Speaker 1: Apoday production.
Speaker 2: We begin today by acknowledging the traditional custodians of the
Speaker 2: land on which we gather today and pay our respects
Speaker 2: to their elders past and present. We extend that respect
Speaker 2: to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's here today. Welcome
Speaker 2: to the Grow and Glow Podcast. I'm Ashy, I'm Kiara.
Speaker 2: This is a podcast where we learn, laugh, and level
Speaker 2: up together.
Speaker 1: Let's go deep, let the emotions flow, and find the
Speaker 1: lessons to grow and Glow. Nothing is off the table
Speaker 1: with Grow and Glow, and we're here to be your expander. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: welcome back to our show.
Speaker 2: Welcome back.
Speaker 1: Let's a share of the week.
Speaker 2: Share of the week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, what's yours?
Speaker 2: Mine is what you just ate?
Speaker 1: Guys. So delicious, But it's not even going to sound
Speaker 1: that good. I gotta try it.
Speaker 2: It's so so good. I've been absolutely hooked. We've been
Speaker 2: having it every single morning and then this morning I
Speaker 2: said to ask You'm like, I'm.
Speaker 1: Bringing you this breakfast.
Speaker 2: You're going to be obsessed with it.
Speaker 1: It was amazing, Like shock.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't sound like good when you think about
Speaker 2: the ingredient.
Speaker 1: Sounds like it's got WeetBix and it's soggy wheatbix.
Speaker 2: No, they go like creamy, nearly thick, guey. So basically
Speaker 2: all it is is it's two weetbis crushed up. Then
Speaker 2: you add milk, pat it down. You add in some
Speaker 2: yo pro yogurt, some vanilla one vanilla yep for the
Speaker 2: vanilla one, I have tried with sold caramel as well.
Speaker 2: Vanilla's definitely better, yes, and then some vanilla protein powder.
Speaker 2: Mix it all in, layer it on top, and then
Speaker 2: you drizzle some bisc off and crush up a biscof
Speaker 2: picky and guys, it tastes like a cheesecake, like a
Speaker 2: Biscof cheesecake.
Speaker 1: It's delicious, the whole texture experience, and it's so filling.
Speaker 1: It's so filling. Really, I'm protein like probably at least
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five grams I'm assuming with the yogurt and protein.
Speaker 1: It's so good and.
Speaker 2: It's so easy, Like it's one of those ones where
Speaker 2: you can just take it on the run, so.
Speaker 1: Meal prep go. It's so good to meal prep with.
Speaker 2: So that's just been my new go to. We've been
Speaker 2: doing it probably like a month now and we're just hooked.
Speaker 1: And yeah, if you don't have a lot of time
Speaker 1: to make breaky in the morning. That's something you can
Speaker 1: do the night before and like, I'll literally take you
Speaker 1: a couple of minutes.
Speaker 2: Actually, that's one thing you do need to live at
Speaker 2: rest overnight in the fridge.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you said it's better when it's straight out, straight
Speaker 1: out of the fridge.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, next time you try it, you're gonna like
Speaker 2: it even Yeah.
Speaker 1: My Share of the Week is just a lip combo.
Speaker 1: Every time I wear it, everyone asks what it is,
Speaker 1: but it's literally a lipliner and balm. So it's the
Speaker 1: mac whirl, which I feel like with lipliners and lipsticks,
Speaker 1: you do have to find one that suits your lip
Speaker 1: because it depending on the pigment in your natural lip.
Speaker 1: Well for me is like my natural lip but a
Speaker 1: bit darker. Yeah, but that with the hideaway lip bum.
Speaker 1: Oh cool there like balmie a little bit glossy, super hydrated,
Speaker 1: but you've got the liner to just give a little
Speaker 1: bit more depth. Yes, that combo is like one of
Speaker 1: my favorite combos at the moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little bit more like a natural looking like
Speaker 2: when you have a barm or something. It just looks
Speaker 2: a little bit more natural.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, there's times where I want a more bolder
Speaker 1: lip and I'll use lipstick as well, but I from
Speaker 1: just like day to day or like the lip line
Speaker 1: is smuge, just for a bit of color, and then
Speaker 1: the barm just to be hydrated. Oh so good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love my lipsticks and wliplines.
Speaker 1: We both do like lipsticks, liplinerslip arms. All right, buckling guys,
Speaker 1: buckle in. We've got a lot to talk about today,
Speaker 1: and I suppose the main whole episode in a Nutshell
Speaker 1: is about change and just some questions we've been asking ourselves.
Speaker 1: And one of the biggest ones that Kara and I
Speaker 1: keep discussing is are we missing out on the best
Speaker 1: years of our kids' lives because we work a lot
Speaker 1: and just once again finding that balance and juggling at all.
Speaker 1: And I feel like you and I do do a
Speaker 1: really good job at it because we get a lot
Speaker 1: of quality time with our kids. And I think that
Speaker 1: is one of the benefits of having your own businesses.
Speaker 1: You've got that flexibility, you can work your own hours.
Speaker 1: But it's still a lot. And for the last month,
Speaker 1: I've just been feeling out of alignment. I've been not
Speaker 1: feeling good I've been feeling really exhausted, really stretched, stressed,
Speaker 1: and things that I used to enjoy I'm just not
Speaker 1: enjoying any more in my work life. And it's not
Speaker 1: the product, it's not the brand, it's not anything like that.
