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Speaker 1: Apode Production. Welcome to the She Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy

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Speaker 1: and I'm Tiana.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is.

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Speaker 3: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,

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Speaker 3: and most authentic version of yourself.

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Speaker 1: We'd help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone

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Speaker 1: else is too afraid to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level of self Hi.

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Speaker 1: Welcome that She Rises is Ashley and Tiana.

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Speaker 3: Today's episode is all about healing the mean girl in

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Speaker 3: your head.

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Speaker 1: We're talking about the inner critic, that little voice that

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Speaker 1: says you're not good enough, you can't do that, you're dumb,

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Speaker 1: you're fat, you're ugly, all the things that pops in

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Speaker 1: when you're doubting yourself, when you're facing a new challenge,

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Speaker 1: when you're entering a new chapter, when you're leaving a relationship,

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Speaker 1: when all the hard stuff happens, that inner critic wants

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Speaker 1: to come in and try and sabotage you. So you're

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Speaker 1: gonna debunk her today.

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Speaker 3: We are, and we're also going to share with you

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Speaker 3: some reparenting practices and things like that that we use

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Speaker 3: in the way that we kind of heal our inner,

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Speaker 3: mean girl, and how you can.

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Speaker 2: To But first share of the week, I go first,

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Speaker 2: What have you got?

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Speaker 1: All right? This is from a page that I've recently

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Speaker 1: started following. His name is Chris Duncan's. This is a

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Speaker 1: post he did. I just loved it. He said, I

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Speaker 1: love self aware people like Yes, Please tell me about

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Speaker 1: the patterns you've outgrown and the mistakes you'll never repeat.

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Speaker 1: Tell me about the painful lessons that took you years

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Speaker 1: to learn, about the parts of you that show up

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Speaker 1: when you're afraid, and the little quirks no one else

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Speaker 1: knows about. I don't care how perfect you look on paper.

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Speaker 1: I care how honest you are with yourself when no

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Speaker 1: one's watching. That's the kind of soul I'll sit with

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Speaker 1: for hours. That's the kind of heart that I trust. Wow,

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Speaker 1: can you please send that to me? Yeah? Isn't it incredible?

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Speaker 2: It's like Wow, so single word hit so deep.

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Speaker 1: I know, I loved it.

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Speaker 2: It's so true.

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Speaker 3: Something about somebody who can take responsibility, who can be

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Speaker 3: honest with themselves, isn't scared to be vulnerable, is so

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Speaker 3: safe And.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like, I know we talk about it

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Speaker 1: a lot, So sorry for repeating ourselves, but within our friendship,

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Speaker 1: it's been so healing for us to talk about our flaws,

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Speaker 1: our sides of ourselves that society has deemed as wrong

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Speaker 1: or mean or too much or anything like that. The

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Speaker 1: fact that we can bring that forward in our friendship

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Speaker 1: and be like, oh my gosh, me too. I used

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Speaker 1: to be like that as well. It's been so healing.

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Speaker 1: And we want all of you to be able to

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Speaker 1: bring everything forward and know that you're you're no less

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Speaker 1: of because you have those traits. We all have all

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Speaker 1: those traits. We all have every part of it. The passive, aggressive,

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Speaker 1: the bitchy, the brady, the loud, the opinionated, the wanting

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Speaker 1: to have a tantrum.

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Speaker 2: The selfish at the jealousy.

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Speaker 1: All of us have all of it. You can sit

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Speaker 1: on your high horse and say that you're not any

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Speaker 1: of that, but you do.

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Speaker 2: We are everything.

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Speaker 1: The more you suppress it, the more it's going to

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Speaker 1: come out in unhealthy ways. So it's just been really

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Speaker 1: healing for me. Reading that. I'm like, yeah, that's the

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Speaker 1: kind of people I want to hang with. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to hang with people that pretend they're perfect and

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Speaker 1: they've got no childhood trauma and they haven't had to

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Speaker 1: work on anything and nothing bothers them. Yeah, like, no,

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Speaker 1: show me the real you take that fucking mask off.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to see that mask. I want to

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Speaker 1: see you raw, vulnerable, open. Give it to me because

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Speaker 1: I can hold it. And I love you for it,

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Speaker 1: you know, even more for it, even more.

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Speaker 2: Because you can't love them when they're not being authentic?

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Speaker 1: No, because who are they?

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Speaker 2: Yeah it's hard, Robot, Yeah it's true.

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Speaker 1: What's your share of the week?

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Speaker 3: My share of the week is just something that I

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Speaker 3: saw on Instagram. It's a bit of a quote and

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Speaker 3: I just thought it was really cool. Yeah it says,

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Speaker 3: But girl, how silly of you to forget. What a

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Speaker 3: gift it is to feel discomfort as a sign of

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Speaker 3: growth on the path of your own choosing. What a

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Speaker 3: bold move it is to trust yourself when doubt is loud.

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Speaker 3: What a breakthrough it is to finally see fear as

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Speaker 3: a signal, not as a stop sign. And what a

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Speaker 3: beautiful rebellion it is to choose rest in a world

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Speaker 3: that glorifies exhaustion. Sometimes it's just the little thing that

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Speaker 3: you need to just push you over the edge, or

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Speaker 3: to just remind you of how you feel is valid,

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Speaker 3: that if you're feeling fear, it's okay. That if you

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Speaker 3: feel resistance, you don't need to stop. You can keep going.

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Speaker 3: And sometimes you just need a little bit of words

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Speaker 3: of encouragement to help get you there. And especially if

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Speaker 3: you can't and haven't yet been able to cultivate that

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Speaker 3: for yourself where you can coach yourself, sometimes all you

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Speaker 3: need is a quote and you're.

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Speaker 2: Like, oh, I'm good for the day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not going to die.

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Speaker 2: I'm okay, And that's the best.

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Speaker 3: And that's all about what we're going to be talking

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Speaker 3: about today as well, is healing the mean girl in

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Speaker 3: your head?

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Speaker 1: Yes, So what do we mean by a mean girl?

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Speaker 1: We all have her. She's that little voice inside your head,

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Speaker 1: like I said at the start, that creeps on in

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Speaker 1: whenever you're facing something new, challenging, disheartening, and she comes

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Speaker 1: in and she just tells you that you can't do it,

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Speaker 1: that you're not enough worthy of it. Even at things

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Speaker 1: other people have said, that mean girl will come in

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Speaker 1: and say, oh, but remember they said this, that's true,

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Speaker 1: and it will keep you in fear, and it will

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Speaker 1: keep you held back and keep you in a safe zone.

