WEBVTT - Nahko Bear, Live From Prana Fest // Taking Back Your Power 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.400 Before we jump into this episode, I want to let 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:05.440 you know about something new I've created just for you now. 0:00:05.440 --> 0:00:08.240 I've been interviewing health and wellbeing experts for more than 0:00:08.280 --> 0:00:10.680 a decade and one question I get asked all the 0:00:10.760 --> 0:00:14.520 time is what brands do you actually use and trust? 0:00:14.720 --> 0:00:17.360 So I decided to make it easy. I've created and 0:00:17.520 --> 0:00:22.000 curated a well being marketplace featuring products from brands I 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:26.440 genuinely love and have discovered through the years of conversations 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:29.600 with leading experts. Think of it as your shortcut to 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:33.160 better choices without having to do all the research yourself. 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:37.519 Head to Maritza Barone dot com. Forward slash loves to 0:00:37.640 --> 0:00:43.159 explore my favorite brands and enjoy exclusive discounts along the 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:49.199 wait just for you. Let's live Better Together. Welcome to 0:00:49.280 --> 0:00:54.720 the Things you Can't Unhear podcast. I'm your host, Maritza Barone. 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:57.800 Get ready to hear moments that will help you to 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:02.680 see the world differently and inspire you to become the happiest, 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:13.000 healthiest and kindest version of you. Today's conversation comes to 0:01:13.080 --> 0:01:18.959 you live from Pranafest, Queensland's leading festival for health, wellbeing 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:24.160 and conscious connection, held among the Sacred Hills and Living Earth. 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:25.280 Of wood Fortier. 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:33.080 Today, our conversation is with none other than singer, songwriter, storyteller, 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:41.560 musician Naco. As many of you know, his songs have 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:46.400 changed lives, have been a personal soundtrack to so many 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:50.240 people through healing and transformation, and today we're going to 0:01:50.280 --> 0:01:53.560 find out more about the person behind the music. So 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:59.880 please join me in welcoming Naco. Welcome to things you 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.200 had on here. How's your Prana Fest been so far? 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:10.360 A filled, calicious? It's been short so far. 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:10.760 You know. 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:14.120 It came in last evening and rolled right into the 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:17.640 stage and had a really wonderful set. 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:18.840 Thanks for coming out tonight. 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:19.680 Ye know th. 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.120 Last time I was here two years ago, not on 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:30.480 this site, maybe three years ago now, it was pouring 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:34.320 down rain. So last night it was a treat to 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:38.680 have a bit of what felt like Pacific Northwest weather 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:42.960 where I'm from. So I felt right in my element 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:49.799 and everybody's energy was on point. It felt like everybody was. 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:50.840 In the pocket. 0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:53.120 You know, when you're on stage and you're sort of 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:57.880 glazing the crown, checking the vibes, you know you're doing. 0:02:57.800 --> 0:03:05.080 Less scanning, scanning, scanning food vibes, scanning, sometimes, you know, 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:09.520 the pockets are a bit you know, mute. But last 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:11.679 night everyone was like up to eleven. 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:14.800 This is your permission to be up to eleven and 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:17.600 here andy everyone too, which. 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:22.240 Is common for Australians. I have found eleven right where 0:03:22.280 --> 0:03:23.040 you guys like to be. 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:28.360 Speaking of Australians, I have stalked your Instagram and all 0:03:28.440 --> 0:03:32.960 your social media and you don't mind impersonating the old Australians, 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:33.520 do you. Well? 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:38.960 I have found that it is y'all's culture out here. 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:42.480 One are the few places in the world where you 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:43.720 can take a pits. 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:46.880 So that's you know, I can't really do it anywhere else. 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:50.800 Americans are okay with it because you know, we're American 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.320 and we're already like that. So it's great to be 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:56.520 able to come to a place and just be funny 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:58.080 and you know, take a show. 0:03:58.400 --> 0:03:59.640 Yeah, we love it. 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:02.480 I'm not going to let you leave this stage without 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:06.520 giving us your best Australian accent, that's for sure. Now 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:07.000 be here. 