1 00:00:05,921 --> 00:00:13,161 Speaker 1: Apogee Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy 2 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,001 Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana. 3 00:00:14,361 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to 4 00:00:17,361 --> 00:00:20,800 Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself. 5 00:00:20,961 --> 00:00:23,281 Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to new level. 6 00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:26,241 Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone 7 00:00:26,281 --> 00:00:27,801 Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about. 8 00:00:28,401 --> 00:00:30,761 Speaker 3: Get ready for your next level of self. 9 00:00:31,921 --> 00:00:34,601 Speaker 2: Welcome back to She Rises with your hosts Sianna and 10 00:00:34,721 --> 00:00:38,441 Speaker 2: Ashy and so pumped run. We are so excited to 11 00:00:38,441 --> 00:00:41,641 Speaker 2: bring you today's episode because we're gonna introduce to you 12 00:00:41,801 --> 00:00:43,401 Speaker 2: two new co hosts. 13 00:00:43,441 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: I know you're probably thinking, what, why would they have 14 00:00:45,641 --> 00:00:47,480 Speaker 1: four co hosts? Well why not? 15 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,161 Speaker 3: I really don't think you're ready for this. 16 00:00:49,441 --> 00:00:54,401 Speaker 1: No, these girls are crazy. They're so sassy, they're spicy, 17 00:00:54,561 --> 00:00:58,401 Speaker 1: they're out there. They've bitchy moments, brady moments, but they 18 00:00:58,441 --> 00:01:01,841 Speaker 1: are a lot of fun and they just their authentic selves, 19 00:01:01,881 --> 00:01:03,961 Speaker 1: like they really don't care what anyone else thinks about them. 20 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 1: They say it how it is and they have their 21 00:01:06,561 --> 00:01:08,241 Speaker 1: moment and I love it. 22 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:12,720 Speaker 2: And they take up so much space, unapologetic space, without 23 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,921 Speaker 2: thinking before they speak and just being all of who 24 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:16,241 Speaker 2: they are. 25 00:01:16,601 --> 00:01:24,601 Speaker 1: So they are Stephanie and Tatiana. Okay, so let's rewind. 26 00:01:24,681 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 1: You're probably thinking, what the hell is bitches talking about 27 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,881 Speaker 1: Stephanie and Tatiana are our old egos. And this is 28 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:36,401 Speaker 1: a concept that Tiana brought to me. And I can't 29 00:01:36,401 --> 00:01:40,681 Speaker 1: even remember the exact specific moment that you suggested this, 30 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:43,121 Speaker 1: but it must have been a moment where I was like, 31 00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:45,961 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I shouldn't think that, I shouldn't say that, 32 00:01:46,161 --> 00:01:49,561 Speaker 1: or I hate that about myself, whether it's personality traits, 33 00:01:49,561 --> 00:01:51,041 Speaker 1: which we're going to go into all of these. So 34 00:01:51,081 --> 00:01:54,081 Speaker 1: this is a very vulnerable, like I'm scared to talk 35 00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:56,881 Speaker 1: about this because you feel like I've been judged before 36 00:01:56,961 --> 00:02:00,801 Speaker 1: for these parts of me within relationships and friendships. There 37 00:02:00,841 --> 00:02:02,961 Speaker 1: must have been something going on and you were like, no, no, no, no, 38 00:02:03,241 --> 00:02:05,921 Speaker 1: you're not gonna hold that back. Bring it, yeah, and 39 00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:07,841 Speaker 1: O get you to explain it, like how did you 40 00:02:07,881 --> 00:02:10,481 Speaker 1: introduced to bring in an alter ego so that I 41 00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:13,561 Speaker 1: can be all of my full self without feeling shame 42 00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,120 Speaker 1: around it. 43 00:02:14,641 --> 00:02:17,761 Speaker 2: So this concept that I was talking with ash about 44 00:02:17,761 --> 00:02:19,041 Speaker 2: and I kind of like brought to her when we 45 00:02:19,041 --> 00:02:22,521 Speaker 2: were having a conversation. She was basically like, you know, 46 00:02:23,121 --> 00:02:25,401 Speaker 2: holding back what she really wanted to say, and I 47 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,921 Speaker 2: was like, no, bitch. 48 00:02:27,041 --> 00:02:28,001 Speaker 1: We're not doing that here. 49 00:02:28,881 --> 00:02:31,321 Speaker 2: Actually know to me, like our friendship is here for this, 50 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,001 Speaker 2: Like you don't need to be anything other than all 51 00:02:34,001 --> 00:02:35,881 Speaker 2: of who you are, right, I want you to bring 52 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,321 Speaker 2: your most raw, real authentic version of yourself here. 53 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:40,641 Speaker 3: And that looks like. 54 00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:45,361 Speaker 2: Sometimes being a bitch, sometimes a little braddy, sometimes saying 55 00:02:45,361 --> 00:02:46,841 Speaker 2: something a little spicy, being. 56 00:02:46,841 --> 00:02:48,561 Speaker 3: Angry, being angry. 57 00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 1: And I really feel in that situation. 58 00:02:50,721 --> 00:02:53,801 Speaker 2: Absolutely, And it's something that I've done with myself for 59 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,441 Speaker 2: a really long time where you know, there's all these 60 00:02:56,481 --> 00:02:58,201 Speaker 2: parts of myself where I've been like, oh, she's a 61 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,881 Speaker 2: little spicy, she's a little bit you know. And I 62 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,041 Speaker 2: remember coming up with a name like Tatiana for it, 63 00:03:03,121 --> 00:03:05,521 Speaker 2: and I was like, this is cool. It gives me 64 00:03:05,601 --> 00:03:09,161 Speaker 2: so much permission to love all parts of myself that 65 00:03:09,201 --> 00:03:11,481 Speaker 2: I whole shame around. And that was kind of the 66 00:03:11,481 --> 00:03:13,521 Speaker 2: conversation that I had with ashing I brought to you. 67 00:03:13,601 --> 00:03:15,241 Speaker 2: It was like, no, we're not doing this. 68 00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:15,881 Speaker 3: We're not going to. 69 00:03:15,881 --> 00:03:19,841 Speaker 2: Shame you for having this emotional reaction, for having this 70 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,201 Speaker 2: expression or wanting to say something, but then being like, 71 00:03:23,641 --> 00:03:26,161 Speaker 2: people aren't going to love me for this, or maybe 72 00:03:26,281 --> 00:03:28,201 Speaker 2: she won't like me as much if I say this 73 00:03:28,281 --> 00:03:31,081 Speaker 2: to her, And it just created a really safe grounds 74 00:03:31,081 --> 00:03:33,241 Speaker 2: for our friendship to just be like all parts of 75 00:03:33,321 --> 00:03:36,961 Speaker 2: us exist, like every single part of us exists. And 76 00:03:37,081 --> 00:03:41,161 Speaker 2: what I was explaining to Ashi was what happens when 77 00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:45,281 Speaker 2: you don't allow yourself to have these expressions, say, for example, 78 00:03:45,801 --> 00:03:50,161 Speaker 2: being a brat, being angry, being passive, aggressive, being spicy, 79 00:03:50,281 --> 00:03:52,241 Speaker 2: whatever it is that your flavor is that maybe you're 80 00:03:52,281 --> 00:03:55,801 Speaker 2: shameful of. If you don't accept those parts of yourself, 81 00:03:56,121 --> 00:03:58,401 Speaker 2: what will happen is you suppress them. And when you 82 00:03:58,441 --> 00:04:02,521 Speaker 2: suppress something, what happens is actually brings it out tenfold, right, 83 00:04:02,601 --> 00:04:06,121 Speaker 2: because you are essentially stuffing down a part of yourself 84 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,601 Speaker 2: that is trying to be seen by you, trying to 85 00:04:08,601 --> 00:04:10,801 Speaker 2: be accepted. Every single time it comes up, love me 86 00:04:10,841 --> 00:04:13,241 Speaker 2: a little. And when we push it down, it comes 87 00:04:13,281 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 2: back tenfold and it comes out in really uncontrollable ways. 88 00:04:16,961 --> 00:04:17,841 Speaker 3: And then we always end. 89 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,961 Speaker 2: Up in these situations where we're like, why am I 90 00:04:20,001 --> 00:04:22,321 Speaker 2: having these out of character moments that I can't control 91 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:26,760 Speaker 2: my behavior? It's because we suppress certain expressions of who 92 00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:30,401 Speaker 2: we are. So say, for example, for me, in the past, 93 00:04:30,401 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 2: I've been really passive aggressive in friendships or not really 94 00:04:33,681 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 2: but like in like one specific friendship that I really 95 00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:39,601 Speaker 2: noticed it come out in a really intense way. And 96 00:04:39,841 --> 00:04:43,001 Speaker 2: what happened was I was suppressing my anger and I 97 00:04:43,121 --> 00:04:46,280 Speaker 2: was overly people pleasing and overly being the nice girl. 98 00:04:46,601 --> 00:04:49,361 Speaker 2: And it's not all of who I am. This concept 99 00:04:49,361 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 2: of like alter egos and bringing this into our friendship 100 00:04:52,641 --> 00:04:55,601 Speaker 2: is allowing us to be all sides of who we are. 101 00:04:55,641 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 3: And I want Stephanie to come. 102 00:04:57,041 --> 00:04:59,441 Speaker 2: Forward and be like, like, I love you as you are. 103 00:04:59,761 --> 00:05:00,881 Speaker 2: I love you as you are. I want you to 104 00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:02,361 Speaker 2: be your brat, I want you to be a bitch. 