1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:05,320 Speaker 1: No team has consciously wanted this change is to happen, 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,240 Speaker 1: which causes a lot of stress. So when we start 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,680 Speaker 1: to recognize this is an emerging at all. But there 4 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: are some things that they're going to learn from the 5 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 1: other bit is we've got to work out how am 6 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,639 Speaker 1: I going to have the conversation because I actually don't 7 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:18,919 Speaker 1: know an awful lot about babing. 8 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,159 Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to separate bathrooms. We would like to 9 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 2: acknowledge the Gadigal people of the Eora nation, the traditional 10 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,440 Speaker 2: custodians of this land, and pay our respects to the elders, 11 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:41,560 Speaker 2: both past and present. I'm cam Dado, I'm Ali Dadoh okay, 12 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 2: quick thought, quick thought for you, honey. Interesting that we 13 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,559 Speaker 2: are recording today, that this is the day our youngest 14 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 2: is experiencing her final, her last dat of school. Tomorrow, 15 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,840 Speaker 2: we will no longer be parents of children in high 16 00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 2: school or school. She might go on, well, she'll might 17 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:05,039 Speaker 2: go on to tertiary education. So how do you feel 18 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:05,480 Speaker 2: about that? 19 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:09,640 Speaker 3: Yeah? But UNI parents are not involved in the slightest 20 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 3: either there's no different there's no book weekday, or there's 21 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 3: no festivals that you go and volunteer at. 22 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 4: And I will miss it terribly. 23 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 3: I will miss it terribly, the amount of joy that 24 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:28,760 Speaker 3: I had working at the kids' schools and being part 25 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 3: of the parent community and organizing some of the fairs. 26 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:38,319 Speaker 3: And I loved every second of it. Loved our kids 27 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 3: in our school years. I thought it was so much fun. 28 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:44,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, and we made some great friends, yes too along 29 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 2: the way. Yes, I remember that the school they went 30 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,600 Speaker 2: to in the States, just being around some of those 31 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: dads and doing the working bees, building the play structures, painting. 32 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: The flaws in that hall and doing all those. 33 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 2: And you know, you're in the brick at that school. 34 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, it's a community. 35 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 3: It's a community that you know, it's hard to find 36 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 3: that again in those school years. You can make you 37 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 3: make friends for lifetimes, you know, in those school communities. 38 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 4: So yeah, I'm. 39 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 3: I'm glad that she's so delighted and happy, and I'm 40 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 3: super proud of her, and yeah, but I'm sad. 41 00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's kind of It does remind me of that 42 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,400 Speaker 2: doctor Zeus quote, don't be sad that it's over, be 43 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:27,359 Speaker 2: glad that it happened. 44 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, totally totally. 45 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 2: Our guest today is has been of huge assistance to 46 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 2: parents and children for a long long time many well. 47 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 2: She's often referred to as the Queen of common Sense. 48 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 2: Maggie Dent has become one of Australia's favorite parenting authors, 49 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 2: educators and podcasters. 50 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, we've been wanting to have Maggie on for a 51 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 3: while and she's got a particular interest in the early years, 52 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 3: adolescents and resilience which I love that word, and is 53 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 3: just such a boy champion, which is just delightful. She's 54 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,079 Speaker 3: the mother of four sons, of course, and a very 55 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:14,320 Speaker 3: grateful grandmother. And Maggie hosts the good Enough Dad podcast 56 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 3: and has hosted six seasons of the award winning ABC 57 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 3: podcast Parental as Anything Classic and in twenty twenty one 58 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,600 Speaker 3: she also released a book of the same. 59 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 2: Name, and this year she has released her What We've 60 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 2: Discovered is her final parenting book, Help Me Help My Teen, 61 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 2: Supporting our teens through tough times. Let's welcome into the bathroom, 62 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:49,600 Speaker 2: the legend Maggie Dent. Maggie, welcome to separate bathrooms. We've 63 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 2: been fans of you for a long time. 64 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 4: Indeed, that's pretty nice. Yeah, yeah, I know they call you. 65 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 4: What do they call you? 66 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: There's a luck queen of common sense in a common 67 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 1: sense is that just a really nice type? 68 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 2: Is there pressure? Is there pressure? Being the queen of 69 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 2: common sense? If you do something a little, you know, 70 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 2: you get the brain just goes. You know, you have 71 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 2: tond no. 72 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 1: Pressure because I see everything from both angles, do you 73 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: know what I mean? I can see it's this beautiful 74 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,160 Speaker 1: logical reasoning that I got from my dad. Plus I'm 75 00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 1: a country girl who's raised in the bush, and we 76 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,680 Speaker 1: just look at stuff and go, well, that's a dumb 77 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 1: ass idea. 78 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 3: Yeah. 79 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes like sometimes it's better to plow around the stump. 80 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 1: That's sort of that's stuff. God, you've got it right, 81 00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: Like just leave it right there or else. As I 82 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:41,279 Speaker 1: often say, everyone's doing the best they can, right, we 83 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,600 Speaker 1: really are. No one gets up and says, how can 84 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,039 Speaker 1: I be a lousy parent today? We really have the 85 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 1: best intentions. Yeah, And I'm totally passionate about the fact 86 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,719 Speaker 1: that there's no perfect in parenting. If you've listened to 87 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: me or know that without it, it's just good enough. 88 00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 1: And then you know, when they get older and they've 89 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: got their own family, say look back at you and go, God, 90 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,600 Speaker 1: how did you do it? That's good enough. 91 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, you make mistakes, you learn from them. Sometimes you 92 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 3: don't learn from them, but. 93 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: And you do them again. 94 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 4: I've made it to. 95 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 3: Adult, hold in the hood and they still like you. 96 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,720 Speaker 4: I think that is that's the best thing. It's like, 97 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 4: there's my trophy. They still want to hang out with me. 98 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 2: We talk about in acting, you get a you know, 99 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 2: each each shot is a take, and then you get 100 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 2: you have missed takes, you know, so they're like, get 101 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,839 Speaker 2: another shot at can we just do that again? 