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:11.400 What what did. 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:12.920 You say a pop with? 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:19.320 Now be? I don't think pop back that was actually 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:25.040 a cover song, I asked Brett a couple of years ago. 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:29.760 I said, well, who's the oldest famous country singer y'all 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:33.280 got and he was very specific about it being slim, 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:35.919 So I became a fan immediately and I'll. 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:38.760 Listen to his whole catalog. I love it. 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:41.480 I love it well. I love the origin of your accent. 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:42.760 That makes so much sense. 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:45.799 Now you are here in Australia for your Take Back 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:47.200 your Power tour. 0:04:48.120 --> 0:04:54.160 What does this tour mean to you? Yeah? 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:56.440 Well, I just turned forty. I finally made it, yell. 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:04.240 It feels like entering forty in the horse year is 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:09.800 appropriate for when I zoom out and get hell of 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:10.600 mystical with. 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:13.279 How I think about things, which is pretty much everything. 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:19.279 And to consider returning to an album that's six years 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:23.320 old now never got the opportunity to really tour it 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:28.920 and to revisit it in a reflective way has been 0:05:28.960 --> 0:05:32.039 super cathartic, very cathartic for me as an artist and 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:34.280 as a human being. I seem to be in this 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:38.600 three year pocket where the previous year I was celebrating 0:05:38.680 --> 0:05:41.520 the ten year anniversary of my first two albums, and 0:05:41.839 --> 0:05:44.960 that sort of set me into motion of this reflective 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:48.320 space and gave me the idea, well, I should revisit 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:49.880 that album because I really. 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:51.200 Wanted to put the show together. 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:55.159 And in the mystical sense, when I think about having 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:57.719 had that album come out when it did, and then 0:05:57.760 --> 0:05:59.799 having had things happen in my life in a certain 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:02.839 way that they did, it's almost very prophetic when I 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:07.039 listen to those songs, and so when I get on 0:06:07.120 --> 0:06:09.919 stage and I'm performing those songs and I've put together 0:06:10.000 --> 0:06:12.239 this show that I spent over a year. 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:15.520 Putting together, building this show. 0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:20.000 Having such an extensive background in musical theater, like just 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:23.840 really loving to bring people a show that has a 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:26.479 strong start to finish, taking on a journey in that sense, 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:32.480 I was so happy to get to build it in 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:39.160 that way. And it's been such an incredible experience, fruitful 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:41.400 and harmonious in a way that I haven't experienced a 0:06:41.440 --> 0:06:43.680 tour yet. And I think in anyways, you know, I'm 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:45.400 out there still cutting my teeth, you know, as an 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:47.200 independent artist in this. 0:06:47.320 --> 0:06:51.280 In this economy. Are you kidding me? You know what 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:53.000 I'm saying, It's tough, man. 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:56.360 The music industry is dog eat dog world out there, 0:06:56.920 --> 0:07:00.360 and I don't know what that accept the trump. Uh, 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:03.919 it's a tough It's a tough industry to survive and 0:07:03.920 --> 0:07:07.159 as an artist, and so to find my place again 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:11.400 or continually, you know, whether it's for myself to prove 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:14.760 to myself that I can do it, to put food 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:17.360 on the table, roof for my head, you know, and 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:22.280 raise the babies. It's it's a constant reminder of the 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:26.440 gift that I have and the the respect that I 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:28.200 have for the job to keep showing up for it. 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:30.120 Absolutely well. 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:32.360 You are a very deep soul, as we know through 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:36.440 your music and through now this conversation, and you talk 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:42.120 a lot about belonging in your music and in your work. 0:07:42.960 --> 0:07:46.600 What does belonging mean to you? What does it feel 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:49.080 like to belong and what does it feel like not 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:49.640 to belong? 