Speaker 1: I want the fairy tale. I want the prince charming.
Speaker 2: She how do I put this? Isn't a fan of
Speaker 2: my kissing.
Speaker 1: Style with a boyfriend and girlfriend for about twelve hours.
Speaker 1: He's in a trash bin. He's non recyclable, catching her up.
Speaker 2: I love being love. I love love.
Speaker 1: On today's episode of Where's Your Head At, we are
Speaker 1: looking at codependency in relationships and being clinging.
Speaker 2: Stay tuned to hear what our thoughts are on each
Speaker 2: other being clingy, and what the cur is to stop
Speaker 2: being so needy.
Speaker 1: Where's Your Head At is a podcast that talks all
Speaker 1: things relationships, breakups, reality TV, trending shows, and everything in between.
Speaker 2: This is your new go to destination for laughs, gossip,
Speaker 2: intimate details, advice, and much more.
Speaker 1: Okay, welcome back everyone to Where's Your Head At.
Speaker 2: I'm Anna, I'm Matt, and we just want to start
Speaker 2: off today by touching on last week's episode that we
Speaker 2: did with Olivia and Jackson from mass Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, firstly, we're gonna start by saying the level
Speaker 1: of trolling that they got on their platforms but also
Speaker 1: on our social media was so eye opening. Matt and
Speaker 1: I have never seen that level of trolling before, and
Speaker 1: it was honestly overwhelming.
Speaker 2: I was actually speechless, so I still am. Like I
Speaker 2: remember looking at my phone the morning after we posted
Speaker 2: the stuff, and I was just I was gobsmacked.
Speaker 1: I think the thing with trolling is we have to
Speaker 1: remember it's a really small percentage of people that troll,
Speaker 1: like less than five percent of people. The majority of
Speaker 1: people are sane and level headed. But I think when
Speaker 1: you see like this enormous amount of trolling, whether it
Speaker 1: be Olivia and Jackson or someone else, that's kind of
Speaker 1: getting a bit of heat. I think you have to
Speaker 1: remember that it's not everyone's view and perspective. Like people
Speaker 1: are kind, they are open minded, and I think for
Speaker 1: us it was a bit of a shock because it
Speaker 1: was really disheartening to see so much hate. But it
Speaker 1: wasn't just hate, like it was deeper than that.
Speaker 2: Did you find that like a lot of it was
Speaker 2: people like jumping on a bandwagon. They're all ganging up
Speaker 2: and getting together and like, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: It was a pack mentality almost, yeah.
Speaker 1: For sure. So like people would see a few hate
Speaker 1: comments and then they jump on board or they like
Speaker 1: a comment. If they're not brave enough to say something
Speaker 1: because they realize how spiteful and evil it is, and like, look,
Speaker 1: we get why people feel this way. We watched the
Speaker 1: show too. We both had very strong opinions watching Olivia
Speaker 1: and Jackson, and I mean even Jackson said if he
Speaker 1: saw Olivia and how she acted, he wouldn't want her
Speaker 1: to teach his kids as well. So, I mean, we're
Speaker 1: all on the same page. You know, we definitely don't
Speaker 1: want to condone any of the bullying on any level,
Speaker 1: like from any side, from.
Speaker 2: The show or even on social media. We're against bullying.
Speaker 1: Here and we've been anti bullying from day one. We've
Speaker 1: spoken about it with many of our guests, including Michael Theo,
Speaker 1: who spoke a lot about even he was getting online abuse,
Speaker 1: which just blew my mind. And I think it's important
Speaker 1: to point out that that there's a difference between having
Speaker 1: an opinion and trolling. Like everyone is entitled to have
Speaker 1: an opinion. We all love sharing our opinion, but when
Speaker 1: it gets to a level where someone's talking about a
Speaker 1: potential suicide and people are saying do it, that is
Speaker 1: where we have to draw the line. And it was
Speaker 1: honestly mind blowing.
Speaker 2: Look, we started this podcast because we wanted to be
Speaker 2: able to tell and hear from people that we found interesting,
Speaker 2: and we obviously thought that their story was interesting, like
Speaker 2: thousands of people do that have listened and tuned into
Speaker 2: our podcast. It's an interesting story about what they went through.
