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Speaker 1: Tiffany ankle Crag Anthony Harp of the Bloody You Project.

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Speaker 1: It's us, It's it's Thursday. I've been in the Wars.

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Speaker 1: I've been attacked by a bloke with a knife, not

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Speaker 1: even kidding, or i'd less attacked more surgically treated. I've

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Speaker 1: got shit cut off everywhere. I've got stitches in my face,

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Speaker 1: I've got stitches in my arm. I'm showing Tiff, which

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Speaker 1: is not a very good medium, or not a very

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Speaker 1: good idea when you're on an audio medium. But you know,

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Speaker 1: big Boy Wars high Tiff, you are.

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Speaker 2: In the Wars. A little bit of surgical enhancement, well,

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Speaker 2: a little bit of wish, a little wish.

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Speaker 1: We've had the conversation about my fucking honker. I did say, look,

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Speaker 1: while you're cutting skin cancer out of my face, and

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Speaker 1: look you've got the scalpel out, if you could just

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Speaker 1: take a smidge off the old fucking ski ramp, that

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Speaker 1: would be good.

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Speaker 2: But you know they've left that ride alone. And do

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Speaker 2: you know why?

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Speaker 1: Why's that?

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Speaker 2: Because of that zinc cream you run around with on

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Speaker 2: your nose all the time.

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Speaker 1: Well, I have this zinc cream that one of my

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Speaker 1: friends put me onto two of my friends Kim and

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Speaker 1: Gary aka Buffy and Kim. I'm looking for my pen

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Speaker 1: and this is like the if I ever told you

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Speaker 1: about my you know, because gillespo's anti sunscreen, right yeah,

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Speaker 1: and because of all the oils, and it might might

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Speaker 1: stop you from getting something, or it might not or

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Speaker 1: it might kill you from nine other cancers according to Tim. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I've got this sunscreen. So it's a tube like the

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Speaker 1: shit I used to buy. It's like nine gallons for

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Speaker 1: a dollar thirty five at the supermarket, so look probably

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Speaker 1: not high quality. And the one that I'm getting that

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Speaker 1: Kim and Buffy put me onto is it's like a

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Speaker 1: tube of toothpaste like that size. It's forty bucks, but

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Speaker 1: it's it's it's all natural and you can it's actually edible,

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Speaker 1: not that you'd want to eat it, but it's actually edible.

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Speaker 1: That is well, I don't know I could go. What

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Speaker 1: I might do is if anyone's interested. And it feels

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Speaker 1: amazing when you put it on your skin. It feels

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Speaker 1: like it doesn't just feel like oily shit just on

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Speaker 1: your skin. It feels that I don't say shit like this,

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Speaker 1: but it feels like I don't know it feels like

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Speaker 1: it's nourishing, feels like it's food for your skin.

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Speaker 2: But anyway to know what that would like? Some of that?

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Speaker 1: And yes, I've been to the doctor this morning or

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Speaker 1: this afternoon, no, this morning, late this morning, and he

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Speaker 1: cut off some skin cancers and it's always good waiting

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Speaker 1: for the results. Like you cut this thing off my chin,

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Speaker 1: which you know what's like, Let's say you've got something

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Speaker 1: that's I don't know the size of a freckle, like

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Speaker 1: a match stick head or two match stick heads. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's like it's little, like the size of a pee.

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Speaker 1: But then they cut out something that's the size of

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Speaker 1: a fucking golf ball because they've got to clear the

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Speaker 1: borders and then they've got to go from your chin

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Speaker 1: basically up to your fucking prefrontal cortex to make sure

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Speaker 1: they get it all. I'm like and like under this

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Speaker 1: stupid looking a band aid, it's all bruised and shit,

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Speaker 1: I know I sound like a big baby, and I

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Speaker 1: am a big baby. So that there are people with

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Speaker 1: way moss problems than me.

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Speaker 2: It is shocking how much they do have to cut

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Speaker 2: out for such a small thing. And isn't it interesting

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Speaker 2: how I don't know if this is you, but this

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Speaker 2: is me. Like I had a little thing on my nose,

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Speaker 2: and because I've had a the SCC on my face

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Speaker 2: before they got whipped out, kept touching my nose, going, oh,

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Speaker 2: that's definitely that'll be one ese bloody. I'll better go

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Speaker 2: get that caught up. That's going to need cutting off.

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Speaker 2: That's going to be a skin cancer. But it's just little,

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Speaker 2: you know, like I've been thinking that for ages and

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Speaker 2: then after you it that the skin dotor and then

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Speaker 2: I went to get it checked, and then I was

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Speaker 2: really nervous because it was like, now I'm going to

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Speaker 2: be told. So it's like having the idea and thinking

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Speaker 2: it is isn't really the belief.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sure with doctors, I'm a big baby. I

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Speaker 1: should be better. I don't know, I'm not. I just

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Speaker 1: I'm the worst. Like I literally wait until things fall off,

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Speaker 1: which I shouldn't. I'm better than I used to be,

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Speaker 1: better than I used to be. But the first time

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Speaker 1: I went like I had something on my skin, and

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Speaker 1: you know, like it looked nasty, and you know, by

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Speaker 1: the time you get there, you go, well, I've got

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Speaker 1: four weeks to live, So it's just a matter of

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Speaker 1: what I do with the four weeks four gone conclusion.

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Speaker 1: He's just going to go, yep, melanoma advanced, get your

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Speaker 1: shit in order, say good body of folks, and maybe

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Speaker 1: figure out, I don't know, do you have a will?

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Speaker 1: You know? And then you go there. He's like, well,

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Speaker 1: you've got some shit, but you're not going to die.

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Speaker 1: And then I could have kissed him on the mouth.

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Speaker 1: And then and then my sphinker finally relaxed after four

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Speaker 1: weeks snapshot like a fucking vault. And then and then

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Speaker 1: I continue to go back every six months for a

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Speaker 1: long time. And then I don't think I've been since

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Speaker 1: COVID and then I went like a week ago. He's like, hmm,

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Speaker 1: you haven't been there for while, have you? I went no,

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Speaker 1: He goes, you should come more of Like really, so I.

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Speaker 2: Had him cut off before I go have to go yearly? Now?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well I my old man's had I think

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Speaker 1: it's in the family. So anyway, I had three things

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Speaker 1: cut off today. I'm going to go back next week,

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Speaker 1: three more and then one final visit.

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Speaker 2: Yes, how's this for cutting off your nose to spite

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Speaker 2: your face? I last time I booked for my annual checkup.

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Speaker 2: I wanted them to look at a couple of specific things,

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Speaker 2: and I can't remember what they did, but they look

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Speaker 2: I think they cut those off. And then they didn't

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Speaker 2: do the full check. He goes, oh, you're two months early.

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Speaker 2: And then I booked early because of these things to

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Speaker 2: you two months early, so we won't do the full check.

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Speaker 2: And then I've got the ships and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: so you charge me all that money to chop that out,

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Speaker 2: but then you won't just have a quick look at

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Speaker 2: everything else that takes four minutes. Want more money. So

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Speaker 2: out of spite, I was like, well, I'm not coming

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Speaker 2: back in two months.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. You showed him, Yeah yeah, yeah, you and your melanoma.

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Speaker 1: You showed him. You fucked that guy. Yeah, well done, Tiff, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Tick one for you a Taurus.

