But when it comes

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Speaker 2: to actually getting what they want or coming to crunch

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Speaker 2: when it's the really hard moments when you really like

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Speaker 2: that person or you're scared of the conflict, do you

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Speaker 2: actually uphold those standards? And I think this is a

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Speaker 2: topic that's not really spoken about a whole lot, but

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Speaker 2: is the reality for a lot of women, right because

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Speaker 2: we think about in relationships, why a lot of women

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Speaker 2: never end up getting what they want. They don't end

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Speaker 2: up getting the relationship they want, the behavior that they want,

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Speaker 2: you know, being treated in a respectful way, receiving love

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Speaker 2: in the way that they deserve to have it. And

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Speaker 2: the reason being is because every time a standard is

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Speaker 2: not met, it's either swept under the rug, not spoken to,

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Speaker 2: not addressed, and you end up playing the cool girl. Yes,

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Speaker 2: And it's a really disempowering thing to do. And I

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Speaker 2: spoke about this in my broadcast channel because it was

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Speaker 2: actually something that I had faced literally a week ago.

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Speaker 2: I was faced with a decision and a moment in

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Speaker 2: my life where a standard of mine wasn't met and

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Speaker 2: I had a decision to make of whether I continued

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Speaker 2: on with this person or if I said goodbye based

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Speaker 2: on what I was receiving from this person.

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Speaker 1: That's really hard to do. It was really hard.

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Speaker 2: You know, I feel like I want to give context

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Speaker 2: context do it? Okay, let's do it, or go on

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Speaker 2: the Jenney Guy's coming with me. So I was dating

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Speaker 2: this man very briefly, very very briefly. Amazing guy. I

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Speaker 2: think he's an incredible human get along so well. He

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Speaker 2: taught me so many things about how to be more

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Speaker 2: of myself and to feel accepted for all of who

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Speaker 2: I am and all of the things. However, after a

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Speaker 2: couple of weeks, he got to this point where I

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Speaker 2: started to notice, after he went away with his friends

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Speaker 2: that he started to pull away from me. And my

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Speaker 2: intuition was kind of like, oh, this is happening. And

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Speaker 2: I came into ash and I was like, oh, I

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Speaker 2: feel like a lot of distance at the moment. And

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Speaker 2: I wasn't making it wrong or you know, making it

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Speaker 2: a big deal, but I really noticed it started to

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Speaker 2: shift my energy about how I felt because I could

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Speaker 2: feel the separation for him, and prior to that, we

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Speaker 2: actually spent a fair bit of time together, like a

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Speaker 2: fair bit of time together in a short period of time.

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Speaker 2: So it was very intense very quickly, and then it

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Speaker 2: was very separate after that, and a few things had

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Speaker 2: kind of happened, and there was a small situation where

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Speaker 2: I felt like my time wasn't respected, and so I

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Speaker 2: openly voiced that, and you know, obviously it was met

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Speaker 2: with what I believe was a little bit of a

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Speaker 2: justification and didn't really take accountability or responsibility for what

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Speaker 2: I was voicing and asking for. And I feel like

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Speaker 2: I did it in a really beautiful way. But it

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Speaker 2: was just the only thing was it was firm right.

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Speaker 2: It was just it was clear, it was honest, It

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Speaker 2: was vulnerable because I shared my feelings, but it was

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Speaker 2: also firm of like this is what I would like

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Speaker 2: and what I request next time. Yes, And that conversation

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Speaker 2: kind of trickled into, you know, a bigger conversation around

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Speaker 2: this man had pulled away from me because he felt

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Speaker 2: that he wasn't sure if he was able to meet

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Speaker 2: my standards of what I hold in a relationship, and

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Speaker 2: he mentioned that he thought I wasn't very adaptable in

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Speaker 2: my standards because I came into the relationship saying that

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Speaker 2: I prefer my partner to not be a drinker. I

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Speaker 2: prefer my partner to not be doing drugs, and those

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Speaker 2: were the standards that I had for relationships and I

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Speaker 2: have for a really long time.

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Speaker 1: If you haven't listened to the episode about our non

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Speaker 1: negotiables in relationships, it's very relatable to this. So make

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Speaker 1: sure you go back and listen to that and this

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Speaker 1: because it ties in. It makes so much Yes.

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Speaker 2: And so we had this conversation and he mentioned a

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Speaker 2: few different things, and then we got onto the topic

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Speaker 2: and conversation around how he felt like my emotional maturity

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Speaker 2: was intimidating to him, and he felt like he wasn't

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Speaker 2: sure if he could live up to the expectations that

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Speaker 2: I had for a partner. And whilst I really appreciate

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Speaker 2: the honesty in all of this, the conversation led to

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Speaker 2: a really confusing place. It was very much like, you know,

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Speaker 2: while I don't think that I can honor the standards

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Speaker 2: you want in a partner and I don't know if

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Speaker 2: I can be that man for you, I also don't

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Speaker 2: want to end things. And immediately for me that was like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I've seen this before, I've been here before.