Speaker 2: So everyone has the right to be heard. So that's
Speaker 2: why we got them on the podcast. Look, we don't
Speaker 2: think what they're saying is true or lies. It's theirpy.
Speaker 2: Like I always say, Anna, there's three sides to a story, yours, their's,
Speaker 2: and the truth and.
Speaker 1: The producers four side scenario.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got me there. So there's four sides to
Speaker 2: a story in this one, and we just wanted to
Speaker 2: hear their side and let them tell their side. And
Speaker 2: we're not siding with them, We're not against them. We're
Speaker 2: just Switzerland in the middle, neutral, all right. And on
Speaker 2: a positive note, your ten is looking amazing. That isn't
Speaker 2: any That isn't fake. That's real, isn't it?
Speaker 1: That is right? I mean to be honest, I feel
Speaker 1: like I could use a bit of a fake tan.
Speaker 2: She loves her tan. So how was Bali?
Speaker 1: It was amazing? Like it was super fun. Bali seems
Speaker 1: to be getting back to normal after the pandemic, which
Speaker 1: is great. We stayed in Changu for the majority of
Speaker 1: the time and it was super fun, like there was
Speaker 1: people everywhere. It's pretty busy there. It's very warm, and
Speaker 1: Bali the summer shining were the COVID restrictions on getting in,
Speaker 1: it was fine, Like, it was super easy to get there,
Speaker 1: way easier than Thailand, easier than going to the UK.
Speaker 1: So it was a simple process. So for anyone traveling
Speaker 1: to Bali, like, don't worry, it's super easy, super fine.
Speaker 1: Just read the guidelines and you'll be good to go.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you saw this on my Instagram,
Speaker 1: but Michael decided that he wanted to get a Hannah tattoo.
Speaker 1: Because Michael and I have been talking for a little
Speaker 1: bit about getting matching tattoos, even when you and Gen
Speaker 1: were getting a matching tattoo, we were kind of like
Speaker 1: should we go with them? And so Michael was kind
Speaker 1: of like, okay, Anna, what I'm gonna do is I'm
Speaker 1: going to get a Hennah tattoo on the beach as
Speaker 1: like a trial run kind of thing.
Speaker 2: So is that what he wants to get a tattoo
Speaker 2: of your name?
Speaker 1: I don't think he'd get a tattoo of my name.
Speaker 1: But he was like, fuck it, we're on holiday, We're
Speaker 1: in love. He was feeling the holiday romance, so he
Speaker 1: was like, let's get Anna Hannah tattooed on my ankle. Anyway,
Speaker 1: he's had this tattoo now for a week. It's really
Speaker 1: like very badly done. That's okay, Like he wasn't expecting
Speaker 1: it to be good.
Speaker 2: Sorry. How long does a hen and tattoo last for?
Speaker 2: I've seen people with it on their hands and that, Like.
Speaker 1: I think normally like two weeks. I could be wrong,
Speaker 1: but I think around two weeks, like no longer than
Speaker 1: a month.
Speaker 2: Okay, So he's got two weeks to decide if this
Speaker 2: is what he wants or not.
Speaker 1: It's definitely not what he wants. But he noticed that
Speaker 1: it started to get darker and he's like, why is
Speaker 1: it getting darker? And like when the tattoo was being
Speaker 1: applied or put on, the guy was using this really sharp,
Speaker 1: pointy tool that was kind of like spiky, and Michael
Speaker 1: was like, huh, hold on a second, like it's.
Speaker 2: A real tattoo twist.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I posted it on my Instagram being like
Speaker 1: ha ha ha. Michael thinks this could be a real tattoo,
Speaker 1: like loll jokes whatever. Anyway, then my DMS fully blew up.
Speaker 1: People were like, I got a henna tattoo and Bali
Speaker 1: when I was seventeen. I'm now thirty and still have it.
Speaker 1: All of these horror stories, and I was like, surely
Speaker 1: not like number one, the tattoo looks like trash. It
Speaker 1: was actually messed up like three times, like it was
Speaker 1: not well put on anyway. It just it can't be real,
Speaker 1: Like it can't be real. We're both in denial, imagining.
Speaker 2: A month from now it's still there. Two months from now,
Speaker 2: we're reporting back and it's still there.