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Speaker 1: Can I just point out that at five minutes past three,

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Speaker 1: how happy you are? And can I point out that

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Speaker 1: at five minutes to three you are a complete fuck

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Speaker 1: stick and angry fuck stick to me? And do you

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Speaker 1: want to do you want to unpack that? Let's I

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Speaker 1: think this is a good opportunity. I think this is

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Speaker 1: a good opportunity for us to open the door, a

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Speaker 1: little a little staff meeting, have a little staff meeting

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Speaker 1: in front of everyone, maybe a little bit of therapy,

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Speaker 1: and maybe you can just step into the vulnerability circle

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Speaker 1: with our group and you can just just go Hi, everyone,

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Speaker 1: my name's Tiv. I get cranky. Okay, I've started you off.

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Speaker 2: My name's Stiff. And I get cranky when Harps says

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Speaker 2: to me, Hey, do you want to do a podcast later?

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Speaker 2: And I say yes, and he's like, how about you

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Speaker 2: interview me? You just yep, you just interview me and

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Speaker 2: I won't know anything about it, and I'm like okay.

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Speaker 2: And then I spend like ninety minutes in an absolute

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Speaker 2: fucking state because I can't think of a conversation. I

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Speaker 2: can't think of what to interview you about. And then

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Speaker 2: I get all anxious, and then by the time I

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Speaker 2: in money with you, I can but barely bluddy. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't very nice. I'm sorry, Ben No.

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Speaker 1: That's all right. I forgive you loved by Jumbo. It's

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Speaker 1: all right, though. I see in you, I see your anxiety,

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Speaker 1: and I see it is funny because you were because

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Speaker 1: I so here we are everyone at three I six,

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Speaker 1: we were going to jump on at three and have

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Speaker 1: a chat. And at one point thirty Tiff rang me

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Speaker 1: to say, you know, what's up? What's going on? A

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Speaker 1: bit light on the scheduling this week? And I said, well,

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Speaker 1: need to do something today because I did have a

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Speaker 1: plan to plan fell through. So either I'm I'm going

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Speaker 1: to do a solo. I'm just going to pick a

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Speaker 1: topic and just bang on as I do a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a freestyle mini workshop for the masses, or

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Speaker 1: you and me could do something. And I said do

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Speaker 1: you want to do one at three? And Tip said yep.

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Speaker 1: I said, awesome. Why don't you just why don't you

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Speaker 1: come up with an idea or some questions. I'll just say,

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Speaker 1: don't tell me what it's about. And she goes okay,

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Speaker 1: And then at three minutes to three, I jump on

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Speaker 1: and fucking Captain Cranky's just got a bottom lip out,

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Speaker 1: fucking just shit energy. What is that about? Anyway?

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Speaker 2: I think I did think to myself Omily to turn

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Speaker 2: this around. You know when you get the shits like

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Speaker 2: that and you're like, oh, I don't like being this nice.

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Speaker 2: I'm not a nice person right now, but I don't

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Speaker 2: really know how to get myself out of it. Wow,

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Speaker 2: Well we're out of it now.

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Speaker 1: Can I just say that before you bang on? Yesterday

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Speaker 1: I went to I went down to Dalesford. Have you

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Speaker 1: been to Dalesford in the last year or ten?

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Speaker 2: No, I actually haven't been.

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Speaker 1: It's such a nice joint. I know it sounds weird

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Speaker 1: and it's like it's a bit it's a bit out

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Speaker 1: there and hippie, but it's fucking beautiful. It's a beautiful

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Speaker 1: place for people. Not that I saw that many, but

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Speaker 1: the people I saw were lovely. I'm just trying to

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Speaker 1: find it. I went to this joint called Hotel belln Zona.

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Speaker 1: Now I don't have any relationship with them, but let

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Speaker 1: me tell you fancy, fark and fancy. And then underneath

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Speaker 1: the hotel they have this cafe, which is to call

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Speaker 1: it a cafe is really an understatement. It is just

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Speaker 1: so beautiful and so fancy. And I did a gig

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Speaker 1: for Buxton's from Mornington Peninsula. Buxton Mornington Peninsula and such

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Speaker 1: a good group and it was funny because I don't know,

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Speaker 1: did you see the thing? I know, we're just banging

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Speaker 1: on here. Feel free to tune out everyone. Did you

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Speaker 1: see the whiteboard that they had no no Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: don't look now because you'll get Don't put your fucking

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Speaker 1: phone down. No, put your fucking phone down. As soon

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Speaker 1: as you do that, you're not present. You're not present.

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Speaker 1: As soon as I do that, you always like zones out.

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Speaker 1: So they had this whiteboard that's as big as like

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Speaker 1: a seventy five inch TV screen. It's not a whiteboard.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what's called. It's like the electronic equivalent

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Speaker 1: of a whiteboard. And I don't know if the background

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Speaker 1: changes color, but it was like this blue gray color

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Speaker 1: and you write on it with your fingertip, so you

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Speaker 1: literally write, you write whatever, and it comes up crystal

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Speaker 1: clear in real time. You can draw with it. You

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Speaker 1: can write, you can do you can write shit over here, over,

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Speaker 1: and you can actually hold say you write Craig Harper.

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Speaker 1: You can put your hand on the screen and drag

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Speaker 1: it so you can drag the words. Right. You can

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Speaker 1: download so that there's I don't know how to I

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Speaker 1: don't know how to do this, but it downloads. So

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Speaker 1: say that I write, over the course of a day's workshop,

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Speaker 1: I write twenty pages of shit. Right, you can download

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Speaker 1: it so it's all been recorded. And then this is

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Speaker 1: the best bit. Then you go to the bottom, you

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Speaker 1: press a button and it cleans the screen instantly. So

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Speaker 1: it clears the screen. It's just the best thing ever.

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Speaker 1: All right, go and have a look. Now, have a look. Now,

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Speaker 1: pick up and pick up your phone. So go into

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Speaker 1: if you want to see everyone, it's this is not

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Speaker 1: very exciting, but Craig Anthony Harper. So go in and

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Speaker 1: then you'll see me in the group. And then just

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Speaker 1: swipe across. So go into the latest post and then

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Speaker 1: you'll see me looking like a like a fucking hookah.

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Speaker 1: Look at how I'm sitting by the way. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: have a look at that, and wow, how good is that?

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Speaker 2: It's like the human magna doodle. Remember the magna doodle?

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Speaker 1: Well it is, but it's like yeah, yeah. So so

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Speaker 1: it's my birthday next month. So if you could get

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Speaker 1: all of our listeners together, if everyone can just donate

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Speaker 1: a dollar, that'd be great, no pressure. We could start

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Speaker 1: a go fund me for ups as new that's pretty cool.

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Speaker 1: I'm only kidding everybody, But I do want one. I

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Speaker 1: do want one of those. I don't need one, I

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Speaker 1: definitely don't need one, but I want one.

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Speaker 2: Definitely get one.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I interrupted you were you about to

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Speaker 1: open a conversational door?

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Speaker 2: Oh? I can't remember.

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Speaker 1: Now what have you been up to today? Have you trained,

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Speaker 1: if you walked your dog? Have you trained anyone? Have

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Speaker 1: you produced any high quality content for the world.

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Speaker 2: I've done all of those, all of the above. You

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Speaker 2: know what I was just doing, which probably didn't help

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Speaker 2: my mood. I was on the phone to my bank,

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Speaker 2: who sent out a new card to me. But then

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Speaker 2: I realized they've got some old address. And then when

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Speaker 2: I told them about that, they canceled my card. That

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Speaker 2: all ac all card accents, and I was like, oh

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Speaker 2: my goodness. And then I had to ring to get

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Speaker 2: and then all of the options about that topic just

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Speaker 2: go to a thing that tells you how to do

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Speaker 2: it online. I'm like, yeah, so that it helps. I

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Speaker 2: spent a bit of time doing that. That was fun,

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Speaker 2: A little bit of a walk in the sunshine with Luna,

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Speaker 2: who needs to Did you know did you see my

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Speaker 2: post about Luna?

