1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:05,120
Speaker 1: Coming up on relatables, men are like, oh, women are

2
00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,000
Speaker 1: so confusing.

3
00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:08,440
Speaker 2: Women are so confusing. I don't know what they want.

4
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:09,799
Speaker 2: They never told me what they want.

5
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:15,360
Speaker 3: They literally do Okay, And if you're going to complain

6
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:19,079
Speaker 3: about it, I'm going to give you a solution, which

7
00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:20,720
Speaker 3: means you can no longer complain about it.

8
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:35,640
Speaker 4: Relatable Relatables podcast is hosted by myself, Jake Craig aka Daddy,

9
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:37,720
Speaker 4: and my partner in crime, a Study Clark.

10
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:44,640
Speaker 3: Yeah Clark that's my name aka Mummy. And Oddie is Mummy.

11
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,840
Speaker 1: Because he's a pretty good album with dilemmas, and Jake

12
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,040
Speaker 1: is Daddy because he's pretty pretty.

13
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:51,800
Speaker 3: What's going on? He's pretty?

14
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,840
Speaker 1: He's pretty there, he's pretty. He came out of me.

15
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,480
Speaker 1: Oh that would make you my daddy.

16
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am your daddy. Can I be your daddy?

17
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,280
Speaker 3: Who's your daddy? For today today only?

18
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:05,240
Speaker 2: Yeah?

19
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's weird, but today's episode is a dilemma's episode,

20
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:14,319
Speaker 1: with the prop being oh god, goys, we.

21
00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:17,360
Speaker 3: Have a document. Guys. We've over how many now we're

22
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:21,200
Speaker 3: at the three point seven thousand.

23
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:24,120
Speaker 1: Fucking hell dilemmas from you guys, So we're very appreciative

24
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,520
Speaker 1: of that. But with that, we can't get you everyone's

25
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:30,200
Speaker 1: dilemmas in the main apps just because we don't have time.

26
00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,560
Speaker 1: So we thought why not come back. We have a

27
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,600
Speaker 1: full dilemmas episode to help you guys out, and if

28
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,040
Speaker 1: you want to submit a dilemma, the link will be

29
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,560
Speaker 1: in the description. Can be absolutely anything. Jake, to kick

30
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,880
Speaker 1: things off, I've got a dilemma on my hands. I've

31
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,320
Speaker 1: got an obsession.

32
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:50,880
Speaker 3: With what a car? Oh yeah, you keep on talking

33
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:54,040
Speaker 3: to me about this short wheel based Pugero from Japan.

34
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,480
Speaker 3: Ten k to shippit here is one hundred thousand k's

35
00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:58,600
Speaker 3: and stuff. Just do it, dilemma?

36
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,440
Speaker 1: No, well, I'm talking about I just do it logically speaking.

37
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:07,080
Speaker 1: I have a car, a good car. But my dilemma

38
00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,679
Speaker 1: is can I justify it?

39
00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:09,600
Speaker 3: So my car?

40
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:13,240
Speaker 1: Actually, if I preserve the kilometers on it, it will

41
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:14,160
Speaker 1: preserve the value.

42
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,720
Speaker 3: I hate doing that. Go on, yeah, yeah, And.

43
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,639
Speaker 1: It's also quite big and large to drive around from

44
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,040
Speaker 1: like here to like just going to the shops, to

45
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:20,600
Speaker 1: go to the gym.

46
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:21,840
Speaker 3: But I want it for long trips.

47
00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:24,639
Speaker 1: Is why I've pimped it out so I could argue

48
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,240
Speaker 1: that I should get a little run about thing in

49
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:32,200
Speaker 1: cert mister Bishi Piero mini. However, that means I have

50
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:32,840
Speaker 1: two costs.

51
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:40,600
Speaker 3: This is you, Yeah, y happen? This actually funny enough

52
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,600
Speaker 3: I have this should be you online. I've got my

53
00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:47,280
Speaker 3: fucking card on me getting those details. You have that

54
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,200
Speaker 3: in your pocket? I just I gave it to book

55
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:51,240
Speaker 3: the other day to get groceries because she was going

56
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,240
Speaker 3: to get groceries and I wasn't going. And then it

57
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,160
Speaker 3: was in just like a little bowl that you have,

58
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,160
Speaker 3: like an everything bold front bench, just in there. I

59
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,320
Speaker 3: didn't know when what was put it in my pocket.

60
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:02,320
Speaker 3: Oh that's good.

61
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,800
Speaker 1: Definitely gone through the wash, probably probably keep that safe.

62
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,240
Speaker 1: But my thinking is.

63
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,000
Speaker 3: You don't have to justify to me. I'm all for it.

64
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,960
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, Well I've got to justify it

65
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:17,840
Speaker 3: to myself. I could put it on the business. Go

66
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:18,480
Speaker 3: for it.

67
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,720
Speaker 1: I don't give you ever came in the business and

68
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,839
Speaker 1: like clam fuel, and then basically it'd be even I'd

69
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,440
Speaker 1: pay you out and then we both plan fuel on

70
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:27,960
Speaker 1: the business.

71
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,880
Speaker 3: Go for it. I am all for that. It's a tax.

72
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,800
Speaker 3: I'm the worst person to ask if you should buy

73
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:41,160
Speaker 3: something or not true true actually, or I'm the best.

74
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,480
Speaker 3: I'm not going to be very happy in that thing.

75
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:47,640
Speaker 3: I will won't know. Yeah, that's a great point. Think

76
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,680
Speaker 3: about the day it arrives.

77
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,160
Speaker 1: I know there's a lot to it. I've got to

78
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,320
Speaker 1: do a bit more research obviously importing a car from Japan.

79
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,520
Speaker 1: But I really like and I enjoy researching.

80
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,640
Speaker 3: Researcher. What you know. You know it's cool about the

81
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,120
Speaker 3: j Japanese car is you get to have one of

82
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,119
Speaker 3: the There's like this whole thing about people that love

83
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:09,280
Speaker 3: maybe they're called rev heads AnyWho. There's kind of a

84
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:15,760
Speaker 3: little culty following around Japanese vehicles. They're called K cars. Okay,

85
00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:20,920
Speaker 3: so I drive a Japanese vehicle, but I didn't get

86
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:24,839
Speaker 3: it imported from Japan. Therefore my license plate will just

87
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:28,800
Speaker 3: say New South Wales license plate number whatever. But if

88
00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:32,280
Speaker 3: you get an actual K car imported from Japan, you

89
00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:33,800
Speaker 3: get to have a license plate that has a little

90
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,400
Speaker 3: bit of Japanese writing and it's like green. Do you like? Yeah?

91
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,080
Speaker 3: And you get like you're part of like this CULTI

92
00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,240
Speaker 3: club that's cool. I want be part of the cult.

93
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:44,000
Speaker 3: You will you're allowed to? You imported it from Japan.

