WEBVTT - Firsts and Lasts 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:11.520 Hi, everyone. Hi, everyone. It's Mel and Monty, your podcast 0:00:11.619 --> 0:00:15.210 piggy friends. Da-da-da. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:00:19.150 --> 0:00:21.890 Pigs. Pigs. How long has it been since you've seen 0:00:21.930 --> 0:00:24.730 a pig in real life? 0:00:24.910 --> 0:00:28.380 No, actually, there's a farm near here, and they serve 0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:30.400 coffees and do all food and stuff, and I took 0:00:30.500 --> 0:00:32.000 Odie there not long ago and saw a pig. 0:00:33.060 --> 0:00:35.800 Well, there you go. Poor pigs. I feel sorry for pigs. 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:39.590 I know, because they're very intelligent, so they know. They 0:00:39.620 --> 0:00:42.209 know way more than what. Apparently, they're more intelligent than 0:00:42.290 --> 0:00:45.330 dogs or as intelligent as dogs or something. I don't know. 0:00:45.430 --> 0:00:48.010 I don't have the stat on the intelligence of pigs, 0:00:48.030 --> 0:00:49.450 but they're smart. 0:00:50.010 --> 0:00:52.909 Why didn't you study it before you came on? 0:00:52.950 --> 0:00:55.720 I should have studied it. I'm surprised you don't know. 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:57.960 You have that many useless random facts in your head. 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:01.360 I'm surprised you don't know the IQ of a pig. 0:01:02.060 --> 0:01:04.520 Yeah, well, that's probably quite useful. That's why I don't 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:06.140 know it. Yeah, well, true. 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:09.050 No, it's not useful anyway. Hey, so I've moved every 0:01:09.390 --> 0:01:14.090 once a week. I'm in this shared workspace, right? I'm like, 0:01:14.150 --> 0:01:15.530 I just need to get out of the house. I 0:01:15.569 --> 0:01:17.110 want to come. I want to write. I want a 0:01:17.150 --> 0:01:20.690 podcast from here. It's very weird, Mal. I feel like 0:01:20.770 --> 0:01:24.040 the new girl at school and I feel like people 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:26.180 kind of know each other here but kind of don't. 0:01:26.340 --> 0:01:28.720 I've never worked in an office situation. So it's a 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:32.959 converted house. And there's different rooms with different offices. And 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:34.959 my desk is right near the kitchen. I'm like, no, 0:01:34.980 --> 0:01:36.900 I want to be near people and stuff, but it's 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:40.420 not very busy. So I realized the only time I've 0:01:40.459 --> 0:01:42.700 worked in an office is when the whole company actually 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:45.780 works through the office, not individual people just renting a desk. 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:48.309 It's very weird. 0:01:48.560 --> 0:01:51.750 What's the setup? Is it like window? Like, can you 0:01:51.890 --> 0:01:54.610 see out into like, can you watch other people while 0:01:54.630 --> 0:01:56.770 they're working? Or it's literally like a room you can 0:01:56.790 --> 0:01:57.139 close it off? 0:01:57.150 --> 0:01:59.700 There's like, No, no. You can see other people while 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:02.270 they're working. There's rooms that close off where there's like, 0:02:02.330 --> 0:02:04.390 you know, six desks in one room, close it off, 0:02:04.550 --> 0:02:06.350 six desks in another room, close it off. And then 0:02:06.370 --> 0:02:08.250 the kitchen area has got open desk. So it's all 0:02:08.650 --> 0:02:11.250 open shared space. So when my phone rings, I go 0:02:11.290 --> 0:02:12.990 out the front because I don't want people to hear 0:02:13.010 --> 0:02:16.210 me on the phone or anything. It's so, and then 0:02:16.250 --> 0:02:18.690 I'm like, I'm going to podcast here. And there's this 0:02:18.810 --> 0:02:22.140 like little dining room and I'm podcasting in here. I'm 0:02:22.220 --> 0:02:25.320 conscious that if I'm loud or if I say were 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:26.660 I've got to get you I've got to be okay 0:02:26.690 --> 0:02:28.050 with it she's like no no no other people you 0:02:28.070 --> 0:02:30.010 know who it's got a spot here to reappear has 0:02:30.070 --> 0:02:35.530 also got a spot here you know yeah it was 0:02:35.590 --> 0:02:38.180 around here somewhere but I saw little pictures of people 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:40.859 who are in the offices who like they've got little 0:02:40.900 --> 0:02:43.200 polaroids up on their walls and I'm like I know 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:46.220 that face oh my god she's not here on the 0:02:46.260 --> 0:02:48.770 day I'm here though How obnoxious. 0:02:48.810 --> 0:02:50.370 You need to put like imagine you just put a 0:02:50.389 --> 0:02:54.390 big sign up saying, shh, recording in progress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:02:54.610 --> 0:02:57.410 Or on the photo wall there's just all like little 0:02:58.570 --> 0:03:01.669 Polaroid pictures but I print out a big like headshot 0:03:01.710 --> 0:03:03.340 of myself and put it up. 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:05.780 Yeah, like a full radio headshot. 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:07.119 Yeah, that's what I mean. 0:03:07.440 --> 0:03:08.320 Do you know who I am? 0:03:09.740 --> 0:03:12.339 I don't need to put my name, no name under this. 0:03:12.460 --> 0:03:16.490 You guys know who I am. But it's so funny. 0:03:16.550 --> 0:03:21.090 Everyone so sticks to themselves. So I'm like, hi, I'm Katie, 0:03:21.350 --> 0:03:23.350 which is my real name. If you're new to the podcast, 0:03:23.389 --> 0:03:25.450 my real name's Katie. And I'm like, I have to 0:03:25.490 --> 0:03:27.820 try and get their eyes because everyone's just busy in 0:03:27.850 --> 0:03:30.280 their own world. I'm like, no, I moved here because 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.540 I want to be around people as well. I think 0:03:32.580 --> 0:03:34.720 I'm the annoying new girl at school. 0:03:35.580 --> 0:03:37.240 Yeah, you know when it's going to happen? It's going 0:03:37.260 --> 0:03:39.820 to happen when you're making yourself a coffee or something 0:03:39.860 --> 0:03:45.030 or you're washing a dish. Yes. So no communal coffee cups. 0:03:45.710 --> 0:03:48.970 There are communal coffee cups. But you know what's lovely though? 0:03:49.070 --> 0:03:52.450 Don't do that face. At the back of here is 0:03:53.030 --> 0:03:55.560 like a clay studio. So all of the coffee cups 0:03:55.580 --> 0:03:58.520 and everything are beautiful because they're made by the lady 0:03:58.560 --> 0:03:59.380 who does the clay. 0:03:59.400 --> 0:04:02.360 I mean, I'm into that. I'd love to learn how 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:03.800 to like do pottery and stuff. 0:04:03.820 --> 0:04:04.700 Pottery, yes. 0:04:05.200 --> 0:04:07.040 Yeah, no, I'm not drinking from it. Well, you can 0:04:07.060 --> 0:04:07.580 bring your. 0:04:07.540 --> 0:04:08.440 Own cup if you want. 0:04:08.470 --> 0:04:11.230 I'll bring your own cup. I wouldn't wash it there either. 0:04:11.250 --> 0:04:13.650 I just think dirty sponges. 0:04:14.160 --> 0:04:15.740 I know, and you know what else? I've got a 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:17.240 cold sore at the moment. 0:04:19.820 --> 0:04:22.330 Imagine, see, there are people that would just see a 0:04:22.390 --> 0:04:25.690 mug and go, just give it a rinse and use it, 0:04:25.850 --> 0:04:27.430 not knowing that there's, you know. 0:04:27.450 --> 0:04:31.390 Burpees on their mug. I'm not going to use their 0:04:31.430 --> 0:04:35.130 mugs today because I am so– how self-conscious does a 0:04:35.180 --> 0:04:36.580 cold sore make you, by the way? 0:04:37.260 --> 0:04:41.060 Because it feels so much bigger than what it is. 