Speaker 1: There's so many stories of people having these Hannah tattoos
Speaker 1: from Bali for like ten years, and I'm just like, wow,
Speaker 1: this is too much. But then people have also told
Speaker 1: me stories where the ink from Bali has actually burnt
Speaker 1: their skin and so then they're actually left with a
Speaker 1: scar in the shape of like whatever hennah tattoo they got.
Speaker 2: So if you.
Speaker 1: Google this, honestly, like it's very traumatizing. So Michael's going
Speaker 1: through a lot of trauma right now. He's like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I love you so much, but.
Speaker 2: Like, you know, I can't have this. This is not the.
Speaker 1: Tattoo I would have gotten for you.
Speaker 2: All right, So if you guys are going to get
Speaker 2: matching tattoos, what are you looking at getting.
Speaker 1: There's a few options going around, Like Michael calls me
Speaker 1: his little English rose because my dad's English, so he
Speaker 1: was thinking of getting a rose, and I was thinking
Speaker 1: of getting like this little Greek symbol. We were thinking
Speaker 1: of getting Always, both of us getting Always tattooed. There's
Speaker 1: lots of different kind of ideas being thrown around, but
Speaker 1: at this stage that's being held on pause because Michael
Speaker 1: could potentially have Anna marked on his skin for life.
Speaker 1: So everyone's say a prayer for Michael the tattoo.
Speaker 2: As well to get done. Oh no, so apart from
Speaker 2: Michael's I'm not gonna say average, but his questionable tattoo
Speaker 2: that he's ended up getting of your name, how's the
Speaker 2: rest of your holiday?
Speaker 1: It was really fun, Like we went whitewater rafting. If
Speaker 1: you're going to Bali, I would highly recommend it. It
Speaker 1: was super fun and we just kind of chilled out.
Speaker 1: It was really nice, not doing too much and just
Speaker 1: really kicking back and relaxing. Me and Michael, We're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, we've become so codependent, Like, how has
Speaker 1: this happened? Because we just love spending time together. So
Speaker 1: I think we're going to talk about codependency in relationships
Speaker 1: in this episode next.
Speaker 2: And before we start today's topic, would you call yourself
Speaker 2: clinging or codependent? Because I know what i'd call you,
Speaker 2: but I'll let you say it first.
Speaker 1: Look, if I really like someone, yeah, Like, I think
Speaker 1: I do get a little bit codependent, and it is
Speaker 1: something that I have noticed in past relationships and something
Speaker 1: that I've actually tried to do a lot of work on.
Speaker 1: Like I kind of swore to myself after my last
Speaker 1: relationship because obviously we were in a lockdown together, and
Speaker 1: I mean lockdowns just breed codependency.
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But yeah, I think after that I kind of
Speaker 1: saw to myself that I would make sure that I
Speaker 1: really kept my independence and sense of self. But am
Speaker 1: I clinging?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Like when you're in love, I think it's hard not
Speaker 1: to be clinging.
Speaker 2: Yeah, i'd have to say you're quite clingy, I know,
Speaker 2: if I am to be honest. But aren't we all
Speaker 2: a little bit like you said, when we're in love?
Speaker 1: Like I was about to say, Matt, you're so cling you.
Speaker 2: Mean, I know, I get like a little bit annoyed
Speaker 2: if you're not answering me quick enough of texting me back.
Speaker 2: But that's I find that that's more like is it?
Speaker 2: Would you say separation anxiety? Almost in a way. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I get that a little bit, like if it's like
Speaker 2: a big day, you're too far away from each other.
Speaker 2: I know that Gen's going on a couple of holidays,
Speaker 2: not holidays, but one's a work trip, but that without me,
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna we're being discussing how we're going to
Speaker 2: go without each other for seven days?
Speaker 1: How are you going to go?
Speaker 2: Well, one of them, she won't have her phone on
Speaker 2: her so why she's doing a trail through the Northern
Speaker 2: Territory for charity, So she's not going to have her
Speaker 2: phone for seven days.
Speaker 1: How are you gonna survive? My phone going to be
Speaker 1: blowing up that way?