94
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,240
Speaker 3: That's sick A. There's one thing I can't wrap my

95
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:47,719
Speaker 3: head around. I bet no one cares.

96
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:51,280
Speaker 1: Is So you can only import it on certain laws

97
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,160
Speaker 1: and it's got to be over a certain age and

98
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,760
Speaker 1: with the age of the car they used to use asbestos,

99
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,160
Speaker 1: so okay, Yeah, a Specios was used in every for

100
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:03,120
Speaker 1: five retardants. Yeah, it's heat resistant and I'm just going

101
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,520
Speaker 1: to pay someone to do it, to be honest, saw

102
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,680
Speaker 1: that shit out for me. But apparently before you get

103
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:08,960
Speaker 1: it imported, they got to replace replace like the breaks

104
00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,640
Speaker 1: the exhaust pipe, the hood fucking something to do with

105
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,400
Speaker 1: heat in the engine or something, which is like miniscule details.

106
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,159
Speaker 3: But it looks looks like I'm doing it. Guys, this

107
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,080
Speaker 3: is going to be the coolest thing. Now have you

108
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:25,440
Speaker 3: looked into so how much it's It's anywhere from like

109
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,120
Speaker 3: ten to fifteen grand right, yeah? Is that for the

110
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,640
Speaker 3: vehicle and then you have to import it.

111
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:32,280
Speaker 1: The vehicles the cheapest fuck over there as the Australian

112
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,599
Speaker 1: the other investment wise, the Australian dollar compared to the

113
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:36,800
Speaker 1: yen is great.

114
00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:38,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

115
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:41,039
Speaker 1: So you can buy them for like five six seven

116
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:42,760
Speaker 1: thousand dollars important for about three.

117
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,160
Speaker 3: Four okay, so it will be about ten to fifteen altogether. Yeah, yeah,

118
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,440
Speaker 3: which pretty good. That's not really that bad, no brainer.

119
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,359
Speaker 3: It's actually I really got that bad because when you

120
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:58,559
Speaker 3: drive that like, so, preserve the car you have right now,

121
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,440
Speaker 3: keep the k is low, take it on long trips,

122
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:05,840
Speaker 3: and then you just rip around town ninety percent of

123
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,080
Speaker 3: the time in this one. And it's a small engine,

124
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:13,640
Speaker 3: it's gonna be super cheap to run. Who knows, you

125
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,000
Speaker 3: might even not want to keep your youth. You might

126
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:16,440
Speaker 3: sell that.

127
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:22,039
Speaker 1: I could make money. But that's the dilemma. Guys. Comment

128
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,719
Speaker 1: below doesn't.

129
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,120
Speaker 3: Care, right, I was just definitely doesn't give a ship.

130
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,760
Speaker 1: One drove past the other day rarely and I was

131
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,920
Speaker 1: excited and she's like, I don't like it.

132
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:35,880
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, whatever, it won't be yall.

133
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:39,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, but if it's excited, it does excite me.

134
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:40,960
Speaker 3: It does exactice to everyone.

135
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,480
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll do it this year this year, right, But

136
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:44,920
Speaker 1: dilemma's jake, do you want to kick us off?

137
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,960
Speaker 3: I do? I do? I do. Let me just get

138
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,120
Speaker 3: you've got a long one, dude, are you doing? I

139
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,479
Speaker 3: have a novel. I don't know if I'll do it

140
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:54,760
Speaker 3: or not, but I do have a novel. Okay, I

141
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,160
Speaker 3: love my best friend, but she has always been so

142
00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:01,560
Speaker 3: stupidly competitive with literally every aspects of our Lifeves A

143
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,880
Speaker 3: few years ago, when introducing her to my boyfriend, she

144
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,839
Speaker 3: turned to her partner and said, if she has a

145
00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:08,839
Speaker 3: baby before us, I'm going to kill myself legit in

146
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:11,520
Speaker 3: front of my partner and I, Oh my god. She

147
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,400
Speaker 3: is now struggling with her fertility while trying to conceive

148
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,720
Speaker 3: lo and behold, I'm pregnant. My partner and I are

149
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,960
Speaker 3: quite private and did not share that we were even trying.

150
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,320
Speaker 3: My bestie is is constantly complaining at how sad and

151
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,600
Speaker 3: disrespected she feels when people announce their pregnancies on social media.

152
00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:33,080
Speaker 3: Over the years, Eve if she asked if I was pregnant,

153
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,080
Speaker 3: and because we weren't very far along and wanted to

154
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,400
Speaker 3: ensure everything was tracking along healthy before telling anyone, I

155
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:42,480
Speaker 3: said no, now, coming up on twelve weeks and ready

156
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,680
Speaker 3: for the world to know. How the actual heck do

157
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,480
Speaker 3: I tell her? I hate to make my pregnancy about her,

158
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,560
Speaker 3: but also want to respect her feelings and struggles with

159
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,400
Speaker 3: her own journey. Was Loki hoping she'd fell pregnant and

160
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,040
Speaker 3: tell me so I could be like, yeah, me too,

161
00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:56,240
Speaker 3: that's the end of the dilemma.

162
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,440
Speaker 1: I thought the dilemma was going to be like, yeah,

163
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,440
Speaker 1: we go play tennis or something and she's really annoying.

164
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,120
Speaker 3: Oh this is tough.

165
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty tough sometimes I'm gonna say it. Look,

166
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,680
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to be selfish. This is a beautiful

167
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,320
Speaker 1: thing that you're going through. It's your baby, this is

168
00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,240
Speaker 1: your best friend's problem.

169
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,080
Speaker 3: I know you have to.

170
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:21,880
Speaker 1: Be acknowledging of her emotions, but also this is your

171
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:22,520
Speaker 1: journey too.

172
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:27,920
Speaker 3: It's like it's her problem that she makes life kind

173
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:32,200
Speaker 3: of a competition. Yeah, and I respect that you're wanting

174
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:39,800
Speaker 3: to be like respectful of her struggles. And I think

175
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,920
Speaker 3: that all you have to do is just sit it

176
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:47,439
Speaker 3: down and be like, so I I really she seems

177
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,440
Speaker 3: like the type person's probably gonna take it poor either way,

178
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:53,720
Speaker 3: But just say, like, I I'm really excited to tell

179
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,640
Speaker 3: you that I'm pregnant, and I just I wanted to

180
00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:57,480
Speaker 3: wait to tell you until I was kind of sure

181
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,240
Speaker 3: it was going to be healthy and good, and I

182
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,960
Speaker 3: really want to respect you know, the struggles. It's hard

183
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,360
Speaker 3: as well, because like, what are you actually saying that

184
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,600
Speaker 3: out loud? I feel like it's not the right thing to.

185
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:05,600
Speaker 3: I don't think you do that.