Speaker 1: It's just I'm doing so much, and I've done so
Speaker 1: much for so long. I'm just tired. I'm tired. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm like burnt out, and I've had my
Speaker 1: foot on the pedal for so long. And I feel
Speaker 1: like the bigger your brand grows, the more logistics and
Speaker 1: stress that comes with it. And I'm a very creative
Speaker 1: person and my passion lies within creation, adding value to
Speaker 1: people's lives, education, inspiration, connection, community. But I feel like
Speaker 1: the last couple of years I've been more involved in
Speaker 1: running the business, especially since I've taken over Baseline without
Speaker 1: my own business partner, cash flow, managing a big team,
Speaker 1: and there's just so much to do all the time
Speaker 1: that it's kind of I feel like I've lost my
Speaker 1: creative sparkle. And I feel like I'm so stressed so
Speaker 1: often now. And I do have quite a large capacity
Speaker 1: to be able to handle a lot of stress, but
Speaker 1: even if I mentally can handle it, my body to
Speaker 1: not Yeah, I just started having moments where I was just, yeah,
Speaker 1: crying and just feeling a bit lost and not knowing
Speaker 1: how to change things up because I feel like I've
Speaker 1: got all these responsibilities on my shoulders and a lot
Speaker 1: of the work that I do, no one else can
Speaker 1: be ashy binds like I can't just like delegate to someone.
Speaker 1: And I felt really stuck and yeah, really really tired.
Speaker 1: And then it's funny how the universe works. I feel
Speaker 1: like I've been getting these little messages and whispers to
Speaker 1: slow down or to change things up, but I've kind
Speaker 1: of not been ignoring them. I know they're there, but
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to change them. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is how I run the business. I don't know
Speaker 1: how to slow down or not work as much. If
Speaker 1: I don't work as much, won't get as much done,
Speaker 1: we won't hit our deadlines, our goals. And I just
Speaker 1: get so caled off in my head. But then, yeah,
Speaker 1: last week I lost my eyesight three times in a week.
Speaker 1: The first time it happened after I trained, so I thought,
Speaker 1: and my neck was really tight, so I thought it
Speaker 1: was just my tight neck that had caused it. But
Speaker 1: it's really scary. It was like my whole left side
Speaker 1: went almost like pixelated and blurry, and then like little
Speaker 1: shots of blacking out, but my right side I could
Speaker 1: see anyways, I'd take a voltaire and lay down for
Speaker 1: an hour. It went away, And then two days later
Speaker 1: I trained again, same thing happened, but on the other eye.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is so weird. So I panicked
Speaker 1: quickly took a voltaire and I had a full day
Speaker 1: of work. I had podcasts with Levi, I had a
Speaker 1: team meeting, I had planning like I could not be
Speaker 1: at work. Took a voltaire and got rid of it,
Speaker 1: carried on with my day, and then that day Levi
Speaker 1: actually said to me, I think you should go get
Speaker 1: a scan. Yeah that's not normal, like go get it
Speaker 1: checked down. I was like, yeah, I should. Hey, I'm sure.
Speaker 1: I had intentions to get it done, but it was
Speaker 1: not a priority that day. Then the Sunday, I was
Speaker 1: sitting at breakfast with Steve Talatage and Steve's mom and stepdad,
Speaker 1: and as I'm talking to my father in law Stan,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I can't see the right hand side
Speaker 1: of your body. And I couldn't see Marie Steve's mom.
Speaker 1: I was like, it's going blurry again, and he's like,
Speaker 1: I get this all the time as well. It's migraines.
Speaker 1: I was like, but there's no headache. And she had neurofins,
Speaker 1: so she gave me neuropins straight away. But like once again,
Speaker 1: it was pigged sated, blacking out, dark, and I had
Speaker 1: to sit back, and at one point it started to
Speaker 1: migrate over to the left as well. So both were
Speaker 1: going like that, and then I started getting really big headache,
Speaker 1: so I just kind of put my head back. Tyler's
Speaker 1: all over me, of course, but put my head back
Speaker 1: and just close my eyes for a bit. And Steve's like,
Speaker 1: let's just take you to the doctor. I just three
Speaker 1: times in a week, like let's just go get it
Speaker 1: checked out. So went straight to a doctor, walked in
Speaker 1: hoping I coul get in, got in straight away to
Speaker 1: this guy doctor I've never been to. He checked my
Speaker 1: eyes and everything and he goes, look, I'm going to
Speaker 1: send you to the hospital. I just don't think this
Speaker 1: is worth stucking around, like I'm not sure what it is.
Speaker 1: He called someone must have been someone that's more knowledge
Speaker 1: on eyes and asked him a bunch of questions and
Speaker 1: he said, get it at the hospital. So I went
Speaker 1: straight to the hospital. Had to wait there for like
Speaker 1: three hours. They took me through and asked me a
Speaker 1: bunch of questions, what had happened? Has this ever happened before?
Speaker 1: It's like never in my life. And then they took
Speaker 1: me for a CT scan. I got a bunch of
Speaker 1: eye tests done as well. All the eye stuff came
Speaker 1: back clear, got like photos of my eyes, had to
Speaker 1: like read from a far, got everything tested these weird machines.
Speaker 1: I went in CT scan and then probably eight hours later,
Speaker 1: I'm sitting still in the hospital, Stephen the kids are
Speaker 1: at home now, and the doctor comes out and he said,
Speaker 1: we've found an aneurysm, but it's incidental and it's nothing
Speaker 1: to do with your eyesight. So I'm like, huh. And
Speaker 1: I was a bit annoyed because I was kind of
Speaker 1: hoping that if they found something cool, like, then I
Speaker 1: know what's causing this loss of sight. So I was
Speaker 1: one upset. Now I've got an aneurism. When you hear
Speaker 1: that word, and I'll go into this in a second,
Speaker 1: when you hear that word, it's really scary to hear it.
Speaker 1: Kills a lot of people, but actually one in twenty
Speaker 1: people are walking around with one and they have no idea.
