1 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:05,720 Speaker 1: People say, you know what, they're there for the bad times. 2 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,760 Speaker 1: The bad times, I feel like everyone is there, it's 3 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:11,760 Speaker 1: who's there in the good times. Who's there when you 4 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: have done something that's so awesome and they're not jealous 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 1: of hughes. You know, those are the sort of people 6 00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: I want to hang around and I want to be 7 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 1: like that to my friends as well. 8 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,160 Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to the heart of it. 9 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:31,319 Speaker 1: We would like to. 10 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 2: Acknowledge the Gadigal people of the or Nation that we 11 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:39,040 Speaker 2: record this podcast on today and give respect to their elders, 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:45,240 Speaker 2: both past and present. So a very interesting chat cam 13 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 2: Dado with the lovely Sarah Grinberg. 14 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 3: She's fantastic. 15 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,280 Speaker 4: I was a guest on her podcast, which is called 16 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 4: Living a Life of Greatness. I didn't know much about 17 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 4: her before she contacted me and she sent me a 18 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 4: message on in staff to be part of the podcast, 19 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 4: and then I looked at it and she's got a 20 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 4: million followers. She's huge around the world. Had incredible guests on, 21 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:15,279 Speaker 4: including like you know, Deepak Choper, who has done a 22 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 4: wonderful testimonial for her book A Brilliant Guide to Mastering 23 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:24,880 Speaker 4: Your Inner World and Finding True Fulfillment. And happiness, Deepak. 24 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 2: Chop the Depact, Oprah the. 25 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:30,080 Speaker 3: Man, I know the man. So it's just great to 26 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 3: have her on today and. 27 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,600 Speaker 2: We wanted to dive in about and just talk about 28 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,959 Speaker 2: friendships actually in general, what her take is because she's 29 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 2: spoken to a lot of what she calls thought leaders, 30 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 2: and you know, what do we do when a friend 31 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 2: or a partner no longer feels on the same page 32 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 2: as you know, I'm sure you can relate to this. 33 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 2: It's some way or shape, maybe you've evolved further, or 34 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 2: maybe they've kind of evolved further in their life differently. 35 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: You know, it's just it's just. 36 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 2: They've gone on different paths and you just don't connect anymore. 37 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 2: And is it the end of the friendship? Do you 38 00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 2: keep pushing, do you try to make it work? Or 39 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 2: what do you do in that evolvement of relationship? 40 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, So if you don't know Sarah Grinberg, this is 41 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 4: a great, great chat to listen to because we get 42 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 4: to know her much better and you get the bonus 43 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 4: of her insights into friendships. 44 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 2: Absolutely. 45 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,360 Speaker 3: The one thing that I just loved because she was 46 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 3: talking about you. 47 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,679 Speaker 4: Know, when you have a friendship and you're ruminating of 48 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,960 Speaker 4: a why something fell apart, and she said, you know, 49 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,080 Speaker 4: when we are ruminating, you challenge that thought, you do 50 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 4: something and have radical acceptance over that. It's like, oh, 51 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 4: that's a great it's a great formula to follow. 52 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 2: And I loved her talking about you know, you hear 53 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 2: that term find your people. I need to find my people. 54 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 2: And she talks about what happens in that experience when 55 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 2: someone's turned you down repeatedly, that they just want your 56 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,480 Speaker 2: people and be okay with that, and be okay with 57 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 2: that your people have there. 58 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, which the same thing. 59 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 3: That's fair. 60 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 4: So our eldest daughter, Lotus, was having trouble finding friends 61 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 4: when we first emigrated or came back. She emigrated to Australia, 62 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 4: we moved back here, but that was the thing we 63 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,920 Speaker 4: were saying, your people are out there. 64 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 2: And they're looking for her too. 65 00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 4: I love that. Yeah, all right, let's have a listen 66 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 4: to our chat with Sarah Grinberg. 67 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 3: Sarah Grinberg, welcome to the heart of it. 68 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. 69 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 3: We're so excited. 70 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 4: A couple of false starts on different days, but now 71 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 4: we're here and you're in the house, and it's so 72 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:47,600 Speaker 4: great to see you. 73 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 2: And such a seasoned podcaster herself, so this will be 74 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 2: a good chat. 75 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 3: Yes, congratulations on the book. 76 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you so much. 77 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, living a life of greatness. This is your first book, 78 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 4: isn't it. 79 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,119 Speaker 1: It is my first book. I don't know if it's 80 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: the last book, but it's my first book and it 81 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: has been an absolute joy to bring to the world. 82 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 1: So you know, I'm so happy that we're able to 83 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: talk about it. And it's obviously a story about my 84 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 1: life and my learnings from a mindset coach and what 85 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:24,479 Speaker 1: I believe are the key pillars to leading a great life. 86 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,919 Speaker 2: So, Sarah, I've actually just started reading your book, so 87 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 2: I'm a little ways through it, and you certainly go 88 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 2: into an amazing experience of how you came to this work. 89 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:39,679 Speaker 2: Could you just share a little bit about that, because 90 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 2: it's such a story that I was going to say 91 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 2: women can relate to, but I think men can as well. 92 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 1: But as a woman, I. 93 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,919 Speaker 2: Very much related to your story how you got to 94 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 2: where you are. 95 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 1: Such a good question, Allie. And do you know what 96 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: is crazy about that I am sitting in the studios 97 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 1: where we basically used to produce this breakfast radio. Oh 98 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: my God, like there was the next studio, but this 99 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: was the area. And I'll go into the story first, 100 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: and it just has brought back so many memories. So 101 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 1: I really, from a very young age, about four years old, 102 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,720 Speaker 1: I watched The Wizard of Oz and I was obsessed 103 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: with it. And I knew from really that young that 104 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 1: I wanted to be in entertainment and I wanted to 105 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: do something in that area, and it was acting. At first, 106 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: that really was the thing I wanted to do, and 107 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: I did drama all during school, went onto university to 108 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: study film as well as marketing and a few other things. 