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Speaker 1: Welcome to this special episode of Headgame. I'm Ambiddleton. Today

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Speaker 1: we're looking back at the people who have used exercise

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Speaker 1: and fitness to turn their lives around. Shortly, James Parr

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Speaker 1: talks about how losing his leg to cancer didn't phase him,

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Speaker 1: but first a young man from my neck of the

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Speaker 1: woods who decided it was a good idea to run

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Speaker 1: across Australia with little training and few resources. Jack Picture

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Speaker 1: decided to put his endurance and resilience to the test

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Speaker 1: in the most extreme of ways.

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Speaker 2: I had a very, very tough year leading up to Australia. Mentally,

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Speaker 2: things just got a bit too much.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, talk to me about that, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: For sure.

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Speaker 2: So the year leading up to Australia I was suffering

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Speaker 2: quite badly. A long relationship I had ended overnight, a

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Speaker 2: friend of mine passed away. It all was happening at

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Speaker 2: the wrong time, and I fell into a state of

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Speaker 2: a bit of depression. I thought, I'm not I'm not suicidal,

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Speaker 2: but at the same time I would be okay with

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Speaker 2: not being around anymore. It was just sort of in between,

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Speaker 2: and I manipulated that feeling and said, if I'm not

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Speaker 2: scared of dying, then I shouldn't be scared of failure.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't make any sense.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I love that. If I'm not scared of dying,

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't be scared of failure. And mate, wow, I've

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Speaker 1: just picked up on that, because the fear of failure

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Speaker 1: is what stops so many people from realizing what they're

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Speaker 1: truly capable of, really realizing where their true potential lies.

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Speaker 1: And I suppose it comes hand in hand with what

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Speaker 1: you just said. You know, if you're not scared to die,

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Speaker 1: then why should I be scared of failure? Because they're

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Speaker 1: both super daunting.

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Speaker 3: Right for sure.

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Speaker 2: I mean, if you ask probably everyone in the world,

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Speaker 2: what's your biggest fear, I think the outcome would be

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Speaker 2: deaf I think that would be that would be the

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Speaker 2: scariest thing for people. And I think if I'm not

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Speaker 2: scared of that, then why should I be scared of

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Speaker 2: fail For me, it just didn't make any sense. So

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Speaker 2: I manipulated that feeling and thought, well, let's just go

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Speaker 2: for something big.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to quit my job.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to spend every penny I have and save

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Speaker 2: and save and save, and I'm going to do something

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Speaker 2: extraordinary to inspire people that you can be anyone and anything,

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Speaker 2: and you can do the most unbelievable things. And sometimes

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Speaker 2: the people you don't imagine anything of can do the

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Speaker 2: things that no one can imagine. And that's why I

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Speaker 2: wanted to tell people. So I was just a roof

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Speaker 2: of from Bracknor, Mate. I never ran an official marathon,

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Speaker 2: and here I am eight months later, you know, saying

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Speaker 2: I run across Australia, so anything is possible, and I

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Speaker 2: use that manipulation of my depression.

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Speaker 1: How did Australia come about then? Because it's not like

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Speaker 1: you just went from you know, dipping your toe. I

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Speaker 1: would say, not so much dipping your toe doing one

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Speaker 1: hundred miles or one hundred miles plus. But it literally

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Speaker 1: went from that, didn't it? To running four thousand kilometers?

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Speaker 1: Who put that idea in your head? Or did you

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Speaker 1: put it in your own heads?

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Speaker 2: So it was a friend of mine, Josh Who's who

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Speaker 2: who's currently actually at Sandhurst doing his training in the Armies.

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Speaker 3: Answer?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, he's a he's a very very strong lad

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Speaker 2: and he wants to get into the parros and he

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Speaker 2: wants to be He's doing so well.

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Speaker 3: You know, I'm very very proud of him.

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Speaker 2: But we got speaking and we said, look, look, I've

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Speaker 2: got a year before I've got to go into the army.

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Speaker 2: You've seeing you run one hundred miles is so called.

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Speaker 2: Let's do something together if you're up for it. So

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Speaker 2: we started discussing down the path of what we could

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Speaker 2: do and we had this idea of Australia, right. We thought,

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Speaker 2: are we going to plan for this scale? This is

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Speaker 2: this is a joke and we we've done so much

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Speaker 2: social networking, we put so much of our own money

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Speaker 2: into this, and this is this is a problem.

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Speaker 3: This is this is like, you know, all these running.

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Speaker 2: Influencers get everything they want, everything paid for, you know,

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Speaker 2: they have all this opportunity, all reality TVs, you know,

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Speaker 2: and there's just two young lads going, look, we want

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Speaker 2: to do this crazy run, you know. And to find

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Speaker 2: to find the people that would aid back us, believe

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Speaker 2: us and help us was very very hard. So we

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Speaker 2: basically had friends that who had local businesses that gave us,

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Speaker 2: you know a bit of money here and there to

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Speaker 2: help us out, but we funded most of it.

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Speaker 3: Each we thought, why not, let's just do it.

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Speaker 2: Life too short, and yeah, we got a four by

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Speaker 2: four and we got all our equipment and we got

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Speaker 2: all our visas done and the plan, originally the plan

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Speaker 2: was to run the whole perimeter of Australia. We wanted

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Speaker 2: to become the first British people to ever run the

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Speaker 2: perimeter of Australia. We're going to start in starting Darwin,

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Speaker 2: go all down the east coast, all the way up

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Speaker 2: to Adelaide, through the Perth, from Perth to Darwin. We

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Speaker 2: were going to be the first Brits to ever do it.

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Speaker 2: And we planned for that, and then we had a

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Speaker 2: horrific car accident. We flipped about three or four times

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Speaker 2: down down the motorway and landed on the grass and

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Speaker 2: we all got out of the car and luckily, somehow,

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Speaker 2: you know, there was a god looking at for us,

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Speaker 2: because we all got out of the car absolutely fine,

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Speaker 2: no cuts, no bruises and no breaking bones. And we

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Speaker 2: looked at each other and thought, right, okay, everyone, okay.

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Speaker 2: Our stuff was destroyed, like everything we spent thousands on

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Speaker 2: is gone. And me and Josh were sat there like, right,

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Speaker 2: can we get some money and borrow a sprinter?

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Speaker 3: We were still doing Australia.

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Speaker 2: There was not like I'm coming home, you know, I

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Speaker 2: quit my job I've spent every money I had on this.

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Speaker 3: I'm not coming home empty handed.

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Speaker 2: So we looked, and you know, it just we couldn't

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Speaker 2: with the money we lost, the time we lost to

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Speaker 2: try and get a new vehicle. We looked at our

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Speaker 2: route and because we lost so much money in time,

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Speaker 2: we worked out we probably would have got down to

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Speaker 2: Adelaide from.

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Speaker 3: Darwin running and then we'd run out of money.

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Speaker 2: So it was either we run from Darwin to add

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Speaker 2: a laid and while we're running we try and get

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Speaker 2: hold of companies and say, look, can you fund us

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Speaker 2: for the rest of the trip, or we just basically

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Speaker 2: have to shut up shop and plan, plan something else.

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Speaker 1: There was no stage during that that you went, do

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Speaker 1: you know what, Let's just call it quits, let's go back,

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Speaker 1: let's reorganize, let's replan. It was It was that was

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Speaker 1: that decision made as soon as you got out of

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Speaker 1: the car, You're like, all right, let's see what's going

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Speaker 1: on here?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: This is destroyed, this is destroyed, but we're here, so

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Speaker 1: we're going to do something.

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Speaker 3: It was it was the adventure in.

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Speaker 1: Us and that attitude, never never waving.

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Speaker 2: Never wa you know, like I said, wow, this with

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Speaker 2: BRIT's man.

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Speaker 3: We're adventurers, you know. We didn't want to come home.

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Speaker 3: We wanted to we wanted to carry on.

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Speaker 2: And we all sat down with my team and we said,

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Speaker 2: look like we've it was Josh and I's project, so

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Speaker 2: our team, as much as they had suggestions, at the

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Speaker 2: end of the day, Josh and I said, look, this

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Speaker 2: is our project. We've put a lot of money into this.

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Speaker 2: We've done the mass. We can't do the perimeter. It's

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Speaker 2: just impossible to do. It's too much of a risk.

