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Speaker 1: I was able to ground myself and bring myself back

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Speaker 1: and be in the moment. And you don't learn those

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Speaker 1: tools without going through the heart ache.

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Speaker 2: Well well, well what two and a half years later,

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Speaker 2: we're back again.

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Speaker 1: We're back here, and he's.

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Speaker 2: On the potty, but he's on hotter than yesterday, Billy

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Speaker 2: Barker so much, My little gem brunette head got rid

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Speaker 2: of the mullein.

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Speaker 3: He's got a few more tattoos, and he's leveled up.

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Speaker 1: I am hotter than fucking two years ago.

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Speaker 2: And we're going to dive into this episode and we're

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Speaker 2: going to literally uncover all the things that's made Billy

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Speaker 2: who he is in twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 3: So welcome, Thank you.

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Speaker 1: So much for having me. This feels like such a

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Speaker 1: full circle local moment from what we started off two

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Speaker 1: and a half years ago.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I feel like, yeah, I feel like most

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Speaker 2: of the audience probably know who you are.

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Speaker 3: If they know me, they know you like.

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Speaker 2: We got together, you know, But who is Bill Barker

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Speaker 2: in twenty twenty five?

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Speaker 1: Bill Barker is such a grounded, confident, grateful person compared

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Speaker 1: to what he was. Yeah, from that first episode that

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Speaker 1: we did, and.

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Speaker 3: I could one hundred vouch that piece.

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Speaker 1: Oh I remember being that person two years ago and

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Speaker 1: thinking I have no fucking problems. There's nothing wrong with me.

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Speaker 1: Everybody else is the problem, and there's no more growth

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Speaker 1: for me to have.

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Speaker 3: We love a self for work, king love alf working.

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Speaker 1: I was just like, I have so much offer people,

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Speaker 1: I have this, I have that I'm making money. But

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Speaker 1: then I look at myself now I was like, fuck,

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Speaker 1: like I am such a different person. Yeah, and it

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Speaker 1: actually kes me out listening and watching me back to half.

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Speaker 2: No, it shouldn't equ you out. You can now self

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Speaker 2: reflect and go like, oh my god, that's not me.

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Speaker 1: Like two years I probably posted the tic about oh

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Speaker 1: fuck yeah this is yeah, and now I'm like delete private.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But the biggest thing I like always say to people

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Speaker 2: about you is because you're on online, you you come

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Speaker 2: up as like a really chaotic energy like oh my god,

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Speaker 2: like so much used to be.

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Speaker 3: But you're not like that in person, Like you are

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Speaker 3: really you're really.

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Speaker 2: Good at conversing in conversations, you're really good like business savvy,

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Speaker 2: like you're so like smart with your money, like you

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Speaker 2: know exactly what you're doing. Like the chaos that you

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Speaker 2: present yourself online is a persona yeah, and like everyone

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Speaker 2: I always like they're like, oh, like how do you

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Speaker 2: deal with him? I'm like, he's not like that in person.

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Speaker 2: If he was, i'd fucking feeling you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: Like he's not like Bill is like one of the

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Speaker 2: people who, like I would run to and like cry

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Speaker 2: to do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Like you you are like you're the person I go.

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Speaker 2: To and I'm like, please help me, and like he's

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Speaker 2: like a safety blanket and like the way you portray

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Speaker 2: that online, people probably wouldn't think that about you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like that's with so many people as

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Speaker 1: well that do do this job. It becomes this will

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Speaker 1: actually notice it was a problem when I wanted to,

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Speaker 1: I guess make not so much more money, but like

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Speaker 1: I want to take this shiit seriously. Yeah, Like I

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Speaker 1: watched my videos back back in the day. I'm doing

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Speaker 1: that this like all this weird shit and like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's me, Like I am like that charismatic person. But

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Speaker 1: it got to the point where every fucking video, mind you,

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Speaker 1: I was posting five or six times a day, yeah,

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Speaker 1: for years. So when you're doing that all the time

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Speaker 1: and like you're just like pulling it on, putting on,

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Speaker 1: putting on, and putting it on. It gets to like

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Speaker 1: the point where you're like, fuck, is this evening me?

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Speaker 1: This is me at all? And I don't want to

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Speaker 1: be that person. I want to be the true authentic

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Speaker 1: self I am because then it doesn't feel like a job.

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Speaker 1: And I want to be the person that I am

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Speaker 1: every day life. And it's hard when I'm dating because

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Speaker 1: people put like, see obviously all my socials and they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: like I have yea. Even last night when I went on,

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Speaker 1: when I met with that group of people, he said like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you're very like you're different to that thought.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I was like, what did you what did

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Speaker 3: you think?

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Speaker 1: What did you think? And I hate that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that same group said the same thing about me.

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Speaker 2: They were like, oh, we thought you were like a

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Speaker 2: massive partier and.

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Speaker 3: I was like I'm not.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, I don't like go crazy, Like I

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Speaker 2: love to go out, I love to be social with friends,

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Speaker 2: but I'm not like crazy.

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Speaker 1: No, And that's why I like, I think now today

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Speaker 1: I'm trying so hard to be that authentic self and

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Speaker 1: if people like me, they fucking like me. If they don't,

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Speaker 1: I don't care. That's the door. I really don't.

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Speaker 2: Care, and that being a people pleaser, like when you

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Speaker 2: come to terms and not like it is so bad.

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Speaker 2: No one in this world is going to be liked

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Speaker 2: by everyone, and if you're chasing that every single day,

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Speaker 2: you end up losing yourself in being liked by everyone

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Speaker 2: instead of understanding being like, Okay, those people don't like me,

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Speaker 2: and that's okay, I'm not their peace people. And like,

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Speaker 2: when you come to terms with that and when you

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Speaker 2: realize that not everyone's going to like you, your life

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Speaker 2: becomes so much easier and like better because you're not

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Speaker 2: trying to fit a mold of who exactly do you

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Speaker 2: want people to think you?

