Speaker 1: Welcome to the Christy Cast. Let's see what the wheel
Speaker 1: is going to give us today, Christy casters, Aha, music
Speaker 1: makers heaven. Well, here is an Ozzy music makeup with
Speaker 1: a real story for you. We first got to know
Speaker 1: Kate Derouge in two thousand and five. One over two
Speaker 1: million of us tuned in to watch her win Australian Idol.
Speaker 1: Remember when everyone watched the same television shows? I miss
Speaker 1: those days. Almost immediately, Kate began to spiral into addiction,
Speaker 1: starting with recreational cocaine use and ending with a guilty
Speaker 1: plea for drug possession, drug driving, weapons offenses. But I
Speaker 1: just always liked her, and I knew that if we
Speaker 1: ever met, she would like me too. So I'm thrilled
Speaker 1: to welcome to the Christy Caster as straight talking and
Speaker 1: very pregnant Kate Derouge. I am so thrilled to meet you.
Speaker 2: I am quite pregnant, but I always knew i'd like
Speaker 2: you too.
Speaker 1: Do you know that sometimes you just know always had
Speaker 1: a vibe.
Speaker 2: Chrisy Swan, thank you for having me. I'm so excited
Speaker 2: to have a chat.
Speaker 1: I'm really excited to talk about your I hate the
Speaker 1: word journey, but if I'm going to use it about anybody.
Speaker 1: An Australian Idol contestants like to say adventure.
Speaker 2: We call it an adventure.
Speaker 1: That's what I call it too. Sometimes that's the only
Speaker 1: thing that gets me through the day, is my mantra
Speaker 1: of every day a new adventure and you've just got
Speaker 1: to steal yourself and keep going. Let's spin the wheel
Speaker 1: again to see what we're going to talk about. First. Oh,
Speaker 1: this is a first the story that lives rent free
Speaker 1: in your head, Kate Derouge, What is it?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I've heard this story a few times
Speaker 2: over the years in the news, but I heard one
Speaker 2: first hand recently. It was about a girl who had
Speaker 2: stomach cramps, went to the hospital and had a baby
Speaker 2: and never knew didn't know they were pregnant. And I cannot,
Speaker 2: for the life of me, makes sense. Like, I'm heavy
Speaker 2: pregnant at the moment, and I know I'm pregnant. There
Speaker 2: is some things going on inside of me that you
Speaker 2: can't deny them or not know that they're there, And
Speaker 2: I just don't understand how people do that. How do
Speaker 2: you not know that you're pregnant.
Speaker 1: I just think this is so interesting because that is
Speaker 1: also an element of life that I have never ever understood.
Speaker 1: I've done fine topics on radio about it. So I
Speaker 1: can tell you hit.
Speaker 2: Me because give me some information.
Speaker 1: I know someone personally. Her name is Amanda. Like I'm
Speaker 1: giving you receipts here, Kate Derush. She is a curtain maker.
Speaker 1: She's like my official curtain maker. If ever I needs
Speaker 1: a window covering, I call Amanda. Anyway, I called her
Speaker 1: because I needed a curtain about a year ago. I
Speaker 1: know her as having a thirteen year old and an
Speaker 1: eleven year old. End of she turns up with a baby. No,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't know you were pregnant. She goes,
Speaker 1: either did? I I said, what? So? Can you imagine
Speaker 1: how exciting it is when you have questions and there
Speaker 1: is someone in front of you that can answer them
Speaker 1: from a first hand I just don't know how, okay,
Speaker 1: So I just asked all the questions that you probably
Speaker 1: would love to I said, how did this happen? Because also,
Speaker 1: if you have already been pregnant, you know you know? Yeah?
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: This was her third pregnancy and she had no idea
Speaker 1: she had she was feeling sick. She went to the
Speaker 1: hospital and she wasn't showing anything. She thought, to be honest,
Speaker 1: when you get to a certain age, you think you're dying, right,
Speaker 1: You're like, this is it? I got three to six.
Speaker 1: So she put off going to the doctor, put off
Speaker 1: going to the hospital. Turned up at the hospital. She's like,
Speaker 1: I just feel really sick. I'm so sick. They scan, scan, scan,
Speaker 1: they find in her body and eight month, thirty four
Speaker 1: week baby.
Speaker 2: So I have some I've got some question, yeah about that?
Speaker 2: Like I've got a foot firmly planted in my blooder
Speaker 2: currently as we speak, yes, constantly. And I watched a
Speaker 2: foot drag across my stomach this morning.
Speaker 1: Yes, where does how? And even if you don't see it,
Speaker 1: I used to love watching my belly move. Was amazing.