105 00:05:02,401 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 2: I want you to be pissed off about that. I 106 00:05:04,121 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 2: want you to do feel xyz in whatever way that 107 00:05:07,361 --> 00:05:08,841 Speaker 2: you do in the moment, because I want you to 108 00:05:08,841 --> 00:05:12,561 Speaker 2: have your authentic expression because when you do, it goes away, it. 109 00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:16,401 Speaker 1: Does, it dissolves, literally dissolves. Yeah. It's been one of 110 00:05:16,401 --> 00:05:18,641 Speaker 1: my most favorite things about our friendship and it's been 111 00:05:18,761 --> 00:05:21,041 Speaker 1: so healing for me and I just I would love 112 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,841 Speaker 1: us to give examples of witnesses to come up, but 113 00:05:22,841 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: there's another thing that came up for me and I 114 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,521 Speaker 1: don't think our alter egos had been born yet together, 115 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: but I remember we had a conversation about you and 116 00:05:32,561 --> 00:05:35,001 Speaker 1: a past relationship and it was something you were struggling 117 00:05:35,041 --> 00:05:37,841 Speaker 1: to navigate through, and I think almost you had your 118 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,161 Speaker 1: rose color glasses on. Yeah, And I remember being very honest, 119 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,801 Speaker 1: and I'm a very honest person. I will say things 120 00:05:43,841 --> 00:05:46,681 Speaker 1: how they are, and over the years, I've kind of 121 00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,400 Speaker 1: trained myself to pull back from that because I think 122 00:05:51,241 --> 00:05:53,361 Speaker 1: a lot of people aren't able to hold that or 123 00:05:53,401 --> 00:05:55,841 Speaker 1: they think that I'm saying it from a malicious place. 124 00:05:56,281 --> 00:05:59,681 Speaker 1: And yes, I can definitely take responsibility that I have 125 00:05:59,801 --> 00:06:01,841 Speaker 1: improved the way I deliver messages and the way I 126 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,401 Speaker 1: give honesty and read the room and know if they're 127 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,681 Speaker 1: going to be receptive to that. But in the past, 128 00:06:06,681 --> 00:06:08,441 Speaker 1: I think I've had friendships that have just been like, 129 00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:10,881 Speaker 1: oh shit, that's too much, Like she shouldn't have said that. 130 00:06:11,081 --> 00:06:13,761 Speaker 1: I remember I said something to you about this partnership 131 00:06:13,921 --> 00:06:16,601 Speaker 1: and then you dropped me off, and then I freaked 132 00:06:16,601 --> 00:06:19,001 Speaker 1: out and I messaged you and I was like, I 133 00:06:19,041 --> 00:06:22,001 Speaker 1: am so so sorry for saying that, Like that was 134 00:06:22,161 --> 00:06:24,481 Speaker 1: too up front of me. I will support you whatever 135 00:06:24,481 --> 00:06:26,281 Speaker 1: you want to do. When I started backtrapping, and I 136 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,321 Speaker 1: was like getting anxious and just thought, ow, she shouldn't 137 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,121 Speaker 1: have said that. I could feel the anxiousness in me, 138 00:06:31,921 --> 00:06:33,681 Speaker 1: and I remember you voice messaged me back and you 139 00:06:33,681 --> 00:06:36,721 Speaker 1: were like, stop, you are never too big, you were 140 00:06:36,761 --> 00:06:40,161 Speaker 1: never too much, and you're never too honest. I appreciate 141 00:06:40,241 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: and I want you to be that honest with me. 142 00:06:42,401 --> 00:06:44,440 Speaker 1: And it was the first time I'd ever had a 143 00:06:44,481 --> 00:06:47,801 Speaker 1: friend verbally se crying, I feel, oh my gosh, I 144 00:06:48,481 --> 00:06:51,721 Speaker 1: am right now. It was the first maybe cry now, 145 00:06:51,801 --> 00:06:54,761 Speaker 1: But it was the first time I had someone love 146 00:06:54,841 --> 00:06:58,481 Speaker 1: my honesty, love my forwardness that you could and you 147 00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:00,921 Speaker 1: said something else too. It was like, I know what 148 00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:03,161 Speaker 1: you say is from a good place and because you 149 00:07:03,201 --> 00:07:05,801 Speaker 1: want the best for me, and it's always from a 150 00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 1: good place. Maybe my delivery wasn't great in the past, 151 00:07:08,801 --> 00:07:11,001 Speaker 1: but I've lost people because of my delivery and what 152 00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:12,881 Speaker 1: I've said. But it was the first time I'd had 153 00:07:13,441 --> 00:07:15,881 Speaker 1: someone be able to really hold that, but then not 154 00:07:15,921 --> 00:07:18,281 Speaker 1: only hold it reconfirmed to me that you love that 155 00:07:18,361 --> 00:07:23,401 Speaker 1: about me, and that I'm welcome, accepted and safe to 156 00:07:23,441 --> 00:07:25,721 Speaker 1: fully say what I want to say. And that was 157 00:07:25,801 --> 00:07:28,361 Speaker 1: so beautiful. So there's that moment for me, and then 158 00:07:28,361 --> 00:07:32,481 Speaker 1: there's just been other moments where I don't know, maybe 159 00:07:32,481 --> 00:07:35,681 Speaker 1: I'm having a disagreement with someone, or maybe something's happening 160 00:07:35,721 --> 00:07:39,881 Speaker 1: with someone online, or I'm really fucking pissed off. But 161 00:07:39,921 --> 00:07:41,521 Speaker 1: I try to step in finding the list, and I 162 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:43,761 Speaker 1: try to be the motivational speaker, and I try to 163 00:07:43,801 --> 00:07:48,841 Speaker 1: like be you know, it's okay, and you'll be like, ah, 164 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:51,961 Speaker 1: what does Stephanie feel? And I'm like, well, Ashly wants 165 00:07:52,001 --> 00:07:56,001 Speaker 1: to say XYZ and be supportive and compassionate, but Stephanie's like, 166 00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:59,201 Speaker 1: no fucking way, being a fucking bitch. I'm really angry, 167 00:07:59,481 --> 00:08:02,321 Speaker 1: I'm really upset, and I'll like blurt out all these 168 00:08:02,321 --> 00:08:04,481 Speaker 1: things that are on my heart and on my mind. 169 00:08:05,481 --> 00:08:07,641 Speaker 1: Once I get that out, I sit back and take 170 00:08:07,641 --> 00:08:10,441 Speaker 1: your breath, and now I'm like, Okay, Stephanie's had a moment. 171 00:08:10,521 --> 00:08:12,521 Speaker 1: Thank you, steph. You can now go for a walk, 172 00:08:12,881 --> 00:08:15,961 Speaker 1: calm your farm. Actually then comes back in and go, now, 173 00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:18,041 Speaker 1: how do I want to respond? I don't have to 174 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:21,601 Speaker 1: suppress any of that anger, nothing that can cause resentment. 175 00:08:21,921 --> 00:08:23,681 Speaker 1: I've got it out, and I've got it in a 176 00:08:23,721 --> 00:08:27,121 Speaker 1: safe landing place which has been new. It's happened often 177 00:08:27,161 --> 00:08:29,961 Speaker 1: for both of us. Every time that happens, it really 178 00:08:30,001 --> 00:08:33,921 Speaker 1: does dissolve. Yeah, and Stephanie and Tatiana, they're just these funny, 179 00:08:33,921 --> 00:08:37,681 Speaker 1: crazy bitches who just like I love them, you know what. 180 00:08:37,721 --> 00:08:40,241 Speaker 1: I want to be more like them. When I feel 181 00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:44,401 Speaker 1: Tatiana or Stephanie enter the room, and I literally visualize it, 182 00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:45,921 Speaker 1: Like it sounds silly when I see them walk in 183 00:08:45,961 --> 00:08:47,241 Speaker 1: the room, but I do. I see them walk in 184 00:08:47,241 --> 00:08:49,681 Speaker 1: the room, I'm just like, Wow, they just don't give 185 00:08:49,721 --> 00:08:54,081 Speaker 1: a fuck. They are so truly authentically themselves and they 186 00:08:54,081 --> 00:08:57,041 Speaker 1: will speak their truth and they won't let anyone push 187 00:08:57,041 --> 00:08:58,721 Speaker 1: them down or drag them through the mark. They are 188 00:08:58,761 --> 00:09:01,801 Speaker 1: like I'm here, I'm loud, and I'm proud and that's 189 00:09:01,841 --> 00:09:02,321 Speaker 1: not okay. 190 00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:04,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're gonna see me hear me again. 