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Speaker 1: H approache production.

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Speaker 2: Photo record. I don't try and make you uncomfortable. Photo record.

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Speaker 2: You ain't trying to grow under stuff for your photo

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Speaker 2: record lab on me going hard the way photo record.

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Speaker 2: Ain't trying to link, No trying to waste for.

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Speaker 3: The record, photo record, for the record, for the ready

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Speaker 3: for the record.

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Speaker 2: Record, Photo record. Don't try and make you uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: Welcome back to the Clink and part of two of

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Speaker 4: Brent's chat with Holly Dean John's. We kick things off

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Speaker 4: with Holly leaving the Tie prison and now having to

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Speaker 4: spend some of her sentence in Australia.

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Speaker 5: So you're getting the information now that it's almost time

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Speaker 5: you are going to be going back to Australia, but

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Speaker 5: you're not coming home as a free woman. It is

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Speaker 5: in exchange. You are going back into custody within the

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Speaker 5: Australian system. How is that? How is that sort of done?

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Speaker 5: Because you're serving a thirty plus year sentence, you've had

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Speaker 5: it downgraded to quote me, twenty six? Was it twenty seven? Okay?

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Speaker 5: What do you owe the system here? Fuck all? But

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Speaker 5: then on the you know, it's just completely separate law.

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Speaker 5: It's a completely sort of different grading in your charges

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Speaker 5: in your sentencing indications? How to then that twenty six

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Speaker 5: or twenty seven years sorry minus what you've already done? Well,

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Speaker 5: hang on a sec. Technically you'd be looking at thirty

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Speaker 5: plus you would have done if had that of set,

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Speaker 5: wouldn't it, because yeah, you'd already done, didn't you say

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Speaker 5: five by the time you'd come home?

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Speaker 1: Or seven seven and a half.

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Speaker 5: Seven and a half out of a thirty plus year,

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Speaker 5: So realistically you're coming home. How does that work for

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Speaker 5: an exchange inmate? Because not many people would know this

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Speaker 5: one exists, and to how it works from you coming

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Speaker 5: back and then being given X amount of time to

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Speaker 5: serve to finish your sentence. Can we talk about that? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: So what it is? An agreement has to be reached

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Speaker 1: before and he one said yes, sul you come home.

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Speaker 1: So the embassy came out to me and he said, okay,

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Speaker 1: the federal government was asking for you to serve three

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Speaker 1: years once you're back. But the lady who was in

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Speaker 1: charge of that decision said, nah, if she wants to

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Speaker 1: come back, she can serve five. So you know I

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Speaker 1: signed it. Yeah, yeah, so I signed it. You know

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Speaker 1: I would have signed it if it said twenty do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I just wanted to come home,

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Speaker 1: of course. Yeah. So once the deal was made and

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Speaker 1: I signed, that was it. The next part was, you know,

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Speaker 1: for me to get fingerprinted, get clothes brought in, all

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Speaker 1: that type of thing. So two prison officers were sent

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Speaker 1: over from Western Australia to escort me back. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: sort of what happened. It was really weird the day

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Speaker 1: I left because all the high ranking screws came in

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Speaker 1: this day and they are all around a really nice

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Speaker 1: big boardroom that they used for important people, you know.

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Speaker 1: So on my way out, I was told to go

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Speaker 1: where they are and get a photo taken with them.

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Speaker 1: I was like what BALI, Oh my god. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: couldn't believe it a but I was just like, whatever

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Speaker 1: I'm going, I don't care. So yeah, I had the

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Speaker 1: photo taken. One of them came over and said, oh,

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Speaker 1: when we get it developed, we'll send one to you,

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Speaker 1: and I said, don't bother man. I said I don't

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Speaker 1: want it, and she said are you sure? I said,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm sure, keep it.

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Speaker 5: Fuck. Oh was so bizarre without sort of going down

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Speaker 5: that rope. But was this around that time that Chappelle

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Speaker 5: had been arrested in Bali as well. Were you coming

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Speaker 5: home or was there that sort of crossover between another

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Speaker 5: you know, Australian woman in custody and.

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Speaker 1: After all no, oh look no, while I was in

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Speaker 1: there she had been arrested.

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Speaker 5: Right because it would have been so much sort of

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Speaker 5: international publicity around another Australian woman with drugs. Did that

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Speaker 5: have an impact at all? Do you think across the

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Speaker 5: board for international prisoners, female international prisoners.

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Speaker 1: No, I don't think so, because you know, as you

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Speaker 1: would know, Brent. You know, when you're doing something collegal,

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Speaker 1: you never think you're going to get caught. Otherwise she wouldn't.

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Speaker 5: Do it, do it? That's right.

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Speaker 1: You know, everyone thinks they're teflon.

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Speaker 5: And most of the time we are for a small

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Speaker 5: part of the time until either trip over or someone

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Speaker 5: tells on you. Yeah, and that's the reality, you know.

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Speaker 5: So therefore you think that you can get away with things.

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Speaker 5: I mean, it's not until you actually serve enough time

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Speaker 5: and realize that this is going to be your life. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: And you either enjoy jail and you just keep getting bigger,

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Speaker 5: bigger sentences and in the end you won't come home

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Speaker 5: or that's it. Yeah, you actually take acceptance of who

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Speaker 5: you are and your actions and you make better choices,

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Speaker 5: which both of us have done for many years. And

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Speaker 5: I know that you have said that. You know, the

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Speaker 5: turning point for you was obviously, and I think for

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Speaker 5: anybody who has served any time, let alone just under

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Speaker 5: ten years, and let's be honest, you seven and a

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Speaker 5: half in Thailand prison would have been like doing twenty

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Speaker 5: years here that you don't think local could compare it

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Speaker 5: mentally physically your health. I don't want a pride, but

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Speaker 5: was there health issues that you came home with from

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Speaker 5: having been there as opposed to.

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Speaker 1: There's a thing called dar dang over there, which means

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Speaker 1: red eye. It's a really extreme case of conjuncti biis yep.

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Speaker 1: I had it really badly twice. When I got back

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Speaker 1: to Australia, I went and got my eyes tested and

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Speaker 1: he said, you've got a lot of scarring on your

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Speaker 1: left eye. On you there'd be something I don't know why,

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Speaker 1: whether it was rubbing or I don't know, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: so you know my eyes scarred from that because you're

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Speaker 1: not given anything, you know, Yeah.

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Speaker 5: That would have spread like wildfire through everybody, wouldn't it.

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Speaker 5: Have been there heavy.

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Speaker 1: It did. Yeah, Like when I got it, there was

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Speaker 1: like I think, like four of us and we're been

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Speaker 1: a like a week or two. There was like two

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Speaker 1: hundred and fifty. It just yeah. I got out of there,

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Speaker 1: went back to my normal self for a night, woke

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Speaker 1: up next morning and on you, I had it again.

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Speaker 1: I had to go back into segregation. It was bullshit, wow,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 5: And you just left in segro just to deal with

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Speaker 5: it until it naturally heals. Is that well?

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Speaker 1: What ended up happening was I was buying antibiotics and Thailand.

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Speaker 1: I'm on the black market, right, so I was doing that.

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Speaker 1: Then when it got to two hundred and fifty people,

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Speaker 1: there was a prisoner there who used to be a nurse.

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Speaker 1: They then allowed her to come in and put drops

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Speaker 1: in everyone's eyes. I couldn't believe it. A I was

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Speaker 1: watching her put drops in people's eyes, and the dropper

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Speaker 1: was touching people's eyes, and she's got to me and

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Speaker 1: I said, give me the new one you got in

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Speaker 1: your hand. I said, that's mine, and I'll put it

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Speaker 1: in myself. I said, you're infecting everybody every time you

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Speaker 1: put a drop in someone's fucking eye. And She's like,

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Speaker 1: what do you mean, And I said, you're reinfecting everybody, Like,

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Speaker 1: weren't you a nurse? Yeah, so yeah, i'd grab that.

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Speaker 1: I kept that on me. It's like, I'm not taking

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Speaker 1: a chance of anyone else using it, you know, And what.

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Speaker 5: About things like hep B. I mean we all know

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Speaker 5: here that you know, hip bee doesn't need to be

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Speaker 5: through intravenous or sex or anything like this. You can

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Speaker 5: get it purely from unhealthy food items, unclean plates, utensils,

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Speaker 5: cups that there. Yeah, right, correct me if I'm wrong.

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Speaker 1: To be honest, friend, who knows? Who knows? Because you're

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Speaker 1: not getting tested for these things. You know. It's you

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Speaker 1: know when I say there's no duty of care, I

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Speaker 1: mean it. There's no duty of care. So I reckon.

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Speaker 1: Probably I reckon. A large amount of the population would

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Speaker 1: have had a hundred You know, you've got prostitutes in there.

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Speaker 1: Of course, you know you got drug addicts in there.

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Speaker 1: I would have been rife. But how do you know

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Speaker 1: you won't.

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Speaker 5: Well until you start to see them actually the going

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Speaker 5: yellow or falling apart at the seams and just being

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Speaker 5: token exactly sick. You wouldn't assume that anybody had anything, would.

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Speaker 1: You No, you know, and that's what I was scared of.

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Speaker 1: The main thing that scared me when I first went

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Speaker 1: there was getting sick. So I got my embassy to

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Speaker 1: get me vaccinated against everything that I could potentially get.

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Speaker 1: And people were like, what you've got to pay for this?

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Speaker 1: Why are you spending all this money on getting vaccinated?

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Speaker 1: I said, because I don't want to fucking die. I said,

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Speaker 1: I don't care how much it's cost.

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Speaker 5: I don't want to get health as wealth.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I said, I don't want to die. And that's

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Speaker 1: a potential thing that that can happen, or watch that happen.

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Speaker 1: I'll watch people dine.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I can't honestly say that it would be something

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Speaker 5: that I'd enjoy by any means. And you know, like I,

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Speaker 5: I know, now we have all these procedures and policies

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Speaker 5: over here in reference to you know, hepbe shots, HEPSI hipA,

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Speaker 5: all this sort of stuff, which is fantastic because you know,

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Speaker 5: obviously with a lot of intravenous using sex industry, these

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Speaker 5: things do do happen, and they are actually no good.