102 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 1: One more shot? 103 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:32,040 Speaker 4: Yeah? 104 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, You've got us on a good day or 105 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:39,040 Speaker 2: on an interesting day. Our youngest daughter it's her last 106 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 2: day of school. So now we've got three kids who 107 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 2: are out of school. 108 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:43,599 Speaker 1: School. 109 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 2: So we were just chatting about that before and any 110 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 2: advice for us. 111 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, I just got to drop a bit of a 112 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,640 Speaker 1: claimer here for you, because we often feel, you know that, 113 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,279 Speaker 1: you know, we just got to focus until they're eighteen 114 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: and then they're magically an adult and it's just not 115 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: bloody true. 116 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:00,600 Speaker 4: No, it's not. 117 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: So what you've got now is one of the riskiest 118 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 1: windows is eighteen to twenty four. Leaving home, they actually 119 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: feel more adult like, but we've still got a capacity 120 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 1: for being led astray or doing what their friends want 121 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,960 Speaker 1: them to do, or you know, not step up and 122 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 1: be brave when they need to be. And we've got 123 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:27,719 Speaker 1: a generation of around this age of a heightened level 124 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 1: of social anxiety, partly COVID, partly too much time online, 125 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 1: and some of them are too scared to actually go 126 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: out into the wide world. And there is I mean, 127 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: this is how weird the world's become. Apparently there is 128 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,240 Speaker 1: you know, they actually feel safer in their bedroom, in 129 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 1: their social you know, connections and friendships than the real world. 130 00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,719 Speaker 1: So there's a we used to have fomo what do 131 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 1: I miss out on when out in the real world? 132 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 1: Now it's fomo online and it's joemo in the real world, 133 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 1: which is the joy of missing out up because I'd 134 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: actually prefer to stay home anyway. And how weird is this? 135 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:10,000 Speaker 1: There are actually apps that help your teen make excuses 136 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: for not turning up that doesn't offend them. What I know, right, 137 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: see how different the world is from where you were sixteen, 138 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 1: seventeen and eighteen, and God knows me, heavens that's the 139 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,679 Speaker 1: Dark ages. But you can see how it has changed 140 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 1: so much and why parents can find it's so damn 141 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 1: confusing because in just that sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, twenty year difference. Wow, 142 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 1: what did the world do? 143 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 4: Yes? 144 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 2: Why that blows me away that we actually have an 145 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 2: app to give you excuses. It's like you can't even 146 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 2: think of your own excuse anymore. There was that article 147 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 2: you probably saw this years ago. It was on the 148 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,480 Speaker 2: cover of Time magazine. It was called, is Google making 149 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 2: a stupid Yes? You know that we're having to Google everything. 150 00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:01,400 Speaker 2: I mean people on phones like, oh, I know, yeah, 151 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 2: some and so wrote that song, or you know, it's 152 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 2: like we go to Google straight away for all our intel. 153 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 3: I know, because sometimes I want people to just give 154 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 3: me a minute and see if I can remember the 155 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 3: actor's name. I'm like, hang on a minute, hang on, 156 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 3: let's see if I can get it. But people are 157 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 3: already going, yeah, yeah it was Tom Jones. I was like, ah, 158 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 3: damn it, it was right, No, yeah, absolutely right, absolutely right. 159 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:28,800 Speaker 1: And then of course AI pops in. Yeah, And if 160 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 1: Google was making is dumber, what the heck's that doing? 161 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,480 Speaker 1: Like seriously, I mean, you can actually ask it to 162 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 1: write a piece about all my philosophies around parenting and 163 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,960 Speaker 1: they'd cover every one of my ten books in exactly 164 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 1: the number of words you give it. And I think, 165 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 1: what are we doing with upper school education? Like why 166 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 1: the hell do we have to remember, you know, facts 167 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: from ancient Egypt and how it applied. AI. 168 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, Maggie, this is what so body, our youngest say. 169 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 2: This is what she's exactly what she said to me, 170 00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:06,280 Speaker 2: like two weeks ago, she was she had her trials 171 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:11,319 Speaker 2: for HSC, and she's doing her HSC. She doesn't really 172 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 2: need to do it because she's going to go into hairdressing, 173 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,800 Speaker 2: so she's going to get into doing an apprenticeship. And 174 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 2: then she said to me, I go, well, how are 175 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 2: you doing with your exam study for modern history? And 176 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:23,679 Speaker 2: she said, Dad, I don't think. I don't think it's 177 00:09:23,679 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 2: going to matter whether the Mesopotamian army and the takeover 178 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 2: and what they did through Persia is going to really 179 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 2: matter when I'm putting foils in missiles mcguila Cuddy's hair. 180 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 1: And I said, you're absolutely right. 181 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 2: Have you ever thought about stand up? 182 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: But also one other thing in that CAM is there 183 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: way wiser than we often give them for an even 184 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,839 Speaker 1: even pre digital I think we often you know, they 185 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 1: get you know, they get presented as really, you know, 186 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 1: they don't know what they're doing, and they make a 187 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:55,800 Speaker 1: lis misakes and they're grooty and grumpy. I could always 188 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:59,480 Speaker 1: find a pathway into a deeper conversation with a team. 189 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:02,559 Speaker 1: That's really was one of the big motivations with the 190 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 1: book is if you can set it up in a 191 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:09,800 Speaker 1: way honest to goodness, they they're actually incredibly reflective because 192 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: they've learned stuff way earlier than many of us did. 193 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:17,160 Speaker 1: But also, yeah, there's a different awareness of the whole world. 194 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 1: You know, our global community really impacts them because they 195 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 1: well they're part of a global one. 196 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 4: Gollye. 