186
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,679
Speaker 1: I think you don't even acknowledge that really well, I

187
00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,720
Speaker 1: think as a best friend, say you were having a

188
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,760
Speaker 1: kid and struggling and whatnot, and then you knew does

189
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,160
Speaker 1: she know that her best friend's trying to or not

190
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:17,480
Speaker 1: at all?

191
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,760
Speaker 3: Nothing? So the girl that's pregnant, she knows her best

192
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,360
Speaker 3: friends trying because she's having fertility issues.

193
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,560
Speaker 1: And does the best friend who is really competitive know that, No,

194
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:27,360
Speaker 1: she didn't know.

195
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,520
Speaker 3: She didn't even know they were trying. But also, here's

196
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,120
Speaker 3: where you've gone wrong. You were scared to tell you

197
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,559
Speaker 3: were even trying. Yeah, because I was unfortunately as a

198
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,359
Speaker 3: best friend, like say.

199
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,160
Speaker 1: Jake was trying and struggling and then me and Cassie

200
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,600
Speaker 1: got pregnant and like I knew he was struggling. I

201
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,319
Speaker 1: think you would still be like, oh my god, I'm

202
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,000
Speaker 1: so happy for you.

203
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I would be like, I'd be like, I'm

204
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,800
Speaker 3: so happy for you because we're trying and struggling. Yeah.

205
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:48,800
Speaker 3: But that's like that's how my mind was.

206
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,040
Speaker 1: But I'm thinking, like, does this make you reassess your

207
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,839
Speaker 1: relationship if you're scared to tell your best friend the

208
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:54,800
Speaker 1: best friend the most beautiful thing that could ever happen

209
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,600
Speaker 1: to a human being. And she and if she just

210
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,280
Speaker 1: goes full self centered and like.

211
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,480
Speaker 3: Ah fuck yeah, fuck yeah, she sounds just a little

212
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,880
Speaker 3: poor me type is. Yeah, so I think that I

213
00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:07,360
Speaker 3: guess there's probably no wrong way to do it. I

214
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,480
Speaker 3: was gonna say, rip the bandaid. Yeah, it's going to

215
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,720
Speaker 3: be a rip the band aid off situation. Just tell her.

216
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,400
Speaker 3: And how she reacts is how she reacts. If she

217
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,120
Speaker 3: gets really upset, she gets really upset, you might need

218
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,720
Speaker 3: to take a break for a little while, but hopefully

219
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,880
Speaker 3: she comes to her senses and apologizes for how she reacted.

220
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:28,280
Speaker 3: And yeah, I think that the biggest issue I see

221
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,200
Speaker 3: is that you were too scared to tell her you

222
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:32,680
Speaker 3: were trying.

223
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,400
Speaker 1: I would even say the biggest issue is the dynamic

224
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,480
Speaker 1: of the friendship. So I don't know, it sounds scared

225
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,319
Speaker 1: of her, Yeah, as a best friend. If like some

226
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,400
Speaker 1: of the if you annoy me that much, and you're like, yeah,

227
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,760
Speaker 1: she does sound scared, I'd be like, girl like step back, like.

228
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,240
Speaker 3: This is controlling my life. How competitive you are?

229
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,920
Speaker 1: But yeah, basically I think does own it, rip it

230
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,880
Speaker 1: off and deal with how she reacts.

231
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, agreed, and.

232
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,720
Speaker 1: Then the balls in her court she can do I reckon.

233
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,720
Speaker 1: You could also be overthinking in a sense of rip

234
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:00,880
Speaker 1: it off and she goes, oh my god, this is

235
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:01,400
Speaker 1: the best thing ever.

236
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm happy for I've ever benefited doubt, and she'd

237
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,600
Speaker 3: be like, dang, we're struggling, happy for you. Yeah, And

238
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,240
Speaker 3: then all you could just basically, I guess, don't just

239
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:14,400
Speaker 3: start fucking bragging about it. Yeah, be tasteful, Like, but

240
00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:18,320
Speaker 3: just be tasteful about it, just in conversations. Just keep

241
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,079
Speaker 3: in mind that she is struggling, you know, if it's like,

242
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,120
Speaker 3: maybe let her bring up how is the pregnancy going?

243
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,000
Speaker 3: Let let her You still want to be able to

244
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,600
Speaker 3: vent to people about things, But it's like it would

245
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,720
Speaker 3: be a little bit hard to say, like if you

246
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:33,760
Speaker 3: got pregnant and then we were really trying, Like if

247
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,560
Speaker 3: Cassie got pregnant, me and Beth were really trying and

248
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:40,079
Speaker 3: we couldn't and like Beth and Cassie were hanging out

249
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,480
Speaker 3: and Cassie just like was complaining about pregnancy a lot. Yeah,

250
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,440
Speaker 3: it'd be that's like distasteful because like Beth really wants

251
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:46,920
Speaker 3: to get pregnant and she can't, So you just got

252
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,080
Speaker 3: to make sure you keep things in mind.

253
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:50,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, be conscious of it. I think as an adult too,

254
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:54,080
Speaker 1: she should be mature enough to realize even if she

255
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:58,080
Speaker 1: is really competitive and like struggling, just show face for

256
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,079
Speaker 1: your best friend how happy you are for her, and

257
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,200
Speaker 1: then go home and complain to your boyfriend.

258
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:03,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, and like, naturally she's gonna be jealous that you're pregnant,

259
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,920
Speaker 3: and but like if she takes that out on you,

260
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:09,880
Speaker 3: that's crazy. Yeah, agreed. Next dilemma. Here is the situation.

261
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,920
Speaker 1: The guys I date, and even some I don't always

262
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:17,880
Speaker 1: say the same thing quote I really like you, but

263
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:22,439
Speaker 1: you're too innocent. They say they're afraid of hurting me

264
00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:26,560
Speaker 1: because I'm too sweet or too pure. I've even been

265
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,360
Speaker 1: told you're too sweet. I just want to protect you

266
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,559
Speaker 1: from the world. I feel like I'd hurt you if

267
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:35,200
Speaker 1: we were together. This has happened at least five times.

268
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:39,400
Speaker 1: She had a crying face emoji day After that. We

269
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,679
Speaker 1: usually stay friends, but then I get the little sister treatment.

270
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,280
Speaker 1: They become overprotective, warn me about other guys, say things

271
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:50,680
Speaker 1: like don't trust him, don't trust any men, let's meet him.

272
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,320
Speaker 1: I honestly don't understand it. I don't know what's wrong

273
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:53,640
Speaker 1: with me.

274
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,680
Speaker 3: Oh, nothing's wrong with you, wrong with you?

275
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,760
Speaker 1: Even though they treat me nicely as friends. It makes

276
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,920
Speaker 1: me sad because I date them because I like them,

277
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:04,160
Speaker 1: I had feelings for them, and eventually I end up

278
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 1: seeing them with other girls who I guess aren't as

279
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,560
Speaker 1: innocent as me. It makes me feel unwanted and it's

280
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:13,640
Speaker 1: really confusing. I'm getting older, I'm thirty, and I keep

281
00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:16,679
Speaker 1: hearing the same thing, you're too innocent. I just don't understand.

