WEBVTT - #2128 Late Starter - Mick Hall 0:00:00.840 --> 0:00:02.360 I get aid, boys and girls. It's a bloody of 0:00:02.360 --> 0:00:05.040 you project, it's harps. It's another day in the life 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:07.880 of all of us, which is bloody terrific. I wonder 0:00:07.920 --> 0:00:11.000 how many days we have in a life? What's ten years? 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:14.360 Would be three hundred three three and a half thousand times. 0:00:14.400 --> 0:00:17.240 That's a lot. Seventy thousand, eighty thousand days. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:21.960 T Hi hi, Oh, we have fourteen hundred and fortylation. 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:24.520 What that's my calculation? 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:25.120 A lot? 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:28.479 Yeah, a lot, fourteen hundred and forty minutes in a day. 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:31.639 Isn't it amazing how quick a day can go and 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:34.480 how long a minute can go. Yeah, Like a minute 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:36.960 can be fucking forever depending on what you're doing. 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:40.559 And I took way too long to realize that saying 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:42.600 I would just wish I had another day a week 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:45.040 or another hour in the day would not change anything, 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:47.159 because I would just do exactly what I'm doing and 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:49.959 use it on shit and then complain about it. 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:53.000 That's one of the you know, I did this little 0:00:53.080 --> 0:00:55.280 kind of pseudo study when I was a young PT 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:59.640 and the number one reason not excuse, reason, nudge, nudge 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:02.240 wink people gave me for not being in shape was 0:01:02.280 --> 0:01:05.039 that they didn't have the time. I'm like, would have 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:07.720 nothing to do with your behavior or habits or fucking 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:12.000 willpower or choices or diet or exit. You know, it's like, 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:16.120 it's not a me thing, Nicole, welcome to the show. 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:17.080 Thank you. 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:21.520 It's not a me thing. It's a time thing. Or 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:23.600 because if it's about time, then I don't have to 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:27.360 take responsibility because I'm not in charge of time. You know, 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:30.279 times are fixed thing. You know. And then you go, well, 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:32.800 it's like people who go on time poor. I go, 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:35.640 how are you time poor? You've got the same fucking 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:39.240 minutes as everyone else per day, but you've got exactly 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:43.080 the same allocation, so your time equal. 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:46.760 Well, you know, I've got a thing about time. I've 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:48.600 got a bit of a d here about time. What 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:52.840 about doctors? Why can't a doctor ever run on time? 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:55.920 How can you, day after day have a schedule of 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:59.280 people and right from the first appointment you're running late. 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:01.720 Now do you want an actual answer or do you 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:02.480 just want to vent? 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:04.800 I really want to vent being give me an answer 0:02:04.880 --> 0:02:05.080 to it. 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:08.799 Well, I think the answer is they just don't allocate 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:12.280 enough time for the doctor. I think it's the system. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.880 I think it's the business model, Like the business model 0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:18.000 is depending on which place. It's like, we didn't think 0:02:18.040 --> 0:02:22.680 we'd start here. Fuck, sorry, listeners. I think the business 0:02:22.720 --> 0:02:25.639 model is, you know, like in some places eight minutes. Well, 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:29.800 how on earth can you give any one great care? 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:32.519 I don't think it's the doctor's fault. I think it's 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:35.200 the system. And I think if the doctor's running late, 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:40.320 it might ironically be an indication that they care, because 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:45.360 you know what I'm saying. But although I did do 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:48.280 a phone consult the other day because I just needed 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:51.840 some blood pressure medication that I take. No everyone on 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:54.239 it's not because I'm out of shape, It's because mum 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:57.440 and dad's genetics. But start to finish. The whole consult 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:00.519 on the phone was three hundred three three and a 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:03.280 half minutes. So what is that one hundred and eighty 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:06.040 three and ten seconds. I remember getting off going, fuck, 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.720 that's good money for them. But I think it's like 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:11.520 seventy bucks. I'm like they had a win. Yeah that's 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:14.119 twenty dollars a minute. That's a good alley rate. But anyway, 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:18.559 I got my drugs. You know, a BP's back down, 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:20.840 you know, not clutching my chest anymore, didn't have to 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:23.760 drive anywhere. But Tiff, how are you? 0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:26.640 I fabulous? I'm fabulous. 