Speaker 1: Even if you can't see it, you can feel that
Speaker 1: funny little motion. No, And it's because all bodies are different,
Speaker 1: and all babies are different, and you just don't know
Speaker 1: what you're going to get. So this woman had finished
Speaker 1: her family. They didn't have a single thing at home.
Speaker 1: They were not having a baby. She had three weeks,
Speaker 1: oh God, to remember and get her head right to
Speaker 1: welcome a brand new baby. I can't imagine it, I know,
Speaker 1: can I tell you the story that lisarete free in
Speaker 1: my head, please do And I think about it all
Speaker 1: the time. So I think it was about twenty years ago.
Speaker 1: I did know the date, but I've forgotten, you know,
Speaker 1: It's made way in the hard drive for other important
Speaker 1: things like how to make a lemon grass beef. A
Speaker 1: woman in America was seeing a guy. She was a
Speaker 1: NASA astronaut, okay, and so implied by that is that she's,
Speaker 1: you know, a functioning adult.
Speaker 2: She's a smart intelligendent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she got obsessed with this man and his new girlfriend.
Speaker 1: She drove through the night across America to confront this woman,
Speaker 1: and she was so hell bent. This is the element
Speaker 1: I can't stop thinking about. When she was finally intercepted,
Speaker 1: she was wearing an happy because she was so focused
Speaker 1: on getting She was so focused on.
Speaker 2: I'm just getting a real visual on that.
Speaker 1: Sorry. She's so focused on getting to where she had
Speaker 1: to go to do something diabolical, no doubt, But that's
Speaker 1: by the bike. It's nothing important. She had the presence
Speaker 1: of mind before she pulled out of her driveway to
Speaker 1: pop on a nappy. To pop on a nappy, because
Speaker 1: lord knows, you can't stop for the toilet, and I
Speaker 1: have never forgotten it. It pops into my head at
Speaker 1: least once a week.
Speaker 2: To say that, okay, love all right?
Speaker 1: Wow. I mean I get that too, because my brain
Speaker 1: is such that if I think of any diversion from
Speaker 1: the task at hand, I'm gone. That doesn't get done.
Speaker 1: Oh look, shiny thing. So I get it. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: why he lives in my head.
Speaker 2: That's a story. Good for you, dar is.
Speaker 1: That now you're going to think about Stuffy.
Speaker 2: That's with me forever. So so, lady in the thank you.
Speaker 1: I've got to write a note to send you links
Speaker 1: I've got to people that have had babies and didn't
Speaker 1: know please do. I love that we share that obsession.
Speaker 1: And also the link to the story about the woman
Speaker 1: driving cross country and.
Speaker 2: She's not wrong, I don't. She wasn't that silly.
Speaker 1: There's because it is annoying when you've got to stop
Speaker 1: to do it three times on the way here. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: and you've got a small child already, you've got to
Speaker 1: stop down all the time. I mean, the snack hunting
Speaker 1: and providing alone is a lot, it really is.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about addiction because it's a very
Speaker 1: It's a super fascinating topic, and you've been really open
Speaker 1: about it, which I think is excellent because the less
Speaker 1: shame there is about human being doing human being things,
Speaker 1: the better people that have not been on freeware television
Speaker 1: in the early two thousands.
Speaker 2: Was a time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean they couldn't they can't grasp I'm going
Speaker 1: to use the word catastrophic, the catastrophic effect that that
Speaker 1: has on a normal person anybody. I think, yes, And
Speaker 1: that happened to you, what was happening in your head
Speaker 1: and in your life that at that time you went,
Speaker 1: I need to escape over here.
Speaker 2: So escaping didn't start for me then in the idle world,
Speaker 2: I'd already been trying to escape who I was, what
Speaker 2: I was, what I felt, and why. You know what
Speaker 2: it's it's the million dollar question. And I often say,
Speaker 2: like on paper, as a child, I don't have anything
Speaker 2: in my history that suggests like I didn't grow up
Speaker 2: in an abusive home. Both of my parents are together,
Speaker 2: they're full of love, all that kind of stuff. But
Speaker 2: for whatever reason, and from a young age, I just
Speaker 2: always had this sense of like impending doom in my
Speaker 2: life and just fear and anxiety and this strange, knowing
Speaker 2: that I felt like I needed to be something different
Speaker 2: and something other than I was to be okay in
Speaker 2: the world. And I don't know where that came from.
Speaker 2: I've never been able to answer that question, but it's
Speaker 2: a feeling that has been with me.
Speaker 1: Do you think you were born with it? I mean, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the biggest lesson that I've had from having kids.
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of the stuff that we
Speaker 1: have and have to deal with is like in the software,
Speaker 1: in the hardware.
Speaker 2: I mean, for me, yes, I think addiction is a
Speaker 2: part of me. I think I was born with it.