282
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,880
Speaker 1: I wish you could help me see what my problem is.

283
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,480
Speaker 1: Please tell me what's wrong with me?

284
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:26,240
Speaker 3: Thank you have a lovely days. Yeah sucks. That's going

285
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:27,760
Speaker 3: to a point where you think something's wrong with you.

286
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,559
Speaker 1: Well, I guess yeah, And I could understand why she

287
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,400
Speaker 1: feels that way because it's happened so many times for

288
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,640
Speaker 1: so long, and you're like, it's a.

289
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:36,760
Speaker 3: Me problem now, Yeah, you would be convinced of you

290
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:43,200
Speaker 3: problem human nature. Yeah, I just like, I don't know

291
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,400
Speaker 3: why people are saying you're too innocent. I assume if

292
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:51,360
Speaker 3: it looks thing you think like, she just looks really

293
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,720
Speaker 3: innocent and young. She looks in it, she looks young,

294
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:58,520
Speaker 3: looks innocent young, she's I don't know if that would

295
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,480
Speaker 3: make me think you're too innocent, because like you meet

296
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,440
Speaker 3: someone and you see how the way they act, so

297
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:12,520
Speaker 3: like innocent sounds like a insult, right, it does? It does.

298
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,800
Speaker 3: It's like kind of it's coming across as an insult. Yeah,

299
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:18,360
Speaker 3: And I assume because like innocent is not an insult,

300
00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:22,640
Speaker 3: you know, like quite often for a man, it's you

301
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:26,280
Speaker 3: as like, oh, you're so innocent, But if you've been

302
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,200
Speaker 3: hearing it your whole life, it's probably very annoying to here.

303
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:32,760
Speaker 3: So for you, it is an insult. But I'm just

304
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,400
Speaker 3: trying to think, like we can shout from the rooftops

305
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,880
Speaker 3: that there's no, there's nothing wrong with you, because from

306
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,720
Speaker 3: our perspective and everyone else that would have ever heard this,

307
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,520
Speaker 3: they would think that. But like you're the one experiencing it.

308
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,880
Speaker 3: So it's just hard because you want to stay true

309
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,840
Speaker 3: to yourself and five people have said you're too innocent,

310
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:52,360
Speaker 3: and I just want to like protect you.

311
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess it comes back to like, oh, it's

312
00:14:56,840 --> 00:15:00,920
Speaker 1: not what you want to hear. It's like, dude's a shit,

313
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:04,520
Speaker 1: men a shit. Yeah, And like it's so hard to

314
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,080
Speaker 1: detach from what they're saying.

315
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:09,280
Speaker 3: But in the end, I think.

316
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,800
Speaker 1: Whatever makes you innocent, looks, personality, anything, is what makes

317
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,080
Speaker 1: you who you are, and that is beautiful in a sense.

318
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,360
Speaker 1: And one guy eventually is going to come along and

319
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,440
Speaker 1: appreciate everything that makes you you. And some people are

320
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:26,560
Speaker 1: categorizing this as innocent, So I just say, be true

321
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,840
Speaker 1: to yourself. It's easier said than done, but fuck them, yeah,

322
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:30,800
Speaker 1: because I think.

323
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,320
Speaker 3: Maybe I think this could be a case of where

324
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,280
Speaker 3: you have just actually had some genuine bad luck with men,

325
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:48,800
Speaker 3: and maybe you are giving innocent okay, And so these

326
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,920
Speaker 3: people are using something that they're making you the reason

327
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,200
Speaker 3: why they don't want to be with you. But I

328
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:59,360
Speaker 3: think that you're not too innocent. I think that they

329
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,920
Speaker 3: just don't want to be with you, and they're too

330
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,520
Speaker 3: scared and not mature enough to tell you they just

331
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,640
Speaker 3: don't want to be with you because like the scapegoat,

332
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,040
Speaker 3: because yeah, to be to say you're too innocent, I

333
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,080
Speaker 3: think I'm gonna hurt you. That I don't want to

334
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,840
Speaker 3: hurt you. That's just projecting onto you and making you

335
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,080
Speaker 3: the problem when you're not the problem. And now you're

336
00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:22,040
Speaker 3: convinced you're the problem, and so I think that, like

337
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,760
Speaker 3: because someone someone said to it, Oh I just want

338
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:29,120
Speaker 3: to protect you, fucking protect me, then be with me.

339
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,080
Speaker 3: They just don't want to be with you. And that's

340
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,640
Speaker 3: the harsh reality of it. So I do think this

341
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,920
Speaker 3: is a case of unfortunately, you've had a couple of

342
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,920
Speaker 3: bad men. Maybe they seem nice, but they just haven't

343
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,320
Speaker 3: admitted that they don't want to be with you, and

344
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,960
Speaker 3: they've said it's because of you that they don't want

345
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,000
Speaker 3: to be with you, and they're trying to make themselves

346
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,240
Speaker 3: feel better. Makes it harder together. I think you just

347
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,920
Speaker 3: need to keep on going, you go. I think that's

348
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:51,520
Speaker 3: I think that's the harsh reality of it. And I

349
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,200
Speaker 3: don't have an answer of how to fix that, because

350
00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,440
Speaker 3: there is nothing wrong with you. So I'd say you

351
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,600
Speaker 3: just have to keep on going and there will be

352
00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:03,280
Speaker 3: a man that like you're the one. I bet there

353
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:03,640
Speaker 3: will be.

354
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,560
Speaker 1: I bet he will appreciate all these characteristics that you have, yes.

355
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,840
Speaker 3: And he will not take advantage of them. Am I

356
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:12,639
Speaker 3: the asshole?

357
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:13,280
Speaker 2: Oh?

358
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:15,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been hanging out with my boyfriend for a

359
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,080
Speaker 3: year now. Yeah, wait, what hanging out? No, I've been

360
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:21,600
Speaker 3: going out with my boyfriend for a year now, and

361
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,040
Speaker 3: as much as I love him and we have fun together,

362
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:26,679
Speaker 3: it doesn't seem like he cares all that much about

363
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,800
Speaker 3: me or what I think. For my birthday last year,

364
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:33,040
Speaker 3: I really wanted a specific set of pajamas and he

365
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,480
Speaker 3: knew this and got me them. Only thing is he

366
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 3: got them in the wrong color. Is this a red flag?