191 00:09:04,641 --> 00:09:06,121 Speaker 3: So beautif we have this thing where we. 192 00:09:06,081 --> 00:09:10,161 Speaker 2: Literally like Stephanie and Tatsyana entered the chat, that's how 193 00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:11,681 Speaker 2: we like introduce them. 194 00:09:12,241 --> 00:09:15,841 Speaker 3: It's such a beautiful thing, Like it's such. 195 00:09:15,641 --> 00:09:18,281 Speaker 2: Permission to just be all of who you are. 196 00:09:18,361 --> 00:09:19,321 Speaker 1: I feel like I keep. 197 00:09:19,161 --> 00:09:22,001 Speaker 2: Repeating that, but it truly is, because it's like when 198 00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:24,041 Speaker 2: do you actually give yourself permission, or all of us, 199 00:09:24,121 --> 00:09:27,681 Speaker 2: like at every point in our life, permission to truly 200 00:09:27,761 --> 00:09:30,921 Speaker 2: say what's on our mind without fearing that the other 201 00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:33,401 Speaker 2: person is going to have something to say. Like this 202 00:09:33,561 --> 00:09:36,641 Speaker 2: container is like the vault. It's like that's what we 203 00:09:36,681 --> 00:09:36,881 Speaker 2: call it. 204 00:09:36,961 --> 00:09:37,481 Speaker 1: Is like the vault. 205 00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:39,201 Speaker 2: Everything stays in the vault, right, but it's like this 206 00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:42,201 Speaker 2: safe place where like every part of us can exist, 207 00:09:42,721 --> 00:09:45,121 Speaker 2: you know, and like, for an example, like a part 208 00:09:45,161 --> 00:09:46,561 Speaker 2: that one thing that would have come up for me 209 00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:51,801 Speaker 2: would have been my past relationship. Without going into too much, 210 00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:55,321 Speaker 2: I remember feeling towards the end, like as you go 211 00:09:55,401 --> 00:09:57,281 Speaker 2: through a breakup, you have like you know, the usual 212 00:09:57,361 --> 00:09:57,801 Speaker 2: kind of like. 213 00:09:57,761 --> 00:09:59,881 Speaker 1: Withdrawal faces that you go through where. 214 00:09:59,761 --> 00:10:01,881 Speaker 2: You're like, oh no, this is a good decision, and 215 00:10:01,881 --> 00:10:03,841 Speaker 2: then it's like, oh shit, this isn't a good decision. 216 00:10:05,241 --> 00:10:06,361 Speaker 1: I'm y, Hey, you go. 217 00:10:06,361 --> 00:10:09,681 Speaker 2: Through the grief stages because you're grieving somebody who was 218 00:10:09,721 --> 00:10:11,601 Speaker 2: a huge part of your life that you no longer 219 00:10:11,601 --> 00:10:13,841 Speaker 2: have access to, You no longer have access to, and 220 00:10:14,121 --> 00:10:17,281 Speaker 2: you yeah, you grieving like go And I remember going 221 00:10:17,321 --> 00:10:18,841 Speaker 2: through this moment where I was like I was just 222 00:10:18,881 --> 00:10:21,921 Speaker 2: having a real day and I was just like Tatiana 223 00:10:22,001 --> 00:10:23,921 Speaker 2: has some shit to say today, you. 224 00:10:23,881 --> 00:10:25,201 Speaker 1: Know, big feeling, because. 225 00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:27,921 Speaker 2: I was just like hurt and like in pain and 226 00:10:28,081 --> 00:10:31,681 Speaker 2: also angry. Angry, Yeah, just like a being straighter, want 227 00:10:31,721 --> 00:10:32,881 Speaker 2: of all the things that I wanted to say, a 228 00:10:32,961 --> 00:10:34,801 Speaker 2: being like wishing I could have been loved in the 229 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,521 Speaker 2: way that I wanted to be loved, wishing somebody could 230 00:10:37,521 --> 00:10:38,721 Speaker 2: have stepped up to the plate in the way that 231 00:10:38,761 --> 00:10:41,441 Speaker 2: I would have wanted, and just different elements like that. 232 00:10:41,521 --> 00:10:43,841 Speaker 2: It was like all of my raw emotion of like 233 00:10:43,921 --> 00:10:46,921 Speaker 2: hurt Tiana, but it was like Tatiana, you know. 234 00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:48,841 Speaker 1: But there was a process that we went through with that, 235 00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:51,601 Speaker 1: because I felt like for about a month after that, 236 00:10:51,721 --> 00:10:54,921 Speaker 1: I was like, I haven't really seen you cry about this. 237 00:10:55,041 --> 00:10:57,961 Speaker 1: You've seem almost too okay for someone who's just gone 238 00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:00,761 Speaker 1: through a breakup. And then once you had that permission, 239 00:11:00,881 --> 00:11:03,241 Speaker 1: like the tears flowed and came out, I was like, 240 00:11:03,361 --> 00:11:05,401 Speaker 1: more more, tell me more true. 241 00:11:05,441 --> 00:11:07,921 Speaker 2: Actually, you pulled me up one day and you're just like, hey, 242 00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:09,961 Speaker 2: like I just want to give like you voice messaged me, 243 00:11:10,361 --> 00:11:12,521 Speaker 2: I just want to give you permission, like you've just 244 00:11:12,521 --> 00:11:14,361 Speaker 2: gone through a breakup, Like you don't have to be 245 00:11:14,401 --> 00:11:16,801 Speaker 2: the strong one, like you're doing really well and I 246 00:11:16,841 --> 00:11:18,921 Speaker 2: get that, and you might actually be, but if you're not, 247 00:11:19,241 --> 00:11:20,721 Speaker 2: like I just want you to know, like you can 248 00:11:20,761 --> 00:11:23,361 Speaker 2: come in here. And I just as soon as you 249 00:11:23,401 --> 00:11:25,921 Speaker 2: said that, I just like broke down. I think I 250 00:11:26,041 --> 00:11:30,041 Speaker 2: cried from that moment like three days straight, every single night, 251 00:11:30,281 --> 00:11:32,321 Speaker 2: like literally for a few hours, because I was just 252 00:11:32,601 --> 00:11:34,681 Speaker 2: I'd let the raw emotion come up, and I was like, 253 00:11:34,761 --> 00:11:39,241 Speaker 2: you know what, Tatiana is fucking pissed for what I 254 00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:43,361 Speaker 2: feel like I experienced and the just the frustration and 255 00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:46,241 Speaker 2: like how things ended, like not in a bad way, 256 00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:47,161 Speaker 2: but like that is. 257 00:11:47,121 --> 00:11:49,881 Speaker 1: It so valid? Yeah, she's valid to feel like that. 258 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,401 Speaker 3: Yeah, And so it was cool. 259 00:11:51,401 --> 00:11:52,921 Speaker 2: It was like that was permission for me to be, 260 00:11:52,961 --> 00:11:54,841 Speaker 2: Like Tatiana gets to come out in these moments of 261 00:11:54,921 --> 00:11:58,161 Speaker 2: like this was my experience, I get to feel those things. 262 00:11:58,481 --> 00:12:00,761 Speaker 2: And then when Tiana enters the chat, she's going to 263 00:12:00,801 --> 00:12:03,361 Speaker 2: be like no, like everyone in their own timeline, everyone 264 00:12:03,401 --> 00:12:06,241 Speaker 2: in their own journey, like and respect, like there's no 265 00:12:06,481 --> 00:12:08,361 Speaker 2: hard feelings, like I still have so much love and 266 00:12:08,441 --> 00:12:11,481 Speaker 2: respect and then going your own way, but giving myself 267 00:12:11,521 --> 00:12:13,721 Speaker 2: permission to be like I feel like a fucking bitch, 268 00:12:13,761 --> 00:12:15,601 Speaker 2: right now, like you know what I mean, how I. 269 00:12:15,561 --> 00:12:17,601 Speaker 1: Really feel in the moment, and something you've said to me, 270 00:12:17,601 --> 00:12:20,121 Speaker 1: which has really been a game change as well. It's 271 00:12:20,201 --> 00:12:22,841 Speaker 1: like if I've been frustrated at someone or something, it's 272 00:12:22,881 --> 00:12:25,801 Speaker 1: like you said to me, you can feel something and 273 00:12:25,841 --> 00:12:28,361 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to mean anything, And I'm like wow, 274 00:12:28,641 --> 00:12:30,721 Speaker 1: because you don't like say I don't know. I'll use 275 00:12:30,721 --> 00:12:32,641 Speaker 1: me Steve for an example. Sometimes if we have an 276 00:12:32,681 --> 00:12:35,161 Speaker 1: argument or whatever and I'm like, ah, feeling ick about 277 00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:36,961 Speaker 1: this and he said this and I'm really upset about this, 278 00:12:37,041 --> 00:12:38,561 Speaker 1: and the next day I'm like I'm over it. 279 00:12:38,641 --> 00:12:38,921 Speaker 2: Yeah. 280 00:12:39,121 --> 00:12:41,521 Speaker 1: It's like because I felt those emotions in that moment 281 00:12:41,601 --> 00:12:44,481 Speaker 1: doesn't have to mean anything about our relationship. It was 282 00:12:44,521 --> 00:12:46,921 Speaker 1: just an icky moment where we were disagreeing, we couldn't 283 00:12:46,961 --> 00:12:49,161 Speaker 1: like figure it out, and then we move through it. 284 00:12:49,241 --> 00:12:52,601 Speaker 1: But having a safe place where I can like vent out, 285 00:12:52,761 --> 00:12:56,841 Speaker 1: Stephanie can come and be like fuck him, Steven Evans, 286 00:12:58,881 --> 00:13:01,481 Speaker 1: you're being annoying, but she can just come out and 287 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,521 Speaker 1: be a little brat for a moment and then I 288 00:13:03,561 --> 00:13:05,041 Speaker 1: actually get to get that out and then I get 289 00:13:05,081 --> 00:13:07,441 Speaker 1: to come back to center. Go, Okay, well, how does 290 00:13:07,481 --> 00:13:09,561 Speaker 1: Ash want to show up. Yeah, and I love that 291 00:13:09,721 --> 00:13:12,121 Speaker 1: about you with this breakup as well as like you 292 00:13:12,201 --> 00:13:14,681 Speaker 1: take a lot of responsibility for your part to really admire, 293 00:13:14,681 --> 00:13:16,881 Speaker 1: but sometimes too much responsibility, and you'd be the nice 294 00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:19,321 Speaker 1: girl from a genuine place of wanting everyone to be 295 00:13:19,321 --> 00:13:22,001 Speaker 1: happy and you don't want any like negative energy or 296 00:13:22,081 --> 00:13:26,001 Speaker 1: drama or conflict or you know, you want emotional piece 297 00:13:26,041 --> 00:13:30,921 Speaker 1: for everyone. But having a space for Tatiana allowed you 298 00:13:31,001 --> 00:13:33,601 Speaker 1: to get that out, and then Tiana can respond in 299 00:13:33,641 --> 00:13:35,121 Speaker 1: a way she's proud of. But I think if you 300 00:13:35,161 --> 00:13:39,801 Speaker 1: suppress that anger, Tiana may have acted or reacted in 301 00:13:39,841 --> 00:13:43,241 Speaker 1: a way that she wasn't proud of. But Tatiana kind 302 00:13:43,241 --> 00:13:46,081 Speaker 1: of takes that heat away, and then Tiana gets to 303 00:13:46,121 --> 00:13:47,921 Speaker 1: be her true, authentic self and look at the memory 304 00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:50,001 Speaker 1: proud of how she's responded. 