109 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 1: Got an agent, was always in all the plays and stuff, 110 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,919 Speaker 1: and then an acting teacher said to me, you know, Sarah, 111 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 1: ninety nine percent of actors are unemployed. If you think 112 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 1: about doing this full time, you should think again. And 113 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 1: my dream wasn't kind of crushed in that instant, but 114 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,719 Speaker 1: it made me go, Okay, there's some other stuff I 115 00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 1: need to do. And so I fell into marketing and 116 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,360 Speaker 1: then a bit of pr and I ended up many 117 00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: years later getting the job at one of the biggest 118 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:14,039 Speaker 1: radio stations in Australia, and I was doing promotions and 119 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,920 Speaker 1: then after a short period of time, I started producing, 120 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 1: and from the external point of view, I started having 121 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: everything go for me. I landed this amazing job in 122 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:29,200 Speaker 1: Breakfast radio as a producer. I was at the time 123 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: earning more money than I ever had. And you know, 124 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 1: as you guys would know, the Breakfast show is like 125 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 1: the creme de la creme of all the radio shows. 126 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: So I was like, Wow, I've got this amazing, amazing job. 127 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 4: Are you avoiding saying who the show was on purpose? 128 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:52,039 Speaker 4: Or can you say it because it's the creme de 129 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,120 Speaker 4: la creme of breakfast shows. 130 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. So at the time I was working with Harley 131 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: Brunnen and Rossiano doing their radio show and it was 132 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 1: a kind of a weird scenario because it was the 133 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:07,160 Speaker 1: first time that we were doing. The talent were in Melbourne, 134 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 1: but it was for Today FM, so it was going 135 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: straight into Sydney. So I was with the talent here, 136 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: but the rest of the crew were in Sydney. It 137 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: was really it was the first time they've tried that out, 138 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 1: and they've done it many times since, so but you know, 139 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 1: when you try something out, there's always teething issues when 140 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: you're the first at anything. But they did it very well. So, 141 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: as I said, everything on the external looked perfect, and 142 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 1: I had never really done much internal work, and after 143 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: a short period of time of working on that show, 144 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: I became utterly exhausted. And I'm talking like I did 145 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 1: not know what day we were out. I wouldn't even 146 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: be able to tell you, you know, what my kids were 147 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: doing for extracurricular activities or anything like that. I was 148 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 1: so burnt out and absolutely miserable. And I had a 149 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: two and a four year old at the time, and 150 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,400 Speaker 1: I was waking up at three am, five mornings a week, 151 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 1: and it was just exhausting. And when you're a radio 152 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: producer for a breakfast show, you need to know what's 153 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,240 Speaker 1: going on in the news. You need to know what's 154 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 1: going on in entertainment, you need to know what's going 155 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:17,680 Speaker 1: on in sport. So it's not like you just work, okay, 156 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: five am or four am, whatever it is, till you 157 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 1: know two o'clock in the afternoon. 158 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:24,320 Speaker 4: You are on. 159 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: Always, Like I clearly remember picking my son up from 160 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: kinder and getting this bombardment of text messages going, this 161 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 1: is on, We've got to like breaking news, We've got 162 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 1: to do X, Y and Z, and then you know 163 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 1: the Quarterzola is running through me. And that is just 164 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: the job of a breakfast radio producer, So every breakfast 165 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:49,959 Speaker 1: radio producer would have a similar thing. But I was exhausted, 166 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,400 Speaker 1: and I had a dark night of the soul where 167 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: I got the flu and I was so unwell. And 168 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,600 Speaker 1: it's interesting how the brain works, where it takes a 169 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: snap shot of the worst moments of your life and 170 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 1: the best moments of your life between that you can 171 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,959 Speaker 1: barely remember a thing like I can barely remember what 172 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 1: I did on the weekend, but I can remember this 173 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 1: moment and I was on my couch and I was 174 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 1: just exhausted and broken, and I remember thinking to myself, 175 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:22,400 Speaker 1: how did I get like this? But also what I 176 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: remember thinking is I need to do something about it. 177 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 1: And I honestly believe that in life, we're given situations 178 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 1: and it's our choice where we go with them. And 179 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: I don't know exactly what it was, but I remember 180 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 1: thinking I need to change my life, and I swung 181 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: myself into personal development work and started reading every book 182 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 1: under the sun about the mind body connection, about psychology, 183 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: about how the brain works. And I started in that instance, 184 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 1: and for the weeks and months after completely changing my 185 00:09:57,200 --> 00:09:57,920 Speaker 1: life and. 186 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:02,320 Speaker 2: It worked, and I mean, isn't it incredible too? I 187 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 2: love how the universe kind of just follows your desire 188 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 2: and your intention because you met was it Tom that 189 00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 2: was behind you in the coffee shop and he led 190 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,959 Speaker 2: you to a certain thing, and then your job basically 191 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 2: changed and without you even having to leave that job, 192 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,200 Speaker 2: you were put into a job where you were working 193 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 2: normal hours and with a great team. 194 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:30,440 Speaker 1: Right, exactly, that's exactly what happens. So you know, exactly 195 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 1: to your point, when a student is ready, the teacher 196 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: will come. And I met this random guy in a 197 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: coffee shop and he was holding Eckhart Tolly is the 198 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,840 Speaker 1: power of Now we started talking about the book. This 199 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,840 Speaker 1: guy became an absolute mentor to me and we would 200 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 1: meet every week and talk about psychology. He had a 201 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: great knowledge in this stuff. We would talk about psychology 202 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 1: and Buddhism and he'd lived on our shrums and talk 203 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 1: about the law of attraction. It was fascinating and I 204 00:11:00,679 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: soaked up every single thing I was learning. And this 205 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 1: is the big thing too, And I'm sure Cam and 206 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 1: Ellie you guys might have experienced this. What was different 207 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,720 Speaker 1: was I wasn't just reading the text or listening to 208 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 1: the podcast. I was absolutely living and embodying everything I 209 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:23,679 Speaker 1: was learning and that's why I started changing and my 210 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 1: life started changing. So, as you mentioned, Alie, my job, 211 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 1: I left the job and I got this amazing job 212 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,760 Speaker 1: in podcasting. And at the time, podcasting was in its infancy, 213 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:36,560 Speaker 1: so it wasn't what it is now, where like everyone 214 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:39,840 Speaker 1: wants to do a podcast or produce a podcast. I 215 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm not sure about podcasting, but this 216 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 1: is the job that's offered to me, I'll take it. 217 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 1: And after a short period of time, my life really 218 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,680 Speaker 1: started flourishing. And that's when I thought, well, why wouldn't 219 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,319 Speaker 1: I do a podcast, my podcast A Life of Greatness 220 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:58,320 Speaker 1: to teach people what I had learned, because I just 221 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 1: couldn't believe that this personal development work and working on 222 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 1: yourself made such a difference. 