Speaker 2: My brain is wired slightly different, and I just deal
Speaker 2: with life a bit differently to in normal everyday person.
Speaker 1: And I think, just listening to you now, the messages
Speaker 1: from society are really influential, and I'm thinking of little
Speaker 1: Kate going. I feel weird, I feel doom, I feel
Speaker 1: all of this stuff, but society is telling me that
Speaker 1: I shouldn't. I come from a great background, everything's good.
Speaker 1: The conclusion is that there's something wrong with me.
Speaker 2: Well, yes, yes, so there is that, Like there's no
Speaker 2: you know, that stereotypical thing that you think would happen
Speaker 2: to a small child or a kid growing up that
Speaker 2: would lead them down the past that I didn't. However,
Speaker 2: society also helped confirm all that messaging for me that
Speaker 2: I wasn't enough and that I wasn't good enough. And
Speaker 2: so along my journey of this beautiful word again, along
Speaker 2: my travels of growing up, there were lots of moments
Speaker 2: along the way that helped confirm that narrative for me,
Speaker 2: and it just embedded it, you know, into my life
Speaker 2: and into my core belief system, I guess if you
Speaker 2: want to call it that. So you know, growing up,
Speaker 2: I was bullied pretty hard at school. You know, I
Speaker 2: just wanted to be one of those popular girls. I'm
Speaker 2: sure you remember them. I've told this story a few times.
Speaker 2: The importance of three grade three birthday parties was pretty big,
Speaker 2: Like they were a big deal for grade three. And
Speaker 2: I always just thought if I invited these girls that
Speaker 2: I'd be cool because they'd be at my party. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they came in after res I'd handed them out my
Speaker 2: invitations and they just ripped them up and put them
Speaker 2: in the bin. So oh, like heart, die on the floor,
Speaker 2: open up, swallow me, take me away. Yes, And there
Speaker 2: was just lots of little moments like that along the way.
Speaker 2: I guess, you know, I remember the first time someone
Speaker 2: commented on my body. It's no secret that my body's
Speaker 2: been a fairly public discussion for many, many years now. Yeah, oh, I.
Speaker 1: Remember that too, and you just want to disappear. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just like, oh cu't this is awful.
Speaker 2: It's my body. And actually what I'm doing has nothing
Speaker 2: to do with the size of my ass in a
Speaker 2: pair of jeans.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's my quiet.
Speaker 2: Actually, it's got nothing to do with that. I'm a singer,
Speaker 2: I'm not a model.
Speaker 1: It's got nothing to do with it, zero. And it's
Speaker 1: got nothing to do with who I am inside. It
Speaker 1: always felt like that, but.
Speaker 2: Especially I guess in those early two thousands on that
Speaker 2: you know, public level like heroin Chic was the vibe. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that was what we as a society considered to be beautiful. Yes,
Speaker 2: and so that's what I believed that I needed to
Speaker 2: be to be loved and acceptable. And I stepped into
Speaker 2: a world where that was, you know, hammered down on
Speaker 2: me a lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Tell us about how your reliance on getting your good
Speaker 1: feelings from an outside source spiraled out of control in a.
Speaker 2: Food was actually the first thing that soothed me as
Speaker 2: a young girl, and that I guess as I got
Speaker 2: at the age of five, I was already doing that.
Speaker 2: You know, I was eating food in secret. I was
Speaker 2: doing it in a weird, shameful, strange way, but it
Speaker 2: was my way of regulating, I guess. And it grew
Speaker 2: and it grew, you know, it then turned into relationships
Speaker 2: and boys and money and spending and buying and all
Speaker 2: of these things that I guess aren't life threatening and
Speaker 2: earth shattering, so no one really notices them as they grow.
Speaker 2: And with those behaviors, my morals and values started to
Speaker 2: go a little bit skew if and then I met drugs.
Speaker 2: When I met drugs when I was nineteen, straight out
Speaker 2: of idle, and they became my solution real quick. And
Speaker 2: that why because they gave me all the things initially,
Speaker 2: which is the problem with drugs, right like I should
Speaker 2: I'm not going I'm not saying go out and do drugs,
Speaker 2: but you know, people don't do them because they feel
Speaker 2: like shit to start with. You know, they don't want
Speaker 2: no one's doing them because they're not giving somebody a
Speaker 2: good time. So they took my inhibitions away they took
Speaker 2: my insecurities away, they took my appetite away, which was
Speaker 2: a big one. Yeah, and then they I guess they
Speaker 2: made me feel cool and acceptable and popular and people
Speaker 2: wanted to be.
Speaker 1: It makes so much sense.
Speaker 2: It gave me all of the things that I've been
Speaker 2: searching for my whole, big, large nineteen years of living. Yeah,
Speaker 2: was there in one moment and it just solved all
Speaker 2: my issues until it didn't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, were you open about it or was that also
Speaker 1: a secret? Is everything that well, I'm eating everything a secret?