305 00:13:49,721 --> 00:13:51,841 Speaker 2: Like she's saying no to anything that she doesn't deserve, 306 00:13:51,881 --> 00:13:54,881 Speaker 2: saying no to any behavior that I don't want in 307 00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:57,001 Speaker 2: my life or that I'm not willing to accept, and 308 00:13:57,041 --> 00:13:59,961 Speaker 2: they just get to all exist. We can be kind, respectful, thoughtful, 309 00:14:00,001 --> 00:14:02,361 Speaker 2: all those things, but have this like fiery side to 310 00:14:02,441 --> 00:14:06,561 Speaker 2: us that equally also exists, and he's equally as powerful 311 00:14:06,761 --> 00:14:07,761 Speaker 2: as the other parts. 312 00:14:07,561 --> 00:14:09,721 Speaker 1: Of us so beautiful and it's just been. 313 00:14:09,601 --> 00:14:13,761 Speaker 2: So freeing because like now in our everyday conversations, we'll 314 00:14:13,801 --> 00:14:15,681 Speaker 2: just like have a chat. We'll be sitting having like 315 00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:19,281 Speaker 2: what's it called doch or something, Yeah, like somembarros or something, 316 00:14:19,681 --> 00:14:21,761 Speaker 2: and we're sitting down and being like, yeah, well Stephanie 317 00:14:21,801 --> 00:14:24,841 Speaker 2: thinks x y z or like Tatiana really thinks x 318 00:14:24,921 --> 00:14:25,161 Speaker 2: y Z. 319 00:14:25,601 --> 00:14:27,681 Speaker 1: Sometimes we'll say something and like we'll look at each 320 00:14:27,681 --> 00:14:31,481 Speaker 1: other and I'll be like, Stephanie, you just know she's 321 00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:33,681 Speaker 1: entered the chat. It's like, oh, that isn't something she 322 00:14:33,681 --> 00:14:36,361 Speaker 1: would probably say day to day and she would carry 323 00:14:36,361 --> 00:14:38,161 Speaker 1: a bit of shame around that, but Stephanie is allowed 324 00:14:38,161 --> 00:14:40,441 Speaker 1: to say it. Yeah. It's just it's just really cool. 325 00:14:40,441 --> 00:14:43,961 Speaker 1: And I also feel Stephanie and Tatiana are a bit 326 00:14:43,961 --> 00:14:48,041 Speaker 1: of a warrior archetype. Oh yeah, so they come in 327 00:14:48,041 --> 00:14:52,201 Speaker 1: and I feel like Stephanie protects Ashy and little Ashi 328 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,001 Speaker 1: and then kind of that person that, like I don't know, 329 00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:57,081 Speaker 1: just holds them and brings them up to a new 330 00:14:57,161 --> 00:14:59,161 Speaker 1: level and gives them that confidence and strength to be 331 00:14:59,241 --> 00:15:02,081 Speaker 1: able to do the things they want to do. There's 332 00:15:02,121 --> 00:15:03,481 Speaker 1: just so much strength behind them. 333 00:15:03,481 --> 00:15:04,841 Speaker 3: Both it does feel like that. 334 00:15:04,841 --> 00:15:07,361 Speaker 2: That's such a beautiful way to describe it, but it 335 00:15:07,361 --> 00:15:10,641 Speaker 2: does feel like that. It's like anything that Ashy or 336 00:15:10,641 --> 00:15:13,681 Speaker 2: Tiana might feel like, you know, or I might be 337 00:15:13,761 --> 00:15:16,361 Speaker 2: judged for this, or somebody's not gonna like that, or 338 00:15:16,401 --> 00:15:20,481 Speaker 2: and overly being concerned about the external other people what 339 00:15:20,481 --> 00:15:22,801 Speaker 2: they're gonna have to say, instead of going what do 340 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:23,681 Speaker 2: I need right now? 341 00:15:24,561 --> 00:15:24,921 Speaker 3: Tia? 342 00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:26,921 Speaker 2: What does ash need? And like, how can we honor 343 00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:30,081 Speaker 2: that in this moment as well? Like you're okay to 344 00:15:30,121 --> 00:15:32,921 Speaker 2: put yourself first and to prioritize yourself and. 345 00:15:33,001 --> 00:15:36,881 Speaker 3: To have an opinion and have feelings. 346 00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:40,441 Speaker 1: An opinion that might not be accepted in society, but 347 00:15:40,521 --> 00:15:42,401 Speaker 1: like we just get to have it. Yeah, Like why 348 00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:43,081 Speaker 1: can't you just have it? 349 00:15:43,121 --> 00:15:44,561 Speaker 3: Who says our opinions is wrong? 350 00:15:44,801 --> 00:15:47,241 Speaker 1: Yeah? You know, and it doesn't have to mean anything. 351 00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:49,441 Speaker 1: Just see what you're feeling in that moment, that part. 352 00:15:49,761 --> 00:15:51,481 Speaker 3: It doesn't have to mean anything. 353 00:15:51,161 --> 00:15:54,041 Speaker 1: It doesn't. Yeah. Yeah, we've both pulled each other up 354 00:15:54,081 --> 00:15:55,761 Speaker 1: a lot with different things have said and be like, yes, 355 00:15:55,761 --> 00:15:57,121 Speaker 1: but you can feel that, but it doesn't have to 356 00:15:57,161 --> 00:15:59,521 Speaker 1: mean anything. Yeah, like oh that's right, Yeah, cool, that 357 00:15:59,561 --> 00:16:02,321 Speaker 1: feels lighter now, Yeah, true, it. 358 00:16:02,321 --> 00:16:05,281 Speaker 2: Doesn't mean anything about you or in all that situation, 359 00:16:05,601 --> 00:16:08,721 Speaker 2: And just because you do feel some way doesn't necessarily 360 00:16:08,721 --> 00:16:10,641 Speaker 2: mean it has to hold weight and you have to 361 00:16:10,721 --> 00:16:12,761 Speaker 2: run with the story that your mind is telling you. Yeah, 362 00:16:12,801 --> 00:16:15,081 Speaker 2: because when you're just like okay, cool, I can have that, 363 00:16:15,681 --> 00:16:17,881 Speaker 2: it really does dissolve in like a couple of minutes, 364 00:16:17,921 --> 00:16:20,041 Speaker 2: and then you're off doing the next thing, kind of 365 00:16:20,041 --> 00:16:22,681 Speaker 2: like bringing yourself back to like being a child again. 366 00:16:22,801 --> 00:16:24,841 Speaker 2: You know how children have, Like you know, they'll have 367 00:16:24,881 --> 00:16:26,641 Speaker 2: a breakdown or a tantrum or something, and then the 368 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:27,801 Speaker 2: next minute they're happy. 369 00:16:27,841 --> 00:16:30,641 Speaker 1: So last like ninety seconds and then back to nore. 370 00:16:30,841 --> 00:16:35,041 Speaker 1: Something we also wanted to touch on was traits about ourselves 371 00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,681 Speaker 1: that we had held shame around. But when we met 372 00:16:38,321 --> 00:16:41,201 Speaker 1: and started to talk about it, we were like, oh 373 00:16:41,281 --> 00:16:43,081 Speaker 1: my god, I get like that too, So this is 374 00:16:43,201 --> 00:16:44,961 Speaker 1: edgy for me to talk about. There was things that 375 00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:47,561 Speaker 1: came up in a friendship dynamic that they didn't like 376 00:16:47,641 --> 00:16:50,681 Speaker 1: this about me, and I can understand why. Yeah, I 377 00:16:50,721 --> 00:16:55,521 Speaker 1: can understand how it might feel a little bit suffocating controlling. 378 00:16:56,161 --> 00:17:00,201 Speaker 1: But two traits that we have is territorial fomo and jealousy. 379 00:17:00,281 --> 00:17:04,321 Speaker 1: Jealousy yeah, yeah, around friendships yep, and we joke about 380 00:17:04,361 --> 00:17:07,041 Speaker 1: it now so playful and it's so fun. And once 381 00:17:07,041 --> 00:17:10,281 Speaker 1: I realized Tiana had these same traits, it didn't change 382 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:13,321 Speaker 1: my love, respect, or admiration for you as a person. 383 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,080 Speaker 1: So then that bounced back to me in a mirror reflection, 384 00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,921 Speaker 1: was like, so, why would you hate yourself for that? 385 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,601 Speaker 1: If you can love that in someone else and she 386 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,761 Speaker 1: loves that about you, Like, why are you hating on yourself? 387 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,720 Speaker 1: So it instantly dissolved that shame around it, and I 388 00:17:25,761 --> 00:17:29,440 Speaker 1: was like, I can find people that can hold that 389 00:17:29,521 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 1: part of me and not shame me for it and 390 00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:36,881 Speaker 1: make it wrong. So fomo missing out on things? Fear 391 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 1: of missing out jealousy it's similar like jealous of not 392 00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:43,360 Speaker 1: being invited and territorial, like you're my friend. 