Speaker 1: A lot of the time it might not do anything. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: but to hear that, I was really scared. But then
Speaker 1: I was also like frustrated. I was like, okay, so
Speaker 1: what about my loss of vision? And he's like, that's
Speaker 1: what we don't have answers to. We're gonna admit you
Speaker 1: overnight because we want to do an MRI scam. We
Speaker 1: don't want you're walking out of here without any answers,
Speaker 1: because three times in a week's a lot. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: we think it could be a specific type of migraines,
Speaker 1: and I didn't know there was a lot of different
Speaker 1: types of migraines or a migraines stress migraine. There's all
Speaker 1: these different types, and they thought it might be that,
Speaker 1: but I was like, there's no actual headache anyway. So
Speaker 1: went into hospital and stayed there all the next day
Speaker 1: and get an MRI till the following night and got
Speaker 1: an MRI that all came back clear, and I had
Speaker 1: a neurologist come and speak to me and they said, yeah,
Speaker 1: the loss of eyesight, it's nothing to do with your
Speaker 1: aneurism because of where it's placed and the size of it.
Speaker 1: It's four by four, so at the moment it's not
Speaker 1: huge and it's not tiny's but it's okay. So you'll
Speaker 1: just have to come and get that checked for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life. Now in this process, when I
Speaker 1: call mom, she was like, I know my mom. She
Speaker 1: will listen to this and be like, yep, that was me.
Speaker 1: She's super cool and calm and like, you know, trying
Speaker 1: to keep it together. I think she would have been
Speaker 1: so worried, but she's like, oh, that's what your grand
Speaker 1: died of. And my real father I don't talk to,
Speaker 1: but I've spoken to all of his family my whole life,
Speaker 1: so his mom and dad I was quite close with.
Speaker 1: So she passed away from my anneurism. She ate some
Speaker 1: food one day, lost a vision, got a headache, went
Speaker 1: to go have a nap, and then passing her nap.
Speaker 1: My nun and pop had three sons, my uncle, my
Speaker 1: real father, and my other uncle. So I've got an
Speaker 1: uncle that's still here and he's got annual that he
Speaker 1: has to keep an eye on. I don't know if
Speaker 1: my father has any but my other uncle's actually passed
Speaker 1: my aneurism, and if you saw my grand you would
Speaker 1: be like, oh my gosh, you guys are twins. If
Speaker 1: I take after anyone, it's my Gran. Our height, our bodies,
Speaker 1: our smiles, our noses, like everything was identical. I'm very
Speaker 1: much take after my father's side of genetics, Like me
Speaker 1: and Mom don't look anything alike. I'm like tall, Mom's
Speaker 1: like short. She's got bright blue eyes, I've got green eyes.
Speaker 1: Like We're just very different. So I'm definitely on that side.
Speaker 1: So that was really scary to hear. Yeah, but the
Speaker 1: great thing is it's like everything happens at the exact
Speaker 1: time it's meant to. And if I didn't lose my sight,
Speaker 1: I would never have gone and got checked for a
Speaker 1: scan for an anneurism. My uncle Craig, when he lost
Speaker 1: his mom, mine Gran, he was really stressing for me
Speaker 1: and Matt to go and get checked because he's like,
Speaker 1: it runs in our family. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so young, Like an age has got nothing to
Speaker 1: do with it, by the way, but it just was
Speaker 1: in denial, like I just didn't think I would ever
Speaker 1: have that. But then goodness, because now it's there, so
Speaker 1: I've got to go back in three months to get
Speaker 1: it checked.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's just crazy how life kind of pushes you.
Speaker 1: If you don't listen to the signs and signals to
Speaker 1: slow down, to stop, to reevaluate, to get grounded, to
Speaker 1: check what's in alignment and what's not and make the
Speaker 1: necessary changes, life will force you to stop. And it did.
Speaker 1: It forced me to stop. It forced me to go
Speaker 1: to the hospital, sit in the waiting room and just
Speaker 1: be with my own thoughts and then stay in hospital
Speaker 1: two nights by myself Steve bought the kids were like
Speaker 1: a moment, but otherwise than by myself, the whole time
Speaker 1: gave me that time to really reflect on like what
Speaker 1: am I doing at the moment and what's not feeling
Speaker 1: good and what can I change? How can I get
Speaker 1: back to feeling really really good about getting up each
Speaker 1: day and going to work and spending the time here
Speaker 1: and there and where my energy is going. So yeah,
Speaker 1: there's been so much change and Steve I just deserves
Speaker 1: a freaking gold medal. He has been incredible. Even from
Speaker 1: the moment that I was starting to feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm just not enjoying this part of the business or
Speaker 1: this part of the business, so I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: working too much. He already was taking on little bits
Speaker 1: and pieces, but as soon as this happened, like I
Speaker 1: went into hospital, he just changedthing and took so much
Speaker 1: off my plate. Got all the team like involved, just
Speaker 1: see where they can assist and help, and the structure
Speaker 1: of how we're going to be doing things moving forward
Speaker 1: is a lot less pressure on me, which is feeling
Speaker 1: really really nice. And I've just naturally been craving more
Speaker 1: time at home and with my kids as well this
Speaker 1: last couple of months, but I've found it hard to
Speaker 1: find more time. So now I'm going to be taking basically,
Speaker 1: and I know saying this out loud, I sound very
Speaker 1: privileged that I can do this, but this is my situation.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful I cam and I'm gonna be working Monday, Tuesday,
Speaker 1: Wednesday really hard and a lot more productively too, really
Speaker 1: structuring my day out to push it all in those
Speaker 1: three days, and then Thursday Friday taking off with Tyler
Speaker 1: Girl and being able to just go slow. So the
Speaker 1: last couple of weeks, even on a Thursday, I was saying,
Speaker 1: she's so nice to not have any plans with her
Speaker 1: like we went, came up one day and just floated
Speaker 1: around there for two hours and just I don't even
Speaker 1: know what the fuck we did, just looking at shit,
Speaker 1: and she's putting things in the trolley and she's walking
Speaker 1: around and we're dancing and just having a nice time.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I've had my foot on the
Speaker 1: pedal since i was thirteen years old. I've been in
Speaker 1: that fight or flight and hustle and it served me
Speaker 1: and I don't regret any of it. If I didn't
Speaker 1: have that drive and that passion and that fire in
Speaker 1: my belly, I wouldn't be where I'm at right now.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have the success, I wouldn't have all these
Speaker 1: jobs to supply for people. I wouldn't have been able
Speaker 1: to do all the amazing opportunities I've done, all the travel,
Speaker 1: like it's all been amazing until now, and now how
Speaker 1: I've been running doesn't feel good anymore. And it's really
Speaker 1: confronting because change is uncomfortable and it's painful. But I
Speaker 1: tell you what, nothing is as painful as staying somewhere
Speaker 1: that you don't belong and staying in a place where
Speaker 1: you don't truly feel happy. But it's really hard to
Speaker 1: unpack because I love my life, I love my business,
Speaker 1: I love my staff like I love all of that,
Speaker 1: but just how it was running wasn't feeling good. So
Speaker 1: it's been a really massive week and I'm so emotionally exhausted.
