WEBVTT - Resilience in sport Part A 0:00:05.921 --> 0:00:07.281 Appoja Production. 0:00:10.401 --> 0:00:13.761 Hi, my name's beck Woodbine and welcome to Tenderness for Nurses. 0:00:14.361 --> 0:00:18.201 I'm grateful for the person that I had the opportunity 0:00:18.241 --> 0:00:21.800 to be, so I hit it and parked it for 0:00:21.881 --> 0:00:22.801 Nellie for years. 0:00:23.441 --> 0:00:25.681 We always have free will, we always get to choose. 0:00:25.801 --> 0:00:29.721 We are autonomous. Hi. 0:00:29.841 --> 0:00:33.481 Everyone, Welcome to Tenderness for Nurses. With a little bit 0:00:33.481 --> 0:00:38.521 of a twist. I'm here today interviewing my daughter Chloe. Hey. 0:00:38.641 --> 0:00:41.720 Hello, I've come all the way from a straight to 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.121 Boston to see Chloe. 0:00:44.241 --> 0:00:46.361 But while we're here, I wanted to have a chat 0:00:46.400 --> 0:00:51.080 with her about resilience. And it's just going to be 0:00:51.480 --> 0:00:55.161 about a story, well not so much a story and 0:00:55.281 --> 0:00:57.401 instead of that happening in Chloe's life and she could 0:00:57.401 --> 0:01:00.280 have made a decision to go either way. And I 0:01:00.321 --> 0:01:02.921 felt it was a really great conversation to have around 0:01:03.041 --> 0:01:08.161 resilience but also how to manage your feelings moving forward. 0:01:09.081 --> 0:01:14.601 So what year was a Cloe that you decided to 0:01:14.681 --> 0:01:16.761 leave water Polo in Australia. 0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:20.881 It was around I want to say twenty sixteen twenty seventeen. 0:01:21.761 --> 0:01:25.000 I was on the Australian squad at the time and 0:01:25.161 --> 0:01:28.160 was doing a lot of training as well as QS, 0:01:28.200 --> 0:01:30.560 which is the Queensland Institute's squad. So I was going 0:01:30.601 --> 0:01:34.241 back and forth between training there, training for my club, training. 0:01:34.041 --> 0:01:37.601 Doing Australian camps, and then eventually. 0:01:37.121 --> 0:01:41.041 I made the decision to move to the US and 0:01:41.121 --> 0:01:44.881 played America. Played water polo in America. I started at 0:01:44.881 --> 0:01:48.441 Hartwood College in Upstate, New York, and then I returned 0:01:48.881 --> 0:01:53.401 home during winter break, back home at summer break here 0:01:54.081 --> 0:01:57.521 for college, and I continue to try and make this 0:01:57.561 --> 0:01:58.921 Australian team for the world. 0:01:59.681 --> 0:02:03.601 And that's when sort of shit hit the fan a 0:02:03.641 --> 0:02:06.561 little bit. Everything for didn't very quickly. 0:02:07.161 --> 0:02:09.881 I came back and I didn't really feel as welcome 0:02:09.921 --> 0:02:12.041 as I would have thought into the previous squads and 0:02:12.081 --> 0:02:15.520 teams that I was training with and moving at the time. 0:02:15.721 --> 0:02:17.680 Moving to the US sort of I want to say, 0:02:17.761 --> 0:02:20.321 put you in a black list. They didn't really want 0:02:20.321 --> 0:02:22.560 the athletes going to the US to play water polo. 0:02:22.601 --> 0:02:24.281 They wanted you to stay in your home state and 0:02:24.321 --> 0:02:27.921 train for the teams. So by me leaving to come 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:28.361 play in. 0:02:28.321 --> 0:02:31.201 The US, I was almost like fifty to fifty. 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:34.120 Chances, and I was giving up my chance on making 0:02:34.121 --> 0:02:36.921 Australian squads will continue to make these teams and squads. 0:02:38.321 --> 0:02:41.961 Why did you decide to go to the US and 0:02:42.001 --> 0:02:42.561 apply for a. 0:02:42.601 --> 0:02:45.960 Scholarship, Well, initially it was that I it was sort 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:46.800 of always the dream. 