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Speaker 2: What we're going to do is we've looked and there's

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Speaker 2: a British record up for grabs. Right we would have

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Speaker 2: done British history by becoming the first britge And don't

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Speaker 2: get me wrong, someone would have beaten it eventually, but

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Speaker 2: we always would have been the first British people. So

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Speaker 2: now it was like, right now we're up a bit

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Speaker 2: of a race. Now we want to get this British

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Speaker 2: record from Perth to Sydney. This is what we're going

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Speaker 2: to have to do. So we basically sold everything we had.

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Speaker 2: We scrapped off four by four for literally like less

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Speaker 2: than a grand. It cost us ten grand to buy that.

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Speaker 3: Was messed up.

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Speaker 2: So we lost thousands like we lost thousands, and this

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Speaker 2: wasn't through sponsors. This was our own money. So we

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Speaker 2: rented a car. We drove from Darwin to Perth without stopping.

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Speaker 2: We all took turns driving. We didn't stop. Luckily we

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Speaker 2: had some connections in Perth where we could stay for

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Speaker 2: four or five days. We got some money in from family,

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Speaker 2: we planned, we got food in, We rented a motor

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Speaker 2: home from Apollo Motor Vans and that was it.

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Speaker 1: Mate.

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Speaker 2: We parked up on Cooslow Beach and we just touched

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Speaker 2: the ocean at Corslow Beach and said we're going to

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Speaker 2: touch the touch the sea at Bondi.

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Speaker 3: We're doing it.

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Speaker 2: Josh and I went off and we started doing forty

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Speaker 2: k days, fifty K days, sixty k days. We were

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Speaker 2: cranking it right up and we're doing We're doing seventy

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Speaker 2: five eighty k days in the heat through the Nullerboar,

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Speaker 2: through the hottest part of Australia in coming up to

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Speaker 2: their summer. You know, I was running on roads for

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Speaker 2: four or five hours in a row and I just

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Speaker 2: felt I was in the same spot. You know, it

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Speaker 2: was just insane. And this is when I was running

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Speaker 2: in a nuller boar. I looked ahead of me and thought,

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Speaker 2: this is this is what I was fucking built for.

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Speaker 2: There's no one on this planet currently that I felt

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Speaker 2: at that time it just could outwork me. That was

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Speaker 2: the mindset I had. You know, no one on planet

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Speaker 2: Earth right now out is running across the nulla baar

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Speaker 2: and forty one degree heat for.

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Speaker 3: Hours and hours and hours. It's me. There's no one

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Speaker 3: on the planet that can not work me currently. That's

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Speaker 3: what I felt.

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Speaker 2: And we got through it, and we we'd done it,

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Speaker 2: and you know, we had what we what our van

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Speaker 2: was doing was was driving twenty k up the road

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Speaker 2: and we'd run to the van and we'd reached off

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Speaker 2: our water, our food, and we go off again. We

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Speaker 2: got maybe forty five days in and Josh unfortunately had

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Speaker 2: to pull out.

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Speaker 3: He had to stop.

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Speaker 2: He couldn't go on anymore. And this is this is

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Speaker 2: where for me, this is when I found out who

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Speaker 2: I really am. So my family we said, look, we're

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Speaker 2: going to try and do this run in sixty days.

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Speaker 2: This is we're going to try and take seventeen days

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Speaker 2: off the British record. And I told my friends and

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Speaker 2: family we're going to be there on sixty days, mark

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Speaker 2: my words. My mum and sister flew from Brackenall to

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Speaker 2: Bondai Beach for two days to see me finish, and

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Speaker 2: they were going to flying me home. Josh got injured.

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Speaker 3: I was gutted. It was a tough day.

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Speaker 2: We'd come such a long way from that pub and

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Speaker 2: woke in the mate to when he crashed out. We

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Speaker 2: come a long way together. Yeah, and he's twenty one.

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Speaker 2: He's not built for running, but he ran about I

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Speaker 2: think he ran about forty five marathons right, so he

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Speaker 2: ran a lot. Honestly, He's going to be a fantastic Obviously,

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Speaker 2: he's one of the hardest lads I've ever known.

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Speaker 3: So he had to stop.

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Speaker 2: And because we lost four days, Aleric said to me,

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Speaker 2: look mate, I've done the mass. He goes, your mum

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Speaker 2: and sister are flying in to Sydney for you to

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Speaker 2: be there on the beach with them. You're going to

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Speaker 2: have to run one hundred and twenty k a day

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Speaker 2: for twelve days in a row. You're going to have

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Speaker 2: to run seventy four miles a day for twelve days

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Speaker 2: in a row to be there with them.

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Speaker 4: And I thought fuck.

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Speaker 3: This is insane.

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Speaker 2: Like the most I've done t K. I've now got

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Speaker 2: to add almost a marathon to my days for twelve

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Speaker 2: days in a row. This is just this is this

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Speaker 2: is hell on a hell on a The world was

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Speaker 2: watching me because people were messaging me, going, may I've

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Speaker 2: just seen you in the news. What I've just I've

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Speaker 2: followed you on Strava like you are You're You're just

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Speaker 2: a builder, You're just You're just a normal guy. You're

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Speaker 2: not a professional athlete, You're not what how how how?

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Speaker 2: And I just said I'm going to do it.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to do it.

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Speaker 2: And and my last checkpoint I got out of the

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Speaker 2: van knowing I had to run fifteen k and I've

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Speaker 2: done it, and I've done it, I've done it. So

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Speaker 2: I'm getting emotional already. Oh I've got out of the van.

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Speaker 1: And oh, so good, mate, it's so good.

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Speaker 2: Put the Union jack around me, and I put a

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Speaker 2: photo over my family with me. I pushed on. I

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Speaker 2: had nothing left. I had nothing left. I had nothing left.

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Speaker 2: I was hallucinating Timtom's mate. They kept me alive, I

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Speaker 2: swear they did. And you know, I pushed on and

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Speaker 2: I came down the hill in Sydney, very very hilly.

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Speaker 2: I forgot how hilly Sydney is or heard it was anyway,

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Speaker 2: and I came down this hill, I saw the ocean

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Speaker 2: and Josh, you obviously had to pull out.

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Speaker 3: I said, look, you're running the last couple of k

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Speaker 3: with me. Mate.

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Speaker 2: We've done this together, you know, we started together. We're

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Speaker 2: going to finish together. And he was still injured, but

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Speaker 2: he couldn't walk, and we ran the last couple of

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Speaker 2: k together.

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Speaker 3: And my family were at the beach. Everyone was there.

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Speaker 2: And I went on the sand at bon Dai and

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Speaker 2: just looked up at the scar and my dad and

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Speaker 2: got a dumb mate. I touched the ocean at Bondai

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Speaker 2: and done it, and I couldn't believe it. You know,

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Speaker 2: my phone was going off. It was about half seven

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Speaker 2: in the evening in the UK. My phone was going

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Speaker 2: off and I just sat down. I just I just

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Speaker 2: I had to keep pinching my arms because I had

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Speaker 2: no sleep. I didn't know what was real. I didn't

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Speaker 2: know what was real and what wasn't. I thought I

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Speaker 2: was going to wake up in the van again and go,

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Speaker 2: you've got to run again. So seeing my family there,

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Speaker 2: they didn't recognize Mete. They didn't recognize me. I looked

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Speaker 2: completely different, but yeah, that that was it. And I

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Speaker 2: flew home eight hours later, not even first class mate, nothing.

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Speaker 2: I just my feet were swollen, they were cut, they

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Speaker 2: were bleeding. I couldn't even walk. I got on the

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Speaker 2: flight home eight hours later and flew home the same day.

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Speaker 1: I finished, Take me back to when you first saw

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Speaker 1: your your mum on the beach. Did you do you

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Speaker 1: remember seeing her? And how did you manage to hold

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Speaker 1: your emotions back or didn't?

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Speaker 2: It was mental, mate. I saw my mom and sister there,

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Speaker 2: and loads of people were like, just this is the English,

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Speaker 2: this is the English guy. That's one across Australia. I've

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Speaker 2: heard about him, I've read about him. This is insane.

