Speaker 1: Welcome to first things First, I'm blurt. My pronouns are
Speaker 1: sheet and heart.
Speaker 2: I'm Maddie meals. My pronouns are he and him. And
Speaker 2: before we get started, we'd like to acknowledge the custodians
Speaker 2: of the land on which we record. And for me
Speaker 2: that's the gatigl people of the.
Speaker 1: Urination, and for me it's the roundry people of the
Speaker 1: cooler nation.
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
Speaker 1: I'm done with feelings. Can I not have them? Can
Speaker 1: I not? Please? I just don't want them anymore.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about it. Okay, what are you currently feeling?
Speaker 1: This year has possibly been the hardest year of my life.
Speaker 1: I'm like, not even exaggerating, catastrophizing or being over dramatic, Okay,
Speaker 1: this year has actually been the hardest year of my
Speaker 1: life emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Like it's been so hard,
Speaker 1: Like I have dug so far into muddy waters into
Speaker 1: my soul, and I feel like I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's clearing. I don't I feel like a clearness. I
Speaker 1: feel heavy, and I feel yucky, and I feel muddy,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what is this feeling? And I've felt
Speaker 1: it like this whole year because obviously I've been in it,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, when is it going to go away?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Hard? I know, And I had a reality check because
Speaker 1: it's like.
Speaker 2: When you say that, I think to myself, You've been
Speaker 2: through a lot, right, and if this is the year
Speaker 2: that is the hardest, you must be fucking going through
Speaker 2: it mentally.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like every day is a struggle. And if I
Speaker 1: don't have routine and structure, I honestly wouldn't get out
Speaker 1: of it. If I didn't have things that I needed
Speaker 1: to get to, Like, if I didn't have commitments like
Speaker 1: school and the podcast and work, I would honestly be
Speaker 1: in bed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's tough. That's an indicator that you know, things
Speaker 2: are getting heavy for you, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel it.
Speaker 2: How's therapy going? Is it helping?
Speaker 1: Honestly? Like, today was probably one of the hardest moments
Speaker 1: in therapy that I've had since doing it. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, the early stages when you start talking to someone,
Speaker 1: you do surface those emotions, you know, quite I don't
Speaker 1: know how you felt with yours, but you know, I
Speaker 1: feel like once you open the can of worms, it's
Speaker 1: hard to close it.
Speaker 2: Oh, you know what I'm scared of opening the can
Speaker 2: of worms.
Speaker 1: Well, fucking don't do it doesn't happen.
Speaker 2: It doesn't happen for me often because I was in
Speaker 2: therapy for months and months and I didn't cry, So
Speaker 2: I feel like I had that. Well, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think you know, the grass is always greener. It's
Speaker 2: like for me, I wish that I could open up
Speaker 2: in a way that is a release, and it's really
Speaker 2: hard for me to do that. I think I'm quite
Speaker 2: bottled up still even after all the work. So for
Speaker 2: you to be able to let it out, there must
Speaker 2: be some sort of release that you feel or not.
Speaker 1: Really there's yeah, there's releases, but they're so fatiguing as well.
Speaker 1: Like today, I feel like fucking cooked.
Speaker 2: I thought you just said fuockdor.
Speaker 1: I feel cooked. No, Honestly, I don't know how people
Speaker 1: do it. I don't. I'm putting in the work. I
Speaker 1: know it's an investment into myself, and I know that
Speaker 1: I start my week off. You know, I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: the one running into the fire, as they say that
Speaker 1: as an actor, but I feel like I'm also just
Speaker 1: doing that as brook, like constantly just running into the
Speaker 1: fire and being like and dealing with the consequences, but
Speaker 1: the consequences are really like tormentedive right now, Like they're
Speaker 1: really tormenting me. This year has been so weird. Like obviously,
Speaker 1: I feel feel so liberated in the things that I've
Speaker 1: been able to achieve, like perform and go on stage
Speaker 1: and break down this anxiety and this and you know,
Speaker 1: shed some shame. But at the same time, yeah, you're
Speaker 1: sort of living in this like mucky yucky uncovering, challenging,
Speaker 1: unlearning kind of phase and it just feels so fucking exhausting.