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Speaker 1: But I promise you, if you stay in that safe zone,

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Speaker 1: you listen to that mean girl in a critic, you

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Speaker 1: will never progress forward. You will never live a life

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Speaker 1: that feels fully aligned, fully alive, fully authentically you. You will

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Speaker 1: feel dead inside. You need to be progressing forward. And

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Speaker 1: I think the more that you not ignore the mean girl,

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Speaker 1: because she's always going to be there, and sometimes she's

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Speaker 1: there to try to protect you as well, get confusing

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Speaker 1: sometimes with your intuition and the mean girl. But the

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Speaker 1: more you go hang on a second that's not true,

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Speaker 1: and push through and have evidence of taking chances okay,

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Speaker 1: and taking risks and being brave and trying new things

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Speaker 1: and pushing yourself. The more evidence you get of that,

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Speaker 1: more confidence you get within yourself and to trust your

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Speaker 1: own intuition and push past your boundaries and show yourself

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Speaker 1: what you're capable of. But she does pop in, especially

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Speaker 1: when times are hard, and you.

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Speaker 3: Know what's interesting is that sometimes we're not even aware

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Speaker 3: that she's there. No, I want you to pay attention

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Speaker 3: right now to the voice, your internal dialogue, right now,

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Speaker 3: your internal dialogue that is saying and listening to the

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Speaker 3: words that I'm saying but in your own head, in

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Speaker 3: your own voice. Right, it's listening and paying attention to

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Speaker 3: that voice that in a chatter that is there twenty

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Speaker 3: four to seven.

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Speaker 2: You never get a break from it.

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Speaker 3: She never stops, She never stops, and she's so persistent.

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Speaker 3: And when you aren't aware of the tone, the language,

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Speaker 3: the way in which you speak to yourself, we become

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Speaker 3: unaware of the person we spend the most time with,

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Speaker 3: which is ourselves, you know. And it really like where

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Speaker 3: does it stem from? Like not even just a mean girl,

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Speaker 3: but the internal dialogue is an accumulation of your conditioning

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Speaker 3: and the way that you were raised. Right, whatever you

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Speaker 3: were exposed to growing up, your mom, your dad, a

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Speaker 3: parental figure, the way that they then spoke to you

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Speaker 3: becomes your internal.

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Speaker 1: Dialogue quescition in that first seven or eight years, that's.

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Speaker 3: Right, you're like on the imprint stage when you're the

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Speaker 3: most absorbing all of that energy and you're like a sponge.

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Speaker 3: You are taking on every single thing that you learn

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Speaker 3: and hear and the things that people say to you. So, yes,

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Speaker 3: we curate this in a mean girl, but it also

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Speaker 3: our internal dialogue becomes the mean girl because we are

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Speaker 3: taking on other people's projections and nasty things and comments.

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Speaker 3: But we then learn how to talk to ourselves in

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Speaker 3: that way because we shape our internal dialogue as all

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Speaker 3: of these voices that weren't originally ours. And I think

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Speaker 3: that's the biggest part of this is actually having to

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Speaker 3: unlearn all of that.

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Speaker 1: That's hard. It is hard because I bet a lot

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Speaker 1: of you might be listening and saying, well, that's all

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Speaker 1: great and well, but I've still got this inner critic

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Speaker 1: who takes over, who grabs the steering wheel and is

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Speaker 1: the driver of my life. How do I quieten her

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Speaker 1: or how do I just move it to the side

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Speaker 1: and take control. Love affirmations don't get me wrong, for

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Speaker 1: me personally anyway, sitting in front of a mirror and

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Speaker 1: telling myself all these positive affirmations just doesn't quite work

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Speaker 1: for me. I think there's this like bridging phase that

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Speaker 1: you go through. It's like you've got that inner critic

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Speaker 1: saying you're fat, you're ugly, you're dumb, you can't do anything.

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Speaker 1: You can't just switch to be like, you're amazing, you're beautiful,

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Speaker 1: I fucking love you, you can do anything in the world.

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Speaker 1: Is a believer.

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Speaker 2: It's like you're lying to yourself.

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Speaker 1: It does feel like you're lying to yourself. So the

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Speaker 1: way I kind of worked through this was like just

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Speaker 1: trying to find a neutral middle. So it's like, when

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Speaker 1: I hear those things, I'm like, OK, take some big breaths,

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Speaker 1: just get calm and quite like I can hear them.

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Speaker 1: They're not true. I'm not going to lean into that.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be neutral about it. And the more

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Speaker 1: that I can calm and soften my breath and my

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Speaker 1: body and connect back to myself, it didn't take over.

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Speaker 1: And I found going through that process I could then

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Speaker 1: lean more onto creating new stories, new positive chat. It's

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Speaker 1: like rewiring your brain. Hey, but yeah, to flip from

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Speaker 1: one to the other, I just don't think that's the

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Speaker 1: best way to go about. I think there's this middle

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Speaker 1: ground that you've got to go through.

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Speaker 3: Those moments when you are there. You're not trying to

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Speaker 3: change it, no kind of get rid of it.

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Speaker 1: No way.

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Speaker 2: She's there, Yeah, so you just are sitting with it.

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Speaker 1: I'm just sitting with her, like acknowledging that she's there,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes I think she's been there to try to

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Speaker 1: protect me because it might be scary. The next move

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Speaker 1: I'm going to take So I'm like, thank you for

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Speaker 1: being there, But I don't think that's quite true, or

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Speaker 1: maybe I don't want to believe that anymore. So just

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Speaker 1: sit with it.

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Speaker 3: So instead of sitting with it, letting it be there

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Speaker 3: and being like, oh, oh my god, this is so wrong.

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Speaker 3: Even if you're out in the oh my god, and

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Speaker 3: then you try it yourself for it, I'll be like,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, I got to fix this.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I won't take the chance and call you.

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Speaker 2: Listen, you hold space for it, you allow it to

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Speaker 2: be there.

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Speaker 1: It dissolves. Yeah. Yeah, the more you can allow space

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Speaker 1: for it to just be there, she quins, yeah, she

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Speaker 1: sits down.

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Speaker 2: She sits down.

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Speaker 1: But I think the more that you try to resist something,

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Speaker 1: the more it persists. So when I try and fight

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Speaker 1: against her, it just like got bigger and louder and

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Speaker 1: too much. And then I'd step back and be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you win. I'm not going to do it. I give up.