223 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,679 Speaker 2: And as far as your podcast goes, did you have 224 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 2: any idea at the people that you would get to 225 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,559 Speaker 2: come on? I mean, you've had Deepak Chopra like in. 226 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: Just Incredible People. 227 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 2: Did you vision board that or was that something that 228 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:25,520 Speaker 2: just took you by surprise at how it grew to 229 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,319 Speaker 2: such incredible popularity? 230 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:34,480 Speaker 1: You know, I always thought to myself. Whatever happens with 231 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 1: this podcast, I'm just going to try and deliver the 232 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 1: best information from the world leaders whoever talks about this 233 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,559 Speaker 1: kind of stuff. So if I was talking about psychology, 234 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,040 Speaker 1: I'm going to get the best psychologists in the world. 235 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 1: On if I'm talking about menopause, I'm going to get 236 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 1: the best person to talk about it. So I think 237 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:58,440 Speaker 1: it's funny, you know, because I had all those other jobs, 238 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 1: as I spoke to you about, and it wasn't a 239 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: clear laying between Okay, me wanting to be in entertainment 240 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:10,200 Speaker 1: and then getting there, but you know what happened. Everything 241 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: led me to this point. So I had the background 242 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:17,079 Speaker 1: in booking guests, PR, contacts, everything, So when it came 243 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: to my own podcast, I was the best at getting 244 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: guests because I had the background in it. I had 245 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: dealt with all these agents before I knew what I 246 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 1: was doing. I knew how to market, I knew how 247 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,880 Speaker 1: to PR because that was my background and I had 248 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: produced for years. So as the podcast started, I was 249 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: already working for a very strong base just because I 250 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 1: had all that knowledge. So there was a part of 251 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,400 Speaker 1: me Ali that really, if I'm going to be honest, 252 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,800 Speaker 1: I knew the podcast was going to do well. I 253 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 1: remember pressing, you know, go on this video that we 254 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,319 Speaker 1: put I think on the time. It was like Instagram 255 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 1: and Facebook, and I was like, this is it. It 256 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,319 Speaker 1: was the trailer, and I'm like, this is this podcast 257 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 1: is going to do well? And it just did, and 258 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: it continues to get amazing guests, and we've built up 259 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 1: a really big name in America, which has been great 260 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 1: because you know, they obviously have a lot of the 261 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: world leaders there in a lot of the personal development space. 262 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 1: So you know, it's funny a lot of people you know, 263 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,560 Speaker 1: are well known for being actors or thought leaders in 264 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: their area and they start a podcast. For me, I 265 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: was just a producer starting a podcast who had this knowledge, 266 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,320 Speaker 1: and it's the podcast that has catapulted me onto doing 267 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 1: all these other amazing things. So I am just so 268 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 1: grateful for this beautiful podcast I have. 269 00:14:34,680 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 2: Ah, well, congratulations, thank you. 270 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 4: I was going to say, you've answered the question anyway. 271 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 4: So reaching out to people cold requires self confidence. I 272 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 4: mean that's how we met. You reached out to me 273 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 4: via Instagram to be to be on on your podcast 274 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 4: Living a Life of Greatness, And I remember I remember thinking, oh, 275 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,920 Speaker 4: is it this simple? And then we talked about that 276 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 4: when we were doing when we were having our chat, 277 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,880 Speaker 4: and I just thought, wow, you know, it takes confidence. 278 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 4: But that wasn't always your way, was it. I mean 279 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 4: that this has been a learned thing. 280 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 1: Yeah. You know, I got some really good advice from 281 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: my best friend many years ago, who is the top 282 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,240 Speaker 1: of her game in sales right, And she said, you know, 283 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,400 Speaker 1: when I first o the podcast, i'd send requests for guests, 284 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 1: and now I have a producer that does all that 285 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 1: kind of stuff, but sometimes I still like to do it. 286 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 1: It's like a thrill for me. And she said, you know, 287 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 1: you just got to send so many out that you 288 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: forget who you've sent them to, and you just you 289 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:42,640 Speaker 1: build up this confidence because people will say yes, people 290 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 1: will say no, but if you just keep going in 291 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: a mass way, there are going to be yeses along 292 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 1: the way too, And so you build this thick skin. 293 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: I mean, you guys would have it from being in 294 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: the acting world, where you're going to auditions and you 295 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,640 Speaker 1: get told no. When the first few nos is like, 296 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: oh my god, they don't like me, and that other 297 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 1: person is better than me, and why are they better 298 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,720 Speaker 1: than me? Is it because of data DA and your 299 00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: mind goes crazy. But then after a while, the more 300 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 1: you do something, the more that you really don't care, right, 301 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 1: you know. I mean putting requests out now is like 302 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: I couldn't care less, and I know in my mind 303 00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,760 Speaker 1: most of the time they will come on. It's just 304 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,000 Speaker 1: about am I getting to the right person to get 305 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 1: that person? Yeah, they also know that sometimes it takes 306 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 1: a while. So for example, oh god, there's been so 307 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 1: many of those big names where you might put a 308 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 1: request out and you're just a year later it comes through, 309 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: but you're checking in every so often. And really you 310 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,920 Speaker 1: learn this from producing a nose, not a no, till 311 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: you've hit the right person right. You know, you could 312 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 1: be you could go through a marketing person and they 313 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: say no, but you think, really does the talent know 314 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,000 Speaker 1: about this? And then you go another way and it's 315 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: ends up being like this fun game after a while. 316 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 2: It's so true because there's sometimes been things where someone's 317 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 2: come up to me and said, oh, we were trying 318 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 2: to get you for this, this and this, and I'm like, 319 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 2: I had no idea. 320 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 1: And I would love to do that. Yeah, I had 321 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,919 Speaker 1: the same thing sometimes and I'm like, I didn't know 322 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: about that. 323 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, there must be like a real division in your 324 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 2: life and in sort of like you know, pre podcast 325 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,560 Speaker 2: you know, post podcasts, and all the changes that you've 326 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 2: gone through personally, emotionally, spiritually. You dive into the topic 327 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 2: of relationships in your book, especially friendships and how they evolve. 328 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,399 Speaker 2: Can you share what you discovered about that and how 329 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 2: you know you specifically that term, you know, finding your people. 330 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:48,000 Speaker 1: Yes, that's a beautiful question. You know, there's an interesting line. 331 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,640 Speaker 1: And it's for change to occur, you need to change. 