Speaker 2: I said. I hope her twin sister, Nikki is ready
Speaker 2: for me to be blowing her phone off asking her
Speaker 2: to get coffee with me. I actually I actually went
Speaker 2: up behind Gen when we're talking about it. I was like,
Speaker 2: would Nikky care if I did this to her like
Speaker 2: cuddled and she's like, yeah, I should tell you to
Speaker 2: fuck off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, fair enough, And.
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, fair enough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think i'd definitely call you a little bit
Speaker 1: codependent Matt. And I think even in our relationshipling sometimes
Speaker 1: like have you seen my text? I'm like, you've literally
Speaker 1: messaged me on three different group chats, Matt, I don't know.
Speaker 2: Which one this morning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm telling that story because it literally happened this morning.
Speaker 2: So what is the definition of codependency?
Speaker 1: Okay, so codependency is putting your partner's needs and desires
Speaker 1: before your own every single time or majority of the time.
Speaker 1: Your happiness and mood is generally based around how they're feeling.
Speaker 1: So like, I don't know about you, but when I
Speaker 1: first start seeing someone, and this is how I know
Speaker 1: I'm quite clinging or a little bit codependent. When I
Speaker 1: first start seeing someone, they start to kind of consume
Speaker 1: my thoughts. Like if I'm going on a date with
Speaker 1: someone who I really like, it's my thoughts become consumed
Speaker 1: by them. Then I start looking for validation after the
Speaker 1: dates to see if they've messaged me or how quickly
Speaker 1: they're messaging me, and I kind of really fall into
Speaker 1: that trap of being a little bit consumed by them
Speaker 1: if I like them enough where.
Speaker 2: It says that your mood generally based around how they're feeling.
Speaker 2: I find myself really sensitive to energies, and I know
Speaker 2: you do as well. So if my partner is feeling
Speaker 2: like down or annoyed or pissed off about something, I
Speaker 2: honestly let it, like fully, like you said, consume me,
Speaker 2: and like I'm like, well, it puts me in a mood,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, well, how do I get you out
Speaker 2: of this mood? And like I've been with partners, I
Speaker 2: just want like five minutes to relax and then they
Speaker 2: come back. But I'm the sort of person that's like, no, no,
Speaker 2: like how do I make you feel better? And I
Speaker 2: like get really really and want to bring him back
Speaker 2: to like a positive mood.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I guess, yeah, it affects your energy, but
Speaker 1: that's something you probably need to learn and probably need
Speaker 1: to give her five minutes and she'll come back to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, let's not get down that rabbit hole. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So, like, obviously you admittedly are quite clingy, codependent, needy,
Speaker 1: whatever you want to call it, but you told me
Speaker 1: the other day that you and jen had recently done
Speaker 1: this thing where you've stopped talking during the day. Do
Speaker 1: you want to talk me through that?
Speaker 2: Okay? So obviously Jenning myself living together now, so we
Speaker 2: found that when we got home, we'd obviously spoken all
Speaker 2: day about stuff. So, like, if you think about it,
Speaker 2: we have like all these different threads going So we
Speaker 2: have like a TikTok thread and Instagram thread and like
Speaker 2: sometimes an email from forwarding her emails that she needs
Speaker 2: to read like text message. So we're like all these
Speaker 2: different conversations going on that. Once we get home, we're
Speaker 2: just like, well, yeah, you told me that. Yeah, we
Speaker 2: spoken that, you know what I mean. So we said,
Speaker 2: all right, well how about me for a week, don't
Speaker 2: communicate during the day. H nah. I think we got
Speaker 2: a couple of days. It was. It was very difficult,
Speaker 2: not just myself. I think she found it very difficult
Speaker 2: as well, she said she did.
Speaker 1: Did you find yourself like going to text her to
Speaker 1: tell her things and then you're like, damn, I'm not allowed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then I would write it in notes. So
Speaker 2: then when we got home, we're there with our notes
Speaker 2: and just reel off everything to each other.
Speaker 1: Recap her on your day, make sure she hasn't missed
Speaker 1: out on anything.
