Speaker 1: I get a team. It's Harps, it's Tiff, it's the
Speaker 1: project that you were a Sunday. This could this could
Speaker 1: go anywhere, probably be pretty What are you doing adjusting
Speaker 1: your mind because this is your fucking first time. That's
Speaker 1: a me thing. That's that's what you yell at me for.
Speaker 1: Do better? Oh oh sorry, it's just my first one.
Speaker 1: Oh you're just fucking deaf.
Speaker 2: And if you didn't throw me in the body to
Speaker 2: the wolves, then I could have edited that out and
Speaker 2: no one would have known. But now everyone gets to
Speaker 2: peek behind the curtain and see what are you ship
Speaker 2: store risk and turn out to be?
Speaker 1: What a fuck fest of mayhem it is on a Sunday. No,
Speaker 1: that's all right. Praise the Lord, Hi Ti.
Speaker 2: Hi Harps. Happy Sunday, Happy Sunday.
Speaker 1: Happy. I'm going to say happy Sunday to our listeners.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter what day it is, Happy Sunday. I hope
Speaker 1: you're having a good day. Good morning, you know, just
Speaker 1: out there doing God's work, your little fuckers, and just
Speaker 1: sowing seeds of love and joy wherever you go, because
Speaker 1: we can, we can. What have you been up to?
Speaker 1: What's the time? It's two twenty it's two twenty in
Speaker 1: the PM, or as all my military and cop friends say,
Speaker 1: fourteen twenty. What are you up to? What do you
Speaker 1: mean up to?
Speaker 2: I've been in the gym all morning training clients. That
Speaker 2: was fabulous. One of my one of my former podcast
Speaker 2: guests who I love, rocked up with one of my
Speaker 2: clients and that was really exciting because I didn't know
Speaker 2: they were coming. So that was that was a real treat.
Speaker 2: Then I left there, went and picked up my fair child.
Speaker 2: She likes to go and have a little little hangout
Speaker 2: with a friend on Sunday afternoons. And here we are
Speaker 2: behind Mike adjusting our mic, ready to have an epic
Speaker 2: conversation with the Guru, Craig Anthony Harper almost doctor.
Speaker 1: Listen to you, fucking hell, you've you've learned. You know
Speaker 1: what you've learned how to do to shit at an
Speaker 1: elite level.
Speaker 2: I wonder where that came from.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do you know what we should do this for
Speaker 1: this episode? Do you know that picture that you just
Speaker 1: showed me of the two gorillas? Yeah, just describe to
Speaker 1: people what that is. I reckon we should use that.
Speaker 1: So if you never look at the U Project Facebook page,
Speaker 1: or you never go to the I don't know where
Speaker 1: the fuck it goes. But if you go have a
Speaker 1: look at the youth, I don't know where's it goes.
Speaker 2: It's a group.
Speaker 1: Do you project Facebook and you'll see what we're talking about.
Speaker 1: But describe to people this image that is the metaphor
Speaker 1: in your head of you and I.
Speaker 2: So it is there's a big gorilla sitting there and
Speaker 2: then there's a little gorilla standing in front of him,
Speaker 2: super straight, with his hands behind his back, or let's
Speaker 2: say her hands behind her hybrid back, listening astuteley. And
Speaker 2: it's a metaphor for me coming out of the bamboo
Speaker 2: and listening intently on what I can learn from the
Speaker 2: guru harps. And as you can hear everyone, it's starting
Speaker 2: to starting to rub off, taking hold a rapid type base.
Speaker 1: Do you know what's funny is you know when you
Speaker 1: spend time around people, it's almost like linguistic osmosis or
Speaker 1: vocabulary osmosis, where just it's like it fucking rubs off on.
Speaker 1: I think I just invented two terms. You're welcome, dictionary,
Speaker 1: fuck you, hey, dear websters, put myne give me the credit.
Speaker 1: But Melissa, every now and then, Melissa, who compared to
Speaker 1: you and me, is like the queen. Like people who
Speaker 1: don't know Melissa, because like Melissa used to be on
Speaker 1: half the podcast for the first few years. Now she's
Speaker 1: like a fucking unicorn. It's like trying to get her
Speaker 1: on the podcast is like trying to get the Pope
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Right, it's probably easier to get the pope,
Speaker 1: but anyway, she's very what's the word not proper, not
Speaker 1: like pompous. But she's like the other end of the scale.
Speaker 1: You and I are up the fucking bogan sweary, inappropriate,
Speaker 1: you know, look at me, look at me. She's like
Speaker 1: down the other end, don't look at me, don't notice me.
Speaker 1: Just want to go under the radar. But every now
Speaker 1: and then she uses words that are absolutely not her,
Speaker 1: they're me, but she uses it in a Melissa sentence,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, that's the other day she said to me,
Speaker 1: you know, because I don't say money or alcohol, I
Speaker 1: say doe and booze. Right, So every now and then
Speaker 1: she'll say something about, you know, making some dough in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty six, that's just so funny, or she'll talk
Speaker 1: about her old man drinking booze, and I'm like, where,
Speaker 1: who even are you? And it's just funny to hear
Speaker 1: words that she would never have used. She not rubbed
Speaker 1: up against me metaphorically for fifteen years of her life.
Speaker 1: I don't think this is a good thing, by the way,
Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think these are positive attributes
Speaker 1: that she's acquired. But nonetheless, it's that you know when
Speaker 1: you're around or even if it might be people that
Speaker 1: you just listen to a lot or like a lot,
Speaker 1: Like I've listened to well over a thousand of Rogan's podcasts,
Speaker 1: and I know some people hate him, some people love him,
Speaker 1: but like him or hate him. Is the biggest podcast
Speaker 1: on the planet. Sometimes he says things I disagree with,
Speaker 1: sometimes I agree with. Some shows are funny, some are boring.
