WEBVTT - When You Don't Even Recognise Yourself: How I Got My Spark Back. 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:02.440 You don't just wake up colorless. You don't just wake 0:00:02.520 --> 0:00:07.160 up losing your spark, feeling burnt out. It happens slowly 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:11.360 and quietly. Hello guys, and welcome back to Stepping Up. 0:00:11.560 --> 0:00:14.600 Today's episode is going to be possibly a little bit 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:18.119 confronting for many of you. This situation I'm about to 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:22.800 go into and dive old you know, some more intimate 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:25.279 things about myself, which is, you know, let's be honest, 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:27.320 like I do that all the time. But it's something 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:29.800 that I think you know, pretty much every person who's 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:32.640 walked this planet has felt at one point or another, 0:00:33.159 --> 0:00:35.120 and it's something that can really creep up on us 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.640 if we're not careful. And you will probably listen to 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.159 this and could possibly be in this situation and not 0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:43.360 even realize it. You guys are also going to grab 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:45.480 another free be in this episode, which is a free 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:47.599 work book, and this is going to help you get 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:49.600 your spark back, So make sure you check the Stow notes. 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:53.120 So let's get into it. I you know, six months ago, 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:55.720 I got out about at home to start my day. 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:59.000 I walk over to this full length mirror we have 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:01.680 in our bedroom. It's leaning against the wall, and I 0:01:01.720 --> 0:01:03.680 started you know, doing my hair and putting on my makeup, 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:05.080 and I put on the clothes and all the things 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:07.760 I had to go to work that day. And I 0:01:07.800 --> 0:01:12.720 stared into the mirror and then what was staring back 0:01:12.760 --> 0:01:15.839 at me my reflection was a girl I just didn't 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:20.759 even recognize anymore. It wasn't essentially you know, how I looked, 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:23.960 which also was like you know, eyebags for days all 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:26.600 the things. But you know, she wasn't crying, she wasn't 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:30.319 falling apart, but she just looked flat. And I realized 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:33.240 I didn't even recognize myself anymore. It was like someone 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:36.240 had like turned down the saturation of my energy and 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:39.720 my life and I didn't even realize. And the worst 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:43.240 thing is when this happens, you don't just wake up colorless. 0:01:43.240 --> 0:01:47.400 You don't just wake up losing your spark, feeling burnt out. 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:51.320 It happens slowly and quietly, while you're still functioning, while 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.520 you're still doing school drop off and you know, getting 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:56.640 the emails done and looking like a normal member of society. 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:59.400 But it's almost like a hum in the background until 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.880 one day you and you realize that you are just 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:04.800 a shell of who you once were. You know, this 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:07.440 episode isn't about to glow up. It's about how I 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:10.919 realized I was burnt out and how I worked out 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:13.880 how I got there, and how I slowly brought my 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:17.560 color back, which you know, if you have never really 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:20.960 experienced something like this before, of feeling just feeling not yourself, 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.320 it is kind of overwhelming and you just kind of 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:25.440 feel stuck and you don't know where to start to 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:28.320 start feeling like you again. And sure, I know this 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:30.239 topic can be a little bit depressing, it can be 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:32.079 a bit of a towner, but it is an important 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:34.840 one and I truly believe that there's so many of 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:38.000 you out there listening who will realize that throughout this episode. 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:40.280 You may have lost your spark a long time ago 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:43.320 and you've just been living in survival mode. So right 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:45.400 now we are going to break you out of that 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:49.079 and give you some steps. And this is the story 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.560 of how I found my spark again and got my 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:55.160 color back, and it's not as complicated as we think. 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:57.160 So if you're feeling a little bit gray right now, 0:02:57.919 --> 0:03:02.000 this episode is for you. And this is the unfiltered 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:04.600 things I did to feel like Steph again. I don't 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:07.960 know if that's good for Society. But I'm back. But 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:10.040 before we get into it, if you're not subscribed to 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:12.079 the show, please go ahead and do that right now. 