WEBVTT - Oversharing, labour scares and the hardest age to parent 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:02.440 Ad A Lady ad A Lady ad A Lady ad 0:00:02.600 --> 0:00:03.640 Lady Unfiltered. 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:07.600 Hello, Hello, I am Hailey. This is Lauren. We are 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:08.760 ad Lady Unfiltered. 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:11.920 We are besties with business partners and we're the creators 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:14.920 of Adel Lady Hollow. I say, hey, Lossy Media, and 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:18.160 we do everything together except bag. 0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:21.439 Welcome to my couch again for another week. 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:24.440 Babe. This is nice. Look at you wearing your clown suit. 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:25.800 Yeah, I'm wearing this suit. 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:29.120 I bought this suit and Burgeon, my partner, actually said, 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:30.520 is that a dress up suit? 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:32.519 No? It looks like you're in the Christmas paget, but 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:34.240 it's also freaking sick. 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:36.120 Guys, I love it really. 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.120 One that blue leg, one red leg and one red 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:40.240 sleeve and one blue slip. 0:00:40.440 --> 0:00:42.159 You're a clown in the Christmas podcast. 0:00:43.960 --> 0:00:46.000 I'd actually love being in the Christmas padget again this year. 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:47.160 If anyone's watching. 0:00:46.920 --> 0:00:48.240 You could wear that my outfit. 0:00:48.360 --> 0:00:49.720 Yeah, it's actually really notice. 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:51.680 I'm so glad. I spent six hundred dollars on it. 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.160 That's six hundred dollars. I think, my god, you haven't 0:00:54.160 --> 0:00:55.600 even worn it anywhere because. 0:00:55.400 --> 0:00:58.360 I got scared of wearing don't let anyone, especially a 0:00:58.440 --> 0:01:01.240 go I tell you that if something's not because we 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:01.760 are cool. 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:05.240 Hashtag tickets. 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:08.600 Yeah, okay, so today shopping list. 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:09.319 What's on the show. 0:01:09.680 --> 0:01:12.720 So today we're gonna be talking about parenting. You have 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:15.560 two boys, I have a little girl, very different ages, but. 0:01:16.240 --> 0:01:18.360 I'm going to put my little two bobs in and 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:20.399 say that fourteen is the hardest. 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:22.360 Age, and I think four is the hardest aage. Okay, 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:23.479 I'll see you later on that one. 0:01:23.520 --> 0:01:24.280 We're also going to. 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:28.679 Talk about oversharing, which is something that we've always done. 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:31.240 But I've got some tips if you're like us, of. 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:35.640 How to stop yourself before you like tell your entire 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:37.200 life story to someone that you've just met. 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:38.480 That's literally what I do. 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:39.880 That's what we do every day. 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:41.080 And then I regret and hate myself. 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:42.920 Yeah, so the tips are really just for us. 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:44.839 We'll be there, but right now we're going to start 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:46.520 with a little member of the week. 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:48.800 What happened to us? 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:49.280 Oh? 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:50.920 You go for okay, I'll go. 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:55.880 So this is quite gross, but you know how we 0:01:56.000 --> 0:01:58.440 use baby wipes all the time, as I think you 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:00.440 know you use baby wipes, whether you're a mum or 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:02.200 you're not a mum, there's always baby wipes in your 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:04.880 back and I hate that I only discovered baby wipes 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:06.279 when I had a baby. 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:08.200 What did we do before? How gross? 0:02:08.440 --> 0:02:08.680 Sour? 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:09.640 What was in our handbag. 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:11.600 It's like a mini shower, so you can just like 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:14.680 wipe under your pits, you can wipe your face, wipe 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:17.360 down there if you want, just and suddenly you feel 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.720 like fresh again in a big city. 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:22.359 Like I used to keep undies in my glove box 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:24.320 just in case you like shave hands. 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:32.480 I just need to keep hoggies. We laugh, We love. 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:35.520 It's chances that happening now are a lot more. Let 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.080 me tell you so, baby wipes beat in my bag. 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:40.680 And then a few weeks ago, we got back from 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:44.560 Cambodia together. We were over there together and we had we. 0:02:44.600 --> 0:02:45.240 Had the spots. 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:46.120 It's terrible. 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:47.560 You were really bad at this point. 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:49.440 I just had the cramps at this point, and we 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:51.320 were at a little servo and I was like, I'm 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:54.320 just going to get some baby wipes, these Cambodian baby wipes, 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:57.200 whatever they are. So they did the trick. They made 0:02:57.240 --> 0:02:59.800 us feel very fresh, and I got home and I've 0:02:59.800 --> 0:03:01.680 been still using them for the last couple of weeks, 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:06.080 and then I was realizing that, like every time I 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:10.880 would use it, it was a little that's stingy, scratchy scratchy, 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:14.160 like there was more friction on them, so it was 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:15.320 scratchy and stingy. 