197 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: I grew up on a farm and didn't even have 198 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:27,320 Speaker 1: a TV, so I didn't even know what was going 199 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,120 Speaker 1: on in the world at alone, you know, in Perth, 200 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 1: which was only two hours away. So their awareness and 201 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:37,839 Speaker 1: understanding of stuff, and I think they do talk about 202 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: it among their friends. Yes, you know, it's not all this. 203 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: You know what we see they're all they're worried about 204 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: is how they look or you know, they're watching porn. 205 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 1: There is a depth to them, yes, and even the 206 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: you know, the tricky kids that I worked with, the 207 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 1: ones who were really struggling in school, environments, you peel 208 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 1: under that layer you know they're so judged, they think 209 00:10:57,240 --> 00:11:00,600 Speaker 1: they're all useless, and dive under that and you can 210 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: still have a deep conversation, but how the world could 211 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: be better or who do you think is really important 212 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: at changing things for young people in your school environment? 213 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 1: They will go with you and that's you know, that's 214 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,400 Speaker 1: just one of those beautiful things. And so for us 215 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 1: as you as parents every now and then, you know, 216 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 1: if you create the environment and the situation in a 217 00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:29,120 Speaker 1: respectful way, you can ask some really big questions and 218 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:38,679 Speaker 1: they will give you really honest feedback, also respectfully. 219 00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 4: I was asked to speak on. 220 00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,959 Speaker 3: A panel about one of the sort of not necessarily 221 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 3: social media, but an app, you know what the kids, 222 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 3: A lot of the kids use for interaction with each other. 223 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 3: And so I went straight to body to say, you know, 224 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 3: ask her questions about it because I don't have the app, 225 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,000 Speaker 3: and she's like, I don't stand where they don't have 226 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:06,200 Speaker 3: teens on the panel. Yes, right, She's like it affects us, 227 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 3: like it's and all of her everything I asked her 228 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 3: was so well thought out. She knew the dangers of it, 229 00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 3: she knew the plus sides of it. She knew what 230 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:18,200 Speaker 3: it was, what was occurring with it. It was just 231 00:12:18,679 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 3: I'm like, you've got this completely covered, Like. 232 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,080 Speaker 1: I don't have to every about you at all. That 233 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: was what was beautiful when I did, because I always 234 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 1: do a survey, you know. I did it from boys 235 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,160 Speaker 1: to men. I asked the guys and the boys, and 236 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: a beautiful one and early part of the book where 237 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: the teen sort of said, look, thanks just for asking us. 238 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,679 Speaker 1: Most people write about us but never ask us, you know, 239 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:42,679 Speaker 1: And I mean, how can we possibly without their feedback? 240 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:43,160 Speaker 4: Yeah? 241 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,520 Speaker 1: You know, when I was teaching all those years ago, god, 242 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: it was a long time ago, getting feedback off my 243 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: students was not something we were taught at university, right. 244 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 1: You know, I would have given them an opportunity of 245 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,679 Speaker 1: the end of a topic that i'd done, particularly in 246 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: the upper school classrooms, I'd sit them all to circle 247 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,000 Speaker 1: on the floor with the lights out, and so let's 248 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: get real here, I want to get some feedback on 249 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,679 Speaker 1: how you felt I covered that part of the course 250 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,439 Speaker 1: in this part here? How could I have done it better? 251 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,560 Speaker 1: And that just wasn't heard of, right, Yeah, But how 252 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: did I improve as a teacher? 253 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 3: Yeah? 254 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,360 Speaker 1: The feedback from the students. 255 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that shows great humility on your part 256 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 2: as well. Hey, look, we spent a quarter of a 257 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:29,120 Speaker 2: century living away from Australia, so there's a lot of 258 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,960 Speaker 2: cultural things that we missed out on and Maggie Dent 259 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 2: is part of that and so no, but we've caught up. 260 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:37,679 Speaker 1: We've caught up. 261 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:40,480 Speaker 2: But there are other people that that are not haven't 262 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 2: boarded the Maggie Dent train. 263 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 4: So all on board. 264 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 2: Can you just give us a little little bit about 265 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 2: your journey and how did you come to be this, 266 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:58,480 Speaker 2: this person who's one of Australia's favorites. 267 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: I feel like Thomas. 268 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,319 Speaker 4: Yeah, well. 269 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, so obviously you've talked about being a teacher and 270 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 2: that was so long ago. 271 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 4: But I'm of four boys, don't know that's a big 272 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,600 Speaker 4: learning Yeah, of. 273 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,360 Speaker 2: Course your life experience, But how did it all sort 274 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,360 Speaker 2: of get to this point in a n. 275 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:19,440 Speaker 1: I guess I was raised to be quite curious. My 276 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: dad was an agricultural scientist, So even though we were 277 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: on the farm, which doesn't look like you're going to 278 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: learn a lot, he was always kind of posturing questions 279 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,480 Speaker 1: and encouraging the curiosity in my mind, and I was 280 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,640 Speaker 1: an avid reader, so I was always you know, but 281 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 1: I also recognized I was born that the kid that's 282 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 1: the observer, right, even from a little age, watching growing 283 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,000 Speaker 1: up and thinking wow, on Earth would you do that 284 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 1: anyway for teaching? And then I realized, okay, I'll go 285 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 1: back to the intensive breeding program. So I taught for 286 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: five years and then I had an intensive breeding program. 287 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 1: And while I was doing that, I also, you know, 288 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 1: I felt I needed to do something around the ages, 289 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,359 Speaker 1: not full time work, so I volunteered it the Albany Hospice, 290 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 1: and I was particularly good at supporting people who are 291 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 1: facing death, and I ended up being a death dueler, 292 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: which was not on my list of things in year ten. 293 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 1: But that journey of understanding what is you know, one 294 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: of the toughest things that we experienced as a human. 295 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,120 Speaker 1: You know. Then I ended up in funerals, and then 296 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,560 Speaker 1: I ended up becoming an authorized marriage celebrant. So I've 297 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: done over a thousand weddings and two hundred and fifty funerals. 