Speaker 2: I'm like, and then I got my third coffee. And
Speaker 2: then because we send a lot of photos of what
Speaker 2: we're doing during the day, so i just bombarded her
Speaker 2: phone with all the photos and I'm like, this is
Speaker 2: like this has become a show and te now. So
Speaker 2: we send her all the photos and then reading through
Speaker 2: the notes. If you look at the photo of this,
Speaker 2: this is when I saw a duck. Yeah, so we've
Speaker 2: acted that. We're just trying to now keep the talking
Speaker 2: during the day to a minimum. And it's obviously training
Speaker 2: for when she doesn't have a phone when she's on
Speaker 2: her charity.
Speaker 1: Matt needs a bit of training.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm stressing.
Speaker 1: I know that. Michael and I like this is how
Speaker 1: codependent we are. We sometimes text each other and we're
Speaker 1: literally in the same house. Like he'll be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go do some work, or he'll be like
Speaker 1: on his laptop and he'll just be like love you.
Speaker 2: So, I mean, you know, that's the first time I've
Speaker 2: heard of that.
Speaker 1: Have you got do you guys not do that? No?
Speaker 1: I was just walking walk in and say hey.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that was out of nowhere that was not
Speaker 2: on the brief Sugar that story. That's cute though in
Speaker 2: a way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's cute. Like we're both like busy
Speaker 1: doing works. Then he'll just like I'll just get like
Speaker 1: a random message from him, and.
Speaker 2: Then I'm like, oh, that's really sweet he thought about me.
Speaker 2: Do you guys send like photos to each other, like
Speaker 2: selfies or photos of what you're doing in that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like not when we're in the same house
Speaker 1: that we'd have to be separated to do that.
Speaker 2: You know that every time before we start shooting, I
Speaker 2: send a selfie to gen Yeah, I know, And then
Speaker 2: I ended up putting that in my story. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: and say like the link below. Yeah, but that's what
Speaker 2: we do. We do that sort of stuff and send
Speaker 2: each other selfish Yeah.
Speaker 1: Have you witnessed codependency.
Speaker 2: I'd say in my I wouldn't say I have been codependent.
Speaker 2: There's obviously been a previous relationship where they tried to
Speaker 2: control me, my finances, what I did, and all that
Speaker 2: sort of stuff. But I sort of fought back on
Speaker 2: that one.
Speaker 1: You kind of fought for your independence.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I fought for my independence, Like I was like,
Speaker 2: give me a bit of space, like I'm a grown man,
Speaker 2: like I can do what I want to do. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I've seen mates that are like pretty codependent on their missus.
Speaker 2: I know, I've got a really good made of mind
Speaker 2: who I think is and he'd say he is as well. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I realized on her to cookies dinner, like get his
Speaker 2: like morning breakfast for him and all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1: Is it a bad thing though? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think that's a fine line. So, like I would say,
Speaker 2: if you can't do it for yourself and you're getting
Speaker 2: them to do it, and like it's actually like your
Speaker 2: girlfriend's taking time out of their day and it's pushing there,
Speaker 2: like yeah, like it's impacting them, then it's a situation.
Speaker 2: But if they've got time, like you say, you're working,
Speaker 2: like and they're at home to cook dinner or do
Speaker 2: something like that, so be it. I think.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, look, let's talk about how being codependent is
Speaker 1: detrimental to other aspects of your life.
Speaker 2: Next. Anna, you've told me a lot about guys who
Speaker 2: have become codependent quickly in relationships. What is the craziest
Speaker 2: codependency story you have.
Speaker 1: It's funny you asked this because the craziest codependency story
Speaker 1: that I actually have is with someone who I don't
Speaker 1: know and have never met.
Speaker 2: They got codependent on you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how bizarre. No, So basically I had this guy.
Speaker 1: He was in my message request section. So obviously on Instagram,
Speaker 1: I have primary messages and I have general messages, and
Speaker 1: then the request messages are from people who I don't
Speaker 1: follow that might send me through a message and I
Speaker 1: can read it and they won't know that I've read it. Anyway,
Speaker 1: there was this guy that just kept popping up there
Speaker 1: every single day or anytime I would check it. He
Speaker 1: was always there and he would message me like six
Speaker 1: to seven times a week, and a lot of the messages,
Speaker 1: the way he would talk was as if he knew me,
Speaker 1: as if he was going to see me later. If
Speaker 1: I was talking to the camera, he would reply back
Speaker 1: and be like, yeah, baby, thanks for like letting me
Speaker 1: know about this. So he genuinely thought, from my understanding,
Speaker 1: that we were in a relationship. And this went on
Speaker 1: for over a year. Like this guy did not give up.