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:14.399 It takes two seconds, and it will mean you never 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:16.359 miss an episode, which trust me, you do not want 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:17.880 to miss, because we are going to be cleaning up 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:21.640 your mess mastering your MESSI life this season. And I 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:23.639 just wanted to say, it's so nice to see how 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:26.080 many of you guys out there are enjoying the show. 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:28.600 And I've been getting dms and just like the reviews 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:31.080 and everything is so so beautiful and it means the 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.280 world to me. And if you haven't already, please jump 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:36.680 join our Facebook community and follow us on Instagram social 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.440 media because I always will be dropping extra content and 0:03:39.480 --> 0:03:41.920 tips in there and Facebook the community is for you 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:44.440 guys to take over the conversation and I can stop 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:47.520 talking for a little bit, which is probably good. And 0:03:47.600 --> 0:03:49.360 if you found me over on Instagram and this is 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:51.760 your first time here, hi, welcome, and I'm glad you're here. 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:54.360 I'm glad the algorithm actually did its job for once. 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:57.119 And if you haven't already followed me on Instagram, it's 0:03:57.280 --> 0:04:00.760 at steph Pace Underscore where I share Yeah, like behind 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:02.480 the scenes of the things and the stories I tell 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:03.680 you on here. I don't know if that's a good 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:06.680 thing or a bad thing, but that's what happens. Now. 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:10.120 Let's get into it now. First, how did I lose 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:13.280 my spark? The thing is, when it comes to losing 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:16.560 you know, feeling burnt out or feeling flat, or feeling stuck, 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:19.880 whatever we want to call it, in order to find 0:04:19.920 --> 0:04:22.159 our spark again, we need to work out how we 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:24.720 got here in the first place, kind of like a maze. 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:27.680 We need to work out where we entered from in 0:04:27.760 --> 0:04:30.440 order to exit. And the thing is, I didn't realize 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:31.880 I was burnt out because I was still getting the 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:34.840 things done. You know, that's the trap, because burnout doesn't 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:36.720 always look like what you think. It doesn't look like 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:38.840 you not being able to move off the couch. And yes, 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:41.479 there is definitely those cases, we know that, but a 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:45.480 lot of the time that comes later, like the end, 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:48.320 the hairy end of it, it can look like high 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:52.479 functioning emptiness. It's just kind of like you are just 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:54.840 going through the motions of your everyday life and your 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:58.039 everyday routine and you're not actually present, like you know, 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:00.919 It's like you know when you're driving, you're driving somewhere 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:04.200 and then you know, you get in the car, you 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:06.320 turn on the NISI and you start driving, and then 0:05:06.360 --> 0:05:08.440 the next minute you get to your destination. But you 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:11.640 don't even remember driving there, Like you weren't even present, 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:13.560 but your body was, and you managed to get you 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:16.479 there safely, let's hope, but you weren't really there the 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:18.960 whole time. Now, how sad would that be if that 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:21.920 was your entire life. We don't want that. We want 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:23.640 to be present. And the thing is when you are, 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:26.240 when you've lost your color or lost your spark, that 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:28.680 is exactly what you're doing. You're moving through your life 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:32.520 on autopilot. You're just surviving. You're not actually taking in 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:34.280 the surroundings. You're not looking out the window and looking 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:36.160 at the trees or you know, obviously we need to 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:38.760 focus on the road, but you're not paying attention to 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:40.960 like the music on the radio, or maybe the people, 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:42.280 like the kids in the back and they're telling you 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:47.800 funny stories. You're just doing the things. Now. For me, 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:50.839 here's what losing my spark look like. You know, I 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:53.800 was exhausted and no amount of sleep could fix that. 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:57.839 And as an insult miac. That's saying something. You know. 