367
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:44,200
Speaker 3: I mean, maybe that's extreme, but I did specify which

368
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,480
Speaker 3: two colors I want and he didn't get either. This

369
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,959
Speaker 3: isn't the only occasion of small things going out the window,

370
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,560
Speaker 3: and maybe it's not even an issue, but I can't

371
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,720
Speaker 3: stop overthinking it means he doesn't really care enough about

372
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,359
Speaker 3: me to take those things into account. Any input would

373
00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 3: be helpful and be as harsh as you like. I

374
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,359
Speaker 3: won't get offended. Thanks so much. Hmm, you know it

375
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:11,640
Speaker 3: actually could. He genuinely just isn't listening to you. Could

376
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:15,000
Speaker 3: be a bigger problem. So I can totally see why

377
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:20,199
Speaker 3: you would think does he even care? Yeah, And the

378
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,920
Speaker 3: short answer be maybe no, he doesn't. It's a very

379
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:29,199
Speaker 3: very simple thing to be like listening to your girlfriend

380
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,560
Speaker 3: say I really want these pajamas. I really love the

381
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,080
Speaker 3: red and the blue, and you go into the shop

382
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:37,080
Speaker 3: and you think like what did she say? What did

383
00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 3: she say? Would say, I'll just get the purple, like

384
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,240
Speaker 3: one thing having a bad memory, but like I just

385
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,679
Speaker 3: think something like you know what I mean? Yeah, and.

386
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say stay here and be on your tippy

387
00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,320
Speaker 1: toes for more to continue, Like if it's.

388
00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,439
Speaker 3: A reoccurring thing, I think that because this one not

389
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:02,399
Speaker 3: giving him an excuse. You don't know if the color

390
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,440
Speaker 3: was in stock or not if you didn't ask him.

391
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,119
Speaker 3: But also it's like if he knew what color you

392
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,040
Speaker 3: wanted when you opened it, he would have said, I

393
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 3: know you really wanted one of these two other colors,

394
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,480
Speaker 3: but this is who they had, true, and so I

395
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:17,320
Speaker 3: just really wanted to get you the pajamas. That's the

396
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,840
Speaker 3: right thing to do, you know what I mean. And

397
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,119
Speaker 3: it's like, clearly he just didn't give a fuck.

398
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,680
Speaker 1: It brings up a bigger problem though, where like I

399
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,200
Speaker 1: think a lot of men don't listen to their partners

400
00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:30,000
Speaker 1: or the way they treat their partners aren't very healthy.

401
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,920
Speaker 3: They kind of just like, I.

402
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:36,960
Speaker 1: Don't know his companion the right word, I don't keep going.

403
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:40,320
Speaker 1: I was talking to this guy recently, actually my back guy.

404
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,119
Speaker 1: Oh he spat it as an absolute bar.

405
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,639
Speaker 3: I guess I'm definitely gonna butcher.

406
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:49,560
Speaker 1: It must be nice having a bad guy, Yeah, And

407
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 1: it was the different versions of men we were talking about.

408
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 1: At Lost Paradise I went to. We were staying across

409
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,320
Speaker 1: from like this group of boys and one girl was

410
00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,600
Speaker 1: staying with him and he was a partner of one

411
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:02,200
Speaker 1: of the dudes, and me and Cassie, my girlfriend was

412
00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,480
Speaker 1: sitting in like the getting ready and you can hear everything,

413
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 1: and he was joking and like it was it wasn't fine,

414
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 1: but he was in It was in a playful manner.

415
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,359
Speaker 1: Like every day he would like complain to her about

416
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,800
Speaker 1: like dumb shit, like once they're going into the festival

417
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,199
Speaker 1: and he's like, I can't remember what her name was,

418
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,080
Speaker 1: potend it was Amy.

419
00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:18,560
Speaker 3: He's like Amy, hurry off, Like what are you doing?

420
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 3: I've got to get in there with the boys. Like

421
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,119
Speaker 3: what are you doing? He's like, you've been here all

422
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,120
Speaker 3: day to sitting around doing enough. And he was joking,

423
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,320
Speaker 3: but also like he wasn't.

424
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 1: I mean, Cassie was at the start like oh it

425
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,359
Speaker 1: was hah, And then it was just like this is

426
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 1: kind of like the it's just a little bit off

427
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 1: the way he treats girls and the way he views

428
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,600
Speaker 1: his girlfriend. And I was telling my back guy about

429
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 1: this and he explained it in a sense of we

430
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:44,960
Speaker 1: sort of talk about it as in frontal lobe development,

431
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:48,760
Speaker 1: but there's different levels of men and relationships, and he's

432
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 1: in a relationship. And it's also not to say it's

433
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 1: the girls in it too, where the loving attachment style

434
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: is she kind of looks up to him, Okay, and

435
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 1: she's therefore like just because that's what she thinks love

436
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 1: is and how she can be treated. But you can

437
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 1: realize that you can't see it when you're in it.

438
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,040
Speaker 1: And we've seen this plenty of times that that's not

439
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:10,679
Speaker 1: what love is.

440
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,400
Speaker 3: And this guy might be thinking round circle two.

441
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 1: I'm hoping I land here the pajamas thing that he

442
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:19,480
Speaker 1: like he can do whatever he wants because she looks

443
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 1: up to him as a partner. He could be like

444
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 1: subconsciously thinking that, Yeah, and there's different levels to love

445
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 1: and you don't realize it too. You get to the

446
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 1: next one, and the next one I actually might do

447
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 1: some research on the other ones were really really insightful. Okay,

448
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:30,719
Speaker 1: that was like the bottom line, and that's not what

449
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 1: love is. And you'll eventually realize it. And so the

450
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,520
Speaker 1: girl and the festival and this girl right here might

451
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,520
Speaker 1: realize that, actually, this isn't what love is. This isn't

452
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,919
Speaker 1: how I should be treated, This isn't anything to do

453
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,160
Speaker 1: with love. And I've just been here thinking it's love.

454
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:47,920
Speaker 3: Hey, I actually I think that so to you, the Baud,

455
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,680
Speaker 3: he's sending this dilema in like, this is clearly something

456
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 3: that bothers you, and why should you have to just

457
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:04,399
Speaker 3: accept that this is what he's like? Fuck that say something?

458
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 3: And I think people get scared of bringing something like

459
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,840
Speaker 3: this up because their feelings toward it are going to

460
00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 3: get invalidated, and so then they think that the feeling

461
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 3: is actually an invalid feeling because someone has said, you're crazy,

462
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,520
Speaker 3: you're overthinking it. And so one of my biggest pet

463
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 3: peeves is when someone's feelings get invalidated. And I try

464
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,040
Speaker 3: my very best all the time to just like try

465
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 3: I try not to like sometimes I sometimes I invalidate

466
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 3: feelings and I try my best not to. And I

467
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:42,639
Speaker 3: just think that if you say something and he says

468
00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 3: that's dumb, he's invalidating your feelings. And if you say,

469
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:47,320
Speaker 3: don't you want do you not see that that is

470
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 3: just invalidating how I feel. I'm trying to tell you

471
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:52,879
Speaker 3: how I feel about a certain thing. It's just a huge,

472
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:57,679
Speaker 3: huge tell to how they are as a person. So

473
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 3: it's like you're unfortunately figuring out that this isn't someone

474
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 3: you want to be with. Yeah.