Speaker 1: I was like, how do you have time for me? Like,
Speaker 1: we don't even know each other, we've never met, But
Speaker 1: I think he didn't have an understanding that we weren't
Speaker 1: in a relationship. And it was funny because when I
Speaker 1: posted Michael, when I hard launched Michael, I can't remember
Speaker 1: what I said, but obviously i'd hashtagged boyfriend. I actually
Speaker 1: got a breakup message from this codependent follower that I
Speaker 1: have so well I had. Yeah, he was like, clearly,
Speaker 1: like you've been kind of cheating on me with Michael.
Speaker 1: I think the best thing to do is that we
Speaker 1: take some space. You've really hurt me here, Like, I
Speaker 1: hope you understand how hurt this has made me. And honestly,
Speaker 1: I felt really bad.
Speaker 2: Have you heard from since that breakup message?
Speaker 1: Not once. So it's crazy because that person was so
Speaker 1: codependent on me, and I guess, like I hate to
Speaker 1: say it, but we're very deluded and delusional about the
Speaker 1: relationship that they thought we had. And yeah, I got
Speaker 1: broken up with with someone who I've never met, never seen,
Speaker 1: and yeah, it was wild.
Speaker 2: It does remind me. Actually I had a similar situation,
Speaker 2: if not the same. I had this girl that kept
Speaker 2: messaging me, and like you said, like every story I
Speaker 2: put up it was like it was personally sent to her. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and like she would even send me like photos of her,
Speaker 2: like selfies of her, like wish what she was doing
Speaker 2: during the day, what she was having for dinner, and
Speaker 2: it was in my request and I was just like, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: this girl like fully thinks we're together. And then when
Speaker 2: I did post Jen for my hard launch, I didn't
Speaker 2: get such a nice message like you did. I got
Speaker 2: a very aggressive, like go f yourself, really piece of trash,
Speaker 2: like we were something whow we were meant to be.
Speaker 2: And if I remember correctly, she was from England, because
Speaker 2: I remember some of the photos I saw and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, that's that's that's the motorway in England.
Speaker 2: But yeah, that's a codependence, So like the same sort
Speaker 2: of thing that happened to you.
Speaker 1: Wow, how crazy, I know.
Speaker 2: It's Yeah, obviously they've got some, like you said, diluted
Speaker 2: thoughts that we were with them.
Speaker 1: And look, obviously these people have a real lack of
Speaker 1: understanding of reality, and so I guess they have probably
Speaker 1: some mental health issues. So we're definitely not making fun
Speaker 1: of them. But that lack of understanding and that extreme
Speaker 1: code pair was just super interesting to witness.
Speaker 2: All Right, let's take a look at the signs that
Speaker 2: would make an individual codependent. After reading this, Anna, I
Speaker 2: was a bit like, oh, actually, maybe I am a
Speaker 2: little bit more codependent than I think. There's someone in
Speaker 2: there that stood out like a sore thumb. So we'll
Speaker 2: go through them.
Speaker 1: Okay. So the first one is they normally measure their
Speaker 1: self worth on how others perceive them, so like they
Speaker 1: want to feel really needed and cared for.
Speaker 2: They overapologize and will admit they're wrong to keep the peace.
Speaker 2: The old fashioned saying goes happy wife, happy life, and yeah,
Speaker 2: live or die. By that, I reckon.
Speaker 1: They usually need a lot of approval from other people
Speaker 1: in their life, and they have this massive fear of rejection.
Speaker 2: They feel guilty when they do something for themselves, like say,
Speaker 2: by themselves a gift, or practice some self care, or
Speaker 2: even go see their friends.
Speaker 1: This one's a big one. They normally accept a heavier
Speaker 1: workload to earn praise and admiration for those around them,
Speaker 1: and interestingly, they also like the feeling of lightning someone
Speaker 1: else's workload or burden.
Speaker 2: They don't feel like they can say no, and we'll
Speaker 2: do things they don't want to do to make others happy.