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:00.400 I could rest so much and I still would wake 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:04.040 up just feeling absolutely zonked, and I just like everything 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:07.560 was a massive effort all the time. I also struggled 0:06:07.560 --> 0:06:10.159 to sleep at all and just get a normal amount 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:14.200 of sleep, like being able to drift off without just 0:06:14.240 --> 0:06:17.120 feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:19.120 I know that sounds super dramatic, but I know you 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:21.080 guys can relate to this, Like you just feel like 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.440 life is heavy and you haven't been able to put 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:27.120 down the backpack. And I always use this backpack analogy 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:28.760 when it comes to life, and it's like we all 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:31.640 have a backpack, and everyone's backpack has different contents. It 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:35.080 could be past beliefs, it could be what happened on Tuesday, 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:37.599 could be your to do list. It usually all these things, 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:40.000 and it gets heavy. And the thing is, if we 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:43.600 don't take the bag off, sometimes we get very, very tired, 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:48.560 and then we start forgetting things. We get sad, we 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:51.320 start dropping the balls in our life and like some balls, 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:54.000 as I say, some are glass and they can't be dropped. 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:56.320 Like you know your health and your kids, and you 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:59.479 know the important things and then when you start dropping 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:04.359 those things, that's when this just explodes for you in 0:07:04.400 --> 0:07:06.640 your life. And you know it can lead to depression 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:09.200 and like burn out as we were saying, and it's 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.840 just it can affect your job, it can affect everything 0:07:11.840 --> 0:07:14.800 in your life. So it's super important that we're aware 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:17.960 of this. Another way it showed up for me was 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:20.920 the things I used to love felt like nothingness. It 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.960 was like a neutral feeling. So even like listening to 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:26.640 my favorite songs, like I would not be dancing along. 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:29.440 And if you've ever had the pleasure of driving in 0:07:29.480 --> 0:07:31.400 a car with me, you would know I do karaoke 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:35.040 every single trip. But it was just nothingness, Like I 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:38.640 didn't feel anything. And I think for me, like I 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:43.040 think I would rather feel sad than nothing, because nothing 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:46.760 just it's just so empty and it's quite scary. Another 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:49.120 thing was I was constantly bracing myself. I was waiting 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:52.000 for the next horrible thing to happen. And I know, 0:07:52.040 --> 0:07:54.520 if you have someone with anxiety like myself, that's a 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:57.600 pretty pretty common occurrence. You do tend to brace yourself 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:03.120 a lot. But it really was amplified. Small inconvenience felt 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:05.520 huge for me. So you know when you're already angry 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:07.080 and you're running around like you walk around the house 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.440 and then you freaking top or your pants or your 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:11.160 jump I gets caught on the door handle and you 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:13.840 just lose your shit. That's what I mean. Like the 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:17.640 little inconvenience is that normally wouldn't bother me, piss me off. 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:21.080 I was not a happy person and I felt detached 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:23.120 for my own life. Like I said with the car analogy, 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:24.640 you're driving somewhere and you just get there and you 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:28.120 don't know how. I was disassociating for literally months at 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:31.360 a time, and that's just so sad. I was just 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:34.280 not there. I was there, but I wasn't there. And 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:36.079 I know a lot of mothers can understand this. You know, 0:08:36.120 --> 0:08:38.200 the end of the day and you're with your kids, 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:42.000 but you're not emotionally there. You're thinking about, Oh, I've 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:43.079 got to get this done today. I go to do 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:44.800 the washing, I gotta get this emailed sent off, I 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:48.360 need to make dinner. You're not actually present. And if 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:51.320 we're like that all the time, that's when again we 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.400 end up going to burnout, losing my sparkman also look like, 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:57.480 you know, being productive still, but I didn't get the 0:08:57.520 --> 0:09:01.800 satisfaction when I completed a time, which meant even when 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:04.600 I ticked things off the to do list, I felt nothing. 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:08.280 It was zero satisfaction from anything. And then of course 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:12.880 I didn't recognize myself anymore, you know, wearing for example, 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:14.520 like when I used to go at the gym, I 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:16.240 used to love putting on a little kid said, and 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:18.559 you know, making myself feel good because always felt like 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:21.320 I would work out better, and when I was feeling flat, 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.760 I would just chuck on anything and just go. And 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:26.440 you know, the songs I used to play all the 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:28.480 time in the car, like and at home. Big one 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:30.400 for me was when I do housework, I usually play songs. 