0:02:47.441 --> 0:02:51.481 I remember actually being on your screen, Cipher. It was 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:52.361 always the dream. 0:02:53.041 --> 0:02:56.441 And then I actually did a year of university in Australia, 0:02:56.561 --> 0:02:57.921 and then I just hated it. 0:02:58.001 --> 0:03:00.400 It just wasn't what I expected. 0:03:00.441 --> 0:03:02.841 And I think I really wanted to be able to 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:06.361 enjoy water polo and study at the same time, and 0:03:06.401 --> 0:03:09.041 a bonus and not having any student debt when I graduate. 0:03:09.401 --> 0:03:13.161 So I started just applying to different universities, reaching out 0:03:13.161 --> 0:03:14.201 to coaches see what I. 0:03:14.161 --> 0:03:16.521 Could get, and a lot of people just never messaged 0:03:16.561 --> 0:03:18.041 me back. But I did have. 0:03:18.001 --> 0:03:20.921 One coach who reached out and offered me a full 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:24.161 scholarship up at Hartwick in New York, and I was 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:27.601 quite happy to stay there for four years, but unfortunately my. 0:03:27.561 --> 0:03:31.761 Program got cut about a month into turning up to 0:03:31.761 --> 0:03:32.520 the university. 0:03:33.281 --> 0:03:36.281 So I made the move to Salem University, which is 0:03:36.281 --> 0:03:39.481 in West Virginia, of all places, where I met a 0:03:39.641 --> 0:03:42.761 very six of us six players. A coach was a 0:03:42.841 --> 0:03:45.201 new program, so we were building it from the ground up, 0:03:46.081 --> 0:03:47.641 but making that move. 0:03:47.481 --> 0:03:50.081 From a Division one water polo team to a Division 0:03:50.161 --> 0:03:52.241 two sort of strong. 0:03:53.841 --> 0:03:55.881 Some notes in the coaches back home head that I 0:03:56.521 --> 0:03:59.401 wasn't good enough anymore because I wasn't at that Division 0:03:59.441 --> 0:04:02.921 one standard. Although for those who may not know, Division 0:04:02.921 --> 0:04:05.041 one water polo and Division two water polo in the US, 0:04:05.841 --> 0:04:08.321 we all played during the season the same teams. 0:04:08.681 --> 0:04:09.921 We interacted tournaments. 0:04:09.961 --> 0:04:12.321 The only difference is when it comes to championship time, 0:04:12.361 --> 0:04:14.801 you're just playing Division two school for other than Division 0:04:14.801 --> 0:04:17.441 one schools. But if you win that championship, you end 0:04:17.521 --> 0:04:21.401 up going into the NC DOUBLEA tournament, which is fagain 0:04:21.561 --> 0:04:23.081 like any team can make it in if you win 0:04:23.161 --> 0:04:26.320 your championship. So then when we eventually made it into 0:04:26.641 --> 0:04:28.881 NC Double a's, we were playing I think the first 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:32.161 half like Wagner and the next was UCLA. So we 0:04:32.201 --> 0:04:34.640 were playing those big teams regardless of whether we were 0:04:35.121 --> 0:04:35.760 a D one. 0:04:35.641 --> 0:04:36.961 School or a D two school. 0:04:39.241 --> 0:04:44.561 You came home that summer break and you still have 0:04:44.641 --> 0:04:51.521 a scholarship with QAS, and you went one night to 0:04:51.641 --> 0:04:58.281 training and I remember you came home, well, I'm going 0:04:58.401 --> 0:05:02.801 to say in hysterics you were so upset you could 0:05:02.801 --> 0:05:09.161 hardly talk. You were just devastated with how you were treated. 0:05:09.401 --> 0:05:12.161 Do you want to explain what happened? 