Speaker 1: They normally idolize their partners and will make a point
Speaker 1: of maintaining relationships even if they are unfulfilled.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a big one. I think that we've all
Speaker 2: been everyone's been there at one stage with their life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. But like Matt, let's talk about codependency
Speaker 1: and then interdependency because there is a difference and one
Speaker 1: is a lot healthier than the other.
Speaker 2: So what is a happy medium then?
Speaker 1: Okay, So interdependency has partners depending on each other for
Speaker 1: support in a really healthy way. You're available to support
Speaker 1: your partner, but not at the cost of all self
Speaker 1: worth and the expense of your own needs and well being.
Speaker 1: So I guess you're kind of setting boundaries in relationships,
Speaker 1: which we've spoken about many times before is so important
Speaker 1: to do super early on. And I guess with interdependency
Speaker 1: you have set those really healthy boundaries.
Speaker 2: And I think if your partner doesn't accept those boundaries
Speaker 2: that you've set and how you want to do your
Speaker 2: own thing, then that's not healthy on their behalf, is it.
Speaker 1: Yeah? And I think like when you do set healthy boundaries,
Speaker 1: it just basically means that you're communicating your own needs
Speaker 1: and desires and asking for support when you find yourself
Speaker 1: struggling It just makes your life easier and it means
Speaker 1: that your needs are really getting met.
Speaker 2: All Right, So a listener is listening to this and
Speaker 2: they want to know how to become more independent in
Speaker 2: their relationship. How would they go about doing that?
Speaker 1: Okay, So the first thing, which we've advocated for many
Speaker 1: times is go to Corple's counseling. It's super insightful and
Speaker 1: it's really great to get tools from an outside party
Speaker 1: who can look at your relationship in a really impartial way.
Speaker 2: This one I think I can relate to as well,
Speaker 2: practice self care and get used to spending time alone. Yeah.
Speaker 2: The other night, Jen was going out for a drink
Speaker 2: to their friends and I dropped her off and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, I was like, what am I going
Speaker 2: to do tonight? Like, you know, like normally we sit
Speaker 2: down and watch like a TV show or a movie together.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I went and picked myself up a large meat lover's
Speaker 2: pizza they made in bed, and watched two movies that
Speaker 2: I've been hanging to watch out that I know Jen
Speaker 2: doesn't like horror movies. I'm a massive horror fan myself,
Speaker 2: So I watched two horror movies. I had the best
Speaker 2: night of.
Speaker 1: My life, self care.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a couple of red wines. I was feeling I
Speaker 2: was feeling great.
Speaker 1: This is another one. Pick up a hobby or focus
Speaker 1: on your own interests. Michael plays basketball every Tuesdays. That's
Speaker 1: something that he loves to do. And when I know
Speaker 1: that he's going to play basketball, it gives me time
Speaker 1: to really focus on myself and do some me things.
Speaker 1: And then I also have other hobbies that I like
Speaker 1: to do, and then he has some more independent time
Speaker 1: as well.
Speaker 2: Well. Learn how to form healthy boundaries in your relationship.
Speaker 2: We touched on that before. That's just given, like everyone
Speaker 2: has to have boundaries in a relationship.
Speaker 1: And then finally spending time with supportive family members or friends.
Speaker 1: I think this is a big one that because a
Speaker 1: lot of people fall into this trap and relationships where
Speaker 1: they push their friends and family to the side and
Speaker 1: they lose those really close bonds in relationships.
Speaker 2: Another thing on that is I feel like you should
Speaker 2: keep like, yes, it's great to introduce your partner to
Speaker 2: your friends and your family, but like you should keep
Speaker 2: your friend, not like keep them separate, but like have
Speaker 2: it so your friends groups don't intertwine. I feel like
Speaker 2: because when you break up that can make it messy
Speaker 2: as well. So you should be able to like a
Speaker 2: guy should be able to go hang out with these mates,
Speaker 2: and like a girl should go out to hanging out
Speaker 2: with her friends. Like, yeah, everyone should get along, but
Speaker 2: keep them sort of separate in a way as well
Speaker 2: if they are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like obviously there's you know, everyone has different situations. Then,
Speaker 1: like sometimes people meet in friend groups and we get that.