332 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,959 Speaker 1: For change to occur, you need to change. And I 333 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: know that sounds so simple, but when we really understand that, 334 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:02,479 Speaker 1: it's like, wow, Okay, if I want to change my life, 335 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 1: then I need to change my habits. I mean, earlier 336 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 1: on we were talking cam about your new kind of 337 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,960 Speaker 1: dietary things that you're doing. It's not going to work 338 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 1: unless you follow it through. Right that you have to 339 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:17,320 Speaker 1: change your eating habits to be able to achieve what 340 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,440 Speaker 1: you want to And that's like anything in life, right. 341 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:25,919 Speaker 1: So I knew that my old personality and not my 342 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 1: values and things like that, that's completely stayed the same. 343 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,640 Speaker 1: But I knew that I needed to make these changes 344 00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:35,399 Speaker 1: in my life to be able to move forward on 345 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,200 Speaker 1: a different path. And part of that, as you mentioned ALI, 346 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:42,640 Speaker 1: is relationships. And I knew as well that there were 347 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,359 Speaker 1: old relationships that I had of people that I did 348 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: love that were not serving me anymore, and I wasn't 349 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 1: serving them. And I knew in my new self the 350 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,119 Speaker 1: things that I wanted to do. I was very conscious. 351 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,800 Speaker 1: I have a chapter on conscious awareness and the idea 352 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:03,399 Speaker 1: that we need to be conscious of our thoughts that 353 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,960 Speaker 1: we think, our actions, and the words that we say 354 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 1: to be able to make change. Right, So if we're 355 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: worrying the whole time, we're not going to be able 356 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 1: to change that unless we realize that we're worrying, and 357 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: then I go through ways to do that. But the 358 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 1: same as I mentioned is for words. And I knew 359 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 1: that I had friends that maybe didn't talk about the 360 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:31,520 Speaker 1: things or they weren't aligned with my new even though 361 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,399 Speaker 1: some of my old values were the same my new 362 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: values in the sense of I didn't want to gossip anymore. 363 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,160 Speaker 1: I didn't want to kind of be in that more 364 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,840 Speaker 1: sort of negative energy. So I needed to move on 365 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:47,280 Speaker 1: from some certain people. And I think a lot of 366 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: people find this quite challenging, but I knew moving on 367 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 1: would open me up to other people, and that's exactly 368 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,080 Speaker 1: what happened. And when I decided to I didn't have 369 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:01,440 Speaker 1: conversations with these people about it, and as I mentioned earlier, 370 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,359 Speaker 1: I wasn't serving them as much as they were not 371 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 1: serving me. So it was just a gradual kind of 372 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,879 Speaker 1: moving away from each other. And when I did that, 373 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:15,240 Speaker 1: it was very freeing. It was so it just felt 374 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 1: like this is the right move to make, and I 375 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 1: met so many beautiful people that then came into my life, 376 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:26,080 Speaker 1: meeting me where I was at, and I do that 377 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:29,719 Speaker 1: even now, I was thinking there are a few people 378 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,239 Speaker 1: in my life where I might see a side of 379 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 1: them where I'm like, you know what, I'm not sure 380 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,320 Speaker 1: that that's for me. I don't want anyone in my 381 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 1: life that if you get a whiff of jealousy or 382 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: a whiff that they're not supporting you in your endeavors. 383 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,280 Speaker 1: I'm just not interested in hanging around people like that. 384 00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,080 Speaker 1: And I have such a beautiful group of friends, new friends, 385 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,479 Speaker 1: old friends who support me in the good times and 386 00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:01,439 Speaker 1: the bad times. I couldn't be happier. But I know 387 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:03,760 Speaker 1: that is challenging for a lot of people, and I've 388 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,920 Speaker 1: coached a lot of people through that, because even if 389 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,360 Speaker 1: it's a job or a relationship from a love perspective 390 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 1: where you really feel like that person is not aligning 391 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,479 Speaker 1: with where you're going in your life and who you 392 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:20,440 Speaker 1: want to be, you have to have a serious think 393 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: to yourself of if you want to move on with them, 394 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 1: and that can be really, really hard. 395 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,880 Speaker 4: Sir, what do you say to people that are how 396 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 4: do you counsel people that are staying in friendships longer 397 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:49,199 Speaker 4: than they should for reasons of fear or loneliness. How 398 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 4: do you counsel them? 399 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, when I've been doing a lot 400 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 1: of book tours at the moment, and a lot of 401 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:59,240 Speaker 1: signing and stuff, I'll have people obviously come and ask questions. 402 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 1: And a girl said to me, you know she I 403 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,400 Speaker 1: could see she had tears in her eyes, and she said, Sarah, 404 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 1: it's really lonely this personal development journey. She's like, you know, well, 405 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 1: I find my people, And I said, you absolutely will. 406 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,119 Speaker 1: You're in this river of change. And when you're in 407 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 1: the river of change, things are hard. But when we 408 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:24,920 Speaker 1: hold it onto the known, which is the past, then 409 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 1: we're never going to be able to move forward into 410 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: the unknown. And the unknown is the field of all opportunities. 411 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,879 Speaker 1: I said, you just need to keep on going and 412 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,480 Speaker 1: you'll meet your people. So to answer your question, CAM, 413 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 1: what I say to people is this, are you serving 414 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,320 Speaker 1: these people? Are you your best self when you're around them? 415 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,840 Speaker 1: Are they serving you? Do you feel good when you 416 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,560 Speaker 1: walk away from them? And you know, inevitably if they 417 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,960 Speaker 1: asking the question, they won't because otherwise it wouldn't be 418 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,320 Speaker 1: asking it. And then I say to people, will have 419 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,639 Speaker 1: a really big think about if you want to continue 420 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,439 Speaker 1: with them in your life. And if it is from fear, 421 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,879 Speaker 1: then is that a good enough reason to have someone 422 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,399 Speaker 1: in your life because you're worried that you might not 423 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:11,720 Speaker 1: meet anyone else? I mean, that's just asking for misery, right, 424 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:15,199 Speaker 1: And again it's going into that river of change. You 425 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,080 Speaker 1: don't know what's on the other side because it's the unknown. 426 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,960 Speaker 1: But if you give up something, then you've got that whole, 427 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,800 Speaker 1: as I mentioned, field of opportunity, but you won't know 428 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 1: it's there if you're holding on to that old friend, 429 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 1: that old partner, which is in the known. I mean, 430 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,560 Speaker 1: it's worked for me many a time where I've moved 431 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: into that new area where I don't know what's going 432 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 1: to happen, and everything beautiful has been on the other side. 433 00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,600 Speaker 1: But it does take time and it is scary, but 434 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:45,840 Speaker 1: you have to want to change enough to be able 435 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,919 Speaker 1: to do it. And you see all the people, like 436 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,199 Speaker 1: I see all the people that have come on my podcast, 437 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,720 Speaker 1: ninety percent of them have had some dark night of 438 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,600 Speaker 1: the soul story. And when we go through those hard times, 439 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 1: that's the touchstone of growth. We can choose to grow 440 00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 1: from them or we can choose not to. And usually 441 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,760 Speaker 1: if they're on my podcast, they've grown from them, right 442 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 1: they're staying there. They're not coming on the. 443 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 2: Podcasts the name of the podcast exactly exactly. 