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:30.560 Let's let's give us thirty second review. Because you've been away, 0:03:30.600 --> 0:03:32.600 you've been up north, You're at one of the world's 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:36.200 bloody biggest speaking conferences. It was bloody, all the bells 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:40.040 and whistles, and you, according to you, were the best 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:42.520 and the superstar. It was. 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:42.920 It was. 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:46.440 It's been renamed the Tiff Show. Get the fuck behind me, 0:03:46.520 --> 0:03:48.360 the rest of you fucking amateurs. 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:50.240 Is that true what you were telling us, Tiff? 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:54.680 Yeah, yeah, all of it, apart from being the best, 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:57.480 which is it's a burden. I mean, good on you, though, 0:03:57.600 --> 0:03:58.200 like do it. 0:03:58.080 --> 0:03:59.720 Though, it's a heavy boad to carry. 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:03.320 The funny thing I see is that you're never putting 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:06.320 anything on social media. You keep it so low key. 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:08.360 Show Wallflower. What can I make? 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:12.400 It's the humility that I love. I did a humility 0:04:12.440 --> 0:04:14.840 workshop on the weekend. By the way, I was the best. 0:04:18.000 --> 0:04:21.600 How half of our audience is laughing half a gun? 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:25.080 Well that doesn't make sense. Did you have a good 0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:25.600 time though? 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:26.760 I really did. 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:30.680 I just adore being in the room with people like 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:33.560 it gives me so much juries it's a priority of 0:04:33.600 --> 0:04:36.440 mine now to get to a bare minimum of two 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:39.920 if not three yearly big events like that around people 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:43.359 that are doing similar thing, Like there's that industry. 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:45.320 I did a post about it. 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:48.400 I just think that speakers are probably one of the 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:50.159 few that can be around their. 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:53.440 Peers and genuinely. 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:56.520 Want to see people succeed and help people succeed and. 0:04:56.520 --> 0:04:57.039 Cheer them on. 0:04:57.120 --> 0:05:00.960 And I don't think that's typical for all industries. 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:03.320 Oh definitely not. And I don't think it's even typical 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:07.680 for speakers across the board necessarily, Like there's a fair 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:10.320 bit of it's like yeah, but if you can mean 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:13.360 that environment with a bunch of speakers all there for 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:17.920 a very similar reason, it's amazing. And that having somebody 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:22.479 who's in your corner. Speaking of speakers, Michael Sedric Haller 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:24.160 is going to become a speaker. I'm going to turn 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:26.479 him into a fucking megastar because he's got all the 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:29.840 bits and pieces, but he's just as lazy as fuck. 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:33.239 He's like a fucking four year old in a lolly shop. 0:05:33.600 --> 0:05:37.000 He's got the attention span of a fucking ferret. 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:38.440 So I can't know. 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:43.120 I'm trying to wrangle his brain and his life and 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:47.080 his stories and his insights and his experience into some 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:51.479 kind of product, because I think the illustrated man and 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:53.799 a pair of jeens and a T shirt working out 0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:58.600 might ruffle a few feathers but also share some insights 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:02.320 that lots of people would enjoy hearing. That's my theory. 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:05.800 And we're getting underway very soon, aren't we, Michael, I 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:07.880 think so we are. 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.719 We are. 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:14.880 We're starting weekly coaching Mick and I, which is I 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:17.240 made him put on his big boy pants yesterday we 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:20.680 had lunch. We spoke about grown up things. 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:21.479 Those pants. 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:26.280 By the way, can I just side? Oh yeah, I'll 0:06:26.279 --> 0:06:28.719 look at you. You just pointed to one of his 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:35.880 numerous boxing bloody felt in the background, Champion just saying, yeah, 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:39.600 keep a lid on it though. Okay, So yesterday Tiff 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:42.800 and I tiff. Yesterday, Michael and I went out. Mick 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:45.200 and I went out, had we're going to have a coffee. 