Speaker 2: Initially within the people that I was doing it with,
Speaker 2: it was, you know, you would have seen it over
Speaker 2: the years. That can be a lone of cocaine is like, here,
Speaker 2: have a beer, you have a line of cocaine. You
Speaker 2: know what I mean. In that time, it was such
Speaker 2: an acceptable thing. I didn't run home and tell my
Speaker 2: parents I'd just done cocaine, as yes, what I did? Hey, mom,
Speaker 2: found the answer solution, sus No, I didn't do that.
Speaker 2: But you know, within the people, I felt really cool
Speaker 2: and people wanted to be with me. And I guess
Speaker 2: I was in a position where I had a lot
Speaker 2: of money at the time, really quickly, and I was
Speaker 2: able to supply a lot of people with a lot
Speaker 2: of big nights out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've got a very addictive personality. Everything you've said
Speaker 1: resonates with me.
Speaker 2: But I'd get addicted to that window if I thought
Speaker 2: it'd give something to me.
Speaker 1: Correct And you know, I think I'm addicted to work.
Speaker 1: I think you know, I can't do anything like a
Speaker 1: normal person. I can't. If there's a pen I like,
Speaker 1: I need thirty of them. If his do you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? If I see a plate on sale
Speaker 1: and I like it and I think it's going to
Speaker 1: make my life better and it's the answer to everything,
Speaker 1: I will search for forty So I get that. I
Speaker 1: know you do, and I understand everything you're saying. By
Speaker 1: the grace of God, I have never touched drugs, and
Speaker 1: I think it's because I know that the minute I
Speaker 1: have it, my path is the same as yours, and
Speaker 1: I can't.
Speaker 2: We can't do it. Grateful for you to know that,
Speaker 2: having that knowing.
Speaker 1: Is it is a miracle to me. I know so.
Speaker 1: And cocaine is kind of cool.
Speaker 2: Sounds cool bit a cocaine and some champagne. Though, like
Speaker 2: I said, yeah, it's you know, it's a again I
Speaker 2: don't want to glorify it, but it's a it's a vibe.
Speaker 1: It sounds exciting, absolutely, and every time I hear, you know,
Speaker 1: people going, oh, you know, I just did a few
Speaker 1: lines of cocal whatever. I've had parties where people have
Speaker 1: done coke in my bathroom and by default, I'm like, wow,
Speaker 1: this is cocaine in my house. Do you know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like, I still think it's kind of the
Speaker 1: benchmark of cool because it's expensive and blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: And you know, I've seen seventies movies where everyone's doing cocaine,
Speaker 1: So cocaine is cool. Yeah, there are some drugs that
Speaker 1: are not cool. No, yes, yes, how did that happen? So?
Speaker 2: Look, addiction is a progression. It's a progressive disease, and
Speaker 2: I do consider it to be a disease, and you know,
Speaker 2: there is no known cure, but it can be arrested
Speaker 2: and managed. And it was just the progression of the
Speaker 2: disease for me, you know, I would start with people
Speaker 2: that would use and look, from the first time, I
Speaker 2: didn't never understood people who could have two lines, go home,
Speaker 2: go to bed, get up, and go that. I still
Speaker 2: don't comprehend that people go, oh, yeah, I brought a
Speaker 2: bag and it lasted me four months. I was like, pardon, what,
Speaker 2: absolutely no sense to me, but I yeah, I guess
Speaker 2: it's it's a progressive disease. And as you know, the
Speaker 2: drugs stopped working, I would have heard, you know, the
Speaker 2: saying of chasing, chasing, and that became my life for
Speaker 2: my existence, and I had to chase new people to
Speaker 2: use with. That made me feel less shameful about the
Speaker 2: way I was behaving until I outgrew them, Until I
Speaker 2: outgrew them, and then I outgrew those set of drugs,
Speaker 2: and I'd move on to the next set of drugs,
Speaker 2: and the cycle would continue and continue, and by the
Speaker 2: time that I realized that I was in trouble, it
Speaker 2: was too It was that like the ship had sailed.
Speaker 2: It was it was too late. I was addicted, like
Speaker 2: on a physical, fundamental, emotional, on all the levels.
Speaker 1: And it's interesting there when you said, as your addiction progressed,
Speaker 1: you had to change your life to suit the next drug. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And as you went down the line in terms of
Speaker 1: I guess, cost and availability, the people that you had
Speaker 1: to have in your life to facilitate that were probably
Speaker 1: not your people.