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:17.120 And then I was like, well, I may as well. 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:19.520 Just look at the directions because as well, I've just 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:20.760 used some seventy four times. 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:23.960 I have no attention to detail whatsoever. And I looked 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:27.440 at the packe at it, and you're the same with me. 0:03:28.320 --> 0:03:34.840 The packet said multi surface wipes, Fear Kitchen. 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:37.760 So you've been and your laundry, you've been, Pina cleaning 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:38.080 your bits. 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:43.000 Yeah, I have got the cleanest ninety nine percent germ free. 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:46.240 Bacteria free flaps. Is that the sound? 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:49.360 I was using that in all areas of my body 0:03:49.440 --> 0:03:50.760 like you would to clean it often. 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:52.840 But didn't it say on the front. 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:54.200 But I don't read stuff. 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:56.080 I just thought they looked like baby wipes, and it 0:03:56.160 --> 0:03:57.320 was in the baby wipe section. 0:03:57.920 --> 0:03:58.640 So it's their fault. 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:03.240 It's their fault, bloody Cambodia. Anyway, Well that was what 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:04.160 happened to you. 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:10.160 So I'm in full nesting Eraea six months preggy, six 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:10.880 months preggy. 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:13.400 I have just I got a skip over the. 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:17.120 Weekend and I just like something in me snapped, like 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:22.239 it was primal. I was like, everything is not safe 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:27.280 in my house, even my partner and there, yeah, I 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:28.919 just you know, and I started with all the you know, 0:04:28.960 --> 0:04:32.159 the older boxes that I've had and the normal stuff, 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:34.280 and then I just started going rogue. 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:37.719 Like you shouldn't be lifting things though I was lifting 0:04:37.760 --> 0:04:40.800 shit left right. You were a weightlifter, lifter back in 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:41.120 the day. 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:42.520 I was baby, and. 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:43.520 I didn't boys. 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:49.080 I started putting everything at that skip and then I've 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:50.960 got a bunch of stuff to take to a charity, 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:54.480 toys and different things, to which Berger went out there 0:04:54.480 --> 0:04:56.160 one day, It's like, you can't throw that out. 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:58.280 That was my childhood teddy beit. And I was like, well, 0:04:58.279 --> 0:04:58.800 no one can. 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:03.000 Hang on you. I get like getting rid of shit, 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:05.200 but you can't throw out his childhood teddy bear. 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:06.359 What is he gonna do with it? 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:06.920 Sleep with this? 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:08.520 This is child with Teddybears. 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:11.440 So anyway, so I had to bring that back inside. 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:14.560 Oh my god, he is an absolute horder. I threw 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:17.360 out a bunch of paperwork and he goes, this is 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.960 a ticket to America. It's got Sofia's name on it. 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:20.960 Why would you throw that out? 0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:26.200 He's got too much estrogen. He was keeping stuff. 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:29.160 But then my mum and my auntie came over last night. 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:30.040 And what did Auntie say? 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:33.400 Oh, well, they looked at the stuff and they were mortified. 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:36.240 I'd thrown out all these toys that they'd bought Sofia 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:40.200 as a baby, and they were expensive toys, and Lauren, 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:44.200 you have no heart. And then suddenly they go, well, Lauren, 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:45.880 you're out of the wheel because we can't trust you 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:47.560 because you're going to be throwing everything out. 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:50.920 But so you've done it all wrong though, So when 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.560 you throw things out, I totally understand, but you've got 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:56.400 to hide it. So you put it in another plastic 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:58.480 bag and you hide it. That's what I did a 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:00.599 couple of weeks ago, underneath all the other stuff, and 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:02.440 then they can't check and they don't even know what's there. 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:04.920 I was breaking stuff. So then when Burjo question, I 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:10.600 said it's broken. I was ruthless, like, I don't care. 0:06:10.640 --> 0:06:11.880 It was Sofia's first shoe. 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:16.360 Isn't it weird that we're like, we love We're not superficial, 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:17.520 but we love superficial things. 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:19.400 We love buying things, and then we love it for 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:20.039 love shop. 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.520 I love shopping. I love like the purpose of the shopping, 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:24.520 the purchase. 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:27.040 But then the dopamine leaves our body and we don't 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:30.320 care about that thing anymore. Like you have a very 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:34.160 expensive y cell bag and a Gucci but you just 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:36.239 you'll leave them on the toilet floor in a public toilet. 