298 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 1: It's about humans and listening to humans and their stories 299 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: and their pain and their suffering, and then when you 300 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: apply the science over the top of it, you often 301 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,440 Speaker 1: see there's a layer that matches. And then when I 302 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 1: stepped out of the classroom, I just realized, I think 303 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: it's more important that I helped the troubled kids then 304 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 1: teach kids how to write a paragraph which somebody else 305 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 1: could do. 306 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:48,640 Speaker 3: Right. 307 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: So I did a postgrade diploma in cancing and therapy, 308 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: and then kind of a year or two into that, 309 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,360 Speaker 1: I realized I needed to work with a bunch of 310 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,040 Speaker 1: parents who had very similar issues with their teenagers at 311 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 1: the time. So we had a little mini seminar and 312 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 1: the feedback from them was cheers, you make so much sense. 313 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 1: That just makes sense. So then I burnt out, as 314 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 1: you do when you work too hard and you want 315 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: to save every teenager that you can. So I transferred 316 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,880 Speaker 1: some of my notes for my professional learning for teachers 317 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,440 Speaker 1: into a book, and that was my first book, which 318 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 1: go on laugh about this. This is the title of 319 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: my first book in two thousand and two, Ready Saving 320 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 1: our Children from our chaotic world, teaching children the magic 321 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 1: of silence and stillness, Like what the want chaotic? I 322 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:44,080 Speaker 1: want to buy that chaotic. So then years later, let's 323 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: something else. And then the other thing, which is interesting 324 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,600 Speaker 1: is one of my adult sons because I was going 325 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: to schools and running seminars for parents and one of 326 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 1: my boys just said one day, look, Mum, he's the lawyer. 327 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,400 Speaker 1: One pretty smart. I said, Mum, do you know I 328 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: pay fifty bucks to go and listen to Kevin Bloody 329 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 1: Wilson at the pub. Why don't you charge people to 330 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 1: come and listen to your seminos? So they don't just 331 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,560 Speaker 1: they can come if they don't belong to a school, 332 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,959 Speaker 1: right and yeah, and that also has evolved into and 333 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 1: then you know that whole space only women to start with. Yep, 334 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 1: but I have got apparently a bit of a knack 335 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,720 Speaker 1: of you know, making people laugh what they learn, and 336 00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:30,240 Speaker 1: I take the piss out of men and women, so 337 00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 1: good way to learn. Often we can have up to 338 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,040 Speaker 1: forty percent of dads. But it also was at the 339 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,560 Speaker 1: time when dads were starting to turn up with their big, 340 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 1: beautiful hearts, wanting to be team parents, wanting to know 341 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,959 Speaker 1: how they could do stuff differently to their own dads. 342 00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:50,680 Speaker 1: And that's it's been a very special part of my work, 343 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,720 Speaker 1: you know, working with dads. 344 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 3: It's probably going to be a probably be too hard 345 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,320 Speaker 3: a question to answer, but I'll ask it anyway. Do 346 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:04,359 Speaker 3: you remember any one defining family or child or parent 347 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 3: that has stuck with you all these years? 348 00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 2: Oh? 349 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's easy. So it's the It's a beautiful boy 350 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,520 Speaker 1: called Matthew who I taught in one of my English classes, 351 00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:19,400 Speaker 1: who was in year nine, and he was a literate 352 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 1: and I wasn't prepared at university for a literate kids 353 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,240 Speaker 1: who couldn't read or write my English class. But he 354 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:28,919 Speaker 1: wasn't the one that wanted to mess around and misbehavior. 355 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,320 Speaker 1: It was just really quiet and he was just the 356 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: sweetest boy. And you know, to shorten the story, one 357 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 1: day I dropped him home and I had a conversation 358 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,439 Speaker 1: with him away from school to find out he had 359 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,720 Speaker 1: a solo mum and an older brother, and he was 360 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 1: just this incredibly It was like talking to somebody really 361 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:53,280 Speaker 1: smart and wise. Anyway, back in class the next week, 362 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:57,120 Speaker 1: showed a video about dots. I was trying to introduce, 363 00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,400 Speaker 1: you know, prejudice and stuff, and I asked THI everyone 364 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 1: what it was about, and even my brightest girls had 365 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,120 Speaker 1: no idea just about dots and that. Matthew leant back 366 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,160 Speaker 1: and just said, oh, miss, I know what that's about. 367 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 1: It it's about color. Prejudice where people think they're better 368 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,199 Speaker 1: than others because of the color of their skin. But 369 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 1: we're not all. We're all really just one fourteen years 370 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:22,199 Speaker 1: of age, completely literate, and we just gathered around that 371 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,960 Speaker 1: lad that year. We helped him put his voice onto 372 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: even those days we had to record it on a 373 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 1: tape machine what and then onto paper. But unfortunately, moving on, 374 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 1: he left school obviously early and really struggled, ended up 375 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 1: with some mental health issues, drug addiction, got into marijuana, 376 00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: and when I ran into his mum many years later, 377 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:48,160 Speaker 1: I learned that he had died by suicide at twenty three, 378 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:52,119 Speaker 1: and it was I realized that was a moment that 379 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:57,280 Speaker 1: I felt, we've just lost the world, lost someone special. Yeah, 380 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 1: and partly it was because of what happened in the 381 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,639 Speaker 1: school system, but the rest of the world also, And 382 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 1: that was where I thought, nai every single you know, 383 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 1: kid matters, whether they're clever or they're not. And that's 384 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 1: kind of you know, we know that the you know, 385 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 1: the the number of our kids who are choosing to 386 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,680 Speaker 1: leave our world is way too high. The number one 387 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,400 Speaker 1: killer of fourteen to twenty five year olds is suicide. 388 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 1: We can change that by simply being better humans around them, 389 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:32,680 Speaker 1: and we have to stop punishing and shaming mainly boys 390 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 1: before they're six or seven. 391 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, in distilling your sort of parenting philosophy, is 392 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 3: that sort of it? Is it about being able to raise? 