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:48.839 We had a coffee and the lady came up and said, 0:06:49.600 --> 0:06:51.159 do you want to lunch? I went no, I'm good 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:54.160 and he ordered scrambled eggs with chicken, and I went, fuck, 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:56.640 how good does that sound? And I don't normally eat lunch, 0:06:57.600 --> 0:06:59.760 but I'm like, well, it's just protein and a bit 0:06:59.760 --> 0:07:03.960 of at, and so I ate the scrambled eggs and 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:07.039 the chicken, which was backstroking in about a gallon of butter. 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:13.760 Couldn't have been any yummier butter, eggs, chicken, salt, pepper. 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:16.920 I inhaled that like the fat kid that I was 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:23.840 at a birthday party and and it was so How 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:24.640 good was it? Mick? 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:28.040 I'm still thinking about it before you even mentioned it. 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:29.000 That's on my mind. 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:31.720 So fucking delicious. I want to go back with it. 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:36.320 But we ate that at probably one o'clock. I had 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:41.160 zero hunger until nine point thirty last night. Yeah, like 0:07:41.520 --> 0:07:46.239 I was like, yeah, like I didn't feel anyway. Sorry everyone, 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:48.360 that's boring, but it's so funny. And it was a 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:52.360 relatively small meal, Like it wasn't a huge meal, but 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:56.440 it was so calorically dense and so much good stuff. Jeez, 0:07:56.480 --> 0:08:01.840 I might do that once a week anyway, Enough about that, Mick, 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:02.440 how are you? 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:07.160 I'm pretty good. I'm full, but I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:10.440 Yeah, that took her well. I got to like normal 0:08:10.440 --> 0:08:12.880 dinner time. I was actually still quite full. 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:16.600 You yeah, absolutely same here. And I have to admit 0:08:16.640 --> 0:08:19.320 that when I was sitting there in that cafe and 0:08:19.360 --> 0:08:23.560 watching you wolf down that eggs and chicken, I was 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:27.440 very very taken aback because I've done many, many, many 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:30.400 many over a long period of time, many years. I've 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:33.400 done many lunches with you, and I've never seen you 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:35.080 actually eat that lunch. 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:36.960 Yeah, yeah, I try not to. 0:08:37.240 --> 0:08:40.560 I'm quite surprised to see that, and I'm quite chuffed 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:41.960 because this is one of my meals. 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:42.120 You know. 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:44.600 It's funny, you know, as a boxer and a person 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:48.800 that's competing all the time, people would be amazed with 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:51.720 my doll I mean my diet. I mean that chicken 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:54.000 and eggs. I'll have that probably three times a week. 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:58.400 I eat passed it virtually every night, and I've got 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:02.679 very very very low body fat and I've got good 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:07.800 muscle density, and it's just amazing what your body can 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:10.280 do and how much it's sort of you know, it 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:13.000 can it can thrive on certain foods, and having all 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:15.560 that protein was just beautiful, you know, like it just 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:20.200 keeps me, keeps me full all day. Yeah, I'm I'm 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:22.080 not hanging for something with wishing that it was a 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:25.280 bigger meal or anything like that. It just just holds 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:27.839 me and I can still train at a pretty high 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:31.439 level and you know, expend all my energy and it 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:32.640 just gives me everything I need. 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.040 Well yeah, I mean you're super lean and you've got 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:39.160 apes of muscle and you're an athlete, so whatever you're doing. 0:09:39.240 --> 0:09:43.160 It's so funny though people get caught up in like 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:46.920 how many calories is in that? Now? Calories matter, of course, yes, 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.720 But the thing is when you eat something like that, 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:53.079 like if I had a had you just reminded me 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:55.840 if I had had a sandwich, which I wouldn't, but 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:57.640 if I had a sandwich, I would have been hungry 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:01.760 three hours later. Yeah for sure. But I literally and 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:04.200 when I did eight dinner finally it was half my 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.720 dinner because I'm like that that shit just just it 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:09.760 didn't destroy me because I felt good. But I'm like, 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:12.600 oh I could I reckon, I could almost eat one 0:10:12.640 --> 0:10:15.400 of them a day and I'd