Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy
Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.
Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to new level.
Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.
Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to She Rises with your hosts Sianna and
Speaker 2: Ashy and so pumped run. We are so excited to
Speaker 2: bring you today's episode because we're gonna introduce to you
Speaker 2: two new co hosts.
Speaker 1: I know you're probably thinking, what, why would they have
Speaker 1: four co hosts? Well why not?
Speaker 3: I really don't think you're ready for this.
Speaker 1: No, these girls are crazy. They're so sassy, they're spicy,
Speaker 1: they're out there. They've bitchy moments, brady moments, but they
Speaker 1: are a lot of fun and they just their authentic selves,
Speaker 1: like they really don't care what anyone else thinks about them.
Speaker 1: They say it how it is and they have their
Speaker 1: moment and I love it.
Speaker 2: And they take up so much space, unapologetic space, without
Speaker 2: thinking before they speak and just being all of who
Speaker 2: they are.
Speaker 1: So they are Stephanie and Tatiana. Okay, so let's rewind.
Speaker 1: You're probably thinking, what the hell is bitches talking about
Speaker 1: Stephanie and Tatiana are our old egos. And this is
Speaker 1: a concept that Tiana brought to me. And I can't
Speaker 1: even remember the exact specific moment that you suggested this,
Speaker 1: but it must have been a moment where I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I shouldn't think that, I shouldn't say that,
Speaker 1: or I hate that about myself, whether it's personality traits,
Speaker 1: which we're going to go into all of these. So
Speaker 1: this is a very vulnerable, like I'm scared to talk
Speaker 1: about this because you feel like I've been judged before
Speaker 1: for these parts of me within relationships and friendships. There
Speaker 1: must have been something going on and you were like, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you're not gonna hold that back. Bring it, yeah, and
Speaker 1: O get you to explain it, like how did you
Speaker 1: introduced to bring in an alter ego so that I
Speaker 1: can be all of my full self without feeling shame
Speaker 1: around it.
Speaker 2: So this concept that I was talking with ash about
Speaker 2: and I kind of like brought to her when we
Speaker 2: were having a conversation. She was basically like, you know,
Speaker 2: holding back what she really wanted to say, and I
Speaker 2: was like, no, bitch.
Speaker 1: We're not doing that here.
Speaker 2: Actually know to me, like our friendship is here for this,
Speaker 2: Like you don't need to be anything other than all
Speaker 2: of who you are, right, I want you to bring
Speaker 2: your most raw, real authentic version of yourself here.
Speaker 3: And that looks like.
Speaker 2: Sometimes being a bitch, sometimes a little braddy, sometimes saying
Speaker 2: something a little spicy, being.
Speaker 3: Angry, being angry.
Speaker 1: And I really feel in that situation.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And it's something that I've done with myself for
Speaker 2: a really long time where you know, there's all these
Speaker 2: parts of myself where I've been like, oh, she's a
Speaker 2: little spicy, she's a little bit you know. And I
Speaker 2: remember coming up with a name like Tatiana for it,
Speaker 2: and I was like, this is cool. It gives me
Speaker 2: so much permission to love all parts of myself that
Speaker 2: I whole shame around. And that was kind of the
Speaker 2: conversation that I had with ashing I brought to you.
Speaker 2: It was like, no, we're not doing this.
Speaker 3: We're not going to.
Speaker 2: Shame you for having this emotional reaction, for having this
Speaker 2: expression or wanting to say something, but then being like,
Speaker 2: people aren't going to love me for this, or maybe
Speaker 2: she won't like me as much if I say this
Speaker 2: to her, And it just created a really safe grounds
Speaker 2: for our friendship to just be like all parts of
Speaker 2: us exist, like every single part of us exists. And
Speaker 2: what I was explaining to Ashi was what happens when
Speaker 2: you don't allow yourself to have these expressions, say, for example,
Speaker 2: being a brat, being angry, being passive, aggressive, being spicy,
Speaker 2: whatever it is that your flavor is that maybe you're
Speaker 2: shameful of. If you don't accept those parts of yourself,
Speaker 2: what will happen is you suppress them. And when you
Speaker 2: suppress something, what happens is actually brings it out tenfold, right,
Speaker 2: because you are essentially stuffing down a part of yourself
Speaker 2: that is trying to be seen by you, trying to
Speaker 2: be accepted. Every single time it comes up, love me
Speaker 2: a little. And when we push it down, it comes
Speaker 2: back tenfold and it comes out in really uncontrollable ways.
Speaker 3: And then we always end.
Speaker 2: Up in these situations where we're like, why am I
Speaker 2: having these out of character moments that I can't control
Speaker 2: my behavior? It's because we suppress certain expressions of who
Speaker 2: we are. So say, for example, for me, in the past,
Speaker 2: I've been really passive aggressive in friendships or not really
Speaker 2: but like in like one specific friendship that I really
Speaker 2: noticed it come out in a really intense way. And
Speaker 2: what happened was I was suppressing my anger and I
Speaker 2: was overly people pleasing and overly being the nice girl.
Speaker 2: And it's not all of who I am. This concept
Speaker 2: of like alter egos and bringing this into our friendship
Speaker 2: is allowing us to be all sides of who we are.
Speaker 3: And I want Stephanie to come.
Speaker 2: Forward and be like, like, I love you as you are.
Speaker 2: I love you as you are. I want you to
Speaker 2: be your brat, I want you to be a bitch.