Speaker 1: You know, but when you listen to a lot of
Speaker 1: a personal, read a lot of a personal or even
Speaker 1: like for me being in you know, an academic setting
Speaker 1: for six years, like there are certain words that I
Speaker 1: use now that I didn't ever use. There are certain
Speaker 1: ideas that I unpack regularly because I've been bumping up
Speaker 1: against that language and those concepts, And so you don't think, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to stay to incorporate this word or this
Speaker 1: idea or this concept, but it just becomes part of
Speaker 1: your default setting, where oh, now you're different. Like if
Speaker 1: fifty year old me have heard current me talk, I
Speaker 1: might think, why the fuck do I talk like that?
Speaker 1: I don't use those words, But it's just it's just
Speaker 1: an unconscious byproduct of who you're around. I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've had I remember in the early days editing
Speaker 2: a podcast and I had to stop and google a
Speaker 2: word that I had used to make sure it was
Speaker 2: an academic word. I'm sure I can't remember what it
Speaker 2: was now, but I was like, where'd that come from?
Speaker 2: And have I used that correctly? Because that's not a
Speaker 2: me word, you know, And that's just a result of Obviously,
Speaker 2: that particular word had been used enough with enough context
Speaker 2: that I now understood what it meant. But I was like,
Speaker 2: if you had have asked me, what does this define?
Speaker 2: This word? Obviously I wasn't really sure because I had
Speaker 2: to google it and make sure that I had used
Speaker 2: it in the right context.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, and you know what's interesting, go on? Go on?
Speaker 2: No, I was just going to say, I remember at
Speaker 2: school being like really quick to mimic, like I would
Speaker 2: pick things up who the people I spent time with,
Speaker 2: I would talk like them, And it wasn't intentional. It
Speaker 2: was like, oh, you sound like you're just copying them.
Speaker 2: That just being around people really quickly changed how I
Speaker 2: would speak and what I would say.
Speaker 1: I guess also not dissimilar to going. You know, if
Speaker 1: you went and lived in America for five years, you'd
Speaker 1: come back and probably as an adult you wouldn't have
Speaker 1: a totally American accent. But if fourteen or twelve year
Speaker 1: old TIF went over, you would come back five years
Speaker 1: later and sound totally American and at no stage are
Speaker 1: you probably may I think some people do try to
Speaker 1: get an accent, but most people it's like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: you come back and you just over time, you've just
Speaker 1: you become a version of in terms of accent, you
Speaker 1: become a version of whoever you're around. And you know
Speaker 1: that that's saying hang out with people who drag you up.
Speaker 1: It's like when I spend time with, say Chris, who's
Speaker 1: my senior supervisor at university, you know, but my listeners
Speaker 1: might not, so I need to explain that. But you know,
Speaker 1: Chris speaks. I think he speaks six or seven languages.
Speaker 1: You know, he's a professor. He's got two PhDs. He's
Speaker 1: one of the smartest people I know. Also really good guy.
Speaker 1: I was going to say user friendly, but he is
Speaker 1: kind of user friendly, isn't he, Because he's not like,
Speaker 1: he's easy to talk to. He's funny, he's easy to
Speaker 1: be around, but he also has this fucking vast brain.
Speaker 1: And I love being around him one because I like
Speaker 1: him and we've become good friends and i've you know,
Speaker 1: we've done this two way kind of transplant. He spent
Speaker 1: the last three years, three and a half years training
Speaker 1: in the gym with me, where he was a total newbie.
Speaker 1: Didn't know what a bench best was, didn't know I
Speaker 1: mean he theoretically knew, but where he had no skills, no, no,
Speaker 1: you know, trained strength everything you know, is like a
Speaker 1: newborn fole in the gym, he was like, you know,
Speaker 1: all over the shop. And now three and a half
Speaker 1: years down the track, it's quite strong, he's quite trained,
Speaker 1: he's quite proficient. He's not the white belt anymore. He
Speaker 1: understands the language. He understands like the culture of training
Speaker 1: and the gym culture, and you know, sets and reps
Speaker 1: and volume and workload and recovery and progressive overload. He
Speaker 1: understands the theory and the practicality, but I never at
Speaker 1: any stage taught him that intentionally. It's just a by
Speaker 1: product of doing it and being around me. Also, the
Speaker 1: conversations that I can have with him now about research
Speaker 1: and science and understand what we're bringing new things into
Speaker 1: the world, and all of the kind of the new
Speaker 1: wants of what it is to do academia at a
Speaker 1: high level, well that's totally changed as well, you know,
Speaker 1: And you think, oh, isn't this Isn't this a nice
Speaker 1: byproduct where I've learned and evolved and grown and I
Speaker 1: have a different vocabulary, And he's influenced my worldview and
Speaker 1: my the way that I perceive and process and understand
Speaker 1: things for the better. Conversely, and I'll shut up after this,
Speaker 1: But conversely, you know, and I had to say this,
Speaker 1: but it's just true. Some people are fucking energy vampires.
Speaker 1: And if you I know, a few of my friends
Speaker 1: and a few of my followers and listeners have spoken
Speaker 1: to me about the fact that they just happened to
Speaker 1: work with people who are versions, who are a version
Speaker 1: of that. They didn't choose them, they don't want to
Speaker 1: be around them. They just situationally interwoven with them. Where
Speaker 1: you know, and it's like, that's going to affect you
Speaker 1: the other way. That's going to drag you down, that's
Speaker 1: going to fuck you.