393 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:52,639 Speaker 2: I mean? 394 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,520 Speaker 3: Is it just about raising children in kindness and respect? 395 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:55,920 Speaker 4: I mean? 396 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,720 Speaker 3: But I guess that's that hard thing, isn't it. If 397 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 3: you weren't raised that way, You've got to like strip it, 398 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,840 Speaker 3: strip yourself back to be able to raise your child 399 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 3: in a different way and even understand that you were 400 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 3: raised without respect and kindness because it's your norm. So 401 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 3: you're just teaching what you know. So where do we 402 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,480 Speaker 3: get stuck in and change the direction for these kids? 403 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 4: How do we do it? 404 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,680 Speaker 1: Well, it's really interesting, isn't that what children need has 405 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,560 Speaker 1: never changed? Yes, that's right, it's just the world around 406 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:26,000 Speaker 1: our kids. 407 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 4: Yeah. 408 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:30,239 Speaker 1: And so there's a couple of factors that play into that, 409 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:35,080 Speaker 1: because today's parents are really aware that you know, hitting, 410 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: hurting your kids actually doesn't necessarily improve the behavior. But 411 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,919 Speaker 1: what it does do is it damages the relationship. And 412 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:45,800 Speaker 1: we now know how important having a safe base to land, 413 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,680 Speaker 1: which of course is a big theme in my book 414 00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,240 Speaker 1: of it's not your parents. Where's a safe lighthouse figure 415 00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 1: who you can go to. So the big thing I 416 00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 1: think it's we just can't blame you know that all 417 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,040 Speaker 1: these social changes where you know, parents have to work 418 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,760 Speaker 1: much harder and longer hours. Kids spend many more hours 419 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 1: in childcare than they ever did. And while early childhood 420 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 1: education can be fantastic for kids, it's only high quality, right, 421 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 1: And so for high quality, they need to be paid 422 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,479 Speaker 1: better and they need to we need to support them 423 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 1: better because staff changeover is with children under three can 424 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,080 Speaker 1: cause all sorts of issues around anxiety, which of course 425 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:25,000 Speaker 1: we struggle with later. But the big one, one of 426 00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:29,120 Speaker 1: the biggest ones, is that in actual fact, out of love, 427 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,520 Speaker 1: we almost do too much for today's kids than we 428 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:37,360 Speaker 1: did for previous generations. And my challenge is we need 429 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:41,439 Speaker 1: to return authentic autonomy to our kids at least some 430 00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:46,159 Speaker 1: of the time, which is not orchestrating and over scheduling 431 00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:49,680 Speaker 1: their childhood and filling it full of stuff, but also 432 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:53,680 Speaker 1: allowing them to create opportunities to play with other children. 433 00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 1: My challenge is neighborhood play needs to kind of be 434 00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:02,280 Speaker 1: a thing or children playing outside of you know, venues 435 00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 1: like tennis clubs and sporting events like they used to 436 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:10,919 Speaker 1: do without much supervision because older children and younger children 437 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 1: is exactly how mother nature intended us to pick up 438 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,920 Speaker 1: our social and emotional skills. You didn't need your parents 439 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 1: to read you those books every night to get it. 440 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 1: You learned it from experience, and so it is, you know, 441 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,720 Speaker 1: it's one of those things that society has just moved 442 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:29,119 Speaker 1: away from that. And then we made everyone terrified that 443 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,439 Speaker 1: there will be a you know, a pedophile on every corner. 444 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,480 Speaker 1: So you can't let your kids run around outside or 445 00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,720 Speaker 1: they're all going to die because someone's going to run 446 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 1: over them. So we've made everyone frightened yes of life, 447 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 1: and that's really something it's difficult to peel back, but 448 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,239 Speaker 1: peeling it back even a few degrees can make a 449 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,119 Speaker 1: huge lot of difference in the way that our kids 450 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,480 Speaker 1: step into their own you know, adolescence particularly is about 451 00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:59,359 Speaker 1: taking risks. Well, if you've never taken any, guess what, 452 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 1: you're not going to want to do it now because 453 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 1: I want mum or dad to step in and help me. 454 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,840 Speaker 1: And as you know can understand, a big message in 455 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: the book is stop rushing in and fixing things for them, 456 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,000 Speaker 1: they're emerging towards being adults. They've got to work out 457 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,920 Speaker 1: how to get through stuff. We're right beside them, yep, 458 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:22,919 Speaker 1: but we're not picking them up, we're not carrying in them, 459 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,439 Speaker 1: we're not rescuing them. We're fixing stuff. And you know, 460 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,399 Speaker 1: and you know that comes from love. I know it 461 00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 1: comes from love to do it because we love them. 462 00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:35,080 Speaker 1: And it goes right back to not wanting to be 463 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 1: uncomfortable before five. And of course you know, if you 464 00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,000 Speaker 1: haven't heard me, I'm the one who growls about the 465 00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,000 Speaker 1: changing of the rules of past the parcel. 466 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 4: Well, I couldn't agree with you more. 467 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 3: And I've worked as a teacher for twelve years. Maybe 468 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,479 Speaker 3: something like that started in early childhood, and it's just 469 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:02,680 Speaker 3: been so interesting to watch the changes in the education 470 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:06,360 Speaker 3: as well, and how much we're so And I understand 471 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 3: that like logistically, okay, if there's an incident on the 472 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,400 Speaker 3: play yeah, then you have to look at the equipment 473 00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,160 Speaker 3: and da da da da da. But it's like we 474 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 3: have one incident on a playground equipment and that equipment goes. 475 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,119 Speaker 1: And it starts. 476 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,000 Speaker 4: That's it's just so wrong. 477 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,400 Speaker 3: We don't learn to sort of yes, okay, she broke 478 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 3: her arm, but she's fine. What and all the other 479 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,040 Speaker 3: kids don't get to use it now, Like we're not 480 00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,720 Speaker 3: letting the children get dirty. 