Speaker 1: And I feel like, you know, normally I'm a really
Speaker 1: soft person, you know this, Like I'm, like you said,
Speaker 1: I'm so soft, like a little marshmallow, like you know,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to ever lose that. But there
Speaker 1: is some part of me that's like, fuck, I just don't.
Speaker 1: I just want to hard put the walls up. I
Speaker 1: don't want to deal with some stuff right now. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, nah, I can't, like.
Speaker 3: You know, and testament to you every time I do that, Yeah,
Speaker 3: every time I like want to do that, like put
Speaker 3: the walls up, I again be like, no, this is
Speaker 3: what you're meant to you know, You're meant to be
Speaker 3: not doing that, you know, like I challenge it and
Speaker 3: then I lay myself bare and I'm you know, raw,
Speaker 3: I mean my raw.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in my raw rest form. That's
Speaker 1: probably what it is. I'm in my row rest mom.
Speaker 1: I'm like shed everything that I'm practically a naked bole rat.
Speaker 2: Well I think pretty one at that. But what I
Speaker 2: will say, Look, if you think about the year that
Speaker 2: you've had and you say it's been a really tough year,
Speaker 2: I think it's been a different year for you. You've gone
Speaker 2: into an institution, You've gone into a really strict schedule
Speaker 2: with like learning, you know, and through that learning as acting,
Speaker 2: you're uncovering parts of yourself. So it's like as much
Speaker 2: as this is like a growth period for you and
Speaker 2: it's like tough, I think that acting can be grueling
Speaker 2: in a sense that you have to sometimes face in
Speaker 2: emotional parts of yourself because that's what you need to
Speaker 2: bring to the work. So it's like you're doing that
Speaker 2: so often and in the.
Speaker 1: Paper every day, like literally every day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you had such a strict routine with something
Speaker 2: like an education journey or like an institution, it's been
Speaker 2: a while, Yeah, not until.
Speaker 1: Like since UNI or you know, working on nine to
Speaker 1: five when I was playing footy, like back to back, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I thrive in in routine. Yeah, but it has Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right, it has been a while since I've been that,
Speaker 1: you know, hard strict Monday to Friday.
Speaker 2: Like freelancing and having this sort of freedom of being
Speaker 2: able to create your own work and be your own boss.
Speaker 2: And then you go into a rigid, you know, structure
Speaker 2: and you're putting your body through that every day. It's
Speaker 2: like that's a big shift and a big change and
Speaker 2: it's not something that you get used to so quickly.
Speaker 2: So it's like maybe just understanding your environment has changed
Speaker 2: a lot. Yeah, you know, and you're and you're coming
Speaker 2: up against it. So it's like I think it's normal
Speaker 2: and this is temporary. It's not going to be forever.
Speaker 1: That's what my you know, I keep convincing myself too,
Speaker 1: and you're so right, like this is you know, I'll
Speaker 1: be away in Sydney, will have the good time, the
Speaker 1: best time when I'm filming the movie. When the movie
Speaker 1: is done, i'll graduate Howard and you know I'll have
Speaker 1: then a break. Yeah, I don't know, but it's like
Speaker 1: the next three months are going to be so gun ho,
Speaker 1: and I'm I think you do want to think it is?
Speaker 1: I'm actually fucking terrified that I'm going to be really
Speaker 1: shit in this movie or this film. Sorry, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm just gonna be so shit.
Speaker 2: Do you know you want to know something? Every single person,
Speaker 2: let me tell you. I've worked with the fucking A listers.