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:43.380 Like I can't see it from here. 0:04:43.930 --> 0:04:47.250 Okay, yeah, well, because Odie this morning, and mind you, 0:04:47.270 --> 0:04:49.500 it's been there for five days, and he's like, ugh, 0:04:49.630 --> 0:04:53.680 what's that? Ew, does Aloe have one? Does Bax have one? 0:04:53.700 --> 0:04:55.740 I said, no. He said, how did you know that 0:04:55.779 --> 0:04:58.880 it was there? I said, because I can see it, mate. 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:03.400 So you know the questions some little kids ask? It's like, 0:05:03.420 --> 0:05:05.620 you fucking idiot. I know it's there because I felt 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:07.140 it and I can see it, and you can too, 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:09.609 and you're making me really self-conscious. Like I pulled him 0:05:09.630 --> 0:05:11.700 out of the car at preschool. and pulled him close 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:14.060 to me and he darted his head back and went, ew. 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:17.640 Oh, you know what you've got to do? Make sure 0:05:17.670 --> 0:05:20.029 you get a hydrocolloid patch on there. Like, you know, 0:05:20.050 --> 0:05:23.190 Zavirax patches, but you can buy like a big roll 0:05:23.230 --> 0:05:25.289 of it and just cut it all to size from 0:05:25.390 --> 0:05:28.430 Amazon for like 16 bucks. It's the biggest rip off. 0:05:28.470 --> 0:05:29.690 I don't get them very often. 0:05:30.370 --> 0:05:32.520 Well, I know, but it's even, I don't know if 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:34.700 you find this, but I do. If I've ever had 0:05:34.740 --> 0:05:37.180 a spot that I've picked or whatever, Never had to 0:05:37.210 --> 0:05:39.320 worry about it scarring. Like it's just like I'd have 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:41.020 it and then it would go away and that's it. 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.240 But as I've gotten older, it's like if I pick 0:05:44.260 --> 0:05:47.380 something on my face, I'm resigned to the fact this 0:05:47.440 --> 0:05:50.750 is permanent now. Ah, bum. Yeah, so it sort of 0:05:50.770 --> 0:05:52.570 just helps the skin heal and stuff. 0:05:52.589 --> 0:05:55.409 Jeez, well, I hope this doesn't bloody stay. 0:05:55.430 --> 0:05:57.650 Yeah, nah, it won't. It won't. 0:05:57.750 --> 0:06:00.300 Are you putting stuff on it? No, I took the 0:06:00.500 --> 0:06:02.719 three tablets the day it came up. You know how 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:05.040 you can get the ones that stop it in its tracks, 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:06.580 but it didn't stop it in its tracks, but it 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:10.339 didn't make it go bigger. But, oh, yeah, so I 0:06:10.380 --> 0:06:12.279 had that on the day that I felt the tingle. 0:06:12.300 --> 0:06:13.260 Oh, the tingle. 0:06:13.580 --> 0:06:16.030 It did go into a full-blown cold sore but just 0:06:16.050 --> 0:06:19.710 didn't take over my whole face. So that's something that's positive, 0:06:19.750 --> 0:06:22.250 I guess. But I'm just so conscious looking at people 0:06:22.330 --> 0:06:26.110 and talking to people. And we had, Odie had orientation 0:06:26.130 --> 0:06:29.479 day the other day. So like 60 kids now are 0:06:29.500 --> 0:06:32.160 going into this, they call it kinder here. I was 0:06:32.220 --> 0:06:34.380 the only fucking parent that had to stay for the 0:06:34.420 --> 0:06:38.250 whole session. He wouldn't let me go, would not let 0:06:38.290 --> 0:06:40.770 me go. And I'm just saying that because it was 0:06:40.810 --> 0:06:42.670 a double whammy of the day I got the cold 0:06:42.690 --> 0:06:46.130 sore plus taking him to orientation and going, fuck, school 0:06:46.170 --> 0:06:49.010 transition is going to be fucked. 