444 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 1: And when they've done that, they've had to change and 445 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,119 Speaker 1: that might be, as I said, a partner or friends 446 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:23,200 Speaker 1: or whatever it is. But they've seen that beautiful growth 447 00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 1: on the other side. So it's not easy, and I'm 448 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 1: not going to pretend that it is. 449 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:33,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I have found I completely understand what you're saying 450 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 2: and agree with you. 451 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: As I have aged. 452 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 2: And owned more of my wisdom and my truth, it's 453 00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:47,400 Speaker 2: become very clear who I want to spend time with And. 454 00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,159 Speaker 1: It's almost an. 455 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:54,720 Speaker 2: Impossible task for me to spend time with people that 456 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:58,040 Speaker 2: I just don't like. Yes, you know, it's like I 457 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 2: just like cams like can you want to? And I'm like, 458 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:02,720 Speaker 2: I actually can't do it, Like I just I don't 459 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:06,880 Speaker 2: want to be disingenuous and pretend that everything's okay and 460 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,560 Speaker 2: this person I'm going to be friendly. I mean, it's 461 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,840 Speaker 2: ever ever going to be rude. But and it's not 462 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:17,000 Speaker 2: this doesn't this happens rarely, but sometimes there are certain 463 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,400 Speaker 2: people that are so toxic and so nasty that it's 464 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 2: like I cannot just pretend to be okay with this 465 00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:27,239 Speaker 2: person and just be like, yeah, that's fine. Where I 466 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,879 Speaker 2: get really repelled by that now and it's and it's 467 00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 2: it's something that I really loved being able to take 468 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 2: care of myself and just go, yeah, I'm just not 469 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 2: going to go to that. I'm just not I'm not 470 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,399 Speaker 2: going to go to that event or I'm not going 471 00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:44,840 Speaker 2: to go spend time, you know anymore, Like I just 472 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:46,840 Speaker 2: there's I would rather be at home with a book 473 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,120 Speaker 2: than do that. Is that what you would refer to 474 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,359 Speaker 2: the quiet knowing that you're talking about you reference that 475 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:54,560 Speaker 2: quiet knowing. 476 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I think it's this you know, as 477 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,280 Speaker 1: you said, it's this repellent, and I believe this to 478 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 1: be true. We're all energy, and when we do the 479 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 1: work on ourselves, our vibration, I suppose you could call 480 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:13,639 Speaker 1: it rises higher and when others are lower, it goes. 481 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: It's this mismatch, right, and we can feel that mismatch. 482 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,639 Speaker 1: They don't get us, we don't get them, and you 483 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,919 Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable around it. I mean, I haven't now sometimes 484 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:27,560 Speaker 1: where if my kids are going to a friend's house 485 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 1: and I don't really know the parents well, or i've 486 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:33,520 Speaker 1: met one, and I feel very uncomfortable around them, and 487 00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:36,679 Speaker 1: I don't know why. And I think this is just 488 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:41,440 Speaker 1: a mismatch of energy, right, that there's something about them 489 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,240 Speaker 1: and me it's just not meshing. And that's okay because 490 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,840 Speaker 1: we don't need to be friends. It's our kids that 491 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 1: are friends. But I am very conscious to that mismatch 492 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,919 Speaker 1: of energy. And I think if anyone's feeling that in 493 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:59,280 Speaker 1: their life with a friend, then they really need to 494 00:26:59,359 --> 00:27:01,680 Speaker 1: consider as this is someone I want to spend time with, 495 00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:05,040 Speaker 1: because if you're not feeling good around the people that 496 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,800 Speaker 1: are supposed to be your friends, would you really call 497 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:08,480 Speaker 1: them friends? 498 00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:10,119 Speaker 2: You know? 499 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,680 Speaker 1: And one thing I also want to mention is this, 500 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,760 Speaker 1: people say, you know, are they there for the bad times? 501 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,400 Speaker 1: I personally feel this, and I think you guys would 502 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:23,199 Speaker 1: be able to relate the bad times. I feel like 503 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,320 Speaker 1: everyone is there, it's who's there in the good times? 504 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 1: Who's there when you have done something that's so awesome 505 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,920 Speaker 1: and they're not jealous of you and that behind your back, 506 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 1: they're actually going to say, do you know Cam and 507 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,920 Speaker 1: Allie they do this amazing podcast. You've got to listen 508 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,439 Speaker 1: to it. You know, those are the sort of people 509 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,159 Speaker 1: I want to hang around, and I want to be 510 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,359 Speaker 1: like that to my friends as well. 511 00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:50,920 Speaker 4: It's a great perspective because normally you're only really here. 512 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,159 Speaker 3: Are they there for the bad times? 513 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,639 Speaker 1: But not so much for the good times. 514 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,800 Speaker 4: So, once you've realized that you're not gelling with someone, 515 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,480 Speaker 4: it's tough when it's family. How do you walk away 516 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,080 Speaker 4: gracefully from a relationship? 517 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,080 Speaker 1: Look, as we mentioned, it can be challenging, and I 518 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,040 Speaker 1: think there's a few things you can do. One of 519 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 1: them is if you feel that you need to have 520 00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:22,399 Speaker 1: a conversation with that person, then absolutely and you do it, 521 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:25,920 Speaker 1: I say, do it with love, wish them love right 522 00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,719 Speaker 1: and say to them, look, I you know, I just 523 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:34,040 Speaker 1: feel like we've gone in different directions this friendship. You're 524 00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 1: probably not feeling good when I'm around you, and I 525 00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 1: feel there's a kind of a mismatch. We're not feeling 526 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 1: great around each other. Maybe we should spend some time apart, 527 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: and if we're meant to come together again, then we will. 528 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 1: You know, there's a reason season lifetime with friendships, right, 529 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,080 Speaker 1: And I've had friendships where they've started and I thought 530 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,600 Speaker 1: this person's going to be in my life forever, and 531 00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 1: then they're not in my life forever. And there is 532 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,760 Speaker 1: lot of sadness that comes with that, like a morning almost, 533 00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 1: like when you have a relationship breakup, there is that sadness. 