393 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,521 Speaker 3: That's my person, that's my person. 394 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, literally, like you go hang out with somebody else, 395 00:17:46,521 --> 00:17:47,801 Speaker 2: I'm like, where's my invite? 396 00:17:48,721 --> 00:17:49,721 Speaker 3: I'd be like, I miss you? 397 00:17:49,761 --> 00:17:50,561 Speaker 1: Where are you? Who you is? 398 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:52,680 Speaker 2: Yeah? 399 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,680 Speaker 1: Well I'll be like, oh, I rememind to my other 400 00:17:54,721 --> 00:17:56,561 Speaker 1: friend's house and she'd be like, what other friend? Yeah, 401 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:57,480 Speaker 1: what do you mean? 402 00:17:57,481 --> 00:17:58,281 Speaker 3: You don't have any other friends? 403 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,640 Speaker 1: You don't need any other friends you're only. 404 00:18:00,521 --> 00:18:02,761 Speaker 2: Gonna be, you know. And I think we just initially 405 00:18:02,801 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 2: just started like we first started bringing up in conversation, 406 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:05,880 Speaker 2: it was a. 407 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,961 Speaker 3: Little bit like oh can I can I y. 408 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:08,360 Speaker 1: Yeah. 409 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,640 Speaker 2: It was like we were sharing experiences of past friendship 410 00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:14,481 Speaker 2: relationships and things where people haven't been able to hold 411 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 2: us in that specific thing. Like I remember in the 412 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 2: past getting really really anxious in a certain friendship dynamic 413 00:18:21,241 --> 00:18:22,801 Speaker 2: and they weren't able to hold me in it. And 414 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,961 Speaker 2: it was like I was made wrong for those things. 415 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 2: And granted I probably didn't show up in the best 416 00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,681 Speaker 2: way or like didn't know how to handle it properly 417 00:18:29,681 --> 00:18:32,081 Speaker 2: back then, but it was like when we were able 418 00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 2: to bring it together, it just like was this seamless 419 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:35,601 Speaker 2: thing that was not even a. 420 00:18:35,521 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 1: Problem anymore and fun. 421 00:18:37,041 --> 00:18:39,801 Speaker 2: We just invite each other into that and we play 422 00:18:39,801 --> 00:18:42,001 Speaker 2: on it now because we know that hard. 423 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,041 Speaker 3: It's a reassurance like at least. 424 00:18:43,801 --> 00:18:45,241 Speaker 1: For me, I'm not going anywhere else. 425 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,801 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I can bring this in playfully and I 426 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,241 Speaker 2: know that you'll receive it in a beautiful way, yes, 427 00:18:50,521 --> 00:18:53,480 Speaker 2: And it's not ever going to be something that's judged 428 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,761 Speaker 2: or shame or like heavy for you to receive even and. 429 00:18:56,721 --> 00:18:59,200 Speaker 1: Even in conversation, like Steve knows who Stephanie is, like 430 00:18:59,241 --> 00:19:01,561 Speaker 1: she knows when she knows when she's there. So good. 431 00:19:01,721 --> 00:19:04,041 Speaker 1: He's always been a safe space for me for sixteen years. 432 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:07,641 Speaker 1: There's never any judgment. He has my back. But now 433 00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:09,720 Speaker 1: it's fun that I can be like this is an ashy, 434 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:14,801 Speaker 1: but Stephanie is fucking pissed. Stephanie's really fucked off about that. 435 00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:17,521 Speaker 1: Like that's not okay. Yeah, I'll have my moment and 436 00:19:17,561 --> 00:19:20,121 Speaker 1: he holds Stephanie really well, and then he can talk 437 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: with Ashi and like figure out a solution. 438 00:19:21,721 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 3: It's like I got two words. 439 00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:26,961 Speaker 1: Yeah, how fun. It was so funny. The other day 440 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:28,881 Speaker 1: I saw this real and I send it to Tiana 441 00:19:28,961 --> 00:19:31,521 Speaker 1: and it's these two girls like dancing singing the street 442 00:19:31,561 --> 00:19:34,521 Speaker 1: and it's like, hey, you listen, Yes, you're allowed to 443 00:19:34,561 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 1: have other friends. You just have to love me more. 444 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,561 Speaker 1: I can reflect back, like if I was to send 445 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,400 Speaker 1: that to friendships in the past, I don't think that 446 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,721 Speaker 1: would be received well. Yeah, and I can understand, like 447 00:19:43,761 --> 00:19:46,120 Speaker 1: I said at the start, I can understand why for 448 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,801 Speaker 1: some people it would feel a little bit like, oh, 449 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,801 Speaker 1: that's a bit much. But when it's brought in a fun, 450 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,120 Speaker 1: playful way with Stephanie and Tatiana. It doesn't have to 451 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 1: mean anything, and it hasn't been accepted before. That's why 452 00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:55,641 Speaker 1: it was so scary. 453 00:19:55,721 --> 00:19:57,521 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know a lot of the times we're like 454 00:19:57,561 --> 00:19:59,321 Speaker 2: friends with people, but they don't really know like the 455 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:02,121 Speaker 2: true us or the real us or deeper layers of. 456 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:02,561 Speaker 1: Who we are. 457 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,160 Speaker 2: And it's like, how much better are connections when you 458 00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 2: have that true knowing of who that person is, and 459 00:20:08,521 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 2: like you can love them for it, because it's like 460 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,561 Speaker 2: being able to bring these sides of us out is 461 00:20:13,681 --> 00:20:15,640 Speaker 2: like loving all of us in our. 462 00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,241 Speaker 3: Entirety of who we are as women. 463 00:20:17,521 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 2: I remember a couple of times where you would feel 464 00:20:20,481 --> 00:20:22,801 Speaker 2: a little bit like fearful of like stepping into your 465 00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:25,321 Speaker 2: bigness or feel like there were certain things where it 466 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,680 Speaker 2: was like a bit of an edge to like showcase 467 00:20:28,041 --> 00:20:30,721 Speaker 2: your bigness as a woman. You do it so beautifully 468 00:20:30,761 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 2: and you own it so beautifully, and it's just a 469 00:20:32,961 --> 00:20:34,721 Speaker 2: part of who you are as a woman. And I'm 470 00:20:34,761 --> 00:20:37,641 Speaker 2: just like more of that, Like give me more of that, 471 00:20:37,681 --> 00:20:39,561 Speaker 2: Like I want to see you in your entirety of 472 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 2: who you are as a person without feeling like I 473 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:45,001 Speaker 2: need to make myself small for other people, and even 474 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,121 Speaker 2: a part of Stephanie and Tatiana is like being big 475 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,441 Speaker 2: without fear of taking up. 476 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:53,520 Speaker 1: Space, yes, you know, and how feeling guilty without feeling guilty. Yes. 477 00:20:53,921 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: And the more we do this, I just feel the 478 00:20:56,801 --> 00:20:59,881 Speaker 1: more authentic I can be because even if people don't 479 00:20:59,921 --> 00:21:01,400 Speaker 1: love me for it, like I know you love me, 480 00:21:01,441 --> 00:21:03,400 Speaker 1: I know Steve loves me, I know the right people 481 00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:06,681 Speaker 1: still love me for that. So the other people can 482 00:21:06,721 --> 00:21:09,160 Speaker 1: fall away and if I'm not got their person, that's okay. 483 00:21:09,321 --> 00:21:11,961 Speaker 1: Like I get it's not for everyone, but I now 484 00:21:12,321 --> 00:21:16,281 Speaker 1: refuse to live my life being someone to fit in 485 00:21:16,761 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: or being scared to be big in case I trigger 486 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,801 Speaker 1: upset ruffle feathers, Like I don't want to live like 487 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,361 Speaker 1: that anymore. And I feel like over the last couple 488 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,521 Speaker 1: of years, I've been edgy and I've tried to step 489 00:21:26,561 --> 00:21:28,440 Speaker 1: into it, but I haven't been able to fully step 490 00:21:28,481 --> 00:21:31,520 Speaker 1: into it until now because now I have a safer 491 00:21:31,561 --> 00:21:34,321 Speaker 1: container that so she doing this podcast together, Yeah, it 492 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:37,640 Speaker 1: feels even safer. Yeah, because it's like it's just us talking. 