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Speaker 5: We talk about as but no one talks about what

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Speaker 5: happens in hep and it is something that is contracted

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Speaker 5: in jail systems. It's just what it is. You know,

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Speaker 5: you really need to And I remember when I was

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Speaker 5: eighteen and I first went to Long Bay in Sydney,

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Speaker 5: there were programs that they had specifically four people whom

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Speaker 5: did have HEPSI or HEPBE or hebe Yeah same, yeah, correct,

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Speaker 5: So you understand what I'm saying, so that we're making

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Speaker 5: inroads to prevent it occurring and healing people who did

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Speaker 5: have because you'd see them, they'd be yellow as they're

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Speaker 5: just skin like. You couldn't hide from it. Once someone

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Speaker 5: was really really sick, and that that always brought I

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Speaker 5: guess a sense of concern to everybody else in the

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Speaker 5: wing or the jails, because I was sure people using

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Speaker 5: jail they use dirty needles. Blokes get stabbed with dirty needles.

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Speaker 5: It's aides was a thing. But then a hepatitis was huge.

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Speaker 5: Being in an environment like yours where there is zero hygiene,

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Speaker 5: that is just scary.

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Speaker 1: TB was very rife.

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Speaker 5: They rulous that we did know.

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Speaker 1: The screws would make announcements over the PA systems in

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Speaker 1: the mornings and they'd say, do not share your cups,

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Speaker 1: do not share utensils, all of that. I mean, that's

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Speaker 1: common sense anyway. But yeah, TB was rife. We did

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Speaker 1: know that for sure.

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Speaker 5: Your days come, you're leaving, and it was the Bangkok

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Speaker 5: Hilton you spend all your time out, wasn't it before

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Speaker 5: they did this wonderful shuttage and renovation and open the

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Speaker 5: new prison. Ye you're leaving, you're not looking back. How

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Speaker 5: did you feel, you know, were you able to just

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Speaker 5: accept that, fuck this, I'm out of here, see is

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Speaker 5: turn your back and never look back? Or was there

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Speaker 5: a part of you that sort of even through that

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Speaker 5: hardship and those through horrific times. I mean, in our

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Speaker 5: worst times is sometimes where we become closest to those

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Speaker 5: around us, you know, especially in that environment. Friends there

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Speaker 5: that you felt sad leaving?

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Speaker 1: Oh one, because these women were like my family, that

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Speaker 1: blood sisters to me.

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Speaker 5: Correct.

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Speaker 1: When I heard I was going home, I was so excited,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't want to show it because I'm leaving

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Speaker 1: these people behind and I know they're going to At

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Speaker 1: that time, I thought they were going to be there

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Speaker 1: for twenty years more. You know. Everyone was happy for me,

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Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, but I didn't want to rub

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Speaker 1: it in their faith.

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. When I got out, even when I was in,

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Speaker 1: I tried to find out via many, many places and

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Speaker 1: people if I could ever return to Thailand. No one

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Speaker 1: could ever tell me yes or no. So because I

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Speaker 1: still had friends that were still in jail there, I

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Speaker 1: wanted to go and visit them. I wanted to put

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Speaker 1: money on their accounts. I wanted to go and buy

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Speaker 1: them a heap of food. I wanted to visit them

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Speaker 1: because I know what it means and I know what

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Speaker 1: it feels like for them. So the only the only

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Speaker 1: way I could find out was to get on a

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Speaker 1: plane and go. That was the only way I would know.

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Speaker 5: Did you get turned around or did you make it through?

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Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 1: I got up to the immigrat desk. It was quite funny.

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Speaker 1: I've handed over my passport and there's two of them there.

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Speaker 1: They're looking at the passport, looking at each other, looking

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Speaker 1: at their computer, looking back at the passport, and I

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Speaker 1: knew then I'm gone. And they're like, have you ever

241
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Speaker 1: been in jail here? And I said, jeh, what for herods?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: And they're asking me a will be ship and I

244
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Speaker 1: just start talking to him in time, what are you

245
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Speaker 1: asking me? For you're looking at it on the computer

246
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Speaker 1: and they're like, you can't come back here, And I said, well,

247
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Speaker 1: no one's ever told me that. Why would I waste

248
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Speaker 1: money on a ticket if I knew I couldn't come back.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, that's how I actually found out I can't

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Speaker 1: go back, So back in.

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Speaker 5: The immigration, back on that plane and fucked off out

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Speaker 5: of til Yeah it's for life, so once you are,

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Speaker 5: because that's that's a fair point. And I don't think

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Speaker 5: a lot of people would know that because I mean, look,

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Speaker 5: I can't get America, not that I want to, but

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Speaker 5: my children, you know, their family are from New Zealand,

257
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Speaker 5: and I have a very hard time. I don't know

258
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Speaker 5: if and when I can even go to New Zealand.

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Speaker 5: And that's through you know, marriage and having children connected

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Speaker 5: to the country. Yeah, you're not allowed back in Thailand

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Speaker 5: ever again.

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Speaker 1: No, well, which which is a shame because I love Thailand.

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Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, look, the way

264
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Speaker 1: I look at things is it's meant to be. I'm

265
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Speaker 1: not meant to go back there. I believe everything happens

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Speaker 1: for a reason. I really do. That's how I live

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Speaker 1: my life. So yeah, I was upset and everything. But

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Speaker 1: at the same time, it's like, Okay, that's a chapter closed.

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't look back, keep looking forward.

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Speaker 5: And probably a good thing for you. And I say

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Speaker 5: that sincerely because you know, looking at your life now

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Speaker 5: and as much as you probably would like to go

273
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Speaker 5: back there, do you really want to relive those horrors?

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Speaker 5: And you would whichever way you look at it, you know,

275
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Speaker 5: right or wrong, or strong or not, you're still gonna

276
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Speaker 5: is triggering moments over there that are going to really hit.

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Speaker 5: And maybe it wouldn't be a good experience for you

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Speaker 5: to go back and go backwards in your life because

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Speaker 5: you've come so far forward.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, point, But yeah, like I said, luckily everyone

281
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Speaker 1: I know will care about they're out now, so there's

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Speaker 1: no reason anymore.

283
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Speaker 5: Well, thank you to go back there. Yeah, so you

284
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Speaker 5: we go back to talking about the sentence of coming home.

285
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Speaker 5: This wonderful federal person has made a suggestion that three

286
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Speaker 5: years was not enough after your seven and a half

287
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Speaker 5: years the fifteen grams mind you of heroin in a

288
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Speaker 5: foreign country, You bad, bad girl. You know you would

289
00:16:59,241 --> 00:17:01,161
Speaker 5: have been lucky to get what two years here for

290
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,641
Speaker 5: fifteen grams probably on the top and maybe eight months

291
00:17:04,641 --> 00:17:06,360
Speaker 5: on the botto, I had.

292
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Speaker 1: Thirty grams because the two calendars.

293
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Speaker 5: Right, all right, yes, of course, but.

294
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Speaker 1: Thirty grams that's nothing. It's an ounce correat. I might

295
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:15,960
Speaker 1: not have even have gone to prison.

296
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Speaker 5: Yep, that's what large commercial, isn't it for her? In

297
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Speaker 5: Grade A?

298
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Speaker 1: Yeah?

299
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Speaker 5: But five years after serving seven and a half in

300
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:34,240
Speaker 5: a tire prison, that really would be equivalent to fifteen whatever.

301
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 5: Double it. Let's just double it. Yeah, you know, like

302
00:17:37,761 --> 00:17:39,801
Speaker 5: we talk about now in the system maybe here, Like

303
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Speaker 5: there's things in place where I know in Queensland and

304
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Speaker 5: I had to go through it there a couple of

305
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Speaker 5: years ago for a matter, for many many years ago,

306
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Speaker 5: I was bar refused and it was at the back

307
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Speaker 5: end of COVID, so we were doing twenty and four

308
00:17:52,681 --> 00:17:54,681
Speaker 5: so locked in for twenty hours, only out for four

309
00:17:54,721 --> 00:17:57,120
Speaker 5: split landings and that's just how it was. And you

310
00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,600
Speaker 5: were two out in a one mean cell. So what

311
00:18:00,761 --> 00:18:02,721
Speaker 5: they did do for a lot of blokes and they're

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Speaker 5: still doing it now. I spoke to someone last week

313
00:18:04,481 --> 00:18:09,920
Speaker 5: has just been released. Is the giving a percentage on

314
00:18:10,041 --> 00:18:15,921
Speaker 5: top of reduction because of those basically segregated times instead

315
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:18,640
Speaker 5: of that it is, but when you put it into

316
00:18:18,801 --> 00:18:21,321
Speaker 5: something that you experienced that would have been an everyday

317
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,160
Speaker 5: thing for you, wouldn't it, like you're just your living

318
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 5: conditions would have been horrifically just inhumane. Therefore, what I'm

319
00:18:31,041 --> 00:18:34,041
Speaker 5: saying is, how the fuck can you give you another

320
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Speaker 5: five years coming back to Australia. Like you have said,

321
00:18:36,801 --> 00:18:39,241
Speaker 5: you know, you would have taken whatever, but let's be realistic.

322
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,960
Speaker 5: You've done more than enough for what you would have

323
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Speaker 5: been sentenced here. So how was that? How was that?

324
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Speaker 1: It felt like a really personal attack To be honest,

325
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Speaker 1: I don't know. Look, I don't know. I think the

326
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Speaker 1: person at that time was just trying to make a

327
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Speaker 1: point stand on drugs. If you want to do drugs,

328
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Speaker 1: this is what's going to happen.

329
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Speaker 5: And this is this is why I asked did it

330
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Speaker 5: have a crossover with the Corby case, because one more

331
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Speaker 5: Australian female is looking at a life, you know, sentence

332
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Speaker 5: in a foreign country four drugs. Was it something as

333
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,561
Speaker 5: you said, you know like that this now person in

334
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 5: politics has gone fuck is all? This is what like

335
00:19:28,321 --> 00:19:30,440
Speaker 5: you just said exactly those Yeah, this is what will happen.

336
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,801
Speaker 1: Yeah, Look I don't know, Brent, I really don't but

337
00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:38,360
Speaker 1: you know, it really felt like a personal attack on me.

338
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:42,600
Speaker 1: And I've never met this woman in my life. Because

339
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,521
Speaker 1: everyone was thinking, how you're thinking, why would you give

340
00:19:45,521 --> 00:19:48,840
Speaker 1: me five years if only three were asked for? Why

341
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,321
Speaker 1: would you do that? Yeah, it didn't make sense.

342
00:19:52,481 --> 00:19:56,240
Speaker 5: Sounds like a power play to me. Yeah, so you

343
00:19:56,321 --> 00:20:00,840
Speaker 5: come back you classo? Is what? Because obviously you've been

344
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:05,321
Speaker 5: in the most maximum of security. I don't even want

345
00:20:05,321 --> 00:20:07,161
Speaker 5: to compare it to our maximum excuse. I mean, yes,

346
00:20:07,201 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 5: we've got tight maximum security. What you went through would

347
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,441
Speaker 5: have been ten times.