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Speaker 1: I always revert back to the water theory. Okay, when

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Speaker 1: you can have the same bottle of water yep, for

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Speaker 1: free at a tap in public, Yeah, you can have

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Speaker 1: that same bottle of water in an airport and it's

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Speaker 1: six dollars. You have that same bottle of water and

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Speaker 1: seven eleven dollar fifty, or you can have it in

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Speaker 1: woolies yeah and it's fifty cents.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Wherever you are and wherever you hold yourself, Yeah, the

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Speaker 1: value of that water is this, Like that the water

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Speaker 1: is the same. The water does not change mean the

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Speaker 1: same fucking water. But where you are holds that value, right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So when I think of like the stuff I put online,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, if I want to be liked by

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Speaker 1: everybody and I want to be fucking wooies or I

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Speaker 1: want to be free on the fucking street. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: only putting myself in and that category of people for

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Speaker 1: those people to like me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm the airport water. I feel like

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Speaker 1: I'm the hotel water at the minibar.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, preach, preach, and the fucking shangla. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And the only people that are getting that mini bar

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Speaker 1: water are people that actually see my value. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: they respect that and they can afford that. Yeah, they

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Speaker 1: see they see all that value.

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Speaker 3: And if they don't understand that, okay, go shop it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah exactly.

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Speaker 3: The wooll is I'm okay with you not understanding.

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Speaker 1: If they don't like me, they're going to go down

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Speaker 1: the street and go get it the cheaper one five

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Speaker 1: dollars cheaper. But the people actually value me, I'm just

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Speaker 1: going to pick up that water and they're going to

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Speaker 1: enjoy it.

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Speaker 3: I love that. I've never heard that before.

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Speaker 1: I actually just came up with that.

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Speaker 3: My favorite theories. I just think it's really good.

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Speaker 1: But that was like I mixed the water five dollars

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Speaker 1: here and then I.

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Speaker 3: Really just thought of that, that's really good.

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Speaker 1: That was really smart.

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Speaker 3: Mel Robins, don't take it putting it on.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm copyrighting that one.

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Speaker 3: So here hotter than yesterday. It's a little bit different

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Speaker 3: than my old podcast.

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Speaker 2: I feel like we talked a lot about boys and

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Speaker 2: everything like that. But I think because now we're we're

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Speaker 2: growing up. Yeah, when we first met, we were like nineteen,

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Speaker 2: we're little babies. And since I first met you, you've

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Speaker 2: gone through probably the hardest thing that someone could probably

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Speaker 2: go through in the early stages of your life.

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Speaker 3: And like like a little bit of PSA. If I cry,

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Speaker 3: it's my EmPATH and I feel like I'm going to cry.

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Speaker 3: I know I'm a podcast host and I should be

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Speaker 3: better at this, but I'm learning.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I get in a hot seat dough and I like,

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Speaker 1: if I'm by myself, like I do get emotional about it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but when I get pull on the spot, do I

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Speaker 1: cried more about Like on our episodes, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I feel so bad for I Actually, after I got

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Speaker 1: like really grateful, one of my friends has like a

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Speaker 1: single day her mom passed, her mom passed away when

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Speaker 1: she was really young, and that he still lives in

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Speaker 1: that house like with the wife, and I started crying.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I just feel so bad for him

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Speaker 1: if he had to date somebody else and bring them back.

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Speaker 1: But then it comes to me, I'm like, yeah, whatever,

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Speaker 1: like all this year is.

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Speaker 3: Okay. So you lost your mom, yes at last year?

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Speaker 1: Yeah in May? Yeah you remember, yeah, seventeenth May. I'm

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Speaker 1: pretty sure.

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Speaker 2: How was sharing your journey with your mom's cancer, with

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Speaker 2: your mom's sickness online? Would you say capturing your emotions

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Speaker 2: and sharing those experience was therapeutic for you online because

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Speaker 2: you were so open with it.

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Speaker 1: It was like away, I could also help my mom. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was helping my whole family. I moved back home. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and mind you like I live in a small like

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Speaker 1: I'm from a small town. Yeah, And I left there

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Speaker 1: when I was fresh seventeen eighteen. I needed to get out.

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Speaker 1: Going back there was never an option. I was never

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Speaker 1: going back there again. Yeah, So me moving back was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to do what I can to help my family.

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Speaker 1: But it got to the point where you're in like

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Speaker 1: this small town that's cold, and there's no motivation when

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Speaker 1: you it's in the middle of the turmoil of you're.

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Speaker 3: Not surrounded by like minded people and like, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, not even just for me, but for my mum.

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Speaker 1: Like yeah, right, that turmoil of negativity and being in

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Speaker 1: a shit's environment. Yeah, it's so hard. And that one

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Speaker 1: thing I knew that I could do and I could

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Speaker 1: show how much support my mum had was sharing her

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Speaker 1: story and sharing it for everyone to see.

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Speaker 2: And I'm getting like, I just keep them thinking of

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Speaker 2: her smiles and the videos that you got to get

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Speaker 2: in the skincare Oh my god, no.

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Speaker 1: Sure, just get to try. But I think like when

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Speaker 1: I was able to share that, and I was able to,

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Speaker 1: you know, give her an outlet and outlet and also

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Speaker 1: just kind of like she would like just let me.

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Speaker 3: Cry, I'll just be quiet, right.

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Speaker 1: She would sit in her bed and like read through

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Speaker 1: the comments and like people would be like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: like I want you to like whatever the comments were.