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Speaker 2: This is a huge red flag for me. Immediately, I

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Speaker 2: was like, this is it. This is where we end things.

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Speaker 2: And so in that conversation. Once he shared all of

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Speaker 2: those things, I appreciated everything that we spoke about and

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Speaker 2: then said to him, I genuinely think that we should

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Speaker 2: end things here. And that was when he kind of

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Speaker 2: started to backtrack and was like, oh, but no, this

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Speaker 2: isn't what I wanted from the conversation. I really like

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Speaker 2: you can we just like slow things down a little

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Speaker 2: bit and all that sort of stuff. And granted, I

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Speaker 2: get the whole wanting to slow things down, like it

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Speaker 2: can be challenging to integrate a new person into your life.

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Speaker 1: You're already feeling that as well.

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Speaker 2: I was feeling it as well. However, to me, all

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Speaker 2: of the things that he had shared with me and

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Speaker 2: also in his own words, was that he wasn't ready

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Speaker 2: for a relationship or wasn't ready to commit or pursue

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Speaker 2: someone in the way that I was desiring. And I

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Speaker 2: really appreciate the honesty, but to want to continue things

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Speaker 2: with me whilst being that energy is a hard no

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Speaker 2: for me because I've experienced having a man be confused

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Speaker 2: about me and I didn't have the self worth back

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Speaker 2: then to be able to say no and walk away.

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Speaker 1: And it's just not something I'm going to do again,

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Speaker 1: and from that you had a new level of standards

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Speaker 1: to it. That's right, that's right.

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Speaker 2: And now this new level of my life requires me

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Speaker 2: to have stronger standards and truly honor what it is

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Speaker 2: that I want for myself. And it was this moment

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Speaker 2: that was like, Okay, I'm going to talk about the

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Speaker 2: standards that I do and that I teach my clients.

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Speaker 2: Am I going to honor that? In my reality? One

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Speaker 2: thing to talk about it you actually follow through? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: are you going to practice what you preach? And for

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Speaker 2: me to teach all of these women about self worth

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Speaker 2: and then behind closed doors to not honor that, it's

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Speaker 2: just so incongruent. And I was like, holy shit, this

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Speaker 2: is one of those moments where I have to be

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Speaker 2: okay with potentially being seen as not adaptable, as being

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Speaker 2: seen as.

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Speaker 1: Too firm, too rigid.

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Speaker 2: Who blah blah blah, too much requesting and wanting too

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Speaker 2: much strict, too strict, And it was like I was

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Speaker 2: okay with that in that moment because for me, what

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Speaker 2: I was more focused on was honoring myself in that

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Speaker 2: moment and choosing myself whilst hard, whilst still sad, whilst

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Speaker 2: not really wanting.

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Speaker 1: To whilstill wanting him that's right.

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Speaker 2: And also whilst wanting to entertain going back, yeah, still

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Speaker 2: having to choose myself and say, no, I deserve more

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Speaker 2: than this. And this is why I wanted to bring

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Speaker 2: it into conversation is because if you don't and you're

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Speaker 2: not willing to set the standard in the beginning, you're

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Speaker 2: not going to get what you want from that person.

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Speaker 2: And I think the conversation we've been having is that

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Speaker 2: you have to be willing to honor your standards because

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Speaker 2: nobody else is going to be able to do it

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Speaker 2: for you. And if you don't implement them and you're

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Speaker 2: not willing to voice them in the get go, that

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Speaker 2: person's never going to be able to meet you where

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Speaker 2: you want and you'll always feel disappointed.

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Speaker 1: Also, if you didn't honor yourself in that moment and

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Speaker 1: he's entertaining like I'm not I want to fully commit

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Speaker 1: to you, but I want you as well the whole.

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Speaker 1: You can't have your cake and eat it too. But

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Speaker 1: if you weren't strong on your boundaries, you both would

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Speaker 1: have been playing in that gray area of like, what

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Speaker 1: is this? We're still entertaining it? Okay? It would have

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Speaker 1: fallen apart, you would have got more emotionally attached, but

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Speaker 1: it never would have really developed what you want and

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Speaker 1: been the relationship that you want. That's right, I've been settling, settling. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's right.

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Speaker 2: And this is I feel like the conversation is that

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Speaker 2: we want to have high standards, but when we're met

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Speaker 2: with somebody who is showing us that we have to

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Speaker 2: drop our standards. What are you doing in those moments?