be done. Yeah, probably 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:19.400 not more, but you know maybe, but yeah, anyway, enough 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:22.520 about our lunches. So one of the things I talk 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:25.880 about a lot, which everyone not everyone, but I guess 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.840 a lot of my listeners know, is I'm fascinated with 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:31.640 human potential. I'm fascinated with you know, how much of 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:33.800 our potential we can tap into, which I did an 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:37.720 episode very recently. You know. So there's a thing called 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:48.280 the potential capacity gap, and the potential capacity gap is sorry, 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:52.439 performance capacity, Sorry everyone, performance capacity. There's a lot of 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:56.240 shit in my head anyway. The performance capacity gap is 0:10:56.280 --> 0:11:00.240 your current level of performance and capacity, I said to 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:03.920 you yesterday, Mick, is what you're actually capable of, Like, 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:09.640 what is your actual ten out of ten limit potential? 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:13.480 Like foot to the floor redlining ten thousand revs? What 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:15.800 could you do if you had to do it now? 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:20.400 Obviously we can't redline consistently, but we tell ourselves a story. 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:22.720 And this is an analogous to all the same as 0:11:23.559 --> 0:11:26.160 the rate of perceived exertion. We've spoken about a few 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:30.199 times in exercise. But I was listening to you yesterday 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:33.920 and I was just thinking, it's so fucking amazing knowing 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:38.800 your background, which was to say less than ideal is 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:43.720 the understatement of the millennium, like you had to Like, 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:46.120 if I was trying to turn someone into an athlete 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:48.720 and there was a thousand people I had in a queue, 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:51.760 I would pick you one thousand, not because of you, 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:55.480 not because of your genetics, but because of how fucking 0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:59.560 abused your body had been and just you know everything, 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:04.679 are you know the mentality No, not really, I think 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.080 the mentality is good, but the ship that you've done 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:10.000 to your body and the trauma that it had been 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:13.840 through for not a week, but for probably a decade 0:12:13.960 --> 0:12:19.920 or two, you know, And then thinking about and I 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:22.600 want to share this because one it's just an interesting story, 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.600 and two I like people to go, oh, well, if 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:28.360 Mick can do that, or Tiff can do that, or 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:32.880 even Harps can do that, who doesn't have great genetics? 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:36.600 Then what could I do? Because that's the real question 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:40.439 is not what do I think I can do? Because 0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:44.160 that's really your story about your ability versus what is 0:12:44.240 --> 0:12:50.400 actually possible for me? If I did everything I can do, really, 0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:55.840 no bullshit, no excuses, no talking myself down, no limiting, 0:12:55.920 --> 0:13:00.959 no putting on the emotional and psychological handbrake, no self sabotage. 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:06.360 Just if I fucking was fearless and not lazy and proactive, 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:09.480 what could I do? And I think that you know, 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:13.720 this whole show is about potential and possibilities and performance 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.160 and so it's a beautiful fit. So that we'll start 0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:20.240 from that, we'll work back from the end. So for 0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:23.640 those who don't know you at the minute, this phase 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.280 of your life. Among other things, you're a boxer. How 0:13:26.280 --> 0:13:27.000 old are you now? 0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.520 I'm fifty four, about ten fifty five. 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:34.760 So you're a competitive boxer, and so you're competing in 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:35.440 the masters. 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:36.240 Yep. 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.560 What titles have you won in the last five years 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:40.040 or whatever. 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:45.520 I've won a WBL World title, I've won a WBL 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:51.080 Asia Pacific super middleweight title. I've won an MBA Australian title, 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:55.480 and I've won an MBV Master's Boxing Victoria Victorian title. 0:13:56.440 --> 0:14:00.840 So you won four titles. By the way, congratulate, it's amazing. 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:07.280 When did you start training? Seriously, so fifty four, when 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:12.600 did you start training to box? As in, sorry to compete? 