0:05:13.001 --> 0:05:16.881 Yeah, So I initially coming back from the US, I'm 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:18.561 pretty sure I got off the plane and went to 0:05:18.601 --> 0:05:22.200 practice that day, my first session. There was a new 0:05:22.401 --> 0:05:24.320 head coach in the program at the time, and he 0:05:24.401 --> 0:05:26.921 pulled me aside at the end of practice and basically 0:05:26.961 --> 0:05:28.121 said I wasn't good enough. 0:05:27.921 --> 0:05:32.481 Anymore and that I wouldn't make the world team. 0:05:32.521 --> 0:05:35.681 That I was trying so desperately to make through all 0:05:35.681 --> 0:05:38.081 the camps and stuff and taking time off school and 0:05:38.201 --> 0:05:41.601 away from my education to go to these week camps, 0:05:41.601 --> 0:05:43.521 two week camps, three week camps, like they were a 0:05:43.641 --> 0:05:46.361 huge time off we were having to take from university. 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:48.601 In all and at my cost, and all students had 0:05:48.641 --> 0:05:49.081 to do it. 0:05:49.641 --> 0:05:52.881 So I came out, I was told I wasn't good enough, 0:05:52.921 --> 0:05:54.761 and then I just continued to put my head down 0:05:54.761 --> 0:05:55.921 and continued going to training. 0:05:55.961 --> 0:05:59.601 I was determined to prove everyone wrong at that. 0:05:59.601 --> 0:06:02.361 Point that can I just ask a question, though they 0:06:02.361 --> 0:06:05.801 thought you were good enough here at the States, Yes, yes, 0:06:05.961 --> 0:06:07.601 I thought you were a really good stund forward. 0:06:07.761 --> 0:06:10.880 Yes. When I did eventually have to move universities. 0:06:10.921 --> 0:06:13.601 Because of my program getting canceled, there were a lot 0:06:13.641 --> 0:06:14.961 of teams trying to snatch me up. 0:06:15.681 --> 0:06:17.041 So coming home and sort of. 0:06:17.001 --> 0:06:20.761 Getting that shock go, oh, you're good enough anymore was 0:06:20.841 --> 0:06:23.721 kind of a shock in that I was good enough 0:06:23.761 --> 0:06:26.481 over here? Why am I not good enough in Australia? Anyways? 0:06:26.561 --> 0:06:30.440 I kept going to training. Pushed me to go to training, 0:06:30.481 --> 0:06:32.841 even though I'm pretty sure every day it was like 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:34.760 the last thing I wanted to do, and it would 0:06:34.801 --> 0:06:37.601 be at the point where I was in hysterics because 0:06:37.601 --> 0:06:39.440 I didn't want to go to training, but I continued 0:06:39.481 --> 0:06:41.640 to go because I had to. I had this desired 0:06:41.641 --> 0:06:43.521 to almost prove people wrong that I am good enough 0:06:43.561 --> 0:06:45.280 and I am determined to make this team. 0:06:45.521 --> 0:06:47.121 Why didn't you want to go? Was it because of 0:06:47.121 --> 0:06:49.121 the culture? Was it really toxic? Culture? 0:06:49.161 --> 0:06:52.921 Wasn't the best, But there was just so much like 0:06:53.641 --> 0:06:56.721 anxiety around the fact that I was going to a 0:06:56.761 --> 0:06:59.521 place where the coaches didn't think I was good enough. 0:07:00.241 --> 0:07:02.001 In situations like this, when you're trying. 0:07:01.841 --> 0:07:05.321 To make a national team, it can also I'm not 0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:08.721 saying it did, but it can stem down into the 0:07:08.801 --> 0:07:11.401 athletes as well, because you know they want to be 0:07:11.561 --> 0:07:13.481 liked by the coaches and they want to because they 0:07:13.481 --> 0:07:15.921 want to be picked. And if you're not liked by 0:07:15.961 --> 0:07:18.161 a coach, I mean, that cuts your chance of making 0:07:18.201 --> 0:07:20.641 a team in half, you know what I mean. 0:07:20.721 --> 0:07:24.321 So it's a little bit tricky and trying to find 0:07:24.321 --> 0:07:25.801 the right balance of whether do I want to go 0:07:25.841 --> 0:07:26.401 to practice and. 0:07:26.361 --> 0:07:30.721 Continue this like to make this of squad or am 0:07:30.761 --> 0:07:32.601 I willing to take a step back? But then my 0:07:32.721 --> 0:07:36.281 chances are even less, even less, And if they really 0:07:36.281 --> 0:07:38.801 want me, maybe they'll pick me up down the track. 