534 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,640 Speaker 1: But when you can just be accepting that people come 535 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 1: in and out of your life, then it makes everything 536 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: so much better. I think also, if you're not that 537 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,160 Speaker 1: close with them and you feel like it's all right 538 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:23,440 Speaker 1: to just gradually move apart, then that's okay too. But 539 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: if you really feel that not having a conversation is 540 00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,320 Speaker 1: going to very much upset them, you don't want to 541 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:31,120 Speaker 1: do that. If they've been a good friend in your 542 00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 1: life and you do want to say something to them, 543 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:36,760 Speaker 1: but it's never one sided, Like I wouldn't be going 544 00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:38,719 Speaker 1: in there saying you make me feel like this, and 545 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,080 Speaker 1: I don't think you're this or whatever it is. It's 546 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,560 Speaker 1: a two way thing. You're not giving to them as 547 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 1: much as they're not giving to you, and that's nicer 548 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 1: on them too, So it's not so much that you're 549 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:54,320 Speaker 1: attacking that person. And then, as I mentioned, I promise you, 550 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:59,040 Speaker 1: once you've you know, laid to rest those relationships, you 551 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,600 Speaker 1: will see these new relationships come into your life, because 552 00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:03,560 Speaker 1: that's what happens. 553 00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, I have actually, well we both have a lovely 554 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 2: friend who names doctor Rebecca Ray. She's been on the 555 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,760 Speaker 2: show a couple of times, and I remember having a 556 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 2: conversation with her because I just had a friend friendship 557 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:23,320 Speaker 2: breakup and it was really really hard, and she just 558 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 2: talked about how and you know, I mean, I'm sure 559 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 2: people have heard that sort of analogy before, Like you know, 560 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 2: where you place your friendships, like some friends, For some 561 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:39,600 Speaker 2: of the friends are your intimate friends that you share 562 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 2: everything with, and then you the circle goes wider and 563 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 2: like they're your friends that you just catch up with 564 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,120 Speaker 2: every now and again, and you talk about the kids, 565 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 2: you know, you talk about you know, what's going on 566 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 2: in the world, and then there's the next like so 567 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 2: you expect when you go out like a target practice 568 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 2: almost in the sense and like the inner ones, and 569 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,520 Speaker 2: maybe there's only one person that's at one friend or 570 00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,440 Speaker 2: maybe there's another. But I remember her saying to me, 571 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:09,000 Speaker 2: she's like, yeah, she's not your she's not that inner 572 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,959 Speaker 2: friend anymore. She's moved to the outer edge. So you 573 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 2: can still say hi to her, like it's it's fine. 574 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,280 Speaker 2: And when she kind of placed it like that in 575 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 2: my mind because I didn't quite know what to do 576 00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,400 Speaker 2: with myself with it, She's like, yeah, she's someone that 577 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,720 Speaker 2: if you bump into it's not going to be mean 578 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,720 Speaker 2: or nasty or horrible, but it's just she's no longer 579 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:31,320 Speaker 2: there for you because of what's gone on. And it 580 00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:32,640 Speaker 2: made sense to me. 581 00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:38,520 Speaker 1: Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, And honestly, you know, when you get 582 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:41,840 Speaker 1: out of your twenties and teens, and especially if you 583 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:46,160 Speaker 1: have kids, right your relationships change. Especially in the early 584 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,600 Speaker 1: days of having kids. It becomes a lot about you're 585 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,480 Speaker 1: going to extracurricular activities, you're doing this and you become 586 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,959 Speaker 1: friendly with a lot of the moms or the dads. 587 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:57,959 Speaker 1: It changes, right because of where you're putting your time. 588 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,240 Speaker 1: And then those older French, you know, you might see 589 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:04,160 Speaker 1: them less. They might come into your life again later 590 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:08,160 Speaker 1: on in life, and that's absolutely okay. But I don't 591 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:12,280 Speaker 1: think we have time for that many people. I mean, honestly, 592 00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 1: I know, to you know, talk to someone multiple times 593 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,240 Speaker 1: a day like we did when we were young, you 594 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:22,760 Speaker 1: just don't. And that's absolutely okay. I mean, I had 595 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,880 Speaker 1: a girlfriend call me the other day, and she's an old, 596 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: old friend and I don't speak to her as much, 597 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,640 Speaker 1: but I adore her. She's not into what I'm into, 598 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,640 Speaker 1: but she called me because she wanted fashion advice. Is 599 00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 1: this something I often talk about? Not at all, But 600 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,000 Speaker 1: I do have an interest in that area, and I 601 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:43,480 Speaker 1: take that friendship for what it is. Does it have 602 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 1: the meat and substance of some of the others. Maybe not. 603 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,479 Speaker 1: But I still love her and I don't look at her. 604 00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,080 Speaker 1: I don't need her to change because I have, do 605 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,760 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I'm accepting her so how 606 00:32:56,760 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 1: she's always been and that's okay. But we meet people 607 00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:02,840 Speaker 1: where they're at yeah. 608 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,480 Speaker 3: Right, sir. 609 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,920 Speaker 4: Have you ever been ghosted by a friend? 610 00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:12,880 Speaker 1: No, I haven't been ghosted by a friend. Many years ago, 611 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:17,080 Speaker 1: I was ghosted by like a love interest. I mean 612 00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:20,160 Speaker 1: this very long time ago, because I'm married, and that 613 00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,920 Speaker 1: was the weirdest thing I've ever come across only once 614 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 1: in my life. But no, never by a friend. I've 615 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,880 Speaker 1: heard many stories of people that are ghosted by friends. 616 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:31,680 Speaker 4: Though, if someone came to you for counseling, who has 617 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:34,440 Speaker 4: been ghosted? And this is more I guess is for 618 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:37,920 Speaker 4: the ghosts listening the people that do that, what would 619 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:41,400 Speaker 4: you say to them in terms of what a friendship 620 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:45,800 Speaker 4: means or what that effect is, I'd say as. 621 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:50,840 Speaker 1: Ghosting someone is very mean. It's quite cowardly as well. 622 00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,000 Speaker 1: And think about it like this, right, And this is 623 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:58,400 Speaker 1: obviously an extreme case. When you hear stories of unsolved 624 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,720 Speaker 1: crimes and kids that go missing or people that go missing, 625 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:06,640 Speaker 1: those poor parents, hear they just want closure, they just 626 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 1: want closure, and then that's like they just find the 627 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,839 Speaker 1: body or whatever it is, and once they do, as 628 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:16,920 Speaker 1: hard as it is, they have that closure. That is 629 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:21,799 Speaker 1: like ghosting in a sense. This person has never been 630 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,719 Speaker 1: able to have closure that you've ghosted, so you have 631 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,359 Speaker 1: gone on to live your life knowing exactly why you've 632 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,839 Speaker 1: ghosted them. But this poor person has no idea what 633 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:34,839 Speaker 1: they've done. Is they're thinking about it, probably a lot 634 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,560 Speaker 1: of the time, ruminating over all these things that they 635 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:41,080 Speaker 1: have no idea if they're true or not. It's very nasty. 