Speaker 2: Up one percent. There's been several times I can recall
Speaker 2: in life where I have sat down, stepped back, looked
Speaker 2: at things that are going on. The times I'm thinking
Speaker 2: of were good times, and I'm like, oh, you know,
Speaker 2: I feel I'm getting great opportunities. There's really great stuff happening.
Speaker 2: I feel really lucky, and I actually sit down and
Speaker 2: look at who I have intentionally spent time with. And
Speaker 2: I remember, specifically twenty twenty when all that chaos was
Speaker 2: happening and I'd done so much net I'd created so
Speaker 2: many great relationships through networking over the years that every
Speaker 2: time I have transitioned from working to PT, from PT
Speaker 2: to podcasting and changed business well when I did Overseas
Speaker 2: fitness treats, anytime I launched something and transitioned, there were
Speaker 2: support that those people supported me, and they weren't just
Speaker 2: business contacts. I'd actually I looked at them and I went, oh,
Speaker 2: they came from there, but I developed really strong relationship
Speaker 2: and friendships with them, and that's why things are going well.
Speaker 2: And that's why I see the opportunities or create the
Speaker 2: opportunities and feel supported to do so. And it's it's
Speaker 2: not like it's not really luck, is it. It feels
Speaker 2: like luck, But when you look at the actions you've
Speaker 2: taken and the places you've put yourself in, then it's
Speaker 2: not really just luck.
Speaker 1: Well, you think about the process that you've been through.
Speaker 1: If I get a bit of this wrong, correct me
Speaker 1: on the dates and numbers. But for the last six
Speaker 1: or so months with the group that you've been involved in,
Speaker 1: the speaking group, so you're around all these people who
Speaker 1: want to do what you do. Some of them have
Speaker 1: got no experience, some a little, some a bit, some
Speaker 1: quite a bit. And then you've got this lady who's
Speaker 1: a mentor and a teacher and a coach, and there's
Speaker 1: this structure and there's this process, and there's this feedback
Speaker 1: and accountability. But everybody's there because they want to get
Speaker 1: good at a thing. So there's this common theme and
Speaker 1: goal and value that everybody has. And in the middle
Speaker 1: of that, I mean, it's hard to quantify, but I
Speaker 1: would imagine you being in the middle of that for
Speaker 1: six months might give you twenty four months of growth.
Speaker 1: If you didn't have that, you know, it might have
Speaker 1: taken you. You may not have ever got that growth.
Speaker 1: Like so you maybe progressed two years worth of natural
Speaker 1: development in six months because you put yourself in a
Speaker 1: situation where you were and yes, you actually learn things
Speaker 1: and your applied protocols and ideas and concepts, but also
Speaker 1: you were just in this pressure cooker. Maybe that's overstating it,
Speaker 1: but you're in this room, this metaphoric room, with all
Speaker 1: these people that were like minded. Well, that's fucking that's
Speaker 1: a beautiful way to evolve, and that's a beautiful way
Speaker 1: to swim in this soup of growth and potential and
Speaker 1: creativity and exploration.
Speaker 2: It was amazing. And you know what else, Earlier this year,
Speaker 2: I started spending a lot of time with another a speaker,
Speaker 2: somebody i'd had on my show years ago, and we
Speaker 2: started catching up, and then we started doing some work together,
Speaker 2: like co working space type stuff. And I thought, at
Speaker 2: the time, what's this guy because he's so much more
Speaker 2: experienced than me, and it all kind of feels like
Speaker 2: he spends his time teaching me, and I don't know
Speaker 2: what he's getting out of this. And we developed this
Speaker 2: beautiful relationship doing work together and creating opportunities, and eventually
Speaker 2: we like talking about it and he said, I need
Speaker 2: people that want to grow, and I saw you as
Speaker 2: someone that wants to grow, and I really appreciate having you,
Speaker 2: like I really it's nice to have you in my life.
Speaker 2: And now we're doing we're creating opportunities together. But it
Speaker 2: was interesting how at first I was really perplexed. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I feel I kind of feel guilty. I'm not bringing
Speaker 2: anything to Like he's teaching me what he's gone out
Speaker 2: and spent you know, money, time and resources and got
Speaker 2: runs on the board and now he's teaching me, And
Speaker 2: what is he getting out of this? He's getting exactly
Speaker 2: what I just said i'd get out of business networking.
Speaker 3: And it's valuable, yes, yes, yes, And I think there's
Speaker 3: you know, we don't always want everything to be strategic
Speaker 3: or about the benefit for us.
Speaker 1: Obviously there can be the opposite of that, where we
Speaker 1: just want to give because that's part of our value
Speaker 1: or one of our values. But when I think broadly
Speaker 1: about think about people that I want to be around,
Speaker 1: and not just because oh it's nice for me to
Speaker 1: help this person or whatever. No, forget that, but just
Speaker 1: like somebody that you had on your show recently, and
Speaker 1: we've had on here two or three times, doctor Denesh
Speaker 1: Palipana right now. For those of who don't know, Denesh
Speaker 1: is both a lawyer and a medical doctor. And he
Speaker 1: became a lawyer and then started medicine and in third
Speaker 1: or fourth he had a horrendous accident if I fuck
Speaker 1: anything up, correct me became a quadriplegic with very limited
Speaker 1: use of his arms. And anyway, this dude, and also
Speaker 1: he was Queensland Australian of the Year and he's like,
Speaker 1: there is something about that dude that is almost this
Speaker 1: is going to sound weird. I can't think of the
Speaker 1: right term, but all that comes to mind for me
Speaker 1: almost otherworldly. Like he is like there is this spiritual, peaceful,
Speaker 1: beautiful energy. And that's a funny thing for a man
Speaker 1: to say about a man. Don't give a fuck. He
Speaker 1: is such a beautiful human. Yeah, and here's this dude
Speaker 1: in this wheelchair who there's so many things he can't do,
Speaker 1: but with all his physical limitations, he's doing way more
Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to compare, but he does so much.