348
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:17,801
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, when I came back, they put me in

349
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,321
Speaker 1: the crisis care unit and I was like, what am

350
00:20:20,321 --> 00:20:22,881
Speaker 1: I going in there for? Oh, we want to make

351
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:25,721
Speaker 1: sure you get back on a Western died. Okay, I said, mate,

352
00:20:25,721 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 1: I'm not vulnerable. I want to go into population straight up. Yeah, Like,

353
00:20:30,441 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 1: put me in crisis care. There's no crisis here, mate,

354
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:36,880
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? But I said, nah, you

355
00:20:36,961 --> 00:20:39,880
Speaker 1: go there for two weeks. I was like, well, okay.

356
00:20:40,721 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 1: It was really bizarre. They wouldn't give me a shaver

357
00:20:48,001 --> 00:20:48,880
Speaker 1: to use in the shower.

358
00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:50,880
Speaker 5: Basically on suicide watch.

359
00:20:51,441 --> 00:20:55,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, they do watch me shave. It was really weird.

360
00:20:56,281 --> 00:20:59,041
Speaker 1: They wouldn't give me the stuff that I came back with,

361
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,241
Speaker 1: like toilet trees and that. And I said, I've been

362
00:21:01,281 --> 00:21:03,761
Speaker 1: through security at airports. I said, you've got to be

363
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:04,241
Speaker 1: kidding me.

364
00:21:04,561 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 5: They would have had the happiest prisoner that they would

365
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,160
Speaker 5: have had that jail by you coming back. I'm not

366
00:21:10,201 --> 00:21:13,400
Speaker 5: being a dickhead here, No, I fuck. You would have

367
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:17,041
Speaker 5: been marching through what about five years in an astray

368
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 5: in prison, Like, yeah, how happy could you have been

369
00:21:20,681 --> 00:21:23,641
Speaker 5: knowing that you were coming home? One and two you're

370
00:21:23,681 --> 00:21:25,281
Speaker 5: going to get your buy up. You're going to be

371
00:21:25,281 --> 00:21:27,721
Speaker 5: able to eat half decent food. I suppose you know

372
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,441
Speaker 5: you actually communicate one maybe two out in the cell

373
00:21:30,481 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 5: where you're going to shell wash your body with proper products,

374
00:21:33,561 --> 00:21:34,400
Speaker 5: brush your teeth.

375
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:36,041
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly.

376
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:39,281
Speaker 5: What's not to be happy about there?

377
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:42,961
Speaker 1: But I'm not somebody that takes to know very well.

378
00:21:43,481 --> 00:21:45,761
Speaker 1: So I was like, no, I'm not using your ship

379
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,761
Speaker 1: products that you give people when they come in. I've

380
00:21:47,761 --> 00:21:50,321
Speaker 1: got my own shit and I want it. Oh, okay,

381
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 1: we'll get back to you. So they got back to

382
00:21:53,041 --> 00:21:56,681
Speaker 1: me and I said, bring security down there. So security

383
00:21:56,721 --> 00:22:00,360
Speaker 1: guy come down and I said, this is ridiculous. Why

384
00:22:00,441 --> 00:22:03,041
Speaker 1: do I need to buy more stuff. I've already got it.

385
00:22:03,041 --> 00:22:06,081
Speaker 1: It's gone through security at two airports. Like, what's the problem.

386
00:22:06,961 --> 00:22:11,600
Speaker 1: Oh crazy shit? So yeah, I was given everything.

387
00:22:13,521 --> 00:22:13,801
Speaker 5: Yeah.

388
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,360
Speaker 1: In Christ's care for two weeks, I had the sykes

389
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: coming in, Oh you know, do you need to talk?

390
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:23,761
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, are you sure? I'm like yep. One

391
00:22:23,761 --> 00:22:27,120
Speaker 1: would go out, obviously tag teaming. Another would come in

392
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,201
Speaker 1: and I was like, I told you, mate, I'm all right.

393
00:22:30,241 --> 00:22:31,880
Speaker 1: I don't need to see you. If I need to

394
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,601
Speaker 1: see you or reach out. And it was so weird because,

395
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 1: as you would know, if you want to see the doctor,

396
00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 1: if you want to see a psych how long does

397
00:22:40,521 --> 00:22:40,840
Speaker 1: it take?

398
00:22:40,921 --> 00:22:42,640
Speaker 5: You got to put in a blue put in it

399
00:22:42,761 --> 00:22:44,401
Speaker 5: for me, and then you wait weeks, and then they

400
00:22:44,441 --> 00:22:46,281
Speaker 5: lose it, and then you get put on the back

401
00:22:46,281 --> 00:22:48,360
Speaker 5: burner and you go up and say, but chief, where's

402
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,961
Speaker 5: it gone? I'm sorry, mate, put in another one. They

403
00:22:50,961 --> 00:22:53,360
Speaker 5: don't give it free exactly. But all of a sudden,

404
00:22:53,681 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 5: all of a sudden, you're like the star of the

405
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,120
Speaker 5: of the show, and hang on, we've got to find

406
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 5: out what's going on in her head? And is she okay?

407
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:02,281
Speaker 1: Yeah?

408
00:23:02,801 --> 00:23:05,521
Speaker 5: I cannot think of a better thing in your life

409
00:23:05,561 --> 00:23:08,321
Speaker 5: to happen at this stage, then you to come back

410
00:23:09,801 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 5: bouncing off the walls. I mean, I'm not being an

411
00:23:12,521 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 5: idiot once again, but I would have fucking had a

412
00:23:14,441 --> 00:23:17,641
Speaker 5: pounce in my step coming off that plane, ankle, shackled, cuff, whatever,

413
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:18,721
Speaker 5: just go on.

414
00:23:19,761 --> 00:23:22,041
Speaker 1: I didn't, but I would have kissed the ground. That's

415
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:29,441
Speaker 1: what I all that happy? Yes, wow, yeah it was unreal. Yeah,

416
00:23:29,441 --> 00:23:34,321
Speaker 1: it was amazing. I mean in Thailand, the Taire prisoners

417
00:23:34,321 --> 00:23:37,081
Speaker 1: were allowed to study. There was a school built there

418
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: and everything, but the foreigners weren't allowed to study. So

419
00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:43,680
Speaker 1: that was a real shame to all us foreigners because

420
00:23:43,721 --> 00:23:48,001
Speaker 1: we're all doing massive sentences. We wanted to educate ourselves

421
00:23:48,001 --> 00:23:51,200
Speaker 1: while we're there instead of it being dead time. So

422
00:23:52,001 --> 00:23:54,440
Speaker 1: you know, one of the reasons I was so happy

423
00:23:54,481 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 1: to be back in Australia was because I could get education. Now,

424
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,400
Speaker 1: you know, I knew i'd be doing five years. I

425
00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,441
Speaker 1: don't want to sit around all day and talk shit

426
00:24:04,521 --> 00:24:07,041
Speaker 1: with people. I want to do something with this five.

427
00:24:07,001 --> 00:24:09,401
Speaker 5: Year constructive yeah.

428
00:24:08,721 --> 00:24:12,041
Speaker 1: Constructive, yeah, use the system to your advantage.

429
00:24:12,281 --> 00:24:14,761
Speaker 5: Well you've lost the time, come on, nearly thirteen years.

430
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,400
Speaker 5: You know, like you want something for that time to

431
00:24:17,761 --> 00:24:18,240
Speaker 5: come out in.

432
00:24:18,241 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 1: Your sad with Yeah, oh for sure. You know, I

433
00:24:23,201 --> 00:24:26,561
Speaker 1: did a lot of study. I've done community services. I've

434
00:24:26,561 --> 00:24:31,241
Speaker 1: got a diploma in youth work. Look, I just read

435
00:24:31,281 --> 00:24:33,400
Speaker 1: everything I could get my hands on, you know what

436
00:24:33,481 --> 00:24:39,121
Speaker 1: I mean. It was it was great for me. So, yeah,

437
00:24:39,481 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 1: I knew what I wanted to do when I got out,

438
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,640
Speaker 1: So I used the system for that.

439
00:24:47,041 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 5: How did you find coming back into the Australian system?

440
00:24:49,721 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 5: And I'm going to ask you just bluntly with the

441
00:24:52,241 --> 00:24:56,120
Speaker 5: drugs Obviously they're accessible in the jail system here, a

442
00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:57,921
Speaker 5: lot more I suppose than you would have had over

443
00:24:57,921 --> 00:25:01,721
Speaker 5: there opportunity to, I guess, have a little kickback and

444
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,281
Speaker 5: back fuck little taste, you know what I mean. These

445
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:09,041
Speaker 5: just obvious questions that I think are very real to

446
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:12,400
Speaker 5: your story because the temptations, it's it's a world of

447
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,521
Speaker 5: addiction that you've lived in. This is what has brought

448
00:25:14,521 --> 00:25:18,481
Speaker 5: you to Australian jail from a Thai prison. Yeah, how

449
00:25:18,521 --> 00:25:20,801
Speaker 5: did all this go for you? And then obviously the

450
00:25:20,801 --> 00:25:24,841
Speaker 5: politics within the women's system or did jail politics of Australia,

451
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,321
Speaker 5: because once again it's a different ballgame once you start

452
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 5: stepping behind those walls.

453
00:25:30,001 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 1: Yeah. So in regards to drugs, and we haven't touched

454
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: on this. Ten months into my sentence in Thailand, I

455
00:25:41,921 --> 00:25:45,801
Speaker 1: stopped using. I woke up one Yeah, I woke up

456
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,360
Speaker 1: one morning. And you hear people say they had a

457
00:25:48,441 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 1: light bulb moment. I know that sounds really cliche, but

458
00:25:51,801 --> 00:25:52,881
Speaker 1: that's actually what happened.

459
00:25:53,001 --> 00:25:54,161
Speaker 5: I had mine. Yep.

460
00:25:54,441 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like the light and I was I

461
00:26:00,521 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: remember it still. I was sitting there on a filthy,

462
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 1: filthy ground. I was looking around at my surroundings and

463
00:26:09,281 --> 00:26:13,041
Speaker 1: the people, and I was like, put, you've done to yourself.

464
00:26:13,921 --> 00:26:19,521
Speaker 1: Look at your life. You have ruined your entire life.