Speaker 2: I want you to be pissed off about that. I
Speaker 2: want you to do feel xyz in whatever way that
Speaker 2: you do in the moment, because I want you to
Speaker 2: have your authentic expression because when you do, it goes away, it.
Speaker 1: Does, it dissolves, literally dissolves. Yeah. It's been one of
Speaker 1: my most favorite things about our friendship and it's been
Speaker 1: so healing for me and I just I would love
Speaker 1: us to give examples of witnesses to come up, but
Speaker 1: there's another thing that came up for me and I
Speaker 1: don't think our alter egos had been born yet together,
Speaker 1: but I remember we had a conversation about you and
Speaker 1: a past relationship and it was something you were struggling
Speaker 1: to navigate through, and I think almost you had your
Speaker 1: rose color glasses on. Yeah, And I remember being very honest,
Speaker 1: and I'm a very honest person. I will say things
Speaker 1: how they are, and over the years, I've kind of
Speaker 1: trained myself to pull back from that because I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people aren't able to hold that or
Speaker 1: they think that I'm saying it from a malicious place.
Speaker 1: And yes, I can definitely take responsibility that I have
Speaker 1: improved the way I deliver messages and the way I
Speaker 1: give honesty and read the room and know if they're
Speaker 1: going to be receptive to that. But in the past,
Speaker 1: I think I've had friendships that have just been like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, that's too much, Like she shouldn't have said that.
Speaker 1: I remember I said something to you about this partnership
Speaker 1: and then you dropped me off, and then I freaked
Speaker 1: out and I messaged you and I was like, I
Speaker 1: am so so sorry for saying that, Like that was
Speaker 1: too up front of me. I will support you whatever
Speaker 1: you want to do. When I started backtrapping, and I
Speaker 1: was like getting anxious and just thought, ow, she shouldn't
Speaker 1: have said that. I could feel the anxiousness in me,
Speaker 1: and I remember you voice messaged me back and you
Speaker 1: were like, stop, you are never too big, you were
Speaker 1: never too much, and you're never too honest. I appreciate
Speaker 1: and I want you to be that honest with me.
Speaker 1: And it was the first time I'd ever had a
Speaker 1: friend verbally se crying, I feel, oh my gosh, I
Speaker 1: am right now. It was the first maybe cry now,
Speaker 1: But it was the first time I had someone love
Speaker 1: my honesty, love my forwardness that you could and you
Speaker 1: said something else too. It was like, I know what
Speaker 1: you say is from a good place and because you
Speaker 1: want the best for me, and it's always from a
Speaker 1: good place. Maybe my delivery wasn't great in the past,
Speaker 1: but I've lost people because of my delivery and what
Speaker 1: I've said. But it was the first time I'd had
Speaker 1: someone be able to really hold that, but then not
Speaker 1: only hold it reconfirmed to me that you love that
Speaker 1: about me, and that I'm welcome, accepted and safe to
Speaker 1: fully say what I want to say. And that was
Speaker 1: so beautiful. So there's that moment for me, and then
Speaker 1: there's just been other moments where I don't know, maybe
Speaker 1: I'm having a disagreement with someone, or maybe something's happening
Speaker 1: with someone online, or I'm really fucking pissed off. But
Speaker 1: I try to step in finding the list, and I
Speaker 1: try to be the motivational speaker, and I try to
Speaker 1: like be you know, it's okay, and you'll be like, ah,
Speaker 1: what does Stephanie feel? And I'm like, well, Ashly wants
Speaker 1: to say XYZ and be supportive and compassionate, but Stephanie's like,
Speaker 1: no fucking way, being a fucking bitch. I'm really angry,
Speaker 1: I'm really upset, and I'll like blurt out all these
Speaker 1: things that are on my heart and on my mind.
Speaker 1: Once I get that out, I sit back and take
Speaker 1: your breath, and now I'm like, Okay, Stephanie's had a moment.
Speaker 1: Thank you, steph. You can now go for a walk,
Speaker 1: calm your farm. Actually then comes back in and go, now,
Speaker 1: how do I want to respond? I don't have to
Speaker 1: suppress any of that anger, nothing that can cause resentment.
Speaker 1: I've got it out, and I've got it in a
Speaker 1: safe landing place which has been new. It's happened often
Speaker 1: for both of us. Every time that happens, it really
Speaker 1: does dissolve. Yeah, and Stephanie and Tatiana, they're just these funny,
Speaker 1: crazy bitches who just like I love them, you know what.
Speaker 1: I want to be more like them. When I feel
Speaker 1: Tatiana or Stephanie enter the room, and I literally visualize it,
Speaker 1: Like it sounds silly when I see them walk in
Speaker 1: the room, but I do. I see them walk in
Speaker 1: the room, I'm just like, Wow, they just don't give
Speaker 1: a fuck. They are so truly authentically themselves and they
Speaker 1: will speak their truth and they won't let anyone push
Speaker 1: them down or drag them through the mark. They are
Speaker 1: like I'm here, I'm loud, and I'm proud and that's
Speaker 1: not okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're gonna see me hear me again.
Speaker 3: So beautif we have this thing where we.
Speaker 2: Literally like Stephanie and Tatsyana entered the chat, that's how
Speaker 2: we like introduce them.
Speaker 3: It's such a beautiful thing, Like it's such.
Speaker 2: Permission to just be all of who you are.
