WEBVTT - #2141 The Cafe Chat - Dr Sam Casey 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:02.920 Good. I tell him it's you project. I am in 0:00:02.920 --> 0:00:06.720 the middle of two beautiful women Dr Sam Casey and 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:10.240 Tiffany and Cook oh TIFFs looking around for the beautiful woman. 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:13.480 I see what you did there. Don't don't sell yourself short. 0:00:13.560 --> 0:00:18.440 That's Scott's job. Yeah, that Scott's job. 0:00:18.480 --> 0:00:19.520 He does a terrible job. 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:21.959 I know, I know, I know. I think he's built 0:00:22.000 --> 0:00:24.400 a little bloody temple of you at his actual house 0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:30.400 up in bumfuck or wherever he lives, southern out out eastern, 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:34.839 you know, wherever. But he does love you, I mean 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:38.720 you are loved by him like it's like the fucking 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:41.480 Golden Retriever. It just looks up at you with those 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:45.080 big goofy eyes. Except he's got no hair. So maybe 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:49.839 we'll call him a bisenji. Do you know what a is? 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:53.000 Have you ever seen a bissenji? No, it's a kind 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:55.840 of dog. Look it up. I'm not sure on the spelling. 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:58.080 I think it's b E, S, E and J I 0:00:58.320 --> 0:01:02.680 or similar. And they don't bark. They don't bark. They 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:06.400 can't bark. Just double check. I could be full of shit, 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:08.720 But when I was a kid, my uncle used to 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:13.800 breathe them and yeah. So they're a barkless dogs. So 0:01:13.880 --> 0:01:15.640 for people who don't want to annoy the shit out 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:20.440 of their neighbors, get a bisenji. Yeah, doctor Sam, you 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:21.600 didn't know that, did you? No? 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:22.240 I didn't. 0:01:22.360 --> 0:01:24.919 And you always hear about like the Golden retriever energy 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:26.760 or like that's like a thing, right, but you don't 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:28.959 hear yeah any up types. 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:33.200 No, no, no, so yeah, tips a bit of a 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:35.680 golden Retriever. She's more of a yellow Lab when it 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:40.720 comes to food and focus. Right. She can focus until 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:44.520 she's hungry, and then she's fucking She goes from nine 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:46.080 out of ten value to one. 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:48.520 I don't like that, but I get a bit hungry 0:01:48.880 --> 0:01:52.000 like that coming on, like I need something to eat. 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:54.960 That must be a girl thing, because Tiff gets hungry 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:58.960 all the time. She mainly gets angry when she trains. 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:02.440 Happened midwork out last week, didn't it? 0:02:03.040 --> 0:02:05.960 Oh? Sure did? When you just a delight to be around, 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:08.519 I'm like, fuck off and go and eat some cake. 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:13.160 Fuck off sogeny cake with you when you hang out. 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:16.440 Ah, that's that's just what we need in the gym 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.280 break glass in case of angeriness. You know, there's a 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:23.320 fucking chocolate muffin and Tiff just smashing the glass with 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:28.639 a fist. Yeah, I don't think that would last too 0:02:28.639 --> 0:02:33.720 long in the gym, Doctor Sam Casey all the way 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:35.320 from Western Australia, how are you. 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:38.000 I'm good Now. 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:39.960 I did a little check in, but let's do a 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:42.359 one minute check in on you, because it's not all 0:02:42.400 --> 0:02:45.399 about us, it's a bit about you, and even though 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:48.240 you're the problem solver, we need to you know, we 0:02:48.280 --> 0:02:51.040 didn't need to make sure you're traveling. Okay. Now, you 0:02:51.080 --> 0:02:53.600 and I had a little chat before our last podcast. 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:58.160 Could you had a a not small speaking gig coming 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.960 up in quite a in front of quite a few people. 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:05.440 How did you if ten? Now ten's based on your 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:08.240 ten how do you what would you score? Would you 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:11.079 have given yourself out of ten run? 0:03:11.960 --> 0:03:15.120 I would say maybe like six? 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:23.160 Wow, okay, okay. Now, upon reflection, what would you do different? 0:03:23.280 --> 0:03:26.519 What's one or two things? Because Tip's a speaker as well, 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:29.079 and she's a little bit ahead of where you're up 0:03:29.240 --> 0:03:31.880 at in terms of development and evolution and working in 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:35.360 the space. But so what did you learn, what would 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:37.080 you do different or what would you change? 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.720 It's really good when you get to see other people 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:43.040 speaking too, So sometimes at these events, right like, you're 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:43.960 not the only speaker. 