475
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,200
Speaker 1: And I would go as far as saying, the fact

476
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,440
Speaker 1: that you sent a dilemmay in, I'm going to assume

477
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 1: that this isn't.

478
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 3: The only thing she said. There's many more.

479
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I reckon, like, the fact that you've sent

480
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,679
Speaker 1: this dilemma in is you realizing that it's an issue.

481
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 1: It's an issue, and you want confirmation that it's an

482
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 1: issue because you don't know in your head. But realistically,

483
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,640
Speaker 1: if you listen to your gut, listen to your brain,

484
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:22,880
Speaker 1: listen to your heart, you'd be.

485
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 3: Like, hmm, this doesn't feel right, does it? Yeah? Yeah,

486
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:30,120
Speaker 3: And they it's kind of hard because it's so hard

487
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:32,480
Speaker 3: when you're in it. So this little thing means something

488
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:36,399
Speaker 3: to you, Right, And so I go through maybe a

489
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:40,440
Speaker 3: dilemmas in my head of like sometimes some feelings actually

490
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 3: are invalid, And it's like, how do you navigate when

491
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:51,600
Speaker 3: there is a feeling that is invalid. My answer is,

492
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 3: actually I don't actually know, but usually something can just

493
00:23:56,760 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 3: be so outlandish that it's fucking invalid. But I just

494
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:05,120
Speaker 3: think that to me on someone on the outside, if

495
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 3: you told me that you brought this up and it

496
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 3: didn't get taken well and you broke up with them,

497
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 3: I wouldn't think like, you're insane neither, you know what

498
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 3: I mean. Like, I wouldn't say, oh, you're you've got

499
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,399
Speaker 3: two high standards. I would be like, honestly fucking vallid,

500
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:19,920
Speaker 3: like little things matter.

501
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 1: And it's also like deeping it quite a lot. Like

502
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 1: another thing this boyfriend's done is maybe in his life.

503
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 1: Maybe in his life, birthdays don't mean anything to him,

504
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 1: but in yours they do him as your boyfriend should

505
00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:38,600
Speaker 1: realize how much something means to you and make it

506
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,840
Speaker 1: special for you. Yeah, and like just see what makes

507
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:44,120
Speaker 1: up your girlfriend.

508
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 3: He's not doing enough, I'd say, I agree. I don't think. Yeah,

509
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 3: I think he's not doing enough. I think that unfortunately.

510
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 3: I think you need to bring it up and hopefully

511
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:57,880
Speaker 3: he changes and if he doesn't, dump him. Agreed. Agreed,

512
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 3: So no, you're not the asshole, by the way, Oh

513
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 3: not at all. That was a name only author.

514
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 1: Next dilemma, I think we've done something similar, but seems

515
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,640
Speaker 1: to be a reoccurring problem, so let's talk about it.

516
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year.

517
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 1: We're talking about moving in when our least cycles are

518
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 1: up in about six months. I love him a lot

519
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 1: and see a future with him and can't wait until

520
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,919
Speaker 1: I get to come home to him every day. The

521
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 1: problem is we have very different standards of cleanliness. I'm

522
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: a perfectionists, like to keep things organized, tidy, and it

523
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 1: helps me feel less overwhelmed and stressed. He has raging

524
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: adhd in brackets, has tried meds, didn't like them, and

525
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,919
Speaker 1: his place is a mess where talking counters full of stuff,

526
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,200
Speaker 1: clothes and shoes all over the place. I often ask

527
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,160
Speaker 1: him to pick up a bit so I can see

528
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,000
Speaker 1: the floor before coming over. He has a dog, who

529
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 1: I also love, but mess plus dog for only makes

530
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 1: it worse.

531
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 3: He says, when we move in.

532
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,679
Speaker 1: Together, we will make a tor chart and if that

533
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:06,959
Speaker 1: doesn't suffice, hire a cleaning service. This sounds fine in theory,

534
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 1: but my thought is why not start now. If he's

535
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: not keeping his own place clean, why should I expect

536
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 1: him to all of a sudden improve his life when

537
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,120
Speaker 1: we move into move in together. People who have said

538
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: that's true, it's different when you do live with someone

539
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 1: and it's a shared space. So my dilemma is, do

540
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: men really change when living with a partner? Or should

541
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 1: I expect to be stuck living in squirrel?

542
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 3: Or? What's squalor? Is that when used in a sentence,

543
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,199
Speaker 3: I know what it means, but I don't actually know

544
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:42,000
Speaker 3: what squalor means in squalor for the rest of eternity living. Yeah,

545
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 3: it's hard, like when using a sense I kin'd of

546
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 3: know what she means, maybe just like stuck in the situation? Yeah,

547
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,159
Speaker 3: but yeah, I don't actually know what that means in

548
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 3: definition to answer your question. So, I don't think I

549
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 3: was ever as bad as this guy sounds. But I

550
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 3: I changed when a movement with Beth. You were dirty?

551
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 3: We live together? You?

552
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 2: No?

553
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 3: No, I wasn't bad. I was just like I definitely

554
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:09,400
Speaker 3: changed though, Like I went from being somewhat pretty neat

555
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 3: and dirty to now being like, fucking I'm a pretty

556
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 3: bit of a neat freak now, and it like annoys

557
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 3: me and I actually can't really relax when stuff is dirty,

558
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 3: and so I would say I definitely changed, but mine

559
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 3: wasn't like an extreme change.

560
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,439
Speaker 1: So we're hoping love takes over this man and so

561
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 1: just becomes a bit of a neat freak.

562
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:35,200
Speaker 3: And this and that's the thing. So it's hard, Okay,

563
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 3: let me think about this. So I have said before

564
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 3: that when I lived with my sister, I weaponized my incompetence. Right,

565
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 3: she was cleaner than I, And now I would say

566
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 3: I am now as clean as she was when I

567
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 3: lived with her, But for some reason, it took moving

568
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,479
Speaker 3: in with Beth to do that. And so when Joanna

569
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 3: and I live together, she would complained about things and

570
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,120
Speaker 3: I would weaponize maing competence by being like, there's different

571
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 3: levels of cleanliness, like yours is higher than mine, blah

572
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 3: blah blah blah blah. And then after she moved out,

573
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,199
Speaker 3: or after I moved out, unfortunately, I came to the

574
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 3: realization of there is really only one level of clean

575
00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 3: and that's clean. And so I just don't want you

576
00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 3: to be a victim of him weaponizing his incompetence, you

577
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 3: know what I mean. Yeah, And so basically there is

578
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 3: only one level of clean. You're not too clean, all right,

579
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 3: Like you're not a perfectionist, like you just like things clean, yeah,

580
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 3: and like everything has a place to you. That's good

581
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,119
Speaker 3: because everything should have a place. So I think that

582
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 3: in this situation, I just am not too sure whether

583
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 3: or not compromise needs to be spoken about. I think

584
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 3: he just needs to literally fucking pick up his act.