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Speaker 1: No? I did not.

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Speaker 2: She has to.

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Speaker 1: Luna, of course, is TIFF's dog, her daughter, one of

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Speaker 1: her two daughters, the other one being Bear, the fucking

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Speaker 1: psychopathic feline. But yes, the fucking, the fucking that cat.

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Speaker 1: All cats are cunts. Let's just say it. She's a

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Speaker 1: fucking that cat's a psycho. Yeah, what's the what's the go?

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Speaker 1: Can you say? I'm sorry? What's what's going on with Luna?

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Speaker 2: She's had a saw paw and I've been to the twice,

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Speaker 2: and then the third time I took her in, they

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Speaker 2: said she's got grizzy in her paw and the only

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Speaker 2: option now is we're going to have to sedate her

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Speaker 2: and cut it open. You can imagine having a saw

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Speaker 2: paw and getting sedated after a little coachy. That's not

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Speaker 2: on the top of my fun things to do list.

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Speaker 1: Well, let's just to put the fifty percent of our

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Speaker 1: audience who don't know the story and correct anything I

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Speaker 1: get wrong. But TIFF's last happy child Coach, who was

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Speaker 1: young and healthy and gorgeous, went in for a relatively

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Speaker 1: minor operation and didn't really come out, well, didn't come out,

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Speaker 1: and that was very obviously unexpected. She wasn't old, she

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Speaker 1: wasn't sick, and so I would imagine you going just

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Speaker 1: even just you going back to the VET would be

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Speaker 1: somewhat traumatizing.

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty good now I go to a different vet now,

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Speaker 2: So I'm pretty and they're pretty good. So I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: does it have to be a poor that saw? And

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Speaker 2: do we have to sedate her?

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Speaker 1: Mm? Yeah, I think I think she'll be fine. What

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Speaker 1: did you say is in it? Did you say grizz grit? Oh? Grit?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, which is wrapped?

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Speaker 1: She'ld be absolutely She'll be absolutely fine.

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Speaker 2: Thats some pretty cool shoes, though that you've seen those.

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Speaker 1: No, I have not got I haven't really been online

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Speaker 1: a whole lot.

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Speaker 2: You need to get on it, bro. My dog's I'll

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Speaker 2: put a picture up in the typ group.

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Speaker 1: I've been busy. My man's been a bit crook. I

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Speaker 1: was kind of bragging about how great my dad was

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Speaker 1: doing a couple of weeks ago. He's training at the

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Speaker 1: gym three times and you don't speak too soon. He's

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Speaker 1: all right, but he had a little procedure. We won't

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Speaker 1: open the door too wide. But he had a procedure

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, and that's required that put

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Speaker 1: him in hospital for three days. It was meant to

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Speaker 1: be one, you know, and then you know what's catch

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Speaker 1: twenty two with the older people, Like he's eighty five

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Speaker 1: now and he was going he was training three days

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Speaker 1: in the week a week at the gym, once by himself,

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Speaker 1: once with Josh the EP and once with Fatty Harps.

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Speaker 1: And since he's gotten a crook, right, so he spent

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Speaker 1: a lot of the last two weeks, like a lot

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Speaker 1: either lying or sitting. And what happens boys and girls,

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Speaker 1: especially when you're old, when you spend somewhere around twenty

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Speaker 1: three and a half hours a day maybe more, to

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Speaker 1: be honest, either sitting on your bottom or lying in

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Speaker 1: a bed. The muscle that you do have, which is

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Speaker 1: not significant, balls off your body and it's And then

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Speaker 1: on top of that, right, at least, don't talk to

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Speaker 1: my dad about this anyone who knows my dad. But

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Speaker 1: then on top of that, you know, obviously he's in

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Speaker 1: a bit of pain. He's walking not great now because

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Speaker 1: he's you know. And then on top of that is

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Speaker 1: a bit flat because he's his recovery is slower than

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Speaker 1: it was hoped it would be from the op and

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Speaker 1: all of these things, right, and then then you chuck

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Speaker 1: in that you know Mum is waiting on him, hand

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Speaker 1: and for it, and then she's a bit anxious because she's,

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Speaker 1: oh god, and it's like every time am I oversharing

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Speaker 1: at the moment, it's just too much if it is,

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Speaker 1: if it is, tune out everyone. But every time the

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Speaker 1: phone rings and it's Mum myself, right, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: because I just especially if it's a certain time of

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Speaker 1: the day, like if it's like Mum rings at typical times,

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Speaker 1: if she rings at an atypical time, I just jump

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Speaker 1: to some terrible assumption or conclusion.

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Speaker 2: But anyway, it's interesting how those little things wear down

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Speaker 2: on you though, right.

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Speaker 1: Well, and also when you want to be you know,

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Speaker 1: there's only like we talk about, it's easy to talk about.

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Speaker 1: You know, where's my mind, where your mind is, That's

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Speaker 1: where your emotions are, that's where your energy is, that's

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Speaker 1: where your body is, control your controllables, and all of

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Speaker 1: that is true. All of that is true. And I

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Speaker 1: still try to be cognizant of that and not to

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Speaker 1: waste energy on things I can't control. But when you

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Speaker 1: love someone a lot, you know, like I love my

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Speaker 1: mum and dad like everyone or most people love their

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Speaker 1: mum and dads. I think most, Yeah, there's that, you know.

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Speaker 1: Like I've said before, it gets to a point where

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Speaker 1: you kind of become the dad, or you become a

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00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,840
Speaker 1: version of the parent where you've got to look after them,

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Speaker 1: protect them, if not, make decisions for them, make decisions

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Speaker 1: with them, and you know. Yeah, and so in the

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Speaker 1: middle of all of that turning up like I sometimes

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Speaker 1: like I was talking to Mum on the way to

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Speaker 1: Dalsford yesterday before I did this gig, and so I

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Speaker 1: had to present at about three point thirty at Dalesford.

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Speaker 1: And at about three point fifteen I was on the

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Speaker 1: phone with Mum and it wasn't you know, it wasn't terrible.

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Speaker 1: But I got off the phone and I just love

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Speaker 1: Mum and I love you know, I want her to

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Speaker 1: be okay, and I worry that. You know, Mum's fucking

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Speaker 1: three feet tall and eighty five in a minute and

361
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Speaker 1: just a human dynamoe. But she she she worries about

362
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Speaker 1: everyone and everything and she takes all that on. And

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Speaker 1: I was about fifteen minutes away from presenting and I

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Speaker 1: had to I had to drag my self out of it.

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Speaker 1: I had to go. I realized I cannot, I cannot

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Speaker 1: be in this energy, I cannot be in this headspace.

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Speaker 1: And so I just got out of the car and

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Speaker 1: went for a walk and then I connected with Nicole,

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Speaker 1: who organized the gig, and we and I, you know,

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Speaker 1: and by the time or maybe it was twenty five

371
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Speaker 1: minutes before, but by the time I started, I was

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Speaker 1: in a good place. But I thought, you know, like

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Speaker 1: when you do, like even with this podcast, right, you know,

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Speaker 1: you have to not manufacture it, but you have to

375
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Speaker 1: try to genuinely get yourself in a better place so

376
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,480
Speaker 1: that you can so that Yeah, well, you know, but

377
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Speaker 1: I mean, imagine if you had brought that energy into

378
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:47,159
Speaker 1: because we had a plan, and the plan was you

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Speaker 1: were going to do whatever, and then you were you

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Speaker 1: didn't feel great, which is cool, You're human, and I go,

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Speaker 1: all right, scrap that plan. And I could see the

382
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Speaker 1: relief come over you. I could see the anxiety drain

383
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Speaker 1: out of your body, and I went, don't worry about it.