Speaker 2: I'm talking Austin Butler, Tom Hanks. We had conversations in
Speaker 2: the sound stage once where it's like, does that doubt
Speaker 2: ever go away? And it never does because in your
Speaker 2: mind everything is revolving around you, right as a character
Speaker 2: in a film or on set. The reality is is
Speaker 2: that everything that is revolving around you is supporting you.
Speaker 2: So you've got so many elements to this puzzle that
Speaker 2: are like lifting you up. It's not you going in
Speaker 2: and trying to make something amazing. It is you going
Speaker 2: in and enhancing something or creating, you know, a moment
Speaker 2: with all these resources, all these people who make it
Speaker 2: great because that's their job to do it. I'm talking lighting,
Speaker 2: I'm talking directors, you know, makeup artists.
Speaker 1: And just saying that actually made me just feel like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, you know what you have to see as you're
Speaker 2: a small piece of this puzzle and everyone else is
Speaker 2: having the exact same feeling. But when it comes together,
Speaker 2: you'll be so surprised. You will see something back and
Speaker 2: you'll be like, fuck, that is not how I saw
Speaker 2: this world. You know, it's because all the elements that
Speaker 2: make film and TV so great are supporting you. You know,
Speaker 2: it's not your shooting the scene in your lound room
Speaker 2: and criticizing yourself watching it back, it's like the worst
Speaker 2: it is with the support of everyone, and everyone in
Speaker 2: that in that place is going through the same thing.
Speaker 2: The person who's doing your makeup is thinking, fuck, am
Speaker 2: I doing the right thing? Am I portraying this character
Speaker 2: the right way? You know? The director is thinking what
Speaker 2: the fuck am I doing?
Speaker 3: God?
Speaker 1: I sound like an absolute fucking narcissist, isn't.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no. Everyone everyone is that. Everyone is
Speaker 2: going through it. So it's like you're not alone in that.
Speaker 1: I love you see a little manny online It's yeah,
Speaker 1: it is because I care as well. Like if I
Speaker 1: don't care, I'll be fucking don't do the industry get.
Speaker 2: Out and you know what. The best advice that actors
Speaker 2: can be given is don't be afraid to be ugly,
Speaker 2: and I struggle.
Speaker 1: I'm agree every day whatever, I don't care.
Speaker 2: What doesn't mean looking bad, It means going to places
Speaker 2: that you think is awkward or yeah. And what I
Speaker 2: would say is, if you're in the space and they
Speaker 2: say to you, like if you walk into a space
Speaker 2: and you want it and you're about to do a scene,
Speaker 2: and if they give you the opportunity to do it
Speaker 2: the way that you want to do it, and they say,
Speaker 2: do it first, give them everything that you've been doing
Speaker 2: in behind the closed doors at home, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, Like, give them how you would do it,
Speaker 2: and not think what do they want? Think about what
Speaker 2: you want, and then they will come in and go, great,
Speaker 2: thank you so much for showing us. That will change
Speaker 2: it if we want to, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: But like show them what you have seen in your
Speaker 2: head already, because that's what you're most connected to at
Speaker 2: that point. So it's like the best advice I've been
Speaker 2: given is when you know, Shari Sevans once told me
Speaker 2: she's like, now fuck it up, and that gave me
Speaker 2: permission to do so something that was like outside of
Speaker 2: the box, and we ended up going with it. We
Speaker 2: ended up going with that take.
Speaker 1: Something just popped up in my head just now and
Speaker 1: I was like, of all the industries that I've chosen
Speaker 1: in life, I have chosen the one that the thing
Speaker 1: that I hate the most, which is rejection. Because yeah, right,
Speaker 1: an activity get constantly rejected on social media, you get rejected.
Speaker 1: People don't like you, they don't like you whatever. They'll
Speaker 1: let you know. Yeah, I work with kids. They often
Speaker 1: will fucking reject you.
Speaker 2: They tell you exactly how they feel, right, they see
Speaker 2: a wound in their like salt here we go, like.