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Speaker 1: There's always was thousands and thousands of comments about it,

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Speaker 1: and I just would see her like face like light

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Speaker 1: after and I'd be like that makes me so happy

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Speaker 1: that this is like, this is free. I didn't have

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Speaker 1: to you know, I didn't have to spend all this

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Speaker 1: money to make someone happy, and I didn't have to

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Speaker 1: go out to all of this effort that I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: I did that, But I was just saying, like it

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Speaker 1: was like.

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Speaker 2: The little things that she in her day to day

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Speaker 2: life that picked her up.

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Speaker 3: And you're like, yeah, that captured everything.

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Speaker 1: Just like it made her happy and as much as

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Speaker 1: she'd like ah, Like like I know that she loved

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Speaker 1: it so much her you know, reading through it, and

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Speaker 1: like even though she this person commented this on and

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Speaker 1: she loves it, And I knew that I could just

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Speaker 1: like expand that to everybody else and help her and

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Speaker 1: spread awareness about it and also help other people that

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Speaker 1: were going through that same thing, because I don't think

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Speaker 1: people realize that the thing we cancer, there's so much

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Speaker 1: politics in the healthcare system and doctors, and we got

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Speaker 1: sucked over so bad by the medical system, and it

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Speaker 1: cost my mum her life. And at the end of

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Speaker 1: the day, like I still think my mum would have

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Speaker 1: a chance and have the chance of fighting for it

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Speaker 1: had we not done what we did.

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Speaker 3: That does does that cause you a lot of inner

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Speaker 3: anger I.

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Speaker 1: Did at the time. Yeah, my whole family was so

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Speaker 1: fucking angry at the system. For some context, my mum

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Speaker 1: had stage four fantasticized melanoma. Ye, when you have melanoma,

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Speaker 1: it's not like a like a cancer where you go

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Speaker 1: on chemotherapy.

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Speaker 3: Yep.

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Speaker 1: It's now one of the I think it's one of

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Speaker 1: the easiest treat the cancers. But anything that gets stage

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Speaker 1: four is terminal anyway. Yes, So they have really really

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Speaker 1: good results on immunotherapy, which is the way the doctors

256
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Speaker 1: describe it to me is like they pump my mum

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Speaker 1: with all of these white blood cells and they're like

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Speaker 1: called but power cells.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the healing cells of the body.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty much. And the actual like cancer itself. Nobody

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Speaker 1: really knows what cancer like you need to cancer, What

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Speaker 1: do you think it actually is? And what does it

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Speaker 1: look like in the body?

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Speaker 3: A big black circle that follows.

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Speaker 1: Through you see that from the ads? Yeah, but it's

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Speaker 1: literally like it's not that at all, Like it can

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Speaker 1: be so small, like it's I don't even like understand

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Speaker 1: it fully.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but when I think of cancer, I think of

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Speaker 3: just tumors.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well yeah, and I from what I can understand,

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Speaker 1: and I could be so wrong with this, but from

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Speaker 1: what I understand, it's just cells that have died like that.

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Speaker 1: There cells that like aren't active anymore. So that's creates

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Speaker 1: the tumors and we're more die and more diet than

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Speaker 1: the cancer spreads. Yeah, that's kind of like what happened.

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Speaker 1: So like they kind of pump you with all of

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Speaker 1: this stuff and that was like our best shot at

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Speaker 1: like okay, like getting mum on to treatment was so good,

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Speaker 1: Like within one day, Mum got the scans, we got

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Speaker 1: the diagnosis, We knew quite a few like doctors and

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Speaker 1: had those connections and got mum in so soon and

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Speaker 1: like they helped us incredibly. Yeah, but my mum had

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Speaker 1: a like like two leads of fluid around her heart

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Speaker 1: that was putting pressure on her heart and that was

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Speaker 1: causing her to be really sick. So she had to

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Speaker 1: have like heart surgery and drained that fluid yea. And

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Speaker 1: there was no there was no actual connection from the

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Speaker 1: fluid and the cancer.

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Speaker 3: Right, they were too separate things from what.

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Speaker 1: We were Like it might be like secondary flow on

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Speaker 1: effect from mum being sick, but there was no connection

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Speaker 1: of that. And they found cancer in the fluid, right,

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Speaker 1: But once they took that flui without there was no

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Speaker 1: cancer around her heart other. Right, So when she did that,

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Speaker 1: she wasn't able to do her immunotherapy treatment and just

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Speaker 1: like a third treatment. Yeah, and so they took at

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Speaker 1: the hospital, they did the surgery, and they fucking put

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Speaker 1: down that the immunotherapy was a fail that was a failure,

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Speaker 1: it didn't work. And once you're on the PBS, which

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Speaker 1: PBS is the the system that they that like cut

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Speaker 1: like Medicare for cancer or like any treatment in the

303
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Speaker 1: medical system, and that's like you get it on subsidized.

304
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Speaker 1: So it was on the PBS. But once something goes

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Speaker 1: down as a failure failure on the PBS, you were,

306
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Speaker 1: you can't get back on it. You cannot get back

307
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Speaker 1: on it. You have to pay for it yourself if

308
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Speaker 1: you want to go back on it. And we fought

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Speaker 1: with it, like with the doctors and like it's not

310
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Speaker 1: a failure like we like, But we didn't find out

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Speaker 1: it was a failure until after all that surgery and

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Speaker 1: Mom went back to her her doctor for her check

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Speaker 1: up and you know, go back on training, and we

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Speaker 1: found this out. So like had Mum had had the

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Speaker 1: chance to be on that for a consistent amount of

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Speaker 1: time after we don't know, but when she only went

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Speaker 1: downhill after she kind of went on she went on

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Speaker 1: a trial drug. Yeah, and then she had the tumer