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Speaker 2: What are you choosing in the moments where it feels

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Speaker 2: really hard? What are you choosing in the moments where

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Speaker 2: you really like someone but they're offering less than what

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Speaker 2: you're asking for. Do you go, oh, I might just

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Speaker 2: drop my standards my boundaries here just so that I

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Speaker 2: can have this and you experience love and connection and

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Speaker 2: be held and mess around for another twelve months without commitment,

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Speaker 2: or am I going to request from the get go

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Speaker 2: that my time be respected, that I am loved, valued,

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Speaker 2: prioritized from the very beginning, and then if they like

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Speaker 2: this experience, say to you, Hey, I can't meet you there, beautiful,

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Speaker 2: let's walk away. I have so much respect to you.

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Speaker 2: I think you're an incredible human, but I'm going to

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Speaker 2: go find it elsewhere. Because what I want is something

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Speaker 2: that I get to have. But you have to be

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Speaker 2: willing to say no to anything that doesn't fit what

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Speaker 2: you actually want for your life.

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Speaker 1: It's hard. It's really hard. Hats off to you. It

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Speaker 1: can be really hard because.

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Speaker 2: In those moments you want what you want in that moment.

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Speaker 1: Emotionally too, like if you're a much just someone drawing

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Speaker 1: being intimate with them or it's company. Yes, now post

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Speaker 1: all of that too, you've been sitting with the discomfort

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Speaker 1: of loneliness, and how I say on the sideline, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: good on you, but gosh, it must be difficult to

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Speaker 1: not go back and have a sleepover, yeah, and have

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Speaker 1: the cuddles and have the someone to text and entertain

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Speaker 1: and do all that stuff with. Like, I'm just in

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Speaker 1: such admiration for you for that. And I always say,

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Speaker 1: like when Cala grows up, I can't wait for her

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Speaker 1: to go to Arnie Parta and Antie Makeby and have

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Speaker 1: these strong aunties around them who can show I will

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Speaker 1: be too, but show them what boundaries and standards are.

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Speaker 1: And I hope my daughter can do exactly what you've done.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't have had that strength. Yeah, even our hearing

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Speaker 1: you say that, like, I'm obviously in a very different

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Speaker 1: position to you. But if I was at a single again,

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Speaker 1: I think I would find that really difficult because I

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Speaker 1: would blame myself for think, oh I am being too strict.

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Speaker 1: Maybe if I just give it a go, like maybe

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Speaker 1: I've cut it off too early, and did I go

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Speaker 1: back to being single? And all these stories would pop

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Speaker 1: up for me.

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Speaker 2: The reality is like I was coming into you every

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Speaker 2: day with all of them emotions and the things that

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Speaker 2: are coming up for me, and I did question those things.

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Speaker 2: These moments in time where someone is unable to give

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Speaker 2: you what you want and makes you feel like too much,

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Speaker 2: you do immediately you like questioning yourself like am I

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Speaker 2: too strict?

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Speaker 1: Is this too rigid? Should I ask for less? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Should I ask for less?

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Speaker 2: And you know, I think this is the conversation you

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Speaker 2: get to have with yourself and where you really have

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Speaker 2: to hold yourself accountable is do you want what you

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Speaker 2: say you want? And are you willing to uphold that standard?

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Speaker 2: Because you uphold the standard in the moments when you're tempted,

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Speaker 2: not when everything is good, not when you're single and

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Speaker 2: no one's in your field and you're kind of living

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Speaker 2: your best life and you're confident, you feel good about yourself. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's in the moments where someone like cheated on.

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Speaker 1: You and are you going to stay with them or

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Speaker 1: you're going to leave.

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Speaker 2: It's in the moments where somebody disrespects you and tells

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Speaker 2: you to fuck off or do you leave?

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Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: It's right moments like that in everyday life where you

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Speaker 2: get to choose, Okay, am I going to hold myself

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Speaker 2: accountable to this standard or am I just going to

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Speaker 2: talk about it.