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:52.640 That's a tricky question. I don't really think I have 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:58.640 the answer for that to be to be fair for 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:05.480 me having what I know as an adult now. 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:10.160 Is that my abandonment wounds as a child had let me. 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:15.600 I had let those lead for a long time, and 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:22.320 having had to fight my way into being seen for 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:27.840 so many years as a young person, creating behaviors and 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:33.320 patterns that were conducive to being an adult in that 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:39.240 sense right, and allowing those wounds to become teachers has 0:08:39.320 --> 0:08:44.240 taught me a lot about who I am now, and 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:49.320 I had found that I had been seeking validation all 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:54.600 the time from others outside of myself to validate my power, 0:08:54.720 --> 0:08:58.520 to validate me as a person. And I don't see 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:02.240 that being inherented. I think that's a very natural time 0:09:02.320 --> 0:09:07.400 that occurs as a human person. But for me, in 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:09.640 my experience, the behaviors that came with it were what 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:13.680 was damaging. Took both myself and to others inadvertently or 0:09:13.720 --> 0:09:17.440 you know, perhaps even sometimes consciously, so you know, the 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:24.360 difference of impact versus intention became a space where that 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:28.680 conversation of belonging became quite prevalent. 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:34.000 So you know, I could sit here. 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:37.640 You know, I think most people might be able to 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:39.720 relate to this, That you could sit in front. 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:41.920 Of a group of people who are here. 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:44.600 To listen to you say something and you might feel 0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:48.280 completely alone, which at times I think we all do. 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.680 It depends on the moment you're in, I suppose, and 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:56.200 the kind of support that you have in your private 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:57.840 life and as much as that you do have in 0:09:57.880 --> 0:10:04.720 your public life. Experience, both when I was younger, perhaps 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:09.240 even six years ago, pre COVID obviously. 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:14.280 I was so much younger then. 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.280 You know, I felt quite alone on a stage or 0:10:19.520 --> 0:10:21.000 you know, walking in the world. 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:24.079 Didn't know where. 0:10:23.920 --> 0:10:27.680 I belonged, you know, And physical belonging is a funny 0:10:27.720 --> 0:10:32.720 thing too, because I didn't ever feel as though I 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:36.480 would find a place where I wanted to belong inasmuch 0:10:36.480 --> 0:10:37.720 as it would belong to me. 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:42.280 Does that make sense? And I have in many ways. 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.000 I'm from the Great State of Oregon. 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.480 For those of you that don't know where I am from. 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.280 My mother is Native American Puerto Rican, and my father 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:55.280 is Filipino, and most of my family and on both 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.720 sides of my family, and including my adolthood family that 0:10:57.720 --> 0:11:02.280 I was raised by or from the West coast of America, and. 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:04.160 So most of my family's over that side. 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:09.920 And I remember during COVID watching Bruce Springsteen's documentary he did, 0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:13.480 and there's a funny thing he said about the song 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:16.200 Born to Run, and he said, you know, I wrote 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:18.760 that song, and I really aligned with this thought as well. 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:21.320 He's like, when I was seventeen years old, He's like, 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:23.680 I wrote that song, and he he's like, I just 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:25.880 wanted to get as far away as I could from 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.000 you know, where I was told I belonged in this 0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:32.240 place that was called home, and he goes, for many, 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:35.240 many years, I ran away from everything from that space 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:38.480 from where I was and wanted to find belonging elsewhere. 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:42.040 And he paused, and then he goes, I currently live 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:43.400 five minutes from where I grew up. 0:11:45.480 --> 0:11:47.520 And I was thinking the same thing as he was 0:11:47.559 --> 0:11:51.240 saying it, because I currently live twenty minutes from where 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:54.880 I was born and raised. And it's interesting how that 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.400 calling four belonging often calls you back to where you 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:00.280 have come from. 