384
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Speaker 1: We'll just bang on. But yeah, it's for me. I tried.

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00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,520
Speaker 1: This sounds weird, but when I'm doing, especially yesterday was

386
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Speaker 1: a two hour workshop. The people were fucking great. I

387
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: got a message before, which is really nice and I

388
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,800
Speaker 1: don't mean sound bragging at bragst, but I just loved it.

389
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:23,400
Speaker 1: And Nicole sent me a message and said virtually everyone

390
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:26,640
Speaker 1: said the highlight of the two days was the session

391
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,159
Speaker 1: with you, and I'm like, that is so nice. And

392
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Speaker 1: I try to and I don't always do it. Obviously.

393
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Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm a fucking four out of ten. Sometimes I'm

394
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Speaker 1: a nine point nine. And it varies, and I think

395
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,159
Speaker 1: I'm more consistent that I used to be than I

396
00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,879
Speaker 1: used to be. But I really try in the moment

397
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 1: to be completely totally present. So I'm not thinking about

398
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 1: the drive home. I'm not thinking about Mum or Dad.

399
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Speaker 1: I'm not thinking about my you know, going and get

400
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 1: my skin cut tomorrow. I'm not I'm just fully immersed

401
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:04,920
Speaker 1: in the moment. And I've really been proactively and consciously

402
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:09,119
Speaker 1: practicing that more. This morning, I had, I'll shut up

403
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 1: after this because I know you're ready. She keeps, she

404
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,439
Speaker 1: keeps card and talk sorry, and I bang on. But

405
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,240
Speaker 1: this morning I had. I had a coffee with Phil,

406
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 1: a friend of mine. I call him Pastor Phil because

407
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 1: he's a pastor. He's been a pastor of churches for

408
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 1: most of his adult life and he's not doing that

409
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 1: at the moment. He's doing other stuff, but I still

410
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 1: call him past Phil anyway. And he's just a very loving,

411
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 1: generous person, and you know, He's one of those people

412
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,400
Speaker 1: where he will talk about you and let you talk

413
00:21:42,440 --> 00:21:45,640
Speaker 1: about you for an hour. And I'm very cognizant of that.

414
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 1: And I went in not trying to be strategic, but

415
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,800
Speaker 1: just be aware. And I said to myself, don't fucking

416
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:54,920
Speaker 1: talk about yourself today, like you talk about yourself too much.

417
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: Shut the fuck up. And so we just sat down

418
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 1: and he talked about his stuff and what's going on,

419
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,680
Speaker 1: and I asked him questions and it was great. We're

420
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 1: now together. And about the forty minute mark, he goes,

421
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 1: that's enough about me, what about you? And I go,

422
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,880
Speaker 1: fuck me, it's all about you today, and I said,

423
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: I don't really have a lot of new stuff, so

424
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 1: let's just and we just and it was really nice.

425
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:20,000
Speaker 1: It was nice to consciously be present for someone else

426
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 1: and not to wait for a gap in the conversation

427
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 1: and not to turn it around and then go, oh yeah,

428
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,879
Speaker 1: but listen to you know. And that's something that I

429
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,680
Speaker 1: used to be terrible at it. I used to be terrible,

430
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,439
Speaker 1: but it's something I've really worked out over the last

431
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 1: you know, ten or twenty years. Obviously, I'm not very

432
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 1: good at it on a podcast because I'm not fucking

433
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 1: shutting up, but in that situation, being able to be

434
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 1: fully present and just let whatever's going to happen happen. Yeah,

435
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,199
Speaker 1: I think it's something that for me, I've really had

436
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:53,800
Speaker 1: to work on. I'm getting better at.

437
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,960
Speaker 2: How do you how do you honor that? How do

438
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:03,040
Speaker 2: you honor that in yourself, that ability to actually care

439
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 2: and share and get what you need in support? Right,

440
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 2: let's look at because you're an independent, single only child

441
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 2: with parents who live two hours away, So this is massive, Like,

442
00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:22,679
Speaker 2: of course you feeling like this is absolutely expected, and

443
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 2: so how do you, aside from just being busy or

444
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 2: getting being really present in the stuff you do, when

445
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 2: do you allow or how do you allow yourself to

446
00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 2: share in a way that actually lets you feel good

447
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,560
Speaker 2: and okay and not feel like you're burdening anyone or

448
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 2: have you not mastered that?

449
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 1: Okay? That is a very multilayered question. I think that

450
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: doing this right now is therapeutic for me. So there's

451
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 1: no persona here, Like, there's no pretending, there's no bullshit,

452
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,320
Speaker 1: Like everything I'm talking about is reel raw. You know,

453
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 1: we talk about public you, personal you, private youth, secret you.

454
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 1: This is as close to private you as I would

455
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 1: get in a public forum, so I'm not really holding

456
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 1: anything back. Look, I this is a tiny bit complicated,

457
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: but I'll answer as honestly as I can. This is

458
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 1: going to sound negative. I don't mean it too, but

459
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 1: I truly don't believe that there are that many people

460
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: in my world who care that much about how I'm traveling.

461
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,840
Speaker 1: I think there are some people, but I have a

462
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: long history of relationships with people who want something from me.

463
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 1: And that might sound like I feel sorry for me.

464
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 1: I absolutely don't. I'm very grateful. I think I'm privileged.

465
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 1: But the amount of people who ring me and go,

466
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 1: is there anything I can do for you? Are you okay?

467
00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:00,680
Speaker 1: Do you want any help? Not many and not often.

468
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: And I'm not resentful. I'm not mad at anyone, and

469
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:11,440
Speaker 1: so it doesn't. It doesn't. It's not that I I'm

470
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 1: dysfunctional to the point that I can't talk to people.

471
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 1: I absolutely can. I'm doing it right now, But I

472
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,239
Speaker 1: don't know. I think I've kind of trained myself to not,

473
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: you know, not to be dependent on that. If it comes,

474
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 1: it comes, and it's lovely if someone you know and

475
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 1: there's this is also you can tell this as unscripted,

476
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:42,919
Speaker 1: everyone going Yeah. Also, I think there's this, you know,

477
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 1: there's this people who actually genuinely, really fucking care, and

478
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,880
Speaker 1: then there's people who think they should ring, and they'll

479
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 1: do that for three days because of something, and then

480
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:58,679
Speaker 1: they won't do it anymore. And it's like, you know,

481
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: friends of mine that have gone through deep, deep, deep shit,

482
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 1: and you know, somebody has died or somebody something bad

483
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: has happened, and then everyone gives him a lot of

484
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 1: attention for a short amount of time and then it

485
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 1: goes away, Like for example, with Johnny, who you know,

486
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:18,480
Speaker 1: who I train, he got overwhelmed with attention and sympathy

487
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 1: and cards and people bringing meals when he had his accident,

488
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: which was six years ago, and six years later, I

489
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 1: still see him three days a week and I still

490
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,679
Speaker 1: love him, and I've been talking to him today and

491
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 1: messaging him and not seeing him tonight, but I'm seeing

492
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,240
Speaker 1: him tomorrow. And I try to be that, you know,

493
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:39,160
Speaker 1: like more than fair weather friend. I feel like I'm digressing,

494
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:43,679
Speaker 1: but yeah, I'm happy to be vulnerable and open. But

495
00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:47,360
Speaker 1: I truly don't think that many people, not that they

496
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 1: don't care. I just think most people, really it's it's

497
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 1: like yeah that, ah, okay, cool, that's enough now, you know. Yeah,

498
00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 1: like there are and I'm not include you in this

499
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 1: so you don't need things. He's talking about me. But

500
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,240
Speaker 1: there have been people over the years, a lot of

501
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 1: people I only hear from them when they need something,

502
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 1: like a lot like you know people that would go,

503
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: oh yeah, Craig and I mates. I'm like, okay, I'm

504
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:19,960
Speaker 1: okay with that, but we're not. We're not. It's because

505
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 1: you know, you only reach out to me when you

506
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 1: need something or something's broken or something's wrong and you

507
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 1: need me to intro you to someone or fix something

508
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 1: or resolve a problem or help you. And I love

509
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: helping people, so I don't mind. But to me, that's

510
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:36,920
Speaker 1: you know, the Crab and I are awesome friends. Vinn

511
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: and I awesome friends, Greg and I awesome. You know,

512
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 1: there's there's a bunch of people in my world who

513
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 1: that they're no matter what friends, you know. Yeah, yeah,

514
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 1: Which I don't mean that sound negative because it's not.