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Speaker 1: in her arm. That was massive. Yeah, but that was

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Speaker 1: like the measuring to be like, Okay, it's something working

321
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Speaker 1: or is it not? Yeah, and they told us not

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00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,520
Speaker 1: to take it that it's pretty much that's that's stopping

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Speaker 1: like a lot of the other cells passing through your body. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and all the cancer when they took it, they did

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Speaker 1: the trial drug like, oh yeah, we're going to take

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Speaker 1: it out now, and we're like, what the fuck you

327
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,000
Speaker 1: said that we couldn't and oh no, like we they

328
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:02,440
Speaker 1: pretty much use these tumors as biopsies to then see

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Speaker 1: if it works. So they probably pretty much used people

330
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Speaker 1: as guinea pigs and they they used that tumor to see,

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Speaker 1: like to test the treatment was kind of but then

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Speaker 1: they just put you straight on it pretty much after that.

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Speaker 1: But once they took out that tuma, that's when I

334
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:23,440
Speaker 1: noticed the big down hill and within two months she

335
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,880
Speaker 1: was dead. Fuck. So there was a lot of like

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00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,160
Speaker 1: a lot of like little shit in that that.

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Speaker 2: Where it's like for you guys, you're using this as retarch,

338
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:33,400
Speaker 2: but this is my mon, this.

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Speaker 1: Is my mom, like and like my dad life.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this is my everything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And when I we kind of brought up to

342
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,640
Speaker 1: go back on them Munich therapy, that like, yeah you can,

343
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 1: but it's two hundred and it was like two hundred

344
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,920
Speaker 1: and ten thousand dollars for the treatment and I was

345
00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,600
Speaker 1: so close to trying to do a go fund me

346
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,720
Speaker 1: and Mom just didn't want it, like she did not

347
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:59,080
Speaker 1: want anybody else. She didn't want to ask for it,

348
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,800
Speaker 1: and so like we were so close to doing it,

349
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:05,399
Speaker 1: but she had so much hope for this trial drug

350
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 1: and you can get your hopes up so much. And yeah,

351
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Speaker 1: it's so sad, but I'm so grateful we were doing

352
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:16,680
Speaker 1: that in Australia and yeah, like in America, yeah honestly.

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Speaker 2: And you said, like we just came back from Mikingos

354
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,600
Speaker 2: and you obviously share a lot about your grief and

355
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,120
Speaker 2: your journey with that online and you've also gone through

356
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,000
Speaker 2: a breakup, and you said that you felt really connected

357
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,320
Speaker 2: to your mum in Greece. What did you do and

358
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,040
Speaker 2: how did you realize that in Greece? What was your

359
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,240
Speaker 2: spirit chill awakening, and how do you honor her in

360
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,680
Speaker 2: your everyday life and do things to remember her.

361
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Speaker 1: I was faining to you about it, Yeah, no, because

362
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:45,479
Speaker 1: it was I actually can't even explain the feeling. And

363
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:50,199
Speaker 1: it was like you you went out for lunch that

364
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,840
Speaker 1: day and like I'd just gotten to making honest and

365
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,560
Speaker 1: I was like, I just want to chill and like, yeah,

366
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Speaker 1: do my own thing. And I I was just like

367
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,919
Speaker 1: what do I like, what do I do? And I

368
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,240
Speaker 1: sat by the pool and I just like chilled them

369
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:09,040
Speaker 1: and I went back to the room showered, and then

370
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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I might just go watch the sunset.

371
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,720
Speaker 1: And I went down to that dog Yeah, and the

372
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:17,520
Speaker 1: sunset was the most beautiful studying that day, stunning thing.

373
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Speaker 1: And I always have a connection to the sky and

374
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,960
Speaker 1: my mom. Yeah, and the like when my mom passed

375
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,800
Speaker 1: away and I flew back home to the Gold Coast,

376
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,040
Speaker 1: like after being done at home for I think it

377
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,640
Speaker 1: was there for like two weeks and I flew home.

378
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 1: There was a rainbow around like around my plane, but

379
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,240
Speaker 1: not like not just a fucking rainbow, like the rainbow

380
00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 1: was like fully around the plane, like like a whole

381
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 1: way round, like I've never seen that, and everybody I've

382
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 1: showing them. I think I posted my story my post

383
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,160
Speaker 1: friends and I was like, I've never seen that before,

384
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 1: and the fact that I just felt like my mum

385
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:54,439
Speaker 1: was there and that I had that emotional attachment I

386
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,640
Speaker 1: think to the sky and something like the beautiful things

387
00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 1: that come from the sky. And when I seen the sunset,

388
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, I just like want to listen

389
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,199
Speaker 1: to like my mum's songs, and my mom has like

390
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 1: these like these specific songs that like we played at

391
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,680
Speaker 1: the funeral and like little things are like a little

392
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 1: jokes between like her. Yeah, And then I listened It's

393
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 1: called Little Green Apples by Robbie Williams, and I just

394
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 1: like it was like I just put my headphones on

395
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,440
Speaker 1: and just sat there and listened and just I felt

396
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:30,880
Speaker 1: this massive, just sense of gratitude. I just felt, Oh

397
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:35,439
Speaker 1: my god, I just felt like and I think like

398
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:41,159
Speaker 1: for the last few years, I've been not ungrateful, but

399
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 1: taking everything that I have for granted, my friendships, my

400
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 1: relationships with my family, even my mom. Like a lot

401
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,000
Speaker 1: of the things I have, I feel like I have

402
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 1: taken for granted, and I haven't been truly grateful and

403
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 1: shown that gratitude. And it was the first time I

404
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: that I can remember that I've just I just sat

405
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 1: there and be like, Fuck, this is my life, this

406
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 1: is my life. I'm so proud of myself. I feel

407
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,600
Speaker 1: like my mom's here right now. I feel like I

408
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:14,359
Speaker 1: am she's telling me that, Like, I'm so proud of you,

409
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,719
Speaker 1: and I'm so grateful and happy that you're doing your

410
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 1: own thing. And my mom never got to travel, like

411
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,880
Speaker 1: she never left Australia except for a cruise one time,

412
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 1: so like she never and my dream was to take

413
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:32,200
Speaker 1: my mom traveling, and my dream was to take her somewhere.