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:44.920 There's a few others. 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:48.600 And it's good to see the different types of presentations 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:49.480 as you're sitting there. 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:51.080 And what I've noticed is. 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:56.480 I like more off the presentations that say less on 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:58.640 the slides. And I think I'm one to be like, 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:00.320 I have so much I want to say, and I 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:03.560 want to put things in the sides and almost like 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:07.360 over prepare. But I think the most powerful presentations aren't 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:11.560 necessarily about someone trying to give as much information as possible. 0:04:12.280 --> 0:04:14.840 It's also being able to provide this experience, right, And 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:17.760 I think when we have imagery and you know, less 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:19.560 is kind of best in this, we are able to 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:21.800 really tap into it being more for conversation. 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:24.240 And so I think my takeaway and. 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:26.599 Since then I've been going to some other professional development 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:31.400 type things, but yeah, so since then, I've really noticed 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:34.640 that it is more important to make it more for conversation, 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:37.240 to really focus on that connection with the audience. And 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:39.040 I think the more that we can do that, which 0:04:39.120 --> 0:04:42.279 is again picking maybe topics that are really yet this 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:45.440 is I know where I'm going with this, And in 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:47.520 the imagery to kind of help us. Along with that, 0:04:47.680 --> 0:04:49.960 I think the better presentations would be. 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:51.840 So that is the goal. 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:55.200 Wow, amazing, Well six out of ten. My first was 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:58.000 a fucking one point three out of ten. So you 0:04:58.080 --> 0:04:59.320 smashed me out of the park. 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:02.640 Trying this like a new thing where I like try 0:05:02.720 --> 0:05:06.200 and be a bit more or less critical of myself, 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:11.160 so rather than being like zero for everything, that's. 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:14.720 Good, that's good. But I was at one point three 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:20.279 like they hated me, so I wasn't being They couldn't 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:22.520 get out of there fast enough. It was like I 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:25.880 had some kind of toxic condition. They had to evacuate 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:28.880 the room. Anyway, That's all right, I got better. I'm 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:31.160 now I'm a two now and I'm just fucking I'm 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:35.599 rocketing up to a three by next Christmas. You know 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:38.520 what's interesting is that, like, you know a lot, You've 0:05:38.520 --> 0:05:40.160 got a PhD, you know a lot, You've done a 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:43.960 lot of work, You've had thousands of conversations, and you 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:47.400 can talk. You've very got a good vocab. You're very chatty, 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:50.880 and if anything like, I don't think we've ever had 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:53.920 a guest who produces as many words per minute as 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:55.800 you do. 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:56.680 Efficient. 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:02.040 Yeah, well, let's call it that. Yeah. Sure, I mean 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:04.920 some say motor mouth, but let's go with efficient. Right, 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:08.679 So that's beautiful. No, you do, you talk really well, 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:11.080 But isn't it different how when you're going to do 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:15.840 essentially the same thing in a different context, how differently 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.200 you appro You go, Well, I talk about this stuff 0:06:18.320 --> 0:06:20.720 or a version of this stuff all the time, and 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:23.560 now I'm doing it out there, and it's just me 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.000 on this stage and all these faces looking at me, 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:30.240 and no one's talking back. It's just me. It's a 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.880 different kind of dynamic, right, Yeah. 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:37.120 And I think often people assume, Okay, the more you know, 0:06:37.279 --> 0:06:39.600 the better you'd be at this, or like you know, 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:41.880 like you said, you've got a PhD, so you'd be 0:06:42.000 --> 0:06:44.360 right up there. But if anything, I actually find it 0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:47.960 harder because your mind has been overloaded with information. 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:50.320 And quite often when we want to have. 