Speaker 1: I feel like I keep.
Speaker 2: Repeating that, but it truly is, because it's like when
Speaker 2: do you actually give yourself permission, or all of us,
Speaker 2: like at every point in our life, permission to truly
Speaker 2: say what's on our mind without fearing that the other
Speaker 2: person is going to have something to say. Like this
Speaker 2: container is like the vault. It's like that's what we
Speaker 2: call it.
Speaker 1: Is like the vault.
Speaker 2: Everything stays in the vault, right, but it's like this
Speaker 2: safe place where like every part of us can exist,
Speaker 2: you know, and like, for an example, like a part
Speaker 2: that one thing that would have come up for me
Speaker 2: would have been my past relationship. Without going into too much,
Speaker 2: I remember feeling towards the end, like as you go
Speaker 2: through a breakup, you have like you know, the usual
Speaker 2: kind of like.
Speaker 1: Withdrawal faces that you go through where.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh no, this is a good decision, and
Speaker 2: then it's like, oh shit, this isn't a good decision.
Speaker 1: I'm y, Hey, you go.
Speaker 2: Through the grief stages because you're grieving somebody who was
Speaker 2: a huge part of your life that you no longer
Speaker 2: have access to, You no longer have access to, and
Speaker 2: you yeah, you grieving like go And I remember going
Speaker 2: through this moment where I was like I was just
Speaker 2: having a real day and I was just like Tatiana
Speaker 2: has some shit to say today, you.
Speaker 1: Know, big feeling, because.
Speaker 2: I was just like hurt and like in pain and
Speaker 2: also angry. Angry, Yeah, just like a being straighter, want
Speaker 2: of all the things that I wanted to say, a
Speaker 2: being like wishing I could have been loved in the
Speaker 2: way that I wanted to be loved, wishing somebody could
Speaker 2: have stepped up to the plate in the way that
Speaker 2: I would have wanted, and just different elements like that.
Speaker 2: It was like all of my raw emotion of like
Speaker 2: hurt Tiana, but it was like Tatiana, you know.
Speaker 1: But there was a process that we went through with that,
Speaker 1: because I felt like for about a month after that,
Speaker 1: I was like, I haven't really seen you cry about this.
Speaker 1: You've seem almost too okay for someone who's just gone
Speaker 1: through a breakup. And then once you had that permission,
Speaker 1: like the tears flowed and came out, I was like,
Speaker 1: more more, tell me more true.
Speaker 2: Actually, you pulled me up one day and you're just like, hey,
Speaker 2: like I just want to give like you voice messaged me,
Speaker 2: I just want to give you permission, like you've just
Speaker 2: gone through a breakup, Like you don't have to be
Speaker 2: the strong one, like you're doing really well and I
Speaker 2: get that, and you might actually be, but if you're not,
Speaker 2: like I just want you to know, like you can
Speaker 2: come in here. And I just as soon as you
Speaker 2: said that, I just like broke down. I think I
Speaker 2: cried from that moment like three days straight, every single night,
Speaker 2: like literally for a few hours, because I was just
Speaker 2: I'd let the raw emotion come up, and I was like,
Speaker 2: you know what, Tatiana is fucking pissed for what I
Speaker 2: feel like I experienced and the just the frustration and
Speaker 2: like how things ended, like not in a bad way,
Speaker 2: but like that is.
Speaker 1: It so valid? Yeah, she's valid to feel like that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so it was cool.
Speaker 2: It was like that was permission for me to be,
Speaker 2: Like Tatiana gets to come out in these moments of
Speaker 2: like this was my experience, I get to feel those things.
Speaker 2: And then when Tiana enters the chat, she's going to
Speaker 2: be like no, like everyone in their own timeline, everyone
Speaker 2: in their own journey, like and respect, like there's no
Speaker 2: hard feelings, like I still have so much love and
Speaker 2: respect and then going your own way, but giving myself
Speaker 2: permission to be like I feel like a fucking bitch,
Speaker 2: right now, like you know what I mean, how I.
Speaker 1: Really feel in the moment, and something you've said to me,
Speaker 1: which has really been a game change as well. It's
Speaker 1: like if I've been frustrated at someone or something, it's
Speaker 1: like you said to me, you can feel something and
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to mean anything, And I'm like wow,
Speaker 1: because you don't like say I don't know. I'll use
Speaker 1: me Steve for an example. Sometimes if we have an
Speaker 1: argument or whatever and I'm like, ah, feeling ick about
Speaker 1: this and he said this and I'm really upset about this,
Speaker 1: and the next day I'm like I'm over it.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's like because I felt those emotions in that moment
Speaker 1: doesn't have to mean anything about our relationship. It was
Speaker 1: just an icky moment where we were disagreeing, we couldn't
Speaker 1: like figure it out, and then we move through it.