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:51.740 Hey, well, I know like everyone says it and it's 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:55.020 so annoying because it feels like everyone minimizes your feelings 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:56.919 around it. Yes. Because it is really hard. 0:06:56.940 --> 0:06:58.550 It feels very stressful. 0:06:58.810 --> 0:07:02.530 Yeah, because I think it's like if you have the 0:07:02.650 --> 0:07:06.690 empathy that you think this is very unnatural if they're 0:07:06.710 --> 0:07:09.010 stressed and you just walk away from them. Totally. And 0:07:09.070 --> 0:07:11.090 also the idea that I'm leaving you in a room 0:07:11.110 --> 0:07:11.930 full of strangers. 0:07:12.330 --> 0:07:13.240 Total strangers. 0:07:13.250 --> 0:07:16.590 For them. Yes. They're like they're probably not rationalizing that. No. 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:18.280 So it goes against all of yours. 0:07:18.870 --> 0:07:21.310 Yeah, and it goes against theirs. I'm like, of course, 0:07:21.390 --> 0:07:23.550 for him, this is odd. Like, why would you want 0:07:23.570 --> 0:07:25.810 your mum to leave? Like, there's no way you'd want, 0:07:25.870 --> 0:07:28.120 of course, and I could see that if I was 0:07:28.150 --> 0:07:29.860 going to leave, he was going to wobble or he 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:31.960 was going, but he was also like, I want to go. 0:07:31.980 --> 0:07:33.640 He just didn't want to do anything. And they were 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:35.100 sitting on the mat all the time. 0:07:35.120 --> 0:07:37.860 I was like, I hate sitting on the mat. 0:07:37.900 --> 0:07:39.660 And I'm like, this fucking kid, we're going to have 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.700 a transition meeting with the teachers and I'm going to 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:44.090 say to them, This kid's not a mat kid. I 0:07:44.110 --> 0:07:46.190 don't know what you're going to do here because I 0:07:46.230 --> 0:07:48.110 know this is a mat school, but this is not 0:07:48.150 --> 0:07:48.830 a mat kid. 0:07:49.670 --> 0:07:52.310 He might be a mat kid at school though. It's 0:07:52.370 --> 0:07:54.890 like saying, oh, my kid's an asshole at home and 0:07:54.910 --> 0:07:56.510 then you see them out and they're behaved. 0:07:56.550 --> 0:07:59.610 Yeah, but he doesn't go to preschool. At preschool, even 0:07:59.650 --> 0:08:01.390 I said to the teacher, I'm like, there's a lot 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:03.240 of mat time. She said, yeah, he told me about 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:05.600 the mat. That was all he reported back about the 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:08.240 morning was they sat on the mat a lot. But 0:08:08.260 --> 0:08:10.420 at preschool, to get him to sit on the mat, 0:08:10.500 --> 0:08:13.420 he's just not a mat kid. And a lot of boys, especially, 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:16.960 aren't kids who can just go and sit down and listen, 0:08:17.190 --> 0:08:19.490 cross their legs, put their hands in their laps. I'm like, 0:08:19.550 --> 0:08:21.330 this is not my kid. So I don't know. I'm 0:08:21.350 --> 0:08:23.570 going to give it a good crack with the school. 0:08:23.670 --> 0:08:26.170 I don't really have any other options, but I'm nervous 0:08:26.230 --> 0:08:26.790 as fuck. 0:08:27.450 --> 0:08:31.260 It's a very weird thing, the structure of school, especially 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:33.840 when you've got a kid who you know is not 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:36.939 that way inclined, right? No. But what do you do? 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:40.980 It's like it has to change, but then– Like how 0:08:41.020 --> 0:08:42.740 do you do something that fits all kids? 0:08:43.450 --> 0:08:44.350 I know, exactly. 