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:15.720 When you went right, I'd like to have a fight, 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:21.040 and let's he's better question. When was your first fight? 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:26.880 How old were you my first fight? I was forty nine. 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:33.320 Yeah, that's crazy. By the way, everyone, I'm not recommending 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:37.960 taking up box box. I'd rather you did I'd rather 0:14:38.000 --> 0:14:40.840 you did something else, just for cognitive function reasons. But 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:45.400 and in your first fight. You lost, right, what was that? 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:47.400 But did you did you come out of that going 0:14:48.120 --> 0:14:50.400 fuck this is great or fuck that, I'm never doing 0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:53.200 that again, or how did you come out of that? 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:56.680 Yeah, that's that's an interesting question, you know, like I 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:59.000 came out of that. You know, for me, it was 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:06.000 horrendously terrifying. It was really really scary, terrifying. But I 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:11.160 was extremely proud of myself for seeing it through. But 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:15.040 it was terrifying. And you know, when you do something 0:15:15.120 --> 0:15:17.320 like that and you go through it and you lose 0:15:17.520 --> 0:15:21.920 as well, for me, it was it could have been 0:15:22.000 --> 0:15:25.880 soul destroying. It's certainly as an adult, you know, like 0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:27.760 a forty nine year old man. I was out in 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:31.440 the back of the change rooms and I was crying 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:34.720 because it meant so much to me. 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:36.920 That's amazing, you know. 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.640 I felt sort of embarrassed of that, but I was. 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:41.120 I was crying because I meant a lot to me, 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:43.920 and I had a lot of people telling me and 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:47.480 doubting what I was doing and saying, haven't you know, 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:50.800 surely this will teach you. You know, what they're trying 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:52.800 to say is, surely this will make sure that you 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:57.120 don't do it anymore. And me being an addict that's 0:15:57.160 --> 0:16:01.240 in recovery gone. Well, if you tell me I can't 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:04.040 do something and it terrifies me, guess what, I'm actually 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:08.640 going to keep doing it. And I had this just 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:13.200 this in and knowing that I had to move past 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:16.600 something within myself. I didn't know what exactly what that was, 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:19.160 but I just knew that I needed to keep going 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:21.000 and I had to move past something. I had to 0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:25.480 settle something within me, in my in my soul, in 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:29.520 my psyche. And and like you said, like we let 0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:31.160 into you know, like there was a lot of trauma 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:34.120 and a lot of stuff for my past and a 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.120 lot of you know, a way of my life where 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:39.480 you know, I spent you know, as we know, numerous 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:43.640 times in prison, I was around an element where there 0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:46.960 was a lot of violence and a lot of fear 0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:52.560 and a lot of control. And you know, and I 0:16:52.600 --> 0:16:54.200 did a lot of things in my life that I 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:56.320 was very shameful of. And you know, one of them, 0:16:56.600 --> 0:17:00.200 one of them that that sort of I haven't talked 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:02.160 about a lot, but sort of sits in there is 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:05.240 is that you know, I've got a young daughter that 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:10.240 was born when I was seventeen, and you know, I 0:17:10.359 --> 0:17:12.840 was sort of out of her life at eighteen and 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:16.600 she was one, and we didn't really reconnect again until 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:23.159 she was twelve, and she's thirty seven now. But for 0:17:23.280 --> 0:17:26.120 a lot of her life, I mean I basically, through 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:29.359 my addiction, I let her go and I didn't chase. 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:32.439 I was a child myself, but I just didn't follow 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:35.879 up and I just didn't. I let it go, you know. 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:38.560 And I've hated myself for that all my life. And 0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.240 then and of course then that got me asking questions 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:46.240 within myself at different times, like am I a coward? 0:17:47.200 --> 0:17:50.760 Am I really a piece of shit? Am I somebody 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:55.080 that just folds when things get too difficult? Am I 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:59.440 somebody that can't see anything through? Or what have you? So, 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:02.160 so all of doubts, without me even knowing it, they 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:06.159 sat inside of me for the rest of my addiction career, 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:10.199 which thankfully I got clean and sober at thirty. So 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:12.960 I'm twenty five years clean and sober, which is amazing. 