414
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 1: And I just felt so grateful and and so I

415
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:41,440
Speaker 1: think ground it and even like I was just like

416
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 1: even with Sam, like I'm so grateful for Sam, and

417
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for every friendship. I was so grateful

418
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 1: but everything, and I just felt the most connected to

419
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:55,800
Speaker 1: my mum and myself that I have ever felt before.

420
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 1: And I literally ended up watching sun set every night

421
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,480
Speaker 1: and just.

422
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,919
Speaker 2: I think, like as your friend as well, like seeing

423
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,200
Speaker 2: seeing you go through that whole thing, and like then

424
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 2: with your ex boyfriend and everything like that, like I

425
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 2: always just like urge him to like be sad because

426
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,639
Speaker 2: I think you're such a chaser and you're like, I

427
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 2: can't be sad. I can't process this right now because

428
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,560
Speaker 2: I've got something else to think about. I've got something

429
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,520
Speaker 2: else to do. And you're such a chaser and you

430
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 2: want to like prove I think subconsciously you want to

431
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,600
Speaker 2: prove so many people wrong and that you've got there,

432
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,480
Speaker 2: and like whether that's your dad or something like that,

433
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 2: you're you're like, I'm gonna I'm gonna get there, and

434
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 2: I'm going to prove you wrong. And I can't, like

435
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:37,800
Speaker 2: I can't let anything help me or stop me in

436
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 2: the way. And like as your friend and as like

437
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,360
Speaker 2: someone who's really close to you, like I'm.

438
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 3: Just like just stop. Just slow down, smell the pedals,

439
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 3: like fill the roses. I mean, like just stop. And

440
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:52,200
Speaker 3: so when I.

441
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 2: Saw that on your story, I was like, he's stopped.

442
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 2: He's stopped for that moment of time. He's not thinking

443
00:21:57,880 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 2: about what's next, and you've just stopped.

444
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 1: And the funny thing is I learned that lesson from

445
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: my breakup, Like I learned the emotional state and the

446
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 1: state of my nervous system after all that shit went

447
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:20,440
Speaker 1: down with my eggs. I was so lost, so fucking lost,

448
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:24,680
Speaker 1: so hurt. My body was so like I couldn't eat

449
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 1: for three days. I did not eat. I lost so

450
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:33,160
Speaker 1: much weight. I couldn't even I couldn't even think without

451
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 1: something racing through my head and I could not work

452
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:42,160
Speaker 1: out how to calm and ground myself for that whole time.

453
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,159
Speaker 1: This went on for that two weeks. Yeah, and I

454
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 1: was in the middle of moving states, I was in

455
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 1: the middle of buying a house. I was in the

456
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 1: middle of doing all of these big fucking moments in

457
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,800
Speaker 1: my life, and I felt like I could not actually

458
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 1: appreciate anything that was happening because I was so everything

459
00:22:59,080 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 1: was racing from my head.

460
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,159
Speaker 2: I was, well, it's like when you move at a

461
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 2: million miles an hour, it's like you don't even have

462
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 2: time to process things. And that's something we have been

463
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,359
Speaker 2: saying a lot to each other recently, Like and I

464
00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 2: said to you yesterday, I'm like, oh my god, we're

465
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,160
Speaker 2: with Curle And I was like, guys, like we're in London.

466
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,440
Speaker 2: Like we're all from Australia and we're all in London together.

467
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 2: We're all grabbing lunch, Like how cool is this? Like

468
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 2: it's like those moments where you actually have to speak

469
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 2: it out loud because time goes by so quickly, and

470
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 2: it's like, yeah, you like, I packed up all my

471
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 2: shit from the Gold Coast, I'm going through a breakup.

472
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 3: I bought a new house. Like I'm doing this and

473
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 3: doing that and doing that.

474
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,119
Speaker 2: And it's like when you're gonna sit there and be

475
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,399
Speaker 2: like you Bill Barker at twenty two years old, have

476
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,719
Speaker 2: moved to State so many times, You've bought a house,

477
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 2: you have a business, you're overseas.

478
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, like that is fucking amazing. Exactly, It's so fucking cool.

479
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,119
Speaker 1: It all hit me in that moment and I was

480
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,320
Speaker 1: just like like I just felt like a weighthead lifted

481
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 1: and I just felt so free. I wasn't and my

482
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 1: one thing is I can't. I'm always my phone like

483
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 1: from my like just anxious anyway, like yeah, always on.

484
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 1: It did not touch my phone and just like in

485
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 1: the moment, yeah, and I was just like, Wow, this

486
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: is so fucking beautiful. I'm so grateful for every little

487
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 1: triumph and every heartache and every emotional thing that has

488
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,160
Speaker 1: got me to the place I am now.

489
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 2: So you don't like and that's the thing is like

490
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 2: I always say, is like you shouldn't regret anything that

491
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 2: you do because everything that you have done has led

492
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 2: you to the place and the person that you are today.

493
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,360
Speaker 2: That if you regretted something and wish that you could

494
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 2: remove that part of your life, you won't be here.

495
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 2: And like even like your mom, like that's such a

496
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,439
Speaker 2: horrible thing that you've ever had to go through, But

497
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,640
Speaker 2: like I know your mum watched you every day.