Speaker 1: But having a safe place where I can like vent out,
Speaker 1: Stephanie can come and be like fuck him, Steven Evans,
Speaker 1: you're being annoying, but she can just come out and
Speaker 1: be a little brat for a moment and then I
Speaker 1: actually get to get that out and then I get
Speaker 1: to come back to center. Go, Okay, well, how does
Speaker 1: Ash want to show up. Yeah, and I love that
Speaker 1: about you with this breakup as well as like you
Speaker 1: take a lot of responsibility for your part to really admire,
Speaker 1: but sometimes too much responsibility, and you'd be the nice
Speaker 1: girl from a genuine place of wanting everyone to be
Speaker 1: happy and you don't want any like negative energy or
Speaker 1: drama or conflict or you know, you want emotional piece
Speaker 1: for everyone. But having a space for Tatiana allowed you
Speaker 1: to get that out, and then Tiana can respond in
Speaker 1: a way she's proud of. But I think if you
Speaker 1: suppress that anger, Tiana may have acted or reacted in
Speaker 1: a way that she wasn't proud of. But Tatiana kind
Speaker 1: of takes that heat away, and then Tiana gets to
Speaker 1: be her true, authentic self and look at the memory
Speaker 1: proud of how she's responded.
Speaker 2: Like she's saying no to anything that she doesn't deserve,
Speaker 2: saying no to any behavior that I don't want in
Speaker 2: my life or that I'm not willing to accept, and
Speaker 2: they just get to all exist. We can be kind, respectful, thoughtful,
Speaker 2: all those things, but have this like fiery side to
Speaker 2: us that equally also exists, and he's equally as powerful
Speaker 2: as the other parts.
Speaker 1: Of us so beautiful and it's just been.
Speaker 2: So freeing because like now in our everyday conversations, we'll
Speaker 2: just like have a chat. We'll be sitting having like
Speaker 2: what's it called doch or something, Yeah, like somembarros or something,
Speaker 2: and we're sitting down and being like, yeah, well Stephanie
Speaker 2: thinks x y z or like Tatiana really thinks x
Speaker 2: y Z.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we'll say something and like we'll look at each
Speaker 1: other and I'll be like, Stephanie, you just know she's
Speaker 1: entered the chat. It's like, oh, that isn't something she
Speaker 1: would probably say day to day and she would carry
Speaker 1: a bit of shame around that, but Stephanie is allowed
Speaker 1: to say it. Yeah. It's just it's just really cool.
Speaker 1: And I also feel Stephanie and Tatiana are a bit
Speaker 1: of a warrior archetype. Oh yeah, so they come in
Speaker 1: and I feel like Stephanie protects Ashy and little Ashi
Speaker 1: and then kind of that person that, like I don't know,
Speaker 1: just holds them and brings them up to a new
Speaker 1: level and gives them that confidence and strength to be
Speaker 1: able to do the things they want to do. There's
Speaker 1: just so much strength behind them.
Speaker 3: Both it does feel like that.
Speaker 2: That's such a beautiful way to describe it, but it
Speaker 2: does feel like that. It's like anything that Ashy or
Speaker 2: Tiana might feel like, you know, or I might be
Speaker 2: judged for this, or somebody's not gonna like that, or
Speaker 2: and overly being concerned about the external other people what
Speaker 2: they're gonna have to say, instead of going what do
Speaker 2: I need right now?
Speaker 3: Tia?
Speaker 2: What does ash need? And like, how can we honor
Speaker 2: that in this moment as well? Like you're okay to
Speaker 2: put yourself first and to prioritize yourself and.
Speaker 3: To have an opinion and have feelings.
Speaker 1: An opinion that might not be accepted in society, but
Speaker 1: like we just get to have it. Yeah, Like why
Speaker 1: can't you just have it?
Speaker 3: Who says our opinions is wrong?
Speaker 1: Yeah? You know, and it doesn't have to mean anything.
Speaker 1: Just see what you're feeling in that moment, that part.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to mean anything.
Speaker 1: It doesn't. Yeah. Yeah, we've both pulled each other up
Speaker 1: a lot with different things have said and be like, yes,
Speaker 1: but you can feel that, but it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: mean anything. Yeah, like oh that's right, Yeah, cool, that
Speaker 1: feels lighter now, Yeah, true, it.
Speaker 2: Doesn't mean anything about you or in all that situation,
Speaker 2: And just because you do feel some way doesn't necessarily
Speaker 2: mean it has to hold weight and you have to
Speaker 2: run with the story that your mind is telling you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because when you're just like okay, cool, I can have that,
Speaker 2: it really does dissolve in like a couple of minutes,
Speaker 2: and then you're off doing the next thing, kind of
Speaker 2: like bringing yourself back to like being a child again.
Speaker 2: You know how children have, Like you know, they'll have
Speaker 2: a breakdown or a tantrum or something, and then the
Speaker 2: next minute they're happy.
Speaker 1: So last like ninety seconds and then back to nore.
Speaker 1: Something we also wanted to touch on was traits about ourselves
Speaker 1: that we had held shame around. But when we met
Speaker 1: and started to talk about it, we were like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I get like that too, So this is
Speaker 1: edgy for me to talk about. There was things that
Speaker 1: came up in a friendship dynamic that they didn't like
Speaker 1: this about me, and I can understand why. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can understand how it might feel a little bit suffocating controlling.
Speaker 1: But two traits that we have is territorial fomo and jealousy.
Speaker 1: Jealousy yeah, yeah, around friendships yep, and we joke about
Speaker 1: it now so playful and it's so fun. And once
Speaker 1: I realized Tiana had these same traits, it didn't change
Speaker 1: my love, respect, or admiration for you as a person.
Speaker 1: So then that bounced back to me in a mirror reflection,
Speaker 1: was like, so, why would you hate yourself for that?
Speaker 1: If you can love that in someone else and she
Speaker 1: loves that about you, Like, why are you hating on yourself?