465
00:26:19,721 --> 00:26:23,001
Speaker 1: Look where you are. And that for me, in that moment,

466
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:28,120
Speaker 1: something you just switched. And I was like, ohill never

467
00:26:28,321 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 1: ever ever touch drugs ever again in my life. And

468
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:37,241
Speaker 1: I haven't and I never will. It's not even yeah,

469
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,121
Speaker 1: you know, like there could be a kilo right here

470
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:45,481
Speaker 1: in front of me and there'd be no Yeah, there'd

471
00:26:45,481 --> 00:26:50,680
Speaker 1: be nothing. It's all that's dead to me. It ruined

472
00:26:50,721 --> 00:26:51,321
Speaker 1: my life.

473
00:26:52,001 --> 00:26:54,641
Speaker 5: You know what. We've never met. But just I want

474
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:58,080
Speaker 5: to say that I'm proud of you for the woman

475
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,401
Speaker 5: you've become and to be able to have this conversation

476
00:27:00,561 --> 00:27:02,681
Speaker 5: and tell you the world your story through our platform.

477
00:27:02,721 --> 00:27:05,721
Speaker 5: And I know that you've been interviewed here, but I

478
00:27:05,761 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 5: know this is going to be a different interview Thanny.

479
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,881
Speaker 5: You've done you know, same sort of stuff, but it's

480
00:27:09,921 --> 00:27:12,961
Speaker 5: not the same because I'm fucking me and you're you yeah, yeah,

481
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,761
Speaker 5: thanks to everybody else that's giving you the platform. But

482
00:27:16,961 --> 00:27:20,080
Speaker 5: fuck this is this is the number one true crime

483
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,801
Speaker 5: o G podcast in Australia based around redemption and here

484
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:28,121
Speaker 5: we are. So how you going to crack it out

485
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,321
Speaker 5: of sense? It exactly? And I think that it needs

486
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 5: to be, you know, and I would never change it

487
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,201
Speaker 5: for the world. And thank you for being so vulnerable

488
00:27:34,201 --> 00:27:40,721
Speaker 5: and open, you know. Commended to Wow. Awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome,

489
00:27:40,761 --> 00:27:44,401
Speaker 5: And I think that people need to understand and may

490
00:27:44,441 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 5: we just say that I don't think you would have

491
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,640
Speaker 5: did it through the method owned program, the Butt program,

492
00:27:49,721 --> 00:27:52,321
Speaker 5: or any other program that assists you. You would have

493
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,720
Speaker 5: had to have just gone straight out cold turkey, suck it,

494
00:27:56,001 --> 00:27:58,041
Speaker 5: suck it up, babe, and just kick along with it.

495
00:27:58,321 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, like like you'd know, Brink, there comes

496
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,401
Speaker 1: a time in your life we're enough.

497
00:28:05,921 --> 00:28:08,321
Speaker 5: Look at it becomes it's not fun. I've had this

498
00:28:08,360 --> 00:28:12,121
Speaker 5: conversation with many others before. You know, you really and

499
00:28:12,201 --> 00:28:15,001
Speaker 5: I guess in your situation, look at what it's taken

500
00:28:15,041 --> 00:28:19,321
Speaker 5: from you in life minus your own time life that

501
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,481
Speaker 5: you will never get back. And for those that are listening,

502
00:28:21,561 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 5: I want you to understand you cannot go back and

503
00:28:26,041 --> 00:28:30,041
Speaker 5: bring that time forward. Once it's gone, it's gone, and

504
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 5: time doesn't stop for anybody. You do age, you will

505
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,321
Speaker 5: come home older. There are so many things, and as

506
00:28:36,321 --> 00:28:38,521
Speaker 5: you touched on, there are people that are going to

507
00:28:38,561 --> 00:28:40,440
Speaker 5: pass while you're away. There are things that are going

508
00:28:40,521 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 5: to happen that are out of your control, that are

509
00:28:42,001 --> 00:28:45,801
Speaker 5: emotionally gonna absolutely just rip you to pieces. And it'll

510
00:28:45,801 --> 00:28:50,281
Speaker 5: be because of the choices that we made, make better choices,

511
00:28:50,441 --> 00:28:55,201
Speaker 5: you know, Like there are some people who unfortunately are

512
00:28:55,201 --> 00:29:00,681
Speaker 5: put in situations that you know, we look, shit happens unfortunately,

513
00:29:01,841 --> 00:29:03,961
Speaker 5: and I really feel for a lot of those people.

514
00:29:04,001 --> 00:29:06,081
Speaker 5: I do, and you would have many a person like

515
00:29:06,121 --> 00:29:08,161
Speaker 5: that too, you know, whether it be someone that's broken

516
00:29:08,201 --> 00:29:10,641
Speaker 5: into a home and they've defended their family whatever, or

517
00:29:10,681 --> 00:29:13,401
Speaker 5: it's been a rate matter and she's you know, taken

518
00:29:13,441 --> 00:29:17,041
Speaker 5: a knife and stabbed, the predator, whatever it may be,

519
00:29:17,241 --> 00:29:20,601
Speaker 5: their circumstances that I truly my heart bleeds for because

520
00:29:20,961 --> 00:29:24,321
Speaker 5: you know, it's not their choice, but they're there. But

521
00:29:24,361 --> 00:29:27,081
Speaker 5: for those of us that put ourselves in that situation,

522
00:29:28,801 --> 00:29:31,361
Speaker 5: it's all good at the time. It's all good at

523
00:29:31,361 --> 00:29:31,881
Speaker 5: the time.

524
00:29:32,921 --> 00:29:38,401
Speaker 1: Oh for sure, you know. And it's not just it's

525
00:29:38,441 --> 00:29:42,641
Speaker 1: not just about you know, finishing your sentence and getting out,

526
00:29:43,001 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 1: like there's still repercussions down the road. Like yeah, Like

527
00:29:48,561 --> 00:29:52,841
Speaker 1: for me, I got out and I thought it would

528
00:29:52,841 --> 00:29:56,081
Speaker 1: be hard to get back into society, but it wasn't made.

529
00:29:56,121 --> 00:29:58,841
Speaker 1: I got out and walked straight back into life like

530
00:29:58,921 --> 00:30:03,721
Speaker 1: I hadn't been away, Thank fuck. But I had good

531
00:30:03,761 --> 00:30:06,601
Speaker 1: support around me is well, and that helped a lot.

532
00:30:07,401 --> 00:30:10,801
Speaker 1: But yeah, two years down the track, I'm waking up

533
00:30:10,841 --> 00:30:14,001
Speaker 1: in the morning crying my eyes out. I'm driving down

534
00:30:14,001 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 1: the street and just start crying. I thought I was

535
00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:20,161
Speaker 1: going nuts, you know. A few weeks a bit and

536
00:30:20,201 --> 00:30:21,720
Speaker 1: I was like, I've got to go to a doctor.

537
00:30:22,121 --> 00:30:24,841
Speaker 1: I went to my doctor, who had been my doctor

538
00:30:24,921 --> 00:30:28,761
Speaker 1: my whole life, and he said, Holly, you've got depression

539
00:30:28,841 --> 00:30:32,041
Speaker 1: for one, and you've got severe post traumatics.

540
00:30:31,841 --> 00:30:36,200
Speaker 5: TSD of course, of course. I well, thank you for

541
00:30:36,241 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 5: sharing that, because I would have been absolutely surprised, and

542
00:30:40,001 --> 00:30:42,001
Speaker 5: I would have asked you the question about your mental

543
00:30:42,041 --> 00:30:46,201
Speaker 5: health because you've worn such a mask for so many

544
00:30:46,281 --> 00:30:49,641
Speaker 5: years and that way just drops off and you look

545
00:30:49,681 --> 00:30:52,281
Speaker 5: in the mirror and you go, what the fuck have

546
00:30:52,361 --> 00:30:55,161
Speaker 5: I just been through? And it's at that moment where

547
00:30:55,201 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 5: you actually start to emotionally allow yourself to feel it.

548
00:30:58,961 --> 00:31:00,401
Speaker 5: You couldn't show emotion, could you.

549
00:31:01,241 --> 00:31:04,921
Speaker 1: It was a weakness, as you would know, you can't. Yeah,

550
00:31:05,281 --> 00:31:07,681
Speaker 1: you know you've got your survival face on twenty four

551
00:31:07,681 --> 00:31:12,401
Speaker 1: to seven, but yeah, you know, two years later, that's

552
00:31:12,401 --> 00:31:16,761
Speaker 1: a long time after the fact, you know. But yeah,

553
00:31:17,081 --> 00:31:20,721
Speaker 1: I had to get on medication, which I did try

554
00:31:20,761 --> 00:31:22,921
Speaker 1: to get off at one stage. My doctor said I

555
00:31:22,961 --> 00:31:25,401
Speaker 1: don't recommend you stop, and I said, no, I'm fine

556
00:31:25,761 --> 00:31:27,841
Speaker 1: now I don't want to be on them anymore, so

557
00:31:28,081 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 1: I am going to stop. So you tell me how

558
00:31:29,761 --> 00:31:34,161
Speaker 1: to do it the right way, he told me, And yeah,

559
00:31:34,321 --> 00:31:36,841
Speaker 1: got off it. I thought I was fine, and everyone

560
00:31:36,881 --> 00:31:38,961
Speaker 1: around me like, I think you need to get back

561
00:31:39,001 --> 00:31:40,601
Speaker 1: on that, and I'm like why, and they're like, you're

562
00:31:40,601 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 1: a real bitch. I was like, oh, okay, yeah, I

563
00:31:46,241 --> 00:31:47,881
Speaker 1: couldn't see it, but everyone else.

564
00:31:49,521 --> 00:31:50,801
Speaker 5: Yeah. And what.

565
00:31:52,841 --> 00:31:55,121
Speaker 1: It was funny because I went back to the dock

566
00:31:55,201 --> 00:31:57,001
Speaker 1: day and he said I knew you'd be back. I said,

567
00:31:57,041 --> 00:31:59,601
Speaker 1: I didn't. He said, yeah, I knew you would. But

568
00:32:00,201 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 1: that's that's fine as well.

569
00:32:02,121 --> 00:32:04,401
Speaker 5: It is fine, and I will give you hope that

570
00:32:04,721 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 5: as as a survivor myself and someone who lives with

571
00:32:08,001 --> 00:32:11,601
Speaker 5: bipolar and PTSD can I can tell you that at

572
00:32:11,601 --> 00:32:15,041
Speaker 5: the end of the day, there is you can you

573
00:32:15,081 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 5: can move forward from them. And that's after, you know,

574
00:32:17,841 --> 00:32:21,001
Speaker 5: using medication for twenty twenty plus years of my life,

575
00:32:21,521 --> 00:32:24,601
Speaker 5: it's been now twelve years, I mean now and again.