481 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,399 Speaker 4: Luckily, our kids grew up. 482 00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,680 Speaker 3: Going to the Steiner Education and when it rained, those 483 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,920 Speaker 3: kids put it on a raincoat and they went outside 484 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 3: and they played in the rain. If they came home muddy, 485 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 3: it had been a good day. Like they still did 486 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:50,119 Speaker 3: outdoor play consistently. And it was all about do not 487 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 3: overschedule your child. It's exhausting for them. It's meant to 488 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,840 Speaker 3: be playtime. It's not meant to be How can I 489 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 3: train my child to be, you know, an Olympic athlete 490 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,120 Speaker 3: at the age of five, and a lot of where 491 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,560 Speaker 3: sort of programs sort of think that way. It's such 492 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,639 Speaker 3: an early age and even in the edge, I'm just 493 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:09,400 Speaker 3: going on a ranch. 494 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:12,720 Speaker 1: Go go, go out. I'm right with you. 495 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 3: And then we look at the statistics of like the 496 00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,280 Speaker 3: kids aren't doing well in math and science, let's teach 497 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 3: them to it earlier. 498 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:22,640 Speaker 4: No, don't teach it to them earlier. 499 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 3: That doesn't work, like if you're overloading them, like stop. 500 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,800 Speaker 2: We had a teacher, Maggie that was great. She was 501 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 2: she was the kids were coming to I'm bored. I'm bored, 502 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:39,119 Speaker 2: and she said good, yeah, goody, good do something, you know. 503 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,960 Speaker 2: So it was always really great when uh, when when 504 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,399 Speaker 2: she was would talk when that would come up, and then. 505 00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,159 Speaker 3: We would say to our kids, I'm bored, and we 506 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,000 Speaker 3: were like great and they go, oh. 507 00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,120 Speaker 1: No, you know what I used to do when they 508 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,760 Speaker 1: did that those I've got this list of chores, which 509 00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:59,679 Speaker 1: one do you want to do? They suddenly not bored anymore. 510 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,120 Speaker 1: So Ali, I did take a submission to the federal 511 00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:07,120 Speaker 1: government in Australia in twenty thirteen called stop Stealing childhood 512 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:11,000 Speaker 1: in the name of Education, and I don't even think 513 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,040 Speaker 1: the minister even looked at it. So it's one of 514 00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:16,760 Speaker 1: been one of my battles. Yeah, about returning play to 515 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,760 Speaker 1: its authentic place, absolutely and allowing our parents' time to 516 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,000 Speaker 1: just chill inside for a bit while they run feral. 517 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 4: Yeah. 518 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,679 Speaker 1: But there is a really interesting shift besides you know 519 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: this massive you know, I'm a nature play advocate and 520 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,480 Speaker 1: have been for a very long time, and begging back 521 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,840 Speaker 1: the long monkey bars and bringing back logs of wood 522 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,040 Speaker 1: and all those things is happening. But there's been a 523 00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,439 Speaker 1: bit of a shift culturally that I heard It was 524 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 1: through an interview in Brizzy where a house designer, architectic 525 00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 1: kind of person who helps do those new you know, 526 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 1: opening up a new whole suburb. Apparently parents are now 527 00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:57,159 Speaker 1: going for smaller houses because I want their kids to 528 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:01,440 Speaker 1: share wonderful without their on sweet in their own bathroom 529 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,400 Speaker 1: and a smaller house and a bigger block. So they're 530 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,960 Speaker 1: actually realizing, of course they're not going to go outside 531 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:11,560 Speaker 1: if you've got one square meteorite of grass, right, And 532 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 1: I think the common sense part of me, of course 533 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,640 Speaker 1: they're not going to want to go outside if that's 534 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,479 Speaker 1: all they've got to go out. Yeah, But also I 535 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:23,920 Speaker 1: feel we're settling back into a space that we were 536 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 1: dictated to what you know, so we wanted to get 537 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,960 Speaker 1: the entertainment room and everyone has their own bedroom, and 538 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 1: you know, at the end of the day, we have 539 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,679 Speaker 1: some children who have spent so much time safely on 540 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:39,640 Speaker 1: a couch, either watching TV or a device that when 541 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: they see rain, they're frightened of it because they haven't 542 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 1: seen it, or they don't know what a white thing 543 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 1: in the sky is, which is a cloud. 544 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad you clarified that, thank you. Yeah, 545 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:58,520 Speaker 2: but my men flying saucer, I feel blessed. In my childhood. 546 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 2: We grew up with a couple of acre is either 547 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:03,520 Speaker 2: side of us, so we had We made the golf course, 548 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 2: we made the BMX track. We used dad's gasoline for 549 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 2: the petrol for the for the to kill with potholes 550 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 2: and ride our bikes through it. Photographs start up and 551 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 2: took the risks and we got brave. And if you 552 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 2: weren't brave, you got got a bit of curry from 553 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,280 Speaker 2: the other brothers from it, or the boys down the 554 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:26,600 Speaker 2: other end of the road, you know. So it was 555 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:27,480 Speaker 2: there was a lot of that. 556 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 1: I think I had some boys that built a bear 557 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,800 Speaker 1: pit and I didn't want to tell them we didn't 558 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:35,400 Speaker 1: have any bears, but man, it took weeks. That's the 559 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:35,920 Speaker 1: best thing. 560 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:36,640 Speaker 2: Drop bes. 561 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,480 Speaker 3: You got the drop bears carry some rod, Yeah, the 562 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:41,160 Speaker 3: drop bears. 563 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 2: Can I can just talk about You've mentioned fear before 564 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 2: with kids and parents, and to me, a lot of 565 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,240 Speaker 2: it rests on the six o'clock news, and I know 566 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 2: that you know it's like well, I mean it was 567 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,120 Speaker 2: like that in America. Will show you how to survive 568 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 2: the storm. That's coming in five minutes, you know, as 569 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,280 Speaker 2: a little sprinkle of rain. And it was all about 570 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 2: this the new watch. Yeah, the news setting up how 571 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,240 Speaker 2: they're going to be the savior of been. In order 572 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 2: to do that, to be the savior, they had to 573 00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 2: set up the fear first, and it's like turn the 574 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,719 Speaker 2: freaking news off. I hate to say that networks are 575 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,080 Speaker 2: going on get rid of Cameron Datto because that's how 576 00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 2: big money spinner is the six o'clock news. They put 577 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 2: news earlier and earlier and earlier. 578 00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:26,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, it is. 579 00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:28,960 Speaker 1: One of my recommendations for families is to keep the 580 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,800 Speaker 1: news off for as long as possible for kids, because 581 00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: you're exactly right. 