498
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 3: I know that when that happened with you, you changed so

499
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 3: much as a person.

500
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 2: And like Katie, your manager, like I'm good friends with

501
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 2: her as well, Like she can see it as well,

502
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 2: and just like you've matured so much, Like as a man,

503
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 2: you were such a boy. You didn't have a man

504
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 2: to like look at you. And then I think when

505
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: everything happened, like I need to be a man and

506
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 2: I need to figure out how to be a man.

507
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that was the hardest thing growing up. I

508
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 1: didn't have one, not one single positive male figure in

509
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 1: my life.

510
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

511
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:16,960
Speaker 1: And it's also as much as you know, your childhood

512
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: makes you who you are.

513
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can hate things about.

514
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 1: It, you can hate things about it, but like even

515
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: like with my sexuality, Like yeah, my sexuality is definitely

516
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 1: impacted by the childhood that I had had growing up

517
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: and my even my I just not even attention, but

518
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:38,320
Speaker 1: like the validation of men and wanting to have that

519
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:40,400
Speaker 1: that figure and my attraction to men and working out

520
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: am I attracted to them or am I attracted or

521
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: wanting the validation the validation or having that masculine energy

522
00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 1: in my life because it was gone for so long

523
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 1: and working that out over these last few years has

524
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:59,199
Speaker 1: been so like impacted by what I've been through. Right,

525
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: So now I feel like that I do now have

526
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 1: masculine people in my life. Are there good figures that

527
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: aren't romantic?

528
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 3: Yeah?

529
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 1: And I'm so much better now at figuring that out

530
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,640
Speaker 1: and fearing out what I am and who I am

531
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:15,640
Speaker 1: and what I want.

532
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 2: Yeah. Wow, yeh, that's so interesting because like I probably

533
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 2: never thought about it like that, And it's like you probably.

534
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,119
Speaker 3: Do look at men and you're like, what do you

535
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 3: mean to me? Like where do you fit into my life?

536
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 2: I'm like, sorry to make it like a bit like hearted,

537
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 2: I'm so surprised you've never had a sugar daddy.

538
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 3: I'm actually here, I do do events.

539
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 1: I kind of have like a lot of them, but

540
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,640
Speaker 1: like a lot of them.

541
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 2: I'm so surprised that you haven't dated an older man.

542
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:42,880
Speaker 3: Well, I'm kind of.

543
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 2: Glad that, Like, it wouldn't have surprised me, because a

544
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 2: lot of people with daddy issues and everything seek like

545
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 2: an older person to feel that hole that they didn't

546
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 2: have as a kid.

547
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:59,679
Speaker 1: Like I think I feel that whole so much for myself, right,

548
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 1: there was no room for anybody else to ever let

549
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 1: me down.

550
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 3: Yeah.

551
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,400
Speaker 1: The more people I would let in, I guess, the

552
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 1: more I felt let down. Yes, I get hurt by them.

553
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: So I got to the point where I was like,

554
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 1: absolutely fucking no new people were coming into my life. Yeah,

555
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:17,879
Speaker 1: protecting that so much.

556
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you and I very much the same as

557
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 2: like we love meeting new people. We love like going

558
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:25,679
Speaker 2: out with new people, but like, yeah, we can have

559
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 2: the best fucking time with them, and they can be

560
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 2: great people, but I'm not gonna trust with anything you say.

561
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 2: It's like you really and like this industry is amazing

562
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 2: for that, But it's also like you meet some of

563
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 2: the fakest people that literally just like only want to

564
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 2: get close to you to tear you down.

565
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's very weird and.

566
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,239
Speaker 2: Like you learn very quickly who has your back, and

567
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 2: it's like keeping those people that were day ones like you,

568
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 2: It's like that's really important.

569
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 1: But someone looking, I mean you probably feel the same

570
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 1: someone looking into my life. I get this so much, like,

571
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 1: oh my god, your friend. Just so many people. You

572
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 1: have so many friends and don't I don't. I don't.

573
00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:04,119
Speaker 1: I have acquaintances. I have people that like I'm friendly

574
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 1: with yea, of course I can hang out with anybody.

575
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:07,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I say this all the time.

576
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 2: I'm like, people will always be like, oh, well Sam,

577
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 2: I won't invite Sam here because like she has heep

578
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 2: of friends and she won't want to come. Yeah, please

579
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 2: invite me. I'm really lonely. It is such a lonely industry.

580
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 2: You can go days without speaking with people because you

581
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 2: do just sometimes like or on your laptolp filming from home,

582
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,159
Speaker 2: like and all of those stuff.

583
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 3: Like it can be such a lonely.

584
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 2: Industry and you don't really know who has your back

585
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 2: in it. That's like, I do want genuine connection. I

586
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 2: do want like that is what I crave as an individual.

587
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 3: So yeah, please invite me, literally.

588
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 2: Like please, I would love to meet you. I would

589
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 2: love to hang out with you. I'd love to meet

590
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,320
Speaker 2: someone genuine because yes, I meet a lot of people,

591
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 2: but do I make a lot of friends.

592
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:48,239
Speaker 1: No, They're two different, two different things, And it's so

593
00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,720
Speaker 1: easy to get warped up in this industry. Oh my god,

594
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: are they like they really won't be my friend? Or

595
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:57,880
Speaker 1: like what else do they want? Yeah? Like I never

596
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: ever And I was just even saying this about me

597
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 1: dating the other day, Like I now, after going through

598
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 1: the breakup that I did and my perspective on dating

599
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: and the energy I put in and the healing I've done,

600
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,160
Speaker 1: I never want to put my time and effort and

601
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: energy into somebody that I can't and see a friendship

602
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 1: with the thought of me actually putting my energy into

603
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 1: somebody to be let down again makes me feel sick.