Speaker 1: So it instantly dissolved that shame around it, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I can find people that can hold that
Speaker 1: part of me and not shame me for it and
Speaker 1: make it wrong. So fomo missing out on things? Fear
Speaker 1: of missing out jealousy it's similar like jealous of not
Speaker 1: being invited and territorial, like you're my friend.
Speaker 3: That's my person, that's my person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, literally, like you go hang out with somebody else,
Speaker 2: I'm like, where's my invite?
Speaker 3: I'd be like, I miss you?
Speaker 1: Where are you? Who you is?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well I'll be like, oh, I rememind to my other
Speaker 1: friend's house and she'd be like, what other friend? Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you mean?
Speaker 3: You don't have any other friends?
Speaker 1: You don't need any other friends you're only.
Speaker 2: Gonna be, you know. And I think we just initially
Speaker 2: just started like we first started bringing up in conversation,
Speaker 2: it was a.
Speaker 3: Little bit like oh can I can I y.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It was like we were sharing experiences of past friendship
Speaker 2: relationships and things where people haven't been able to hold
Speaker 2: us in that specific thing. Like I remember in the
Speaker 2: past getting really really anxious in a certain friendship dynamic
Speaker 2: and they weren't able to hold me in it. And
Speaker 2: it was like I was made wrong for those things.
Speaker 2: And granted I probably didn't show up in the best
Speaker 2: way or like didn't know how to handle it properly
Speaker 2: back then, but it was like when we were able
Speaker 2: to bring it together, it just like was this seamless
Speaker 2: thing that was not even a.
Speaker 1: Problem anymore and fun.
Speaker 2: We just invite each other into that and we play
Speaker 2: on it now because we know that hard.
Speaker 3: It's a reassurance like at least.
Speaker 1: For me, I'm not going anywhere else.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I can bring this in playfully and I
Speaker 2: know that you'll receive it in a beautiful way, yes,
Speaker 2: And it's not ever going to be something that's judged
Speaker 2: or shame or like heavy for you to receive even and.
Speaker 1: Even in conversation, like Steve knows who Stephanie is, like
Speaker 1: she knows when she knows when she's there. So good.
Speaker 1: He's always been a safe space for me for sixteen years.
Speaker 1: There's never any judgment. He has my back. But now
Speaker 1: it's fun that I can be like this is an ashy,
Speaker 1: but Stephanie is fucking pissed. Stephanie's really fucked off about that.
Speaker 1: Like that's not okay. Yeah, I'll have my moment and
Speaker 1: he holds Stephanie really well, and then he can talk
Speaker 1: with Ashi and like figure out a solution.
Speaker 3: It's like I got two words.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how fun. It was so funny. The other day
Speaker 1: I saw this real and I send it to Tiana
Speaker 1: and it's these two girls like dancing singing the street
Speaker 1: and it's like, hey, you listen, Yes, you're allowed to
Speaker 1: have other friends. You just have to love me more.
Speaker 1: I can reflect back, like if I was to send
Speaker 1: that to friendships in the past, I don't think that
Speaker 1: would be received well. Yeah, and I can understand, like
Speaker 1: I said at the start, I can understand why for
Speaker 1: some people it would feel a little bit like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a bit much. But when it's brought in a fun,
Speaker 1: playful way with Stephanie and Tatiana. It doesn't have to
Speaker 1: mean anything, and it hasn't been accepted before. That's why
Speaker 1: it was so scary.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know a lot of the times we're like
Speaker 2: friends with people, but they don't really know like the
Speaker 2: true us or the real us or deeper layers of.
Speaker 1: Who we are.
Speaker 2: And it's like, how much better are connections when you
Speaker 2: have that true knowing of who that person is, and
Speaker 2: like you can love them for it, because it's like
Speaker 2: being able to bring these sides of us out is
Speaker 2: like loving all of us in our.
Speaker 3: Entirety of who we are as women.
Speaker 2: I remember a couple of times where you would feel
Speaker 2: a little bit like fearful of like stepping into your
Speaker 2: bigness or feel like there were certain things where it
Speaker 2: was like a bit of an edge to like showcase
Speaker 2: your bigness as a woman. You do it so beautifully
Speaker 2: and you own it so beautifully, and it's just a
Speaker 2: part of who you are as a woman. And I'm
Speaker 2: just like more of that, Like give me more of that,
Speaker 2: Like I want to see you in your entirety of
Speaker 2: who you are as a person without feeling like I
Speaker 2: need to make myself small for other people, and even
Speaker 2: a part of Stephanie and Tatiana is like being big
Speaker 2: without fear of taking up.
Speaker 1: Space, yes, you know, and how feeling guilty without feeling guilty. Yes.
Speaker 1: And the more we do this, I just feel the
Speaker 1: more authentic I can be because even if people don't
Speaker 1: love me for it, like I know you love me,
Speaker 1: I know Steve loves me, I know the right people
Speaker 1: still love me for that. So the other people can
Speaker 1: fall away and if I'm not got their person, that's okay.
Speaker 1: Like I get it's not for everyone, but I now
Speaker 1: refuse to live my life being someone to fit in
Speaker 1: or being scared to be big in case I trigger
Speaker 1: upset ruffle feathers, Like I don't want to live like
Speaker 1: that anymore. And I feel like over the last couple
Speaker 1: of years, I've been edgy and I've tried to step
Speaker 1: into it, but I haven't been able to fully step
Speaker 1: into it until now because now I have a safer
Speaker 1: container that so she doing this podcast together, Yeah, it
Speaker 1: feels even safer. Yeah, because it's like it's just us talking.