Speaker 1: Like me and here, I talk every single we don't
Speaker 1: see each other much. We talk literally daily. And I
Speaker 1: was saying to her last night, something I really wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about was just like normalizing being honest with
Speaker 1: how you feel in society. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: us are so not authentic and genuine when someone asks
Speaker 1: you how you are right. Because in the Highaway yesterday
Speaker 1: I walked in and all the Hideaway team were there.
Speaker 1: My baseline staff don't work in the office every day,
Speaker 1: but the Hideaway team do, and they're like, oh, how
Speaker 1: are you feeling better? Like you know, I looked at
Speaker 1: all three of them, and I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: my instant reaction was going to be like, yeah, good
Speaker 1: at a hospital feeling good, because I even have that
Speaker 1: expectation myself. I'm out of hospital, I'm back with my family.
Speaker 1: I should be feeling better, right, but I'm not. And
Speaker 1: I said to them, I said, to be completely honest,
Speaker 1: I feel like a broken records. I'm sick of complaining.
Speaker 1: I'm sick of saying I'm tired and I'm emotional, but
Speaker 1: I'm just not okay yet. I feel like I'm really
Speaker 1: exhausted and processing everything and now I'm navigating all the
Speaker 1: new changes and just trying to figure out my new
Speaker 1: normal and it's really hard. And Galen, he's so beautiful.
Speaker 1: He runs all the website a hideaway. And he said
Speaker 1: to me normalizing not being okay, good on you for
Speaker 1: being honest. He's like, I really appreciate that. I was like,
Speaker 1: thank you, because I just don't want to not be
Speaker 1: authentic when people ask me. But then, you know, when
Speaker 1: everyone is asking you all the time, you don't want
Speaker 1: to just like sound like a winge machine or like
Speaker 1: I'm complaining and on social media. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you feel it some time, it's like everyone wants you
Speaker 1: to be really honest and authentic and raw. But then
Speaker 1: if you complain about something or you say you're tired,
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, if I say I'm tired, it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: your kid sleeps all night, yeah, you know, and you
Speaker 1: get the comparison. So then you shut down. You're like well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to upset them and sound like I'm complaining.
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, no, I need to honor exactly
Speaker 1: how I'm feeling. But in this time too, there's so
Speaker 1: many beautiful blessings that have come out of this, Like
Speaker 1: I said, finding the aneurysm, Steve stepping up, changing how
Speaker 1: we're doing everything and work, like it's so good. I'm
Speaker 1: so grateful for it. But once again, I don't think
Speaker 1: I ever take my friends and family for granted at all.
Speaker 1: My appreciation for the level of support that I have,
Speaker 1: and I know it's not something everyone has. I said
Speaker 1: to Steve last night as I was having another cry,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm just so thankful for you, Like
Speaker 1: the way that you hold space to me and love
Speaker 1: on me and you never make me feel like a burden.
Speaker 1: He's so validating, Like the way that he validates and
Speaker 1: sees every feeling that I have. I was like, not
Speaker 1: everyone has this, and like, how do single mums do this? Like, honestly,
Speaker 1: if you're a single mum right now at home juggling
Speaker 1: the kids and juggling work, you deserve a fucking medal. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I have not coped this last month. Without Steve
Speaker 1: just holding me and holding the fort too, of like
Speaker 1: the household, all the work me, the kids, like it's
Speaker 1: a lot, yeah, and all my friends, like even the community,
Speaker 1: Like when I was in hospital, it was just so beautiful.
Speaker 1: How many people care and take the time out of
Speaker 1: their days checking on how you're going and everything. It's
Speaker 1: just beautiful. So it's been a really hard month, but
Speaker 1: now when I talk about it out loud like this,
Speaker 1: it's making me smile because there's been so much good
Speaker 1: out of it as well. And I hope anyone listening
Speaker 1: it just gives you hope to know that if you're
Speaker 1: in the darkness right now, there is light at the
Speaker 1: end of the tunnel, and you just have to stay
Speaker 1: strong and keep going and know, like I always have
Speaker 1: this inner knowing that even when I'm in the thig
Speaker 1: of it, that it's because I'm about to level up,
Speaker 1: all things are going to change and shift for the better.
