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Speaker 1: Hey, q vank, I can never say, Hugh Van Kylon Burke,

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Speaker 1: that's it. He Resilience Project YEP and also co hosts

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Speaker 1: The Imperfect podcast with Good Mate about Brian Sheldon and

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Speaker 1: Hughes Brother, Great potty, awesome guys. Well, just very authentic,

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Speaker 1: very open.

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Speaker 2: Tackle all things vulnerability, which I love, especially in men, because.

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Speaker 1: If there's one thing I know you los and I

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Speaker 1: agree on is I love talking about subjects that don't

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Speaker 1: really get spoken about a lot. I like normalizing things

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Speaker 1: because I genuinely think the more we talk about things,

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Speaker 1: the more we normalize.

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Speaker 2: It, it will be tough. You've got to have these conversations.

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Speaker 1: Hugh posted a video. Oh they did it on their podcast,

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Speaker 1: and it was around this time last week. I saw

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Speaker 1: it pop up over the weekend, and I'll be honest,

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Speaker 1: it's taken me a few days to watch the whole thing.

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Speaker 1: It was an open letter to parents of autistic children. Now,

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Speaker 1: I've got three young boys under eleven. One of my

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Speaker 1: boys has been diagnosed autistic, and you know, we've come

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Speaker 1: a long way over the years, but I love him

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Speaker 1: debits and you know, parenting generally is not easy, and

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Speaker 1: parenting your I diverse kids. It can be bloody hard.

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Speaker 1: And I think this video really hit me because some

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Speaker 1: of the things he was talking about. I was like, wow, LOUI,

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Speaker 1: my wife and I were not alone. You know other

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Speaker 1: parents are experiencing this. I just want to play you

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Speaker 1: sixty seconds of his open letter. Yeah, please do. And

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Speaker 1: this was his open letter to parents of autistic children.

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Speaker 3: Most people will not understand this yet, but the pain

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Speaker 3: of being a parent or an autistic child is not the child.

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Speaker 3: It's the world. The pain is seeing your child standing

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Speaker 3: on the sidelines, confused, distressed, and left out while the

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Speaker 3: other kids instinctively understand the rules and the social norms.

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Speaker 3: It's watching the world overwhelm them and then holding them

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Speaker 3: through yet another meltdown, knowing they don't want to feel

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Speaker 3: this way, knowing that they're feeling a deep sense of shame,

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Speaker 3: but their body and mind is overwhelmed and out of control,

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Speaker 3: and there's nothing you can do except be there. It's

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Speaker 3: the quiet grief of unspoken words and watching them struggle

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Speaker 3: to express things that come so easily to others. It's

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Speaker 3: the way people look at you in public when they're

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Speaker 3: crying on the floor or smashing themselves against the wall. Strangers,

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Speaker 3: assuming they're badly behaved instead of overstimulated, exhausted, drowning in

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Speaker 3: a world that refuses to slow down for them. And

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Speaker 3: however hard it is for me, I know they're doing

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Speaker 3: it so much tougher.

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Speaker 1: Can I first just say thank you to Hugh for

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Speaker 1: being brave and to talk about this and do the

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Speaker 1: open letter. I just want to say. I spoke to Felix,

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Speaker 1: my son, and my wife last night because I was like, look, guys,

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Speaker 1: I would like to talk about this and help normalize it.

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Speaker 1: Obviously Dad doesn't want to do that. If you know,

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Speaker 1: you don't want me to.

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Speaker 2: They feel uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: So how it's feel because Helix is eleven most caring

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Speaker 1: kid in the world. I love him to bits, And

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Speaker 1: he was like, no, talk about it because I think, well,

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Speaker 1: we talk about this stuff the yeaser it gets and

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Speaker 1: it's so true. Like you know how the running joke

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Speaker 1: on this show is like, I don't leave my suburb. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and it's sort of true because for us to leave

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Speaker 1: our suburb and go and do something, it's almost like

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Speaker 1: a three day event. So like the other week, the

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Speaker 1: Phoenix invited us to the basketball and it was awesome.

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Speaker 1: I was so excited. The boys were so excited for

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Speaker 1: us to go to a game on Sunday afternoon at

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Speaker 1: two o'clock. It's that's a three four day lead up

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Speaker 1: for us. It's us going on Saturday. Okay, we can't

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Speaker 1: have anyone around today, we can't go anywhere. We just

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Speaker 1: need a real chilled afternoon Saturday, so he's not over stimulated.