Speaker 1: And I saw him in Queensland when I was doing
Speaker 1: a gig a month and a half ago or something,
Speaker 1: and you had him on recently, and when I saw him,
Speaker 1: I just I couldn't get enough of him, and I
Speaker 1: just loved being around him, and he has you know,
Speaker 1: when you talk to people, and when you talk to
Speaker 1: that person, it's like the rest of the world vanishes
Speaker 1: and you feel like you are the only person or
Speaker 1: thing in the world full that minute or ten that
Speaker 1: matters to that person. And he didn't do anything particular
Speaker 1: that made me feel special, but I'm like, look at you,
Speaker 1: and I could tell he was tired because you'd just
Speaker 1: done a presentation and being a quadriplegic is exhausting because
Speaker 1: it takes so much more energy to do stuff that
Speaker 1: takes us less energy. But he couldn't just be kind enough.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, wow, I wish I lived near him.
Speaker 1: I wish, you know, And that's very I'm saying that
Speaker 1: from a selfish point of view, but you know, so
Speaker 1: I came away from him energized. But also, you know,
Speaker 1: when you spend time around people who unknowingly and for
Speaker 1: the better shift your perspective.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 1: And it's the same with Johnny that you know from
Speaker 1: the gym, and everybody's heard about Johnny, but it's like
Speaker 1: all of my friends who have real, you know, traumatic
Speaker 1: brain injuries or disabilities of you know, like whether or
Speaker 1: not spinal cord injuries or some kind of paralysis. It's yeah,
Speaker 1: they don't even have to say anything about perspective or gratitude.
Speaker 1: They don't even they don't need to teach me or
Speaker 1: tell me anything. I just need to be around them
Speaker 1: and it's good. And even if when I'm around them,
Speaker 1: I'm serving them and I'm just I promise you I
Speaker 1: get more out of it than they do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so it's fascinating because I remember
Speaker 2: when I finish that conversation and deneche said, we've ever
Speaker 2: in Queensland. Come and have a coffee, And I had
Speaker 2: that sense of I kind of want to buy a
Speaker 2: ticket and go, guys, okay, I'll come up, I'll come
Speaker 2: up and visit you. Was like, that's a weird thing
Speaker 2: to feel, like with a podcast guess you've just met,
Speaker 2: But yeah, he had that really generous and you have
Speaker 2: this sense of I kind of don't really, I'm not
Speaker 2: that interested in talking about the accident. Like there's something
Speaker 2: else entirely going on and I want to know about that,
Speaker 2: but I don't even know what it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, there are some people that I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is not the right word though, I don't have
Speaker 1: the words that can truly kind of do justice. And
Speaker 1: it sounds a bit over the top. But there's something
Speaker 1: special about some people, you know, And and it's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but I want to
Speaker 1: learn from you or I want to be a bit
Speaker 1: more like you, and yeah, but also on the flip
Speaker 1: side of that coin, you know, sometimes I write things.
Speaker 1: I go to published to something on Instagram that I've written,
Speaker 1: and I go apart from what the message is and
Speaker 1: apart from the value that the people might get, what
Speaker 1: does this say about me? You know? It's like sometimes
Speaker 1: I write something and I'm like, is this too smart, assie?
Speaker 1: This is my intention actually good? Or am I you know, like,
Speaker 1: and there's a fine line, of course, and this is
Speaker 1: you know, reflective of my research and my PhD. But
Speaker 1: you know, he's understanding how we're perceived by others. And
Speaker 1: so while you do kind of want insight into how
Speaker 1: people perceive you. You don't want to be obsessed with it,
Speaker 1: because once you're obsessed and it's all about fear and
Speaker 1: insecurity and a desperate need for approval. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, I do think, I hope I'm a good
Speaker 1: person to be around. Like I hope that and not
Speaker 1: not coming from a place of insecurity, but not odd
Speaker 1: do people like me and oh do they approve? But
Speaker 1: just that I hope I'm somewhere in the ballpark of
Speaker 1: densh or somewhere in the ballpark of Johnny or those
Speaker 1: people that you just go, fuck, I love being around
Speaker 1: that person.
Speaker 2: Can confirm do I need to do I need to
Speaker 2: get out the picture of the gorilla again?
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you, thank you. I know that sounded fucking needy.
Speaker 1: I didn't mean it too, but I just think, you know,
Speaker 1: when you meet people like that, you go, you're amazing.
Speaker 1: I go, I hope I'm a little bit like you.
Speaker 2: Well that kind of leads to what I was thinking.
Speaker 2: The question I was going to ask was can there's
Speaker 2: a lot of stuff that I think we operationalize and
Speaker 2: teach and can you teach that or do you just
Speaker 2: need to be around it. Like sometimes I get annoyed
Speaker 2: at what people are teaching in a craft when I
Speaker 2: think it should even around pluck speaking, I go, well
Speaker 2: speak speaking, Like if you're just interested and have to
Speaker 2: worry about the mechanics of your voice and your pitch
Speaker 2: and your this and your that. Like, if you're just interested,
Speaker 2: you'll be so embedded in listening, and you'll feel empathy
Speaker 2: and you'll be curious, and all of those things just happen.