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Speaker 1: It's too scary. Yeah, So just like sitting with it,

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Speaker 1: I think it's the first step. Just like allowing her

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Speaker 1: to take a step back, and it gets you to

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Speaker 1: get back in the driver's scene can take a passage

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Speaker 1: of speak what about you. How did you find the

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Speaker 1: transition of not letting her rule your life? I think

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Speaker 1: I did for a really long time.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we all had like growing up, and

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Speaker 3: even I think it's only taken me doing personal development

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Speaker 3: work to really learn how to quiet her. But for

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Speaker 3: a really long time, I was my own worst enemy,

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Speaker 3: like my innerman girl. There's nothing, even with the video,

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Speaker 3: even with things I've been through, even being bullied as

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Speaker 3: a child, like, there's nothing that anyone could have said

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Speaker 3: that was nastier than what I was saying to myself,

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Speaker 3: because I was an absolute bitch.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: And it's just the things that you learn along the way.

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Speaker 3: Someone says one thing and you take on that belief

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Speaker 3: and all of a sudden, that's your new narrative about yourself. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And so I think for the longest time, I was

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Speaker 3: so nasty to myself that I was my own worst

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Speaker 3: inner critic.

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Speaker 2: Like I would shame myself if I did something that

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Speaker 2: stepped out of line. Immediately I was the worst person ever,

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Speaker 2: and I would punish myself for it.

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Speaker 3: And so not only did I feel terrible about myself,

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Speaker 3: I would punish myself for it and make it feel

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Speaker 3: ten times heavier.

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Speaker 1: But then why don't do that to ourselves? Why doesn't

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Speaker 1: make it worse?

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Speaker 3: Honestly, I think we just get stuck in a loop.

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Speaker 3: I think when you start to shame yourself and you

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Speaker 3: don't realize that you can have control over shame and

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Speaker 3: you can turn it off like a switch, which is

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Speaker 3: a whole lot of conversation. You're so in the feeling

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Speaker 3: of shame and it's such a heavy frequency. Yes, when

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Speaker 3: you feel those ways about yourself, I think you feel

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Speaker 3: like you deserve to feel it's.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'd never speak to our best friend like that.

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Speaker 1: Why don't we It's okay to make ourselves feel worse

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Speaker 1: and what we already feel.

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Speaker 3: There's no way I would ever say any of those

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Speaker 3: things to you. But it was like self punishment. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it was like, oh, but you did this wrong, or

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Speaker 3: you fucked up here, I've made a mistake, so you

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Speaker 3: deserve the punishment.

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Speaker 1: Now you don't deserve to be happy. Yeah, this thing.

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Speaker 3: And I think when you become addicted to suffering in

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Speaker 3: that sense, Yeah, you don't know any different because everything

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Speaker 3: always never works out for you. Yeah, create stories around it.

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Speaker 3: You're just not capable.

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Speaker 2: You're not good enough. You know, you always.

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Speaker 3: Back out, You always start something then you don't finish it,

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Speaker 3: or you don't have the knowledge, the intellect, the education

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Speaker 3: to be able to actually make that work for us.

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Speaker 3: So sit back down, you do, and then every single

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Speaker 3: time you try to do something new, it rears its head,

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Speaker 3: pops back up, and then you're back in the same

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Speaker 3: position you were in the first place.

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Speaker 1: So I think, how did you silence yours or like

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Speaker 1: move her to the side.

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Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing is quite similar to yours.

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Speaker 3: I feel like for me, it was a lot of

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Speaker 3: like observing, so observation. Something that I did was I

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Speaker 3: started to pay attention to my internal dialogue. So even

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Speaker 3: if I was just sitting their silent, Yeah, I made

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Speaker 3: it a packed with myself to go, Okay, for the

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Speaker 3: next seven days, I'm going to really document all of

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Speaker 3: the things that I'm telling myself. So I'm documenting common themes,

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Speaker 3: common sayings that I say to myself, common fears, and

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Speaker 3: really just kind of like data collection. Yeah, okay, being like, okay,

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Speaker 3: I want to learn myself right now. This isn't so

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Speaker 3: I can shave myself. It's not I'm trying to fix anything.

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Speaker 3: I just want to observe. I want to learn, and

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Speaker 3: I want to see what's really happening underneath the covers,

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Speaker 3: And so I would pay attention and I would listen,

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Speaker 3: and I would go, Okay, where's fear pop up? Where

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Speaker 3: self doubt pop up? What stories am I telling myself?

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Speaker 3: Is it that I'm not beautiful enough? Is it that

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Speaker 3: I'm not smart enough? Is it that I'm not educated enough?

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Speaker 3: Is it that whenever I'm around somebody else, I'm immediately

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Speaker 3: less than? So it's really just like being able to

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Speaker 3: pay attention to all those things and really see it

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Speaker 3: with neutral eyes. And the moment that I started to

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Speaker 3: see things with neutral eyes and not put a secondary

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Speaker 3: emotion on top of how it was already feeling, then

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Speaker 3: it was like, all of a sudden, it became lighter. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you know, it's like that secondary emotion of like, oh

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Speaker 3: I feel not good enough and now I'm shaming myself.

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Speaker 3: That's what makes it so heavy. Yeah, and that's what

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Speaker 3: makes us spiral, at least.

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Speaker 2: In my experience, I agree.

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Speaker 3: Right, So then it was just yeah, neutralizing it, seeing

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Speaker 3: it with open awareness, and then just being like, it's

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Speaker 3: okay that you feel this way. Yes, just Honestly, it

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Speaker 3: was a whole lot of self validation of like, I

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Speaker 3: know you want other people to make you feel good,

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Speaker 3: but the only person who's going to be able to

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Speaker 3: do that is you. And so it was like, hey, like,

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Speaker 3: I love you. You're good enough even if you feel

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Speaker 3: these things. Yeah, you're deserving even if you feel this way.

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Speaker 3: And just because you feel fear not good enough, not

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Speaker 3: pretty enough, not beautiful enough, not intelligent enough, it doesn't

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Speaker 3: make you less than yeah.

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Speaker 1: And you can feel those things, it doesn't actually have

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Speaker 1: to be true, right, I can feel those things. You

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Speaker 1: do I actually have to act on it or not

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Speaker 1: do something.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And that's the things with emotions too. It doesn't define

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Speaker 1: who you are. It's just how you're feeling in that moment.

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Speaker 1: That's what it dissolves.

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Speaker 2: And it's interesting because it wasn't like I.