Speaker 2: No, they're not the people that you would imagine, you know,
Speaker 2: that young girl from Australian idol with the blonde hair
Speaker 2: and the blue eyes and the world at defeat. She
Speaker 2: wasn't meant to be there. But the interesting thing to me,
Speaker 2: and look, there's exceptions to all rules. And I believe
Speaker 2: some people though maybe just born a bit shit and
Speaker 2: a bit bad. And I don't like to say that,
Speaker 2: but majority of people I met on that journey were
Speaker 2: just people like me who were hurting, running from something
Speaker 2: in pain. Yeah, you know what I mean. They were
Speaker 2: just I was just looking back at myself. But it
Speaker 2: was never spoken about because you're just on this mission
Speaker 2: to escape.
Speaker 1: You how sometimes when you're alone, and you particularly when
Speaker 1: you're because you're clear of addiction for six seven years,
Speaker 1: coming upside that, yeah, well done, far out? Do you
Speaker 1: get like thought bubbles in your head and you go,
Speaker 1: oh god, ware did they come from? And oh my god?
Speaker 1: I did that? Is there a situation that you were
Speaker 1: in that blows your mind that it had come to that?
Speaker 2: Well, that's I've never been asked it like that before. Yes,
Speaker 2: like that's there was a three year I was addicted
Speaker 2: to drugs. I was in active drug addiction, if I'm
Speaker 2: going to say about fourteen years, but the last three
Speaker 2: to four years were probably the most traumatic and the
Speaker 2: most impactful for my long term you know life. Yes,
Speaker 2: And I guess those last three four years, i'd become
Speaker 2: a monster. You know, I'm not proud to say that,
Speaker 2: but that's the reality of where addiction can take a
Speaker 2: person like I. I would steal from and I did
Speaker 2: you know, I'd steal from your grandma, I'd steal from
Speaker 2: anybody on the street. I crime was a part of
Speaker 2: my life. You know, my body became a weapon. You know,
Speaker 2: nothing was off limit.
Speaker 1: Extraordinary, Kate, isn't it?
Speaker 2: It's wild? And it's like this person sitting in this
Speaker 2: body right now, I could not steal a Fredo frog
Speaker 2: from the Servo, couldn't. Like, I just couldn't even fathom that.
Speaker 1: It becomes who you are. Actually, it's your most defining feature,
Speaker 1: is the addiction.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it's just nothing else mattered and the pain.
Speaker 2: And I guess it's really hard to explain this. And
Speaker 2: there's always some people that go, well, that's just disgusting
Speaker 2: on whatever, And to those people, fair enough for thinking
Speaker 2: that way. But you know, in that moment, the pain
Speaker 2: and the shame and the fear of not using or
Speaker 2: getting another fix is way more painful than the idea
Speaker 2: of stopping, the idea of keep going. Yeah, what I mean.
Speaker 1: So it.
Speaker 2: Just wasn't an option at that point.
Speaker 1: It's your focus.
Speaker 2: It's my life, like my disease is often running before
Speaker 2: my eyes are open, you know what I mean, And
Speaker 2: I would go to bed, maybe not in the end,
Speaker 2: because I leaned into the idea that this is my life,
Speaker 2: this is who I was going to be, and I'm
Speaker 2: going to die, you know, going to die an addict,
Speaker 2: and that was going to be the end of me.
Speaker 2: But for many years I would swear to God on
Speaker 2: everything that was important to me and meant it with
Speaker 2: every fiber of my being that tomorrow would be different. Yes,
Speaker 2: And before my feet hit the floor, before my eyes
Speaker 2: were open, I was gone.
Speaker 1: So what happened to change it?
Speaker 2: There's lots of things that most people would assume that
Speaker 2: would have been enough, you know, headlines, riding off cars,
Speaker 2: losing homes, jobs, all of that really dramatic outward stuff
Speaker 2: that would have been like, that's probably enough for you
Speaker 2: to pull up cake.
Speaker 1: It just feels like a wake up court.
Speaker 2: You should probably have a look at that.
Speaker 1: It wasn't to it.
Speaker 2: It was a really it was a really private personal moment.
Speaker 2: I was on my bathroom floor. I was in a
Speaker 2: really abusive, violent relationship at the time. Couldn't use the
Speaker 2: drugs that I wanted to use the way that I
Speaker 2: wanted to use them.
Speaker 1: And I just caught myself in the mirror, and what
Speaker 1: do you mean you couldn't use the drugs in the
Speaker 1: way that you wanted to use them.
Speaker 2: I don't want to glorify drug use, so I won't.
Speaker 2: I won't use it like I just the way that
Speaker 2: I used drugs by that point, you know, was I
Speaker 2: used intravenously. That's the sorts of it. So I couldn't.
Speaker 2: My body was letting me down in that way, and
Speaker 2: I couldn't do it. Yeah, it just wouldn't. My body
Speaker 2: wouldn't work. So I yeah, I saw myself in the
Speaker 2: mirror and I just didn't know who it was.