515
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 1: And it's also remember we spoke about that book that

516
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:58,679
Speaker 1: I've mentioned too many times, Bad Therapy by Abigail Streier.

517
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 1: It's like the other thing is for me personally, sometimes

518
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,439
Speaker 1: if I'm going through shit, what I need to do

519
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,400
Speaker 1: is sit in that shit and work through it myself,

520
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,800
Speaker 1: and I come out the other side pretty good. But

521
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 1: for a lot of people that would not be a

522
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 1: good strategy, and for me, talking about what I'm feeling

523
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: isn't always the answer either. So I think, like with

524
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 1: you know, managing your emotions and your mind and your

525
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 1: mental health, like everything, there's no three step protocol that

526
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:36,840
Speaker 1: is appropriate or relevant or optimal for the myriad of

527
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,200
Speaker 1: different people that listen to this show.

528
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 2: For example, how often and when I ask this, I

529
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 2: ask it because it's something I've thought about and worked

530
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 2: through in my own world. And I'm not saying it's

531
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 2: what's happens with you, But how often do you think

532
00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 2: we are responsible in how our relationships play out? That

533
00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: sounds simpler than I'm trying to ask it, Like, I

534
00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 2: feel like I had a lot of similar styles of

535
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 2: relationships in the past where people have walked away or

536
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 2: I've worked like I've been one walk away really easily.

537
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 2: But when I've looked at that over time, and often

538
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 2: it hurts a lot, and I get and I want

539
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 2: to go every Yeah, like there's no no one sticks around,

540
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 2: no one cares, no one needs. And then I go

541
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 2: and then I look at who they're getting, and they're

542
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 2: not getting and they were never getting They never knew me,

543
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 2: they were never getting me. I was never leaning in.

544
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 1: That's right.

545
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 2: How often do you think, like, do you think that

546
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 2: is a challenge for you?

547
00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 1: One percent? One hundred? Oh? On no level do I

548
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 1: think most of the times that the other person is

549
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:49,960
Speaker 1: the problem. Like I'm even if in the moment there's

550
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: something going on with someone and I think that person's

551
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 1: a fox stick Da da da da, I still know

552
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 1: that at least some and even if they are being

553
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: a fustick, whatever the issue is, I still know that

554
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: I'm part of that problem. I still know that in

555
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 1: some way I'm allowing this or making this happen, or

556
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: there's something I'm not seeing. And I'm fully aware that

557
00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 1: I'm always looking through the Craig window, and I'm fully

558
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,640
Speaker 1: aware that Craig's go, why is he talking in the

559
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:19,160
Speaker 1: third person? Craig Z go fucking Craig wants him to

560
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: be right. I get that, and like I know that

561
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,840
Speaker 1: you know we've spoken about this many times. I mean,

562
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: I'm fully comfortable talking about my numerous flaws. And you know,

563
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 1: it's like in the past when girls have said to me,

564
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 1: or ladies, I should say, have said to me, you

565
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 1: know your commitment phobic? Can I go, yes, I am,

566
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,360
Speaker 1: and feel like, ah, so you know, I go, of course,

567
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: I fucking know, I'm sixty and single. Fucking what gave

568
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 1: it away? You know, like fucking you know, there are clues.

569
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: Just follow the bread crumbs, boys and girls, the emotional

570
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: bread crumbs, and you'll find I can wreck at the

571
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 1: end of it, you know. And but then you go,

572
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: I mean, this is a really interesting thing. Like I'm

573
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:15,000
Speaker 1: I've been a little bit. I've been a lot influenced

574
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: by I reckon. This is something I never thought about

575
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 1: till I was about forty and I just one day

576
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: I just had this epiphany about why I might so

577
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 1: be why I might be so apprehensive at times like

578
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: I can open the door like this because and there's

579
00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 1: nothing really that I'm leaving out because I'm happy with

580
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 1: this kind of exposure in inverted commerce. But I've spoken

581
00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 1: to so many people who are in relationships that they

582
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,680
Speaker 1: don't want to be in, or that they're tolerating, or

583
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 1: that are physically or emotionally or mentally in some way

584
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,920
Speaker 1: self destructive or toxic or unhealthy or whatever, or not

585
00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 1: self destructive, but destructive. And again, this is just my experience,

586
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 1: and this is not an opinion what I'm about to say,

587
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:19,800
Speaker 1: this is my experience. My experience has been that most

588
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 1: of the people that have spoken to me in confidence

589
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,960
Speaker 1: about their relationships over the last forty years have said

590
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: negative things about their partners, not positive. Most of them

591
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 1: are complaining or regretting or resenting. Now I'm not you know,

592
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: maybe I've got a really skewed sample. Maybe my research

593
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 1: pool is very skewed. But I've trained fucking thousands of

594
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: humans and women, old, young, different, different fucking you know,

595
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 1: religions and cultures and demographics. And there ain't many people

596
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 1: who talk to me about their partner and say amazing, positive,

597
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:05,440
Speaker 1: glowing things. And that always made me nervous, like I'm like, wow,

598
00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 1: what would my girlfriend or my wife be saying? You

599
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:13,360
Speaker 1: know so? And I don't think I really consciously, and yes,

600
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 1: I realized that there are also before anyone sends me

601
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 1: an email, my mum and dad have been married, happily

602
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 1: ish forever. So's Vinn, my mate and so's Greg. And

603
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: of course there are lots of happy people, and maybe

604
00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:28,280
Speaker 1: happy people just don't talk about their relationships. I don't know,

605
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 1: but that and I realized that that negativity and that

606
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 1: I'm going to say something I've never said on this

607
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 1: show before, but it's just true. And the amount of

608
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 1: married women that would be let's just say somewhat inappropriate

609
00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 1: in their conversation with me, will just leave it at that,

610
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: over like years and years, like I would not want

611
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: my wife talking that way to the bloke at the gym,

612
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Without me being too overt,

613
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, oh you're bare. No, no, I'm good,

614
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 1: thank you, you know, and you know, and of course

615
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,040
Speaker 1: that was not the majority of women, but you know,

616
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: you train thousands of people over like I used to

617
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,280
Speaker 1: do sixty sessions a week for years. Well that's three

618
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 1: thousand sessions a year, three thousand times a year I

619
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: was one on one with someone. You do that for

620
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 1: well fifteen years, that's forty five thousand sessions you do

621
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: it for I did it for thirty years. You know

622
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:39,320
Speaker 1: what is that ninety thousand sessions? I mean I've had

623
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: I would say in the proximity of one hundred thousand conversations,

624
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,399
Speaker 1: a lot of them one on one, and you know,

625
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 1: it's like, yes, so you get a really good insight

626
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 1: into the good and bad, you know that, And like

627
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 1: the truth is and again I'm just sharing my experience.