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Speaker 2: What what's going on? And people there watching me, cheering,

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Speaker 2: and I ran down and I saw my mum AND's

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Speaker 2: sister and they said, keep going. You've got to touch

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Speaker 2: the ocean. You've got to touch the ocean. And all

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Speaker 2: the pain went, every every ounce of pain completely disappeared.

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Speaker 2: The second I saw my friends and family, I just

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Speaker 2: ran as fast as I could to that ocean and

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Speaker 2: I turned around and touched the ocean. I hugged Josh

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Speaker 2: and I was like, mate, we've done it. We've done it,

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Speaker 2: We've done it. And I huged my mom's sister and

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Speaker 2: I just said, get me home.

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Speaker 1: When she was growing up, Louise Hawkins didn't initially realize

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Speaker 1: she was different to anyone else. Born missing the lower

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Speaker 1: part of her left arm, she started hiding her difference

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Speaker 1: in her teens, ashamed of not being like everyone else.

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Speaker 1: But it was the traumatic birth of us second daughter

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Speaker 1: years later, Saint Louise's mental health spiraling.

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Speaker 5: I would say that my mental health took a massive hit.

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Speaker 5: Then it really smashed me to pieces. They said PTSD.

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Speaker 6: At that point, and I had Mayor who was two

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Speaker 6: at the time.

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Speaker 4: Lily I wasn't a well.

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Speaker 5: Baby, as in she like force feeder. She was sick

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Speaker 5: quite a lot. I had to winder a lot. So

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Speaker 5: then I got carful tunnel in the wrist. So I

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Speaker 5: was struggling in that sense. My husband worked to where

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Speaker 5: I come.

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Speaker 6: Back girls, so I to have helped with heart.

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Speaker 4: And then Mayor started stammering.

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Speaker 5: So there were a lot a lot going off at time,

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Speaker 5: and I didn't I think from outside point of view,

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Speaker 5: I caught very well and got very used.

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Speaker 6: To putting a mask on. But I really I really

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Speaker 6: struggled at that point.

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Speaker 5: And this is what then ultimately after time took me

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Speaker 5: into Spark because something had to give for me because

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Speaker 5: I like this.

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Speaker 6: Then for a good three years I stopped living. I

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Speaker 6: was scared, alike.

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Speaker 1: So you're so overstimulated, you're so overwhelmed, you're almost when

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Speaker 1: you're in that sort of state of mind, you're and

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Speaker 1: probably from the outside world, which you mentioned, it looked

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Speaker 1: like that you're okay, but you're almost on autopilot. When

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Speaker 1: did you realize that you know you needed help or

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Speaker 1: or that you were now you know, because you get

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Speaker 1: to a stage where you start to suffer so much

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Speaker 1: that you know it's almost not impossible, but you know

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Speaker 1: because you do it, because you find a way to

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Speaker 1: do it. But you're almost you know that have a

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Speaker 1: knock on effect with your children and not going affect

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Speaker 1: with your family, and once it starts to affect them,

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Speaker 1: you know, you start to go, right, I actually need

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Speaker 1: to you know, I need help before before you know,

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Speaker 1: I spiral out of control and I bring bring the

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Speaker 1: rest of the family down with me.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, And it was it was at that point, and

342
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Speaker 6: I call it.

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Speaker 4: I call it cruel moments.

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Speaker 5: So I got to a point probably maybe's a more

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Speaker 5: than that that each morning i'd wake up. And when

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Speaker 5: I call it cruel moments, what I mean is in

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Speaker 5: that split second you're not sure where you are, what

348
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Speaker 5: date is, what world's doing, and you think, oh, everything's fine,

349
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Speaker 5: and then and then that's when they'd have a panic attack,

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Speaker 5: and the panic attacks.

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Speaker 4: Would be horrendous.

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Speaker 6: I didn't know it were a panic attack because again

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Speaker 6: mental health still.

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Speaker 1: What were they like? What were they like, Louise, when

355
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Speaker 1: these panic attacks would kick in any random time, what

356
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Speaker 1: did they feel.

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Speaker 4: Like like I was dying?

358
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Speaker 6: Yeah, just like I can't breathe, But then I'd go again.

359
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Speaker 5: I describe it as being quite manic, you know, like

360
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 5: quite rocking and seeking you know, seeking that reassurance because

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Speaker 5: it would be you know, just said.

362
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Speaker 4: That loud with who with who?

363
00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:06,000
Speaker 1: There lewis seeking insurance for yourself, seeking reasurance from your

364
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,960
Speaker 1: husband or yeah, well who were you seeking reassurance.

365
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:12,199
Speaker 4: With anybody that could be sure? It'd go.

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Speaker 5: So the cycle would be the each morning of have

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Speaker 5: a panic attack, and it generally be over something that

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00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:23,639
Speaker 5: again health wise, so say i'd find a mark on

369
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Speaker 5: my body or a lump or whatever. I'd start by

370
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Speaker 5: a panic attack, and then i'd google.

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Speaker 4: Which is very common for people health anxiety.

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Speaker 5: I'd Google to a point where it said I were

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Speaker 5: going to die, and then I'd need to go to doctors.

374
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,200
Speaker 4: Then they'd tell me.

375
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Speaker 5: That you know everything, We're fine, and then the cycle

376
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Speaker 5: would start again, but with something different.

377
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Speaker 1: So basically you were you were trying to self diagnose

378
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:57,119
Speaker 1: and then which is always always the worst thing to do,

379
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,639
Speaker 1: even though you've got your gut instincts and but you

380
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,480
Speaker 1: know you you go into this rabbit hole.

381
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I think as well because of the miscarriages,

382
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:09,120
Speaker 5: So when I miscarried, i'd know the day that i'd

383
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:13,320
Speaker 5: miscarried because you know your own body, you can't feel things.

384
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Speaker 4: So when I'd ring up and I'd say I think I.

385
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,879
Speaker 5: Miscarried, I was like, no, you've got to wait for

386
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:20,440
Speaker 5: your twenty week scan now. So we're going with pay

387
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 5: for a private scan, which at time there weren't scans

388
00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 5: near us, So we're driving our pay to be told yeah,

389
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:32,480
Speaker 5: baby died last night. No, so I'd lost trust, So

390
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,439
Speaker 5: in my head would why would I be wrong?

391
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,520
Speaker 1: Because I were right, complete sense.

392
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,360
Speaker 4: Why would I be wrong?

393
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,040
Speaker 5: Because I turned up to hospital and I told them

394
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 5: I were in labor. They told me I weren't, so

395
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,680
Speaker 5: I'd lost trust.

396
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:55,399
Speaker 1: We're health services, yeah, with everything, So you were you

397
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 1: were just you know, you're just like the only person

398
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:01,719
Speaker 1: I can rely on ultimately is myself. But you know

399
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,560
Speaker 1: when you're when you're spiraling, you know, like you are,

400
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,439
Speaker 1: which you probably didn't realize you were doing. You know,

401
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,760
Speaker 1: you can become your own worst enemy in in in

402
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,679
Speaker 1: these situations, and that sounds like it had what was

403
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 1: the straw that broke the camel's back? When did you realize,

404
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:23,200
Speaker 1: you know, potentially if I don't get help, then then

405
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,600
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be here anymore.

406
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, well was my husband.

407
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:30,720
Speaker 6: He said enough enough because I had the stigma that

408
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:31,680
Speaker 6: were attached.

409
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 5: To meds for mental health doable and like, no, I

410
00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:37,720
Speaker 5: can't win them because I'll never come off them, because

411
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:38,480
Speaker 5: that's how people said.

412
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 4: But it was like now enough enough. Now went to

413
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:41,800
Speaker 4: doctors and I.

414
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:48,159
Speaker 6: Started on a lord door sy telecram and I remember.

415
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 5: The fourteenth day at teching Si Telepram and it was

416
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 5: just I was sat on the laptop and I were

417
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:59,160
Speaker 5: looking at some clothes. I remember there's been walking downstairs,

418
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 5: up and staircase, and he went, oh God, she's back.

419
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 4: Because I love clothes, I love fashion, I love all that.

420
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 6: But for three four years I've just lost myself.

421
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:09,959
Speaker 4: I didn't do anything.

422
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 6: I didn't put any makeup on, I didn't go out,

423
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:13,400
Speaker 6: I didn't see friends.