Speaker 1: So at that point, did you go, what happens? Where
Speaker 1: do I go next? Well?
Speaker 2: I knew where to go next because I had done
Speaker 2: many many rehabs over the fourteen years, so I knew
Speaker 2: where I had to go. But for the first time
Speaker 2: in my fourteen years, I knew I had to go
Speaker 2: for me, And it was the first time I'd ever
Speaker 2: reached out and made the call. Every other time someone
Speaker 2: had dragged me there, I'd go on to save a
Speaker 2: relationship because I wanted to make my mum feel better,
Speaker 2: or whenever it was. Was the first time I went, Kate,
Speaker 2: if you don't change, like soon, you're going to die.
Speaker 1: I have heard that I've got some friends that are
Speaker 1: dealing with addiction themselves, and I have friends who have
Speaker 1: children who are dealing with addiction, and they have all said,
Speaker 1: particularly the parents of kids that are dealing with addiction,
Speaker 1: my heart.
Speaker 2: Goes out to any member loved one, excuse me, that
Speaker 2: is dealing with somebody they loving addiction. Watching what it
Speaker 2: did to my family is out of all the shit
Speaker 2: things I did. Yeah, that's the hardest thing I've had
Speaker 2: to come back from. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And the hardest thing I think is to watch somebody
Speaker 1: that you love and that in every cell of your
Speaker 1: being you you feel responsible for, You're deeply dedicated to
Speaker 1: the comfort of that person, and then the juxtaposition against
Speaker 1: a person with an addiction cannot change it until they
Speaker 1: have that moment that you experienced in the mina are
Speaker 1: where you do it for yourself. It's the only way.
Speaker 1: And sometimes that never comes.
Speaker 2: And I hate saying that, and I get a lot
Speaker 2: of people reaching out to me on social media and
Speaker 2: all different platforms and mainly families saying, Kate, how do
Speaker 2: I fix this? And I hate writing it. I hate
Speaker 2: sending it back, going oh, it pains me to hear
Speaker 2: that you're in this, but you can't. You can't, you
Speaker 2: cannot fix it. The only person that can fix it
Speaker 2: is that person what you can do.
Speaker 1: And you hope that they can stay alive until that
Speaker 1: moment arrives.
Speaker 2: And that's spot on, Chrissy, and you just pray that
Speaker 2: they keep their feet on the floor and that moment
Speaker 2: comes for them in time. But the only thing, and
Speaker 2: is what I tell everybody, The only thing you can
Speaker 2: do is go out and get as educated as you
Speaker 2: can and get as much support as you can for
Speaker 2: you so if that and when that moment comes, that
Speaker 2: you can be the best version of yourself and know
Speaker 2: how to manage that time when it comes around. Because
Speaker 2: most people love and enabling look very very similar. Yeah,
Speaker 2: in fact, they're the same thing. And my parents enabled
Speaker 2: me for many, many, many years, and they in what way, Well,
Speaker 2: they loved me, right, so they just wanted me to
Speaker 2: be okay. So I would get in shit, I'd owe money,
Speaker 2: or I'd be in the middle of nowhere with no nothing,
Speaker 2: or you know, whatever it would be, and I'd call
Speaker 2: them hysterical or.
Speaker 1: Whatever i'd call How important was it that you could
Speaker 1: do that?
Speaker 2: Well, it was important. Yes, it was important for me
Speaker 2: to know that they would always be there, But it
Speaker 2: wasn't important for them to rescue me when I didn't
Speaker 2: really need to be rescued, because calling to say can
Speaker 2: you pay my drug debt? Is not something I really needed.
Speaker 2: But calling and saying, Mum, I need to go to
Speaker 2: rehab and knowing that they loved me and that when
Speaker 2: I was ready they were there to give me the
Speaker 2: right kind of support was important.
Speaker 1: But what would have happened if you'd called and said, Mum,
Speaker 1: can you pay my drug debt? And she said, no,
Speaker 1: that's not the support I'm going to give you.
Speaker 2: That's hard to hear, yes, and she it took her
Speaker 2: a long time to be able to do that, but
Speaker 2: she did in the end, And I guess that was
Speaker 2: the catalyst for the wheels to start to turn a
Speaker 2: little bit differently because I knew that, you know, there
Speaker 2: wasn't somebody out there to rescue me. So yeah, it's hard,
Speaker 2: and I'm not saying it's easy. And there's lots of
Speaker 2: places and I'm happy to put the links in the
Speaker 2: bio or whatever it is about that. You know, there's
Speaker 2: lots of places that you can go to get your
Speaker 2: own support as a loved one. Yes, to make sure
Speaker 2: that you can love the addict the way that they
Speaker 2: need to be loved, not the way that they think
Speaker 2: they need to be loved.