Speaker 2: And I think, is it the same thing when you go,
Speaker 2: I don't I want to be more like that person?
Speaker 2: You can't get a checklist and then act it out
Speaker 2: because that's not it. That's the opposite of what you
Speaker 2: want to be, because then that's just manipulation. Is go, well,
Speaker 2: I want to be whatever that is. If I'm around it,
Speaker 2: hopefully i'll become it a little bit. It'll just change me.
Speaker 1: That's very true, and that's very insightful. It's like the
Speaker 1: difference between pretending you're humble and being humble, pretending you're
Speaker 1: grateful and actually having gratitude. You know, that's virtue signaling
Speaker 1: when oh, look at It's like I posted a thing
Speaker 1: the other day about all these people that are putting
Speaker 1: up fucking random acts of kindness on social media to
Speaker 1: make themselves look great. And this random act of kindness
Speaker 1: has been filmed with three cameras and recorded with perfect
Speaker 1: audio and scripted and produce like a fucking Hollywood movie.
Speaker 1: And then it gets put on. So oh, this just
Speaker 1: this thing just happened. No it didn't. You motherfucker. You
Speaker 1: scripted it, you planned it, and there's nothing real or
Speaker 1: raw or kind or generous. And it's okay, but do
Speaker 1: you know, set it up and go we set this up.
Speaker 1: That's cool. I would respect you if you went this
Speaker 1: was all set up. But when you say to me
Speaker 1: this was a spontaneous event, and it clearly wasn't, you know,
Speaker 1: I probably shouldn't have got that fired up then, But
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And that's that's the difference. Though.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm not in you know, the people I'm
Speaker 1: impressed by are not who most people would be impressed by.
Speaker 1: I've been around lots of wealth and lots of famous people,
Speaker 1: and lots of elite athletes, and not that they're bad,
Speaker 1: they're not. But like the elite athletes that I really loved,
Speaker 1: I loved them because of who they were not because
Speaker 1: they were a gold medalist or an AFL player or
Speaker 1: a fucking whatever I did. It's like I've worked with
Speaker 1: people that were really high profile and great athletes that
Speaker 1: I really didn't like much at all, and if I
Speaker 1: never saw them again, I'd be kind of happy, right So,
Speaker 1: and then other people who you know, like it and
Speaker 1: the AFL system, blokes that hardly could get a kick
Speaker 1: or a game, I just fucking love them because they're
Speaker 1: just great humans.
Speaker 2: You know, Well, think about based on what I said before,
Speaker 2: and then the idea of what's the impact of us
Speaker 2: excepting blindly and not questioning the fact that if that's
Speaker 2: what we're looking at, going, oh, random acts of kindness? Oh,
Speaker 2: used to something that you see and then you show
Speaker 2: people and tell people about that. Can we change unwillingly
Speaker 2: to go, well, that's kindness when it's not the opposite
Speaker 2: of kinds? Is that changing us? Oh we're kind when
Speaker 2: people watch, we're kind when we plan it. Theno's not
Speaker 2: actually a natural state. So we're not naturally being around kindness.
Speaker 2: We're watching it and then looking for a way to
Speaker 2: replicate that in front of people.
Speaker 1: Well, and this is why you know that old Craig
Speaker 1: Harpet chestnut. I'm which I can never know because but
Speaker 1: I'm most interested in what people do when no one's looking.
Speaker 1: Because what people do when no one's looking or they
Speaker 1: think no one's looking, what they're doing in the darkness
Speaker 1: away from the light, what where they're doing behind closed doors,
Speaker 1: whatever fucking metaphor you want to use, that tells you
Speaker 1: who they are. And it also I put myself in
Speaker 1: that I'm not going, oh, people do this. And this
Speaker 1: is the other thing about self awareness and personal growth.
Speaker 1: When we sit on here, you and I and we go, oh,
Speaker 1: people do this, and people do that, we're also saying, oh,
Speaker 1: but we don't because we're better. But the truth is
Speaker 1: we're not. Well, I'm not anyway. There are times when
Speaker 1: I'm a fucking faky schmaky. I don't want to be,
Speaker 1: but I know that I'll get on this show because
Speaker 1: I can string a few words together, and I can
Speaker 1: sound articulate, noble and fucking all these things. And then
Speaker 1: I get off and I'm a cunt to someone. I'm like,
Speaker 1: what is wrong with you? Like and that? But the
Speaker 1: challenge is too, well, let's hope I'm not a cunt
Speaker 1: to anyone too often. But the challenge is, the challenge
Speaker 1: is just to like own your shit and go do it. Like,
Speaker 1: do I ever still look for approval?
Speaker 2: I do?