424
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 5: I was just so I even we were even scared

425
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 5: at SUN. I was scared to death at SUN because

426
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 5: in case it gave me cancer. You know, That's that's

427
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 5: the point I got to. So Yeah, after taking meds

428
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:33,239
Speaker 5: for a couple of weeks, it settled me down, and

429
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 5: then I was on and off because I kept trying

430
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,240
Speaker 5: to come off them again because at stigma and I

431
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,679
Speaker 5: went to see a specialist over something different to do

432
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:45,400
Speaker 5: with all things out, and she just sat me down

433
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,120
Speaker 5: and she just said, look, take them meds. I wanted

434
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 5: to take it, putting a drawer forgot about it for

435
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:53,479
Speaker 5: twelve months, and then after twelve months recess and that's

436
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 5: what I did.

437
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 6: And in that time I started across fit.

438
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 1: Why did you start a CrossFit? How did that sort

439
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,520
Speaker 1: of idea ping into your mind?

440
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 7: When?

441
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 1: When did that become become At the forefront of your

442
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,360
Speaker 1: of your mindset and what ignited that.

443
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,560
Speaker 5: So I started like a kettle bells class and I

444
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,680
Speaker 5: enjoyed that, and then I went for pet and her

445
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 5: local CrossFit box opened, and I had to do something

446
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 5: for myself.

447
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 4: I had to at this point.

448
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:31,159
Speaker 5: Malayami youngest was that far, I think, and I just

449
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 5: recognized that something had to go back just continued to survive.

450
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 5: And I'm not quite sure why I chose CrossFit because

451
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,359
Speaker 5: it's so hard, isn't it.

452
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,120
Speaker 4: But I remember I don't.

453
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,320
Speaker 1: Remember, especially with one arm.

454
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:50,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, I remember walking in and thinking, I've never even

455
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 5: I've never even been to wait section or a gym.

456
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: Never you went straight into the deep end.

457
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, but that's why, and I've recognized now that's exactly

458
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:04,120
Speaker 5: where need to be. But yeah, so I didn't yours

459
00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 5: any about bells at time when I first wenttle bells.

460
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 6: Our our welcomed into that community and.

461
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 4: I just loved it in somewhere.

462
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: You know, when it comes to pt, when it comes

463
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: to going to the gym, that gym community, you know,

464
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 1: whatever it may be, whatever discipline you may be doing

465
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,520
Speaker 1: in the gym, where it's bodybuilding, CrossFit, higher, whatever it

466
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,960
Speaker 1: may be. I always say to people, do not ever

467
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:37,879
Speaker 1: underestimate the importance of a gym community. You know, this

468
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: is men, women, partners, you know, getting out and putting

469
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 1: their health, their mindset, and their emotions into into a community,

470
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 1: into a location, and into people that ultimately can can

471
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 1: better better you as an individual. Therefore, between you will

472
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 1: you will take that home to your family life. You

473
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 1: were better. You know, that will rub off on your

474
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 1: family members, rub off on your children. I think it's

475
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:14,399
Speaker 1: the single most important community outside your immediate family. Yeah,

476
00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,440
Speaker 1: because it is so important and it's so important to

477
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 1: get it right. You know, don't just go with the

478
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 1: first gym or the first you know, just just you

479
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 1: know you'll find that circle. You're like, you just said there,

480
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 1: which made put a smile on my face. You went,

481
00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 1: they just welcomed me with open arm. You know they

482
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: were there. You know it just it just felt when

483
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 1: it feels right, it feels good.

484
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 6: Yeah.

485
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 5: Some of my best friends, the people that I met

486
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 5: on that first day going into that gym, and oh, Neil,

487
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:46,120
Speaker 5: what would unfold from that? Oh your all the now

488
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:51,280
Speaker 5: I've got me on strap that I sell across world

489
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 5: and it allows other people like me to be able

490
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 5: to lift and don't pull ups. And you know, if

491
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,200
Speaker 5: if something had told without time, I would have never

492
00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 5: believed them. But it weren't done just from me while

493
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 5: the community. You know, when I did start lifting, it

494
00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,920
Speaker 5: was one of my good friends, guys, fire officer.

495
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 6: He cut some straps out of fire engine seat belt.

496
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 4: This is right low. We're gonna give the ease ago wrap.

497
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,640
Speaker 5: And round bar bell and all that, but by their

498
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 5: nature and they can't lift a lot of weight, so

499
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 5: they kept growing and mea were black, were rulesing. So

500
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 5: one of other members you were a plumber, So he

501
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 5: made like a padded thing to put on barre bell.

502
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 4: And that's how we worked with that for a while.

503
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 1: The plumber, the fireman. This is what the community is

504
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 1: all about. This is just the epitome of community, you know,

505
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 1: just being there for each other, figuring things out, you know,

506
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,120
Speaker 1: trial and error, you know, but just just being there

507
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: and coming up with different different scenarios for different solutions,

508
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: different problem solving. Did it teach you or make you

509
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 1: realize first and foremost that you had a disability, but

510
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 1: also teach you to accept it. It sounds like this journey,

511
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 1: or this CrossFit journey had such a such a positive

512
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:20,640
Speaker 1: effect on what I called the trilogy, the physical, the psychological,

513
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:24,560
Speaker 1: and the emotional aspects of who we are. And you

514
00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:26,880
Speaker 1: said you didn't realize you had a disability until CrossFit,

515
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 1: But did it teach you to accept that you had

516
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 1: a disability and no matter what, you were just going

517
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: to push on.

518
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:34,800
Speaker 6: Yeah?

519
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 4: It did, And.

520
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 6: Initially I didn't accept, to my detriment, so I ended

521
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 6: up very injured because I wanted to do everything exactly

522
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,120
Speaker 6: same as everybody else, and.

523
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 4: That was never going to happen.

524
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:46,359
Speaker 7: Yeah.

525
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 6: I entered a competition and I remember photos coming back.

526
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 4: I was so naive. I didn't know. I've never been

527
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:54,400
Speaker 4: to a competition.

528
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:55,959
Speaker 6: I didn't know I was going to be in videographers

529
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 6: there and people taking photos and stuff.

530
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,640
Speaker 4: So I, A'm not seeing this photo.

531
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 5: It will like somebody just punch me in face because

532
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:07,679
Speaker 5: it were me with me I'm out.

533
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 6: And I had staged on the photos before all that,

534
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:12,160
Speaker 6: so I didn't.

535
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 5: Learning photos douk. So when I saw that, I mortified

536
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,880
Speaker 5: that that's what I looked like because I've not seen

537
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:27,159
Speaker 5: myself like that. So that's where the journey of acceptance started.

538
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: Have you fully accepted it? Yeah?

539
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:34,320
Speaker 4: I like to say I've accepted it, but I don't

540
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 4: like it. I'm working on that.

541
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 1: But then these photos that come out do you not

542
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,120
Speaker 1: just does it? Does it not give you that sort

543
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 1: of average of things where you just think to yourself, God,

544
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:51,120
Speaker 1: do you know, there's there's very few of me that's

545
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 1: courageous enough and brave enough to accept who I am

546
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 1: and to get up in front and to compete in

547
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 1: front of hundreds of people, knowing that the CrossFit industry

548
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 1: is so big, huge that one video goes to you know,

549
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand people that someone's following, that goes to

550
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,439
Speaker 1: the two million people that someone's following, that that it

551
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 1: would do the rounds, and that you would represent the

552
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:21,560
Speaker 1: sport in such a proud manner where people go, look,

553
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,760
Speaker 1: if Louise can do it, and she's up there competing

554
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 1: with the best, then, you know, then it sort of

555
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 1: opens up the floodgates to all the people that had

556
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 1: the same mindset as you, as I'm not good enough,

557
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 1: I can't do this, therefore I won't They and they

558
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 1: don't commit in life. They stay stagnant and they live

559
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 1: life on an autopilot.

560
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that's why I'm really really trying, and actually

561
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 5: I've got a motivational talk two a week of Sunday,

562
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 5: and I've committed to myself and I've made the promise

563
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 5: to myself up on social media, so I can't.

564
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,480
Speaker 4: Get out of it that I will.

565
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 6: I will be wearing a dress and will be out

566
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 6: because I've covered.

567
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 4: My arm and all the other ones.