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.120 And then when I stopped doing that, even Ryan was like, you, okay, 0:09:33.600 --> 0:09:36.360 Like just the little things that you do that your 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:39.160 loved ones know about, you stop doing them, and that's 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:42.000 when you know there's something wrong. And that leads me 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:45.480 to the saddest part of this of what me losing 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:48.959 my spark looked like was I couldn't remember the last 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:53.280 time I truly laughed, like actually laughed, not like someone 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:55.280 tells a really bad joke. Hint hint, Ryan, and you 0:09:55.480 --> 0:10:00.760 fake laugh, like actually barey laughed at something silly. So 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:03.720 now you know what me losing my spark look like. 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.320 I want you to ask yourself. Do I feel tired 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:09.240 even after I sleep? Does joy feel muted for me? 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:12.640 The things that you laugh, even you know, doing silly 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:15.160 things like does it just feel a bit like it 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:19.319 just doesn't hit the same way anymore? Am I constantly 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:22.240 in the next problem mode? You're always onto the next thing? 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:24.560 Which a lot of us already do that. But if 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:28.920 you're always on the next problem mode, again, we're disassociating. 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:33.760 We're not present. Do I already wake up tense? So 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:35.800 you wake up and you're bracing for the thing, because 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:37.440 the thing is when you wake up you should technically 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:41.760 be quite relaxed, not like, let's go And does everything 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:47.199 feel slightly heavier than it should? Again small conveniences, just 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.680 like all the things you normally can function with, just 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:52.760 feels a lot harder. And have you laughed recently or 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:55.600 had any fun? Because, as we know, as adults, we 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:58.120 stop having fun, we stop doing the things for the 0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:00.400 sake of it. We only do things for a certain outcome, 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:04.800 for having a cleaner house, making money, getting fitter, just 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:07.280 boring shit like we don't just have fun, and this 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.120 is where hobbies come in and you know, finding your 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:13.400 yellow which I will talk about a bit later. Now, 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:15.199 if you answered yes to any of those or even 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:18.040 a few, you're not lazy and you're not dramatic. You're 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:21.920 probably burnt out or you've lost your spark and burnout 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:24.280 and things like this is just a nervous system that's 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:26.839 on high alert for too long. It's time to take 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:29.360 a breath and take the backpack off and get out 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:33.040 of the car. So this leads us to the question 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:35.720 of how did I get here? You know the maze analogy? 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:37.560 You know, I love an analogy. I got stop doing these, 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:39.719 but anyway, the Mayz's analogy, how do we get in here? 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:41.200 We need to get the hell out of here because 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.760 there's not fun time. Now this can be a little 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:45.880 bit uncomfortable because you have to kind of really look 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:48.080 at your life and what you've been doing and see 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:50.760 what's been good and not so good. Like, we don't 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:54.240 just get here overnight. As I said, you know, and 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:56.400 you might hate me for saying this, but getting to 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:58.840 burn out and losing your spark is something that you 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:03.600 actually co so like we participate in this, and for 0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:07.240 me personally, I realized I got here because I normalized urgency. 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:10.559 You know, I glorified being busy, which is so easy 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.560 to fall into. Like we just grew up seeing like 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:15.640 you have to do more to be successful, You have 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.720 to do more to be appreciated, to be valued, to 0:12:18.760 --> 0:12:21.600 be enough. You know, I became the capable one. I 0:12:21.600 --> 0:12:23.439 never would ask for help, and that's always been a 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:26.080 big one for me, is people please, are things we're 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:27.560 not gonna ask for help. You're like, but you would 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:30.040 do anything for anyone else, even when you're already you're 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:31.839 already tanked and you've got so much to do, but 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:33.720 you'll do anything for anyone else, but you will not 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:37.080 just ask for help. I stopped doing things that didn't 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.240 have an outcome, as I just mentioned, as adults, we 