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Speaker 1: Before I Obviously I haven't done that in relationships that

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Speaker 1: I've done that in friendships, I'm like shrunk to fit

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Speaker 1: in because I'm too scared to lose them or too

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Speaker 1: scared to be alone, or too scared to be viewed

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Speaker 1: as asking too much. Yeah. Then when you have evidence

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Speaker 1: of like our friendship, it's like, oh, this is the standard,

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Speaker 1: Like it gets to be this easy, all for anything less. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And it's actually helped me with because I find it

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Speaker 1: really hard to unplug from people, even if I know

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Speaker 1: it's not wrong. I'll do everything I can to try

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Speaker 1: and make it fit more friendships because I've been in

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Speaker 1: a relationship for so long, I'll do everything to make

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Speaker 1: sure it fits, EVENO, I know it's not right. But

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Speaker 1: now that I've had evidence not needed to be like that,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, this is a new standard. Yeah, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have anything less. Why would I? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: But anyway, it does make it easier to unplug, Hey,

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Speaker 2: so much easier, like let go of control and not

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Speaker 2: be so attached and be like, oh, I need to

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Speaker 2: cling onto this so much because you're like, but it

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Speaker 2: doesn't have to be that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, or I need to change or they need to change.

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Speaker 1: What do I need to make this fit? Let's try this,

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Speaker 1: let's work this out like it's just not fitting. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And something that kind of happened in that conversation with

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Speaker 2: this man. He was like, oh, but you know, I

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Speaker 2: don't want you to not like me or not want

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Speaker 2: to stay with me because I do X y Z.

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Speaker 2: And I said to him, I'm like, but that's how

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Speaker 2: we figure out if we're compatible or not. Like, you

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Speaker 2: come to me with your honesty about who you are

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Speaker 2: and what you like. I'll come to you with my

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Speaker 2: honesty about what I do and don't like, and then

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Speaker 2: we can see if this is compatible. But you have

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Speaker 2: to be honest from the get go. Otherwise you're just

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Speaker 2: lying to each other and then things come out later

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Speaker 2: and then you get disappointed because it's not the way

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Speaker 2: that you wanted it to be. And something that you

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Speaker 2: just said also is very relevant to me as well.

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Speaker 2: Our friendship has helped me raise the standard in my

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Speaker 2: relationships too, because I'm like, if my best friend treats

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Speaker 2: me like this, you damn sure I've got to do

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Speaker 2: more than her.

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Speaker 1: Literally, I've seen videos if you talk about that, Hey,

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Speaker 1: if man are going to do it, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: do it for you, honestly.

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Speaker 2: And I feel that with us too, and it's so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: But it's like she's.

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Speaker 2: Said, a damn high standard. You can better meet that

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Speaker 2: or more why I should not be this is the

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Speaker 2: bare minimum?

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Speaker 1: Now, this is the standard.

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Speaker 2: It allowed me to let go too, And even though

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Speaker 2: it's sad and I don't want to let go on

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Speaker 2: unplug and all the things I'm like, no, like I

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Speaker 2: get to be loved in the way that I want,

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Speaker 2: that I crave, that I deserve, and that I also

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Speaker 2: have evidence.

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Speaker 1: That I'm loved in yes, definitely.

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Speaker 2: That has been so powerful for me because I'm like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I love you send you off with

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Speaker 2: love and like, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Good and you're so deserving of that. And it's so

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Speaker 1: cool to know that it's around the corner. But you

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to find that if you're settled.

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Speaker 2: And you know what, always hasn't been like this either, No,

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Speaker 2: Like I have very much been the woman who little girl,

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Speaker 2: who lost herself, who molded herself, who felt like she

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Speaker 2: needed to abandon herself in every sense of the word

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Speaker 2: to make someone fit and a love story. It's demeaning,

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Speaker 2: Like it makes you feel so small and insignificant in yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and it makes you feel not worthy if you're

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Speaker 1: having all the great things that you want.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it makes you feel so unworthy.

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Speaker 1: This is so inspiring for other women to hear, because

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Speaker 1: I reckon everyone can relate in some sense where this

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Speaker 1: shows up in their own life.

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Speaker 2: And you know what came up for me as well,

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Speaker 2: I think will be relevant and beautiful for you guys

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Speaker 2: to listen to. In that moment where we had the

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Speaker 2: conversation around him not being able to meet me, I

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Speaker 2: felt in that moment that I wasn't being chosen, and

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Speaker 2: that's a core wound for me. A core wound for

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Speaker 2: me is like not feeling chosen. And in the past

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Speaker 2: I have fought and fought and fought tooth and nail.

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Speaker 1: No, I don't know if that's head now.

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Speaker 2: I don't even know what it is, but so hard

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Speaker 2: to be chosen by that person that I would go

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Speaker 2: above and beyond and chase and run and try to

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Speaker 2: whatever horset And in that moment I felt that desire

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Speaker 2: and I really wanted to entertain it and pull it,

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Speaker 2: and I did a slight little bit. I got reinforced

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Speaker 2: with that feeling. His response made me feel not chosen,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, this is my intuition telling me

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Speaker 2: that this isn't right. You need to listen to that,

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Speaker 2: set the standard and say no, walk away, save yourself

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Speaker 2: the pain, Tiana.