493 00:21:37,681 --> 00:21:40,161 Speaker 1: You know, Suppose from this episode we wanted to share 494 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:41,880 Speaker 1: that so that you can think of your alter ego 495 00:21:42,120 --> 00:21:44,761 Speaker 1: and have this conversation with your girlfriends. Send it around 496 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 1: so you can get on the same page with it. 497 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:50,041 Speaker 1: But also think about some of the traits that you 498 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:53,441 Speaker 1: have carried shame around, like for us fomo territorial and 499 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,720 Speaker 1: being jealous. The ones we have carried shame four, What 500 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,481 Speaker 1: are yours? And where have they come from? Who can 501 00:21:59,521 --> 00:22:03,041 Speaker 1: accept them? Who can hold them? And know that you 502 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,841 Speaker 1: can find your people that can hold that. They might 503 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:07,801 Speaker 1: not be the people in your life right now. That's okay. 504 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: Everyone on their own journey and their own time from 505 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 1: their own experiences, but there is evidence of friendships that 506 00:22:13,521 --> 00:22:16,400 Speaker 1: can fully hold that. And I must say give credit 507 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,481 Speaker 1: to all my oldest girlfriends as well, Like say Nadine 508 00:22:18,521 --> 00:22:22,080 Speaker 1: and Sarah, we've gone through many dips in our friendship. 509 00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:24,681 Speaker 1: I suppose not in that anything's ever happened, but say, 510 00:22:24,721 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 1: for example, when Nadine went through her divorce, she was 511 00:22:27,521 --> 00:22:31,281 Speaker 1: a single, wild party girl. I remember her saying to me, 512 00:22:31,321 --> 00:22:33,201 Speaker 1: Shurom I was showing that she felt like a dog 513 00:22:33,241 --> 00:22:34,761 Speaker 1: had just been let out of a cage. She was like, 514 00:22:34,921 --> 00:22:38,080 Speaker 1: let me free. I'm ready to go explore, like w 515 00:22:38,201 --> 00:22:39,920 Speaker 1: to meetle the boys want to go traveling and she 516 00:22:40,041 --> 00:22:43,360 Speaker 1: just like lived her life. And in that time, like 517 00:22:43,481 --> 00:22:45,680 Speaker 1: I think I was pregnant with Taj, we kind of 518 00:22:45,721 --> 00:22:48,440 Speaker 1: disconnected for a bit and went on our separate ways, 519 00:22:48,441 --> 00:22:50,041 Speaker 1: and now we've come back together and we're closer than ever. 520 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,521 Speaker 1: I've noticed since I was like fifteen. We met when 521 00:22:52,521 --> 00:22:57,961 Speaker 1: she was waxing my vagina with my waxa stop it conversation. 522 00:22:58,001 --> 00:22:59,080 Speaker 1: It's just why she was waxing me. 523 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:00,961 Speaker 2: I've seen you in all angs. 524 00:23:01,561 --> 00:23:04,201 Speaker 1: But over the years, her and Sarah have always stayed 525 00:23:04,241 --> 00:23:06,321 Speaker 1: really close. Even when Sarah moved to Melbourne, they were 526 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:08,600 Speaker 1: still in contact and there was the three of us. 527 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,241 Speaker 1: There's always been kind of like the three of us, 528 00:23:10,281 --> 00:23:12,080 Speaker 1: and if they went out to lunch, like I would 529 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,801 Speaker 1: swipe up and be like fomo, yeah. And they have 530 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:19,521 Speaker 1: been so beautiful and so loving to always hold me 531 00:23:19,521 --> 00:23:21,761 Speaker 1: in that and just be like, we love you so much. 532 00:23:21,921 --> 00:23:24,440 Speaker 1: You're always welcome. We just knew you with the kids, 533 00:23:24,761 --> 00:23:26,921 Speaker 1: and sometimes like they would even invite me and be like, hey, 534 00:23:26,921 --> 00:23:29,680 Speaker 1: we've got this thing on Friday night and blah blah blah, 535 00:23:29,721 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 1: like we don't think you'll say yes because it's not 536 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,001 Speaker 1: your scene, but you're welcome. And I'm like, thanks for 537 00:23:34,041 --> 00:23:36,521 Speaker 1: inviting me. No, I would never come to that, but 538 00:23:36,561 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: the fact you invited me it makes you feel loved. 539 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,441 Speaker 1: They kind of almost know. I mean, it's an abandonment 540 00:23:41,441 --> 00:23:43,360 Speaker 1: wound at the end of the day. It's a fear 541 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:45,721 Speaker 1: of being abandoned, which and well aware of and they 542 00:23:45,761 --> 00:23:48,041 Speaker 1: know that wound and they just support that and love 543 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,120 Speaker 1: me on that. And that's been so nice, Like how 544 00:23:51,241 --> 00:23:53,041 Speaker 1: beautiful they can do that. They've done that for twenty 545 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:53,640 Speaker 1: odd years. 546 00:23:53,721 --> 00:23:56,641 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's an entirely special thing whole. 547 00:23:56,561 --> 00:23:59,880 Speaker 2: That ends like twenty years, like significant amount of time, and. 548 00:23:59,801 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 1: They still know to this day. That actually gets fomo. 549 00:24:01,761 --> 00:24:03,521 Speaker 1: Let's invite her. And they know how to love you, 550 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,481 Speaker 1: I know, and they loved me for it. They're like, 551 00:24:05,521 --> 00:24:06,720 Speaker 1: we love that you always want to be with us. 552 00:24:06,961 --> 00:24:08,120 Speaker 3: How do you have any other friends? 553 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,761 Speaker 1: How do you have fun without me? And go about drinking? 554 00:24:10,761 --> 00:24:12,960 Speaker 1: And like you don't like drinking, I know, but I 555 00:24:13,041 --> 00:24:14,080 Speaker 1: still want to be about it. 556 00:24:14,201 --> 00:24:15,521 Speaker 3: Yeah, of course I want to be able to say 557 00:24:15,561 --> 00:24:16,480 Speaker 3: no on my own accord. 558 00:24:16,561 --> 00:24:18,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll be like I wouldn't have come, but but 559 00:24:18,761 --> 00:24:21,200 Speaker 1: I love you guys. Yeah, that's really nice to have 560 00:24:21,241 --> 00:24:22,401 Speaker 1: friends that can hold you in that. 561 00:24:22,801 --> 00:24:25,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, just permission for anybody out there who's just listening 562 00:24:25,521 --> 00:24:28,720 Speaker 2: to this and feeling like in your relationship you have 563 00:24:28,761 --> 00:24:30,480 Speaker 2: to hide certain parts of who you are, or you 564 00:24:30,521 --> 00:24:32,481 Speaker 2: think that if you behave a certain ways. 565 00:24:32,241 --> 00:24:34,640 Speaker 3: Someone will respond negatively to that. 566 00:24:34,921 --> 00:24:36,881 Speaker 2: And that's what all of this is about, is like 567 00:24:37,201 --> 00:24:40,401 Speaker 2: overcoming the fear that we have that we think other 568 00:24:40,481 --> 00:24:43,480 Speaker 2: people aren't gonna love us anymore, Are we gonna judge us, 569 00:24:43,561 --> 00:24:46,321 Speaker 2: are going to have something to say, because most of 570 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,801 Speaker 2: the time that's. 571 00:24:47,561 --> 00:24:48,521 Speaker 3: All just a projection. 572 00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:50,081 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's all just. 573 00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:54,041 Speaker 2: Your own internalized fears of what you think other people 574 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,720 Speaker 2: are going to say about you because you're terrified of connection. 575 00:24:56,921 --> 00:24:59,681 Speaker 1: I got a question for you, though, So what if 576 00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:01,680 Speaker 1: a girl listening is like, Okay, I'm going to be 577 00:25:01,681 --> 00:25:04,400 Speaker 1: my biggest bold of self, or I'm gonna joke about 578 00:25:04,481 --> 00:25:07,521 Speaker 1: territorial or do I get jealous or foam of my friends? 