628
00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 1: It might I may have a skew sample, and you know,

629
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 1: but but yeah, I think that, you know, what is

630
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 1: true is not always what we want to hear. I

631
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,399
Speaker 1: personally believe that, you know, happiness is not about are

632
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: you single, are you married? Are you I think it's

633
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 1: much more than that. But I think the the you know,

634
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: the the overarching goal for the majority of people is

635
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 1: something like I want to be happy. I want to

636
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: be safe, I want to be calm, I want to

637
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 1: be financially okay, I want someone who loves me. I

638
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,279
Speaker 1: want to be in a healthy relate. All those normal things,

639
00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 1: and they're all good things. But if we be really

640
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: brave and courageous and honest and we look around, that's

641
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 1: not that's not the norm. Like, that's not you know, happy, fulfilling,

642
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,959
Speaker 1: healthy relationships. That's more of the exception than the rule,

643
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,919
Speaker 1: I think. And of course, you know, no one wants

644
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,840
Speaker 1: to say that or hear that, but it's like, well,

645
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,479
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. But at the same time,

646
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 1: I also know I know lots of people who are

647
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,279
Speaker 1: somewhere between pretty happy and really happy in their relationships,

648
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 1: and of course I acknowledge I don't know how we

649
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 1: got onto this, but of course I acknowledge that they're

650
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 1: even in great relationships, there are going to be good

651
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 1: days and shit days. I'm not talking about that. But

652
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 1: so I don't know that, you know, Like, for you,

653
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: I think there's more pressure on girls. You know, you're

654
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 1: a forty year old whatever, forty year old attractive single woman,

655
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: you know, And I would imagine there's been for the

656
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 1: last forty or not forty twenty years, there's been versions of,

657
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,440
Speaker 1: oh but you're such a good catch here for you

658
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 1: know whatever, if I have one more person, obviously I'm

659
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,839
Speaker 1: a little past it now. I'm a fucking geriatric. I've

660
00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:53,879
Speaker 1: got one eye on the finish line and the other

661
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,720
Speaker 1: on my fucking my poli.

662
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:58,520
Speaker 2: Right once you get those stitches out of your chin, Oh.

663
00:36:58,280 --> 00:37:00,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I look like fucking shit rack at the moment,

664
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:08,359
Speaker 1: unlike my normal brad pitness. Yeah, but I don't know,

665
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 1: you know, it's like it is being you know, you

666
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 1: can be with someone and lonely, or you can be

667
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 1: alone and not lonely, Like I've written that recently on

668
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 1: my whiteboard stuff. And you go, well, yeah, I think

669
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: obviously being in a relationship with someone that you love

670
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 1: and that loves you, and I think it's beautiful and

671
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:30,280
Speaker 1: amazing and I'm all for it. I'm all for healthy,

672
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: awesome relationships.

673
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, we put so much judgment on everybody, on people

674
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:41,360
Speaker 2: without understanding their values what's important. I remember years and

675
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 2: years ago someone I went to school with, one of

676
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:47,520
Speaker 2: their cousins, was dating someone who was a total like

677
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 2: he even tried to hit on me sitting right next

678
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 2: to him in a car, and I'm thinking, how can

679
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 2: they be with this person when sure everybody would have

680
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 2: to know how unfaithful they are, And he just blatantly

681
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:02,919
Speaker 2: did that, And then my friend and I remember years

682
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:07,200
Speaker 2: later thinking about it and going whim, like, they've got

683
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,760
Speaker 2: kids in their head like that, Why is my version

684
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 2: of what's right and wrong in a relationship more important

685
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,880
Speaker 2: than like they've got this whole life going on. Maybe

686
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 2: that's better. Maybe they've got a better life than me.

687
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 2: And I'm miserable, miserable and single with trust issues and fuckingang.

688
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe maybe not. I mean, I think, you know,

689
00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 1: comparison is the thief of joy, right, and I think that,

690
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:35,399
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know if I had got married

691
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 1: at twenty five, if now my life would be better

692
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 1: and I'd be better, and if I'd had kids, I

693
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: would have been a good dad. I don't know. It's

694
00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 1: all theoretical and it's all hypothetical, and it probably doesn't matter,

695
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 1: you know, but i'd I'd rather have not been a

696
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 1: husband than ended up being a shit husband that got divorced,

697
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:01,239
Speaker 1: you know, so, and I'm may very well have been that.

698
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,440
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't even know if I would be.

699
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: I mean, I haven't had a girlfriend for I don't know,

700
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: fifteen years, like fucking count the issues everyone, you know,

701
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm dad to about one hundred people,

702
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 1: though I'm like, I'm like a lot of people's big

703
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,359
Speaker 1: brother or dad, and I'm you know, I guess I'm

704
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: all right with that.

705
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 2: So, say you were thirty or forty now, and this

706
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:30,200
Speaker 2: wouldn't have been an option then or certainly not mainstream

707
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,320
Speaker 2: where it kind of kind of is now, would.

708
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 1: I hook up with Patrick? Is that what you're gonna ask.

709
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 2: Okay, everyone thinks he's a handsome lad and absolutely loves him,

710
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 2: including me. I'm first in line, though, So would you

711
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 2: would you want to would you consider being a solo dad?

712
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 2: Would you consider doing you know, like having a child

713
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 2: by whatever means? That means a surag.

714
00:39:54,640 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 1: That's an interesting question. Yeah, ah, I have been told

715
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 1: a thousand times at least you would make a great dad,

716
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 1: and I I always say no, I'm too selfish, or

717
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 1: I'm too this or that, and I don't know, like

718
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: I never like pumping up my ties. But I think

719
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:22,919
Speaker 1: I might have been a great dad, but I could

720
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 1: be shit, I don't know. I Look, the answer to

721
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: that hypothetical is if I woke up today when I

722
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,960
Speaker 1: was thirty and I had the chance to be a

723
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 1: single dad and maybe even to have a healthy relationship

724
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 1: with the mum. You know that is not a terrible thought.

725
00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 2: Women have that choice now, and there's a lot of

726
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 2: them doing it actually without a partner, going and using

727
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 2: a donor and having a child solo mums.

728
00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that.

729
00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,879
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's potentially there's men doing it too. I mean,

730
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 2: my friend Sean Resnik was the first dad in Australia

731
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,840
Speaker 2: to adopt it or to do a local surrogacy. Yes,

732
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 2: eli's like and toddling around with blonde hair now, but

733
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 2: you know, and how much those options change people's lives

734
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,400
Speaker 2: now or will moving forward things that weren't available to

735
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 2: us before that we now have choice.

736
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,640
Speaker 1: Yep, ye, Look, I think the truth is especially we

737
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: see now with all the diversity in the nature of

738
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 1: relationships and the way that things are working or I

739
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 1: guess manifesting churning out there. I don't know what the

740
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 1: word is. In twenty twenty four, it's like, clearly there's

741
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:48,839
Speaker 1: no set way to do love. Clearly, there's not one

742
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 1: or two models. There's fifty eight. Clearly, there's not one

743
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 1: best model for a healthy loving relationship. Clearly, right, if

744
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 1: marriage was this well one, there'd be no divorce. Well,

745
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:05,919
Speaker 1: that ain't the case. And if marriage was some kind

746
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 1: of an answer to a problem, then everyone that's married

747
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 1: would be happy, And clearly that's not the case. Neither

748
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 1: is that to say that marriage is the cause of misery.

749
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 1: It's just that we assign meaning to certain things, like

750
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:24,280
Speaker 1: we're you know, I've had people who really have literally

751
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 1: overtly felt and expressed sorrow because I'm single. Save your sorrow, bro.