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Speaker 1: And the more you do this, I'm guessing it will

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Speaker 1: be slightly easier to do each time. Do you think,

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Speaker 1: I think so? Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Couse just be uncomfortable, oh for sure. But it's like

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Speaker 2: setting boundaries. In the beginning, it feels like the worst

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Speaker 2: thing in the world, But then after a while you

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Speaker 2: realize that it's actually good for you. Yeah, and you

357
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Speaker 2: realize that it creates connection as opposed to taking away connection.

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Speaker 2: So this is like, okay, well, in the beginning it's

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Speaker 2: really hard to choose myself because I feel abandoned. And

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Speaker 2: then down the line, now even in this experience, it's like, well,

361
00:15:13,041 --> 00:15:16,201
Speaker 2: choosing yourself actually means that you're prioritizing yourself and that

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Speaker 2: you're willing to lose other people if it means gaining yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and that's so you have to say no to

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Speaker 1: other people. That's right, that's so beautiful. Thank you for

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Speaker 1: sharing me so vulnerable.

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Speaker 2: Tangent, my pleasure though you guys are here with me

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Speaker 2: on the journey now, so you start question.

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Speaker 1: Isn't it we all do it? Hey? It's like anyone

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00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,561
Speaker 1: can say the things, listen to the podcast, read the books,

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Speaker 1: say I do this or I'm x y Z. But actually,

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Speaker 1: when you're faced with the hard decisions and the hard situations,

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Speaker 1: how do you show up then? Because that's actually where

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Speaker 1: you're at. Yeah, that's your truth, not what you're saying

374
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Speaker 1: about last week when things are good. That's the truth.

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Speaker 1: That's so true, and you're triggered when you're faced with

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Speaker 1: the decision like are you actually going to meet yourself

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Speaker 1: where you said you are at? Yeah? So tough. It is.

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Speaker 2: It's a hard one because you have to keep yourself

379
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Speaker 2: accountable and sometimes that's the hardest past is that for you?

380
00:16:01,721 --> 00:16:03,281
Speaker 1: Hey? You know, I believe this happens.

381
00:16:03,841 --> 00:16:06,601
Speaker 2: Allowing behavior that women don't like is because they don't

382
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Speaker 2: actually know what their standards are.

383
00:16:08,081 --> 00:16:09,841
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you learn that? Hey? Where do you

384
00:16:09,881 --> 00:16:10,521
Speaker 1: get that from?

385
00:16:10,601 --> 00:16:14,681
Speaker 2: I think you learn it with every relationship. For me,

386
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Speaker 2: at least, every experience that I've had has been a blessing.

387
00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:20,601
Speaker 2: Every relationship, every time that I've dated somebody or met someone,

388
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Speaker 2: someone's coming to my life, it has taught me either

389
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Speaker 2: what I do want or what I don't want. Yes,

390
00:16:26,121 --> 00:16:29,201
Speaker 2: And through their behavior and listening to how my body

391
00:16:29,241 --> 00:16:33,121
Speaker 2: responds when they do that behavior, I'm like, oh, that's

392
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Speaker 2: a no.

393
00:16:33,761 --> 00:16:34,841
Speaker 1: Oh, that's a yes.

394
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:37,801
Speaker 2: Like my body said yes to this, my body said

395
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Speaker 2: fuck no to that.

396
00:16:39,361 --> 00:16:40,561
Speaker 1: It's true. It's a good way to look at it

397
00:16:40,561 --> 00:16:43,121
Speaker 1: because I've only ever had three partners, but they've all

398
00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:45,241
Speaker 1: been so beautiful. So I think I just like, never

399
00:16:45,361 --> 00:16:47,761
Speaker 1: entertained anything less than what they gave me. Like my

400
00:16:47,801 --> 00:16:49,601
Speaker 1: first partner when I was younger, he just worshiped the

401
00:16:49,641 --> 00:16:51,201
Speaker 1: ground that I walked on. You treated me with so

402
00:16:51,281 --> 00:16:53,761
Speaker 1: much love, so with respect, like just thought I was

403
00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:56,001
Speaker 1: the bee's knees. You are the next one after that

404
00:16:56,241 --> 00:17:01,121
Speaker 1: same thing? Yeah, almost too much that it cked me. Oh, immature,

405
00:17:01,201 --> 00:17:04,001
Speaker 1: but I was immature, but like they just loved me

406
00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:06,041
Speaker 1: so much. So anyone who didn't treat me like that,

407
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,761
Speaker 1: it was like, I want to take that, Yes, and

408
00:17:08,801 --> 00:17:10,961
Speaker 1: I love that. Why would I take that? Yeah? Why

409
00:17:10,961 --> 00:17:12,921
Speaker 1: would I? When I've seen what a man can give

410
00:17:12,961 --> 00:17:15,160
Speaker 1: and provide and love me in that way. Yeah, I

411
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,880
Speaker 1: would only go for that or more and I did. Yeah,

412
00:17:18,921 --> 00:17:19,400
Speaker 1: I love that.