0:07:39.041 --> 0:07:41.201 Do you think they'd taken any time to look at 0:07:41.241 --> 0:07:44.961 how you played, because you can't watch all the games. 0:07:45.081 --> 0:07:46.561 That's what I did in the middle of the night. 0:07:47.921 --> 0:07:48.561 Definitely not. 0:07:48.601 --> 0:07:51.681 But I used to send my game schedules to coaches 0:07:52.601 --> 0:07:55.161 and send links to where they could watch me play. 0:07:55.321 --> 0:07:57.681 So I don't really know whether they did watch me 0:07:57.721 --> 0:08:01.161 play or they didn't watch me play, but I wasn't good. 0:08:01.121 --> 0:08:04.841 Enough in their eyes, Okay, So, and I just want 0:08:04.841 --> 0:08:07.801 to say, this isn't going to be a bitch fest 0:08:08.161 --> 0:08:13.521 or this is just discussing I suppose sport and management 0:08:13.561 --> 0:08:16.601 of athletes in Australia, and I'm sure it happens elsewhere, 0:08:17.241 --> 0:08:22.361 but also how Chloe managed what she's about to talk 0:08:22.401 --> 0:08:23.081 to us about. 0:08:23.641 --> 0:08:24.761 So what happened that night? 0:08:25.441 --> 0:08:28.681 So I had a one day at practice. I turned 0:08:28.801 --> 0:08:32.721 up and continue doing what I'm doing, and we were 0:08:32.721 --> 0:08:36.241 working on an exercise and was doing what I thought 0:08:36.321 --> 0:08:40.681 I was told to do. However, I apparently did it 0:08:40.681 --> 0:08:44.241 wrong and I had a coach on still school still 0:08:44.281 --> 0:08:48.521 scored the girl how to coach stand on pool deck 0:08:48.681 --> 0:08:55.041 and absolutely screeching lungs out at me. It was You're stupid, 0:08:55.321 --> 0:08:57.201 You're useless, Why are you here? 0:08:57.801 --> 0:08:59.721 YadA yah yah, went on and on and on, and 0:09:00.201 --> 0:09:02.601 I do I mean, there's fifty people in the pool 0:09:02.601 --> 0:09:05.721 at this point, and I was an adults around. There 0:09:05.761 --> 0:09:08.121 were a handful, yes, were the other coaches listening. 0:09:08.161 --> 0:09:10.641 There were other coaches, but a lot of them, from 0:09:10.681 --> 0:09:13.761 my knowledge, were coaching other athletes as well. 0:09:13.921 --> 0:09:16.201 So who knows who saw it and who didn't. 0:09:16.241 --> 0:09:18.041 But I do know that the athletes in the pool 0:09:18.081 --> 0:09:20.201 at the time I was playing with all witness step 0:09:20.641 --> 0:09:23.201 because people had made comments to me after it had happened. 0:09:23.801 --> 0:09:25.641 So as I'm being young and I'm just swimming back 0:09:25.681 --> 0:09:29.241 up the pool doing backstonone. Yes, coach, Yes, coach, you know, 0:09:29.321 --> 0:09:32.041 nodding my head, not really saying anything because it's not 0:09:32.081 --> 0:09:33.961 worth the argument at this point to try and improve 0:09:34.041 --> 0:09:35.641 my point. 0:09:36.241 --> 0:09:37.921 When this particular coach. 