582 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 4: But even. 583 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,000 Speaker 1: The way they deliver the news, if you're if they're 584 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:42,680 Speaker 1: reporting on, say a fire that's happened, you know, in 585 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 1: it wherever, in Sydney or anywhere, what they do is 586 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,480 Speaker 1: they don't just show you one clip of the fire 587 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,720 Speaker 1: behind the news reader. They repeat it. So it's a 588 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: car accident, they'll repeat it and repeat it. So for children, 589 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,760 Speaker 1: particularly up to five or six, they think that happens 590 00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:02,320 Speaker 1: over and over and over again, which means the world 591 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:07,880 Speaker 1: becomes irrationally even more unsafe and also the TV's screens 592 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 1: are so much bigger now than they used to be, 593 00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:14,400 Speaker 1: so that's scaring the Bejesus out about kids and making 594 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,560 Speaker 1: it like it's almost in their in their lounge room. 595 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,160 Speaker 1: And you know, great for adults, but if you're raising children, 596 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,160 Speaker 1: you know that's something you can just not put into 597 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 1: that little developing mad because they will take those memories 598 00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,120 Speaker 1: and it doesn't take a lot for one of them 599 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 1: to stick and then become a worry cycle that a 600 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 1: child will And a quick story when a Victorian bushfires happening, 601 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,280 Speaker 1: you probably were still illustrated. So long ago. I was 602 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 1: still counseling and I had a number of little boys 603 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: being brought to me because they were crawling into bed 604 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,480 Speaker 1: to sleep next to their daddies and they weren't getting 605 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,880 Speaker 1: out no matter what they tried to do. And when 606 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 1: I explored it with a couple of the little boys, 607 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,560 Speaker 1: they had seen a four wheel drive just like daddy's 608 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:59,080 Speaker 1: burnt out. So these boys were now getting into bed 609 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,520 Speaker 1: to keep daddy safe at night so he didn't get 610 00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,680 Speaker 1: burnt up like they saw on TV. That is how 611 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:11,360 Speaker 1: easy we can catastrophize what's happening out there. It's always 612 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:15,920 Speaker 1: been happening, but it shouldn't be, you know, mainstream into 613 00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,400 Speaker 1: our children's lives because real and imagined, and then the 614 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:22,840 Speaker 1: brain and the way it stores memories. Yeah, children are 615 00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,200 Speaker 1: very different to growing up. Even I can't watch it 616 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,960 Speaker 1: sometimes I'm really feeling a bit overloaded. I can't watch 617 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:29,640 Speaker 1: the news now. 618 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 3: No, I've got to say, yeah, my mental health starts 619 00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,360 Speaker 3: and I'll start to wonder why I'm feeling so low 620 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 3: and like sad, and I go, I've. 621 00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:39,680 Speaker 4: Been watching the news for four days straight. That's what 622 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 4: it is. Yeah, that'll get honey. 623 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,960 Speaker 2: Do you remember when nine to eleven happened and how 624 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,080 Speaker 2: the school responded, Yes, so the Stein of school that 625 00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,080 Speaker 2: where our kids were at the way they responded when 626 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,640 Speaker 2: nine to eleven happened. They were like, okay, turn all 627 00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:55,720 Speaker 2: the media off. We don't want the kids seeing the 628 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:59,880 Speaker 2: buildings falling down. And it was such a structured response 629 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,640 Speaker 2: to keeping them safe and just say, look, there was 630 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 2: an event or whatever. The dialogue around even. 631 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,840 Speaker 4: Talked about it. It was just the same day, keep. 632 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 2: Them from it was. 633 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 4: It was terrific. 634 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,720 Speaker 2: We were running around going, oh my god, it's armageddon. 635 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,080 Speaker 2: What's going to happen, you know, but the kids were 636 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 2: in Australia. 637 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:21,160 Speaker 1: I was having to counsel a lot of children who 638 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,880 Speaker 1: had watched it and was sure the baddies just kept 639 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:29,000 Speaker 1: on bombing building right right, so even in Australia that 640 00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:31,880 Speaker 1: they were seeing it, and every day it was the 641 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:36,160 Speaker 1: same footage, which was disturbing for adults, but for children, 642 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 1: again it just looked like there were more and more 643 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,840 Speaker 1: of those bombs coming that were in big buildings going down. 644 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,040 Speaker 1: So I was having to unwind some of that. So 645 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:48,320 Speaker 1: you're right, like huge impact, well done that you were 646 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:49,600 Speaker 1: in that school at the time. 647 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:53,240 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it saved It saved a lot. So it 648 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:54,360 Speaker 4: saved us as well. 649 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,040 Speaker 2: I think because we were I know I would have 650 00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 2: I would have perpetuated the conversation because I was talking 651 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:04,320 Speaker 2: with our parents about it in Australia and it was all, 652 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:06,480 Speaker 2: you know, it was like something to talk about, and 653 00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 2: it was because it was terrifying, it was and it 654 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:09,880 Speaker 2: was crazy. 655 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,480 Speaker 3: Moving on, moving on to teens, maybe because I know 656 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,480 Speaker 3: that you are you're well versed in this age range 657 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:22,319 Speaker 3: as well. Look, teens, as you said earlier, they are 658 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 3: they do like to take their risks. What do we 659 00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:27,719 Speaker 3: do How do we treat a teen when they've been 660 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:33,239 Speaker 3: busted doing something that's pretty naughty, Like, I mean, I 661 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:34,960 Speaker 3: don't know if we can say naughty for teens, but 662 00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,839 Speaker 3: let's say it's a pretty poor choice. We found them 663 00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,480 Speaker 3: with some marijuana in their pocket. We've found like the 664 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:44,360 Speaker 3: hidden bottle of vodka, maybe the underage drinking or whatever 665 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:44,839 Speaker 3: it is. 666 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 4: Or the vaping, the vapor that's huge. How do we 667 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,200 Speaker 4: deal with that as parents? 668 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,440 Speaker 1: Well, the very first thing that we are biologically wired 669 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,839 Speaker 1: to do elie is to get angry. It's the same 670 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,480 Speaker 1: as if we lost our toddler in the supermarket. Instead 671 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,640 Speaker 1: it just whooping them up with love, we go ad 672 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:03,839 Speaker 1: them angry. Apparently it's a dry I don't know what 673 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,759 Speaker 1: it is, but there's some pretty good science around it. 674 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,840 Speaker 1: So I'm going to say the very first thing you 675 00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,200 Speaker 1: do is to go and calm your own what I 676 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,520 Speaker 1: call the glividge art, Because when we turn up angry, 677 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:18,080 Speaker 1: we shut down all capacity to be able to manage 678 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,320 Speaker 1: what's going on because we haven't got the full information. 