Speaker 1: I know that deep down. But I'm also human. I'm
Speaker 1: not a robot, and I'm going to allow myself to
Speaker 1: feel it all. But i know that it's just a
Speaker 1: season and it will pass. It's like every dark, cloudy
Speaker 1: storm it comes and it's loud, and it's thundery and
Speaker 1: it's like shaky, and then the rainbow comes down, the
Speaker 1: sun shines again and you can feel good again. But
Speaker 1: life is just full of times like this, so many
Speaker 1: ups and so many downs. And I think it's really
Speaker 1: cool that we talk about this on our socials and
Speaker 1: on this podcast, so that you know you're not just
Speaker 1: looking on someone's highlight reel. We always say this, but
Speaker 1: social media it can be such a trap to look
Speaker 1: at someone's glamorous life and all the cool things they
Speaker 1: get to do, and me and you show that all
Speaker 1: the time. I love showing the fun bits of my life,
Speaker 1: but everyone's human and everyone goes through things, and I'm
Speaker 1: in the thick of it right now cry most days. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard.
Speaker 2: So you've put a lot of changes and things in
Speaker 2: place moving forward. It's exciting. But I did you just
Speaker 2: hear you say before. I'm very privileged, but I want
Speaker 2: you to know you've actually worked your ass off and
Speaker 2: you deserve to take a break. And I'm really really
Speaker 2: proud of you for like making this decision to take
Speaker 2: a step back, because I know how important it is
Speaker 2: to you and how much you like love everything that
Speaker 2: you do. But I can really just see you like
Speaker 2: putting yourself first and chatting to you back and forth
Speaker 2: and just seeing all the things you're putting in place,
Speaker 2: and how you're really just like you're just valuing you.
Speaker 2: You're listening to what you need to what your body needs.
Speaker 2: And it's been so nice to see from the outside
Speaker 2: as well.
Speaker 1: Really appreciate that. And I was saying a Kiera on
Speaker 1: the way up here, I've been feeling so guilty this
Speaker 1: last month, and Guilt's not really something I feel often,
Speaker 1: but even taking the Thursday and Friday off work and
Speaker 1: I'm still available for my team, but I'm going to
Speaker 1: be with my kids and just having me time. Even
Speaker 1: I've got lots of friends with babies. Like I said Steve,
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to be able to go around and
Speaker 1: take them food and just like visit them more, you know,
Speaker 1: just run my errands or go get my fucking tonails
Speaker 1: done if I want to. Yeah, I'm feeling already feeling
Speaker 1: guilty and this is nothing on my team. They have
Speaker 1: not done anything to make you feel like. This is
Speaker 1: all my staff, But I feel guilty that I'm not
Speaker 1: at work on a Thursday because they're all working on
Speaker 1: a Thursday, and Steve was like, doesn't work like that, baby.
Speaker 1: You've worked so hard for so long to create this
Speaker 1: life and create this business and create these jobs for
Speaker 1: everyone so that you can have that flexibility. And yeah,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, my health and my
Speaker 1: mental health, even the medical team were just like, you
Speaker 1: need to slow right down, yep, Like these migraines are
Speaker 1: loss of sight, even the aneurysm, like everything, like your
Speaker 1: health is speaking to you and you need to pull
Speaker 1: back on the way that you do things. And I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I've already known that, it just hasn't
Speaker 1: been until now being in hospital, but I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: actually I don't have a choice anymore. But yeah, it's
Speaker 1: just been a time. Holy moly, I haven't cried this
Speaker 1: much in so long. Yeah. It's tough, isn't it.
Speaker 2: And you're just honoring the season that you're in, Like
Speaker 2: this is how you're feeling right now, this is what
Speaker 2: works for you right now, this is where you need
Speaker 2: to be right now, And in six months time or
Speaker 2: a year's time, like things might completely change. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: you'd be like, I want to do this more now,
Speaker 2: And it's really cool to just see you go with
Speaker 2: what you feel like you're needing.
Speaker 1: I think what's really helped me too, is watching you
Speaker 1: do that, because I feel like you change your seasons often. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And you know what, at first, when you would change
Speaker 1: so much, I think I found that uncomfortable because I
Speaker 1: don't change a lot, and I get so set in
Speaker 1: my ways of doing things how I do them, and
Speaker 1: being structured and routined and not really flowing as much
Speaker 1: and maybe not listening into what I actually want to do.
Speaker 1: I generally think I have really enjoyed it up until now,
Speaker 1: but watching you go through all of that now I'm
Speaker 1: experiencing it. It's made me go, oh, this is okay.
Speaker 1: It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to do
Speaker 1: things differently. It's okay to say nah, that doesn't feel
Speaker 1: good anymore. And this is not just in work life.
Speaker 1: If you're in an intimate relationship, if you have a friendship,
Speaker 1: if you have a situation that all of a sudden
Speaker 1: it's like, wow, nah, that doesn't feel good anymore, you
Speaker 1: can choose to say no. You can choose yourself. And
Speaker 1: it's cool when you surround yourself a care around people
Speaker 1: like you. It gives other people permission and inspires them
Speaker 1: to be able to do the same and not carry
Speaker 1: that guilt. Yeah. So it's really cool that you've spoken
Speaker 1: about it because I love watching you change a different season.
Speaker 1: I admire it because I'm like change, Yeah, I think,
Speaker 1: how does she do it? How do you do it?