0:08:44.370 --> 0:08:45.330 It's so hard. 0:08:45.350 --> 0:08:49.550 It is so unbelievably hard. I do not know the answer. 0:08:49.650 --> 0:08:53.030 I'm just like I don't expect them to cater to him, 0:08:53.070 --> 0:08:55.569 but they need to cater to him more than he's not. 0:08:56.010 --> 0:08:59.130 School is like if you are mainstream and you fit 0:08:59.150 --> 0:09:01.979 into a box, you're fine. If you're slightly outside of 0:09:02.010 --> 0:09:05.400 that box, you're just not. And my kids are very open. 0:09:05.840 --> 0:09:09.260 more than slightly outside the box. So it's never smooth 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:09.980 running for us. 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:12.840 Even when you think of yourself, when you're concentrating or 0:09:12.860 --> 0:09:15.640 doing something, you might be moving around or like I 0:09:15.660 --> 0:09:16.160 sway a lot. 0:09:16.179 --> 0:09:18.260 Yes, you've got to move and stuff. 0:09:18.380 --> 0:09:21.559 Yeah, it's really, look, I don't know. I don't know. 0:09:21.620 --> 0:09:24.480 I feel sorry for teachers. I feel sorry for parents. 0:09:24.500 --> 0:09:27.220 Same. I feel sorry for everyone. There's no winners in 0:09:27.260 --> 0:09:29.920 this situation. But anyway, I know you'll eventually get there. 0:09:29.940 --> 0:09:31.720 But how funny I'm about to have a kid that 0:09:31.780 --> 0:09:34.260 starts school next year and you've got a daughter who's 0:09:34.300 --> 0:09:34.920 just finished. 0:09:35.630 --> 0:09:39.190 Oh, like I was thinking about that this morning, the 0:09:39.330 --> 0:09:43.600 idea of such opposite ends. And when I dropped her 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:46.540 off for her last day, I got home and I 0:09:46.580 --> 0:09:49.540 got really, really emotional. Of course, I started crying because 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:52.280 what else are you going to do? But I said 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:54.990 to Mark, the only way I can explain it is 0:09:56.130 --> 0:09:58.590 it's like, it's not that I'm gonna miss taking her 0:09:58.610 --> 0:10:01.460 to school or the road rage of the punch-ons with 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:04.260 the fucking oh my god it's like the worst straight 0:10:05.520 --> 0:10:09.309 but I think it's this feeling of you are so 0:10:09.650 --> 0:10:12.589 entrenched in your kid's school life. You have parent-teacher interviews. 0:10:12.610 --> 0:10:15.170 You drop them off. You pick them up, whatever. And 0:10:15.210 --> 0:10:18.360 then all of a sudden it's like that part's gone. 0:10:18.380 --> 0:10:21.980 A whole end of an era. What they go on 0:10:22.020 --> 0:10:25.100 to do now you're not required for. 0:10:25.520 --> 0:10:28.720 Yeah, because what job she gets or what uni course 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:31.000 she does, like parents don't need to go and meet 0:10:31.020 --> 0:10:35.240 the uni teachers. It's like a huge part of your 0:10:35.300 --> 0:10:37.620 parenting has come to an end. 0:10:38.210 --> 0:10:38.370 Yeah. 0:10:38.380 --> 0:10:40.689 Like I know that obviously she still needs you in 0:10:40.770 --> 0:10:44.170 so many different ways, but that needing of mum to 0:10:44.410 --> 0:10:46.650 do the stuff to get me to school and to 0:10:46.690 --> 0:10:50.170 be involved in it, like you're not involved in that 0:10:50.230 --> 0:10:50.890 part anymore. 0:10:50.929 --> 0:10:54.420 No. It's really huge. Just even the drop-off, like the 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:56.360 love you have a good day, like the things that 0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.740 you say every day when you drop them off. Yes. 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.860 I think I just had a moment where I thought, oh, shit, 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:03.240 this is over. 0:11:03.260 --> 0:11:03.340 Yeah. 