Speaker 1: You men make up today?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, yes, i am your little fuck up.
Speaker 1: And also I've chosen to go fucking and dating I
Speaker 1: guess dating shows and reality TV, and that's like the
Speaker 1: biggest rejection before. Oh what, and I'm a Capricorn for
Speaker 1: Fox's sake, we don't deal with rejection. Well, I have
Speaker 1: a mess.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think it comes down to a little bit
Speaker 2: of like accepting that that's a part of it. And
Speaker 2: you have obviously because this is what you chose to do.
Speaker 2: So it's like I think that, like rejection is so important.
Speaker 2: Rejection is realignment.
Speaker 1: Character building, Yeah, character building realignment redirection, yep.
Speaker 2: Because if everyone accepted us, we'd end up in some
Speaker 2: dodgy places, you know what I mean. Like if everyone
Speaker 2: was like yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, we would be
Speaker 2: in places that we are just not meant to be
Speaker 2: and we'd probably be fucked up. So like, let's look
Speaker 2: at the positives. Let's look at the positives. When people
Speaker 2: say no. I was going to do the Michelle Obama.
Speaker 2: When people go low, we go high. When people say no,
Speaker 2: we say thank you. But yeah, I just feel like
Speaker 2: rejection is it's hard to take in the initial moments,
Speaker 2: but friends and I just got like, basically I thought
Speaker 2: I had this role recently recent example of rejection. I
Speaker 2: thought I had this role. And the conversations that were
Speaker 2: happening were like, keep the dates, Okay, you've made it
Speaker 2: to the top two. The director just wants to see
Speaker 2: one more person. Yeah, And I was like on top
Speaker 2: of this world, thinking, oh, I've got this, I can
Speaker 2: see it, I know exactly where I'm like this is
Speaker 2: going to happen. And then I got the email saying sorry,
Speaker 2: they've decided to go in the other direction and they'll
Speaker 2: think of you for something else down the track. And
Speaker 2: how I thought that would hit me. Wasn't how it
Speaker 2: hit me. I literally looked at it, okay, put the
Speaker 2: phone down, and went on with my day. So that
Speaker 2: does come a point where you're like, huh oh, okay,
Speaker 2: that's all right. I know that that wasn't meant for me.
Speaker 2: And then I think about it now, and I was thinking,
Speaker 2: it's so funny you say, like we're talking about this,
Speaker 2: because on the way in, I was thinking about if
Speaker 2: I got that role, how much drama and how much
Speaker 2: like negativity surrounded that role in terms of the storyline,
Speaker 2: and how much like negative negativity that I would be
Speaker 2: living in every day shooting. Yeah, you become grateful when
Speaker 2: you have hindsight as well, so like rejection is a
Speaker 2: part of it, and yeah, you just got to accept
Speaker 2: that one.
Speaker 1: I'm done with this year, guys, I'm really done with
Speaker 1: this year. So can we wrap it up? Can we
Speaker 1: wrap this motherfucking year up?
Speaker 2: Well, you've got a really exciting time ahead. Let's see
Speaker 2: it as you're gonna smash it. And if you need
Speaker 2: any help, call me. I will be your little hype
Speaker 2: man and we'll get you to the level that you
Speaker 2: just walk in there and fucking smash it.
Speaker 1: I just need some color too, gray.
Speaker 2: Get out in the sun.
Speaker 1: I'm so gray. So what.
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm like, I reckon, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Moment my mom said that I'm gray, Like I did
Speaker 1: a FaceTime chat and Troy goes, you need some color.
Speaker 2: Well, it's just it's just the end of winter, like
Speaker 2: not like we live on the West Coast, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. But I would say, when you're in Sydney,
Speaker 2: get out in the sun.
Speaker 1: You going to turn my asshole.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna neude peach.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna moon that sun so hard.
Speaker 2: Speaking of asses, and my ass is out on my Instagram?