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Speaker 3: Went from shaming myself to oh my god, I'm so

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Speaker 3: obsepted with myself and I love myself, loving myself sick, Right,

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Speaker 3: There's a lot of steps between. So it went from

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Speaker 3: shaming myself to neutral to holy shit, to have compassion

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Speaker 3: for myself, yes, And that compassion led me to know myself,

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Speaker 3: to like myself and then to start loving myself. Yes,

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Speaker 3: but that compassion, I feel like, really bridges the gap

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Speaker 3: between mean girl and actually having a softer internal dialogue

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Speaker 3: because you're like, wow, Like, if this was my best

349
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Speaker 3: friend going through this, there is no way that I

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Speaker 3: would say these things to her.

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Speaker 1: You have compassion for why that's coming up and why

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Speaker 1: she's feeling like that.

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Speaker 3: And that's something that I told myself as well. If

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't say it to somebody that I love, I'm

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Speaker 3: not allowed to say it to myself.

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Speaker 1: Such a good rule, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, it's innal boundaries.

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00:14:05,921 --> 00:14:09,201
Speaker 3: Yes, having internal boundaries with yourself around what you will

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Speaker 3: say to yourself, what you'll allow, what thoughts you'll entertain,

360
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,121
Speaker 3: and how much you actually shit on yourself in those moments,

361
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Speaker 3: because that's not what you need.

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00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:18,041
Speaker 2: Imagine if your best.

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Speaker 3: Friend or your mum or your sibling was going through

364
00:14:20,561 --> 00:14:22,401
Speaker 3: a really hard time and you just sat there standing

365
00:14:22,441 --> 00:14:24,961
Speaker 3: over them telling them how shit they were of them,

366
00:14:25,041 --> 00:14:28,201
Speaker 3: how they're not good enough, they're not smart enough, they're ugly, fat, yeah,

367
00:14:28,441 --> 00:14:31,001
Speaker 3: all of the things capable. Yeah, imagine how that person

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00:14:31,001 --> 00:14:32,801
Speaker 3: would feel like absolute shit.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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00:14:33,321 --> 00:14:36,961
Speaker 3: It's not the productive way to support ourselves through hard challenges.

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Speaker 1: You could also do that with your friends. Hey, if

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Speaker 1: they're vocally saying like, I'm dumb, I'm ugly, I'm shit,

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Speaker 1: I'm not intelligent enough, not beautiful enough, I'm never going

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Speaker 1: to be anything. When you're holding space to your friend too,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you don't jump in and be like, oh my god, no,

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00:14:48,041 --> 00:14:49,561
Speaker 1: that none of that's true. Sometimes you just sit there

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00:14:49,601 --> 00:14:51,481
Speaker 1: and be like, tell me more about that. Yeah, where

378
00:14:51,521 --> 00:14:52,201
Speaker 1: did that come from?

379
00:14:52,321 --> 00:14:52,721
Speaker 2: Yeah?

380
00:14:52,881 --> 00:14:55,801
Speaker 1: Is that actually for truth? You really believe that about yourself?

381
00:14:55,801 --> 00:14:58,801
Speaker 1: Believe that you can actually coach yourself, because sometimes when

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00:14:58,801 --> 00:14:59,921
Speaker 1: you look some in the eye and you said you

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00:14:59,961 --> 00:15:02,281
Speaker 1: actually believe that you can't do that. I watch charge

384
00:15:02,281 --> 00:15:04,521
Speaker 1: now and he's like, I can't do this times table,

385
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Speaker 1: I look at them like do you really believe that

386
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Speaker 1: you can't do it? And he resists, and I'm like, Okay,

387
00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:09,641
Speaker 1: we're going to sit here until you can do it.

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00:15:09,681 --> 00:15:12,121
Speaker 1: Then I love that You're going to use your hands

389
00:15:12,121 --> 00:15:13,401
Speaker 1: if you have to. You're going to take as long

390
00:15:13,441 --> 00:15:14,961
Speaker 1: as you need to in your brain, and you're gonna

391
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,601
Speaker 1: tell me what six times seven is good? All night, buddy,

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00:15:17,641 --> 00:15:21,921
Speaker 1: I'm going anywhere, hands man, I'm good, I'm comfy. Take

393
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,441
Speaker 1: a seat, and then he gets evidence that he can

394
00:15:23,601 --> 00:15:25,521
Speaker 1: do it and it squashes that story. So next time

395
00:15:25,561 --> 00:15:29,401
Speaker 1: it pops up, I hope that it's like, oh, I

396
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,761
Speaker 1: don't feel like I can do it, but I did

397
00:15:30,801 --> 00:15:32,041
Speaker 1: do it last time. Okay, I'll give it a go.

398
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:34,161
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like it's hard and it's going to be changing,

399
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:35,161
Speaker 2: but I can do it.

400
00:15:35,241 --> 00:15:37,121
Speaker 1: And the more he does that, the more repetition of

401
00:15:37,161 --> 00:15:40,521
Speaker 1: that that story gets smaller, or if it pops in, it

402
00:15:40,561 --> 00:15:41,681
Speaker 1: dissolves pretty quickly.

403
00:15:41,881 --> 00:15:43,521
Speaker 2: That's such a beautiful way to go about it.

404
00:15:43,521 --> 00:15:47,121
Speaker 3: It's cool to invite that curiosity into your friendships and

405
00:15:47,121 --> 00:15:48,201
Speaker 3: your pationships.

406
00:15:48,641 --> 00:15:51,561
Speaker 1: Don't squash how they're feeling because also it invalidates them

407
00:15:51,561 --> 00:15:53,801
Speaker 1: as well. It's like, well I am feeling like that.

408
00:15:53,921 --> 00:15:55,241
Speaker 1: You don't want to jump in and you don't have

409
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Speaker 1: to save the day. Just get curious on it, sit

410
00:15:58,281 --> 00:16:00,721
Speaker 1: with it with them, and the more neutral and calm

411
00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:02,881
Speaker 1: you are with it, the more neutral and calm they

412
00:16:02,921 --> 00:16:05,201
Speaker 1: can be with it too. Oh that's true, right, You

413
00:16:05,241 --> 00:16:07,401
Speaker 1: create that energy lead the way they hold the torch.

414
00:16:07,521 --> 00:16:09,681
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're making it comfortable for them to bring in

415
00:16:09,721 --> 00:16:12,321
Speaker 3: something that might feel emotionally charred and safe.

416
00:16:12,601 --> 00:16:13,961
Speaker 1: It's actually okay for you to feel like.

