Speaker 1: Hey, q vank, I can never say, Hugh Van Kylon Burke,
Speaker 1: that's it. He Resilience Project YEP and also co hosts
Speaker 1: The Imperfect podcast with Good Mate about Brian Sheldon and
Speaker 1: Hughes Brother, Great potty, awesome guys. Well, just very authentic,
Speaker 1: very open.
Speaker 2: Tackle all things vulnerability, which I love, especially in men, because.
Speaker 1: If there's one thing I know you los and I
Speaker 1: agree on is I love talking about subjects that don't
Speaker 1: really get spoken about a lot. I like normalizing things
Speaker 1: because I genuinely think the more we talk about things,
Speaker 1: the more we normalize.
Speaker 2: It, it will be tough. You've got to have these conversations.
Speaker 1: Hugh posted a video. Oh they did it on their podcast,
Speaker 1: and it was around this time last week. I saw
Speaker 1: it pop up over the weekend, and I'll be honest,
Speaker 1: it's taken me a few days to watch the whole thing.
Speaker 1: It was an open letter to parents of autistic children. Now,
Speaker 1: I've got three young boys under eleven. One of my
Speaker 1: boys has been diagnosed autistic, and you know, we've come
Speaker 1: a long way over the years, but I love him
Speaker 1: debits and you know, parenting generally is not easy, and
Speaker 1: parenting your I diverse kids. It can be bloody hard.
Speaker 1: And I think this video really hit me because some
Speaker 1: of the things he was talking about. I was like, wow, LOUI,
Speaker 1: my wife and I were not alone. You know other
Speaker 1: parents are experiencing this. I just want to play you
Speaker 1: sixty seconds of his open letter. Yeah, please do. And
Speaker 1: this was his open letter to parents of autistic children.
Speaker 3: Most people will not understand this yet, but the pain
Speaker 3: of being a parent or an autistic child is not the child.
Speaker 3: It's the world. The pain is seeing your child standing
Speaker 3: on the sidelines, confused, distressed, and left out while the
Speaker 3: other kids instinctively understand the rules and the social norms.
Speaker 3: It's watching the world overwhelm them and then holding them
Speaker 3: through yet another meltdown, knowing they don't want to feel
Speaker 3: this way, knowing that they're feeling a deep sense of shame,
Speaker 3: but their body and mind is overwhelmed and out of control,
Speaker 3: and there's nothing you can do except be there. It's
Speaker 3: the quiet grief of unspoken words and watching them struggle
Speaker 3: to express things that come so easily to others. It's
Speaker 3: the way people look at you in public when they're
Speaker 3: crying on the floor or smashing themselves against the wall. Strangers,
Speaker 3: assuming they're badly behaved instead of overstimulated, exhausted, drowning in
Speaker 3: a world that refuses to slow down for them. And
Speaker 3: however hard it is for me, I know they're doing
Speaker 3: it so much tougher.
Speaker 1: Can I first just say thank you to Hugh for
Speaker 1: being brave and to talk about this and do the
Speaker 1: open letter. I just want to say. I spoke to Felix,
Speaker 1: my son, and my wife last night because I was like, look, guys,
Speaker 1: I would like to talk about this and help normalize it.
Speaker 1: Obviously Dad doesn't want to do that. If you know,
Speaker 1: you don't want me to.
Speaker 2: They feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: So how it's feel because Helix is eleven most caring
Speaker 1: kid in the world. I love him to bits, And
Speaker 1: he was like, no, talk about it because I think, well,
Speaker 1: we talk about this stuff the yeaser it gets and
Speaker 1: it's so true. Like you know how the running joke
Speaker 1: on this show is like, I don't leave my suburb. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's sort of true because for us to leave
Speaker 1: our suburb and go and do something, it's almost like
Speaker 1: a three day event. So like the other week, the
Speaker 1: Phoenix invited us to the basketball and it was awesome.
Speaker 1: I was so excited. The boys were so excited for
Speaker 1: us to go to a game on Sunday afternoon at
Speaker 1: two o'clock. It's that's a three four day lead up
Speaker 1: for us. It's us going on Saturday. Okay, we can't
Speaker 1: have anyone around today, we can't go anywhere. We just
Speaker 1: need a real chilled afternoon Saturday, so he's not over stimulated.