Speaker 1: I do? I try not to. Am I ever a
Speaker 1: people pleaser? Well less than ever, but periodically, yes, you know,
Speaker 1: do I ever tell a lie? Because I think it's
Speaker 1: the right thing to say in like a lie for
Speaker 1: a good reason?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 1: Do you know? Should I? I don't know if I
Speaker 1: tell a little lie? Oh, we even quantify the size
Speaker 1: of the fucking light and make ourselves feel better. Oh
Speaker 1: it was a little lie, you know. But to not
Speaker 1: hurt someone's feelings or to protect someone, Oh, that's a
Speaker 1: whole philosophical ethical fucking landmine or minefield we don't want
Speaker 1: to step into. But yeah, I think, you know, I
Speaker 1: think being able to have a level of self awareness
Speaker 1: when I think it's really dangerous territory When people in
Speaker 1: personal development like you and me, we don't put ourselves
Speaker 1: in the middle of these problems, you know. Virtue signaling?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, people do that. H Craig, do you think
Speaker 1: you've ever done it? Yep? Hey Craig, have you ever virtual? Yes? Hey, Craig,
Speaker 1: have you ever wanted attention, Yes, Craig. Do you ever
Speaker 1: seek approval? Yes? Right, So this is the the I think,
Speaker 1: the very practical, real kind of awareness that you need
Speaker 1: to have when you put yourself in a space that
Speaker 1: you're probably not qualified per se to be in where
Speaker 1: you're dispensing advice to the world, right, And that's you know,
Speaker 1: not that we give advice, but we kind of do
Speaker 1: you know, when we all always go by the way
Speaker 1: where this is not personal prescription, this is not a recommendation,
Speaker 1: this is not advice, and then we basically give people advice,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, it's like, well you
Speaker 1: kind of ah, you're fucking idiot. Have you heard the show?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: So that's that where you go, Look, I'm I'm you know,
Speaker 1: I'm qualified out a few things, and I've got a
Speaker 1: bit of knowledge and a bit of experience and some
Speaker 1: thoughts and ideas and insights. I'm going to share from
Speaker 1: that space and just know I'm going to get things
Speaker 1: wrong forever, So you can probably be rest assured on
Speaker 1: this pod cast and most I'm going to get at
Speaker 1: least one thing wrong, maybe ten, But knowing that I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure so to most podcasters and most people because
Speaker 1: I was going to say every podcaster is human, which
Speaker 1: is not true anymore. Some of them are AI. But
Speaker 1: let's just stick with the human ones for now, before
Speaker 1: we all morph into fucking, you know, some synthesis of
Speaker 1: biology and technology and we don't know what's fucking what
Speaker 1: is that real TIF or shudos? Oh no, that's a
Speaker 1: tiff bot? Fuck me drunk?
Speaker 2: What we could already be part AI? Like we might
Speaker 2: already be a thing We've just our consciousness has been
Speaker 2: put into a machine. Like maybe maybe if I cut
Speaker 2: myself open, I'm like eating Maybe.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe you have blue goop that just seeps out
Speaker 1: like engine oil.
Speaker 2: The other day, doctor Libby Weaver said this, and it
Speaker 2: popped into my mind the last few days, and I
Speaker 2: went on, I'm going to sit down and think about this.
Speaker 2: She said it was off the calf in the middle
Speaker 2: of a sentence. She goes, our voids, Our voids create
Speaker 2: our values, and it just stuck out and I grabbed
Speaker 2: it and I was like, oh, our voids create our values.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I'd like to sit down and
Speaker 2: look at my values and then explore I don't know
Speaker 2: where that came from. Where's the void? And have I
Speaker 2: addressed it, and is it still there? And do you
Speaker 2: know what I mean? I just found that really interesting
Speaker 2: statement that for some reason my brain grabbed hold of.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I don't disagree. I think that a lot
Speaker 1: of things are like I think I understand that. So
Speaker 1: if I'm lacking health, then I might want to get health, right,
Speaker 1: so health might be a void. So therefore that becomes
Speaker 1: a priority or a value or a goal. So that
Speaker 1: makes sense. And then I think I thought of this.
Speaker 2: I thought to myself, Oh, if honesty is a value,
Speaker 2: If honesty is a value, am I honest? When haven't? I? Like,
Speaker 2: what's where would that have come from? If there was
Speaker 2: if there was a void, Yes, it was interesting to me.
Speaker 1: But that might have come from Potentially, let's just focus
Speaker 1: on that one thing honest to you. Maybe that came
Speaker 1: from experiences with people bullshitting you a lot.
Speaker 2: And people I know, I know where it came from.
Speaker 2: It came from my childhood and keeping a secret, right,
Speaker 2: So that's not honest, So I think, is that? But
Speaker 2: then I go, what's another value of mine? Oh? Safety
Speaker 2: and security? Do I have that? Am I secure? Do
Speaker 2: I give other people security?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: I haven't. In the past I'm learning to, but I
Speaker 2: think I've been really elusive. I've been ready to fucking
Speaker 2: run and go to the next phase of life and
Speaker 2: leave everyone behind because it's like, well that's not secure
Speaker 2: for them. So yeah, it just makes I want to
Speaker 2: sit down and think about all those things and go,
Speaker 2: what do you still have trades that are a bit
Speaker 2: shitped then like are you representing the things you say
Speaker 2: you value or you were just looking for them out
Speaker 2: there in the world and not giving them back.
Speaker 1: M Yeah. As the more I think about that idea,
Speaker 1: the more things come to mind that fit in, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, that's actually pretty smart. And for me,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about like really high when I'm what I
Speaker 1: need from and you know this what I need from
Speaker 1: which is not say I deserve it or I should
Speaker 1: get it, but what I need from friends is loyalty
Speaker 1: because I've had disloyalty. And yeah, it's like I would
Speaker 1: I won't say who because I don't it's kind of inappropriate.
Speaker 1: But I've got a friend who, from the outside looking in,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you are fair a really good friend, someone
Speaker 1: I love deeply. And this person I've known since I
Speaker 1: was twenty. We even lived together for a period of time,
Speaker 1: and from the outside looking in, this person is so
Speaker 1: like average, so not spectacular, not hilarious, not charismatic, not
Speaker 1: you know, like got his own beautiful skills and qualities
Speaker 1: and attributes. But if he was somewhere, he wouldn't stand out.