Speaker 1: But it's so cool to just see you go evan
Speaker 1: flof whatever feels good and what you need in that season,
Speaker 1: whether it's what you need financially, whether it's what you
Speaker 1: need for your family or what you need for yourself
Speaker 1: or your relationship. Do you dip and dad where you
Speaker 1: need to? And I love that? Oh, thank you? Fucking cool.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I look at it and I think it's like
Speaker 2: a bit of a bad thing. I think it's putting
Speaker 2: myself first. Yes, so I'm going like, oh, no, I
Speaker 2: really want to do this, and I'll jump into a
Speaker 2: challenge or like oh I.
Speaker 1: Feel like I want more of that. I think it's
Speaker 1: just yeah, but you constantly check in. Yeah, You're always
Speaker 1: checking in with what feels good, what do I need,
Speaker 1: what's required? What does everyone else need? How can I
Speaker 1: juggle all of that? And I think that's been the
Speaker 1: cool thing over watching you over the last I suppose
Speaker 1: year or two, I feel like the most change has
Speaker 1: been implemented. You've really been checking in with you. But
Speaker 1: before that it was just everyone else but me one
Speaker 1: hundred everyone else's mental health, energy time. You would say
Speaker 1: yes to anything and everything, whereas now it's like you've
Speaker 1: got firm boundaries and you communicate it so well. It's
Speaker 1: like firm but really loving. So I think that's really cool.
Speaker 1: So I hope everyone listening, like us sharing all of this,
Speaker 1: We hope you take a lot away in ways that
Speaker 1: you can implement this into your life and how important
Speaker 1: it is to surround yourself with people that support you
Speaker 1: and inspire you and challenge you in those ways.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's the one thing, like Ash you and
Speaker 2: I always say to a like, change is the number
Speaker 2: one thing that's always going to happen.
Speaker 1: It's the only thing we're guaranteed. Right. You think some
Speaker 1: things are forever, Like you think you're locked in your
Speaker 1: job forever. You think you're locked in your marriage forever, friendships,
Speaker 1: like your house, none of that's guaranteed. Anything could change
Speaker 1: and happen overnight, like we've experienced in the last through
Speaker 1: the spicy flu. How much of the world can just
Speaker 1: flip upside down and change so much. Right, nothing is
Speaker 1: guaranteed except for change, so buckle in, besties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's such an uncomfortable feeling sometimes when you've always
Speaker 2: done something a certain way, feel like holy shit. And
Speaker 2: just the scarcity I think around the unknown when you're
Speaker 2: first moving from one to another. Like, but I think
Speaker 2: that's the thing is not getting out of head of
Speaker 2: being like what if I don't like it, It's like cool,
Speaker 2: go back, Yeah, do what you did before exactly, Like
Speaker 2: you know, having the extra days at home. You might
Speaker 2: love this for the next six months. You might love
Speaker 2: the next five fucking years. Yeah, but also you might
Speaker 2: go two months in and be like, actually, I kind
Speaker 2: of want to work on a Friday again. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: that's okay if you're feeling good and you're not friggin
Speaker 2: having all these signs and symptoms from your body. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's what you want to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And one of the other things when you were talking
Speaker 1: about was are we missing out on the best years
Speaker 1: of their lives? Because we look at our little kids lately,
Speaker 1: we're just like, they're growing so fast. Every Thursday, take
Speaker 1: Taala to a library class. It's fucking cute to see another.
Speaker 1: They just sing a bunch of nursery rhymes. It's just
Speaker 1: like a bunch of baby She's the oldest one. She
Speaker 1: like steals the toys, just dances. It's so funny. But
Speaker 1: Tarj's on school holidays, so I brought him along. Because
Speaker 1: Steve was at work and watching Taj be around babies
Speaker 1: and toddlers, I was tearing up. I went home Steve
Speaker 1: and I was like, baby, he is so tall and
Speaker 1: so big and so grown up, and these years are
Speaker 1: flying by. And he's like, I know, in a couple
Speaker 1: of years, he's going to be a teenager. We're halfway through.
Speaker 1: Like they say, the first twelve years of their lives
Speaker 1: is when they spend the most, like weekends and time
Speaker 1: with you, and after that they obviously want to do
Speaker 1: things with their friends or whatever. And he's like, we're
Speaker 1: nearly at that next stage. And it's so sad. So
Speaker 1: even all this stuff happening, I've been feeling like I
Speaker 1: want to step more into mum life. Lesson to work
Speaker 1: because I work Monday to Friday, like most people do.
Speaker 1: That's pretty much the norm. Like most people, you speak
Speaker 1: to They work Monday to Friday, and I'm the same.
Speaker 1: And then I have my weekends with my kids and
Speaker 1: I finish work at like two to three each AVO,
Speaker 1: so I get the arvos with the kids. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm in this position where I can be
Speaker 1: more flexible with my hours, and I do have a
Speaker 1: great team that can help. Steve is happy to take
Speaker 1: on a lot of that workload. He's got a very
Speaker 1: big capacity and he's just very skilled in a lot
Speaker 1: of areas, like even managing a team and running a meeting.
Speaker 1: Like the way he does it. To me, I'm like,
Speaker 1: it doesn't with such ease. I'm like, he's such a natural.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I want to be more at home with
Speaker 1: my kids. Yeah, it's feeling really nice and exciting for me.
Speaker 1: Who knows she's not gonna go to daycare two and
Speaker 1: how nanny is going to be trying to fell pregnant. Well,
Speaker 1: she's trying to fell pregnant now, which is exciting. But
Speaker 1: I'm excited to have more time with my kids because
Speaker 1: it just goes by so quickly it's heartbreaking. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: said to Steve, but honestly, which we could freeze time
Speaker 1: and just have them this age forever.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I know each age is going to be special and
Speaker 1: amazing and like pros and cons to both, but I
Speaker 1: just want to like keep them young, keep them safe,
Speaker 1: and keep them close and keep them in the house
Speaker 1: when they move out.