568
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 5: And that's been done intentionally because I know that when

569
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 5: any photos or videos come.

570
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 4: Back, I'll just ali hate it.

571
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 5: But really it's really important for me as well to

572
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 5: be honest because from my honesty from me saying I

573
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 5: don't like me, I know why. I know there's a

574
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 5: lot of shame stigma attached to it. There's also one

575
00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 5: hundreds and thousands of other people that feel same but

576
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 5: don't feel like they can't say that because that's not

577
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 5: what we say.

578
00:29:32,640 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 6: What we should say is yeah, hellow it.

579
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:40,160
Speaker 4: It makes me different. I don't feel like that.

580
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 5: So it's really important to me and it has opened

581
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 5: some wonderful conversations.

582
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 4: With people that are like me.

583
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 6: I had a lady message yesterday and she uncovered her

584
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 6: round for the first time in her gym space and

585
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 6: that she's similar age to me.

586
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 8: Yes that's probably because because of you, you are definitely

587
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 8: leading the wave now, whether you like it or not,

588
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 8: you are in that position now of inspiration, of motivation,

589
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:14,959
Speaker 8: of aspiration where you know, even if you affect one person,

590
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,960
Speaker 8: which you haven't, you've affected and I've seen it thousands

591
00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 8: of people since you know that video went viral of

592
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:23,719
Speaker 8: yourself talking about in my book The Fear Bubble.

593
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: It's it's just like, wow, you've just you've just blown

594
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 1: the cast get off and you've gone from I'm not

595
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 1: going to say from you. You were never not hero,

596
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 1: but you've gone from like zero to hero in tens

597
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: of thousands of people's minds. So you know, is that

598
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: something that that you realize that you that you do

599
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,120
Speaker 1: or is it is it something that you still struggle with?

600
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 4: No?

601
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 5: I think so as you just mentioned the book The

602
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:56,959
Speaker 5: Fear Bubble and as a talk about on my motivational

603
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 5: target is the book that's say in my life, So

604
00:30:58,840 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 5: thank you for that.

605
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 1: Childhood wasn't easy for James Parr. His mom died from

606
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: cancer when he was still young, and he ran away

607
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 1: from his father and lived with his aunt to finish school.

608
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:20,160
Speaker 1: Working in the education sector, James felt something was missing

609
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: in his life, but the smallest of injuries revealed something

610
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: more sinister going on in his body.

611
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 7: Yeah. Well it was a cricket bat. I was playing

612
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 7: cricket with the with the kids, and so the plastic

613
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 7: cricket bat just like brushed the side of my ankle,

614
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 7: and yeah, I just like fell over and it took

615
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:42,720
Speaker 7: me like a whole minute to get out because it

616
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,560
Speaker 7: like really hurt. You know when you sort of hit

617
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 7: your funny bones paralyzes. It was sort of like that.

618
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 1: And that was on your ankle, on my ankle outside

619
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 1: of inside inside, the inside of with.

620
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 7: Like a little bit of like nerve pain. That was

621
00:31:56,120 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 7: a really weird pain. And then I guess that just

622
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,719
Speaker 7: like alerted me into this pain. And I think like

623
00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 7: for three weeks I just had this random pain that

624
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 7: was like weird.

625
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 1: You didn't think anything of it. You decided, know what,

626
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 1: we just had an accident.

627
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 7: I thought maybe the cricket that like hit something. Yeah, CBA,

628
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 7: there's nothing I could have done.

629
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, And there there wasn't. It wasn't. It just

630
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:18,600
Speaker 1: skimmed it, right, So it must have.

631
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 7: Yeah.

632
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, So it wasn't any direct impact or anything. So

633
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:23,000
Speaker 1: you were just thinking, do you know what?

634
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 7: I was only like, I was also like beg into CrossFit,

635
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 7: so I was like training six days a week. So

636
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 7: I also thought it was something to do with that,

637
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 7: and I didn't pay much attention to it. But yeah,

638
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 7: I ended up going to the doctors I think maybe

639
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 7: like three weeks after, and she told me how to calcifi.

640
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:40,560
Speaker 7: I look at it. There's nothing I could do, so

641
00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 7: I left it, and then it just like got worse.

642
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 7: And then I got diagnosed with like an ostereo or asteroid,

643
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 7: which is like a benign tumor in the bone in

644
00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 7: the same bone, yeah, in the ankle. And then I

645
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,760
Speaker 7: wasn't awaiting this to have that removed. I was on

646
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 7: that waiting this for ten months. And the pain in

647
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 7: those ten months, I would have like four to six

648
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 7: every four to six hours, I'd have to take one

649
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 7: panet or one ibuproven for that pain to stop, because

650
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:12,440
Speaker 7: like if it hit, it would take like two hours

651
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 7: for it to stop. Would sort of just like numb

652
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 7: my whole leg and I wouldn't be able to walk.

653
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: So you were just staying on top of it for

654
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 1: ten months, Yeah, every day medicating itself, waiting for this

655
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: operation or for this operation around.

656
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 7: Because I'd go back and be like, it's getting us,

657
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 7: Like I can barely sleep.

658
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 1: Do you think, oh if I strap it up? Or yeah,

659
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: I did everything you've done, You've done everything you can.

660
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 7: Still wasn't because it was like looking back now I

661
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 7: can say it was inside the bone, but back then

662
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 7: I was I had no idea because even strapping it

663
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 7: would hurt, like touching that side of my ankle, like

664
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 7: even just the skin it would kill, like it would paralyze.

665
00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 7: Even if I put a sock on, like I had

666
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 7: to like not.

667
00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: Touch because it was that bad.

668
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 7: That's how bad it was. Yeah, And then after ten

669
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 7: months there was still no movement on the list, so

670
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 7: I just like chose to go private and pay I

671
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 7: think it was like five thousand dollars for the for

672
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 7: him to treat what they had diagnosed me with. But

673
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 7: the surgeon was a psacoma surgeon, which was like a

674
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 7: cancer surgeon, And so what they were doing to treat

675
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 7: that is I put a needle in the middle of it,

676
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 7: and he to niney degree is leaving there for six minutes,

677
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:22,120
Speaker 7: pull it out and it's done, and it's a CT

678
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 7: guided procedure. But when he got the image up, he

679
00:34:25,239 --> 00:34:27,880
Speaker 7: knew straight away that it was like psychoma, and so

680
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,920
Speaker 7: he treated it as he was supposed to and then

681
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 7: took some more biopsies, and then I remember him like,

682
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 7: I remember him saying that I would walk out of

683
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 7: the hospital leg pain for you. I could go straight away.

684
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,399
Speaker 1: So what was the case of doing a simple op Yeah,

685
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,920
Speaker 1: just and just removing moving apart.

686
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 7: The just removing the tym with the with the heat.

687
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. And so you're thinking that this

688
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,879
Speaker 1: stage right good? Yes, chill yeah, chill yeah, chill.

689
00:34:58,040 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 7: Right. Then I limped out of the hospital and that

690
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 7: was I was like, why is this still sore? Right?

691
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: So that happened and then you limped out the hospital.

692
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:08,359
Speaker 7: Yeah, And then about a week later the surgeon called

693
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 7: me and the results I come back from the biopsy,

694
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 7: which it was like an osteopsychoma, which is a bone

695
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 7: cancer in the ankle, and I think at that stage

696
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,800
Speaker 7: it was like a centimeter in diameter, so it was

697
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 7: like quite small, yeah, not too big and yeah, so

698
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 7: pretty much started chemo. I think the week after that

699
00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 7: I went straight into chemo.

700
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: Was this due to the trauma of the of the quickulut.

701
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 7: No, oh yeah. So essentially all it is is like

702
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:40,399
Speaker 7: your bone cells just get muddled up when they're forming

703
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:44,960
Speaker 7: the bone. So typically it happens to children adolescent. I

704
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,960
Speaker 7: think maybe I just went through a growth spurt a

705
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 7: twenty one, still growing and yeah, the cells just get

706
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 7: muddled up and then turn into cancer.

707
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,000
Speaker 1: When did you realize how serious is you know? This

708
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:57,360
Speaker 1: is a year you're feeling the pain. Obviously you know it.

709
00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 1: But the doctors are saying, yeah, we do this, You're

710
00:35:59,280 --> 00:35:59,879
Speaker 1: gonna limp out.