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.839 I put on the gravel in a car park. Words, 0:06:38.920 --> 0:06:41.040 because it was my baby bag. My mum was mortar. 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:43.320 I do that too because I don't care. But isn't 0:06:43.360 --> 0:06:45.080 that doesn't that make us good people? Because it shows 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:48.240 that we care about humans, not fake things like you 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:48.560 know things. 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:50.159 We're still terrible people. 0:06:50.200 --> 0:06:52.880 Yeah, anyway, Okay, what are we gonna start with. 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:55.919 We're gonna start with parenting. Okay, do you want to 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:58.279 start because you've got four year old? 0:06:58.680 --> 0:07:00.760 I've got a beautiful four years old and you've got 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:03.480 a fourteen year old boy. And I always piet Alfy's age. 0:07:03.480 --> 0:07:05.080 He's ten eleven, he's eleven. 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:06.120 You're not a good godmother. 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:07.440 No, I'm so. 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:09.880 I should know that because we started at a lady 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:12.640 when he was eight weeks old. Yeah, but in media 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:14.520 years he should be like one hundred and seven right now, 0:07:14.560 --> 0:07:14.880 and it's not. 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:15.640 He's only eleven. 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:19.520 So I've got a four year old girl who it's. 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:22.679 Funny because the sass in her and the eye rolls 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:25.360 and the slamming of the doors and I want other 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:27.400 parents has already. 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:30.640 Begun at four. Yeah, like, surely that's too young. 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:33.480 It is young, because if you compare her to her 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:34.920 other friends who are still like. 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:38.800 Hell, I'm a baby. She's so freaking smart. 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:43.440 She's like a seven year old mentally, but emotionally she's 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:44.000 only four. 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:45.120 So she's acting out. 0:07:45.120 --> 0:07:48.280 And you forget the age because she's taller as well. 0:07:48.400 --> 0:07:49.920 I sometimes forget. 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:50.680 She's six foot four. 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:54.640 She's literally going to be taller than me probably in 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:55.160 you once. 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:56.840 And she's up to Laurence boobs. 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:57.280 She is. 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:01.160 She always says she's up to mums and Nana's boobsrums. 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:02.080 Are a bit lower. She's shorter, but they're just a 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:03.800 bit poors. 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:07.960 There's just been a lot of moments recently where I 0:08:08.000 --> 0:08:09.840 just go, what have I done wrong? 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:11.800 Oh, I don't blame yourself, what's happened? 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:13.600 But we do, like, do you know just some of 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:16.840 the things that she says can be really snappy, can 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:17.600 be really. 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:19.600 Rude, like, you know, she went to my mum, well, 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:21.200 what do you know, you're old? 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:24.480 Like actual hurtful things, hurtful things which I'm like, you 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:26.240 don't say that to a grandparent. 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:27.280 She went through it. 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:29.640 Like last week there was a big thing at school 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:33.920 where she was just disruptive, angry. She said some really 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:36.680 hurtful things and we got called into the teacher's office. 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:40.880 And you always feel like they're gonna think I'm a 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:43.480 bad parent. They're judging me, they're judging my parents. 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:46.680 Some of them are really nice, the teachers, like most 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:48.360 of them are really lovely, but some of them you 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:49.880 can tell that they are judging you. 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:53.440 And they would because you know what, I walk into 0:08:53.480 --> 0:08:57.640 that school well wind, I'm just shoveled. Sometimes I forget, 0:08:57.640 --> 0:08:58.440 like I've gone to. 0:08:58.600 --> 0:09:00.480 Chuck her out of the car as you fly over 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:01.679 a speed hume. 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:04.400 I've slowed down to like twenty five as she flies 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:08.120 outd I've forgotten the school bag, forgotten the drink bottle, 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:11.040 all the normal stuff that busy mums sometimes we forget. 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:13.079 And the teachers just deal with that, doing your best. 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:14.600 But I just go. 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:19.480 Why at four am I getting so much grief? Like 0:09:19.640 --> 0:09:22.480 surely four can be really difficult. And you know what 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:23.920 Berger often says to me. 0:09:24.280 --> 0:09:26.320 Be the parent, Lauren, be the parent, because. 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:30.000 I find myself already like she'll say something to me 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:31.960 and I'll mock her or go back at her because 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:32.360 I forget. 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:34.800 She's four. I know, and it's so bad. 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:39.080 I know, but I think with Sophia, you are six 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:42.079 months pregnant and she's four and a half almost five. 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:45.319 She's been the light of your life. She has been everything. 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.280 That's why she's so smart, because you've put so much 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:51.120 into her, Like a lot of single children are like that. 