Speaker 1: Let's time until we get to the game. Just before
Speaker 1: it starts.
Speaker 2: I assume there's a building his confidence as well, exactly comfortability.
Speaker 1: He is such a great kid and gets it now.
Speaker 1: So if he's in situations where he's starting to get overwhelmed,
Speaker 1: to let us know and we just get out of there.
Speaker 1: And then you know, as everyone leaves John Caterina and
Speaker 1: they've had a great time, that's where the work begins
Speaker 1: for us, because now we have to spend the next
Speaker 1: day or two trying to help you know, him, regulate
Speaker 1: himself and create a quiet environment and just so we
Speaker 1: can reset. And I'll be honesty, it's black side. It's exhausting.
Speaker 1: There's also the other siblings, like so that you know,
Speaker 1: there's the guilt, like you know, and God love them,
Speaker 1: my three boys absolutely love them as sorry, love each other,
Speaker 1: but I also know, you know, for the other siblings,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, unfortunately the times we can't share
Speaker 1: our time equally, which is you know, which is bloody
Speaker 1: tar on there?
Speaker 2: Well you are, you are there, their parents, their protect protector, right.
Speaker 2: They're saying that struck me in what you just said,
Speaker 2: which I mean you should take a whole lot of
Speaker 2: comfort from and that is in his words, there's nothing
Speaker 2: else you can do but be there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's what I really struggle with
Speaker 1: at the start because I'm a fixer and Lou had
Speaker 1: to teach me that. She's like, you know what, it's
Speaker 1: not about fixing, it's just being about being there.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's about accepting, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it really is. And we've come. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of our little family and how far we've come. You know,
Speaker 1: we openly talk about it. He's got so good now
Speaker 1: verbalizing if something's going to be overwhelming for him, and
Speaker 1: you know what, we just unfortunately we can't go out
Speaker 1: to everything. You know, people be like you're coming to
Speaker 1: this school event, you know what, it's at seven thirty.
Speaker 1: We can't do it. It's not worth it. But ye,
Speaker 1: we have come so far, and I just think the
Speaker 1: more we talk about this stuff, because the other thing was,
Speaker 1: it was about a year or two ago and I
Speaker 1: said to Lou, I'm like, we're going to start telling
Speaker 1: people in our circle, like you know, we've got to
Speaker 1: tell our family and our friends. What were you know,
Speaker 1: the situation. I was open with you guys, and what
Speaker 1: I found in the past two years, Clint is knowledge
Speaker 1: is power. The more you're open with your circle of people,
Speaker 1: the more understanding they will be, and it just makes
Speaker 1: it that a little bit easier.
Speaker 2: I mean, well done to you for verbalizing it as well.
Speaker 2: It's really important and normalizing, you know, normalizing the conversation.
Speaker 2: Obviously it ends with awareness, but also can I just
Speaker 2: say from us to you as well, you and Lou,
Speaker 2: it's it's quite clear even from Afar about you know
Speaker 2: how how patient you are. You are great parents, and
Speaker 2: you are great role models. And we've a bad day.
Speaker 1: But I get that.
Speaker 2: But you know what, your boys, not just not just Felix,
Speaker 2: but your boys feel a great deal of comfort being
Speaker 2: at home with you, guys, and you should be immensely
Speaker 2: proud of that.
Speaker 1: Thank you, man. I am, I'm very proud of him.
Speaker 2: Can I have a manhunt?
Speaker 1: Yeah, come and get a man hut. Come on, thanks mate,
Speaker 1: Sorry it took me a while to get through that.
Speaker 1: I just yeah, I just wanted to say hats off
Speaker 1: to Hugh. And there's one thing you, Lauren and I
Speaker 1: pride ourselves on is normalizing these conversations just before we
Speaker 1: get out of here. And I want to wait till
Speaker 1: after school drop off to chat about it, even though
Speaker 1: I did FLAG with my family and my son, but
Speaker 1: we were just chatting about the imperfect podcast. Hugh van
Speaker 1: kylein Burg, great guy, runs a brazilience project and in
Speaker 1: his recent podcast, he did an open letter to parents
Speaker 1: of autistic children. Just for the break, I was talking
Speaker 1: about my eleven year old son, Felix, who is autistic.