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Speaker 1: Let's time until we get to the game. Just before

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Speaker 1: it starts.

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Speaker 2: I assume there's a building his confidence as well, exactly comfortability.

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Speaker 1: He is such a great kid and gets it now.

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Speaker 1: So if he's in situations where he's starting to get overwhelmed,

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Speaker 1: to let us know and we just get out of there.

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Speaker 1: And then you know, as everyone leaves John Caterina and

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Speaker 1: they've had a great time, that's where the work begins

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Speaker 1: for us, because now we have to spend the next

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Speaker 1: day or two trying to help you know, him, regulate

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Speaker 1: himself and create a quiet environment and just so we

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Speaker 1: can reset. And I'll be honesty, it's black side. It's exhausting.

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Speaker 1: There's also the other siblings, like so that you know,

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Speaker 1: there's the guilt, like you know, and God love them,

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Speaker 1: my three boys absolutely love them as sorry, love each other,

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Speaker 1: but I also know, you know, for the other siblings,

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Speaker 1: it's like, you know, unfortunately the times we can't share

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Speaker 1: our time equally, which is you know, which is bloody

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Speaker 1: tar on there?

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Speaker 2: Well you are, you are there, their parents, their protect protector, right.

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Speaker 2: They're saying that struck me in what you just said,

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Speaker 2: which I mean you should take a whole lot of

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Speaker 2: comfort from and that is in his words, there's nothing

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Speaker 2: else you can do but be there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that's what I really struggle with

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Speaker 1: at the start because I'm a fixer and Lou had

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Speaker 1: to teach me that. She's like, you know what, it's

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Speaker 1: not about fixing, it's just being about being there.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's about accepting, right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it really is. And we've come. I'm so proud

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Speaker 1: of our little family and how far we've come. You know,

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Speaker 1: we openly talk about it. He's got so good now

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Speaker 1: verbalizing if something's going to be overwhelming for him, and

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Speaker 1: you know what, we just unfortunately we can't go out

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Speaker 1: to everything. You know, people be like you're coming to

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Speaker 1: this school event, you know what, it's at seven thirty.

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Speaker 1: We can't do it. It's not worth it. But ye,

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Speaker 1: we have come so far, and I just think the

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Speaker 1: more we talk about this stuff, because the other thing was,

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Speaker 1: it was about a year or two ago and I

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Speaker 1: said to Lou, I'm like, we're going to start telling

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Speaker 1: people in our circle, like you know, we've got to

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Speaker 1: tell our family and our friends. What were you know,

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Speaker 1: the situation. I was open with you guys, and what

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Speaker 1: I found in the past two years, Clint is knowledge

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Speaker 1: is power. The more you're open with your circle of people,

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Speaker 1: the more understanding they will be, and it just makes

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Speaker 1: it that a little bit easier.

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Speaker 2: I mean, well done to you for verbalizing it as well.

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Speaker 2: It's really important and normalizing, you know, normalizing the conversation.

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Speaker 2: Obviously it ends with awareness, but also can I just

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Speaker 2: say from us to you as well, you and Lou,

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Speaker 2: it's it's quite clear even from Afar about you know

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Speaker 2: how how patient you are. You are great parents, and

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Speaker 2: you are great role models. And we've a bad day.

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Speaker 1: But I get that.

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Speaker 2: But you know what, your boys, not just not just Felix,

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Speaker 2: but your boys feel a great deal of comfort being

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Speaker 2: at home with you, guys, and you should be immensely

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Speaker 2: proud of that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, man. I am, I'm very proud of him.

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Speaker 2: Can I have a manhunt?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, come and get a man hut. Come on, thanks mate,

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Speaker 1: Sorry it took me a while to get through that.

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Speaker 1: I just yeah, I just wanted to say hats off

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Speaker 1: to Hugh. And there's one thing you, Lauren and I

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Speaker 1: pride ourselves on is normalizing these conversations just before we

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Speaker 1: get out of here. And I want to wait till

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Speaker 1: after school drop off to chat about it, even though

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Speaker 1: I did FLAG with my family and my son, but

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Speaker 1: we were just chatting about the imperfect podcast. Hugh van

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Speaker 1: kylein Burg, great guy, runs a brazilience project and in

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Speaker 1: his recent podcast, he did an open letter to parents

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Speaker 1: of autistic children. Just for the break, I was talking

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Speaker 1: about my eleven year old son, Felix, who is autistic.