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:54.000 Conversations with others about what we're passionate about and what 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:56.360 we feel like might really support them is just getting 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:58.680 back to basics, and we feel really disconnected from that. 0:07:00.040 --> 0:07:02.440 So you want to stay therapy, you know, I'm into 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:04.360 these man's topics, but I'm like, I just want to 0:07:04.360 --> 0:07:06.440 go back to the basics and talk to people about 0:07:06.680 --> 0:07:08.600 you know, when I was first finding out about it 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:10.559 and all of that kind of stuff. 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:14.120 So yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, for our listeners, no, 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:16.680 I did not intend this at all, but I just remembered. 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:22.160 I'm going to do an introduction to public speaking sometime. 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:24.280 I'm going to do workshops sometime in the next month 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:27.120 or two. Haven't figured anything out. It's probably going to 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:29.480 be it might be two and a half or three hours. 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:31.160 I'm not sure. But if you're interested in that, go 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:35.280 to our Facebook page, the New Project Facebook page, you 0:07:35.400 --> 0:07:38.280 Project podcast Facebook page. I'm going to do that because 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:40.720 I seem to have at least three conversations a week 0:07:40.760 --> 0:07:43.640 with people who ask me how do I do what 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:46.360 you do? Or a version of that, So that's coming up. 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.400 It won't be free, but it won't be expensive. So 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.400 you know, support old Harps get in there, you know, 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:55.800 pay for his mum's hip operation, you know, be a friend. 0:07:57.840 --> 0:08:01.960 I was going to say to you, did any imposter syndrome, 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:05.640 any self doubt, any of that kind of happen? 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:10.560 Well, yeah, and that's always something in the background I've 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:13.680 noticed throughout my whole journey, and I think I feel 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:16.920 it more so because I wasn't that student that was 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:18.960 getting straight a's and that was the top of the 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:19.800 class and that. 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:21.120 Was kind of getting that feedback. 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:22.880 I was the one that was failing, Like I was 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:25.440 the one that didn't know or felt like I didn't 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:27.000 know anything, and I was always struggling. 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:28.240 And so now I have this. 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:31.280 Identity or others obviously perceive of me, which is where 0:08:31.320 --> 0:08:33.400 you've got a PhD, like you're right up here, and 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:34.680 it's like, oh, I don't even. 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:35.960 Really feel like that, but I have to. 0:08:36.520 --> 0:08:40.080 I somewhat feel like, yeah, you're on a pedestal, and 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.400 then you kind of that pressure to live up to 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:44.679 that pedestal. And I think I'm always trying to kind 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:47.760 of reconnect with I'm not that of what people see 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:49.560 of me. This is kind of my journey and really 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:51.640 trying to be authentic with that. But yeah, I think 0:08:51.679 --> 0:08:54.400 that that is always going to be there in some capacity, 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:57.000 but I don't let it stop me from taking the 0:08:57.040 --> 0:08:59.400 actions that I want to take towards where I. 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:02.240 Want to go. So it's so interesting because I think 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:05.840 a lot of very smart, talented, highly qualified or not 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:08.680 necessarily highly qualified, but just smart people have got a 0:09:08.679 --> 0:09:11.240 lot to offer and a lot to teach. You know, 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:13.080 what gets in the way is not their talent or 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:16.720 their capacity, but rather what they think of their talent 0:09:16.880 --> 0:09:19.840 or their capacity. So it's not my ability or potential 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:22.800 that gets in the way, it's how I feel about that, 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:25.680 you know. So it's trying to navigate that. I know 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:30.120 a lot, Like there's that duality of I feel inadequate, 0:09:30.320 --> 0:09:33.280 but I know that in this room talking about this topic, 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:36.440 I'm not inadequate, and trying to navigate that. 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:40.640 Yeah, isn't that interesting because it comes, I feel like, 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:43.240 comes down to these cool wombs that a lot of 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:45.600 us women or people have around not feeling like they're 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:48.000 enough or feeling like they're too much, and they're constantly 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:51.000 trying to battle with that, and it comes out ifnecessarily 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:51.839 our work. 0:09:51.679 --> 0:09:53.520 Are parenting, our relationships. 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:57.679 So you're right, it's not necessarily fast, but it's a 0:09:57.720 --> 0:09:59.840 story that we tell ourselves about ourselves. 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:01.880 Yeah, we always have to be conscious of that. 