Speaker 1: But yeah, like I do get kind of what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I think it's important for everyone to kind of intertwine
Speaker 1: and spend time together and get along. But then yeah,
Speaker 1: as you said, it's nice to have boys nights and
Speaker 1: maybe Jen to have girls' nights, Me to have girls nights,
Speaker 1: Michael to have boys nights. You know, like that's healthy,
Speaker 1: but it's also nice hanging out altogether.
Speaker 2: I know when you do go out for a boys night,
Speaker 2: like the one thing you want to do is just
Speaker 2: get home and cuddle. Speaking from experience, something nice. Just
Speaker 2: want to get home. You can't like to get home
Speaker 2: and give Jenna Bie cuddle.
Speaker 1: So ah, that's really cue. Okay, we've spoken a little
Speaker 1: bit about how we think we could be codependent, but
Speaker 1: are we really codependent? Or are we just clinging.
Speaker 2: I've said before I think you're clinging, Anna, and you
Speaker 2: said you think I'm clinging, So let's see what we
Speaker 2: are actually.
Speaker 1: Okay, guys, we are doing a new segment of our
Speaker 1: podcast every week from now on. It's called Where's Our
Speaker 1: head At?
Speaker 2: This is exciting Anna.
Speaker 1: We're gonna ask you guys to write in to get
Speaker 1: involved in our podcast, to be more integrated in everything
Speaker 1: we do. We want to hear from you. We want
Speaker 1: to know your stories, and we are going to include
Speaker 1: some of them in our podcast.
Speaker 2: All right, We're going to put question boxes on our
Speaker 2: social media stories, so make sure you keep a look
Speaker 2: out for them and fill them in with your stories.
Speaker 2: We look forward to hearing from you.
Speaker 1: If your responsors are too long, then send us a
Speaker 1: DM and we might feature you in our podcast.
Speaker 2: So we appreciate all your stories, so make sure they
Speaker 2: come in. Love you, guys, Love you guys.
Speaker 1: Okay. So one of the people from our wares our
Speaker 1: head At fam has written into us and said, Yup,
Speaker 1: I pull away from being affectionate because I never get
Speaker 1: words of affection and barely get compliments, never gotten I
Speaker 1: love you, so I just never put out affection anymore
Speaker 1: because I don't get it. I'm a loyal people pleaser.
Speaker 1: Don't speak up because he thinks I'm crazy. It really hurts.
Speaker 2: So she's saying that he doesn't give affection and when
Speaker 2: she does ask for affection, he calls her crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this guy sounds not great.
Speaker 2: For one. I'll start by saying you should never call
Speaker 2: your partner crazy and should always validate their feelings no
Speaker 2: matter what it is. If you disagree with it or
Speaker 2: agree with that, you should always say, well, how do
Speaker 2: we work through this? How do I make you feel validated?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Look, as we've said many times on this podcast,
Speaker 1: it sounds like there's not a lot of boundaries in
Speaker 1: your relationship, and I think it's time to be open
Speaker 1: and honest. If this person doesn't appreciate you for who
Speaker 1: you are, maybe they're not your person and they're not
Speaker 1: worth being with.
Speaker 2: Sounds hard to hear, but sometimes you've got to hear
Speaker 2: the truth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And look, I think validation and approval is important
Speaker 1: in any relationship, and I think if you're not getting
Speaker 1: that in your relationship, it's time to really take a
Speaker 1: look and really ask yourself if that's where you want
Speaker 1: to be if you're staying with someone just to be
Speaker 1: a people pleaser, it's just not a good enough reason.
Speaker 2: In my opinion from experience, nice guys get taken advantage of.
Speaker 2: So I don't know what length of a nice person
Speaker 2: or nice guy you're being, but I don't want to
Speaker 2: say it, but I suggest getting a backbone and sticking
Speaker 2: up for what you believe in and stay true to yourself.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much to everyone who has written in
Speaker 1: and given us their stories. We're going to be doing
Speaker 1: a segment of Where's Our Head At for our Where's
Speaker 1: Your Head At Family every single episode from now on,
Speaker 1: so make sure when you see those question boxes on
Speaker 1: our socials get involved. Send us dms and we would
Speaker 1: love to get you involved in our podcast.
Speaker 2: Hey guys, until next time. You heard it here First,
Speaker 2: Anna is the more clingier one than me?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not. It's definitely that.
Speaker 2: Bye.