0:09:37.801 --> 0:09:40.041 Was he didn't like he didn't like me, and was 0:09:40.121 --> 0:09:44.081 deemed them a wrong so, you know, nodding my head, 0:09:44.521 --> 0:09:47.841 just acknowledging what he had said, but chose not to 0:09:47.881 --> 0:09:51.481 talk back to him, which well, at the time was 0:09:51.521 --> 0:09:52.321 the right thing to. 0:09:52.241 --> 0:09:55.401 Do, but well I thought that would be the respectful 0:09:55.441 --> 0:09:59.401 thing to do, yes, but considering I didn't give him 0:09:59.561 --> 0:10:03.281 an invite back. He then proceeded to screen even louder 0:10:03.321 --> 0:10:05.521 and kicked me out of the pool, kicked me out 0:10:05.561 --> 0:10:08.921 of the training session, told me to leave the facility, 0:10:09.441 --> 0:10:10.161 don't come back. 0:10:11.521 --> 0:10:12.681 He made a very personal level. 0:10:12.801 --> 0:10:15.521 He was very personal, and I remember swimming to the 0:10:15.521 --> 0:10:17.961 side of the pool crying, and then a couple of 0:10:17.961 --> 0:10:20.561 the other girls were They were being lovely, they were 0:10:20.561 --> 0:10:21.441 being very company. 0:10:21.641 --> 0:10:24.641 But it was also for me the point of I'm 0:10:24.641 --> 0:10:25.601 not going back. 0:10:26.241 --> 0:10:28.841 Like I hated, I don't want to play water polo 0:10:28.881 --> 0:10:31.041 any but like it was, you wanted to play water 0:10:31.041 --> 0:10:32.201 pol water. 0:10:32.041 --> 0:10:33.721 Polo, but I didn't want to go back into that 0:10:34.001 --> 0:10:37.521 environment and be around that particular coach and all the 0:10:37.561 --> 0:10:42.281 coaches that were involved in that organization, and you were 0:10:42.321 --> 0:10:45.481 sitting on pool Dick with another young lady that had 0:10:45.561 --> 0:10:47.001 also been abused by. 0:10:46.881 --> 0:10:50.281 The second Yes, yes, and she was commiserating with you. 0:10:51.361 --> 0:10:53.361 So I wasn't the first. 0:10:52.881 --> 0:10:56.081 That it had happened to, but I eventually was the 0:10:56.121 --> 0:10:59.481 first person to speak up about it. So a lot 0:10:59.521 --> 0:11:02.081 of people just put their head down and let him 0:11:02.281 --> 0:11:06.441 continue to do this. But I had asked to sit 0:11:06.481 --> 0:11:08.881 down and have a meeting with the head coach and 0:11:09.081 --> 0:11:13.481 a mediator, and she came as well, and I went 0:11:13.521 --> 0:11:13.921 in with. 0:11:13.841 --> 0:11:17.321 My list of questions because I've written all down, and 0:11:17.361 --> 0:11:19.041 I asked questions and. 0:11:19.201 --> 0:11:21.721 The answers back, I guess weren't really what I was 0:11:21.761 --> 0:11:25.521 hoping for, but I got answers. And one of the 0:11:25.521 --> 0:11:27.401 big ones for me was when I came back, like 0:11:27.441 --> 0:11:30.521 I was still on a QAS scholarship, so I still 0:11:30.521 --> 0:11:33.481 had access to the QS gym and the QS gym 0:11:33.641 --> 0:11:35.801 sessions and all the girls who three times a week, 0:11:36.121 --> 0:11:38.161 and I had asked the coach if I could attend 0:11:38.161 --> 0:11:41.681 these sessions and he said no, and I was like, 0:11:41.881 --> 0:11:47.041 why can't I He was like, no, you just can't 0:11:47.521 --> 0:11:51.001 yet another girl who was coming back from the US 0:11:51.081 --> 0:11:54.681 in the same situation I was, had been given the access. 0:11:54.281 --> 0:11:55.481 To go to these gym sessions. 0:11:55.481 --> 0:11:57.441 So in my meeting, you know, I'd brought up stuff 0:11:57.441 --> 0:11:58.841 like that, like why does she get to go and 0:11:58.961 --> 0:12:00.321 I don't get to go even though we're on the 0:12:00.321 --> 0:12:02.881 same scholarship and we were both in the US, so 0:12:02.961 --> 0:12:05.481 we've both come back for break. So there was a 0:12:05.481 --> 0:12:07.081 lot of sort of back and forth and trying to 0:12:07.081 --> 0:12:12.561 figure out why me, why wasn't IV given the same 0:12:12.561 --> 0:12:14.641 opportunities as everyone else to try. 0:12:14.481 --> 0:12:18.321 And meet this Australian team. You came home that night, 0:12:19.201 --> 0:12:21.001 you were so upset. 