417
00:16:13,881 --> 00:16:16,601
Speaker 3: That and welcome them in and then next time if

418
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,161
Speaker 3: that does come up for them, they're going to know

419
00:16:18,201 --> 00:16:19,761
Speaker 3: that they can come to you with it, yes, because

420
00:16:19,761 --> 00:16:20,561
Speaker 3: there's no judgment.

421
00:16:20,961 --> 00:16:22,001
Speaker 1: I feel love the same way.

422
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:24,561
Speaker 2: There's no bias, and they're going to support you through that.

423
00:16:24,761 --> 00:16:27,241
Speaker 1: It's so cool. I love that. I love that.

424
00:16:27,241 --> 00:16:28,921
Speaker 2: That was Mike drop. We're done.

425
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Speaker 1: See guys, thanks for joining us.

426
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Speaker 3: I feel the whole perfectionism trap can really heighten it

427
00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:39,481
Speaker 3: in a bully, you know, especially when you have this

428
00:16:39,801 --> 00:16:41,761
Speaker 3: ideal of who you think that you need to be

429
00:16:41,921 --> 00:16:44,081
Speaker 3: and how you need to show up because you think

430
00:16:44,081 --> 00:16:46,361
Speaker 3: it will make you more loved. It's almost like there's

431
00:16:46,361 --> 00:16:49,241
Speaker 3: no room for mistakes. Yeah, your internal dialogue. The moment

432
00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:51,761
Speaker 3: you make a mistake, boom, you're shitting on yourself or

433
00:16:52,041 --> 00:16:54,681
Speaker 3: you're making yourself the worst person in the world because

434
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,001
Speaker 3: you made a mistake that was human, you know. And

435
00:16:57,041 --> 00:17:02,161
Speaker 3: it's like this relationship with failing making mistakes. Being imperfect

436
00:17:02,841 --> 00:17:06,081
Speaker 3: creates such a heavy narrative internally.

437
00:17:05,681 --> 00:17:08,881
Speaker 1: And unrealistic expectations like if you are oh my god,

438
00:17:08,881 --> 00:17:11,241
Speaker 1: I have to be perfect all the time, Like no.

439
00:17:11,201 --> 00:17:14,561
Speaker 3: But how exhausting that is trying to be perfect at

440
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,041
Speaker 3: every turn, every way that you show up, what you do,

441
00:17:17,201 --> 00:17:19,281
Speaker 3: how you act, how you behave.

442
00:17:19,041 --> 00:17:20,480
Speaker 2: In all different areas of your life.

443
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,521
Speaker 3: And I can say it because I've tried to be

444
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,721
Speaker 3: that for so long. That's been one of my biggest wounds,

445
00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:28,921
Speaker 3: is trying to be perfect in every single area because

446
00:17:28,961 --> 00:17:30,880
Speaker 3: I thought that would make me more love. Yeah, but

447
00:17:30,921 --> 00:17:33,521
Speaker 3: it's just it's not, and it doesn't. It doesn't work

448
00:17:33,521 --> 00:17:37,281
Speaker 3: at backfires. Makes you feel more disconnected from yourself, yeah,

449
00:17:37,321 --> 00:17:41,401
Speaker 3: And it also makes you a more critical person of yourself. Yeah,

450
00:17:41,681 --> 00:17:44,241
Speaker 3: because you are so much more harsh in the way

451
00:17:44,281 --> 00:17:46,761
Speaker 3: you speak to yourself because of the relationship you have

452
00:17:46,801 --> 00:17:49,600
Speaker 3: with mistakes and failure. Yeah, and because of the relationship

453
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,041
Speaker 3: you have with the need to be perfect, and so

454
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,441
Speaker 3: you were just such a bully to yourself.

455
00:17:54,681 --> 00:17:57,321
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that we talk about this so openly too.

456
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:00,321
Speaker 1: And someone who I've always loved listening to, whether she's

457
00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:02,400
Speaker 1: on stage or a podcast, is Brene Brown.

458
00:18:02,561 --> 00:18:03,961
Speaker 2: Oh she's good, isn't she.

459
00:18:03,961 --> 00:18:06,161
Speaker 1: She'll talk about her in a critic she doesn't work

460
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,161
Speaker 1: it in a critic way, but she'll talk about her

461
00:18:08,441 --> 00:18:11,641
Speaker 1: internal dialogue and she'll share personal stories where she's shot

462
00:18:11,721 --> 00:18:14,680
Speaker 1: on herself or she's been scared or doubted herself, and

463
00:18:14,681 --> 00:18:17,600
Speaker 1: it's so relatable. It just makes it so normalized and okay,

464
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,000
Speaker 1: and just know that, like, you're not the only one

465
00:18:19,001 --> 00:18:21,200
Speaker 1: that's doing this. We're all going through it. But you

466
00:18:21,241 --> 00:18:24,521
Speaker 1: can also push past that and still do amazing great things.

467
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,321
Speaker 1: And she say like, I think she's in her fifties now,

468
00:18:26,561 --> 00:18:28,160
Speaker 1: and she still has that little voice that tells us

469
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,360
Speaker 1: she shouldn't be on stage and that she shouldn't be

470
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:33,041
Speaker 1: teaching this. And you know when she talks about relationships,

471
00:18:33,041 --> 00:18:34,561
Speaker 1: she's like, well, I've nearly got a divorce and I've

472
00:18:34,561 --> 00:18:36,561
Speaker 1: had arguments my partner and I still argue with him,

473
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,080
Speaker 1: and it's just like that's all going to be there

474
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:42,041
Speaker 1: because you're a human. Get rid of these unrealistic expectations

475
00:18:42,041 --> 00:18:43,480
Speaker 1: that you have to be perfect in your life has

476
00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,840
Speaker 1: to be perfect and you can't make mistakes, and just

477
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,561
Speaker 1: like sit with it and push through it. Be in

478
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:49,281
Speaker 1: the driver's seat.

479
00:18:49,321 --> 00:18:51,521
Speaker 3: I do like that about him. Actually, she's super real

480
00:18:51,801 --> 00:18:54,001
Speaker 3: raw that's where everyone loves her. Yeah, she's super human.

481
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,321
Speaker 3: And I love that she talks about shame and vulnerability

482
00:18:57,001 --> 00:18:59,321
Speaker 3: and then she shares her I've heard her once on

483
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:02,041
Speaker 3: a Ted talk or something, yeah, share an experience about

484
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:05,441
Speaker 3: her and her husband, how she would resist the vulnerability

485
00:19:05,761 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 3: and she would say the real thoughts that would come

486
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,481
Speaker 3: into her head, like I don't want to talk to him,

487
00:19:09,721 --> 00:19:12,041
Speaker 3: And she's just so real and open, and it.