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.280 And it really feels like it was a blink because 0:11:06.620 --> 0:11:11.540 you'll remember- Dom really struggled starting school because she was 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:15.080 so quiet and whatever. And I had that same feeling 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:18.220 as you, the dropping her off, that feeling like, oh, 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.949 my God, how's she going to cope? Yes. And you 0:11:21.070 --> 0:11:23.630 feel you drop them off and you feel terrible. It's 0:11:23.690 --> 0:11:27.290 that ugh. But then they do eventually get past it. 0:11:27.290 --> 0:11:29.949 They get it. They get there, don't they? Yeah. 0:11:30.210 --> 0:11:31.750 And that's the good thing when you're at the other 0:11:31.830 --> 0:11:33.790 end and you think, oh, God, they did make it. 0:11:33.929 --> 0:11:37.460 Yeah, and she grew and evolved and did it and 0:11:37.500 --> 0:11:40.069 she felt did really fucking well too. 0:11:39.850 --> 0:11:43.010 Yeah well it's exam so we're just i'm just trying 0:11:43.050 --> 0:11:46.960 to be really um tolerant which i'm not. 0:11:50.380 --> 0:11:52.680 Remember the pressure of going what do i want to 0:11:52.700 --> 0:11:54.780 do what do i want to study like remember that 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:57.120 i remember everyone in my class was so sure of 0:11:57.179 --> 0:11:58.800 what they wanted to do too and i'm like i 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:02.060 want no fucking idea i had none no. 0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:05.400 I know And there is a really fine line, which 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:09.420 is the same as we've had conversations about like that 0:12:09.980 --> 0:12:13.020 fine line between making your kids aware of stuff, to 0:12:13.070 --> 0:12:16.630 be careful of stuff, but not making them anxious. It's 0:12:16.670 --> 0:12:19.970 the same thing where in one breath I'm saying whatever 0:12:19.990 --> 0:12:23.130 it's called, ATAR, whatever it's called now, the score. It 0:12:23.170 --> 0:12:27.550 doesn't matter. Don't worry. Like whatever happens is meant to 0:12:27.590 --> 0:12:30.770 be and you can, you know, pivot and whatever. But 0:12:30.809 --> 0:12:33.480 then I'm like– you know you've got to take this 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:37.220 seriously though you know and I think I put on 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:41.429 my feeling of oh if I had of done it 0:12:41.470 --> 0:12:44.210 harder yeah if I had of so it's like you 0:12:44.230 --> 0:12:46.030 want them to take it seriously and try their best 0:12:46.110 --> 0:12:47.990 but then you want to say but don't you know 0:12:48.010 --> 0:12:50.730 don't overdo nothing not everything hinges on it but. 0:12:50.670 --> 0:12:53.440 Everything hinges on it no I did so bad in 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.199 year 12 like I did really bad in year 12 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:58.679 and I just just found other ways to pivot through 0:12:58.740 --> 0:13:02.500 things yeah and I was fine I don't I don't know. 0:13:02.520 --> 0:13:04.720 I think because of that and also, I mean, Sam 0:13:04.740 --> 0:13:07.079 did really quite well in school, but he studied criminology 0:13:07.179 --> 0:13:09.839 and is now a producer. So it's like whatever you 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:12.700 go to study, the odds of you sticking with that 0:13:12.860 --> 0:13:15.600 and doing that are pretty slim. I agree. 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:18.600 Most of my friends are doing different things to what 0:13:18.620 --> 0:13:19.560 they studied at uni. 0:13:20.020 --> 0:13:23.410 So did you have a celebration night for her? Have 0:13:23.429 --> 0:13:25.510 you had the bon voyage? 