Speaker 1: You know, Suppose from this episode we wanted to share
Speaker 1: that so that you can think of your alter ego
Speaker 1: and have this conversation with your girlfriends. Send it around
Speaker 1: so you can get on the same page with it.
Speaker 1: But also think about some of the traits that you
Speaker 1: have carried shame around, like for us fomo territorial and
Speaker 1: being jealous. The ones we have carried shame four, What
Speaker 1: are yours? And where have they come from? Who can
Speaker 1: accept them? Who can hold them? And know that you
Speaker 1: can find your people that can hold that. They might
Speaker 1: not be the people in your life right now. That's okay.
Speaker 1: Everyone on their own journey and their own time from
Speaker 1: their own experiences, but there is evidence of friendships that
Speaker 1: can fully hold that. And I must say give credit
Speaker 1: to all my oldest girlfriends as well, Like say Nadine
Speaker 1: and Sarah, we've gone through many dips in our friendship.
Speaker 1: I suppose not in that anything's ever happened, but say,
Speaker 1: for example, when Nadine went through her divorce, she was
Speaker 1: a single, wild party girl. I remember her saying to me,
Speaker 1: Shurom I was showing that she felt like a dog
Speaker 1: had just been let out of a cage. She was like,
Speaker 1: let me free. I'm ready to go explore, like w
Speaker 1: to meetle the boys want to go traveling and she
Speaker 1: just like lived her life. And in that time, like
Speaker 1: I think I was pregnant with Taj, we kind of
Speaker 1: disconnected for a bit and went on our separate ways,
Speaker 1: and now we've come back together and we're closer than ever.
Speaker 1: I've noticed since I was like fifteen. We met when
Speaker 1: she was waxing my vagina with my waxa stop it conversation.
Speaker 1: It's just why she was waxing me.
Speaker 2: I've seen you in all angs.
Speaker 1: But over the years, her and Sarah have always stayed
Speaker 1: really close. Even when Sarah moved to Melbourne, they were
Speaker 1: still in contact and there was the three of us.
Speaker 1: There's always been kind of like the three of us,
Speaker 1: and if they went out to lunch, like I would
Speaker 1: swipe up and be like fomo, yeah. And they have
Speaker 1: been so beautiful and so loving to always hold me
Speaker 1: in that and just be like, we love you so much.
Speaker 1: You're always welcome. We just knew you with the kids,
Speaker 1: and sometimes like they would even invite me and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: we've got this thing on Friday night and blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: like we don't think you'll say yes because it's not
Speaker 1: your scene, but you're welcome. And I'm like, thanks for
Speaker 1: inviting me. No, I would never come to that, but
Speaker 1: the fact you invited me it makes you feel loved.
Speaker 1: They kind of almost know. I mean, it's an abandonment
Speaker 1: wound at the end of the day. It's a fear
Speaker 1: of being abandoned, which and well aware of and they
Speaker 1: know that wound and they just support that and love
Speaker 1: me on that. And that's been so nice, Like how
Speaker 1: beautiful they can do that. They've done that for twenty
Speaker 1: odd years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's an entirely special thing whole.
Speaker 2: That ends like twenty years, like significant amount of time, and.
Speaker 1: They still know to this day. That actually gets fomo.
Speaker 1: Let's invite her. And they know how to love you,
Speaker 1: I know, and they loved me for it. They're like,
Speaker 1: we love that you always want to be with us.
Speaker 3: How do you have any other friends?
Speaker 1: How do you have fun without me? And go about drinking?
Speaker 1: And like you don't like drinking, I know, but I
Speaker 1: still want to be about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course I want to be able to say
Speaker 3: no on my own accord.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll be like I wouldn't have come, but but
Speaker 1: I love you guys. Yeah, that's really nice to have
Speaker 1: friends that can hold you in that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just permission for anybody out there who's just listening
Speaker 2: to this and feeling like in your relationship you have
Speaker 2: to hide certain parts of who you are, or you
Speaker 2: think that if you behave a certain ways.
Speaker 3: Someone will respond negatively to that.
Speaker 2: And that's what all of this is about, is like
Speaker 2: overcoming the fear that we have that we think other
Speaker 2: people aren't gonna love us anymore, Are we gonna judge us,
Speaker 2: are going to have something to say, because most of
Speaker 2: the time that's.
Speaker 3: All just a projection.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's all just.
Speaker 2: Your own internalized fears of what you think other people
Speaker 2: are going to say about you because you're terrified of connection.
Speaker 1: I got a question for you, though, So what if
Speaker 1: a girl listening is like, Okay, I'm going to be
Speaker 1: my biggest bold of self, or I'm gonna joke about
Speaker 1: territorial or do I get jealous or foam of my friends?
Speaker 1: What if they do reject them? What if the friends like, oh,
Speaker 1: fuck off, like that's too much? Like how would you
Speaker 1: coach or help her navigate that?
Speaker 3: I mean, do you want Tatiana answer?
Speaker 1: Do you want? Let's go very different things. Let's go
Speaker 1: Tatiana first, and they coach, Tiana, like, I'm sure you
Speaker 1: have women come to you with parts of themselves that
Speaker 1: they're shameful around, or they've been rejected and they don't
Speaker 1: know what to do with that rejection. They either make
Speaker 1: themselves small again and fit into the box that their
Speaker 1: partner or their friends want them to be. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: that's safe. Right then I'm not commooted out of the tribe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: then I'm still love. I'm not abandoned. But if they
Speaker 1: really step into it, they're probably gonna be pushed out.