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:05.199 I know there's no one solution to this. To feel 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:07.200 free to jump in because it's pretty relevant to you 0:10:07.280 --> 0:10:11.800 as well. I know there's no single solution, but is 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:15.120 part of it just being able to sit with those 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:18.000 feelings of I'm not enough or I'm too much of 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:20.599 this or too little of that, or I'm unqualified or 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.679 I'm not smart enough or whatever the self destructive story is. 0:10:24.640 --> 0:10:28.160 But doing it anyway, like being able to what's that 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:30.680 old book, feel the fear and do it anyway? I 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:32.600 feel like it's that. Yeah. 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:34.600 See, And I find this really interesting in the therapy 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:37.400 world because you know, the traditional kind of like cognitive 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:40.520 behavioral therapy often talks about these things of going, you've 0:10:40.520 --> 0:10:42.640 got this belief, then take it apart, where did this 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:45.800 come from? Restructure make it more helpful, and then you've 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.400 got the newer form of I really love acceptance of 0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:51.840 commitment therapy, and their philosophy is, Yep, it's there. What 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:53.440 if it can just be there and we can still 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:55.760 take action towards our values? What if we actually don't 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:58.520 need to change that feeling, but still being able to 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:00.480 show up in the ways that we want. And I 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:02.959 think that that resonates a lot more with me, because 0:11:03.360 --> 0:11:05.520 we can spend so much of our lives. See, if anything, 0:11:05.520 --> 0:11:07.760 we can spend a whole life trying to figure out 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:10.480 these things before we do the thing. And I feel 0:11:10.520 --> 0:11:13.600 like act AT talks about you know, what that can 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:15.120 be there, and that's always going to be there in 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.080 some kind of capacity, but let's just go live the 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:18.360 life that we're meant to live. 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:21.240 So yeah, I agree, I feel anyway, look here and 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:22.200 do it anyway. 0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.359 And you're going to do stuff that you'll feel inadequate 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:27.600 and you'll feel not good enough, but hey, that's pretty 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:30.760 much everyone at some stage of their journey, right, So yeah, 0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:33.160 I don't feel good enough, but I'm going to do 0:11:33.240 --> 0:11:35.400 what I need to. And I think that almost like that, 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:40.720 you know that I feel anxious, and that's okay because 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:43.800 people feel anxious. It's like this doesn't need to hijack 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:44.520 my day. 0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:46.319 Yes, exactly. 0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:48.440 And I think it's when we fight with it, right, 0:11:48.520 --> 0:11:50.640 that we then become at war with ourselves and it 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:52.640 completely stops us from doing the thing. And I think 0:11:52.679 --> 0:11:55.440 about I spent most of my PhD doubting myself, Like 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:57.240 a majority of the time I was having some kind 0:11:57.280 --> 0:11:59.600 of breakdown of how I can't do this and it's impossible. 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.880 But after those times, obviously finding a way through in 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:05.199 whatever capacity that I did, and then I've gotten through 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:07.240 it and I've done it, and it's yeah. 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:09.520 So it's there. So I think about, yeah, how. 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:11.440 Much we fight with ourselves, and it's almost like a 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:14.480 form of self sabotage, really, isn't it. 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:16.200 It is. And I don't want to be a boring 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:18.760 academic or I don't want to step into the bloody 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:24.040 PhD club. But just for one moment, I truly did 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.920 not understand what I was getting into right when I started, 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:30.520 and I truly didn't understand how fucking hard it was. 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.680 I was a little bit like, ah, yeah, yeah, I 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:35.200 know it's going to be hard, it's going to be tough, 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.520 but I am hard and I am tough, so it 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:41.800 is fine, I'm like, and it just smashed me, smashed 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:46.200 me like so much, so much stuff that I didn't know, 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:50.480 so much language that I didn't understand, so much learning 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.880 that I did not have under my belt. And also 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:57.079 starting you know, in your fifties is not an ideal 0:12:57.200 --> 0:13:00.880 but it's okay, But it's not an ideal time to start. 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:02.960 Is there every idea or time when you think. 