488
00:19:12,001 --> 00:19:14,361
Speaker 1: Is like she's so loved, right, It's so true. It's

489
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,161
Speaker 1: like she has all those thoughts and she allows them

490
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,400
Speaker 1: to be there. But it still hasn't stopped her from

491
00:19:18,761 --> 00:19:20,960
Speaker 1: making impact and living an amazing life and having a

492
00:19:20,961 --> 00:19:22,801
Speaker 1: great relationship human.

493
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,401
Speaker 3: That's the biggest thing, isn't it knowing that you can

494
00:19:25,481 --> 00:19:29,761
Speaker 3: still have an internal dialogue that is somewhat negative because

495
00:19:29,761 --> 00:19:30,640
Speaker 3: we can't get rid of our.

496
00:19:30,521 --> 00:19:31,921
Speaker 1: Negative positive all the time.

497
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:35,681
Speaker 3: It's not that's unrealistic for us, Like we have days

498
00:19:35,681 --> 00:19:38,961
Speaker 3: some days you're up and I'm down, or you're down

499
00:19:38,961 --> 00:19:40,680
Speaker 3: and I'm up, or sometimes we meet each other in

500
00:19:40,681 --> 00:19:43,321
Speaker 3: the middle, but not every single day is consistent. And

501
00:19:43,681 --> 00:19:47,200
Speaker 3: I think it's like an unrealistic expectation and pressure that

502
00:19:47,281 --> 00:19:49,001
Speaker 3: we put on ourselves to think that we need to

503
00:19:49,001 --> 00:19:51,400
Speaker 3: be high vibe all the time and that everything needs

504
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 3: to be positive and dandy, and every every moment of

505
00:19:56,120 --> 00:19:58,041
Speaker 3: self talk is like, Oh my god, I love myself

506
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:00,001
Speaker 3: and I'm proud of myself. It's just not like that

507
00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:04,960
Speaker 3: because think about the external variables that impact your mood.

508
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,440
Speaker 3: I'm talking food, like a sleep, having a fight with

509
00:20:07,481 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 3: your partner, cycle, money issues, cycle, having children, like having

510
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 3: you know, being impatient, or maybe they're feeling they're triggering

511
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,041
Speaker 3: you one day, like, there's so many external variables that

512
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,201
Speaker 3: dictate our mood and our thought patterns, and then bom,

513
00:20:21,241 --> 00:20:22,321
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, I'm spiraling.

514
00:20:22,481 --> 00:20:26,201
Speaker 1: Literally, you know, it's so true. It's just humanized yourself.

515
00:20:26,281 --> 00:20:28,441
Speaker 1: It'll be the best gift you can ever give yourself.

516
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,480
Speaker 1: I had a daylight that yesterday, I was just in

517
00:20:30,481 --> 00:20:34,481
Speaker 1: a mood. I was just low, unmotivated. I wasn't satisfied

518
00:20:34,481 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 1: in my food. I couldn't make decisions. I felt like

519
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:40,001
Speaker 1: brain foggy, felt a bit like disconnected to myself, couldn't

520
00:20:40,001 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: make decisions. And I looked at my app and I

521
00:20:42,721 --> 00:20:44,400
Speaker 1: was like, oh, that's the faith of your fac we're in.

522
00:20:44,441 --> 00:20:46,441
Speaker 1: That makes me feel better. And I contacted my natch

523
00:20:46,481 --> 00:20:48,080
Speaker 1: path too, because I'm working on my hormones, and I

524
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,201
Speaker 1: was like, I'm really feeling like this today. She's like, yeah,

525
00:20:50,201 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 1: because of X y Z, Like that's gonna intensify around

526
00:20:53,441 --> 00:20:54,400
Speaker 1: this time of your cycle.

527
00:20:54,761 --> 00:20:54,960
Speaker 3: You know.

528
00:20:55,041 --> 00:20:56,640
Speaker 1: We made a plan from there, and then I also

529
00:20:56,721 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 1: just communicated with Steve how's feelings. So it took it

530
00:20:58,681 --> 00:21:00,961
Speaker 1: nice and easy that I ordered oobeats and just had

531
00:21:00,961 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 1: to chiunight with the kids and just flowed with it.

532
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: There wasn't once that I shamed myself or for I

533
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 1: just allowed those thoughts to be there, because I had

534
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,721
Speaker 1: thoughts of like, oh, you're lazy, you should be doing more.

535
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,840
Speaker 1: What are you doing? Like, get up, get up, do more,

536
00:21:12,961 --> 00:21:15,360
Speaker 1: You've got to do list. I remember sitting at work

537
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,041
Speaker 1: at like eleven thirty and Steve called me, I do

538
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 1: want to go to lunch. I'm like, fuck, yeah, I do. I

539
00:21:19,201 --> 00:21:21,761
Speaker 1: don't want to sit here like not being productive and

540
00:21:21,801 --> 00:21:24,801
Speaker 1: I just feel shit. And yeah, I allowed those negative

541
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,360
Speaker 1: thoughts to come and just be there, and then I

542
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:27,761
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, I'm gonna get on with my day.

543
00:21:27,801 --> 00:21:29,761
Speaker 1: Today's not the day. Yeah, it's not the day for

544
00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:31,080
Speaker 1: me to get shit done. And that's okay. I'm going

545
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:32,761
Speaker 1: to go have a nice lunch, go hang with the kids.

546
00:21:32,761 --> 00:21:34,321
Speaker 1: Early in the RVO and it was nice, just what

547
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:37,600
Speaker 1: I needed. Now I feel recharged because I just allowed

548
00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,720
Speaker 1: myself to have that space, you know. Yeah.

549
00:21:39,801 --> 00:21:42,481
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think in my experience as well, it's been

550
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:45,041
Speaker 3: so good to just know that you can have a

551
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,041
Speaker 3: bad day, yeah, or know that you can have bad

552
00:21:47,041 --> 00:21:48,521
Speaker 3: thoughts and it doesn't have to mean anything.

553
00:21:48,561 --> 00:21:48,761
Speaker 1: Yeah.

554
00:21:48,801 --> 00:21:50,201
Speaker 2: I talk about this, I'll act on it.

555
00:21:50,561 --> 00:21:53,120
Speaker 3: You can think something and it not have to mean something,

556
00:21:53,521 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 3: and you can feel something and not have to act

557
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,080
Speaker 3: on it. Yes, And that's been a huge game changer

558
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 3: for both of us, wowful in our relationships. Yeahsion and

559
00:22:02,041 --> 00:22:03,400
Speaker 3: everything that we experience.