604
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 1: And that's just not the heartache and the things I

605
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,959
Speaker 1: want to do. And I guess it gets a bit

606
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 1: confusing for people because not even in this industry, but

607
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: in like with guys as well. Yeah, it's a lot

608
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:41,040
Speaker 1: easier I think with girls to build that for me,

609
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 1: but with guys, a lot of them just expect, Okay,

610
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: we're going in a date, we're having sex. For getting

611
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 1: I'm like that's not me, and that's never going to happen.

612
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: I need that friendship and I need that base because

613
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 1: if we if I don't like you and I don't

614
00:29:56,760 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 1: want something with you, I've just pulled my whole fucking

615
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 1: life into getting to know you and you getting to

616
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: know me for fucking what. Yeah, what's that got me?

617
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 1: And I'm not friendship however, I haven't got anything. Now

618
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: you just know so much about me.

619
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's really scary.

620
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 2: And I think that that's like a really big thing

621
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 2: about dating on social media. And also what we said

622
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:19,720
Speaker 2: is like you can find everything.

623
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 3: Out about me on social media.

624
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 2: You can find out about everything I've gone through, but

625
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 2: I can't find anything out about you. It's like you,

626
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 2: I used to be trust is given until proving otherwise,

627
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 2: but now I might trust is earned. You need to

628
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 2: like earn your trust in my life, and you need

629
00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 2: to like come in there and show that you're going

630
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 2: to be there for me through thick and thin, no

631
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 2: matter what. And like you need to be so secure

632
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 2: within yourself because I am my own best friend. I

633
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 2: can go and like not speak to anyone for days

634
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 2: and I'll have the best time. Like it really levels

635
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 2: up your self worth and going through all those things

636
00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 2: you had like creates, and you will build like you

637
00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 2: will attract an amazing person in your life. The more

638
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 2: you love being alone and the more you find yourself

639
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 2: and the more you're not willing to accept the bare minimum,

640
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 2: you will find the best person of all life. And

641
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 2: imagine how much you loved that person that was wrong

642
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 2: for you. And this is when I remind myself All

643
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 2: the time I loved my ex boyfriend, I was like,

644
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 2: you are my love, like your true love, Like this

645
00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 2: can't not get any better. And I was like convinced

646
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 2: on that, but I was like I loved him. Imagine

647
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 2: how much I'm going to love the right person. And

648
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 2: it makes me so excited exactly. So I'm like that

649
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,800
Speaker 2: he's going to literally like combust out of my chest.

650
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's like what I'm so excited for, Yeah,

651
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: like to find and experience and whether that happens tomorrow,

652
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 1: if it happens next year, I really am not fast because.

653
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 3: And that's such a good position to be in.

654
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,120
Speaker 1: It's so and that's like when you do the healing,

655
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 1: you actually go the fucking therapy and you, yeah, you

656
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: don't just put your issues into somebody else, and it's

657
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 1: also refers back to us. Like we can be so

658
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:59,280
Speaker 1: like excited and like know that somebody is going to

659
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: be there that's like out everything and you're excited for that,

660
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 1: but also you have to be there everything, and you

661
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 1: have to you know, go into that with your best

662
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: foot forward.

663
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

664
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: I never want to go into anything, Yeah, carrying all

665
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:13,240
Speaker 1: this baggage from something else I'm still holding on to.

666
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 2: And that's why I'm so glad that, like when I

667
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 2: came to London, everything just like clicked to me and

668
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 2: I was like, the reason why no one good has

669
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 2: come into my life yet is because I was carrying

670
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 2: so much stuff. That's like, now I'm in the position

671
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,680
Speaker 2: of my life where I'm so happy with who I

672
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 2: present myself like every day and I'm not carrying all

673
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: this extra complicated stuff that like I'm actually going to

674
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,719
Speaker 2: attract the right person in my life, and that person's

675
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 2: going to attract me because I'm finally clear, Like I'm

676
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 2: clear minded.

677
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's the the beauty of growing. And it's

678
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 1: so that feeling. I just kin't even like explain that

679
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 1: feeling either, Like.

680
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 3: You can't are you I can explain it okay.

681
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:58,479
Speaker 1: It's called peace. Peace at peace. And when you're when

682
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: you're not in, you're fighting those thoughts and you know

683
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 1: those emotions. We've all fucking been through.

684
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 2: It, and you're not gonna have peace every day, no no,

685
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 2: But it's when you can know that you can go

686
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 2: and connect with that piece.

687
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I take myself back to that moment I

688
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 1: was sitting on that dock and I'm like, I was

689
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 1: able to ground myself and bring myself back and be

690
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: in the moment. And you don't learn those tools without

691
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: going through the heartache. Yeah, And that's what's so beautiful.

692
00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 2: The biggest you're when you're going through something so hard

693
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 2: like and you're feeling like you never go that is

694
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 2: the point where you're about to have the biggest outbreak

695
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 2: and you're about to have the biggest success. You have

696
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,640
Speaker 2: to go through that hard time to blossom. And that's

697
00:33:42,680 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 2: what you just have to trust in that process. When

698
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,040
Speaker 2: you think you're at rock bottom like that is when

699
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 2: everything's about to get better.

700
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 1: That's like the there's a video on TikTok that the

701
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 1: lady she like cuts her plant, like fucked like cuts

702
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,680
Speaker 1: it all off. It's like, yeah, but wait, wait a

703
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: month and then brings it back a.

704
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 3: Month later, and it's it's a big true.

705
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 2: It's like you need to sometimes trim your roses for

706
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 2: the roses to get better.