Speaker 1: Yes, yep, you have a podcast that talks about all
Speaker 1: of this stuff and more. Let's give that a plug.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got a look. I shared my story on
Speaker 2: a podcast last year, which was really beautiful and really
Speaker 2: important to me to get a little bit of my
Speaker 2: power back and the respect.
Speaker 1: And also, shame is the shadow. It's a killer where
Speaker 1: everything bad grows. So the more you talk about it,
Speaker 1: the less shame there is.
Speaker 2: Absolutely And look, you know, I made a fairly big
Speaker 2: public mess of myself and my name's still pretty muddy
Speaker 2: in a lot of areas, and that's a part of
Speaker 2: my healing and amends to the world and know I've
Speaker 2: got to fix that one brick at a time. But yeah, look,
Speaker 2: so I shared my story. It was amazing and just
Speaker 2: the people that suggest said that they felt really seen
Speaker 2: and heard, really meant a lot to me.
Speaker 1: Correct.
Speaker 2: So we came back for a season two and we
Speaker 2: just talked to people that have been through any kind
Speaker 2: of adversity whatever that is. Everybody's hard is their hard, yes,
Speaker 2: and I've taken the brave step to change, Yeah, and
Speaker 2: how they found a better way to live.
Speaker 1: How do we find your podcast if we want to
Speaker 1: add it to our playlist?
Speaker 2: We're on Spotify and Apple podcasts and you can find
Speaker 2: me on all the major and it is called why
Speaker 2: Do I Feel This Way?
Speaker 1: Why Do I Feel this Way?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I want to move on to another topic. Okay, I've
Speaker 1: always said that you are John Farnham. You are the
Speaker 1: female John Farnham. You look like him when you see
Speaker 1: your mannerisms are the same. You have that same belting voice.
Speaker 1: Am I crazy for thinking this?
Speaker 2: This is the biggest compliment anyone has ever given me
Speaker 2: my life?
Speaker 1: Can you see it? I? You know what?
Speaker 2: My dad would be so happy to hear you so that.
Speaker 2: He's been trying to tell me that for years. And
Speaker 2: I don't think anybody's like John Farnam, but if I
Speaker 2: could be like one person in this world, I think
Speaker 2: he is one of, if not the best male singer
Speaker 2: on this planet. And I'm honored to even be put
Speaker 2: in the same lane as that.
Speaker 1: But can you see it? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I want to say, maybe our mannerisms maybe are down
Speaker 2: to earth Ossie, just like you know, say it like
Speaker 2: it is attitude. Yes, I guess I can maybe see that.
Speaker 2: What is your favorite John Farnham saying, I'm not gonna lie,
Speaker 2: how to John Farnum party on the I've heard the.
Speaker 1: Song the best kind of Party.
Speaker 2: It was a good party, and I hadn't listened for
Speaker 2: a while. I was like, yes, there's just so many bangers,
Speaker 2: I know, one after the other. I love them all,
Speaker 2: and look there's the main ones. But my favorite one
Speaker 2: is probably That's Freedom. That's Freedom.
Speaker 1: That's a song of the heart, Risten the Wind, Laddin
Speaker 1: the Dark. Yeah, what a song? Really?
Speaker 2: I played that on repeat for a couple of minutes
Speaker 2: there this morning. But I actually love a song of
Speaker 2: his called simple Life.
Speaker 1: I love simple and I I.
Speaker 2: Used to sit in my not so happy, sad days
Speaker 2: and just listen to that song on repeat. And you know,
Speaker 2: and I listened to it now in a different way
Speaker 2: because I did. I found all my way back. So
Speaker 2: I used to listen to the lyrics to that song.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna write that down and add it to my
Speaker 1: playlist because that is a wonderful song and I'd forgotten it.
Speaker 2: Just one of his beautiful, simple songs. But the lyrics
Speaker 2: in it are stunning.
Speaker 4: Why does everything he say? I believe everything he's the lyrics.
Speaker 4: He's just the most incredible human. And I was lucky
Speaker 4: enough to cross paths with Vannetta Fields.
Speaker 2: I don't know if.
Speaker 1: Of course I know Vanetta Field.
Speaker 2: So she has she's like my other mother.
Speaker 1: Well, anybody listening, if you've ever seen John fann And
Speaker 1: perform live in the eighties and nineties, the backup singers
Speaker 1: were Vanetta Fields and Lisa Edwards and Lindsay Field and Vanetta.
Speaker 1: I saw Lindsay last week getting a key cut at
Speaker 1: the same place I was. He's such a gentleman and
Speaker 1: I was so starstruck. I didn't even incodowledge him. He's
Speaker 1: the beautiful bless his heart.