Speaker 2: Well, Kurt and I always talk about too. We're like,
Speaker 2: imagine when all three kids are in school, Like we've
Speaker 2: already got two in school, Like when Reagan's at school,
Speaker 2: We're gonna have so much more time. So we will
Speaker 2: often have these days where like Reagan's wanting us or
Speaker 2: we wanted to do this, blah bah blah, and we
Speaker 2: just go like just fucking do it. Yeah, Like work
Speaker 2: can wait, yes, you know, like I know we have
Speaker 2: these goals and things we want to do, but also
Speaker 2: like we can work our ours off once the kids
Speaker 2: are in school if we want to, you know, you
Speaker 2: can and flow and change to what feels good.
Speaker 1: And definitely it does.
Speaker 2: It really does go so fast. Like Reagan's got two
Speaker 2: more years and we have three kids in school.
Speaker 1: It's nae.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And just even in hospital, I cried one night because
Speaker 1: I missed out on her. It sounds so stupid because
Speaker 1: I'm away tonight with you I go away, it's fine,
Speaker 1: but I think when it's not your choice to be away,
Speaker 1: it's even harder. But there's little moments like I love
Speaker 1: doing bad time, I love giving her bottle. I love
Speaker 1: putting her to bed, like I don't even like Steve
Speaker 1: putting her bed because I want to do that, Like
Speaker 1: I want to do all those things. I don't want
Speaker 1: to miss out on those moments with my kids. It's
Speaker 1: the more time, the more slow time I can get.
Speaker 1: We're going to do another episode actually on relationships, so
Speaker 1: I won't touch it too much in here, but the
Speaker 1: polarity and how much it's impacted Steve's and I's intimate relationship.
Speaker 1: Of this switch of feminine and masculine and our roles
Speaker 1: really interesting.
Speaker 2: But I want to read that poem on this episode.
Speaker 2: I think, oh, I've got this motherhood poem, and I
Speaker 2: think about talking about all of this. You've probably seen
Speaker 2: this girl on Instagram. It's at j E S s
Speaker 2: U R lic HS and she does all the different
Speaker 2: poems and I came across this one and I just
Speaker 2: had to screenshot itsse I was like, I just want
Speaker 2: to share this.
Speaker 1: She's pre warned me, I'm gonna cry and I'm already
Speaker 1: so emotional.
Speaker 2: So okay, so it's called there's a mother somewhere. I'm
Speaker 2: getting emotional already, Yeah, I know, I mean my good time.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: There is a mother somewhere whose grown child lives on
Speaker 2: the other side of the world. She holds him in
Speaker 2: her heart because of the distance between their arms. There's
Speaker 2: a mother somewhere whose baby won't stop crying. They want
Speaker 2: to be held, fed, to sleep. They need her so much,
Speaker 2: and all she wants is a moment alone. There's a
Speaker 2: mother somewhere who has a child that may never say
Speaker 2: the word mama. She's faced more challenges than imaginable and
Speaker 2: dreams of that sound. Often there's a mother somewhere who
Speaker 2: has heard the word mummy on repeat.
Speaker 1: She's touched out.
Speaker 2: It's also loud, and she's desperate for a moment of silence.
Speaker 2: There is a mother somewhere awake, tiptoeing out the door
Speaker 2: of the nursery, her tears not long dried. She dreams
Speaker 2: of sleep, and she adores her baby and steal thinks
Speaker 2: back to those carefree days. Sometimes there's a mother somewhere
Speaker 2: awake who hears tiptoeing down the hallway because her teenager
Speaker 2: got in late. She loves watching them grow, but she
Speaker 2: thinks back to the days they were little and climbing
Speaker 2: into a bed for cuddles. There's a mother somewhere. Her
Speaker 2: house is full of noise and mess, lived in and loved.
Speaker 2: There is a mother somewhere. Her house is clean and silent,
Speaker 2: and memories hang on the walls. There's a mother somewhere
Speaker 2: telling her children about when they were little. There's a
Speaker 2: mother somewhere asking her own mother what it was like.
Speaker 2: It's heart achingly beautiful and sometimes a beautiful heartache. She
Speaker 2: tells you this is incredible, the best thing she's ever done.
Speaker 1: Believe her.
Speaker 2: If she tells you this is hard, the hardest thing
Speaker 2: she's ever done, believe her.
Speaker 1: Wow, everything is so relatable, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2: And it's just, you know, it just hits like everyone's
Speaker 2: in different seasons and everyone's going through different challenges.
Speaker 1: We all experienced most of that. I know, like most
Speaker 1: of that. I'm like, yeah, like the tiptoeing out that
Speaker 1: being on newt like I'm going through with Tarla, like
Speaker 1: just a bit tapped out. She's only twenty four seven.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even get dressed last night because she was
Speaker 1: just Mammy maybe Mammy maye mayy on me all the time.
Speaker 1: But then there's the thought of them not being there
Speaker 1: and they're out being a teenager like, nah, can't I
Speaker 1: can't know. I don't know how I'm gonna cope. Steve's like,
Speaker 1: you know, the good thing about all these interest rates
Speaker 1: and everything, it's gonna be a lot harder for our
Speaker 1: children to buy houses. Maybe they'll stay at home. Want
Speaker 1: the kids moving out, so I needed to worry. I
Speaker 1: feel like my parents couldn't. Step Dad kicked me out
Speaker 1: when I was sixteen, But I feel like if my
Speaker 1: mom would have been like pretty stoked for us to be.
Speaker 2: Out, I'm going to be so emotional.