Speaker 1: But this motherfucker is just the most consistent, reliable, loyal, awesome,
Speaker 1: never wavered, never been any different for forty years. Apart
Speaker 1: from Vinn of course, who's my longest standing friend and
Speaker 1: best mate. But this and it's like, oh, somebody I
Speaker 1: was thinking about this guy. Fuck it, I'm just going
Speaker 1: to say his name, Greg. I love Greg, right, But
Speaker 1: Greg's just an average dude, but a great dude. But
Speaker 1: I love Greg more than anything, just because I always
Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna get. I've never, for one moment thought,
Speaker 1: oh he's going to talk behind my back, he's going
Speaker 1: to rip me off. I've never thought, oh, this friendship
Speaker 1: is strategic. He wants something. It's never never, he never
Speaker 1: demands anything. Now, I know that's not gonna that's not
Speaker 1: what necessarily anyone else needs, but that's what I love.
Speaker 1: So you can give me the flamboyant, charismatic, charming, high
Speaker 1: profile super successful, fucking just come in and charm the
Speaker 1: room and yeah, you know, if they also happen to
Speaker 1: have all the other stuff, well then yeah maybe. But
Speaker 1: for me, it's like what really appeals to me about
Speaker 1: people is not what generally attracts other people. Like a
Speaker 1: lot of people are attracted by the rah rah and
Speaker 1: the looks and the brand. And I'm not saying they
Speaker 1: shouldn't be, but I'm just not. And I think because
Speaker 1: I've been around it a lot and I see behind
Speaker 1: the curtain, which is not to say that everybody who's
Speaker 1: killing it publicly is doing it poorly privately. It's not
Speaker 1: to say that, but I've seen behind a lot of curtains,
Speaker 1: and the show is rarely the reality.
Speaker 2: I also think it takes us a long time, and
Speaker 2: there'd be a lot of people who don't know, maybe
Speaker 2: never never start the process, but even understand what they
Speaker 2: respond to or connect within people, what they love about them,
Speaker 2: why they want to spend time with them, and whether
Speaker 2: that's a good thing or not a good thing. You know,
Speaker 2: people have so many lists when it comes to relationships.
Speaker 2: People have so many lists. I was talking about it
Speaker 2: with a client the other day. We have lists and
Speaker 2: they're ridiculous, and we don't always understand why we do
Speaker 2: or don't want to spend time with particular people. We
Speaker 2: just align it with something on the list.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, right? Do you like do your relationships And
Speaker 1: I know it probably depends on which relationships and the context,
Speaker 1: but do they do they evolve organically or do you
Speaker 1: ever go which, by the way, I don't think what
Speaker 1: I'm about to say is a bad thing. Do you
Speaker 1: ever go I want to hang out with them, I
Speaker 1: want to get to know them, or like is it organic?
Speaker 1: Is it more strategic or planned? So you might say
Speaker 1: with me, which is not a bad thing, it was
Speaker 1: more strategic than an organic in that.
Speaker 2: It was very strategic with you from a couple of
Speaker 2: like obviously for what you did, but also driven by
Speaker 2: the how authentic you were and how much I connected
Speaker 2: with your personality. So I was like, I want to
Speaker 2: I actually want to be around that guy because I
Speaker 2: like the effect that he has on me. I like
Speaker 2: the messages he delivers, and I like the people that
Speaker 2: connect with him. So I would just want to be
Speaker 2: around immersed in that and see what I can what
Speaker 2: can evolve in me when I do that. In the
Speaker 2: last couple of years. Last probably eighteen months, I wrote
Speaker 2: five names on my whiteboard a real after reflecting on
Speaker 2: the fact that I don't h were you always joke joked,
Speaker 2: probably still do about the fact that I wear a
Speaker 2: T shirt that says give me a How'm gonna hat
Speaker 2: that says fuck off, though, And I was like, I
Speaker 2: have a very poker face, and I don't and I'm
Speaker 2: been very, very very busy, and so I don't invest
Speaker 2: in relationships. But I have a handful of people who
Speaker 2: I love and would consider very close friends, but they
Speaker 2: don't know because I don't tell them and I probably
Speaker 2: don't see them all that much. So I wrote five
Speaker 2: or six names on the probably five on the whiteboard,
Speaker 2: and that was my reminder to pick up the phone,
Speaker 2: to say I love you, to spend time, to invest
Speaker 2: in the relationships, to make time, and to connect with
Speaker 2: them like I had to do that at forty one.
Speaker 2: I had to write names on a whiteboard and go,
Speaker 2: this is how you cultivate good, solid R because I
Speaker 2: can go through photos and look at friendships that have
Speaker 2: that are now in the past for no good reason.
Speaker 2: But I didn't express needs or thoughts or ideas, and
Speaker 2: I didn't question it. Where just things evolved and you
Speaker 2: go that post obviously that person's a mole that don't
Speaker 2: give a shit fuck and I'll move on. You go,
Speaker 2: how many good friendships do you? One of my very
Speaker 2: best mates caught and if he was in Perth. We
Speaker 2: didn't talk for no good reason for a couple of
Speaker 2: years because you know, Chinese whispers and bullshit and you
Speaker 2: just go, you know what. She moved to Amsterdam and
Speaker 2: I had an abandon abandonment issues, so I pulled. But
Speaker 2: I recognized that I pulled back hanging out with her
Speaker 2: merely because deep down I was like, fuck it. Now,
Speaker 2: see you get a best mate and they fuck off.