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:06.360 About it, Yeah, that's true, that's true, and there are 0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:08.560 so many like, yeah, you might be twenty five and 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:12.320 your brain's brilliant, but the situation or the context of 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:14.560 your life just doesn't lend itself to go on a 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.520 UNI and doing a PhD. But you might wake up 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:19.160 at forty and go, I'm doing one. 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:20.160 You know. 0:13:20.320 --> 0:13:22.880 I always thought I was always, at the beginning of 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:25.400 my Jenny a bit envious if the students that could 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:28.160 just obviously beat university all day, every day and kind 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.160 of in it. And I was like, oh, they must 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:32.240 have it so much easier. And it was only when 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:34.600 I started to progress in a way that they didn't. 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:36.920 And they were doing time, so they were doing more 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.440 than double the hours. You know, the whole world was 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:40.120 consumed by that. 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:41.360 And what I. 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.599 Noticed is because the whole world was consumed by it, 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:45.360 they were going around in circles and there was so 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:47.600 like they kind of lost perspective. And because I had 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:50.280 limited time, yes, I was getting caught in loops, but 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:52.040 I also just didn't have the time to be caught 0:13:52.040 --> 0:13:52.559 in those loops. 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:53.560 I came here to do a thing. 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.000 I had to spend most of my time doing that 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:57.720 thing so I can get back to my kids and 0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:00.559 to work and to my family. And so that actually 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:02.960 helped me. And so even in life, I think we 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:06.480 often wait for these perfect conditions, but ultimately it's probably 0:14:06.520 --> 0:14:08.760 just doing it amongst everything else. And that's what gives 0:14:08.840 --> 0:14:11.400 us the perspective of life. And it's enriched my PhD 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:13.720 so much and my parenting and. 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:15.520 Me as a person being able to do it. 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:19.440 Amongst everything else, because essentially that's what life is. 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:21.360 We can't stop everything and then live in a cave 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:23.160 right and do the thing and then go out. 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:27.480 It's almost like, if I give you three hours to 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:30.040 do something, you'll take three hours. If I give you 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:32.640 one hour to do something, you'll take one hour. 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:34.920 One hundred percent. That is a thing. 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.960 And I noticed I actually had to get really I 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:39.040 had to get really good at that. 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:40.600 If going, you know what, this is the only time 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:42.080 I've got, I'm just going to go do it. 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:44.680 And as you know, with research, it's never ending. You 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.480 could there's just an unlimited time of research. You could 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.320 keep going with this. You need a line in the 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:52.400 sand there, and I wouldn't have been able to do that. 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.440 I gave myself all the time. 0:14:56.600 --> 0:15:02.120 How much do you think of people not fulfilling their potential. 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:05.840 I'm not saying everyone needs to be exploring their potential 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:08.040 on a daily basis and breaking new ground, but for 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:12.520 those people who go I'm kind of a bit dissatisfied, 0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:16.320 or I wish I was more advanced in this area, 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:18.480 or I'd make more progress, or I'd like to be 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:22.920 in a different whatever situation, circumstance, environment, job, whatever it is. 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.240 And they have all the issues that you and I 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:29.680 and perhaps Tiff has, How do you do you think 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:35.720 that that's mainly that they're being held back by their 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:39.880 ability and what is capable or what they're capable of, 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.280 or more just the self limiting talk and the fear 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:45.000 and the anxiety. 