0:12:21.441 --> 0:12:26.081 And then the next morning we spoke and I said 0:12:26.121 --> 0:12:30.201 to you, we can take this further, because this is 0:12:30.281 --> 0:12:37.001 inappropriate to have a grown man screaming at a young 0:12:37.041 --> 0:12:41.401 woman who was standing there in her togs. No one 0:12:41.441 --> 0:12:44.121 came to defend you on the side of a pool. 0:12:45.161 --> 0:12:49.361 It's just completely inappropriate. And so I said to Chloe, 0:12:50.081 --> 0:12:53.441 I will get involved because this is really wrong, but 0:12:53.681 --> 0:12:57.001 you need to understand that this will be the end 0:12:57.081 --> 0:13:00.001 of your any chance of getting on the Australian team. 0:13:00.201 --> 0:13:03.641 And we were right. We spoke up, they had the meeting. 0:13:04.081 --> 0:13:07.001 They didn't take me, see though I had, I had 0:13:07.041 --> 0:13:10.281 to threaten to get lawyers involved before they even responded 0:13:10.321 --> 0:13:11.521 to the email message. 0:13:13.001 --> 0:13:16.401 And it's at this point my anxiety was. 0:13:16.361 --> 0:13:19.921 So through the roof that like the thought of going 0:13:20.321 --> 0:13:23.681 to practice like I was in like serious shaken, Like 0:13:23.681 --> 0:13:25.961 I couldn't even drive to practice. I used to have 0:13:26.001 --> 0:13:28.361 to get friends to take me because I was shaking 0:13:28.401 --> 0:13:30.681 so badly. I couldn't get behind the wheel to drive 0:13:30.761 --> 0:13:34.081 myself to what I'd always driven myself to, you know, 0:13:34.161 --> 0:13:34.841 where I loved. 0:13:34.961 --> 0:13:39.521 So it was a definite. It was tough. I had 0:13:39.521 --> 0:13:41.241 the meeting, and then maybe a week later. 0:13:41.001 --> 0:13:43.601 I got cut from the program, which was kind of expected, 0:13:43.681 --> 0:13:46.241 but we knew it was We knew it was coming, 0:13:46.321 --> 0:13:48.201 and you know, I took that on the chin and 0:13:48.241 --> 0:13:50.041 I turned up to practice the next day and then 0:13:50.801 --> 0:13:53.401 the coach at the time actually turned around me and went, oh, 0:13:53.441 --> 0:13:54.921 I'm surprised he even showed up today. 0:13:55.761 --> 0:13:57.161 Oh, very got cut. 0:13:57.361 --> 0:13:59.241 And at that point, you know, now I'm bought to 0:13:59.241 --> 0:14:02.161 tears again. You know, I've just been cut from my dream. 0:14:02.601 --> 0:14:04.201 I have all the girls around me who have just 0:14:04.281 --> 0:14:06.761 made the team, Like it's you're trying to hide your 0:14:06.761 --> 0:14:09.001 emotion to not and be happy for your colleague, you 0:14:09.721 --> 0:14:11.881 with your friends, and you don't want it. 0:14:12.161 --> 0:14:14.001 I didn't want the sympathy for being cut. 0:14:14.321 --> 0:14:17.281 Like I knew I had water polo in the US stell, 0:14:17.441 --> 0:14:20.241 but it was pretty heartbreaking to get cut from something 0:14:20.321 --> 0:14:22.001 you had been training so long before. 0:14:22.921 --> 0:14:25.641 It was an interesting thing when I said that letter 0:14:26.121 --> 0:14:29.321 and I was ignored and then threatened to take it 0:14:29.361 --> 0:14:33.001 to the Queensland government because it's a Queensland government run program. 0:14:33.361 --> 0:14:36.041 Then there were action stations, and you and I both 0:14:36.281 --> 0:14:39.881 know that there are certain coaches that have had numerous 0:14:40.161 --> 0:14:44.921 complaints put about, like well maybe not complaints put in, 0:14:45.721 --> 0:14:49.081 but we also knew that there were so many kids 0:14:49.081 --> 0:14:52.961 that had been bullied by a certain coaches, screened by 0:14:53.081 --> 0:14:56.201 certain coaches, and these coaches just kept coming back and 0:14:56.241 --> 0:14:59.401 coming back and coming back, and everyone turning a blind diet, 0:14:59.441 --> 0:15:04.201 and no parent had put in a formal complaint because 0:15:04.241 --> 0:15:06.761 everyone was worried the kids would get dropped from either 0:15:06.841 --> 0:15:10.921 QS or their programs, or Queensland teams. 