Speaker 3: Tatiana says, go find some new fucking friends.
Speaker 2: You know, she says, go find some new fucking friends,
Speaker 2: because if they genuinely loved you, they would love all
Speaker 2: of you.
Speaker 3: That's the thing about love.
Speaker 2: It's a fine line between like unconditionally loving somebody but
Speaker 2: not putting up with behavior. Right, you can unconditionally love
Speaker 2: somebody and not put up with like behavior that feels
Speaker 2: disrespectful to you, right, whole other commentation. But that's what
Speaker 2: it's about. It's about going like it doesn't matter good, bad, wrong.
Speaker 3: Whatever the fuck label you'd label it.
Speaker 2: It's like, I love you for who you are, and
Speaker 2: that includes all of you.
Speaker 3: Not just you.
Speaker 2: Know three parts of yourself that you think I want
Speaker 2: to see on the good days.
Speaker 3: Now I'm bored. Now I'm just kidds.
Speaker 2: But in all honesty, like if somebody does and isn't
Speaker 2: able to hold you in that, that's a really beautiful
Speaker 2: moment for you to self reflect and go choose you.
Speaker 2: Is this the kind of relationship or friendship that I
Speaker 2: want in my life?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: Is this person up to the standard of depth connection
Speaker 2: safety that I actually want in my immediate circle? People
Speaker 2: who are influencing me my beliefs, how I feel about myself.
Speaker 2: You get to really have an honest conversation with yourself
Speaker 2: about that and go do I want more than this?
Speaker 3: Do I deserve more than this?
Speaker 2: Oftentimes the answer is yes, you know, because safety is
Speaker 2: everything in connection, relationships, friendship's family, doesn't matter what label.
Speaker 2: Safety is the biggest thing. And if you don't feel
Speaker 2: that from people that you're surrounded by, you will know
Speaker 2: about it. Right, So listen, pay attention to those inklings
Speaker 2: and really do an audit on whether that person is
Speaker 2: actually going to be for you or not.
Speaker 1: And it's one thing to answer that question, like what
Speaker 1: you just said there of like do I want more
Speaker 1: and do I deserve more? Yes, So you answer that yes.
Speaker 1: The next thing is like, what do I do with
Speaker 1: that now? Because actually breaking away from an intimate relationship,
Speaker 1: a friendship, even a family member. Yeah, actually unplugging that
Speaker 1: cord and letting go and accepting that that's not what
Speaker 1: you want or what you deserve, it's really hard. I've
Speaker 1: hung on to people for way too long. Not even
Speaker 1: that anyone's done anything wrong, it's just in disalignment, but
Speaker 1: because I'm anxiously attached and I want to be loved,
Speaker 1: and I've got abandonment wounds, Like, sometimes you can hang
Speaker 1: on for way too long.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The way that I gauge whether I have a conversation
Speaker 2: with somebody or not is do I love and respect
Speaker 2: this person enough? Like are they close enough to me
Speaker 2: for me to open up this conversation with them and
Speaker 2: let them know how I'm feeling in the relationship or
Speaker 2: are they more on the acquaintance side where I feel
Speaker 2: like this can just fizzle out on its own. That's
Speaker 2: how I discern, because that's a huge conversation. Yeah, where
Speaker 2: it's like, well, what do I do now? Do I
Speaker 2: have a conversation do I not? Well, how close are
Speaker 2: they to you? Do you love them? Do you respect them?
Speaker 2: Do you care for their wellbeing? Like, then have a
Speaker 2: conversation like, hey, this is where i'm at. Can you
Speaker 2: meet me? Invite them in to meet you. If they
Speaker 2: can't and they.
Speaker 3: Don't have the capacity, amazing, I love you.
Speaker 2: Please go live your life or live my life and
Speaker 2: we can love each other from afar doesn't have to
Speaker 2: be a heavy thing. No, no, And then acquaintances like
Speaker 2: usually when you're not you're not aligned, you'll fall off anyway.
Speaker 1: It's like we'll catch up next week. Yeah, and it
Speaker 1: never happens. Yeah, how Yeah we need to catch up
Speaker 1: with that copy. Yeah, yeah, still hasn't happened, bad Blood.
Speaker 1: It's just windle away. You'll know, and you'll feel it.
Speaker 1: If you actually take time to be slow and stop
Speaker 1: and tune in, you'll know. Oh I love it. That's
Speaker 1: a beautiful conversation. I really hope you guys go away
Speaker 1: from this episode even if you can. After this is finished,
Speaker 1: get out a journal and just sit down with yourself
Speaker 1: and reflect on this. Name your old ego, think about
Speaker 1: the traits you've been shamed for or that you shame
Speaker 1: yourself for, and bring them forward. Think about who in
Speaker 1: your life you could have this conversation with, like is
Speaker 1: their girlfriends? It would be so open to this because
Speaker 1: if so, fuck yes, we will be talking about this
Speaker 1: a lot more. You know, throughout plenty episodes you'll hear
Speaker 1: You'll hear the tone change, the energy shift when Tatiana
Speaker 1: or Stephanie have an opinion on something. And we're going
Speaker 1: to welcome to join us at any point in time
Speaker 1: when they feel they want to be heard, and you're
Speaker 1: also allowed to be heard. So we hope this episode
Speaker 1: is been fun, interesting and really empowering, and thanks.