Speaker 2: He's still got that same bun too.
Speaker 1: Looks like time has stood still.
Speaker 2: Nothing has changed. So Vanetta was a big part of
Speaker 2: my life. And you know she now lives around the
Speaker 2: corner for me, and you know I look after her
Speaker 2: and we hang out and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: So magic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I I just got carried away with Lindsay Field.
Speaker 2: Then I've lost my child. John is my idol as
Speaker 2: far as music, and I always has.
Speaker 1: Been my favorite John Farnham song. Not that you ask,
Speaker 1: but I want to share. I want to know is one.
Speaker 2: One is the low oh back all the way back there?
Speaker 1: Yes, two could bees Butter's one. It's the loneliest number
Speaker 1: since the number one. Yes, I just love it.
Speaker 2: There's not a John Farnham song that I don't love,
Speaker 2: even the Human Nature one. I was getting down to
Speaker 2: that this morning.
Speaker 1: Yes, And do you remember chain Reaction that came out?
Speaker 1: And that was a different.
Speaker 2: React like his country vibe.
Speaker 1: It was a different vibe. And I think that Dave
Speaker 1: Stewart from your Rhythmics is behind that.
Speaker 2: Do I believe that?
Speaker 1: I think so pressure all of them, pressure down, pressure down,
Speaker 1: burn Oh.
Speaker 2: Lift it Up by Angel hair, it else. No one
Speaker 2: of this I know, and I'm really sad about that.
Speaker 1: We need to facilitate.
Speaker 2: I need to meet him somewhere in my life. It's
Speaker 2: a bucket list for me.
Speaker 1: Is well, meeting you was on my bucket list. And
Speaker 1: I'm so thrilled that you that you came and that
Speaker 1: we got to chat. And I want to say good
Speaker 1: luck for your second baby. Oh thank you coming any
Speaker 1: minute soon. And I want to ask you, how are
Speaker 1: you going with the pregnancy. Well, you want.
Speaker 2: Me to be honest, yes, sometimes I feel like this
Speaker 2: is are pregnancy that I'm grateful and I'm beautiful, and
Speaker 2: look I am, and I'm very grateful that pregnancy both
Speaker 2: times has not been And I know there's a lot
Speaker 2: of mumas out there that struggle with you know, infertility
Speaker 2: and trying to get pregnant. So I don't want to
Speaker 2: take that away from anyone. But I've struggled this time.
Speaker 2: Have you struggled with my body? I've struggled with my
Speaker 2: mental health a little bit, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: And second baby is a different beast than the first one,
Speaker 1: because you'll and let me two having three the third
Speaker 1: is you know, another level that.
Speaker 3: I won't be there to find that one because you're
Speaker 3: you're already stacked emotionally and physically with things, and to
Speaker 3: be physically out of the game is harder.
Speaker 2: It is, it's a different it's a different kettle of fish.
Speaker 2: And I really battled with myself in the beginning because
Speaker 2: I felt this push to be like, I'm a bit
Speaker 2: of an emotional gangster. You've done all this work, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm untouchable, and I really was like, I can't tell
Speaker 2: anyone that this is I'm struggling. This is hard, And
Speaker 2: then I went, no, that's that's not fair, because it's
Speaker 2: actually okay to not be okay. And I think it's
Speaker 2: really normal to feel a bit defeated in the second round.
Speaker 1: So that's where I am.
Speaker 2: You know, I've done all the steps that I've learned
Speaker 2: along the way to take care of my mental health,
Speaker 2: which I'm really grateful for that. I know those things.
Speaker 1: What's a mantra that works for you? And that's what
Speaker 1: will end on. We've talked about every day a new adventure.
Speaker 1: You know, at the moment, I'm a bit just do
Speaker 1: the next best thing, the next thing. So my kind
Speaker 1: of mindset is very dynamic and every day is different
Speaker 1: and I go with that. What is yours?
Speaker 2: What's the best lesson I've learned in the last seven
Speaker 2: years of my life is that nothing is permanent. Yeah, nothing, nothing,
Speaker 2: the good, the bad, all the places in between. Everything
Speaker 2: moves and shifts, and whatever I'm in right now, no
Speaker 2: matter how hard it feels, it'll move, yeah, and it'll
Speaker 2: change and the next thing will come along. And that
Speaker 2: has got me through some really tough times and that's
Speaker 2: just how I live. I'm uncomfortable this feeling. Feeling has
Speaker 2: never killed me. I thought a few would, but a
Speaker 2: feeling is never has never ended me. And I just
Speaker 2: know that they all move and past and that I
Speaker 2: will be okay at some stage.
Speaker 1: Surrender is an important thing to learn and acceptance. Thank you, Kate,
Speaker 1: Thank you the best.