0:13:26.010 --> 0:13:30.550 How's this? They had the graduation. Right. And we get there. 0:13:31.010 --> 0:13:32.600 I know I sound like a booze hound the way 0:13:32.660 --> 0:13:35.500 I talk, but I actually don't drink much at all anymore. 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:37.100 No, I don't think you sound like a booze hound. 0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:40.240 I'm really looking forward to having a drink. I just 0:13:40.260 --> 0:13:43.179 was like, ugh. You're bourbon and coke? I'm out of 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:43.980 the house, hey? 0:13:44.520 --> 0:13:45.300 Bourbon and coke? 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.420 Bourbon. I don't drink bourbon. What do you have? I 0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:50.800 went through a stage where I had gotten the taste 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:51.380 for scotch. 0:13:51.940 --> 0:13:52.120 Scotch. 0:13:52.140 --> 0:13:54.000 And it started with scotch and coke. By the end, 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.150 I could drink it straight. But we get there and 0:13:56.550 --> 0:13:58.780 I was like, I've got my heels on. This is 0:13:58.820 --> 0:13:59.280 an event. 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:01.520 Oh, it's an event. Mum's got the heels on. 0:14:01.620 --> 0:14:01.920 I know. 0:14:01.940 --> 0:14:03.380 Mum's got the heels on. 0:14:03.780 --> 0:14:05.740 Sit down and I'm like, I'm going to get a drink. 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:08.360 I ask the waiter and he's like, oh, no, there's 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:14.360 no alcohol. Oh, what? What the fuck? Really? There's no alcohol. 0:14:14.740 --> 0:14:16.850 And rationally I'm like, probably a good thing. 0:14:17.520 --> 0:14:18.910 No, I feel like parents need. 0:14:18.929 --> 0:14:19.690 But it's not a good thing. 0:14:19.990 --> 0:14:22.350 Yeah, because all the parents are there. The kids are 0:14:22.370 --> 0:14:24.990 not going to be drinking with the parents there anyway, surely. 0:14:25.070 --> 0:14:26.620 Or they shouldn't be. It should have just been a. 0:14:27.140 --> 0:14:29.560 The parents are going to drink, but kids are not 0:14:29.580 --> 0:14:31.960 to drink here. I guess because some of them are 18, 0:14:31.940 --> 0:14:35.420 some of them are not. That's so frustrating though, especially 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:37.160 since mum had her heels on. 0:14:37.740 --> 0:14:40.140 I know. And then it was like, oh, well, this 0:14:40.250 --> 0:14:44.470 is shit. So I just, you know, had some Coke. Yeah. 0:14:44.490 --> 0:14:46.750 And that was it. That was my celebration. Oh, my God, 0:14:46.770 --> 0:14:49.729 I've got an update too. What? I've got an update. Unrelated. 0:14:49.810 --> 0:14:50.510 Switching gears. 0:14:50.870 --> 0:14:51.410 Yeah, okay. 0:14:51.850 --> 0:14:55.670 Last week, if you remember. Mm-hmm. I had told you 0:14:55.790 --> 0:14:58.270 about this video of a proctologist that I saw that 0:14:58.510 --> 0:15:00.690 was talking about, yeah, moisturising. 0:15:00.710 --> 0:15:03.070 I've been hanging all week. Every day I've been thinking, 0:15:03.130 --> 0:15:04.570 how's Mel's bum hole going? 0:15:05.070 --> 0:15:08.210 Did you notice what I named that episode? I didn't. 0:15:08.570 --> 0:15:09.410 What did you name it? 0:15:09.970 --> 0:15:16.770 Moisturiser Update. That's a date written in capital letters. 0:15:17.380 --> 0:15:19.200 Very clever. Love it. 0:15:19.540 --> 0:15:23.140 Anyway, I have been doing the moisturiser on the anus. 0:15:24.580 --> 0:15:27.080 Have you, what kind of moisturiser did you get, by 0:15:27.100 --> 0:15:27.620 the way? Okay. 0:15:28.110 --> 0:15:31.160 I went with just sorbolene. Okay. Because I had some 0:15:31.180 --> 0:15:33.160 there and I'm like, it's plain. 0:15:33.710 --> 0:15:36.310 It's thick. Yeah. 0:15:36.350 --> 0:15:39.390 Tiny amount. I went in very conservative. 