636 00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:45,200 Speaker 1: So if you're the ghost you need to really think 637 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:49,399 Speaker 1: about the consequences of your actions. It's a horrible thing 638 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,799 Speaker 1: to do. And if you're someone that has been ghosted, 639 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:58,399 Speaker 1: then I would really just take in this idea of 640 00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:03,600 Speaker 1: feeling out as upset as you are, of not knowing 641 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,680 Speaker 1: what's going on. I'm assuming you've tried to contact them 642 00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:11,560 Speaker 1: on multiple occasions, just knowing, Okay, there's nothing I can 643 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:15,440 Speaker 1: do in this situation. Radical acceptance of it. This person 644 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 1: has gone, you know, to do whatever it is. I've 645 00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,319 Speaker 1: tried to show up as the best person possible to 646 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:24,399 Speaker 1: reach out to them, to try and close it off. 647 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 1: That hasn't happened. But I can go to sleep knowing 648 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 1: that I've tried my hardest and now with this radical acceptance, 649 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:35,319 Speaker 1: I will move on with my life. Because I say 650 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,400 Speaker 1: this actually to do with thought patterns. When people are 651 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:42,120 Speaker 1: ruminating a lot. You know, you challenge the thought ninety 652 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:43,799 Speaker 1: percent of the time. Do you know if the thought 653 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,000 Speaker 1: is true? No, I don't know for sure. Usually, then 654 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:49,319 Speaker 1: if you can do something about it, I say, do 655 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 1: something about it. And in this situation, if you can't 656 00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,600 Speaker 1: do anything about it, you've tried, then you go into 657 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,680 Speaker 1: the radical acceptance because once you're in acceptance of something, 658 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:02,680 Speaker 1: it allows them to move on. So the fact that 659 00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:06,400 Speaker 1: this person hasn't given you an answer means that, okay, 660 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,600 Speaker 1: you leave it at that, and then you just have 661 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,080 Speaker 1: to give that answer yourself. I've tried the best I 662 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,759 Speaker 1: can and that's all I can do. And now I 663 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:15,920 Speaker 1: will turn my mind from it and I will go 664 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,160 Speaker 1: on to live my greatest life lovely. 665 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:19,080 Speaker 3: That's great. 666 00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 2: How do you know when a friendship is worth saving? 667 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:27,000 Speaker 1: Look, I think it's this. You look at the person, 668 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,000 Speaker 1: and you look at your qualities, their qualities, what you're 669 00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:33,920 Speaker 1: bringing to each other, and if it's a miscommunication of such, 670 00:36:34,360 --> 00:36:37,399 Speaker 1: just have a discussion about it, right you know, as 671 00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,160 Speaker 1: I said earlier, if you think it's worth saving because 672 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:44,719 Speaker 1: there's something in it that you still find valuable and 673 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,040 Speaker 1: you still feel that you're valuable to them, that's a 674 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,440 Speaker 1: big part of it too, because we can't just be like, 675 00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,719 Speaker 1: they're not showing up for me, they haven't called me. 676 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:53,879 Speaker 1: You know, what are you giving to them? As well? 677 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,640 Speaker 1: A friendship a love relationship, it goes both ways, so 678 00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,799 Speaker 1: you have to be accountable for you as well. So 679 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:04,480 Speaker 1: once you are and you feel their equalities or things 680 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: that you still want to connect with the person on, 681 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 1: then have that big conversation with them. And a lot 682 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:13,239 Speaker 1: of the times those conversations can be scary, right. A 683 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,920 Speaker 1: lot of people don't like to be in conversations with 684 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,799 Speaker 1: others where they have to open themselves up and be 685 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:23,360 Speaker 1: very vulnerable about how they feel because when they're vulnerable, 686 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:27,160 Speaker 1: they're letting their guard down and everyone has an ego 687 00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:29,440 Speaker 1: when that can be hard. But if this is a 688 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:32,680 Speaker 1: friendship worth saving, as I said, because there are things 689 00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,560 Speaker 1: within it that you think you could still work on 690 00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,480 Speaker 1: and will add value to each other, then you need 691 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,360 Speaker 1: to be vulnerable and have that conversation and be open 692 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,840 Speaker 1: with them because again that line for change to occur, 693 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,960 Speaker 1: there needs to be change, and if you think something's 694 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,840 Speaker 1: going wrong in it, then you need to have the 695 00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:54,759 Speaker 1: conversation about how you two can change it together and 696 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,960 Speaker 1: if the other person is accepting of that, then you 697 00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:01,840 Speaker 1: know it's a friendship worth If they're not going to budge, 698 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,000 Speaker 1: then maybe then it's when you're given your answer and 699 00:38:05,360 --> 00:38:08,200 Speaker 1: this is not a one way, you know, cited friendship, 700 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:10,520 Speaker 1: and so then you make your decision. 701 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:23,160 Speaker 3: Let's keep our friendships together. 702 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:27,880 Speaker 4: You know, what are some some shared rituals or practical 703 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:32,880 Speaker 4: strategies for maintaining I mean you talked about just reaching 704 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:36,440 Speaker 4: out to someone and saying Hi, Can you share some 705 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:37,440 Speaker 4: of those strategies? 706 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 1: Yeah? Absolutely. I mean, look, as Alie and I mentioned earlier, 707 00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,840 Speaker 1: it's very hard sometimes in life when we're busy to 708 00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 1: be able to see each other, and sometimes people don't 709 00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,440 Speaker 1: live in the same state or same country as what 710 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:53,359 Speaker 1: we're living in. You know, things change when people, you know, 711 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:56,040 Speaker 1: the years go on. So things that I would say 712 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,279 Speaker 1: was absolutely reaching out making contact with the person, but 713 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,960 Speaker 1: having a phone conversation or a zoom conversation or FaceTime 714 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:06,600 Speaker 1: or whatever it is, it's a beautiful thing. And being 715 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,239 Speaker 1: really open with the person about what you've been doing 716 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 1: in there in your life, listening to them. This is 717 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,200 Speaker 1: actually a big thing that I talk about in the 718 00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:17,720 Speaker 1: book is listening, right, And I think for any relationship 719 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:21,360 Speaker 1: to work, you have to listen. And I noticed that 720 00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:25,520 Speaker 1: I became very good at listening because of my job 721 00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:29,759 Speaker 1: interviewing people, but I was genuinely very interested too. I'm 722 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,680 Speaker 1: very interested in people's stories, and that goes with friendships 723 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:37,959 Speaker 1: as well. The worst sort of friendships are the ones 724 00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:41,360 Speaker 1: where you feel like you're there and just listening to 725 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,240 Speaker 1: everything they're doing and haven't said one thing about yourself. 