707
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,959
Speaker 1: Exactly, cut the bites off, cut those fucking bitches off,

708
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,720
Speaker 1: and go through the ship and embrace it, like embrace

709
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: it in the hole. Yeah, exactly, like sit in those

710
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 1: emotions and embrace it. And honestly, I think like going

711
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,719
Speaker 1: through all of that has like I don't know, this

712
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 1: is like so like I was literally saying the same

713
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 1: the other day, I'm going to get like a job,

714
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,720
Speaker 1: like a corporate job, just because like, but I honestly

715
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,759
Speaker 1: think one day and I would really love to do it.

716
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: It's just like being a mentor and like a coach

717
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 1: into people that are going through that stuff and like

718
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 1: building their lives and building their brands and just being

719
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like visiness mentors a little bit

720
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:51,360
Speaker 1: like fuck, I don't know who wants to listen to

721
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 1: my advice. But like I'm also like I created this

722
00:34:56,120 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 1: whole thing. I didn't rely on a partner, a TV show, nothing.

723
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:04,879
Speaker 3: And that's like the best feeling. I didn't need anyone.

724
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: To get myself here anybody else, so like to maybe

725
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 1: go into I think maybe I might be a life

726
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 1: coach one day.

727
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 3: Could maybe and then look.

728
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 1: Up like look up at people like Jay Shady and

729
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 1: Robins and stuff and.

730
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 3: Be like fuck like that that's how Mel got into it.

731
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: That feels so attractive to me.

732
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 2: So we're gonna finish with some final quick fire questions

733
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,479
Speaker 2: to finish off the episode. It's called hot seat Cues

734
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:38,280
Speaker 2: and music Blake. If you could book a flight tomorrow,

735
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 2: where are you going and who's on your mood board

736
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 2: for that trip?

737
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 3: Who are you channeling?

738
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 1: Channeling in his present moment, I think I'm booking a

739
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 1: flight to La Yep and you're coming with me, okay,

740
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 1: And I'm in such like a motivational period right now,

741
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 1: and I'm like, we're hustling and we're going to do

742
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 1: fucking something work over there. Yeah, I feel like that

743
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 1: would be like my mood and sounds natural.

744
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 2: So okay, what is one beauty or wellness product you

745
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 2: never travel without to fill your hottest.

746
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:19,399
Speaker 1: Oh there's so many, Like my toilet trees bags, it's

747
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 1: like half my weight.

748
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 2: Okay, So what is one product in that toilet tees

749
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 2: bag that you need.

750
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:34,720
Speaker 1: I think, fuck, this is really odd. Teeth, twightening strips, yep, and.

751
00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,440
Speaker 3: My colone, I think, okay, what's your colone?

752
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 1: My colone is Giorgio Many Aquadigo. It's really nice, but

753
00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:43,840
Speaker 1: I think I want to change it.

754
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 2: You know, there's a really good Louie to one will

755
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,280
Speaker 2: go smart like, yeah, okay, what does hotter than yesterday

756
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:51,799
Speaker 2: mean to you in this chapter.

757
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 3: Of your life?

758
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 1: I feel like today yeap is like as I said before,

759
00:36:57,239 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 1: so grounded and so I appreciate it and grateful but

760
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:04,879
Speaker 1: absolutely everything. And I feel like once, like when when

761
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 1: you feel that gratefulness and that that appreciation and just

762
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 1: humble in yourself, then it shows on the outside and

763
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,799
Speaker 1: it's just like it's like a flow on effect. It's

764
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,960
Speaker 1: like you need to heal your gut before you that

765
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:19,400
Speaker 1: you can hear me one hundred.

766
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 2: Okay, what's your best advice for someone wanting to be

767
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: themselves and not care what people think?

768
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,040
Speaker 1: It's a fucking it's a journey. It's hard and you

769
00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,719
Speaker 1: can't just like one day about that. Yeah, it is

770
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 1: a journey. But my best advice would be, like as

771
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 1: cliche as it as it is, dance like fucking nobody

772
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:45,320
Speaker 1: is watching, because as much as you might think everybody

773
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 1: fucking watching you, everyone's so self centered and so.

774
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 2: No one is so fixated on like your life as

775
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:53,759
Speaker 2: much as they are, and they literally don't care.

776
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: I always say, when you walk into a mirror, like

777
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 1: when you walk into a bathroom and say, there's like

778
00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of people, you look at yourself first? Yeah,

779
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 1: who do you look at? First? Yourself?

780
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 3: Yeah?

781
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 2: And lastly, on every episode we're doing a bit of

782
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,359
Speaker 2: a hard truth. So can you tell the listeners are

783
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 2: hard truth that you have.

784
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 1: I haven't had one hard truth. A hard truth is

785
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,919
Speaker 1: just because somebody's family doesn't mean they want the best

786
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 1: for you, period.

787
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:30,959
Speaker 3: Wow that's really good.

788
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that one. Just because somebody is family

789
00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 1: does not mean they deserve the right to be in

790
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: your life. That's hard.

791
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 3: Facts. Well, thank you so much for coming on Holder

792
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 3: than yesterday, Bill in.

793
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: London holding tomorrow.

794
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 2: Of course you will be by the time we get

795
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 2: back from London for you.

796
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:52,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, hotder than tomorrow.

797
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 1: Like like, okay, guys, welcome back to hotther than yesterday.

798
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: I was today, so tomorrow.

799
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 2: Even okay, fucking p r k alright er, Well, I'll

800
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 2: see you guys next episode.

801
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 3: Thank you so much Bill for joining.

802
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,839
Speaker 2: I went on Sensory Overload on Bill's podcast to make

803
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:13,439
Speaker 2: sure you guys listen to that when it comes out.

804
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:17,640
Speaker 3: And I'll see you guys next week. Ye thanks for

805
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 3: coming