576
00:32:24,641 --> 00:32:28,641
Speaker 5: I still take valium if needed, but no any depressants.

577
00:32:28,801 --> 00:32:32,281
Speaker 5: And I've just put my energies into my own person.

578
00:32:32,361 --> 00:32:34,721
Speaker 5: But I exercise. I make sure that I exercise. And

579
00:32:34,801 --> 00:32:37,161
Speaker 5: that's cliche and everyone talks about, but that's fucking yeah.

580
00:32:37,361 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 5: That's what works for your works, you know, And if

581
00:32:39,561 --> 00:32:42,081
Speaker 5: you can find that space and an hour and a day,

582
00:32:42,281 --> 00:32:45,521
Speaker 5: an hour of intense physical exercise will give you twelve

583
00:32:45,521 --> 00:32:47,961
Speaker 5: hours of a positive chemical release in the brain, which

584
00:32:48,161 --> 00:32:54,081
Speaker 5: is invaluable for someone who lives with mental health, especially trauma.

585
00:32:54,521 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 1: Oh for sure. You know, I did a lot of

586
00:32:57,001 --> 00:33:00,561
Speaker 1: counseling as well, like a lot, and I recommend that

587
00:33:00,601 --> 00:33:04,361
Speaker 1: to people. You know, it's not a sign of weakness, No,

588
00:33:04,561 --> 00:33:08,721
Speaker 1: it's the opposite. Really. You know, you've been brave about it.

589
00:33:09,201 --> 00:33:13,720
Speaker 1: You know. Unfortunately there's a stigma around it. But mate,

590
00:33:13,921 --> 00:33:16,081
Speaker 1: I reckon it was the greatest thing. It helped me.

591
00:33:16,481 --> 00:33:20,761
Speaker 5: Well, I think it's fantastic and helping you. You are

592
00:33:21,361 --> 00:33:26,161
Speaker 5: a fine author as well, and this is something that

593
00:33:26,281 --> 00:33:30,281
Speaker 5: you know, you talk about these issues, you know of

594
00:33:30,361 --> 00:33:34,601
Speaker 5: PTSD and depression. It's very hard to sit and write,

595
00:33:35,561 --> 00:33:37,161
Speaker 5: you know. Often I get told, oh, you know, you

596
00:33:37,161 --> 00:33:39,841
Speaker 5: need to write a book. You need to I would

597
00:33:39,921 --> 00:33:41,641
Speaker 5: love to be able to learn how to write a book.

598
00:33:41,681 --> 00:33:44,561
Speaker 5: And I'm I'm not a believer and you can't do something.

599
00:33:45,161 --> 00:33:48,721
Speaker 5: But it is fucking hard. I can't sit long enough

600
00:33:48,761 --> 00:33:52,841
Speaker 5: to just put my life on paper, you know what

601
00:33:52,921 --> 00:33:58,921
Speaker 5: I mean. My journey I have met many authors with

602
00:33:59,041 --> 00:34:01,881
Speaker 5: some amazing stories and it's been an honor. And I

603
00:34:01,881 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 5: often have the same fucking thing, how'd you do it?

604
00:34:06,441 --> 00:34:08,161
Speaker 5: How do you write a book? Look?

605
00:34:08,241 --> 00:34:11,161
Speaker 1: I started writing this book the first day of my

606
00:34:11,321 --> 00:34:12,721
Speaker 1: arrest in Thailand.

607
00:34:12,801 --> 00:34:14,881
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've seen that somewhere. Yeah.

608
00:34:14,961 --> 00:34:18,961
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know why, but I just something a

609
00:34:19,001 --> 00:34:21,401
Speaker 1: kid me was just like start writing. You have to

610
00:34:21,441 --> 00:34:28,441
Speaker 1: start writing, document everything, and yeah I did. There was

611
00:34:28,521 --> 00:34:31,081
Speaker 1: a lot of times that I couldn't even pick up

612
00:34:31,121 --> 00:34:33,201
Speaker 1: the pen. I just couldn't go there in my head.

613
00:34:33,961 --> 00:34:37,721
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's taken a long time to get to

614
00:34:37,761 --> 00:34:42,481
Speaker 1: the point of publishing. You know, as you would know

615
00:34:42,561 --> 00:34:46,961
Speaker 1: from reading the book and everything. You know, my husband

616
00:34:47,041 --> 00:34:49,241
Speaker 1: was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

617
00:34:50,961 --> 00:34:52,561
Speaker 5: That I was going to be. I wanted to be

618
00:34:52,601 --> 00:34:55,401
Speaker 5: respectfully sensitive around it because I know that it wasn't

619
00:34:55,401 --> 00:34:58,681
Speaker 5: too long ago that that occurred. So it was something

620
00:34:58,721 --> 00:35:01,241
Speaker 5: that I thank you for sharing that. And if you

621
00:35:01,281 --> 00:35:03,561
Speaker 5: know that's I want to talk about that, then it's

622
00:35:03,601 --> 00:35:05,881
Speaker 5: your story. Please feel free that I wanted you to

623
00:35:05,921 --> 00:35:07,521
Speaker 5: be able to initiate that compance.

624
00:35:07,601 --> 00:35:11,921
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that's all right. Yeah. So at that time

625
00:35:12,121 --> 00:35:14,321
Speaker 1: I was a five FI worker fly and fly out

626
00:35:15,081 --> 00:35:17,201
Speaker 1: upon the Minds. I was doing that for about three years.

627
00:35:17,201 --> 00:35:22,601
Speaker 1: I absolutely loved it. Then when Stephen got his diagnosis,

628
00:35:22,681 --> 00:35:26,561
Speaker 1: I stopped to be his care So yeah, that was

629
00:35:26,761 --> 00:35:33,081
Speaker 1: nine months of oh what can I say, just absolute

630
00:35:34,041 --> 00:35:39,201
Speaker 1: just trauma, you know, knowing that the love of your

631
00:35:39,321 --> 00:35:46,361
Speaker 1: life has a death sentence. Yeah, really hard. We looked

632
00:35:46,361 --> 00:35:51,641
Speaker 1: into euthanasia, which thankfully it's legal here in Western Australia.

633
00:35:52,401 --> 00:35:57,681
Speaker 1: Because he was terminal, he could access that, so we

634
00:35:57,801 --> 00:36:03,481
Speaker 1: had that in place. He Yeah, he was actually fine

635
00:36:03,481 --> 00:36:06,641
Speaker 1: for nine months, no symptoms, nothink. He was going to

636
00:36:06,681 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: the gym all the time. Yeah. We were told that

637
00:36:11,481 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: he had the most aggressive form of cancer and when

638
00:36:14,521 --> 00:36:17,161
Speaker 1: he started to get sick, they said he will decline

639
00:36:17,281 --> 00:36:20,681
Speaker 1: very quickly, and he did in a week and a half.

640
00:36:20,721 --> 00:36:23,401
Speaker 1: He went from being at a number ten to be

641
00:36:23,441 --> 00:36:25,321
Speaker 1: in a zero in a week and a half.

642
00:36:26,041 --> 00:36:29,081
Speaker 5: I did see a picture online of the two of

643
00:36:29,121 --> 00:36:31,681
Speaker 5: you and from what it looked like, it was while

644
00:36:31,721 --> 00:36:39,641
Speaker 5: he was quite ill, and yeah, he did look very

645
00:36:39,641 --> 00:36:45,241
Speaker 5: sick very quick obviously in that frame time. Another person

646
00:36:45,361 --> 00:36:48,401
Speaker 5: whom you've had to experience in your life pass on you.

647
00:36:48,481 --> 00:36:52,601
Speaker 5: And as you said, you know, your soulmate, your best mate. Yeah,

648
00:36:52,721 --> 00:36:57,641
Speaker 5: losing mum, siblings and you know this is really tell

649
00:36:57,721 --> 00:37:00,201
Speaker 5: me to shut up. But the last true love of

650
00:37:00,201 --> 00:37:05,081
Speaker 5: your life really knows you so well, knows everything about you.

651
00:37:05,121 --> 00:37:08,481
Speaker 5: Know through everything you've been new together. You could have

652
00:37:08,561 --> 00:37:10,801
Speaker 5: gone left and right so many times but you always

653
00:37:10,841 --> 00:37:13,081
Speaker 5: get back at the roundabout and went around it again,

654
00:37:13,161 --> 00:37:17,121
Speaker 5: and you know, like pretty special. You know, you don't

655
00:37:17,121 --> 00:37:20,201
Speaker 5: find partners like that too often, and those that do

656
00:37:20,281 --> 00:37:21,281
Speaker 5: will We're blessed.

657
00:37:22,481 --> 00:37:24,881
Speaker 1: And that's what I say to people. Bring you know, Yeah,

658
00:37:24,921 --> 00:37:29,361
Speaker 1: I'm upset, I'm devastated and all that, but I'm I'm

659
00:37:29,401 --> 00:37:31,521
Speaker 1: happy that I had the time I had with him,

660
00:37:31,961 --> 00:37:33,481
Speaker 1: because not a lot of people have that.

661
00:37:34,281 --> 00:37:36,441
Speaker 5: Well, most of your life really, wasn't it, you know,

662
00:37:36,481 --> 00:37:39,801
Speaker 5: from sixteen That's what I mean. You're late teens, mid

663
00:37:39,841 --> 00:37:42,001
Speaker 5: to late teens to right up till last year or

664
00:37:42,161 --> 00:37:42,761
Speaker 5: this year.

665
00:37:42,641 --> 00:37:45,561
Speaker 1: Wasn't it August? August just gone August?

666
00:37:46,201 --> 00:37:51,201
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's so so close. It's how are you? Can?

667
00:37:51,241 --> 00:37:52,041
Speaker 5: I ask how you?

668
00:37:53,241 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 4: Yeah?

669
00:37:53,521 --> 00:37:56,641
Speaker 1: Look, I am all right, And I say to people,

670
00:37:56,721 --> 00:37:59,481
Speaker 1: you know, I haven't just started grieving when he died.

671
00:38:00,281 --> 00:38:02,921
Speaker 1: I started grieving the day we were told he was terminal,

672
00:38:03,161 --> 00:38:06,321
Speaker 1: you knew. So I'd already been grieving for nine months,

673
00:38:06,561 --> 00:38:09,321
Speaker 1: you know. But you don't get me wrong. I still

674
00:38:09,321 --> 00:38:11,641
Speaker 1: have my my bad days and my good you know.