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:52.559 And now she's. 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:55.439 Probably going, oh, there's a baby in mum's timing. I'm 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:58.720 not going to be number one anymore. I'll be sharing 0:09:58.800 --> 0:09:59.840 number one with another one. 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.080 Already punched my belly and said that's for the baby. 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:06.000 Oh what, this is normal as well. 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:08.160 Remember when she says things like that she's only four, 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:09.160 you gotta remember that she's. 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:10.240 Only been on earth four years. 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:10.840 I forget. 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:14.240 She doesn't realize the things that she says are actually hurtful. 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:15.880 But when you say the hurtful things back to her, 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:18.479 that's probably not Yeah, teacher, lesson. 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.160 And slam the door and go, well, I can slam 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:20.720 my door. 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:23.080 Too, oh shore you Yeah? Yeah? 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:27.720 About fourteen fourteen and boys fourteen? 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:34.320 Boy, yeah, fourteen is really I'm finding really tricky. He. 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:37.160 I have an eleven year old that I would say 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:38.440 is the best age. 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:42.800 He is just fun and still mum, look at me 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.480 as he's doing like parkour and climbing things and putting 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:46.440 a skateboard in the pool. 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:48.240 But it's always Mum, look at me, or Mum, can 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:50.560 you do this with me? Or look at this? Mom? 0:10:51.160 --> 0:10:52.680 Like he needs me and I love that. 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:55.000 And he loves the reassurance you give him same love. 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:56.920 Yeah, yeah, needs all the attention. 0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:59.480 And I will not take that for granted because when 0:10:59.480 --> 0:11:05.360 you get to fourteen, it is like a slow breakup 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:09.720 with someone that you have loved, like your first love. 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.800 And he it's like you're saying goodbye to the little 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:16.520 version of them. And I don't know if you've seen 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:19.920 the Instagram, it just pops up on my feet all 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.000 the time of like this is what everyone else sees 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:25.640 and it's them now, but this is what I see 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:29.320 and it's them as a baby. And it's so true. Lauren, 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:34.240 you've seen Austin. He is like six foot two. He 0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:35.200 looks like a man. 0:11:35.240 --> 0:11:37.600 He's only fourteen, and as he sounds like a man. 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:40.000 Sounds like a man. And as he's walking down the hallway, 0:11:40.760 --> 0:11:46.480 I just see this little boy in his onesie, like learning. 0:11:46.160 --> 0:11:49.920 To walk and reaching out for my hat like he doesn't. 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:51.480 They don't do that anymore. 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:53.920 I think the hardest thing at fourteen for a boy 0:11:55.000 --> 0:12:00.920 is they You're not their world, not their world anymore. 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:04.800 They have another world and that comes first. 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:06.720 They want to be with their friends, and they want 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:08.680 to be in their room. 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:09.680 Physically and mentally. 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:12.200 I feel like he is in another room and the 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:14.600 three of us Alfie, my husband and I and our 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:16.600 dog Peggy are in the other. 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:20.760 Room and he's detaching, and it's. 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:26.040 It hurts as a mum because it feels like you've 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:28.599 always had this umbilical cord attached to this baby and 0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:30.360 they've always needed you, and then they don't. 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:32.720 That's got a massive kick just then as you said that. 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:37.000 A hi baby girl, a boy, hi baba hi. 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:42.040 Oh oh you have it starts now, It starts now. 0:12:42.160 --> 0:12:46.200 That love starts now. Austin was in your belly. He's 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.600 always going to come back to you. You're always going to. 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:51.760 Be his do you know the most thing I've noticed 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:55.080 is the silence. 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:58.640 So you can you know, when you drive Sofia somewhere Alfie, 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:02.479 they're talking the whole time, asking in billion questions, being inquisitive. 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:05.640 And now you sit in a car with this man 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.160 who is in his own head and he's just sitting 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.920 there and it's the silence. And I know that I've 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:15.240 spoken to other parents and that's a thing, like they 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.600 just are in their own thing and it's because their 0:13:18.640 --> 0:13:23.280 brains are being rewired to rebuild. 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:25.000 And to grow and learn and all this kind of stuff. 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.920 And I love watching him grow and be, you know, 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:29.480 the man that he's going to become. 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:33.760 But I'm not integral in his life right now, and 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:35.560 that hurts no. 0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.920 But you always are, You're integral. I think about it. 