711
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 7: Why is it tool?

712
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: And when do they go, well, actually, this is James coming.

713
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,160
Speaker 1: You need to sit down, buddy, We need to we

714
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: need to talk about this.

715
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 7: I think the moment I left the hospital, I was

716
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:12,160
Speaker 7: sort of like, something's a bit weird about this. And

717
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 7: then I still had pain the week after, like the

718
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 7: pain had never gone away, and so I think in

719
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 7: that I was sort of just not preparing myself for

720
00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 7: the worst. But you know, it's subconsciously I was like,

721
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:26,320
Speaker 7: I know something's wrong. I would be surprised if nothing

722
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 7: else happens as a result. But yeah, he called me

723
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 7: the week after because he couldn't get me into the

724
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,839
Speaker 7: week after that and his he the surgeon just didn't

725
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 7: want to leave me all weekend and be like, I

726
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 7: can't not tell you why. I'm making an appointment for

727
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 7: you next week, so I'm just going to tell you

728
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:45,800
Speaker 7: have cancer. Wow, And which I wasn't surprised, So I

729
00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 7: think in that was probably like more relief. It all

730
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 7: made sense. I think it was also time and place.

731
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 7: Like before what I was saying, I wanted to create

732
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:56,840
Speaker 7: myself like a great life, and I had. I was

733
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 7: doing everything I wanted to do in a job that

734
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:01,360
Speaker 7: I've always wanted to do, but I also sort of

735
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 7: felt stuck in my life, and I also didn't know

736
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,880
Speaker 7: what was next, or like I didn't feel feel fulfilled,

737
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 7: and so I didn't know what I wanted to do next.

738
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 7: I guess so in that when he did tell me,

739
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 7: for me, it was more just acceptance of, well, this

740
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 7: was supposed to happen, and maybe this is what I

741
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 7: needed to stop feeling stuck, if that makes sense, Like

742
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:29,720
Speaker 7: it was a new path, which is exactly what happened.

743
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,080
Speaker 1: So you're making the best of a bad situation. Basically,

744
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 1: you're going, look, listen, this is I can't change it.

745
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,719
Speaker 1: I'm not going to try and control what I can't control,

746
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 1: but now I need to. You know, this is this

747
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:44,320
Speaker 1: has forced me into a new into a new headspace.

748
00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 1: It's forced me into into a new space that I

749
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 1: need to figure out.

750
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 7: Yeah, and I think even see, I don't even look

751
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:53,720
Speaker 7: at as a bad situation, Like I understand, like cancer

752
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 7: is scary, obviously can die. But I look back now

753
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 7: and even in the moment, actually probably one of the

754
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:07,280
Speaker 7: nicest experiences I've had in my life, where the time

755
00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 7: that I spent even in hospital with like the nurses,

756
00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:14,000
Speaker 7: some of them are my friends now, and you know,

757
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 7: being able to go there and then go back home

758
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 7: and it was like shit, but in that I actually

759
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 7: really enjoyed it. It's actually a really nice experience and

760
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:25,720
Speaker 7: also a really nice experience to carry through, I guess

761
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 7: for the rest of my life.

762
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: Do you think that Do you think that was because

763
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,160
Speaker 1: people were going on a journey with you rather than

764
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 1: you going on a journey by yourself.

765
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:38,600
Speaker 7: Yes, I would definitely say yes, Like I feel like

766
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 7: then you definitely find you figure out who your friends

767
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 7: and your family are and your support system is. But

768
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 7: I also like kept everything like pretty private from my

769
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 7: friends and my family just because I actually feel like

770
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 7: their sort of grief within it themselves was harder for

771
00:38:56,280 --> 00:39:00,400
Speaker 7: me because I didn't feel the same. They had a

772
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 7: lot of trouble leg processing the emotions and being scared,

773
00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 7: where I was just sort of chill.

774
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 1: You're a pretty chill guy, James, So I have to

775
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:10,839
Speaker 1: give you that.

776
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 7: So in that I sort of just like, yeah, I

777
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,879
Speaker 7: shielded them from that and just didn't speak or told

778
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:20,720
Speaker 7: them anything until I was ready.

779
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,399
Speaker 1: And so when did you get that news? When did

780
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,880
Speaker 1: they say to you, We're gonna have to chop your

781
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:28,600
Speaker 1: leg off?

782
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 6: Oh?

783
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, what was that news like? Because that's yeah, I

784
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 1: know you're chill, you're chill, but that.

785
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 7: Must I was chill. And I don't even want to

786
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:43,879
Speaker 7: say that. My actually asked me about it the other day.

787
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 7: I'm like, oh, that was chill. It's just like, you

788
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,880
Speaker 7: must be really desensitized. I'm like, no, not, I actually

789
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 7: just don't care. What was that like? It was interesting.

790
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 1: I just take me through that day when you get

791
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:58,839
Speaker 1: the phone call and they go come in and they

792
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 1: sit you down and they go, we're gonna we're gonna

793
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 1: lob your leg off here.

794
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:04,520
Speaker 7: Well, that was never at the start. At the start,

795
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 7: this was just a centimeter. They were going to start

796
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 7: off with chemo. Yeah, the treatment plans like chemo for

797
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 7: three months and then they look again to see like

798
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 7: what the chemo's doing and how the cancers reacting to

799
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 7: it and responding to it, and then they would look

800
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 7: at a surgical plan. In the three months of chemo,

801
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 7: the pain just got worse. Actually, there were like two

802
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 7: occasions where I think I was even in the hospital

803
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 7: and they probably had given me every strong like payment

804
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 7: occasion that they could have that in the end that

805
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:39,839
Speaker 7: ended up knocking me out because I couldn't sleep because

806
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 7: of the pain. Yeah, So chemo for three months, and

807
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,640
Speaker 7: they went back for the scans to find out what

808
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:48,879
Speaker 7: they were going to do in surgery, which up until

809
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:52,880
Speaker 7: then they had always told me a bone graft. But

810
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,279
Speaker 7: I think the pain is getting worse. I remember that

811
00:40:56,360 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 7: morning and I just actually had a dream that night

812
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 7: that my surgeon told me amputation. Oh really yeah, yeah,

813
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 7: And so I woke up in the morning. I was

814
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 7: sort of not surprised, and I was also like I

815
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 7: didn't know anything about prosthetics. I didn't know anything. And

816
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:14,879
Speaker 7: I remember that morning I was like, because my num

817
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 7: was there, I didn't want her to see. But I

818
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 7: was like.

819
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:18,879
Speaker 1: Googling prosthetics and just like oh you were you.

820
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, I was just like researching how all that works.

821
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 7: And then when I got there for the appointment, they

822
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,520
Speaker 7: give you like a little appointment slip. I only had

823
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 7: one appointment. Two slips came out and I was like,

824
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,480
Speaker 7: where's that second appointment come from? And I was like

825
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:38,279
Speaker 7: I know what this is. So yeah, when I went

826
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 7: in and the surgeon told me amputation, yeah, I was

827
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:43,399
Speaker 7: just actually chill.

828
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:43,919
Speaker 5: Yeah.

829
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:48,839
Speaker 7: Yeah, I had no response. And there was also like

830
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:53,760
Speaker 7: one of the social worker in there from the hospital

831
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:55,400
Speaker 7: and they were both just like looking at me waiting

832
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,319
Speaker 7: for reaction, and my nan she was crying, but I

833
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 7: just had to ignore her for that second. Respectfully get

834
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,280
Speaker 7: that there, but also disrespectfully yeah keep quiet.

835
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm going through this at the moment. At

836
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 1: the moment, yeah, that was.

837
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 7: Just like staring at me for a reaction, and I

838
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,840
Speaker 7: was just like looking at them both like okay, I

839
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 7: can sign it now because I just wanted to get

840
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,439
Speaker 7: out of there instead of them staring at me. And

841
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 7: so yeah, the surgeon was like a sure, like we

842
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 7: can do the other option. I'm like, well, it's actually

843
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 7: not really an option. So yeah, I'm sure the other

844
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:33,800
Speaker 7: option was to remove the whole ankle joint, because the

845
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:37,000
Speaker 7: cancer ended up going around the whole ankle joint, and

846
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:41,400
Speaker 7: so the first well, the alternate option was to remove

847
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:44,399
Speaker 7: the ankle joint and then put a rod up through

848
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 7: my heel to hold the foot and the I know,

849
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 7: the angle that's not there together.