0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:41.719 only do things for a certain outcome. I stopped doing 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:45.439 the things just for fun, the silly stuff, and even 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:48.040 down to I turned every hobby into a strategy, like 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:50.439 I don't know if it's an ADHD thing, But even when 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:52.760 i'd get into things like I remember when I was 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.080 overhauling my business, I got heaps into notion. I don't 0:12:55.080 --> 0:12:57.439 know if you guys have heard a notion. It's basically 0:12:57.559 --> 0:12:59.960 it's kind of like Trello or asagna. It's like a 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:04.040 project organizer, but it can like organize everything, and it's 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:06.400 really good for like teams, but also if you prefer 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:09.280 to do things digitally digital I can't even say if 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:13.440 you prefer to do things on the computer. So I 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.280 got really into that, and then I was like, oh, 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:17.920 I can make this into a really cool business, like 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:21.640 like Steph is chill and I never And another thing 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:25.199 is I never fully exhaled. I never just took a second, 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:27.600 you know. And it's like, you know, I always talk 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:30.000 about the traveling goal post. I did a post them 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.880 this a couple months ago, and it was like, for me, 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:35.800 I'm always chasing the next thing, and even if I 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:38.560 reach your goal, I won't even celebrate that. I won't 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:40.200 even sit in it long enough to be like I 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:42.760 did this, I did this. I'm looking for the next one, 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:44.599 the next one, the next one. And the thing is 0:13:44.640 --> 0:13:46.680 I'm the one moving the goalpost. No one else is. 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:50.679 And if you're constantly doing that, of course you're going 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:52.320 to get to a point of burnout and you're never 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:54.920 gonna get satisfaction. You can't if you can't even reflect 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:57.320 and be like I did this thing because you're looking 0:13:57.320 --> 0:13:59.319 at the next STARp, like the next goal, the next goal. 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:02.960 There's no fulfillment in that. Because here's the thing. The 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:05.400 one question I asked myself that hit the hardest was 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:09.560 what quietly disappeared while I was busy succeeding or thinking 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:11.760 that I needed to do the things to be successful. 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:14.480 Because success looks different for everyone. To you. It could 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:18.199 be you know, being that really hands on mom who 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:20.880 does puts in food for all the baked sales and 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:22.840 is it all the canteen and all the things like that, 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:24.480 Or it could be you're someone who maybe wants to 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.520 get a promotion or anything. Everyone's so different. But when 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:32.040 you make your titles and your goals who you are 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:36.640 and base your worth of that, that's the problem here, 0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:40.520 Because He's the truth. You can build a beautiful life 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:44.200 and still slowly disappear inside of it. And you know, 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:48.440 for me, what fate was play color, music, effort, movement 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:52.280 for fun and just fun. Just because I didn't just 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:55.920 lose my spark or color, I deprioritized it. I did 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:57.560 not put that at the top of my to do 0:14:57.640 --> 0:14:59.920 list for a very long time, and that's all me. 0:15:00.520 --> 0:15:02.400 But it's also actually a good thing because what you 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.920 don't focus on you can choose again, you can go 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:07.040 back to it. And this is where we're going to 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:10.320 do a routine review. So in order to find our spark, 0:15:10.360 --> 0:15:13.080 we need to dissect our routine and day to day 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:15.000 life over the last few months or however long. You 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:19.840 feel like you've been driving an autopilot because without the awareness, 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:21.640 it's like trying to build an IQ of furniture piece 0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:24.400 without the instructions, like Ryan Pacee tries to do, and 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:27.360 I end up standing there with twenty screws and the 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:29.560 table's been put together, and I'm like, is this thing 0:15:29.600 --> 0:15:33.160 going to fall apart? Like me and my soul? And 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:35.720 don't worry. I made you a free workbook for this step, 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:38.200 which is linked in the show notes. Write down your 0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:42.200 daily routine in raw and very very honest detail. Now, look, 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:43.960 you don't have to show this to anybody, so you 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:46.000 don't have to tell anyone that you eat twelves for breakfast, 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.160 not speaking from experience or anything like that. So the good, 