579 00:25:07,961 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 1: What if they do reject them? What if the friends like, oh, 580 00:25:10,761 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 1: fuck off, like that's too much? Like how would you 581 00:25:14,441 --> 00:25:16,441 Speaker 1: coach or help her navigate that? 582 00:25:16,761 --> 00:25:18,080 Speaker 3: I mean, do you want Tatiana answer? 583 00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:22,041 Speaker 1: Do you want? Let's go very different things. Let's go 584 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:24,440 Speaker 1: Tatiana first, and they coach, Tiana, like, I'm sure you 585 00:25:24,441 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: have women come to you with parts of themselves that 586 00:25:26,481 --> 00:25:28,401 Speaker 1: they're shameful around, or they've been rejected and they don't 587 00:25:28,441 --> 00:25:30,440 Speaker 1: know what to do with that rejection. They either make 588 00:25:30,481 --> 00:25:33,001 Speaker 1: themselves small again and fit into the box that their 589 00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: partner or their friends want them to be. Yeah, because 590 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,481 Speaker 1: that's safe. Right then I'm not commooted out of the tribe. Yeah, 591 00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:39,561 Speaker 1: then I'm still love. I'm not abandoned. But if they 592 00:25:39,801 --> 00:25:42,441 Speaker 1: really step into it, they're probably gonna be pushed out. 593 00:25:42,801 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 3: Tatiana says, go find some new fucking friends. 594 00:25:46,681 --> 00:25:49,281 Speaker 2: You know, she says, go find some new fucking friends, 595 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:53,161 Speaker 2: because if they genuinely loved you, they would love all 596 00:25:53,201 --> 00:25:53,360 Speaker 2: of you. 597 00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:55,321 Speaker 3: That's the thing about love. 598 00:25:55,481 --> 00:25:58,041 Speaker 2: It's a fine line between like unconditionally loving somebody but 599 00:25:58,041 --> 00:26:00,521 Speaker 2: not putting up with behavior. Right, you can unconditionally love 600 00:26:00,561 --> 00:26:03,160 Speaker 2: somebody and not put up with like behavior that feels 601 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,880 Speaker 2: disrespectful to you, right, whole other commentation. But that's what 602 00:26:06,921 --> 00:26:10,200 Speaker 2: it's about. It's about going like it doesn't matter good, bad, wrong. 603 00:26:10,001 --> 00:26:12,001 Speaker 3: Whatever the fuck label you'd label it. 604 00:26:12,001 --> 00:26:13,801 Speaker 2: It's like, I love you for who you are, and 605 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 2: that includes all of you. 606 00:26:15,321 --> 00:26:16,240 Speaker 3: Not just you. 607 00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:18,481 Speaker 2: Know three parts of yourself that you think I want 608 00:26:18,481 --> 00:26:20,801 Speaker 2: to see on the good days. 609 00:26:21,721 --> 00:26:23,360 Speaker 3: Now I'm bored. Now I'm just kidds. 610 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,681 Speaker 2: But in all honesty, like if somebody does and isn't 611 00:26:28,721 --> 00:26:31,441 Speaker 2: able to hold you in that, that's a really beautiful 612 00:26:31,441 --> 00:26:34,200 Speaker 2: moment for you to self reflect and go choose you. 613 00:26:34,721 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 2: Is this the kind of relationship or friendship that I 614 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:38,520 Speaker 2: want in my life? 615 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:38,680 Speaker 1: Like? 616 00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:42,360 Speaker 2: Is this person up to the standard of depth connection 617 00:26:42,761 --> 00:26:46,761 Speaker 2: safety that I actually want in my immediate circle? People 618 00:26:46,761 --> 00:26:50,481 Speaker 2: who are influencing me my beliefs, how I feel about myself. 619 00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:53,401 Speaker 2: You get to really have an honest conversation with yourself 620 00:26:53,681 --> 00:26:56,401 Speaker 2: about that and go do I want more than this? 621 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:58,080 Speaker 3: Do I deserve more than this? 622 00:26:58,321 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 2: Oftentimes the answer is yes, you know, because safety is 623 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:07,400 Speaker 2: everything in connection, relationships, friendship's family, doesn't matter what label. 624 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:10,721 Speaker 2: Safety is the biggest thing. And if you don't feel 625 00:27:10,721 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 2: that from people that you're surrounded by, you will know 626 00:27:13,321 --> 00:27:17,041 Speaker 2: about it. Right, So listen, pay attention to those inklings 627 00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:21,160 Speaker 2: and really do an audit on whether that person is 628 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:22,680 Speaker 2: actually going to be for you or not. 629 00:27:22,961 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 1: And it's one thing to answer that question, like what 630 00:27:25,241 --> 00:27:27,921 Speaker 1: you just said there of like do I want more 631 00:27:27,961 --> 00:27:30,721 Speaker 1: and do I deserve more? Yes, So you answer that yes. 632 00:27:31,321 --> 00:27:33,640 Speaker 1: The next thing is like, what do I do with 633 00:27:33,721 --> 00:27:38,201 Speaker 1: that now? Because actually breaking away from an intimate relationship, 634 00:27:38,521 --> 00:27:42,080 Speaker 1: a friendship, even a family member. Yeah, actually unplugging that 635 00:27:42,201 --> 00:27:45,481 Speaker 1: cord and letting go and accepting that that's not what 636 00:27:45,521 --> 00:27:49,561 Speaker 1: you want or what you deserve, it's really hard. I've 637 00:27:49,761 --> 00:27:52,561 Speaker 1: hung on to people for way too long. Not even 638 00:27:52,561 --> 00:27:55,281 Speaker 1: that anyone's done anything wrong, it's just in disalignment, but 639 00:27:55,521 --> 00:27:58,441 Speaker 1: because I'm anxiously attached and I want to be loved, 640 00:27:58,481 --> 00:28:00,641 Speaker 1: and I've got abandonment wounds, Like, sometimes you can hang 641 00:28:00,681 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: on for way too long. 642 00:28:02,761 --> 00:28:03,441 Speaker 3: Yeah. 643 00:28:03,521 --> 00:28:05,561 Speaker 2: The way that I gauge whether I have a conversation 644 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,481 Speaker 2: with somebody or not is do I love and respect 645 00:28:08,481 --> 00:28:11,281 Speaker 2: this person enough? Like are they close enough to me 646 00:28:11,761 --> 00:28:14,160 Speaker 2: for me to open up this conversation with them and 647 00:28:14,241 --> 00:28:16,561 Speaker 2: let them know how I'm feeling in the relationship or 648 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,201 Speaker 2: are they more on the acquaintance side where I feel 649 00:28:19,241 --> 00:28:21,640 Speaker 2: like this can just fizzle out on its own. That's 650 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,481 Speaker 2: how I discern, because that's a huge conversation. Yeah, where 651 00:28:24,481 --> 00:28:26,160 Speaker 2: it's like, well, what do I do now? Do I 652 00:28:26,201 --> 00:28:28,881 Speaker 2: have a conversation do I not? Well, how close are 653 00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:32,120 Speaker 2: they to you? Do you love them? Do you respect them? 654 00:28:32,201 --> 00:28:35,120 Speaker 2: Do you care for their wellbeing? Like, then have a 655 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,561 Speaker 2: conversation like, hey, this is where i'm at. Can you 656 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,641 Speaker 2: meet me? Invite them in to meet you. If they 657 00:28:40,681 --> 00:28:41,361 Speaker 2: can't and they. 658 00:28:41,241 --> 00:28:43,801 Speaker 3: Don't have the capacity, amazing, I love you. 659 00:28:43,841 --> 00:28:45,881 Speaker 2: Please go live your life or live my life and 660 00:28:45,921 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 2: we can love each other from afar doesn't have to 661 00:28:48,481 --> 00:28:51,401 Speaker 2: be a heavy thing. No, no, And then acquaintances like 662 00:28:51,841 --> 00:28:55,201 Speaker 2: usually when you're not you're not aligned, you'll fall off anyway. 663 00:28:54,921 --> 00:28:56,601 Speaker 1: It's like we'll catch up next week. Yeah, and it 664 00:28:56,641 --> 00:29:02,480 Speaker 1: never happens. Yeah, how Yeah we need to catch up 665 00:29:02,481 --> 00:29:05,521 Speaker 1: with that copy. Yeah, yeah, still hasn't happened, bad Blood. 