413
00:17:19,441 --> 00:17:21,241
Speaker 2: And you've had a good experience in that, But you

414
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:23,361
Speaker 2: also got to have beautiful evidence of like, well why

415
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,561
Speaker 2: would I want anything less?

416
00:17:24,761 --> 00:17:26,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you can see if you haven't had that,

417
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,801
Speaker 1: like how you can say that, Oh wow, thank you

418
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,121
Speaker 1: for showing me what I will not. Yeah, next time.

419
00:17:31,241 --> 00:17:33,121
Speaker 1: Absolutely I understand.

420
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,600
Speaker 2: And I've had like a couple of relationships, yeah, like

421
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,121
Speaker 2: maybe like four relationships above a year. Yeah, and all

422
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,480
Speaker 2: of them have taught me moments of that. I've had

423
00:17:41,481 --> 00:17:44,200
Speaker 2: some really good relationships actually, but then two not so

424
00:17:44,281 --> 00:17:46,521
Speaker 2: good ones, you know, So it's those were the ones

425
00:17:46,561 --> 00:17:48,321
Speaker 2: that I had to unlearn the Oh I need to

426
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:50,921
Speaker 2: be chosen, and I need to face them and make

427
00:17:50,961 --> 00:17:52,640
Speaker 2: them love me. And if I just do better and

428
00:17:52,681 --> 00:17:54,481
Speaker 2: show up better, then they'll love me more.

429
00:17:54,961 --> 00:17:55,160
Speaker 1: You know.

430
00:17:55,201 --> 00:17:57,880
Speaker 2: It was the I need to perform for this love. Yeah,

431
00:17:57,921 --> 00:18:00,201
Speaker 2: you know, And then I got beautiful evidence as well.

432
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Speaker 2: On the other hand of men who never made me

433
00:18:02,801 --> 00:18:05,321
Speaker 2: feel like that, but they just like weren't for me. Yeah.

434
00:18:05,441 --> 00:18:07,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, so much to learn a relationship.

435
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,321
Speaker 2: Say, absolutely, they bring up everything they really do and

436
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:13,240
Speaker 2: it's such a blessing. But it's uncomfortable. It's not what

437
00:18:13,281 --> 00:18:15,680
Speaker 2: you do when you feel good, it's how you behave

438
00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:17,321
Speaker 2: in the moments where things are really hard and they

439
00:18:17,360 --> 00:18:18,760
Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable.

440
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,561
Speaker 1: When you're treated. How are you going to plan? How

441
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 1: are you going to show up for yourself? Yeah, that's

442
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:23,641
Speaker 1: exactly right, and.

443
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,920
Speaker 2: I think it's important, Like I mentioned this in the beginning,

444
00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:29,561
Speaker 2: to own what you want from the get go when.

445
00:18:29,481 --> 00:18:31,801
Speaker 1: You're meeting someone, and starting today, when you're meeting something,

446
00:18:32,201 --> 00:18:33,240
Speaker 1: just own it from the get go.

447
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:36,481
Speaker 2: Don't be scared, because yes, the reality is you might

448
00:18:36,521 --> 00:18:38,920
Speaker 2: filter them out quickly if they're not for you, but

449
00:18:38,961 --> 00:18:41,840
Speaker 2: you'll also filter in the right ones fast.

450
00:18:41,681 --> 00:18:44,521
Speaker 1: And then you waste six months on the long person. Yeah,

451
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,360
Speaker 1: and it's even harder to unplug because you've built an

452
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,400
Speaker 1: emotional connection that's deeper. Yeah.

453
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,801
Speaker 2: If I had filtered things out and been honest from

454
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,640
Speaker 2: the get go in my past relationships, they wouldn't have

455
00:18:53,681 --> 00:18:55,801
Speaker 2: made it past two months. And I've stayed in some

456
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,001
Speaker 2: of them for like a year to three years.

457
00:18:58,360 --> 00:18:58,561
Speaker 1: You know.

458
00:18:58,761 --> 00:19:00,920
Speaker 2: So it's just like, obviously you learn these things on

459
00:19:00,961 --> 00:19:03,281
Speaker 2: the journey, but when you can just be clear and

460
00:19:03,321 --> 00:19:06,041
Speaker 2: honest and unapologetic about what you want, trust me, people

461
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:07,961
Speaker 2: will respect you for being open and honest.