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:50.880 the bad, and the ugly. So if you wake up 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.600 to your kids screaming in your face every morning, and 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:56.240 then you scroll on TikTok for about three hours. You 0:15:56.240 --> 0:16:00.480 got to write it down. Now. Step two, I need 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:02.680 you to grab two highlighters, and we're going to categorize 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:05.360 the parts of your routine that are either creating a 0:16:05.400 --> 0:16:09.120 positive or negative ripple effect to your life. So this 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:11.480 is really going to help you pinpoint how and why 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:14.840 you're currently feeling like shit. So if you see your 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:17.760 days filled with just tasks and there's no breaks, there's 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:22.240 no resets, there's no like getting outside and touching grass, 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:25.120 that's kind of important apparently, And or maybe you're doing 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.520 the things you're not eating enough, or you're not eating 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:30.040 like any protein. Like we got to like look at 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:32.920 these things. We want to look at, you know, the 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:35.200 very basic things of being a human to make us 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:39.160 feel good, which is your food, movement, sleep, rest, those 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:42.280 types of things. So let's just pretend your positive ripple 0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:46.200 effects is a blue highlighter and then negative is a red. 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:49.160 If your routine is filled with red, it's pretty obvious 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:51.080 that we need to change some things, you know. So 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:54.760 the majority of your routine is just not looking after 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.440 yourself and it's just red. We need to insert some 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:02.520 blue in there too, what steps I actually took to 0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:05.280 get my spark back. Let's go. First thing is I 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:07.200 stopped pretending I was fine. We don't need to be 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:08.919 martyrs here. And I know a lot of people like 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:10.720 you know, when people it could be your best friend, 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:12.560 they're like, hey, you going, and we're like, oh yeah, good, thanks, 0:17:12.680 --> 0:17:15.600 and you're like, oh, I'm actually quietly dying inside. But anyway, like, 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:18.480 we need to just be honest with ourselves and even 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:21.080 other people, which I'll get into later, but when you 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:25.520 stop pretending you're okay and admitting it to yourself that 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:28.919 you're burnt out, disconnected, running on empty, that's the second 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:31.240 you stop pretending and you can actually take action. Because 0:17:31.280 --> 0:17:34.720 awareness is so important. If you don't have awareness, you're 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:36.639 not going to do the steps. And I'm sure we 0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:38.600 know people in our life that you can see their 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:41.639 self sabotaging themselves and they do not have the awareness 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:47.000 to stop it. So that is so so important. And 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:50.320 this brings me to step number two. I found my 0:17:50.440 --> 0:17:52.680 moments of yellow. Now you might have seen the trend 0:17:52.720 --> 0:17:55.679 going around is who is your yellow person? And the 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:58.000 whole idea is your yellow person is the one person 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:00.520 that feels like sunshine, the one that makes your nervous 0:18:00.520 --> 0:18:03.959 system relax, you unclench, you feel safe around them. They 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:06.879 make you laugh, the one that makes you feel warm 0:18:07.000 --> 0:18:10.560 and safe. And online everyone's posting their partner, their dog, 0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:13.040 their kids, which is so so beautiful, and I love 0:18:13.119 --> 0:18:15.879 that because we all need yellow people in our lives. 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:18.320 But here's what I realized when I was standing in 0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:20.359 front of my mirror that day, when I saw this 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:22.439 girl I didn't even recognize staring back at me. Is 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:27.920 I had so many beautiful yellow people in my life, 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:31.240 people that felt like sunshine. I had so many beautiful, 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:35.560 beautiful humans surrounding me, and I still felt gray, which 0:18:35.600 --> 0:18:39.439 meant something quite uncomfortable. Is it meant I couldn't outsource 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:43.080 my spark or my happiness. I couldn't rely on someone 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:45.760 else to bring back my color. I had to become 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:47.960 a little bit of yellow for myself. I just become 0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:50.760 my own yellow person. And then that got me thinking, 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:54.120 what if yellow isn't just a person? What if it's 0:18:54.119 --> 0:18:56.640 a moment, What if it's something that you create. I'm 0:18:56.640 --> 0:18:58.359 sure you guys have heard of glimmers, also a trend 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:01.600 online saying to look for the glimmers in your life, 0:19:01.680 --> 0:19:04.200 which is little sparks of joy. It's the same thing. 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:07.800 So I started asking myself, what are my yellow moments? 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.480