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:47.880 I think it's a self limitation because if you think 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:49.800 about having a big goal, a lot of the time 0:15:49.800 --> 0:15:52.400 you're going to hear people say, when this happens, I 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:54.400 will do this. When my kids are older, I'll do this, 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:56.320 or when I retire, I'm going to do this. So 0:15:56.600 --> 0:15:58.960 we create this gap and then we feel really dissatisfied 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:01.240 that we're living a life opposite to what we wish 0:16:01.240 --> 0:16:03.080 we would be doing. But I think if we can 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.360 close that gap and knowing it's not going to look 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:07.600 this perfect way, it's going to look like maybe ten 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:10.720 minutes if you studying, or ten minutes if you, you know, 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:14.200 chipping away this goal every day amongst all the other chaos. 0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:17.560 I think that's a way to be able to go authentically. 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:18.800 Living out what I really wanted to do when I'm 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:21.400 challenging myself to work on this in a little way 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:23.720 every day. And I think a lot of people can't 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:25.600 do that because they want it to either look perfectly 0:16:25.680 --> 0:16:27.120 or not try it all. So it's like, I'm either 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.760 going to write this book when I'm in a cave 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:32.000 and perfect conditions, or I'm just not going to do 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:33.600 it at all, or I'm going to do when everything 0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:35.720 in my life is sorted and everyone's taking care of 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:38.560 and then it's my time versus going Maybe it's about 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:40.480 showing up in the chaos and the mess and doing 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:43.480 it imperfectly, but knowing that that's actually part of that 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:46.800 process and the consistency amongst that will get you there. 0:16:46.880 --> 0:16:48.400 It's almost like you've already arrived to them. 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.400 Yeah, not when the book is finished, but when you're 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:54.040 just writing for ten minutes a day, like you've arrived exactly. 0:16:54.360 --> 0:16:58.240 And it's like that that perfect time or that ideal 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:00.400 time that we wait for to do that thing or 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:02.920 change that thing, or address that thing, or write that book, 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:06.000 or lose that weight or build that muscle or whatever 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:09.000 it is, we look up in a minute and it's 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:11.560 five years down the track and we're still telling ourselves 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:13.960 the same thing, or we're still finding the same reason 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:19.840 slash excuses. I mean, I think the just accepting that 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:22.840 the things I need to do will be inconvenient, the 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:28.000 things that I need to do are going to be uncomfortable, 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:31.760 and you know it won't fit in with this perfect 0:17:31.960 --> 0:17:34.720 or it won't fit in perfectly. It might be quite 0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:39.479 lumpy and bumpy and messy, but at the end of 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.560 you know, like I remember someone saying to me early days, 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:46.720 they said, when you finish your PhD, you're going to 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:49.880 be you know, you're going to be like sixty sixty 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:54.560 one or whatever. I went, well, here's the thing I'm 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:58.280 going to hopefully I live that long. I did, Well, 0:17:58.560 --> 0:17:59.959 you know I'm going to wake up in five year 0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:02.879 is I'll be sixty one with a PhD or without 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:07.000 a PhD. You know, it's like, well, I'm gonna do 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:10.640 stuff for the next five years anyway, And of course 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:12.960 the PhD is not all I did for five years, 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:16.920 well six years now, but yeah, it's that of course, 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:19.600 of course, of course, because we're all going to talk 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:21.480 about stuff, and in a minute, it's going to be 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:25.200 two thousand and thirty one, not twenty twenty six. And 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:29.520 some people listening right now, if they don't change, will 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:33.160 literally be having the same inner dialogue about the thing 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:36.560 that they're still not doing. And some of them have 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:38.440 been God bless you. By the way. I'm not trying 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:40.320 to throw anyone under the bus, but this is just 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:44.680 a human experience. They were having conversations they're having now 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:47.480 with themselves, they were having five years ago, and they 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:51.080 were fantasizing about this ideal time and space and energy 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:54.840 that would happen soon. And now we're twenty twenty six 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:57.240 and that shit hasn't come, and we're still waiting for this, 0:18:58.040 --> 0:18:59.520 you know, this miracle sign. 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:02.800 And I think what I was underrated for me is 0:19:02.840 --> 0:19:05.320 it was even about the PhD. When I look back 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.560