462
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:10,201
Speaker 1: I also think it's such a gift for the way

463
00:19:10,241 --> 00:19:13,640
Speaker 1: that you communicate all of this, I assume and I

464
00:19:13,721 --> 00:19:16,441
Speaker 1: hope that they then take that into their next relationship

465
00:19:16,761 --> 00:19:19,120
Speaker 1: because they've been shown how to communicate, they've been shown

466
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,921
Speaker 1: how to hold a boundary, they've been shown what kind

467
00:19:20,921 --> 00:19:22,721
Speaker 1: of standard they want in a relationship. They've been shown

468
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:27,281
Speaker 1: this beautiful, open, feminine woman who can communicate so kindly. Yeah,

469
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,120
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's such a beautiful gift that

470
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:31,201
Speaker 1: you get to give them. Oh that's so nice. Yeah,

471
00:19:31,281 --> 00:19:33,360
Speaker 1: I never looked at it like that. I'm just like,

472
00:19:33,481 --> 00:19:35,761
Speaker 1: you can't help but learn from your experiences. So I

473
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,440
Speaker 1: hope they take that on and I hope that's the

474
00:19:37,521 --> 00:19:39,681
Speaker 1: new standard of women when they invite someone in that.

475
00:19:39,681 --> 00:19:41,001
Speaker 1: That's like, that's how I want to be treated. I

476
00:19:41,001 --> 00:19:44,001
Speaker 1: want them to be able to communicate. So honestly, probably, Yeah,

477
00:19:44,001 --> 00:19:44,521
Speaker 1: that's so cool.

478
00:19:44,561 --> 00:19:47,321
Speaker 2: It's like, even for me and for them or anyone

479
00:19:47,321 --> 00:19:49,241
Speaker 2: who's on the receiving end of that, you're both learning

480
00:19:49,241 --> 00:19:51,640
Speaker 2: and growing together exactly right, and you always have your

481
00:19:51,681 --> 00:19:54,360
Speaker 2: takeaways for however it impacted you and the mark that

482
00:19:54,521 --> 00:19:55,001
Speaker 2: left on you.

483
00:19:55,441 --> 00:19:57,120
Speaker 1: I think that's cool, so cool.

484
00:19:57,281 --> 00:20:00,600
Speaker 2: So in summary on today's episode, don't worry about talking

485
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:04,200
Speaker 2: about your standards, focus on honoring them, especially in the

486
00:20:04,241 --> 00:20:08,120
Speaker 2: hard moments. Set your standards from the beginning, get clear

487
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 2: on what they are, on what it is that you want,

488
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 2: and be unapologetic about it, and be ruthless in not

489
00:20:14,761 --> 00:20:18,001
Speaker 2: allowing behavior that is not for you. Be ruthless in

490
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,680
Speaker 2: that hold the standard until you get what you want,

491
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:24,201
Speaker 2: because again, you may lose people, but you will also

492
00:20:24,241 --> 00:20:27,441
Speaker 2: gain the right people you like drop only ever lose

493
00:20:27,441 --> 00:20:31,401
Speaker 2: the wrong people. So trust yourself, listen to yourself.

494
00:20:31,360 --> 00:20:33,561
Speaker 1: Do yourself what you need, what you desire.

495
00:20:33,761 --> 00:20:35,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, and just remember that you're allowed to want for

496
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:37,440
Speaker 2: what you want, but no one's going to hold the

497
00:20:37,481 --> 00:20:39,801
Speaker 2: standard like you will, so be that for yourself.

498
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,001
Speaker 1: You're allowed to have high standards. This is your permission, slip.

499
00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:44,561
Speaker 1: You're allowed to have high standards. Why would you deserve

500
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,120
Speaker 1: anything less? Yeah, like if you have a daughter or

501
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,440
Speaker 1: a sister or a friend, I but you have a

502
00:20:48,521 --> 00:20:50,441
Speaker 1: high I know, I have super high standards for my friends.

503
00:20:50,441 --> 00:20:52,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, if they get with the man, they're not

504
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,120
Speaker 1: treating her right. You've honestly helped me so much with that.

505
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:59,201
Speaker 1: I'm like no, I'm like, actually, what do you think.

506
00:20:59,521 --> 00:21:01,041
Speaker 1: I'm like, you my honest opinion or do you have

507
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:01,401
Speaker 1: me to wait?

508
00:21:02,681 --> 00:21:04,641
Speaker 2: Do you want support or do you want advice?

509
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:06,801
Speaker 1: Said? That's two in the car the other day. Yeah,

510
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,120
Speaker 1: the last three I knew they weren't the one for you.