Speaker 1: We love normalizing the conversation on this show, so that's
Speaker 1: why I just wanted to pay tribute to Hugh. I
Speaker 1: just I just want us all to be a little
Speaker 1: bit more positive like our numbers thirteen twenty four to ten.
Speaker 1: Anytime you want to weigh in and where people like
Speaker 1: to run to the fire. So I don't want to
Speaker 1: shy away from this. One of the producers just copped
Speaker 1: an earfull from someone on the phones then, because they thought,
Speaker 1: why we're paying tribute to Hugh when other podcasts have
Speaker 1: addressed this stuff. I know m Riciano has addressed it
Speaker 1: on her podcast. I know em get along with it
Speaker 1: quite well. To be honest, I didn't address it then
Speaker 1: because my family and I weren't in the right headspace
Speaker 1: that you didn't feel comfortable. Then No, So it is
Speaker 1: just a timing thing. But let's look at this. It's
Speaker 1: not a pussy content it is. Let's look at this
Speaker 1: stuff more positive, you know what I mean. It's we're
Speaker 1: talking about it now. That's what matters. Now more we
Speaker 1: can normalize it, whatever topic it is, the easier it
Speaker 1: makes it great.
Speaker 2: We've had a lot of calls Jace, including Loretta. On
Speaker 2: thirteen twenty four Tenretta, good morning, Hi guys.
Speaker 1: What's up mate?
Speaker 4: I just wanted to say, Jay, you're wonderful. You're not alone.
Speaker 4: I just dropped off my nine year old son who's
Speaker 4: got level three nonverbal AX.
Speaker 1: How How how are you and them doing?
Speaker 4: It's really tough. He's got a lot of what they
Speaker 4: call behaviors of concern. So when he gets frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed,
Speaker 4: he gets quite aggressive. So my husband and I are
Speaker 4: often covered in scratches and bites and it's really tough.
Speaker 2: Acceptance is a word. I want to ask you about
Speaker 2: how you feel your son is accepted and how important
Speaker 2: conversations like the one we're having on air.
Speaker 4: Oh, it's so so important. There is there is a
Speaker 4: complete lack of acceptance out there and a complete lack
Speaker 4: of knowledge and awareness. Like you know, as Jose was
Speaker 4: saying before, it's it's really hard to get out of
Speaker 4: the suburb. And if we go, you know, to our
Speaker 4: local wulies and he gets overwhelmed. Yea, you know, the judgment,
Speaker 4: the little the comments, it's just another level of distress.
Speaker 1: And look, you know what in saying that, I think
Speaker 1: people are scared of the unknown sometimes, haylered. I was
Speaker 1: mentioning since Lou and I sort of had that turning
Speaker 1: point where we're like, knowledge is power. We need to
Speaker 1: let our inner circle of friends and family know, you
Speaker 1: know our situation. It's helped us immensely. Are you in
Speaker 1: a similar boat? Have you opened up friends and family
Speaker 1: there where you know your situation and does it help?
Speaker 4: It does help. We don't have We've got very very
Speaker 4: limited family and We've lost a lot of friends because
Speaker 4: of you know, George's aggression. It can be overwhelming even
Speaker 4: to just be in the presence of Yea, you know
Speaker 4: when he is overwhelmed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 4: But I'm you know, I work in the disability sector.
Speaker 4: I'm an advocate, you know, I'm on the I'm on
Speaker 4: the school council. So I'm trying to be as vocal
Speaker 4: as i can. Yeah, and that's all we can do.
Speaker 2: And your roles, I'm talking about you as well, Jason,
Speaker 2: and also Loretta chief protectors right to your kids. But
Speaker 2: you've also got to keep in mind that you know,
Speaker 2: you've got to You've got to help yourself as well. Yeah,
Speaker 2: this is all part of it.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I think that's what I got out of
Speaker 1: Huge podcast and M's podcast and anybody else that's publicly
Speaker 1: spoken about this. And I hope you feel this way
Speaker 1: as well, Loretta. We're not alone. We are not alone.
Speaker 1: Well said, all right, Hey, have a great day, mate,
Speaker 1: and thanks for sharing.
Speaker 4: Your story stuff you too, Thanks Jose.
Speaker 1: Very little one for us, Okay.
Speaker 4: I will, I will, thanks so much.
Speaker 1: Take it easy. It is just gone three to nine.
Speaker 1: This is d a leepa. You're on nova. Good morning,