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:16.920 And I lived an amazing life now, thank you, thank 0:18:16.960 --> 0:18:19.760 you very much. But you know what, it's still left 0:18:19.760 --> 0:18:21.280 with me. And so I put all the drugs in 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:25.080 the alcohol down and that's amazing, it's beautiful. Achievements, and 0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:27.240 it's great. And I've got two other kids now. My 0:18:27.320 --> 0:18:30.000 son's twenty five and he's never seen me drink or use, 0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:32.960 and my other daughter's twenty years old and she's never 0:18:32.960 --> 0:18:35.760 seen me drink or use. And we've had a beautiful 0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:39.280 life together. But you know what, there was still that 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:46.240 part inside of me that said, are you a coward? 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:51.400 It is somebody that can't face up and these questions 0:18:51.440 --> 0:18:56.160 I needed answered, And are you somebody that runs at 0:18:56.160 --> 0:18:59.800 the first sign of trouble? I can't see anything through, 0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:05.080 you know, And losing that first fight for me was 0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:09.359 the first sign of trouble in that context, and I 0:19:09.440 --> 0:19:12.000 had to make a decision deep within myself as to 0:19:12.480 --> 0:19:14.439 am I going to see this through? Am I going 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:16.439 to be who I'm meant to be? I want to 0:19:16.480 --> 0:19:19.399 see who I am. I don't know who I am. 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.359 At forty nine years old, I don't know who I am. 0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:25.840 I thought I did, I thought I did many times 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:29.200 I didn't know, and now I want proof. I want 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:33.240 to understand who I am. So I made a decision 0:19:34.320 --> 0:19:38.960 that no matter what, no matter how terrified I am, 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:44.480 I am going to continue fighting and I will win 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:47.920 a title because when I win that title, I can 0:19:48.000 --> 0:19:50.480 prove to myself nothing to anybody else, don't care what 0:19:50.520 --> 0:19:53.520 it says to anyone else, but to me, I can 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:56.240 prove to myself that I'm not a coward, that even 0:19:56.320 --> 0:20:00.600 though I went through extreme difficulty and and had to 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:03.920 walk through fear, I made it out the other side. 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:07.240 And and let's see who's sitting there at the other end, 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:11.439 you know, and that was what really important. That's what 0:20:11.520 --> 0:20:13.880 boxing has been about to me, you know. The whole 0:20:13.960 --> 0:20:17.560 journey's been about that, you know, and it's just been 0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:24.960 an absolute pleasure, but in a take in a painful way, 0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:29.880 an absolute pleasure, you know, to face these fears and 0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:31.840 to reveal who I truly am. 0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:35.800 The irony is listening. Feel free to jump in any time, Tift. 0:20:35.880 --> 0:20:39.440 The irony is for me. Tell me if I get 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:42.560 this wrong. But it's almost not about the boxing. The 0:20:42.600 --> 0:20:49.119 boxing's like a metaphor or the boxings like a pathway 0:20:49.200 --> 0:20:52.760 to the things that you're really doing. It's like you 0:20:53.119 --> 0:20:56.159 trying to figure out who you are through this process 0:20:56.680 --> 0:21:02.880 and your ability to understand your because it's really almost 0:21:02.920 --> 0:21:07.040 like a self awareness journey of your mind and your 0:21:07.040 --> 0:21:11.639 emotions and your behaviors and your morality and your values 0:21:11.760 --> 0:21:15.960 and your purpose, and you learn about yourself. You know, 0:21:15.960 --> 0:21:18.600 we always talk about learning through adversity, like you don't 0:21:18.720 --> 0:21:22.119 learn in comfort, like you not that every day has 0:21:22.160 --> 0:21:24.320 got to be twenty four hours of pain, of course, 0:21:24.359 --> 0:21:27.440 but you know, you don't build resilience eating fucking chip, 0:21:27.520 --> 0:21:30.199 sitting on the couch, you know you don't, like you 0:21:30.240 --> 0:21:35.160 don't you don't build resilience when everybody's doing everything for you. 0:21:35.880 --> 0:21:40.199 But that that tenacity and that you know that and 0:21:40.240 --> 0:21:43.800 it can be anything listeners, of course. But another thing 0:21:43.880 --> 0:21:47.280 that I this is going to sound really weird. I'm 0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:50.600 glad that you hated yourself about your daughter. You know why. 0:21:50.920 --> 0:21:53.960 That's a I don't want to hate yourself anymore, but 0:21:54.119 --> 0:21:57.960 because it shows me that you're not a sociopath, because 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:02.199 a sociopath wouldn't care. Yeah, the fact that you cared, 0:22:02.920 --> 0:22:06.040 Did you let her down? Yep? Were you a kid, yep? 0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:11.080 Were you addicted and somewhat fucking out of touch with reality? 0:22:11.160 --> 0:22:15.080 And were you out of yep yep? Doesn't make it okay. 0:22:15.240 --> 0:22:18.240 But it someone explains it, it doesn't excuse it. It's 0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:21.160 not a good thing. But that was the practical reality 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:24.200 of your life. But then as soon as you got 0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:26.640 in a space where you were better, you weren't that 0:22:26.680 --> 0:22:31.840 person doing those things. It's like everything's clear and you're like, 0:22:32.040 --> 0:22:34.760 so for me, the you know, turned down the self 0:22:35.040 --> 0:22:38.399