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:02.880 Whether you stay or not, it does come ask you 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:03.959 to come back. 0:12:03.760 --> 0:12:06.160 To heal whatever it needs to be healed so you 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:09.080 can transform into where you do need to go from there. 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:14.040 Interesting, isn't it how we always go back. When was 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:18.320 the first time you felt like you truly belonged? Because 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:21.920 you've talked about your childhood of feeling those moments of 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:25.120 really not being sure where you've beenen in the world, 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:30.400 and now as in your fourth decade, congratulations. I think 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.120 as we get older, too, we tend to care a 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.600 little bit less of whether we belong or whether we're accepted. 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:38.480 But when was the first time for. 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:41.120 You where you felt at peace with who you were, 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:42.320 and you're belonging. 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:47.200 The first time that I can recollect in an earlier 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:50.680 iteration of myself was when I was twenty years old and. 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:55.000 I've had my birth mother. The first thing that she 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:55.719 said to. 0:12:55.760 --> 0:13:01.120 Me was, Oh, yeah, she goes baby, we have the 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:06.640 same toes. And while that might sound strange to some, 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:12.120 it was a It was the first time that I 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.400 had heard somebody that I was related to. 0:13:16.440 --> 0:13:17.400 A firm a. 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:24.320 Bodily similarity growing up, you know, in a family that 0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:26.599 didn't look like me, or you know, was related to 0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:27.160 me that sense. 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.960 I go to school first through third grade. 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:32.360 I was home school the rest of the time, which 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:35.320 is why I'm so strange. In first or third grade, 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:38.960 I remember hearing kids say like, oh, you know, my 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:40.920 mom and I have the same eyes, or my dad 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:45.480 and I, you know, act this similar way. And I 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:48.280 didn't know how to relate to that because I didn't 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.120 have that, you know, with my with my parents in 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:54.760 that sense. And so when my mom was pointing out 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:59.800 something that was similar to us, there was a feeling 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:04.760 side of me that almost felt like it was being filled, 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:05.559 you know, in. 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.280 A sense of oh, this is what it feels like. 0:14:08.760 --> 0:14:14.480 Okay, and so that was deep and meaningful in all 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:16.679 of its ways. And you know, it wasn't like in 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:22.440 that moment I immediately recognized that connectivity, but it was over 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:26.120 time I began to realize that, so this is what 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:29.600 this must feel like to belong to a place. And 0:14:29.680 --> 0:14:33.600 yet even you know, a short time after that, I 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:35.080 began getting pulled. 0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:35.800 In many directions. 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:39.560 I had three families, my birth father, a birth mother, 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.400 and the family that raised me, his family guiding and 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.440 sort of saying to me, you know, who I was 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:46.680 supposed to be, This is who you are, This is 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:50.400 who you are. And then I began to tour and 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:53.160 began to visit many different places in the world, and 0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:56.920 my music began to take a hold, and through that 0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.040 I had people saying. 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:01.120 This is who you are, this is you're supposed to be, you. 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:04.080 Know, and all the while I had no idea who 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:06.640 I was, and a lot of my beard's getting attached 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:11.920 to as microphones. And so, you know, it wasn't until 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:16.400 more recently, you know, in the last a few years, 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:17.240 that I have. 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:23.560 Once again returned to that feeling of belonging where I 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:25.560 have stepped back. 