585
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, like your thinking process in a

586
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: sense of you're like, why doesn't he make a change now?

587
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 3: Even though I'm coming over and stuff? Why don't you

588
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 3: just say that to him?

589
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, be like, look, I'm looking forward to moving in

590
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 1: with you, but we both know look around, like it's

591
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 1: not very clean here.

592
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 3: I don't feel very comfortable here. It's overwhelming.

593
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just outright gross, and like I want to

594
00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: live with you, but I'm struggling to see what that's

595
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 1: going to look like if you continue to live.

596
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 3: This way, ballad bro, Because like, I wouldn't think it's

597
00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 3: a bad thing to say. I don't even think it's

598
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 3: harsh if you just say because I will not live

599
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 3: like this, because why would he expect that of you? Exactly?

600
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 3: And to his point, so he's got ADHD which see

601
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 3: I don't know what it's like to live with that, Yes.

602
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: But not taking away from that. His sort of way

603
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 1: out of it is high a cleaning service. To me,

604
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: that seems like laziness.

605
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 3: It's laziness. But also they come once a week. You're

606
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 3: not going to have them there every day, because that's.

607
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: Very like hiring a cleaning service doesn't seem like you're

608
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 1: trying to do anything.

609
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,720
Speaker 3: You're just trying to offload the problem. Like that rubbed

610
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,200
Speaker 3: me the wrong way. Like, what's going to happen is

611
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 3: your house is going to be cleaned one day a week.

612
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 3: It's going to be cleaned for twenty four hours, and

613
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 3: then it's going to start to get dirty and two

614
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 3: days in it's going to be fucked again.

615
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think the compromise is I agree with you,

616
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: there's only one level of clean. But maybe he has

617
00:30:08,360 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: an office or a gaming room which gets.

618
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:15,120
Speaker 3: To be his room. I agree. I do agree with that.

619
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 3: But also it's like I just think it just gives

620
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 3: him a reason to be messy.

621
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 1: I'm playing on the ADHD side of thing. Yeah, if

622
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 1: it was just the grub, I would say no.

623
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just don't know. Also, anyone with ADHD please comment.

624
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 3: Are we allowed to blame being messy on ADHD? You

625
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 3: know what I mean? Yeah, like is that the same

626
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 3: as you know, like pretty extreme example. But if someone

627
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 3: has ADHD, are they more likely to cheat? And they're

628
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 3: allowed to cheat because of that? Like it's an issue.

629
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 3: But like this is me asking because I don't actually

630
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 3: I don't want to go out there and say, like

631
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 3: just because I don't want to be there be able

632
00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 3: to go out there and say, you know, he needs

633
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 3: to pick up his act even though he has ADHD. Like,

634
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 3: so my question is are people allowed to blame being

635
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 3: messy on ADHD? Yeah?

636
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 1: And I don't know there'd be appropriate steps to working

637
00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:16,480
Speaker 1: with it, because I know ADHD is like you start

638
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,800
Speaker 1: cleaning and you think about drawing, and then you'd go

639
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 1: drawing and you think about, oh, I didn't get anything

640
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,040
Speaker 1: out of my car. I had a million projects going on.

641
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 3: I had the funniest ADHD moment yesterday. So I was

642
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 3: downstairs putting laundry on. I put all the laundry in

643
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 3: and then there was one more sock. Put it in,

644
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 3: and then I knew where the second sock was upstairs.

645
00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 3: All right, I go up to get the second stock,

646
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 3: second sock there's some clean washing on the stairs, and

647
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,360
Speaker 3: I'm like, I will bring that back up with me

648
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 3: on my second trip after bringing the sock down, I

649
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:53,840
Speaker 3: go up, I pick up the sock, I bring it down.

650
00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 3: I put it in the dirty laundry basket. I go

651
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 3: back upstairs. I leave that clean washing again. I go

652
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 3: up and then I start doing some work on my computer,

653
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 3: and then Johanna comes in and she goes, oh, I

654
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 3: do you reckon? I can get sprinkles out, which is

655
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:08,840
Speaker 3: our pet snake, and I'm like, oh, yeah, why not.

656
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 3: I get sprinkles out for Joanna, and I'm like, oh,

657
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:12,920
Speaker 3: he's water needs filling up. I go downstairs, and when

658
00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 3: I get to the bottom of the stairs with his

659
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 3: water bowl, I'm like, I literally just got nothing done

660
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 3: for thirty minutes.

661
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: Well, yo, my toxic trait is we've closed in the

662
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: washing machine. I have an urge of like, oh, I'll

663
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,640
Speaker 1: get clean, I'll do my stuff completely, forget about it.

664
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 3: My new washing machine doesn't beep e. But when's finished

665
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 3: there you go set a time in there for forty

666
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 3: eight hours. Yeah, then I wash it. I watched it

667
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 3: again vicious cycle, vicious cycle. But yeah, so help me

668
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 3: up with the answer of we I think we've given

669
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 3: our two cents on that, and then someone with AUDHD

670
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 3: please comment yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll do too quickly.

671
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 3: I got two back to back one's badges. They're pretty short.

672
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 3: I left a relationship of ten years. We were engaged

673
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 3: and I owned a couple of properties together. I'm twenty

674
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 3: seven in living in the Gold Coast. I read Akatar

675
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 3: and Fourth Wing and realized I'm in the wrong relationship.

676
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 3: Will I ever find a man as good as the

677
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 3: one in my books? Or did I leave my relationship

678
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,600
Speaker 3: on false hope?

679
00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 1: You did not leave your relationship on false hope. You

680
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 1: probably won't get a man as good as resand, but

681
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 1: you'll get one close.

682
00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 3: There you go. I assume. Look, I think like to think,

683
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:37,600
Speaker 3: you know, if your standards are you want to restand you,

684
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,160
Speaker 3: I think keep your standards, yeah, right, but like, obviously

685
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 3: you're not going to get a guy that has wings.

686
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 3: He's not going to be magical, and I assume he's

687
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 3: not going to be the heir to the richest court

688
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 3: in all of Akata. All right, but if you want,

689
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 3: if your standards are the way rece treats faivorh not

690
00:33:57,160 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 3: those standards hard to come by. No, I mean they're

691
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 3: hard to come by. Should you lower your standards at all?

692
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 4: No?

693
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 1: Honestly, Zayden Then's obsessed with Violet Akatar, not Forthling so much.

694
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 1: A little bit has taught us so much about standards, women,

695
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 1: even men, and it's fun.

696
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 3: My.

697
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 2: So men are like, oh, women are so confusing. Women

698
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 2: are so confusing. I don't know what they want. They

699
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 2: never told me what they want. They literally do.