850
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: But then an ankle reconstruction.

851
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 7: Yeah, but then I have a fixed ankle as well,

852
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 7: I wouldn't be able to move it. And then there's

853
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,840
Speaker 7: like skin contaminations, so then I'd have to have surgery

854
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,320
Speaker 7: to remove parts of the skin where the cancer souls

855
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 7: were since they don't turn the cancerous, and greater risk

856
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:13,919
Speaker 7: of the cancer coming back.

857
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:18,319
Speaker 1: You're still very active, right, You're still sporty, You're still That.

858
00:43:18,320 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 7: Would have limited me. Yeah, and it would have annoyed

859
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:22,879
Speaker 7: me that I would have them to actually chop it off.

860
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly, So there was a multiple. You already calculated it,

861
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 1: like you said that, you already had the answer in

862
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 1: your head.

863
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 7: I was already into it.

864
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 1: So take me through the day that they actually decided

865
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 1: to put you under.

866
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,600
Speaker 7: And oh, yeah, so happened the week after?

867
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:40,000
Speaker 1: Oh so that quick, so you made the decision. Trying

868
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:40,879
Speaker 1: to talk you out of it?

869
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:45,839
Speaker 7: Was any know, I did not necessarily because like in

870
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:50,919
Speaker 7: the appointment that day, I signed the paperwork and after

871
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,359
Speaker 7: that was like, oh yeah, so like when I thought

872
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 7: maybe like a month and it's like next Tuesday, I

873
00:43:55,560 --> 00:44:03,280
Speaker 7: was okay, great, done, Yeah, yeah, wow, and look scary

874
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,560
Speaker 7: because you're like having a leg chopped off. And my

875
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 7: sisters were there and they had freaked me out by

876
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 7: like imagine if they take the wrong leg when they

877
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:14,799
Speaker 7: take both cheers. Yeah.

878
00:44:14,840 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: Now, yeah, they obviously talked you through where they're going

879
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,319
Speaker 1: to take it from, and I just.

880
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 7: Knew it was blowney and maybe I don't know if

881
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 7: they told me specifically, so.

882
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: They didn't show you any charts or anything that I like, yeah,

883
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 1: we're going to take off from here.

884
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:33,160
Speaker 7: The surgeon showed me the knife.

885
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, lovely. It was a serrated one because because you

886
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: were so chill, he's like, I want some reaction from you, James.

887
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 7: Well, he kept explaining to me and like showing me,

888
00:44:44,440 --> 00:44:46,439
Speaker 7: and then he was like trying to show me how

889
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:49,640
Speaker 7: as they're cutting with the knife, there's like a suction

890
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 7: that like sucks up all the blood. I'm like, why

891
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 7: are you showing me this?

892
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,000
Speaker 1: There's my leg, Just get on with it.

893
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 7: But yeah, he did sort of say the process but

894
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 7: they do really is they stop all the nerve endings first,

895
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 7: I'm going to say, kill them. Yeah, just so as

896
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:12,319
Speaker 7: your brain's last memory of the ankle is a pain

897
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:15,160
Speaker 7: free one because it was in pain. So they do

898
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 7: that first to make sure that your brain's last memory.

899
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:21,160
Speaker 1: And how do they do that is a medicinal.

900
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:26,799
Speaker 7: And then that's all I know.

901
00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 1: So you wake up. What's the first thing you do

902
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:29,920
Speaker 1: when you wake up?

903
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 7: Well, I wake up with an epidrool. So the first

904
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 7: thing I wanted to do actually was checked to make

905
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 7: sure they took.

906
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 1: The correct leg because of your sisters.

907
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 7: But there was a nurse in there, and I just

908
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 7: did not want her to know that's what I was doing,

909
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 7: like checking and make sure the leg was the right one.

910
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 7: So then I go through a thought process, Oh my god,

911
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,040
Speaker 7: why don't I just like move my left leg. I

912
00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 7: have an epidriol. So then I can't feel my left

913
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,040
Speaker 7: leg and I can't move that. I was like, shiit

914
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:05,360
Speaker 7: have they taken the wrong leg? But then I literally

915
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 7: described my phone and I knew. Look, I just wanted

916
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 7: macus breaky. I don't know why. I was just craving out.

917
00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 7: It's like, who's going to get it for me? And

918
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,320
Speaker 7: I was like, I know, if I call my sisters

919
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 7: and tell them that's what I want, then I'm going

920
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:22,319
Speaker 7: to deliver. So I had to like, oh my god,

921
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 7: I need you to come here. Players.

922
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:27,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, just my leg cut off, get me McDonald's.

923
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, it came straight away, and I was like, I

924
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:30,840
Speaker 7: just wanted to make his break.

925
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 1: And they wanted to leg off. Like I'm actually really fine,

926
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 1: and is there a moment that reality kicks in that

927
00:46:39,680 --> 00:46:42,719
Speaker 1: you go, WHOA, Well, actually I've got quite a quite

928
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:47,080
Speaker 1: a journey from here onwards. Yes, straight into it your mindset,

929
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 1: you're just straight into.

930
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 4: So.

931
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:53,279
Speaker 7: I had the surgery done on a Tuesday Friday, and

932
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 7: I still had an every drool and stuff Friday. I reckon.

933
00:46:57,680 --> 00:47:00,240
Speaker 7: I argued with the doctors all day Friday, and they

934
00:47:00,840 --> 00:47:04,480
Speaker 7: settled on turning everything off but leaving it in overnight

935
00:47:04,520 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 7: to see how it go, and they took everything out

936
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 7: on Saturday morning. I never had pain since.

937
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 1: Oh really, yeah, so the pain that you've been experiencing

938
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,359
Speaker 1: for over a year now was.

939
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:20,920
Speaker 7: Gone, gone, and I had no pain from the surgical

940
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:25,799
Speaker 7: wound either, wow, which I remember in that moment when

941
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,319
Speaker 7: they did turn it off, I was like, oh shit,

942
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 7: this actually might be really sore, like they did just

943
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 7: chop a whole leg off, but you know, no pain.

944
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 7: And they sent me home a week after because there's

945
00:47:37,200 --> 00:47:38,799
Speaker 7: like no point in me being there. I was doing

946
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:42,360
Speaker 7: everything myself, and then I think I went back to

947
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 7: cross fit while the.

948
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 1: While it was healing one leg, just on one leg,

949
00:47:49,640 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 1: you're just on crutches. You're back in the CrossFit gym.

950
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 7: Because I hadn't had chemo, I was starting to feel

951
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 7: like normal again, like my in terms of my energy

952
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,040
Speaker 7: and everything.

953
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 1: Even though it's a negative situation, everything for you, pain wise,

954
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:08,879
Speaker 1: mobility wise, it was was was positive, right because you're

955
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:11,400
Speaker 1: no longer in pain. I'm no longer going through chema.

956
00:48:11,560 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 1: Get back into the gym. Yeah, I might have might

957
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: be hobbling around for a bit, but I'll get used

958
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,600
Speaker 1: to it. I'll figure it out. So everything was. I

959
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 1: suppose a positive challenge for you, then one would and

960
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 1: that's how you looked at it.

961
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:23,280
Speaker 7: I'm just like adapting, yeah, adapting.

962
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

963
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,319
Speaker 7: I remember my friend said to me once, like when

964
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 7: I told her that it was like being amputated, she

965
00:48:28,920 --> 00:48:31,320
Speaker 7: said to me once, this would just be your new normal,

966
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 7: and I was like, oh my god. True. So I

967
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,960
Speaker 7: think just taking that on board and using that into

968
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 7: creating my own new normal of what that would look like.

969
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:41,880
Speaker 7: And I think that's like a human vessel. You're constantly

970
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 7: making sense of the world. Every interaction, like everywhere you go,

971
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,399
Speaker 7: you're generally taking an information that you're going to use

972
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:51,880
Speaker 7: tomorrow and the day after. And I think it's all

973
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 7: part of that.

974
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: Really, when did the modeling career come around? I know

975
00:48:56,960 --> 00:49:00,320
Speaker 1: that your friend had had a clothing car and was

976
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: that right?