0:15:10.281 --> 0:15:11.521 Or OUs teams. 0:15:12.481 --> 0:15:15.281 So for you and I to put in a form complaint, 0:15:16.121 --> 0:15:18.641 even though it wasn't taken seriously at first. 0:15:19.881 --> 0:15:22.721 Was quite significant. And don't get me. 0:15:22.601 --> 0:15:29.321 Wrong, I'm all for coaches being passionate and encouraging their 0:15:29.361 --> 0:15:31.201 team members and if we're doing something wrong, tell us 0:15:31.201 --> 0:15:35.201 we're doing something wrong. But its attacks on people to 0:15:35.281 --> 0:15:38.121 make them feel less than they are is where I 0:15:38.161 --> 0:15:41.881 have an issue with it. How was your anxiety around 0:15:41.881 --> 0:15:43.161 water Pillow when you came back? 0:15:44.601 --> 0:15:46.161 It was a little rough at first. 0:15:46.401 --> 0:15:51.121 I had to sort of figure out ways to manage 0:15:51.161 --> 0:15:54.121 my anxiety and stress. But I did have a really 0:15:54.121 --> 0:15:59.001 good group of team members and like a really great coach, 0:15:59.121 --> 0:16:01.841 although at the beginning we didn't quite get along. But 0:16:01.921 --> 0:16:05.561 I also think that was a little bit of from 0:16:05.601 --> 0:16:10.641 what I had just experienced with my past coach. So 0:16:10.681 --> 0:16:12.641 I took them a little bit of time, and we 0:16:12.721 --> 0:16:15.521 definitely had some blow ups on pull deck. And if 0:16:15.521 --> 0:16:18.761 you ask him now, I mean write or die, I 0:16:18.801 --> 0:16:22.041 mean a good great friends, great friends. 0:16:21.721 --> 0:16:26.641 And we'd go for war with each other because we. 0:16:26.561 --> 0:16:31.641 Went through so much as a coach player relationship, not 0:16:31.681 --> 0:16:34.401 getting along at first, so then sort of coming to 0:16:34.441 --> 0:16:37.041 the understanding of one another to then be able. 0:16:36.801 --> 0:16:42.161 To win two championships. So how did you and coach 0:16:43.241 --> 0:16:45.081 work out your differences? 0:16:45.681 --> 0:16:49.001 But well, we had some big blow ups on pullback, 0:16:49.081 --> 0:16:52.321 but for us, it just came down to sitting down 0:16:52.321 --> 0:16:53.921 and having a conversation. 0:16:53.521 --> 0:16:54.081 To know. 0:16:55.641 --> 0:16:58.241 Why we are the way we are. I guess sort 0:16:58.241 --> 0:16:59.921 of what led me to coming to Salem. And when 0:16:59.921 --> 0:17:02.321 I first went to say them, like, I wasn't particularly. 0:17:01.961 --> 0:17:02.681 Happy about it. 0:17:03.001 --> 0:17:06.641 My program and dream School had just been cut. I'd 0:17:06.641 --> 0:17:09.640 been dropped from OZ, you know, I was coming back 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:14.281 toward Apollo from I guess, from like a community that 0:17:14.321 --> 0:17:18.001 I felt didn't want me to then having to start afresh, 0:17:18.041 --> 0:17:19.681 you know, going to make new friends and a new 0:17:19.721 --> 0:17:22.881 coach and your you know, I had to switch degrees. 0:17:23.001 --> 0:17:25.241 I wasn't able to continue what I was doing at 0:17:25.281 --> 0:17:27.520 heart weight. I had to change to something different at 0:17:27.521 --> 0:17:29.721 the Salem because it wasn't offered. And do you think 0:17:29.761 --> 0:17:33.440 you had a chip on your shoulder maybe, I don't know. 