560
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:04,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you.

561
00:22:04,801 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 3: Don't make yourself wrong for having your human experience.

562
00:22:08,241 --> 00:22:10,001
Speaker 1: And thoughts that come into your head that don't have

563
00:22:10,041 --> 00:22:10,360
Speaker 1: to mean.

564
00:22:10,481 --> 00:22:14,241
Speaker 3: Feelings, emotions, It doesn't think. It only means something when

565
00:22:14,281 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 3: you attach specific meaning to it. Yes, So when you

566
00:22:17,441 --> 00:22:20,241
Speaker 3: don't do that and you can really see your thoughts

567
00:22:20,241 --> 00:22:22,041
Speaker 3: from like a bird's eye view, yeah, I feel like

568
00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 3: that's really helpful and something that's really helped me. I

569
00:22:25,201 --> 00:22:27,721
Speaker 3: can't remember where I learned this. I wish I knew

570
00:22:27,761 --> 00:22:30,321
Speaker 3: so I could credit it, But what I got told

571
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,640
Speaker 3: is like when you are thinking about negative thoughts and

572
00:22:32,681 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 3: you want to start observing your thoughts. The way that

573
00:22:35,481 --> 00:22:37,881
Speaker 3: you do it is like, imagine you have like this

574
00:22:37,961 --> 00:22:40,721
Speaker 3: whole screen and like you know, like numbers like ones

575
00:22:40,761 --> 00:22:43,480
Speaker 3: and zeros like coding. Yeah, imagine that they're just like

576
00:22:43,561 --> 00:22:47,801
Speaker 3: flying across your eyes sight right now, and there's thousands

577
00:22:47,801 --> 00:22:51,041
Speaker 3: of them, Like think about the third and thousands of thoughts. Yeah,

578
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,880
Speaker 3: what happens is like that's happening every day, all day,

579
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:55,721
Speaker 3: every day, and then all of a sudden, this thought

580
00:22:55,761 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 3: comes in and it is negative, and it stops and

581
00:22:58,041 --> 00:23:00,681
Speaker 3: it catches your attention, and all you have to do

582
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:04,001
Speaker 3: is let it go and observe that thought continuing on

583
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:07,081
Speaker 3: with the rest of them. So it's just like a

584
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,721
Speaker 3: way to like see what's kind of happening in your

585
00:23:09,721 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 3: mind and knowing that if you choose to give power

586
00:23:12,721 --> 00:23:15,921
Speaker 3: to that thought, it will become more of your Yeah,

587
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,721
Speaker 3: but if you let it go and know that it's

588
00:23:17,761 --> 00:23:21,041
Speaker 3: one of fifty million, thous how the many thoughts I

589
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,561
Speaker 3: think per day, it's not going to have so.

590
00:23:23,561 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 2: Much of behold over you.

591
00:23:24,961 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 1: I love that.

592
00:23:25,681 --> 00:23:27,841
Speaker 3: It's just something that always stuck with me because now

593
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:29,561
Speaker 3: when I'm like if I feel super overwhelmed, I'm like,

594
00:23:29,561 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 3: it's just another thought, it's just another thought.

595
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,161
Speaker 1: That's really cool. Yeah, I love that. I also love

596
00:23:34,281 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 1: just a thought that comes in like that. It's a

597
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: little bit different, but just once again going back to

598
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:39,801
Speaker 1: just allowing it to be there. I learned that from you.

599
00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:41,761
Speaker 1: It's one time that Steve was pissing me off. I

600
00:23:41,801 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 1: don't know what he was doing, and I was like,

601
00:23:44,201 --> 00:23:45,561
Speaker 1: I can't really what I said to it, and I'm like, oh,

602
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 1: I just feel like this. And I was like, oh,

603
00:23:47,561 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: but I feel really bad for a feeling like that,

604
00:23:49,001 --> 00:23:50,640
Speaker 1: and you were like, well, you can feel that doesn't

605
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:52,481
Speaker 1: mean you have to action. It doesn't mean anything about

606
00:23:52,481 --> 00:23:55,360
Speaker 1: your relationship, because if you allow that to just be there,

607
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,561
Speaker 1: it'll dissolve and go away. And the next day you're like,

608
00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:59,081
Speaker 1: how are you feeling about that? I'm like, oh, oh

609
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,801
Speaker 1: that's fine. Now that's gone. I don't feel like that anymore.

610
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,121
Speaker 1: I'm back in love. I'm all good. Yeah, yeah, he's

611
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:04,481
Speaker 1: all good and yeah. And I was like, oh, wow,

612
00:24:04,481 --> 00:24:06,481
Speaker 1: that was really good for me to just experience, like, Okay,

613
00:24:06,521 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 1: I can think that and feel that in that moment,

614
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,761
Speaker 1: out of anger, out of whatever was going on, say

615
00:24:11,801 --> 00:24:13,761
Speaker 1: what they just let it be there? And then I

616
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 1: moved through it. Yeah. Was if I had suppress that

617
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: or not fully acknowledged it or attached a story to

618
00:24:19,961 --> 00:24:22,321
Speaker 1: it that could have become a new belief about him

619
00:24:22,801 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: or about our relationship, that would be so detrimental to us.

620
00:24:26,521 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: So it was like, let it be there. It passes

621
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:30,601
Speaker 1: because you processed it in the moment exactly.

622
00:24:30,961 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 3: If you suppressed it, it would have fested, Yeah, and

623
00:24:33,241 --> 00:24:35,001
Speaker 3: grow bigger, gotten bigger.

624
00:24:34,801 --> 00:24:36,080
Speaker 1: Turned something that wasn't even true.

625
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:37,801
Speaker 3: Yeah, you would have added fuel to that the next

626
00:24:37,801 --> 00:24:39,481
Speaker 3: time you feel that, because you would be like, oh,

627
00:24:39,481 --> 00:24:40,120
Speaker 3: well now it's.

628
00:24:40,001 --> 00:24:42,120
Speaker 2: Twice as big, literally because of the thing that I

629
00:24:42,120 --> 00:24:43,161
Speaker 2: didn't look at last week.

630
00:24:43,201 --> 00:24:43,521
Speaker 3: M m.

631
00:24:43,721 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was really hard for what you go through.

632
00:24:45,681 --> 00:24:47,121
Speaker 1: It was so cool and I use it all the time.