Speaker 2: For listening, Thanks for coming along the journey with us.
Speaker 2: And I can't wait to hear what your alter eager
Speaker 2: and nets I know so fun you send them in
Speaker 2: the forum or DM them or something. I need to
Speaker 2: be a party, We need to be a part of
Speaker 2: this journey with.
Speaker 3: You before we go.
Speaker 2: I would love do you think maybe give them an
Speaker 2: example of how they could express their alter ego in
Speaker 2: potentially motherhood?
Speaker 1: Oh, in motherhood.
Speaker 3: So they're having like a really bad day and they're just.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I think it was Katie Ford. She said
Speaker 1: to me once you can love being a mum, but
Speaker 1: you don't have to love every second of it. And
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, that gives me permission to like
Speaker 1: have a little bit and complain about how hard today's been. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But yeah, sometimes Steve and I at the end of
Speaker 1: the night will have conversations around like how fucked it
Speaker 1: was today, Yeah, how hard it was, and how I
Speaker 1: couldn't wait for those little people to go to bed.
Speaker 1: If you want to say little brats, Yeah, I love
Speaker 1: my children. That's the moment see where I held back, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like they were being a little brats today and it
Speaker 1: could not wait for them to go to bed and
Speaker 1: for me to be able to sit on the couch
Speaker 1: in peace talking to my husband without being an That
Speaker 1: is Stephanie. We love Stephanie, and She's like, I love
Speaker 1: every moment with my kids. Every moment is so special
Speaker 1: and I've got all the time and space in the
Speaker 1: world for them. And Stephanie's like, go to bed, Mummy
Speaker 1: needs some time with daddy. Yeah.
Speaker 2: How many times women would kind of have those moments,
Speaker 2: but then they're like, oh, I feel guilty and saying why.
Speaker 1: Because there's so much shame around. If you say anything
Speaker 1: negative about being parent, you get a bunch of Karens
Speaker 1: coming towards you and like you shouldn't be complaining. Do you
Speaker 1: know how lucky you are to for pregnant? Do you know
Speaker 1: how lucky to have those babies? And yes, all of
Speaker 1: that exists, but do you know what else exists? Two
Speaker 1: things can co exist at the same time. I can
Speaker 1: be so fucking grateful and I could literally start crying
Speaker 1: right now of my gratitude for my children and my
Speaker 1: life and the joy that they bring. Equally, in the
Speaker 1: same moment, be so pushed to the edge of frustraation,
Speaker 1: of just like I'm at my teather, I need a moment,
Speaker 1: and he's like, go and I'll go to my room
Speaker 1: and take some breaths. I'll go fucking jump on the
Speaker 1: trampoline or for a walk whatever. Yeah, both of those
Speaker 1: things always co exist to me. And once again, until
Speaker 1: we allow all that to be seen, if you try
Speaker 1: and suppress that, it feels like you're carrying around a
Speaker 1: big bag of rocks, it's really really heavy. You're allowed
Speaker 1: to feel all of those things. So anytime any of
Speaker 1: my girlfriends come to me with feeling really frustrated, really angry,
Speaker 1: or like I don't want to be around some of
Speaker 1: my friends say this to me, I don't want to
Speaker 1: be around my children today. I'm like, yow, I don't
Speaker 1: blame me. Yeah, you're with them seven days a week,
Speaker 1: twenty four hours of the second day, I go to
Speaker 1: work and get a break. Yeah, I love that break.
Speaker 1: I love coming home with a fresh energy, ready to
Speaker 1: be present and play with them. You have to look
Speaker 1: after and entertain them all day, every day, and then
Speaker 1: you're up five times to night. Yeah, no, wonder you
Speaker 1: don't want to be with your today. I don't blame
Speaker 1: your girlfriend, and I give them permission to feel all
Speaker 1: of that and not have any shame around it. So
Speaker 1: anyone's listening, any moment that you have that feeling come
Speaker 1: up and then you quickly shut it down because I
Speaker 1: shouldn't feel like that. The moment you say I shouldn't
Speaker 1: like that's when the shame comes in and it is
Speaker 1: the lowest vibrational freak to be on its guilt and shame. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't do that here, we rise above it. We
Speaker 1: let it all come in, We welcome her all, we
Speaker 1: accept it all, and we love ourselves for all of it.
Speaker 1: And two things can coexist.
Speaker 2: That's when your old to ego enters the chat hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Let her come in. What is her name? Bring her in? Yeah,
Speaker 1: bring her in. Tell your husband about it. Yeah, he
Speaker 1: might even have one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, might even role play with each other.
Speaker 1: I love that. Thanks so much for listening, guys, I
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. If you love this episode, don't forget
Speaker 1: to leave a review and a little five star rating.
Speaker 1: We love that share with your friends as well. We'd
Speaker 1: love you, guys to have this conversation with your friends,
Speaker 1: and we also love seeing your tags on social media.
Speaker 1: So you guys, listen to the episode, you take a
Speaker 1: screenshot and you upload it and tag us. We love
Speaker 1: seeing that tags. She rises, and you can take our
Speaker 1: personal pages as well.
Speaker 2: We'll see you on the next episodes episode.
Speaker 1: Bye.