Speaker 1: I do not want them moving out. But then when
Speaker 1: we change our mind when they're eighteen, we'll be like,
Speaker 1: get out, go get a job, stop leaching off me.
Speaker 2: Maybe because there's a mother out there that's probably film
Speaker 2: that right now.
Speaker 1: There would be Oh, there's just so much hay and.
Speaker 2: It's so emotional and being a parent, like you know
Speaker 2: all of this, you know that's come up for you,
Speaker 2: and it's just yeah, it goes so freaking fast. It
Speaker 2: really is such emotional rollercoaster. There's so much guilt that
Speaker 2: can like come from you know, one if you're doing
Speaker 2: things right or and like, I don't know, I just
Speaker 2: read that. I was like, that is so fucking validating.
Speaker 1: Yes it is.
Speaker 2: Everyone's going through their own thing. And just because your
Speaker 2: season might look completely different to someone else's. Like even
Speaker 2: when you think about that, people go get so much
Speaker 2: easier when they're older, and then.
Speaker 1: Like does it do it?
Speaker 2: Because then you're worrying about them being out, You're worrying
Speaker 2: about this, Like it's just different.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, and there's pros and comes to both, and
Speaker 1: there's so many easier aspects of them get older, but
Speaker 1: also harder. Like even when I was crying the other
Speaker 1: day on the couch, like just Tarji was like, what's wrong, Mummy,
Speaker 1: and like trying to explain to him what I'm feeling,
Speaker 1: like how much can his brain actually process and understand?
Speaker 1: But I also, I'm not going to treat him like
Speaker 1: two year old. I'm gonna be really honest and be like,
Speaker 1: you know, mummy's really struggling with life at the moment.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling quite stressed and I'm really really tired. And
Speaker 1: he was just like, okay, did invade them one bit,
Speaker 1: but like, yeah, there's just so much to it, Hey,
Speaker 1: so much motherhood, life, working, career and change change, the
Speaker 1: amount of changes we go through far out. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: a lot. But ps, oh yes, you don't have to
Speaker 1: have it all figured out all the time. Give yourself
Speaker 1: some space. Ps.
Speaker 2: You're going to start pissing off a lot of people
Speaker 2: when you start doing what's right for you.
Speaker 1: Oh I hate that the truth. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us, guys. But if a catch up episode,
Speaker 1: very relatable episode. I know so many of you be
Speaker 1: experiencing so much change and having those questions of like,
Speaker 1: you know, what can I do differently? Or am I
Speaker 1: missing out on time with my kids? Or how can
Speaker 1: I make this work? It's a lot of navigators and
Speaker 1: everyone's situation is so different. Obviously, I'm speaking from a
Speaker 1: position of owning your own business. If you're in a
Speaker 1: nine to five job for someone else, it's a lot
Speaker 1: trickier and harder, and that's a lot to process. But
Speaker 1: there's always options and choices. It's just figuring it out.
Speaker 2: That's it, and you're always checking in.
Speaker 1: Definitely, just the powerhood of support, whether that's your sisterhood,
Speaker 1: your family, your friends, your community, Like it is just everything.
Speaker 1: I could not have got through this last month without you,
Speaker 1: without Steve, without my mom, without my community, just everyone
Speaker 1: just loving me. It's so beautiful. So please make sure
Speaker 1: you're surrounding yourself with the right people.
Speaker 2: Getting emotional for you. Even hearing how amazing Steve's been,
Speaker 2: Like when you're talking about in the car, I was
Speaker 2: like getting a bit tears. I was like, that's just
Speaker 2: so nice.
Speaker 1: I know, it's just it's the validation, like because I
Speaker 1: feel guilty at the moment. And I said that to him,
Speaker 1: and he was like, you are never a burden, But
Speaker 1: I said, I feel guilty because you know me, I'm
Speaker 1: a pretty high vi person. My glass is pretty full.
Speaker 1: Like I don't like to be a victim. I don't
Speaker 1: like complaining about things. I love my life. I'm super grateful.
Speaker 1: I feel like I live in that emotional home yeah
Speaker 1: pretty naturally, yeah, full of beans. Whereas now I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know when I'm going to cry, and it's
Speaker 1: like every other day I'm crying and I'm not feeling
Speaker 1: like myself, and I'm feeling stuck and lost and I
Speaker 1: don't even know why, or I'm trying to figure it
Speaker 1: out and I'm like a broken record sometimes to you
Speaker 1: and Steve or whatever. And I said to Steve, I
Speaker 1: feel really guilty that I'm not the wife that I
Speaker 1: want to be and I'm not the wife that you're
Speaker 1: used to and I feel like a burden just coming
Speaker 1: in crying to you all the time. And he was like,
Speaker 1: you are not a burden. Get her back. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: he's like, I just so understand where you're feeling. Like
Speaker 1: He's like any entrepreneur or business owner, if you were
Speaker 1: to tell this to them, they would one hundred percent
Speaker 1: of experiences. He's like, I experienced this last year, Like
Speaker 1: he went through a hard time where he was feeling
Speaker 1: like this and just wanting to give up. He's like,
Speaker 1: it's just so hard when you feel like you're doing
Speaker 1: all the right things and this is stressing you, and
Speaker 1: it's just He's like, it's a lot, but that validation, Hey,
Speaker 1: it's so important. I think every human just wants to
Speaker 1: be seen, heard and validated. Yeah. You know, it's just
Speaker 1: sometimes when you go to someone you don't even need advice,
Speaker 1: you just need them to hold that space. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's been incredible, so so lucky. Oh anyways, guys, thanks
Speaker 1: so much for listening and we'll see it on Wednesday.
Speaker 1: Bye bye