633
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,200
Speaker 1: I like, not just with him, with the kids, anything, work,

634
00:24:50,761 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: And I'm like, Okay, I can feel that right now.

635
00:24:52,681 --> 00:24:54,721
Speaker 1: I might not feel like that tomorrow, and nine out

636
00:24:54,721 --> 00:24:56,360
Speaker 1: of ten times I wake up the next day, I'm like,

637
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:58,481
Speaker 1: I'm good, I feel like that anymore.

638
00:24:58,521 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 2: I have a question for you.

639
00:25:00,281 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, so when we talk about not going from negative

640
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,241
Speaker 3: me girl self talk to oh my god, I'm so

641
00:25:07,241 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 3: obsessed in love with myself, what's a happy medium in

642
00:25:09,961 --> 00:25:13,120
Speaker 3: the middle that you have used to help you go

643
00:25:13,201 --> 00:25:16,281
Speaker 3: from a mean girl to like more neutral in the middle.

644
00:25:16,761 --> 00:25:18,640
Speaker 1: As in something when I say to myself, I thing

645
00:25:18,681 --> 00:25:21,801
Speaker 1: you would say to yourself, Yeah, thank you, thank you

646
00:25:21,801 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 1: for being there. Yeah. I'm not choosing to attach myself

647
00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 1: to that right now though. But you can sit with me. Yeah, okay,

648
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,640
Speaker 1: you can chill. Yeah, but you're not driving. I like

649
00:25:29,681 --> 00:25:31,680
Speaker 1: that analogy, like being in the driver's seat, you can

650
00:25:31,761 --> 00:25:33,801
Speaker 1: chill with me in the passenger seat. We'll just sit

651
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:34,321
Speaker 1: here together.

652
00:25:34,561 --> 00:25:34,801
Speaker 3: Yeah.

653
00:25:34,801 --> 00:25:36,841
Speaker 1: I love that, Like I'm not going to shame her

654
00:25:37,001 --> 00:25:39,841
Speaker 1: for what she's feeling or experiencing or wanting to control

655
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,521
Speaker 1: to be safe. Thanks. Yeah, but we're not going to

656
00:25:42,561 --> 00:25:44,360
Speaker 1: act on this right now. I like that just giving

657
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,761
Speaker 1: it time. I think we always need to slow down

658
00:25:46,761 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 1: in time. The more we can give ourselves time, the

659
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: more clarity we get, and then we get to the truth.

660
00:25:52,001 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 1: We get to make conscious decisions that are actually true

661
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,360
Speaker 1: to wear we're at right now, and not act on emotion.

662
00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: We're reponding in a way that feels good to our

663
00:25:59,041 --> 00:26:02,120
Speaker 1: heart and our body, not like erratically, not reactly based

664
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,880
Speaker 1: on We're responding, not reacting, sitting with it, but I

665
00:26:05,921 --> 00:26:07,281
Speaker 1: always thank you for being there. It's like me and

666
00:26:07,281 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 1: a child intuition, the red flags. Yeah, all those little voices,

667
00:26:11,281 --> 00:26:11,880
Speaker 1: it's like, thank you.

668
00:26:12,201 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 3: I like that.

669
00:26:12,721 --> 00:26:15,360
Speaker 1: Sometimes you're handy. Sometimes you're not helping me, but you

670
00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:16,041
Speaker 1: can be here with me.

671
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,241
Speaker 3: Can you see with me? We can hang out together.

672
00:26:18,801 --> 00:26:21,001
Speaker 3: You get some nachos together. We don't have Nacho's in

673
00:26:21,001 --> 00:26:21,241
Speaker 3: a while.

674
00:26:21,281 --> 00:26:23,961
Speaker 1: I'm like gord yum, speaking of lunch break, we should

675
00:26:24,001 --> 00:26:26,321
Speaker 1: go eat.

676
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 3: You know how, Like we were talking in the very

677
00:26:27,041 --> 00:26:29,281
Speaker 3: beginning of this episode, we're talking about how sometimes it

678
00:26:29,321 --> 00:26:30,681
Speaker 3: can feel like you're lying to yourself.

679
00:26:30,801 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 1: Yes, like fake it to you make it, fake it

680
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 1: till you make it.

681
00:26:33,001 --> 00:26:35,801
Speaker 3: I find sometimes what really helps is to say something

682
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,240
Speaker 3: to myself that is a little bit more believable. So

683
00:26:38,321 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 3: if it's like if I feel like, oh, I have

684
00:26:40,321 --> 00:26:42,041
Speaker 3: this belief pop up, and it's like you're not capable

685
00:26:42,041 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 3: to do it, You're not smart enough. Yeah, what I

686
00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,120
Speaker 3: like to then tell myself is find a happy medium

687
00:26:46,120 --> 00:26:48,521
Speaker 3: where it's still believable. It's like, I may not feel

688
00:26:48,561 --> 00:26:51,961
Speaker 3: capable in this moment, but I'm also really willing to learn. Yeah,

689
00:26:52,001 --> 00:26:54,360
Speaker 3: I can try, I can try. I know when I

690
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,520
Speaker 3: put my all to everything. I know that I can

691
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,601
Speaker 3: learn how to become good at something. And so it's

692
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,361
Speaker 3: like finding something in the middle where you're not like,

693
00:27:00,681 --> 00:27:03,440
Speaker 3: I'm good at this and I'm capable and i'm you know,

694
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,801
Speaker 3: a xyz you know what I mean, but you don't

695
00:27:05,801 --> 00:27:07,841
Speaker 3: believe it, where you almost feel like you're lying to yourself.

696
00:27:08,521 --> 00:27:11,001
Speaker 3: For me personally, like finding that happy medium gives me

697
00:27:11,041 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 3: that little leg up to go, wow, there's belief here.

698
00:27:14,321 --> 00:27:16,281
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can do this, and then you.

699
00:27:16,360 --> 00:27:18,561
Speaker 1: Can at least try. Once you try, then you get

700
00:27:18,561 --> 00:27:19,360
Speaker 1: evidence that you're okay.

701
00:27:19,681 --> 00:27:20,241
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a flow.

702
00:27:20,481 --> 00:27:22,441
Speaker 1: It's a good stepping stone, isn't it for sure? Yeah,

703
00:27:22,481 --> 00:27:24,161
Speaker 1: that's really beautiful. I love that.

704
00:27:24,281 --> 00:27:24,640
Speaker 3: All right.

705
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,801
Speaker 1: Right, hope you guys enjoyed this conversation.

706
00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 2: Bye bye,