675
00:38:11,801 --> 00:38:15,201
Speaker 1: It's just something that I have to deal with, you know.

676
00:38:15,961 --> 00:38:19,681
Speaker 1: It's it's a very different life. I have now just

677
00:38:19,721 --> 00:38:22,681
Speaker 1: been on my own. But what do you do? You

678
00:38:22,801 --> 00:38:24,681
Speaker 1: just got to get on with it. So there's no

679
00:38:24,721 --> 00:38:25,241
Speaker 1: other choice.

680
00:38:25,241 --> 00:38:25,841
Speaker 5: No children.

681
00:38:27,321 --> 00:38:31,681
Speaker 1: I have a step son, okay, but no, mate, When

682
00:38:31,761 --> 00:38:33,921
Speaker 1: is there time to have kids? I'm always in jail.

683
00:38:34,081 --> 00:38:35,921
Speaker 5: That was that was going to be my next question.

684
00:38:36,041 --> 00:38:40,041
Speaker 5: You did well, no time I've had a call you

685
00:38:40,441 --> 00:38:43,441
Speaker 5: no longer, Holly, but Mary the immaculate conception.

686
00:38:45,121 --> 00:38:48,361
Speaker 1: But do you know what, I'm thankful that I didn't

687
00:38:48,361 --> 00:38:51,241
Speaker 1: have any kids because they would have ended up in

688
00:38:51,241 --> 00:38:51,801
Speaker 1: foster care.

689
00:38:52,241 --> 00:38:54,881
Speaker 5: You know what, that's a very unselfish thing to say,

690
00:38:54,921 --> 00:38:58,041
Speaker 5: and I really respect you for that, because it's true.

691
00:38:58,241 --> 00:39:01,241
Speaker 5: You have every right. You have every right if you

692
00:39:01,281 --> 00:39:03,201
Speaker 5: can and to have a child. I mean, it's a

693
00:39:03,241 --> 00:39:07,041
Speaker 5: beautiful gift. I have four. Yeah, and I've made some

694
00:39:07,081 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 5: big mistakes earlier in my piece with my oldest son,

695
00:39:09,481 --> 00:39:11,721
Speaker 5: you know, he's twenty five. I wasn't the man I

696
00:39:11,761 --> 00:39:16,241
Speaker 5: am today. Yeah, I'm a very present, active father today,

697
00:39:16,281 --> 00:39:20,281
Speaker 5: involved in children's lives best I can be. But I

698
00:39:20,321 --> 00:39:22,441
Speaker 5: had to learn by making a lot of mistakes, and

699
00:39:22,721 --> 00:39:26,001
Speaker 5: sadly it's cost my relationship many years later on. So

700
00:39:26,201 --> 00:39:28,881
Speaker 5: I can relate to where you're coming from that, you know,

701
00:39:28,961 --> 00:39:32,281
Speaker 5: would would have been for sure yourself. You have had very.

702
00:39:32,121 --> 00:39:39,641
Speaker 1: Simple Yeah, you know, after Stephen passed away, I had

703
00:39:39,681 --> 00:39:43,801
Speaker 1: to write that last chapter about him. Yeah, because it

704
00:39:43,801 --> 00:39:47,121
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been complete without that. So once I'd done

705
00:39:47,161 --> 00:39:50,921
Speaker 1: that last chapter, everything just felt right, and it hadn't

706
00:39:50,961 --> 00:39:54,281
Speaker 1: felt right before. It was like, you know what, now's

707
00:39:54,321 --> 00:39:54,761
Speaker 1: the time?

708
00:39:55,161 --> 00:39:57,281
Speaker 5: Was now the end of it?

709
00:39:57,441 --> 00:40:00,241
Speaker 1: That was it the end? Like I could still be

710
00:40:00,281 --> 00:40:03,161
Speaker 1: writing today, Brent. There's always shit to write about, there's

711
00:40:03,161 --> 00:40:04,201
Speaker 1: always something to say.

712
00:40:04,281 --> 00:40:05,801
Speaker 5: You want to help me write my book when my

713
00:40:05,881 --> 00:40:08,241
Speaker 5: court cases do this because I tell you now, I'd

714
00:40:08,281 --> 00:40:09,281
Speaker 5: love you in my corner.

715
00:40:10,761 --> 00:40:15,001
Speaker 1: I know what you should, I really should.

716
00:40:15,761 --> 00:40:19,561
Speaker 5: I'm fighting a battle from fifteen years ago you talk

717
00:40:19,601 --> 00:40:22,001
Speaker 5: about and not letting you go moving on, and you know,

718
00:40:22,121 --> 00:40:24,521
Speaker 5: life's been good. Two thousand and nine was my last

719
00:40:24,841 --> 00:40:29,001
Speaker 5: sentence for six years for importation, So you know, I'm

720
00:40:29,041 --> 00:40:31,081
Speaker 5: fourteen years in total since I was a young kid.

721
00:40:31,081 --> 00:40:35,201
Speaker 5: I'm forty eight. Life outside of this one thing that's

722
00:40:35,241 --> 00:40:36,881
Speaker 5: been hanging over our head for the last three and

723
00:40:36,881 --> 00:40:39,601
Speaker 5: a half years has been awesome. You know what I've

724
00:40:39,601 --> 00:40:41,241
Speaker 5: been able to give back, what IVE been able to

725
00:40:41,321 --> 00:40:44,641
Speaker 5: do to help others through my lived experience. I feel blessed.

726
00:40:44,841 --> 00:40:48,641
Speaker 5: I love it, and it truly is something that I

727
00:40:48,681 --> 00:40:51,041
Speaker 5: don't dwell on in the past for so you only regrets. Well,

728
00:40:51,041 --> 00:40:53,481
Speaker 5: if I did, I wouldn't be here right now, we

729
00:40:53,521 --> 00:40:56,681
Speaker 5: wouldn't be having this conversation. It's the paths that we're

730
00:40:56,681 --> 00:40:58,641
Speaker 5: both walked that have brought us to this moment. So

731
00:40:59,201 --> 00:41:03,361
Speaker 5: in honesty, I thank God for that because realistically people say, oh,

732
00:41:03,401 --> 00:41:05,921
Speaker 5: you know, it's in God's hands. You know, we'll have

733
00:41:06,001 --> 00:41:09,881
Speaker 5: some faith and believe because and don't get me wrong,

734
00:41:09,881 --> 00:41:12,521
Speaker 5: I'll contradict that in about two seconds ago, Well, how

735
00:41:12,521 --> 00:41:14,521
Speaker 5: the fuck am I getting dragged in this up from

736
00:41:14,521 --> 00:41:16,441
Speaker 5: fifteen years ago? There's got nothing to do with me,

737
00:41:16,561 --> 00:41:19,601
Speaker 5: but here we are. So, you know that being said,

738
00:41:19,641 --> 00:41:24,041
Speaker 5: once this is said and done, I one will be

739
00:41:24,081 --> 00:41:26,721
Speaker 5: writing a book because it is a book from a

740
00:41:26,881 --> 00:41:29,681
Speaker 5: very very young age, and it is a book that

741
00:41:29,721 --> 00:41:31,841
Speaker 5: I believe would be an amazing reader and I hope

742
00:41:31,841 --> 00:41:34,761
Speaker 5: that would inspire. And you know, and this is why

743
00:41:34,801 --> 00:41:38,001
Speaker 5: I do the clink is because of my story that

744
00:41:38,041 --> 00:41:40,281
Speaker 5: I originally sheard, you know, like going back to the

745
00:41:40,321 --> 00:41:43,481
Speaker 5: initial season one. Why did I do this? Because I

746
00:41:43,481 --> 00:41:45,561
Speaker 5: don't want people to walk the path that you and

747
00:41:45,601 --> 00:41:48,321
Speaker 5: I have both walked a many I guess it's not

748
00:41:48,401 --> 00:41:50,401
Speaker 5: a life, you know, it's.

749
00:41:50,401 --> 00:41:56,480
Speaker 1: No And it's funny because you know, I really I'm

750
00:41:56,601 --> 00:42:03,801
Speaker 1: really sad that I didn't come toward this realization when

751
00:42:03,881 --> 00:42:06,721
Speaker 1: I was younger. You know, I've lost so much time,

752
00:42:07,361 --> 00:42:10,041
Speaker 1: you know, time wasted that I could have been doing

753
00:42:10,081 --> 00:42:12,561
Speaker 1: what I am now and you as well. It's just

754
00:42:12,721 --> 00:42:17,201
Speaker 1: like far out. But then, like I said to you earlier,

755
00:42:17,441 --> 00:42:19,921
Speaker 1: we're meant to be here. This is what we're meant

756
00:42:19,961 --> 00:42:20,201
Speaker 1: to do.

757
00:42:20,241 --> 00:42:22,601
Speaker 5: You wouldn't have had the context, you wouldn't have had

758
00:42:22,641 --> 00:42:25,801
Speaker 5: the experiences, and yes, okay, we would have had snippets

759
00:42:26,481 --> 00:42:32,201
Speaker 5: and moments, but put it together now, it's a fucking life.

760
00:42:32,841 --> 00:42:37,041
Speaker 5: It's a lifetime. Like between the tools, there's over twenty

761
00:42:37,041 --> 00:42:38,681
Speaker 5: eight years a jail just between you.

762
00:42:38,641 --> 00:42:40,641
Speaker 1: And all two people. Crazy.

763
00:42:40,761 --> 00:42:44,081
Speaker 5: That's fucked. That's not okay, you know, but that is

764
00:42:44,121 --> 00:42:48,721
Speaker 5: our life. So therefore that's you know, that's a lot

765
00:42:48,761 --> 00:42:51,801
Speaker 5: of content that we can offer to help others through

766
00:42:51,801 --> 00:42:56,121
Speaker 5: our experience. You know, hadn't been any other earlier, who knows,

767
00:42:56,281 --> 00:42:58,201
Speaker 5: you know, had we not made the choices we made

768
00:42:58,201 --> 00:43:01,081
Speaker 5: of you could have died in Thailand. I most definitely

769
00:43:01,841 --> 00:43:04,081
Speaker 5: had admitted before, you know, I would have taken my

770
00:43:04,161 --> 00:43:09,041
Speaker 5: life in the situations I was in. I was just done, gone, finished,

771
00:43:09,081 --> 00:43:11,401
Speaker 5: you know. But yeah, here we are and we're up

772
00:43:11,401 --> 00:43:13,841
Speaker 5: and we're fighting, we're going forward, and we're giving everything

773
00:43:13,881 --> 00:43:16,121
Speaker 5: we can to others to better their lives through our

774
00:43:16,161 --> 00:43:20,121
Speaker 5: lived experience. And I'd want to just give us a

775
00:43:20,121 --> 00:43:22,321
Speaker 5: little bit more in debt in with the book because

776
00:43:22,321 --> 00:43:24,241
Speaker 5: I'd love you to tell everybody where we can get

777
00:43:24,241 --> 00:43:26,361
Speaker 5: the book from you from and give us all your

778
00:43:26,441 --> 00:43:27,961
Speaker 5: links and so on like that. Please.