700
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:33,359
Speaker 3: Okay, And if you're going to complain about it, I'm

701
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 3: going to give you a solution, which means you can

702
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:39,760
Speaker 3: no longer complain about it. Read Akatar, read Fourth Wing. Okay,

703
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 3: those books are written by women that are writing the man.

704
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 3: They're telling you what they want. You don't have to

705
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 3: be rich, you don't even have to be ripped and

706
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 3: jacked and shit, that's just in there for the fun

707
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:58,359
Speaker 3: novelty of it. You just have to treat them with respect. Okay,

708
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,080
Speaker 3: couldn't have said a better mind. Read a read Fourth Wing.

709
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 3: It's a prescription. It's the prescription sakes. Next one met

710
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 3: the most perfect man, flirted with him for months and

711
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,479
Speaker 3: invited him out one night, and we had so much

712
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,360
Speaker 3: fun until his younger brother mentioned he had a girlfriend.

713
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:18,839
Speaker 3: So I slept with a younger brother. Then I find

714
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 3: out that the other one is considering leaving his girlfriend

715
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:27,280
Speaker 3: praying his younger brother doesn't say anything that's nasty, leaving

716
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 3: the girlfriend to get with her. I think, so, why

717
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:31,720
Speaker 3: would you want to be with someone who does that? Anyway?

718
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you always slept with the brother. That means

719
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 1: the other one's off limits. It should mean that, but

720
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 1: some people don't do that.

721
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:39,440
Speaker 3: No, some people don't do that, but it should mean that.

722
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:44,160
Speaker 3: I agree. Um, is that the dilemma? Answered? Oh, yeah, no,

723
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 3: you can't get so the brother that's leaving the girlfriend,

724
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 3: you cannot get with him, You cannot date him. Yeah, no,

725
00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:51,719
Speaker 3: telling you right now, you can dating. I'm telling you

726
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 3: what to do. Okay, for so many reasons, you cannot

727
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 3: date that man, Jake Before I get to my last

728
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 3: dilemma on Spotify and we move her a Patreon good

729
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 3: because I need a Wii. Where can the baddies? Fine?

730
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 3: Patreon ah www dot Patreon dot com. Forward slash relatable

731
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:13,240
Speaker 3: sixty nine.

732
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:14,759
Speaker 1: And it is eight dollars ninety nine a month. You

733
00:36:14,760 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 1: get an extra episode every single week. You get the

734
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:19,280
Speaker 1: Dilemmas extensions over there, and the book Club.

735
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:22,800
Speaker 3: Early also over there. Everything's add free, yeah, no ads,

736
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 3: we can get some ads lately. Yeah, woo what it's

737
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 3: all add free over there.

738
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 1: And might I just say as well, if you're enjoying

739
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 1: these episodes, please share them on your story screenshot. I'm

740
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 1: sending it to us and you're in the running to

741
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:39,440
Speaker 1: win some free merch All right, quick ones for a

742
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:43,799
Speaker 1: last one? Probably not a quick answer, though, Ah My

743
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 1: boyfriend has gained a lot of weight, like thirty key

744
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,920
Speaker 1: lows in one year, and I don't know how to

745
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: tell him that. I want him to stop eating trash

746
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: and go back to the gym. I mean, he is

747
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 1: a totally different person than when I met him. He

748
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,000
Speaker 1: can't even go up a bunch of stairs without losing weight.

749
00:36:58,000 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do without losing breath. So

750
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do.

751
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 3: This is hard because on the subject of weight, it's

752
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 3: just a bit of a touchy subject. But well, she

753
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 3: did say one thing in there that resonated with me

754
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 3: a bit. She said, he's a completely different person to

755
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 3: whom I started dating. Now, I assume when you started

756
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,720
Speaker 3: dating like he was thirty kilos lighter, which that means

757
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 3: he probably ate differently. He maybe worked out, she said,

758
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 3: don't want to go back to the gym. So you

759
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 3: started dating someone that ticked all these boxes, and so

760
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,759
Speaker 3: he is a completely different person because that even means

761
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:48,880
Speaker 3: like his personality is starting to change. I gotta say,

762
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 3: I think you just need to like say that. I agree,

763
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:57,799
Speaker 3: because you have standards, you say like this, The weight

764
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,879
Speaker 3: isn't the problem. His lifestyle is the problem. That's the thing. Yeah,

765
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 3: it's like him the way is a byproduct of the

766
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 3: person that he's changed into. So yeah, like to you,

767
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:08,919
Speaker 3: the weight probably makes you less attracted to him. Yeah,

768
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 3: you may feel shallow saying that, but look, it's fine.

769
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:15,319
Speaker 3: It is what it is. It's not shallow. It's like

770
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 3: it's just it's just black and white.

771
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:17,839
Speaker 4: It is.

772
00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 3: And but I think, yeah, the problem is the fact

773
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:27,720
Speaker 3: that he let himself get there. And so yeah, people

774
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 3: just get real touchy around weight and feel bad. And

775
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:32,880
Speaker 3: he probably does feel self conscious. But it's starting to

776
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 3: affect you now.

777
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you just don't align with the decisions you

778
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:40,800
Speaker 1: make in day to day life with food health choices,

779
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,440
Speaker 1: and it could be an underlying problem so you want

780
00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 1: to be there to support him for why he might

781
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 1: be eating this way or putting on the weight, if

782
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 1: you want to stick around for that and get to

783
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 1: the bottom of that together. But also you just need

784
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,279
Speaker 1: to voice how you're feeling because he might just be

785
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: unbeknownst to how you're feeling.

786
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, and just think he doesn't even notice.

787
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: It's the classic boyfriend bod Like prior to getting a partner,

788
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 1: you grind the gym, you become the best version of yourself,

789
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,880
Speaker 1: and then some people who haven't been relationships before just go,

790
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: I've got the.

791
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 3: Girl, like I don't have to try anymore. Yeah, it's

792
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:17,799
Speaker 3: a hard one. Yeah, a lot of people do that

793
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 3: and they don't even realize they do it.

794
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, the effort's gone, and maybe he might just need

795
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: a little kick in the bum and be like, look,

796
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 1: I fucking love you and I kind of just have

797
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 1: been doing the BAM in him and haven't even realized.

798
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:31,520
Speaker 3: Because like, how can you treat me good if you

799
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 3: can't treat yourself good? Exactly A good question, I think.

800
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 3: Just tell him how you feel, and that's the only

801
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 3: thing you can do. Yeah, it's like hard because you

802
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 3: don't you're making it sound like your love is conditional,

803
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 3: but he's a different person. Yeah, this isn't who you

804
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,399
Speaker 3: fell in love with. Yeah, so it's hard to bring up,

805
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 3: but gotta do it. Yeah, bad is That's it for

806
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 3: Dilemmas on Spotify. If you want some more, you know

807
00:39:54,680 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 3: what to do. Patreon link is in the description. Yeah,