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:29.120 On to a stage or you know, as a joke, 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.240 stepped back into a grocery store, been like, yes, this 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:33.920 is where I belonged, absolutely, you know. And I think 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.200 that just comes with the maturity and experience and continue 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:41.280 to show up to difficult things and. 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:42.640 Remind myself that. 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:48.840 Where I truly belong is, you know, with God Creator, 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:50.960 you know, wherever I. 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:52.640 Am, and to find that piece within myself to. 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:54.720 Know that I belong wherever I stand, wherever they in 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:56.680 my head, where my spirit. 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:59.240 Is with whomever is there. And you know, you can 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:01.760 hear that question across the songs as you have recog 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:03.560 nice as well. And where's my home? 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:05.960 You know, I talk about home and belonging a lot, 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:12.240 and through that talking about it, you know, the consistency 0:16:12.280 --> 0:16:15.960 of singing it every time that's cathartic and of itself, 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:17.560 and I'm. 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:19.240 Like reminding myself every time I do. 0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:23.520 It, it's okay, a little baddy, It's going to be okay. 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:24.360 You're right where you. 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:28.280 Belo because you question it, oh again, all the time 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:28.920 you question it. 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:34.720 Yeah, so interesting, I think would you agree that we 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:37.880 take parts of I know you said you feel like 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:42.080 you've got three different families that you can potentially take 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:45.000 the best of each of those parts of those people 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:48.640 to become yourself. What did you take from your mom, 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:52.480 your biological mom, your biological father, and your family that 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:53.120 raised you? 0:16:55.800 --> 0:17:00.160 Oh boy, going top, it's the best. 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:06.879 From my mom that raised me. God bless her. She 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:12.000 is the best. She's still here with us. I learned 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:17.480 to integrity, for sure. Integrity. She's not aest woman, and 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:21.119 she is a stand up person as well. 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:24.480 She would be just tickled to know that I'm talking 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:25.280 about her right now. 0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:28.720 Well, this is being recorded, so maybe we can send. 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:35.439 One of the things that she often would say to me, 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:42.440 even through the iterations, was that and this is a 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:44.440 mutual thing that we learned from each other, is that 0:17:45.600 --> 0:17:48.200 she'd go, you know, I raised you to a point 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:49.320 and then. 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:55.800 Gave you back to your mom too to continue the work. 0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:58.520 And I would. And so she often would off. 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:01.760 Put this feeling of like being mom and sort of 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:02.760 just being a placeholder. 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:05.560 And I know how that feels. 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:08.879 And so what my experience with her has been in 0:18:08.920 --> 0:18:14.400 that regard is reminding her too that she is. 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:19.560 Has has always been more to me than just mom. 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:23.000 You know, she's been my pillar, she's been my guiding light, 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:26.919 She's been a consistent person who loves. 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:28.560 Me no matter how I've shown up. 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:34.080 I remember coming home with more and more tattoos. This 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:37.119 is one thing that's great about my mom. Even though 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:43.240 I was raised very very conservative Christian, I'd show up, 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:47.600 you know, with more and I try to like cover 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:47.840 it up. 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:50.240 I book a jacket owner like I have. You're covering 0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:56.720 up anymore? And you know she, you know she what 0:18:56.920 --> 0:18:57.240 is that? 0:18:57.800 --> 0:18:59.159 You know? And I'd be like, well, it's just a 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:03.119 And you know, she has loved me through all of 0:19:03.160 --> 0:19:08.720 the versions of myself to this day, and I think that, Yeah, 0:19:08.840 --> 0:19:10.120 one of the big things that she has. 