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Speaker 1: We love normalizing the conversation on this show, so that's

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Speaker 1: why I just wanted to pay tribute to Hugh. I

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Speaker 1: just I just want us all to be a little

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Speaker 1: bit more positive like our numbers thirteen twenty four to ten.

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Speaker 1: Anytime you want to weigh in and where people like

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Speaker 1: to run to the fire. So I don't want to

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Speaker 1: shy away from this. One of the producers just copped

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Speaker 1: an earfull from someone on the phones then, because they thought,

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Speaker 1: why we're paying tribute to Hugh when other podcasts have

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Speaker 1: addressed this stuff. I know m Riciano has addressed it

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Speaker 1: on her podcast. I know em get along with it

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Speaker 1: quite well. To be honest, I didn't address it then

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Speaker 1: because my family and I weren't in the right headspace

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Speaker 1: that you didn't feel comfortable. Then No, So it is

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Speaker 1: just a timing thing. But let's look at this. It's

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Speaker 1: not a pussy content it is. Let's look at this

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Speaker 1: stuff more positive, you know what I mean. It's we're

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Speaker 1: talking about it now. That's what matters. Now more we

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Speaker 1: can normalize it, whatever topic it is, the easier it

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Speaker 1: makes it great.

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Speaker 2: We've had a lot of calls Jace, including Loretta. On

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Speaker 2: thirteen twenty four Tenretta, good morning, Hi guys.

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Speaker 1: What's up mate?

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Speaker 4: I just wanted to say, Jay, you're wonderful. You're not alone.

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Speaker 4: I just dropped off my nine year old son who's

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Speaker 4: got level three nonverbal AX.

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Speaker 1: How How how are you and them doing?

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Speaker 4: It's really tough. He's got a lot of what they

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Speaker 4: call behaviors of concern. So when he gets frustrated, anxious, overwhelmed,

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Speaker 4: he gets quite aggressive. So my husband and I are

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Speaker 4: often covered in scratches and bites and it's really tough.

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Speaker 2: Acceptance is a word. I want to ask you about

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Speaker 2: how you feel your son is accepted and how important

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Speaker 2: conversations like the one we're having on air.

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Speaker 4: Oh, it's so so important. There is there is a

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Speaker 4: complete lack of acceptance out there and a complete lack

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Speaker 4: of knowledge and awareness. Like you know, as Jose was

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Speaker 4: saying before, it's it's really hard to get out of

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Speaker 4: the suburb. And if we go, you know, to our

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Speaker 4: local wulies and he gets overwhelmed. Yea, you know, the judgment,

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Speaker 4: the little the comments, it's just another level of distress.

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Speaker 1: And look, you know what in saying that, I think

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Speaker 1: people are scared of the unknown sometimes, haylered. I was

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Speaker 1: mentioning since Lou and I sort of had that turning

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Speaker 1: point where we're like, knowledge is power. We need to

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Speaker 1: let our inner circle of friends and family know, you

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Speaker 1: know our situation. It's helped us immensely. Are you in

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Speaker 1: a similar boat? Have you opened up friends and family

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Speaker 1: there where you know your situation and does it help?

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Speaker 4: It does help. We don't have We've got very very

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Speaker 4: limited family and We've lost a lot of friends because

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Speaker 4: of you know, George's aggression. It can be overwhelming even

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Speaker 4: to just be in the presence of Yea, you know

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Speaker 4: when he is overwhelmed.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I get it.

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Speaker 4: But I'm you know, I work in the disability sector.

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Speaker 4: I'm an advocate, you know, I'm on the I'm on

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Speaker 4: the school council. So I'm trying to be as vocal

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Speaker 4: as i can. Yeah, and that's all we can do.

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Speaker 2: And your roles, I'm talking about you as well, Jason,

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Speaker 2: and also Loretta chief protectors right to your kids. But

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Speaker 2: you've also got to keep in mind that you know,

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Speaker 2: you've got to You've got to help yourself as well. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: this is all part of it.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, And I think that's what I got out of

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Speaker 1: Huge podcast and M's podcast and anybody else that's publicly

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Speaker 1: spoken about this. And I hope you feel this way

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Speaker 1: as well, Loretta. We're not alone. We are not alone.

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Speaker 1: Well said, all right, Hey, have a great day, mate,

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Speaker 1: and thanks for sharing.

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Speaker 4: Your story stuff you too, Thanks Jose.

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Speaker 1: Very little one for us, Okay.

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Speaker 4: I will, I will, thanks so much.

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Speaker 1: Take it easy. It is just gone three to nine.

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Speaker 1: This is d a leepa. You're on nova. Good morning,