752
00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:38,959
Speaker 1: It's all right, I'm you know, it's like that's kind

753
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: of almost offensive, you know, without even going by the way,

754
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,279
Speaker 1: are you happy? You know? Are you happy? And it's

755
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 1: like people find it hard to believe that you could

756
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 1: be a single dude and not in any hurry to

757
00:42:53,360 --> 00:43:00,160
Speaker 1: be in anything, and to to have platonic girl friends,

758
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 1: right but actual friends. There's no bullshit. There's no you know,

759
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 1: fucking on the side and pretending to be friends. Like

760
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 1: it's it's like people go because every guy must be

761
00:43:12,320 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 1: you know, maybe some but maybe not all. Maybe you know,

762
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 1: maybe you know, and I just for me, I find

763
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 1: it like I don't know why, but I've always had

764
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:31,000
Speaker 1: in that space, in that romance, even that that you know,

765
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 1: when you're a young dude and let's just go, opportunities

766
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 1: present themselves. Let's say that, right, Very few times, not never,

767
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:47,959
Speaker 1: but very few times did I did I take those

768
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 1: opportunities without getting too specific, because I knew, well one

769
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: I didn't, you know, like I didn't feel that way

770
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 1: about that person. If all I want wanted was you know, fucking,

771
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 1: which wasn't all I wanted? Right then, that was at

772
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 1: times available as it is with a lot of people.

773
00:44:11,680 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: And I know that, yes, you know, with this getting

774
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 1: too weird or deep, everyone feel free to jump out.

775
00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 1: But I always I always thought about you know, after,

776
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 1: like tomorrow though, like what's going to happen, and I'd go, no,

777
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: like I the amount of you know, yeah, just I

778
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 1: don't want to sound like a fucking idiot, but the

779
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 1: amount of options that I did not take up was

780
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,839
Speaker 1: a lot, a lot, you know. And also I worked

781
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,720
Speaker 1: in the fitness industry and I was around young people

782
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 1: and there was lots of socializing and it was just

783
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,400
Speaker 1: that kind of you know, it was the eighties, it

784
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:50,560
Speaker 1: was the nineties, it was whatever, and yeah, but I

785
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 1: just always thought things through and I went, that wouldn't

786
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 1: end well for you. For me, it's not a great thing,

787
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,239
Speaker 1: I know right now in the moment, which is why

788
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 1: I never drank beer, which is why I never did booze,

789
00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 1: which is why I've never been drunk. It's why i've

790
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:05,920
Speaker 1: never been high, It's why i've never you know, without

791
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: being whatever, gotten anyone pregnant. It's why it's just because

792
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:14,279
Speaker 1: I I just I think through the consequences and I

793
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: go Yep, that might feel good. This might be a

794
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 1: fucking amazing hour or night, and right now it might

795
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 1: seem like a fucking awesome idea. My Dick is just

796
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 1: super excited about the prospect. But I'm like, no, I

797
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:34,880
Speaker 1: just I just know what's to come too much.

798
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 2: I told you how animated my fucking mind is. When

799
00:45:38,680 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 2: you're talking, you.

800
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,920
Speaker 1: Don't visualize that. But but I mean, look, I'm just

801
00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 1: being honest, and this is this, you know this like

802
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: you know, I know young people, now, I know what

803
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 1: you know. It's the same. It's the same going not

804
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:59,439
Speaker 1: exactly the same, but a version. It's you know, it's

805
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,840
Speaker 1: like young Lockey at the gym that I trained with

806
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 1: every day. He is twenty five, his girlfriend's twenty four,

807
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 1: Young Jamie's nineteen. I spent every day on with these

808
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:11,839
Speaker 1: young people, and I'm with you know, and I know

809
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 1: what goes on, and it's not fucking They're not at

810
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 1: church every night, you know, and that's cool. They're not

811
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:21,239
Speaker 1: seeking the Lord on their knees reading the gospels like

812
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:25,720
Speaker 1: I was. Remember Remember also from nineteen to twenty four,

813
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 1: I was serving the Lord. I was getting higher on

814
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:32,680
Speaker 1: the Messiah fire, you know. I was just banging on

815
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 1: the Bible, bro. So you know, I literally did not

816
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:42,239
Speaker 1: have any physical intimacy for five years, like nothing, not

817
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:43,760
Speaker 1: even nothing, I mean.

818
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 2: Nahing, what made you close the door on that? And

819
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 2: how quickly after that door? Like? Was that an was

820
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 2: that an intimacy decision? Was that a hey, I might

821
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:57,000
Speaker 2: explore a relationship or and how long after leaving that

822
00:46:58,040 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 2: the lord's doorstep?

823
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:02,920
Speaker 1: It was very It was very gradual. It wasn't like

824
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: on Monday, I went, right, I'm not doing the God thing,

825
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:10,399
Speaker 1: and on Tuesday I was banging some hobby from the gym. Right,

826
00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 1: that didn't it was Wednesday. So I gave it a

827
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,080
Speaker 1: good forty eight hours, you know, because of the self

828
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:22,440
Speaker 1: control and Aha, no, that's all bullshit. No, But it's

829
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:25,359
Speaker 1: like I've always been weird and deep, and I was

830
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 1: really genuinely I was on a spiritual journey and I

831
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 1: wanted to learn. I wanted to I wanted to learn

832
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 1: about who I was, beyond my body and my urges

833
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: and my bullshit, my ego, and I wanted to learn

834
00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 1: what you know, for me, the attraction of the New

835
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:45,839
Speaker 1: Testament anyway is love and kindness and forgiveness and understanding

836
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:47,920
Speaker 1: and the Old testament's a little bit more brutal. But

837
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 1: you know, and I wanted to be that. I was

838
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 1: always and I still want to be that. I still

839
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,040
Speaker 1: want to be a good human doing good things for people.

840
00:47:56,800 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 1: But you know, I'm a flawed human like everyone I know,

841
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:05,360
Speaker 1: Like I've got bullshit and I've got false but you

842
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:09,279
Speaker 1: know I didn't. I didn't. I've spoken about this. I did,

843
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 1: you know a podcast not long ago, I think it

844
00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 1: was called Do I Believe in God? Or something? And yeah,

845
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:18,839
Speaker 1: it's just like for me, there was just things that

846
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,800
Speaker 1: were happening within the group that I was in. Let's

847
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 1: just say that, which to me were out of alignment

848
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:32,879
Speaker 1: with the alleged values and mission and you know, theology

849
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 1: and philosophy of the church. And it's not like all

850
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:40,439
Speaker 1: these people were terrible. So I left the terrible people

851
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 1: because I'm better. It wasn't that. And also I was

852
00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:46,359
Speaker 1: questioning and I was doubting. And you know the thing

853
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:51,080
Speaker 1: is when you're in any group, you know, any group

854
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 1: which has a particular ideology or philosophy or in this case, theology,

855
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 1: you are required two toe the theological, philosophical or psychological line.

856
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 1: You're required to toe the line to remain a member

857
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:07,879
Speaker 1: of the group. That's how you're in the group. This

858
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 1: is what we do, This is what we think, This

859
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,399
Speaker 1: is how we pray, this is how we live. These

860
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 1: are our values. And we all agree with this, and

861
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 1: we all live in the theological echo chamber, and everybody

862
00:49:19,160 --> 00:49:22,439
Speaker 1: who ain't in our echo chamber is wrong. And I've

863
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: lived in a few echo chambers in my life. I've

864
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 1: lived in training ones, nutritional ones, social ones, religious ones.

865
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 1: And I really think growth and personal development and evolution

866
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:41,600
Speaker 1: starts when you can not necessarily get well. When you

867
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 1: can get out of the echo chamber, you might leave

868
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 1: the echo chamber, go on your own quest and realize

869
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 1: that those values are your values. But learning, you know,

870
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:55,879
Speaker 1: there's a big haasm between learning how to think and

871
00:49:55,960 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 1: being told what to think. And I encourage everyone to

872
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:06,000
Speaker 1: learn how to think, to ask questions, to doubt, to question.