977
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,799
Speaker 7: Yeah, well her family owned like the clothing shop where

978
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,840
Speaker 7: I lived, and I reckon that was the year after.

979
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:10,399
Speaker 1: So during that year, you're back into a routine, You're

980
00:49:10,480 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 1: loving life. Are you still sort of stuck in you

981
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 1: know where you don't know where the next journey is

982
00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:19,359
Speaker 1: or you don't know where the next you know, the

983
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 1: purposes or the next goal?

984
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,799
Speaker 7: Were you well in? That is when I sort of,

985
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:26,399
Speaker 7: I think realized and then that sort of all came

986
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:30,839
Speaker 7: at once. I think then going from able to then

987
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 7: being disabled, just seeing how people interacted with me and

988
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 7: you know, spoke to me differently. I think every day

989
00:49:39,600 --> 00:49:41,399
Speaker 7: for like a good six months, I would hear someone

990
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,280
Speaker 7: say that's I'm so sad for you and that's so sorry,

991
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 7: which to me was nothing but.

992
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 1: The work, the worst thing. I can imagine that.

993
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 7: You're looking at me as like a sad sack or

994
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 7: like you feel sorry for me, nothing to feel sorry for.

995
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:57,520
Speaker 7: I think in that opened.

996
00:49:57,200 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 1: Up, did that piss you off?

997
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:04,160
Speaker 7: Oh yeah at the start, yeah, because it's like you

998
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 7: have no way out and you can't even say anything

999
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:07,360
Speaker 7: because what can.

1000
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 1: You say, and that that you know that it's China,

1001
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:12,359
Speaker 1: they mean good, but oh yeah, yeah yeah.

1002
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:14,680
Speaker 7: And it comes from yeah, it comes from.

1003
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:17,760
Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

1004
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:21,280
Speaker 7: But it also comes from the perception and narrative around

1005
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,440
Speaker 7: disability that we have. And I think that really just

1006
00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:27,719
Speaker 7: comes from media and the perception that we have. I

1007
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,239
Speaker 7: love that because then I was able to look back

1008
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:32,880
Speaker 7: at or I had to really debunk it myself and

1009
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,560
Speaker 7: redefine it myself, because I even had trouble saying oh, yeah,

1010
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 7: I'm disabled or like being referenced in that way, because

1011
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 7: for me, in that moment, disabled meant something different that

1012
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:48,520
Speaker 7: I was unable or I couldn't do this, or I

1013
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:53,960
Speaker 7: couldn't do that, and that was not the correct perception.

1014
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,360
Speaker 1: That's what it is. You just hit the man on

1015
00:50:56,400 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 1: the side that disabled almost is unable. Yeah, yeah, And

1016
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:03,400
Speaker 1: it seemed like it is portrayed like that. The media

1017
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 1: portrayed like that.

1018
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:08,839
Speaker 7: Someone can see by a car what happens at the end,

1019
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 7: someone's all of a sudden now using wheelchair. That can happen,

1020
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 7: but that's portrayed, and what you infer from that is

1021
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:16,840
Speaker 7: that it's the worst thing that could happen to you.

1022
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:19,279
Speaker 7: And then you take that on and that starts to

1023
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,400
Speaker 7: form a perception of a disability or someone using a wheelchair.

1024
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 7: And I definitely had that even when I worked, and

1025
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,920
Speaker 7: then looking back at my work at the special school,

1026
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 7: I was like same thing. Then sort of realized that

1027
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 7: I had my own internalized able as thoughts that I

1028
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 7: had to work through. And for me, yeah, just come

1029
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 7: down to the the lack of representation or the misrepresentation

1030
00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:44,920
Speaker 7: in media.

1031
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 1: So you're learning about this firsthand, right you would, It

1032
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 1: wouldn't have even ended your head before, right, And now

1033
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,759
Speaker 1: you're you're starting to see, well, people look at me.

1034
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:56,960
Speaker 1: Different people are talking to me. Different people are treating

1035
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 1: me differently, And then is it is it a case

1036
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 1: of right? No, no, no, no, this is this? Isn't it now?

1037
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 1: That it?

1038
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 7: Was?

1039
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:04,920
Speaker 1: It a new sense of purpose for you?

1040
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:08,239
Speaker 7: Yes? Yeah, because I went on a journey myself and

1041
00:52:08,280 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 7: I realized that. And then as I would interact with

1042
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 7: more people and I would hear those things, I would

1043
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:18,239
Speaker 7: just question them like why because they would also not

1044
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 7: have the answer for that. So they would tell me

1045
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 7: they felt so sad for me or sorry for me.

1046
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 7: I'd like, okay, why, oh, because you lost your Like okay,

1047
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,560
Speaker 7: but like why does that make you sad? I'm like,

1048
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:28,480
Speaker 7: I'm actually.

1049
00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 1: Like still doing everything, I'm pain free, and.

1050
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:40,040
Speaker 7: Like that does not define happiness or purpose. So yeah,

1051
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:43,839
Speaker 7: I think because my friend owned a clothing shop, it's

1052
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 7: just got a camera and they were just like mucking

1053
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:49,960
Speaker 7: around for social media. Yeah, I just did that for

1054
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 7: fun with a friend. And then from then is when

1055
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:55,400
Speaker 7: I started modeling and people were just like reaching out

1056
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 7: to me online.

1057
00:52:56,760 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 1: And then I think, but why she were doing that?

1058
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 1: Were you were you? Were you still passionate and portraying

1059
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:08,760
Speaker 1: this message of yes, yes, so simultaneously that you merge

1060
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: the two together.

1061
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 7: And then in that is when I realized, oh, this

1062
00:53:12,120 --> 00:53:15,799
Speaker 7: is probably how I could shift the narrative. Love that,

1063
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:18,439
Speaker 7: and you know, probably be in a position to at least,

1064
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:21,640
Speaker 7: I know him, use my voice or at least create

1065
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,920
Speaker 7: more representation for people with the disability.

1066
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,799
Speaker 1: The power the power of social media, because that's when

1067
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:30,760
Speaker 1: the power of social media really comes alive because people

1068
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:32,239
Speaker 1: can relate to it. And that's where I think, to

1069
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:34,760
Speaker 1: viral and you start to make a name for yourself,

1070
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:37,400
Speaker 1: and you know, you start to think, wow, you know

1071
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 1: people are listening. I can change people's perspective, I can

1072
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:43,520
Speaker 1: change people's minds, I can change people's lives one percent.

1073
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:48,799
Speaker 7: And I think in that I really learned that how

1074
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:52,200
Speaker 7: to sort of do that rather than telling people, because

1075
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:55,400
Speaker 7: when you tell people, they're not going to listen. They

1076
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:58,360
Speaker 7: need to come up with it themselves. So even you know,

1077
00:53:58,360 --> 00:54:00,880
Speaker 7: when I need to plant yeah, yeah, even when I

1078
00:54:00,880 --> 00:54:05,040
Speaker 7: first started advocating, you know, I guess I was just

1079
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:08,360
Speaker 7: sharing my dating messages where people would message me straight

1080
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,319
Speaker 7: up'd be like what happened to your leg? Or like

1081
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:12,600
Speaker 7: question this in question that, and all I would do

1082
00:54:12,719 --> 00:54:14,640
Speaker 7: is just screenshot it and share it because then people

1083
00:54:14,680 --> 00:54:17,840
Speaker 7: would start to form their own perception and sort of

1084
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:21,000
Speaker 7: realize what was happening in that themselves that I actually

1085
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 7: didn't expell it out for them. So I think that

1086
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 7: became a powerful tool in inviting people into the conversation,

1087
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,439
Speaker 7: also with a bit of humor, like I don't really care,

1088
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 7: it's funny, yeah, you know.

1089
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:34,440
Speaker 4: So.

1090
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,680
Speaker 7: I think that also realized how to tap into people

1091
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:39,960
Speaker 7: and how to advocate in a way where people come

1092
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 7: up with the answers themselves, rather than telling.

1093
00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:44,919
Speaker 1: People if you want to listen to any of these

1094
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 1: interviews in full, I'll put their links in the show notes.

1095
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:52,160
Speaker 1: I'm at Middleton. Catch you in the next episode.