779
00:43:28,441 --> 00:43:32,681
Speaker 1: Yeah. So what I tell people is order. If you

780
00:43:32,841 --> 00:43:35,841
Speaker 1: order on Amazon, that's your best bet because it's free shipping.

781
00:43:36,001 --> 00:43:38,841
Speaker 1: If you're order through my website, you pay for shipping.

782
00:43:39,481 --> 00:43:42,681
Speaker 1: So yeah, I've done an audio book. I did it

783
00:43:42,721 --> 00:43:45,801
Speaker 1: in my own voice, which I know people are very

784
00:43:45,881 --> 00:43:50,241
Speaker 1: happy about because they're actually hearing me telling that story.

785
00:43:50,601 --> 00:43:51,441
Speaker 5: I'd like to do that.

786
00:43:52,001 --> 00:43:56,641
Speaker 1: Yeah, get online. It's on Spotify, Apple like yeah, get

787
00:43:56,681 --> 00:44:00,361
Speaker 1: online and Google it like, yeah, it's out there. Holly

788
00:44:00,481 --> 00:44:02,481
Speaker 1: is Hell seven years in a Thai prism.

789
00:44:03,041 --> 00:44:05,601
Speaker 5: So with your socials, where can people find you? And

790
00:44:05,801 --> 00:44:07,681
Speaker 5: and I'm sure that there'll be people that want to

791
00:44:07,721 --> 00:44:10,481
Speaker 5: reach out to you after this interview. You know, I

792
00:44:10,481 --> 00:44:11,041
Speaker 5: always hear.

793
00:44:11,081 --> 00:44:13,721
Speaker 1: A lot of people have you know, it's through other

794
00:44:13,841 --> 00:44:16,681
Speaker 1: interviews and podcasts I've done and everything. You know, I've

795
00:44:16,721 --> 00:44:21,361
Speaker 1: had so much positive, amazing feedback from people. You know,

796
00:44:21,841 --> 00:44:25,561
Speaker 1: it's been amazing. You know, obviously you've got ones that

797
00:44:25,641 --> 00:44:28,321
Speaker 1: are horrible, but it's like whatever, I don't really take

798
00:44:28,321 --> 00:44:28,881
Speaker 1: that on board.

799
00:44:28,921 --> 00:44:31,561
Speaker 5: I don't.

800
00:44:32,641 --> 00:44:34,561
Speaker 1: Exactly whatever.

801
00:44:35,401 --> 00:44:38,281
Speaker 5: Yeah, I cop it left right and want I go

802
00:44:38,361 --> 00:44:42,321
Speaker 5: to court next time. How can you people fucking sit

803
00:44:42,361 --> 00:44:46,201
Speaker 5: in the corner and shut up? Yeah, go and live

804
00:44:46,241 --> 00:44:48,601
Speaker 5: and then come back and shake. I know who I

805
00:44:48,641 --> 00:44:50,121
Speaker 5: am and I know what to bring to the table,

806
00:44:50,161 --> 00:44:52,961
Speaker 5: and I know what I've given back to society and community.

807
00:44:53,321 --> 00:44:56,161
Speaker 5: Don't don't try and judge me. And you are one

808
00:44:56,241 --> 00:45:00,321
Speaker 5: hundred percent the same. And you know that's I feel

809
00:45:00,321 --> 00:45:03,841
Speaker 5: really honored to have you here today and story because

810
00:45:03,881 --> 00:45:07,601
Speaker 5: it really is like great story and great. When I

811
00:45:07,641 --> 00:45:11,721
Speaker 5: say great as in something that our listeners will take

812
00:45:11,761 --> 00:45:14,281
Speaker 5: something from, I don't feel that it's great by any means.

813
00:45:14,321 --> 00:45:16,321
Speaker 5: For what you've gone through and the life that you've

814
00:45:16,321 --> 00:45:20,161
Speaker 5: had to live, that's just horrific and traumatic. And you know,

815
00:45:20,361 --> 00:45:26,001
Speaker 5: I pray that each day from well, after your release

816
00:45:26,401 --> 00:45:28,361
Speaker 5: is a good day, you know, and it has to

817
00:45:28,401 --> 00:45:30,801
Speaker 5: be because if you took a man thought about where

818
00:45:30,841 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 5: you're seven and a half, what life was like? Mate,

819
00:45:33,561 --> 00:45:35,721
Speaker 5: You're on that no matter how down you are today,

820
00:45:36,761 --> 00:45:37,561
Speaker 5: you're winning.

821
00:45:37,281 --> 00:45:38,761
Speaker 1: One hundred percent.

822
00:45:41,441 --> 00:45:44,241
Speaker 5: What's what's life like for you? Right now? Where's Holly

823
00:45:44,281 --> 00:45:45,561
Speaker 5: at and what's Holly doing.

824
00:45:45,601 --> 00:45:50,721
Speaker 1: At the moment? So well, it's not happened yet, but

825
00:45:50,801 --> 00:45:54,441
Speaker 1: in the next couple of weeks I will be. People

826
00:45:54,481 --> 00:45:56,041
Speaker 1: want me to be able to go back into the

827
00:45:56,041 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 1: prisons and into rehabs and places like that like that cool, yeah,

828
00:46:01,121 --> 00:46:04,401
Speaker 1: to give to give talks on that, And I think

829
00:46:04,441 --> 00:46:09,041
Speaker 1: that's important for me to do because you know, I

830
00:46:09,081 --> 00:46:11,401
Speaker 1: can look at these women and men and say, I

831
00:46:11,641 --> 00:46:12,961
Speaker 1: was you connect?

832
00:46:13,121 --> 00:46:15,601
Speaker 5: Like that's the beautiful thing, yea lived experience. And I

833
00:46:15,681 --> 00:46:18,961
Speaker 5: go on about it every fucking episode because it's so important.

834
00:46:18,961 --> 00:46:22,241
Speaker 5: And we just don't get that acknowledgment because we don't

835
00:46:22,281 --> 00:46:26,241
Speaker 5: have a special card or a special tick on our box. Yeah,

836
00:46:26,401 --> 00:46:28,441
Speaker 5: but nobody wants to listen to a clinician or a

837
00:46:28,481 --> 00:46:31,401
Speaker 5: professional or somebody who's been employed just to tick the

838
00:46:31,441 --> 00:46:33,881
Speaker 5: boxes and tell a story out of a book. They

839
00:46:33,961 --> 00:46:36,641
Speaker 5: want to hear what you've got to say, what your experiences,

840
00:46:36,921 --> 00:46:39,841
Speaker 5: what every guest on the clink comes and talks about,

841
00:46:40,441 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 5: has so much weight.

842
00:46:43,441 --> 00:46:45,801
Speaker 1: There's so much sort of coming at me at the

843
00:46:45,881 --> 00:46:50,521
Speaker 1: moment from you know, various angles. I'm just I'm an

844
00:46:50,561 --> 00:46:53,041
Speaker 1: all or nothing person. I want to do so much

845
00:46:54,161 --> 00:47:00,081
Speaker 1: because I know I've just got so much to tell people. Yeah, look,

846
00:47:00,121 --> 00:47:02,601
Speaker 1: I want to do corporate events. I want to do

847
00:47:02,641 --> 00:47:08,721
Speaker 1: stuff for nonprofit organization. You know, people really feel motivated.

848
00:47:09,081 --> 00:47:12,721
Speaker 5: I think too, your story to come out of a

849
00:47:12,761 --> 00:47:16,641
Speaker 5: tie prism, looking at thirty plus years well life, death

850
00:47:16,681 --> 00:47:20,281
Speaker 5: sentence even spoken of, to be able to even be

851
00:47:20,481 --> 00:47:24,121
Speaker 5: here right this moment, for all your losses, everything that

852
00:47:24,201 --> 00:47:26,841
Speaker 5: you've survived, and I'm going to use that word really

853
00:47:26,881 --> 00:47:30,521
Speaker 5: strongly survive because you are a survivor. How can you

854
00:47:30,601 --> 00:47:33,561
Speaker 5: not be inspiring to others that don't have hope or

855
00:47:33,641 --> 00:47:37,881
Speaker 5: feel that tomorrow might not come. You are that light.

856
00:47:38,041 --> 00:47:41,121
Speaker 5: You are that person that can share that there is hope,

857
00:47:41,401 --> 00:47:43,921
Speaker 5: and I think that the value in that is just

858
00:47:44,481 --> 00:47:49,681
Speaker 5: absolutely priceless. And yes, one hundred percent you need to

859
00:47:49,721 --> 00:47:51,401
Speaker 5: be doing these sort of things.

860
00:47:51,401 --> 00:47:53,641
Speaker 1: Oh one hundred percent. And that's what I said to you,

861
00:47:53,681 --> 00:47:57,041
Speaker 1: earlier mate. You know we're meant to be here doing

862
00:47:57,201 --> 00:47:57,841
Speaker 1: exactly this.

863
00:47:59,881 --> 00:48:02,161
Speaker 5: What are your social media so people know where to

864
00:48:02,201 --> 00:48:02,601
Speaker 5: find you?

865
00:48:02,921 --> 00:48:05,641
Speaker 1: Yeah, look, just look up Holly Deen John's I want.

866
00:48:05,521 --> 00:48:07,601
Speaker 5: To ask you as I do ask all our guests

867
00:48:07,761 --> 00:48:11,201
Speaker 5: as we come to the closure of this wonderful chat today.

868
00:48:11,601 --> 00:48:13,521
Speaker 5: And I can't thank you enough again and I've said

869
00:48:13,521 --> 00:48:15,841
Speaker 5: it a few times, but I am really tough that

870
00:48:15,921 --> 00:48:19,681
Speaker 5: you are here on the clink. What would you say

871
00:48:19,681 --> 00:48:22,601
Speaker 5: to that person that is young Holly going through these

872
00:48:22,641 --> 00:48:26,961
Speaker 5: traumas this experience about you. Yes, I know, don't touch heroin,

873
00:48:27,041 --> 00:48:28,481
Speaker 5: and I know that you're going to say that, and

874
00:48:28,521 --> 00:48:30,641
Speaker 5: I think that needs to be said. But I want

875
00:48:30,721 --> 00:48:36,321
Speaker 5: something from you that would be you speaking to somebody

876
00:48:36,921 --> 00:48:39,161
Speaker 5: right now who's listening to this, going fuck, this is

877
00:48:39,201 --> 00:48:42,201
Speaker 5: me and I'm seventeen or eighteen. What's life got for me?