679 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 1: How often do we rip into a team where you've 680 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 1: found something in their bag that an actual fact they're 681 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:32,480 Speaker 1: looking after for a friend, and we've just shattered the plane. 682 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 1: Are that they made me look after their rat bag? Yeah, 683 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:41,640 Speaker 1: that is true. 684 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 3: I had my boyfriend's pop plants growing at my apartment 685 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 3: and my father let himself in one day when I 686 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 3: was away and thought I was a drug dealer, and 687 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:52,480 Speaker 3: I was like, I swear to god, it was even spoke. 688 00:35:53,120 --> 00:35:53,319 Speaker 4: Yeah. 689 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:57,239 Speaker 1: See okay, And then I think the next thing. The 690 00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:01,560 Speaker 1: next thing is recognizing that this is not a sign 691 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,080 Speaker 1: that you've failed as a parent or your kids. You 692 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,919 Speaker 1: know there's something wrong with them because they are biologically 693 00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:10,080 Speaker 1: wirede to take risks. They've also got an impaired brain 694 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,760 Speaker 1: which for making good decisions, and if you've got boys, 695 00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,880 Speaker 1: oh my god, it's even further. We know that the 696 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:21,160 Speaker 1: gabba gets turned off, which is an impulse inhibiting neurochemical 697 00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:24,719 Speaker 1: in the brain, so they're more likely to make really impulsive, 698 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:28,160 Speaker 1: poor choices. And also we know that you know, they 699 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,319 Speaker 1: don't always learn the first time they make these things. 700 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:32,080 Speaker 1: You know when you get it. That's why the first 701 00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 1: half of the book is could you please understand what's happening? 702 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:39,239 Speaker 1: Because no team has consciously wanted this change is to happen, 703 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,160 Speaker 1: which causes a lot of stress, So when we start 704 00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,799 Speaker 1: to recognize this is an emerging adult, but there are 705 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,240 Speaker 1: some things that you know they're going to learn from. 706 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,200 Speaker 1: I think the other bit is we've got to work 707 00:36:49,239 --> 00:36:51,279 Speaker 1: out how am I going to have the conversation because 708 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 1: I actually don't know an awful lot about vapor or 709 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,080 Speaker 1: I don't know a lot about those funny colored tablets. 710 00:36:56,920 --> 00:36:58,880 Speaker 1: And it's a really big part of the book that 711 00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:03,239 Speaker 1: I spent hours searching the best places for parents to 712 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:06,920 Speaker 1: go and get good information or their teens that you 713 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:08,879 Speaker 1: don't go on a Google search and end up down 714 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,600 Speaker 1: rabbit holes which are absolutely not helpful. And it's beautiful 715 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,120 Speaker 1: because we can keep updating that, which is great on 716 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,080 Speaker 1: our website. That means that when you're going to have 717 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 1: the conversation, when you've calmed down, and there are ways 718 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,920 Speaker 1: to open the conversation, and sometimes you might need to 719 00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:28,960 Speaker 1: drop a queue day before you have it. Now that 720 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,279 Speaker 1: takes enormous emotional maturity for yourself not to rip their 721 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:34,640 Speaker 1: head off, is you're just going to drop it. You 722 00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:41,000 Speaker 1: know what. I can't believe how big vafings become, even 723 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:44,279 Speaker 1: outside offices. You've already so in the seed. You get 724 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 1: in there and it's how do I have that conversation, 725 00:37:47,719 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: because as soon as I sit down with a power 726 00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:54,799 Speaker 1: over my team instead of a curious approach, they're not 727 00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:56,520 Speaker 1: going to come on board and give you the rest 728 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:57,920 Speaker 1: of it, and then we're going to go okay. So 729 00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,960 Speaker 1: this is a challenge. I made poor choice, which I 730 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,440 Speaker 1: can understand because I know all about the brain. So 731 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,360 Speaker 1: what's your plan going forward? You know? Is this is 732 00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,879 Speaker 1: this something you know you're planning to do or are 733 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,200 Speaker 1: you already is it struggle? Are you struggling with that? 734 00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:17,080 Speaker 1: Always go through the friends first, any of your friends 735 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,720 Speaker 1: struggling with this, because they're more likely to give your feedback. 736 00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:22,839 Speaker 1: They're more worried about their friends than themselves. And you've 737 00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,000 Speaker 1: got to remember that for a lot of them, particularly 738 00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:28,839 Speaker 1: boys that absolutely think they're bulletproof. Yes, god, I hit 739 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:30,400 Speaker 1: four of them. There's never going to happen to me. 740 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:34,960 Speaker 1: Don't be ridiculous. Only happens everyone else, not me. So 741 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:38,839 Speaker 1: once we get that sort of a conversation, then we're 742 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:40,880 Speaker 1: going to go what's your plan A, what's your plan B? 743 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,840 Speaker 1: You know, but I want you to you know the 744 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,800 Speaker 1: other bit. And it's a big part that we don't 745 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:49,400 Speaker 1: realize everyone's got a higher self or an inner compass. 746 00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:51,399 Speaker 1: We all have it. It's a part of the way 747 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:55,920 Speaker 1: our mind has worked. And I challenge parents to say, Okay, 748 00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:58,560 Speaker 1: let's have each conversation and then let's have another one 749 00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,239 Speaker 1: in a couple of days, and you tell tell me 750 00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,600 Speaker 1: how you're going to move forward. Because what I've found, 751 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,200 Speaker 1: even if they want to go to a crazy party 752 00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:08,560 Speaker 1: with two hundred teenagers somewhere that you don't want them 753 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,279 Speaker 1: to go, if you say, look, let's have a couple 754 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:15,600 Speaker 1: of days and we'll revisit this idea, so often they 755 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:20,080 Speaker 1: change their mind after a couple of days without any 756 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,840 Speaker 1: input from you. As a growing up yep, because we 757 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,680 Speaker 1: want them to hear that voice. Yeah, but it's a 758 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:29,359 Speaker 1: lot quieter than the one upstairs, it says, but. 759 00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:30,440 Speaker 4: Everyone's going to be there. 760 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,520 Speaker 1: It's going to be great, it's going to be everything 761 00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:33,360 Speaker 1: I love you know. 762 00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,439 Speaker 3: All right, we're going to have to leave you there 763 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:38,960 Speaker 3: for the moment. But hang tight, because there is a 764 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,600 Speaker 3: part two to this conversation with Maggie Dent. 765 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:42,879 Speaker 4: Catch up with you next week.