Speaker 2: So I was like, I just won't spend time with her.
Speaker 2: Fuck her then and then we have a falling out
Speaker 2: and after a couple of years, it was her birthday
Speaker 2: one year and I messaged and I was like, I
Speaker 2: miss you. I have a great birthday. You probably don't
Speaker 2: want to hear from me. But and now we're best
Speaker 2: is again. It's like, that's all it took. How ridiculous?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's I wrote this thing which I want
Speaker 1: to read with some It's it's not exactly that, but
Speaker 1: I'm always interested by and I've spoken about it probably
Speaker 1: fifty times on their show. But like the experience of
Speaker 1: getting offended or getting hurt, you know, and you might
Speaker 1: have read it, but I wrote, if somebody really wants
Speaker 1: to get offended, they'll find a way. The perpetually offend, Oh,
Speaker 1: the perpetually offended is a rapidly expanding group people who
Speaker 1: get offended fifty times a day. Nothing is ever their
Speaker 1: fault and then never the problem, which is super convenient
Speaker 1: because it means they never have to take responsibility, they
Speaker 1: never have to change, and they always get to be
Speaker 1: mad at someone else, you know. And it's like you
Speaker 1: can and I've done that, you know where I've created this,
Speaker 1: you know, this story in my head about why this
Speaker 1: person doesn't like me or they abandon me or And
Speaker 1: there are some cases where that proved to be true,
Speaker 1: in some cases where it proved to be a complete
Speaker 1: fiction created by me. And it is that is difficult
Speaker 1: to but really, for you at forty one, to be
Speaker 1: able to go, I need to literally write this on
Speaker 1: the board. I need to write these names on the
Speaker 1: board so that that brings to my attention, so that
Speaker 1: I actually invest energy proactively into keeping these relationships healthy
Speaker 1: because it isn't only about what you need, it's about
Speaker 1: what you can give, Like what can you give them?
Speaker 1: Why the fuck would they want to be your friend?
Speaker 1: What do they get? You know? And I know it's
Speaker 1: not meant to be like that, but it's like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, and I do have friends where it's a
Speaker 1: little upsided. I'm going to say, but they're essentially good people.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, fuck, I'm glad that this is not
Speaker 1: a business relationship because I'd go and fucking broke. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I just got to a point where I went, if
Speaker 2: there's enough people sliding into past friendships, what am I
Speaker 2: not bringing to the table that makes it easy to
Speaker 2: walk away from without without a conversation, without someone going hey, hey,
Speaker 2: you're fucking letting me down, Hey, you're not being the
Speaker 2: best mate. They just walk away, Like, if that's happening
Speaker 2: enough times, you have to go, Okay, I shouldn't be that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: there are some assholes in the world that probably you know,
Speaker 2: you're never going to stay friends with forever, that's cool.
Speaker 2: But if it's happening enough times and you're not even
Speaker 2: having conversations or reflecting, so yeah, I just had to
Speaker 2: start looking and taking ownership and going well, do you
Speaker 2: ever have a difficult conversation? Thank fuck for Craig Anthony
Speaker 2: Harper taught me the art. Yeah, but I didn't do
Speaker 2: it before then. I was terrified. I'd rather walk away.
Speaker 2: I'd fucking move. I'd move to a different state. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Sonnier in Queensland. I'll just go there. I'll make new
Speaker 2: friends there.
Speaker 1: It's funny how many people think that a geographic change
Speaker 1: will fix some deep seated emotional Yeah. No, I'll just
Speaker 1: go to Queensland. Well, you'll take all your shit with
Speaker 1: your champ. All that emotional and psychological baggage will be
Speaker 1: on the fucking carousel, or when you get there, it'll
Speaker 1: be Brisbane Airport. All your shit will be going around
Speaker 1: and you'll you'll pick it back up, you'll put it
Speaker 1: in the cab and you'll take it to your new place.
Speaker 1: Because that shit doesn't go anywhere unless you fucking deal
Speaker 1: with it, you know. And this is the heat. Trying
Speaker 1: to solve psychological and emotional issues with geographical solutions is
Speaker 1: really fucking common, and people go ah, you know, with
Speaker 1: the one exception being perhaps people who are in really
Speaker 1: horrible relationships. But that's more a practical thing. But but yeah,
Speaker 1: it is a it's an interesting part of the human
Speaker 1: experience where.
Speaker 2: We do that unless you unless you really know what
Speaker 2: you're escaping, unless you've done the work and you go, Okay,
Speaker 2: what I've set up in my life here and what
Speaker 2: surrounds me is this energy and thing, and this is
Speaker 2: where I've been getting it wrong. Now I know what
Speaker 2: I will do differently. I could also have a fresh
Speaker 2: start somewhere where else, but you have to know otherwise, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you end up in the same cycle.
Speaker 1: Hondo. Hey, I really enjoyed this talk. Me too, I
Speaker 1: really enjoy I'm not just saying that I really enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: I was actually going to talk about something else as
Speaker 1: is off and the way, Hi, I've actually got next
Speaker 1: to your head on my screen. I've got this thing
Speaker 1: that I wrote that I was going to unpack with
Speaker 1: you that I didn't read. But in light of what
Speaker 1: we just shared, I think what's on my screen is dogshit.
Speaker 1: So I'm glad we didn't go there. So I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: that would have been boring as fuck. Ah. Yeah, hey, cook,
Speaker 1: it's been good, thanks so much. And you know, see
Speaker 1: around like a sausage roll.
Speaker 2: Thanks APS,