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:37.641 It's a tough one. It just you were certainly guarded, 0:17:38.481 --> 0:17:41.081 definitely guarded, and I just sort of wanted to put 0:17:41.080 --> 0:17:43.761 my head down and play, and plus. 0:17:43.360 --> 0:17:46.161 Like, this is what was paying for my education. 0:17:47.321 --> 0:17:50.360 So for me, I wanted to continue to play to 0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:54.840 earn a degree, and that was a big part of 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:55.281 it for me. 0:17:56.640 --> 0:17:58.880 You just wanted. You just loved it over in the state. 0:17:58.961 --> 0:18:01.600 I did a college system and the fun and the parties, 0:18:01.681 --> 0:18:03.000 and I loved it. 0:18:04.360 --> 0:18:09.321 So how any conference and non conference like in season games, 0:18:09.360 --> 0:18:12.720 have you played anywhere between one hundred and twenty one 0:18:13.041 --> 0:18:18.760 and fifty games? So at that time you had when 0:18:18.801 --> 0:18:21.481 you dropped from the old squad, you would have had 0:18:21.640 --> 0:18:24.161 way more game experience than anyone on that team. 0:18:24.481 --> 0:18:26.600 I mean that was early on in my career. 0:18:26.321 --> 0:18:28.400 In the US, but I still probably would have had 0:18:29.360 --> 0:18:32.001 thirty to forty games under your. 0:18:31.961 --> 0:18:32.880 Belt under my balllet. 0:18:32.961 --> 0:18:38.001 Yeah, and you were playing teams like Brown Wagner, my 0:18:38.201 --> 0:18:40.401 owner Harvard, l. 0:18:40.360 --> 0:18:46.441 Are you California teams? San Frante's San Francisco. 0:18:47.321 --> 0:18:51.200 Teams out in Florida. I mean we played everyone. We 0:18:51.321 --> 0:18:54.481 sat pack into a twelve passenger seat then and off 0:18:54.521 --> 0:18:54.801 you go. 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:55.281 Off we go. 0:18:56.521 --> 0:19:01.881 Resilience wise, what did you learn from that experience when 0:19:02.281 --> 0:19:04.360 you went back to Australia. 0:19:04.681 --> 0:19:07.200 I think for me, like I could have left it 0:19:07.241 --> 0:19:09.041 all and walked away and. 0:19:10.561 --> 0:19:14.001 Happily just done university in Australia, but I would have 0:19:14.001 --> 0:19:16.761 had a totally different life and career track than I 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:20.761 do now. I think like I came back, and at first, 0:19:20.840 --> 0:19:22.121 you know, it took me a while to get back 0:19:22.201 --> 0:19:24.801 into my love for this sport that's given me a 0:19:24.801 --> 0:19:25.321 whole lot. 0:19:25.721 --> 0:19:29.120 But once I had built back, I guess. 0:19:30.761 --> 0:19:33.120 It was the strength to be happy in the pool 0:19:33.201 --> 0:19:35.441 and be happy to do things. 0:19:36.561 --> 0:19:37.961 I fell in love with the sport again. 0:19:39.120 --> 0:19:41.881 But it sort of just shows I think my experience 0:19:42.921 --> 0:19:45.801 easily demon streets if you can walk away from anything 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:49.120 in life, but there's typically going to be some sort 0:19:49.120 --> 0:19:52.880 of other path. Potentially, it's still involving what you love. 0:19:53.080 --> 0:19:55.520 It just may not be exactly what you expected it 0:19:55.561 --> 0:19:59.640 to be. And I mean, so, what's your involvement with 0:19:59.761 --> 0:20:00.360 water followed? 0:20:00.481 --> 0:20:03.521 Now you've finished all your study, you're living in Boston, 0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:04.241 you're working. 0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:11.640 So now I commentate for Brown University for the men's 0:20:11.640 --> 0:20:13.521 and the women's water a pollo and I do all 0:20:13.521 --> 0:20:17.681