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:44.480 You at fourteen for me, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, those years 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:46.200 I didn't want to be at home. I was just 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:49.080 discovering like going out and being able to have that 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.440 little bit of free which you've allowed Austin. You know, 0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:53.480 we used to work, We used to walk to KFC 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:54.840 at Mitch and by ourselves. 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:57.520 That's where he was yesterday. Is like the hangout. 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:00.520 It's the hangout and you get to order whatever you 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:02.920 want to order, and you're with your friends and you will. 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:04.040 Know so normal. 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:05.760 And I don't want to take that from him. But 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:09.160 it still doesn't make it easier going. I have to 0:14:09.280 --> 0:14:12.360 let I have to let him, I have to let 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.439 him go. It's really hard. 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:18.840 Have you said it to him? Have you ever had 0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:19.760 this chat with him? 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:20.000 Yeah? 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:23.720 Because but I don't want him to feel like he 0:14:23.760 --> 0:14:25.440 has to come and talk to me because I've said 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:25.840 it to him. 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:26.840 Do you know what I mean? I don't want him 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:29.920 to feel like pressured, like be that needy mum, like 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:30.640 I need you. 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:35.400 This This is the difference between skip parents and like. 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:39.520 WOG parents or the guilt, the guilt. Italians love guilt. 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:41.200 Yeah, they throw it on you don't throw it. 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:42.880 They bathe us in guilt. 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:43.240 Yeah. 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:44.600 So and it still happens. 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:45.120 Yeah. 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:46.640 Oh you haven't called me. 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:48.720 Oh I don't want to be I don't want to 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:49.080 be that. 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:51.320 You didn't do that. Oh you didn't bother to Oh? 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:53.320 Oh you haven't you going to. 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:57.440 Break that cycle that the constant feeling of guilt is about. 0:14:57.800 --> 0:14:59.920 I'm already doing that disappear. Oh you didn't call me? 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:01.920 I mean you do great passes and the zignias. But 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:02.680 stop with a girl. 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:05.200 My mom, I don't want to come up tonight, She goes, 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:06.160 but I'll make you prawns. 0:15:06.160 --> 0:15:07.080 I'm like, I'm miss okay. 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:12.360 I've got some tips though, of one thing that I do. 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:14.040 I'd love for you to reach out and tell us 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:15.880 what you do with your fourteen year old boys. But 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:20.960 I this sounds very Victoria Beckham of me because I 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.560 sit down with Austin and I pay him five dollars 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:28.840 and he massages my feet for twenty minutes, but we talk. 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:32.000 The whole time, or I talk the whole time. He 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:35.720 just goes, yeah, it's good, Yeah, yeah, that was good. 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:37.080 Why does he massage your feet? 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:41.560 That's so fair because I love it, and he's he 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:42.560 wants five dollars. 0:15:42.960 --> 0:15:45.160 But it also means we sit there for. 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.160 Twenty minutes, my phone's not there, and we talk and 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:49.520 I ask him every single question I've always wanted to 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:52.960 ask him because I'm looking. When Sophia's home, you're with 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:55.360 her all the time. When you have a fourteen year old, 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:56.600 they just want to go to their room and you 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:58.800 feel like you're in the way. 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.760 So to actually have one on one people do it 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:03.440 in the car or go for a walk, but I 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:07.160 do it where I sit, and he just why not? 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:07.680 It sounds weir. 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:09.520 You buy his love with love? 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:13.640 Yeah, I bribe him. The best parenting is by bribing kids. 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:16.000 To do more. Parenting tips head to Hailey Peers and today. 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:22.600 Just bribe, That's all. But I would say that fourteen 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:24.160 is the hardest. 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:28.360 Yeah, I don't think I'm ready for that, because even 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:31.920 at four you start to feel the little pullaways. I 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:35.480 know it sounds silly, but you know one, two they're 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:38.640 a nappy, They need you the food. The three Sophia, Now, 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:40.480 if she's thirsty, she gets the water, she can get 0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:43.320 something from the pantry to eat. She wants to dress herself. 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:46.040 She's very independent. She wants to wear high heels and 0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:46.360 a fence. 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:48.120 She'll be moving out in a couple of years. 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:52.200