511
00:21:09,241 --> 00:21:09,441
Speaker 2: Yeah.

512
00:21:09,521 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, like all lovely men. Yeah. And I liked all

513
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,001
Speaker 1: of them. Yeah, and got along with all of that

514
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 1: beautiful in their own way for sure, and like learned lots,

515
00:21:16,721 --> 00:21:18,360
Speaker 1: but I just knew they were not going to be

516
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,201
Speaker 1: able to meet you where you wanted to be met,

517
00:21:20,281 --> 00:21:23,160
Speaker 1: and you deserve to be met. Yeah, It's it's just

518
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:26,641
Speaker 1: a painful thing of watching on the sideline. That's not painful,

519
00:21:26,681 --> 00:21:28,121
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. I just like hate

520
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,041
Speaker 1: watching you go through the sadness of it, but I

521
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,481
Speaker 1: know it serves you and it's all a part of

522
00:21:31,521 --> 00:21:33,961
Speaker 1: your journey in the right time. Because I love love

523
00:21:34,281 --> 00:21:36,521
Speaker 1: you are a logo. I love sharing life with people.

524
00:21:36,561 --> 00:21:39,361
Speaker 1: You do and you don't know until you try. Even

525
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,400
Speaker 1: when you had hesitation to go on dates, I was like,

526
00:21:41,481 --> 00:21:43,640
Speaker 1: you have to. Yeah, you don't know you want to

527
00:21:43,681 --> 00:21:44,801
Speaker 1: meet the one, but how do you know that the

528
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,321
Speaker 1: one until you meet them and get to know them,

529
00:21:46,321 --> 00:21:48,041
Speaker 1: Like this is part of being single.

530
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,041
Speaker 2: I'm like, I just want to hang out with you

531
00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:51,521
Speaker 2: and Steve, I know, I just got Will.

532
00:21:51,721 --> 00:21:53,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's going to come to the podcast soon. Actually

533
00:21:54,001 --> 00:21:57,001
Speaker 1: out on the couch last night and he kind of

534
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,041
Speaker 1: volunteered himself.

535
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,160
Speaker 2: He did, didn't he I was like, what, like he

536
00:22:00,241 --> 00:22:00,840
Speaker 2: feeling okay?

537
00:22:00,921 --> 00:22:05,041
Speaker 1: Steve, he's the opposite of me, super introverted, doesn't like attention.

538
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:09,521
Speaker 1: Were here. Yeah, hates being on camera. He's just more

539
00:22:09,561 --> 00:22:13,161
Speaker 1: private person and more quiet and I'm obviously not. But yeah,

540
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,921
Speaker 1: he volunteered himself. We jumped on it. We did were

541
00:22:15,961 --> 00:22:18,680
Speaker 1: like before we booked him in. We even set a

542
00:22:18,721 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 1: date never he did. He's like, we'll take you to

543
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 1: this restaurant, we'll change the hotel. Yeah, perfect, done, So guys,

544
00:22:25,321 --> 00:22:27,121
Speaker 1: be prepared for that. It's gonna be fine. Deeve's coming

545
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,360
Speaker 1: on the podcast. This has been requested for like ever

546
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,001
Speaker 1: since I started. Yeah, wow, no doubt. He's such a

547
00:22:32,041 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 1: great person.

548
00:22:32,761 --> 00:22:33,281
Speaker 2: Yeah he is.

549
00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:35,521
Speaker 1: And he's fun. He's a good humor beg teddy bear.

550
00:22:35,561 --> 00:22:37,281
Speaker 1: He is such a big teddy bear. But he's also

551
00:22:37,360 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 1: like super smart.

552
00:22:38,521 --> 00:22:41,441
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's very very he's definitely an ideas man, that's

553
00:22:41,481 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 2: for sure.

554
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,921
Speaker 1: His idea. Then he's a follow through man. He'll research

555
00:22:44,961 --> 00:22:47,321
Speaker 1: and do whatever you can to make something work. He's

556
00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:49,521
Speaker 1: got a really cool story. Yeah. Oh my god, I'm

557
00:22:49,521 --> 00:22:52,321
Speaker 1: started to have you like always. Guys, thanks for joining us.

558
00:22:52,360 --> 00:22:53,961
Speaker 1: Has a great episode thanks to you. I barely said

559
00:22:53,961 --> 00:22:55,161
Speaker 1: a word, so that's so fine.

560
00:22:55,241 --> 00:22:56,921
Speaker 2: Love hearing probably love hearing myself talk.

561
00:22:56,921 --> 00:23:01,161
Speaker 1: Apparently I can't talk. I love it. Alrighty, we'll see

562
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:02,481
Speaker 1: you on the next episode, guys. Hie