726 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:47,279 Speaker 1: You feel like they're not interested, right, So when you're 727 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:50,000 Speaker 1: really showing up for a friend, you've got to take 728 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,520 Speaker 1: the time to listen to them. And it doesn't even 729 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,000 Speaker 1: mean that you have to say much back, but when 730 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,759 Speaker 1: they can see that you're there and you're listening to them, 731 00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,040 Speaker 1: that is so valuable. So I would say, you know, 732 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,600 Speaker 1: make contact whenever you guys can. If it's a date 733 00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:06,919 Speaker 1: you have to put in the diary, even like let's 734 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,799 Speaker 1: have a FaceTime call on this date, do it. If 735 00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,680 Speaker 1: you're able to meet them for coffee, sure, if you 736 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,280 Speaker 1: have a partner, you're able to get your partners involved 737 00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:18,319 Speaker 1: and go out for dinner, that's an absolutely beautiful thing 738 00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,720 Speaker 1: as well. There might be hobbies that you both enjoy 739 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,319 Speaker 1: you know, I know a girlfriend of mine and I 740 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:27,000 Speaker 1: when the comedy festival's on, it's our thing. We'll always 741 00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,880 Speaker 1: go and see a couple of shows. Things like that. Like, 742 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,520 Speaker 1: these are things that can bond you together. I mean, 743 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:35,479 Speaker 1: I know for a lot of other friends of mine, 744 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,279 Speaker 1: we are into doing a lot of personal development work. 745 00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:40,680 Speaker 1: If there are talks that people are giving, we'll go 746 00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:43,920 Speaker 1: together and we'll have dinner before and then we'll go 747 00:40:44,040 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 1: see the show. There are so many things if you 748 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:50,920 Speaker 1: have shared values that you can connect on. And I 749 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,040 Speaker 1: would say even people that do book clubs and things 750 00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,720 Speaker 1: like that, that's a beautiful way of getting friends together, 751 00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,960 Speaker 1: you know, coming up with these ideas and then inviting 752 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,560 Speaker 1: people along. It starts community and it bonds you, right, 753 00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,120 Speaker 1: It bonds you in a way that is not talking 754 00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:10,080 Speaker 1: about other people. So I'd really like for people that 755 00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:13,680 Speaker 1: are struggling. It sounds so simplistic, but it's very It works. Well, 756 00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,719 Speaker 1: write a list of the things that you enjoy and 757 00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,000 Speaker 1: things that you could do with your friends if they 758 00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:21,959 Speaker 1: enjoy them as well, and then let it go from there. 759 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:25,680 Speaker 1: And it's I mean, it's honestly very simple. But these 760 00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:28,960 Speaker 1: are ways that we bond together. Over shared things that 761 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 1: we enjoy. 762 00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:35,480 Speaker 2: Would you give the same sort of advice, because I 763 00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:39,600 Speaker 2: know I've certainly been challenged with this since moving countries 764 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:43,520 Speaker 2: and leaving all my friends back in America and being 765 00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,759 Speaker 2: of a certain age as well. You know, loneliness is 766 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,720 Speaker 2: a big issue in this well not only this country, 767 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:54,359 Speaker 2: but on the planet really, And I know I, as 768 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:59,319 Speaker 2: a female, I find it particularly important to have girlfriends 769 00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:03,120 Speaker 2: and I need them like I need water. How do 770 00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:08,360 Speaker 2: we make friends at an age that we're not young anymore, 771 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:11,719 Speaker 2: We're in our forties, we're in our fifties. How do 772 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:12,840 Speaker 2: we make friends? 773 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:13,080 Speaker 1: Like? 774 00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:14,600 Speaker 2: Is it those book clubs? 775 00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:15,160 Speaker 1: Is it? Like? 776 00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:16,359 Speaker 2: Where do we find them? 777 00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a really interesting question, and it's you know, 778 00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,799 Speaker 1: I went last year to the States for work, and 779 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:25,600 Speaker 1: I was there by myself, and it was actually the 780 00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:29,239 Speaker 1: first time I ever traveled overseas by myself, I realized 781 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:31,640 Speaker 1: at my old age, because I was always with friends 782 00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,799 Speaker 1: or with my husband or something like that. And I 783 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:36,440 Speaker 1: was like, wow, this is really like a first for me. 784 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,840 Speaker 1: And so I knew a couple of people when I 785 00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:44,040 Speaker 1: was there, but really I was alone, and one friend 786 00:42:44,719 --> 00:42:46,880 Speaker 1: that I don't know that well had hooked me up 787 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,800 Speaker 1: with another friend. So we had had a zoom call 788 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,360 Speaker 1: and then we met for dinner, and then she introduced 789 00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,640 Speaker 1: me to her friends. And then I had a dinner 790 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,080 Speaker 1: with all these people I had never met before, and 791 00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,440 Speaker 1: then some of us got along so well, and then 792 00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:02,120 Speaker 1: I had li coffees with the ones that we got along. 793 00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,040 Speaker 1: One invited me to a gym class in it. I 794 00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:10,319 Speaker 1: thought after that truth, I thought, God, it's not that 795 00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:14,640 Speaker 1: hard to make friends if you're meeting people with shared values, 796 00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:17,239 Speaker 1: which we all had. And I know when you're overseas 797 00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:19,919 Speaker 1: it can be easier and you're the novelty person that's 798 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,799 Speaker 1: come from Australia to America and all of that. But 799 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,120 Speaker 1: if you're at home and you're wondering this and you're thinking, 800 00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,799 Speaker 1: I really do want to make some new friends, then 801 00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:31,239 Speaker 1: I would sign up to things, right. So if it's 802 00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,960 Speaker 1: some sort of yoga class or meditation class, if that's 803 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:39,799 Speaker 1: the stuff you're into, try new sport, if you're interested 804 00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,600 Speaker 1: in tennis or whatever. Try and do things where there 805 00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:45,880 Speaker 1: are groups of people together, like you mentioned earlier, like 806 00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:50,200 Speaker 1: a book club that we discussed. That is a perfect way. 807 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:53,680 Speaker 1: But you need to put yourself out there and again, 808 00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:56,160 Speaker 1: it goes back to if you put yourself out there, 809 00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,840 Speaker 1: you might get some people that don't want to go 810 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,040 Speaker 1: for the coffee or oh, they don't want to take 811 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:05,600 Speaker 1: the relationship any further than the tennis court, and that's 812 00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:09,200 Speaker 1: okay because they're not your people. If they were your people, 813 00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,719 Speaker 1: they would have said yes. And you think about the 814 00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:13,759 Speaker 1: people that you've said no to too, or you're not 815 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,799 Speaker 1: interested in going out with, and that's okay. But you 816 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,879 Speaker 1: need to get your ego away and you just need 817 00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,239 Speaker 1: to put yourself out there. It goes back to the 818 00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,960 Speaker 1: start of our conversation about getting guests on the podcast. 819 00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,279 Speaker 1: I could have had no one because I never wanted 820 00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:29,960 Speaker 1: anyone to say no and just played really safe, right 821 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,600 Speaker 1: and just had my friends on. But I knew that 822 00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:35,520 Speaker 1: that's not what I wanted. And the saying goes with relationships. 823 00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:39,480 Speaker 1: If it's a love relationship or if it's a friendship relationship, 824 00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:41,919 Speaker 1: you need to put yourself out there, and you need 825 00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:43,640 Speaker 1: to know that you're going to get some people that 826 00:44:43,760 --> 00:44:46,359 Speaker 1: say no, but that's okay because there'll be a heap 827 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:47,799 Speaker 1: of people that say yes too. 828 00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:53,839 Speaker 4: Fantastic, Sarah, thanks so much for joining us today. I 829 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:59,040 Speaker 4: don't think that we've had this conversation so in depth 830 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:03,359 Speaker 4: about friendships on our partty, and you've just given some 831 00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:07,239 Speaker 4: great info and yeah, it's no wonder you're such a 832 00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:09,120 Speaker 4: great podcast to yourself. 833 00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:11,080 Speaker 1: Again. 834 00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:14,279 Speaker 2: Sarah's podcast is called Living a Life of Greatness and 835 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,360 Speaker 2: her first book is called Living a Life of Greatness. 836 00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,320 Speaker 2: Note that I said first books. I'm sure there's more time. 837 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,680 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, guys for your very generous questions. 838 00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:24,720 Speaker 1: It's been so lovely. 839 00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:31,439 Speaker 2: Thanks Sarah