666 00:29:05,521 --> 00:29:08,321 Speaker 1: It's just windle away. You'll know, and you'll feel it. 667 00:29:08,361 --> 00:29:11,121 Speaker 1: If you actually take time to be slow and stop 668 00:29:11,161 --> 00:29:14,201 Speaker 1: and tune in, you'll know. Oh I love it. That's 669 00:29:14,201 --> 00:29:17,641 Speaker 1: a beautiful conversation. I really hope you guys go away 670 00:29:18,161 --> 00:29:20,681 Speaker 1: from this episode even if you can. After this is finished, 671 00:29:20,681 --> 00:29:23,441 Speaker 1: get out a journal and just sit down with yourself 672 00:29:23,601 --> 00:29:26,321 Speaker 1: and reflect on this. Name your old ego, think about 673 00:29:26,361 --> 00:29:28,321 Speaker 1: the traits you've been shamed for or that you shame 674 00:29:28,401 --> 00:29:30,801 Speaker 1: yourself for, and bring them forward. Think about who in 675 00:29:30,841 --> 00:29:33,001 Speaker 1: your life you could have this conversation with, like is 676 00:29:33,001 --> 00:29:35,201 Speaker 1: their girlfriends? It would be so open to this because 677 00:29:35,241 --> 00:29:38,841 Speaker 1: if so, fuck yes, we will be talking about this 678 00:29:38,921 --> 00:29:41,761 Speaker 1: a lot more. You know, throughout plenty episodes you'll hear 679 00:29:41,961 --> 00:29:44,841 Speaker 1: You'll hear the tone change, the energy shift when Tatiana 680 00:29:44,921 --> 00:29:48,521 Speaker 1: or Stephanie have an opinion on something. And we're going 681 00:29:48,601 --> 00:29:51,121 Speaker 1: to welcome to join us at any point in time 682 00:29:51,161 --> 00:29:53,521 Speaker 1: when they feel they want to be heard, and you're 683 00:29:53,561 --> 00:29:56,401 Speaker 1: also allowed to be heard. So we hope this episode 684 00:29:56,601 --> 00:30:00,481 Speaker 1: is been fun, interesting and really empowering, and thanks. 685 00:30:00,321 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 2: For listening, Thanks for coming along the journey with us. 686 00:30:02,481 --> 00:30:03,961 Speaker 2: And I can't wait to hear what your alter eager 687 00:30:03,961 --> 00:30:06,521 Speaker 2: and nets I know so fun you send them in 688 00:30:06,521 --> 00:30:08,681 Speaker 2: the forum or DM them or something. I need to 689 00:30:08,681 --> 00:30:09,960 Speaker 2: be a party, We need to be a part of 690 00:30:09,961 --> 00:30:10,601 Speaker 2: this journey with. 691 00:30:10,561 --> 00:30:12,561 Speaker 3: You before we go. 692 00:30:12,681 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 2: I would love do you think maybe give them an 693 00:30:15,081 --> 00:30:18,081 Speaker 2: example of how they could express their alter ego in 694 00:30:18,161 --> 00:30:19,121 Speaker 2: potentially motherhood? 695 00:30:19,441 --> 00:30:21,401 Speaker 1: Oh, in motherhood. 696 00:30:21,961 --> 00:30:24,480 Speaker 3: So they're having like a really bad day and they're just. 697 00:30:24,401 --> 00:30:28,241 Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I think it was Katie Ford. She said 698 00:30:28,241 --> 00:30:30,801 Speaker 1: to me once you can love being a mum, but 699 00:30:30,841 --> 00:30:33,641 Speaker 1: you don't have to love every second of it. And 700 00:30:33,721 --> 00:30:35,921 Speaker 1: I was like, wow, that gives me permission to like 701 00:30:36,441 --> 00:30:39,601 Speaker 1: have a little bit and complain about how hard today's been. Yeah. 702 00:30:39,921 --> 00:30:41,801 Speaker 1: But yeah, sometimes Steve and I at the end of 703 00:30:41,801 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: the night will have conversations around like how fucked it 704 00:30:45,041 --> 00:30:47,481 Speaker 1: was today, Yeah, how hard it was, and how I 705 00:30:47,521 --> 00:30:50,081 Speaker 1: couldn't wait for those little people to go to bed. 706 00:30:51,241 --> 00:30:53,561 Speaker 1: If you want to say little brats, Yeah, I love 707 00:30:53,601 --> 00:30:57,561 Speaker 1: my children. That's the moment see where I held back, Yeah, 708 00:30:57,961 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: like they were being a little brats today and it 709 00:30:59,241 --> 00:31:01,161 Speaker 1: could not wait for them to go to bed and 710 00:31:01,241 --> 00:31:02,681 Speaker 1: for me to be able to sit on the couch 711 00:31:02,761 --> 00:31:06,041 Speaker 1: in peace talking to my husband without being an That 712 00:31:06,161 --> 00:31:09,441 Speaker 1: is Stephanie. We love Stephanie, and She's like, I love 713 00:31:09,441 --> 00:31:12,081 Speaker 1: every moment with my kids. Every moment is so special 714 00:31:12,641 --> 00:31:14,401 Speaker 1: and I've got all the time and space in the 715 00:31:14,401 --> 00:31:16,960 Speaker 1: world for them. And Stephanie's like, go to bed, Mummy 716 00:31:17,001 --> 00:31:19,001 Speaker 1: needs some time with daddy. Yeah. 717 00:31:19,041 --> 00:31:21,801 Speaker 2: How many times women would kind of have those moments, 718 00:31:22,241 --> 00:31:24,721 Speaker 2: but then they're like, oh, I feel guilty and saying why. 719 00:31:24,721 --> 00:31:27,041 Speaker 1: Because there's so much shame around. If you say anything 720 00:31:27,041 --> 00:31:29,441 Speaker 1: negative about being parent, you get a bunch of Karens 721 00:31:29,481 --> 00:31:31,921 Speaker 1: coming towards you and like you shouldn't be complaining. Do you 722 00:31:31,961 --> 00:31:33,521 Speaker 1: know how lucky you are to for pregnant? Do you know 723 00:31:33,481 --> 00:31:36,361 Speaker 1: how lucky to have those babies? And yes, all of 724 00:31:36,401 --> 00:31:38,961 Speaker 1: that exists, but do you know what else exists? Two 725 00:31:39,001 --> 00:31:41,321 Speaker 1: things can co exist at the same time. I can 726 00:31:41,361 --> 00:31:44,801 Speaker 1: be so fucking grateful and I could literally start crying 727 00:31:44,921 --> 00:31:47,321 Speaker 1: right now of my gratitude for my children and my 728 00:31:47,481 --> 00:31:50,641 Speaker 1: life and the joy that they bring. Equally, in the 729 00:31:50,681 --> 00:31:55,721 Speaker 1: same moment, be so pushed to the edge of frustraation, 730 00:31:56,561 --> 00:31:59,161 Speaker 1: of just like I'm at my teather, I need a moment, 731 00:31:59,321 --> 00:32:01,720 Speaker 1: and he's like, go and I'll go to my room 732 00:32:01,721 --> 00:32:03,521 Speaker 1: and take some breaths. I'll go fucking jump on the 733 00:32:03,561 --> 00:32:06,601 Speaker 1: trampoline or for a walk whatever. Yeah, both of those 734 00:32:06,601 --> 00:32:10,161 Speaker 1: things always co exist to me. And once again, until 735 00:32:10,161 --> 00:32:12,881 Speaker 1: we allow all that to be seen, if you try 736 00:32:12,921 --> 00:32:15,161 Speaker 1: and suppress that, it feels like you're carrying around a 737 00:32:15,161 --> 00:32:17,961 Speaker 1: big bag of rocks, it's really really heavy. You're allowed 738 00:32:17,961 --> 00:32:20,720 Speaker 1: to feel all of those things. So anytime any of 739 00:32:20,721 --> 00:32:24,200 Speaker 1: my girlfriends come to me with feeling really frustrated, really angry, 740 00:32:24,321 --> 00:32:25,881 Speaker 1: or like I don't want to be around some of 741 00:32:25,921 --> 00:32:27,361 Speaker 1: my friends say this to me, I don't want to 742 00:32:27,361 --> 00:32:29,121 Speaker 1: be around my children today. I'm like, yow, I don't 743 00:32:29,121 --> 00:32:31,401 Speaker 1: blame me. Yeah, you're with them seven days a week, 744 00:32:31,481 --> 00:32:33,561 Speaker 1: twenty four hours of the second day, I go to 745 00:32:33,601 --> 00:32:35,760 Speaker 1: work and get a break. Yeah, I love that break. 746 00:32:36,041 --> 00:32:38,881 Speaker 1: I love coming home with a fresh energy, ready to 747 00:32:38,921 --> 00:32:40,921 Speaker 1: be present and play with them. You have to look 748 00:32:40,961 --> 00:32:43,960 Speaker 1: after and entertain them all day, every day, and then 749 00:32:44,001 --> 00:32:46,001 Speaker 1: you're up five times to night. Yeah, no, wonder you 750 00:32:46,001 --> 00:32:48,481 Speaker 1: don't want to be with your today. I don't blame 751 00:32:48,521 --> 00:32:50,881 Speaker 1: your girlfriend, and I give them permission to feel all 752 00:32:50,921 --> 00:32:53,041 Speaker 1: of that and not have any shame around it. So 753 00:32:53,201 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: anyone's listening, any moment that you have that feeling come 754 00:32:56,321 --> 00:32:57,841 Speaker 1: up and then you quickly shut it down because I 755 00:32:57,881 --> 00:33:00,881 Speaker 1: shouldn't feel like that. The moment you say I shouldn't 756 00:33:01,601 --> 00:33:03,200 Speaker 1: like that's when the shame comes in and it is 757 00:33:03,241 --> 00:33:07,081 Speaker 1: the lowest vibrational freak to be on its guilt and shame. Yeah, 758 00:33:07,241 --> 00:33:09,601 Speaker 1: we don't do that here, we rise above it. We 759 00:33:09,681 --> 00:33:11,881 Speaker 1: let it all come in, We welcome her all, we 760 00:33:11,921 --> 00:33:14,041 Speaker 1: accept it all, and we love ourselves for all of it. 761 00:33:14,281 --> 00:33:15,601 Speaker 1: And two things can coexist. 762 00:33:16,281 --> 00:33:19,001 Speaker 2: That's when your old to ego enters the chat hundred percent. 763 00:33:19,121 --> 00:33:21,401 Speaker 1: Let her come in. What is her name? Bring her in? Yeah, 764 00:33:21,841 --> 00:33:24,041 Speaker 1: bring her in. Tell your husband about it. Yeah, he 765 00:33:24,121 --> 00:33:24,921 Speaker 1: might even have one. 766 00:33:25,041 --> 00:33:27,081 Speaker 2: Yeah, might even role play with each other. 767 00:33:30,361 --> 00:33:33,521 Speaker 1: I love that. Thanks so much for listening, guys, I 768 00:33:33,561 --> 00:33:35,921 Speaker 1: really appreciate it. If you love this episode, don't forget 769 00:33:35,921 --> 00:33:38,081 Speaker 1: to leave a review and a little five star rating. 770 00:33:38,121 --> 00:33:40,721 Speaker 1: We love that share with your friends as well. We'd 771 00:33:40,721 --> 00:33:42,681 Speaker 1: love you, guys to have this conversation with your friends, 772 00:33:43,041 --> 00:33:45,121 Speaker 1: and we also love seeing your tags on social media. 773 00:33:45,201 --> 00:33:46,801 Speaker 1: So you guys, listen to the episode, you take a 774 00:33:46,841 --> 00:33:48,961 Speaker 1: screenshot and you upload it and tag us. We love 775 00:33:48,961 --> 00:33:51,440 Speaker 1: seeing that tags. She rises, and you can take our 776 00:33:51,481 --> 00:33:52,561 Speaker 1: personal pages as well. 777 00:33:52,641 --> 00:33:54,561 Speaker 2: We'll see you on the next episodes episode. 778 00:33:54,841 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 1: Bye.