Speaker 2: What do you think? Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did say that, you little peach, your little
Speaker 1: perky peach.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's little, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Did I say little? I did say little?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Big?
Speaker 2: But I do you think it's too risky that content
Speaker 2: or it's okay? No?
Speaker 1: Fuck it up?
Speaker 2: Seriously. I'm like in my head, I'm like, oh, I'm
Speaker 2: so sick.
Speaker 1: Of Oh you didn't get a job because your ass
Speaker 1: is out? Fuck it. Yeah, I've uploaded a naughty little
Speaker 1: lingerie photo. You saw that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was a bit spicy, and I think, like,
Speaker 2: I'm so done of trying to appeal to Sunrise in
Speaker 2: the Today Show, like I'm not a forty five year old.
Speaker 1: Man, like I agree might live my life. I'm a
Speaker 1: little bit the same because I'm always like, oh well,
Speaker 1: I go into politics later. I probably will, but you
Speaker 1: know what, enough time will go by and I'll forget
Speaker 1: about it. Everyone forgets they bring it up.
Speaker 2: I'll be really proud of my young, perky ass.
Speaker 1: Same like you're just jealous because you're as sag you
Speaker 1: are saggy, You're just jealous. I love this saying like
Speaker 1: they're mindful, like.
Speaker 2: Very mindful, very perky.
Speaker 1: I got interviewed at Oscar on Friday Night, right, and
Speaker 1: they're like, what do you think of the ballet? Like
Speaker 1: taking on something like Oscar that's like a queer story
Speaker 1: around Oscar Wilde he was writer. Anyways, os Ballet is
Speaker 1: obviously quite conservative, but like queenness exists exists in the
Speaker 1: os Ballet for years, like guys are tights like.
Speaker 2: Across the stage.
Speaker 1: Exactly like what the fuck? And then so they will
Speaker 1: trying to make it as if like the os Ballet
Speaker 1: were like yeah, like very revolutionary. And I was like
Speaker 1: they asked me the question and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: like we need more queer stories. But I mean queenness
Speaker 1: has existed in oz ballet, like I trying to make
Speaker 1: it out. Anyways, They were like, what do you think
Speaker 1: of the ballet? Like this is my first time. I
Speaker 1: was like, very mindful, very demure, so like, if that
Speaker 1: gets reposted, yeah.
Speaker 2: It's good. That is good something. Yes, if you were
Speaker 2: to rap about this year, okay, what would you wrap be?
Speaker 1: Twenty twenty four? So poor? Oh I'm gonna say yeah,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say something else. I was like, I've
Speaker 1: been a bit of a whrror. No, I have been
Speaker 1: My god, I also need to give you up. I
Speaker 1: wasn't me on the floor, give me some more.
Speaker 2: And then I closed the door and said we're over.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listeners this dumb ass episode.
Speaker 1: So you know what, guys, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: listening to my ship. Every week. I am going through it,
Speaker 1: you know what. And it goes to show that as
Speaker 1: much as fucking people might look glamorous on the outside,
Speaker 1: it's not like that. It's not like that. It's it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, that little duck that's gliding along with the
Speaker 1: water underneath, and the little legs are going. That is
Speaker 1: literally me. That is me. I'm running like a little
Speaker 1: fucking duck. I'm just so thank you so much for
Speaker 1: sticking it without sticking it with us. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for sticking it out with us.
Speaker 2: It really appreciate you.
Speaker 1: Stick Yeah yeah, yeah, very demure. Goodbye. Anyways, if you
Speaker 1: love what you here, probably not leam. It's a rating
Speaker 1: interview and if you want us to cover anything on
Speaker 1: the pod, honestly, just reach out by our socials. Had
Speaker 1: a beautiful message the other day someone emailed me, which
Speaker 1: was quite nice. Go check it out on my socials.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love that. Brooks Handle is a
Speaker 2: brooked up Blert minds at its muddy milk. Bye bye