873
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:09,760
Speaker 1: You know, for sure, have beliefs, but question those beliefs

874
00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 1: and don't do what Craig says because you like Craig

875
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 1: and you trust me. Like if you'd like me and

876
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:22,000
Speaker 1: trust me, thank you, that's I value that. But you know,

877
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 1: take things for a test drive, learn your own truth,

878
00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: arrive at your own conclusions, uncover your own treasure, be

879
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 1: your own person, don't belong to a group, think, don't

880
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:39,080
Speaker 1: join a psychological cult, you know. And this is like,

881
00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 1: this is really important for our own growth is to

882
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 1: be able to recognize our own bias and recognize our

883
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 1: own fear that keeps us trapped in a group, be

884
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 1: that social, theological, political, whatever. And it's hard because that

885
00:50:56,480 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 1: at time means you're going to be an outlier and

886
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,640
Speaker 1: an outsider, and that means people are not going to

887
00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 1: like you because you don't agree with them, and people

888
00:51:04,719 --> 00:51:08,560
Speaker 1: want you to agree with them, you know. So she

889
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:10,720
Speaker 1: we've covered some vast ground today.

890
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:16,680
Speaker 2: That was pretty happy. I'm thinking about your this idea

891
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:21,240
Speaker 2: around your when you talked before about urges, not clients

892
00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:24,680
Speaker 2: are coming to urges, And then I was thinking about

893
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 2: you growing up up until fourteen being obese and just

894
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 2: did that idea of obviously so you having the urge

895
00:51:39,560 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 2: to eat for whatever reason and then putting on weight

896
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 2: and seeing the outcome that was so negative because you

897
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:49,760
Speaker 2: gave into these urges. Was that a lens that then

898
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,840
Speaker 2: made you make decisions about the other urges. Whether we

899
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:56,880
Speaker 2: know about the booze about drugs, about about.

900
00:51:56,880 --> 00:52:00,839
Speaker 1: So that is a great question. Congratulations, So you could

901
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:02,960
Speaker 1: have started the day with that and you didn't have

902
00:52:03,040 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 1: to be a prick, right, See, the good question came.

903
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 1: It took fifty one minutes. But fucking hell, come on,

904
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:14,000
Speaker 1: let's go high five, virtual high five. That is a

905
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:16,720
Speaker 1: great question. I've never thought about that, But when you

906
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:19,760
Speaker 1: frame it like that, I go, hey, that's pretty clever.

907
00:52:19,920 --> 00:52:25,839
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe like I did a podcast yesterday, I think

908
00:52:25,840 --> 00:52:29,320
Speaker 1: it'll be yesterday. As people hear this one called delaying

909
00:52:29,400 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 1: or the value of delaying gratification, And for me, that's

910
00:52:33,160 --> 00:52:38,279
Speaker 1: always been a constant challenge, is to not succumb to

911
00:52:38,520 --> 00:52:42,440
Speaker 1: that quick fix, whether it's whatever you know. But I

912
00:52:42,520 --> 00:52:48,879
Speaker 1: think I also think that for me, and I don't

913
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 1: say this insincerely, but because I am not innately wildly

914
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 1: talented and all of those things, great genetics, all that shit,

915
00:52:59,000 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 1: I I realized earlier that I had to have discipline.

916
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:07,840
Speaker 1: If I didn't have discipline or self control, at least

917
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:10,799
Speaker 1: initially until I built habits that aligned with my who

918
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 1: and how I wanted to be, but at least initially

919
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 1: to be able to exercise self control, and like when

920
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: you're a twenty twenty twenty one two three four year

921
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:27,239
Speaker 1: old dude and you never have sex. It's constant discipline.

922
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:30,520
Speaker 1: It was for me because your body is like full

923
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 1: of testosterone, Like my body is like, what the fuck

924
00:53:34,080 --> 00:53:36,560
Speaker 1: are you doing? Like this is not normal?

925
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:42,399
Speaker 2: You know. I wonder how that has influenced your how

926
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:46,400
Speaker 2: urges like the relationship between urges and feeling and emotion.

927
00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:50,400
Speaker 2: So then you're not your propensity to not feel as

928
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:55,239
Speaker 2: comfortable or good in talking about things that upset you

929
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:59,359
Speaker 2: because it almost leans into a similar kind of relationship,

930
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 2: like what.

931
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:05,400
Speaker 1: Kind of things wouldn't I talk about?

932
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:07,920
Speaker 2: You know, when you've talked it, we've brought up that

933
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:11,479
Speaker 2: book of so when you've said that you sometimes don't

934
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 2: feel that talking about some things bother you don't doesn't

935
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:17,760
Speaker 2: necessarily make you feel good. I wonder if it because

936
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:19,280
Speaker 2: its under the same window.

937
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 1: Yeah right, No, I don't not talk about it because

938
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:26,200
Speaker 1: I can't. It just doesn't make for me. It doesn't

939
00:54:26,440 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 1: like a lot of it's ironic that talking about it

940
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,160
Speaker 1: like this, I feel is you know, somewhat helpful just

941
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 1: talking in general, and I feel like sharing with an audience.

942
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 1: I think I like it because I think other people

943
00:54:42,120 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: will see a bit of me in them, or a

944
00:54:44,239 --> 00:54:46,239
Speaker 1: bit of them in me, or whatever, and so I

945
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 1: feel like it serves a positive purpose. But if it's

946
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 1: just like you and me sitting in where I am

947
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 1: now in my office, for example, and me talking about,

948
00:54:57,280 --> 00:55:02,440
Speaker 1: for example, the the fear that I have, it's not overwhelming.

949
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:04,840
Speaker 1: I would say it's just normal and healthy for anyone

950
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: who loves their parents. But the fear that I have

951
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:12,120
Speaker 1: around the next one two three years of my parents' journey, right,

952
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 1: I could sit and talk to you about all of

953
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:19,520
Speaker 1: that in depth, but I know it wouldn't help because

954
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:22,160
Speaker 1: I wouldn't come out the other side feeling better because

955
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 1: it's not going to change what's going to happen in

956
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:28,600
Speaker 1: the next one two three years. So I'm very cognizant.

957
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:32,879
Speaker 1: I'm very practical. There are times when I worry more

958
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 1: than other times. I look at it, you know, try

959
00:55:37,200 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 1: to look at it through a practical lens and say,

960
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:43,000
Speaker 1: all right, well, they ain't going to get any better,

961
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:48,719
Speaker 1: So how do I love them, look after them, protect them,

962
00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 1: and you know, spend makers whatever time they have as

963
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,360
Speaker 1: good as possible. So I try to get out of

964
00:55:56,400 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 1: my own fear and self pity and all of that,

965
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:03,759
Speaker 1: and just invest my energy where I think it's gonna

966
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:11,160
Speaker 1: give everyone a better return. So well, it must be

967
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:12,320
Speaker 1: time to go and lift something.

968
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 2: I think it is now.

969
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:18,680
Speaker 1: We had a lumpy start, although pre hitting the go

970
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:21,800
Speaker 1: button we had a lumpy start. But you've dragged yourself

971
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:24,400
Speaker 1: out of that emotional fucking pit that you were in.

972
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:31,840
Speaker 1: Thank God, Thank god Jumbo's here, Thanks TIV, Thanks everyone.

973
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:37,359
Speaker 1: I apologize for the graphicness of certain portions of today's episode.

974
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:39,920
Speaker 1: Not really fuck it.