878
00:48:43,641 --> 00:48:48,121
Speaker 1: All right? So one big takeaway that I have from

879
00:48:48,201 --> 00:48:52,881
Speaker 1: my life is the relationship I had with my mother.

880
00:48:54,321 --> 00:48:57,401
Speaker 1: We're all more like best friends than mother and daughter.

881
00:48:58,161 --> 00:49:01,921
Speaker 1: That is one thing I would want to be different

882
00:49:02,521 --> 00:49:07,121
Speaker 1: because I didn't have any boundary that all bring none.

883
00:49:07,481 --> 00:49:10,041
Speaker 5: Parents today are very much liked this. I get what

884
00:49:10,041 --> 00:49:10,761
Speaker 5: you're saying.

885
00:49:10,921 --> 00:49:15,281
Speaker 1: Yep, and it was great. I loved having that relationship.

886
00:49:15,281 --> 00:49:18,001
Speaker 1: As any kid would you know, all my friends are like, oh,

887
00:49:18,121 --> 00:49:20,401
Speaker 1: your mom's so cool. I wish my mum was like that,

888
00:49:21,001 --> 00:49:24,161
Speaker 1: And as a teenager like that's music teary is oh

889
00:49:24,201 --> 00:49:24,921
Speaker 1: your mom's cool.

890
00:49:25,441 --> 00:49:25,681
Speaker 5: Great?

891
00:49:26,121 --> 00:49:30,601
Speaker 1: Looking back, yeah, but looking back as an adult far out,

892
00:49:30,641 --> 00:49:35,641
Speaker 1: how wrong was that relationship? You know, be a parent,

893
00:49:36,241 --> 00:49:39,521
Speaker 1: set boundaries and stick to those boundaries because you're not

894
00:49:39,561 --> 00:49:45,241
Speaker 1: doing anyone any favors. It will said, Yeah, no boundaries,

895
00:49:45,361 --> 00:49:47,201
Speaker 1: like huge be a parent.

896
00:49:47,881 --> 00:49:50,401
Speaker 5: You're the first person out of all my guests that

897
00:49:50,521 --> 00:49:54,361
Speaker 5: has clearly answered I really respect that. And that's pretty

898
00:49:54,401 --> 00:49:57,161
Speaker 5: clear cut and simple, isn't it.

899
00:49:57,401 --> 00:49:59,081
Speaker 1: Yeah, look, it really is.

900
00:49:59,161 --> 00:49:59,440
Speaker 5: You know.

901
00:50:02,281 --> 00:50:07,121
Speaker 1: A lot of parents just don't realize the damage they're doing.

902
00:50:08,921 --> 00:50:11,401
Speaker 1: You know, everyone wants to be a cool parent and everything,

903
00:50:11,481 --> 00:50:14,921
Speaker 1: but you can't. There's got to be It can still

904
00:50:14,961 --> 00:50:17,401
Speaker 1: be cool and everything, but there has to be boundaries.

905
00:50:17,801 --> 00:50:22,041
Speaker 1: Otherwise what's the point your kid's going to be. I

906
00:50:22,041 --> 00:50:24,201
Speaker 1: don't want to put words out there, but you.

907
00:50:24,161 --> 00:50:27,121
Speaker 5: Know, stop trying to be like your kids on Instagram

908
00:50:27,161 --> 00:50:29,481
Speaker 5: and doing your little shit posts and your tiktoks and

909
00:50:29,521 --> 00:50:33,361
Speaker 5: your kids fucking outfits. It just doesn't work. Guys, get

910
00:50:33,401 --> 00:50:34,961
Speaker 5: with it. We're adults.

911
00:50:35,121 --> 00:50:40,001
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly, But that's what's.

912
00:50:40,121 --> 00:50:44,201
Speaker 5: Exeri, Yeah, it's really it's what it's become. You know,

913
00:50:44,361 --> 00:50:47,561
Speaker 5: Like mum and daughter doing these tiktoks and Mum's dressing

914
00:50:47,641 --> 00:50:49,921
Speaker 5: like a sixteen year old when she's forty something, and

915
00:50:50,561 --> 00:50:53,321
Speaker 5: you know her daughter's looking like an older woman because

916
00:50:53,321 --> 00:50:55,041
Speaker 5: she's got a few tattoos on it, had a boods

917
00:50:55,081 --> 00:50:57,721
Speaker 5: done by the time she's eighteen. He lips pumped. Mom's

918
00:50:57,801 --> 00:51:04,960
Speaker 5: like they're doing the same thing. Like, right, come on, guys, Yeah,

919
00:51:05,201 --> 00:51:07,881
Speaker 5: look all right, I might might lose a couple of

920
00:51:07,881 --> 00:51:09,441
Speaker 5: listeners out of this one, but any know, that's all right,

921
00:51:09,441 --> 00:51:11,161
Speaker 5: it's worth it.

922
00:51:11,561 --> 00:51:14,081
Speaker 1: But yeah, look like I said earlier, mate, you know,

923
00:51:14,961 --> 00:51:18,481
Speaker 1: if I had have gone with my father, totally different life,

924
00:51:18,961 --> 00:51:20,801
Speaker 1: you know, but hey I didn't.

925
00:51:21,481 --> 00:51:25,401
Speaker 5: Shit happened, could have should have would have made all

926
00:51:25,441 --> 00:51:28,121
Speaker 5: it comes down to. But you know what, you wouldn't

927
00:51:28,121 --> 00:51:30,201
Speaker 5: be here talking to me, and you wouldn't be sharing

928
00:51:30,201 --> 00:51:32,601
Speaker 5: with the world and helping others through your lived experience.

929
00:51:32,601 --> 00:51:34,761
Speaker 1: And I think that, exactly right, is.

930
00:51:34,681 --> 00:51:38,601
Speaker 5: An invaluable thing. So credit to you, Credit to everything

931
00:51:38,681 --> 00:51:41,561
Speaker 5: you're doing, and look, feel free to knock on our

932
00:51:41,601 --> 00:51:46,081
Speaker 5: door at all any time in the future if something's happening.

933
00:51:46,081 --> 00:51:48,601
Speaker 5: I'll support you. I'll get around what you're doing one

934
00:51:48,681 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 5: hundred percent. You have my word, and I do offer

935
00:51:51,521 --> 00:51:54,681
Speaker 5: it to some guests, because some guests really are moving

936
00:51:54,721 --> 00:51:57,841
Speaker 5: forward and doing great things. And I love I love

937
00:51:57,881 --> 00:52:01,561
Speaker 5: hearing you know the part twos of the journey, especially

938
00:52:01,601 --> 00:52:04,681
Speaker 5: after being on with such a heavy story. So Hollie,

939
00:52:04,801 --> 00:52:08,881
Speaker 5: I I really commend you and thank you for everything

940
00:52:08,921 --> 00:52:11,801
Speaker 5: that you're doing and sharing yourself out there to the world.

941
00:52:12,121 --> 00:52:15,321
Speaker 5: It's not easy. Everybody's going to sit there and throw

942
00:52:15,361 --> 00:52:17,401
Speaker 5: stones at glass windows. People are going to put you

943
00:52:17,441 --> 00:52:20,201
Speaker 5: down when you're trying to come up. But resilience and

944
00:52:20,241 --> 00:52:23,601
Speaker 5: strength and building community around you that is like minded

945
00:52:23,681 --> 00:52:26,201
Speaker 5: or understanding is where it's at. And you know what,

946
00:52:26,721 --> 00:52:28,921
Speaker 5: if somebody is out there and here's this and wants

947
00:52:28,961 --> 00:52:30,601
Speaker 5: to pull it apart, then look in the mirror and

948
00:52:30,601 --> 00:52:35,241
Speaker 5: ask yourself, really look deep into who you are before

949
00:52:35,281 --> 00:52:38,401
Speaker 5: you start worrying about others, and realize what the message

950
00:52:38,441 --> 00:52:41,601
Speaker 5: is here and what the positive outcome of this story is.

951
00:52:41,641 --> 00:52:44,241
Speaker 5: Because I tell you now, there are a few, very

952
00:52:44,281 --> 00:52:46,681
Speaker 5: few who would have survived what you've been through.

953
00:52:46,721 --> 00:52:49,241
Speaker 1: So from me to you, oh thanks, I appreciate it.

954
00:52:49,241 --> 00:52:54,921
Speaker 5: Amazing and thank you and truly it's a blessing. Cheers. Thanks.

955
00:52:55,441 --> 00:52:58,960
Speaker 5: There you have it, guys, another wonderful story. I hope

956
00:52:58,961 --> 00:53:01,241
Speaker 5: you've all enjoyed that. Remember to jump across to the

957
00:53:01,321 --> 00:53:04,801
Speaker 5: Clink Podcast Instagram page. Feel free to drop it in

958
00:53:04,841 --> 00:53:10,481
Speaker 5: box and we can chat. Also to Clink Incorporated apparel.

959
00:53:10,561 --> 00:53:13,601
Speaker 5: Be the best you can be. We'll be on shelves

960
00:53:13,601 --> 00:53:17,881
Speaker 5: in all Sideway surf stores very very soon. Stay tuned

961
00:53:17,921 --> 00:53:21,041
Speaker 5: for that, have a fantastic day and as I always say,

962
00:53:21,081 --> 00:53:22,041
Speaker 5: be the best you can be.

963
00:53:22,401 --> 00:53:25,241
Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning for the record. Don't try and make

964
00:53:25,241 --> 00:53:28,561
Speaker 2: you uncomfortable for the record. You ain't try and world

965
00:53:28,561 --> 00:53:29,321
Speaker 2: downer stuff.

966
00:53:29,041 --> 00:53:31,401
Speaker 5: For your for the record.

967
00:53:31,201 --> 00:53:34,321
Speaker 2: Lab on me going hard the way for the record.

968
00:53:34,441 --> 00:53:37,121
Speaker 2: Ain't trying to link, No trying to watch for.

969
00:53:37,121 --> 00:53:44,121
Speaker 3: The ragged for the record, for the record, for the ragon,

970
00:53:45,121 --> 00:53:47,401
Speaker 3: for the reged, for the regged