0:15:39.870 --> 0:15:42.890 So this guy's reasoning for putting moisturiser on you and 0:15:42.950 --> 0:15:45.210 horses was what again? I forget why we decided. 0:15:45.230 --> 0:15:47.210 It's just taking care of the skin there. Like when 0:15:47.230 --> 0:15:51.590 you think about, you know, like what it does and then, 0:15:51.770 --> 0:15:55.520 you know, the wiping and the. You know, like it's– Yeah, 0:15:55.580 --> 0:15:58.280 but it's– You don't display. I feel like you just 0:15:58.320 --> 0:16:01.660 love a moisturiser. Anything you can moisturise, you will moisturise. 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:04.070 So I reckon you salivated when you saw, oh, yes, 0:16:04.090 --> 0:16:05.970 there's a new part of my body I can moisturise. 0:16:06.270 --> 0:16:09.030 Okay, so you've got the sorbolene. Talk us through it. 0:16:09.390 --> 0:16:15.430 Okay, so this is obviously post-shower. Yeah. Tiny amount. Yeah. Now, 0:16:15.550 --> 0:16:18.700 this is where the environmentalists are going to come for me, 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:23.200 but a rubber glove. Oh, really? I don't know why. 0:16:23.920 --> 0:16:25.940 I was like, I know I can wash my hands afterwards. 0:16:26.140 --> 0:16:28.900 I'm squeaky clean. I just got out of the shower. Yeah. 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:32.410 Fair enough. No, it's because bum always smells like bum. 0:16:32.670 --> 0:16:34.570 No matter if you've just washed a bum, it's still 0:16:34.590 --> 0:16:34.870 a bum. 0:16:35.430 --> 0:16:37.430 Yeah. So I did it. And then I was like, 0:16:37.490 --> 0:16:40.390 I was expecting to feel a very intense, ooh, I 0:16:40.410 --> 0:16:43.510 feel like I'm sliding around. No, I didn't. And after 0:16:43.530 --> 0:16:45.980 a couple of days, I was like, this is actually, 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:48.990 it's quite nice. I don't know how to explain it. 0:16:49.300 --> 0:16:54.440 Maybe refreshing? Yeah. Really? Refreshing. I don't know. But I 0:16:54.500 --> 0:16:59.300 was like, I can see why you should probably do this. Really? 0:16:59.380 --> 0:17:00.760 So every day have you done it? 0:17:01.460 --> 0:17:02.460 Yeah, I missed one day. 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:05.790 And did you feel not refreshed that day? 0:17:05.810 --> 0:17:07.830 No, no, I didn't even notice. I was going to 0:17:07.850 --> 0:17:10.709 be like, here's my bandwagon. I'll be on it for 0:17:10.750 --> 0:17:11.730 three days and then stop. 0:17:11.750 --> 0:17:14.070 Yeah, totally. There's no way you're going to keep this up. 0:17:14.290 --> 0:17:17.290 No, I won't keep it up. But I do stand 0:17:17.330 --> 0:17:20.510 by the fact that it probably does need a little 0:17:20.530 --> 0:17:24.050 bit of TLC just because you don't see it. Imagine 0:17:24.070 --> 0:17:26.109 your asshole was on display all the time. 0:17:26.850 --> 0:17:30.629 Yeah, but it's not. I mean some people's obviously is 0:17:30.950 --> 0:17:35.390 for different reasons and stuff, but no. I can really 0:17:35.470 --> 0:17:38.240 confidently say in this lifetime I'm never going to moisturise 0:17:38.300 --> 0:17:40.900 my ring hole. Like I'm just not. I just don't 0:17:41.000 --> 0:17:44.020 care enough about it. I know that's really awful. And 0:17:44.060 --> 0:17:46.580 I should nurture that part probably. I mean, no, it's 0:17:46.619 --> 0:17:47.040 not awful. 0:17:47.060 --> 0:17:47.520 Who cares? 0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:49.980 It's a bumhole and it shoots poo out and that's 0:17:50.020 --> 0:17:51.100 all its purpose is for me. 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:55.200 Can you just do it once? No. For me? No. 0:17:55.220 --> 0:17:58.350 Because I'll say yes, I'll forget, Mel. You know I'll forget. 0:17:58.369 --> 0:18:00.810 My executive functioning at the moment is so bad. I 0:18:00.850 --> 0:18:03.250 don't want to because it will feel slimy to me. 0:18:03.330 --> 0:18:03.560 It's not. 0:18:03.710 --> 0:18:04.990