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:14.240 Taught me is to love unconditionally, even if in you know, 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:15.560 moments where you question it. 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:20.840 You can love someone for the decisions that they made 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:24.160 because you're just witnessing their journey and you're holding space 0:19:24.160 --> 0:19:25.720 for them to just be who they need to be. 0:19:25.680 --> 0:19:30.320 At that time. And so that from mom for sure. 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:33.280 For my dad, the dad that raised me, we had 0:19:33.320 --> 0:19:33.720 a bit. 0:19:33.600 --> 0:19:37.119 Of a pushing pole relationship throughout our time. 0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:40.760 But and he passed away over fifteen years ago now, but. 0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:47.520 His inspiration and music was a guiding lighte for me 0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:51.840 as well. He pushed me hard, you know, to find 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:57.280 a purpose, to find fine tunic gift. 0:19:57.480 --> 0:20:01.320 I was big into sports as a young kids, most. 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:05.480 Boys are, and when I found music, she really could 0:20:05.520 --> 0:20:08.720 see that there was a spark there and he really 0:20:08.840 --> 0:20:11.800 pushed that hard on me. And you know, I can 0:20:11.920 --> 0:20:16.560 thank him now for allowing me to explore that that universe. 0:20:17.960 --> 0:20:24.400 And and also he taught me what a loyal and. 0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:31.719 Steadfast caretaker can be as a man. He was a 0:20:31.720 --> 0:20:34.640 great example when it comes to being a good man. 0:20:36.440 --> 0:20:38.280 He never cheated on my mom. You know, he was 0:20:38.320 --> 0:20:42.760 a He treated her well. He never raised his voice. 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:47.800 He raised his eyebrows a lot. That's how you knew 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:52.000 he was about to go down. He feared those eyebrows. 0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:55.959 And you know, in that sense, that was such an 0:20:55.960 --> 0:21:01.480 important masculine example for me as a young person. And 0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:07.080 then my birth mother, you know, resilience, I suppose, don't 0:21:07.119 --> 0:21:10.440 be a victim. You know, she had been through a 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:14.240 lot in her life and she's only fourteen years older 0:21:14.240 --> 0:21:17.080 than me, right, So to find that kind of respect 0:21:17.400 --> 0:21:20.320 took time because when we met, it was almost like 0:21:20.400 --> 0:21:23.560 we were just like siblings, you know, but we both 0:21:23.600 --> 0:21:28.440 have a very childlike demeanor, very demeanor, you know, and 0:21:29.760 --> 0:21:32.840 so to meet each other as adults. 0:21:32.960 --> 0:21:35.520 Took time, and I think that. 0:21:37.000 --> 0:21:42.840 Learning from her has been a constant thing in my life, 0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:48.000 and as a father now, to keep showing up for 0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:52.960 my mom in the ways that I also need has 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:57.560 been the teacher wherein sometimes family members you know that 0:21:57.600 --> 0:21:59.520 you need to have them show up for you a 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:05.200 certain way they cannot, and two show up for them 0:22:06.320 --> 0:22:09.440 can be a bit of a chip off the old children. 0:22:09.520 --> 0:22:11.119 You know, you're like, oh God, I gotta shut up 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:13.159 rappers and jeez, you know. 0:22:13.920 --> 0:22:18.280 And that's taught me a lot about being by your 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:23.360 side in a relationships mother to son way. 0:22:25.200 --> 0:22:26.879 That's transformed by how. 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:28.760 I am as a father and as I am to 0:22:29.080 --> 0:22:30.000 the rest of my family. 0:22:32.359 --> 0:22:35.199 It's really beautiful to see that you can take in 0:22:35.320 --> 0:22:38.760 reflection the best parts of the people that raise us, 0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:40.639 even in the hard moments. And I love that you 0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:43.280 brought that up about your father. There are hard moments, 0:22:43.400 --> 0:22:45.560 I'm sure with all of everyone. 0:22:45.280 --> 0:22:46.040 Who's raised you. 0:22:46.040 --> 0:22:50.120 But when you zoom out, you can pull back and say, 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:51.720 these are the good things. 0:22:52.760 --> 0:22:53.680 Thank you for sharing it. 0:22:55.119 --> 0:23:00.600 Now you speak openly about being canceled twenty twenty twenty, 0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:02.640 we won't go through. 0:23:02.480 --> 0:23:05.119 The whole rigmarole of what that was all about. 0:23:05.400 --> 0:23:07.840 But I want to know what that felt like for 0:23:07.880 --> 0:23:10.399 you at the time, because I know it was a 0:23:10.520 --> 0:23:14.440 very very significant time in your life and. 0:23:14.240 --> 0:23:16.400 It taught you, no doubt, a lot about yourself. 0:23:18.680 --> 0:23:20.160 Yeah, is there a question there? 0:23:20.359 --> 0:23:23.879 The question is, so what did that feel like for you? 0:23:24.320 --> 0:23:34.880 Yeah? It felt terrible for sure. It felt like. 0:23:36.640 --> 0:23:40.560 A dismantling of my reality. And I said a bit 0:23:40.560 --> 0:23:44.840 of it last night too, But the illusion of who 0:23:44.880 --> 0:23:48.400 I thought I was to die, you know, and it was. 0:23:48.440 --> 0:23:49.560 Necessary death. 0:23:50.880 --> 0:23:55.119 And to reclaim that, I had to pick through a 0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:57.240 lot of unpacking, you. 0:23:57.160 --> 0:23:59.960 Know, and it was necessary nice. 0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:01.879 Still have people today that come up to me and say, 0:24:02.040 --> 0:24:03.960